心灵鸡汤【完结】_派派后花园

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[Articles Enjoy] 心灵鸡汤【完结】

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JessieAqua

ZxID：17264177

1614鲜花 9鸡蛋

等级: 热心会员
举报 只看该作者 40楼  发表于: 2014-09-06 0

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坚持做自己很难？生活是你的选择！

When it comes to being yourself, there can be a lot of pressure from the outside world as it tries to influence who you are. Living in a society that is constantly developing, it’s important for you to always be yourself from the inside out.

在你想要坚持做自己的时候，外部世界中可能会有很多压力，试图对你造成影响。生活在这样一个持续发展的社会中，由内而外发自内心的真正做自己，这一点很重要。
When you deeply know yourself and the boundaries that you have set, you are more likely to experience a fulfilling and rewarding life. Without knowing yourself and establishing those boundaries, you can easily be pushed around and end up on a dirt path.

当你深刻理解了自己和你设定的那些界限，你就更有可能经历有意义很值得的生活。如果不了解自己，不去设定这些界限，你就很容易任人摆布，最后的结局可能是在一条泥泞的小路上徘徊。
You have the option of taking the path that is broad or taking the path that is narrow. You can either conform to what life wants you to be, or have the courage to remain true to yourself throughout the years.

选择宽阔的大路还是狭窄的小道，这是你的选择。是遵循生活想要你变成的样子，还是鼓起勇气坚持多年真我，这也是你自己的选择。
It’s definitely a challenge to have a strong sense of self when we are constantly getting distracted and being influenced by the media and society’s way of life. But if you want to reach your fullest potential in life, it all starts with being yourself.

想要拥有强烈的自我意识绝对是个挑战，因为我们总会被媒体和社会生活方式影响和分心。但如果你想要让自己的生活发挥最大的潜能，首先要做的就是自己。
Why should you always be yourself? Because you will:

为什么你要一直做自己？因为你会：
1. Live in alignment with your values and beliefs.

过符合你的价值观和信念的生活
Being yourself is all about knowing what you believe in and the values that you live by. When you are not yourself, you will take on the values and beliefs of others.

做自己，是关于你相信什么，是关于你生活中所遵循的价值。但你不再是你自己，你就只会接受别人的价值观和信念。
2. Establish your own identity.

建立你的身份
No matter what happens in your life, you will always know who you are. There will be times where you may feel lost or distracted, but if you have your own identity you’ll be able to get back on the right path.

不管生活中发生什么，你总是会知道自己是谁。也许会有觉得迷失和分心的时候，但如果你有自己的身份认知，你就能回到正确的道路上。
3. Build courage.

鼓起勇气
It takes a great amount of courage when you decide to take the path that goes against the crowd. The reason why the majority of people take the broad path is because it’s easy. It’s easy to just follow the crowd.

当你决定与大众背道而驰，走向你选择的道路是，你需要很大的勇气，这也算为什么大部分人会选择宽阔大道的原因，因为很容易，只要从众即可。
4. Establish boundaries.

设定边界
When you are always yourself, you know what your limits are and the boundaries that you have set for yourself. If you are always yourself, you are more likely to be aware when people start taking advantage of you.

当你一直做自己 ，你就会自己到自己的极限和你为自己设定的边界了。如果你一直做自己，当有人开始利用你时你很有可能会很警觉发现。
5. Find focus and direction.

找到重心和方向
When you stay true to who you are, you are more likely to know the goals you want to accomplish and how to go about accomplishing them. You are able to stay focused and know which direction to take in order for you to accomplish your goals.

当你保持真我，你更有可能知道自己想要完成的目标和如何完成他们。你会保持专注，也知道为了实现目标，你需要朝着什么方向努力。
No matter what you experience in life, the only person that will always remain constant is you.

不管你在生活中经历了什么，一直保持不变的那个人就是你自己。

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JessieAqua

ZxID：17264177

1614鲜花 9鸡蛋

等级: 热心会员
举报 只看该作者 41楼  发表于: 2014-09-06 0

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感谢有你陪伴的那些年

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“与老友傻乐相伴，莫大幸哉！”——拉尔夫·瓦尔多·爱默生

When you’re a child, making friends does not require too much effort. Still, as much as I love children, I know that they can be very mean creatures. I know it first-hand, and as the sister to an adolescent girl, I am reminded of it often.
童年时，交朋友无需刻意便能做到。虽然很喜欢小孩，但我还是觉得他们有时候很自私。我就有个豆蔻年华的妹妹，因此深有体会。

But with similar schedules and mostly innocent oblivion, having the opportunity to make friends is presented to us all the way through our formative years. And somewhere along the way, if we’re lucky we can make really good friends, who when we reach adulthood, start to feel like old friends.
可是，成长时期的相似经历和单纯懵懂却又为我们提供了诸多交友机会，而且幸运的话，或许我们还能遇到知己，一起走向成年，形若老友。

There are many friends that will come into your life – some you will passively lose touch with, some will become more like acquaintances; and yet still, some you will actively choose to no longer be friends with. It’s a reality that we begin to realize in our collegiate years and it continues beyond those years. But your old friends seem to stick around, and no matter how near or far they are, they continue to be a part of your life.
人一生中会遇到各种各样的朋友——有些渐渐就失去了联系，有些会变得越来越亲密，而有些则被我们主动从朋友名单中删除。这一事实不仅存在于学生时代，更将延续到以后的岁月。但是，不论离得近还是远，老朋友似乎总能在你身边，已然成为你生活中不可或缺的部分。

From old friends we learn how much we grow. They’re the people who’ve usually witnessed everything from our major accomplishments to our innocuous mistakes, to the moments we’re least proud of. They told us to do better and sometimes they forced us to do better. And we know that if we’re happy with who we’ve become, they played a role in that process. From old friends we recognize that life and people and things aren’t meant to stay the same.
我们从老朋友身上看到自己的成长。老朋友对我们无所不知：从我们取得的重大成就到我们所犯的细小错误，乃至我们甚感窘尬的糗事。老朋友鼓励、甚至逼着我们做得更好；如果我们当真成长得不错的话，那也是因为老朋友一直在敦促我们。我们从老朋友身上看到，生活以及人和事不可能一直保持不变。

There is a freedom that comes with old friends that newer friendships can sometimes fail to bring. There are no impressions to be made with people who know you well. There are few filters to send your thoughts through as you engage in conversation. There is a great comfort that comes with knowing that a friend has loved you for a long time; and that this person who doesn’t have to, continues to love you anyway.
老朋友带来的自在感绝不是新朋友能比的。老朋友对你知根知底，因此你不必刻意留下好印象。和老朋友谈话，总能时不时地心有灵犀一点通。只要想想有这么一个人，一直以来甚或以后都无条件爱着你，是多么令人欣慰！

