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[Novel] 《老友记》Friends【中英对照】【5.16连载105L】

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23212鲜花 10鸡蛋

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http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 60楼发表于: 2014-03-19 0

312 The One With All The Jealousy

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting ready for her first day.]
Rachel: (running in from her bedroom, wearing only a towel) Okay. Hey. Umm. Does everybody hate these shoes?
Chandler: Oh yeah, but don't worry. I don't think anybody's gonna focus on that as long as your wearing that towel dress.
Rachel: (to Ross) Tell him.
Ross: (to Chandler) It's her first day at this new job. Your not supposed to start with her!
Chandler: All right, I suppose I can wait a day. Hey, what are you doing Friday?
Ross: Why?
Chandler: I need you to come to this bachelor party for my weird cousin Albert, y'know he's the botanist.
Ross: Oh God. Y'know, botanists are such geeks.
Chandler: Yeah. Is that a dinosaur tie?
Ross: Hmm? Oh, yeah. (he makes a growling sound)
Phoebe: (entering, with about 20 purses hanging around her neck) Morning. Rach, I'm here with the purses!
Chandler: (to Phoebe) It must take you forever to find your keys.
Rachel: (running into the living room) Thank you, thank you, thank you, Pheebs.
Phoebe: Your welcome, oh please not the one with the turtles.
Rachel: No, no, no, no turtles scare me. I don't need that today.
Ross: Honey, just relax, it's gonna be fine. Hey, umm,. why don't I come down there and I'll take you out to lunch?
Rachel: Oh honey, thank you, but Mark's taking me out.
Ross: Mark is that ah, the same Mark that helped you get the job?
Rachel: Yeah, it's kinda like a 'good luck on your first day' sort of thing. (to Phoebe) Is this actually a lunchbox?
Phoebe: Umm, no, it's a purse. And there's a thermos in it.
Rachel: Oh.
Chandler: (to Ross) Hey, so can you make it on Friday?
Ross: What? Oh yeah, yeah I think so. Why am I invited to this again?
Chandler: Well apparently Albert has no friends. He's very excited about the bachelor party though. I think actually the only reason he's getting married is so he can see a stripper.
Phoebe: A stripper at a bachelor party, that is so clich? Why don't you get a magician?!
Chandler: Well, if the magician can open my beer with his but cheeks, then all right.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are entering, Joey is on the phone.]
Ross: She's having lunch with him. She's having lunch with him. And you should of seen the hug she gave him when she got the job. And, and, and, (to Joey) he's really good looking. (Joey gives an enthusiastic thumbs up) What am I gonna do?
Chandler: Don't do anything. Keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings! (pause) Don't cry outloud.
Joey: (hanging up the phone) Yes! Guess who's in an audition for a Broadway musical?
Chandler: I want to say you but, that seems like such an easy answer.
Joey: It is me! It's a musical version of Tale of Two Cities. So I think I'm gonna sing New York, New York, and ah, oh I left My Heart in San Francisco.
Ross: Ah Joey, I don't think you get to pick the cities.
Joey: What?
Ross: Mr. Dickens gets to pick 'em.
Joey: Who?
Chandler: I'll get you the Cliff Notes.
Joey: The what?
Chandler: The abridgment.
Joey: Oh, okay. (to Ross) The what?
[Scene: Rachel's office, Mark is training Rachel.]
Mark: ...and the style number, and the invoice number, and the shipping date. Good. Any questions so far?
Rachel: Yeah. What kind of discount do we get?
Mark: Twenty percent.
Rachel: Oh!! I love this job! (her phone rings) Wow! My first call.
Mark: Here, let me. (answers phone) Rachel Green's line, how may I help you?
Ross: (on phone) Hi, is Rachel there?
Mark: And who may I say is calling?
Ross: This is Ross?
Mark: Ross of.....
Ross: Of Ross and Rachel.
Mark: Oh hi. It's, it's Mark.
Ross: Oh hey, hey Mark.
Mark: Hey, hold on a second.
Ross: Okay.
Rachel: Hi honey!
Ross: Hi! What's ah, what's Mark doing answering your phone?
Rachel: Oh, he's just goofing around.
Ross: Ohhhhh yeah, that's, that's funny. Why ah, why isn't he goofing around in his own office?
Rachel: Oh honey, this is his office too. I told you we're Joanna's two assistants.
Ross: Why does Joanna need two assistants, how, how lazy is she?
Rachel: Oh! Oh my God! What did I just do?
Ross: What?
Rachel: I think I just shipped 3,000 bras to personnel. Oh honey, I gotta go. (to Mark) Mark, I need you!
Ross: Okay, bye-bye. (starts slamming the receiver down in anger.)
Rachel: Ow! Ross!!
Ross: Oh, oh, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry sweetie, I was just trying to ah, I'm dialing another number. (hangs up)
[Scene: The Moondance diner, Monica is cleaning up with one of the waiters, with her back turned to him she removes her fake breasts and hides them under her wig.]
Jeannine: (to Monica) All right, I just got changed in thirty seconds so you can be alone with him. You'd better go for it.
Monica: Please, I'm not going for anything.
Jeannine: Well, if you don't, I will.
Monica: Would you please go?
Jeannine: Night Mon. Night Julio.
Julio: (to Jeannine) Adios.
(Monica starts wiping down the stools, as Julio follows along behind her replacing the napkin holders.)
Monica: Look Julio, someone left their book here.
Julio: Ah actually, that is mine.
Monica: Oh yeah, what are you reading?
Julio: Flowers of Evil, by Beaudalire. Have you read it?
Monica: Have I read it? (pause) No, are you enjoying it?
Julio: I thought I would, but the translation's no good.
Monica: Your a poet and don't know it. (she turns away and makes a face like 'I can't believe I just said that.')
Julio: Actually I ah, I am a poet.
Monica: Oh, then you do know it. (pause) So um what kind of things do you write about?
Julio: Things that move me. The, the shadow of a tree, a child laughing, or this lip. (points to her lip)
Monica: Mine? (points to her lower lip) Right here?
Julio: I can write an epic poem about this lip. (grabs her lower lip)
Monica: How would that go? (they kiss) Well, it didn't rhyme, but I liked it.
[Scene: Joey's audition.]
Joey: (singing) You've got to pick a pocket or two. Boyyyyssss, (picks a handkerchief from the pianist's pocket) you've got to pick a pocket or two..........
Director: Lovely, just lovely.
Joey: Really? Thanks.
Director: Listen Joey, we definitely want to see you for the callback on Saturday.
Joey: Excellent, I'll be there.
Director: Okay, and listen don't forget to bring your jazz shoes for the dance audition.
Joey: Ahhh! My ah, my agent said it wasn't a dancing part.
Director: Joey, all the roles got to dance a little. But believe me with your dance background it'll be a piece of cake.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading Joey's resume.]
Chandler: ....three years of modern dance with Twila Tharp! Five years with the American Ballet Theater?!
Joey: Hey, everybody lies on their resume, okay. I wasn't one of the Zoom Kids either.
Phoebe: Well, can you dance at all?
Joey: Yeah, I can dance, y'know. (starts to dance really, really, really badly)
Chandler: Oh no, no, no, no.
Phoebe: (covering her mouth in shock) What, what is that?
Joey: Sure, it looks stupid now, there's no music playing.
(phone rings)
Chandler: All right, I have to get that, but no-no. (answering phone) Hello? (listens) (happily) Hi! Yeah listen, I'm, I'm in need of a stripper and I was told that you do that. (listens) Let me ask you this, what, what do you do for the extra hundred? (listens) So would I, would I have to provide the grapes?
Monica: (entering) Hi!
Phoebe: Oh, how was last night with Julio, senorita?
Monica: It was soo amazing, he is so sexy, and smart, which makes him even sexier. Oh gosh, I gotta so you this. Last night, we were fooling around and he stops to write a poem.
Joey: Get out! I couldn't stop if a meteor hit me.
Chandler: Okay, we have our stripper. A miss Crystal Chandelier.
Joey: Well sure, you name a kid that, what do you expect them to grow up to be?
Monica: Anyway um, when he left he forgot to take the poem with him. Now, I am like totally dense about poetry, but I think it's pretty good all right. Check it out. (hands them the poem)
Joey: (reading) The Empty Vase. Translucent beauty...
Chandler: To yourself. (finishing) Hey-hey-hey, y'know what that's pretty good.
Monica: Oh good, I think so too. Pheebs?
Phoebe: Oh yeah.
Monica: Oh, I'm so glad you guys like it. Yay! All right I gotta go to work. (tries to take the poem)
Joey: Whoa, I'm not done.
Monica: All right, just give it back to me when your done. See you guys.
Chandler: Bye-bye.
(Monica leaves)
Phoebe: Oh my God, oh my God! Poor Monica!
Chandler: What, what, what?!
Phoebe: What?! He was with her when he wrote this poem. Look, (reading) 'My vessel so empty with nothing inside. Now that I've touched you, you seem emptier still.' He thinks Monica is empty, she is the empty vase!
Chandler: You really think that is what he meant?
Phoebe: Oh, totally. Oh, God, oh, she seemed so happy too.
Joey: Done.
[Scene: Rachel's office, her desk is covered with stuff Ross has sent her.]
Mark: (reaching through the flowers) Do you have the, the Ralph Lauren file?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure, it's umm... (she picks up this bug and it starts to play the theme from Love Story)
Mark: Wh-what's that?
Ross: It's from Ross, it's a love bug.
Mark: Wow! Somebody wants people to know you have a boyfriend.
Rachel: Oh no, no-no-no, that's not, not, not, what he is doing. He's just, he's just really romantic.
Man: (to Rachel) Ah, excuse me, are you Rachel Green?
Rachel: Yes.
Man: (being joined by the rest of the barbershop quartet) One, two, three...
Quartet: (singing) Congratulations on your first week at your brand new job! It won't be long before your the boss.
The Bass Barber: Omm-pah, omm-pah, omm-pah.
Quartet: (singing) And you know who will be there to support... you?! Your one and only boyfriend...
The Bass Barber: It's nice to have a boyfriend.
Quartet: Your loyal loving boyfriend Ross..... Ross!
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are entering the living room from her bedroom.]
Ross: I'm hurt! I'm actually hurt, that you would think that I would send you any of those things out of any thing other than love. Hurt! Hurt!
Rachel: All right Ross!! I get it!!
Ross: I mean my God...
Rachel: You're hurt!
Ross: ...can't, can't a guy send a barbershop quartet to his girlfriend's office anymorrrrre!!
Rachel: Oh, please, Ross it was so obvious! It was like you were marking your territory. I mean you might have well have just come in and peed all around my desk!
Ross: I would never do that!
Rachel: Look, I know what's going on here, okay, Mark explained it all to me. He said this is what you guys do.
Ross: Yeah well if, if, if Mark said that, than Mark's an idiot.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey are there.]
Joey: Mark's a genius!
Ross: Why?! How?! How is he a genius?
Chandler: Look, don't you see what's happening here. Instead of hitting on her right away, he's becoming her confidant. Now he's gonna be the guy she goes too to complain about you.
Ross: What am I going to do?
Chandler: Well, why don't you send her a musical bug, op, no you already did that. All right look, you're going to have to go there yourself now, okay, make a few surprise visits.
Ross: I don't know you guys.
Chandler: All right fine, don't do anything, just sit here and talk to us, meanwhile she is talking to him about you. And he's being Mr. Joe Sensitive, and she starts thinking 'Maybe this is the guy for me, because he understands me.'
Joey: And before you know it, she's with him. And you'll be all, 'Ohh, man!' And he'll be all, 'Yes!' And us, we'll be like, 'Wh-whoa, dude.' And pretty soon you'll be like, (sadly) 'Hhiii,' and, and, and, 'I can't go, Rachel and Mark might be there.' And we'll be like, 'Man get over it, it's been four years!!'
Chandler: He paints quite a picture doesn't he?
[Scene: Rachel's office.]
Woman: (walking up to Mark) Here's the Shelly Siegal stuff from December.
Mark: (turning around) And wait, I've got something for you. (kisses her)
Woman: Mark!!
Mark: It's okay, Rachel knows.
Woman: Yeah, but even soo.
(Ross appears in the hallway just outside of Rachel's office.)
Mark: I can't help it, I'm just, I'm just crazy about you.
Rachel: Ohhh! That is soo sweet! (gets up to get herself a cup of coffee)
(Ross is eavesdropping in the hallway.)
Mark: Okay, okay look, I know I'm being Mr. Inappropriate today, but it's just so tough, I mean see you walking around and I just wanna touch you and hold you, come on no one's around, just, just kiss me.
(They start to kiss, and Ross rushes into the office to break it up.)
Ross: All right that's, that's it!! Get off her!
Mark: What is going on?
Ross: What's going on?! (throws the love bug at him) That's what's going on!!
Rachel: (now standing behind Ross) Ross!
(Ross finally looks at the woman kissing Mark.)
Ross: I have been down in your store for twenty minutes trying to get a tie! What do I have to do to get some service?! (turns to Rachel) Hi Rach. (He's puts his hand on her shoulder and she knocks it away.)
[Scene: Joey's dance audition, Joey is warming up.]
Director: Ah Joey. Joey Tribbiani. Listen Joey, I got a problem, I just got a call from my dance captain, he's having a relationship crisis and can't get out of Long Island.
Joey: So, does that mean the audition is off?
Director: Listen Joey, seeing as you've got the most experience, I want you to take these dancers and show them the combination.
Joey: What?!
Director: Aw come on Joey, it's easy. Y'know, it's hand, hand, head, head, (very quickly, Joey watches stunned) up, pas de bouree, pas de bouree, big turn here, grand sissone, sissone, sissone, slide back, step, step, step, and jazz hands!
Joey: It's ah, step-ity, step and jazz hands.
Director: Have fun.
Joey: Bye. (does the jazz hands)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is tying a ribbon to a vase.]
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey.
Phoebe: What are you wrapping?
Monica: Oh-ho, look what I got Julio.
Phoebe: Yeah, it's a vase.
Monica: Yeah, just like the one in the poem.
Phoebe: Well not exactly like the one in the poem.
Monica: What do you mean?
Phoebe: Remember how you said you were really dense about poetry? Oh. (hugs her)
[Scene: The Moondance Diner.]
Monica: (to Julio) So! I'm just an empty vase, huh?
Julio: What?
Monica: Y'know, so I don't read as many important books as you do, and I don't write trick poems that seem to be about one thing but are actually about something else. And y'know what, I get excited about stupid stuff, like when I my People magazine comes on Saturday, and the new Hold Everything catalog. Y'know but that does not mean that I'm empty, I care about things. I care about my friends and family. You have no right to make that kind of judgment about me.
Julio: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Monica: You don't even know me...
Julio: Whoa, whoa, whoa, the poem is not about you.
Monica: What?
Julio: The Empty Vase is not about you. My baby, you make me so sad that you would think this.
Monica: I'm sorry, my friend Phoebe...
Julio: No, it's about all women. Well, all American women. You feel better now?
Monica: (sarcastically) Oh yeah.
[Scene: Joey's audition, the director has returned and wants to see the combination.]
Director: All right, let's do it!
(The group does the same horrible dance that Joey did earlier in the show, except they're all out of sync and they do the jazz hands at the end.)
Director: No, no, no. What was that?
Joey: I know, it was the best I could get out of them.
Director: Well, people!
Joey: People, people, people.
Director: Let's try it again, and this time let's watch everybody watch Joey. (to Joey) Show 'em how it's done. (to the pianist) Count it off.
(The pianist starts to play, and Joey readies himself, and then runs out of the audition.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Rachel are there.]
Rachel: So ah, did you have fun at the bachelor party last night?
Chandler: Oh yeah, yeah! Look what I got, look what I got. (holds up a pen) See, she's fully dressed, right?
Rachel: Right.
Chandler: And then you click it and, uh-oh, she's naked. And then, and then you click it again and she's dressed. She's a business woman, she's walking down the street, she's window shopping, and (clicks pen) whoa-whoa-whoa, sh-she's naked! (Rachel just stares at him.)
Ross: (entering) Hi.
Rachel: Hello.
Chandler: Y'know what, I'm, I'm gonna spend some alone time with the pen.
Ross: (sits down next to her) I'm sorry, I was an idiot.
Rachel: A big idiot.
Ross: A big idiot. Just you have to realize is, this whole Mark thing is kinda hard for me.
(Gunther is eavesdropping in the background.)
Rachel: Honey, why is it hard, I mean we've been together for almost a year now?
Ross: Well, I was with Carol for like eight years and I lost her. And now if it's possible I think I love you even more. So, it's hard for me to believe that I'm not gonna, well that someone else is not going to take you away.
Gunther: Let it be me! Let it be me!
Rachel: Honey, that's very sweet, it just seems to me though, that if two people love each other and trust each other, like we do, there's no reason to be jealous. (she kisses him)
Ross: I gotta get going. Bye Chandler.
Chandler: Oh, okay Ross. Listen, this pen is kinda getting boring, so can you pick me up some porn?
Rachel: Where ya going?
Ross: Oh, I've got to go pick up Ben, we've got a play date this afternoon.
Rachel: Ohh, with who?
Ross: Oh, just this woman that I met last night at the party.
Rachel: There was a woman at the... (realizes) The stripper?!
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: You have a play date with a stripper?!
Chandler: Man, I gotta get a kid. (looks at the pen and starts laughing)
Ross: Ah, yeah, yeah. Umm, we started talking after she y'know, did her thing. And it turns out she's got a boy about Ben's age, so we're taking them to a gym-boree class. Why, is that okay?
Rachel: Sure, is she married?
Ross: Ahh, no.
Rachel: Oh. (starts shaking the sugar down in a packet really hard.)
Ross: Are you jealous?
Rachel: Noo, I y'know I don't see why she has to play with you, that's all. I mean doesn't she have any y'know other stripper moms friends of her own?
Ross: You are totally jealous.
Rachel: I'm not jealous. All right this is about, umm, people feeling certain things y'know about strippers. And y'know, and um, I...
Ross: Honey, I love you too.
Rachel: Ugh. Wait, wait, wait.
Ross: What?
(She runs over and gives him a very passionate kiss.)
Ross: Huh.
Rachel: (to Chandler) Well, there's a kiss that he won't forget for a couple of hours, y'know.
Chandler: Yeah. Either that, or you just turned him on and sent him off to a stripper.
Closing Credits
[Scene: The Moondance Diner.]
Man: (entering) Is there a Julio here?
Julio: (to him) I am Julio.
(The rest of barbershop quartet enters, and joins him.)
Man: (singing) Mister Pretensous, (Monica stands up in the background) you think there's no one finer, well but your poems are unpublished, and you work in a diner.
Quartet: Your no God's gift to women, that's all in your headdddd. You are just a buttmunch.
Bass Singer: No one likes a buttmunch.
Quartet: And your also bad in bedd-edd-edd!.
(Monica waves at Julio.)
End

