《伍尔曼约翰自传》——The Journal of John Woolman(中英文对照)完结_派派后花园

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[Novel] 《伍尔曼约翰自传》——The Journal of John Woolman(中英文对照)完结

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       JOHN WOOLMAN was born at Northampton, N. J., in 1720, and died at York,England, in 1772. He Was the child of Quaker parents, and from his youth was azealous member of the Society of Friends. His "Journal," published posthumouslyin 1774, sufficiently describes his way of life and the spirit in which he didhis work; but his extreme humility prevents him from making clear the importance of the part he played in the movement against slaveholding among theQuakers.
  During the earlier years of their settlement in America, the Friends tookpart in the traffic in slaves with apparently as little hesitation as their fellow colonists; but in 1671 George Fox, visiting the Barbados, was struck bythe inconsistency of slave-holding with the religious principles of hisSociety. His protests, along with those of others, led to the growth of anagitation which spread from section to section. In 1742, Woolman, then a youngclerk in the employment of a storekeeper in New Jersey, was asked to make out abill of sale for a negro woman; and the scruples which then occurred to himwere the beginning of a life-long activity against the traffic. Shortlyafterward he began his laborious foot-journeys, pleading everywhere with hisco-religionists, and inspiring others to take up the crusade. The result of theagitation was that the various Yearly Meetings one by one decided thatemancipation was a religious duty; and within twenty years after Woolman'sdeath the practise of slavery had ceased in the Society of Friends. But hisinfluence did not stop there, for no small part of the enthusiasm of thegeneral emancipation movement is traceable to his labors.
  His own words in this "Journal" of an extraordinary simplicity and charm,are the best expression of a personality which in its ardor, purity of motive,breadth of sympathy, and clear spiritual insight, gives Woolman a place amongthe uncanonized saints of America.

伍尔曼约翰是1720年出生在英国北安普顿,新泽西州,死在约克,1772年。他是教友会的孩子的父母,和他的年轻朋友的社会成员。他的杂志发表于 1774,充分描述了他的生活方式和他的工作精神;但他极度的谦逊阻止他明确的地位,他曾在运动反对蓄奴的教友的部分。

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Chapter 10
  TWELFTH of Third Month, 1769. -- Having for some years past dieted myself onaccount of illness and weakness of body, and not having ability to travel byland as heretofore, I was at times favoured to look with awfulness towards theLord, before whom are all my ways, who alone hath the power of life and death,and to feel thankfulness raised in me for this His fatherly chastisement,believing that if I was truly humbled under it all would work for good. Whileunder this bodily weakness, my mind was at times exercised for my fellow-creatures in the West Indies, and I grew jealous over myself lest thedisagreeableness of the prospect should hinder me from obediently attendingthereto; for, though I knew not that the Lord required me to go there, yet Ibelieved that resignation was now called for in that respect. Feeling a dangerof not being wholly devoted to Him, I was frequently engaged to watch untoprayer that I might be preserved; and upwards of a year having passed, as I oneday walked in a solitary wood, my mind being covered with awfulness, cries wereraised in me to my merciful Father, that He would graciously keep me infaithfulness; and it then settled on my mind, as a duty, to open my conditionto Friends at our Monthly Meeting, which I did soon after, as follows: -"An exercise hath attended me for some time past, and of late hath been moreweighty upon me, which is, that I believe it is required of me to be resignedto go on a visit to some parts of the West Indies."In the Quarterly and General Spring Meetings I found no clearness to expressanything further than that I believed resignation herein was required of me.
  Having obtained certificates from all the said meetings, I felt like asojourner at my outward habitation, and kept free from worldly encumbrances,and I was often bowed in spirit before the Lord, with inward breathings to Himthat I might be rightly directed. I may here note that the circumstance beforerelated of my having, when young, joined with another executor in selling anegro lad till he might attain the age of thirty years, was now the cause ofmuch sorrow to me; and, after having settled matters relating to this youth, Iprovided a sea-store and bed, and things for the voyage. Hearing of a vessellikely to sail from Philadelphia for Barbadoes, I spake with one of the ownersat Burlington, and soon after went to Philadelphia on purpose to speak to himagain. He told me there was a Friend in town who was part owner of the saidvessel. I felt no inclination to speak with the latter, but returned home.
  Awhile after I took leave of my family, and, going to Philadelphia, had someweighty conversation with the first-mentioned owner, and showed him a writing,as follows: -"On the 25th of Eleventh Month, 1769, as an exercise with respect to a visitto Barbadoes hath been weighty on my mind, I may express some of the trials which have attended me, under which I have at times rejoiced that I have feltmy own self-will subjected.
  "Some years ago I retailed rum, sugar, and molasses, the fruits of the labourof slaves, but had not then much concern about them save only that the rummight be used in moderation; nor was this concern so weightily attended to as Inow believe it ought to have been. Having of late years been further informedrespecting the oppression too generally exercised in these islands, andthinking often on the dangers there are in connections of interest andfellowship with the works of darkness (Eph. v. 11), I have felt an increasingconcern to be wholly given up to the leadings of the Holy Spirit, and it hathseemed right that my small gain from this branch of trade should be applied inpromoting righteousness on the earth. This was the first motion towards a visitto Barbadoes. I believed also that part of my outward substance should beapplied in paying my passage, if I went, and providing things in a lowly wayfor my subsistence; but when the time drew near in which I believed it requiredof me to be in readiness, a difficulty arose which hath been a continual trialfor some months past, under which I have, with abasement of mind from day today, sought the Lord for instruction, having often had a feeling of thecondition of one formerly, who bewailed himself because the Lord hid His facefrom him. During these exercises my heart hath often been contrite, and I havehad a tender feeling of the temptations of my fellow-creatures, labouring underexpensive customs not agreeable to the simplicity that 'there is in Christ' (2Cor. ii. 3), and sometimes in the renewings of gospel love I have been helpedto minister to others.
  "That which hath so closely engaged my mind, in seeking to the Lord forinstruction, is, whether, after the full information I have had of theoppression which the slaves lie under who raise the West India produce, which Ihave gained by reading a caution and warning to Great Britain and her colonies,written by Anthony Benezet, it is right for me to take passage in a vesselemployed in the West India trade.
  "To trade freely with oppressors without labouring to dissuade them from suchunkind treatment, and to seek for gain by such traffic, tends, I believe, tomake them more easy respecting their conduct than they would be, if the causeof universal righteousness was humbly and firmly attended to by those ingeneral with whom they have commerce; and that complaint of the Lord by hisprophet, "They have strengthened the hands of the wicked," hath very oftenrevived in my mind. I may here add some circumstances which occurred to mebefore I had any prospect of a visit there. David longed for some water in awell beyond an army of Philistines who were at war with Israel, and some of his men, to please him, ventured their lives in passing through this army, andbrought that water.
  "It doth not appear that the Israelites were then scarce of water, but ratherthat David gave way to delicacy of taste; and having reflected on the danger towhich these men had been exposed, he considered this water as their blood, andhis heart smote him that he could not drink it, but he poured it out to theLord. The oppression of the slaves which I have seen in several journeyssouthward on this continent, and the report of their treatment in the WestIndies, have deeply affected me, and a care to live in the spirit of peace andminister no just cause of offence to my fellow-creatures having from time totime livingly revived in my mind, I have for some years past declined togratify my palate with those sugars.
  "I do not censure my brethren in these things, but I believe the Father ofMercies, to whom all mankind by creation are equally related, hath heard thegroans of this oppressed people, and that He is preparing some to have a tenderfeeling of their condition. Trading in, or the frequent use of any produceknown to be raised by the labour of those who are under such lamentableoppression, hath appeared to be a subject which may hereafter require the moreserious consideration of the humble followers of Christ, the Prince of Peace.
  "After long and mournful exercise I am now free to mention how things haveopened in my mind, with desires that, if it may please the Lord further to openHis will to any of His children in this matter, they may faithfully follow Himin such further manifestation.
  "The number of those who decline the use of West India produce, on account ofthe hard usage of the slaves who raise it, appears small, even among peopletruly pious; and the labours in Christian love on that subject of those who do,are not very extensive. Were the trade from this continent to the West Indiesto be stopped at once, I believe many there would suffer for want of bread. Didwe on this continent and the inhabitants of the West Indies generally dwell inpure righteousness, I believe a small trade between us might be right. Underthese considerations, when the thoughts of wholly declining the use of trading-vessels and of trying to hire a vessel to go under ballast have arisen in mymind, I have believed that the labours in gospel love hitherto bestowed in thecause of universal righteousness have not reached that height. If the trade tothe West Indies were no more than was consistent with pure wisdom, I believethe passage-money would, for good reasons, be higher than it is now; andtherefore, under deep exercise of mind, I have believed that I should not takeadvantage of this great trade and small passage-money, but, as a testimony in favour of less trading, should pay more than is common for others to pay if Igo at this time."The first-mentioned owner, having read the paper, went with me to the otherowner, who also read over the paper, and we had some solid conversation, underwhich I felt my self bowed in reverence before the Most High. At length one ofthem asked me if I would go and see the vessel. But not having clearness in mymind to go, I went to my lodging and retired in private under great exercise ofmind; and my tears were poured out before the Lord with inward cries that Hewould graciously help me under these trials. I believe my mind was resigned,but I did not feel clearness to proceed; and my own weakness and the necessityof divine instruction were impressed upon me.
  I was for a time as one who knew not what to do, and was tossed as in atempest; under which affliction the doctrine of Christ, "Take no thought forthe morrow," arose livingly before me, and I was favoured to get into a gooddegree of stillness. Having been near two days in town, I believed my obedienceto my Heavenly Father consisted in returning homeward; I therefore went overamong Friends on the Jersey shore and tarried till the morning on which thevessel was appointed to sail. As I lay in bed the latter part of that night mymind was comforted, and I felt what I esteemed a fresh confirmation that it wasthe Lord's will that I should pass through some further exercises near home; soI went thither, and still felt like a sojourner with my family. In the freshspring of pure love, I had some labours in a private way among Friends on asubject relating to truth's testimony, under which I had frequently beenexercised in heart for some years. I remember, as I walked on the road underthis exercise, that passage in Ezekiel came fresh upon me, "Whithersoever theirfaces were turned, thither they went." And I was graciously helped to dischargemy duty in the fear and dread of the Almighty.
  In the course of a few weeks it pleased the Lord to visit me with a pleurisy;and after I had lain a few days and felt the disorder very grievous, I wasthoughtful how might it end. I had of late, through various exercises, beenmuch weaned from the pleasant things of this life; and I now thought, if itwere the Lord's will to put an end to my labours and graciously to receive meinto the arms of His mercy, death would be acceptable to me; but if it were Hiswill further to refine me under affliction, and to make me in any degree usefulin His Church, I desired not to die. I may with thankfulness say that in thiscase, I felt resignedness wrought in me, and had no inclination to send for adoctor, believing, if it were the Lord's will through outward means to raise meup, some sympathizing Friends would be sent to minister to me; whichaccordingly was the case. But though I was carefully attended, yet the disorderwas at times so heavy that I had no expectation of recovery. One night in particular my bodily distress was great; my feet grew cold, and the coldincreased up my legs towards my body; at that time I had no inclination to askmy nurse to apply anything warm to my feet, expecting my end was near. After Ihad lain near ten hours in this condition, I closed my eyes, thinking whether Imight now be delivered out of the body; but in these awful moments my mind waslivingly opened to behold the Church; and strong engagements were begotten inme for the everlasting well-being of my fellow-creatures. I felt in the springof pure love that I might remain some time longer in the body, to fill upaccording to my measure that which remains of the afflictions of Christ, and tolabour for the good of the Church; after which I requested my nurse to applywarmth to my feet and I revived. The next night, feeling a weighty exercise ofspirit and having a solid Friend sitting up with me, I requested him to writewhat I said, which he did as follows: -Fourth day of the First Month, 1770, about five in the morning. -- "I haveseen in the Light of the Lord that the day is approaching when the man that ismost wise in human policy shall be the greatest fool; and the arm that ismighty to support injustice shall be broken to pieces; the enemies ofrighteousness shall make a terrible rattle, and shall mightily torment oneanother; for He that is omnipotent is rising up to judgment, and will plead thecause of the oppressed; and He commanded me to open the vision."Near a week after this, feeling my mind livingly opened, I sent for aneighbour, who, at my request, wrote as follows: -"The place of prayer is a precious habitation; for I now saw that the prayersof the saints were precious incense; and a trumpet was given to me that I mightsound forth this language; that the children might hear it and be invitedtogether to this precious habitation, where the prayers of the saints, as sweetincense, arise before the throne of God and the Lamb. I saw this habitation tobe safe, -- to be inwardly quiet when there were great stirrings and commotionsin the world.
  "Prayer, at this day, in pure resignation, is a precious place: the trumpetis sounded; the call goes forth to the Church that she gather to the place ofpure inward prayer; and her habitation is safe."


一 七六九年三月十二日;好些年来我为了鼻瘤的关系实行节食,因此身体一天比一天衰弱,已不能像从前那样从容地作旱路旅行。有时候我从敬畏仰望主而得到帮助 ——我一切所行的都在主面前,只有祂握有生死权力——同时对祂的慈父般的管教深为感戴,相信我若能谦卑顺服,一切都必对我有益。当我身体衰弱之时,我心却 常常想到在西印度群岛的同胞们,深恐有意外阻挠使我无法到那边作访问工作。虽然我还不知道主是否要我到那地方去,但若有这种呼召的话,则我必须顺从。为着 恐怕自己不能专诚服事祂,我常恳切祷告,盼望得蒙保守。约有一年时间情形颇佳,有一天我在林中散步,心中忽生恐惧,乃迫切呼求慈悲天父助我守信不渝,以后 心中平静,知道我应当将我的盼望向月会朋友们陈明,于是我告诉他们说:“在过去的一些时候我常常觉得愿意前往西印度的某些地方作访问工作,最近这种愿望较 前更为强烈。”在季会和春季全体大会中我只表示在这事上我必须顺从主,没有说其他的话。向上述各有关团体取得证件之后,我觉得自己好像是一个寄居的客人, 已摆脱了属世的障碍。我常在主面前俯首,盼望能得到祂的导引。我愿意在这里声明,当我年轻时和另一朋友共同负责贩卖那青年黑奴,约定待他三十岁时始加释放 这件事,现在成为我忧伤的原因。在把关于这黑奴的事处理完毕后,我就备妥了海行所需各物,准备动身。听说有一条船可能从费城启碇,开往巴佩道斯,我即在柏 林敦和这船的主人之一接洽,嗣后又为这事往费城见他。他告诉我城里有一位朋友会人,也是这船的船东之一,但我觉得无需前往见他,故即回家。不久我与家人告 别,来到费城,和上述第一个船东有了严肃谈话,并出示底下文件:
一七六九年十一月廿五日,我对前往巴佩道斯访问的愿望既逐渐加强,似乎也应当叙述一些我所经历的试炼;在试炼中有时我觉内心喜慰,因为我觉得将自己意志放在上帝旨意之下。
“好些年前我贩卖酒类,糖,和蜜糖这些奴隶劳动的产物,那时对这些买卖心中并不觉得不安,只希望对酒类的应用稍加限制,但也并不十分积极地提倡。近年来对西印度群岛一带迫害奴工的情况更为明了,常想这种情况显然是‘与暗昧之事同行的’(参弗5:11)。 因此我更觉得愿意完全跟从圣灵的领导,且认为自己从这行生意所获的微利应当用在促进人间正义的事上。这便是我访问巴佩道斯的第一动机。我也相信我所有的部 分财产应该用在访问的旅费和其他需要上面。到了靠近我认为应当动身的时候,忽然遭遇了严重阻挠,使我好几个月之久处在试炼中。在这时期我每天以忧伤之心寻 求主的引领,却常觉得像那遭主向他掩面者所有的感觉。在这种内心的挣扎中,我很同情那些处在奢侈习俗诱惑下的人,他们远离了那‘向基督所存纯一清洁的心 ’(参林后11:3)。有的时候在福音的爱中,我蒙助得以向别人做些教牧工作。
“我心中所关切着,愿意寻求主指示的一件事,乃是我既然知道那些在西印度从事生产工作的人如何残暴地压迫奴隶,正如朋尼则特在警告大不列颠及其殖民地一书中所描述的,那么,我是不是可以乘搭一条从事于西印度贸易的船?
“ 和迫害者通商贸易而不设法纠正他们的不仁,却只求从这种贸易中获利,必使这些人对自己的行为更加放肆,倒不如以谦虚态度,表示坚决持守正义。我心中常记起 主的先知所传达的一句话:‘他们坚固恶人的手。’我不妨在这里把有关访问那地方的考虑先行提出。近年来大卫的一个故事常常呈现在我眼前。当大卫和非利士人 打仗时,他想得到在敌军后方一口井里的水,他部下的勇士为着取悦主人,冒着生命危险深入敌阵取水。
“ 这并不是因为以色列人缺少水喝,却是大卫王一时想尝那口井的水。以后想起那些勇士冒死前往取水,这水的价值等于是他们的血,因此心受谴责,不喝那水,却将 水奠在耶和华面前。我在南方的数次旅行所看见奴隶被压迫的苦况,和所听到关于西印度方面对待奴隶的残酷,使我心中忧伤;因此我时时警醒自己,要以和平之灵 过活,绝对不伤害同胞弟兄。在这种意念之下,有好几年我不愿意尝试西印度由榨取奴隶劳动力所产的糖。
“在这些事上我并不责难弟兄们,只相信那依平等创造人类的仁慈天父已听见这些被压迫者的呻吟,也在准备一些人,叫他们对奴隶处境生同情之心。经营或食用那藉奴工所出产的货物,确是一个严重的良心问题,值得一切跟从基督——和平之君——的人更进一步的严重思考。
“经过长期忧伤思想之后,我现在觉得可以自由地说出我心中所得的启示,并盼望若主在这事上乐意把祂的旨意向祂的儿女们作更明显的启示,他们必忠诚地遵从祂的带领。
“ 为了奴隶被压迫及酷待的原因而拒绝食用西印度物产的人数目是很小的,甚至真虔诚的人当中,亦不多见。至于那些实行基督徒爱心的人,对此亦不十分努力。我相 信本洲和西印度之间的贸易若一时停顿,许多人必遭受失业之苦。但本洲和西印度居民若真能以正义为重,则彼此间的小量贸易是合理的。我一考虑到上述诸点,即 认为或者应当拒绝乘坐货船,而自租不运载货物之船,但恐怕我们在福音之爱中对正义的努力尚未达到那最高峰。如果对西印度的贸易只限于纯智慧的范围之内,则 旅客所须付出的船资必较现在的为高;在严重思考之后,我认为我不应该贪图这种因贸易繁盛而可能获得的小便宜——付出较低廉船资。我既然一向反对与西印度增 加通商贸易,此时前往该地,自当比别人付出更多船资才是。”
前述的第一个船东读了这篇文件之后,和我同往会见第二个船东,他也读了我的文件,接着我们谈了好些有意义的话,使我觉得我灵在至高者之前谦恭俯首。最后他们当中一人问我是否愿意同往视察那船。我对此未获明确启示,于是回到住处,私下作退修工夫。
这时候我处在严重试炼中,在主前泪如泉涌,内心呼叫,求主施恩帮助。这不是因为我不愿意顺从主的旨意,乃是因为我仍看不清前面的道路。这时我更觉得自己的软弱和需要神的帮助。
经 过一些时候我不晓得该怎么办,恰如在暴风雨中;在这种忧伤之时,基督的教训“不要为明天忧虑”这一句话活现在我心头。记得那正是那条船准备启碇的前数日, 因此我心灵上比较安静。这时我在城里已经两天,相信天父的旨意是要我回家去的;于是我在泽西河岸一带访问朋友,逗留到船要开行的那一天早晨。当夜下半夜我 躺在床上时心受安慰,觉得主的旨意要我在家再经历一些试炼;回家后我仍觉得自己好像是一个客人,在纯爱之中我为了见证真理这一问题和朋友们多所讨论,这一 问题在我心中已经好几年了。记得有一次当我在思想这一问题时,先知以西结的一句话忽然出现:“头向何方,他们也随向何方……”(结10:11)。在对全能者的敬畏中我获得帮助,能够履行我的责任。
约 略数星期之后,上帝的旨意使我患肋膜炎;在床上躺了几天,觉得非常痛苦,不时思想这病将有什么结局。最近以来,我几乎已放弃了今世一切悦乐之事;现在我想 若主愿意叫我终止世上的劳苦,使我投在祂慈爱的怀抱中,我将欣然接受死的来临。但若祂愿意以痛苦继续磨炼我,使我对祂的教会有所贡献,我就不愿意死。我当 以感谢之心说,这回的病我心中颇平安,也不想请教医生,认为若上帝旨意要藉外在方法治愈我,祂必遣派忠心的朋友来照顾我,以后果然如此。朋友们的看护虽甚 周到,可是我病况沉重,似乎没有复原的希望。有一夜身体非常痛苦,双足冰冷,冷气向上扩展,几及全身。这时我预料死期已至,不愿让护士加盖毡被。这情状延 长约十小时,我闭着眼睛推测是否此时灵魂将脱离躯体而去;可是心灵清楚,看见了教会真实情况;心中产生了强烈愿望,要为着人类的幸福努力工作。这时我觉得 在纯爱之中我还要留在这躯体里面一些时候,按照我的力量,“补满基督患难的缺欠,”为教会工作。于是我要护士给我加盖毡被,觉得舒服多了。第二晚心中感触 殊多,恰有一位好友坐在旁边,因此我要求他笔录我的口述如下:
“一七七○年正月四日晨五时左右,在主的亮光中我看出日子已近了,那人间最聪明的人必变成为最愚拙的;而那支持不义的刚强臂膀将被击碎,正义之敌将发生可怖的呻吟,遭受重大痛苦,因为那全能者将起来施行审判,为被压迫者伸冤。祂命令我把这异象公布出来。”
一星期后,我得到清楚的启示,于是请来一位邻居,写了下面这一段话:
“祷告的地方是最宝贵住所;因为我已看见圣徒的祷告乃是最芬郁的焚香,我奉命吹出号角,宣布这一讯息,使上帝子民听见,应召而结集于这宝贵住所中,在那里,圣徒的祷告如同焚香上升,达到上帝及羔羊座前。我看见这祷告圣所极为安全,世界尽管动荡纷扰,它却有了内在的平静。
“在今天,以顺从神的心祷告乃是最可宝贵的:号角已响,召唤教会结集于纯洁的祷告之所,这圣所是安全可靠的。”

子规月落

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Chapter 9
  THE latter part of the summer, 1763, there came a man to Mount Holly who hadpreviously published a printed advertisement that at a certain public-house he would show many wonderful operations, which were therein enumerated. At theappointed time he did, by sleight of hand, perform sundry things which appearedstrange to the spectators. Understanding that the show was to be repeated thenext night, and that the people were to meet about sunset, I felt an exerciseon that account. So I went to the public-house in the evening, and told the manof the house that I had an inclination to spend a part of the evening there;with which he signified that he was content. Then, sitting down by the door, Ispoke to the people in the fear of the Lord, as they came together, concerningthis show, and laboured to convince them that their thus assembling to seethese sleight-of-hand tricks, and bestowing their money to support men who, inthat capacity, were of no use to the world, was contrary to the nature of theChristian religion. One of the company endeavoured to show by arguments thereasonableness of their proceedings herein; but after considering some texts ofScripture and calmly debating the matter he gave up the point. After spendingabout an hour among them, and feeling my mind easy, I departed.
  Twenty-fifth of Ninth Month, 1764. -- At our Yearly Meeting at Philadelphiathis day, John Smith, of Marlborough, aged upwards of eighty years, a faithfulminister, though not eloquent, stood up in our meeting of ministers and elders,and appearing to be under a great exercise of spirit, informed Friends insubstance as follows: "That he had been a member of our Society upwards ofsixty years, and he well remembered that, in those early times, Friends were aplain, lowly-minded people, and that there was much tenderness and contritionin their meetings. That, at twenty years from that time, the Society increasingin wealth and in some degree conforming to the fashions of the world, truehumility was less apparent, and their meetings in general were not so livelyand edifying. That at the end of forty years many of them were grown very rich,and many of the Society made a specious appearance in the world; that wearingfine costly garments, and using silver and other watches, became customary withthem, their sons, and their daughters.
  "These marks of outward wealth and greatness appeared on some in our meetingsof ministers and elders; and, as such things became more prevalent, so thepowerful overshadowings of the Holy Ghost were less manifest in the Society.
  That there had been a continued increase of such ways of life, even until thepresent time; and that the weakness which hath now overspread the Society andthe barrenness manifest among us is matter of much sorrow." He then mentionedthe uncertainty of his attending these meetings in future, expecting hisdissolution was near; and, having tenderly expressed his concern for us,signified that he had seen in the true light that the Lord would bring back Hispeople from these things, into which they were thus degenerated, but that Hisfaithful servants must go through great and heavy exercises.
  Twentieth of Ninth Month. -- The committee appointed by the Yearly Meeting tovisit the Quarterly and Monthly Meetings gave an account in writing of theirproceedings in that service. They signified that, in the course of the visit,they had been apprehensive that some persons holding offices in governmentinconsistent with our principles, and others who kept slaves, remaining activemembers in our meetings for discipline, had been one means of weaknessprevailing in some places. After this report was read, an exercise revived inmy mind which had attended me for several years, and inward cries to the Lordwere raised in me that the fear of man might not prevent me from doing what Herequired of me, and, standing up, I spoke in substance as follows:
  "I have felt a tenderness in my mind towards persons in two circumstancesmentioned in that report; namely, towards such active members as keep slavesand such as hold offices in civil government; and I have desired that Friends,in all their conduct, may be kindly affectioned one towards another. ManyFriends who keep slaves are under some exercise on that account; and at timesthink about trying them with freedom, but find many things in their way. Theway of living and the annual expenses of some of them are such that it seemsimpracticable for them to set their slaves free without changing their own wayof life. It has been my lot to be often abroad; and I have observed in someplaces, at Quarterly and Yearly Meetings, and at some houses where travellingFriends and their horses are often entertained, that the yearly expense ofindividuals therein is very considerable. And Friends in some places crowdingmuch on persons in these circumstances for entertainment hath rested as aburden on my mind for some years past. I now express it in the fear of theLord, greatly desiring that Friends here present may duly consider it."In the fall of this year, having hired a man to work, I perceived inconversation with him that he had been a soldier in the late war on thiscontinent; and he informed me in the evening, in a narrative of his captivityamong the Indians, that he saw two of his fellow-captives tortured to death ina very cruel manner. This relation affected me with sadness, under which I wentto bed; and the next morning, soon after I awoke, a fresh and living sense ofdivine love overspread my mind, in which I had a renewed prospect of the natureof that wisdom from above which leads to a right use of all gifts, bothspiritual and temporal, and gives content therein. Under a feeling thereof, Iwrote as follows: -"Hath He who gave me a being attended with many wants unknown to brutecreatures given me a capacity superior to theirs, and shown me that a moderateapplication to business is suitable to my present condition; and that this,attended with His blessing, may supply all my outward wants while they remainwithin the bounds He hath fixed, and while no imaginary wants proceeding from an evil spirit have any place in me? Attend then, O my soul! to this purewisdom as thy sure conductor through the manifold dangers of this world.
  "Doth pride lead to vanity? Doth vanity form imaginary wants? Do these wantsprompt men to exert their power in requiring more from others than they wouldbe willing to perform themselves, were the same required of them? Do theseproceedings beget hard thoughts? Do hard thoughts, when ripe, become malice?
  Does malice, when ripe, become revengeful, and in the end inflict terriblepains on our fellow-creatures and spread desolations in the world?
  "Do mankind, walking in uprightness, delight in each other's happiness? Anddo those who are capable of this attainment, by giving way to an evil spirit,employ their skill and strength to inflict and destroy one another? Rememberthen, O my soul, the quietude of those in whom Christ governs, and in all thyproceedings feel after it.
  "Doth He condescend to bless thee with His presence? To move and influencethee to action? To dwell and to walk in thee? Remember then thy station asbeing sacred to God. Accept of the strength freely offered to thee, and takeheed that no weakness in conforming to unwise, expensive, and hard-heartedcustoms, gendering to discord and strife, be given way to. Doth He claim mybody as His temple, and graciously require that I may be sacred to Him? Oh thatI may prize this favour, and that my whole life may be conformable to thischaracter! Remember, O my soul! that the Prince of Peace is thy Lord; that Hecommunicates His unmixed wisdom to His family, that they, living in perfectsimplicity, may give no just cause of offence to any creature, but that theymay walk as He walked!"Having felt an openness in my heart towards visiting families in our ownmeeting, and especially in the town of Mount Holly, the place of my abode, Imentioned it at our Monthly Meeting in the fore part of the winter of 1764,which being agreed to, and several Friends of our meeting being united in theexercise, we proceeded therein; and through divine favour we were helped in thework, so that it appeared to me as a fresh reviving of godly care amongFriends. The latter part of the same winter I joined my friend William Jones ina visit to Friends' families in Mansfield, in which labour I had cause toadmire the goodness of the Lord toward us.
  My mind being drawn towards Friends along the seacoast from Cape May to nearSquan, and also to visit some people in those parts, among whom there is nosettled worship, I joined with my beloved friend Benjamin Jones in a visit tothem, having Friends' unity therein. We set off the 24th of Tenth Month, 1765,and had a prosperous and very satisfactory journey, feeling at times, through the goodness of the Heavenly Shepherd, the gospel to flow freely towards a poorpeople scattered in these places. Soon after our return I joined my friendsJohn Sleeper and Elizabeth Smith in a visit to Friends' families at Burlington,there being at this time about fifty families of our Society in that city; andwe had cause humbly to adore our Heavenly Father, who baptized us into afeeling of the state of the people, and strengthened us to labour in truegospel love among them.
  Having had a concern at times for several years to pay a religious visit toFriends on the eastern shore of Maryland, and to travel on foot among them,that by so travelling I might have a more lively feeling of the condition ofthe oppressed slaves, set an example of lowliness before the eyes of theirmasters, and be more out of the way of temptation to unprofitable converse; andthe time drawing near in which I believed it my duty to lay my concern beforeour Monthly Meeting, I perceived, in conversation with my beloved friend JohnSleeper, that he also was under similar concern to travel on foot in the formof a servant among them, as he expressed it. This he told me before he knewaught of my exercise. Being thus drawn the same way, we laid our exercise andthe nature of it before Friends; and, obtaining certificates, we set off the6th of Fifth Month, 1766, and were at meetings with Friends at Wilmington, DuckCreek, Little Creek, and Motherkill. My heart was often tendered under thedivine influence, and enlarged in love towards the people among whom wetravelled.
  From Motherkill we crossed the country about thirty-five miles to Tuckahoe,in Maryland, and had a meeting there, and also at Marshy Creek. At the lastthree meetings there were a considerable number of the followers of one JosephNichols, a preacher, who, I understand, is not in outward fellowship with anyreligious society, but professeth nearly the same principles as those of ourSociety, and often travels up and down, appointing meetings which many peopleattend. I heard of some who had been irreligious people that were now hisfollowers, and were become sober, well-behaved men and women. Someirregularities, I hear, have been among the people at several of his meetings;but from what I have perceived I believe the man and some of his followers arehonestly disposed, but that skilful fathers are wanting among them.
  We then went to Choptank and Third Haven, and thence to Queen Anne's. Theweather for some days past having been hot and dry, and we having travelledpretty steadily and having hard labour in meetings, I grew weakly, at which Iwas for a time discouraged; but looking over our journey and considering howthe Lord had supported our minds and bodies, so that we had gone forward muchfaster than I expected before we came out, I saw that I had been in danger oftoo strongly desiring to get quickly through the journey, and that the bodily weakness now attending me was a kindness; and then in contrition of spirit, Ibecame very thankful to my gracious Father for this manifestation of His love,and in humble submission to His will my trust in Him was renewed.
  In this part of our journey I had many thoughts on the differentcircumstances of Friends who inhabit Pennsylvania and Jersey from those whodwell in Maryland, Virginia, and Carolina. Pennsylvania and New Jersey weresettled by Friends who were convinced of our principles in England in times ofsuffering; these, coming over, bought lands of the natives, and applied tohusbandry in a peaceable way, and many of their children were taught to labourfor their living. Few of these, I believe, settled in any of the southernprovinces; but by the faithful labours of travelling Friends in early timesthere was considerable convincement among the inhabitants of these parts. Ialso remembered having read of the warlike disposition of many of the firstsettlers in those provinces, and of their numerous engagements with the nativesin which much blood was shed even in the infancy of the colonies. Some of thepeople inhabiting those places, being grounded in customs contrary to the puretruth, were affected with the powerful preaching of the Word of Life and joinedin fellowship with our Society, and in so doing they had a great work to gothrough.
  In the history of the reformation from Popery it is observable that theprogress was gradual from age to age. The uprightness of the first reformers inattending to the light and understanding given to them opened the way forsincere-hearted people to proceed further afterwards; and thus each one trulyfearing God and labouring in the works of righteousness appointed for him inhis day findeth acceptance with Him. Through the darkness of the times and thecorruption of manners and customs, some upright men may have had little morefor their day's work than to attend to the righteous principle in their mindsas it related to their own conduct in life without pointing out to others thewhole extent of that into which the same principle would lead succeeding ages.
  Thus, for instance, among an imperious warlike people, supported by oppressedslaves, some of these masters, I suppose, are awakened to feel and to see theirerror, and through sincere repentance cease from oppression and become likefathers to their servants, showing by their example a pattern of humility inliving, and moderation in governing, for the instruction and admonition oftheir oppressing neighbours; these, without carrying the reformation further,have, I believe, found acceptance with the Lord. Such was the beginning; andthose who succeeded them, and who faithfully attended to the nature and spiritof the reformation, have seen the necessity of proceeding forward, and have notonly to instruct others by their own example in governing well, but have alsoto use means to prevent their successors from having so much power to oppressothers.
  Here I was renewedly confirmed in my mind that the Lord (whose tender merciesare over all His works, and whose ear is open to the cries and groans of theoppressed) is graciously moving in the hearts of people to draw them off fromthe desire of wealth and to bring them into such an humble lowly way of livingthat they may see their way clearly to repair to the standard of truerighteousness, and may not only break the yoke of oppression, but may know Himto be their strength and support in times of outward affliction.
  We crossed Chester River, had a meeting there, and also at Cecil andSassafras. My bodily weakness, joined with a heavy exercise of mind, was to mean humbling dispensation, and I had a very lively feeling of the state of theoppressed; yet I often thought that what I suffered was little compared withthe sufferings of the blessed Jesus and many of His faithful followers; and Imay say with thankfulness that I was made content. From Sassafras we wentpretty directly home, where we found our families well. For several weeks afterour return I had often to look over our journey; and though to me it appearedas a small service, and that some faithful messengers will yet have more bittercups to drink in those southern provinces for Christ's sake than we have had,yet I found peace in that I had been helped to walk in sincerity according tothe understanding and strength given to me.
  Thirteenth of Eleventh Month. -- With the unity of Friends at our monthlymeeting, and in company with my beloved friend Benjamin Jones, I set out on avisit to Friends in the upper part of this province, having had drawings oflove in my heart that way for a considerable time. We travelled as far asHardwick, and I had inward peace in my labours of love among them. Through thehumbling dispensations of divine Providence my mind hath been further broughtinto a feeling of the difficulties of Friends and their servants southwestward;and being often engaged in spirit on their account, I believed it my duty towalk into some parts of the western shore of Maryland on a religious visit.
  Having obtained a certificate from Friends of our Monthly Meeting, I took leaveof my family under the heart-tendering operation of truth, and on the 20th ofFourth Month, 1767, rode to the ferry opposite to Philadelphia, and thencewalked to William Horne's, at Derby, the same evening. Next day I pursued myjourney alone and reached Concord Week-Day Meeting.
  Discouragements and a weight of distress had at times attended me in thislonesome walk, but through these afflictions I was mercifully preserved.
  Sitting down with Friends, my mind was turned towards the Lord to wait for hisholy leadings; and in infinite love He was pleased to soften my heart intohumble contrition, and renewedly to strengthen me to go forward, so that to meit was a time of heavenly refreshment in a silent meeting. The next day I cameto New Garden Week-Day Meeting, in which I sat in bowedness of spirit, and being baptized into a feeling of the state of some present, the Lord gave us aheart-tendering season; to His name be the praise. Passing on, I was atNottingham Monthly Meeting, and at a meeting at Little Britain on First-Day; inthe afternoon several Friends came to the house where I lodged and we had alittle afternoon meeting, and through the humbling power of truth I had toadmire the loving-kindness of the Lord manifested to us.
  Twenty-sixth of Fourth Month. -- I crossed the Susquehanna, and coming amongpeople in outward ease and greatness, supported chiefly on the labour ofslaves, my heart was much affected, and in awful retiredness my mind wasgathered inward to the Lord, humbly desiring that in true resignation I mightreceive instruction from him respecting my duty among this people. Thoughtravelling on foot was wearisome to my body, yet it was agreeable to the stateof my mind. Being weakly, I was covered with sorrow and heaviness on account ofthe prevailing spirit of this world by which customs grievous and oppressiveare introduced on the one hand, and pride and wantonness on the other.
  In this lonely walk and state of abasement and humiliation, the condition ofthe Church in these parts was opened before me, and I may truly say with theProphet, "I was bowed down with the hearing of it; I was dismayed at the seeingof it." Under this exercise I attended the Quarterly Meeting at Gunpowder, andin bowedness of spirit I had to express with much plainness my feelingsrespecting Friends living in fulness on the labours of the poor oppressednegroes; and that promise of the Most High was now revived, "I will gather allnations and tongues, and they shall come and see My glory." Here the sufferingsof Christ and His tasting death for every man, and the travels, sufferings, andmartyrdom of the Apostles and primitive Christians in labouring for theconversion of the Gentiles, were livingly revived in me, and according to themeasure of strength afforded I laboured in some tenderness of spirit, beingdeeply affected among them. The difference between the present treatment whichthese Gentiles, the negroes, receive at our hands, and the labours of theprimitive Christians for the conversion of the Gentiles, were pressed home, andthe power of truth came over us, under a feeling of which my mind was united toa tender-hearted people in these parts. The meeting concluded in a sense ofGod's goodness towards His humble, dependent children.
  The next day was a general meeting for worship, much crowded, in which I wasdeeply engaged in inward cries to the Lord for help, that I might stand whollyresigned, and move only as He might be pleased to lead me. I was mercifullyhelped to labour honestly and fervently among them, in which I found inwardpeace, and the sincere were comforted. From this place I turned towards PipeCreek and the Red Lands, and had several meetings among Friends in those parts.
  My heart was often tenderly affected under a sense of the Lord's goodness in sanctifying my troubles and exercises, turning them to my comfort, and Ibelieve to the benefit of many others, for I may say with thankfulness that inthis visit it appeared like a tendering visitation in most places.
  I passed on to the Western Quarterly Meeting in Pennsylvania. During theseveral days of this meeting I was mercifully preserved in an inward feelingafter the mind of truth, and my public labours tended to my humiliation, withwhich I was content. After the Quarterly Meeting for worship ended, I feltdrawings to go to the women's meeting for business, which was very full; herethe humility of Jesus Christ as a pattern for us to walk by was livingly openedbefore me, and in treating on it my heart was enlarged, and it was a baptizingtime. I was afterwards at meetings at Concord, Middletown, Providence, andHaddonfield, whence I returned home and found my family well. A sense of theLord's merciful preservation in this my journey excites reverent thankfulnessto Him.
  Second of Ninth Month, 1767. -- With the unity of Friends, I set off on avisit to Friends in the upper part of Berks and Philadelphia counties; was ateleven meetings in about two weeks, and have renewed cause to bow in reverencebefore the Lord, who, by the powerful extendings of His humbling goodness,opened my way among Friends, and I trust made the meetings profitable to us.
  The following winter I joined some Friends in a family visit to some part ofour meeting, in which exercise the pure influence of divine love made ourvisits reviving.
  Fifth of Fifth Month, 1768. -- I left home under the humbling hand of theLord, with a certificate to visit some meetings in Maryland, and to proceedwithout a horse seemed clearest to me. I was at the Quarterly Meetings atPhiladelphia and Concord, whence I proceeded to Chester River, and, crossingthe bay, was at the Yearly Meeting at West River; I then returned to ChesterRiver, and, taking a few meetings in my way, proceeded home. It was a journeyof much inward waiting, and as my eye was to the Lord, way was several timesopened to my humbling admiration when things appeared very difficult. On myreturn I felt a very comfortable relief of mind, having through divine helplaboured in much plainness, both with Friends selected and in the more publicmeetings, so that I trust the pure witness in many minds was reached.
  Eleventh of Sixth Month, 1769. -- There have been sundry cases of late yearswithin the limits of our Monthly Meeting, respecting the exercising of purerighteousness towards the negroes, in which I have lived under a labour ofheart that equity might be steadily preserved. On this account I have had someclose exercises among Friends, in which, I may thankfully say, I find peace.
  And as my meditations have been on universal love, my own conduct in time past became of late very grievous to me. As persons setting negroes free in ourprovince are bound by law to maintain them in case they have need of relief,some in the time of my youth who scrupled to keep slaves for term of life werewont to detain their young negroes in their service without wages till theywere thirty years of age. With this custom I so far agreed that being joinedwith another Friend in executing the will of a deceased Friend, I once sold anegro lad till he might attain the age of thirty years, and applied the moneyto the use of the estate.
  With abasement of heart, I may now say that sometimes, as I have sat in ameeting with my heart exercised towards that awful Being who respecteth notpersons nor colours, and have thought upon this lad, I have felt that all wasnot clear in my mind respecting him; and as I have attended to this exerciseand fervently sought the Lord, it hath appeared to me that I should make somerestitution; but in what way I saw not till lately, when being under someconcern that I might be resigned to go on a visit to some part of the WestIndies, and under close engagement of spirit seeking to the Lord for counselherein, the aforesaid transaction came heavily upon me, and my mind for a timewas covered with darkness and sorrow. Under this sore affliction my heart wassoftened to receive instruction, and I now first perceived that, as I had beenone of the two executors who had sold this lad for nine years longer than iscommon for our own children to serve, so I should now offer part of mysubstance to redeem the last half of the nine years; but as the time was notyet come, I executed a bond, binding myself and my executors to pay to the manto whom he was sold, what to candid men might appear equitable for the lastfour and a half years of his time, in case the said youth should be living, andin a condition likely to provide comfortably for himself.
  Ninth of Tenth Month. -- My heart hath often been deeply afflicted under afeeling that the standard of pure righteousness is not lifted up to the peopleby us, as a Society, in that clearness which it might have been, had we been asfaithful as we ought to be to the teachings of Christ. And as my mind hath beeninward to the Lord, the purity of Christ's government hath been made clear tomy understanding, and I have believed, in the opening of universal love, thatwhere a people who are convinced of the truth of the inward teachings ofChrist, are active in putting laws in execution which are not consistent withpure wisdom, it hath a necessary tendency to bring dimness over their minds. Myheart having been thus exercised for several years with a tender sympathytowards my fellow-members, I have within a few months past expressed my concernon this subject in several meetings for discipline.