With old friends there is often great laughter about the shared history of your pasts. And in your youth, pasts are often filled with many playful instants but also careless choices. There is a solemn recollection of the difficult periods that you have been through. There is an understanding of how you came to be who you came to be.
和老朋友回忆你们过去的往事总能逗起欢声笑语。年轻时有着太多有趣的瞬间，也少不了莽撞的选择。那些你们共同经历的艰难时期，充满了凝重嘘唏的记忆。你清楚自己是怎样一步一步走到现在的。

With old friends, you realize true friendships are difficult to create, to cultivate, and to hold onto. And the profound gratitude that you have for having a friend long enough to call them an “old friend,” feels wonderful.
因为老朋友，你懂得真正的友情是多么难能可贵、多么不易呵护维持。能有这样弥久珍贵的“老朋友”，你心存感激、备感美好。

Old friends hold a mirror in front of us and allow us to see how far we’ve come, and how far we still have to go to be the person we can be. Old friends show us a reflection of all the parts that we still need to change, and some of the parts we’ll hopefully never change. Old friends remind us that the past was both good and bad, that the future is something to look forward to, while keeping us grounded in the present. And no matter the passage of time, when we’re with our old friends, we have a feeling of home – a place where we can be stupid with people who love us.
老朋友犹如镜子，提醒我们走过的路以及为了实现目标而要征服的路程；老朋友指正我们所有亟待改变的地方，哪怕有些我们或许永远都改变不了；老朋友使我们明白过去有苦有乐，未来值得期盼，而现在才最该脚踏实地去珍惜。不论时光如何流逝，只要老朋友在身边，我们都会有家的感觉——在那里，我们可以和至亲至爱的人一起发傻一起欢乐。

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JessieAqua

ZxID：17264177

1614鲜花 9鸡蛋

等级: 热心会员
举报 只看该作者 42楼  发表于: 2014-09-06 0

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女人，当婚姻成为过去时，你可以过得更好的

I don't know about most divorced ladies, but I saw my split with my husband coming -- by a few years. I'd brought it up a few times, and he kept talking me out of it, which was sort of a relief. But I knew I was just postponing the inevitable. So I came up with the list: My Plan B. Everything I needed to put in order before I could divorce my husband for real, this time.
我不知道其他有过离婚经历的女性是怎样的，但我和我丈夫的分居经过了好长时间的迂回。我向他提出来好多次分居要求，他也作出过让我心软的挽回。但是我心里面明白，这只是时间的问题，我和他之间的分开是无可避免的。所以，我给自己做了一个B计划，因为如果离婚不可避免，我要我的生活重回正轨。

I'm so glad I made that list and followed through with it. I'm glad I didn't wallow in denial -- or in false hope. Some might say I doomed my marriage by giving up that hope and planning for the worst. But who's to say what the worst is? I say planning for a split is the most hopeful thing a woman can do.
我很庆幸我做出了这个计划，而且按照计划行事。我也很庆幸我没有因为婚姻的不幸而就此沉沦，或是变得不切实际。一些人可能会说，我对我的婚姻主动放弃，还为之做出这种糟糕的计划。但谁说这种计划是糟糕的呢？相反，做出计划对分居以后的女人来讲是十分有帮助的事。

First on my list was to get a full-time job with health insurance. Before I'd just sort of pieced together a career with freelance this and that. But if I was going to be on my own, I'd need much more stability. No more swinging from vine to vine. Plus, I knew I'd need a reason to get dressed and leave my home every day. I knew working from home in my pajamas would not be conducive to my recovery.
计划的第一条是：找一份全职工作，并给自己买健康保险。之前的工作都是些零散的自由投稿人之类的工作做。然而现在我要靠我自己生存了，所以，我需要我的工作更加稳定。不能消沉酗酒，我需要的是整齐着装，做个职场女性，我知道，穿着睡衣在家工作很难让自己振作起来。

But it wasn't enough for me to just get "a" job. Something about taking the bold step of admitting I was headed toward a divorce also emboldened me to stop monkeying around with my career and start working at something I actually wanted to do. As long as I was thinking about what I wanted my life to look like, it just made sense to apply that to my career.
当然不仅仅是找一份工作是不够的，有时候必须大胆的承认自己面临着离婚，必须鼓励自己向着自己一直以来的写作梦想前进。只要我规划我的事业和人生，我的事业就会通往成功。

And then I got a hold of my finances. I should have been doing this all along, but I created a spreadsheet tracking all my expenses. I wanted to find out if I could actually make it on my own. To my great relief, the math all worked out.
合理理财也是我的计划之一。早就该这样做了。我创建了一个电子表格，将我所有的开支全记录在案，我想试一下自己理财的能力，还好，结果表明我的数学头脑是够用的。

That's not everything from Plan B, but it's enough to show something interesting: Planning for the "worst" outcome actually improved my life before I even started to divorce my husband. Suddenly it was no longer about giving up -- it was about making smart choices and planning for the future. Even if I hadn't decided to divorce, I would have been moving ahead with a clearer vision of what I wanted my life to look like.
当然生活里有很多事是B计划里没有的，但是这个离婚前的B计划帮助我在最难得时候过得很好。蓦然间，我觉得我这么做不是对生活的放弃，而是用最聪明的方式去迎接未来。尽管，离婚对于我来说是不可避免的不幸，我的离婚前B计划却在这个时候让我更清晰的看到我想要的未来。

You never know what's going to happen next. It may not be divorce -- your husband could die suddenly. Anything could happen. Viewing your life through the lens of "what if" can be just the motivation and perspective shift you need to make changes that will make you happier regardless of what happens with your marriage.
你永远无法预测未来，人生是什么都有可能发生的，也许不是离婚然你们分离，也许天灾人祸让你们阴阳两相隔。为你的未来做几个假设可以让你改变观点和视角。所以，请确保无论你的婚姻发生什么状况，你都会活的快乐。

Have you ever made plans for what you'd do if you lost or divorced your spouse?
所以，女人们，你有计划吗？

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JessieAqua

ZxID：17264177

1614鲜花 9鸡蛋

等级: 热心会员
举报 只看该作者 43楼  发表于: 2014-09-12 0

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如何在浮华躁动中保持平静

It’s going to be a chaotic day.
将会是混乱的一天。

How do I know? It’s Monday.
你怎么知道？因为是周一。

OK, joking.
好吧，我在开玩笑。

But, I do predict that today will be filled with the normal last-minute tasks,fire drills, and unforeseen events.
但是，我敢预言今天会出现紧急情况，处理紧急情况，以及不能预见的事件。

So, how do you keep yourself from being swept away in the stream of chaos?
因此，你要怎样将你置于混乱潮流之外？