312 嫉妒

你们都觉得这双鞋很丑吗?
对
别担心，没有人会注意的
只要你穿着那件浴巾装
你跟他说吧
这是她履新职的第一天
你不该一早就开她玩笑
好吧，我可以等到晚上再说
你星期五有节目吗?
干嘛?
你得来参加我的怪堂哥
艾勃特的告别单身派对
你知道，他是植物学家
老天
植物学家都神神经经的
那是恐龙领带吗?
早安
瑞秋，我拿皮包来了
找钥匙就要找老半天吧
谢谢，菲比
不客气，拜托你用
这个乌龟包包
不，乌龟让我害怕
今天尤其不是时候
亲爱的，别紧张，没问题的
我过来跟你一起吃午饭吧?
谢了，但马克要带我去吃饭
马克?就是那个帮你找工作的马克?
对，算是祝我工作顺利
那是午餐盒吗?
不，是皮包里面
还有个热水瓶
你星期五能来吗?
什么?
我想可以吧
可是你为什么要请我呢?
显然艾勃特没有朋友
他对告别单身派对充满期待
我想他是为了看脱衣舞娘
才结婚的
请脱衣舞娘参加告别单身派对
你们真是老套
为什么不请魔术师?
如果魔术师可以
用臀部给我开啤酒，那就行
她要跟她吃午饭?
跟他吃午饭?
你该看看她被录取时
是怎么拥抱他的
而且他相貌堂堂
我该怎么办?
放在心里
学着隐藏你的感情
不要大呼小叫
猜猜谁得到了
百老汇音乐剧的试演机会?
我本来要说是你
不过这个答案好像太容易了
就是我
这是音乐剧版的“双城记”
我想我要唱“纽约，纽约”
和“我把心留在旧金山”
乔伊，我想轮不到你来挑城市
什么?
这是狄更斯先生的权利
谁?
我拿克里夫手集给你
什么?
简易文学读本
什么?
型号
发货号码…和出货日期
很好，有问题吗?
我们有多少折扣?
八折
我爱死这份工作了
我的第一通电话来，
让我代劳
瑞秋葛林，需要我效劳吗?
嗨，瑞秋在吗?
请问是哪一位?
我是罗斯
哪位罗斯?
“罗斯和瑞秋”的罗斯
嗨，我是马克
嗨，马克
嗨
等一下
好
嗨，亲爱的
马克怎么会替你接电话?
他只是在瞎混罢了
有意思
他干嘛不在自己
办公室瞎混?
这里就是他办公室，我说过
我们是乔安娜的两个助理
乔安娜为什么需要两个助理?
她很懒吗?
我的天，我做了什么?
我刚把三千副胸罩
送到人事部去了
我要挂电话了
马克，我需要你
好，再见
对不起，甜心，
我只是要…
我只是要打
下一个电话
我30秒钟换好衣服
就是让你跟他独处
你最好赶快展开攻势
我不要展开什么攻势
你不要的话，我要
拜托你走吧?
晚安，摩妮卡
晚安，胡利欧
胡利欧，有人把书忘在这里了
老实说，那是我的书
你在看什么书?
波特莱尔的“恶之花”
你看过没有?
我看过没有?
没有，你喜欢吗?
我本来以为我会喜欢
不过翻译得不好
你是诗人，居然不懂
其实我……
我是诗人
那你一定懂了
你都写些什么?
写一些让我感动的事物
婆娑树影
童稚笑容
或这片嘴唇
我的？
这里?
我可以为这片嘴唇写一部史诗
要怎么写?
虽然没有押韵…
不过我喜欢
你们得扒一、两个钱包
孩子们……
你得扒一、两个…
钱包…
真好
太好了
真的?谢谢
乔伊，我们非常希望
星期六再看到你
太好了
我会来的
别忘了带你的爵士舞鞋
来参加舞蹈试演
我的经纪人说这个角色不必跳舞
所有的角色都要跳一点舞
但以你的舞蹈背景
小意思罢了
追随妥拉萨普
学习三年现代舞?
在美国芭蕾舞团
待了五年?
谁的履历表不灌水?
我也没有演过Z00M
你到底会不会跳舞?
我会跳舞，你知道…
这是干什么?
现在看起来很蠢
因为没有放音乐
我得去接电话
嗨
听我说，我需要个脱衣舞娘
我听说你是跳脱衣舞的
我问你，你多收一百块
可以额外提供什么服务?
那我要提供葡萄吗?
嗨
你昨晚跟胡利欧约会的
情况怎么样，小姐?
简直不可思议，他性感又聪明
这让他显得更性感
我得告诉你昨晚我们亲热的时候?，
突然之间，他停下来写诗…
少来了，我就算被陨石打中
也停不下来
我们请了脱衣舞娘“水晶吊灯小姐”
给小孩取这种名字
长大了还能做什么?
但他忘了把这首诗带走
我看不懂诗
不过我觉得这是一首好诗
你们看看
“空花瓶”
半透明的美
不要念出来
写得很好
对，我也觉得，菲比?
太棒了我真高兴
你们都喜欢
我得去上班了
看完再还给我
回头见再见
我的天…可怜的摩妮卡
怎么了?…
他在跟她亲热的时候写这首诗
我的花瓶如此美丽
内里空无一物
如今我伸手触摸
你看似更加空洞
她觉得摩妮卡很空洞
她是个空花瓶
你真的觉得他是这个意思?
一点都没错
老天，她看起来好幸福
看完了
你有圣罗兰的档案吗?
当然有，就在
那是什么?
是罗斯送的，爱的金龟
他想向全世界宣告
你已经名花有主了
他不是这个意思
他只是非常浪漫罢了
对不起，你是瑞秋格林吗?
1 2 3
恭喜你履新职的第一周
要不了多久你就会当老板了
你知道到时候
谁会支持你
就是你唯一的男朋友
有男朋友真好
你忠心、深情的男友，罗斯
我伤心，我真的很伤心…
你居然以为我送那些东西
不是出于对你的爱
伤心
好，我懂了，你很伤心
男人不能请理发店四重唱，
到女朋友的办公室吗?
拜托，罗斯这实在太明显了
你好像在划定地盘
你干脆到办公室来
在我的桌子周围撒尿好了
我绝对不会这么做
听我说，我知道这是怎么回事
马克都跟我解释过了
他说你们男人就是这样
如果马克这么说
那马克就是白痴
马克是个天才
为什么?怎么说?
他为什么会是天才?
你还看不出来吗?
他没有勾引她
反而当了她的手帕交
现在她就会跑去
跟他抱怨你
我该怎么办?
何不送她一个音乐金龟?
不，你已经送过了
你得亲自过去
偶尔让她惊喜一下
我不知道
很好，不要轻举妄动
坐着跟我们聊天
这时候她正在跟她谈你
他对她体贴入微
她在想“也许他就是我的伴侣
他这么了解我”
你还没搞清楚状况
她就跟他在一起了
你就会说“老天”
他会说“太棒了”
我们都会说“傻瓜”
很快你就会说…
“嗨”
还有“我不能去
瑞秋和马克可能在那里”
我们会说“忘了吧已经四年了”
他说得活灵活现，不是吗?
这是雪丽席格12月的设计
等等，我有东西要给你
没关系，瑞秋知道
对，但就算是这样……
我控制不了，我为你疯狂
你真会讲话
我知道我老是做不得体的事
但是这真的好难
看着你走来走去
我好想把你抱在怀里
来，这里没有人，吻我吧
好了，够了，放开她
怎么回事?
怎么回事?我告诉你
这是怎么回事
我在你们公司找领带
找了20分钟
要怎么样才有人来服务我?
嗨，瑞秋
乔伊特里班尼
现在出了问题
舞蹈领队打电话来
他感情出现危机不能离开长岛
这表示试演取消了吗?
既然你的经验丰富
我希望你来带舞者动作
什么?
好啦，很简单嘛
你知道，就是手…
头……
抬起来…不要挤在一起…
大旋转…腿转圈…
滑过来，一步，再一步…
爵士手势
这么说是踏步舞步和爵士手势
跳得高兴点
再见
你在包什么?
看我送胡利欧什么?
是个花瓶
就像他那首诗
不完全跟那首诗一样
此话怎讲?
记得你说过你不会看诗吗?
这么说我只是个空洞的花瓶?
什么?
好，我不像你那样常看名著
我也不写表里不一的怪诗
我喜欢愚蠢的东西
就像我的时人杂志来的时候…
还有“抓住一切”的型录来的时候…
但这并不表示我是空洞的！
我关心我的家人和朋友
你没有权利批判我
你根本不了解我
这首诗讲的不是你
什么?
“空花瓶”讲的不是你
我亲爱的宝贝…
你居然这么想，我好难过
对不起，这…
我朋友菲比说…
这是讲所有的女人
应该是说…
全美国的女人
释怀了没有?
好，来吧
那是什么玩意儿?
他们最多只能跳到这个程度
各位……
各位……
我们再试一次
这次大家好好看着乔伊
教他们怎么跳
弹琴，麦克
“中央咖啡厅”
你昨晚参加告别单身派对
玩得开心吗?
看我拿到什么?
看，她穿着衣服，对吗?
然后按一下，她裸体了！
然后再按一下她又穿上衣服了
她是个做生意的女人
走在大街上
她在逛橱窗，
哦，她裸体了！
我要跟这只笔独处一阵子
对不起，我是个白痴
大白痴
大白痴
你必须了解…
我很难接受马克这件事…
为什么?
我们在一起快一年了
我跟卡洛在一起八年了
而我失去了她
现在，如果有这个可能
我想我爱你此爱她更深
所以我很难相信我不会…
别人不会把你夺走…
让我夺走她吧…
亲爱的，你的话好窝心
我只是觉得
如果两个人彼此相爱
彼此信任，像我们这样
就没有理由嫉妒
我得走了
再见，钱德
这枝笔有点无聊了
可以帮我拿几本色情杂志吗?
你要去哪里?
我得去接班
带他跟别人出去玩
跟谁?
跟我昨晚在派对上认识的女人
昨晚派对的女人?，
脱衣舞娘?
你跟脱衣舞娘一起出去玩?
老天，我得生个孩子才行
她跳玩脱衣舞之后我们开始聊天
她有个和班年龄相仿的儿子
我们要带孩子去上健保园
可以吗?
当然可以，她结婚没有?
你嫉妒吗?
我不懂她干嘛跟你出去玩
她没有其他
当妈妈的脱衣舞娘朋友吗?
你嫉妒得要命
我才没有嫉妒
这是因为…
人们对脱衣舞娘…
都有某种…
看法，你知道…
我也爱你
再见
等等……
干嘛?
这个吻可以让他回味好几个小时
否则，你刚煽起他的火来
反而便宜了脱衣舞娘
胡利欧在这里吗?
我就是胡利欧
你非常自以为是
以为自己好得不得了
你的诗都没出版
你在餐厅工作
你不是上帝对女人的恩赐
这只是你自以为是
你只是个马屁精
没人喜欢马屁精
你的床上工夫也很烂

