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6.3上任 7.1生日 7.26周年 8.13结婚周年
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《美食祈祷和恋爱》Chapter 6 (11):分手以后 [font=verdana, 'ms song']
Oh, but it wasn't all bad, those few years . . . 但那几年也并非全是坏事……
Because God never slams a door in your face without opening a box of Girl Scout cookies (or however the old adage goes), some wonderful things did happen to me in the shadow of all that sorrow. For one thing, I finally started learning Italian. Also, I found an Indian Guru. Lastly, I was invited by an elderly medicine man to come and live with him in Indonesia. 因为当神把门往你脸上摔的时候,也会打开一盒女童军饼干(管它谚语怎么说);在这些哀伤的阴影之中,我也遇到一些美妙的事情。首先,我终于开始学意大利语。此外,我找到一位印度精神导师。最后还有,一位老药师邀我去印尼同住。
I'll explain in sequence. 让我依序说明。
To begin with, things started to look up somewhat when I moved out of David's place in early 2002 and found an apartment of my own for the first time in my life. I couldn't afford it, since I was still paying for that big house in the suburbs which nobody was living in anymore and which my husband was forbidding me to sell, and I was still trying to stay on top of all my legal and counseling fees . . . but it was vital to my survival to have a One Bedroom of my own. I saw the apartment almost as a sanatorium, a hospice clinic for my own recovery. I painted the walls in the warmest colors I could find and bought myself flowers every week, as if I were visiting myself in the hospital. My sister gave me a hot water bottle as a housewarming gift (so I wouldn’t have to be all alone in a cold bed) and I slept with the thing laid against my heart every night, as though nursing a sports injury. 首先,我在2002年初搬离大卫家,这辈子头一次找到属于自己的公寓时,情况开始稍有好转。但我付不起租金,因为我仍在支付郊区大房子的贷款,虽然房子里已无人居住,可是我先生不许我卖掉,此外还有诉讼费和咨询费……但拥有自己的套房公寓,对我的存活至关重要。这公寓像我的疗养院,一间使我康复的收容所。我把墙壁粉刷成我能找到的最温暖的颜色,每个礼拜给自己买花,仿佛去医院探望自己。我的姐姐送我一个热水袋做乔迁礼物(让我无须独自睡在冷冰冰的床上),让我每天晚上搁在心口上,好比护士照料运动伤害患者。
David and I had broken up for good. Or maybe we hadn't. It's hard to remember now how many times we broke up and joined up over those months. But there emerged a pattern: I wouldseparate from David, get my strength and confidence back, and then (attracted as always by my strength and confidence) his passion for me would rekindle. Respectfully, soberly and intelligently, we would discuss "trying again," always with some sane new plan for minimizing our apparentincompatibilities. We were so committed to solving this thing. Because how could two people who were so in love not end up happily ever after? It had to work. Didn't it? Reunited with fresh hopes, we'd share a few deliriously happy days together. Or sometimes even weeks. But eventuallyDavid would retreat from me once more and I would cling to him (or I would cling to him and he would retreat—we never could figure out how it got triggered) and I’d end up destroyed all over again. And he’d end up gone. 大卫和我永远分手了。或许也没有。如今已记不清那几个月来,我们分分合合多少次。但出现一种模式:我离开大卫,找回自己的力量和信心,而之后(他向来被我的力量和信心所吸引)他对我的热情又重新燃起。我们慎重、清醒而明智地讨论“再试一次”,总是实行某种合情合理的新计划,减少彼此明显的不相容处。我们努力解决这件事。因为两个如此相爱的人,最后怎么可能不过着幸福快乐的日子呢?非行得通不可,不是吗?我们怀着新希望重聚,共享几天欣喜若狂的日子。有时甚至几个星期。然而最终,大卫再一次退避,于是我又一次缠住他(或者我先缠住他,于是他避开我——我们从来搞不清楚是怎么引起的),然后我又一次被摧毁。最后他离我而去。
David was catnip and kryptonite to me. 大卫是我的猫草,我的U形锁。
But during those periods when we were separated, as hard as it was, I was practicing living alone. And this experience was bringing a nascent interior shift. I was beginning to sense that—even though my life still looked like a multi-vehicle accident on the New Jersey Turnpike during holiday traffic—I was tottering on the brink of becoming a self-governing individual. When I wasn't feeling suicidal about my divorce, or suicidal about my drama with David, I was actually feeling kind of delighted about all the compartments of time and space that were appearing in my days, during which I could ask myself the radical new question: "What do you want to do, Liz?" 但是在我们分开期间,尽管艰难,我却学着独自生活。而此种经验带来了新兴的内在变化。我开始感觉到——尽管我的生活仍像是假日交通时段的高速公路连环车祸——我正颤颤巍巍地逐渐成为自治的个体。当我对我的离婚不再有自杀的念头时,当我对我和大卫之间的事件也不再有自杀的想法时,我居然对出现在生命中的时间和空间感到欢喜,让我得以在其中自问“小莉,你想做什么”这个全新的问题。
Most of the time (still so troubled from bailing out of my marriage) I didn't even dare to answer the question, but just thrilled privately to its existence. And when I finally started to answer, I did so cautiously. I would only allow myself to express little baby-step wants. Like: 在大多数时候(我仍对自己逃出婚姻感到心神不安),我根本不敢问这个问题,只是私底下激动地发现其存在。而当我终于开始回答时,我十分谨慎。 我只容许自己表达初级的需要。像是:
I want to go to a Yoga class. 我想上瑜伽课。
I want to leave this party early, so I can go home and read a novel. 我想离开这场派对,早点回家读小说。
I want to buy myself a new pencil box. 我想给自己买新铅笔盒。
Then there would always be that one weird answer, same every time: 还有一个屡试不爽的奇特回答:
I want to learn how to speak Italian. 我想学意大利语。
《美食祈祷和恋爱》Chapter 6 (12):下一站意大利
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For years, I'd wished I could speak Italian—a language I find more beautiful than roses—but I could never make the practical justification for studying it. Why not just bone up on the French or Russian I'd already studied years ago? Or learn to speak Spanish, the better to help mecommunicate with millions of my fellow Americans? What was I going to do with Italian? It’s not like I was going to move there. It would be more practical to learn how to play the accordion. 多年来,我一直希望能讲意大利语——这语言的美让我觉得更甚于玫瑰——但我从来找不到实际的理由去学。何不去温习多年前学过的法语或俄语?或者学西班牙语 ;这更能帮助我和成千上万的美国同胞沟通?学意大利语干嘛?又不是要移居那里。不如学手风琴实际些。
But why must everything always have a practical application? I'd been such a diligent soldier for years—working, producing, never missing a deadline, taking care of my loved ones, my gums and my credit record, voting, etc. Is this lifetime supposed to be only about duty? In this dark period of loss, did I need any justification for learning Italian other than that it was the only thing I could imagine bringing me any pleasure right now? And it wasn't that outrageous a goal, anyway, to want to study a language. It's not like I was saying, at age thirty-two, "I want to become the principal ballerina for the New York City Ballet." Studying a language is something you can actually do. So I signed up for classes at one of those continuing education places (otherwise known as Night School for Divorced Ladies). My friends thought this was hilarious. My friend Nick asked, "Why are you studying Italian? So that—just in case Italy ever invades Ethiopia again, and is actually successful this time—you can brag about knowing a language that's spoken in two whole countries?" 但为什么每件事都必须是实用的?多年来,我一直是个勤勉的小兵——上班 ;总是准时完成工作,照顾我的亲人、我的牙龈、我的信用纪录,投票等。难道这辈子只是关乎尽到责任?在这黑暗的失落期,我还需要什么正当理由去学意大利语,除了这是我此刻所能想到能给自己带来快乐的唯一事情?而无论如何,想学习语言也不是什么罪不可赦的目标。又不是像三十二岁的人说“我要成为纽约市立芭蕾舞团的首席女主角。”学习语言,是你真正做得到的事情,于是我报名参加某推广教育(亦称离婚女子夜校)的课程。我的朋友们觉得很逗趣 。我的朋友尼克问说 “你干嘛学意大利语?是不是为了——万一意大利再次侵犯埃塞俄比亚,而且这回成功的话——你可以夸说你懂得这两个国家的语言?”