一 七六三年夏秋之交,有一人来到贺里山,这人前曾印发广告,说他将于某夜在某某游戏场表演各种奇异技艺。届时他果然玩弄了好些戏法,使观众觉得稀奇。第二天 我听见这事,且知当夜将继续表演,而观众于黄昏时份即将集合;我因关心这事所以当晚即往游戏场去,告诉负责的人我将在那里逗留一些时候,他表示同意。于是 我坐在门口一条长凳上,当看戏法的人来了时我就开口向他们说话,讨论关于这种戏法的问题,前来听我的人愈来愈多,把门口的座位都坐满了。我以敬畏主的心和 他们谈论,努力劝说他们不可浪费有益时间,来观看这类把戏,亦不可拿金钱支持这种对世界没有益处的人,因此举与基督教本质正相违背。起初有一人企图辩护, 但当思想一些经文,温和地略加辩论之后,即放弃了他的观点。我和他们谈论约一小时,心中颇觉轻松,于是离开了他们。
一七六四年七月廿七日,我梦见自己为了和平的使命,往见一个战时的独裁者。
梦 中我正在海外作宗教访问,出门已经两个多月了;我所访问那国家的人民此时和某邻国人民正因海外利益的冲突而争斗起来,双方都在准备作全面战争。我心想这两 个国家间未为海洋所隔断,只有陆地界线,且邻国元首所住地方距此只有一日的路程。这时我心中既为这战争风声所困扰,因此盼望前往会见这邻国首领,劝他停止 争战,对两国间冲突的原因作更进一步的调查研究,力求妥协,避免流血惨局。这样决定后我立即动身,有一位向导和我同行。我们在林中走了一些时候,看见一些 人在劳作,都带着熗杆。我即上前走近他们,他们一发见我们从敌方地带过来,立即拿起熗干,准备向我们开火;这时我赶快上前,举起双手,表示我手中没有武 器。于是我和他们握手,说明我来此目的,他们听了似乎都很愉快。可是当我和他们谈话之时,我的向导忽然拿出一把小熗(我原不知道他有这熗),幸而他们已知 道了我们的来意,所以并未开火。这以后我再也没有看见那向导。这时他们当中有人表示愿意带我往见他们的首领,我们立即动身,经过东南部森林中的一条小径, 又涉过池沼;途中这新向导(他会说一些英语)告诉我当我见到他们首领之时,务须言无不尽,说出心中的话,并说他们在聚会中的敬礼乃是彼此交谈,而不是握 手。终于我们来到那首领的屋前,这人大概是统率本国军队和掌管政务的人,但非国王。他的屋子不和其他屋子杂在一起,屋前有一个美丽花园,种着绿色芸香;我 就在花园中站着,等待向导进去通报。我正独自站着思想这些事情,忽见向导出来,走近我身旁,告诉我他忘记了通知我首领要请我吃饭的事。不久首领也跟着出 来,他已知道我来见他的目的,对我表示友善的态度,我正待向他说话之时忽然醒了过来。
一 七六四年九月我们的年会在费城举行,有一位从拆斯特郡马尔巴罗地方来的,年近八旬的忠诚牧师,于廿五日那天的牧师长老聚会上站起来说话;他名叫斯密士,虽 然没有很好的口才,却显然是为圣灵催迫而发言的。他向朋友们所说的话撮要如下:他作为本会会友已有六十年历史,记得初期的朋友们都是一些朴素谦虚的人,他 们在聚会中充分表现了和爱与悔改之心。二十年后团体逐渐富裕,也就沾染了一些世俗的气味,真的谦卑日趋减退,聚会也就没有从前那么活泼有益了。四十年后团 体中好些人财富增加,穿华服,带银表,家中应用时式的家具,他们和他们的儿女都随着习俗浮沉。这类奢侈习惯甚至于流行在我们团体的牧师长老之间,于是圣灵 大力的庇荫在我们当中逐渐微弱。外表上我们似乎是壮大了,但内部的脆弱荒芜却实在值得忧惧。以后他又表示将来恐怕再也没有参加这种聚会的机会,因知在世日 子无多,恰如慈详父母临终之时向家人赠言,热切盼望他们的长进。同样,他满有爱心地表示对我们的关心,并说在真光中看见主将带领祂的儿女离开那诱陷多人堕 落的世俗之灵,只是主的忠仆们必须恳切祈求,叫这事得以实现。
九 月廿九日,年会前此所指派访问属下季会及月会的委员会,此时向大会提出报告,谓访问中他们发现某些在政府机关中服务的会友们,行为与本会所持守原则不相符 合,也有些仍然畜奴,但这些人依旧在我们的规训委员会上担任职务,且逐渐在教政上居重要地位,这实在是某些地方支会的弱点,深可忧惧。这报告在会中宣读之 后,我年来心中所存的意念又活了起来,使我向主呼吁,求祂帮助不叫我因对人的畏惧而忽略了祂所付托的使命。于是我起立誓言,说:“报告书中所提出的那两种 人,就是畜奴的会友和在政府机关中服务的会友,确是我心中所关怀的。我盼望朋友们在一切行为上都能互相亲爱。有许多朋友虽仍畜奴,但心中不安,有时想到要 释放他们,使他们自由,却有许多阻挡。这些人的生活方式和他们每年的开支,都使他们觉得释放奴隶是一件不切实际的事,除非他们改变了他们的生活方式。我常 常出外旅行,到不同地方参加季会年会,往往在朋友家中受招待,这些主人每年的费用实甚可观。几年来我心中常为这些人的沉重担负不安,现在以敬畏主的心提出 这问题,盼望朋友们此后对此多加注意。”
还有一事虽然我未提出,但愿意在这里补充:五十英镑岂不是等于四百个半冠银元?如果一个奴隶的身价是五十镑;而我和马匹每次受招待须费主人一个半冠银元,年来我和好些别人不只受四百次的招待,并无偿付,这就是说那主人的奴隶已成为公众的奴隶,只是由他那所谓主人支配罢了。
一 七六四年十月九日,我雇用了一个工人,在谈话中知道他是一个参加过本洲最近一次战争的兵士。夜间他述说被印第安人俘获的经验,并说他亲眼看见两个被俘同伴 被酷刑致死。听了这话后我心中愁闷,上床睡觉。第二天早晨醒后,心中忽为一种清新的神爱的感觉所充满,使我重新看见那从上面来的智慧之性质;这智慧正在带 领我们,叫我们善用一切属灵和物质方面的恩赐,并知满足。在这种感觉下我写下了下面这几段话:
“ 那赐给我生命,并将兽类所不知道的各种需要供给我的主,岂不也赐给我一种比兽类更高的智能,叫我知道应当以合宜方法处理事务,且知我若如此,由于祂的恩 赐,必可得到生活上所需要的一切,只要是在祂所指定范围内的,不再加上任何出自恶念的意欲?所以我的灵呀,在这危险多端的世上,务须以这纯智慧作为你的可 靠向导。
“骄傲岂不产生虚妄?虚妄岂不产生贪欲?贪欲岂不使人将己所不欲的加在别人身上?凡此种种岂不产生刚硬之心?而刚硬之心成熟之时岂不成为毒恨?毒恨的结局岂不是仇杀,终而至于以极可怕的痛苦加于同类,并在世界上散播愁惨的种子?
“人类若皆照公义行事,岂不以彼此的快乐为乐?然而这天赋可能达到这境界的人类,却以他们的智能和力量互相加害,互相毁灭!所以我的灵呀,当记住基督所当管束的人所享有的平安,并在各事上热心追求!
“祂岂不是谦卑自己降世来造就你?指示你的行为?住在你里面,与你同行?那么记住,你是被奉献为神圣的;接受那白白施赐给你的力量,留心不陷入于任何使人好斗的浪费,不智和硬心肠的习俗中。
“祂岂不是以我身体作为祂的殿,并分别我为圣,奉献给祂?噢,我必当珍贵此种恩典,使我的全生命与此选召相称!
“我的灵呀,务须牢记和平之君是你的主;祂以祂的纯智慧传给祂的家族,叫他们过完全简朴的生活,不冒犯同类中的任何人,却跟从祂的足步!”
觉 得心中有了启示,愿意访问本会所属家庭,特别是我所居住这市镇——贺里山——朋友们的家庭。一七六四年初冬,我将此意向本月会提出,得到赞同,几位朋友且 愿意共同为这事努力。于是我们照计划进行。由于神恩的帮助,使我觉得这是神重新表示对朋友们的眷佑。冬季的后半期我又和朋友庄士同行访问曼斯菲得朋友们的 家,这工作更使我感谢主对祂子民所怀的良善。
这 时我又盼望能往访问沿海从梅依角到斯关附近一带的朋友们,同时访问那些还没有固定崇拜聚会的人。我和敬爱的朋友钟士同行,也得到朋友们的一致赞同。我们于 一七六五年十月廿四日出发,旅行殊甚愉快,由于天上牧者的良善,我们不时觉得福音已奔流于散居在这一带的人民当中。回来后不久我又与斯立普及史密斯女士同 往访问柏林敦朋友们的家,当时该地约有本会会友五十户,天父的恩佑是值得我们谦恭敬拜的,祂帮助我们在情感上能够和他们相一致,并加强我们的力量,叫我们 于福音之爱里面在他们当中努力工作。
这 些年来我常想访问马里兰东海岸一带的朋友们。在这种感觉中我相信主要我步行去访问他们,因为徒步旅行能叫我更深切了解那些在压迫下的奴隶们的处境,同时可 以在他们主人面前树立谦卑的榜样,并避免一些无谓的谈话。到了时机成熟,我认为应当把这意思向月会提出之时,在和好友斯立普谈话中我发觉他也有徒步旅行的 意向,好在他们当中表示奴仆的样式。他告诉我这话是在他知道了我的意向之前。我们既有了相同的意向,于是向朋友们陈明,取得证件,于一七六六年五月六日出 发,先后到威明吞,杜克浦,小湾,和马得基尔诸地参加聚会。我心常在神的眷佑下,对旅行中所会见的人充满着爱心。
从 马得基尔我们经过乡下约三十五里路程来到马里兰的都卡贺,有了聚会,在马沙湾亦然。在上述三聚会处有许多人跟从一个名叫尼古士的传道师。据我所知这人并不 属于任何宗教团体,但所传的道和本会颇为相近,他到处旅行,召集聚会,有好些人参加。听说有些一向不接受宗教的人现在跟从了他,成为严谨端壮的人。但也听 说在他的聚会上有些人不大遵守规矩,可是从大体上说我相信这人和他的一些从者都是忠诚的人,可惜他们当中缺少比较有经验的长老。
这 以后我们又往左坦和三港,并至安妮的家。过去几天的气候炎热干燥,我们的旅行没有停息,沿路在各聚会处辛勤工作,于是我觉得身体逐渐衰弱,颇感沮丧;可是 想起这次的旅行,和主怎样在支持我们的身心,使我们的行程比当初所预斯者更快,我就看出自己是处在一种强烈地盼望早日结束这次访问的危险中,而现在身体上 的软弱可说是从上面来的恩慈;这样,在痛悔中我感谢慈悲天父对我所彰显的爱;在对祂意旨的谦卑顺服中重新奉献我的信赖。
在 这一带的旅行中,我不断地在思想着那些住在宾夕尼亚和泽西的朋友们,其环境与居住于马里兰,维基尼亚,和卡罗来纳诸地的朋友们大不相同。前者的移民多半早 已在英国相信了我们的教义,并因此受过了苦难,他们到新大陆后向土著购买土地,以和平方法亲自耕种,他们的儿子们多数受教导,靠自己的劳动生活。从英国来 的朋友们,很少移居到南方诸州去的,只是由于初期那些旅行的朋友们的忠诚工作,这一带居民中也有许多相信真理的。在这里我记起读过了好些关于初期移民在这 些州的战斗故事,还有许多和土人争战流血的记载。有些住在这一带的人所遵守的习俗与真道大相背驰,那些受生命之道的影响,参加本团体的人,都在心里经过了 重大的斗争。从改教运动的历史可以看出每一时代的进步。最初那些改革者们的公正及明智为以后忠诚的人开辟了道路,可见凡敬畏神,努力于神所指定的公义工作 的人,都是神所悦纳的。由于时代的黑暗和风俗的败坏,有些心意正直的人所达到的不过是以公义的原则支配自己的生活,却不知道这原则在往后的时代会有了什么 更进一步的大发挥。举例说,在好斗的骄傲人当中,我相信可能有些作为被压迫之奴隶的主人们能够看出自己的错误,且由于诚意悔改,立即终止对奴隶的压迫,像 父亲一般对待他们;并以身作则,过着谦卑的生活,以温和态度管理属下,为的要教导他们的邻舍,这样的人,虽未作进一步改革,我相信亦能蒙主悦纳。可是这只 是一种开始;那些忠诚尊重改革精神的人必以更进一步为必要,且不仅以温和管理的实例教导他人,亦将采取有效方法,阻止后继者之使用权力,压迫别人。
这时我心再次坚信主(祂的慈悲覆庇祂一切所造的,祂的耳朵听被压迫者的呼求)在感动人心,叫他们离开贪爱财富的欲望,知道过着谦卑朴素的生活,这样他们就能够看清楚那真正义的标准,非但击碎压迫的枷锁,并以祂为患难中的力量与扶助。
我 们渡过了拆士特河,在那边参加聚会。在塞西尔和萨萨拨拉司也有聚会。身体的衰弱,加以心中负担甚重,我觉得这对我是一种训练;我对于被压迫者的处境颇能了 解。我常想到我所受的痛苦若和基督以及祂的许多忠仆所受的相比,实在是微乎其微;同时我应当感谢,因祂使我知道满足。我们从萨萨拨拉司直接返家,抵家后知 道家人俱皆平安;几星期来我常回顾这次的旅行,虽然觉得自己的贡献非常轻微,而将来的热心传道人在南部诸州为着基督的缘故必将喝下更苦的苦杯,可是我心中 仍觉愉快,因我已按照赐给我的知识和力量,走在诚实的路上。
一 七六六年十一月十三日,得到本月会朋友们的同意,我和敬爱的朋友钟士结伴,一同出发访问本州北部朋友;我心中存这意念已有相当时候了。我们旅行到哈德威 克,在爱中工作,内心殊觉安宁。由于神的恩眷我对于西南部一带朋友们以及他们的奴仆所处困难更能了解,心中既常记挂他们的事,因此相信我应当到马里兰西海 岸某些地方访问他们。从本月会取得证件之后我就和家人告别,心中充满真理之爱,于一七六七年四月廿日动身,先骑马到费城对岸的渡头,当夜从那里又到德比地 方贺尼的家,以后独自旅行,来到康科得周会聚会处。
在 这次寂寞旅行中,我有时觉得灰心,觉得痛苦,但在这一切磨炼中仍蒙主的仁慈保守。现在和朋友们坐在一起,我心仰望主,等候祂的带领;祂以祂无穷的爱叫我谦 卑悔改,并加强向我前走的力量。在这静默聚会中我得到了心意的更新。第二天参加新园地方的周会,静坐中心灵愉快,感觉主的临在。主以爱心充满我们,祂名是 当称颂的!我又继续前行,参加诺定昂月会及小不列颠星期日的聚会;当天下午有几位朋友来到我的住处,我们有一次小聚会,由于真理的力量,我满心感谢主向我 们彰显慈爱。
一 七六七年四月廿六日我渡过了萨斯刻罕那河,会见一些人,他们生活豪华,却大部分是依靠奴隶的劳动。我心为此事忧伤,乃在敬畏中专务仰望主,盼望在顺服中能 够得到从祂赐下的导引,叫我明白我在这些人当中应尽的责任。徒步旅行使我身体疲乏,但心灵方面却甚安适。我继续慢慢地前行,身体软弱,心中亦常忧伤,因看 见世俗陋习和压迫之事如此盛行,另一方面骄傲与狂妄亦甚猖獗。
在 这次旅行,自觉卑微的心境中,这一带教会的情况在我眼前都呈现出来,我不禁要与先知同声说,“我因听见而疼痛,因看见而惊惶。”在这样的一种感觉下,我参 加了根普地的季会。对于那些以压迫黑奴,剥削黑奴劳动力来维持自己生活的朋友们,我觉得应该把我心中所想的坦白向他们说出;这时那至高者所应许的话又在我 心中显明出来:“我必将万民万族聚来,看见我的荣耀。”同时,基督的受难和祂为每一个人的罪死,以及使徒与初期信徒们为着向外邦人传福音所经历的跋涉,苦 难,以至于为道而殉的景象,又一一活现在我心中。我按照所领受的力量在爱的精神中工作,自己深为感动。我们之对待这些外邦人——黑奴——和初期基督徒之对 待外邦人适成明显对照,事情既说清楚,真理的能力克服了我们,在这种感觉下我与当地富有爱心的人同一心意。聚会结束,大家感谢主之以慈爱对待那些卑微而投 靠于祂的儿女。
第 二天有公开的崇拜聚会,非常拥挤。在会中我内心恳切地向主呼求帮助,叫我完全顺服,只按照祂美意所引导的行。我果然蒙帮助,忠心热诚地在他们当中工作,感 得内心大有平安,并能安慰那些诚实的人。从这里我又往派皮湾及红地去,在这一带有数次聚会。主的良善使我的种种烦闷及困难变成为我的利益安慰,同时也利益 别人,我常因此深受感动,愿以感谢之心告诉大家,这确是一次愉快而友爱的旅行访问。
我 又往宾夕尼亚参加西部季会。在会期中那几天我蒙保守,存着一种追求真理的感觉。在公共事工方面则叫我自觉卑微,这样我颇为满足。在崇拜的季会结束后,我又 觉得愿意前往参加妇女的事务会议,这会人数颇多。在这里,耶稣基督的谦卑——可作为我们行为的指针——活现在我面前,当我讲论它的时候,我的爱心增加;这 真是圣灵浇灌之时。从这地方我又往康科得,密陀镇,普洛否腾,哈顿菲得等地参加聚会,然后返家,见家人俱皆平安。主在这次旅行中慈爱地保守我,使我不禁生 恭敬感谢之心。
一 七六七年九月二日,得到朋友们的赞同,我出发访问八克斯北部和费拉地菲亚诸郡的朋友们。两星期之内参加了十一处聚会,由于主良善的有力扩张,使我在朋友当 中有了工作机会,聚会对我们都大有益助;在主面前我觉得应当谦恭俯首。第二年冬季我又与数位朋友出发访问本月会属下的一些朋友们的家,神爱的工作使我们的 访问大有助益。
一 七六八年五月五日,在主引领下我离开家乡,取了证件,往马里兰访问一些聚会处,我想这次旅行不骑马最好。我参加了费城及康科得的季会,然后到拆斯特河,和 朋友渡河参加在西河举行的年会;又回到拆斯特河,回家路上好几次参加聚会,于一七六八年六月十日抵家。这次旅行中我心等候主,仰望祂的旨意;好几次在非常 困境中祂为我开路,叫我敬服。回来时我觉得心中愉快,因天父帮助我在工作中能够坦白说话,无论对朋友们或在比较公开的聚会上,都是如此。所以我相信我的见 证曾感动许多人的心。
一 七六九年六月十一日:近年来在我们月会范围内发生了好些事件,是关于以公义对待黑奴的事,在这事上我切盼公道能被尊重,曾在朋友当中努力劝导,这样我心里 颇觉平安,深可感谢。我的思想既集中于普爱,想起自己过去的行为不免忧伤。本州法律规定释放奴隶的人仍须在需要时负责维持奴隶的生活。在我年青时代有的人 不愿意养奴隶终身,却照例把奴隶养到三十岁,让他们工作而不给工资。当时我竟也同意这办法,曾与另一朋友在执行某亡友遗嘱时,卖了一个年青黑奴,约定主人 须在他年达三十岁时释放他。他的身价给用在亡友的田庄上。
我 现在可以谦卑的心说,当我静坐于聚会中,仰望着那位不分种族,正在注视着这年青黑奴的可敬畏的主时,我觉得关于这黑奴的事心里很不清楚;我既迫切寻求主的 指示,乃自觉必须对此有所补偿,但不知应当如何作法,直到最近忽觉希望前往西印度群岛访问某些地方,并寻求主的引领;关于共同负责贩卖前述黑奴之事在我心 中非常沉重,有一时似觉心中为黑云和愁闷所蒙蔽。在这种情形下我仰望主的指示,并初次领悟到我既是贩卖这黑奴,使他比我们自己的孩子多操九年劳役的两人中 之一,所以现在我应当以我的部分财产,为他赎回这九年的下半部。可是他的时限未到,所以我立下文书,限定自己和另一朋友负责付还该黑奴买主相当于四年半时 间的钱,赎回那黑奴,如果那时候他还活着,且能自己维持生活的话。
一 七六九年十月九日:我常觉得我们的团体对于那纯洁公义的见证不够尽力,如果我们忠实于基督教训的话,我们就得更明显地表扬这教训。我心既倾向于主,基督之 纯洁统治即甚明显。这几年来看见有些在政界负责执行法律的朋友们,他们的行为与公义不尽相符,殊觉痛心。普爱所启示的使我知道若有人相信基督在人内心之教 训,却仍执行了与纯智不相符合的法律,其内心必倾向于黑暗。我心中既然有这种感觉,且对这些朋友深为同情,所以在过去几个月来参加了好几次讨论规训的聚 会,向大家表示我对这事的关怀。

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Chapter 8
  HAVING felt my mind drawn towards a visit to a few meetings in Pennsylvania, Iwas very desirous to be rightly instructed as to the time of setting off. Onthe 10th of the Fifth Month, 1761, being the first day of the week, I went toHaddonfield Meeting, concluding to seek for heavenly instruction, and comehome, or go on, as I might then believe best for me, and there through thespringing up of pure love I felt encouragement, and so crossed the river. Inthis visit I was at two Quarterly and three Monthly Meetings, and in the love of truth I felt my way open to labour with some noted Friends who kept negroes.
  As I was favoured to keep to the root, and endeavour to discharge what Ibelieved was required of me, I found inward peace therein, from time to time,and thankfulness of heart to the Lord, who was graciously pleased to be a guideto me.
  Eighth Month, 1761. -- Having felt drawings in my mind to visit Friends inand about Shrewsbury; I went there, and was at their Monthly Meeting, and theirFirst-day meeting; I had also a meeting at Squan, and another at Squanquam,and, as way opened, had conversation with some noted Friends concerning theirslaves. I returned home in a thankful sense of the goodness of the Lord.
  From the concern I felt growing in me for some years, I wrote part the secondof a work entitled "Considerations on keeping Negroes," which was printed thisyear, 1762. When the overseers of the press had done with it, they offered toget a number printed, to be paid for out of the Yearly Meeting's stock, to begiven away; but I being most easy to publish it at my own expense, and offeringmy reasons, they appeared satisfied.
  This stock is the contribution of the members of our religious society ingeneral, among whom are some who keep negroes, and, being inclined to continuethem in slavery, are not likely to be satisfied with such books being spreadamong a people, especially at their own expense, many of whose slaves aretaught to read, and such, receiving them as a gift, often conceal them. But asthey who make a purchase generally buy that which they have a mind for, Ibelieved it best to sell them, expecting by that means they would moregenerally be read with attention. Advertisements were signed by order of theoverseers of the press, and directed to be read in the Monthly Meetings ofbusiness within our own Yearly Meeting, informing where the books were, andthat the price was no more than the cost of printing and binding them. Manywere taken off in our parts; some I sent to Virginia, some to New York, some tomy acquaintance at Newport, and some I kept, intending to give part of themaway, where there appeared a prospect of service.
  In my youth I was used to hard labour, and though I was middling healthy, yetmy nature was not fitted to endure so much as many others. Being often weary, Iwas prepared to sympathize with those whose circumstances in life, as free men,required constant labour to answer the demands of their creditors, as well aswith others under oppression. In the uneasiness of body which I have many timesfelt by too much labour, not as a forced but a voluntary oppression, I haveoften been excited to think on the original cause of that oppression which isimposed on many in the world. The latter part of the time wherein I laboured onour plantation, my heart, through the fresh visitations of heavenly love, being often tender, and my leisure time being frequently spent in reading the lifeand doctrines of our blessed Redeemer, the account of the sufferings ofmartyrs, and the history of the first rise of our Society, a belief wasgradually settled in my mind, that, if such as had great estates generallylived in that humility and plainness which belong to a Christian life, and laidmuch easier rents and interests on their lands and moneys, and thus led the wayto a right use of things, so great a number of people might be employed inthings useful that labour both for men and other creatures would need to be nomore than an agreeable employ, and divers branches of business, which servechiefly to please the natural inclinations of our minds, and which at presentseem necessary to circulate that wealth which some gather, might, in this wayof pure wisdom, be discontinued. As I have thus considered these things, aquery at times hath arisen: Do I, in all my proceedings, keep to that use ofthings which is agreeable to universal righteousness? And then there hath somedegree of sadness at times come over me, because I accustomed myself to somethings which have occasioned more labour than I believe divine wisdom intendedfor us.
  From my early acquaintance with truth I have often felt an inward distress,occasioned by the striving of a spirit in me against the operation of theheavenly principle; and in this state I have been affected with a sense of myown wretchedness, and in a mourning condition have felt earnest longings forthat divine help which brings the soul into true liberty. Sometimes on retiringinto private places, the spirit of supplication hath been given me, and under aheavenly covering I have asked my gracious Father to give me a heart in allthings resigned to the direction of His wisdom; in uttering language like this,the thought of my wearing hats and garments dyed with a dye hurtful to them hasmade lasting impression on me.
  In visiting people of note in the Society who had slaves, and labouring withthem in brotherly love on that account, I have seen, and the sight has affectedme, that a conformity to some customs distinguishable from pure wisdom hasentangled many, and that the desire of gain to support these customs hasgreatly opposed the work of truth. Sometimes when the prospect of the workbefore me has been such that in bowedness of spirit I have been drawn intoretired places, and have besought the Lord with tears that He would take mewholly under His direction, and show me the way in which I ought to walk, ithath revived with strength of conviction that if I would be His faithfulservant I must in all things attend to His wisdom, and be teachable, and socease from all customs contrary thereto, however used among religious people.
  As He is the perfection of power, of wisdom, and of goodness, so I believe Hehath provided that so much labour shall be necessary for men's support in this world as would, being rightly divided, be a suitable employment of their time;and that we cannot go into superfluities, or grasp after wealth in a waycontrary to His wisdom, without having connection with some degree ofoppression, and with that spirit which leads to self-exaltation and strife, andwhich frequently brings calamities on countries by parties contending abouttheir claims.
  Being thus fully convinced, and feeling an increasing desire to live in thespirit of peace, I have often been sorrowfully affected with thinking on theunquiet spirit in which wars are generally carried on, and with the miseries ofmany of my fellow-creatures engaged therein; some suddenly destroyed; somewounded, and after much pain remaining cripples; some deprived of all theiroutward substance and reduced to want; and some carried into captivity.
  Thinking often on these things, the use of hats and garments dyed with a dyehurtful to them, and wearing more clothes in summer than are useful, grew moreuneasy to me, believing them to be customs which have not their foundation inpure wisdom. The apprehension of being singular from my beloved friends was astrait upon me, and thus I continued in the use of some things contrary to myjudgment.
  On the 31st of Fifth Month, 1761, I was taken ill of a fever, and after ithad continued near a week, I was in great distress of body. One day there was acry raised in me that I might understand the cause of my affliction, andimprove under it, and my conformity to some customs which I believed were notright was brought to my remembrance. In the continuance of this exercise I feltall the powers in me yield themselves up into the hands of Him who gave mebeing, and was made thankful that He had taken hold of me by His chastisements.
  Feeling the necessity of further purifying, there was now no desire in me forhealth until the design of my correction was answered. Thus I lay in abasementand brokenness of spirit, and as I felt a sinking down into a calm resignation,so I felt, as in an instant, an inward healing in my nature, and from that timeforward I grew better.
  Though my mind was thus settled in relation to hurtful dyes, I felt easy towear my garments heretofore made, and continued to do so about nine months.
  Then I thought of getting a hat the natural colour of the fur, but theapprehension of being looked upon as one affecting singularity felt uneasy tome. Here I had occasion to consider that things, though small in themselves,being clearly enjoined by divine authority, become great things to us; and Itrusted that the Lord would support me in the trials that might attendsingularity, so long as singularity was only for His sake. On this account Iwas under close exercise of mind in the time of our General Spring Meeting,1762, greatly desiring to be rightly directed; when, being deeply bowed in spirit before the Lord, I was made willing to submit to what I apprehended wasrequired of me, and when I returned home got a hat of the natural color of thefur.
  In attending meetings this singularity was a trial to me, and more especiallyat this time, as white hats were used by some who were fond of following thechangeable modes of dress, and as some Friends who knew not from what motives Iwore it grew shy of me, I felt my way for a time shut up in the exercise of theministry. In this condition, my mind being turned toward my Heavenly Fatherwith fervent cries that I might be preserved to walk before Him in the meeknessof wisdom, my heart was often tender in meetings, and I felt an inwardconsolation which to me was very precious under these difficulties.
  I had several dyed garments fit for use which I believed it best to wear tillI had occasion for new ones. Some Friends were apprehensive that my wearingsuch a hat savoured of an affected singularity; those who spoke with me in afriendly way I generally informed, in a few words, that I believed my wearingit was not in my own will. I had at times been sensible that a superficialfriendship had been dangerous to me; and many Friends being now uneasy with me,I had an inclination to acquaint some with the manner of my being led intothese things; yet upon a deeper thought I was for a time most easy to omit it,believing the present dispensation was profitable, and trusting that, if I keptmy place, the Lord in his own time would open the hearts of Friends towards me.
  I have since had cause to admire His goodness and loving-kindness in leadingabout and instructing me, and in opening and enlarging my heart in some of ourmeetings.
  In the Eleventh Month this year, feeling an engagement of mind to visit somefamilies in Mansfield, I joined my beloved friend Benjamin Jones, and we spenta few days together in that service. In the Second Month, 1763, I joined, incompany with Elizabeth Smith and Mary Noble, in a visit to the families ofFriends at Ancocas. In both these visits, through the baptizing power of truth,the sincere labourers were often comforted, and the hearts of Friends opened toreceive us. In the Fourth Month following, I accompanied some Friends in avisit to the families of Friends in Mount Holly; during this visit my mind wasoften drawn into an inward awfulness, wherein strong desires were raised forthe everlasting welfare of my fellow-creatures, and through the kindness of ourHeavenly Father our hearts were at times enlarged, and Friends were invited inthe flowings of divine love to attend to that which would settle them on thesure foundation.
  Having for many years felt love in my heart towards the natives of this landwho dwell far back in the wilderness, whose ancestors were formerly the owners and possessors of the land where we dwell, and who for a small considerationassigned their inheritance to us, and being at Philadelphia in the EighthMonth, 1761, on a visit to some Friends who had slaves, I fell in company withsome of those natives who lived on the east branch of the river Susquehanna, atan Indian town called Wehaloosing, two hundred miles from Philadelphia. Inconversation with them by an interpreter, as also by observations on theircountenances and conduct, I believed some of them were measurably acquaintedwith that divine power which subjects the rough and froward will of thecreature. At times I felt inward drawings towards a visit to that place, whichI mentioned to none except my dear wife until it came to some ripeness.
  In the winter of 1762 I laid my prospects before my friends at our Monthlyand Quarterly, and afterwards at our General Spring Meeting; and having theunity of Friends, and being thoughtful about an Indian pilot, there came a manand three women from a little beyond that town to Philadelphia on business.
  Being informed thereof by letter, I met them in town in the 5th Month, 1763;and after some conversation, finding they were sober people, I, with theconcurrence of Friends in that place, agreed to join them as companions intheir return, and we appointed to meet at Samuel Foulk's, at Richland, in BucksCounty, on the 7th of Sixth Month. Now, as this visit felt weighty, and wasperformed at a time when travelling appeared perilous, so the dispensations ofdivine Providence in preparing my mind for it have been memorable, and Ibelieve it good for me to give some account thereof.
  After I had given up to go, the thoughts of the journey were often attendedwith unusual sadness, at which times my heart was frequently turned to the Lordwith inward breathings for His heavenly support, that I might not fail tofollow Him wheresoever He might lead me. Being at our youth's meeting atChesterfield, about a week before the time I expected to set off, I was thereled to speak on that prayer of our Redeemer to the Father: "I pray not thatThou shouldest take them out of the world, but that Thou shouldest keep themfrom the evil." And in attending to the pure openings of truth, I had tomention what He elsewhere said to His Father: "I know that Thou hearest Me atall times;" so, as some of His followers kept their places, and as His prayerwas granted, it followed necessarily that they were kept from evil: and as someof those met with great hardships and afflictions in this world, and at lastsuffered death by cruel men, so it appears that whatsoever befalls men whilethey live in pure obedience to God certainly works for their good, and may notbe considered an evil as it relates to them. As I spake on this subject myheart was much tendered, and great awfulness came over me.
  On the first day of the week, being at our own afternoon meeting, and myheart being enlarged in love, I was led to speak on the care and protection of the Lord over His people, and to make mention of that passage where a band ofSyrians, who were endeavouring to take captive the prophet, were disappointed;and how the Psalmist said, "The angel of the Lord encampeth round about themthat fear Him." Thus, in true love and tenderness, I parted from Friends,expecting the next morning to proceed on my journey. Being weary I went earlyto bed. After I had been asleep a short time, I was awoke by a man calling atmy door, and inviting me to meet some Friends at a public-house in our town,who came from Philadelphia so late that Friends were generally gone to bed.
  These Friends informed me that an express had arrived the last morning fromPittsburg, and brought news that the Indians had taken a fort from the Englishwestward, and had slain and scalped some English people near the saidPittsburg, and in divers places.
  Some elderly Friends in Philadelphia, knowing the time of my intending to setoff, had conferred together, and thought good to inform me of these thingsbefore I left home, that I might consider them and proceed as I believed best.
  Going to bed again, I told not my wife till morning. My heart was turned to theLord for His heavenly instruction; and it was an humbling time to me. When Itold my dear wife, she appeared to be deeply concerned about it; but in a fewhours' time my mind became settled in a belief that it was my duty to proceedon my journey, and she bore it with a good degree of resignation. In thisconflict of spirit there were great searchings of heart and strong cries to theLord, that no motion might in the least degree be attended to but that of thepure spirit of truth.
  The subjects before mentioned, on which I had so lately spoken in public,were now fresh before me, and I was brought inwardly to commit myself to theLord, to be disposed of as He saw best. I took leave of my family andneighbours in much bowedness of spirit, and went to our Monthly Meeting atBurlington. After taking leave of Friends there, I crossed the river,accompanied by my friends Israel and John Pemberton; and parting the nextmorning with Israel, John bore me company to Samuel Foulk's, where I met thebefore-mentioned Indians; and we were glad to see each other.
  Here my friend Benjamin Parvin met me, and proposed joining me as acompanion, -- we had before exchanged some letters on the subject, -- and now Ihad a sharp trial on his account; for, as the journey appeared perilous, Ithought if he went chiefly to bear me company, and we should be taken captive,my having been the means of drawing him into these difficulties would add to myown afflictions; so I told him my mind freely, and let him know that I wasresigned to go alone; but after all, if he really believed it to be his duty togo on, I believed his company would be very comfortable to me. It was, indeed,a time of deep exercise, and Benjamin appeared to be so fastened to the visit that he could not be easy to leave me; so we went on, accompanied by ourfriends John Pemberton and William Lightfoot of Pikeland.
  We lodged at Bethlehem, and there parting with John, William and we wentforward on the 9th of the Sixth Month, and got lodging on the floor of a house,about five miles from Fort Allen. Here we parted with William, and at thisplace we met with an Indian trader lately come from Wyoming. In conversationwith him, I perceived that many white people often sell rum to the Indians,which I believe is a great evil. In the first place, they are thereby deprivedof the use of reason, and, their spirits being violently agitated, quarrelsoften arise which end in mischief, and the bitterness and resentment occasionedhereby are frequently of long continuance. Again, their skins and furs, gottenthrough much fatigue and hard travels in hunting, with which they intended tobuy clothing, they often sell at a low rate for more rum, when they becomeintoxicated; and afterward, when they suffer for want of the necessaries oflife, are angry with those who, for the sake of gain, took advantage of theirweakness.
  Their chiefs have often complained of this in their treaties with theEnglish. Where cunning people pass counterfeits and impose on others that whichis good for nothing, it is considered as wickedness; but for the sake of gainto sell that which we know does people harm, and which often works their ruin,manifests a hardened and corrupt heart, and is an evil which demands the careof all true lovers of virtue to suppress. While my mind this evening was thusemployed, I also remembered that the people on the frontiers, among whom thisevil is too common, are often poor; and that they venture to the outside of thecolony in order to live more independently of the wealthy, who often set highrents on their land. I was renewedly confirmed in a belief, that, if all ourinhabitants lived according to sound wisdom, labouring to promote universallove and righteousness, and ceased from every inordinate desire after wealth,and from all customs which are tinctured with luxury, the way would be easy forour inhabitants, though they might be much more numerous than at present, tolive comfortably on honest employments, without the temptation they are sooften under of being drawn into schemes to make settlements on lands which havenot been purchased of the Indians, or of applying to that wicked practice ofselling rum to them.
  Tenth of Sixth Month. -- We set out early this morning and crossed thewestern branch of Delaware, called the Great Lehie, near Fort Allen. The waterbeing high, we went over in a canoe. Here we met an Indian, had friendlyconversation with him, and gave him some biscuit; and he, having killed a deer,gave some of it to the Indians with us. After travelling some miles, we metseveral Indian men and women with a cow and horse, and some household goods, who were lately come from their dwelling at Wyoming, and were going to settleat another place. We made them some small presents, and, as some of themunderstood English, I told them my motive for coming into their country, withwhich they appeared satisfied. One of our guides talking awhile with an ancientwoman concerning us, the poor old woman came to my companion and me, and tookher leave of us with an appearance of sincere affection. We pitched our tentnear the banks of the same river, having laboured hard in crossing some ofthose mountains called the Blue Ridge. The roughness of the stones and thecavities between them, with the steepness of the hills, made it appeardangerous. But we were preserved in safety, through the kindness of Him whoseworks in these mountainous deserts appeared awful, and towards whom my heartwas turned during this day's travel.
  Near our tent, on the sides of large trees peeled for that purpose, werevarious representations of men going to and returning from the wars, and ofsome being killed in battle. This was a path heretofore used by warriors, andas I walked about viewing those Indian histories, which were painted mostly inred or black, and thinking on the innumerable afflictions which the proud,fierce spirit produceth in the world, also on the toils and fatigues ofwarriors in travelling over mountains and deserts; on their miseries anddistresses when far from home and wounded by their enemies; of their bruisesand great weariness in chasing one another over the rocks and mountains; of therestless, unquiet state of mind of those who live in this spirit, and of thehatred which mutually grows up in the minds of their children, -- the desire tocherish the spirit of love and peace among these people arose very fresh in me.
  This was the first night that we lodged in the woods, and being wet withtravelling in the rain, as were also our blankets, the ground, our tent, andthe bushes under which we purposed to lay, all looked discouraging; but Ibelieved that it was the Lord who had thus far brought me forward, and that Hewould dispose of me as He saw good, and so I felt easy. We kindled a fire, withour tent open to it, then laid some bushes next the ground, and put ourblankets upon them for our bed, and, lying down, got some sleep. In themorning, feeling a little unwell, I went into the river; the water was cold,but soon after I felt fresh and well. About eight o'clock we set forward andcrossed a high mountain supposed to be upward of four miles over, the northside being the steepest. About noon we were overtaken by one of the Moravianbrethren going to Wehaloosing, and an Indian man with him who could talkEnglish; and we being together while our horses ate grass had some friendlyconversation; but they, travelling faster than we, soon left us. This Moravian,I understood, has this spring spent some time at Wehaloosing, and was invitedby some of the Indians to come again.
  Twelfth of Sixth Month being the first of the week and rainy day, wecontinued in our tent, and I was led to think on the nature of the exercisewhich hath attended me. Love was the first motion, and thence a concern aroseto spend some time with the Indians, that I might feel and understand theirlife and the spirit they live in, if haply I might receive some instructionfrom them, or they might be in any degree helped forward by my following theleadings of truth among them; and as it pleased the Lord to make way for mygoing at a time when the troubles of war were increasing, and when, by reasonof much wet weather, travelling was more difficult than usual at that season, Ilooked upon is as a more favourable opportunity to season my mind, and to bringme into a nearer sympathy with them. As mine eye was to the great Father ofMercies, humbly desiring to learn His will concerning me, I was made quiet andcontent.
  Our guide's horse strayed, though hoppled, in the night, and after searchingsome time for him his footsteps were discovered in the path going back,whereupon my kind companion went off in the rain, and after about seven hoursreturned with him. Here we lodged again, tying up our horses before we went tobed, and loosing them to feed about break of day.
  Thirteenth of Sixth Month. -- The sun appearing, we set forward, and as Irode over the barren hills my meditations were on the alterations in thecircumstances of the natives of this land since the coming in of the English.
  The lands near the sea are conveniently situated for fishing; the lands nearthe rivers, where the tides flow, and some above, are in many places fertileand not mountainous, while the changing of the tides makes passing up and downeasy with any kind of traffic. The natives have in some places, for triflingconsiderations, sold their inheritance so favourably situated, and in otherplaces have been driven back by superior force; their way of clothingthemselves is also altered from what it was, and they being far removed from ushave to pass over mountains, swamps, and barren deserts, so that travelling isvery troublesome in bringing their skins and furs to trade with us. By theextension of English settlements, and partly by the increase of Englishhunters, the wild beasts on which the natives chiefly depend for subsistenceare not so plentiful as they were, and people too often, for the sake of gain,induce them to waste their skins and furs in purchasing a liquor which tends tothe ruin of them and their families.
  My own will and desires were now very much broken, and my heart was with muchearnestness turned to the Lord, to whom alone I looked for help in the dangersbefore me. I had a prospect of the English along the coast for upwards of ninehundred miles where I travelled, and their favourable situation and thedifficulties attending the natives as well as the negroes in many places were open before me. A weighty and heavenly care came over my mind, and love filledmy heart towards all mankind, in which I felt a strong engagement that we mightbe obedient to the Lord while in tender mercy He is yet calling to us, and thatwe might so attend to pure universal righteousness as to give no just cause ofoffence to the Gentiles, who do not profess Christianity, whether they be theblacks from Africa, or the native inhabitants of this continent.
  Here I was led into a close and labourious inquiry whether I, as anindividual, kept clear from all things which tended to stir up or wereconnected with wars, either in this land or in Africa, my heart was deeplyconcerned that in future I might in all things keep steadily to the pure truth,and live and walk in the plainness and simplicity of a sincere follower ofChrist. In this lonely journey I did greatly bewail the spreading of a wrongspirit, believing that the prosperous, convenient situation of the Englishwould require a constant attention in us to divine love and wisdom, in order totheir being guided and supported in a way answerable to the will of that good,gracious, and Almighty Being, who hath an equal regard to all mankind. And hereluxury and covetousness, with the numerous oppressions and other evilsattending them, appeared very afflicting to me, and I felt in that which isimmutable that the seeds of great calamity and desolation are sown and growingfast on this continent. Nor have I words sufficient to set forth the longing Ithen felt, that we who are placed along the coast, and have tasted the love andgoodness of God, might arise in the strength thereof, and like faithfulmessengers labour to check the growth of these seeds, that they may not ripento the ruin of our posterity.
  On reaching the Indian settlement at Wyoming, we were told that an Indianrunner had been at that place a day or two before us, and brought news of theIndians having taken an English fort westward, and destroyed the people, andthat they were endeavouring to take another; also, that another Indian runnercame there about the middle of the previous night from a town about ten milesfrom Wehaloosing, and brought the news that some Indian warriors from distantparts came to that town with two English scalps, and told the people that itwas war with the English.
  Our guides took us to the house of a very ancient man. Soon after we had putin our baggage, there came a man from another Indian house some distance off.
  Perceiving there was a man near the door I went out; the man had a tomahawkwrapped under his match-coat out of sight. As I approached him he took it inhis hand; I went forward, and, speaking to him in a friendly way, perceived heunderstood some English. My companion joining me, we had some talk with himconcerning the nature of our visit in these parts; he then went into the housewith us, and, talking with our guides, soon appeared friendly, sat down and smoked his pipe. Though taking his hatchet in his hand at the instant I drewnear to him had a disagreeable appearance, I believe he had no other intentthan to be in readiness in case any violence were offered to him.
  On hearing the news brought by these Indian runners, and being told by theIndians where we lodged that the Indians about Wyoming expected in a few daysto move to some larger towns, I thought, to all outward appearance, it would bedangerous travelling at this time. After a hard day's journey I was broughtinto a painful exercise at night, in which I had to trace back and view thesteps I had taken from my first moving in the visit; and though I had to bewailsome weakness which at times had attended me, yet I could not find that I hadever given way to wilful disobedience. Believing I had, under a sense of duty,come thus far, I was now earnest in spirit, beseeching the Lord to show me whatI ought to do. In this great distress I grew jealous of myself, lest the desireof reputation as a man firmly settled to persevere through dangers, or the fearof disgrace from my returning without performing the visit, might have someplace in me. Full of these thoughts, I lay great part of the night, while mybeloved companion slept by me, till the Lord, my gracious Father, who saw theconflicts of my soul, was pleased to give quietness. Then I was againstrengthened to commit my life, and all things relating thereto, into Hisheavenly hands, and got a little sleep towards day.
  Fourteenth of Sixth Month. -- We sought out and visited all the Indianshereabouts that we could meet with, in number about twenty. They were chieflyin one place, about a mile from where we lodged. I expressed to them the care Ihad on my mind for their good, and told them that true love had made me willingthus to leave my family to come and see the Indians and speak with them intheir houses. Some of them appeared kind and friendly. After taking leave ofthem, we went up the river Susquehanna about three miles, to the house of anIndian called Jacob January. He had killed his hog, and the women were makingstore of bread and preparing to move up the river. Here our pilots had lefttheir canoe when they came down in the spring, and lying dry it had becomeleaky. This detained us some hours, so that we had a good deal of friendlyconversation with the family; and, eating dinner with them, we made them somesmall presents. Then putting our baggage into the canoe, some of them pushedslowly up the stream, and the rest of us rode our horses. We swam them over acreek called Lahawahamunk, and pitched our tent above it in the evening. In asense of God's goodness in helping me in my distress, sustaining me undertrials, and inclining my heart to trust in Him, I lay down in an humble, bowedframe of mind, and had a comfortable night's lodging.
  Fifteenth of Sixth Month. -- We proceeded forward till the afternoon, when, astorm appearing, we met our canoe at an appointed place and stayed all night, the rain continuing so heavy that it beat through our tent and wet both us andour baggage. The next day we found abundance of trees blown down by the stormyesterday, and had occasion reverently to consider the kind dealings of theLord who provided a safe place for us in a valley while this storm continued.
  We were much hindered by the trees which had fallen across our path, and insome swamps our way was so stopped that we got through with extreme difficulty.
  I had this day often to consider myself as a sojourner in this world. A beliefin the all-sufficiency of God to support His people in their pilgrimage feltcomfortable to me, and I was industriously employed to get to a state ofperfect resignation.
  We seldom saw our canoe but at appointed places, by reason of the path goingoff from the river. This afternoon, Job Chilaway, an Indian from Wehaloosing,who talks good English and is acquainted with several people in and aboutPhiladelphia, met our people on the river. Understanding where we expected tolodge, he pushed back about six miles, and came to us after night; and in awhile our own canoe arrived, it being hard work pushing up the stream. Job toldus that an Indian came in haste to their town yesterday and told them thatthree warriors from a distance lodged in a town above Wehaloosing a few nightspast, and that these three men were going against the English at Juniata. Jobwas going down the river to the province-store at Shamokin. Though I was so farfavoured with health as to continue travelling, yet, through the variousdifficulties in our journey, and the different way of living from which I hadbeen used to, I grew sick. The news of these warriors being on their march sonear us, and not knowing whether we might not fall in with them, was a freshtrial of my faith; and though, through the strength of divine love, I hadseveral times been enabled to commit myself to the divine disposal, I stillfound the want of a renewal of my strength, that I might be able to perseveretherein; and my cries for help were put up to the Lord, who, in great mercy,gave me a resigned heart, in which I found quietness.
  Parting from Job Chilaway on the 17th, we went on and reached Wehaloosingabout the middle of the afternoon. The first Indian that we saw was a woman ofa modest countenance, with a Bible, who spake first to our guide, and then withan harmonious voice expressed her gladness at seeing us, having before heard ofour coming. By the direction of our guide we sat down on a log, while he wentto the town to tell the people we were come. My companion and I, sitting thustogether in a deep inward stillness, the poor woman came and sat near us; and,great awfulness coming over us, we rejoiced in a sense of God's love manifestedto our poor souls. After a while we heard a conch-shell blow several times, andthen came John Curtis and another Indian man, who kindly invited us into ahouse near the town, where we found about sixty people sitting in silence.
  After sitting with them a short time I stood up, and in some tenderness of spirit acquainted them, in a few short sentences, with the nature of my visit,and that a concern for their good had made me willing to come thus far to seethem; which, some of them understanding, interpreted to the others, and thereappeared gladness among them. I then showed them my certificate, which wasexplained to them; and the Moravian who overtook us on the way, being now here,bade me welcome.
  But the Indians knowing that this Moravian and I were of different religioussocieties, and as some of their people had encouraged him to come and stayawhile with them, they were, I believe, concerned that there might be nojarring or discord in their meetings; and having, I suppose, conferredtogether, they acquainted me that the people, at my request, would at any timecome together and hold meetings. They also told me that they expected theMoravian would speak in their settled meetings, which are commonly held in themorning and near evening. So finding liberty in my heart to speak to theMoravian, I told him of the care I felt on my mind for the good of thesepeople, and my belief that no ill effects would follow if I sometimes spake intheir meetings when love engaged me thereto, without calling them together attimes when they did not meet of course. He expressed his good-will towards myspeaking at any time all that I found in my heart to say.
  On the evening of the 18th I was at their meeting, where pure gospel love wasfelt, to the tendering of some of our hearts. The interpreters endeavoured toacquaint the people with what I said, in short sentences, but found somedifficulty, as none of them were quite perfect in the English and Delawaretongues, so they helped one another, and we laboured along, divine loveattending. Afterwards, feeling my mind covered with the spirit of prayer, Itold the interpreters that I found it in my heart to pray to God, and believed,if I prayed aright He would hear me; and I expressed my willingness for them toomit interpreting; so our meeting ended with a degree of divine love. Beforethe people went out, I observed Papunehang (the man who had been zealous inlabouring for a reformation in that town, being then very tender) speaking toone of the interpreters, and I was afterwards told that he said in substance asfollows: -- "I love to feel where words come from."Nineteenth of Sixth Month and first of the week. -- This morning the Indianwho came with the Moravian, being also a member of that society, prayed in themeeting, and then the Moravian spake a short time to the people. In theafternoon, my heart being filled with a heavenly care for their good, I spaketo them awhile by interpreters; but none of them being perfect in the work, andI feeling the current of love run strong, told the interpreters that I believedsome of the people would understand me, and so I proceeded without them; and Ibelieve the Holy Ghost wrought on some hearts to edification where all the words were not understood. I looked upon it as a time of divine favour, and myheart was tendered and truly thankful before the Lord. After I sat down, one ofthe interpreters seemed spirited to give the Indians the substance of what Isaid.
  Before our first meeting this morning, I was led to meditate on the manifolddifficulties of these Indians who, by the permission of the Six Nations, dwellin these parts. A near sympathy with them was raised in me, and, my heart beingenlarged in the love of Christ, I thought that the affectionate care of a goodman for his only brother in affliction does not exceed what I then felt forthat people. I came to this place through much trouble; and though through themercies of God I believed that if I died in the journey it would be well withme, yet the thoughts of falling into the hands of Indian warriors were, intimes of weakness, afflicting to me; and being of a tender constitution ofbody, the thoughts of captivity among them were also grievous; supposing thatas they were strong and hardy they might demand service of me beyond what Icould well bear. But the Lord alone was my keeper, and I believed that if Iwent into captivity it would be for some good end. Thus, from time to time, mymind was centred in resignation, in which I always found quietness. And thisday, though I had the same dangerous wilderness between me and home, I wasinwardly joyful that the Lord had strengthened me to come on this visit, andhad manifested a fatherly care over me in my poor lowly condition, when in mineown eyes I appeared inferior to many among the Indians.
  When the last-mentioned meeting was ended, it being night, Papunehang went tobed; and hearing him speak with an harmonious voice, I suppose for a minute ortwo, I asked the interpreter, who told me that he was expressing histhankfulness to God for the favours he had received that day, and prayed thatHe would continue to favour him with the same, which he had experienced in thatmeeting. Though Papunehang had before agreed to receive the Moravian and joinwith them, he still appeared kind and loving to us.
  I was at two meetings on the 20th, and silent in them. The following morning,in meeting, my heart was enlarged in pure love among them, and in short plainsentences I expressed several things that rested upon me, which one of theinterpreters gave the people pretty readily. The meeting ended in supplication,and I had cause humbly to acknowledge the loving-kindness of the Lord towardsus; and then I believed that a door remained open for the faithful disciples ofJesus Christ to labour among these people. And now, feeling my mind at libertyto return, I took my leave of them in general at the conclusion of what I saidin meeting, and we then prepared to go homeward. But some of their most activemen told us that, when we were ready to move the people would choose to comeand shake hands with us. Those who usually came to meeting did so; and from a secret draught in my mind I went among some who did not usually go to meeting,and took my leave of them also. The Moravian and his Indian interpreterappeared respectful to us at parting. This town, Wehaloosing, stands on thebank of the Susquehanna, and consists, I believe, of about forty houses, mostlycompact together, some about thirty feet long and eighteen wide -- some bigger,some less. They are built mostly of split plank, one end being set in theground, and the other pinned to a plate on which rafters are laid, and thencovered with bark. I understand a great flood last winter overflowed thegreater part of the ground where the town stands, and some were now aboutmoving their houses to higher ground.
  We expected only two Indians to be of our company, but when we were ready togo we found many of them were going to Bethlehem with skins and furs, and choseto go in company with us. So they loaded two canoes, in which they desired usto go, telling us that the waters were so raised with the rains that the horsesshould be taken by such as were better acquainted with the fording-places. We,therefore, with several Indians, went in the canoes, and others went on horses,there being seven besides ours. We met with the horsemen once on the way byappointment, and at night we lodged a little below a branch called Tankhannah,and some of the young men, going out a little before dusk with their guns,brought in a deer.
  Through diligence we reached Wyoming before night, the 22d, and understoodthat the Indians were mostly gone from this place. We went up a small creekinto the woods with our canoes, and, pitching our tent, carried out ourbaggage, and before dark our horses came to us. Next morning, the horses beingloaded and our baggage prepared, we set forward, being in all fourteen, andwith diligent travelling were favoured to get near half-way to Fort Allen. Theland on this road from Wyoming to our frontier being mostly poor, and goodgrass being scarce, the Indians chose a piece of low ground to lodge on, as thebest for grazing. I had sweat much in travelling, and, being weary, sleptsoundly. In the night I perceived that I had taken cold, of which I wasfavoured soon to get better.
  Twenty-fourth of Sixth Month. -- This day we passed Fort Allen and lodgednear it in the woods. We forded the westerly branch of the Delaware threetimes, which was a shorter way than going over the top of the Blue Mountainscalled the Second Ridge. In the second time of fording where the river cutsthrough the mountain, the waters being rapid and pretty deep, my companion'smare, being a tall, tractable animal, was sundry times driven back through theriver, being laden with the burdens of some small horses which were thoughtunable to come through with their loads. The troubles eastward, and thedifficulty for Indians to pass through our frontier, I apprehend, were one reason why so many came, expecting that our being in company would prevent theoutside inhabitants being surprised. We reached Bethlehem on the 25th, takingcare to keep foremost, and to acquaint people on and near the road who theseIndians were. This we found very needful, for the frontier inhabitants wereoften alarmed at the report of the English being killed by Indians westward.
  Among our company were some whom I did not remember to have seen at meeting,and some of these at first were very reserved; but we being several daystogether, and behaving in a friendly manner towards them, and making themsuitable return for the services they did us, they became more free andsociable.
  Twenty-sixth of Sixth Month. -- Having carefully endeavoured to settle allaffairs with the Indians relative to our journey, we took leave of them, and Ithought they generally parted from us affectionately. We went forward toRichland and had a very comfortable meeting among our friends, it being thefirst day of the week. Here I parted with my kind friend and companion BenjaminParvin, and accompanied by my friend Samuel Foulk, we rode to JohnCadwallader's, from whence I reached home the next day, and found my familytolerably well. They and my friends appeared glad to see me return from ajourney which they apprehended would be dangerous; but my mind, while I wasout, had been so employed in striving for perfect resignation, and had so oftenbeen confirmed in a belief that, whatever the Lord might be pleased to allotfor me, it would work for good, that I was careful lest I should admit anydegree of selfishness in being glad overmuch, and laboured to improve by thosetrials in such a manner as my gracious Father and Protector designed.
  Between the English settlements and Wehaloosing we had only a narrow path,which in many places is much grown up with bushes, and interrupted by abundanceof trees lying across it. These, together with the mountain swamps and roughstones, make it a difficult road to travel, and the more so becauserattlesnakes abound here, of which we killed four. People who have never beenin such places have but an imperfect idea of them; and I was not only taughtpatience, but also made thankful to God, who thus led about and instructed me,that I might have a quick and lively feeling of the afflictions of my fellow-creatures, whose situation in life is difficult.