回复引用

顶端

77恋兰

ZxID：11247485

23212鲜花 10鸡蛋

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 61楼发表于: 2014-03-20 0

317 The One Without The Ski Trip

[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch reading.]
Joey: Can I see the comics?
Chandler: This is the New York Times.
Joey: Okay, may I see the comics?
[Monica and Phoebe enter.]
Monica: Guys. I thought you were taking Ross to the game?
Chandler: We are. He's meeting us here.
Monica: No! Rachel is meeting us here.
Phoebe: Oh come on, they can be in the same room.
Joey: Yeah, you shoulda been there last night.
Phoebe: Why? What happened now?
Joey: Well Ross was hangin' out over at our place, Rachel comes over to borrow some moisturiser from Chandler....
Chandler: Yeah y-you, how hard is it to say something? Rachel came over to borrow something.
Joey: Anyway! Her and Ross just started yelling at each other.
Phoebe: Wait. Why was he yelling at her? He's the one who slept with someone else.
Joey: Well, I guess he says that because they were on a break when it happened, that she should of forgiven him by now.
Phoebe: Whoa!! He is soo unreasonable! God, although I think I understand what he means. Oh my God, this is like 60 Minutes, okay, when, when, at first you're really mad at that pharmaceutical company for making the drug and then y'know you just feel bad for the people because they needed to make their hair grow.
Chandler: Y'know what this is like? This is like when my parents got divorced. Man, I hope Ross doesn't try to kidnap me after Cub Scouts.
Phoebe: Y'know I had a dream where Ross and Rachel were still together, they never broke up. And we were all just like hanging out, and everyone was happy....
Joey: I had the same dream!
Phoebe: Yeah, and nobody slept with that Xerox girl.
Joey: Oh, I had the opposite dream.
Chandler: Y'know what maybe it's gonna be okay, I mean it's been a week.
Joey: Yeah, I mean it's never taken me a week to get over a relationship.
Monica: It's never taken you more than a shower to get over a relationship.
[Rachel enters.]
Monica: (seeing her) Okay, let's go!! Let's hit the road!!
Rachel: Hey!
Monica: Let's get the show on it!
Rachel: Okay, let me just get a cup of coffee.
Monica: Oh Rachel, I know the best coffee house and it's sooo close.
Rachel: Closer than here?
Phoebe: (turning around and picking a cup off of a table) Oh, hey, look, I found coffee! (handing her the cup) Okay, let's skedaddle.
Rachel: Wait, I'm not just gonna drink somebody's old coffee.
Phoebe: Okay, your highness.
[Ross enters behind Rachel, and look at each other for a moment.]
Phoebe: (in a deep voice, imitating Ross) Um, Rachel I'm really sorry. (imitating Rachel) That's okay, do you wanna get back together? (imitating Ross) Yeah, okay. (in her normal voice) Did anyone else hear that?!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the whole gang is there, except for Ross and Rachel. Joey is trying to eat Chinese with chopsticks and fails miserably. There's a knock on the door, and Chandler answers it to reveal Rachel]
Rachel: (softly) Is he here?
Chandler: No.
Rachel: Oh. (smiles) Here's your moisturiser. Hi!
Monica and Phoebe: Hey!
Rachel: You guys are gonna love meee! Okay, check it out, Thursday night, five tickets, Calvin Klein lingerie show, and you guys are coming with me. (they're all silent and look away) Okay, I said that out loud right?
Chandler: Yes, yes, it's just that we ah, we kinda all ready, made plans with Ross.
Rachel: Oh, well okay. Well, there you go.
Phoebe: No, it's just that he got this new like home theater dealie, and he wants y'know, us to check it out.
Rachel: Hm-mm.
Chandler: Yeah, he's really excited about it too, he even recorded show times on his answering machine.
Rachel: Ohh!
Monica: We're sorry honey.
Rachel: Oh, it's okay. (starts to leave)
Joey: Rach, it's, it's ah, it's not that we don't want to, really. (quietly) Are we talking models in their underwear?
Rachel: And heels.
Joey: (He turns around to Chandler looking for approval to go with Rachel, Chandler mouths 'Come on!') (turning back to Rachel) Ross, did ask us first, and we set that night aside.
Rachel: No, hey, come on, if he asked you first, that's only fair. (leaves)
[Chandler makes a noise of absolute disgust and heads into the living room.]
Phoebe: Ohhh boy, do I feel bad.
Joey: Oh yeah.
Monica: Very bad.
[We see Chandler lighting up a cigarette.]
Phoebe: Chandler what are you doing?!
Monica: Chandler!!
Chandler: (jumps back and points at the cigarette) Oh my God!
Joey: You're smoking again?!
Chandler: Well, actually, yesterday I was smoking again. Today, I'm, I'm smoking still.
Phoebe: Why would you start again after chewing all that quitting gum?
Chandler: Look, I'm telling you this is just like my parents divorce, which is when I started smoking in the first place.
Monica: Weren't you nine?!
Chandler: Yeahhh. I'm tellin' ya something, that ah, first smoke after nap time....
[There's a knock on the door.]
Chandler: Oh that's great, with my luck, that's gonna be him.
Phoebe: Him? Him, Ross?
Chandler: Nope, hymn 253, His Eyes Are On The Sparrow! When my parents got divorced is when I started using humour as a defence mechanism. (answers the door and it's Rachel again.)
Rachel: Hi! Uhh, do you guys have plans for the weekend? Because I have my sister on hold, and she said that we could use her cabin for the weekend and go skiing. Huh? I'm asking you first, right?!. I mean I'm playing by the rules.
All: Absolutely, yeah!
Rachel: Chandler! You're smoking? What are you doing?!
Chandler: Hey, shut up!! You're not my real Mom!!
[Scene: Ross's, the gang, minus Rachel of course, is there. Chandler is forced to smoke by an open window.]
Joey: (obviously cold) Hey, can you close that window Chandler? My nipples can cut glass over here!
Phoebe: Wait. Really?! 'Cause mine get me out of tickets.
Ross: Look, you guys I just wanna say, I really, really appreciate you spending this time with me. It's been a pretty hard time right now, so I just wanna say thanks.
Chandler: Can somebody else hug him? I have to stay by the window.
Ross: Oh hey, hey, huh, how about this weekend we have a laser disc marathon okay, and maybe a tournament on my new dart board? Huh, huh, what do you think? (in an Irish accent) Two days of darts, it'll be great!
Joey: It'll be great for next weekend.
Ross: No, no, no, this weekend guys!
Joey: It'll be great for next weekend. I mean, (in an Irish accent) it'll be grrreat.
Ross: What's going on?
Phoebe: Well, we were um, sorta invited to go skiing, y'know Rachel's sister's cabin. (Chandler goes back to the window to smoke again.)
Ross: So, for the whole weekend?
Monica: We're really sorry, but um, she did ask us first.
Ross: Yeah, that's okay, I mean if you guys all have to go away for the first weekend I'm alone by myself, y'know then I totally, totally understand.
Phoebe: Y'know what, I can stay, I'm gonna stay. 'Cause the last time I went skiing I was to afraid to jump off the chair lift, I just went around and around.
Joey: Uh, Pheebs we kinda need you to drive us all up there in your grandmother's cab, but y'know what, I'll stay.
Monica: Noo! I'll stay. He's my brother.
Ross: What a pity stay?
Monica: No! We're gonna have fun. We can make fudge!
Ross: Pity food? Y'know what that's okay, all right, I don't need any of you to stay, okay nobody stays.
Chandler: Well, then, I might as well offer to stay.
[Scene: In Phoebe's Grandmother's cab, driving up to the cabin. Phoebe's driving, Rachel's sitting shotgun, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are in the back seat.]
Joey: (to Chandler and Monica) Hey, does anybody else feel bad about Ross?
Monica: Why? Do you think he's still mad at us?
Chandler: (to Joey) Well he's probably mad after you called him this morning to borrow his goggles.
Joey: What? Mine aren't tinted.
[Chandler starts to light a cigarette.]
Phoebe: Chandler!!
Chandler: What?
Phoebe: What does the sign say?
Chandler: Beam me up Jesus.
Phoebe: No, the 'No Smoking' sign. There's no smoking in my Grandmother's cab.
Chandler: Okay, well, then, I-I have to go to the bathroom.
All: Oh!
Phoebe: Please!
Monica: No Chandler no! No unscheduled stops. You can go when we stop for gas.
Chandler: Oh, come on, there's a rest stop right up there! Come on, I really have to goooooooooo.
Joey: Oh, now I have to go!!
[Scene: The rest stop, Phoebe's pulling in.]
Chandler: Here we go. Okay, brace yourselves.
Monica: What?
[Both Chandler and Joey put their feet up against the glass, Monica doesn't and gets thrown up against the glass.]
Rachel: Okay.
Monica: Ow!
[Joey gets out and sprints to the bathroom and Chandler follows with a cigarette in his hands.]
Phoebe: (to Rachel, who's staying in the cab.) Aren't you gonna go?
Rachel: No. Thank you.
Monica: (getting out) No, Rachel never pees in public restrooms.
Rachel: Well, they never have any paper in there y'know. So my rule is 'no tissue, no tuschy.' (Phoebe laughs and gets out.) Well, if everybody's going. (She gets out and starts to close the door.)
Phoebe: No, y'know what don't close it (Rachel slams the door shut locking themselves out.) 'cause the... keys...are in there.
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no!!
Joey: What's going on?
Chandler: (to Joey) My lighter's in there! (points to the cab)
Commercial Break
[Scene: The rest stop, the gang is still stuck, Chandler is kneeling at the rear bumper.]
Chandler: Damn! (stands up) The tailpipe's not hot enough to light this!
Joey: Relax okay, I-I-I can get this open. Anybody have a coat hanger?
Chandler: Oh I do! Op, no, wait a minute, I took it out of my shirt when I put it on this morning.
Monica: So, if you're parents hadn't got divorced, you'd be able to answer a question like a normal person?
Joey: Look, I just need a wire something to jimmy it. Oh hey, one of you guys give me the underwire from your bra!
Monica: What?!
Rachel: What?!
Joey: Come on! Who has the biggest boobs?
Monica: Please!!
Joey: Whoever has the biggest boobs, has the biggest bra, therefore has the biggest wire.
The Girls: No, not getting my bra!
Joey: If you wanna get back in the car, we need the wire, your call.
Phoebe: Okay, Monica's are the biggest.
Monica: These tiny, little non-breasts?! Please, it's gotta be Rachel.
Rachel: What, no, no, no, mine are deceptively small I mean, I-I-I actually sometimes, st-stuff my bra.
Monica: All right then, your bra would still be big.
Rachel: No, I stuff outside the bra.
Chandler: Ladies, ladies, let's just compromise okay? Phoebe, Rachel take off Monica's bra.
Phoebe: All right, forget it, nevermind, you can have mine.
[Chandler crumples up his cigarette pack and throws it on the ground.]
Rachel: (seeing him) Chandler, what are you doing? There is a trash can right there.
Chandler: Well, I thought if I littered, that crying Indian might come by and save us.
Phoebe: (finishing removing her bra) Okay, there.
Joey: Thank you Phoebe, that is very, very generous.
Chandler: Okay, now let's decide who has the nicest ass.
Joey: (opening the door) And there you go!
All: Oh, yeahhhhh!!!
[They all run to get in the cab, and Chandler pulls out a smoke.]