How do you remain calm while others are rushing and panicking?
当别人都在匆忙做事，恐慌时你打算如何保持平静？
There’s a Problem… Panic!
这有一个问题...恐慌！

When things don’t go as planned, how do you react?
当事情无法按计划进行时，你打算怎么办呢？

Are you the calm one who works to fix things?
你会是那个平静做事的人吗？

Or the one running around like Chicken Little screaming that the sky is falling?
或者是那个小鸡似的尖叫，跑着像天要塌下来一样？

Getting upset or alarmed can seem like natural reactions to a problem.
失望，惊恐似乎是遇到问题时的自然反应。

Here are a few tips to help you remain calm in the face of the storm:
以下几点建议可以帮你在遇到突发情况时保持冷静:

·Don’t Panic– You are better able to find a solution if you aren’t panicking. If you can keep your head when others are losing theirs, you will be able to make a clear decision in the chaos.
不要惊慌-没有惊慌时最好能找出解决办法。如果在别人不够清醒时，你还能保持头脑清醒，你就能在混乱中做出一个明确的决定。

·There Aren’t Many True Emergencies - My time as a Naval Officer taught me about true emergencies. In the military, when there is a problem, people can get hurt or die. This is not usually the case when the office copier or email server goes down. Keep things in perspective. There are very few true emergencies in life.
没有那么多的紧急情况-在我还是海军的时候，海军军官就教我有关的紧急情况。那段时间，有问题发生的时候，要么是受伤，要么是死亡。办公室复印近或邮件服务器出问题的情况也不频繁。事情总在预期范围内。生活中很少有紧急情况发生。

·Less Talking, More Doing - Many people will spend time talking about the problem. Be the one thatdoessomething about it. I have seen executives talkabout problems while their entire company burned down. Stop critiquing the fire and grab a bucket of water.
少说，多做-很多人会花很多时间讨论这些问题。做一个做事的人。我曾看到过，整间公司在遭遇火灾时，高管人员还在高谈阔论。停止高谈阔论，提水灭火。

·Avoid the “Fight or Flight” - When you are stressed, your body will want to go into “fight or flight.” Your body was designed to keep you safe from danger, but its natural reflexes aren’t always the best solution against a project gone awry. Keep your emotions in check and ensure that your physical reflexes don’t make bad decisions for you.
避免“战斗或者逃跑”-有压力的时候，身体会想要“战斗或是打架”。你的身体生来就是为了保证你的安全的，但是对某件事来说，身体本能的反应并不总是最好的解决办法。整理情绪，确保本能的反应不会做出不好的决定。

·Head Into The Problem– While everyone else is running away, true leaders walk into a problem. Sticking your head in the sand only makes things worse. Instead of trying to ignore the situation, get to the heart of the issue as soon as possible. Only then can you address it.
解决问题-当他人在逃跑的时候，真正的领导者会了解问题。逃避只会让情况越来越糟，与其忽视这些问题，还不如尽可能地解决核心问题，只有这样才能够解决问题。

How Will You React?When you find yourself ready to lose it, take a step back.
发现自己要失去它的时候，后退一步。

Ask, “Is this truly an emergency?”
问，“这是真的困难？”

Keep your head when others are losing theirs.
当其他人都头脑混乱的时候，请保持头脑清醒。

And you’ll find that you are that much closer to a solution.
你会发现你会更接近解决问题的办法。

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JessieAqua

ZxID：17264177

1614鲜花 9鸡蛋

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举报 只看该作者 44楼  发表于: 2014-09-12 0

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时间不等于结果 做对了才有价值

Punching a time clock makes no sense for professionals. Their contribution is not the time they spend on their work but the value they create through their knowledge.
对于职场人来说，掐表计时是毫无意义的。他们的贡献不在于花在工作上的时间，而在他们的知识所创造的的价值。

1. Know your priorities
1. 了解什么对自己最重要

Many things that you do at work are probably not the best use of your time. For instance, many professionals often spend much more time than necessary perfecting relatively low-priority tasks.
你做的工作中大部分都不是最能有效利用时间的。比如说，很多职员都把时间花在完善那些并不那么要紧的任务上。

Understand what really matters to you, your boss, and your organization, and then be willing to be less than perfect on your lower-priority tasks.
了解哪些是对你个人，老板，和所在的组织来说最重要的事情，然后想办法花更少时间在那些不是那么重要的事情上。

2. Avoid meetings like the plague!
2. 像躲避瘟疫一样避开会议！

In the same spirit, most professionals would agree that many business meetings are incredibly wasteful — they typically last too long, they usually fail to produce concrete results, and they are sometimes completely unnecessary. Yet, just as a misplaced focus on hours allows perfectionism to persist in the workplace, it also allows employees to keep scheduling redundant, poorly run meetings.
同理，大多数职场人觉得很多会议都是在浪费时间——它们往往持续时间很长，最后却没能得到什么实际的结果，大多数情况下这些会议根本没有召开的必要。不恰当地关注花了多少时间，会造成完美主义者坚持要在工作中达到一定的工时数，也会造成重复的计划和不必要的会议安排。

3. Don't forget to recharge
3. 不要忘了给自己充电

On the other side of the coin, an organization that places too much emphasis on time spent at the office probably neglects the importance of time spent away from the office. In order to be productive at work, professionals need to be able to recharge, physically and mentally.
从另一方面讲，如果过多的强调员工花在办公室的时间，就会忽视了工作之外时间的重要性。实际上，想要工作高效，职场人士需要经常地给自己充电，这包括精神上和身体上。

4. Exercise every day and get enough sleep
4. 坚持每天锻炼和保证充足的睡眠

On the physical dimension, sleep and exercise are often the first two personal activities to face the chopping block when professionals have to increase their hours spent in the office.
在身体层面上来讲，只有充足的睡眠和经常的体育锻炼才能够保证职场人可以长时间工作。

5. Avoid burnout
5. 不要让自己身心俱疲

Long hours at work wear people down mentally. All too often, I see professionals work to 8, 9, or 10 every night and go into the office every day of every weekend, even if there is no real crisis. While these professionals might be increasing their output over the short-term, this type of overwork inevitably leads to burnout.
长时间的超额工作会让人精神崩溃。我经常看到有些人，每天工作8到10个小时，甚至周末还经常到办公室加班，好像这样做并没有什么危害。尽管超负荷地工作会这些人在短期内提高工作成果，但长此以往，他们最终会让自己身心俱疲。

So you should assertively protect your personal time. That means being firm with your boss about times when you are not available — family dinners or your child's soccer games, perhaps.
所以，你应该学会保护自己的私人时间。这意味着当你有事的时候——参加家庭聚会或者孩子的足球比赛，你应该立场坚定地对老板说不。