最 近以来,心中意向着访问宾夕尼亚的几个聚会处,极盼能得到启示,俾悉何时动身为最适宜。一七六一年五月十号星期日,我往参加哈敦菲得聚会,心中寻求神的指 示,究竟应当继续前行呢,还是应当返家。由于纯洁之爱的涌流,我觉得心受鼓励,可以前行,于是渡河到了对岸。这次的访问我参加了两个季会和三个月会。在真 理的爱中我觉得机会之门已开,使我得以和畜奴的朋友们讨论这一问题。我既蒙教导知道依靠真理,并履行所付托给我的任务,乃时时感觉到内心平安,并对主存感 恩之心,因祂乐意作为我的向导。
一七六一年八月,我心中意向着前往访问士鲁兹巴立附近的朋友们,去了之后,曾参加他们星期日的聚会和月会,也分别参加在司冠安及司冠安关的聚会,并有机会在主爱中和一些畜奴朋友谈论奴隶问题,然后平安地回家,心中称颂主的良善。
为着年来对黑奴问题的关心,我写了“论畜奴”的第二部分,于一七六二年出版。当出版部负责人检阅稿件之后,他们建议以年会存款印出若干册分发,但我宁愿自己出资印书,并说明我的理由,他们似乎颇能谅解。
年 会款项乃会友所认捐,而捐钱的人当中有不少是畜奴的,那些决意继续畜奴的人当然不愿见这类书籍的传布,尤其不愿意用他们所捐的钱来出版这类书籍。奴隶当中 已有不少能阅读的,他们获得这类赠送的书籍往往秘藏起来。但是凡购买此书的人大抵是要阅读的,所以我愿意廉价出售,希望他们小心阅读。这书的广告业经出版 部负责人通过,将于我们年会中讨论会务的月会宣读,让人家知道什么地方可以购买此书,而售价只合印刷及装订的成本而已。我们附近一带售出颇多,另一部分则 寄往纽约及新埠给相识的人,还有一些我自己保存,准备于需要时分发。
我 年轻时颇习惯于体力劳动的工作,可是我的体质不像一些别人那么耐劳,虽然我的健康也算中等。既然在操作中常觉疲乏,所以我颇能同情那些因境遇关系,必须不 断劳作以应付债主要求,和那些因自愿而处于某种重压之下的人,他们虽身体不胜支持,却正如我以往在操劳过度所感受的一样,为了生活欲求而勉强劳动。我常寻 思世界为什么会有这种加在许多人身上的重压。记得当我在农场上工作的后半期,由于神爱常临,我心常存柔和,并不时以空暇时间阅读关于救主的生平及其教训, 关于殉道者所遭受的苦难,和本会早期历史一类的书,逐渐地我心中确信,如果那些大地主能够过一种平凡朴素而合于基督徒身份的生活,对于自己的田地财产不求 索取重利,并因此善用物资,那么必将有许多人被雇从事于有益的工作,人与其他动物的劳动也必不至于过分劳苦;许多种为满足人的意欲,对于富有者似乎必需的 生意,在纯智之下,也可以无须继续。当我思想这些事时,良心每受诘问:究竟我自己在生活上各方面对于物的应用是否符合普遍的正义原则?因此有一种愁闷感觉 涌上心头,因为在生活上我亦习惯于应用一些东西,是超出神智所愿意我们应用的。
从 早期和真理的接触中,我常觉一种内在的忧伤,是由于心中那与属天教训相敌对之灵所引起的;这时候我又因自己的邪恶忧伤,在悲愁中深觉需要神的帮助,带领我 的灵魂进入真的自由。有时我退到僻静地方,祷告之灵临近了我,我恳求赐恩典的父给我一颗在凡事上都能顺服祂智慧之所指示的心。说出了这样的话,就叫我想起 我所带的帽子和所穿的衣料,曾染上使材料容易损坏的颜色,心中颇觉不安。
在 访问团体中某些著名会友之畜奴者,并和他们在友爱中讨论这问题时,我发现了某些与纯智不相符合的风尚在束缚着许多人,这种情形使我颇为震惊。而那种企图获 取更多财富来支持这些风尚的欲望实与真理的工作大相违背。有时候为了前面的这种工作环境,我精神沮丧,退到僻静地方流泪祷告,求主把我安置于祂带领之下, 指示我所当走的方向,这样祂就提醒我,使我确信若想做祂忠诚的仆人,即须在一切事上尊重祂的智慧,虚心受教;并且放弃一切与祂智慧相违背的习尚,不管这些 习尚在其他信徒当中如何地盛行。
祂 既然是全能全智和全善,我相信祂曾指定人必须以若干劳动来换取今生所需要的,若能善于分配,则时间必够应用。只是我们不可追求奢侈,或违背了祂的智慧去追 逐财富,若如此,不免要沾染了那种压迫别人的作风,且导向于好大喜功,善于争闹的境地,这样,不同党派都要求特殊权利,国家遂常陷入于灾难中。
我 既深信这一点,并愿望和平的生活,故每想起制造战争的骚扰之灵,和许多同类因战争所遭受的悲惨灾难——有的突然死亡;有的身受伤痛之苦,成为残废;有的丧 失一切养生之资,陷于穷困;有的则被俘虏——即觉心中无限忧伤。又想到我在穿带染上容易损坏布料之颜色的衣帽,且在夏天穿上多过于所需的衣服,心中亦殊不 安,认为这些都是和纯智不相符合的风尚。可是想到不如此就得和亲爱的朋友们有所不同,又觉得不好意思,于是我继续使用某些不合自己判断的东西。
一 七六一年五月卅一日我忽得热病,缠绵床笫约一星期,身体颇觉痛苦。有一天我心中有了一个呼声,要我明白为什么我得遭受这种痛苦,并当如何获取教训,我立刻 想起我还在守着一些我所认为不对的习俗。当这种感觉在心中继续的时候,我觉得在我里面的一切力量都屈服于那赐给我生命的神手中,感谢祂以祂的惩罚抓住了 我,并觉得自己需要更进一步的洁净。现在我不急求健康的恢复,倒盼望先实现对我的改造。这样我处在谦卑忧伤中,逐渐进入于安静顺服的境界,并立刻觉得内在 本性之得到医治,从此日就康复。
虽 然我定意不再购买染上有害颜色的衣料,但对前此所制衣服仍旧穿用,继续约九个月之久。这时我又想找一块天然色的皮料来制帽子,但想到必将被讥评为奇服异 装,心中即觉不安。这时候使我有了机会思想某些事情的本身虽小,但当我们知道那是神所吩咐的,就成为大事了。同时相信主必帮助我胜过所谓标新立异之讥,因 为这是为了祂而行的。这事叫我在一七六二年春季大会举行之时心情十分紧张,极盼获得正确的指示;正当我所敬爱的一位朋友在祷告之时,我灵在主前谦恭顺服, 愿意服从那我所了解为祂所要求于我的,并定意,如果我安全回到家里,我必雇人以天然色皮料为我制作一只帽子;结果都实行了。
当 我参加公共聚会之时,这所谓“新奇”遂成为我的试炼,尤其在这时候白色帽子是那些讲究时装服式的人所喜欢戴的,那些不明白我动机的朋友们因此逐渐对我不 满,使我觉得工作之门一时关闭起来。在这种情形下我就迫切向天父呼求,恳请祂使我以智慧所具有的谦卑行走在祂面前,这样在聚会中我常觉满有爱心,同时觉得 有一种内在的安慰,这种安慰对于处困难中的我是非常宝贵的。
我 有几件染了颜色的衣服还颇可穿,我想最好穿到有新衣服代替的时候。有些朋友以为我戴这种帽子不过是故作新奇;那些以友善态度向我提起这事的人我就略加解 释,告诉他们我戴这种帽子并非出于自己意思。有时我觉得那种情面友谊对我是危险的;现在许多朋友对我都觉不满,我想这是神对我的慈爱。我原存意要对一些好 友说明我这样做的理由,可是详细考虑之后又认为不必,相信目前误会乃神意所定,对我是有益的,并相信只要我站定立场,主在祂的时候必为我开启朋友们的心。 从那时以后我更知道仰望主的良善及慈爱,祂在我们的一些聚会中带领引导我,并叫我的爱心增加。
一 七六二年十一月间,我心中盼望能往曼士菲得访问一些家庭,于是和好友钟士结伴,同作数日访问。一七六三年二月又与史密斯女士及从柏林敦来的诺波夫人同行访 问安柯卡司朋友们的家庭。在上述两次访问中,由于真理洗涤的能力,朋友们敞开心怀接待我们,使忠诚的工人常得鼓舞。四月间我又和另一些朋友同往访问贺里山 朋友们的家庭,这一次访问我内心常觉难过,有一种强烈欲望,要为同胞谋永久福利,由于天父的仁慈,我们爱心大增,在神爱涌流中,邀请朋友们注意那将要把他 们安置于可靠基石上的事。
多 年来我觉得对那些住在荒林中的土人有着爱心,他们的祖先原是我们现在所居住这土地的主人,而他们把所承继的产业廉价地卖给我们。一七六一年八月我正在费城 访问一些畜奴的朋友,遇见了一些居住在离开费城约莫二百里之遥,名叫威哈鲁申的一个印第安市镇的土人,这市镇在萨斯刻罕那河东岸。藉着一位翻译之助,我和 他们谈话,同时观察他们的外表及举动,相信他们当中有些人颇为熟悉那支配人的强悍不逊之意志的神圣能力。我内心时常觉得愿意到他们所住地方访问,这种意念 除了我亲爱的妻之外,我不曾告诉别人,到了时机少为成熟之后始行提出。一七六二年冬,我把这点意思向本月会及季会提出,以后又向春季大会提出;朋友们都同 意我的建议。正在考虑物色一印第安向导时,我们听说有一男人和三个女人从距离那市镇不远地方,因事到费城来,我以书面通知他们后,即于一七六三年五月某日 在城里和他们见面,接谈之后,觉得他们都是良善的人,且又得到当地朋友们的同意,于是和他们约定于六月七日至巴京士郡里士兰地方傅克君家取齐。这次的访问 我觉得是一件非常困难的事,尤其在这时候,旅行确甚危险,因此神特别恩待,准备我的肩负这使命的心,我认为把这件事略加叙述是有益的。
我 在决定前往之后,每当想起旅行问题即觉愁烦;这时候我心常仰望主,求祂扶助,使我愿意到祂要带领我去的无论什么地方。在准备出发的前一星期,我在撒斯特菲 得的青年聚会上讲论救主向父的祷告:“我不求你叫他们离开世界,只求你保守他们脱离那恶者。”在述说真理的纯真启示之时,我提起祂在另一地方向父说:“我 知道你常听我。”既然那些跟从祂的人有的能守住他们的岗位,而祂也使他们的祷告实现了,可见他们确能脱离那恶者。他们当中有些在世上遇到困苦灾难,且死在 残暴者手中,可是我们知道人只要顺服上帝,则他们所遭遇的一切都是于他们有益的,所以不能算是邪恶。当我讲论这题目时,心中充满仁爱和对神的畏惧。第二周 的星期日刚好是我们的午后聚会,我心在爱中受鼓舞,开口讲论主对祂子民的看顾保护,并引述亚述人企图俘获先知而未能达到目的的故事,正如诗篇作者所说 的,“耶和华的使者在敬畏祂的人四围安营。”这样在爱和柔和中我与朋友们道别,准备第二天早晨动身,当天已觉疲乏,乃提早就寝。睡了一会之后有人来在门口 把我喊醒,约我到镇上某旅店会见从费城来的几位朋友,他们因来到的时间太晚,本地朋友们大都睡了。这几位朋友告诉我昨晨有专差从毕茨堡抵达,消息传来,说 是印第安人在西部占领了英国人的一个堡垒,并杀害了毕茨堡附近和其他好些地方的英国人。在费城的一些前辈朋友知道了我动身的时间,商议结果,认为应该让我 在出发之前知道这些情形,好考虑我的行止。听完这些话后我再回家睡觉,到隔天早晨才告诉我的妻。这时候我心仰望主的指示,在祂面前谦虚等待。当我告诉妻这 消息时,她显得非常挂心。过了几个钟头我心即觉安定,相信我的责任乃是依照原来计划出发,她亦表示愿意顺服。在这心灵的矛盾中,我曾深刻检讨自己并向主呼 求,使我专按照真理纯洁之灵的引导,不至于受任何其他动机的影响。
上 面所提起我最近在公共聚会讲论过的题目此时都呈现在我眼前,我被感动把自己付托给主,由主依照祂所看为善的支配我。于是我在谦虚中向家人及邻居告别,先到 了我们在柏林敦的月会,向那边的朋友告别后,即由友人以色列及约翰宾莫敦陪伴渡河,第二早晨和以色列分手,约翰仍陪伴我到传克的家,在这里与从前约好了的 那几位印第安人相会,彼此均甚愉快。朋友派敏君亦在这里相见,且建议伴我同往(过去我们之间曾为这事通讯讨论过),这于我是一个严重试炼,因为此行确甚危 险,而他之愿意同行若为的要陪伴我,万一我们被俘,我必因连累朋友遭殃而更为悲伤。于是把这意思坦白地告诉他,并表示我宁愿独自前往,但若他真的相信他应 该同往,那么我的旅途必更舒服。这真是一个令人感动的时辰,派敏君对这次的访问旅行似乎已有了决心,所以不愿离我而去;于是我们向前进发,另有朋友约翰宾 莫敦和毕奇兰的莱特佛得君同行。我们先投宿于伯利恒地方,在这里和约翰分手,莱特佛得和我们于六月九日继续前进,当夜宿于离亚兰堡约五里一个屋子的地板 上,在这里又和莱特佛得分手,同时遇见了一个最近从歪俄明来的印第安商人;和他谈话之后,才知道许多白人常常拿酒类卖给印第安人,我想这确是一种严重的邪 恶。第一喝酒使他们神志不清,凶悍好斗,纠纷由是产生,造成许多不幸,而所引起的仇恨往往继续不衰。再者他们经历无限辛苦所猎获的皮货原是要换取衣料的, 但因酒醉的缘故,往往贱价售出,以换取更多酒类;到了他们缺乏生活上必需品之时,他们就怨恨那些利用他们弱点,乘机敲榨他们的人。他们的酋长在和英国人交 涉中往往对此发出不平的话。若有狡诈之徒向人使用毫无价值的假通货,这已经是非常欠德了,何况为着牟利的缘故,把对人有害的东西卖给他们,真是表现了顽硬 腐败的心肠,为一切爱好德行者所应当纠正的邪恶行为。当夜我为了这事心中难过,同时又想起那些住在边区的穷人,他们为了逃避地主的剥削,冒险来到这移民地 区,追求一种比较自主的生活,却亦受同样祸害。这种情形使我更加相信,如果我们的移民都能够依照纯智慧所教导的来生活,努力地促进普爱与公义,对财富和各 种奢侈习俗不存过份愿望,那么我们的生活必较容易,甚至人数比现在所有更多,也可以依靠有价值工作,获得舒适生活,不必常受诱惑,企图以不诚实方法向印第 安人购买土地,或将酒类售卖给他们。
六 月十日,我们一早出发,渡过了德拉瓦河的西支流,靠近西兰堡,叫做大李海的水域。河水颇深,我们以独木舟渡过。在这里见到了一个印第安人,我们同他谈话, 送给他一些饼干;他刚好猎获一头野鹿,也送给和我们同行的印第安人一些鹿肉。继续前行数里,又遇见几个印第安人,男女都有,带着一头牛和一头马,另有一些 家用东西;这一行人是最近从歪俄明来,拟移居新地方的。我们也送给他们一点小礼物。他们当中有些人懂得英语,我就告诉他们我到此地来的目的,他们听了表示 满意。我们的一个向导他们当中的一个年老妇人说了关于我们的事,这老妇人上前和我们道别,似乎充满着诚恳的感情。再向前行,辛苦地爬过了这几个名叫青岭的 山头后,我们就在河岸旁边张开布幕休息。这些山岭怪石嶙峋,崎岖难行,且极危险。然而由于主的慈爱,我们得以安全经过;主在这山岭荒野上的工作是可敬畏 的,在旅行中我心整天仰望着祂。
在 我们的营幕旁边,有一些大树被剥掉了树皮,刻上了各种不同图案,纪念某些在战场上立功或阵亡的英雄们。这是一条武士们走的通路,当我走了过去,观看这些印 第安人的史迹——多数是以红白色颜料绘成的图画——不禁想起这世上的骄傲暴烈所产生出来的许多悲惨事件,想在武士们历尽辛苦疲劳地爬山越岭;在远离家乡的 地方为敌人击伤时的痛苦情况,拖着负伤疲乏的身体彼此追逐;以及他们在这种好战情欲下心境的动荡不安,并在子孙当中种下了仇恨根苗,使民族族间战祸连绵等事实——这一切更增加我愿意努力在他们中间,散播和平友爱之种子的决心。我们第一夜在林中露宿的情形颇为恶劣:在旅途中我们已是衣履尽湿,现在我们张幕的泥地也都是水,用来敷在毛毡下的狐尾草也都湿了,一切似乎都叫人沮丧;然而我相信是主带领我到这里来的,祂必依照祂所认为善的待我,因此我心中平安。我们生了火,使热气进入帐幕,拿狐尾草敷在地上,然后展开毛毡,躺下睡觉。翌晨觉得不大舒服,下到河里游泳,水很冷,起来后觉得舒适多了。六月十一日晨,地上的草还很潮湿,我们留在帐幕中到了八点左右,然后出发,爬过一个高约四里的高山,山的北面最为峭陡。我们又涉过了两处沼泽,整天下雨,傍晚才止,我们仍张开布幕休息。那天中午时分有一个往威哈罗星去的摩拉维兄弟赶上了我们,他由一个能说英语的印第安人陪伴着,我们利用马匹吃草料的时间有了友善的交谈,他们走得比我们快,所以不久就离开我们先行。我知道这摩拉维兄弟春天曾在威哈罗星逗留一些时候,有些印第安人邀约他再度访问该地。
六月十二日星期日,天雨,我们仍留在帐幕中,默想此行的意义。我的第一动机是出乎爱心,盼望能和印第安人同在一起住些时候,或者因此能了解他们的生活方式及精神,从而获得一些教益;或者他们将因为我在他们当中顺从真理的领导而得到某些益助。还有主既然选择这战乱时期领我出来,又遇雨湿天气,旅行更增困难,我相信在这种情形下更能增加我对他们的同情心。我的眼睛既仰望着慈悲的天父,谦恭地盼望知道祂在我身上的旨意,因此心中平静满足。
我们向导的马匹夜间没有栓好,给跑掉了,我们骑马去找,发现那匹马的蹄迹是往来路回去的,我的同伴在雨中赶回寻找,约七小时后才把它找了回来。于是又在林中宿夜,睡前把马匹都栓好了,天快亮的时候才解开它们,让它们吃草料。
六月十三日天晴,我们继续前行,当经过那荒芜山区之时我心中在默想自英人来至此邦后土人生活情况的改变。沿海一带土地便于渔业,靠近河流的土地则多肥沃,且潮水起落,很少山岭障碍,交通称便。有些地方的土人把这美好土地便宜地售给白人,有的则被优越的武力逐出。他们的衣着也与前大不相同;他们既离开我们颇远,必须经过沼泽,沙漠那些行旅艰难的地区,把他们的皮货带来售卖。由于英国移民的扩充,同时由于英国猎户数目的增加,土人所赖以谋生的野兽也就不如从前的多;而且有人为了自己的利得,引诱他们贱价出售皮货,以换取酒类,叫他们走上毁灭自己和毁灭家庭的道路。
这时候我自己的意志和愿望都粉碎了,我的心恳切地转向于主,在目前的危险中只仰望祂的帮助。在旅行中我观察到英国人聚居于沿海一带约九百里地区;他们所占有的优越地位,和土人以及在我们当中的奴隶们的可怜处境,种种情形,都排在我眼前。一种沉重的和属灵的关怀降临于我,我心中充满着对全人类的爱,觉得当主还向我们施赐怜恤之时,我们应当忠诚于祂,遵行普遍公义,即对非属基督教的外邦人,不管是从非洲来的黑人,或本土的印第安人,都不可加以欺侮。这时候我被提醒严密省察自己,究竟我个人对于一切煽动纷扰或制造战争之事,不管是在本土或在非洲,是否完全无份;并立志从此以后凡事必谨守真理的教训,行事为人符合于真基督徒简单朴素的样式。在这一次寂寞的旅行中,我常常想到那种谬误风气的流行,心中极为悲伤。英国人既处在繁荣及优越的地位上,应当始终遵照神的慈爱及智慧,作为行事的指针,庶几不辜负那以平等对待全人类的良善,慈爱及全能之神的美意。可是他们奢侈贪婪,邪恶暴行,令人伤心。我心中深觉大灾难和毁灭的种子已在本土散播滋长,因此以不可言喻的忧伤之心盼望我们这些居住于沿海一带,尝试到上帝的慈爱良善的人,能够倚靠祂的力量奋起作忠心的使者,努力遏止这种种子的滋长,叫它们不至于成熟到把我们的子孙都毁灭了。
抵达歪俄明印第安人住区之后,听说一两天前有一个印第安传讯人带来消息,报告西部印第安人占领英人堡垒,杀伤人民,并图攻占另一堡垒的事。又在我们抵此的前夜,夜半时候另一印第安传讯人从距离威哈罗星约十里的某镇前来,报告有些印第安武士从远地抵达,携带两个英人首级,并宣布与英国人的战斗正在进行中。
我们的向导带我们往见一个年纪很大的人。我们刚把行李卸下,另一印第安人从相当距离的另一家来。知道有人走近门口我就出去;那人有一把斧子,藏在里衣看不见的地方;我走近他时他就抽了出来,拿在手里;我仍然上前,以友善态度同他说话,相信他懂得一点英语。这时候我的同伴出来,我们就同他谈起来此访问的目的;于是他和我们一同走进屋里,与我们的向导谈了些话,立即表示温和态度,坐下吸烟。虽然我靠近他时他把斧子拿在手中,样子颇不自然,但我相信他的用意只在防备意外的攻击。
听见了那印第安报讯者传来的消息,并知道歪俄明的印第安人日内即将移居到较大市镇上去,我想从表面情形看,此时旅行确是很危险的。一天辛苦旅行之后,夜间我内心颇觉痛苦,回想当初怎样开始进行这一次的访问工作;虽然我为了自己偶然的软弱忧伤,可是我找不出有故意违背神旨的事。既已明白我来此是负有使命的,乃觉心灵迫切,求主指示我所当行的。在这严重痛苦中,我很担忧自己是为了名誉,要人家相信我是一个能冒艰险的坚毅人物,还是为了恐怕此行徒劳无功,面上没有光采。这样整夜反复思想(我的同伴睡在我旁边),直到恩慈的父看见了我内心的矛盾,赐给我安静的心。于是我重新得到奉献生命的力量,并把一切有关各事都付托在祂手中,然后安眠到天亮。
清早起来(今天是六月十四日),出发访问所有住在附近可以见面的印第安人,他们多半住在离开我们所住约一里之遥的地方,人数约二十人。我向他们表达善意,并告诉他们是那真爱心使我愿意离开自己的家,来到他们的地方访问,和他们谈话。他们当中有些人懂得英语,态度颇为友善。辞别了这些印第安人后,我们溯萨斯刻罕那河而上约三里,到了一个名叫正月雅各的印第安人的家。他刚宰了他的猪,而女人们正在收藏食物,准备向河岸上游移动。我们的向导前次从上游下来时把他们的独木舟留在这里,因干燥而有了裂孔。为此我们逗留此地好几个钟头,有了机会和这一家人长谈;又和他们同吃中饭,赠送他们一点小礼物。这以后我们把行李放在舟上,有些人慢慢地把舟子向上流推,其他的人则乘马。我们让马匹游过一个名叫拉哈瓦哈妙克的河湾,拣一片比较高的野地张幕,夜间有了阵雨。上帝在我处患难中时帮助我,在试炼中扶持我,叫我的心信赖于祂,祂如此良善,使我在祂面前谦恭低头;当夜有了舒适的休息。
六月十五日,我们继续前行,下午遇到风暴。我们的独木舟在指定地点等着我们,我们就留此过夜,大雨继续不停地下,水冲过帐幕,人和行李都湿透了。第二天我们在路上发现前夜风雨吹倒了许多树木,叫我们想起主的恩眷,暴风雨袭击下为我们在山谷中安排稳妥地方。一路上我们常为倒塌的树木所阻,经过沼泽地带更觉困难。这一天我不时想到自己是世上的旅人。只因相信上帝必扶持祂子民经过今世的日子,心中殊觉安慰,深盼能够达到那完全信靠的境界。
我们只在指定的地方才看见我们的小舟,因为我们多半走在离河遥远的旱路上。今天下午从威哈罗星来的一个名叫齐拉卫的印第安人在河上和我们相见,这人能说流利的英语,和费城及其附近的一些人相识。他因知道我们将在什么地方宿夜,故意退回六里路,于夜间来到我们地方。不久我们的小舟到了,是辛辛苦苦地推到上流来的。齐拉卫告诉我们昨天有一个印第安人忽促地来到他们镇上,告诉他们几天之前有三个武士从远地来,投宿于威哈罗星附近一村镇上,这三人是往朱尼亚塔地方攻击英国人去的。齐拉卫是要到沙摩京某商店去的。在旅途中我身体虽颇健康,可是由于所经历的各种困难,和生活上重大改变,乃渐觉不支。关于那些印第安武士已很靠近我们,究竟我们会不会掉在他们手中这事,正在试验着我的信心;虽然由于神爱的力量,我曾数次奉献本身,愿意由神支配,但仍然觉得需要更多新的力量,叫我能够坚忍不移;为这缘故我向主求助,祂就在祂的怜恤中赐给我信赖之心,这样我心中又获平静。
六月十七日,我们和齐拉卫分手,继续前行,于午后抵达威哈罗星。我们最先看见的印第安人是一个温和庄重的妇人,带着一个婴儿。她先和我们的向导谈话,然后以和谐声音向我们表示欢迎意思,说是早先已听到了关于我们到来的消息。这时向导让我们坐在一块大木头上,他却往镇上去,通知大家我们已经抵达。我的同伴和我静坐不语,那妇人走过来坐在我们旁边,我们内心喜悦,因觉上帝的爱彰显在我们心中,大可敬畏。不久我们听见了几次吹螺角的声音,以后刻替斯和另一个印第安人来了,殷勤地请我们到靠近镇上的一个屋子去,到时发现有约六十人静坐在那里。和他们默坐一会儿后我就站立起来,在爱中先告诉他们我此行访问的性质,让他们知道为了关心他们的幸福我才不辞跋涉,到此地来看他们;短短的几句话,他们当中有懂英语的就翻译给其他的人听,大家都表示愉快。于是我让他们看我的证件,并略加解释。这时那位在路上追过我们的摩拉维兄弟也来了,他向我表示欢迎。
六月十八日,上午我们略事休息;这里印第安人知道摩拉维弟兄和我们是属于不同的宗教团体,而他们当中某些人特地约请了他前来小住,因此担心在他们的聚会中或将发生相左的意见,为了这事我猜想他们曾经商议过,他们又通知我愿意参加我在任何时所召集的聚会。同时告诉我摩拉维弟兄将在他们固定的聚会时间,即早晨和傍晚,向他们讲话。这时我心里觉得可以坦白告诉摩拉维弟兄我对这些人的善意,且表示我若在他们聚会上为爱心催迫而发言,相信不至于引起什么不良后果,这样我就无需在另外时间另集聚会。听了我这话之后他表示同意,并愿意我在任何时说出我心中所欲表达的话。
十八日晚上我参加了他们的聚会,会中充满着纯洁的福音之爱,好些人心里也满有这爱。翻译的人想把我所说的几句话表达给大家,但似乎颇觉困难;他们当中没有能充分了解英语或德拉瓦方言的,所以他们彼此帮助,这样继续下去,神爱充满会中。这时我心中充满祷告之灵,我告诉翻译的人我正在以心灵求告主,相信如果我的祷告是合宜的,祂必听我,并表示我愿意他们停止翻译;因此我们的聚会在神爱充沛中结束。当我们走出之时,我看见巴普尼汉(一个热心于改革工作的印第安人以后颇富爱心)向某一个翻译员说,“我喜欢知道那些话语的源头。”
六月十九日,星期日晨,那位和摩拉维弟兄同来的印第安人在聚会中祷告,他也是摩拉维教会会友。以后摩拉维弟兄向大家说了些话。下午他们好些人一起来,我心中充满着对他们的关切,我通过了译员向他们说话,但翻译的人对此道都不甚精,而我正感觉到爱之力量的奔流,于是我告诉翻译的人不必翻译,相信有些人能够明白我的话;至于那些不能完全听懂的,圣灵必启迪他们的心。我知道这是神施恩的时候,心中为爱所充满,在主前满心感恩。我坐下之后,有一位译员起立,好像是受圣灵感动,以印第安语将我所说的话撮要译出。
今早第一次聚会之前,我在默想,这些由于六国的政策而住居这一带的印第安人所遭受的各种困难。同情他们的念头油然而生。在基督爱中我对他们的爱心大为增加,比一个善良之人对他惟一亲兄弟所遭受不幸事件的关心,有过而无不及。我到此地来经历无数困难,虽然藉着上帝的仁慈,我相信如果我死在旅途中,对我亦有好处,可是当我软弱之时,想到可能落在印第安武士手中,亦觉恐惧;我的身体原是文弱的,万一让印第安人俘虏去了,又该怎么办呢?他们体强力壮,惯于辛劳,可能会驱使我作不能胜任的苦工。
可是主是我惟一的保护者,所以我相信我若被俘,必然是有着好目的的。因此我心时时信靠,并在信靠中得到安宁。虽然现在在我和家乡之间仍存在着危险的荒野,但我内心喜乐,因主赐我力量,得以来此访问,并在我信心微弱,自觉比许多印第安人都不如之时,向我显出慈父的眷爱。
前述聚会结束时已是夜晚,巴普尼汉上床休息;有一个翻译员坐在我旁边,我听见巴普尼汉以一种柔和声音说话约一二分钟,因询问译员他在说些什么,答称他在向上帝感谢当天他所得到的恩赐,并祈求祂继续将聚会中的经验施赐给他。虽说巴普尼汉先前已同意参加摩拉维派,但他对我们仍甚友善。
六月二十日曾参加两次聚会,均未发言。廿一日晨聚会我心中充满对他们的爱,于是以简短语句说出心中的话,由一位译员向大家译出。聚合在祷告情绪中结束,我应当谦恭承认主对我们的慈爱;我也相信机会之门开着,等待耶稣基督的忠仆此继续工作。
这时我觉得任务已毕,可以回家了,在聚会上我最后说话,并向大家道别,然后准备上路。有些活动份子告诉我们,在我们动身时当地居民希望和我们握手道别;那些常来聚会的人果然这样做了。这时我心中忽有一种催促,乃走近那些不常参加聚会的人,也向他们告别。那位摩拉维弟兄和他的印第安译员于临别时表示很友善态度。这威哈罗星镇位置于萨斯刻罕那河岸,居民约四十户,房子多靠在一起,有的约三十尺长十八尺宽,也有较大或较小的。房子的材料多数是木条,一端插在土中,另一端接在一木板上,木板覆以桷木,再盖上树皮。听说去冬大水淹没了镇上的大部分,所以有些人现在准备移家到较高的地方去。
我们原预料只有两个印第安人同行,但到了动身之时有许多人要往伯利恒售卖皮货,希望和我们结伴。于是他们把货物装在两条独木舟上,要我们从水路出发。据他们说现在因多雨河水甚高,骑马的人必须熟识河道,知道何处可以驱马过河。因此我们和几个印第安人坐在独木舟,其他七人则骑马,约定途中相聚地点,傍晚时份在一条名叫坦哈那的小河边宿夜,有些年青人于天未黑时携熗出去,不久带回来猎获的一头鹿。
六月廿二日我们在天黑以前抵达歪俄明,知道多数的印第安人已从这地方走开了。我们的船开进一条小湾,进入林中,张了布幕,放好行李。不久我们的马匹也都到了。
六月廿三日,晨起,他们把货物捆在马背上,我们也整顿行李上路,一行共十四人,途中不多停留,故当天即走到距离亚兰堡约半路地方。从歪俄明到我们边界的这条路土地非常贫瘠,草料很少,所以印第安人拣了一片较低草地露宿,好让马匹得些草料。我在路上出汗甚多,疲极熟睡。夜间我知道已着凉了,幸而不久复原。
六月廿四日,我们经过亚兰堡,在附近林中露宿,我们三次涉过德拉瓦河西面的小支流,因此避开了青岭的最高峰,即名为第二岭的山峦。第二次过河地方是穿过山谷的,河水又急又深,我同伴的马匹比较高大,也颇驯良,所以他让这马来回涉河数次,把其他小马载负的东西运了过来。正因西行之难,印第安人通过我们边区是不易的,这就是他们乐于同我们结伴旅行的原因;他们希望因此减少在路上所将引起的怀疑。
六月廿五日我们抵达伯利恒,一路上走在前头,告诉附近居民有印第安人和我们同行的事。此举确属必要,因边区居民最近常听到关于英国人为西部印第安人杀害的事,时刻存着戒心。我们同行中的一些人似乎不曾在聚会中见过,有些起初非常拘谨,但几天在一起之后,我们以友善对待他们,酬答他们在路上对我们的一切帮忙,这样他们就比前活泼而好交际了。
六月廿六日,星期日,我们小心地和这些印第安朋友们处理了一切有关这次旅行的事务,于是和他们告别,我想分别时他们都有友爱之心。我们继续前行,到了里士兰,和当地朋友们有了一次很愉快的聚会。在这里我和敬爱的旅伴派敏君分手,由传克君陪伴我骑马到卡瓦拉第的家,第二天续行抵达家门,看见家中人都平安。他们和其他朋友看见我从那么危险的旅行平安回来,都很高兴。当我在外时,我心力求完全顺服,且常确信主所定意命我作的事必能顺利完成。可是现在我必须小心谨慎,利用我所经历的一切试炼,力求依照天父的美意来造就自己,不至于因为使命的成功而骄傲起来,陷入于自私的网罗中。在英国人移民区和威哈罗星之间只有一条羊肠小径可通,而路上杂草丛生,倒塌树木横卧,阻挡去路;加以山峦,池沼,怪石等到处障碍,行旅为难。此外又有响尾蛇为害(我们曾击毙了四条)。没有到过的人大概不知道这些地方的真相。此行我非但学习了忍耐,且知道对上帝存感谢之心,祂教导我应当同情患难中的同类,就是那些在生活上陷于窘境的人。


子规月落

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等级: 内阁元老
配偶: 暖雯雯
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举报 只看该作者 7楼  发表于: 2013-10-26 0

Chapter 7
  FOURTH Month, 1760. -- Having for some time past felt a sympathy in my mindwith Friends eastward, I opened my concern in our Monthly Meeting, and,obtaining a certificate, set forward on the 17th of this month, in company withmy beloved friend Samuel Eastburn. We had meetings at Woodbridge, Rahway, andPlainfield, and were at their Monthly Meeting of ministers and elders inRahway. We laboured under some discouragement, but through the invisible powerof truth our visit was made reviving to the lowly-minded, with whom I felt anear unity of spirit, being much reduced in my mind. We passed on and visitedmost of the meetings on Long Island. It was my concern from day to day, to sayneither more nor less than what the Spirit of truth opened in me, being jealousover myself lest I should say anything to make my testimony look agreeable tothat mind in people which is not in pure obedience to the cross of Christ.
  The spring of the ministry was often low, and through the subjecting power oftruth we were kept low with it; from place to place they whose hearts weretruly concerned for the cause of Christ appeared to be comforted in ourlabours, and though it was in general a time of abasement of the creature, yet,through His goodness who is a helper of the poor, we had some truly edifyingseasons both in meetings and in families where we tarried. Sometimes we foundstrength to labour earnestly with the unfaithful, especially with those whosestation in families or in the Society was such that their example had apowerful tendency to open the way for others to go aside from the purity andsoundness of the blessed truth.
  At Jericho, on Long Island, I wrote home as follows: -24th of the Fourth Month, 1760.
  DEARLY BELOVED WIFE, -- We are favoured with health; have been at sundrymeetings in East Jersey and on this island. My mind hath been much in aninward, watchful frame since I left thee, greatly desiring that our proceedingsmay be singly in the will of our Heavenly Father.
  As the present appearance of things is not joyous, I have been much shut upfrom outward cheerfulness, remembering that promise, "Then shalt thou delightthyself in the Lord"; as this from day to day has been revived in my memory, Ihave considered that His internal presence in our minds is a delight of allothers the most pure, and that the honest-hearted not only delight in this, butin the effect of it upon them. He regards the helpless and distressed, andreveals His love to His children under affliction, who delight in beholding Hisbenevolence, and in feeling divine charity moving in them. Of this I may speaka little, for, though since I left you I have often an engaging love andaffection towards thee and my daughter and friends about home, and going out atthis time, when sickness is so great amongst you, is a trial upon me; yet Ioften remember there are many widows and fatherless, many who have poor tutors,many who have evil examples before them, and many whose minds are in captivity;for whose sake my heart is at times moved with compassion, so that I feel mymind resigned to leave you for a season, to exercise that gift which the Lordhath bestowed on me, which though small compared with some, yet in this Irejoice that I feel love unfeigned towards my fellow-creatures. I recommend youto the Almighty, who, I trust, cares for you, and under a sense of His heavenlylove remain,Thy loving husband, J. W.
  We crossed from the east end of Long Island to New London, about thirtymiles, in a large open boat; while we were out, the wind rising high, the wavesseveral times beat over us, so that to me it appeared dangerous, but my mindwas at that time turned to Him who made and governs the deep, and my life wasresigned to Him; as He was mercifully pleased to preserve us, I had freshoccasion to consider every day as a day lent to me, and felt a renewedengagement to devote my time, and all I had, to Him who gave it.
  We had five meetings in Narraganset, and went thence to Newport on RhodeIsland. Our gracious Father preserved us in an humble dependence on Him throughdeep exercises that were mortifying to the creaturely will. In several familiesin the country where we lodged, I felt an engagement on my mind to have aconference with them in private, concerning their slaves; and through divineaid I was favoured to give up thereto. Though in this concern I differ frommany whose service in travelling is, I believe, greater than mine, yet I do notthink hardly of them for omitting it; I do not repine at having so unpleasant atask assigned me, but look with awfulness to Him who appoints to His servantstheir respective employments, and is good to all who serve Him sincerely.
  We got to Newport in the evening, and on the next day visited two sickpersons, with whom we had comfortable sittings, and in the afternoon attended the burial of a Friend. The next day we were at meetings at Newport, in theforenoon and afternoon; the spring of the ministry was opened, and strength wasgiven to declare the Word of Life to the people.
  The day following we went on our journey, but the great number of slaves inthese parts, and the continuance of that trade from thence to Guinea, made adeep impression on me, and my cries were often put up to my Heavenly Father insecret, that He would enable me to discharge my duty faithfully in such way asHe might be pleased to point out to me.
  We took Swansea, Freetown, and Taunton in our way to Boston, where also wehad a meeting; our exercise was deep, and the love of truth prevailed, forwhich I bless the Lord. We went eastward about eighty miles beyond Boston,taking meetings, and were in a good degree preserved in an humble dependence onthat arm which drew us out; and though we had some hard labour with thedisobedient, by laying things home and close to such as were stout against thetruth, yet through the goodness of God we had at times to partake of heavenlycomfort with those who were meek, and were often favoured to part with Friendsin the nearness of true gospel fellowship. We returned to Boston and hadanother comfortable opportunity with Friends there, and thence rode back aday's journey eastward of Boston. Our guide being a heavy man, and the weatherhot, my companion and I expressed our freedom to go on without him, to which heconsented, and we respectfully took our leave of him; this we did as believingthe journey would have been hard to him and his horse.
  In visiting the meetings in those parts we were measurably baptized into afeeling of the state of the Society, and in bowedness of spirit went to theYearly Meeting at Newport, where we met with John Storer from England,Elizabeth Shipley, Ann Gaunt, Hannah Foster, and Mercy Redman, from our parts,all ministers of the gospel, of whose company I was glad. Understanding that alarge number of slaves had been imported from Africa into that town, and werethen on sale by a member of our Society, my appetite failed, and I grewoutwardly weak, and had a feeling of the condition of Habakkuk, as thusexpressed: "When I heard, my belly trembled, my lips quivered, I trembled inmyself, that I might rest in the day of trouble." I had many cogitations, andwas sorely distressed. I was desirous that Friends might petition theLegislature to use their endeavours to discourage the future importation ofslaves, for I saw that this trade was a great evil, and tended to multiplytroubles, and to bring distresses on the people for whose welfare my heart wasdeeply concerned. But I perceived several difficulties in regard topetitioning, and such was the exercise of my mind that I thought ofendeavouring to get an opportunity to speak a few words in the House ofAssembly then sitting in town.
  This exercise came upon me in the afternoon on the second day of the YearlyMeeting, and on going to bed I got no sleep till my mind was wholly resignedthereto. In the morning I inquired of a Friend how long the Assembly was likelyto continue sitting, who told me it was expected to be prorogued that day orthe next. As I was desirous to attend the business of the meeting, andperceived the Assembly was likely to separate before the business was over,after considerable exercise, humbly seeking to the Lord for instruction, mymind settled to attend on the business of the meeting; on the last day of whichI had prepared a short essay of a petition to be presented to the Legislature,if way opened. And being informed that there were some appointed by that YearlyMeeting to speak with those in authority on cases relating to the Society, Iopened my mind to several of them, and showed them the essay I had made, andafterwards I opened the case in the meeting for business, in substance asfollows: -I have been under a concern for some time on account of the great number ofslaves which are imported into this colony. I am aware that it is a tenderpoint to speak to, but apprehend I am not clear in the sight of Heaven withoutdoing so. I have prepared an essay of a petition to be presented to theLegislature, if way open; and what I have to propose to this meeting is thatsome Friends may be named to withdraw and look over it, and report whether theybelieve it suitable to be read in the meeting. If they should think well ofreading it, it will remain for the meeting to consider whether to take anyfurther notice of it, as a meeting, or not.
  After a short conference some Friends went out, and, looking over it,expressed their willingness to have it read, which being done, many expressedtheir unity with the proposal, and some signified that to have the subjects ofthe petition enlarged upon, and signed out of meeting by such as were free,would be more suitable than to do it there. Though I expected at first that ifit was done it would be in that way, yet such was the exercise of my mind thatto move it in the hearing of Friends when assembled appeared to me as a duty,for my heart yearned towards the inhabitants of these parts, believing that bythis trade there had been an increase of inquietude amongst them, and way hadbeen made for the spreading of a spirit opposite to that meekness and humilitywhich is a sure resting-place for the soul; and that the continuance of thistrade would not only render their healing more difficult, but would increasetheir malady.
  Having proceeded thus far, I felt easy to leave the essay amongst Friends,for them to proceed in it as they believed best. And now an exercise revived inmy mind in relation to lotteries, which were common in those parts. I hadmentioned the subject in a former sitting of this meeting, when arguments were used in favour of Friends being held excused who were only concerned in suchlotteries as were agreeable to law. And now, on moving it again, it was opposedas before; but the hearts of some solid Friends appeared to be united todiscourage the practice amongst their members, and the matter was zealouslyhandled by some on both sides. In this debate it appeared very clear to me thatthe spirit of lotteries was a spirit of selfishness, which tended to confuseand darken the understanding, and that pleading for it in our meetings, whichwere set apart for the Lord's work, was not right. In the heat of zeal, I madereply to what an ancient Friend said, and when I sat down I saw that my wordswere not enough seasoned with charity. After this I spoke no more on thesubject. At length a minute was made, a copy of which was to be sent to theirseveral Quarterly Meetings, inciting Friends to labour to discourage thepractice amongst all professing with us.
  Some time after this minute was made I remained uneasy with the manner of myspeaking to the ancient Friend, and could not see my way clear to conceal myuneasiness, though I was concerned that I might say nothing to weaken the causein which I had laboured. After some close exercise and hearty repentence fornot having attended closely to the safe guide, I stood up, and, reciting thepassage, acquainted Friends that though I durst not go from what I had said asto the matter, yet I was uneasy with the manner of my speaking, believingmilder language would have been better. As this was uttered in some degree ofcreaturely abasement after a warm debate, it appeared to have a good savouramongst us.
  The Yearly Meeting being now over, there yet remained on my mind a secretthough heavy exercise, in regard to some leading active members about Newport,who were in the practice of keeping slaves. This I mentioned to two ancientFriends who came out of the country, and proposed to them, if way opened, tohave some conversation with those members. One of them and I, having consultedone of the most noted elders who had slaves, he, in a respectful manner,encouraged me to proceed to clear myself of what lay upon me. Near thebeginning of the Yearly Meeting, I had had a private conference with this saidelder and his wife concerning their slaves, so that the way seemed clear to meto advise with him about the manner of proceeding.
  I told him I was free to have a conference with them all together in aprivate house; or, if he thought they would take it unkind to be asked to cometogether, and to be spoken with in the hearing of one another, I was free tospend some time amongst them, and to visit them all in their own houses. Heexpressed his liking to the first proposal, not doubting their willingness tocome together; and, as I proposed a visit to only ministers, elders, andoverseers, he named some others whom he desired might also be present. A careful messenger being wanted to acquaint them in a proper manner, he offeredto go to all their houses, to open the matter to them, -- and did so. About theeighth hour the next morning we met in the meeting-house chamber, the last-mentioned country Friend, my companion, and John Storer being with us. After ashort time of retirement, I acquainted them with the steps I had taken inprocuring that meeting, and opened the concern I was under, and we thenproceeded to a free conference upon the subject. My exercise was heavy, and Iwas deeply bowed in spirit before the Lord, who was pleased to favour with theseasoning virtue of truth, which wrought a tenderness amongst us; and thesubject was mutually handled in a calm and peaceable spirit. At length, feelingmy mind released from the burden which I had been under, I took my leave ofthem in a good degree of satisfaction; and by the tenderness they manifested inregard to the practice, and the concern several of them expressed in relationto the manner of disposing of their negroes after their decease, I believedthat a good exercise was spreading amongst them: and I am humbly thankful toGod, who supported my mind and preserved me in a good degree of resignationthrough these trials.
  Thou who sometimes travellest in the work of the ministry, and art made verywelcome by thy friends, seest many tokens of their satisfaction in having theefor their guest. It is good for thee to dwell deep, that thou mayest feel andunderstand the spirits of people. If we believe truth points towards aconference on some subjects in a private way, it is needful for us to take heedthat their kindness, their freedom and affability, do not hinder us from theLord's work. I have experienced that, in the midst of kindness and smoothconduct, to speak close and home to them who entertain us, on points thatrelate to outward interest, is hard labour. Sometimes, when I have felt truthlead towards it, I have found myself disqualified by a superficial friendship;and as the sense thereof hath abased me and my cries have been to the Lord, soI have been humbled and made content to appear weak, or as a fool for His sake;and thus a door hath been opened to enter upon it. To attempt to do the Lord'swork in our own way, and to speak of that which is the burden of the Word in away easy to the natural part, doth not reach the bottom of the disorder. To seethe failings of our friends, and think hard of them, without opening that whichwe ought to open, and still carry a face of friendship, tends to undermine thefoundation of true unity. The office of a minister of Christ is weighty, andthey who now go forth as watchmen have need to be steadily on their guardagainst the snares of prosperity and an outside friendship.
  After the Yearly Meeting we were at meetings at Newtown, Cushnet, Long Plain,Rochester, and Dartmouth. From thence we sailed for Nantucket, in company withAnn Gaunt, Mercy Redman, and several other Friends. The wind being slack weonly reached Tarpawling Cove the first day; where, going on shore, we found room in a public-house, and beds for a few of us, -- the rest slept on thefloor. We went on board again about break of day, and though the wind wassmall, we were favoured to come within about four miles of Nantucket; and thenabout ten of us got into our boat and rowed to the harbour before dark; a largeboat went off and brought in the rest of the passengers about midnight. Thenext day but one was their Yearly Meeting, which held four days, the last ofwhich was their Monthly Meeting for business. We had a labourious time amongstthem; our minds were closely exercised, and I believe it was a time of greatsearching of heart. The longer I was on the island the more I became sensiblethat there was a considerable number of valuable Friends there, though an evilspirit, tending to strife, had been at work amongst them. I was cautious ofmaking any visits except as my mind was particularly drawn to them; and in thatway we had some sittings in Friends' houses, where the heavenly wing was attimes spread over us, to our mutual comfort. My beloved companion had veryacceptable service on this island.
  When meeting was over, we all agreed to sail the next day if the weather wassuitable and we were well; and being called up the latter part of the night,about fifty of us went on board a vessel; but, the wind changing, the seamenthought best to stay in the harbour till it altered, so we returned on shore.
  Feeling clear as to any further visits, I spent my time in my chamber, chieflyalone; and after some hours, my heart being filled with the spirit ofsupplication, my prayers and tears were poured out before my Heavenly Fatherfor His help and instruction in the manifold difficulties which attended me inlife. While I was waiting upon the Lord, there came a messenger from the womenFriends who lodged at another house, desiring to confer with us aboutappointing a meeting, which to me appeared weighty, as we had been at so manybefore; but after a short conference, and advising with some elderly Friends, ameeting was appointed, in which the Friend who first moved it, and who had beenmuch shut up before, was largely opened in the love of the gospel. The nextmorning about break of day going again on board the vessel, we reached Falmouthon the Main before night, where our horses being brought, we proceeded towardsSandwich Quarterly Meeting.
  Being two days in going to Nantucket, and having been there once before, Iobserved many shoals in their bay, which make sailing more dangerous,especially in stormy nights; also, that a great shoal which encloses theirharbour prevents the entrance of sloops except when the tide is up. Waitingwithout for the rising of the tide is sometimes hazardous in storms, and bywaiting within they sometimes miss a fair wind. I took notice that there was onthat small island a great number of inhabitants, and the soil not very fertile,the timber being so gone that for vessels, fences, and firewood, they depend chiefly on buying from the Main, for the cost whereof, with most of their otherexpenses, they depend principally upon the whale fishery.
  I considered that as towns grew larger, and lands near navigable waters weremore cleared, it would require more labour to get timber and wood. I understoodthat the whales, being much hunted and sometimes wounded and not killed, growmore shy and difficult to come at. I considered that the formation of theearth, the seas, the islands, bays, and rivers, the motions of the winds andgreat waters, which cause bars and shoals in particular places, were all theworks of Him who is perfect wisdom and goodness; and as people attend to Hisheavenly instruction, and put their trust in Him, He provides for them in allparts where he gives them a being; and as in this visit to these people I felta strong desire for their firm establishment on the sure foundation, besideswhat was said more publicly, I was concerned to speak with the women Friends intheir Monthly Meeting of business, many being present, and in the fresh springof pure love to open before them the advantage, both inwardly and outwardly, ofattending singly to the pure guidance of the Holy Spirit, and therein toeducate their children in true humility and the disuse of all superfluities. Ireminded them of the difficulties their husbands and sons were frequentlyexposed to at sea, and that the more plain and simple their way of living wasthe less need there would be of running great hazards to support them.
  I also encouraged the young women to continue their neat, decent way ofattending themselves on the affairs of the house; showing, as the way opened,that where people were truly humble, used themselves to business, and werecontent with a plain way of life, they had ever had more true peace andcalmness of mind than they who, aspiring to greatness and outward show, havegrasped hard for an income to support themselves therein. And as I observedthey had so few or no slaves, I had to encourage them to be content withoutthem, making mention of the numerous troubles and vexations which frequentlyattended the minds of the people who depend on slaves to do their labour.
  We attended the Quarterly Meeting at Sandwich, in company with Ann Gaunt andMercy Redman, which was preceded by a Monthly Meeting, and in the whole heldthree days. We were in various ways exercised amongst them, in gospel love,according to the several gifts bestowed on us, and were at times overshadowedwith the virtue of truth, to the comfort of the sincere and stirring up of thenegligent. Here we parted with Ann and Mercy, and went to Rhode Island, takingone meeting in our way, which was a satisfactory time. Reaching Newport theevening before their Quarterly Meeting, we attended it, and after that had ameeting with our young people, separated from those of other societies. We wentthrough much labour in this town; and now, in taking leave of it, though I feltclose inward exercise to the last, I found inward peace, and was in some degree comforted in a belief that a good number remain in that place who retain asense of truth, and that there are some young people attentive to the voice ofthe Heavenly Shepherd. The last meeting, in which Friends from the severalparts of the quarter came together, was a select meeting, and through therenewed manifestation of the Father's love the hearts of the sincere wereunited together.
  The poverty of spirit and inward weakness, with which I was much tried thefore part of this journey, has of late appeared to me a dispensation ofkindness. Appointing meetings never appeared more weighty to me, and I was ledinto a deep search whether in all things my mind was resigned to the will ofGod; often querying with myself what should be the cause of such inwardpoverty, and greatly desiring that no secret reserve in my heart might hindermy access to the divine fountain. In these humbling times I was made watchful,and excited to attend to the secret movings of the heavenly principle in mymind, which prepared the way to some duties, that, in more easy and prosperoustimes as to the outward, I believe I should have been in danger of omitting.
  From Newport we went to Greenwich, Shanticut, and Warwick, and were helped tolabour amongst Friends in the love of our gracious Redeemer. Afterwards,accompanied by our friend John Casey from Newport, we rode through Connecticutto Oblong, visited the meetings in those parts, and thence proceeded to theQuarterly Meeting at Ryewoods. Through the gracious extendings of divine help,we had some seasoning opportunities in those places. We also visited Friends atNew York and Flushing, and thence to Rahway. Here our roads parting, I tookleave of my beloved companion and true yokemate Samuel Eastburn, and reachedhome the 10th of Eighth Month, where I found my family well. For the favoursand protection of the Lord, both inward and outward, extended to me in thisjourney, my heart is humbled in grateful acknowledgments, and I find reneweddesires to dwell and walk in resignedness before Him.