Monica: Chandler!!
Chandler: At least let me smoke it to the good part.
[Phoebe puts the car in gear and starts to back out.]
Phoebe: Okay. (The car moves a few feet and sputters to a stop.) Oh, no!
Rachel: What, what's it, what's going on?
Phoebe: Yeah, this has happened before.
Rachel: So you know how to fix it?
Phoebe: Yep. Put more gas in.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Carol is setting a romantic dinner for Susan as there is a knock on the door.]
Carol: (answering the door) Hi!
Ross: (entering) Hey.
Carol: Hey, what are you doing here?
Ross: Well, oh just ah, I was just wondering, when you and I split up, did you get the tape that was half the last episode of M*A*S*H and half the hostages coming home?
Carol: Ah yeah, but now it's Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
Ross: Where's Ben?
Carol: He's sleeping.
Ross: Ahh. (notices the table) Ooh, is this a ah, is this a bad time?
Carol: Umm, yeah, actually, Susan's gonna be home any minute, it's kinda an anniversary.
Ross: Oh! I thought you guys got married in uh, January?
Carol: It's not that kind of anniversary.
Ross: Ah! (realises) Oh.
Carol: Sooo!! Anyway...
Ross: Umm, candles, champagne, yeah anniversaries are great. 'Cause you know love lasts forever, y'know. Nothing like it in this lifetime, money in the bank, so Rachel and I broke up.
Carol: Oh God, Ross I am so sorry.
Ross: Yeah, well.
Carol: Y'know what, I want to talk to you about this so much, but we should probably do it when we could really get into it, are you free for dinner tomorrow night?
Ross: Oh yeah, I'd love that.
Carol: Oh, great! Me too.
Ross: I guess it all started when Rachel got this new job. (he sits down at the table.)
[Scene: The rest stop, Phoebe is on the phone to the motor club.]
Phoebe: Okay, yeah. (to Monica and Rachel) Triple A can pick us up.
Rachel: Great!
Phoebe: Yeah, what town are we near?
Monica: Freemont. West-Westmont, ah Westburg?
Phoebe: (to Monica) Then why are you answering? Do you at least know what route we're on?
Rachel: Yeah, we are definitely on Route 27.
Phoebe: Okay. (on phone) We are at a rest stop on Route 27. Okay. (to Rachel) There is no Route 27. (listens) (to Rachel) Okay, either 93 or 76?
Rachel: I don't know, I'm sorry, I always slept in the back when we drove up here.
Phoebe: Okay. (on phone) Hey, can you send somebody up and down 76 and check every rest stop, and, and also 93? (listens) Okay! (hangs up) Yeah, no they don't do that.
Rachel: Ugh, okay, well somebody will come and save us.
Monica: Who? I mean have you seen a car come by here in the last hour and a half? I think we should call Ross, maybe he can get a car and come pick us up.
Rachel: No! No, I am not getting in a car with Ross, we will just have to live here!
Phoebe: But if...
Rachel: No you guys, I am not getting in a car with him, you'll have to think of something else.
Phoebe: Oh good, oh Joey and Chandler are back.
[Joey walks up helping Chandler.]
Monica: So the going for help went well?
Joey: Oh yeah, Smokey Joe here got half way to the highway and collapsed.
Chandler: I have the lung capacity of a two year old. (starts to light another cigarette.)
Monica: Then why are you smoking?
Chandler: Well it's very unsettling.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Ross is eating the dinner Carol made for Susan.]
Ross: ....right? Right? I mean it's pretty unbelievable y'know, I mean they just took off, took off without even looking back. Y'know I don't, I don't need them, huh, I've got you guys now as friends, you and Susan.
Carol: Ah, Susan will be so pleased.
[Ross's beeper goes off.]
Ross: (looking at the page) 717? (to Carol) Where's 717? (He gets up to return the page, Carol starts to take the last of the food into the kitchen, but Ross grabs the last piece.) Hey, you've have more of these for Susan right?
Carol: No. But it's okay, I'll just put out pickles or something.
[Cut to the rest stop, Monica and Phoebe are waiting anxiously by the phone as it rings.]
Phoebe: (answering the phone) (whispering) Ross, thank God.
Ross: Pheebs? What, why are you whispering?
Phoebe: I ate a bug.
[Rachel starts to walk up.]
Monica: (running over to stop Rachel) Hey Rach, the tampons here are only a penny. Let's stock up. (takes her into the bathroom)
Phoebe: Listen Ross, we ran out of gas, and we don't know where we are, so we can't get a tow truck.
Ross: Oh, now you want a favour?
Phoebe: Yes, please.
Ross: Well, oh, I'm sorry your car broke down Pheebs, but I'm a little too busy with some of my real friends right now, but please call to let me know you got home safely okay?
Carol: (running over and grabbing the phone away from Ross) (on phone) Phoebe, hang on a second. (Hands Ross her keys) Here, take my car, go pick up your friends.
Ross: No, I'm not gonna pick them up.
Carol: Listen, we both know you're gonna do it 'cause you're not a jerk. Okay? So you can either sulk here for a half hour and then go pick them up, or save us both time and sulk in the car.
Ross: No, Rachel doesn't want me to....
Carol: Look, I-I-I am sorry that Rachel dumped you 'cause she fell in love with that Mark guy, and you are the innocent victim in all of this, but don't punish your friends for what Rachel did to you.
Ross: Yeah, you're right.
Carol: (on phone) Phoebe hang on a second Ross wants to say something. (listens) What? (listens) (to Ross) You slept with someone else?!
Ross: We were on a break!!! Okay!! (grabs the phone) We were, we were..., (calms down) yeah. Where are you? I'll find you. (hangs up)
Carol: You slept with another woman?
Ross: Oh, you-you're-you're one to talk.
[Scene: The rest stop, Joey is making a sign.]
Joey: Okay, done.
Monica: (reading the sign) What's 'pleh'?
Joey: That's 'help' spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air!
Monica: Huh. What's doofus spelled backwards?
[Ross drives up.]
Rachel: (all excited) Op, op, car! Car!! (sees it's Ross) Ugh!!!
Phoebe: Oh, it's Ross on one of his drives!
Chandler and Joey: Hey!!
Phoebe: Hi!
Rachel: What is he doing here?!
Ross:He is saving your butt, ah, unless of course I'm stepping on some toes here, in which case I can just mosey on, I've got plenty of people to help on the Interstate.
All: No! Come on!
Rachel: All right!! Fine! Fine.
[Ross grabs the gas can he brought along, and walks through Joey's sign destroying it.]
Joey: Arrrghh!!
Chandler: Oh no, now it's not gonna make any sense!
Phoebe: (to Chandler and Monica) You guys, what, what do we do about Ross who drove all the way up here? What do we do? Just like send him back and we're then gonna go skiing?
Chandler: Oh, this is horrible, it's just horrible.
Joey: Guys, do you think we should ask Ross to come along?
Monica: I know, what about Rachel? I mean how are we even gonna ask her?
Rachel: Ask me what?
Monica: Umm, if ah, it might be okay if Ross came skiing?
Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey: No, I wasn't gonna ask you that, no.
Rachel: You guys are unbelievable. No! He cannot come.
Ross: Excuse me?
Chandler: It's horrible.
Ross: (sarcastic) Oh please, can't I come to your special, magical cabin?
Rachel: Why would you even want to come Ross? You're a horrible skier.
Ross: Oh-oh, hitting me where it hurts, my ski skills.
Monica: Here we go again.
Joey: I-I can't handle this, you guys.
Chandler: Y'know what, I can handle it, handle's my middle name. Actually it's the ah, middle part of my first name.
Ross: All right Pheebs, your cab's ready.
Rachel: All right, let's go!
Ross: You're welcome.
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry, were you speaking to me or sleeping with someone else?
Ross: We were on a break!
Rachel: Y'know Ross why don't you put that on your answering machine!
Ross: Hey-hey, it's valid okay? And I'm not the only one who thinks so, Monica agrees with me.
Rachel: (to Monica) What?!
Monica: (shyly) I don't know.
Ross: That's what you said last night.
Monica: What I said was, was that I understood. Joey's the one who agreed with you!
Ross: Okay.
Rachel: Really Joey?
Joey: (pause) What?
Phoebe: Y'know what, but there is, there is no right or wrong, here.
Rachel: No, I think it's very obvious who's wrong here.
Ross: Obviously not to Joey.
[They all turn around and look at Joey.]
Joey: (pause) What?
[They all start fighting with each other.]
Ross: (to Rachel) Look both, Joey and Monica feel the same way that I do. No-no-no-no.
Chandler: Guys, guys, guess who I am?! (starts dancing around in an effort to stop the fighting.)
[They stop briefly to look at Chandler, but then start fighting again.]
Phoebe: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!! Hey!!! (they all stop fighting, Chandler continues to dance.) Look what you're doing to Chandler!! (Chandler finally stops) (to Ross and Rachel) Yeah, look, we know this is really, really hard for you guys. Okay? (Ross starts to leave) You don't, all right you don't have to love each other, okay? You don't, you don't even have to like each other much right now. But please, you have to figure out a way to be around each other.
Joey: Yeah, and not put us in the middle.
Phoebe: Yeah, otherwise, I mean that's, that's, that's just it for us hanging out together. Y'know is that what you want? (they both look away) Can you be civil?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: I can.
Phoebe: Okay. Good, all right, let's get back in the car, 'cause it's freezing, and my chest is unsupported.
Joey: Oh what, wait, wait a second, I mean, what are we doing? Who's going with who?
Ross: Look, you guys, you guys should go. (Joey tries to say something, but Ross cuts him off.) No, I'm, you, you planned this all out, and I don't want to ruin it, so you guys should just go.
Joey: Come on man, you drove all the way up here.
Ross: No, no, really, I've got to take the car back anyway, I'm spending all day tomorrow with Ben, It's fine, no guilt I promise.
Rachel: Thank you.
Monica: All right, we'll call you when we get back.
Ross: Okay.
Phoebe: Maybe we can like go to a movie or something.
Ross: Okay.
Phoebe: Or, or the rodeo!!
Ross: That would be great.
Phoebe: Okay!
Chandler: I was being Shelly Winters from The Poseidon Adventure.
Ross: I know!
[They all get in the cab and drive away.]
Phoebe: Bye!!!
[Ross tries to start the truck, and discovers the battery's dead.]
Closing Credits
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Carol is running to answer the door.]
Carol: (looking through the peephole) Ugh. (opening the door) Ross!
Ross: (entering) Hi! Sorry I'm late. Were you sleeping?
Carol: Ahh, nooo!!
Ross: Oh, great! Listen, oh I had to get you a whole new battery. I got you the best one I could, 'cause that's not where you want to skimp.
Carol: You're a genius, Ross.
Ross: Yeah, well it came to about $112, but what the hell, just call it an even 110?
Carol: Okay, I'll pay you tomorrow. (pushes him out the door)
Ross: Okay.
Carol: Okay, bye!!
Ross: So they ah, they all took off, it was pretty hard watching them go, y'know?
Carol: Yeah, okay, bye. (closes the door, turns out the lights, and runs back to the bedroom)
Ross: (outside the door) So I'm gonna take off then!
End