6. Don't be afraid to speak up
6. 不要畏惧，大声说出自己的想法

Obviously, asking for more flexibility at work is easier said than done. But while I certainly can't guarantee that every request will be successful, I can state with confidence that there is little harm in asking politely.
很显然，“要求更灵活的工作时间”是一件说起来容易做起来难的事。虽然我不能保证每个请求都会成功，但我可以肯定的是，礼貌地要求是不会有多大坏处的。

Believe it or not, most bosses understand your desire to spend some time with your children or enjoy a romantic dinner with your spouse. Your boss can't address your needs unless he or she knows what they are!
不管你相信与否，实际上大多数老板都能理解你想多跟孩子在一起，或者想跟配偶吃顿烛光晚餐的想法。如果你不说，老板又怎么会知道你的想法呢！

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JessieAqua

ZxID：17264177

1614鲜花 9鸡蛋

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举报 只看该作者 45楼  发表于: 2014-09-12 0

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让自己成为一个善于倾听的人

Question: Are You a Good Listener?
提问：你是个善于倾听的人吗？

Answer A: Yes
答案一：是

Answer B: No
答案二：否

Answer C: Sometimes
答案三：有时候是

The correct answer to the above question, for you and for me, is:
上述问题的正确答案是：“三：有时候是”，这是我的答案，兴许也是你的答案。

If you think about your circle of friends, work associates and family members, you can almost certainly pick out one or more people among them who are generally not good listeners. They’re too busy listening to themselves or rushing around impatiently, or whatever. You have probably become accustomed to their weakness in this respect, whether you like it or not. If this person happens to be your boss, you’re in bad luck, but far from alone.
历数身边的朋友、同事和亲戚，你肯定会毫不犹豫地从中挑选出一个甚至几个不善倾听的人。他们整天忙着自说自话、东奔西走或是其他事情。无论你是否喜欢，你可能早就对他们的这些缺点习以为常。假如这个人恰好又是你的老板，那你的运气可真够差的！不过，你绝不是唯一的倒霉蛋儿。

Equally, if you think hard, you can probably think of someone you know who is a very good listener. If you’re fortunate, that person is a good friend, loved one, close colleague, or mentor. If that person is your boss, then it’s equivalent to winning the Mark Six, and you are very lucky indeed.
同理，如果你使劲儿想想，肯定也能从认识的人里找到好的听众。走运的话，这个人可能是你的好友、至爱、搭档或者良师。如果碰巧这个人是你的顶头上司，那你简直是幸运透顶，不亚于中了六合彩。

All too often, we associate the benefits of good listening skills with achieving very specific outcomes, like following the boss’s orders (aimed at getting a job promotion, etc.), getting a good test score (aimed at gaining admission to a good school), completing a list of assigned tasks (e.g. doing the household errands in a timely manner, aimed at avoiding harsh words from the higher authorities).
太多的情况下，我们总是把善于倾听的好处和实现极为特定的目标直接挂钩，比如对老板唯命是从（目的是获得晋升机会等）、提高考试成绩（以便考取名校）、完成分配的各项任务（比如及时做完家务，免遭长辈训斥）。

We tend to undervalue the importance of our listening skills as well as the scope of their potential application. We think of them as something pretty basic, which we mastered in our formal schooling, along with dictation, rote learning, studying for tests, obeying instructions, etc.
但我们低估了倾听技巧的重要性，以及它潜在的适用范围。我们误以为倾听是最基本的技能，我们早在上学期间就通过听写、背书、备考、辅导等方式熟练地掌握了它。

This is a shame. Someone should have taught us that listening skills should be the focus of ongoing, lifetime learning and development, related to but separate from the life-long quest to improve our language and communication skills.
其实我们应该为此感到脸红。也应该有人提早地教会我们，倾听技巧是终生学习和进步的核心，它与孜孜以求地提高语言能力和沟通技巧既有关联，又相互独立。

Think about the number of failures, misunderstandings, screw-ups, flare-ups, arguments and disputes which occur because two people or groups didn’t listen to each other effectively. We’re surrounded by this kind of outcome yet, all too often, we don’t analyze the root problem, or work on improvement steps.
想想两个人或两个团体由于不能做到彼此有效倾听，曾经导致过多少失败、误会、拧巴、碰撞、争论还有分歧。但即便类似的结果比比皆是，我们依旧不会分析问题的根源，或寻求改进的方式和步骤。

We still tend to treat listening skills the way we treat learning to walk or learning to ride a bicycle: we think that once we’ve acquired them, we’ve got it; we’re done, and ready to move on to the next thing. Wrong. The problem is that people and language are far more complex, varied and subtle than the roads and trails we travel on.
我们把学习倾听的技巧等同于学走路或学骑车：以为一旦学会，就可以牢固掌握，就可以开始做下一件事情了。错！问题在于人种和语言的复杂性、多样性及微妙性远远超过了我们行走或行驶的道路情况。

Apart from the fact that poor listening skills often erode effective dialogue between people, think about the upside potential. If we were able to consistently reduce routine misunderstandings in our conversations at home or at work by a factor of, say, 20-30%, there would be welcome dividends in efficiency, elimination of tiresome repetition and clarification, and just plain enhanced good vibes. What’s not to like?!
事实上，差劲的倾听能力往往会降低对话效率，姑且抛开这个不谈，让我们从积极的方面着想。假如我们能致力于将家庭或办公对话中常见的误会减少20–30%，就能提高效率，消除耗时耗力的重复和澄清，获得良性共鸣。何乐而不为呢？！

If we’re intrigued and enticed by cutting our carbon footprint by 20-30% or more, why not get equally focused on cutting our “confusion footprint” by a similar measure? The world around us would also benefit from this.
假如我们醉心于减少20-30%的碳排放，为什么我们不能对降低同样比例的“困惑”一视同仁呢？周遭的世界也会从中受益。

Often, the best talkers are the worst listeners. I have interrupted many glib, smooth-talking salespeople by asking how they could be so presumptuous as to try to sell me something without even asking about my needs. This is still a very common mistake.
最能说的人往往是最糟糕的听众。我曾打断过许多口若悬河的推销员，问他们为什么不事先了解我的需求，就武断地向我兜售产品。直到现在，这仍然是一个常见的错误。

Effective listening relies on the ears, in partnership with the mouth. Asking is to listening as yin is to yang.
有效倾听不仅要依靠耳朵，还需要嘴巴的配合。提问之于倾听，就如同阴阳的相伴相生。