这些时候心中颇想念东部的朋友们,曾向我们的月会提出这事,并取得证件,于一七六○年四月十七日出发。好友伊斯特本于约定时间前来,我们乃结伴同行。
我 们在武德布洛兹,拉卫,普楞飞德诸地都有聚会,也参加他们在拉卫举行的牧师及长老月会。我们在某些不愉快的情况下工作,但藉着真理的无形能力,我们的访问 对那些谦虚者颇有益助,我既觉得自己在精神上颇为衰弱,因此更和他们接近了。我们继续旅行,访问了长岛方面多数的聚会处。每天我都留意所说的话只是真理之 灵要我说的,不多不少,因恐一不小心,将说了一些迎合那些不完全顺服基督十架者之心意的话。
我 们教牧工作的动力往往非常薄弱,因此我们藉着真理的能力,学会了谦卑;我们所到的地方,凡真正关心基督事工的人,似乎都从我们得到安慰;虽然这时候一般人 是趋向于堕落的,但藉着那帮助穷困者的上帝的良善,我们得了一些有益的时光,无论是在聚会或在家庭访问中;有时候我们觉得在那些信心动摇之人当中工作大有 能力,尤其是对那些在家庭或社会上有地位,他们的行为很可能引人背离真理正路的人工作,更是如此。
在长岛的耶利哥地方,我写了给妻的一封信:
我所亲爱的:
我们都平安健康,在东泽西一带和长岛参加了许多聚会。自从同你分别以来,我内心时刻在警醒中,但愿我们所进行的确能符合天父的旨意。
目 前的工作似乎不可乐观,在外表上我没有欢乐,却记得圣经上的应许,“你将以耶和华为乐。”每天这句话在我记忆中显出,我认为祂之在我们心中乃是一切可乐之 事的最纯洁者,忠诚的人非但以此为乐,且以它所生的影响为乐。那关心困苦无助者的神已彰显了祂对祂处在患难中的子女之爱。他们仰望祂的仁爱,感觉到那爱在 心中运行,并以之为乐。这一点我应该略为提及,因为自从和你分别以来,我时时觉得对你,我的女儿,和其他好友的爱心;当你们中间好些人患重病的时候离开 你,这对我确是一件极难堪的事;可是我时常想起许多寡妇和孤儿,许多人在不良导师之下,受到恶劣影响,也有许多人心被奴役;为着这些人的缘故我常受感动, 认为暂时和你们分离是应当的,好将主赐给我的恩典应用出来;虽然我的恩赐比不上一些别人的,可是我仍以我对同胞所存的诚实无伪的爱心为乐。我自己时常感觉 到全能者的爱,所以将你付托给祂,知道祂必看顾保守你。
你的丈夫伍尔曼约翰书
一七六○年四月廿四日
我 们从长岛东端渡海,新伦敦,航程约三十里。我们所乘的是一条的船,开蓬出海之时风浪甚大,浪涛袭击船只多次,殊甚危险,只是当时我心倾向于创造及掌管深渊 的上帝,并将生命付托于祂;祂既然怜恤地保守了我们,叫我有机会想到每一天的时间都是向神支借的,更觉应当把我的时间和其他一切所有的,奉献给那赐给我这 一切的主。
我 们在那刺干塞特地方参加了五次聚会,从那里又往罗德岛的新埠去。施恩的天父保守了我们,并将消除我们的意志,锻炼我们,叫我们谦卑地倚靠祂。在我们所住地 方有几家朋友,我觉得应当和他们私下谈谈关于他们畜奴的事;由于神的帮助,我终于得以履行任务。对于这事我的主张似乎和许多比我更有工作能力的人相左,他 们之避免讨论这事我亦不怪他们。我并不埋怨这一任务的艰辛及不愉快,却以敬畏之心仰望神,祂指派不同仆人各尽职责,并恩待一切忠心服事祂的人。
夜间我们抵达新埠,隔天访问了两位病人,和他们谈话。下午参加某朋友的葬礼。第二天在新埠数次参加聚会,心里觉得工作之门已开,上帝给我们力量向居民宣布生命之道。
第二天我们继续旅行。这一带地方奴隶之多,和与基尼间来往贩运奴隶的情况深刻地印在我的脑中,我不时在隐密中呼求天父叫我能够按照祂所指示的方法履行我的责任。
在 赴波士敦参加聚会途中,我们经过斯温西,夫里坦,汤吞诸地。我们心中感觉甚深,充满真理之爱,应当感谢主恩。我们到了波士敦以东约八十里地方,参加聚会, 蒙保守谦虚地倚靠带领我们出来的臂膀。虽然那些不顺服和坚决反对真理的人使我们在工作中遭遇若干困难,可是藉着上帝的良善,我们有时和那些温柔的人一同享 受天上来的安慰,也常常和朋友们同享在福音中的团契。回到波士敦时我们又有了和朋友们相聚的另一机会,以后又骑马经一日路程到波士敦以东地方。我们的向导 是一个肥胖的人,天气又热,长途旅行对他和他的坐骑均甚困难,所以我的同伴和我向他表示无需他继续向导,他同意了,于是我们同他在互相尊重中分手。
我 们访问这一带聚会处,对团体的一般情况略能了解,于是以谦虚之心前往参加在新埠举行的年会。会中我们见到了从英国来的斯托雷,和从本洲各地来的瑟比里女 士,冠特夫人,福斯特夫人及热地曼等,都是福音的使者,得与他们相会确甚愉快。这时我知悉有一大批奴隶从非洲贩运至此,由一个本会会友经售。这消息使我食 欲减退,身体十分衰弱,我的感觉正如哈巴谷一样,他说,“当我听见了……身体战兢,嘴唇发颤……在我所立之处战兢,等候灾难之日临到”(参哈3:16)。 这时我筹谋甚多,非常苦恼。我希望当地朋友们向立法机关请求设法禁止贩运奴隶入口之事,因为我看出这种买卖是极严重的邪恶,将造成无穷灾害,延祸于我所深 切关怀的这一带居民。但我知道作此要求将牵涉到好些困难问题;为了这一切我心中切盼能有机会向正在会期中的议会发言。
这 种意念是在年会第二天下午发生的,当晚上床不能成眠,一直到心中完全顺服。翌晨我询问一位朋友议会会期将继续至何时,他告诉我一二日内即将休会。当时我盼 望参加本年会的会务讨论,可是知道议会必在我们的会务讨论结束之前休会,因此游移不决,经过严重思想,求主指示之后,终于决定参加会务讨论;到了最后一 天,我草拟一封短文,准备若机会许可的话,呈送立法会议。这时听说年会已委派某些人向当局陈述有关本团体的一些事,我乘这机会向他们当中数人披露我的心 意,把我所草就的短文给他们看,同时将这事件提交会务会议讨论。我的提案大要如下:
“ 好些时候以来我为着大批奴隶被运至本邦这件事心中不安。明知提出这一问题必得罪许多人,可是若不说出,在神面前将无以自白。我已草就一短文,拟呈立法会 议。我今建议本会指派会友研究此文,然后报告本会,是否他们认为本文宜于在会中宣读。若认为宜于宣读,则本会当决定是否将采取进一步的行动。”
略 加讨论之后,有几位朋友退席,在外阅读本文,赞同本文在会中宣读。宣读之后,许多人表示同意我的提议,另有些人则认为呈文内容须加扩大,并由会外凡同意文 中意见者签名,较为适合。我原来亦有此意,但现在我希望呈文由本会通过提出,因为我心中很受感动,关怀这一带居民,相信由于这种邪恶的贸易,他们当中祸患 必日渐增加;那种与谦卑及人道精神——即人类灵魂的安息处所——相违背的风气却更易于传布;而这种贸易若继续下去,则此种病症非但无法加以纠正,反将更加 沉重。
事 情进行到这里,我认为已经可以把呈文交给此地的朋友们,让他们依照他们所认为最好的方法提出。现在对于在这一带地方盛行的彩票赌博一事的关怀又临到我心 中。我先前曾在本会议的某次聚会中提出这一问题,那些为赌博辩护者所提的理由乃是它并不抵触法律。这次再行提出,所遇到的反对理由与前相同;可是有些忠实 的朋友们却一致表示愿意在会中阻止赌博之事,双方对此争论颇烈。这一场辩论使我更清楚地看出赌博的自私性,足以混乱和蒙蔽人们的理解力;在我们的聚会上为 它辩护是错误的,因为它和主的事工不相符合。在热烈的争辩中我曾以不甚温和的话回答一位老辈友会,及至坐下来后,才觉得我的话实在缺少慈爱,因此缄默不再 提这件事。以后会中通过了一议案,分别通知所属季会,劝勉朋友阻止会友之从事赌博。
这 议案通过后,我心中仍因曾以不良态度与前辈朋友说话而觉不安,且无法掩饰这种不安之情,只是我仍谨慎,不愿意说出任何足以削弱我对这问题之主张的话。在心 中为了不曾紧张随圣灵引导而痛切悔改之后,我就站立起来提起这事,告诉朋友们我虽然不敢改变这问题的初衷,可是我知道我若应用比较温和的言语,必将有更好 的结果。在一场意气的争执之后,这几句自卑的话似乎使大家觉得轻松愉快多了。
现 在年会已告结束,但我心中仍有一件隐密而觉沉重的事,即关于新埠方面某些畜奴的会友。我曾向两位从乡间来的前辈朋友提起这事,表示若机会许可的话,愿意和 这些畜奴会友谈谈。其中一人和我同往会见当地最著名的长老之一,他也是拥有奴隶的人,他以尊重的态度鼓励我把心中的话说了出来。在将近年会召开之期,我有 了一次机会和这位长老及其夫人谈论关于他们的奴隶的事,所以现在可以进一步劝勉他们如何处理这一问题。我告诉他我愿意和他们一起在某私人住宅会见,但若他 认为他们不喜一起前来,我也愿意个别地到他们各人府上访问。他表示属意前者,因相信他们都愿意一起前来;我的原意是只会见牧师,长老和监督等,但他提出一 些别人的名字,说他们也应该出席。当时我们需要一位谨慎小心的人通知他们,他自愿担任这工作,亲至各家说明聚会目的。第二天早晨八点左右我们在聚会所厅上 相见,和我们在一起的有上面所提到的那位乡间来的朋友和斯托雷君。大家默祷片刻之后,我告诉他们召开这谈话会的经过,和我个人对这件事的关怀,于是我们开 始自由地交换意见。我心中颇觉沉重,在主前谦恭俯首;蒙主施恩赐下真理之德,使我们当中有温柔爱心,大家在安静柔和中讨论这一问题。终于我心中如释重负, 于向他们告别时颇觉满意。从他们关怀这事所表现的爱心,和从他们当中某些人之表示他们死后要如何处理黑奴,我相信善意已开始在他们当中滋长。我谦恭地为此 感谢上帝,因祂支持我,使我在这一切试炼中能够顺服祂。
你 们有时旅行各地为主工作的人,往往受朋友的热烈欢迎,从许多地方看出他们因为能够接待你们而得到满足。那么,你们在和他们的交接中应当深入了解他们。如果 我们相信依私下谈话的方式更能说明某些问题的要点,那么我们就须留意不叫他们的殷勤和蔼阻碍了主的工作。我从经验知道在那种客气殷勤的空气中,要向那些接 待你的主人说出有关他们属世利益的话,确是一件难事。有时候当我觉得真理是如此导引的时候,我又发现自己受了面子友谊的影响,不配说话。当这种感觉苦恼我 时,我就向主呼吁,知道我自己的卑微软弱,恰像愚拙的人,这样,机会之门就为我开着。企图以我们的意旨来做主的工作,且以平凡的方法来述说真道所晓谕的, 必不能达到那混乱的核心。看见我们的朋友们跌倒,心中不值他们的行为,却不指出我们所应当指出的,仍然带着一副友谊的面具,这就是危害了真团契的基础。作 为一个基督工人的职务是极其艰巨的;既然成为守望的人,就须谨慎提防,不因与会友中之昌盛者间的友谊而松于规劝。
年 会过后我们又到纽坦,卡士那特,长原,罗撒斯特,和达茅资诸地参加聚会。以后又从海路往南塔刻特岛,同行的有冠特夫人,热地曼和其他几位朋友。第一天未得 好风,我们的船只走到塔普宁湾,在那里上岸,找到一家旅店的房间,只有几张床位,其他的人睡在地板上。第二天天亮又上船,风虽微弱,但船已到达距离南塔刻 特约四里地方。我们当中约十人在天黑以前划小船进港;到了午夜时份有一条较大的船出去把其余的客人接来。过两天他们的年会开始,会期四天,最后一天也是他 们月会讨论会务的一天。我们在他们当中颇费苦心,大家有亲密的感觉,而我相信这是寻觅人心的重要时机,我在岛上逗留的时间越长,越发现这地方有许多忠诚的 朋友,虽然邪灵猖獗,在他们当中兴风作浪。这时候我对访问工作极为谨慎,不敢随便,除非心中有特别感动,即不访问。有几次在朋友家中聚会,神翼覆盖,叫我 们都得安慰。我所敬爱的友伴在这岛工作有优异的成绩。
会 期结束之后,大家同意若天气适合而大家觉得精神不错,隔天即可出航。午夜以后我们给唤醒了,收拾上船,搭客约五十人;可是不久风向变了,船家认为最好暂缓 出海,等待好风,于是我们又上岸去了。这时我觉得无须再作访问工作,多半时间独自留在房中;过了不久我心中充满着祷告情绪,我的祈求和眼泪在天父面前一齐 涌出,恳求祂在我生命上所遭遇的一切困难中帮助及带领我。当我在静候主的旨意之时,住在另一屋子的女会友们差人前来,要求我们指定一聚会时间;这使我颇觉 为难,因为我们已有许多类似的聚会;但略事商讨并请教前辈会友之后,我们也就指定了一次聚会的时间,会中那位建议聚会的姊妹发言;过去她不多说话,这时在 福音爱中大有见证的能力。第二天我们再上船,傍晚时份抵达大陆上的法茅资。我们的马匹已在等着我们,于是上马赶往参加撒得维起的季会。
这 次到南塔刻特有两天路程,从前也来过一次,我发现此海湾有许多沙滩,使航行非常危险,尤其是在风雨之夜。我又看见一大沙洲围绕着港口,使较大的船只有在水 涨时才能进出。在港外等待水涨有时使他们遇到暴风,在港内等待则有时误失了好风。我也注意到小岛上有许多居民,而土地贫瘠,所产木材都用完了,所以为了造 船,筑篱,和燃烧之用等,他们只得从大陆上运入。这运进木材的费用和其他费用主要是依靠捕鲸业来抵付的。我想到这些市镇的规模日渐扩展,而靠近水路交通区 域所产木材无多,砍伐木料颇费劳力;至于捕鲸业因搜捕过多,且有时击伤了鲸鱼而未加捕获,因此鲸鱼多畏避不来。我又想到地形,海,岛屿,港湾,河流和那在 某些特殊地方造成沙洲的风汛等,都是那位全智全善之神的作为;人若遵行祂的命令,一心信靠祂,祂供给他们生活上所需的一切。在访问这里居民时,我有了一种 强烈愿望,要他们在那可靠的基础上建立自己,所以除了一些公开的劝勉之外,我又找机会在女会友讨论会务的月会上向她们讲话,出席的人数颇多;我以纯爱的心 告诉她们,一心遵行圣灵的引领,并以此教育儿女学习谦虚,放弃一切奢侈生活,这样无论在内心或外表方面,均大有益处。我要他们记得她们的丈夫或儿子在海上 工作是何等困难,如果她们能过一种更简单朴素的生活,她们的男人则可以无需多冒危险,挣钱来供给她们;我又劝勉年轻妇女整洁朴素,勤于家务,并尽机会所许 可向她们表示,凡真正谦虚,亲自劳动,满足于朴素生活的人,往往比那些好大喜功,虚张声势,拼命挣钱来支持这种门面的人更能过着真正平静泰然的生活。当我 发现他们当中很少有畜奴的人,我就鼓励他们应该以没有奴隶为满足,并提起那些倚靠奴隶劳动者心中所常有的许多烦闷苦恼。
我 和冠特夫人及热地曼同往参加散得维起的季会。这季会召开之前他们曾有月会。两会会期共三天。我们依照所得各种恩赐,在福音爱中,以不同方法在他们当中工 作。有时候我们为真理的圣德所荫蔽,能够安慰忠诚,鼓舞冷淡。在这里我们和冠特夫人及热地曼分别,前往罗德岛,途中参加过一次聚会,获益良多。我们在季会 开始的前夜抵达新埠,即行参加聚会,会后又和一些从别的教会分离出来的青年人会谈。在这城中我们有许多工作,虽然内心始终有许多挂虑,临别时却甚平安,且 因知道此地还有不少明白真理的人,也有好些喜听天上牧者声音的青年人,心中颇得安慰。最后一次聚会是牧师和长老的特别聚会,从各地来的朋友们聚在一起,由 于天父之爱的一再彰显,所有忠诚者的心都契合无间。
当 我开始旅行之初所经验到的灵性上的贫乏和内在的软弱,后来却变成为从主而来的仁慈。约定聚会之事对我似乎是极沉重的,我曾深自检讨,是否每一次都完全顺服 神的旨意;并省察为什么内心如此贫乏,深深盼望心中没有什么足以阻碍自己接受神圣泉源的秘密处。在我存心谦虚之时,我就得到帮助,知道警醒并留意心中那真 理之灵深刻的运行,这样许多责任就放在我的身上,我想当我心中充塞之时,我对这些责任必将有疏忽的危险。
在 离开新埠往康涅狄格去的路上我们参加了三个地方的聚会,又访问格林尼治,掸狄格,和窝立克诸地,然后和从新埠来的朋友卡息君结伴,骑马经过康涅狄格到奥 郎,访问这一带的聚会处,并从这里前往参加在赖武德举行的季会。在神的恩眷帮助之下,我们在这一带有了一些好机会。以后我们又至纽约,发拉星,拉维卫诸地 访问朋友,在此地和我所敬爱的朋友及同工伊斯特本分别,于一七六○年八月十日返抵家门,家中各人均安。由于主的保佑爱护,使我在这次短短的旅行中身心各方 面均得益处,我谦虚地感谢主恩,并立志凡事顺服祂,生活在祂的旨意中。

子规月落

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Chapter 6
  ELEVENTH of Eleventh Month, 1758. -- This day I set out for Concord; theQuarterly Meeting heretofore held there was now, by reason of a great increaseof members, divided into two by the agreement of Friends at our last YearlyMeeting. Here I met with our beloved friends Samuel Spavold and Mary Kirby fromEngland, and with Joseph White from Bucks County; the latter had taken leave ofhis family in order to go on a religious visit to Friends in England, and,through divine goodness, we were favoured with a strengthening opportunitytogether.
  After this meeting I joined with my friends, Daniel Stanton and JohnScarborough, in visiting Friends who had slaves. At night we had a familymeeting at William Trimble's, many young people being there; and it was aprecious, reviving opportunity. Next morning we had a comfortable sitting witha sick neighbour, and thence to the burial of the corpse of a Friend atUwchland Meeting, at which were many people, and it was a time of divinefavour, after which we visited some who had slaves. In the evening we had afamily meeting at a Friend's house, where the channel of the gospel love wasopened, and my mind was comforted after a hard day's labour. The next day wewere at Goshen Monthly Meeting, and on the 18th attended the Quarterly Meetingat London Grove, it being first held at that place. Here we met again with allthe before-mentioned Friends, and had some edifying meetings.
  Near the conclusion of the meeting for business, Friends were incited toconstancy in supporting the testimony of truth, and reminded of the necessitywhich the disciples of Christ are under to attend principally to His businessas He is pleased to open it to us, and to be particularly careful to have ourminds redeemed from the love of wealth, and our outward affairs in as littleroom as may be, that no temporal concerns may entangle our affections, orhinder us from diligently following the dictates of truth in labouring topromote the pure spirit of meekness and heavenly-mindedness amongst thechildren of men in these days of calamity and distress, wherein God is visitingour land with His just judgments.
  Each of these Quarterly Meetings was large and sat near eight hours. I hadoccasion to consider that it is a weighty thing to speak much in large meetingsfor business, for except our minds are rightly prepared, and we clearlyunderstand the case we speak to, instead of forwarding we hinder business, andmake more labour for those on whom the burden of the work is laid. If selfishviews or a partial spirit have any room in our minds, we are unfit for theLord's work; if we have a clear prospect of the business, and proper weight onour minds to speak, we should avoid useless apologies and repetitions. Wherepeople are gathered from far, and adjourning a meeting of business is attendedwith great difficulty, it behoves all to be cautious how they detain a meeting,especially when they have sat six or seven hours, and have a great distance toride home. After this meeting I rode home.
  In the beginning of the twelfth month I joined in company with my friendsJohn Sykes and Daniel Stanton, in visiting such as had slaves. Some whosehearts were rightly exercised about them appeared to be glad of our visit, butin some places our way was more difficult. I often saw the necessity of keepingdown to that root from whence our concern proceeded, and have cause in reverentthankfulness humbly to bow down before the Lord, who was near to me, andpreserved my mind in calmness under some sharp conflicts, and begat a spirit ofsympathy and tenderness in me towards some who were grievously entangled by thespirit of this world.
  First Month, 1759. -- Having found my mind drawn to visit some of the moreactive members in our Society at Philadelphia, who had slaves, I met my friendJohn Churchman there by agreement, and we continued about a week in the city.
  We visited some that were sick, and some widows and their families, and theother part of our time was mostly employed in visiting such as had slaves. Itwas a time of deep exercise, but, looking often to the Lord for His assistance,He in unspeakable kindness favoured us with the influence of that Spirit whichcrucifies to the greatness and splendour of this world, and enabled us to gothrough some heavy labours, in which we found peace.
  Twenty-fourth of Third Month, 1759. -- After attending our general SpringMeeting at Philadelphia I again joined with John Churchman on a visit to somewho had slaves in Philadelphia, and with thankfulness to our Heavenly Father Imay say that divine love and a true sympathizing tenderness of heart prevailedat times in this service.
  Having at times perceived a shyness in some Friends of considerable notetowards me, I found an engagement in gospel love to pay a visit to one of them;and as I dwelt under the exercise, I felt a resignedness in my mind to go andtell him privately that I had a desire to have an opportunity with him alone;to this proposal he readily agreed, and then, in the fear of the Lord, thingsrelating to that shyness were searched to the bottom, and we had a largeconference, which, I believe was of use to both of us, and I am thankful thatway was opened for it.
  Fourteenth of Sixth Month. -- Having felt drawings in my mind to visitFriends about Salem, and having the approbation of our Monthly Meeting, Iattended their Quarterly Meeting, and was out seven days, and attended sevenmeetings; in some of them I was chiefly silent; in others, through thebaptizing power of truth, my heart was enlarged in heavenly love, and I found anear fellowship with the brethren and sisters, in the manifold trials attendingtheir Christian progress through this world.
  Seventh Month. -- I have found an increasing concern on my mind to visit someactive members in our Society who have slaves, and having no opportunity of thecompany of such as were named in the minutes of the Yearly Meeting, I went alone to their houses, and, in the fear of the Lord, acquainted them with theexercise I was under; and thus, sometimes by a few words, I found myselfdischarged from a heavy burden. After this, our friend John Churchman cominginto our province with a view to be at some meetings, and to join again in thevisit to those who had slaves, I bore him company in the said visit to someactive members, and found inward satisfaction.
  At our Yearly Meeting this year, we had some weighty seasons, in which thepower of truth was largely extended, to the strengthening of the honest-minded.
  As the epistles which were to be sent to the Yearly Meetings on this continentwere read, I observed that in most of them, both this year and the last, it wasrecommended to Friends to labour against buying and keeping slaves, and in someof them the subject was closely treated upon. As this practice hath long been aheavy exercise to me, and I have often waded through mortifying labours on thataccount, and at times in some meetings have been almost alone therein, I washumbly bowed in thankfulness in observing the increasing concern in ourreligious society, and seeing how the Lord was raising up and qualifyingservants for His work, not only in this respect, but for promoting the cause oftruth in general.
  This meeting continued near a week. For several days, in the fore part of it,my mind was drawn into a deep inward stillness, and being at times covered withthe spirit of supplication, my heart was secretly poured out before the Lord.
  Near the conclusion of the meeting for business, way opened in the pureflowings of divine love for me to express what lay upon me, which, as it thenarose in my mind, was first to show how deep answers to deep in the hearts ofthe sincere and upright; though, in their different growths, they may not allhave attained to the same clearness in some points relating to our testimony.
  And I was then led to mention the integrity and constancy of many martyrs whogave their lives for the testimony of Jesus, and yet, in some points they helddoctrines distinguishable from some which we hold, that, in all ages, wherepeople were faithful to the light and understanding which the Most Highafforded them, they found acceptance with Him, and though there may bedifferent ways of thinking amongst us in some particulars, yet, if we mutuallykeep to that spirit and power which crucifies to the world, which teaches us tobe content with things really needful, and to avoid all superfluities, and giveup our hearts to fear and serve the Lord, true unity may still be preservedamongst us; that, if those who were at times under sufferings on account ofsome scruples of conscience kept low and humble, and in their conduct in lifemanifested a spirit of true charity, it would be more likely to reach thewitness in others, and be of more service in the Church, than if theirsufferings were attended with a contrary spirit and conduct. In this exercise Iwas drawn into a sympathizing tenderness with the sheep of Christ, howeverdistinguished one from another in this world, and the like disposition appeared to spread over others in the meeting. Great is the goodness of the Lord towardsHis poor creatures.
  An epistle went forth from this Yearly Meeting which I think good to give aplace in this Journal. It is as follows: -From the Yearly Meeting, held at Philadelphia, for Pennsylvania and NewJersey, from the 22nd day of the Ninth Month to the 28th of the same,inclusive, 1759.
  TO THE QUARTERLY AND MONTHLY MEETINGS OF FRIENDS BELONGING TO THE SAIDYEARLY MEETING: -DEARLY BELOVED FRIENDS AND BRETHREN, --In an awful sense of the wisdom andgoodness of the Lord our God, whose tender mercies have been continued to us inthis land, we affectionately salute you, with sincere and fervent desires thatwe may reverently regard the dispensations of His providence, and improve underthem.
  The empires and kingdoms of the earth are subject to His almighty power. Heis the God of the spirits of all flesh, and deals with His people agreeably tothat wisdom, the depth whereof is to us unsearchable. We in these provinces maysay, He hath, as a gracious and tender parent, dealt bountifully with us, evenfrom the days of our fathers. It was He who strengthened them to labour throughthe difficulties attending the improvement of a wilderness, and made way forthem in the hearts of the natives, so that by them they were comforted in timesof want and distress. It was by the gracious influences of His Holy Spirit thatthey were disposed to work righteousness, and walk uprightly towards each otherand towards the natives; in life and conversation to manifest the excellency ofthe principles and doctrines of the Christian religion, whereby they retaintheir esteem and friendship. Whilst they were labouring for the necessaries oflife, many of them were fervently engaged to promote pity and virtue in theearth, and to educate their children in the fear of the Lord.
  If we carefully consider the peaceable measures pursued in the firstsettlement of land, and that freedom from the desolations of wars which for along time we enjoyed, we shall find ourselves under strong obligations to theAlmighty, who, when the earth is so generally polluted with wickedness, givesus a being in a part so signally favoured with tranquillity and plenty, and inwhich the glad tidings of the gospel of Christ are so freely published, that wemay justly say with the Psalmist, "What shall we render unto the Lord for allHis benefits?"Our own real good and the good of our posterity in some measure depends onthe part we act, and it nearly concerns us to try our foundations impartially.
  Such are the different rewards of the just and unjust in a future state, thatto attend diligently to the dictates of the spirit of Christ, to devoteourselves to His service, and to engage fervently in His cause, during our short stay in this world, is a choice well becoming a free, intelligentcreature. We shall thus clearly see and consider that the dealings of God withmankind, in a national capacity, as recorded in Holy Writ, do sufficientlyevidence the truth of that saying, "It is righteousness which exalteth anation"; and though He doth not at all times suddenly execute His judgments ona sinful people in this life, yet we see in many instances that when "menfollow lying vanities they forsake their own mercies"; and as a proud, selfishspirit prevails and spreads among a people, so partial judgment, oppression,discord, envy, and confusions increase, and provinces and kingdoms are made todrink the cup of adversity as a reward of their own doing. Thus the inspiredprophet, reasoning with the degenerated Jews, saith, "Thine own wickednessshall correct thee, and thy backsliding shall reprove thee; know, therefore,that it is an evil thing and bitter that thou hast forsaken the Lord thy God,and that My fear is not in thee, saith the Lord God of Hosts" (Jer. ii. 19).
  The God of our fathers, who hath bestowed on us many benefits, furnished atable for us in the wilderness, and made the deserts and solitary places torejoice. He doth now mercifully call upon us to serve Him more faithfully. Wemay truly say with the Prophet, "It is His voice which crieth to the city, andmen of wisdom see His name. They regard the rod, and Him who hath appointedit." People who look chiefly at things outward, too little consider theoriginal cause of the present troubles; but they who fear the Lord and thinkoften upon His name, see and feel that a wrong spirit is spreading amongst theinhabitants of our country; that the hearts of many are waxed fat, and theirears dull of hearing; that the Most High, in His visitations to us, instead ofcalling, lifteth up His voice and crieth: He crieth to our country, and Hisvoice waxeth louder and louder. In former wars between the English and othernations, since the settlement of our provinces, the calamities attending themhave fallen chiefly on other places, but now of late they have reached to ourborders; many of our fellow-subjects have suffered on and near our frontiers,some have been slain in battle, some killed in their houses, and some in theirfields, some wounded and left in great misery, and others separated from theirwives and little children, who have been carried captives among the Indians.
  We have seen men and women who have been witnesses of these scenes ofsorrow, and, being reduced to want, have come to our houses asking relief. Itis not long since many young men in one of these provinces were drafted, inorder to be taken as soldiers; some were at that time in great distress, andhad occasion to consider that their lives had been too little conformable tothe purity and spirituality of that religion which we profess, and foundthemselves too little acquainted with that inward humility, in which truefortitude to endure hardness for the truth's sake is experienced. Many parentswere concerned for their children, and in that time of trial were led toconsider that their care to get outward treasure for them had been greater than their care for their settlement in that religion which crucifieth to the world,and enableth to bear testimony to the peaceable government of the Messiah.
  These troubles are removed, and for a time we are released from them.
  Let us not forget that "The Most High hath His way in the deep, in clouds,and in thick darkness"; that it is His voice which crieth to the city and tothe country, and oh that these loud and awakening cries may have a propereffect upon us, that heavier chastisement may not become necessary! For thoughthings, as to the outward, may for a short time afford a pleasing prospect,yet, while a selfish spirit, that is not subject to the cross of Christ,continueth to spread and prevail, there can be no long continuance in outwardpeace and tranquillity. If we desire an inheritance incorruptible, and to be atrest in that state of peace and happiness which ever continues; if we desire inthis life to dwell under the favour and protection of that Almighty Being whosehabitation is in holiness, whose ways are all equal, and whose anger is nowkindled because of our backslidings, --let us then awfully regard thesebeginnings of His sore judgments, and with abasement and humiliation turn toHim whom we have offended.
  Contending with one equal in strength is an uneasy exercise; but if theLord is become our enemy, if we persist in contending with Him who isomnipotent, our overthrow will be unavoidable.
  Do we feel an affectionate regard to posterity? and are we employed topromote their happiness? Do our minds, in things outward, look beyond our owndissolution? and are we contriving for the prosperity of our children after us?
  Let us then, like wise builders, lay the foundation deep, and by our constantuniform regard to an inward piety and virtue let them see that we really valueit. Let us labour in the fear of the Lord that their innocent minds, whileyoung and tender, may be preserved from corruptions; that as they advance inage they may rightly understand their true interest, may consider theuncertainty of temporal things, and, above all, have their hope and confidencefirmly settled in the blessing of that Almighty Being who inhabits eternity andpreserves and supports the world.
  In all our cares about worldly treasures, let us steadily bear in mind thatriches possessed by children who do not truly serve God, are likely to provesnares that may more grievously entangle them in that spirit of selfishness andexaltation which stands in opposition to real peace and happiness, and rendersthose who submit to the influence of it enemies to the cause of Christ.
  To keep a watchful eye towards real objects of charity, to visit the poorin their lonesome dwelling-places, to comfort those who, through thedispensations of divine Providence, are in strait and painful circumstances inthis life, and steadily to endeavour to honour God with our substance, from areal sense of the love of Christ influencing our minds, is more likely to bring a blessing to our children, and will afford more satisfaction to a Christianfavoured with plenty, than an earnest desire to collect much wealth to leavebehind us; for, "here we have no continuing city"; may we therefore diligently"seek one that is to come, whose builder and maker is God.""Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are just,whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things areof good report, if there be any virtue, if there be any praise, think on thesethings, and do them, and the God of peace shall be with you."(Signed by appointment, and on behalf of said meeting.)Twenty-eighth of Eleventh Month. -- This day I attended the Quarterly Meetingin Bucks County. In the meeting of ministers and elders my heart was enlargedin the love of Jesus Christ, and the favour of the Most High was extended to usin that and the ensuing meeting.
  I had conversation at my lodging with my beloved friend Samuel Eastburn, whoexpressed a concern to join in a visit to some Friends in that county who hadnegroes, and as I had felt a drawing in my mind to the said work, I came homeand put things in order. On the 11th of Twelfth Month I went over the river,and on the next day was at Buckingham Meeting, where, through the descendingsof heavenly dew, my mind was comforted and drawn into a near unity with theflock of Jesus Christ.
  Entering upon this business appeared weighty, and before I left home my mindwas often sad, under which exercise I felt at times the Holy Spirit which helpsour infirmities, and through which my prayers were at times put up to God inprivate that He would be pleased to purge me from all selfishness, that I mightbe strengthened to discharge my duty faithfully, how hard soever to the naturalpart. We proceeded on the visit in a weighty frame of spirit, and went to thehouses of the most active members who had negroes throughout the county.
  Through the goodness of the Lord my mind was preserved in resignation in timesof trial, and though the work was hard to nature, yet, through the strength ofthat love which is stronger than death, tenderness of heart was often feltamongst us in our visits, and we parted from several families with greatersatisfaction than we expected.
  We visited Joseph White's family, he being in England; we had also a familysitting at the house of an elder who bore us company, and were at Makefield ona First-day: at all which times my heart was truly thankful to the Lord who wasgraciously pleased to renew His loving-kindness to us, His poor servants,uniting us together in His work.
  In the winter of this year, the smallpox being in our town, and many beinginoculated, of whom a few died, some things were opened in my mind, which Iwrote as follows: -The more fully our lives are conformable to the will of God, the better it isfor us; I have looked on the smallpox as a messenger from the Almighty, to bean assistant in the cause of virtue, and to incite us to consider whether weemploy our time only in such things as are consistent with perfect wisdom andgoodness. Building houses suitable to dwell in, for ourselves and ourcreatures; preparing clothing suitable for the climate and season, and foodconvenient, are all duties incumbent on us. And under these general heads aremany branches of business in which we may venture health and life, as necessitymay require.
  This disease being in a house, and my business calling me to go near it,incites me to consider whether this is a real indispensable duty; whether it isnot in conformity to some custom which would be better laid aside, or whetherit does not proceed from too eager a pursuit after some outward treasure. Ifthe business before me springs not from a clear understanding and a regard tothat use of things which perfect wisdom approves, to be brought to a sense ofit and stopped in my pursuit is a kindness, for when I proceed to businesswithout some evidence of duty, I have found by experience that it tends toweakness.
  If I am so situated that there appears no probability of missing theinfection, it tends to make me think whether my manner of life in thingsoutward has nothing in it which may unfit my body to receive this messenger ina way the most favourable to me. Do I use food and drink in no other sort andin no other degree than was designed by Him who gave these creatures for oursustenance? Do I never abuse my body by inordinate labour, striving toaccomplish some end which I have unwisely proposed? Do I use action enough insome useful employ, or do I sit too much idle while some persons who labour tosupport me have too great a share of it? If in any of these things I amdeficient, to be incited to consider it is a favour to me. Employment isnecessary in social life, and this infection, which often proves mortal,incites me to think whether these social acts of mine are real duties. If I goon a visit to the widows and fatherless, do I go purely on a principle ofcharity, free from any selfish views? If I go to a religious meeting it puts meon thinking whether I go in sincerity and in a clear sense of duty, or whetherit is not partly in conformity to custom, or partly from a sensible delightwhich my animal spirits feel in the company of other people, and whether tosupport my reputation as a religious man has no share in it.
  Do affairs relating to civil society call me near this infection? If I go, itis at the hazard of my health and life, and it becomes me to think seriouslywhether love to truth and righteousness is the motive of my attending; whetherthe mannner of proceeding is altogether equitable, or whether aught ofnarrowness, party interest, respect to outward dignities, names, ordistinctions among men, do not stain the beauty of those assemblies, and render it doubtful; in point of duty, whether a disciple of Christ ought to attend asa member united to the body or not. Whenever there are blemishes which for aseries of time remain such, that which is a means of stirring us up to lookattentively on these blemishes, and to labour according to our capacities tohave health and soundness restored in our country, we may justly account akindness from our gracious Father, who appointed that means.
  The care of a wise and good man for his only son is inferior to the regard ofthe great Parent of the universe for His creatures. He hath the command of allthe powers and operations in nature, and "doth not afflict willingly, norgrieve the children of men." Chastisement is intended for instruction, andinstruction being received by gentle chastisement, greater calamities areprevented. By an earthquake hundreds of houses are sometimes shaken down in afew minutes, multitudes of people perish suddenly, and many more, being crushedand bruised in the ruins of the buildings, pine away and die in great misery.
  By the breaking in of enraged merciless armies, flourishing countries havebeen laid waste, great numbers of people have perished in a short time, andmany more have been pressed with poverty and grief. By the pestilence, peoplehave died so fast in a city, that, through fear, grief, and confusion, those inhealth have found great difficulty in burying the dead, even without coffins.
  By famine, great numbers of people in some places have been brought to theutmost distress, and have pined away from want of the necessaries of life.
  Thus, when the kind invitations and gentle chastisements of a gracious God havenot been attended to, his sore judgments have at times been poured out uponpeople.
  While some rules approved in civil society and conformable to human policy,so called, are distinguishable from the purity of truth and righteousness, -while many professing the truth are declining from that ardent love andheavenly-mindedness which was amongst the primitive followers of Jesus Christ,it is time for us to attend diligently to the intent of every chastisement, andto consider the most deep and inward design of them.
  The Most High doth not often speak with an outward voice to our outward ears,but, if we humbly meditate on His perfections, consider that He is perfectwisdom and goodness, and that to afflict His creatures to no purpose would beutterly averse to His nature, we shall hear and understand His language both inHis gentle and more heavy chastisements, and shall take heed that we do not, inthe wisdom of this world, endeavour to escape His hand by means too powerfulfor us.
  Had he endowed men with understanding to prevent this disease (the smallpox)by means which had never proved hurtful nor mortal, such a discovery might beconsidered as the period of chastisement by this distemper, where thatknowledge extended.(1) But as life and health are His gifts, and are not to be disposed of in our own wills, to take upon us by inoculation when in health adisorder of which some die, requires great clearness of knowledge that it isour duty to do so.