317 滑雪之旅

可以给我看漫画吗?
这是纽约时报
好，能否借我看漫画?
你们不是要带罗斯去看球?
是啊，我们约在这里
瑞秋也跟我们约在这里
他们还是可以共处一室吧
你昨晚没看到
怎么了？
罗斯在我们那边
瑞秋来跟钱德借润肤乳…
你不能说借“东西”吗?
瑞秋过来借“东西”
反正她和罗斯就开始对骂
他怎么敢骂她?
他跟别人上床耶
他说他们当时分手了
所以她早就该原谅他了
他真不可理喻，真是的
不寡桃了解他的意思
天哪，这样好像“60分钟”
你本来很气制药公司
生产一种药
后来又很同情那些人，因为…
他们想要长头发
我父母离婚时就是这样
希望罗斯看完球
不会企图绑架我
我梦到罗斯和瑞秋没有分手
我们开心的在一起
我也梦到了
没有人跟那个女的上床
我的刚好相反
也许不要紧，都一个星期了
我结束一段感情
从不超过一星期
你一冲完澡
一段感情就结束了
走吧，上路了，
我们去玩吧
我先喝杯咖啡
附近有一家很棒的咖啡馆
比这里近?
你看，我找到一杯
我们走吧
我才不喝别人喝剩的
是，殿下
“瑞秋，对不起”
“没关系，你想复合吗?”
“好啊”
你们有听到吗?
他在吗?
你的润肤乳
你们会爱死我!
萄桃说
周四晚上，五张票
卡文克莱内衣秀
你们要跟我一起去
我有说出声音来吧?
有，只是我们已经……
跟罗斯有约了
好吧
就这样吧
他买了新的家庭剧院组合
想找我们去看
他很兴奋
还在答录机里录了节目表
对不起
没关系
不是我们不想去，真的
模特儿穿内衣走秀?
还有高跟鞋
罗斯先开口，我们也排好了
没关系，是他先约的，很公平
我好受不了
非常受不了
钱德，你在干什么?
天哪
你又抽烟了?
那是昨天
今天是“还在抽”
嚼了那么多戒烟口香糖
为什么又开始抽了?
我父母离婚时就像这样
害我学会抽烟
你不是才9岁?
午睡后来一根最过瘾
帅啊，我猜是他
罗斯?
不，是赞美诗253篇“爱的恩泽”
我父母离婚后我开始用幽默来自卫
你们周末有计划吗?
我妹说周末
可以到她的小屋去滑雪
是我先问的吧?
我有遵守游戏规则
没问题
钱德，你抽烟?
你怎么搞的?
闭嘴，你又不是我的亲娘
关窗子好吗?
我的乳头硬到可以割玻璃
真的?
我的让我躲掉罚单
真的很谢谢你们来陪我
这阵子很难熬，真的谢谢你们
谁去抱抱他
我得留在窗子旁边
周末要不要来个影碟马拉松?
或是来比赛，我有新的…
飞镖盘!
怎么样?
连射两天飞镖，一定很好玩
不如排在下周末
不，这个周末
不如排在下周末
一定会很好玩
怎么回事?
我们被找去滑雪
要去瑞秋的妹妹的小屋
整个周末?
对不起，是她先约的
没关系，我失恋的第一个周末
你们都要出城去
我完全可以理解
我可以留下来，我留下来
上次去滑雪
我根本不敢下吊车
就这样坐来坐去
你得开你奶奶的车载我们去
这样吧，我留下来
不，我留，他是我的哥哥
这是同情吗?
我们会玩得很开心
我们来做牛奶软糖
同情的食物?
没关系，我不需要你们留下来
谁都不准留下来
那我也表示一下好了
有人在替罗斯难过吗?
你觉得他还在生气?
更气了，你居然跟他借护目镜
怎样?
我的没有颜色
怎样?
标示说什么?
“主耶稣，请照耀我”
是“禁止吸烟”的标示
我奶奶的车上不能抽烟
那我要上厕所
拜托
没事不准停车
加油的时候再去
那边有休息站
我真的得上厕所
现在我也想上了
到了
坐好
什么？
你不去？
不了
瑞秋不上公共厕所
里面都没有卫生纸
所以我决定没有面纸
就不嘘嘘
既然大家都下车了…
别关门!钥匙在里面
怎么了！
打火机在里面
妈的排气管不够烫，点不着
我会开门，谁有衣架?
我有
不对，早上穿衣服时拿掉了
要是你的父母没有离婚
你就能正常的回答问题?
我需要铁丝类的东西把它撬开
把你们内衣的钢丝给我
快，谁的胸部最大?
胸部最大，内衣的钢丝也最长
不要
很贵耶
有钢丝才能回车上
你们决定
摩妮卡最大
这两粒小红豆?
拜托绝对是瑞秋
不对，我的是骗人的
我有时候还会垫东西
所以你的内衣还是很大
我都垫在内衣外面
小姐们，你们就让步吧！
菲比、瑞秋脱了摩妮卡的胸罩
好啦，算了
我脱
谢谢
你干什么?
那里就有垃圾桶
我想引来印地安人
这样就有救了
拿去
菲比，谢了，你真大方
现在来比谁的屁股翘
上车吧
至少让我爽一下
怎么搞的？
怎么了
我碰过这种状况
那你会修了？
会，加油
你怎么来了?
我在想，我们分手时
你有没有分到一卷带子录了
最后一集的“外科医生”
和人质回国的新闻?
现在是苏珊和我游墨西哥
和人质回国的新闻
班呢?
在睡觉
我来得不是时候?
没错，苏珊马上就要来了
今天是个纪念日
你们不是一月结婚?
是另一个纪念日
总之……
蜡烛、香槟
纪念日真好
因为爱是永恒的
什么也比不上爱情可靠
瑞秋和我分手了
天哪，真可惜
你知道吗?
我很想陪你聊一聊
但要找个能长谈的时间
明天晚餐可以吗?
太好了
我也是
一切都是因为瑞秋找到新工作
汽车协会可以来载我们
我们靠近哪个镇?
佛利蒙特
威斯蒙特
威斯柏格?
不知道就别说
我们在哪条路上?
绝对是27号公路
我们在27号公路一个休息站
没有27号公路
不是93号就是76号我不知道
我每次来都在后座睡觉
能不能请人沿着76号公路找?
还有93号公路?
他们不干
一定会有人来救我们
谁?
这一个半小时有车子经过吗?
应该找罗斯他可以借车来载我们
我不要跟罗斯同车
我们必须……
耗在这里
但是好冷，
不行
我不跟他同车，想别的办法
乔伊和钱德回来了
求援过程很顺利?
老烟熗走到一半就挂了
我的肺活量跟两岁小孩一样
那你为什么要抽烟?
我很不安
对吧?
真是太扯了
他们就这样头也不回的出发
我不需要他们
我有你们这些朋友
你和苏珊
苏珊会很高兴
717？
717是哪里?
你有帮苏珊留吧?
没有，不过没关系
还有酸黄瓜可以吃
罗斯，谢天谢地
菲比?
为什么这么小声?
我吃了一只虫子
瑞秋，这里的棉条
只要一毛钱
我们买来屯积
我们没油了，又不知道方位
没办法叫拖车
现在需要帮忙了?
对，拜托
很抱歉你们的车子挂了
但是我忙着跟真朋友联络感情
等你们安全到家，记得通知我
菲比，等一下
开我的车去接你朋友
我才不要去接他们
我们都知道你会去
因为你不是混蛋
你顶多再骂个半小时
还是会去接他们
不如节省时间去车上骂
瑞秋不会…
很遗憾瑞秋为了马克甩了你
你是无辜的受害者
但不要为了瑞秋迁怒你的朋友
你说得对
菲比，等一下，
罗斯要跟你说
什么?
你跟别人上床?
我们当时在分手状态
我们
你们在哪里?
我去找
你跟别的女人上床?
你还敢说
好了
什么是“命救”?
就是“救命”反过来
好让直升机上的人看得懂
“呆子”反过来怎么写?
有车子
罗斯出来兜风了
他来干什么?
他来救你们一命
除非我惹到了某个人
那我可以闪人
州际公路上有很多人需要帮助
我们需要你
好好好
完了，别人会看不懂
喂
罗斯怎么办?
他大老远跑来
难道要叫他回去
我们自己去滑雪?
烦死了
要找罗斯一起去吗?
那瑞秋呢?
要怎么向她开口?
开什么口?
罗斯能不能去滑雪?
我才没有要问
你们太扯了
不行，他不能去
什么，
烦死了
求求你，让我去你的神奇小屋
你去干什么?你滑雪滑得很烂
真是说到我的痛处啊!
又来了
我没办法处理
我有办法
“处理”是我的名字
我的名字去头去尾就是“处理”
菲比，你的车子好了
走吧
不客气
抱歉，你在跟我说话
还是跟别人上床?
我们当时分手了
你干脆在答录机里留这句话
本来就是，不只我这么想
摩妮卡也同意
什么?
我不知道
你昨晚说的
我是说我能理解
乔伊才认同你
是吗，乔伊?
什么?
这件事没有对错
我觉得错的是谁
很明显
乔伊不这么想
什么?
乔伊和摩妮卡跟我感觉一样
你只会装无辜
你们猜我在学谁?
你们把钱德害得多惨
听着，我们知道你们都很难受
你们不必爱对方
你们现在甚至不必喜欢对方
但是请设法和平相处
别让我们左右为难
否则我们以后就不用在一起了
你们真的想这样?
讲理一点好吗?
我可以
很好，回车上吧，冷死了
我的胸部又吊在那边
等一下
现在是怎样?
谁要跟谁走?
你们去吧
你们都计划好了
我不想破坏，你们去吧
你大老远开车来
反正我还得去还车
我明天一整天都要陪班
没关系，你们去吧
不要有罪恶感，真的
谢谢
回去再打电话给你
我们可以去看电影
或是去看马术表演
听起来不错
我在学“海神号”雪莉温特斯
我知道
再见
抱歉这么晚
你在睡觉?
那就好
你的车子得换电池
我换了一个最好的
这种钱不能省
你真聪明
花了112元
算了，算110就好
明天给你，再见
他们都走了
看他们离开蛮难受的
好，再见
那我走罗

[ 此帖被77恋兰在2014-03-21 00:15重新编辑 ]

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77恋兰

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举报只看该作者 62楼发表于: 2014-03-20 0

