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[Happy Moment] 开心一笑

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举报只看楼主使用道具楼主发表于: 2012-08-08 0

1.错献殷勤 Not Funny

At a dinner party a shy young man had been trying to think of something nice to say to his hostess.
At last he saw his chance when she turned to him and remarked, "What a small appetite you have tonight, Mr. Jones."
"To sit next to you," he replied gallantly, "would cause any man to lose his appetite."

在一次晚餐聚会上，一位腼腆的年轻人一直在冥思苦想对女主人说一些好听的话。
机会终于来了，女主人转向他说：“琼斯先生，您今晚的饭量太小了。”
“坐在您身边，”他殷勤的说道，“任何男人都会失去胃口的。”

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2.我叔叔是个大人物

Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.
Man:He is really somebody.What does do?
Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery

小孩：我叔叔下面有1000个人。
男人：他真是一个大人物。他是干什么的？
小孩：墓地守墓人。

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3.睡前祷告 bedtime prayer

Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "Make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."

朱莉叶在做睡前祷告。“祷告上帝，”她说，“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”

Her mother interrupted and said, "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?"

妈妈打断她说：“朱莉叶，你为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢？”

And Julie replied, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"

朱莉叶回答说：“因为我在地理考卷上是这么写的。”

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4.小学生的搞怪逻辑推理

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"

小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。

她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？”

一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？”

笑点在这里：bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。

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5.暂时还不能回答的问题

This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent's witnesses.

这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师，他惯于尽量去恐吓对方的证人。

One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.

有一个证人有点倾向于在回答问题之前做冗长的解释。

"I want 'yes' or 'no', "thundered counsel. "There is no need for you to argue the point!"

“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辩护律师怒喝道： “你没有必要就这个问题进行争论。”

"But there are some questions which cannot be answered by 'yes' or 'no', "mildly responded the witness.

“可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答。”这位证人温和地回敬他。

"There are not!" snapped the lawyer.

“不存在这样的问题！”律师厉声打断他。

"Oh，" said the witness, "answer this then: Have you ceased beating your wife?"

“噢，”证人说：“那么请你回答这个问题：你停止打你老婆了吗？”

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6.Which part? 哪一部分?

A: "I was born in California."
B: "Which part?"
A: "All of me."

A：“我出生在加州。”
B：“哪一部分？”
A：“每一部分。”

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7.我根本就看不见……

After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV, "Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?" After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."

晚饭后，父亲和母亲都忙着和客人玩麻将，这时母亲忽然想起点儿事来，便对正在看电视的儿子说道：“宝贝，去看看厨房里的灯是不是还开着呢？” 过了一会儿，儿子回来说：“妈，厨房里太黑了，我根本就看不见。”

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8. 难兄难弟 The Two Men

A party of visitors were being shown round a lunatic asylum．They came across one individual in the grounds，with wild eyes，dishevelled hair，feverishly endeavouring to catchflies and keep them in his pocket．

一群游客被领着参观一所疯人院。在院子里他们遇见一个人，他长着一双疯狂的眼睛，头发蓬乱，正狂热地设法逮住苍蝇，把它们装在他的口袋里。

His was a sad case，said the attendant．Whilst he was at the war his wife abandoned his home and ran off with another man．

他的病很惨，陪同人说。在他当兵打仗的时候，他的妻子抛下他的家和另一个男人私奔了。

Terrible，said a visitor．

真可怕，一个游客说。

Presently they came to a padded cell，in which could be heard a raging as of a wild beast．

不久他们来到一间安上软垫的小屋前，听见里面传出野兽般的怒吼。

That's the other man，said the attendant．

这就是那另一个男人，陪同人说。

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9.研究生班和本科生的区别

"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles.

“研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。

"When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down."

“我说‘下午好’，本科生们回答说‘下午好’。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。”

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10.凯特给妈妈的礼物

Kate: Mom, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?
Mom: No, Honey, what?
Kate: A nice teapot.
Mom: But I've got a nice teapot.
Kate: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.

凯特：妈妈，你知道我要给你一件什么生日礼物吗？
妈妈：不知道，宝贝，是什么呀？
凯特：一把漂亮的茶壶。
妈妈：可是我已经有一把漂亮的茶壶了呀。
凯特：不，你没有了。我刚刚把它给摔了。

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11.只剩一个引擎……

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result."

一架747客机在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时　。”

Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦　？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。”

At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”

OVER