一 七五八年十一月十一日我出发到康科得去。那一向在该地召开的季会现在因为人数激增的缘故,已由朋友们于上届年会同意划分为二。在康科得我会见了好朋友斯巴 服及刻拜女士,他们从英国来此访问朋友。同时也会见来自巴克郡的怀特,他为着要到英国访问朋友,和自己的妻室家庭分别。由于神的良善,我们得有机会聚首, 互相鼓励。
这 会以后,我与司单敦和斯卡布洛结伴,出发访问那些畜奴的朋友们,当晚在特林布家中举行聚会,好些年青人前来参加,是一次可宝贵的令人振奋的机会。隔天早晨 我们访问了一位患病的邻居,又往参加于切兰聚会处某朋友的葬礼,见到了好些朋友,真是神恩眷的一次机会;以后我们访问几个畜奴的家。第二天又继续访问好些 畜奴的朋友,当夜在阿士布烈兹家有聚会,福音之爱的门大开,经过一天辛劳,我心颇得安慰。隔天我们参加了高星的月会;十八号那天参加在伦敦林召开的季会; 季会在该地举行还算是第一次,在这里我们又会见上面所提起过的那些朋友,有了好些很有帮助的聚会。会务讨论快要结束之时,大会劝勉朋友们以恒心支持对真理 的见证,并促请大家注意,凡属基督门徒均须以祂旨意所示的来处理祂的事务,尤其重要的乃是摆脱贪爱财富及其他俗务之心,不使对俗务的关怀拦阻我们顺从真 理;在这灾难岁月中我们为福音及为属灵之事必须努力,因为上帝的公义判断已临到了我们的土地。这以后我就骑马回家。
上 述季会的规模都很大,每次开会时间约八小时。我想在这种讨论会务的大聚会中,不应当轻易发言;除非我们有了适切的准备,且充分明白我们所要陈述的是什么, 则我们的发言非但无法促进会务,反将成为会务的阻碍,叫那些肩负繁重工作责任的人更增重担。如果我们心里有自私观点或党派成见,我们就不配为主工作。如果 我们对会务有明确见解,且心中有适切催促,觉得应该发言,就须避免无谓辩护或重复的话。许多人从遥远地方前来,召开一次会议确非轻易之事,每一与会的人都 应当谨慎小心,尤其是遇着聚会延长六七个钟头,大家还须赶路回家的场合,更当爱惜时间。三百分钟加起来就是五个钟头,倘有人在三百人的聚会中浪费一分钟, 姑不论所产生的其他恶果,他已经好像是无理地把一个人监禁五个钟头了。这会结束后我即回家。
一 七五八年十二月初,我与朋友司奇士和司单敦结伴,同往访问畜奴之家。有些人因心中有正直的感动,欢迎我们的访问,但在某些地方我们的工作颇为困难;我常常 看出我们必须记住我们之所以关心这件事的根源;我也虔诚地感谢主,因为祂常常靠近我,在严重的争执下保守我的心意,使它镇定,并赐给我同情温柔的心,知道 如何对待那些深陷于俗务纠缠中的人。
一 七五九年正月,我心受感动愿意前往费城访问本会在当地的几个畜奴会友。我先依约和朋友邱吉曼相会,然后在城里作一周访问。我们探访了一些患病的人,寡妇和 她们的家属,其余的时间大部分用在访问畜奴的朋友们。这时候我感触颇深,时刻仰望主的帮助,祂以不可言喻的慈爱恩待我们,以那向世界钉死的灵影响我们,叫 我们能够忍受辛劳,并从工作中找到平安。
一七五九年三月廿四日我参加费城春季大会,从英国来的朋友有别基特和斯托雷。会后我又和邱吉曼同行访问费城畜奴朋友。感谢天父,祂的爱常常与我们同在,使我们彼此间有同情及爱心。
有 些朋友似乎对我存着畏避的态度,使我觉得为了实行福音之爱我应当前往访问这些朋友中的一人,由于这种感觉,我想私下前往见他,和他谈话。终于我到了他家, 告诉他我愿意有机会单独和他谈话,他同意了,于是我们以敬畏主的心找出了他之以畏避我的原因。我们谈了许多话,相信对彼此均有助益,感谢主为我开路。
六 月十四日,我心受感动愿往访问撒冷附近的朋友们,得到本月会的许可后,我就参加了他们的季会。我出门七天,参加七次聚会;在某些聚会中我缄默不言;但在另 一些聚会中,由于真理的洗涤能力,我心中充满着属天的爱,使我与弟兄姊妹们在他们以信徒的身份过活所遭受的试炼中有了亲切的感觉。
一 七五七年七月,心中迫切地想去访问本会会友中之畜奴者,但年会记录中所提出的那些人都不能同往,于是我独自进行,登门拜访,以敬畏主的心把我心中所感觉到 的告诉他们。有时候只说了几句话,即觉心中轻松,如释重负。这以后朋友邱吉曼来到本州,希望参加我们的聚会,并和我合作进行访问畜奴之家,我就再度和他结 伴,同作访问工作,内心深觉满足。
一 七五九年,在我们年会中我们有些严肃的聚会,真理的能力大大地增加忠诚者的力量。当朋友们阅读大会所准备致美洲各地年会信件时,我发现去年和今年的信件多 着重于规劝朋友们放弃奴隶买卖的事;有些信件对此讨论甚详。关于这事多年来在我心中如荷重负;我往往艰苦奋斗,在某些场合中几乎是独自作战。现在看见我们 团体对这问题逐渐关心,且知我们的主如何地在兴起合用的仆人为祂工作,非但是这一方面的工作,亦为促进真理的一般事工努力,我不禁谦恭俯首,感谢主恩。
这 次年会继续约一星期之久。在前半那几天,我内心平静,充满着祷告之灵,在隐密中将心意向主吐露。到会议将近结束时我觉得应该发言,于末次聚会在神爱涌流中 有了机会说出心中所得启示,所说的足以证明,在诚实正直之人心中有深渊响应,虽然他们在某些方面的见证不都是相符合的。我又指出许多人格高尚信仰坚定的殉 道者,他们为了见证耶稣而献上自己的生命,可是他们所持守的教义有些和我们所主张的不尽相同。历代以来,人若遵守那至高者所赐给他们的光和理解,必然为祂 所悦纳。因此在我们当中若有某些互异的思想,只要彼此持守那向世界钉死的灵和能力,就是那教导我们以必需之物为足并避免奢侈,同时存敬畏及事奉主之心,那 么,我们当中仍然可以有真实的契结。至于那些因良心不安而处于患难中的人,若是他们能够谦卑忍受,从生活中表现出一种真爱心的灵,这样,他向别人所作的见 证,和对教会的贡献,比之那些以相反态度及行为对付患难的人,必更有效。因为有了这种感觉,我对基督羊群颇生同情及爱心,不管他们在世上有什么彼此不同的 地方;同样的空气似乎充满于聚会中,主对待我们这些可怜被造者的良善是伟大可称颂的!
本届年会向各地朋友们发出一封公开信,我想很值得在这里介绍。信的内容如下:
〔一七五九年九月廿二至廿八日宾夕尼亚及新泽西区年会假费城举行;大会特向所属各季会及月会发出函件。〕
亲爱的朋友弟兄们:
我们的主上帝的慈爱在本邦不断向我们显现,所以我们以敬畏祂智慧与良善的心谨向各位致亲爱的敬礼,诚恳热切地盼望我们都虔敬地顺从神的旨意,并在它底下得到长进。
地 上的国度都处在祂全能权力的支配下。祂是一切有血气之灵的上帝,祂以不可探测的智慧对待祂的子民。居住于这一带地区的我们都知道祂之看顾我们,有如慈祥的 父亲;从我们祖先以来,丰丰富富地恩待我们。当我们祖先在拓荒中经历各种困难险阻之时,祂加添他们的力量,并叫他们得到土人的同情,在缺乏及患难中帮助他 们。由于祂圣灵的感化,他们知道依公义行事,以正直相对待,亦以公道对待土人;在生活上及言语中表现出基督教的高尚教义及原则,藉此与土人联系友谊。当他 们正在艰辛地为生活奋斗之时,他们当中有许多人却热诚地为着促进虔敬与道德,并为着教育儿女敬畏上主的事努力工作。
如 果我们详细思考当初移居此邦追求的和平,和在此邦长期享受的免于战乱的生活,我们必觉得对全能者须负严重的责任。当人间充满着邪恶之时,全能者使我们生活 在这一片平静和富裕的土地上;在这里基督的福音喜讯得以自由传布,我们应当与作诗的人同声说“我们拿什么报答主向我们所赐的一切厚恩”(诗116:2)。
在 某种程度上,我们的真正利益和我们子孙的福利,是在乎我们的行为,所以公平地省察我们的思想及行为的基础,对我们是极关重要的事。对于义和不义的,将来的 赏报不同,所以殷勤遵行基督之灵的教训,为着祂的事工奉献本身,在今世短暂生命中热诚地为祂工作,这是那自由及属理性的人类所应该选择的。这样,我们可以 清楚看出,上帝之对待人类和各民族,确能彰显圣经所示的真理:“公义使邦国高举”;而且,虽然祂并不一定在今世惩罚犯罪的百姓,可是我们在许多例证上看 见,“那信奉虚无之神的,离弃怜爱他们的主”;当骄傲及自私之灵充斥于某一民族间,不公道的判断,压迫,相争,嫉妒及混乱之事必逐渐增加,于是邦国或州郡 必将喝了灾难之杯,作为他们恶行的酬报。因此那受感动的先知在论及腐化的犹太人时说:“你自己的恶必惩治你,你背道的事必责备你。由此可知可见你离弃耶和 华你的上帝,不存敬畏我的心,乃是恶事,是苦事,这是主万军之耶和华说的”(耶2:19)。
我们祖先的上帝赐给我们无数福泽,祂在荒野中为我们摆设筵席,使沙漠和不毛之地成为可喜爱的住所。现在祂慈爱地呼唤我们,要我们更忠诚地事奉祂。我们当与先知同声说,“耶和华向这城呼叫,智慧人必敬畏祂的名。你们当听是谁派定刑杖的惩罚”(弥6:9)。 那些过分注意外表事物的人,很少思想目前争端的根源,可是那些敬畏主,常常记念祂名的人,知道在本邦居民中邪灵正甚猖獗。许多人心藉脂油,耳朵沉重,以致 至高者就近我们的时候,不是向我们呼唤,而是提高声音向我们喊叫。祂向本邦喊叫,祂的声音愈来愈大。自从我们定居此邦以来,英国和其他国家之间的战争及其 所造成灾害多半发生在别的地方,可是最近战事已蔓延到我们的边境上;我们的同胞在本土或边区遭受战祸,有的在战斗中死亡,有的在自己家中被杀,有的在田地 上遇害,有的身受重伤,有的妻儿离散,为印等安人掳去。我们曾亲眼看见遭受此种灾害的男人和女人,他们身无长物,到我们家来乞求周济。不久之前某一州的年 轻人有许多被征召的,当时他们当中有些人正处在严重悲伤中,因想起他们一向的生活与他们所信奉的宗教之纯洁及属灵性质很少相符合的地方,也缺乏那种能为真 理的缘故忍受困难的内在谦恭的性格。许多父母关心他们的儿子,当那试炼来临时期才想到,他们一向过于注意为儿女求取属世财富,而不知着重于培养他们在那向 世界钉死,能够为弥赛亚的和平国度担负见证重任的宗教里面的根基。现在那种灾害已解除了,我们对它们暂可放心。
我 们不可忘记,“那至高者在深渊,在密云和在黑暗中都有祂的方法”;那向城市和邦国呼叫的正是祂的声音;但愿这些高声警醒的呼叫影响我们,使那严厉的惩罚成 为不必要!虽然外在事物能使人喜悦一时,但当那非服从基督十架的自私之心继续流行时,外表的安宁也无法持久。如果我们盼望那不败的家业,且愿生活于那一向 平静愉快的环境中;如果我们盼望今生能居住于全能者——就是那位在圣洁中,以公平待人,如今对我们的堕落正在发出烈怒者——的恩眷及保护下,我们对祂已经 开始的严厉审判就须畏惧敬重,并以谦虚之心求祂——我们所冒犯者——的饶恕。
要与一个具有同等气力者竞争,确非易事;要和无所不能的主抗争必被击倒无疑。
我 们是否关心子孙的事?是否愿为他们的幸福努力?我们对外在事物的看法能否超越于我们本身的生命?我们是否在为后代子孙的昌盛谋算?如果我们是这样的话,那 么,让我们学那聪明的建屋者,奠立深固的根基,叫他们看见我们如何始终一贯地重视内心的虔诚和美德。也让我们以敬畏主的心劳作,好叫他们在幼年心地纯洁之 时不被腐化,在长大成人后知道什么是他们的真实利益,知道属世财物都不可靠,决心把他们的盼望寄托于那在永恒中支持着这世界的全能者。
当我们在为着属世财宝用心计较之时,请记得儿女们若拥有财富而不知事奉主,则这财富必像罗网一样,使他们为那种与真平安喜乐相违背的自私自大的心更受缠累,叫那些处在这种不良影响下的人成为基督十架的敌人。
时 常关心那些真正值得帮助的人,到那些荒芜的住处探视穷人,安慰那些由于天命的安排,在今世多受苦难的人,同时因受基督之爱的影响,不断地试行以我们所有的 财产来荣耀上帝,这样,必比热心积聚财富遗留给后人更能使子孙蒙受福泽,也更能叫一个丰丰富富的基督徒得到满足,因为“我们在这里本没有常存的城”;所以 当殷勤地“等候那座有根基的城,就是上帝所经营所建造的。”
“最后,弟兄们,凡是真实的,可敬的,公义的,清洁的,可爱的,有美名的;若有什么德行,若有什么称赞,这些事你们都要思想……都要去行,赐平安的上帝就必与你们同在。”
年会指派代表  耶那尔,马赛,邱吉曼,斯卡布洛,菲儿洛因,伊凡士,柏克等七人签署。
一七五九年十一月廿八日我在巴克士郡参加季会。在牧师和长老的聚会上我心充满着耶稣基督的爱,至高者的恩慈在会中与我们同在。
我在寓所和好友伊斯特本有了一次谈话,他曾表示愿意参加访问该郡朋友中之畜奴者,恰巧我也有同样感觉,于是回家处理一些事务。十二月十一日渡河,第二天到了巴京汗聚会处,在那里由于从天上降下的安慰,我心喜乐,与耶稣基督的信众有了更密切的联契。
从 事这种工作是非常困难的;离家之前我心中颇觉忧愁,在这种心境中我有时觉得那帮助软弱者的圣灵与我同在,藉着祂,我能够私下把祷告献予上帝,恳求祂清除我 一切自私,叫我能尽忠履行责任。我们在一种沉重心境中进行访问,在全郡各地那些最活动的会友当中之畜有奴隶的家作探访工作。藉着主的良善,当遇试炼之时我 心能顺服祂,工作虽甚困难,然而由于那比死更为坚强的爱的力量,在访问中我们常常感觉到彼此之间的爱心。当我们和某些家庭分手之时,我们所得到的满足实超 出于我们所预期的。
我们访问了怀特的家,他本人尚在英国;我们又在某长老家举行聚会,他陪伴我们访问,于星期日来到墨克菲得。这些时候我十分感激主的恩眷,重新显示祂对我们的慈爱,叫祂的仆人们能在祂的事工上结合。
一七五九年冬天,天花症流行于我们镇上,许多人种痘,也有些人死了。我心里得到一些启示,特记述于后:
我 们的生活越接近于上帝的旨意,对我们越有益处;我认为天花症是从全能者差遣来的使者,要帮助德行的推行,鼓励我们思想究竟我们的光阴是不是只用在与智慧及 良善相符的事上。我们盖房子是求适于居住,为着自己,亦为着我们的牲畜;缝制衣服是为适合于气候和季节,食物则为保养身体,这一切都是我们分内的责任。在 上述衣食住诸主要业务之下,还有许多其他业务,必要时我们得冒着健康和生命危险,肩负这些责任。
某 家发现了天花症,而我因业务上的关系必须前往,这使我思想到究竟这业务是否属于不可少的责任那一类;还是和某些值得遗弃的陋俗相似;或是一种出于热中利得 而经营的业务。如果我目前所经营的并非明显地为那全智者所嘉许,那么叫我明白并停止这业务就是一种恩慈,因为当我经营某种没有责任意义的生意之时,经验告 诉我所经营的必然衰败。
如 果我是处在某种情况下,叫我似乎无法逃避这传染病,那么我必思想究竟是否我一向的生活方式使我的身体无力承受这种疫症,以之为对我有益的使者。我对于饮食 是否超出了那祂所规定用以保养人类的范围以外?我曾否作不正常的劳动,以求成就不智的目的?曾否充分从事有益的活动,还是终日怠懒,让别人过度劳作来供养 我?如果在上述各方面我有亏欠的地方,那么叫我思想这些事对我是有益的。社会生活中某些事务是属于必要的;这次的传染病既是一种致命的病症,于是引起我思 想我的这些社会活动是否属于责任性的。如果我去探访寡妇或孤儿,我的动机,是否纯粹出乎爱心,不渗杂任何自私念头?如果我去参加宗教聚会,我要思想我是否 诚诚恳恳地前往,以之为一种责任,还是为着应付习俗,或为着满足对群的一种动物性的爱好,和是否与我在宗教生活上的名誉有关。
是 不是与社会有关的事务催促我去接近这种传染病呢?如果我去了,那是冒着健康或生命的危险去的,我当然应该慎重地思想我的动机是否在乎对真理及正义的爱慕; 进行的态度是否适当;是否有部分的偏狭,党派的利益,以及对尊荣,名誉,各种等等的尊重污染了这些聚会的美好价值,以致这种举动不能成为是一种责任,而一 个基督的门徒不一定应当以会友的资格前往参加这类聚会。无论何时若有这种种缺点存在着,那么凡能引起我们注意这些缺点并努力消除这些缺点,使我们的邦国得 以恢复健康的,我们就应当以之为出自那教训我们的天父的恩慈。
一 个良善明智的父亲对他儿子的看顾亦比不上我们宇宙之父对祂所创造人类的眷佑。祂掌握自然界的一切力量及其运行,而且“祂并不甘心使人受苦,使人忧愁。”惩 罚是为着督责,人若藉温和的惩罚承受督责,或可逃避更严重的灾难。地震使千百房屋在数分钟内倒塌,无数人民忽然死亡;房屋倒塌中受伤的人更多,在悲惨中哀 泣。
由 于疯狂军队的侵入,繁盛市镇有时成为荒芜,大批人命在短时间内丧亡,更多的人沦于穷困悲惨境地。由于瘟疫的流行,城市人口有时死亡甚速,健康的人由于恐 惧,哀痛和混乱,亦觉难以埋葬死者,甚至于不用棺木,草草收殓。由于饥荒,有些地方大批人民陷于困境,因缺乏生活必需品而哀哭。这样,当上帝仁慈的呼召和 温和的惩罚不受尊重之时,祂的忿怒审判难免有时将临到我们身上。
当 社会上某些被认可的法则和真理与正义的纯洁性不相符合之时,我们就不得不思想那些法则所产生的结果。我们既然看见许多人虽承认真理,但那种存在于当初跟从 耶稣基督者中的热烈爱心属天的性质却甚消沉,又既然觉得自己缺少天父所使我们可能达到的那种德行上的完全,就该留意一切惩罚的目的,思想这些惩罚的最深刻 和内在的意义。
全 能者并不常常以外表的声音向我们的外表耳朵说话,但我们若谦虚地默想祂的完全,考虑祂的全智和良善,知道随便惩罚祂所创造的人是与祂的本性全然不合的,那 么我们在祂各种谴责中,无论是温和,还是严厉的,都将聆听,且明白祂的话语,同时留意不至于在属世的智慧中图应用我们所不胜任的力量,来逃避祂的管教。
如果上帝赐给人一种不伤害人身的方法来遏阻天花症,那原是可以接受的。可是我们的生命和健康既然是上帝所赐的,我们若按照自己的意思,在健康时施行种痘,以至丧命,那恐怕不是我们责任上所当为的了(注)。
(注)当时种痘方法尚未臻完善,好些人因种痘而死,故作者对此不表赞同。
如果我们所做的只有那与纯粹智慧相称的工作,访问,以及聚会等;又如果没有种痘之事,那么一般情形必较所发生的良好多矣。

子规月落

ZxID:13974051


等级: 内阁元老
配偶: 暖雯雯
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Chapter 5
  A FEW years past, money being made current in our province for carrying onwars, and to be called in again by taxes laid on the inhabitants, my mind wasoften affected with the thoughts of paying such taxes; and I believe it rightfor me to preserve a memorandum concerning it. I was told that Friends inEngland frequently paid taxes, when the money was applied to such purposes. Ihad conversation with several noted Friends on the subject, who all favouredthe payment of such taxes; some of them I preferred before myself, and thismade me easier for a time; yet there was in the depth of my mind a scruplewhich I never could get over; and at certain times I was greatly distressed onthat account.
  I believed that there were some upright-hearted men who paid such taxes, yetcould not see that their example was a sufficient reason for me to do so, whileI believe that the Spirit of truth required of me, as an individual, to sufferpatiently the distress of goods, rather than pay actively.
  To refuse the active payment of a tax which our Society generally paid wasexceedingly disagreeable; but to do a thing contrary to my conscience appearedyet more dreadful. When this exercise came upon me, I knew of none under thelike difficulty; and in my distress I besought the Lord to enable me to give upall, that so I might follow Him wheresoever He was pleased to lead me. Underthis exercise I went to our Yearly Meeting at Philadelphia in the year 1755; atwhich a committee was appointed of some from each Quarterly Meeting, tocorrespond with the meeting for sufferers in London; and another to visit ourMonthly and Quarterly Meetings. After their appointment, before the lastadjournment of the meeting, it was agreed that these two committees should meettogether in Friends' school-house in the city, to consider some things in whichthe cause of truth was concerned. They accordingly had a weighty conference in the fear of the Lord; at which time I perceived there were many Friends under ascruple like that before mentioned.(1)As scrupling to pay a tax on account of the application hath seldom beenheard of heretofore, even amongst men of integrity, who have steadily bornetheir testimony against outward wars in their time, I may therefore note somethings which have occurred to my mind, as I have been inwardly exercised onthat account. From the steady opposition which faithful Friends in early timesmade to wrong things then approved, they were hated and persecuted by menliving in the spirit of this world, and suffering with firmness, they were madea blessing to the Church, and the work prospered. It equally concerns men inevery age to take heed to their own spirits; and in comparing their situationwith ours, to me it appears that there was less danger of their being infectedwith the spirit of this world, in paying such taxes, than is the case with usnow. They had little or no share in civil government, and many of them declaredthat they were, through the power of God, separated from the spirit in whichwars were, and being afflicted by the rulers on account of their testimony,there was less likelihood of their uniting in spirit with them in thingsinconsistent with the purity of truth.
  We, from the first settlement of this land, have known little or no troublesof that sort. The profession of our predecessors was for a time accountedreproachful, but at length, their uprightness being understood by the rulers,and their innocent sufferings moving them, our way of worship was tolerated,and many of our members in these colonies became active in civil government.
  Being thus tried with favour and prosperity, this world appeared inviting; ourminds have been turned to the improvement of our country, to merchandise andthe sciences, amongst which are many things useful, if followed in pure wisdom;but in our present condition I believe it will not be denied that a carnal mindis gaining upon us. Some of our members, who are officers in civil government,are, in one case or other, called upon in their respective stations to assistin things relative to the wars; but being in doubt whether to act or to craveto be excused from their office, if they see their brethren united in thepayment of a tax to carry on the said wars, may think their case not muchdifferent, and so might quench the tender movings of the Holy Spirit in theirminds. Thus, by small degrees, we might approach so near to fighting that thedistinction would be little else than the name of a peaceable people.
  It requires great self-denial and resignation of ourselves to God, to attainthat state wherein we can freely cease from fighting when wrongfully invaded,if, by our fighting, there were a probability of overcoming the invaders.
  Whoever rightly attains to it does in some degree feel that spirit in which ourRedeemer gave His life for us; and through divine goodness many of ourpredecessors, and many now living, have learned this blessed lesson; but manyothers, having their religion chiefly by education, and not being enough acquainted with that cross which crucifies to the world, do manifest a temperdistinguishable from that of an entire trust in God. In calmly consideringthese things, it hath not appeared strange to me that an exercise hath nowfallen upon some, which, with respect to the outward means, is different fromwhat was known to many of those who went before us.
  Some time after the Yearly Meeting, the said committees met at Philadelphia,and, by adjournments, continued sitting several days. The calamities of warwere now increasing; the frontier inhabitants of Pennsylvania were frequentlysurprised, some were slain, and many taken captive by the Indians; and whilethese committees sat, the corpse of one so slain was brought in a waggon, andtaken through the streets of the city in his bloody garments, to alarm thepeople and rouse them to war.
  Friends thus met were not all of one mind in relation to the tax, which, tothose who scrupled it, made the way more difficult. To refuse an active paymentat such a time might be construed into an act of disloyalty, and appearedlikely to displease the rulers not only here but in England; still there was ascruple so fixed on the minds of many Friends that nothing moved it. It was aconference the most weighty that ever I was at, and the hearts of many werebowed in reverence before the Most High. Some Friends of the said committeeswho appeared easy to pay the tax, after several adjournments, withdrew; othersof them continued till the last. At length an epistle of tender love andcaution to Friends in Pennsylvania was drawn up, and being read several timesand corrected, was signed by such as were free to sign it, and afterward sentto the Monthly and Quarterly Meetings.
  Ninth of Eighth Month, 1757. -- Orders came at night to the military officersin our county (Burlington), directing them to draft the militia, and prepare anumber of men to go off as soldiers, to the relief of the English at FortWilliam Henry, in New York government; a few days after which there was ageneral review of the militia at Mount Holly, and a number of men were chosenand sent off under some officers. Shortly after, there came orders to draftthree times as many, who were to hold themselves in readiness to march whenfresh orders came. On the 17th there was a meeting of the military officers atMount Holly, who agreed on draft; orders were sent to the men so chosen to meettheir respective captains at set times and places, those in our township tomeet at Mount Holly, amongst whom were a considerable number of our Society. Mymind being affected herewith, I had fresh opportunity to see and consider theadvantage of living in the real substance of religion, where practice dothharmonize with principle. Amongst the officers are men of understanding, whohave some regard to sincerity where they see it; and when such in the executionof their office have men to deal with whom they believe to be upright-hearted,it is a painful task to put them to trouble on account of scruples ofconscience, and they will be likely to avoid it as much as easily may be. But where men profess to be so meek and heavenly-minded, and to have their trust sofirmly settled in God that they cannot join in wars, and yet by their spiritand conduct in common life manifest a contrary disposition, their difficultiesare great at such a time.
  When officers who are anxiously endeavouring to get troops to answer thedemands of their superiors see men who are insincere pretend scruples ofconscience in hopes of being excused from a dangerous employment, it is likelythey will be roughly handled. In this time of commotion some of our young menleft these parts and tarried abroad till it was over; some came, and proposedto go as soldiers; others appeared to have a real tender scruple in their mindsagainst joining in wars, and were much humbled under the apprehension of atrial so near. I had conversation with several of them to my satisfaction. Whenthe captain came to town, some of the last-mentioned went and told him insubstance as follows: -- That they could not bear arms for conscience' sake;nor could they hire any to go in their places, being resigned as to the event.
  At length the captain acquainted them all that they might return home for thepresent, but he required them to provide themselves as soldiers, and be inreadiness to march when called upon. This was such a time as I had not seenbefore; and yet I may say, with thankfulness to the Lord, that I believed thetrial was intended for our good; and I was favoured with resignation to Him.
  The French army having taken the fort they were besieging, destroyed it andwent away; the company of men who were first drafted, after some days' march,had orders to return home, and those on the second draft were no more calledupon on that occasion.
  Fourth of Fourth Month, 1758. -- Orders came to some officers in Mount Hollyto prepare quarters for a short time for about one hundred soldiers. An officerand two other men, all inhabitants of our town, came to my house. The officertold me that he came to desire me to provide lodging and entertainment for twosoldiers, and that six shillings a week per man would be allowed as pay for it.
  The case being new and unexpected, I made no answer suddenly, but sat a timesilent, my mind being inward. I was fully convinced that the proceedings inwars are inconsistent with the purity of the Christian religion; and to behired to entertain men, who were then under pay as soldiers, was a difficultywith me. I expected they had legal authority for what they did; and after ashort time I said to the officer, If the men are sent here for entertainment, Ibelieve I shall not refuse to admit them into my house, but the nature of thecase is such that I expect I cannot keep them on hire. One of the men intimatedthat he thought I might do it consistently with my religious principles. Towhich I made no reply, believing silence at that time best for me. Though theyspake of two, there came only one, who tarried at my house about two weeks, andbehaved himself civilly. When the officer came to pay me, I told him I couldnot take pay, having admitted him into my house in a passive obedience to authority. I was on horseback when he spake to me, and as I turned from him, hesaid he was obliged to me; to which I said nothing; but, thinking on theexpression, I grew uneasy; and afterwards, being near where he lived, I wentand told him on what grounds I refused taking pay for keeping the soldier.
  I have been informed that Thomas a Kempis lived and died in the professionof the Roman Catholic religion; and, in reading his writings, I have believedhim to be a man of a true Christian spirit, as fully so as many who diedmartyrs because they could not join with some superstitions in that Church. Alltrue Christians are of the same spirit, but their gifts are diverse, JesusChrist appointing to each one his peculiar office, agreeably to His infinitewisdom.
  John Huss contended against the errors which had crept into the Church, inopposition to the Council of Constance, which the historian reports to haveconsisted of some thousand persons. He modestly vindicated the cause which hebelieved was right; and though his language and conduct towards his judgesappear to have been respectful, yet he never could be moved from the principlessettled in his mind. To use his own words: "This I most humbly require anddesire of you all, even for His sake who is the God of us all, that I be notcompelled to the thing which my conscience doth repugn or strive against." Andagain, in his answer to the Emperor: "I refuse nothing, most noble Emperor,whatsoever the council shall decree or determine upon me, only this one thing Iexcept, that I do not offend God and my conscience."(2) At length, rather thanact contrary to that which he believed the Lord required of him, he chose tosuffer death by fire. Thomas a Kempis, without disputing against the articlesthen generally agreed to, appears to have laboured, by pious example as well asby preaching and writing, to promote virtue and the inward spiritual religion;and I believe they were both sincere-hearted followers of Christ. True charityis an excellent virtue; and sincerely to labour for their good, whose belief inall points doth not agree with ours, is a happy state.
  Near the beginning of the year 1758, I went one evening, in company with aFriend, to visit a sick person; and before our return we were told of a womanliving near, who had for several days been disconsolate, occasioned by a dream,wherein death, and the judgments of the Almighty after death, were representedto her mind in a moving manner. Her sadness on that account being worn off, theFriend with whom I was in company went to see her, and had some religiousconversation with her and her husband. With this visit they were somewhataffected, and the man, with many tears, expressed his satisfaction. In a shorttime after, the poor man, being on the river in a storm of wind, was with onemore drowned.
  Eighth Month, 1758. -- Having had drawings in my mind to be at the QuarterlyMeeting in Chester County, and at some meetings in the county of Philadelphia,I went first to said Quarterly Meeting, which was large. Several weighty matters came under consideration and debate, and the Lord was pleased toqualify some of His servants with strength and firmness to bear the burden ofthe day. Though I said but little, my mind was deeply exercised, and, under asense of God's love, in the anointing and fitting of some young men for hiswork, I was comforted, and my heart was tendered before Him. From hence I wentto the Youth's Meeting at Darby, where my beloved friend and brother BenjaminJones met me by appointment before I left home, to join in the visit. We wereat Radnor, Merion, Richland, North Wales, Plymouth, and Abington meetings, andhad cause to bow in reverence before the Lord, our gracious God, by whose helpway was opened for us from day to day. I was out about two weeks, and rodeabout two hundred miles.
  The Monthly Meeting of Philadelphia having been under a concern on account ofsome Friends who this summer (1758) had bought negro slaves, proposed to theirQuarterly Meeting to have the minute reconsidered in the Yearly Meeting, whichwas made last on that subject, and the said Quarterly Meeting appointed acommittee to consider it, and to report to their next. This committee havingmet once and adjourned, and I, going to Philadelphia to meet a committee of theYearly Meeting, was in town the evening on which the Quarterly Meeting'scommittee met the second time, and finding an inclination to sit with them, Iwith some others was admitted, and Friends had a weighty conference on thesubject. Soon after their next Quarterly meeting I heard that the case wascoming to our Yearly Meeting. This brought a weighty exercise upon me, andunder a sense of my own infirmities, and the great danger I felt of turningaside from perfect purity, my mind was often drawn to retire alone, and put upmy prayers to the Lord that He would be graciously pleased to strengthen me;that, setting aside all views of self-interest and the friendship of thisworld, I might stand fully resigned to His holy will.
  In this Yearly Meeting several weighty matters were considered, and towardthe last that in relation to dealing with persons who purchase slaves. Duringthe several sittings of the said meeting, my mind was frequently covered withinward prayer, and I could say with David, "that tears were my meat day andnight." The case of slave-keeping lay heavy upon me, nor did I find anyengagement to speak directly to any other matter before the meeting. Now whenthis case was opened several faithful Friends spake weightily thereto, withwhich I was comforted; and feeling a concern to cast in my mite, I said insubstance as follows: -"In the difficulties attending us in this life nothing is more preciousthan the mind of truth inwardly manifested; and it is my earnest desire that inthis weighty matter we may be so truly humbled as to be favoured with a clearunderstanding of the mind of truth, and follow it; this would be of moreadvantage to the Society than any medium not in the clearness of divine wisdom.
  The case is difficult to some who have slaves, but if such set aside all self-interest, and come to be weaned from the desire of getting estates, or evenfrom holding them together, when truth requires the contrary, I believe waywill so open that they will know how to steer through those difficulties."Many Friends appeared to be deeply bowed under the weight of the work, andmanifested much firmness in their love to the cause of truth and universalrighteousness on the earth. And though none did openly justify the practice ofslave-keeping in general, yet some appeared concerned lest the meeting shouldgo into such measures as might give uneasiness to many brethren, alleging that,if Friends patiently continued under the exercise, the Lord in His time mightopen a way for the deliverance of these people. Finding an engagement to speak,I said, "My mind is often led to consider the purity of the divine Being, andthe justice of His judgments; and herein my soul is covered with awfulness. Icannot omit to hint of some cases where people have not been treated with thepurity of justice, and the event hath been lamentable. Many slaves on thiscontinent are oppressed, and their cries have reached the ears of the MostHigh. Such are the purity and certainty of His judgments, that He cannot bepartial in our favour. In infinite love and goodness, He hath opened ourunderstanding from one time to another concerning our duty towards this people,and it is not a time for delay. Should we now be sensible of what He requiresof us, and through a respect to the private interest of some persons, orthrough a regard to some friendships which do not stand on an immutablefoundation, neglect to do our duty in firmness and constancy, still waiting forsome extraordinary means to bring about their deliverance, God may by terriblethings in righteousness answer us in this matter."Many faithful brethren laboured with great firmness, and the love of truth ina good degree prevailed. Several who had negroes expressed their desire that arule might be made to deal with such Friends as offenders who bought slaves infuture. To this it was answered that the root of this evil would never beeffectually struck at, until a thorough search was made in the circumstances ofsuch Friends as kept negroes, with respect to the righteousness of theirmotives in keeping them, that impartial justice might be administeredthroughout. Several Friends expressed their desire that a visit might be madeto such Friends as kept slaves, and many others said that they believed libertywas the negro's right; to which, at length, no opposition was publicly made. Aminute was made more full on that subject than any heretofore; and the names of several Friends entered who were free to join in a visit to such as keptslaves.

这 几年来本省拨出款项充作战费,并向居民征收战税,我对缴付此类税款心中常觉不安,认为有将此事记录下来的必要。有人告诉我英国方面的朋友们常常为了国家的 对外战争支付税款,我曾经为这事和几位有声望的朋友们交换意见,他们都同意缴纳此类税款。这些人当中有些是我所敬重的,因此使我稍觉安心。可是我心底里确 存在着疑惑,无法排除,有的时候且使我非常痛苦。
我当然知道有些存心正直的人也缴纳此类税款,可是他们的榜样不足成为理由,使我亦同样行,尤其因为我相信真理之灵要我忍受货物被没收的损失,而不要我积极缴付战税。
拒 绝缴纳一种本团体会友多数都愿意缴纳的税款,确实不是一件愉快的事,可是作了与良心相违背的事对我更为可怕。当我有了这种感觉之时,我不知道是否有别人处 在和我相同的困境中。我痛苦地祈求主叫我放弃一切,好跟从祂到祂所要带我去的任何地方。以这样的心境我参加了一七五五年在费城所举行的年会;会中产生了一 个委员会,由每一季会代表组成,目的在与伦敦方面的救灾会相联络。另有一委员会,目的在访问各地月会及季会。在指定了这委员会之后和年会最后一次休会之 前,大会同意这两个委员会须在城中朋友会学校举行联席会议,商讨和真道有关的一些问题。因此他们以敬畏上主的心召开这严重的会议,在会中我才知道许多朋友 对缴纳战税问题心中存着同样的疑虑。
为 了税款应用问题而拒绝纳税,这种事在过去很少听到,甚至于那些品德高超,曾坚决反对战争的人,也未注意到这问题;因此我愿意在这里提出我因关怀此事所得到 的启示:由于早期忠信朋友们之坚决反对当代所认可的错误事物,他们曾被属世的人仇视及迫害,可是他们对患难所表现的坚忍精神使教会大得益处,兴旺了福音工 作。每一代的人都必须注意自己的灵。拿早期朋友们的处境和我们目前的处境比较,他们因缴纳此类税款被属世之灵诱迫的危险,实比不上我们现在的危险。当初他 们和政治很少关系,他们当中许多人藉着上帝的能力,曾宣布与战争之事无关,他们所表现的引起了掌权者的憎恨,比较不容易陷入于在不符合真理之纯洁的事上和 属世之灵相结合的危险。至于我们,从最初移居本土,并没有经验到和他们相同的困难。我们先人的信仰虽受批评,但他们的公正终于为统治者所谅解,而他们无辜 受难的情形感动了他们,因此我们的崇拜方式被容忍,我们的会友在这一带地区亦多从事于政治活动。既处身于一种优越兴盛的环境中,世界似乎是很美好的,我们 的心意就倾向于本土的进步,注重商品及科学方面的发展;果能依照真智慧的导引,这些东西当中原有好些是很有用的,可是按照我们目前的情况说,无可否认地, 属世心意已在我们当中占了上风。我们会友中的某些政府官吏有协助有关战争之事的责任,当他们心中疑惑,究竟应当履行职务呢,还是应当辞去职务之时,如果看 见一般会友都在缴纳作战税款,就必认为他们履行职务也无可非议,因此压抑了圣灵在他们心中的感动。这样,一步一步地我们也接近了战争,和亲自参加作战没有 多大分别,只是在名义上自称为爱好和平的人吧了。
要 达到完全放弃战争,甚至受非理侵略,可以藉作战驱逐侵略者时也拒绝战斗那种境界,必须有自我牺牲和完全顺服上帝的精神始可。无论谁达到了这一境界,必能多 少感觉到我们的拯救者为我们舍生的那种精神。藉着神的良善,许多我们的先人和许多现在还活着的人都学会了这一功课;但也有许多人只是从教育去接触宗教,并 未充分认识那世界已被钉在其上的十字架,因此他们所表现的和那完全信托上帝的人所具有的精神大有分别。详细思想这些事之后,我觉得某些人现在得到了一种特 殊的感觉,和前人所经验的不同,那是没有什么可怪异的。
年会过后一些时候,上述委员会乃在费城聚会,继续数日。这时兵灾蔓延,宾夕尼亚边区居民常受突击,有人被杀,也有被印第安人俘获的。正当上述委员会开会时,有一具被杀害者的尸体由货车运至城中,一身血污地通过市街,以此来激发人民的参战情绪。
这 时聚会的朋友们对战税问题意见颇不一致,因而对于那些良心不安的人,问题更增困难。处此紧急时期而拒绝缴纳税款,可能被认为不忠于国家,引起统治者的不 悦,本邦如此,即英国统治者亦必将有同样态度。虽然如此,有许多朋友对这事良心不安,无法解除。这次聚会可说是我所参加过的聚会中最严肃的一次,许多人在 至高者面前谦恭俯首。委员会中有些主张缴纳战税的人在数度休会后即行退出,也有些继续到最后的。末了由一些关心这件事的朋友们草拟了致宾夕尼亚朋友们的一 封充满爱心和警语的信,在会中宣读,并加修改,然后由愿意署名的朋友们签名,寄给该区各地的月会及季会。
一 七五七年八月九日晚,本郡(柏林敦)军官接到命令,要他们就地征召民兵,赴援在纽约亨利威廉要塞为法军及印第安人围困的英军。过了几天,贺里山有了一次民 兵总检阅,被征召的民兵编成队伍,由原来军官带领出发。过了不久,新的命令又到,要征召比前三倍数目的兵员,准备定当,候命开到指定地点。十七日贺里山军 官召开了一次会议,订定了征兵办法,发出命令,着各被选召人员在指定时间地点向各区队长报到,本镇被征者均须在贺里山集中,其中颇多为本会会友。这事很感 动我,使我有新的机会看见到信行如一,有真实宗教生活的人是如何有益的。军官当中有些人颇能同情别人,且知道尊重别人诚实的意见。在执行职务时他们很愿意 避免以使人良心不安的事加给别人。可是若有人宣布自己虔敬属灵,且因完全信托上帝,所以不能从事争战,而其行为及日常生活所表现的却与自己所宣布的相违 背,那么他们就要面对着重大的难关了。
当 军官们急于欲征足名额,以应上峰命令之时,看见有些人假藉良心名义,企图规避这种危险职务,他们对这种人必将以严厉手段对付。在这种动乱之时,有些本会的 年青人离家他往,逗留异地,待平静后才回来;也有些人前来,愿意从军。那些确因良心不愿从事争战的人,此时存着谦虚之心,承受试炼。我曾和他们当中的一些 人谈话,颇觉满意。到了指定时间,队长来到镇上,这些人往见队长,告诉他为了良心缘故,他们不能当兵,也不能雇人替代,只愿将这等事付托上帝。最后队长吩 咐他们暂时都回家去,但须备妥军装,在征召时应召出征。这真是从未见过的一种情形,但我敢以感谢之心说,这种试炼是为着我们的益处安排的,我愿意完全信托 祂。此时法军已占领了他们所围攻的要塞,把它毁了,然后撤退。我们方面所征召的第一批兵员进军数日,又奉命归回;第二批征召的人则不再集中。
一 七五八年四月四日贺里山军官接到命令为约百名士兵准备短期宿处,为着这事有一位军官和两位本地居民前来见我。军官说明来意,要我招待两名士兵,供给食宿, 每名士兵每周可支付六先令。我过去不曾遇着同样要求,事出意外,因此不即回答。静坐默祷片刻之后,我心中明白凡属战争之事都和宗教之纯洁性不相符合,要我 接受酬报来招待职业士兵,对我实在是一件难事。我认为他们所行的有法律根据,于是向军官说,如果当局指定士兵前来要我招待,我不至于拒绝,只是此事的意义 与战争有关,我不愿接受酬报;他们当中一人说他认为所做的和我的宗教信仰不相抵触,对此我未回答,因为我相信此时最好缄默。他们原说要指派两名士兵前来, 但以后来的只有一名,他逗留我家约两星期,行为颇为文雅。以后那军官要还钱,我告诉他我不愿意接受,因我之接待那兵士是为了服从当局命令。当那军官和我说 话之时我是骑在马背上,我回转身时他说他很感谢我,我对此未作回答,可是想起他说这话的表情使我很不安心,所以事后我到他家(因偶而在他家附近有事)见 他,私下告诉他我所以拒绝接受招待那名士兵的酬报的理由。
据我知道,垦普斯始终是罗马教会的信徒;从阅读他的作品,我相信他是具有真基督徒精神的人,和一切因拒绝接受天主教某些迷信教义而殉难的人相同。其实一切真基督教都出自同一的灵,只是恩赐各有不同,耶稣基督凭着祂的无穷智慧,以不同职务交给每一个信徒。
胡 司约翰反对那些潜入于教会的谬误教义,和史家所记载的那个由千人组成的康士坦思会议相抗拒。他温和地为他所认为对的辩护;他向审判官所说的话和所表现的态 度虽甚谦恭,可是他心中所信的原则却绝不动摇。他说过这样的话:“我恳切地要求你们,在我们众人的上帝名下,请不要强迫我接受我良心所反对的事。”以后在 他回答皇帝的话中,他说:“尊贵的皇上呀,大会对我所作的任何判决我都不加拒绝,惟有一个例外,就是我不冒犯上帝和我自己的良心!”终于他宁愿接受焚刑而 死,不愿顺服那他认为和主命他信守者相违反的。垦普斯对于当代教会所同意的条例虽未发言反对,但他以虔敬的榜样,以宣讲及写作努力宣扬那内在属灵的宗教。 我相信上述二人都是基督忠诚的仆人。真的宽仁是一种极高尚美德,所以那些诚恳地为他们所信之善努力的人,即使所主张的各点和我们的未尽相同,也是值得欣喜 的事。
一 七五八年年初,有一晚我和朋友同往探访一位病人;在我们回来之前,有人告诉我们附近一妇人因在梦境中遭遇死亡及死后全能者审判之事,好几天陷于悲伤中,以 后逐渐复原;与我同行的那位朋友前往见她,和她及她丈夫谈话,涉及她一向的生活态度问题。这一访问相当地影响了他们,尤其是那丈夫,曾流泪表示满意我那位 朋友的访问。不久这人在河上遇着风暴,他和另一人同遭灭顶之祸。
一 九五八年八月,我心受感动愿往拆斯特郡参加季会,同时参加费城区的一些聚会。我先到了季会地方,这会规模颇大。好些问题在会中提出讨论。主的恩典将力量及 决心赐给祂的一些仆人,叫他们能够荷负重担。我虽然很少说话,但心中深受感动。我很感觉到上帝的爱,在设立一些年青人为祂的事工服役时,在祂面前我心中颇 得安慰。从这里又往参加在达拜举行的青年聚会,见到了好友钟士,他在我离家前同我约好来此相会,一同作访问工作。我们曾参加刺德涅,麦立温,里士兰,北威 尔斯,普里穆斯,和阿丙敦诸地的聚会,时刻感觉到应该谦恭地感谢那施恩帮助我们,每日为我们开路的神。这回我出门两星期,经过的旅程约二百里。
某 夜有朋友访问我们住处,这人是一位保安官,他以友善态度提出关于不纳税支持战争这一问题,并说他知道我对缴纳战税的态度,早就希望有机会找像我这样主张的 人谈谈。于是我们在友善空气中交换意见,并引证一些有关经文。最后他说,根据我们所信守的原则,若遇政府有不良措施,我们所应遵行的似乎宁可让政府没收我 们的货物,而不愿积极地缴款支持它。对这一点我回答说,我们之所以设立公务人员,使居责任地位,是有着良好目的的,有的是要制订好的法律,有的是要维持这 些法律,叫它们不被破坏。倘若这些人并不履行社会所付托给他们的责任,而我们明知其非,仍然付出款项支持他们,就等于是加强了他们的谬误,叫他们忘记了自 己有错。但当我们看清楚了某一事件的性质,知道钱的用途不当,因而良心不安,在谦让中宁愿遭受货物被没收的损失,不愿积极付款,这种与公义相称的表现,确 可促使人们注意他们在公务上的行为。他说他愿意提出一种中庸的办法,那就是,当执政者行动不符合于以政权付托他们的人民之愿望时,人民应即加以抗议,而不 当以拒缴税款对抗,又说,“政府乃是自由人依同意而产生的,由于这种同意,他们有遵守某些法律的义务,作为行动准则。若不遵守,即等于拒绝履行我们自己所 订立的契约。”我回答说,在契约订立时,诚实及正直的精神必叫我们防备,以免在任何事上和真道德相背离。如果我因疏忽的缘故应许服从某人或某些人的命令, 不附带任何条件,而这人或这些人却命令我协助他们做些极严重的恶事,那么我将看出我作这种应许的谬误,且知我若积极地服从命令,必将在某一恶事上更增另一 恶事。所以虽然由于我的应许,我必须接受不服从命令的惩罚,可是在我看来,接受惩罚比服从命令行动更符合道德原则。我们的讨论始终在友善空气中进行。值得 在这里提起的一件事是宾夕尼亚方面许多会友之缴纳战税是违背良心的,因此他们联名上书议会,请求议会不订立法律以强迫征收此类税款,并表示他们是一群和平 的人,为了良心的缘故不能缴纳战税。
费 城月会为了有些朋友在一七五八年夏天买进黑奴的事,向季会建议请求年会重新考虑前此所通过的议案,该议案乃是上届年会所通过的。上述季会乃指派一委员会研 究此事,于下次会期提出报告;这委员会曾召开过一次。当时我来到费城参加年会的一个小组,我在城里时刚好上述委员会召开第二次会议,我心中有了感动,愿意 列席这会。他们容许我和几位朋友们列席;会中对黑奴问题提出严重讨论。不久当他们再一届的季会过后,听说上述建议已经提交我们的年会了;这事使我心中有极 沉重感觉。知道我自己的软弱,也深恐有不能达到完全圣洁的危险,所以我常退隐,向主祈祷,求祂施恩叫我有力量放弃一切私己的观点和属世的情感,完全顺服祂 神圣的旨意。
这 次年会讨论了好些重要事件,临结束时亦讨论关于购买黑奴的事。在历次聚会中,我心中往往充满着内在的祷告,我能够和大卫一同说,“我昼夜以眼泪当饮食。” 畜奴问题在我心中极为沉重;会中神也不许我直接谈论任何其他问题。当畜奴问题被提出时,有几位诚信的朋友们沉痛发言,我听了颇受安慰,觉得我也应该贡献出 我自己的微薄力量,于是发言如下:
“ 为应付今世所遭遇的一切困难,没有比那在我们内心显明出来的真理更为宝贵的了。我诚恳地愿望我们对这严重问题能够获得真理之心所具有的清楚见解,并跟从这 一见解。这样,对我们团体的益处必较其他任何非出自神圣智慧所昭示的方法更大。对于畜奴的朋友们这确是一大难题,可是如果我们能放弃私己的利益,放弃那不 为真理所支持,企图作大地主的愿望,我们必能找到路径,知道如何对付这些困难。”
对 这问题与会的朋友们似乎都非常关切,且坚定地表示对真理及人间正义的爱心。虽然没有人在会中公开表示赞同畜奴制度;有些人似乎不愿意在聚会中积极地反对, 免得引起畜奴弟兄们的反感。他们认为如果朋友们继续忍耐,当主的时候到来,祂可能开路释放这些奴隶。这时我心里觉得应该发言,于是开口说,“我心常被引领 以思想神的纯洁,和祂判断的公义;在这事上我的灵魂实充满恐惧。我不能不指出在某些情况下,有些人并未受公正的待遇,情形实甚可悲。在本土有许多奴隶遭受 压迫,他们的呼声已达到至高者的耳中,而祂的判断既是纯洁及坚定的,祂决不偏袒我们,祂曾以无穷之爱及良善启迪我们,叫我们明白我们对这些人所应负的责 任,不可延迟。如果我们现在明知祂所要求于我们的,却因尊重某些个人的利益,或顾及那种非建立于永恒基础上的友谊,而忽略了我们所须坚决履行的责任,仍然 盼望有什么奇特方法可叫这些人获得自由,那么上帝对这事或将在祂公义中以可怖的方法答复我们!”
好 些诚信的弟兄们在这件事上坚定努力;对真理的爱心大为增加。有几个畜有黑奴的朋友表示希望团体制订条例,惩罚以后再购买黑奴的人。对他们这种意见的答复乃 是:要根除这种邪恶,必须先行研究朋友们畜奴的环境以及他们的动机,并寻觅公道的处理方法,否则必难收效。有几位朋友表示希望先行访问那些畜奴的朋友;也 有些人认为自由乃黑奴们所应享有的权利,对这一点未见有公然反对的人。最后大家草拟了一项议案,比过去所有的更为详尽,愿意参加访问畜奴会友的那几位朋友 的名字也登记了。