But I loved it. Every word was a singing sparrow, a magic trick, a truffle for me. I would slosh home through the rain after class, draw a hot bath, and lie there in the bubbles reading the Italian dictionary aloud to myself, taking my mind off my divorce pressures and my heartache. The words made me laugh in delight. I started referring to my cell phone as il mio telefonino ("my teensy little telephone"). I became one of those annoying people who always say Ciao! Only I was extra annoying, since I would always explain where the word ciao comes from. (If you must know, it's anabbreviation of a phrase used by medieval Venetians as an intimate salutation: Sono il suo schiavo! Meaning: "I am your slave!") Just speaking these words made me feel sexy and happy. My divorce lawyer told me not to worry; she said she had one client (Korean by heritage) who, after a yucky divorce, legally changed her name to something Italian, just to feel sexy and happy again. 但我喜欢得很。每个字对我来说都是歌唱的鸟儿、魔术、松露。下课后,我冒雨回家,放热水,躺在泡泡浴缸中向自己高声朗诵意大利辞典,暂时忘却离婚压力和头疼。那些词语使我欢笑。我开始把我的手机叫作“il mio telefonino”(“我的迷你电话机 ”)。我成了那些老是说“Ciao!”的讨厌鬼之一。只不过我还是超级讨厌鬼,因为我老跟人说明该字的字源。(倘若你一定要知道的话,这是从中古世纪威尼斯人亲密问候的用语“Sono il suo schiavo!”缩写而成。意思是 :“我是您的奴隶!”)光讲这些字,就使我觉得又性感又快乐 。我的离婚律师叫我用不着担心;她说有个客户(韩裔)在不愉快的离婚后,把名字正式改为意大利名,只为了再一次觉得性感而快乐。
Maybe I would move to Italy, after all . . . Eat, Pray, Love 或许最终我会搬去意大利……
《美食祈祷和恋爱》Chapter 7 (13):我需要精神导师
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The other notable thing that was happening during that time was the newfound adventure ofspiritual discipline. Aided and abetted, of course, by the introduction into my life of an actual living Indian Guru—for whom I will always have David to thank. I'd been introduced to my Guru the first night I ever went to David's apartment. I kind of fell in love with them both at the same time. I walked into David's apartment and saw this picture on his dresser of a radiantly beautiful Indian woman and I asked, "Who's that?" 这段期间发生了另一件值得注意的事,是新获得的灵修体验。当然是借助于介入我生命的一位印度导师——这我永远得感谢大卫。第一次去大卫的公寓,我就见到导师的面。我多少有点同时爱上他们俩。我走进大卫的公寓,看见衣柜上的相片,是个光彩夺目的印度女子,我问:“她是谁?”
He said, "That is my spiritual teacher." 他说:“是我的精神导师。”
My heart skipped a beat and then flat-out tripped over itself and fell on its face. Then my heart stood up, brushed itself off, took a deep breath and announced: "I want a spiritual teacher." I literally mean that it was my heart who said this, speaking through my mouth. I felt this weird division in myself, and my mind stepped out of my body for a moment, spun around to face my heart in astonishment and silently asked, "You DO?" 我的心砰砰跳,绊了一下,扑倒在地。然后我的心站起来,拍拍身子,深呼吸,宣告:“我要一位精神导师。”我确切的意思是,我的心透过我的嘴巴这么说。我奇妙地感觉自身一分为二,我的大脑离开我的身体片刻,吃惊地绕到心的面前,问道:“你确定?”
"Yes," replied my heart. "I do." “是的,”我的心答道:“我确定。”
Then my mind asked my heart, a tad sarcastically: "Since WHEN?" 然后我的大脑问我的心,带点挖苦的语气:“从什么时候开始的?”
