Some suggestions:
"She began to notice" sounds more Chinese and we could say "she realised"
hallucination is used to define false experience because of illness or drug effect, I guess here it is better to use illusion or if this is a hint of Miya took some sort of drug before entering the aircraft or she was sick, that's a great word to use~
full of a proud, I think this is a typo.
"for my rest of life", it is "for the rest of my life" usually
"Maybe it does be a hallucination at all.” I am not sure what this sentence is saying "Maybe it is just a hallucination"? be-verb is also verb, usually we don't see two verbs appear together in the same sentence. Also, "at all" is used in negative sentence only.
"Stop being panic", panic is either verb or noun, so you could say "Don't panic."
"was totally freak out now", here freak is used as a verb, so it should be freaked out.
"I will be honesty with you." Honesty is a noun, be honest with someone is the phrase that's commonly used.
"you should be in half an hour" Maybe it is you should be
there (the air plane)
"a sleep" there's no space in between, I guess it is just a small typo.
"waked" the past past tense for wake is woke, waked is also sometimes used by some people, but I guess most people would still consider it not correct.
"on the appearance", I think people say in appearance, not on.
楼主留言:
Thanks for your suggestions and sorry for replying so late.
The corrections dedicate to you this time.