子规月落

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Chapter 4
  THIRTEENTH Fifth Month, 1757. -- Being in good health, and abroad with Friendsvisiting families, I lodged at a Friend's house in Burlington. Going to bedabout the time usual with me, I awoke in the night, and my meditations, as Ilay, were on the goodness and mercy of the Lord, in a sense whereof my heartwas contrited. After this I went to sleep again; in a short time I awoke; itwas yet dark, and no appearance of day or moonshine, and as I opened mine eyesI saw a light in my chamber, at the apparent distance of five feet, about nineinches in diameter, of a clear, easy brightness, and near its centre the mostradiant. As I lay still looking upon it without any surprise, words were spokento my inward ear, which filled my whole inward man. They were not the effect ofthought, nor any conclusion in relation to the appearance, but as the languageof the Holy One spoken in my mind. The words were, CERTAIN EVIDENCE OF DIVINETRUTH. They were again repeated exactly in the same manner, and then the lightdisappeared.
  Feeling the exercise in relation to a visit to the Southern Provinces toincrease upon me, I acquainted our Monthly Meeting therewith, and obtainedtheir certificate. Expecting to go alone, one of my brothers who lived inPhiladelphia, having some business in North Carolina, proposed going with mepart of the way; but as he had a view of some outward affairs, to accept of himas a companion was some difficulty with me, whereupon I had conversation withhim at sundry times. At length feeling easy in my mind, I had conversation withseveral elderly Friends of Philadelphia on the subject, and he obtaining acertificate suitable to the occasion, we set off in the Fifth Month, 1757.
  Coming to Nottingham week-day meeting, we lodged at John Churchman's, where Imet with our friend, Benjamin Buffington, from New England, who was returningfrom a visit to the Southern Provinces. Thence we crossed the riverSusquehanna, and lodged at William Cox's in Maryland.
  Soon after I entered this province, a deep and painful exercise came upon me,which I often had some feeling of since my mind was drawn toward these parts,and with which I had acquainted my brother before we agreed to join as companions. As the people in this and the Southern Provinces live much on thelabour of slaves, many of whom are used hardly, my concern was that I mightattend with singleness of heart to the voice of the true Shepherd, and be sosupported as to remain unmoved at the faces of men.
  As it is common for Friends on such a visit to have entertainment free ofcost, a difficulty arose in my mind with respect to saving my money by kindnessreceived from what appeared to me to be the gain of oppression. Receiving agift, considered as a gift, brings the receiver under obligations to thebenefactor, and has a natural tendency to draw the obliged into a party withthe giver. To prevent difficulties of this kind, and to preserve the minds ofjudges from any bias, was that divine prohibition: "Thou shalt not receive anygift; for a gift blindeth the wise, and perverteth the words of the righteous"(Exod. xxiii. 8). As the disciples were sent forth without any provision fortheir journey, and our Lord said the workman is worthy of his meat, theirlabour in the gospel was considered as a reward for their entertainment, andtherefore not received as a gift; yet, in regard to my present journey, I couldnot see my way clear in that respect. The difference appeared thus: theentertainment the disciples met with was from them whose hearts God had openedto receive them, from a love to them and the truth they published; but we,considered as members of the same religious society, look upon it as a piece ofcivility to receive each other in such visits; and such receptions, at times,is partly in regard to reputation, and not from an inward unity of heart andspirit. Conduct is more convincing than language, and where people, by theiractions, manifest that the slave-trade is not so disagreeable to theirprinciples but that it may be encouraged, there is not a sound uniting withsome Friends who visit them.
  The prospect of so weighty a work, and of being so distinguished from manywhom I esteemed before myself, brought me very low, and such were the conflictsof my soul that I had a near sympathy with the prophet, in the time of hisweakness, when he said: "If thou deal thus with me, kill me, I pray thee, if Ihave found favour in thy sight" (Num. xi. 15). But I soon saw that thisproceeded from the want of a full resignation to the divine will. Many were theafflictions which attended me, and in great abasement, with many tears, mycries were to the Almighty for His gracious and Fatherly assistance, and aftera time of deep trial I was favoured to understand the state mentioned by thePsalmist more clearly than ever I had done before; to wit: "My soul is even asa weaned child" (Ps. cxxxi. 2).
  Being thus helped to sink down into resignation, I felt a deliverance fromthat tempest in which I had been sorely exercised, and in calmness of mind wentforward, trusting that the Lord Jesus Christ, as I faithfully attended to Him, would be a counsellor to me in all difficulties, and that by His strength Ishould be enabled even to leave money with the members of society where I hadentertainment, when I found that omitting it would obstruct that work to whichI believed He had called me. As I copy this after my return, I may here addthat oftentimes I did so under a sense of duty. The way in which I did it wasthus: When I expected soon to leave a Friend's house where I had entertainment,if I believed that I should not keep clear from the gain of oppression withoutleaving money, I spoke to one of the heads of the family privately, and desiredthem to accept of those pieces of silver, and give them to such of theirnegroes as they believed would make the best use of them; and at other times Igave them to the negroes myself, as the way looked clearest to me. Before Icame out, I had provided a large number of small pieces for this purpose, andthus offering them to some who appeared to be wealthy people was a trial bothto me and them. But the fear of the Lord so covered me at times that my way wasmade easier than I expected; and few, if any, manifested any resentment at theoffer, and most of them, after some conversation, accepted of them.
  Ninth of Fifth Month. -- A Friend at whose house we breakfasted setting us alittle on our way, I had conversation with him, in the fear of the Lord,concerning his slaves, in which my heart was tender; I used much plainness ofspeech with him, and he appeared to take it kindly. We pursued our journeywithout appointing meetings, being pressed in my mind to be at the YearlyMeeting in Virginia. In my travelling on the road, I often felt a cry rise fromthe centre of my mind, thus: "O Lord, I am a stranger on the earth, hide notthy face from me."On the 11th, we crossed the rivers Patowmack and Rapahannock, and lodged atPort Royal. On the way we had the company of a colonel of the militia, whoappeared to be a thoughtful man. I took occasion to remark on the difference ingeneral betwixt a people used to labour moderately for their living, trainingup their children in frugality and business, and those who live on the labourof slaves; the former, in my view, being the most happy life. He concurred inthe remark, and mentioned the trouble arising from the untoward, slothfuldisposition of the negroes, adding that one of our labourers would do as muchin a day as two of their slaves. I replied that free men, whose minds wereproperly on their business, found a satisfaction in improving, cultivating, andproviding for their families; but negroes, labouring to support others whoclaim them as their property, and expecting nothing but slavery during life,had not the like inducement to be industrious.
  After some further conversation I said, that men having power too oftenmisapplied it; that though we made slaves of the negroes, and the Turks madeslaves of the Christians, I believed that liberty was the natural right of all men equally. This he did not deny, but said the lives of the negroes were sowretched in their own country that many of them lived better here than there. Ireplied, "There is great odds in regard to us on what principle we act"; and sothe conversation on that subject ended. I may here add that another person,some time afterwards, mentioned the wretchedness of the negroes, occasioned bytheir intestine wars, as an argument in favour of our fetching them away forslaves. To which I replied, if compassion for the Africans, on account of theirdomestic troubles, was the real motive of our purchasing them, that spirit oftenderness being attended to, would incite us to use them kindly, that, asstrangers brought out of affliction, their lives might be happy among us. Andas they are human creatures, whose souls are as precious as ours, and who mayreceive the same help and comfort from the Holy Scriptures as we do, we couldnot omit suitable endeavours to instruct them therein; but that while wemanifest by our conduct that our views in purchasing them are to advanceourselves, and while our buying captives taken in war animates those parties topush on the war and increase desolation amongst them, to say they liveunhappily in Africa is far from being an argument in our favour.
  I further said, the present circumstances of these provinces to me appeardifficult; the slaves look like a burdensome stone to such as burden themselveswith them; and that, if the white people retain a resolution to prefer theiroutward prospects of gain to all other considerations, and do not actconscientiously toward them as fellow-creatures, I believe that burden willgrow heavier and heavier, until times change in a way disagreeable to us. Theperson appeared very serious, and owned that in considering their condition andthe manner of their treatment in these provinces he had sometimes thought itmight be just in the Almighty so to order it.
  Having travelled through Maryland, we came amongst Friends at Cedar Creek inVirginia, on the 12th; and the next day rode, in company with several of them,a day's journey to Camp Creek. As I was riding along in the morning, my mindwas deeply affected in a sense I had of the need of divine aid to support me inthe various difficulties which attended me, and in uncommon distress of mind Icried in secret to the Most High, "O Lord, be merciful, I beseech Thee, to Thypoor afflicted creature!" After some time I felt inward relief, and soon aftera Friend in company began to talk in support of the slave-trade, and said thenegroes were understood to be the offspring of Cain, their blackness being themark which God set upon him after he murdered Abel, his brother; that it wasthe design of Providence they should be slaves, as a condition proper to therace of so wicked a man as Cain was. Then another spake in support of what hadbeen said.
  To all which I replied in substance as follows: that Noah and his family wereall who survived the flood, according to Scripture; and as Noah was of Seth'srace, the family of Cain was wholly destroyed. One of them said that after theflood Ham went to the land of Nod and took a wife; that Nod was a land fardistant, inhabited by Cain's race, and that the flood did not reach it; and asHam was sentenced to be a servant of servants to his brethren, these twofamilies, being thus joined, were undoubtedly fit only for slaves. I replied,the flood was a judgment upon the world for their abominations, and it wasgranted that Cain's stock was the most wicked, and therefore unreasonable tosuppose that they were spared. As to Ham's going to the land of Nod for a wife,no time being fixed, Nod might be inhabited by some of Noah's family before Hammarried a second time; moreover the text saith "That all flesh died that movedupon the earth" (Gen. vii. 21). I further reminded them how the prophetsrepeatedly declare "that the son shall not suffer for the iniquity of thefather, but every one be answerable for his own sins."I was troubled to perceive the darkness of their imaginations, and in somepressure of spirit said, "The love of ease and gain are the motives in generalof keeping slaves, and men are wont to take hold of weak arguments to support acause which is unreasonable. I have no interest on either side, save only theinterest which I desire to have in the truth. I believe liberty is their right,and as I see they are not only deprived of it, but treated in other respectswith inhumanity in many places, I believe He who is a refuge for the oppressedwill, in His own time, plead their cause, and happy will it be for such as walkin uprightness before Him." And thus our conversation ended.
  Fourteenth of Fifth Month. -- I was this day at Camp Creek Monthly Meeting,and then rode to the mountains up James River, and had a meeting at a Friend'shouse, in both which I felt sorrow of heart, and my tears were poured outbefore the Lord, who was pleased to afford a degree of strength by which waywas opened to clear my mind amongst Friends in those places. From thence I wentto Ford Creek, and so to Cedar Creek again, at which place I now had a meeting.
  Here I found a tender seed, and as I was preserved in the ministry to keep lowwith the truth, the same truth in their hearts answered it, that it was a timeof mutual refreshment from the presence of the Lord. I lodged at JamesStandley's, father of William Standley, one of the young men who sufferedimprisonment at Winchester last summer on account of their testimony againstfighting, and I had some satisfactory conversation with him concerning it.
  Hence I went to the Swamp Meeting, and to Wayanoke Meeting, and then crossedJames River, and lodged near Burleigh. From the time of my entering Maryland Ihave been much under sorrow, which of late so increased upon me that my mindwas almost overwhelmed, and I may say with the Psalmist, "In my distress Icalled upon the Lord, and cried to my God," who, in infinite goodness, looked upon my affliction, and in my private retirement sent the Comforter for myrelief, for which I humbly bless His holy name.
  The sense I had of the state of the churches brought a weight of distressupon me. The gold to me appeared dim, and the fine gold changed, and thoughthis is the case too generally, yet the sense of it in these parts hath in aparticular manner borne heavy upon me. It appeared to me that, through theprevailing of the spirit of this world, the minds of many were brought to aninward desolation, and instead of the spirit of meekness, gentleness, andheavenly wisdom, which are the necessary companions of the true sheep ofChrist, a spirit of fierceness and the love of dominion too generallyprevailed. From small beginnings in error great buildings by degrees areraised, and from one age to another are more and more strengthened by thegeneral concurrence of the people; and as men obtain reputation by theirprofession of the truth, their virtues are mentioned as arguments in favour ofgeneral error; and those of less note, to justify themselves, say, such andsuch good men did the like. By what other steps could the people of Judah ariseto that height in wickedness as to give just ground for the Prophet Isaiah todeclare, in the name of the Lord, "that none calleth for justice, nor anypleadeth for truth" (Isa. lix. 4), or for the Almighty to call upon the greatcity of Jerusalem just before the Babylonish captivity, "If ye can find a man,if there be any who executeth judgment, that seeketh the truth, and I willpardon it" (Jer. v. 1)?
  The prospect of a way being open to the same degeneracy, in some parts ofthis newly settled land of America, in respect to our conduct towards thenegroes, hath deeply bowed my mind in this journey, and though briefly torelate how these people are treated is no agreeable work, yet, after oftenreading over the notes I made as I travelled, I find my mind engaged topreserve them. Many of the white people in those provinces take little or nocare of negro marriages; and when negroes marry after their own way, some makeso little account of those marriages, that with views of outward interest theyoften part men from their wives by selling them far asunder, which is commonwhen estates are sold by executors at vendue. Many whose labour is heavy beingfollowed at their business in the field by a man with a whip, hired for thatpurpose, have in common little else allowed but one peck of Indian corn andsome salt, for one week, with a few potatoes; the potatoes they commonly raiseby their labour on the first day of the week. The correction ensuing on theirdisobedience to overseers, or slothfulness in business, is often very severeand sometimes desperate.
  Men and women have many times scarcely clothes sufficient to hide theirnakedness, and boys and girls ten and twelve years old are often quite naked amongst their master's children. Some of our Society, and some of the societycalled Newlights, use some endeavours to instruct those they have in reading;but in common this is not only neglected, but disapproved. These are the peopleby whose labour the other inhabitants are in a great measure supported, andmany of them in the luxuries of life. These are the people who have made noagreement to serve us, and who have not forfeited their liberty that we knowof. These are the souls for whom Christ died, and for our conduct towards themwe must answer before Him who is no respecter of persons. They who know theonly true God, and Jesus Christ whom He hath sent, and are thus acquainted withthe merciful, benevolent, gospel spirit, will therein perceive that theindignation of God is kindled against oppression and cruelty, and in beholdingthe great distress of so numerous a people will find cause for mourning.
  From my lodgings I went to Burleigh Meeting, where I felt my mind drawn in aquiet, resigned state. After a long silence I felt an engagement to stand up,and through the powerful operation of divine love we were favoured with anedifying meeting. The next meeting we had was at Blackwater, and from thencewent to the Yearly Meeting at the Western Branch. When business began, somequeries were introduced by some of their members for consideration, and, ifapproved, they were to be answered hereafter by their respective MonthlyMeetings. They were the Pennsylvania queries, which had been examined by acommittee of Virginia Yearly Meeting appointed the last year, who made somealterations in them, one of which alterations was made in favour of a customwhich troubled me.
  The query was, "Are there any concerned in the importation of negroes, or inbuying them after imported?" which was thus altered, "Are there any concernedin the importation of negroes, or buying them to trade in?" As one queryadmitted with unanimity was, "Are any concerned in buying or vending goodsunlawfully imported, or prize goods?" I found my mind engaged to say that, aswe profess the truth, and were there assembled to support the testimony of it,it was necessary for us to dwell deep and act in that wisdom which is pure, orotherwise we could not prosper. I then mentioned their alteration, and,referring to the last-mentioned query, added, that as purchasing anymerchandise taken by the sword was always allowed to be inconsistent with ourprinciples, so negroes being captives of war or taken by stealth, it wasinconsistent with our testimony to buy them; and their being our fellow-creatures, and sold as slaves, added greatly to the iniquity. Friends appearedattentive to what was said; some expressed a care and concern about theirnegroes; none made any objection by way of reply to what I said, but the querywas admitted as they had altered it.
  As some of their members have heretofore traded in negroes, as in othermerchandise, this query being admitted will be one step further than they havehitherto gone, and I did not see it my duty to press for an alteration, butfelt easy to leave it all to Him who alone is able to turn the hearts of themighty, and make way for the spreading of truth on the earth, by meansagreeable to his infinite wisdom. In regard to those they already had, I feltmy mind engaged to labour with them, and said that, as we believe theScriptures were given forth by holy men, as they were moved by the Holy Ghost,and many of us know by experience that they are often helpful and comfortable,and believe ourselves bound in duty to teach our children to read them; Ibelieved that if we were divested of all selfish views, the same good Spiritthat gave them forth would engage us to teach the negroes to read, that theymight have the benefit of them. Some present manifested a concern to take morecare in the education of their negroes.
  Twenty-ninth Fifth Month. -- At the house where I lodged was a meeting ofministers and elders. I found an engagement to speak freely and plainly to themconcerning their slaves; mentioning how they as the first rank in the society,whose conduct in that case was much noticed by others, were under the strongerobligations to look carefully to themselves -- expressing how needful it wasfor them in that situation to be thoroughly divested of all selfish views;that, living in the pure truth, and acting conscientiously towards those peoplein their education and otherwise, they might be instrumental in helping forwarda work so exceedingly necessary, and so much neglected amongst them. At thetwelfth hour the meeting of worship began, which was a solid meeting.
  The next day, about the tenth hour, Friends met to finish their business, andthen the meeting for worship ensued, which to me was a labourious time; butthrough the goodness of the Lord, truth, I believed, gained some ground, and itwas a strengthening opportunity to the honest-hearted.
  About this time I wrote an epistle to Friends in the back settlements ofNorth Carolina, as follows: -TO FRIENDS AT THEIR MONTHLY MEETING AT NEW GARDEN AND CANE CREEK, IN NORTHCAROLINA: -DEAR FRIENDS, -- It having pleased the Lord to draw me forth on a visit tosome parts of Virginia and Carolina, you have often been in my mind; and thoughmy way is not clear to come in person to visit you, yet I feel it in my heartto communicate a few things, as they arise in the love of truth. First, my dearfriends, dwell in humility; and take heed that no views of outward gain get toodeep hold of you, that so, your eyes being single to the Lord, you may be preserved in the way of safety. Where people let loose their minds after thelove of outward things, and are more engaged in pursuing the profits andseeking the friendships of this world, than to be inwardly acquainted with theway of true peace, they walk in a vain shadow, while the true comfort of lifeis wanting. Their examples are often hurtful to others; and their treasuresthus collected do many times prove dangerous snares to their children.
  But where people are sincerely devoted to follow Christ, and dwell under theinfluence of His Holy Spirit, their stability and firmness, through a divineblessing, is at times like dew on the tender plants round about them, and theweightiness of their spirits secretly works on the minds of others. In thiscondition, through the spreading influence of divine love, they feel a careover the flock, and way is opened for maintaining good order in the Society.
  And though we may meet with opposition from another spirit, yet, as there is adwelling in meekness, feeling our spirits subject, and moving only in thegentle, peaceable wisdom, the inward reward of quietness will be greater thanall our difficulties. Where the pure life is kept to, and meetings ofdiscipline are held in the authority of it, we find by experience that they arecomfortable, and tend to the health of the body.
  While I write, the youth come fresh in my way. Dear young people, choose Godfor your portion; love His truth, and be not ashamed of it; choose for yourcompany such as serve him in uprightness; and shun as most dangerous theconversation of those whose lives are of an ill savour; for by frequenting suchcompany some hopeful young people have come to great loss, and been drawn fromless evils to greater, to their utter ruin. In the bloom of youth no ornamentis so lovely as that of virtue, nor any enjoyments equal to those which wepartake of in fully resigning ourselves to the divine will. These enjoymentsadd sweetness to all other comforts, and give true satisfaction in company andconversation, where people are mutually acquainted with it; and as your mindsare thus seasoned with the truth, you will find strength to abide steadfast tothe testimony of it, and be prepared for services in the church.
  And now, dear friends and brethren, as you are improving a wilderness, andmay be numbered amongst the first planters in one part of a province, I beseechyou, in the love of Jesus Christ, wisely to consider the force of yourexamples, and think how much your successors may be thereby affected. It is ahelp in a country, yea, and a great favour and blessing, when customs firstsettled are agreeable to sound wisdom; but when they are otherwise the effectof them is grievous; and children feel themselves encompassed with difficultiesprepared for them by their predecessors.
  As moderate care and exercise, under the direction of true wisdom, are usefulboth to mind and body, so by these means in general the real wants of life areeasily supplied, our gracious Father having so proportioned one to the otherthat keeping in the medium we may pass on quietly. Where slaves are purchasedto do our labour, numerous difficulties attend it. To rational creaturesbondage is uneasy, and frequently occasions sourness and discontent in them;which affects the family and such as claim the mastery over them. Thus peopleand their children are many times encompassed with vexations, which arise fromtheir applying to wrong methods to get a living.
  I have been informed that there is a large number of Friends in your partswho have no slaves; and in tender and most affectionate love I beseech you tokeep clear from purchasing any. Look, my dear friends, to divine Providence,and follow in simplicity that exercise of body, that plainness and frugality,which true wisdom leads to; so may you be preserved from those dangers whichattend such as are aiming at outward ease and greatness.
  Treasures, though small, attained on a true principle of virtue, are sweet;and while we walk in the light of the Lord there is true comfort andsatisfaction in the possession; neither the murmurs of an oppressed people, nora throbbing uneasy conscience, nor anxious thoughts about the events of things,hinder the enjoyment of them.
  When we look towards the end of life, and think on the division of oursubstance among our successors, if we know that it was collected in the fear ofthe Lord, in honesty, in equity, and in uprightness of heart before Him, we mayconsider it as His gift to us, and, with a single eye to His blessing, bestowit on those we leave behind us. Such is the happiness of the plain ways of truevirtue. "The work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect ofrighteousness quietness and assurance forever" (Isa. xxxii. 17).
  Dwell here, my dear friends; and then in remote and solitary deserts you mayfind true peace and satisfaction. If the Lord be God, in truth and reality,there is safety for us: for He is a stronghold in the day of trouble, andknoweth them that trust in Him.
  ISLE OF WIGHT COUNTY, in VIRGINIA,20th of the 5th Month, 1757.
  From the Yearly Meeting in Virginia I went to Carolina, and on the 1st ofSixth Month was at Wells Monthly Meeting, where the spring of the gospelministry was opened, and the love of Jesus Christ experienced among us; to Hisname be the praise.
  Here my brother joined with some Friends from New Garden who were goinghomeward; and I went next to Simons Creek Monthly Meeting, where I was silentduring the meeting for worship. When business came on, my mind was exercisedconcerning the poor slaves, but I did not feel my way clear to speak. In thiscondition I was bowed in spirit before the Lord, and with tears and inwardsupplication besought Him so to open my understanding that I might know Hiswill concerning me; and at length my mind was settled in silence. Near the endof their business a member of their meeting expressed a concern that had sometime lain upon him, on account of Friends so much neglecting their duty in theeducation of their slaves, and proposed having meetings sometimes appointed forthem on a week-day, to be attended only by some Friends to be named in theirMonthly Meetings.
  Many present appeared to unite with the proposal. One said he had oftenwondered that they, being our fellow-creatures, and capable of religiousunderstanding, had been so exceedingly neglected; another expressed the likeconcern, and appeared zealous that in future it might be more closelyconsidered. At length a minute was made, and the further consideration of itreferred to their next Monthly Meeting. The Friend who made this proposal hathnegroes; he told me that he was at New Garden, about two hundred and fiftymiles from home, and came back alone; that in this solitary journey thisexercise, in regard to the education of their negroes, was from time to timerenewed in his mind. A Friend of some note in Virginia, who hath slaves, toldme that he being far from home on a lonesome journey, had many serious thoughtsabout them: and his mind was so impressed therewith that he believed he saw atime coming when divine Providence would alter the circumstance of thesepeople, respecting their condition as slaves.
  From hence I went to a meeting at Newbegun Creek, and sat a considerable timein much weakness; then I felt truth open the way to speak a little in muchplainness and simplicity, till at length, through the increase of divine loveamongst us, we had a seasoning opportunity. This was also the case at the headof Little River, where we had a crowded meeting on a First-day. I went thenceto the Old Neck, where I was led into a careful searching out of the secretworkings of the mystery of iniquity, which, under a cover of religion, exaltsitself against that pure spirit which leads in the way of meekness and self-denial. Pineywoods was the last meeting I was at in Carolina; it was large, andmy heart being deeply engaged, I was drawn forth into a fervent labour amongstthem.
  When I was at Newbegun Creek a Friend was there who laboured for his living,having no negroes, and who had been a minister many years. He came to me thenext day, and as we rode together he signified that he wanted to talk with me concerning a difficulty he had been under, which he related nearly as follows:
  -- That as moneys had of late years been raised by a tax to carry on the wars,he had a scruple in his mind in regard to paying it, and chose rather to sufferdistraint of his goods; but as he was the only person who refused it in thoseparts, and knew not that any one else was in the like circumstances, hesignified that it had been a heavy trial to him, especially as some of hisbrethren had been uneasy with his conduct in that case. He added that, from asympathy he felt with me yesterday in meeting, he found freedom thus to openthe matter in the way of querying concerning Friends in our parts; I told himthe state of Friends amongst us as well as I was able, and also that I had forsome time been under the like scruple. I believed him to be one who wasconcerned to walk uprightly before the Lord, and esteemed it my duty topreserve this note concerning him, Samuel Newby.
  From hence I went back into Virginia, and had a meeting near JamesCowpland's; it was a time of inward suffering, but through the goodness of theLord I was made content; at another meeting, through the renewings of purelove, we had a very comfortable season.
  Travelling up and down of late, I have had renewed evidences that to befaithful to the Lord, and content with His will concerning me, is a mostnecessary and useful lesson for me to be learning; looking less at the effectsof my labour than at the pure motion and reality of the concern, as it arisesfrom heavenly love. In the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength; and as themind, by humble resignation, is united to Him, and we utter words from aninward knowledge that they arise from the heavenly spring, though our way maybe difficult, and it may require close attention to keep in it, and though thematter in which we may be led may tend to our own abasement; yet, if wecontinue in patience and meekness, heavenly peace will be the reward of ourlabours.
  I attended Curles Meeting, which, though small, was reviving to the honest-hearted. Afterwards I went to Black Creek and Caroline Meetings, from whence,accompanied by William Standley before mentioned, I rode to Goose Creek, beingmuch through the woods, and about one hundred miles. We lodged the first nightat a public-house; the second in the woods; and the next day we reached aFriend's house at Goose Creek. In the woods we were under some disadvantage,having no fire-works nor bells for our horses, but we stopped a little beforenight and let them feed on the wild grass, which was plentiful, in the meantime cutting with our knives a store against night. We then secured our horses,and gathering some bushes under an oak we lay down; but the mosquitoes beingnumerous and the ground damp I slept but little.
  Thus lying in the wilderness, and looking at the stars, I was led tocontemplate on the condition of our first parents when they were sent forthfrom the garden; how the Almighty, though they had been disobedient, continuedto be a Father to them, and showed them what tended to their felicity asintelligent creatures, and was acceptable to Him. To provide things relative toour outward living, in the way of true wisdom, is good, and the gift ofimproving in things useful is a good gift, and comes from the Father of Lights.
  Many have had this gift; and from age to age there have been improvements ofthis kind made in the world. But some, not keeping to the pure gift, have inthe creaturely cunning and self-exaltation sought out many inventions. As thefirst motive to these inventions of men, as distinct from that uprightness inwhich man was created, was evil, so the effects have been and are evil. It is,therefore, as necessary for us at this day constantly to attend on the heavenlygift, to be qualified to use rightly the good things in this life amidst greatimprovements, as it was for our first parents when they were without anyimprovements, without any friend or father but God only.
  I was at a meeting at Goose Creek, and next at a Monthly Meeting at Fairfax,where, through the gracious dealing of the Almighty with us, His powerprevailed over many hearts. From thence I went to Monoquacy and Pipe Creek inMaryland; at both places I had cause humbly to adore Him who had supported methrough many exercises, and by whose help I was enabled to reach the truewitness in the hearts of others. There were some hopeful young people in thoseparts. I had meetings afterwards at John Everit's in Monalen, and atHuntingdon, and I was made humbly thankful to the Lord, who opened my heartamongst the people in these new settlements, so that it was a time ofencouragement to the honest-minded.
  At Monalen a Friend gave me some account of a religious society among theDutch, called Mennonists, and amongst other things related a passage insubstance as follows: One of the Mennonists having acquaintance with a man ofanother society at a considerable distance, and being with his waggon onbusiness near the house of his said acquaintance and night coming on, he hadthoughts of putting up with him, but passing by his fields, and observing thedistressed appearance of his slaves, he kindled a fire in the woods hard by,and lay there that night. His said acquaintance hearing where he lodged, andafterward meeting the Mennonist, told him of it, adding he should have beenheartily welcome at his house, and from their acquaintance in former timewondered at his conduct in that case. The Mennonist replied, "Ever since Ilodged by thy field I have wanted an opportunity to speak with thee. I hadintended to come to thy house for entertainment, but seeing thy slaves at theirwork, and observing the manner of their dress, I had no liking to come topartake with thee." He then admonished him to use them with more humanity, and added, "As I lay by the fire that night, I thought that as I was a man ofsubstance thou wouldst have received me freely; but if I had been as poor asone of thy slaves, and had no power to help myself, I should have received fromthy hand no kinder usage than they."In this journey I was out about two months, and travelled about elevenhundred and fifty miles. I returned home under an humbling sense of thegracious dealings of the Lord with me, in preserving me through many trials andafflictions.

一 七五七年五月十三日——这时候我健康良好,正和朋友们在外访问会友们的家庭。某夜宿在柏林敦某朋友家,按照惯常时间就寝,夜半醒来,躺在床上默念主的良善 和仁慈,并存悔罪之心。不久再行入睡,但又醒转,这时天色甚黑,天既未亮,亦无月光,可是当我睁开眼睛,却看见房中一团亮光,约在五尺之遥,而光的本身直 径约九寸,是一种清晰明亮的光,中心更为光耀。我安静地躺着,眼睛望着它,并不觉得惊骇,这时有话向我心灵的耳朵说出,充满整个内在的我,并不是思想作 用,亦不是由于所看见现象引起的,却像是那圣者在我心中所说的话,那话是:“神圣真道是有确实证据的!”当光消逝之时那句话再次重复,与前相同。
这 时我对于到南方访问的感觉逐渐加强,于是向月会请求,并取得证件,独自动身。我的一位住在费城的弟兄刚好因事将往北卡罗来纳去,提议和我结伴,同行一段路 程。起初我因他有俗务,觉得不便与他同行,曾和他作多次谈话。终于我觉得心中平安,又和费城长辈朋友讨论,乃同意与他结伴;取得了必需的证件。我们遂于一 七五七年五月动身。抵达诺定昂聚会处,寄宿于吉士曼家中。在这里会见了从新英格兰来的朋友布芬敦,他刚好访问南方归来。从这里我们又渡过了萨斯刻罕那河, 寄宿于马利兰州柯士的家。
当 我进入这一地区之后,一种深刻痛苦的感觉来到我心中。这是我每当想起一带地方时所有的感觉;我也在同意和我兄弟结伴同行之前向他提起过。这一区和南方诸州 移民的生活多依靠奴隶劳动,有的奴隶被役使过甚。这时我所关切的乃是我应当专一听从真牧者的声音,能够在人的面前坚定不移。
依 照惯例,朋友们在访问中得以免费接受招待,但我在接受那种藉剥削他人而有的慷慨,因而节省了自己的金钱时,心中总觉不安。接受礼物,使受者对赠予者有了义 务,且自然有了使他们结合的倾向。为了避免这种弊端,并使居判断地位的人不至陷入于偏见中,上帝曾禁诫说,“不可受贿赂,因为贿赂能叫明眼人变瞎了,又能 颠倒义人的话”(出23:8)。 可是我们的主曾差遣门徒出去,吩咐他们不必携带粮食,却说工人得到工资是合宜的,他们对福音的劳力应获得相当的接待,因此不能说他们是接受贿赂。然而对这 一点我仍旧不十分清楚。困难在于当时门徒所接受的接待乃是出自那些为上帝所开启的爱心,他们敬爱门徒和他们所宣扬的真道。至于我们,原属同一团体的份子, 互相接待似乎是出于客气,有的时候且是为了声望的关系,而不是内心和灵性上的契结。行为比言语更有力量,当他们在实际上表示奴隶贸易并不是不对,反而是可 加提倡的时候,他们在精神上当然不会和访问他们的某些朋友有了健全的结合。
瞻望前途工作如此困难,而我的看法和许多我所尊敬的人如此相左,我觉得情绪极为低落。心中如是矛盾,使我几乎要同情先知(摩西)在软弱之时所说的话,“你这样待我,我若在你眼前蒙恩,求你立时将我杀了,不叫我见自己的苦情”(出11:15)。但不久我就明白了我的这种感觉是从没有完全服从祂而生的。我心中无限悲愁,曾虚心地在全能者面前流泪呼求,盼望得到祂的恩典和帮助。经过深重试炼之后,我比前更能明了诗篇作者所说的话,“我的心平稳安静,好像断过奶的孩子在他母亲的怀中”(诗131:2)。 既蒙帮助,知道更顺服祂,我就觉得好像从风暴中被救拔出来,以平静的心前进,深信我若专诚靠主,祂必在一切困难中作为我的引导,而且藉着祂的力量,我可能 付款给团体中那些接待我的朋友们,如果我觉得不如此做即将妨碍到主所召我从事的工作。当我旅行回来抄写这日记之时,我愿补充一句,我因良心上的责任感,曾 多次这样做。我的方法乃是:在我快要离开那招待我的朋友之家时,如果我觉得若不留下些钱,即对不住那些被压迫的奴隶,我就私下向那家的主人提起,请他接受 一些银子,转给那些他们认为最需要的黑奴;有时候若认为合宜,我就亲自把钱给予黑奴。我在出门之前已预料到有这种需要,所以准备了好些碎银子。有时候因拿 钱给一些似乎富有的人,引起他们的反感,彼此都不愉快。但我心中既然有这种感觉,且对主的敬畏之心有时完全支配着我,所以我的方法比我所预料的更为顺利, 很少有人以为我付款给他们是对他们的侮辱,多数在表示客气之后即行接受。
五 月九日,在一朋友家中早餐,然后他陪我们走了一段路。我以敬畏主的心同他谈起关于畜奴问题,为着这事我心中忧愁,所以用最坦白的话向他提出,他态度温和地 听从我说话。路上我们未参加其他聚会,因为我一心盼望赶上维基尼亚的年会。在旅行中我不时感觉到从心中发出的呼声:“我是在地上作寄居的,求你不要向我掩 面。”十一日我们在巴头马克和芮巴汉诺克渡河,留宿于罗约埠。路上遇着一位军中上校,似乎是一个颇有思想的有。我找机会表示意见说,那些依靠自己劳动生 活,并训练子女如何节俭如何经营的人,比那些依靠奴隶劳动生活的人确实快乐多了。他表示同意我的话,并说那些怠慢不听话的黑奴往往引起麻烦,又说我们自己 工人一天所做的抵得上奴隶两天所做的。我答称自由的人能够适切地关心自己的业务,从努力养育自己家人获得满足;奴隶则不然,他们的劳动,无非供养那些把他 们当作财产的主人,而他们自己除了被奴役之外,一生无其他盼望,所以他们缺少那诱致他们勤劳的动力。
继 续谈论下去,我又说,人有权力,却常常误用它。我们以尼格罗人为奴隶,而土耳其人以基督徒为奴隶,我总相信自由乃是一切人所同有的天然权利。他并不否认这 一点,可是他说尼格罗人在他们本土生活情况极为恶劣,来到这里后许多人的生活比原来的还好。我说,我们二人的行动原则恐怕是大不相同。我们的谈话到这里结 束。在这里我愿意补充的是这事以后有另一人亦提出同样意见,认为尼格罗人因本土的骚扰不安定,都处在悲惨情况中,以此理由作为捕拿他们来作奴隶的辩护。对 这意见我回答说:如果我们真的是为同情这些非洲人处境的痛苦才收买他们,那动机必使我们善待他们,好叫这些因悲惨情况离开本土的人能够在我们当中享受快乐 生活。他们既同属人类,他们的灵魂和我们的灵魂同样宝贵,也和我们同样需要圣经的帮助与安慰,我们不能规避教导他们的责任。可是既然我们在实际上表现了我 们之收买这些人,无非为着自己利益,又既然收买俘虏可使好战的人打得更起劲,并造成更严重的灾荒,所以藉口他们在非洲情况不良,实不足以作为我们的辩护。 我又说,在我看来南方诸州目前处境甚难,奴隶们正像一块沉重的石块压在他们的肩头上,如果白人仍然不顾一切,选取保留他们从奴隶身上所获取的便宜,不依照 良心对待同类,那么他们肩头上的重负必一天比一天沉重,直到时候改变,形势不利于我们。那人对我的话表示同意,并承认南方对待黑奴的情形使他有时想到或者 全能者将如我所说的成就。
我 们沿直线旅行经过马利兰,于十二日抵达维基尼亚之栖得河,和朋友们相聚。第二天与好几位朋友结伴骑马至坎普湾。途中我忽然深深地感觉到我在这些困难事上缺 少了神的帮助,心中非常痛苦,暗暗地求告至高者说,“主啊,恳求你向你所造的忧伤可怜的人显出慈悲!”不久就觉得心中平安。同行中有一人开始在谈论贩奴的 事,并为这种买卖辩护。他说尼格罗人是该隐的后裔,他们的黑皮肤是该隐杀害他兄弟亚伯之后上帝所给他的印记;该隐既是那样邪恶的人,他的族类当奴隶正甚相 宜,也是出于天命。另有一人亦发言赞成他的意见。我回答说:根据圣经记载,洪水之后只有挪亚一家存活;挪亚是属于塞特族,而该隐一族已消灭了。他们当中有 一人说:洪水之后含往挪得地方,娶了妻,挪得是遥远偏僻的地方,该隐后裔住在那里,洪水的泛滥未及于这地方;含既被咒诅须作他弟兄奴隶的奴隶,他又和该隐 之后结亲,这两家结合所生的,岂不是宜于永远为奴?我回答说:洪水乃是神对世人邪恶的惩罚,该隐一族既然是最邪恶的,若说他们可以不受洪水泛滥之灾,那是 不合理的。至于说含往挪得娶妻的事未有明确的时间,挪得在含第二次娶妻时可能已有挪亚后人居住。更重要的是经上明明说,“凡在地上有血肉的动物都死了。” 我又提醒他们曾一再说到“儿子必不担当父亲的罪孽,人人均须担当自己的罪。”我对于他们那种暗昧的想像殊觉烦恼,以沉重的心告诉他们:“一般说来畜奴的动 机是在乎喜欢逸乐及贪图便宜,而人们惯以脆弱的理由来为无理的事辩护。我对于辩论原无兴趣,只盼望得到真理。我相信自由是他们(黑奴)的权利,现在他们非 但被剥夺了自由,且在许多方面遭受非人道的待遇。我亦相信那作为被压迫者避难所的主在祂所定时候来到之日,必然为他们伸冤。到那时那些在祂面前行为正直的 人必将大有喜乐。”我们的谈话至此结束。
五 月十四日——这一天我参加了坎普湾月会,然后骑马到詹姆士河上游山上去,在某朋友家聚会。在上述两次会中我心里愁闷,在主面前眼泪迸流。主施恩赐我力量, 叫我在这一带地方知道怎样向朋友们说话。从这里又到仆克湾,然后又回到栖得河,在那边有了聚会。在这里我发现了忧伤悔改的种子,当我在真理面前谦卑自己的 时候,他们心中的同一真理和我心中的互相应和,我们在主面前彼此激励。获益良多。我寄宿在司丹利的家;他儿子威廉去年夏天曾因反对战争在文拆士特被处徒 刑,当时我曾和他谈论有关这事的问题,颇觉满意。
从 这里我又往司温颇和瓦也诺克的聚会处去,然后渡过詹姆士河,住在勃里希附近。自从进入马利兰之后,我心中即甚愁闷,此种感觉且逐渐增强,几乎把我拉倒。我 愿意和作诗的人同声说,“我在急难中求告耶和华,向我的上帝呼求。”祂以无限的良善垂顾我的愁苦,并在我隐退中差遣保惠师安慰我,为此我要谦恭地称颂祂的 圣名。
我 对于一些教会情况的感觉,使我心中非常痛苦。在我眼中其黄金已失光,其纯金亦已变色。虽然这种情况是过于一般性的,可是这里的某些特殊现象确使我感觉心头 沉重。由于属世之灵的运行,许多人似乎颇接近于内心的荒芜,他们缺少基督之羊所必有的温柔,驯良,和属灵的智慧。相反地,他们充满了一种暴烈的气质,并且 贪爱权力。从微小的错误开始,重大的错误就产生了,由于多数人的附和,代代相传,错误的势力逐渐加强。有些声望卓著的人物背离了真道,他们的品德反被用来 替错误的势力辩护,那些地位比较低微的人为着替自己解嘲,就说某某重要人物也如此行。犹太人之走到了邪恶的极顶,莫过于他们使先知以赛亚有了充分的理由, 奉主的名宣布说,“无一人按公义告状,无一人凭诚实辨白”;或使全能者在耶路撒冷被巴比伦人攻陷之前指着该城说:只要有一个行公义的人在寻求真理,祂就愿 意宽赦该城。
在 这次旅行中,观察我们对待黑奴的行为,我相信美洲新殖民地区的某些部分已展开了一条和上述相同的衰败的道路,这使我心中极为伤痛。虽然要简单地描写这些尼 格罗人在我们当中所受待遇不是一件容易的事,可是,当我查阅我在旅途中所作记录之后,我决心把这些记录整理出来。在南方这几州许多白人对黑奴的婚姻之事毫 不在意;当黑奴按照他们自己的方法结合之后,白人亦往往毫不关怀,为着自己的利益,把他们夫妻贩卖到不同的地方去,尤其是当园主在拍卖地产的时候。许多在 田地上执苦役的黑奴背后有执鞭的人紧紧跟着,这些人是被雇用来鞭策他们的。至于黑奴所食的更是可怜,一般情形是每星期仅得少许玉蜀黍,一些盐,一些马铃薯 ——那是他们自己在星期日的劳力所种植的。倘若他们违背主人的命令或工作怠慢,他们所受的惩罚是极重的,有时候甚至丧命。
他 们的成年男女往往衣不蔽体,十岁或十二岁的男女小孩则几乎都在他们主人的儿女面前赤身露体。我们团体中和另一称为“新光”的团体中人试行教导他们黑奴阅 读,但一般说来对他们的教育非但是被忽略,而且是被反对的。其实这些人正在以他们的劳动来支持另一些人的生活——有许多人且因此过着奢侈的生活。这些人并 不曾同意要服事我们,他们亦不曾放弃他们的自由。基督曾为这些人的灵魂死,我们对他们所行的必将在全能者面前受讯问,因为祂不偏待人。所以凡认识独一真 神,和祂所差遣的耶稣基督,并因此具有慈悲与仁爱的福音之灵者,必能明白上帝的愤怒将向迫害与残酷的人发出;同时他们也必因看见这许多人所遭受的苦难而深 感悲伤。
我 从所住的地方勃里希参加聚会,在会中我觉得心中极为平静。但在长久缄默之后我忽被感动起立发言,由于上帝之爱的有力工作,我们有了一次非常有益的聚会。这 以后在黑水地方亦有聚会,然后又参加西部的年会。会务讨论开始时,有些会友提出了一些质询案件,若蒙采纳,则将分别由他们各自的月会答复。其中有所谓宾夕 尼亚提案,已由去年度维基尼亚年会所指定的委员会加以审查,且略加修改,其中一条是为了迁就习俗而修改的,很叫我心中不安。提案原文是:“在我们会友当中 有谁运入黑奴,或在他们被运入之后加以收买?”他们的修正案却改成为:“在我们会友当中有谁贩运黑奴,或经营此种买卖?”在被一致采纳的质询提案中有一条 是:“是否有人购买或贩卖非法入口的货物或掠夺品?”这时候我心受感动发言,我说:我们既承认真道,且聚会支持对真道的见证,我们就必须深入于那圣洁智慧 中,并依照它的引导行事,否则必非相宜。然后我提起关于他们的修正案,并提起那最后的提案。我说我们既同意购买掠夺货物和我们所信奉的原则不相符合,那 么,尼格罗人亦属俘虏,或由窃夺而得的,若收买他们,岂不和我们所见证的原则大相违背。况且他们与我们同属人类,把他们贩卖为奴,更增加我们的罪行。朋友 们对我所发议论似颇注意,有的且表示关怀他们的黑奴,没有人发言反对我所说的话;但他们仍依照所修改的提案通过。
我 知道他们的会友当中亦有人在做贩卖黑奴的生意,正如做别的商品买卖一样。现在他们所通过的质询提案可说是比现状进一步了,所以我不觉得有修改它的必要,只 将一切付托于主,知道惟有祂能够改变刚硬之心,以符合于祂的无穷智慧的方法,为地面上真理的传布开辟道路。但是对于他们所已有的黑奴,我认为必须教导他 们;我向他们说,我们既然相信圣经是由圣灵感动圣人们所说出的话语,而我们从经验得知圣经中的话常常成为我们的帮助和安慰,也相信我们有教导我们的儿童阅 读圣经的责任,那么,如果我们能够放弃一切自私观点,我相信那感动圣人们的灵也将感动我们去教导尼格罗人,叫他们也能阅读圣经,并从圣经得到益助。他们当 中有人就表示此后愿意更注意尼格罗人的教育。
五 月廿九日晨九时,在我所住的地方有一个聚会,参加的人都是牧师和长老。我心中觉得应该坦白和无顾忌地向他们提出关于他们畜奴的事,按照我心中所得的启示, 指出他们既居于团体领袖地位,他们在奴隶问题上所表现的必为他人所注意,因此他们有极端小心的义务,对这问题应该完全放弃自私观点;如果他们生活于纯洁真 道上,在教育和其他方面按照良心对待奴隶,他们就必成为促进一种非常重要,却一向被忽略了的工作的器皿。十二点时崇拜聚会开始,是一次很严肃的聚会。
第二天十点左右朋友们聚集作结束会务的讨论,继之以崇拜聚会。会中我心里颇不安定,但由于主的良善和真道,我相信已获益助,这是增加忠心力量者的大好机会。
约在这时候我写了一封信给散处在北卡罗来纳偏僻地区的朋友们,内容如下:
亲爱的朋友们:
主 的美意引领我访问了维基尼亚和北卡罗来纳的某些地区;你们时常在我心中。虽然我还不能当面访问你们,但我心中总觉得有几件事,是我因爱真理而愿意向你们说 出来的。第一,亲爱的朋友们,务要存顺服谦卑的心,谨慎不叫重视外表利益的观点抓住你们,却须专一仰望主,在安全道路上行走。人若放纵心意,贪爱属世事 物,追逐利得及世俗友谊,比追求在内心方面与真实的平安相契结更甚,就无异走在虚无的阴影下,生命上缺少真的安慰。他们的行为往往妨害别人,他们所结集的 财富往往成为子孙的陷阱。
但 人若诚恳跟从基督,处在祂圣灵的影响之下,那么,由于神的恩典,他们的坚定有时正像软苗上的露珠,而他们的精神所发出的力量默默地在影响着别人。在这种情 况下,藉着神之爱普遍的影响,他们必能关心会友的事和我们团体中的秩序。虽然遇到信仰不同者的反对,但因处在谦让中,觉得我们的灵只在温柔与和平的智慧中 运行,并受它的约束,这样,内在安静的酬报确比我们所遭受的一切困难为大。凡有纯洁生命,并以这生命的权威来举行合法聚会的地方,从经验我们就知道这样的 聚会必然安全,足以发展成为健全的团体。
当 我写这封信的时候,我禁不住想到年青人。亲爱的青年朋友们,请以上帝作为你的产业,爱祂的真理,不以此为耻。选择那些忠心事主的人作为友伴;避免和生活腐 败的人来往,因为常和这种人来往是危险的,会使有希望的年青人堕落,陷入于一天比一天更大的邪恶中,终至于毁灭了自己。青春之时,没有一种装饰比良好品德 更为美好,也没有比完全顺服神的旨意更可喜乐的。这种喜乐使其他的慰安更觉甜蜜,也使人在与朋友来往交接中获得真的满足。你们的心若为真理所充满,必能获 得使你们坚定为真理作见证的力量,且将准备为教会服务。
那 么,亲爱的朋友弟兄们,你们既然从事于拓荒工作,在本州的某地区可能是最早的开拓者,我藉耶稣基督的爱请求你们,要注意你们行为榜样对于后至者所将发生的 严重影响。初树立的风俗若与健全智慧相符合,这对于该地区的贡献是很大的;否则其结果必甚悲惨,子孙们将觉得他们的祖先已为他们设下了许多障碍。
在 纯洁智慧引导下的适切运用,对身心均有益处,藉此我们生活上所必需的殊易获取。我们仁慈的父对上述二者已有适宜的安排,叫我们没有缺乏地过日。我们若畜奴 以代替我们劳动,必招致许多难题。具有理性的人当然不喜欢受束缚,他们时常会有仇恨不平的感觉,这不免对主人家庭有不良影响,使他们和他们的子女,由于应 用错误的谋生方法,比别人更多苦恼之事。
我 知道你们当中有许多朋友没有畜奴;在深厚的爱中我要求你们不要收买任何奴隶。亲爱的朋友们,当仰望神,只靠自己劳动,过简单的生活,朴素节俭,顺从真智慧 所导引的路向,这样,使你们能脱离那些追求外表上的欢乐和成就者所陷入的危险。产业虽小,若出自正当方法所获致的,亦甚可贵。我们若走在主的光明中,就可 得到真的安慰和满足,不受被压迫者的呻吟声,自己战栗不安的良心,或种种烦琐事务所困扰,以致影响了生活上的乐趣。
当 我们走近生命的终点,想要把我们的财产分配给继承人时,如果我们这一份财产的积聚是从对主的敬畏,诚实,公道和在主面前存着正直之心得来的,那么我们就可 以把这份财产视为是主所施赐的,并藉主恩把它留给后人。这就是真德行的喜乐。“公义的果效必是平安,公义的效验必是平稳,直到永远”(赛32:17)。
亲爱的朋友们,请住在这公义之中吧。这样,虽处身于荒僻孤寂的地带,你们也将得到平安和满足。如果主真真实实是我们的上帝,我们就有安全;因为祂是患难中的保障,且认识凡信靠祂的人。
你们的亲爱朋友伍尔曼  书
一七五七年五月廿日于维基尼亚
维基尼亚年会结束后我就到北卡罗来纳去。六月一日参加威尔斯湾月会,在这里福音工作之门大开,耶稣基督的爱为大家所体验到;荣耀归于祂名。
关 于奴隶们的悲惨处境这一问题常常在我心中,我以为若在规训会议上,按照圣灵的启示提出这一问题是相宜的。可是在这会中,虽然我心里很想说这些话,却觉得圣 灵并无指示,因此缄默不言,因为我从经验中知道,凡属基督的忠实仆人必须与真理之灵同一步伐,除非圣灵开路,不可自作行动。
在 这里我的弟兄和一些从新园来的朋友们结伴回家,我则往西门湾参加月会。在崇拜聚会中我始终没有发言,到了讨论会务时,心中却关怀着奴隶问题,但亦不知是否 应当发言。在这种情况中我灵在主面前低头,流泪祷告,祈求祂使我明白祂对我的旨意,终于我知道我应当缄默。会议临结束之时月会的一位会友发言,把存在他心 中有关朋友们忽视奴隶教育的问题发表出来,并提议为奴隶举办聚会,在周日中举行,由月会所指派的朋友们参加。与会的人都表示同意这一提议。有一人说奴隶和 我们同属人类,同有领受宗教的能力,为何如此忽略他们。另有一人亦表示同样意见,并极力主张此后朋友们应多注意这一问题。最后通过此事交下届月会作进一步 商讨。作此提议的朋友自己畜有黑奴。他告诉我他到了离家约二百五十里路之外的新园,在寂寞的归途上他心中不断地想起这有关教育黑奴的问题。另一位在维基尼 亚颇著名望的朋友,自己也畜黑奴,告诉我在某次寂寞的旅途中他也曾严重地想到这问题,并相信神在将来必改变这些人现在所处的奴隶地位。
从这里我往纽比干湾去,好些时候觉得非常软弱。以后真理开启了道路,叫我能坦白简单地说了一些话;到最后神的爱在我们当中增加,我们有了良好的机会。在小河地方的情形与此相同,星期日有了一次拥挤的聚会。以后我又到老乃克去,在那里详细调查那“不法的隐意”(帖后2:7)是如何在运行着,如何披着宗教外衣抬高自己,反对那引人到达谦逊自卑之路的纯洁之灵。我在卡罗来纳参加的最后一次聚会是在平尼林地方举行的,是一次大规模聚会。我对这会关切殊深,在他们当中尽力工作。
在 纽比干湾时会见一位倚靠自己劳动生活的朋友,他没有畜奴,多年来担任教牧工作。他约好第二天来见我。当我们骑马并行之时他表示愿意和我谈谈他所遭遇的一种 困难,大意如下:近年来当局抽收一种战税,藉以支持战争,他对于缴纳战税的事心中迟疑不安,宁愿遭受扣押货品的处分;可是据他所知这一带地区只他一人拒缴 战税,再也没有和他处境相同的人;他表示这件事对他是一种严重试炼,尤其因为弟兄们对于他的行动并不赞同。又说,由于昨天在会中他感觉到和我彼此间的同 情,使他无忌惮地问我关于我们那一区的朋友们是怎么办的。我就告诉他我们那边朋友们的情形,同时告诉他我也曾经有过和他相同的困难。我相信他是一个在主面 前行为正直的人,也认为在责任上我应当把这件事记录下来,他的姓名是纽拜撒母耳。
从 这里我回到维基尼亚,在可不兰的家附近举行了一次聚会。这时期我内心非常痛苦,幸而主的良善使我满足。在另一聚会中,藉着纯洁之爱的更新,我们有了很愉快 的相聚。最近的旅行使我重新得到许多证据,知道谨守责任和满足于神的安排,乃是我所应当学习的最必要最有益课题,所要注意的,并不是工作的果效,乃是属天 之爱所发出的关心和实际。在主耶和华里面有永恒的力量,当我们藉着顺服的心和祂结合,并从那来自灵泉的内在知识发出言语的时候,我们的道路虽甚困难,必需 谨慎小心,我们虽可能遭受侮辱,可是我们若能继续在忍耐和温柔中,我们必能得得属天的平安,作为我们努力的酬报。
我 曾参加了库里的聚会,规模虽小,却使忠实的人大得振奋。会后我又访问黑水湾及卡罗琳聚会处;再从那里骑马往告士湾,同行的有前此提起过的斯丹利威廉。此行 所经多属森林地区,约有一百里左右路程。第一晚我们住宿客栈,第二晚在林中露宿,隔天来到告士湾某朋友家。在林中颇多不方便处,没有生火的器具,也没有马 铃,我们只好在天黑以前停了下来,让马匹吃些野草。野草甚多,我们用刀割下一些,准备作当晚饲料,然后把马匹拴好;又找来一些灌木放在槲树下,权当卧榻,但是蚊子很多,地上潮湿,所以我睡得很少。
躺卧在荒野中,仰视天空星斗,使我想起我们始祖当初的情形:当他们被逐出乐园之时,他们没有屋子,没有谋生的工具,没有衣服(只有那创造主所给他们的),没有应用的器皿,也没有可用来烧野菜的火。然而全能者仍然作为他们的父亲;虽然他们违背了祂的命令,祂仍然按时把生活上所需要的赐给他们。那位藉着自己的灵的恩典照亮他们,叫他们明白什么是祂所喜悦的,以达到他们作为理性被造物的真幸福之境地的主,也同时在他们注意到祂智慧之证据的时候,以今世幸福生活所必需的供给他们。以真智慧的方法供给和我们外在生活有关的物品原属善事,改进有益之物的恩赐也是一种好的恩赐,是从光之父那里来的。许多人曾经有了这种恩赐,世世代代都有这一类的进步。可是也有些人不肯范围于纯粹的恩赐之中,卖弄人的技巧,自高自大,要有许多发明。人的这种种发明的最初动机离开了人被造的端庄本性,原是邪恶的,因此其结果也是邪恶的。现在我们仍须不断注意天上的恩赐,叫我们配得在一切进步中正当地享受今世的良好事物,正如我们的始祖,当他们没有任何进步的事物,没有朋友,没有父亲,却只有上帝时倚靠天上的恩赐一样。
我曾参加在告士湾举行的聚会,然后又参加非耳福士的月会。在月会中由于全能者的恩待,祂的能力克服了许多人心。从这里我往马利兰的摩诺奎丝和派比湾去,在上述二地,主在我所遭遇的许多试炼中扶持我,使我更知道对祂谦恭敬拜;由于主的帮助,我得以在别人心中接触了他们的真实见证。这一带地方有好些很有希望的年青人。以后我又参加在民那兰地方埃佛里特家举行,和在罕登吞举行的聚会。在主面前我心中感激,祂使我在这新移民地区能无忌惮地向居民说话;这对忠诚的人真是一大鼓舞。
在民那兰我住的地方,一个朋友告诉我一些关于荷兰人当中称为门诺教派的事,其中有一故事特别动人:据说某门诺教徒曾结识了一个属于其他教派的朋友,两人居住的地距离颇远。有一回这门诺教徒赶着货车途经后者所住地方,天色已晚,正想前往投宿,及至到了他朋友田庄上,看见了他的奴隶们那种悲惨情形,于是回头在附近林中生火露宿。他那朋友知道了这事,找到他露宿地方,表示欢迎他到他家中住宿,并埋怨他不该对老朋友如此见外。这位门诺教徒回答说,“自从我住宿在你田庄附近我就想找机会同你说话。我原是计划到府上受你接待,可是当我看见你的奴隶们操作的情形,又看见他们身上所穿的,我就觉得不愿意同你来往。”于是又劝告他当以人道对待奴隶,说,“我夜间躺在火旁,想起我自己是一个有财产的人,所以你乐意接待我;如果我像你的奴隶那样穷苦,不能自立,我从你手上所将接受的待遇恐怕不会比你奴隶所受的好些。”
这次旅行历时两个月,旅程约一千一百五十里。我回家时深觉上主恩待,保守我经过许多试炼及痛苦,叫我在祂面前更感到自己的卑微。