But I already knew the answer: Since that night on the bathroom floor. 但我已知道答案:从浴室地板的那天晚上开始的。
My God, but I wanted a spiritual teacher. I immediately began constructing a fantasy of what it would be like to have one. I imagined that this radiantly beautiful Indian woman would come to my apartment a few evenings a week and we would sit and drink tea and talk about divinity, and she would give me reading assignments and explain the significance of the strange sensations I was feeling during meditation . . . 天啊,我要一位精神导师。我立即开始想象有个精神导师会怎么样。我想像这位光彩夺目的印度女子,每个礼拜有几个晚上来到我的公寓,我们坐着喝茶,谈论神灵,她让我阅读作业,解释我在冥想时刻感受到的奇异知觉是何意义……
All this fantasy was quickly swept away when David told me about the international status of this woman, about her tens of thousands of students—many of whom have never met her face-to-face. Still, he said, there was a gathering here in New York City every Tuesday night of the Guru's devotees who came together as a group to meditate and chant. David said, "If you're not too freaked out by the idea of being in a room with several hundred people chanting God's name in Sanskrit, you can come sometime." 在大卫告知我这名女子的国际地位,学生成千上万——许多人都未曾亲眼见过她时——这些幻想立即一扫而光。不过,他说,纽约这儿每周二有个聚会,让导师的追随者聚在一起沉思吟诵。大卫说:“倘若跟几百人在房间里用梵语吟诵神的名字,不会吓着你的话,哪天就过来看看吧。”
I joined him the following Tuesday night. Far from being freaked out by these regular-looking people singing to God, I instead felt my soul rise diaphanous in the wake of that chanting. I walked home that night feeling like the air could move through me, like I was clean linen fluttering on a clothes-line, like New York itself had become a city made of rice paper and I was light enough to run across every rooftop. I started going to the chants every Tuesday. Then I started meditating every morning on the ancient Sanskrit mantra the Guru gives to all her students (the regal Om Namah Shivaya, meaning, "I honor the divinity that resides within me"). Then I listened to the Guru speak in person for the first time, and her words gave me chill bumps over my whole body, even across the skin of my face. And when I heard she had an Ashram in India, I knew I must take myself there as quickly as possible. Eat, Pray, Love 隔周的礼拜二晚上,我跟他去了。这些看上去很正常的人士在歌诵神,并未把我吓着,反而让我觉得自己的灵魂随着吟唱轻盈飘升。那天晚上我走回家时,感觉空气穿透我,好似我是一条在晾衣绳上迎风飘扬的干净的亚麻布,好似纽约本身成了纸绢做成的城市——使我轻盈地跑过每一户人家的屋顶。我开始在每周二前去吟诵。而后我开始每天早晨沉思导师发给每个学生的古梵语静坐(庄严的“唵南嘛湿婆耶”[OmNamahShivaya],意味“我敬重内心的神灵”)。而后我第一次聆听导师亲自讲道,她说的话使我全身发麻,甚至传到我脸上的皮肤。而当我得知她在印度有个道场时,我知道我得尽快去那儿才行。
《美食祈祷和恋爱》Chapter 8 (14):遇见精神导师
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In the meantime, though, I had to go on this trip to Indonesia. 不过,我同时得去一趟印尼。
Which happened, again, because of a magazine assignment. Just when I was feeling particularly sorry for myself for being broke and lonely and caged up in Divorce Internment Camp, an editor from a women's magazine asked if she could pay to send me to Bali to write a story about Yoga vacations. In return I asked her a series of questions, mostly along the line of Is a bean green? and Does James Brown get down? When I got to Bali (which is, to be brief, a very nice place) the teacher who was running the Yoga retreat asked us, "While you're all here, is there anybody who would like to go visit a ninth-generation Balinese medicine man?" (another question too obviousto even answer), and so we all went over to his house one night. 又是一次杂志社的指派工作。正当我为自己的崩溃和寂寞自怜自艾、被关在“离婚战俘营”的时候,一位女性杂志编辑询问能否出钱派我去巴厘岛写一篇有关瑜伽假期的文章。我报以一连串与“豆子是绿色的吗?”“詹姆士•布朗(JamesBrown)会跪着唱歌吗?”等同类的问题回问她。我抵达巴厘岛(简而言之,一个很好的地方)时,举办瑜伽营的老师问我们:“你们在这里的时候,有没有人想去拜访一位传承到第九代的巴厘药师?(又一个明显用不着回答的问题。)于是有天晚上,我们全部去了他家。
The medicine man, as it turned out, was a small, merry-eyed, russet-colored old guy with a mostly toothless mouth, whose resemblance in every way to the Star Wars character Yoda cannot beexaggerated. His name was Ketut Liyer. He spoke a scattered and thoroughly en-tertaining kind of English, but there was a translator available for when he got stuck on a word. 这才发现,药师是个瘦小、眼神欢乐、赤褐色的老家伙,几乎没有牙齿,说他各方面都像《星际大战》里的犹大(Yoda)并不夸张。他名叫赖爷(Ketutliyer),讲一口零零碎碎、很具娱乐效果的英语,若碰上说不出哪个字的时候,则有翻译帮忙。
Our Yoga teacher had told us in advance that we could each bring one question or problem to the medicine man, and he would try to help us with our troubles. I'd been thinking for days of what to ask him. My initial ideas were so lame. Will you make my husband give me a divorce? Will you make David be sexually attracted to me again? I was rightly ashamed of myself for these thoughts: who travels all the way around the world to meet an ancient medicine man in Indonesia, only to ask him to intercede in boy trouble? 我们的瑜伽老师事先已告诉我们,每个人可以向药师提一个问题,他会尽力帮我们解决。我考虑了好几天该问他什么。我最初的想法很没用:“能不能让我先生同意离婚?“能不能让大卫再一次迷恋我?”我该为这些想法感到羞愧。有谁大老远跑来印尼见一位老药师,只为了要他调解男人问题?
So when the old man asked me in person what I really wanted, I found other, truer words. 因此当老人亲自问我,我想要什么,我找到其他更真诚的话来说。
"I want to have a lasting experience of God," I told him. "Sometimes I feel like I understand thedivinity of this world, but then I lose it because I get distracted by my petty desires and fears. I want to be with God all the time. But I don't want to be a monk, or totally give up worldly pleasures. I guess what I want to learn is how to live in this world and enjoy its delights, but also devote myself to God." “我想要和神有终身的体验,”我告诉他。“有时我觉得自己了解这世界的神灵,然后却因为一些小小的欲望和恐惧而分心,于是丧失了祂。我想一直与神同在。但我不想出家,或完全放弃世俗享乐。 我想学习如何活在世上享受生活的乐趣,却同时能为神奉献。”
Ketut said he could answer my question with a picture. He showed me a sketch he'd drawn once during meditation. It was an androgynous human figure, standing up, hands clasped in prayer. But this figure had four legs, and no head. Where the head should have been, there was only a wild foliage of ferns and flowers. There was a small, smiling face drawn over the heart. 赖爷说他能用一张图片回答我的问题。他给我看一张某回他静坐时画下的草图。图上画了个雌雄同体的人,合拢双手,站着祈祷。但此人有四条腿,没有头。原本是脑袋的地方,只有蔓生的花叶。一 张微笑的小脸画在心脏处。
"To find the balance you want," Ketut spoke through his translator, “this is what you must become. You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it's like you have four legs, instead of two. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart, instead. That way, you will know God." “想找到你要的平衡,”赖爷透过翻译说,“你必须变成这样。你必须坚定地踩在地上,就像你有四条腿,不是两条。这样才可能待在世上。但你不能透过脑袋看世界,而是透过心去看才成。如此才可能了解神。”
《美食祈祷和恋爱》Chapter 8 (15):赖爷的寓言
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Then he asked if he could read my palm. I gave him my left hand and he proceeded to put me together like a three-piece puzzle. 而后他问我能否看看我的手相。我让他看左手,而后他将我组合起来,就像拼图。
"You're a world traveler," he began. “你是个世界的旅人。”他开始说。
Which I thought was maybe a little obvious, given that I was in Indonesia at the moment, but I didn’t force the point . . . 这我认为未免也太明显了吧,毕竟我当时就在印尼,但我没怎么在乎这一点。
"You have more good luck than anyone I've ever met. You will live a long time, have many friends, many experiences. You will see the whole world. You only have one problem in your life. You worry too much. Always you get too emotional, too nervous. If I promise you that you will never have any reason in your life to ever worry about anything, will you believe me?" “你是我碰到过最幸运的人。你活得很久,有许多朋友,许多经验。你看整个世界。你的生命只有一个问题。你过分焦虑,总是太情绪化,太紧张。假如我要你相信,生活中永远没必要去担忧任何事情,你信不信?”