Most of us need to develop our patience in the context of listening. The older we get the more challenging this is, because we tend to think that our great, deep body of experience entitles us to offer advice on a wide gamut of questions and issues, solicited or otherwise, especially to people younger than us.
我们大多数人都需要培养倾听过程中的耐心。年纪越大，就越不容易做到这一点。因为我们都自认为积累了丰富的经验，有资格对各种问题指手画脚，特别是替年轻人指点迷津，也不管人家是不是乐于请教。

If someone confides in us about something, we tend to assume they are seeking our advice. Maybe not. Maybe they just want a receptive ear and a supportive smile. That’s part of the challenge of listening — determining when the speaker wants a response, or advice, or feedback, and when they’re just looking for a good listen. To figure that out, sometimes we need to ask, which is an integral part of the listening process.
如果有人向我们袒露心声，我们就以为对方是在寻求建议。事实也许并非如此，他们需要的可能只是倾听的耳朵和支持的微笑。这也是倾听的难题之一——判断讲话者何时需要答复、建议、反馈，何时又只需要倾听。为了做出判断，我们有时需要发问，这也是倾听的组成部分。

What are you doing later today? Why not go out of your way to do a better job of listening to somebody? If needs be, raise your question to statement ratio, to ensure you get to the heart of what they are trying to say.
今天你还有什么事情要做？为什么不好好地听某人说说话？如果有必要，问个问题，确保你明白对方讲话的实质。

It just might do you — and them — some good.
这可能会对你——还有讲话的人——有所帮助。

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JessieAqua

ZxID：17264177

1614鲜花 9鸡蛋

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不经意间的举动,道出我们难启的言语

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, “Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.” I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friend tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.
当我还在上高一时，有一天，我看到我们班的一个孩子正步行回家。他叫凯尔。他似乎背着所有的书。我心想：“为什么有人在周五就把所有的书都带回家呢？他肯定是个书呆子。”我的周末计划得非常详细（先是派对，在第二天下午和我的朋友踢足球）。因此我耸了耸肩，走开了。正走着，我看到一帮孩子朝他跑去。他们追上他，把他所有的书都从怀里扔到地上并把他绊倒，结果他摔在污泥里，眼镜也被打飞了，我看到它落在离他10英尺远的草地上。他抬起头时，我看到他眼里极度悲伤的表情。我的心也随他而去。因此，我慢步向他跑过去。在他爬着寻找眼镜时，我看到了他眼中的泪水。 我把眼镜递给他，说道：“那些家伙都是些蠢蛋，他们真该遭到报应。”

He looked at me and said, “Hey thanks!” There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now.
他看了看我，说：“嗨，谢谢了！”笑容在他脸上展现。正是这样的笑显示出了真正的感激。我帮他捡起书，问他住在哪里。原来他住得离我很近。于是我就问他，怎么以前我从没有见过他呢，他说在来这所学校以前他上的是私立学校。

I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.We talked all the way home, and I carried his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes. We hung all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him. And my friends thought the same of him.Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, “Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!” He just laughed and handed me half the books.
以前，我从不与私立学校的孩子交往。我们一路聊着回家，我帮他拿着书。他原来竟是一位非常讨人喜欢的孩子，我问他是否周六想跟我及我的朋友一起踢足球。他答应了。整个周末我们都在一起，对凯尔了解得越多，我越是喜欢他。我的朋友也都这么认为。到了周一早晨，凯尔又要背上那个巨大的书包了。我制止他，说：“傻孩子，你每天背这么一大堆书，想练就一身强壮的肌肉呀！”他只是笑，并把一半书都递给了我。

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.
接下来的四年里，凯尔和我成为最好的朋友。到了高年级后，我们开始考虑上大学的事。凯尔决定去乔治敦，而我要去杜克。我知道我们永远都是朋友，距离决不会成为问题。他以后想当一名医生，而我则要用足球奖学金经商。

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak.
凯尔是我们班致告别词的学生代表。 我总是取笑他是一个书呆子。他必须为毕业准备一个演讲。我很庆幸不是我要站在那儿演讲。

Graduation day, I saw Kyle.. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found themselves during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him! Boy, sometimes I was jealous.
毕业日来临了——我看到了凯尔，他看起来帅极了。他是那些在高中真正把握住自己的人之一。他长大了，实际上带着眼镜更好看。他的约会比我还要多，几乎所有的女孩都喜欢他。 天哪，有时候我都有些嫉妒。

Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.”Thanks,” he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. “Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach…. but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.” I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn’t have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. “Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.”
今天就是这样。我能看出他对于演讲有些紧张。因此，我拍了拍他的后背，说：“嗨，大小伙子，你会很出色的！”他看了看我，带着那样的表情（真正出于感激的那种），笑了。“谢谢，”他说。开始演讲时，他清了清喉咙，开始说：“毕业的时候，你应该感谢那些帮助你度过最困难时期的人。你的父母、老师、兄弟姐妹、也许还有教练……但主要是你的朋友。我在这儿要告诉你们，做别人的朋友是你能给予他们的最好礼物。我要给你们讲一个故事。”我不敢置信地望着我的朋友，他讲的就是我们第一天相遇的故事。他本来打算要在那个周末自杀，他谈到自己如何把课桌收拾干净，把他所有的东西都带回家，这样就不用妈妈以后再收拾了。他直直地看着我，给了我一个笑容。“谢天谢地，我获救了。我的朋友阻止了我去做那不堪设想的事情。”

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and Dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it’s depth.
当这位帅气的、受欢迎的男孩告诉我们有关他的最脆弱的时刻时，我听到人群中都深吸了一口气。我看到他的爸爸妈妈都看着我，带着同样感激的微笑。直到那时我才意识到它的深刻。

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person’s life. For better or for worse.　
决不要低估你的行动的力量，一个简单的举止也许会改变人的一生，无论是好是坏。
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JessieAqua

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1614鲜花 9鸡蛋

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回首过往千万, 心口珍重难开

I've just come back from school, and I'm on my computer already! I could do anything to distract myself from your thoughts… I could read a book, do my homework or even have lunch.
我刚刚放学回家，就已经坐在了电脑前面！任何事情都能把我从对你的思念中拉回来……我可以找本书看、做作业或是吃午饭。

But I just don't want to. Because right now, all I really want to do is think about you. Think about the memories we made. Together. Or when we were apart. I knew I had you… and now I know that I don't.
但我并不想这样，因为此时此刻，我真正想做的事情就是想着你。想着我们共同的回忆，既有在一起的记忆，也有分开时的记忆。我知道你曾经是我的好友……而现在我也清楚这一切已一去不复返。