子规月落

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Chapter 3
  ABOUT this time, believing it good for me to settle, and thinking seriouslyabout a companion, my heart was turned to the Lord with desires that He wouldgive me wisdom to proceed therein agreeably to His will, and He was pleased togive me a well-inclined damsel, Sarah Ellis, to whom I was married the 18th ofEighth Month, 1749.
  In the fall of the year 1750 died my father, Samuel Woolman, of a fever, agedabout sixty years. In his lifetime he manifested much care for us his children,that in our youth we might learn to fear the Lord; and often endeavoured toimprint in our minds the true principles of virtue, and particularly to cherishin us a spirit of tenderness, not only towards poor people, but also towardsall creatures of which we had the command.
  After my return from Carolina in 1746, I made some observations on keepingslaves which some time before his decease I showed to him; he perused themanuscript, proposed a few alterations, and appeared well satisfied that Ifound a concern on that account. In his last sickness, as I was watching withhim one night, he being so far spent that there was no expectation of hisrecovery, though he had the perfect use of his understanding, he asked meconcerning the manuscript, and whether I expected soon to proceed to take theadvice of Friends in publishing it? After some further conversation thereon, hesaid, "I have all along been deeply affected with the oppression of the poornegroes; and now, at last, my concern for them is as great as ever."By his direction I had written his will in a time of health, and that nighthe desired me to read it to him, which I did; and he said it was agreeable tohis mind. He then made mention of his end, which he believed was near; andsignified that, though he was sensible of many imperfections in the course ofhis life, yet his experience of the power of truth, and of the love andgoodness of God from time to time, even till now, was such that he had no doubtthat on leaving this life he should enter into one more happy.
  The next day his sister Elizabeth came to see him, and told him of thedecease of their sister Anne, who died a few days before; he then said, "Ireckon Sister Anne was free to leave this world?" Elizabeth said she was. Hethen said, "I also am free to leave it"; and being in great weakness of bodysaid, "I hope I shall shortly go to rest." He continued in a weighty frame ofmind, and was sensible till near the last.
  Second of Ninth Month, 1751. -- Feeling drawings in my mind to visit Friendsat the Great Meadows, in the upper part of West Jersey, with the unity of ourMonthly Meeting I went there, and had some searching labourious exerciseamongst Friends in those parts, and found inward peace therein.
  Ninth Month, 1753. -- In company with my well-esteemed friend, John Sykes,and with the unity of Friends, I travelled about two weeks, visiting Friends inBuck's County. We laboured in the love of the gospel, according to the measure received; and through the mercies of Him who is strength to the poor who trustin Him, we found satisfaction in our visit. In the next winter, way opening tovisit Friends' families within the compass of our Monthly Meeting, partly bythe labours of two Friends from Pennsylvania, I joined in some part of thework, having had a desire some time that it might go forward amongst us.
  About this time, a person at some distance lying sick, his brother came to meto write his will. I knew he had slaves, and, asking his brother, was told heintended to leave them as slaves to his children. As writing is a profitableemploy, and as offending sober people was disagreeable to my inclination, I wasstraitened in my mind; but as I looked to the Lord, he inclined my heart to Histestimony. I told the man that I believed the practice of continuing slavery tothis people was not right, and that I had a scruple in my mind against doingwritings of that kind; that though many in our Society kept them as slaves,still I was not easy to be concerned in it, and desired to be excused fromgoing to write the will. I spake to him in the fear of the Lord, and he made noreply to what I said, but went away; he also had some concerns in the practice,and I thought he was displeased with me. In this case I had fresh confirmationthat acting contrary to present outward interest, from a motive of divine loveand in regard to truth and righteousness, and thereby incurring the resentmentsof people, opens the way to a treasure better than silver, and to a friendshipexceeding the friendship of men.
  The manuscript before mentioned having laid by me several years, thepublication of it rested weightily upon me, and this year I offered it to therevisal of my friends, who, having examined and made some small alterations init, directed a number of copies thereof to be published and dispersed amongstmembers of our Society.(1) In the year 1754 I found my mind drawn to join in avisit to Friends' families belonging to Chesterfield Monthly Meeting, andhaving the approbation of our own, I went to their Monthly Meeting in order toconfer with Friends, and see if way opened for it. I had conference with someof their members, the proposal having been opened before in their meeting, andone Friend agreed to join with me as a companion for a beginning; but whenmeeting was ended, I felt great distress of mind, and doubted what way to take,or whether to go home and wait for greater clearness. I kept my distresssecret, and, going with a Friend to his house, my desires were to the greatShepherd for His heavenly instruction.
  In the morning I felt easy to proceed on the visit, though very low in mymind. As mine eye was turned to the Lord, waiting in families in deep reverencebefore Him, He was pleased graciously to afford help, so that we had manycomfortable opportunities, and it appeared as a fresh visitation to some youngpeople. I spent several weeks this winter in the service, part of which timewas employed near home. And again in the following winter I was several weeksin the same service; some part of the time at Shrewsbury, in company with my beloved friend, John Sykes; and I have cause humbly to acknowledge that throughthe goodness of the Lord our hearts were at times enlarged in His love, andstrength was given to go through the trials which, in the course of our visit,attended us.
  From a disagreement between the powers of England and France, it was now atime of trouble on this continent, and an epistle to Friends went forth fromour general Spring Meeting, which I thought good to give a place in thisJournal.
  An Epistle from our General Spring Meeting of ministers and elders forPennsylvania and New Jersey, held at Philadelphia, from the 29th of the ThirdMonth to the 1st of the Fourth Month, inclusive, 1755.
  TO FRIENDS ON THE CONTINENT OF AMERICA: -DEAR FRIENDS, --In an humble sense of divine goodness, and the graciouscontinuation of God's love to His people, we tenderly salute you, and are atthis time therein engaged in mind, that all of us who profess the truth, asheld forth and published by our worthy predecessors in this latter age of theworld, may keep near to that Life which is the Light of men, and bestrengthened to hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering, thatour trust may not be in man, but in the Lord alone, who ruleth in the army ofheaven and in the kingdoms of men, before whom the earth is "as the dust of thebalance, and her inhabitants as grasshoppers" (Isa. xl. 22).
  Being convinced that the gracious design of the Almighty in sending His Soninto the world was to repair the breach made by disobedience, to finish sin andtransgression, that His kingdom might come, and His will be done on earth as itis in heaven, we have found it to be our duty to cease from those nationalcontests which are productive of misery and bloodshed, and submit our cause toHim, the Most High, whose tender love to His children exceeds the most warmaffections of natural parents, and who hath promised to His seed throughout theearth, as to one individual, "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee" (Heb.
  xiii. 5). And we, through the gracious dealings of the Lord our God, have hadexperience of that work which is carried on, "not by earthly might, nor bypower, but by my Spirit, saith the Lord of Hosts" (Zech. iv. 6). By whichoperation that spiritual kingdom is set up, which is to subdue and break inpieces all kingdoms that oppose it, and shall stand forever. In a deep sensethereof, and of the safety, stability, and peace that are in it, we aredesirous that all who profess the truth may be inwardly acquainted with it, andthereby be qualified to conduct ourselves in all parts of our life as becomesour peaceable profession; and we trust, as there is a faithful continuance todepend wholly upon the Almighty arm, from one generation to another, thepeaceable kingdom will gradually be extended "from sea to sea, and from theriver to the ends of the earth" (Zech. ix. 10), to the completion of those prophecies already begun, that "nation shall not lift up a sword againstnation, nor learn war any more" (Isa. ii. 4; Micah iv. 3).
  And, dearly beloved friends, seeing that we have these promises, andbelieve that God is beginning to fulfil them, let us constantly endeavour tohave our minds sufficiently disentangled from the surfeiting cares of thislife, and redeemed from the love of the world, that no earthly possessions norenjoyments may bias our judgments, or turn us from that resignation and entiretrust in God to which His blessing is most surely annexed; then may we say,"Our Redeemer is mighty, he will plead our cause for us" (Jer. l. 34). And if,for the further promoting of His most gracious purposes in the earth, He shouldgive us to taste of that bitter cup of which His faithful ones have oftenpartaken, O that we might be rightly prepared to receive it!
  And now, dear friends, with respect to the commotions and stirrings of thepowers of the earth at this time near us, we are desirous that none of us maybe moved thereat, but repose ourselves in the munition of that rock which allthese shakings shall not move, even in the knowledge and feeling of the eternalpower of God, keeping us subjectly given up to His heavenly will, and feelingit daily to mortify that which remains in any of us which is of this world; forthe worldly part in any is the changeable part, and that is up and down, fulland empty, joyful and sorrowful, as things go well or ill in this world. For asthe truth is but one, and many are made partakers of its spirit, so the worldis but one, and many are made partakers of the spirit of it; and so many as dopartake of it, so many will be straitened and perplexed with it. But they whoare single to the truth, waiting daily to feel the life and virtue of it intheir hearts, shall rejoice in the midst of adversity, and have to experiencewith the prophet, that, "although the fig-tree shall not blossom, neither shallfruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shallyield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be noherd in the stalls; yet will they rejoice in the Lord, and joy in the God oftheir salvation" (Hab. iii. 17, 18).
  If, contrary to this, we profess the truth, and, not living under the powerand influence of it, are producing fruits disagreeable to the purity thereof,and trust to the strength of man to support ourselves, our confidence thereinwill be vain. For He who removed the hedge from His vineyard, and gave it to betrodden under foot by reason of the wild grapes it produced (Isa. v. 6),remains unchangeable; and if, for the chastisement of wickedness and thefurther promoting of His own glory, He doth arise, even to shake terribly theearth, who then may oppose Him and prosper?
  We remain, in the love of the gospel, your friends and brethren.
  (Signed by fourteen Friends.)Scrupling to do writings relative to keeping slaves has been a means ofsundry small trials to me, in which I have so evidently felt my own will setaside, that I think it good to mention a few of them. Tradesmen and retailersof goods, who depend on their business for a living, are naturally inclined tokeep the good-will of their customers; nor is it a pleasant thing for young mento be under any necessity to question the judgment or honesty of elderly men,and more especially of such as have a fair reputation. Deep-rooted customs,though wrong, are not easily altered; but it is the duty of all to be firm inthat which they certainly know is right for them. A charitable, benevolent man,well acquainted with a negro, may, I believe, under some circumstances, keephim in his family as a servant, on no other motives than the negro's good; butman, as man, knows not what shall be after him, nor hath he any assurance thathis children will attain to that perfection in wisdom and goodness necessaryrightly to exercise such power; hence it is clear to me, that I ought not to bethe scribe where wills are drawn in which some children are made sale-mastersover others during life.
  About this time an ancient man of good esteem in the neighbourhood came to myhouse to get his will written. He had young negroes, and I asked him privatelyhow he purposed to dispose of them. He told me. I then said, "I cannot writethy will without breaking my own peace," and respectfully gave him my reasonsfor it. He signified that he had a choice that I should have written it, but asI could not, consistently with my conscience, he did not desire it, and so hegot it written by some other person. A few years after, there being greatalterations in his family, he came again to get me to write his will. Hisnegroes were yet young, and his son, to whom he intended to give them, was,since he first spoke to me, from a libertine become a sober young man, and hesupposed that I would have been free on that account to write it. We had muchfriendly talk on the subject, and then deferred it. A few days after he cameagain and directed their freedom, and I then wrote his will.
  Near the time that the last-mentioned Friend first spoke to me, a neighbourreceived a bad bruise in his body and sent for me to bleed him, which havingdone, he desired me to write his will. I took notes, and amongst other thingshe told me to which of his children he gave his young negro. I considered thepain and distress he was in, and knew not how it would end, so I wrote hiswill, save only that part concerning his slave, and carrying it to his bedside,read it to him. I then told him in a friendly way that I could not write anyinstruments by which my fellow-creatures were made slaves, without bringingtrouble on my own mind. I let him know that I charged nothing for what I haddone, and desired to be excused from doing the other part in the way heproposed. We then had a serious conference on the subject; at length, heagreeing to set her free, I finished his will.
  Having found drawings in my mind to visit Friends on Long Island, afterobtaining a certificate from our Monthly Meeting, I set off 12th of FifthMonth, 1756. When I reached the island, I lodged the first night at the houseof my dear friend, Richard Hallett. The next day being the first of the week, Iwas at the meeting in New Town, in which we experienced the renewedmanifestations of the love of Jesus Christ to the comfort of the honest-hearted. I went that night to Flushing, and the next day I and my belovedfriend, Matthew Franklin, crossed the ferry at White Stone; were at threemeetings on the main, and then returned to the island, where I spent theremainder of the week in visiting meetings. The Lord, I believe, hath a peoplein those parts who are honestly inclined to serve him; but many I fear, are toomuch clogged with the things of this life, and do not come forward bearing thecross in such faithfulness as He calls for.
  My mind was deeply engaged in this visit, both in public and private, and atseveral places where I was, on observing that they had slaves, I found myselfunder a necessity, in a friendly way, to labour with them on that subject;expressing, as way opened, the inconsistency of that practice with the purityof the Christian religion, and the ill effects of it manifested amongst us.
  The latter end of the week their Yearly Meeting began; at which were ourfriends, John Scarborough, Jane Hoskins, and Susannah Brown, from Pennsylvania.
  The public meetings were large, and measurably favoured with divine goodness.
  The exercise of my mind at this meeting was chiefly on account of those whowere considered as the foremost rank in the Society; and in a meeting ofministers and elders way opened for me to express in some measure what lay uponme; and when Friends were met for transacting the affairs of the church, havingsat awhile silent, I felt a weight on my mind, and stood up; and through thegracious regard of our Heavenly Father, strength was given fully to clearmyself of a burden which for some days had been increasing upon me.
  Through the humbling dispensations of divine Providence, men are sometimesfitted for His service. The messages of the prophet Jeremiah were sodisagreeable to the people, and so adverse to the spirit they lived in, that hebecame the object of their reproach, and in the weakness of nature he thoughtof desisting from his prophetic office; but saith he, "His word was in my heartas a burning fire shut up in my bones; and I was weary with forbearing, andcould not stay." I saw at this time that, if I was honest in declaring thatwhich truth opened in me, I could not please all men; and I laboured to becontent in the way of my duty, however disagreeable to my own inclination.
  After this I went homeward, taking Woodbridge and Plainfield in my way, in bothwhich meetings the pure influence of divine love was manifested, in an humblingsense whereof I went home. I had been out about twenty-four days, and rode While I was out on this journey my heart was much affected with a sense ofthe state of the churches in our southern provinces; and believing the Lord wascalling me to some further labour amongst them, I was bowed in reverence beforeHim, with fervent desires that I might find strength to resign myself to Hisheavenly will.
  Until this year, 1756, I continued to retail goods, besides following mytrade as a tailor; about which time I grew uneasy on account of my businessgrowing too cumbersome. I had begun with selling trimmings for garments, andfrom thence proceeded to sell cloths and linens; and at length, having got aconsiderable shop of goods, my trade increased every year, and the way to largebusiness appeared open, but I felt a stop in my mind.
  Through the mercies of the Almighty, I had, in a good degree, learned to becontent with a plain way of living. I had but a small family; and, on seriousconsideration, believed truth did not require me to engage much in cumberingaffairs. It had been my general practice to buy and sell things really useful.
  Things that served chiefly to please the vain mind in people, I was not easy totrade in; seldom did it; and whenever I did I found it weaken me as aChristian.
  The increase of business became my burden; for though my natural inclinationwas toward merchandise, yet I believed truth required me to live more free fromoutward cumbers; and there was now a strife in my mind between the two. In thisexercise my prayers were put up to the Lord, who graciously heard me, and gaveme a heart resigned to His holy will. Then I lessened my outward business, and,as I had opportunity, told my customers of my intentions, that they mightconsider what shop to turn to; and in a while I wholly laid down merchandise,and followed my trade as a tailor by myself, having no apprentice. I also had anursery of apple trees, in which I employed some of my time in hoeing,grafting, trimming, and inoculating.(2) In merchandise it is the custom where Ilived to sell chiefly on credit, and poor people often get in debt; whenpayment is expected, not having wherewith to pay, their creditors often sue forit at law. Having frequently observed occurrences of this kind, I found it goodfor me to advise poor people to take such goods as were most useful, and notcostly.
  In the time of trading I had an opportunity of seeing that the too liberaluse of spirituous liquors and the custom of wearing too costly apparel led somepeople into great inconveniences; and that these two things appear to be oftenconnected with each other. By not attending to that use of things which isconsistent with universal righteousness, there is an increase of labour whichextends beyond what our Heavenly Father intends for us. And by great labour,and often by much sweating, there is even among such as are not drunkards acraving of liquors to revive the spirits; that partly by the luxurious drinkingof some, and partly by the drinking of others (led to it through immoderate labour), very great quantities of rum are every year consumed in our colonies;the greater part of which we should have no need of, did we steadily attend topure wisdom.
  When men take pleasure in feeling their minds elevated with strong drink, andso indulge their appetite as to disorder their understandings, neglect theirduty as members of a family or civil society, and cast off all regard toreligion, their case is much to be pitied. And where those whose lives are forthe most part regular, and whose examples have a strong influence on the mindsof others, adhere to some customs which powerfully draw to the use of morestrong liquor than pure wisdom allows, it hinders the spreading of the spiritof meekness, and strengthens the hands of the more excessive drinkers. This isa case to be lamented.
  Every degree of luxury hath some connection with evil; and if those whoprofess to be disciples of Christ, and are looked upon as leaders of thepeople, have that mind in them which was also in Christ, and so stand separatefrom every wrong way, it is a means of help to the weaker. As I have sometimesbeen much spent in the heat and have taken spirits to revive me, I have foundby experience that in such circumstances the mind is not so calm, nor so fitlydisposed for divine meditation, as when all such extremes are avoided. I havefelt an increasing care to attend to that Holy Spirit which sets right boundsto our desires, and leads those who faithfully follow it, to apply all thegifts of divine Providence to the purposes for which they were intended. Didthose who have the care of great estates attend with singleness of heart tothis heavenly Instructor, which so opens and enlarges the mind as to cause mento love their neighbours as themselves, they would have wisdom given them tomanage their concerns, without employing some people in providing luxuries oflife, or others in labouring too hard; but for want of steadily regarding thisprinciple of divine love, a selfish spirit takes place in the minds of people,which is attended with darkness and manifold confusions in the world.
  Though trading in things useful is an honest employ, yet through the greatnumber of superfluities which are bought and sold, and through the corruptionof the times, they who apply to merchandise for a living have great need to bewell experienced in that precept which the Prophet Jeremiah laid down for hisscribe: "Seekest thou great things for thyself? seek them not."In the winter this year I was engaged with friends in visiting families, andthrough the goodness of the Lord we often-times experienced his heart-tenderingpresence amongst us.
  A Copy of a Letter written to a Friend"In this, thy late affliction, I have found a deep fellow-feeling withthee, and have had a secret hope throughout, that it might please the Father ofMercies to raise thee up and sanctify thy troubles to thee; that thou being more fully acquainted with that way which the world esteems foolish, mayst feelthe clothing of divine fortitude, and be strengthened to resist that spiritwhich leads from the simplicity of the everlasting truth.
  "We may see ourselves crippled and halting, and from a strong bias tothings pleasant and easy, find an impossibility to advance forward; but thingsimpossible with men are possible with God; and our wills being made subject toHis, all temptations are surmountable.
  "This work of subjecting the will is compared to the mineral in thefurnace, which, through fervent heat, is reduced from its first principle: 'Herefines them as silver is refined; he shall sit as a refiner and purifier ofsilver.' By these comparisons, we are instructed in the necessity of themelting operation of the hand of God upon us, to prepare our hearts truly toadore Him, and manifest that adoration by inwardly turning away from thatspirit, in all its workings, which is not of Him. To forward this work the all-wise God is sometimes pleased, through outward distress, to bring us near thegates of death; that life being painful and afflicting, and the prospect ofeternity opened before us, all earthly bonds may be loosened, and the mindprepared for that deep and sacred instruction which otherwise would not bereceived. If kind parents love their children and delight in their happiness,then He who is perfect goodness in sending abroad mortal contagions dothassuredly direct their use. Are the righteous removed by it? their change ishappy. Are the wicked taken away in their wickedness? the Almighty is clear. Dowe pass through with anguish and great bitterness, and yet recover? He intendsthat we should be purged from dross, and our ear opened to discipline.
  "And now, as thou art again restored, after thy sore affliction and doubtsof recovery, forget not Him who hath helped thee, but in humble gratitude holdfast His instructions, and thereby shun those by-paths which lead from the firmfoundation. I am sensible of that variety of company to which one in thybusiness must be exposed; I have painfully felt the force of conversationproceeding from men deeply rooted in an earthly mind, and can sympathize withothers in such conflicts, because much weakness still attends me.
  "I find that to be a fool as to worldly wisdom, and to commit my cause toGod, not fearing to offend men, who take offence at the simplicity of truth, isthe only way to remain unmoved at the sentiments of others.
  "The fear of man brings a snare. By halting in our duty, and giving back inthe time of trial, our hands grow weaker, our spirits get mingled with thepeople, our ears grow dull as to hearing the language of the true Shepherd, sothat when we look at the way of the righteous, it seems as though it was notfor us to follow them.
  "A love clothes my mind while I write, which is superior to all expression;and I find my heart open to encourage to a holy emulation, to advance forward in Christian firmness. Deep humility is a strong bulwark, and as we enter intoit we find safety and true exaltation. The foolishness of God is wiser thanman, and the weakness of God is stronger than man. Being unclothed of our ownwisdom, and knowing the abasement of the creature, we find that power to arisewhich gives health and vigour to us."

约在这时候我认为自己应当成家,并严重地在考虑着伴侣问题。我心倾向于主,盼望祂赐我智慧,叫我所进行的合乎祂的旨意。主果然乐意赐给我一位好女子,就是依利士撒拉(Sarah Ellis),我们于一七四九年十月十八日结婚。
一七五○年秋天我的父亲伍尔曼撒母耳患热病弃世,享年六十。他在世时对子女教育极为注意,要我们在年轻时即知敬畏上主,往往以有关道德的原则印刻于我们心中,特别注重于培养我们的慈悲仁和的品德,非但对穷苦人如此,即对一切在我们管辖下的生物亦然。
一 七四六年我从加罗来纳回来后,对于畜奴问题有了一些意见,我曾将原稿给父亲看,他详细校阅了,并作若干修正,得满意我对这问题的关怀。最后一次他病的时 候,有一夜我在看护他,当时他已知道自己没有复原的希望,但理智仍甚清醒;他问我关于稿件的事,是否已准备交给出版机关;然后又说,“我一向反对压迫黑奴 的事,现在我对他们的关心和往昔一样。”
当他健康时我曾依照他的意思写好他的遗嘱。那一夜他要我念给他听,我念了,他表示满意,然后说他相信他离世的时候已经到了;又说他生平虽有许多缺点,可是他时常经验到真理的能力以及上帝的爱和良善,所以他确信在离开世间以后将进入一更美满的生命。
第 二天他的姊妹依利沙伯前来看他,告诉他另一姊妹安尼于数日前去世。他说,“我想安尼是平安地离开这世界的。”依利沙伯说她确是如此。于是他又说,“我也准 备了平安地离开这世界”;那时候他身体很弱,他以庄重的态度说,“我盼望不久能得安息。”他继续在沉思中,神志清醒,以至临终之时。
一七五一年九月二日我心中得到许可,前往访问本州北部草原地区。我们的月会同意我的计划,我到那地区后在居民中工作,颇觉内在的平安;这回出门九天,经过的路程共一百七十里。
一 七五三年九月我和好友司奇士结伴,得到了朋友们的同意,出发作两周旅行,访问拍克士郡一带朋友的聚会处。我们按照所接受的分量在福音的爱中工作;藉着祂那 作为信托祂者之力量的仁慈,我们的访问颇有收获。第二年冬天,我们有机会访问本月会中朋友们的家庭,这工作的一部分由从宾夕尼亚州来的两位朋友担负,我亦 参加一部分工作;几年来我都盼望这种工作得以进行。
约 在这时候附近地方有一人病危,他的兄弟前来要求我代写遗嘱。我知道这人畜有黑奴,询问他的兄弟,据称他愿意把奴隶留给他的子女。代书遗嘱的酬报原甚丰厚, 只是无端污辱正直人也非我所愿意,因此心中十分苦恼;当我仰望主的时候,祂使我的心倾向于为祂见证,于是我对那人说我认为继续奴役尼格罗人是不对的,因此 心中犹豫,不愿书写这一类文件;虽然我们团体中有不少人畜奴,但我仍难心安,决意辞谢代书工作。我在对主的敬畏中向那人说明意向,他无言地走开了。他于畜 奴之事亦有关系,我想他对我的话颇不高兴。在这事上我得到了一种保证,就是那出于尊重真理及正义,违背外表上利益,因而引起别人反感的举动,必将导引到一 个比金银更贵重的宝藏,和比一般友谊更为高尚的友谊。
一 七五四年四月七日夜间,我梦见自己走在一果园中。时约傍午,我忽然看见东方两团亮光,好像两个昏暗的太阳。有一个的高度约等于下午三时的太阳,另外一个稍 为偏北,比前者低约三分之一。几分钟后东方空中似乎混杂着火焰,像恐怖的风灾一样,火流向西奔来,到了我所站着的果园,只是我未受伤害。这时我发现有一友 伴站在我的旁边,对这情景非常恐怖。我心中却甚平静,对我的友伴说,“我们必有一死,如果主的旨意要我们这样死法,我们就得顺服。”于是我走进附近一所房 子,上了楼,看见一些忧伤苦恼的人,我又进到另一房间,这房间的地板是一些还没有钉上的木板。我独自在窗口坐下,向南望去看见有三道红色的大水流,每一道 都有相等的距离,下端接连地面,上端通达云际。在这三大主流之间有一些支流横贯着,从这些支流的两端又有一些小支流规则地指向地面,都是红色的。在一片草 地上忽又出现了一群军人模样的人,有些是我认识的。他们走进屋子,向西而去,当中有些人望着我,作出一种嘲笑的表情,我且不去理会。不久一个老队长向我走 来,告诉我这些人聚合在一起,为的要训练作战技术。
前面所提起过的稿件搁下来已经好几年了,我总在思想关于出版的事。今年我把稿件交给出版当局,他们详细校阅并作一些小修改之后,即决定由年会出版,印发若干册,分送给朋友们阅读。
一 七五四年我心中有了感觉,希望前往访问撒斯特月会朋友们的家庭,在取得本月会的同意后,我就动身前往,希望和当地朋友们进行联络。我曾和他们的某些会友商 讨此事,我的建议也在他们会中提出,并有一位朋友表示愿意和我结伴开始这访问工作。但当聚会结束时,我心中忽觉非常苦痛,不知道该怎么样做,是否当回家等 待更清楚的启示。我隐藏着这痛苦的心情,和一位朋友同往他家,一心仰望大牧者那从天上来的引导。隔天早晨我放心进行访问工作,只是情绪颇为低落。但当我的 眼目仰望上主,在一些家庭中虔敬地等候祂,祂就乐意施赐帮助,因此我们得到许多良好机会,尤其是在访问年青人时,深觉振奋。这一冬我用好几个星期的时间作 访问工作,大半在附近一带。往下一个冬天我亦用数星期作同样工作。这些工作有一部分是在士鲁滋巴立地方进行的,曾得到好友司奇士的协助。我应当谦虚地承 认,由于主的良善,我们心中不时充满着祂的爱,祂所赐的力量叫我们得以胜过一切在访问工作中所遭遇的试炼。
因为英法二国的冲突,美洲方面正处在严重的危机中。我们的春季大会为此发出一封至各地朋友们的信,我认为这封信值得在这里公开出来。
〔一七五五年三月廿九日至四月一日宾夕尼州及新泽西州地区牧师及长老假费城举行春季大会,会中向各地朋友发出如下信件。〕
致美洲各地的朋友们:
亲爱的朋友们,
藉 着上帝的良善,和祂对祂子民的继续不断的眷爱,我们向你们谨致敬礼。此际我们所关怀的乃是所有承认真道——就是我们的前人在这末世所持守和宣布的——者, 都应当靠近那作为人类之光的生命,接受力量,紧紧把握着我们的信仰,绝不动摇,叫我们不是信靠人,惟独信靠上主,祂掌管天军和人间的国度,在祂面前大地正 如“天平上的微尘,而地上的居民好像蝗虫”(赛40:15,22)。
既 然相信全能者差遣祂儿子降世的目的是在乎补救不顺服所造成的损坏,终结罪和过犯,使祂的国降临,祂的旨意行在地上,如同行在天上,我们就认为我们的责任在 乎终止国与国间那产生悲惨结果和流血的战斗,把我们的问题交给那至高的主,祂对祂儿女的慈爱胜过肉身父母的爱,祂曾应许祂所有的儿女,如同应许一人, 说,“我总不撇下你,也不丢弃你”(来13:5)。而我们由于主上帝的恩典,曾经经验过祂工作的推行并“不是倚靠地上的能力,也不是倚靠势力,乃是倚靠我的灵;这是万军的耶和华说的”(参亚4:6)。 藉此属灵的国度建立了起来,它将克服并击碎一切反对它的国度,永远坚立。这道理和那属灵国度的稳定和平是我们所深刻感觉到的,所以我们盼望凡承认真道的人 都能够内在地与这属灵国度相联系,因此在生活的各方面都能符合我们的和平信仰。但愿人们代代相传,完全倚靠全能者的臂膀,好使这和平的国度逐渐伸展,“从 这海管到那海,从大河管到地极”(亚9:10)。为着成全这已经开始得到应验的预言,“这国不举刀攻击那国,他们也不再学习战事”(赛2:4)。
亲 爱的朋友们,我们既然有这些应许,并相信上帝已开始成就它们,就应该不断努力,避免过分地关心今世的事,并摆脱对世界的贪恋,不叫属世的财物或享受歪曲了 我们的判断,或使我们离开了对上帝的完全信托,因为只有这种信托才蒙祂悦纳。这样我们就可以说,“我们的救赎主大有能力,祂必为我们辨屈”(参箴23:11)。如果为着促成祂在世上的最慈爱目的,祂要我们尝试那苦杯,就是祂的忠实信徒所常常尝试到的那苦杯,我们就得乐意地准备接受!
现 在,亲爱的朋友们,由于世上国度在我们左右所引起的骚扰纷争,深望我们当中没有人受动摇,却都安息于那不为任何骚扰所摇撼的磐石之上,就是知道并感觉到上 帝的永恒能力,好叫我们顺服祂的旨意,愿意除去遗留在我们当中的属世的部分;因为那属世的部分是可改变的,起落盈虚,忧喜无定,随着世界的趋势转移;正如 真理是独一的,有许多份子参与在它的精神之中,同样,世界也只有一个,却有许多份子参与其间;而谁参与其间,谁就遭受烦恼困苦。可是凡仰望真道的人,每日 在等候着那在内心中所产生的生命和力量,必能在混乱骚扰中喜乐,和先知同有如下的感觉:“虽然无花果树不发旺,葡萄树不结果,橄榄树也不效力,田地不出粮 食,圈中绝了羊,棚内也没有牛,然而我要因耶和华欢欣,因救我的神喜乐”(哈3:17,18)。
倘不如此,我们承认真道,却不生活于它的能力和影响之下,就是结出与圣洁相反的果实,倚赖人的力量来支持我们,这样我们的信心将成徒然。因为那位撒去祂葡萄园的篱笆,并因它结出了野葡萄而使它被践踏的主是不改变的(参赛5:6)。如果为了惩罚恶人和发扬祂荣耀的缘故,祂起来,摇撼大地,又有谁能反抗祂并使自己昌盛呢?
在福音的爱中,你们的朋友和弟兄仝启(底下有十四个朋友签名)。
为 了不愿意代人书写畜奴文件,我遭遇了种种不同性质的小试炼,在这些试炼中,我觉得我自己的意志被撇开了。请让我略加叙述:倚靠生意谋生的贩卖或零售商品的 人,当然希望保持主顾的好感。至于叫年青人在某种必要情况下查究前辈的见解或品德,也确实不是一件愉快的事,尤其是对那些素来表现良好品德的人,更是如 此。根深的习俗,即使是错误的,也不容易改变,只是我们每一个人的责任在乎坚持那些我们所确知为对的事。一个仁慈的人或者可能以慈心对待一个黑奴,为着他 的好处把他留在家中充作仆役。但人毕竟是人,他不知道他死后的事,不知道他的儿女对于管理奴仆之事是否能有作为主人所必具的明智仁慈;为了这一理由,我清 楚地觉得我不应该代人书写遗嘱,使他的儿女成为某些别人在生时的绝对主人。
约 在这时附近有一位有声望的老年人前来看我,要我为他书写遗嘱。他家有一些年青的黑奴,我问他决定怎样处置他们,他告诉了我,于是我说我若为他书写遗嘱,必 引起内心的不安,并客客气气地把我的理由告诉他。他说他原希望他的遗嘱由我书写,既然我因为良心的缘故不愿代书,他亦不敢相强,所以改请别人代书。数年后 他家有了重大变迁,他又来请我书写遗嘱。这时他的黑奴都还年青,而他的儿子——那些黑奴的承继人——据说已从登徒子改变为温良的少年,所以他认为或者这回 我可以为他写下遗嘱。我们在友善的空气中谈论这事,却延缓遗嘱的书写。过了几天他又来了,愿意使黑奴获得自由,于是我代他书写遗嘱。
在 上述这位朋友初次来谈的时候,有一位邻居身受重伤,差人请我前往替他疗治,事后他要求我为他立下遗嘱。我记下了一些要点,其中有一条是关于把他那年轻黑奴 留给子女。当时我看他受伤颇重,不知将有何种结果,所以把他的遗嘱写下,只未将有关黑奴条项列入。我把稿子带到他床前念给他听,并以友善态度告他我不能代 他书写使人作为奴隶的文件,因若如此良心将受谴责。我又让他知道我并不索取报酬,希望他原谅我不能书写他所建议的有关处置黑奴的那一部分。关于这事我们又 有了一些严重的讨论,他终于同意释放他那女黑奴,叫她自由。于是我为他完成了他的遗嘱。
这时我心中意愿前往访问长岛的朋友们,向本月会取得证件后,乃于一七五六年五月十二日动身。
抵达长岛后,第一夜我留宿在好友贺理特(Richard Hallett)家中。第二天刚好是星期日,我参加了新镇的聚会,会中大家体验到耶稣基督之爱所给予忠心者的慰安。当夜我往夫拉星去,第二天和好友富兰克林于白石渡海至大陆,在那边参加三个地方的聚会,然后又回长岛,把那一星期余下的时间用来访问各聚会处。
我相信主在这一带地方已拣选了一些忠心事奉祂的人;可是有许多人过分为今生俗务所缠绊,未能专心遵奉全能者的呼召,向前肩负十架。
在这次的访问中,当我看见有些地方的朋友们也畜养奴隶,我无论在公开或私下场合,都表示关怀,且不得不以友善方法和他们讨论这一问题,尽可能的机会告诉他们,畜奴制度和基督教的纯洁是相违背的,而且它已经在我们当中产生了许多恶果。
周末他们的年会开始;我们的朋友司卡布洛(John Scarboro),霍斯金(Jane Hoskins)和布拉文(Susanna Brown) 从宾夕尼亚州来。公共聚会的规模颇大。在这次会中我心里所关切的是那些在我们团体中被认为领袖的人物。在某次牧师长老的聚会中,我有机会把心里所得的启示 表达出来,当朋友们在一起讨论团体事务之时,大家安静地坐着一会儿,我觉得心受感动,站立起来,而天父的垂怜充分地赐给我力量,叫我消除了日来在心上逐渐 加重的荷负。
上 帝有时藉着叫人受辱,训练他更适合于为主服役。先知耶利米的话为当代人民所不欢迎,且与他们的精神抹格不入,以致他成为他们谴责的对象;由于人性上的软 弱,他希望终止他先知的任务,可是他说,“祂的话在我心里有如燃烧着的火,闭塞在我骨中,我就含忍不住,不能自禁”(参耶20:9)。我知道这时候我若忠实宣布真理在我心中所启示的,必无法讨好众人,但我仍力求履行我的责任,不管我自己的意向。会后我即回家,这次出门二十四天,走了约三百六十里路。
在这旅行中我常想到南部诸州的教会情况。我相信主呼召我继续在他们当中工作,并以热烈的愿望,虔敬地在主面前低头,求祂赐给我力量,叫我完全顺服祂的旨意。
一直到一七五六年,我除了经营裁缝业务外,亦作零售生意。业务的过分发展叫我有时心中不安。开始的时候我售卖衣服的花边,以后售卖衣服衣料,由于货品的堆积,生意逐年增加,发展为大生意的路已为我开着,但我心中觉得应该停止这种发展。
由于全能者的仁慈,我很能满足于简单的生活。我的家庭很小。经过严重思想之后,我相信主不愿意我从事如此繁重的生意。我一向的政策是只售卖有用有益的货品。至于那些为要取悦虚妄者之心的货品,我总不喜经营,也很少经营;倘若经营这类生意,必觉削弱了我作为基督徒的品格。
业 务的发展成为我的担子。虽然我的本性倾向于经商,但我相信主要我更能摆脱俗务的纠缠。这时候我心中交战,徘徊于二者之间。在这种情况中我恳切向主祷告,祂 慈爱地垂听我的呼求,赐我一颗顺服祂旨意的心。于是我减少贸易的数量,每有机会,即介绍顾客到其他铺子购买他们所需的货品。不久我完全放弃了商务经营,专 靠我自己的裁缝业务,亦未雇用学徒。此外我有一爿苹果园,我化了许多时间在园中作锄草,移植,修整和接枝的工作。
在我所住的地方,商场上买卖习惯大都是记账的,这使穷苦人往往陷入于债务中,不能按期清还欠款,因而受债主的控告。我既然看见了不少这类不幸事件,就认为应当规劝穷人,在购物时只拣那些最需用而价钱廉宜的货品。
在 买卖当中,我曾看见收账问题所引起的许多官司,我为这事曾请教一位警官,他告诉我在一年内为了索取款项纠纷他曾发出二百六十七张传票,召讯一百零三次,并 处罚七十九起案件。我不曾有过请求警吏拘人的事,只有一次向一个懒怠的人发出传票,因为我恐怕他将逃跑。这是我藉法律索取欠款的惟一案件。
在 买卖中我也有机会观察饮酒过度和穿戴贵重衣饰所引起的种种不良结果;而上述二者往往是相关联的。人们日用之需若不符合于普遍原则,即等于浪费劳力,不是天 父对我们所意愿的。有些人虽非酒徒,但因挥汗劳动,渴望藉酒提神。所以喝酒的动机虽有不同——或出于享乐欢娱的狂饮,或因过分劳动而欲藉酒解除疲乏——但 地方上每年耗费于酒的金钱却是数目可惊;如果人们有了纯洁的智慧,必知上述耗费是不必要的。
以哄酒为乐的人等于纵欲败坏自己的理智,他们往往忽略了本身在家庭和社会上的责任,放弃和宗教的一切关系;这种人是很可怜的。至于那些在其他各方面生活都颇正常,而且行为对别人具有重大影响力的人,也随着习俗饮酒,助长了饮酒的陋俗,阻塞温和风气的养成传布,良可浩叹。
既然连那最低限度的奢侈也不免与邪恶有关,所以那些承认自己为基督门徒,且被认为领袖的人,若能以祂的心为心,远离过错,那就是一种帮助软弱者的方法了。
我 有的时候亦在炎阳底下劳作,并欲借酒解除疲乏,但从经验中我知道喝了酒的心境是无法平静,也不适宜于作灵修默祷的,所以仰望圣灵之心与日俱增,因知只有圣 灵才能范围我们的欲望,并带领忠实信徒,叫他们知道如何按照神的意向,善用神所施赐的一切。假如那些大园主能够一心服从这位天上的导师,胸怀宽坦,爱邻如 己,他们就必有聪明智慧,足以处理事务,无需过分地役使别人的劳力,或使自己过着安逸奢侈的生活。但因为人们往往不顾及上帝的爱,他们心中不免为自私意念 所充斥,造成世界的黑暗与纷乱。
从事有益货品的买卖虽说是一种正当业务,但由于兼营奢侈品的贩卖,种式繁多,更因世风日下,所以凡倚靠商品贸易谋生的都应当体会先知耶利米所说的话,“你为自己图谋大事么,不要图谋”(耶45:5)。
一七五六年冬季我数次与朋友们一同出门作家庭访问,由于主的良善,我们常常经验到祂慈爱的临在。
〔附致某某朋友书信〕
对于你最近所遭遇的悲伤事件,我实际深觉同情,暗中盼望仁慈的父援助你,使你的灾难对你有了益助,叫你更深切地认识了那世人所视为愚拙的道路,感受神力的帮助,有充沛力量,足以抗拒那导人远离永恒真道的邪灵。
我们或将发现自己残废难行,由于倾向享乐,殊觉无法前进;幸而人所认为不可能之事,在神却都可能。只要我们的意志被安置于祂的旨意之下,一切诱惑就没有不能克服的。
意志顺服的工作恰如矿物之在炉中,经过烈火的净炼,除去原有的杂质。“祂熬炼他们如熬炼银子,祂必坐下如炼净银子的”(玛3:2,3)。
上 述的比较,教训我们人必须在上帝手中接受净炼工作,使内心知所以崇拜祂,并以脱离不属于祂的灵和那灵的一切工作来表明对祂的崇敬。为着推进这种工作,全智 的神有时藉用外表的灾难,把我们带近死的门墙,使生命遭受痛苦忧伤,同时叫我们面临永恒,放松属世的一切束缚,准备接受那深刻和神圣的教训(非如此即不能 接受)。如果说慈爱的父母爱惜子女,以子女的喜乐为喜乐,那么那完全良善的神,在使瘟疫流行之时,必有祂的用意。若义人因这疫症去世,他们是有福的;若不 义之人在他们的罪中被取去生命,全能者是无可谴责的;若我们在极度痛苦中经历这患难,然后复原,那就是神的旨意要我们清除渣滓,接受祂的管教。
至 于你,在忧伤痛苦和怀疑复原是否可能之后,现在已经复原。所以不可忘记那帮助你的神,却须以谦卑感谢的心抓住祂的教训,从而逃避那将引你离开这坚固基础的 偏路。我很明白在你的业务环境中,你必须接触各种不同的人。那些与世界关系甚深的人所发出的话语有时亦具重大影响力,这是我曾深切感觉到的,所以我知道同 情处在同样矛盾中的人。我自己仍然有着许多弱点。
我发现了要使自己不为他人的态度所动摇,惟一方法乃是无视俗世的智慧,把前途付托给神,不怕得罪那些不喜悦真理的人。
对人畏惧,不免落在罗网中。也就是不尽责任,并在试炼来临之时退缩,结果使我们的手臂软弱无力,我们的心灵和别人的相混杂,我们的耳朵发聋,听不见真牧者的言语;末后当我们看见义人的道路之时,反怀疑那是不是我们所当走的道路。
当 我写这封信时我心中充满着爱,不是言语所能形容的;我发觉自己的心门开敞,愿意劝你在基督徒的坚定信德上作神圣竞赛。真实谦卑的心是一种坚固保障,我们一 旦进到它里面就必感到安全高超。上帝的愚拙总比人智慧,上帝的软弱总比人强壮。既然解除了我们自己的智慧,并知道人性的堕落,我们就找出了能够给予我们健 康和活力的那一部分。

子规月落

ZxID:13974051


等级: 内阁元老
配偶: 暖雯雯
210 818 1018 1226
举报 只看该作者 板凳   发表于: 2013-10-26 0

Chapter 2
  MY esteemed friend Abraham Farrington being about to make a visit to Friends onthe eastern side of this province, and having no companion, he proposed to meto go with him; and after a conference with some elderly Friends I agreed togo. We set out on the 5th of Ninth Month, 1743; had an evening meeting at atavern in Brunswick, a town in which none of our Society dwelt; the room wasfull and the people quiet. Thence to Amboy, and had an evening meeting in thecourt-house, to which came many people, amongst whom were several members ofAssembly, they being in town on the public affairs of the province. In boththese meetings my ancient companion was engaged to preach largely in the loveof the gospel. Thence we went to Woodbridge, Rahway, and Plainfield, and hadsix or seven meetings in places where Friends' meetings are not usually held,chiefly attended by Presbyterians, and my beloved companion was frequentlystrengthened to publish the word of life amongst them. As for me, I was oftensilent through the meetings, and when I spake it was with much care, that Imight speak only what truth opened. My mind was often tender, and I learnedsome profitable lessons. We were out about two weeks.
  Near this time, being on some outward business in which several families wereconcerned, and which was attended with difficulties, some things relatingthereto not being clearly stated, nor rightly understood by all, there arosesome heat in the minds of the parties, and one valuable Friend got off hiswatch. I had a great regard for him, and felt a strong inclination, aftermatters were settled, to speak to him concerning his conduct in that case; butbeing a youth, and he far advanced in age and experience, my way appeared difficult; after some days' deliberation, and inward seeking to the Lord forassistance, I was made subject, so that I expressed what lay upon me in a waywhich became my youth and his years; and though it was a hard task to me it waswell taken, and I believe was useful to us both.
  Having now been several years with my employer, and he doing less inmerchandise than heretofore, I was thoughtful about some other way of business,perceiving merchandise to be attended with much cumber in the way of trading inthese parts.
  My mind, through the power of truth, was in a good degree weaned from thedesire of outward greatness, and I was learning to be content with realconveniences, that were not costly, so that a way of life free from muchentanglement appeared best for me, though the income might be small. I hadseveral offers of business that appeared profitable, but I did not see my wayclear to accept of them, believing they would be attended with more outwardcare and cumber than was required of me to engage in. I saw that an humble man,with the blessing of the Lord, might live on a little, and that, where theheart was set on greatness, success in business did not satisfy the craving;but that commonly, with an increase of wealth, the desire of wealth increased.
  There was a care on my mind so to pass my time, that nothing might hinder mefrom the most steady attention to the voice of the true Shepherd.
  My employer, though now a retailer of goods, was by trade a tailor, and kepta servant-man at that business; and I began to think about learning the trade,expecting that if I should settle I might by this trade and a little retailingof goods get a living in a plain way, without the load of great business. Imentioned it to my employer, and we soon agreed on terms, and when I hadleisure from the affairs of merchandise I worked with his man. I believed thehand of Providence pointed out this business for me, and I was taught to becontent with it, though I felt at times a disposition that would have soughtfor something greater; but through the revelation of Jesus Christ I had seenthe happiness of humility, and there was an earnest desire in me to enterdeeply into it; at times this desire arose to a degree of fervent supplication,wherein my soul was so environed with heavenly light and consolation thatthings were made easy to me which had been otherwise.
  After some time my employer's wife died; she was a virtuous woman, andgenerally beloved of her neighbours. Soon after this he left shopkeeping, andwe parted. I then wrought at my trade as a tailor; carefully attended meetingsfor worship and discipline; and found an enlargement of gospel love in my mind,and therein a concern to visit Friends in some of the back settlements ofPennsylvania and Virginia. Being thoughtful about a companion, I expressed it to my beloved friend, Isaac Andrews, who told me that he had drawings to thesame places, and also to go through Maryland, Virginia, and Carolina. After aconsiderable time, and several conferences with him, I felt easy to accompanyhim throughout, if way opened for it. I opened the case in our Monthly Meeting,and Friends expressing their unity therewith, we obtained certificates totravel as companions, -- he from Haddonfield, and I from Burlington.
  We left our province on the 12th of Third Month, 1746, and had severalmeetings in the upper part of Chester County, and near Lancaster; in some ofwhich the love of Christ prevailed, uniting us together in His service. We thencrossed the river Susquehanna, and had several meetings in a new settlement,called the Red Lands. It is the poorer sort of people that commonly begin toimprove remote deserts; with a small stock they have houses to build, lands toclear and fence, corn to raise, clothes to provide, and children to educate, sothat Friends who visit such may well sympathize with them in their hardships inthe wilderness; and though the best entertainment that they can give may seemcoarse to some who are used to cities or old settled places, it becomes thedisciples of Christ to be therewith content. Our hearts were sometimes enlargedin the love of our Heavenly Father amongst these people, and the sweetinfluence of His Spirit supported us through some difficulties: to Him be thepraise.
  We passed on to Manoquacy, Fairfax, Hopewell, and Shanando, and had meetings,some of which were comfortable and edifying. From Shanando, we set off in theafternoon for the settlements of Friends in Virginia; the first night, we, withour guide, lodged in the woods, our horses feeding near us; but he being poorlyprovided with a horse, and we young, and having good horses, were free the nextday to part with him. In two days after we reached our friend John Cheagle's,in Virginia. We took the meetings in our way through Virginia; were in somedegree baptized into a feeling sense of the conditions of the people, and ourexercise in general was more painful in these old settlements than it had beenamongst the back inhabitants; yet through the goodness of our Heavenly Fatherthe well of living waters was at times opened to our encouragement, and therefreshment of the sincere-hearted. We went on to Perquimans, in NorthCarolina; had several large meetings, and found some openness in those parts,and a hopeful appearance amongst the young people. Afterwards we turned againto Virginia, and attended most of the meetings which we had not been at before,labouring amongst Friends in the love of Jesus Christ, as ability was given;thence went to the mountains, up James River to a new settlement, and hadseveral meetings amongst the people, some of whom had lately joined inmembership with our Society. In our journeying to and fro we found some honest-hearted Friends, who appeared to be concerned for the cause of truth among abacksliding people.
  From Virginia, we crossed over the river Potomac, at Hoe's Ferry, and made ageneral visit to the meetings of Friends on the western shore of Maryland, andwere at their Quarterly Meeting. We had some hard labour amongst them,endeavouring to discharge our duty honestly as way opened, in the love oftruth. Thence, taking sundry meetings in our way, we passed towards home,which, through the favour of divine Providence, we reached the 16th of SixthMonth, 1746; and I may say that, through the assistance of the Holy Spirit,which mortifies selfish desires, my companion and I travelled in harmony, andparted in the nearness of true brotherly love.
  Two things were remarkable to me in this journey: first, in regard to myentertainment. When I ate, drank, and lodged free-cost with people who lived inease on the hard labour of their slaves, I felt uneasy; and as my mind wasinward to the Lord, I found this uneasiness return upon me, at times, throughthe whole visit. Where the masters bore a good share of the burden, and livedfrugally, so that their servants were well provided for, and their labourmoderate, I felt more easy; but where they lived in a costly way, and laidheavy burdens on their slaves, my exercise was often great, and I frequentlyhad conversation with them in private concerning it. Secondly, this trade ofimporting slaves from their native country being much encouraged amongst them,and the white people and their children so generally living without muchlabour, was frequently the subject of my serious thoughts. I saw in thesesouthern provinces so many vices and corruptions, increased by this trade andthis way of life, that it appeared to me as a dark gloominess hanging over theland; and though now many willingly run into it, yet in future the consequencewill be grievous to posterity. I express it as it hath appeared to me, not oncenor twice, but as a matter fixed on my mind.
  Soon after my return home I felt an increasing concern for Friends on oursea-coast; and on the 8th of Eighth Month, 1746, I left home with the unity ofFriends, and in company with my beloved friend and neighbour Peter Andrews,brother to my companion before mentioned, and visited them in their meetingsgenerally about Salem, Cape May, Great and Little Egg Harbour; we had meetingsalso at Barnagat, Manahockin, and Mane Squan, and so to the Yearly Meeting atShrewsbury. Through the goodness of the Lord way was opened, and the strengthof divine love was sometimes felt in our assemblies, to the comfort and help ofthose who were rightly concerned before Him. We were out twenty-two days, androde, by computation, three hundred and forty miles. At Shrewsbury YearlyMeeting we met with our dear friends Michael Lightfoot and Abraham Farrington,who had good service there.
  The winter following died my eldest sister, Elizabeth Woolman, of thesmallpox, aged thirty-one years.
  Of late I found drawings in my mind to visit Friends in New England, andhaving an opportunity of joining in company with my beloved friend PeterAndrews, we obtained certificates from our Monthly Meeting, and set forward onthe 16th of Third Month, 1747. We reached the Yearly Meeting at Long Island, atwhich were our friends, Samuel Nottingham from England, John Griffith, JaneHoskins, and Elizabeth Hudson from Pennsylvania, and Jacob Andrews fromChesterfield, several of whom were favoured in their public exercise; and,through the goodness of the Lord, we had some edifying meetings. After this mycompanion and I visited Friends on Long Island; and through the mercies of Godwe were helped in the work.
  Besides going to the settled meetings of Friends, we were at a generalmeeting at Setawket, chiefly made up of other Societies; we had also a meetingat Oyster Bay in a dwelling-house, at which were many people. At the formerthere was not much said by way of testimony, but it was, I believe, a goodmeeting; at the latter, through the springing up of living waters, it was a dayto be thankfully remembered. Having visited the Island, we went over to themain, taking meetings in our way, to Oblong, Nine-partners, and New Milford.
  In these back settlements, we met with several people who, through theimmediate workings of the Spirit of Christ on their minds, were drawn from thevanities of the world to an inward acquaintance with Him. They were educated inthe way of the Presbyterians. A considerable number of the youth, members ofthat society, used often to spend their time together in merriment, but some ofthe principal young men of the company, being visited by the powerful workingsof the Spirit of Christ, and thereby led humbly to take up His cross, could nolonger join in those vanities. As these stood steadfast to that inwardconvincement, they were made a blessing to some of their former companions; sothat through the power of truth several were brought into a close exerciseconcerning the eternal well-being of their souls. These young people continuedfor a time to frequent their public worship; and, besides that, had meetings oftheir own, which meetings were awhile allowed by their preacher, who sometimesmet with them; but in time their judgment in matters of religion disagreeingwith some of the articles of the Presbyterians, their meetings were disapprovedby that society; and such of them as stood firm to their duty, as it wasinwardly manifested, had many difficulties to go through. In a while theirmeetings were dropped; some of them returned to the Presbyterians, and othersjoined to our religious society.
  I had conversation with some of the latter to my help and edification, andbelieve several of them are acquainted with the nature of that worship which isperformed in spirit and in truth. Amos Powel, a Friend from Long Island,accompanied me through Connecticut, which is chiefly inhabited by Presbyterians, who were generally civil to us. After three days' riding, wecame amongst Friends in the colony of Rhode Island, and visited them in andabout Newport, Dartmouth, and generally in those parts; we then went to Boston,and proceeded eastward as far as Dover. Not far from thence we met our friend,Thomas Gawthrop, from England, who was then on a visit to these provinces. FromNewport we sailed to Nantucket; were there nearly a week; and from thence cameover to Dartmouth. Having finished our visit in these parts, we crossed theSound from New London to Long Island, and taking some meetings on the islandproceeded towards home, which we reached the 13th of Seventh Month, 1747,having rode about fifteen hundred miles, and sailed about one hundred andfifty.
  In this journey, I may say in general, we were sometimes in much weakness,and laboured under discouragements, and at other times, through the renewedmanifestations of divine love, we had seasons of refreshment wherein the powerof truth prevailed. We were taught by renewed experience to labour for aninward stillness; at no time to seek for words, but to live in the spirit oftruth, and utter that to the people which truth opened in us. My belovedcompanion and I belonged both to one meeting, came forth in the ministry nearthe same time, and were inwardly united in the work. He was about thirteenyears older than I, bore the heaviest burden, and was an instrument of thegreatest use.
  Finding a concern to visit Friends in the lower counties of Delaware, and onthe eastern shore of Maryland, and having an opportunity to join with my well-beloved ancient friend, John Sykes, we obtained certificates, and set off the7th of Eighth Month, 1748, were at the meetings of Friends in the lowercounties, attended the Yearly Meeting at Little Creek, and made a visit to mostof the meetings on the eastern shore, and so home by the way of Nottingham. Wewere abroad about six weeks, and rode, by computation, about five hundred andfifty miles.
  Our exercise at times was heavy, but through the goodness of the Lord we wereoften refreshed, and I may say by experience, "He is a stronghold in the day oftrouble." Though our Society in these parts appeared to me to be in a decliningcondition, yet I believe the Lord hath a people amongst them who labour toserve Him uprightly, but they have many difficulties to encounter.