318 The One With The Hypnosis Tape

[Scene: Central Perk, all but Chandler are there, Joey laughs for no apparent reason.]
Monica: (to Joey) What's so funny?
Joey: Oh, nothing, no. It's an acting exercise, I'm practising my fake laugh.
Monica: Oh. (she laughs)
Joey: What-what's so funny?
(Chandler enters with a cigarette.)
Gunther: (to Chandler) Oh, no-no, no-no-no, there's none of that in here.
Chandler: Oh come on man! At least let me finish this last one.
Gunther: Okay, but only if you give me a drag.
Chandler: Okay.
(Chandler hands him the cigarette, and he takes a long drag.)
Gunther: Oh dark mother, once again I suckle at your smokey tit. (hands Chandler back the cigarette.)
Chandler: No-no, why don't you hang on to that one.
(He goes and sits down next to Rachel and puts a cigarette in his mouth, which Rachel takes away from him. He puts another cigarette in his mouth, and Rachel takes it away again.)
Chandler: Okay, that's like the least fun game ever.
Rachel: Well, I'm really sick of your smoking, so I brought something that is going to help you quit. (hands him an audio cassette)
Chandler: Oh. (takes the cassette and puts it on his arm like the stop smoking patch, and it falls off.) Nope, that patch is no good. (Joey and Monica both do their fake laughs.)
Rachel: Come on, it's a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasn't smoked since.
Ross: Pffhah.
Rachel: (to Ross) What's your problem?
Ross: Nothing, it's just that hypnosis is beyond crap.
Rachel: Ross, I watched you get hypnotised in Atlantic City.
Ross: Hey, that guy did not hypnotise me! Okay.
Rachel: Oh right, 'cause you always pull your pants down at the count of three and play Wipe-out on your butt cheeks.
Phoebe: All right, y'know forget hypnosis. The way to quit smoking is you have to dance naked in a field of heather, and then bath in the sweat of six healthy young men.
Chandler: Or what my Father called Thursday night.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Ross is handing Rachel a cup of coffee.]
Ross: Here you go.
Rachel: Oh, y'know what, I didn't want cinnamon on this.
Ross: Sorry. (To remedy that, Ross scoops the cinnamon off of the top with his hand.)
Frank: (entering) Hi!
Phoebe: Oh my God!!
Frank: Hi!
Phoebe: Frank! Hi!
Frank: How are you?
Phoebe: What are you doing here?
Frank: Oh, well y'know, I would've called but I lost your phone number and then ah, my Mom locked me out of the house so I couldn't find it. And then, I tried to find a pay phone, and ah, the receiver was cut off. So...
Phoebe: What happened?
Frank: Ah, oh, the ah, vandalism.
Phoebe: But, also, what happened between you and your Mom?
Frank: Well, we got into a fight 'cause ah, she said I was to immature to get married.
Phoebe: You're getting married?!
Frank: Oh, yeah!
All: Wow!
Phoebe: My little brother's getting married!!
Frank: Oh, I knew you'd be so cool about this. All right, ah, hey, do you want to meet her?
Phoebe: Do I?
Frank: Do you?
Phoebe: Yeah, I do, yeah.
Frank: Okay, cool, all right, she just ah, parking the truck. (to Joey) I'm gonna, I'm gonna get my ah, my fianc閑 man!
Chandler: Y'know, I would've bet good money that he'd be the first one of us to get married.
Phoebe: Yeah, isn't it fantastic?
Monica: Yeah, ah, but Pheebs don't you think he's a little young to get married?
Phoebe: What, he's 18.
Ross: Exactly, it'll be illegal for him to drink at his own bachelor party.
Joey: Yeah, or-or to get a hooker.
Chandler: Always illegal Joe.
Frank: (entering with his fianc閑 Alice, who is obviously much, much older than he is) Hey! Hey! This is ah, my fianc閑, Mrs. Knight. (he points out Phoebe to her)
Alice: Y'know it-it's funny, um, Frank told me so much about you, but your not how I pictured you at all.
Phoebe: Yeah, I'm a big surprise.
(Ross lets them both sit in his chair.)
Monica: So, um, how-how did you guys meet?
Frank: Well um, I was in ah Mrs. Knight's ah, I mean Alice, sorry, Alice, I always do that. I was in her ah, Home Ec class.
Alice: And he was my best student.
Frank: Yeah, she was my best teacher.
Alice: Ohhh. (They embrace in a very passionate kiss.)
Chandler: If that doesn't keep kids in school, what will?
Ross: And so now you guys are gonna be married?
Alice: Yeah. Y'know we-we talked about just living together, but um, we want to have kids right away.
(Both Chandler and Phoebe have shocked looks on their faces.)
Rachel: Oh my God!! Great!
Phoebe: Wow, kids. Frank, are you sure you're ready for that?
Frank: I mean, how hard can it be? Y'know, I mean, y'know, babies, y'know who doesn't want babies right? And besides y'know, I never had a Dad around, and ah, now-now I always will, 'cause y'know, it'll be me. Right?
Alice: Y'know, I mean, really we do realise that there's an age difference between us.
Phoebe: Oh good! Okay. 'Cause you were acting like you didn't.
Alice: Oh no, but when it comes to love, what does age matter?
(They both growl and hiss at each other and then kiss passionately again.)
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler is listening to the hypnosis tape.]
Hypnosis Tape: You are falling fast asleep. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper. You are now completely asleep. You don't need to smoke. Cigarettes don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman.
[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Monica is working, Rachel is having lunch.]
Monica: And y'know what, I just realised, in the last year I've only gone out with two guys, Richard and Julio. You gotta help me out here, you gotta set me up, you gotta get me back in the game.
Rachel: Well, that shouldn't be a problem. I mean I work in fashion and all I meet are eligible straight men.
Monica: (to a customer) Pete, can I get you something else?
Pete: Yeah, a slice of cheesecake and-and a date if you're given' 'em out.
Monica: Haven't you and I covered that topic?
Pete: Hmm, come on, you just said to her that you....
Monica: Aww, the only reason you want to go out with me because my blond wig, and the big boobs, and the fact that I serve you food.
Pete: Well, if that were true, I'd dating my Aunt Ruth. And the two times we went out were just plain awkward. (to Rachel) Come on, you think she should go out with me, don't you?
Rachel: (laughs) Well, I mean, are you sure you want to go out with her? I mean that ain't a pretty picture in the morning, y'know what I mean. That wig all in disarray, and boobs flung over the night stand, y'know.
Monica: I mean really, think about it.
Pete: Ho-ho, I will.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are being lectured by Phoebe.]
Phoebe: No, I know, I know, that this is Frank's life, (walks behind them, they turn around in the leather chairs to face her) y'know. Y'know, I don't want to be all judgmental, y'know, but this is sick, it's sick and wrong!
Ross: Pheebs, what, is it the age thing?
Phoebe: No-no, oh, I'm fine with the age thing y'know, until it starts sticking it's tongue down my little brother's throat!
Joey: Pheebs, he seems to enjoy it.
Phoebe: But, I mean, do you think he's gonna enjoy it when he's up to his elbows in the diapers from all the babies they have to have right away?! This is not fair to Frank, (she walks behind them again, and hey again turn to follow her) and it-it's not fair to the babies, and y'know what, it's not good home economics.
Joey: Well, have-have you told him how you feel?
Phoebe: Yes. Not out loud.
Ross: Pheebs, if you don't tell him, soon he's gonna be married, and then you're gonna hate yourself.
Phoebe: Yeah, but if I do tell him, then he's gonna hate myself. I mean look at him and his Mom, I can't. (pause) But, you guys can, please you gotta talk him out of it.
Ross and Joey: No-no-no-no-no. (They start to turn away, but Phoebe stops them, and turns them back to face her.)
Phoebe: Come on, you guys, you have nothing to lose, I have everything to lose. Do you want me to lose everything? Everything?!
Ross and Joey: No.
Phoebe: Okay, I'm gonna go get Frank. (exits)
Joey: So, we're walking down the street and I turn to you and I say, “Hey, let's go hang out at Totally Nude Nudes,” remember? And then, and then, you turn to me and say, “Nah, let's just hang out at your place.” Well, that was a nice move dumb ass.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Monica are entering.]
Rachel: I think you should definitely go out with this guy.
Monica: Nah, he doesn't do anything for me.
Rachel: Monica, last Saturday night, what happened on Walker: Texas Ranger?
Monica: Well, umm, Walker was looking for this big bus load of kids.... (realises) All right, I get your point.
Rachel: All right.
Chandler: (entering, carrying a briefcase) Hi.
Monica: Hey.
Chandler: Y'know, I forgot the combination to this about a year ago? I just carry it around. Do you have any Chap Stick?
Monica: Uh, yeah.
Rachel: Hey, how are those tapes working out for ya?
Chandler: Y'know what, pretty good.
Rachel: Yeah?
Chandler: Good! I haven't smoked yet today, I feel great, and-and-and confident, that is a stunning blouse.
Rachel: Thank you.
Monica: Here you go.
Chandler: Thanks
Rachel: Hey Mon, let's give Pete a chance Come on, he was funny, he seems really nice, and that check thing was adorable.
Chandler: What check thing?
Monica: As a joke, this customer at work who has a crush on me gave me a $20,000 tip. His number is on the check, he just did so I'd call him.
Chandler: (reading the check) Pete Becker. Pete... (quickly grabs a magazine and opens it up to show her a picture) (pointing to the picture) Is this him?
Monica: That's Bill Clinton.
Chandler: Who's he huggin'?
Monica: Oh my God! That's Pete! But why is Bill huggin' Pete?
Chandler: This guy invented Moss 865! Every office in the world uses that program!
Rachel: We use it!!
Chandler: There you go!!
Rachel: Oh my God, Monica's gonna go out with a millionaire.
Monica: I'm not gonna go out with him.
Rachel: Oh my God, I can't believe this is a real $20,000 check, oh this is just so exciting.
Monica: Or incredibly offensive.
Rachel: Oh yeah, sure, that too.
(Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick, including the bit with the piece of tissue.)
Chandler: (to the girls who are staring at him) What?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are talking to Frank.]
Ross: All we're saying is don't rush into anything.
Joey: Yeah, come on, think about it. You're 18, okay, she's 44, when you're 36, she's gonna be 88.
Frank: What, you don't think I know that?
Joey: Look, the point is, there's a lot of women out there you haven't even had sex with yet!
Ross: Yeah, he-he's right, he's right. This is your time y'know, yeah, you're young, you're-you're weird, chicks dig that.
Frank: Okay, but isn't sex better when it's with one person that you really, really care about.
Joey: Yeah, in a poem maybe.
Ross: No the man's right, that's what I had with Rachel.
Frank: You don't have it anymore?
Ross: No, I ah, I slept with someone else.
Frank: Okay, so wait, all right, so how does that make things better?
Ross: It didn't.
Frank: Okay, so what you used to have with Rachel, is what I've got with Alice.
Joey: Now, wh-what, what is that like?
Frank: It's so cool man, it's so, it's just 'cause being with her is so much better than like not being with her.
Ross: Yeah, yeah.
Joey: (to Ross) Why can't I find that?
Ross: Don't ask me, I had it and I blew it!
Joey: Well, I want it!
Frank: You can have it!
Joey: I don't know, maybe I can't. I mean, maybe there's something wrong with me.
Ross: Oh, no! No!
Frank: It's out there man! I've seen it! I got it!!
Joey: Then you hold on to it!!
Frank: All right, man!!
Joey: All right, congratulations you lucky bastard! (hugs him)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it's after Ross and Joey's talk with Frank, and Phoebe's is finding out what happened.]
Phoebe: (to Joey) You're Frank's best man?!
Joey: I couldn't help it, there love is so pure.
Phoebe: Well then, (to Ross) what about you?! Huh?!
Ross: I'm the ring bearer.
(As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and walks to his bedroom. He's just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell he's doing.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Phoebe's, Phoebe is opening the door.]
Phoebe: Hi! Oh, Alice, hi! Thanks. I'm so glad you could come, 'cause I've got a real umm, Home Ec emergency. (Points to the table cloth, which has a huge mustard stain on it.)
Alice: Oh my God, who died on this?!
Phoebe: Yeah, I know. It's a real mustard-tastrophe. Can you help me?
Alice: Absolutely. Okay, first we'll start with a little club soda and salt, and then if that doesn't work we can go back to...
Phoebe: Y'know what, forget it. It's ruined.
Alice: Oh no-no, never say that. If we can't get it out then we can cut around the stain, add a little lace, you make a stylish throw.
Phoebe: Or instead, maybe you could just not marry my brother Frank.
[Scene: Pete's office, he is participating in a conference call with three other employees, each of whom are on a different TV screen that he controls with a remote.]
Pete: Okay, that's great, but can we make it smaller? Can we make it fit on the head of a pin? I love when we make things fit on the head of a pin.
All: Got it. Yeah all right. Yeah, okay.
(The intercom buzzes.)
Secretary: You have a Miss Monica Geller here.
Pete: Uh, absolutely, yeah, sEnd her in. (Monica enters) Hi.
Monica: What the hell is this? (holding up the check)
Pete: Hang on a second. (to the employees) I'll-I'll talk to you in the morning. (turns two of the three off) I'm sorry what?
Monica: Seriously, what is this supposed to mean?
Pete: Well, y'know, I never know how much to tip.
Monica: You're supposed to double the tax. Not double the tax of Romania. I mean, what's-what's the deal? Are you, are you trying to buy me? Is this the way you get girls to go out with you?
Employee: Umm, I'm still here.
Pete: (turns off the TV) You're taking this all wrong. Because, if I didn't leave you that tip, you wouldn't of come down here, we wouldn't be having this argument, and there wouldn't be this ah, heat between us.
Monica: What?!
Pete: Come on, you gotta admit that our relationship is ah, is hitting a new level now. 'Cause you used to be like the chef, and I was the customer, and now we're like this-this couple that fights.
Monica: Okay, umm, you're a loon.
Pete: Look, forget the check, okay. (rips up the check) I like you. I think you're great. Come on, what do you say?
Monica: I don't know.
Pete: Why not?
Monica: 'Cause I don't want to encourage this kind of behaviour.
Pete: One meal! That's all I'm asking for. Please? We go out, we eat, and if you don't have a good time, I give you ten grand, we call it even.
[Scene: Phoebe's, she is coming home. She turns on the lights, and sits down on the couch.]
Frank: (hiding under a pile of clothes) Hi. (She jumps up screaming.) Wait, no! Just put the mail down. It's-it's me!
Phoebe: Okay. Whoa, sorry. Why were you just like all in the dark?
Frank: Oh well, um, your, your laundry just smelled so good, that I thought I'd curl up in it. Is that all right?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, sure. So, how was your day?
Frank: Oh, well just probably the worst one since I've been alive.
Phoebe: What umm, what happened?
Frank: Umm, Alice ah, she ah, called it off.
Phoebe: Oh no. Did umm, did she say why?
Frank: Uh, no, not really, just that I was too young, y'know, but I don't see how I could all of the sudden be too young, 'cause I'm older than I was when we first got together.
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, no, I don't, I don't know. But, y'know what, maybe it's just all for the best?
Frank: Yeah, if the best is like unbelievable pain!
Phoebe: Oh, sweetie, oh. (hugs him)
Frank: Y'know, I just was finally happy y'know. For the first time in my life! After my Dad left me, and then, and then getting arrested for stealing those birds, and then, and then the whole punctured lung thing! I can, it's still really hard to take deep breaths in cold weather, but with Alice all that stuff kinda went away. And now it's, and now it's gone and I don't know why!
Phoebe: Uh, well I can tell you why. It's, it's because of me. But, y'know what, I only did it because I love you. Okay?
Frank: What?
Phoebe: Umm, well I, I kinda had a little chat with Alice, and I sort of made her see why you two shouldn't be together, y'know. And you're gonna see it to, one day, you really, really will.
Frank: Wait a minute, wait, this is because of you?
Phoebe: Okay.
Frank: Well, you, wait no, my Mother didn't want us to be together, but the worst thing she ever did was tie me to the porch.
Phoebe: Okay, but.
Frank: Wait, y'know what, I-I came to you because I thought you'd understand! Oh no!! Y'know, I would storm out of here right now if-if I had some money, or a place to go...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting Monica ready for her date. The guys are also there. The door buzzes.]
Rachel: Oh my God! The millionaire's here!
Chandler: (in a feminine way) Oh my God! (and he jumps all around)
Monica: Guys, please, I'm just gonna have dinner with him. Okay?
Chandler: Okay, okay, just because he buys you dinner, does not mean you owe him anything.
Monica: I know!!
Chandler: Okay, then get the lobster!
Monica: (opening the door) (to Pete) Hey!
Pete: Hi.
Rachel: Hi!!
Joey: Hey!
Ross: Hi!
(They're all staring at him, with big, huge smiles on their faces.)
Joey: Hey, how much cash do you got in your pocket right now?
Monica: And that's why, I'm not inviting you in for a drink. (starts to leave) Bye.
All: Oh-no-no-no-no....
Rachel: Just one drink?!
Monica: (in the hallway) So, where do you want to go?
Pete: Hey, you like pizza?
Monica: Oh, that's sounds great.
Pete: I know a great little place.
[Cut to a shot of the coliseum in Rome, Italy.]
[Scene: A restaurant in Rome, Monica is paying for the pizza.]
Pete: You're, hey, you're not paying for the pizza!
Monica: Oh come on, it's only fair, you paid for the flight. Now is, is that enough lire?
Pete: Ahh, I'd throw another thousand on that.
Monica: Why, how much is that?
Pete: That's about 60 cents.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it's the middle of the night. Joey is walking into the living room, and runs into the entertainment centre.]
Joey: Every night!!
(He starts to walk to the bathroom and hears the hypnosis tape from Chandler's bedroom.)
Hypnosis Tape: You do not need to smoke. Cigarettes don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. (Joey walks out smiling to himself.)
[Scene: Phoebe's, Frank is watching TV, and he's very depressed as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey, Frank. Look, okay, I know that you think I did like this totally evil thing, but I so didn't. There's someone here who can explain this better than I can.
Alice: Hi Frank.
Frank: Hi, Mrs. Knight.
Alice: Phoebe's right Frank. I know it's hard to hear, but it would've been wrong to go through with it. I-I-I was being selfish, even though we, we want the same things now, in the future we may not. (to Phoebe) Is that it, is that what it is?
Phoebe: Yeah, but not just that.
Alice: Right, not just that. Umm, even though we love each other as much as we do, none the less...
Phoebe: None the less.
Alice: None the less. Umm, you're too young to, to really know what you want. (They embrace in a passionate kiss.)
Phoebe: That's right, exactly. (sees them) All right, it's a good bye kiss, that's good. (Frank picks Alice up and they move to the couch) Bye-bye. (They both lie down on the couch and start to make out.) Okay, no, the important thing is that you see what I'm saying, y'know, just y'know, this is clearly wrong. (They ignore her) Okay, I've decided I'm gonna let this happen! Okay, can I just get my purse? (She reaches in and Alice moans) Okay, all right, good. (leaves) .
Closing Credits
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, he's listening to the hypnosis tape again.]
Hypnosis Tape: Cigarette's don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke.
Joey: (He's recorded his voice on the tape) Joey's your best friEnd. You want to make him a cheese sandwich everyday. (he laughs) And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.
(Chandler wakes up and stares at the tape.)
End