Our memories… that's all I'm really left with. Remember the day when we first met and how I annoyed you with my not-so-funny jokes, and how you pretended to laugh at them? And the day when we had our first biggest fight and how you gave me a card that said “Open this envelope with a smile because today is a special day for you” on my birthday? And how that made us friends again? You'd made my day, really.
我们的回忆……这是你留给我的全部了。你是否还记得我们第一次见面的那天，我跟你讲了一些并不好笑的笑话，你虽然有些烦，但还是装作大笑的样子？你是否还记得那天我们第一次大吵了一架，我生日时你给了我一张贺卡，上面写道“请微笑着打开这个信封，因为今天对你来说是个特殊的日子”？你是否还记得那张贺卡让我们重新成为朋友？你让我的生日与众不同，真的。

My chest hurts. It feels so empty.
我的心好疼，感觉空空的。

I love us. I love everything about us. Everything. And I never wanted this to end. I hate seeing you go away. I just wish I could stop you somehow and tell you how much I need you here. With me forever. But that would be selfish.
我喜欢我俩在一起的时候。我喜欢关于我俩的一切。所有的一切。我从没想过要让这一切结束。我不想看着你离去。我多么想找个借口阻止你离开，告诉你我有多需要你。只想让你和我在一起。但是这样太自私了。

Yesterday, I died a little inside when you said you'd be leaving at 10 pm for your flight. And I was just like,” Wow, so you really ARE leaving us.”
昨天，当你告诉我说，你要搭晚上十点的航班离开时，我的心好像有一小部分已经死去了。我当时只是说，“哦，你果真要离开我们了。”

But I can't help it, can I? Neither can you. I just realized how much I hated goodbyes. I don't want to ‘goodbye' you.
然而对此我却无能为力，不是么？你也无法改变这一切。我才意识到我多么讨厌说再见，不想跟你说“再见”。

The truth is, I've never been open to many people. I've been shy and quiet. So if I loved you enough to tell you all my secrets and show you the real me… you must be very special.
事实上，我并不是对所有人都能敞开心扉。我一直都很害羞、安静。因此，如果我喜欢你到告诉你我所有的秘密，并向你袒露真实的自我时……那你一定是个非常特殊的朋友了。

I regret everything I've said or done to hurt you. I'm sorry. I never meant to do those things to you.
我很后悔说了什么或做了什么而伤害了你。对不起，我从没想过要那样对你。

No matter the distance between us, no matter where you are, or where I am…I will always love you. And I just hope you love me too. Just for me, make sure Canada treats you better than we did.
无论相隔多远，无论你身在何方，无论我在哪个角落……我会一直爱着你。我只希望你也同样爱着我。答应我，在加拿大要过得好好的，要比和我们在一起的时候过得更好。

You're my best friend; you'll always be my best friend. You're my best friend for life.
你是我最好的朋友，将来一直都会是。你是我一生最好的朋友。

You're taking away eight years of my life with you. You're the only person who actually got me, who could tell when I was upset, who knew how to make me feel better… and now that person is going away.
你带走了我生命中的八年时光。你是唯一一个能够理解我，知道什么时候我很烦躁，知道如何安慰我的朋友……而现在，你走了。

Will you just do me a favor? Just promise me one thing, okay? Promise me that you will never forget about me. That you will always remember that you had a friend named Harshita.
你能帮我一个忙吗？答应我一件事，好吗？答应永远不要忘记我。你要永远记得你有一个朋友叫哈什塔。

And that's all I want you to do.
这就是我对你的所有要求。

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JessieAqua

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对自己的心发问:你真的没时间吗

o You Have the Time?In English, this question has two different meanings.The first one is: “Do you know what time it is?” While not uncommon, this is less frequently used than the simpler question with the same meaning: “What time is it?”The other meaning is: “Do you have the time (e.g. to do this or that)?” This is a very commonly asked question, whether in American, British, or Australian English.If I were the editor of the Grand Encyclopedia of Excuses (a book which does not yet exist), I think that the response — “I don’t have the time” — would win the prize for being the most commonly used excuse, year after year.After all, it’s such a convenient excuse.
你真的没时间吗？在英文中，“你有时间吗”（Do You Have the Time?）有两种截然不同的含义。第一种含义是“你知道现在几点吗？”虽然这种问法并不少见，但比起直接问“几点啦”（What time is it ?）用得还是比较少。第二种含义是“你有时间（做某事）吗？”这种问法在美国英语、英国英语、澳洲英语中都十分常见。假如我是《借口大辞海》（一本迄今为止还不存在的书）的编辑，我会认为“没时间”将成为历年“最常用借口”大奖的得主。毕竟，用“没时间”做借口再方便不过。

Think about how often you (and I) have used this as an explanation of why we couldn’t do something, take on a new task, help someone, visit someone, etc. We’ve all used this excuse countless times. Sometimes it’s a statement of fact, and let’s face it, sometimes it’s just an excuse.The distinction here between a when it’s a statement of fact and when it’s an excuse is blurry and subjective, but deep down we each have a pretty clear idea of the difference.In practical terms, the lack of available time seems to be, and often is, a valid reason for why we cannot take something on. Unless, of course, we make the effort to re-arrange our time, within our abilities to do so, probably making a sacrifice of some sort in the process.“I just don’t have the time” is — all too often — a dodge, a hedge, and a cop-out. Once we get to a certain age, when we are generally considered to be “grown-ups”, we are expected to have developed improved time management skills.In many instances, “I don’t have time” has the same meaning as “I am not willing to make time.” Sure, we’re all busy; but in the end, it’s a matter of priorities: within work, work versus family, spouse or partner, friends, community, etc.
回想一下，你（还有我本人）用“没时间”来搪塞自己为什么不能做某事、不能接新任务、不能帮助别人、不能见别人的频率有多高。我们都快把这个借口用滥了。有时候事实可能的确如此，但有时候我们必须正视它只是个借口。在这里，事实和借口的界线十分模糊，也很主观，但在内心深处，我们都非常清楚它们的不同。在现实中，缺少时间似乎是，并且经常是我们不能做某事的正当理由。当然，除非我们能在能力许可的范围内尽量重新安排时间，并在这一过程中作出某种牺牲。“我只是没时间” 在太多情况下只是一种躲闪、回避和逃离。当我们到了某个年龄，被当作是“大人”时，就要求我们具备更完善的管理时间的技能。很多时候，“我没时间”和“我不愿意花时间”意思相同。的确，我们都很忙，但归根结底还是熟轻孰重的问题，这包括在工作中，也包括在工作和家庭、伴侣和合作伙伴、朋友和社会之间。