Nervously I nodded, not believing him. 我紧张不安地点点头,并不相信。
"For work, you do something creative, maybe like an artist, and you get paid good money for it. Always you will get paid good money for this thing you do. You are generous with money, maybe too generous. Also one problem. You will lose all your money once in your life. I think maybe it will happen soon." “工作上,你是搞创作的,类似艺术家,工作让你赚不少钱。你的工作永远让你挣不少钱。你对钱很大方,或许太过大方。另一个问题是,你这一生当中,有一次会失去所有的钱。我想可能再过不 久就要发生。”
"I think maybe it will happen in the next six to ten months," I said, thinking about my divorce. “我想可能未来六到十个月内会发生。”我说,心里想的是离婚 。
Ketut nodded as if to say, Yeah, that sounds about right. "But don't worry," he said. "After you lose all your money, you will get it all right back again. Right away you'll be fine. You will have two marriages in your life. One short, one long. And you will have two children . . ." 赖爷点点头,仿佛在说:“没错,八九不离十。” “但用不着担心。”他说,“损失所有的钱财后,你会再拿回来。你立刻就会很好的。你这辈子会有两次婚姻。一短,一长。你会有两个孩子……”
I waited for him to say, "one short, one long," but he was suddenly silent, frowning at my palm. Then he said, "Strange . . . ," which is something you never want to hear from either your palm-reader or your dentist. He asked me to move directly under the hanging lightbulb so he could take a better look. 我等他说“一矮,一高 ”,但他突然沉默下来,看着我的手掌皱起眉头。然后他说:“怪了……”你可不想听你的手相师或牙医师这么说。他要我移到悬挂的灯泡底下,让他看个仔细 。
"I am wrong," he announced. "You will only have only one child. Late in life, a daughter. Maybe. If you decide . . . but there is something else." He frowned, then looked up, suddenly absolutelyconfident: "Someday soon you will come back here to Bali. You must. You will stay here in Bali for three, maybe four months. You will be my friend. Maybe you will live here with my family. I can practice English with you. I never had anybody to practice English with. I think you are good with words. I think this creative work you do is something about words, yes?" “我错了,”他说道,“你只会有一个孩子。晚年的时候,是女儿。或许吧。假如你决定……还有另一件事。”他皱着眉,然后抬起头 ,突然非常肯定地说“不久之后,你会回到巴厘岛这儿。你不得不。 你在这里会待上三四个月,成为我的朋友。或许你会跟我的家人住在这里。我能跟你学英语。我从没跟任何人练习过英语。我想你很擅长文字。我想你的创意工作和文字有关,是吗? ”
"Yes!" I said. "I'm a writer. I’m a book writer!" “是的 !”我说,“我是作家。我写书 !”
"You are a book writer from New York," he said, in agreement, in confirmation. "So you will come back here to Bali and live here and teach me English. And I will teach you everything I know." “你是纽约来的作家,”他同意、认可地说道,“所以你会回巴厘岛来,住在这里,教我英文。我也会把我知道的一切教给你。”
Then he stood up and brushed off his hands, like: That's settled. 而后他站了起来,拂拂双手,像是在说,“就这么说定了。”
I said, "If you're serious, mister, I'm serious." 我说:“您若不是开玩笑,大师,我可当真。”
He beamed at me toothlessly and said, "See you later, alligator." Eat, Pray, Love 他以无牙的微笑望着我,说:“回头见。”
《美食祈祷和恋爱》Chapter 9 (16):做个行者
[font=verdana, 'ms song']Now, I'm the kind of person who, when a ninth-generation Indonesian medicine man tells you that you're destined to move to Bali and live with him for four months, thinks you should make every effort to do that. And this, finally, was how my whole idea about this year of traveling began to gel. I absolutely needed to get myself back to Indonesia somehow, on my own dime this time. This was evident. Though I couldn't yet imagine how to do it, given my chaotic and disturbed life. (Not only did I still have a pricey divorce to settle, and David-troubles, I still had a magazine job that prevented me from going anywhere for three or four months at a time.) But I had to get back there. Didn't I hadn't he foretold it? Problem was, I also wanted to go to India, to visit my Guru's Ashram, and going to India is an expensive and time-consuming affair, also. To make matters even more confusing, I'd also been dying lately to get over to Italy, so I could practice speaking Italian in context, but also because I was drawn to the idea of living for a while in a culture where pleasure and beauty are revered.[font=verdana, 'ms song'] 我是那种当一位第九代印尼药师跟你说你注定搬到巴厘岛跟他住四个月的时候 ,会觉得自己应当尽力而为的人。最终,我这一年的整个旅行想法都因而开始瓦解。我必须让自己再回到巴厘岛才行,这回用的是自己的钱。这很明显。尽管如果考虑到我当时杂乱失常的生活,我无法想象自己应该怎么做(不仅要解决一场昂贵的离婚,以及大卫的问题,还有一份不容许我一次离开三四个月的杂志社工作。)但是我“必须”回到那里。不是吗?他不是已做了预言?不过问题是,我也想去印度,去拜访印度导师的道场,而去印度也还是件花钱、花时间的事情。更为难的是,我最近想去意大利想得要命, 除了可以实地练习讲意大利语外,也因为我渴望在一个崇尚享乐与美的国家住上一阵子。
All these desires seemed to be at odds with one another. Especially the Italy/India conflict. What was more important? The part of me that wanted to eat veal in Venice? Or the part of me that wanted to be waking up long before dawn in the austerity of an Ashram to begin a long day ofmeditation and prayer? The great Sufi poet and philosopher Rumi once advised his students to write down the three things they most wanted in life. If any item on the list clashes with any other item, Rumi warned, you are destined for unhappiness. Better to live a life of single-pointed focus, he taught. But what about the benefits of living harmoniously amid extremes? What if you could somehow create an expansive enough life that you could synchronize seemingly incongruousopposites into a worldview that excludes nothing? My truth was exactly what I'd said to the medicine man in Bali—I wanted to experience both. I wanted worldly enjoyment and divinetranscendence—the dual glories of a human life. I wanted what the Greeks called kalos kai agathos, the singular balance of the good and the beautiful. I'd been missing both during these last hard years, because both pleasure and devotion require a stress-free space in which toflourish and I'd been living in a giant trash compactor of nonstop anxiety. As for how to balance the urge for pleasure against the longing for devotion . . . well, surely there was a way to learn that trick. And it seemed to me, just from my short stay in Bali, that I maybe could learn this from the Balinese. Maybe even from the medicine man himself. 这些渴望似乎互相抵触。尤其是意大利 /印度的矛盾。什么比较重要?想在威尼斯吃小牛肉的我?或者黎明前在朴素的道场中起身、开始整天静坐祷告的我?伟大的苏菲主义者鲁米(Rumi),曾叫他的学生们写下他们人生中最想要的三件事。假若清单中的任何项目与其他项目发生冲突,鲁米告诫说,就注定不快乐。过单一目标的生活较好,他如此教导。那如果要在极端中过协调的生活,怎么样呢?如果说,你能创造一种辽阔的生活,有办法把看似不协调的对立物整合成一种无所不包的世界观,那又如何?我的理念正是我告诉巴厘药师的话——我想同时体验两者。我要世俗享乐,也要神圣的超越——人类生活的双重荣耀。我要希腊人所谓的,善与美合而为一。在过去 痛苦的几年间,我失去了两者,因为欢乐与虔诚都需要在没有压力的空间中茁壮,而我却生活在一个焦虑无止境的垃圾压缩机当中。至于如何在享乐的需要以及对虔诚的渴望之间求取平衡……这个嘛,总有方法学到诀窍。从我在巴厘岛的短暂居留看来,似可从巴厘人,甚至药师本身身上学到这点。