318 催眠录音带

你在笑什么?
没有，这是演技练习
我在练假笑
你在笑什么?
不行，店里不准抽烟
至少让我抽完这一根
好，但你得分我一口
妖女，我又吻上你的唇了
整根都给你吧
这是最不好玩的游戏
我受够了，
我带了一样东西
可以帮助你戒烟
这个戒烟贴布不好用
这是催眠录音带
我一个同事听了
两星期后再也没抽过烟
你有什么意见?
没什么，只不过
催眠是骗人的
我在亚特兰大看过你被催眠
那家伙没把我催眠，好吗?
是啊，你总是脱裤子
用屁股“通杀”
别用催眠了
想戒烟就得去石南地上裸舞
然后用六个壮丁的汗水沐浴
我爸管它叫“周四夜狂欢”
对不起
天哪，法兰克
你好吗?
你怎么来了?
我本来想先打电话
但是号码弄丢了
我妈把我锁在门外
我没办法进去找
我找了一具公共电话
话筒却被剪断了
怎么了?
有人破坏公物
那你和你妈怎么了?
我们吵架，她说我
不够成熟，不能结婚
你要结婚了?
我的弟弟要结婚了
我就知道你会替我高兴
你想见她吗?
你说呢?
你想吗?
当然想
太好了，她正在停卡车
我去带我的未婚妻来
我就知道他会最早结婚
这不是很棒吗?
你不觉得他稍嫌年轻?
他已经18岁了
他在最后单身派对上不能喝酒
也不能叫鸡
叫鸡本来就违法
这是我的未婚妻
奈特老师
那是我姊姊
说来好笑
法兰克经常提到你
你却跟我想像的不一样
是啊，我很令人意外
坐吧
你们是怎么认识的?
我去上奈特老师的…
我是说爱丽丝
抱歉，我老是叫错
我去上她的家政课
他是我最好的学生
她是我最好的老师
真是让学生不跷课
的好方法
你们要结婚了?
我们本来只考虑同居
但是我们想马上生小孩
天哪
太好了
小孩?
法兰克你真的准备好了?
能有多难?
谁不想要小宝宝，对吧?
而且我一直没有爸爸陪伴
以后就有了，因为我就是爸爸
我们知道我们的岁数差很多
那就好
你们看起来好像不知道
但是在爱情里，年龄不是问题
你正在进入梦乡
越睡越沉，越睡越沉
你已经睡着了
你不需要抽烟
香烟不能控制你
你是坚强、有自信的女性
你不需要抽烟
坚强、有自信的女性
你知道吗?
我发现去年
我只和李察、胡立欧交往过
你得帮我牵线，让我重回情场
没问题
我在时装界工作
身边全是异性恋好男人
你还要什么?
起司蛋糕和一次约会，
如果有的话
我们不是谈过了吗?
你刚才对她说…
你想跟我约会
是因为我是金发、波霸
还端吃的给你
那我找我姑姑就行了
我们一起出门两次，都蛮惨的
你觉得她应该和我约会吧?
你真的想跟她约会?
早上会惨不忍睹喔
假发乱成一团
义乳扔在床头柜上
你考虑一下
我会的
我知道这是法兰克的人生
我不想批评但
这样是变态的，是错的！
因为年龄的关系?
我本来不在乎年龄
直到她把舌头往我弟的喉咙伸
菲比，他看起来很爽
等他忙着帮一堆宝宝换尿布
你觉得他还会爽吗?
这样对法兰克不公平
也对宝宝不公平
这可不是好的家政
你跟他说过吗?
有，但没有说出声音
你不说，他就要结婚了
你会恨你自己
我要是说了，他会恨我
你看看他和他妈妈，我不能说
但是你们可以，你们去劝阻他
拜托啦
你们没有损失
我却会失去一切
你们要我失去一切吗?
好，我去找法兰克
刚才走在街上，我对你说
“去脱衣酒吧坐坐”记得吗?
然后你说“去你家就好了”
好明智啊，猪头
你应该跟他约会
他对我一点吸引力也没有
上周六的“猛龙过江”演什么?
沃克在找一车子的小孩…
我懂你的意思了
我一年前就忘了它的密码
我只是抬着装样子
你们有护唇膏吗?
录音带听得怎样?
很有效，我今天还没抽烟
清爽又有自信
好漂亮的上衣
谢谢
拿去
谢了
给彼特一个机会
他既风趣，人又好
而且支票的事好可爱
什么支票?
有个喜欢我的顾客开玩笑
给我两万元的小费
他的电话在支票上
他要我打给他
彼特贝克，彼特…
是他吗?
那是总统
他抱着谁?
天哪，是彼特总统
为什么抱着彼特?
他发明了摩斯865
全世界的公司都在用这个程式
我们也在用
摩妮卡要跟百万富翁约会了
我才不跟他约会
这居然是真的两万元支票
好兴奋喔
或是令人火大
对，也有
怎样?
我们的意思是，不要操之过急
你想想：你18岁，她44岁
等你36岁，她就88岁了
你以为我不知道?
重点是…
你还可以跟很多女人上床
他说得对，这是你的天下
你年轻，你古怪
女生最喜欢了
跟一个你很喜欢的人做
感觉不是更棒?
在诗里吧
不，他说得对
我跟瑞秋就是那样
现在没有了?
没了，我跟别人上了床
等等，那样对事情有帮助吗?
没有
你跟瑞秋的感觉
就是我和爱丽丝的感觉
那是什么感觉?
很棒的感觉
因为跟她在一起
比不跟她在一起快乐多了
我为什么找不到?
我拥有过，却搞砸了
我想要
你一定可以拥有
也许我有毛病
你会找到的
我见过，也拥有了
那你就要好好把握
好
死小子，恭喜你
你是法兰克的伴郎?
我没办法，他们的爱好纯洁
那你呢?
我帮他拿戒指
你来了就好
我有一个家政惨案
天哪，谁死了?
芥末酱倒了
你有办法吗?
当然有，先用苏打水加盐清洗
要是洗不掉，就…
算了，它已经毁了
别这么说，要是洗不掉
就剪掉脏污部份
缝一点蕾丝
就是一条漂亮的遮布
又或者，你可以不要嫁给我弟弟
能不能让它小到可以放在针尖上?
我喜欢生产这种小东西
摩妮卡盖勒来访
好的，让她进来
这是什么意思?
等一下…
明天早上再谈?
好的
对不起，什么?
这是什么意思?
我一直不会算小费
把加税乘以二
不是把罗马尼亚的税收乘以二
你要买我吗?
你都这样约女孩子?
我还在
你误会了
要是我没给这笔小费
你就不会来，我们不会争吵
也不会有这种紧张的气氛
你得承认我们的关系有进展了
以前你是厨师，我是顾客
现在我们是两个争吵的人
你是个疯子
别管这张支票了，我喜欢你
我觉得你很棒
怎么样?
我不知道
为什么?
我不想鼓励这种行为
我只求一顿饭，好吗?
我们出去吃饭
要是玩得不开心
我给你一万，我们扯平
不，把信放下，是我
对不起，你怎么不开灯?
你的衣服好香，我就窝在里面
没关系吧？
没关系
今天过得怎样?
可能是我有生以来最惨的一天
怎么了?
爱丽丝改变心意了
她有说原因吗?
没有，她只说我太年轻
我怎么突然变年轻了?
刚交往时，她还说我老成
不晓得，但是你知道吗?
或许这样也好
是啊，但是我好痛苦
亲爱的
我好不容易感到快乐
这是生平第一次
先是爸爸离开我…
然后偷鸟被逮捕…
然后又肺穿孔
天气一冷，我还是很难深呼吸
但是有了爱丽丝
这些都不见了
现在我失去了，却不知道原因
我可以告诉你，是我害的
不过我是爱你才这么做
什么?
我跟爱丽丝聊了一下
让她明白你们为何不能在一起
你总有一天也会明白，真的
等一下，是你造成的?
我妈反对我们在一起
但是她顶多把我绑在门廊上
我觉得你能了解，所以来找你
我很想摔门走人
但是我没钱、没地方去
天哪，大富豪来了
天哪
我只是要跟他吃顿饭
他请你吃饭
并不代表你欠他什么
我知道
那记得点龙虾
你口袋里有多少现金?
我就不请你进来坐了
进来坐一下嘛
你想去哪里?
喜欢吃披萨吗?
听起来不错
有一家馆子不错
我不能让你付钱
这样很公平，你出了机票钱
这些里拉够吗?
再丢个一千
这样是多少?大约60毛美金
每天晚上都这样
你不需要抽烟
香烟不能控制你
你是坚强、有自信的女性
你不需要抽烟
坚强、有自信的女性
不需要抽烟
我知道你觉得我做了大坏事
但是我没有
有一个人可以解释得此我清楚
奈特老师
法兰克，菲比说得对
这话不中听，但我们不该结婚
我太自私了
我们现在追求相同的东西
未来却不见得如此
对不对?
对，但不只如此
不只如此
虽然我们现在非常相爱
然而
然而……
你还年轻…
不晓得你要什么
没错
你们在吻别，很好
再见
总之希望你了解我的意思
这么做摆明是错的
我绝不会袖手旁观
我要拿皮包
好吧，算了
香烟不能控制你
你是坚强、有自信的女性
你不需要抽烟
乔伊是你最要好的朋友
你要每天为他做起司三明治
你还要送他一条几百块的裤子

[ 此帖被77恋兰在2014-03-21 00:16重新编辑 ]