我所敬爱的朋友法宁敦(A. Farrington) 即将有武德不列资一带之行,邀我同往,我和几位朋友商议之后,同意和他结伴。我们于一七四三年十一月廿五日出发,当晚在不伦瑞克的一家客店举行晚会;这地 方并没有朋友会人居住,可是房间人满,赴会的人都很肃静。以后又到安波儿,在审判厅举行聚会,前来参加的有些是议会议员。在上述二地我的同伴受了感动,以 福音之爱讲道。
继 续前行,我们又举行了十二次聚会。有好几次聚会参加者多数是长老会会友。我的同伴在听众当中常常蒙上帝大力帮助,宣讲生命之道。我呢,在多数聚会上缄默无 言。若有发言则小心谨慎,只求说出真道所要我说的话。我心中常深受感动,也学习了一些有益的功课。我们出来已有两个星期。
约 在这时候,为了买卖之事,有好几家朋友们牵连在某些困难的问题中,一些事务似乎是未经明确地说明,亦未为各人所明了,因此引起有关方面的愤激,有一位有地 位的朋友大闹脾气。我一向敬重这位朋友,所以在这件事过去以后,很想向他提出关于他处理这事的态度问题,可是我比他年轻很多,在经验方面他又比我丰富很 多,因此我觉得很难开口。考虑了几天,且在内心寻求主的帮助之后,服从了主的命令,把这事郑重地提出了。这任务颇不容易,但他的态度很好,相信所说的对他 对我都有益处。
我 为雇主工作已有数年,雇主在贸易上的经营规模日小;这时我心中常想如果我要成家,我当以何法谋生这一问题。做生意对我似乎有些困难;由于真道的能力,我对 于外在名利的欲求已非常淡薄,却学习满足于平凡的生活,就是一种收入虽然无多,但可以摆脱许多阻碍的生活。在我面前有好些似乎颇可获利的机会,可是都是很 麻烦的事。我知道一个没有野心的人虽收入无多,仍然可以靠主过活;而志在名利的人即使在买卖上成功,亦无法满足他的欲望;财富增加了,贪财的欲望也增加 了。我心中早已有一种愿望,就是我所从事的业务对我之关心那位真牧者的呼声必须是没有阻碍的。
我的雇主虽是一个店东,却兼营裁缝生意,他雇用一匠人在他的家中工作。这时我在店中的职务颇为轻松,于是我动了学习裁缝的念头,心想若能从事裁缝业,兼营一些其他生意,也尽可以维持一种清淡的生活了,无须干大买卖,却可以多有时间修省自己。
我向雇主提起这事,说妥条件,从此在空暇时间就和他的成衣匠一道工作。
我那时认为是主指定这种生意给我,所以这虽然与人的愿望不尽相符,我仍然学会知足。我知道谦卑之心是有福的,所以尽力追求,而且往往以默祷亲近至高者,在默祷中我时时在天上之光和安慰的包围中,以至于觉得那些原属困难的事都很顺利了。
数年后雇主的太太亡故,他放弃了他的铺子,于是我们分开,我就经营我自己的业务。这时我经常参加崇拜及训练聚会,深觉上帝的爱在我心中与日俱增。在祂的爱中我盼望访问宾夕尼亚和维基尼阿某些地区的朋友,并希望能有一位旅伴。我把这事向好友安德鲁斯(Isaac Andrews) 提起,他告诉我他心中亦有这种意念,也想访问马利兰和北加罗来纳诸地。经过数次商议之后,我觉得如果机会许可的话就可以和他结伴同行。我把这件事在月会中 向朋友们提出,他们都同意让我出去,我们的团体分别发给我们证书,我们于一七四六年五月十二日出发,他从哈敦菲特来,我从柏林敦动身。
我 们在拆斯特郡北部和兰加斯特附近举行好几次聚会,在某些会中基督的爱充满,使我们在祂的工作上团结在一起。以后我们渡过了萨斯刻罕那河,在所谓红土地区的 一个新开垦村镇举行几次聚会,这一带最老的村镇也是在十年以内的。开拓荒芜地区的人一般都很贫穷,工具有限,要盖房子,要清理荒地,建筑围篱,要种植谷 物,要纺织,要教育儿女。凡访问此种人的朋友们都应该同情他们处境的困难。可是当他们以卑野的娱乐招待我们的时候,若表示不满意,似乎和基督徒的身份是不 相称的。有时候我们在天父爱中充满着喜乐,祂灵的甜蜜为我们所亲尝。荣耀归于主名!
我 们继续前行,到了曼诺奎诗,非尔福士,和勃威尔,和善安陀诸地,到处举行有益的聚会。从实安陀我们又出发到维基尼阿的老移民地区。第一夜我们和向导在林中 宿夜。亲自喂了马匹。向导的马非常瘦弱,我们既都年轻,又有良马,正好赶路,所以第二天就和他分手。途中偶然遇着人家,就停下来买些点心充饥,两天的工夫 才来到朋友拆陀斯的地方。
我 们在维基尼阿沿路参加聚会,对各地居民的灵性情况颇有了解。许多人确已离开了基督纯洁的羔羊本性甚远,使我们颇觉悲伤。但由于天父的良善,活水泉源及时涌 出,这给我们鼓励,并振奋那些忠诚的心灵。我们又向北加罗来纳的拍奎曼士进发;参加了多次大聚会,人们都愿意听福音,尤其在青年群中,大有希望。以后我们 又转向维基尼阿地区,访问许多从前未曾到过的聚会处,在主耶稣基督爱中于朋友当中尽力工作。从此地又往山区,沿詹姆士河而上,到了一新的移民区,与当地居 民举行数次聚会,他们当中有些人新近加入朋友会为会友。在旅途中我们遇见一些忠诚的朋友们,他们对于向那些落后的流动民族传布真道的事似乎极为开心。
从维基尼阿我们在锄头渡地方渡过了颇陀马克河,普遍地访问马利兰以西各地朋友们的教会处,也参加了他们在赫麟浦举行的季会。我们在他们当中苦心工作,为的要在真道的爱中忠诚地履行我们的职责。
在归途上我们参加了许多不同的聚会,由于主的眷佑我们于一七四六年八月十六日返抵家门。这次出门费时共三个月连四日,旅程约一千五百里。那能够约束一切自私欲望的圣灵也帮助我和我的同伴,使我们在和谐空气中同行,现在在真的友爱中分手。
在 这次旅行中有两件事情值得提起:第一是关于我所受的招待。如果我吃喝住宿在依赖奴隶劳动而生活的人家,我心中总感觉不安。而这种感觉几乎时时存在着。如果 招待我的人家是亲自担负一大部分的劳动责任,而过着节俭的生活,不使仆役但负过于繁重的工作,我心里就比较觉得平安。若遇奢侈人家,驱使奴隶背负重轭,我 心中痛苦,往往找机会私下和主人谈论,表示我的态度。第二,这种从非洲基尼地方贩运奴隶入境的生意在他们当中似乎极受欢迎,而白人多数不必劳动。这种贩奴 贸易及其对美洲南方殖民地的影响这一问题时常在我脑中,引起我严重的思虑。我看出这种制度及这种生活方式所引起的邪恶和腐败,在我眼中恰似一片黑云笼罩大 地;虽然这时候大家争相效尤,后世子孙必承受悲惨恶果。这种思想不只在我心中出现一次两次,而是似乎坚定地植根在我心中。
回 家不久,我对于沿海一带朋友们情况的关怀与日俱增。一七四六年十月八日,经朋友们的一致赞同,我又离家,同行的有安得鲁斯彼得,即上次和我结伴旅行的安得 鲁斯的兄弟。我们沿着东海岸访问撒冷,梅依角,大小蛋港诸地朋友们的聚会处。我们出门二十二日,约略走了三百四十里路。
这一冬季我的大姊姊依利沙伯因患天花去世。她去世时三十一岁。她从小就是一个富有同情心和仁慈的人,对于朋辈间的病痛之事往往尽她的能力帮助劝慰。
近 来我心受感动,甚盼望前往访问新英格兰一带朋友,刚好又有机会和我亲爱的朋友安得鲁斯彼得结伴同行,于是我们向我们的月会取得了证件,于一七四七年五月十 六日动身。我们赶上了在长岛举行的年会,会中有从英格兰来的朋友诺定昂;从宾夕尼亚来的格力菲德,霍金珍尼和赫逊依利沙伯;从撒斯特来的安得鲁斯雅各;这 些人当中有的很有讲道的才能,藉着主的恩泽,我们有了好些有益的聚会。会后诺定昂,格力菲德和安得鲁斯前往罗德岛,我们则继续访问在长岛一带朋友们的聚会 处,全能者的仁慈帮助我们在工作上都很顺利。
访 问朋友们的聚会处之外,我们亦参加在士达奇举行的大会,与会的人多属于其他宗派;我们又参加了俄伊斯特湾的某聚会,是在一住宅中举行的,与会人数颇多。前 一个聚会不多采用见证的方法,但我仍觉得那是一个好的聚会。后一聚会生命之泉涌流,真是一次应当以感恩之心记念的聚会。在长岛各地访问以后,我们就渡海到 大陆去,沿途参加聚会,经过奥朗,九朋,和新密福特诸地,在这些殖民地区我们遇见了好些人,由于基督之灵在他们心中工作,他们离弃了属世的虚妄,在内心方 面与主有了契结。他们都是长老会所教育出来的人。长老会的许多年青会友在过去往往把时间浪费于嬉戏方面,幸而他们当中的一些领袖,由于基督之灵的感动,愿 意谦虚地背负祂的十架,不愿再有分于虚妄之事。这些人在所确信的事上坚定不移,对于他们的一些友伴有了良好的影响,因此,藉着真理的能力,他们当中的一些 人对于自己灵魂的永福很关心。他们仍然参加了长老会的公共崇拜,此外又有他们自己的聚会,这种聚会曾得到他们传道师的准许,他本人有时亦亲自参加他们聚 会。以后他们对于某些宗教问题的判断和长老会的规例不相符合,因此他们的聚会不蒙认可,而那些对内心之光所指示的责任怀着忠心的人遭遇了很多困难。不久他 们的聚会停顿;以后他们当中一部分人仍回到长老会,但另外有些人则参加了我们的团体。
我 曾和这些参加我们团体的人谈话,对我很有助益;我相信他们当中有些人已经明白那在心灵和诚实中的崇拜之性质。从这地方我们继续前行,长岛的一位朋友波威尔 陪伴我们走遍康涅狄格州各地,这地区住民多数为长老会信徒,从我所观察到的,他们大体上都很文雅。经过了三天的旅程后我们抵达罗德岛,和朋友们相见。我们 访问纽波特和达得茅资一带的朋友,然后至波斯敦,再向东行,一直到了多维。在距离多维不远地方我们会见了从英格兰来的朋友加梭洛,他正在访问这一带地区。 我们从纽波特乘船至拿托格特,在那里约一星期,然后来到达得茅资。在这一带的访问结束后我们从新伦敦渡海至长岛,未上归途之前在岛上又有多次聚会,回抵家 门时正好是一七四七年九月十三日,计算这次的旅程共约一千五百里,海路旅程约一百五十里。
一 般说来,这一次的旅行我们有时候显得非常软弱,在沮丧的情况下工作,但有时由于神爱的彰显,我们在真理能力的运行中亦大感振奋。更新的经验教导我们怎样为 内在的宁静努力;无需寻求言语,却以真道之灵为生,并将真道所指示我们的表达给人。我亲爱的旅伴和我同属于一个堂会,且在相近的时间内参加教牧工作,彼此 在工作上有了内在的联契。他的年纪比我多十三岁,他肩负了较重的担子,是一个非常有用的器皿。
这 时我心中盼望能往德拉瓦州南部诸地及马利兰州的东海岸访问朋友,恰好有机会得与老友司奇士结伴同行,于是我们领取了证件,于一七四八年十月七日出发,曾参 加南部各地朋友们的聚会,也参加在小湾地方举行的年会,访问东海岸多数的聚会处,然后取道诺定昂回来。我们在外约六星期,走了约五百五十里路。
有时候我们心中感觉非常沉重,但由于主的良善往往得蒙振奋。从经验中我可以说,“祂在患难的日子为人的保障。”为虽然觉得我们的团体在这一带地方日趋衰退,但我相信有一些忠心事主的人在这里,他们努力工作,也有许多等待他们克服的困难。

子规月落

ZxID:13974051


等级: 内阁元老
配偶: 暖雯雯
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举报 只看该作者 沙发   发表于: 2013-10-26 0

Chapter 1
  I HAVE often felt a motion of love to leave some hints in writing of myexperience of the goodness of God, and now, in the thirty-sixth year of my age,I begin this work.
  I was born in Northampton, in Burlington County, West Jersey, in the year1720. Before I was seven years old I began to be acquainted with the operationsof divine love. Through the care of my parents, I was taught to read nearly assoon as I was capable of it; and as I went from school one day, I remember thatwhile my companions were playing by the way, I went forward out of sight, andsitting down, I read the twenty-second chapter of Revelation: "He showed me apure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne ofGod and of the Lamb," etc. In reading it, my mind was drawn to seek after thatpure habitation which I then believed God had prepared for His servants. Theplace where I sat, and the sweetness that attended my mind, remain fresh in mymemory. This, and the like gracious visitations, had such an effect upon methat when boys used ill language it troubled me; and, through the continuedmercies of God, I was preserved from that evil.
  The pious instructions of my parents were often fresh in my mind, when Ihappened to be among wicked children, and were of use to me. Having a largefamily of children, they used frequently, on First-days, after meeting, to set us one after another to read the Holy Scriptures, or some religious books, therest sitting by without much conversation; I have since often thought it was agood practice. From what I had read and heard, I believed there had been, inpast ages, people who walked in uprightness before God in a degree exceedingany that I knew or heard of now living: and the apprehension of there beingless steadiness and firmness amongst people in the present age often troubledme while I was a child.
  I may here mention a remarkable circumstance that occurred in my childhood.
  On going to a neighbour's house, I saw on the way a robin sitting on her nest,and as I came near she went off ; but having young ones, she flew about, andwith many cries expressed her concern for them. I stood and threw stones ather, and one striking her, she fell down dead. At first I was pleased with theexploit, but after a few minutes was seized with horror, at having, in asportive way, killed an innocent creature while she was careful for her young.
  I beheld her lying dead, and thought those young ones, for which she was socareful, must now perish for want of their dam to nourish them. After somepainful considerations on the subject, I climbed up the tree, took all theyoung birds, and killed them, supposing that better than to leave them to pineaway and die miserably. In this case I believed that Scripture proverb wasfulfilled, "The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel." I then went on myerrand, and for some hours could think of little else but the cruelties I hadcommitted, and was much troubled. Thus He whose tender mercies are over all Hisworks hath placed a principle in the human mind, which incites to exercisegoodness towards every living creature; and this being singly attended to,people become tender-hearted and sympathizing; but when frequently and totallyrejected, the mind becomes shut up in a contrary disposition.
  About the twelfth year of my age, my father being abroad, my mother reprovedme for some misconduct, to which I made an undutiful reply. The next First-day,as I was with my father returning from meeting, he told me that he understood Ihad behaved amiss to my mother, and advised me to be more careful in future. Iknew myself blamable, and in shame and confusion remained silent. Being thusawakened to a sense of my wickedness, I felt remorse in my mind, and on gettinghome, I retired and prayed to the Lord to forgive me, and I do not rememberthat I ever afterwards spoke unhandsomely to either of my parents, howeverfoolish in some other things.
  Having attained the age of sixteen years, I began to love wanton company; andthough I was preserved from profane language or scandalous conduct, yet Iperceived a plant in me which produced much wild grapes; my merciful Father didnot, however, forsake me utterly, but at times, through His grace, I wasbrought seriously to consider my ways; and the sight of my backslidingsaffected me with sorrow, yet for want of rightly attending to the reproofs ofinstruction, vanity was added to vanity, and repentance to repentance. Upon the whole, my mind became more and more alienated from the truth, and I hastenedtoward destruction. While I meditate on the gulf towards which I travelled, andreflect on my youthful disobedience, for these things I weep, mine eye runnethdown with water.
  Advancing in age, the number of my acquaintance increased, and thereby my waygrew more difficult. Though I had found comfort in reading the Holy Scripturesand thinking on heavenly things, I was now estranged therefrom. I knew I wasgoing from the flock of Christ and had no resolution to return, hence seriousreflections were uneasy to me, and youthful vanities and diversions were mygreatest pleasure. In this road I found many like myself, and we associated inthat which is adverse to true friendship.
  In this swift race it pleased God to visit me with sickness, so that Idoubted of recovery; then did darkness, horror, and amazement with full forceseize me, even when my pain and distress of body were very great. I thought itwould have been better for me never to have had being, than to see the daywhich I now saw. I was filled with confusion, and in great affliction, both ofmind and body, I lay and bewailed myself. I had not confidence to lift up mycries to God, whom I had thus offended; but in a deep sense of my great folly Iwas humbled before Him. At length that word which is as a fire and a hammerbroke and dissolved my rebellious heart; my cries were put up in contrition;and in the multitude of His mercies I found inward relief, and a closeengagement that if He was pleased to restore my health I might walk humblybefore Him.
  After my recovery this exercise remained with me a considerable time, but bydegrees giving way to youthful vanities, and associating with wanton youngpeople, I lost ground. The Lord had been very gracious, and spoke peace to mein the time of my distress, and I now most ungratefully turned again to folly;at times I felt sharp reproof, but I did not get low enough to cry for help. Iwas not so hardy as to commit things scandalous, but to exceed in vanity and topromote mirth was my chief study. Still I retained a love and esteem for piouspeople, and their company brought an awe upon me. My dear parents several timesadmonished me in the fear of the Lord, and their admonition entered into myheart and had a good effect for a season; but not getting deep enough to prayrightly, the tempter, when he came, found entrance. Once having spent a part ofthe day in wantonness, when I went to bed at night there lay in a window nearmy bed a Bible, which I opened, and first cast my eye on the text, "We lie downin our shame, and our confusion covereth us." This I knew to be my case, andmeeting with so unexpected a reproof I was somewhat affected with it, and wentto bed under remorse of conscience, which I soon cast off again.
  Thus time passed on; my heart was replenished with mirth and wantonness,while pleasing scenes of vanity were presented to my imagination, till Iattained the age of eighteen years, near which time I felt the judgments of God in my soul, like a consuming fire, and looking over my past life the prospectwas moving. I was often sad, and longed to be delivered from those vanities;then again my heart was strongly inclined to them, and there was in me a soreconflict. At times I turned to folly, and then again sorrow and confusion tookhold of me. In a while I resolved totally to leave off some of my vanities, butthere was a secret reserve in my heart of the more refined part of them, and Iwas not low enough to find true peace. Thus for some months I had greattroubles; my will was unsubjected, which rendered my labours fruitless. Atlength, through the merciful continuance of heavenly visitations, I was made tobow down in spirit before the Lord. One evening I had spent some time inreading a pious author, and walking out alone I humbly prayed to the Lord forHis help, that I might be delivered from all those vanities which so ensnaredme. Thus being brought low, He helped me, and as I learned to bear the cross, Ifelt refreshment to come from His presence; but not keeping in that strengthwhich gave victory, I lost ground again, the sense of which greatly affectedme. I sought deserts and lonely places, and there with tears did confess mysins to God and humbly craved His help. And I may say with reverence, He wasnear to me in my troubles, and in those times of humiliation opened my ear todiscipline.
  I was now led to look seriously at the means by which I was drawn from thepure truth, and learned that if I would live such a life as the faithfulservants of God lived, I must not go into company as heretofore in my own will,but all the cravings of sense must be governed by a divine principle. In timesof sorrow and abasement these instructions were sealed upon me, and I felt thepower of Christ prevail over selfish desires, so that I was preserved in a gooddegree of steadiness, and being young, and believing at that time that a singlelife was best for me, I was strengthened to keep from such company as had oftenbeen a snare to me.
  I kept steadily to meetings, spent First-day afternoons chiefly in readingthe Scriptures and other good books, and was early convinced in my mind thattrue religion consisted in an inward life, wherein the heart does love andreverence God the Creator, and learns to exercise true justice and goodness,not only toward all men, but also toward the brute creation; that, as the mindwas moved by an inward principle to love God as an invisible, incomprehensibleBeing, so, by the same principle, it was moved to love Him in all Hismanifestations in the visible world; that, as by His breath the flame of lifewas kindled in all animal sensible creatures, to say we love God as unseen, andat the same time exercise cruelty toward the least creature moving by His life,or by life derived from Him, was a contradiction in itself. I found nonarrowness respecting sects and opinions, but believed that sincere, upright-hearted people, in every society, who truly love God, were accepted of Him.
  As I lived under the cross, and simply followed the opening of truth, mymind, from day to day, was more enlightened, my former acquaintance were leftto judge of me as they would, for I found it safest for me to live in private,and keep these things sealed up in my own breast. While I silently ponder onthat change wrought in me, I find no language equal to convey to another aclear idea of it. I looked upon the works of God in this visible creation, andan awfulness covered me. My heart was tender and often contrite, and universallove to my fellow-creatures increased in me. This will be understood by such ashave trodden in the same path. Some glances of real beauty may be seen in theirfaces who dwell in true meekness. There is a harmony in the sound of that voiceto which divine love gives utterance, and some appearance of right order intheir temper and conduct whose passions are regulated; yet these do not fullyshow forth that inward life to those who have not felt it; this white stone andnew name is only known rightly by such as receive it.
  Now, though I had been thus strengthened to bear the cross, I still foundmyself in great danger, having many weaknesses attending me, and strongtemptations to wrestle with; in the feeling whereof I frequently withdrew intoprivate places, and often with tears besought the Lord to help me, and Hisgracious ear was open to my cry.
  All this time I lived with my parents, and wrought on the plantation; andhaving had schooling pretty well for a planter, I used to improve myself inwinter evenings, and other leisure times. Being now in the twenty-first year ofmy age, with my father's consent I engaged with a man, in much business as ashopkeeper and baker, to tend shop and keep books. At home I had lived retired;and now, having a prospect of being much in the way of company, I felt frequentand fervent cries in my heart to God, the Father of Mercies, that He wouldpreserve me from all taint and corruption; that, in this more publicemployment, I might serve Him, my gracious Redeemer, in that humility and self-denial which I had in a small degree exercised in a more private life.
  The man who employed me furnished a shop in Mount Holly, about five milesfrom my father's house, and six from his own, and there I lived alone andtended his shop. Shortly after my settlement here I was visited by severalyoung people, my former acquaintance, who supposed that vanities would be asagreeable to me now as ever. At these times I cried to the Lord in secret forwisdom and strength; for I felt myself encompassed with difficulties, and hadfresh occasion to bewail the follies of times past, in contracting afamiliarity with libertine people; and as I had now left my father's houseoutwardly, I found my Heavenly Father to be merciful to me beyond what I canexpress.
  By day I was much amongst people, and had many trials to go through; but inthe evenings I was mostly alone, and I may with thankfulness acknowledge, that in those times the spirit of supplication was often poured upon me; under whichI was frequently exercised, and felt my strength renewed.
  After a while, my former acquaintance gave over expecting me as one of theircompany, and I began to be known to some whose conversation was helpful to me.
  And now, as I had experienced the love of God through Jesus Christ, to redeemme from many pollutions, and to be a succor to me through a sea of conflicts,with which no person was fully acquainted, and as my heart was often enlargedin this heavenly principle, I felt a tender compassion for the youth whoremained entangled in snares like those which had entangled me. This love andtenderness increased, and my mind was strongly engaged for the good of myfellow-creatures. I went to meetings in an awful frame of mind, and endeavouredto be inwardly acquainted with the language of the true Shepherd.
  One day, being under a strong exercise of spirit, I stood up and said somewords in a meeting; but not keeping close to the divine opening, I said morethan was required of me. Being soon sensible of my error, I was afflicted inmind some weeks, without any light or comfort, even to that degree that I couldnot take satisfaction in anything. I remembered God and was troubled, and inthe depth of my distress He had pity upon me, and sent the Comforter. I thenfelt forgiveness for my offence; my mind became calm and quiet, and I was trulythankful to my gracious Redeemer for His mercies. About six weeks after this,feeling the spring of divine love opened and a concern to speak, I said a fewwords in a meeting, in which I found peace. Being thus humbled and disciplinedunder the cross, my understanding became more strengthened to distinguish thepure Spirit which inwardly moves upon the heart, and which taught me to wait insilence sometimes many weeks together, until I felt that rise which preparesthe creature to stand like a trumpet, through which the Lord speaks to Hisflock.
  From an inward purifying and steadfast abiding under it, springs a livelyoperative desire for the good of others. All the faithful are not called to thepublic ministry; but whoever are, are called to minister of that which theyhave tasted and handled spiritually. The outward modes of worship are various;but whenever any are true ministers of Jesus Christ, it is from the operationof His Spirit upon their hearts, first purifying them, and thus giving them ajust sense of the conditions of others. This truth was early fixed in my mind,and I was taught to watch the pure opening, and to take heed lest, while I wasstanding to speak, my own will should get uppermost, and cause me to utterwords from worldly wisdom, and depart from the channel of the true gospelministry.
  In the management of my outward affairs, I may say with thankfulness, I foundtruth to be my support; and I was respected in my master's family, who came tolive in Mount Holly within two years after my going there.
  In a few months after I came here, my master bought several Scotchmen servants,from on board a vessel, and brought them to Mount Holly to sell, one of whomwas taken sick and died. In the latter part of his sickness, being delirious,he used to curse and swear most sorrowfully; and the next night after hisburial I was left to sleep alone in the chamber where he died. I perceived inme a timorousness; I knew, however, I had not injured the man, but assisted intaking care of him according to my capacity. I was not free to ask any one onthat occasion to sleep with me. Nature was feeble; but every trial was a freshincitement to give myself up wholly to the service of God, for I found nohelper like Him in times of trouble.
  About the twenty-third year of my age, I had many fresh and heavenlyopenings, in respect to the care and providence of the Almighty over hiscreatures in general, and over man as the most noble amongst those which arevisible. And being clearly convinced in my judgment that to place my wholetrust in God was best for me, I felt renewed engagements that in all things Imight act on an inward principle of virtue, and pursue worldly business nofurther than as truth opened my way.
  About the time called Christmas I observed many people, both in town and fromthe country, resorting to public-houses, and spending their time in drinkingand vain sports, tending to corrupt one another; on which account I was muchtroubled. At one house in particular there was much disorder; and I believed itwas a duty incumbent on me to speak to the master of that house. I considered Iwas young, and that several elderly friends in town had opportunity to seethese things; but though I would gladly have been excused, yet I could not feelmy mind clear.
  The exercise was heavy; and as I was reading what the Almighty said toEzekiel, respecting his duty as a watchman, the matter was set home moreclearly. With prayers and tears I besought the Lord for His assistance, and Hein loving-kindness gave me a resigned heart. At a suitable opportunity I wentto the public-house; and seeing the man amongst much company, I called himaside, and in the fear and dread of the Almighty expressed to him what restedon my mind. He took it kindly, and afterwards showed more regard to me thanbefore. In a few years afterwards he died, middle-aged; and I often thoughtthat, had I neglected my duty in that case, it would have given me greattrouble; and I was humbly thankful to my gracious Father, who had supported meherein.
  My employer, having a negro woman, (1) sold her, and desired me to write abill of sale, the man being waiting who bought her. The thing was sudden; andthough I felt uneasy at the thoughts of writing an instrument of slavery forone of my fellow-creatures, yet I remembered that I was hired by the year, thatit was my master who directed me to do it, and that it was an elderly man, amember of our Society, who bought her; so through weakness I gave way, and wrote it; but at the executing of it I was so afflicted in my mind, that I saidbefore my master and the Friend that I believed slave-keeping to be a practiceinconsistent with the Christian religion. This in some degree abated myuneasiness; yet, as often as I reflected seriously upon it, I thought I shouldhave been clearer if I had desired to be excused from it, as a thing against myconscience; for such it was. Some time after this a young man of our Societyspoke to me to write a conveyance of a slave to him, he having lately taken anegro into his house. I told him I was not easy to write it; for though many ofour meeting and in other places kept slaves, I still believed the practice wasnot right, and desired to be excused from the writing. I spoke to him ingoodwill; and he told me that keeping slaves was not altogether agreeable tohis mind; but that the slave being a gift made to his wife, he had acceptedher.

我常存一种愿望,要把我所经验到的,关于上帝的良善记录下来,这工作在我三十六岁之时开始。
我 在一七二○年生于西泽西地方柏林敦府之诺坦普吞。未及七岁,心中已消觉上帝的爱,常存如何使祂喜悦的念头。当我智力刚开始的时候,父母即教我读书,这在当 时已经给我不少益处。记得某星期六日我们一群小学生离开学校,同学们沿途玩耍,我却躲开了他们,坐下来念启示录第二十二章,“他指示我一道河,明亮如水 晶……”。阅读的时候我心里非常渴慕那我相信是上帝为祂仆人们所预备的纯洁地方。当时我所坐的地方和心中的那种甜蜜经验,至今记忆犹新,好像是不久才发生 过的事。这一次和其他类似的经验对我影响极大,叫我每逢听到其他小孩说了污秽言语心中即非常难过;主的慈爱保守我避免了那种罪。
我认为父母以虔敬的心教导儿童,是一种大福。我每当与野孩子们在一起时就记起父母的教训,受益良多。
我 们的家小孩子多,父母的规矩每逢星期日就叫我们在一起念圣经或其他有益的书,一人一人念下去,其他的人静坐不语。每当回想过去,我总觉得父母这样做是很好 的。我所念和所听到的,使我相信古时代确有些人,他们在上帝面前行为正直,远胜现代的人。当我还是小孩子时,想到现代人的信行比不上古人坚定,心里就很烦 恼。
九 岁的时候我曾得了一个梦:我看见月亮从西方升起,沿着平常的路线向东移动,因它移动急速,约一刻钟光景已到了子午线。这时候有一小片云彩从月亮垂直降下在 一片青草地上,约略距离父亲屋前约二十码远我所站立的地方,立刻变成为一株美丽的树。月亮仍然急速地移动,不久没入东方。这时太阳按照它夏天的轨道升上 来,照射整个静寂的太空,是一个无比的美好早晨。我始终怀着恐惧的心情站立在门边。太阳所发出的热力逐渐增强,猛烈地照射在这株茂密的树上,使它的枝叶开 始枯萎,在中午以前,已完全枯干死了。然后有一种怪物,俗称为“日虫”,形体虽然很小,却大有力量,坚定地从北向南移动。那时我虽是一个小孩子,却认为那 梦大有教训。
在 我童年时代发生的另一件大事,是有一回我往邻居家去,路上看见一只知更鸟坐在它的巢中,当我走近时它飞开了,但因巢中有一群小雏,所以它飞来飞去,不肯远 离,而它发出的啼声更表示对小雏的无限关怀。我拿石子投击它,有一块石子击中了,它坠地而死。起初我高兴自己投掷石子的准确,但一会儿忽觉得又恐怖又懊 悔,因为我杀害了一只在哺乳幼雏的无辜小动物,我想这些幼雏必因无哺乳之母而死亡!一阵痛苦的思想之后,我爬上了树,把一巢幼雏都弄死了,心想这样总比叫 它们饿死好些。我继续走我的路,但好几个钟头脑中不能想别的,只记得我杀害那可怜母鸟的残暴行为,心中十分苦恼。
我述说这故事,为的说明作为万物之父的上帝所安放在人心中的,足以教导人对祂所造的一切生物存恻隐之心。人若留心遵行,必能增加怜恤及同情心,可惜人往往拒绝这种教训,蒙蔽己心,背道而行。
在我记忆中还有一件事情:当我十二岁时有一次适逢父亲出门,母亲因我做错了事谴责我,我却以不逊言语回答母亲的谴责。
往 下的一个星期日我同父亲从聚会处回家,父亲告诉我他知道我对母亲曾有不孝顺的行为,要我改过;当时我深知自己的错误,又惭愧又惶惑,不敢开口。回到家里时 因自觉邪恶,心中非常难过,独自祷告,求全能的神宽赦我。从此以后我不曾再向父母说出不逊的话,虽然在其他事上我还难免愚拙。
到 了十六岁时我开始喜欢结交朋友,虽然我能够避免污秽的言行,但我自知在我里面有一株顽强的结坏果子的树。只是主并不完全丢弃我,时时藉着祂的恩典叫我反 省。我在灵性上的堕落叫我非常苦恼,但既缺少接受谴责之心,一切都是徒然,总之我似乎越走越离开真道,朝向着毁灭之途去了。
每逢回想到自己过去所走的歪曲道路和所表现的叛逆性格,我不得不痛哭流泪;但至高者的慈悲是超越一切语言之上的,那些忠心事奉祂的人有福了。
随 着年纪的增加,我认识的友伴亦日渐增多,因此我所走的道路亦日就困难。我以前因阅读圣经而获得的安慰,此时已不再有。我知道我已经离开了基督的羊群,也不 能决心归回,认真思想时叫我烦闷,不多思想真道反叫我快乐。我发现与我走同一条路的人很多,而我们都在一种其实与真友谊相违背的关系中结合起来。
在 这情况下上帝把严重的疾病加给我,几乎无可救治。当我肉体上极端痛苦的时候,黑暗,恐怖,惊讶等势力又以全力向我进击。我心想我若没有生在世上倒比看见这 些事好。我在一种非常可怜的处境中,悲叹自己的不幸!终于那如火如锤的道击碎并溶化了我的叛逆之心,在深刻的羞惭中我呼叫那至高者的名,以诚实及痛悔之心 求告。祂以无限的仁慈垂听我;我的希望复燃,我发现祂的恩惠比生命更深。我这时候坚决立志,如果主使我恢复健康,我必忠诚地事奉祂。
病 愈之后,上述感觉存留颇久,我也盼望能以坚守不渝。但逐渐地那无知的虚幻思想又影响了我,和经浮的年青人来往使我忘记了和上帝所立的约。在我忧伤之时祂曾 以温和的话安慰我,只是这时我不知感恩地一再倾向于放荡生活。有时我心中不免自责,但未至于忧伤呼求帮助。我之迷恋放荡生活使我没有决心改变。虽然我还不 至有淫污的行为,可是嬉戏讥笑,以求欢乐,却成为我生活的中心。不过,我仍旧喜欢并尊敬那些我认为是好的人,他们在场时我就闭口无言。
我亲爱的父母多次劝告我当敬畏主,他们的话进入我心中暂时发生一些作用,但还未至于叫我痛悔的程度;当诱惑者来到的时候我又跌倒了。
记得有一次我放荡地浪费了一天的大部分时间,当夜上床,看见床边窗口上放着一本圣经,我翻开了,触入眼帘的是这一句话:“我们在羞耻中躺卧罢,愿惭愧将我们遮盖”(耶3:25)。我知道这是我的处境,而竟在无意中和这句话相遇,当时很受这话的影响,上床时良心颇有悔悟意,但不久又遗忘了。
这 样,时间过去,我心中又充满了放荡欢乐之情,想象中所喜悦的也是一片虚幻,一直到了十八岁那年,我开始觉得上帝对我灵魂的审判有如火焰一般,回顾过去的生 活即深感忧虑。这时候我常觉悲哀,希望能放弃一切虚幻生活,可是不久又动摇了,仍然倾向于无价值之事,内心极端矛盾。有时放荡,有时又为悲哀惶惑所执。一 会儿决心放弃一些虚妄的生活,但心底里又偷偷地想要保留着那比较有趣的一部分,因我谦卑之心不够,不能得到真正的平安。几个月来心中极为烦恼;心意不肯顺 服,一切努力均属徒然。
在 我生命上有重大意义的某一个冬季晚上,我在阅读一部宗教文学作品,心中颇受感动,独自在外面散步。我当时觉得那祷告之灵在我身上,于是求告主的帮助,能脱 离这些困惑我心的虚妄生活;在愁苦中我得到了帮助,藉着信心山也都移动了;我学习背负十字架,在主面前就觉得心神爽快。然而当我再离开了那得胜的力量而跌 倒时,心中十分痛苦,我到了荒僻地方,流泪向上帝认罪,谦卑地呼求祂的帮助。
我 可以虔敬地说,当我在患难中祂即就近我;当我蒙羞时祂开了我的耳朵,叫我接受教训。祂引导我叫我看见了我怎样离开了祂的道路;我已明白如果我希望我的生活 能够像上帝忠实仆人们的生活,我就不应当以自己的意思选择友伴;一切欲望都须受一个高尚原则的管束。经过愁闷挫折,叫这些训导在我心里有了保证,而我觉得 基督的能力胜过了一切自私的意欲,因此得以坚立不移。我感觉到诚实地事奉上帝是我真正的福分;我还年青,相信独立生活在目前对我最为有益;上帝赐我力量, 叫我能够离开了那些常诱惑我的友伴。
这 时候我经常参加聚会,星期日下午的时间总用来阅读圣经及有益书籍。我早就相信真宗教是内在生命中的事,内心崇敬创造主上帝,非但对一切人行公义与良善,也 以同样精神对待一切上帝所创造的。正如心受某内在原则之推动以爱那看不见和不可测度的上帝,也在同一原则下被推动藉爱那表现祂的有形的受造物来爱祂;既然 祂的气息使生命之光照耀在一切动物及有知觉的生物中,那么,如果我们说我们爱那看不见的上帝,却在同时以残暴对待甚至那最微小的动物,即藉祂生命而动,并 从祂获得生命的动物,岂非矛盾之至。
对于其他宗派我并没有什么成见,我认为无论在那一宗派中,凡以诚实之心爱上帝的人,必都蒙祂悦纳。
我既生活在十字架之下,且只顺从真道的启示,我的心灵一天比一天明亮。从前的朋辈对我有种种猜测,因为我既独居,而一切的改变又都深藏于我的胸怀中。
当我在默想自己的这种改变之时,我觉得言语不足以形容它,也没有其他方法,可以叫人对它有清楚的观念。
我观看上帝在祂有形的创造中的作为,恐惧之心笼罩着我。
这时候我心中常有忧伤悔悟之情,对他人所生的爱心亦普遍增加。凡经过同样道路的,必能了解我的这种心境。
真实的谦逊必能从外貌表现出一些真实的美。圣神之爱所发出的声音必能有和谐的气息。均衡的情绪必在性格上显出严正的气慨。但这一切仍不足以对那些没有此种感觉的人充分表达内在的生命。这一块白石和其上所写的新名,“除了那领受的以外,没有人能认识”(启2:17)。
这 时候在许多事上我虽增加了背负十架的力量,但我仍然看出自己是处在危险中。我有许多弱点,也得和许多诱惑角斗;当有了这种感觉时,我往往退到僻静地方,独 自流泪祈求主的帮助,主总是垂听我的呼求。这时我和父亲同住,在田庄上工作,受教育的机会可说不错,我常利用冬季夜晚和其他空暇时间进修。这时我已靠近二 十岁,有一个做生意人,开了一个铺子兼营烘饼生意,同我商量请我替他管店记账。我告诉父亲这件事,经过几天考虑,他同意让我前往。我这时期对耕种之事兴趣 甚低,总以为当在其他方面谋生。
在家我过着颇为隐逸的生活,这时到生意场上,可能有许多友伴,因此我心中常呼求慈悲的父上帝,求祂帮助我,在为公众服务的工作中,能够以我在那隐逸的生活中所学到的一点点谦卑和无我的心,来事奉施恩的救赎主。
那 雇用我的人在离他家六里,离我父家五里的贺里山开设这家铺子。我独自住在店中,替他看店。不久之后,我从前认识的几个友伴又来看我,他们以为我和从前一 样。仍然喜爱虚妄的生活。我仰望主赐下帮助,因为我自觉非常软弱。这是我已离开父亲的家,我更觉得天父对我的怜恤非言语所能形容。
白天我和许多人来往,必经历多种试炼,但到了夜间我多半独自一人。我得以感谢之心承认,有祷告之灵时常在我身上,我常呼叫主名——那永在的上帝。
在这地方经过几个月后,我的雇主从一条船上买来了几个苏格兰人,把他们带到贺里山贩卖。已经卖了几个,把其余的交我看管,有一人患病死了。在病危之时他神经错乱,曾不断伤心地咒骂着。
把 他埋葬了之后,第二天晚上我就睡在他死的那房间中。我确有点胆怯。但是我知道我并没有伤害这人,且在他患病时尽我的能力看护人;所以我不好意思要求别人来 和我同睡。人性实在是怯弱的,但每一试炼都是一种新的激励,要我更完全地献上本身,为上帝工作。在患难中没有像祂那样可靠的帮助!
过 些时候我从前的友伴不敢对我再存什么希望;我开始和一些言语于我有益的人来往。这时我既然发现上帝藉着耶稣基督的爱使我脱离许多污秽,并在这世人所无法完 全领悟的茫茫人世中作为我恒久不易的救助;我既在这属天的事上心受感奋,因此对于那些仍然深陷于泥沼中,像我过去一样的青年人不免深觉惋惜。这种悲悯和热 爱之心越来越增强,以至于无法再隐藏于自己心中。
我 怀着惶恐的心前往参加聚会,并尽所能地持守着心里的训练,直到有一天我觉得心中有了主的话语,于是我站立起来,在会中开口说话,但我不完全遵守那真启示, 所说的话超过了祂所指示的。不久我知道了我的错误,好几个星期心中烦扰,没有亮光,也没有安慰,几乎没有一件事叫我满足。我想起上帝,心中愁烦;在深刻痛 苦中我向祂发出呼吁,祂差遣保惠师来,是我衷心所感激的。
这 事以后我心中比较安静,觉得神圣之爱的泉源已开,可以说话,所以在某次会上发言,颇得平安。这大概是在上次之事以后六七星期。我既在十架底下学习谦卑并受 锻炼,因此更能明白由圣灵感动智慧所发出的话语;有时候一连数星期在静默中等候,直待我觉得那叫被造者传布主的话语像号筒一样的力量到来之时。
从 内在的纯洁和坚定可以产生一种成就他人的热切愿望。并非说一切诚信之人都要蒙召担任教牧工作;但那些蒙召的人乃是蒙召从事属灵的事工。外表崇拜的方法虽有 不同,但凡属耶稣基督的忠实工人,他们的工作动力是祂的灵从他们心中所发出的,首先把他们洁净了,然后叫他们明了别人的心境。
我心中牢记着这一真理,并接受教导,小心留意启示,惟恐当我站起来说话时以我自己的意志为重,凭着属世智慧说话,因此离开了传播福音的正确道路。
在处理事务方面我可以说是相当稳健,这是值得感恩的。我雇主的一家人对我都很敬重,他们这时候已移居于贺里山。
我内心既常默想上帝在这有形世界所显示的恩眷,就愈加确信完全信靠祂对我是最有益的。月复一月我努力追求达到全心信赖上帝而不依靠自己理解的境界。我重新立志在一切事上都将服从内在的道德原则,对于属世事务的经营,决不超过真道所指示的途径。
在 所谓圣诞的节期,我看见乡下和城里的人有许多拥入歌楼酒肆,饮酒嬉戏,败坏彼此的品格。看见这种情形我心中极其难过。有一家酒肆里面狂欢纵饮的情形特别厉 害,我觉得自己负有前往向这家主人劝说的责任。当时我年纪很轻,城里有些年长的朋友原可以出来说话;我心里虽愿意这样却是不得平安;心境沉重,且以为自己 应负有守望者的责任,正如全能者对先知以西结的启示。阅读有关经文,更增加了我的决心,我流泪祷告,求上帝赐下智慧和能力。祂果然给我一个安静的心,所以 再经过审慎考虑之后,我就往那家酒肆去;看见店主人混在许多顾客当中,我告诉他我愿意同他谈话,于是他让我到僻静地方去,我就以敬畏主的心向他提出主所付 托给我要我说出的事,他温和地领受,从此以后且对我更加尊重。过了几年他中年亡故,这叫我常常想起在那件事上我若忽略了责任,此时良心必受谴责。我衷诚地 感谢施恩的父,由于祂的帮助,得以履行祂所付托的责任。
来 到贺里山未及一年,我的雇主要出卖一个黑奴,要我书写一份契据。想起我得写一份贩卖同类作为奴隶的文书,心中极为不安。终于又认为雇主雇用我是论年给酬 的,既然是出于主人的命令,而且承买这黑奴的又是我们会社中的一位老年人;这样一想也就把贩奴契据写下了。可是到了他们成交时我心中非常难过,所以我对主 人及那位老年朋友说,我认为买卖奴隶和基督教的原则是相违背的,说了这话后心中稍觉平安。可是过后我常常思想这件事,认为如果我能够不管后果,毅然拒绝书 写贩奴契据,必能获得良心上更大的平安,因为买卖奴隶之事是违反我的良心的。
不 久有我们会社中的一个年青人要我为他书写一份畜奴契据,因他新近买了一个黑奴。经过短时间祷告后我告诉他我不愿书写这类契据,虽然朋友会人当中有许多和别 人同样畜养奴隶,且安之若素,可是我不认为畜奴是合理的事,因此不能代他书写契据。我以诚意对他解释,他也承认心中并不以畜奴为是,只是这黑奴是他妻子的 朋友所赠送的。至此我们分别。

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