Four feet on the ground, a head full of foliage, looking at the world through the heart . . . 四脚着地,枝叶蔓生的脑袋,通过心看世界……
So I stopped trying to choose—Italy? India? or Indonesia?—and eventually just admitted that I wanted to travel to all of them. Four months in each place. A year in total. Of course this was aslightly more ambitious dream than "I want to buy myself a new pencil box." But this is what I wanted. And I knew that I wanted to write about it. It wasn't so much that I wanted to thoroughlyexplore the countries themselves; this has been done. It was more that I wanted to thoroughly explore one aspect of myself set against the backdrop of each country, in a place that has traditionally done that one thing very well. I wanted to explore the art of pleasure in Italy, the art of devotion in India and, in Indonesia, the art of balancing the two. It was only later, after admitting this dream, that I noticed the happy coincidence that all these countries begin with the letter I. A fairly auspicious sign, it seemed, on a voyage of self-discovery. 我决定不再选择意大利、印度或印尼?最后我只好承认,我通通都想去。每个地方待四个月,总共一年。当然,这个梦想比“我想给自己买新铅笔盒”稍有企图心。但这是我的愿望。而我知道我想写下这些过程,倒不是为了彻底探索这些国家本身;这已经做过。而是去彻底探索自己处在每个国家当中的自我面貌,因为这些国家在传统习惯上把那件事做得很好。我要在意大利探索享乐的艺术,在印度探索虔诚的艺术,在印尼探索平衡二者的艺术。承认了这个梦想后,我才留意到令人愉快的巧合:这些国家都是以字母“I ”起头,似乎蹊跷地预示了自我发现的旅程。
Imagine now, if you will, all the opportunities for mockery this idea unleashed in my wiseass friends. I wanted to go to the Three I's, did I? Then why not spend the year in Iran, Ivory Coast and Iceland? Or even better—why not go on pilgrimage to the Great Tri-State "I" Triumvirate of Islip, I-95 and Ikea? My friend Susan suggested that perhaps I should establish a not-for-profitrelief organization called "Divorcées Without Borders." But all this joking was moot because "I" wasn't free to go anywhere yet. That divorce—long after I'd walked out of my marriage—was still not happening. I’d started having to put legal pressure on my husband, doing dreadful things out of my worst divorce nightmares, like serving papers and writing damning legal accusations (required by New York State law) of his alleged mental cruelty—documents that left no room forsubtlety, no way in which to say to the judge: "Hey, listen, it was a really complicatedrelationship, and I made huge mistakes, too, and I'm very sorry about that, but all I want is to be allowed to leave." 请各位试想,这念头为我那些自作聪明的朋友们提供了多少嘲弄的机会。我要去三个以“I”开头的国家,是吗?那为何不在这一年去伊朗(Iran)、象牙海岸(Ivory Coast)和冰岛(Iceland)呢?甚至这样更好——何不去朝拜大纽约地区的艾斯利普(Islip)、I-95公路和宜家(Ikea)?我的朋友苏珊建议我成立一个非营利救济组织,名叫“无国界离婚人士”。但这些玩笑都处于假设阶段,因为我仍没有去任何地方的自由。那场离婚——在我从婚姻出走过后许久 ——尚未发生。我开始不得不给我先生法律压力;从我恐怖的离婚噩梦中,使出可怕的手段,比方说送交文件,写恶毒的法律控诉(纽约州法律的要求),控诉他有所谓的精神虐待情事——这些文件没有斟酌余地,无从告诉法官:“嘿,听着,这真的是一段复杂的关系,我也犯过许多大错,很抱歉,但我只想获准离去。”
(Here, I pause to offer a prayer for my gentle reader: May you never, ever, have to get a divorce in New York.)[font=verdana, 'ms song'](在此,我停下来为我温文儒雅的读者祷告: 但愿你永远无须在纽约办离婚。)
《美食祈祷和恋爱》Chapter 9 (17):写给神的请愿书
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The spring of 2003 brought things to a boiling point. A year and a half after I'd left, my husband was finally ready to discuss terms of a settlement. Yes, he wanted cash and the house and the lease on the Manhattan apartment—everything I'd been offering the whole while. But he was also asking for things I'd never even considered (a stake in the royalties of books I'd written during the marriage, a cut of possible future movie rights to my work, a share of my retirement accounts, etc.) and here I had to voice my protest at last. Months of negotiations ensued between our lawyers, a compromise of sorts inched its way toward the table and it was starting to look like my husband might actually accept a modified deal. It would cost me dearly, but a fight in the courts would be infinitely more expensive and time-consuming, not to mention soul-corroding. If he signed the agreement, all I had to do was pay and walk away. Which would be fine with me at this point. Our relationship now thoroughly ruined, with even civility destroyed between us, all I wanted anymore was the door. 2003 年春天,事情来到决定性的时刻。在我离开后的一年半,我先生终于准备讨论和解条件。是的,他要现金、房子和曼哈顿的租约——我在整段沟通期间提出的所有东西。但他还要求我从未考虑过的东西(我在结婚期间写作的书的部分版税,我的作品未来可能改编成电影的部分版税,我一部分的退休基金,等等),使我终于不得不提出抗议。我们彼此的律师进行了数个月的谈判,某种妥协缓缓地浮上台面,我先生看来可能会接受经过修正的协议。我将付出高昂的代价,但是打官司肯定更花钱、更花时间,更甭说腐蚀灵魂。如果他签了协定,我只须付钱走人。现在对我来说并无不可。我们的关系如今已彻底摧毁,甚至已撕破脸,我只想夺门。
The question was—would he sign? More weeks passed as he contested more details. If he didn't agree to this settlement, we'd have to go to trial. A trial would almost certainly mean that every remaining dime would be lost in legal fees. Worst of all, a trial would mean another year—at least—of all this mess. So whatever my husband decided (and he still was my husband, after all), it was going to determine yet another year of my life. Would I be traveling all alone through Italy, India and Indonesia? Or would I be getting cross-examined somewhere in a courtroom basementduring a deposition hearing? 而问题是——他会不会签字?他对更多的细节提出异议,于是几个月又过去了。如果他不同意和解,我们就得上法庭。上法庭几乎等于把每一分钱都浪费在诉讼费上;更糟的是,这意指我将又要有至少一年以上的时间一塌糊涂。因此我另一年的人生,都将取决于我先生做的决定(当时他毕竟还是我的丈夫)。到底我是会独自去意大利、印度和印尼旅行,或是在预审期间待在法院的地下室里接受盘问呢?