No one gives you the time. It doesn’t grow on trees or fall from the sky like raindrops. You make the time, as well as most of the related decisions about what is important. The key is what criteria you rely on. It may be coolness, a money-making opportunity, hanging out with the right crowd, or reaching out to people in need.If you don’t decide on the use of your time, the decision will be taken away from you. Lots of powerful magnets surround us, ready to pull our time from us like loose iron shavings off a table top. It’s really up to us to decide on how to balance and manage time, and that’s a challenge.Another saying in English is “take your time,” which means “relax; no great rush; follow your own pace” similar to the Chinese, “慢慢来”.I see a deeper meaning to this simple phrase, which is that if you don’t take (control of) your time, someone else will do so for you. It’s a bit like a child being told “eat your food, or someone else will.”That does not mean we should ignore unpredictable urgent demands on our time which can arise, which often impinge on our ability to do other more meaningful things. But it does mean we need to develop a clear-minded approach to prioritizing, and a disciplined approach to time management.
没有人能给你时间，时间不是树上结出的果子，也不会像雨点般从天而降。你只能自己创造时间，并对与其关系最紧密的问题，也就是事物重要性的问题做出决定。其中关键就是决策的依据，这个依据可能是酷，可能是挣钱的机会，可能是与情投意合的人结伴玩耍，也有可能是向有需要的人施以援手。如果你不支配自己的时间，那决定权就由不得你。我们身边有很多强力的磁场，会像从桌上吸走铁屑一样瞬间就吸走我们的时间。如何平衡与管理时间真的要取决于我们自己的决定，这是一个挑战。英语中有个说法叫“take your time”，意思是“放松，别着急，跟着自己的节奏走”，和中文中的“慢慢来”颇为相似。这个简单的短语让我看到一层深意，就是如果你不慢慢来（不控制时间），别人就会帮你控制。就像我们常对孩子说的：“吃你的饭，要不该被别人吃了。”这并不是说要忽略出人意料的突发事件在时间上对我们的要求，因为这种情况通常会激发我们的潜力，让我们做出更有意义的事。但是，它意味着我们必须对优先排序和时间管理有个思路清晰、条理清楚的办法。

If you consider customer relationships, how often is the root of a customer’s dissatisfaction the perception that we were too busy to pay attention to his or her needs? This is often a core element of customer unhappiness, and part of the reason we lose customers. If you consider friends and family relationships, how often is the root of hurt feelings the perception that “so and so” has become too busy to call, visit, answer our communications, etc? Left to people’s imagination and common fears, these feelings easily evolve into a sense of rejection, an erosion of trust, and eventually a breakdown in relationships. That is, unless we really care. And if we care, all it takes to avoid these speed bumps — in the workplace or elsewhere — is keeping a clear focus on priorities, and not getting swept up into the hectic pace to the extent that we begin to overlook some of the really important stuff. What helps to make “I don’t have the time” the most common excuse of all is that we often don’t even say it out loud. We simply think it, and act on it; so the other party is left wondering what the reason for our inattention is. That creates uncertainty, plants the seeds of doubt, and hurt feelings.
讲到客户关系，客户不满意从根本上讲有多少是与我们太忙而无法关注他们的需求有关？这往往是引起客户不高兴的主因，也是客户流失的部分原因。讲到朋友和家庭关系，伤感情的根本原因有多少是与某某人忙得没时间打电话、看望或回应沟通有关？仅凭想象和担忧，这种感觉很容易就会演化为反感、不信任，甚至最终导致关系的破裂。也就是说，除非我们真的在乎。如果在乎的话，为避免这种“减速带”，无论在职场或其他地方，所要做的就是关注轻重缓急，不要陷入手忙脚乱的节奏，以至于开始忽略真正重要的东西。让“我没时间”变成常用借口的一个帮凶就是我们通常不会大声把它说出来，而只是想想或者直接去做。结果，对方完全不明白我们不理不睬的原因，这样不仅会滋生不确定性，还会埋下怀疑和伤害感情的种子。

If we find that that has happened, whether at work or outside, the best antidote is to have the courage to say “I’m sorry.” It won’t solve the whole problem, but it helps repair the initial damage, and sets the stage for ongoing repair. If you think about your friends, colleagues and business partners, it’s not difficult to divide them into two categories: those rare ones who always make time for you when you need them, and those common folks who mostly don’t. In the long run, your loyalties will naturally gravitate to those who do. Beware the world’s most common excuse, whether you speak the words or just think the thought. When you look back on your life, you’ll be more appreciative of those occasions when you made the time than for those when you seized the advantage.
一旦发生这种情况，不管是在单位还是在外边，最好的矫正办法就是鼓足勇气说声“对不起”。虽然这解决不了什么问题，但却有助于修补最初的裂痕，并为进一步修复关系搭建平台。回想一下你的朋友、同事和商业伙伴，他们很容易就被分为两类：一类是极少数总能在你需要时挤出时间的人，另一类是大多数总也没有时间的人。长此以往，你的心自然就会偏向那些愿意为你花时间的人。对于这个世界上最常见的借口，大家一定要好好了解，无论是把它说出来还是藏在心里。回顾一生，那些挤出时间才完成的事总要比顺便才做的事更让你印象深刻。
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JessieAqua

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1614鲜花 9鸡蛋

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要金子,自己挖 If You Want Golds, Dig them by Yourself

There was once a farmer who had a fine olive orchard. He was very hardworking, and the farm always prospered under his care. But he knew that his three sons despised he farm work, and were eager to make wealth, through adventure.
从前有一个农民，他有一座漂亮的橄榄园。他非常勤劳，而且农场在他的照管下蒸蒸日上。可他知道自己的三个儿子瞧不起农活，都迫不及待的想通过冒险发家致富。

When the farmer was old, and felt that his time had come to die, he called the three sons to him and said, “My sons, there is a pot of gold hidden in the olive orchard. Dig for it, if you wish it.” The sons tried to get him to tell them in what part of the orchard the gold was hidden; but he would tell them nothing more. After the farmer was dead, the sons went to work to find the pot of gold; since they did not know where the hiding-place was, they agreed to begin in a line, at one end of the orchard, and to dig until one of them should find the money.
这个农民上了年岁，感到死期快要来临时，将三个儿子叫到身边 说：儿子们，橄榄园里藏有一罐金子。你们想要，就去挖吧。儿子们想让父亲告诉他们金子藏在果园的那一块地方，可他什么也没再给他们说。那个农民死后，三个儿子就开始挖地，想找到那罐金子；因为他们不知道金子藏在什么地方，
所以他们一致同意排成一行从果园的一头开始挖起，直到其中一人挖到金子为止

They dug until they had turned up the soil from one end of the orchard to the other, round the tree-roots and between them. But no pot of gold was to be found. It seemed as if someone must have stolen it, or as if the farmer had been wandering in his wits. The three sons were bitterly disappointed to have all their work for nothing. The next olive season, the olive trees in the orchard bore more fruit than they had ever given; when it was sold, it gave the sons a whole pot of gold.
他们挖啊挖，从果园的一头一直挖到了另一头，果树周围和果树之间也都挖到了，可还是没有找到那罐金子。看来一定是有人已经把那罐金子头拿走了， 要么就是他们的父亲一直在异想天开。三个儿子对他们白干了一场，感到大失所望。到了第二年的橄榄季节，果园里的橄榄树接出的果子比以往的都多；卖完果子后，三个儿子赚了整整一罐金子。