Every day I called my lawyer fourteen times—any news?—and every day she assured me that she was doing her best, that she would telephone immediately if the deal was signed. Thenervousness I felt during this time was something between waiting to be called into the principal's office and anticipating the results of a biopsy. I'd love to report that I stayed calm and Zen, but I didn't. Several nights, in waves of anger, I beat the life out of my couch with a softball bat. Most of the time I was just achingly depressed. 我每天打十四通电话给我的律师——“有没有任何消息?”——每天她都向我保证她会尽力而为, 如果对方签了协议,她会马上打电话。这段期间我所感受到的紧张,就像介于等着被叫进校长办公室与等待组织切片检查结果之间。我很想保持镇静,如入禅修之境,但我并未做到。有几个晚上,我在愤怒当中拿着垒球棒猛捶沙发。而大多数时候,我只是万分消极。
Meanwhile, David and I had broken up again. This time, it seemed, for good. Or maybe not—we couldn't totally let go of it. Often I was still overcome with a desire to sacrifice everything for the love of him. Other times, I had the quite opposite instinct—to put as many continents and oceans as possible between me and this guy, in the hope of finding peace and happiness. 同时,大卫和我又一次分手。这回似乎是彻底结束。或者不然——我们没办法完全放下。我依然经常有股欲望,想牺牲一切去爱他。有时,我的直觉却恰恰相反——得与这男人之间保持十万八千里的距离,只希望找到安祥与快乐。
I had lines in my face now, permanent incisions dug between my eyebrows, from crying and from worry. 如今我的脸上出现了皱纹,哭泣与烦恼在我的眉心刻下了永久的切口。
And in the middle of all that, a book that I'd written a few years earlier was being published in paperback and I had to go on a small publicity tour. I took my friend Iva with me for company. Iva is my age but grew up in Beirut, Lebanon. Which means that, while I was playing sports andauditioning for musicals in a Connecticut middle school, she was cowering in a bomb shelter five nights out of seven, trying not to die. I'm not sure how all this early exposure to violencecreated somebody who's so steady now, but Iva is one of the calmest souls I know. Moreover, she's got what I call "The Bat Phone to the Universe," some kind of Iva-only, open-round-the-clock special channel to the divine. 而在这些事情当中,我几年前写的一本书以平装本出版,我必须进行巡回宣传。我的朋友伊娃伴我同行。伊娃跟我年纪相当,却是在黎巴嫩的贝鲁特长大的 。也就是说,当我在康乃狄克州的中学进行体育活动、参加音乐剧试演的时候,她则一个礼拜有五天晚上躲在防空洞壕里免于一死。我不晓得早期接触暴力的经验,是怎样塑造出如今这般镇定的伊娃,但她是我认识的最冷静的人之一。此外,她拥有我称之为“拨往宇宙的手机 ”,某种伊娃专属、 昼夜不休的特殊通神频道。
So we were driving across Kansas, and I was in my normal state of sweaty disarray over this divorce deal—will he sign, will he not sign?—and I said to Iva, "I don't think I can endure another year in court. I wish I could get some divine intervention here. I wish I could write a petition to God, asking for this thing to end." 于是我们开车经过堪萨斯,我仍处在对这场离婚协议感到紧张不安的常态之中——“他会不会签字?”——然后我告诉伊娃 :“我想我没办法再多忍受一年官司。我希望有神力帮助。真想写一封请愿书给神,请他让这件事有个了结。”
"So why don't you?" “那为何不这么做?”
I explained to Iva my personal opinions about prayer. Namely, that I don't feel comfortable petitioning for specific things from God, because that feels to me like a kind of weakness offaith. I don't like asking, "Will you change this or that thing in my life that's difficult for me?" Because—who knows?—God might want me to be facing that particular challenge for a reason. Instead, I feel more comfortable praying for the courage to face whatever occurs in my life withequanimity, no matter how things turn out. 我向伊娃说明我个人对祈祷的看法。亦即,为特定的事向神请愿,使我觉得别扭,因为我感觉这种信仰很软弱。我不喜欢要求:“能不能请你改变我生活中的困境? ”因为——谁知道?——神要我面 对特殊的挑战,或许有他的理由。我宁可祈祷他给我勇气,沉着地面对生活中发生的任何事,无论结果如何。
Iva listened politely, then asked, "Where'd you get that stupid idea?" 伊娃客气地听着,然后问道:“你这个笨想法是从哪儿来的?”
"What do you mean?" “怎么说 ?”
"Where did you get the idea you aren't allowed to petition the universe with prayer? You are part of this universe, Liz. You're a constituent—you have every entitlement to participate in the actions of the universe, and to let your feelings be known. So put your opinion out there. Make your case. Believe me—it will at least be taken into consideration." “你怎么会觉得你不该用祈祷向宇宙请愿?你是宇宙的“一部分”,小莉。你是当中的成员——你有权参与宇宙的行动,吐露你的感觉。所以,把你的想法放到一边去吧。提出你的论点。相信我 —— 至少它会被列入考虑。”
"Really?" All this was news to me. “真的?”这可是我头一遭听说。
"Really! Listen—if you were to write a petition to God right now, what would it say?" “真的!听着——如果此时此刻向神请愿,你会怎么说?”
《美食祈祷和恋爱》Chapter 9 (18):都来做我的见证
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I thought for a while, then pulled out a notebook and wrote this petition: 我想了一会儿,而后抽出一本笔记本,写下这封请愿书:
Dear God. 亲爱的神:
Please intervene and help end this divorce. My husband and I have failed at our marriage and now we are failing at our divorce. This poisonous process is bringing suffering to us and to everyone who cares about us. 请帮忙我了结这场离婚事件。我先生和我的婚姻没能成功,而如今我们的离婚也没能成功。不愉快的过程给我们与关心我们的每个人带来痛苦。
I recognize that you are busy with wars and tragedies and much larger conflicts than the ongoingdispute of one dysfunctional couple. But it is my understanding that the health of the planet isaffected by the health of every individual on it. As long as even two souls are locked in conflict, the whole of the world is contaminated by it. Similarly, if even one or two souls can be free fromdiscord, this will increase the general health of the whole world, the way a few healthy cells in a body can increase the general health of that body. 我知道你还有比调解一对不正常夫妻更重要的事要忙:战争、悲剧、更大规模的冲突。但据我了解,地球上每个人的健康都影响着地球的健康。即使只是两个人陷于冲突,整个世界都会受到污染。同样的,只要一两个人得以摆脱混乱,也会增进整个世界的整体健康,一如身体内的几个健康细胞得以增进那个身体的总体健康一般。
It is my most humble request, then, that you help us end this conflict, so that two more people can have the chance to become free and healthy, and so there will be just a little bit less animosityand bitterness in a world that is already far too troubled by suffering. 这是我谦卑的期盼,求你协助我们结束冲突,多让两个人有自由健康的机会,让这个已经受苦太多的世界再多减少一点敌意和怨恨。
I thank you for your kind attention. 感谢你的关照。
Respectfully, Elizabeth M. Gilbert 伊莉莎白•吉尔伯特 敬上
I read it to Iva, and she nodded her approval. 我念给伊娃听,她点头表示同意。
"I would sign that," she said. “让我签个名吧。”她说
I handed the petition over to her with a pen, but she was too busy driving, so she said, "No, let's say that I did just sign it. I signed it in my heart." 我递给她请愿信和笔,但她忙着开车,于是她说:“不,就说我刚签了名。在心里签。”
"Thank you, Iva. I appreciate your support." “谢谢你,伊娃。谢谢你的支持。”
"Now, who else would sign it?" she asked. “还有谁会签名?”她问。
"My family. My mother and father. My sister." “我的家人。我父母。我姐姐。”
"OK," she said. "They just did. Consider their names added. I actually felt them sign it. They're on the list now. OK—who else would sign it? Start naming names." “好,”她说。“他们刚刚签了。把他们的名字加上去。我真的感觉到他们签了名。现在他们已在名单上。好——还有谁会签?开始指名道姓吧。”
So I started naming names of all the people who I thought would sign this petition. I named all my close friends, then some family members and some people I worked with. After each name, Iva would say with assurance, "Yep. He just signed it," or "She just signed it." Sometimes she would pop in with her own signatories, like: "My parents just signed it. They raised their children during a war. They hate useless conflict. They’d be happy to see your divorce end." 于是我开始说出可能会签这封请愿信的人名。 我点名我的每个好友,而后是几个亲人和同事。我 报出每个名字后,伊娃即胸有成竹地说:“对。他刚签了”或是“她刚签了名”。有时她会突然加入自己的签名人士,像是:“我父母刚刚签了名。他们在战时养儿育女。他们厌恶没有意义的冲突。他们会很高兴看见你的离婚协议有个了结。”
I closed my eyes and waited for more names to come to me. 我闭上眼睛,等待更多名字来临。
"I think Bill and Hillary Clinton just signed it," I said. “我想克林顿夫妇刚刚签了名。”我说。
"I don't doubt it," she said. "Listen, Liz—anybody can sign this petition. Do you understandthat? Call on anyone, living or dead, and start collecting signatures." “我相信,”她说。“听着,小莉——任何人都能签署这份请愿书。你懂吗?号召任何人,活着或死去的人,开始征集签名。”
"Saint Francis of Assisi just signed it!" “圣方济各(Saint Francis of Assisi )刚签了名!”
"Of course he did!" Iva smacked her hand against the steering wheel with certainty. “当然啰!”伊娃信心满满地伸手拍驾驶盘。
Now I was cooking: 我开始编造:
"Abraham Lincoln just signed it! And Gandhi, and Mandela and all the peacemakers. Eleanor Roosevelt, Mother Teresa, Bono, Jimmy Carter, Muhammad Ali, Jackie Robinson and the Dalai Lama . . . and my grandmother who died in 1984 and my grandmother who's still alive . . . and my Italian teacher, and my therapist, and my agent . . . and Martin Luther King Jr. and Katharine Hepburn . . . and Martin Scorsese (which you wouldn't necessarily expect, but it's still nice of him) . . . and my Guru, of course . . . and Joanne Woodward, and Joan of Arc, and Ms. Carpenter, my fourth-grade teacher, and Jim Henson—" “林肯刚刚签了名!还有甘地、曼德拉以及所有爱好和平人士。罗斯福夫人、德蕾莎修女、博诺(Bono)、前总统卡特、阿里 (Muhammad Ali)、杰基•罗宾森 (Jackie Robinson )……还有我1984年过世的祖母,以及还在世的外祖母……还有教我意大利语的老师、我的治疗师、我的经纪人……还有马丁•路德和凯瑟琳•赫本……还有马丁•斯柯西斯 (你或许想不到,但他仍是个很不错的人)……当 然还有我的印度精神导师……还有琼安•华德、圣女贞德、卡本特小姐、我小学四年级的导师,还有吉姆•汉森(Jim Henson)——”
The names spilled from me. They didn't stop spilling for almost an hour, as we drove across Kansas and my petition for peace stretched into page after invisible page of supporters. Iva kept confirming—yes, he signed it, yes, she signed it—and I became filled with a grand sense ofprotection, surrounded by the collective goodwill of so many mighty souls. 一个又一个名字从我嘴里奔泄出来。几乎一个小时中,我不停地脱口而出。我们开车横越堪萨斯,我的和平请愿书延展成看不见的一页页支持名单。伊娃持续确认——“没错,他签了名;没错,她签了名”——我逐渐充满一股保护感,四周环绕着许多伟人的集体善意。
The list finally wound down, and my anxiety wound down with it. I was sleepy. Iva said, "Take a nap. I'll drive." I closed my eyes. One last name appeared. "Michael J. Fox just signed it," I murmured, then drifted into sleep. I don’t know how long I slept, maybe only for ten minutes, but it was deep. When I woke up, Iva was still driving. She was humming a little song to herself. I yawned. 名单终于慢慢结束,我的焦虑也随之减缓。我昏昏欲睡。伊娃说:“睡一下。我会开车的。”我闭上眼睛,最后一个名字冒出来。“米高•福克斯刚刚签了。”我喃喃自语,而后进入梦乡。我不知道睡了多久,或许只睡了十分钟,却睡得很熟。我醒来的时候,伊娃仍在开车。她正自个儿哼着小曲。我打了个哈欠。
My cell phone rang. 我的手机响了起来。
I looked at that crazy little telefonino vibrating with excitement in the ashtray of the rental car. I felt disoriented, kind of stoned from my nap, suddenly unable to remember how a telephone works. 我看着我那疯狂的“迷你电话机 ”在车上的烟灰缸里兴奋地振动。小睡让我还有点精神恍惚、迷迷糊糊,突然记不得电话如何运作。
"Go ahead," Iva said, already knowing. "Answer the thing." “去啊 ,”伊娃说,已经晓得怎么回事。“接电话吧。”
I picked up the phone, whispered hello. 我拿起电话,低声说“喂 ”。
"Great news!" my lawyer announced from distant New York City. "He just signed it!" Eat, Pray, Love[font=verdana, 'ms song']“好消息!”我的律师从遥远的纽约通知我“他刚刚签了!”