And when they saw how much money had come from the orchard, they suddenly understood what the wise father had meant when he said, “There is gold hidden in the orchard. Dig for it, if you wish it.”
他们从果园里得到这么多钱后，突然明白了聪明的父亲所说的果园里藏有金子，想要就去挖吧，这句话的含义。

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JessieAqua

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如何做一个积极正面思考的人


Positive thinking is a significant element of happiness. In order to become a positive thinker,determination and consistency are important. The first thing to know about positive thinkingis that everyone can do it. With certain cognitive and behavioral modifications, we can allbecome positive thinkers. Another important factor is that being a positive thinker does notmean you become numb to anything that is not working properly in your life or is negative —it just means that you approach life and face challenges with a healthier outlook.
正面思考是幸福的重要组成部分。要想成为一个积极的思考者，决心和毅力必不可少。首先你要知道，每个人都能成为积极思考者。只要改善一定的认知和行为，我们都可以做到。另外一个很重要的因素就是：你不需要对那些不是很完美的事情麻木不仁或是带有悲观的色彩——只是说人生和挑战你都要积极的对待。


To become a positive thinker, these may help you:
要想成为一个积极的思考者，下面这些也许能帮到你：


1. Change your self-monitoring:
改变自我监督


Instead of selectively attending to negative events, focus on the positive ones. Then payattention to the delayed consequences of your behavior rather than the immediate ones. Forexample, if a job is not going like you want, focus on the fact that you have a job and how youcan take your time to make the situation better.
与其选择做那些消极的事情，不如集中做些积极的吧。然后看看你的行为之后的效果。不是立竿见影的那种。比如，如果工作不是很喜欢，就记住你有一份工作的事实，专注如何能把情况变得好点。


2. Change your self-evaluation:
改变自我评价：


Challenge any inaccurate internal attributions and see if you compare your behavior tostandards that are excessively rigid and perfectionistic. If so, change these and bereasonable with your comparisons. For example, if you constantly compare your weaknesseswith other peoples' strengths, then switch this and compare yourself with those who are doingpoorer than you as well. Overall, people who focus more on their strengths than theirweaknesses but at the same time are aware of their weaknesses have a healthierself-evaluation result.
探究那些内部失败的原因，看看自己的行为是否是没有达到严格完美的标准。如果是，就改掉那些标准，接受自己目前的不足。比如如果你总是把自己的缺点和别人的优点作比较，那么换一下，也和那些做的没有你好的人比一比吧。一般来说，人们都会更关注他们的强项而非弱点，但同时他们也会意识到缺点会有更健康的自我评价结果。


3. Change your self-reinforcement:
改变自我奖励机制：


If you have low rates of self-reward and high rates of self-punishment when it comes to certainaspects of your life, then you want to modify this. For example, think more of how far you'vecome, how hard you've worked, acknowledge yourself for it and then see how much furtheryou want to go.
如果你对自己奖励很少惩罚很多，而这似乎已成为一种惯性时，是时候改变一下了。比如，多想想你已经达到哪些成就，多么努力地工作，奖励一下自己，然后看看你还能走多远。


4. Draw conclusions with evidence:
根据事实得出结论：


Look at the evidence, look at the events, look at patterns and don't base your conclusions onassumptions. For example, don't just assume someone will cheat you because they look like orin some ways act like an ex you didn't get along with. Look at other elements to see if there isany evidence for your assumption.
根据事实得出结论：看看事实，看看事件，看看形式，千万别把结论基于猜想上。比如，不要因为某些人看起来像在骗你或是表现的让你觉得不怎么舒服，就认为他们的确在骗你。看看有没有其他证据能证实你的观点吧。


5. Don't be that individual:
别把事情过分个人化：


The majority of how people interact with you is due to their own personality, strengths, andbaggage and does not have as much to do with you. Pay attention to how to differentiatebetween different interaction signals. For example, instead of immediately getting frustratedbecause the waitress was a little late attending to you, think that maybe she is having a reallytough day or too may tables to take care of.
大部分时候人们如何和你交往都取决于他们的个性、能力和精神状态，和你其实没多大关系。注意如何区分不同的交际信号。比如，与其为迟来的服务生感到生气，不如换位思考，想想他今天心情不好，或者实在是太忙了吧。


6. Don't do “either/or” thinking:
别做选择题


Black and white thinking based on perfectionistic thought is counterproductive. Every time athought pops up and has words like “should” or “must,” challenge it. For example, instead ofsaying “this should be done this way,” say something like, “I prefer it this way but I am surethere are other ways to do and am willing to be open.
基于完美的非黑即白想法反而会让你达不到预期的效果。每次出来一个想法，有着类似于“应该”“必须”这样的字眼，那么不妨改变一下吧。比如与其说“应该这么去完成”，不如说“我喜欢这个方法，但是我觉得肯定会有更好的方法能达到我们预期的效果。”




7. Don't do emotional reasoning:
不要太情绪化


This is a belief based on feeling alone without any rational thinking behind it. For example, youdon't like such and such but you don't have any logical reason for not liking them.
冲动是魔鬼，这句话的确是是真理。例如，你总是没来由的不喜欢一些东西。


8. Challenge your “what if” thoughts:
改变那些“假使……”的想法：


When faced with too much fear about a situation, imagine the worst case scenario and visualizea solution for it, then let go of fear. This way, you will be prepared for anything and your fearwould not block you from being open and creative to different solutions. For example, if youare constantly worried about losing your job up to a point where it is creating a lot of anxietyand fear and is effecting your performance and your happiness negatively, then think of losingyour job, visualize how you will handle it, find solutions in your mind and then let go of thethought and the fear attached to it.
遇到太多的恐慌，想想最糟糕的的情况吧，设想一下那样的场景，然后把恐惧丢到脑后。这样你就算是做足了准备，恐惧感也不会再阻碍到你对于不同情景的创造力。例如，如果你总是担心失业，十分的焦虑和害怕，甚至影响到了你的表现和幸福，那么就想想如果你真的失业了，你会如何处理，自己想一想解决方案，然后就果断抛弃这些消极的想法和恐惧吧。


At the end, positive thinkers are better problem solvers and have better interactions. Inaddition to that, people who are positive thinkers are happier and more satisfied with their life.
最后，积极思考者都更善于解决问题，更好的与人交际。除此之外，那些积极思考者会更开心更知足。
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