《美食祈祷和恋爱》Chapter 10 (19):开始旅程 [font=verdana, 'ms song']
A few weeks later, I am living in Italy. 数星期后,我住在意大利。
I have quit my job, paid off my divorce settlement and legal bills, given up my house, given up my apartment, put what belongings I had left into storage in my sister's place and packed up two suitcases. My year of traveling has commenced. And I can actually afford to do this because of astaggering personal miracle: in advance, my publisher has purchased the book I shall write about my travels. It all turned out, in other words, just as the Indonesian medicine man had predicted. I would lose all my money and it would be replaced immediately—or at least enough of it to buy me a year of life. 我已辞去工作,付清离婚财产和律师费,放弃我的房子,放弃我的公寓,把仅剩的家当存放在我姐姐家里,收拾两箱行李。我的旅行之年已经展开。而由于一个令人惊愕的个人奇迹,我负担得起这年的旅行经费:我的出版社事先买下我即将写作的游记。换句话说,结果如同印尼药师所预料的一般。我将损失所有的钱,却又立即被归还给了我——或至少够我过一年的生活。
So now I am a resident of Rome. The apartment I've found is a quiet studio in a historic building, located just a few narrow blocks from the Spanish Steps, draped beneath the graceful shadows of the elegant Borghese Gardens, right up the street from the Piazza del Popolo, where the ancient Romans used to race their chariots. Of course, this district doesn't quite have thesprawling grandeur of my old New York City neighborhood, which overlooked the entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel, but still . . . It will do. Eat, Pray, Love 因此我现在是罗马的居民。我找到一栋历史建筑里的小套房公寓,和西班牙阶梯(Spanish Steps)相隔短短几条街,被博盖塞花园(Borghese Gardens)典雅的阴影所笼罩,就在人民广场(Piazza del Popolo)街上,古罗马人从前在这广场举办战车比赛。当然,这地区不如从前纽约住家的附近,具有恣意扩展的气派,可眺望林肯隧道,但是……这已足够。
《美食祈祷和恋爱》Chapter 11 (20):第一顿意大利美食
[font=verdana, 'ms song']
The first meal I ate in Rome was nothing much. Just some homemade pasta (spaghetti cabonara) with a side order of sautéed spinach and garlic. (The great romantic poet Shelley once wrote a horrified letter to a friend in England about cuisine in Italy: "Young women of rank actually eat—you will never guess what—GARLIC!") Also, I had one artichoke, just to try it; the Romans areawfully proud of their artichokes. Then there was a pop-surprise bonus side order brought over by the waitress for free—a serving of fried zucchini blossoms with a soft dab of cheese in the middle (prepared so delicately that the blossoms probably didn’t even notice they weren't on thevine anymore). After the spaghetti, I tried the veal. Oh, and also I drank a bottle of house red, just for me. And ate some warm bread, with olive oil and salt. Tiramisu for dessert. 我在罗马的第一餐饭很平常。只有自制意大利面(奶油培根鸡蛋面),配上炒菠菜和蒜头。(伟大的浪漫诗人雪莱曾写过一封大感震惊的信给在英国的朋友,说起意大利食物:“有身份的姑娘居然吃——你肯定猜不到 ——蒜头!”)此外,我还吃了洋蓟,罗马人对他们的洋蓟十分自豪。而后女服务生端来一道特别招待的惊喜小点——炸节瓜花,中间一小团起司(烹调得如此精致,甚至花儿们可能都没留意到它们已脱离藤蔓)。吃过意大利面,我试了小牛肉。喔,我还喝了一瓶红餐酒,只我一人喝。还吃了温热的面包,沾橄榄油和盐。甜点是提拉米苏。
Walking home after that meal, around 11:00 PM, I could hear noise coming from one of the buildings on my street, something that sounded like a convention of seven-year-olds—a birthday party, maybe? Laughter and screaming and running around. I climbed the stairs to my apartment, lay down in my new bed and turned off the light. I waited to start crying or worrying, since that's what usually happened to me with the lights off, but I actually felt OK. I felt fine. I felt the early symptoms of contentment. 吃完这一餐,走回家时约摸晚间十一点,我听见从我那条街的某栋建筑中传来的声音,听起来像是聚集了一群七岁孩子——也许是生日派对?笑声、尖叫、跑跳。我爬上楼梯,回到公寓,躺在我的新床上,熄了灯。我等着开始哭泣或发愁,因为这通常是我熄灯后做的事情,却居然没事。我感觉很好,我觉得有心满意足的迹象。
My weary body asked my weary mind: "Was this all you needed, then?" 我疲倦的身体问我疲倦的心:“那么,你需要的就是这个?”
There was no response. I was already fast asleep. Eat, Pray, Love 没有任何回应。我已呼呼大睡。
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