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顶端

77恋兰

ZxID：11247485

23212鲜花 10鸡蛋

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 63楼发表于: 2014-03-20 0

319 The One With The Tiny T-shirt

[Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is pouring Rachel coffee.]
Gunther: Here you go.
Rachel: Thank you.
Gunther: (In his head) Say Rachel, I was wondering if you'd like to go to a movie with me sometime. As my lover! Nnnsch, too out there. Maybe you'd just like to ah, get something to eat with me sometime? As my lover.
Mark: (entering) Hi!
Rachel: Hi! All right, let's go shoppin'!!
Mark: Um, y'know, before we go ah, there's something I need to say.
Rachel: Oh, okay.
Mark: I've kinda of had this ah, this crush on you. (Rachel is shocked) But since you were with Ross, I-I didn't do anything about it. But, now that you're not, I'd really like to ask you out sometime. So-so that's-that's what I'm doing, now.
(Gunther gets this hurt expression on his face and goes into the back room)
Rachel: Wow! Umm....
(She's interrupted by a loud crash and the sound of braking dishes. Followed quickly by another crash. Everyone turns and looks at the back room, as Gunther emerges.)
Gunther: I dropped a cup.
Opening Credits
[Scene: The hallway between the two apartments, Pete and Monica are returning from their date.]
Pete: ...so y'know, that's why, within a few years, that voice recognition is gonna be pretty much standard on any computer you buy. Y'know, so you could be like-like, 'Wash my car.' 'Clean my room.' It's not gonna be able to do any of those things, but it'll understand what you're saying.
Monica: Oh, this is so great.
Pete: Yeah, it was.
Monica: All right then. (He leans in to kiss her goodnight, but she quickly kisses him on the cheek and pats his shoulder.) Bye.
(She goes into her apartment and sees Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross sitting there.)
Monica: Hello, people who do not live here.
All: Hi! Hello!
Monica: I gave you a key for emergencies!
Phoebe: We were out of Doritos.
Ross: Hey, how'd the date go with Mr. Millionaire?
Chandler: Mr. Millionaire, new from Snooty Playthings! Third wife sold separately.
Monica: He's great! I mean we have such a good time together! He's so funny, and sooo sweet, and I'm not attracted to him at all!!
Ross: Still?!
Monica: Noo!! It's driving me crazy. I mean every other way he's like the perfect guy, he has everything. Plus! He actually has everything.
Chandler: Life-sized Imperial Storm Troopers from Sharper Image?
Monica: Two.
Chandler: Wow!! Can Joey and I put them on and fight?
Joey: (entering, dancing and singing) Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie! Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie! (He dances around the dinner table and exits)
Ross: I guess he musta gotten the part in that play.
Monica and Phoebe: Oh.
Chandler: Yeah, either that, or Gloria Estefan was right, eventually, the rhythm is going to get you.
[Scene: A Theatre, Joey is arriving to rehearse the play he's in.]
The Director: Joe. How's it going?
Joey: Good. (He sets his stuff down and starts talking to Kate, another cast member.) Hey.
Kate: Hi.
Joey: Oh, so you're playing Adrienne, huh?
Kate: Yes. Are you one of the retarded cousins?
Joey: Oh, no. Ah, I playing your husband, Victor. I'm Joey Tribianni.
Kate: Hi, nice to meet you. Kate Miller.
(She goes over to the snack table, and Joey quickly runs over and pours her a cup of coffee.)
Joey: So the ah, play's pretty great, huh?
Kate: Oh, yeah. I love Jennifer Van Murray's work. She's so brilliantly incisive when it comes to deconstructing the psyche of the American middle class.
Joey: Oh, forget about it. She rocks!
Kate: Where do I know you from?
Joey: Dr. Drake Remoray. Days of Our Lives. Voted most datable neurosurgeon by Teen Beat.
Kate: No, that's not it. So, you're a soap actor? Well this must be pretty exciting for you to be in a real play, hmm?
Joey: Hey, I've done plays before. I'm a serious actor.
Kate: That info-mercial! For the milk carton spout thing! You're-you're-you're the guy that doesn't know how to pour milk!!
Joey: See, I actually can pour milk, but I got you believing that I couldn't. Now, see, that's acting.
Kate: Right, at the end, you choked on a cookie.
Joey: Yeah, that was real.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is telling Phoebe about Mark, as Gunther eavesdrops behind them.]
Phoebe: Wow! I cannot believe Mark asked you out.
Rachel: I know.
Phoebe: What, so what are you gonna tell him?
Rachel: Well, I told him I would think about it, but I'm gonna tell him no.
Phoebe: Huh.
(Gunther tries to swoop in to ask Rachel out.)
Rachel: I mean I think I'd say no to anybody right now. (Hearing this Gunther swoops back to cleaning tables.) Oh, but it was so strange. I mean I'm standing there with this charming, cute guy, who's asking me to go out with him, which I'm allowed to do, and I felt guilty. Y'know, like I'd be cheating on Ross or something.
Phoebe: Wow. So, okay, maybe that means that, you're not over Ross yet and you have issues with your father.
Rachel: I don't have any issues with my Father.
Phoebe: Okay, so it's probably just the Ross thing then.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is telling Chandler about Kate.]
Joey: I hate this woman!! I hate her! She told everyone in the company about that info-mercial, and now they all keep asking me to open their drinks. Okay, and whenever I can't do it, they're all like-like laughing at me.
Ross: (entering) Hello.
Chandler and Joey: Hey!
Ross: So Rachel called. Wants to see me. Going over in a minute.
Joey: Wow, what-what do you think she wants?
Ross: Well, maybe the crazy fog has lifted and she realises that life without me ah sucks.
Chandler: It's possible. You are very loveable, I'd miss you if I broke up with you. (Ross glares at him) I was just trying to be supportive.
Ross: Then be supportive like a guy.
Chandler: (in a deep voice) If I broke up with you, I'd miss you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is there as Ross enters, walking very confidently.]
Ross: Hi.
Rachel: Hi!
Ross: You ah, wanted to see me?
Rachel: Yeah. Ahh, here's a box of your stuff. (hands him a box)
Ross: What?!
Rachel: Oh, y'know, it's just like hats, and a shirt, and CD's, just sort of stuff that you've left here.
Ross: What are you doing? Are you trying to hurt me? Or something?
Rachel: No. Ross, it, it just seems that y'know it's time we-we y'know, move on. I mean, I mean don't' you think?
Ross: Yes.
Rachel: Yeah?
Ross: Yes, I do.
Rachel: Good.
Ross: Yeah, I-I really do. (takes a dinosaur mug out of the box) Hey! This-this was a gift?!
Rachel: Ross, you got that for free from the museum gift shop.
Ross: It's still a gift! I got it from the gift shop!
Rachel: Okay, all right, give me the mug! I'll keep the mug.
Ross: No!! Y'know-y'know don't do me any favours. In fact, where, where's the rest of my stuff?! Huh? Like-like my umm, (picks up a book) Hey, this book is mine!! And-and-and, and that T-shirt you sleep in? I'd like that back too. Yes, I do.
Rachel: You know how much I love that T-shirt! You never even where that T-shirt!
Ross: I'm just trying to help you, move on.
Rachel: Oh, you are a petty man. You are a petty, petty....
Ross: Petty...
Rachel: Petty... (goes into her room)
Ross: Petty...
Rachel: Petty...
Ross: Petty...
Rachel: Small...
Ross: Small... (Rachel comes back into the living room and catches Ross mocking her.)
Rachel: You are so just doing this out of spite.
Ross: Awwwahuh, no, no, no!!
Rachel: Huh?
Ross: I'm-I'm gonna wear this all the time! I love this shirt!! (he kisses the shirt)
Rachel: You have not worn that T-shirt since you were 15!! It doesn't even fit you anymore!
Ross: Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah...
Rachel: (imitating him) yeah-yeah-yeah!!
Ross: Oh-oh, okay, okay! (He quickly takes off his sweater in order to put on the T-shirt. It's an old 'Frankie says relax' T-shirt, that barely fits him. Rachel nods her head in approval of the new look.) If you don't mind I'm gonna the rest of my stuff, and relax, in my favourite shirt. (Starts to leave) You have a pleasant evening. (He exits and leaves the door open.)
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang minus Rachel and Ross are talking to Pete.]
Phoebe: So, you're like a zillionaire? (Pete smiles and nods)
Chandler: And you're our age. You're our age.
Phoebe: Y'know what, you should like, you should buy a state and then just name it after yourself.
Pete: What like Pete Dakota?
Phoebe: Yeah, or, or, or, Mississ-Pete.
Joey: Oh, oh, I got it! Pete-Chicago.
Chandler: That's not a state Joe.
Joey: Oh, and Mississ-Pete is?
Pete: I got to go, so ah, I'll see you guys later.
All: Okay.
Chandler: You're our age!
Pete: (to Monica, by the door) So ah, we on for tomorrow?
Monica: Absolutely! (He goes to kiss her, but she stops him and rubs his head and says...) Now get out of here you!! (Pete leaves) (to the gang) Okay, I'm running out of places I can touch him! Look, is there something wrong with me? I mean why am I only attracted to guys where there's no future? Either they're too old, or they're too young, and then there's Pete who's-who's crazy about me, and who's absolutely perfect for me, and there's like zip going on! I mean, seriously, does it sound like something's wrong with me?!
Phoebe: Yeah, kinda.
[Scene: The Theatre, Joey and Kate are rehearsing for the play.]
Kate: Happy?! Is that what I'm supposed to be Vic? Happy?
Joey: Well, why don't you tell me what you're supposed to be! Huh? Because I sure as hell can't figure it out! I talk to you and nothin'. You look at me, and it's nothin'. (He kisses her) Nothing.
The Director: Tasty! I'm really starting to feel like you guys have a history, it's-it's nice.
Kate: I have a question about this scene.
The Director: Yes?
Kate: Well, I don't understand why Adrienne's attracted to Victor.
The Director: Peel the onion. First of all, he's good looking.
Joey: Yeah.
Kate: I think my character's gonna need a little bit more of reason than that.
Joey: Oh, hey, how about this one. Ah, it's says so in the script! Y'know ah, I-I don't know why my character likes you either, I mean it says in the script here that you're a bitch.
Kate: It doesn't say that in the script.
Joey: It does in mine!
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Ross are returning from working out.]
Chandler: I can blow dry it. I can put gel on it. It doesn't matter, I still wind up with this little (pats the flat spot on the back of his head) cowlicky thing on the middle part of my head. It's so annoying. Does it bug you?
Ross: You bug me.
[Rachel comes out of her apartment, followed by Mark, and they leave on their date, without saying a word to Ross. Ross is stunned.]
Chandler: Is there any chance you didn't see that?
Commercial Break
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching a basketball game, Ross is staring out the peephole.]
Chandler: Ross! You gotta stop! Okay?! You can't just stare through the peep hole for three hours! You're gonna get peep eye!
Ross: I knew it! I knew it! I always knew she liked him! Y'know, she'd say no, but here we are! Right? We just broke up, first thing she does!
Chandler: You didn't just break up.
Ross: Hey, it's been like three weeks!
Chandler: You slept with somebody three hours after you thought you broke up. I mean bullets have left guns slower!
Ross: Here they come, here they come. Oh-ho, if she kisses him goodnight, I'm gonna kill myself, I swear. I can't, I can't watch this. (turns away, then quickly turns to look again) Come on, date over! Date over! Uh-oh, here we go, she's going in.
Chandler: Okay.
Ross: She's going in. Wait! He's going in! He's going in!! The door's closed! I, I can't see anything but the door closed!!
Chandler: And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave.
Ross: Okay, I have to do something. I mean, I have, I have to stop it!
Chandler: Stop what?!
Ross: I don't know, but I ah, I have the feeling that my being there will do it. I'll go over and I will borrow something. Juice!! I need juice!!
(He starts to exit, but Chandler tries to stop him by climbing on his back and grabbing hold of the foosball table.)
Chandler: No!! You can't!!
Ross: Look, they must be stopped!
Chandler: I am your friend, and I am not gonna let you do this!! (Ross is now dragging Chandler and the foosball table to the door) You are surprisingly strong!
Ross: I need juice! People need juice!!
Chandler: Look man!
Ross: People need juice!
Chandler: Listen to me!! (Chandler turns him around and closes and holds the door shut with his feet.)
Ross: Juice, I need...
Chandler: She's moving on! Okay, if it's not this guy, it's gonna be somebody else! And unless you're thinking about subletting my peep hole, you are going to have to get used to the fact that the relationship is over! Okay, man? It's over.
Ross: Yeah, okay.
Chandler: Okay.
Ross: It's just I miss her so much.
Chandler: I know. (He rubs Ross's head)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is pouring Mark some coffee.]
Mark: Why do all you're coffee mugs have numbers on the bottom?
Rachel: Oh. That's so Monica can keep track. That way if one on them is missing, she can be like, 'Where's number 27?!'
(She sits down, and Mark leans over and kisses her. Rachel doesn't react. He tries it again, and Rachel jumps back quickly.)
Rachel: Y'know what?
Mark: No. And I don't think I'm gonna want to.
Rachel: I can't do this.
Mark: Yep. Yep, that's what I didn't want to know.
Rachel: Well, oh, Mark, I'm doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? I'm just doing it to get back at Ross. I'm sorry, it's not very fair to you.
Mark: Ahh! Fair, schmair! Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here!
Rachel: Oh God. I'm sorry about this.
Mark: That's okay.
Rachel: You sure?
Mark: Yeah. I can just go home and get back at him by myself.
[Scene: A Hospital Reception, Monica and Pete are there.]
Spokeswoman: ...has become the penicillin of the twenty-first century. And so today, this hospital is about to take major steps toward leading that revolution. It is truly ironic, on one hand consider the size...
Pete: (to Monica) Hey, can I ask you something?
Monica: Sure.
Pete: Where are we?
Monica: (looks around) Well, with all these doctors and nurses, I'm gonna say, midget rodeo.
Pete: Just tell me the truth.
Monica: Okay. Umm, y'know, I don't think, I don't think I told you this, but umm, I just got out of a really serious relationship.
Pete: Oh, yeah. Wasn't that like a year ago?
Monica: So I did tell you. Okay, y'know, that really isn't the thing. Umm, the thing is that, right now I'm just in a place in my life where I need to focus on me. Y'know what I mean?
Pete: Oh, yeah. I know that.
Monica: I so wanna be attracted to you.
Pete: But you're not. Okay, good.
Monica: I'm sorry.
Pete: Y'know what, don't be. This is not, don't be, 'cause it's not so bad.
Monica: It's not?
Pete: I know I'm no John Bon Jovi, (Monica laughs) or someone who find attractive, I'm just, I think, y'know, that you might end up feeling differently.
Monica: Well, um, look I-I don't want this to come our wrong, but ah, you seem awfully confident for a guy I just told I wasn't attracted too.
Pete: Yeah, stupidly charming isn't' it? Well listen let's, you wanna get something to eat? 'Cause this place is kinda depressing. (they start to leave)
Spokeswoman: And the man who made all this possible... Mr. Peter Becker.
Pete: (to Monica) One second.
(He takes the scissors, cuts the ribbon, shakes her hand, posses for the picture, and leaves.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in one of the black chairs, and turns to face the other one.]
Chandler: I don't think this town is big enough for both of us to relax in. (He blows on his hand) Draw!! (He quickly pulls the lever to raise the foot rest, like a gunfighter in a Western.)
(Joey enters.)
Chandler: (to Joey) I wasn't doing anything. (Joey starts angrily throwing his stuff down.) Uh-oh, what did she do now?
Joey: Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks she's like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread!
Chandler: Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth.
Joey: God, I just, I hate her! I hate her!! With her, 'Oh, I'm so talented.' and 'Oh, I'm so pretty,' and 'Ooh, I smell so good.'
Chandler: I think somebody has a crush on somebody.
Joey: Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here?! Y'know?
Chandler: I'm talking about you. You big, big freak.
Joey: Oh. (realises) Ohh. Ohh, you're out of your mind.
Chandler: Hey, you have nothing but talk about her for the last 48 hours! If you were in a school yard you'd be pulling her pigtails and pushing her down now!
Joey: Oh, yeah?! Then how come I keep thinking about her in all these sexual scenarios and stuff huh?!
[Scene: The Theatre, Kate and Joey are rehearsing the same scene as before.]
Kate: Happy?! Is that what I'm supposed to be Vic? Happy?
Joey: Well, why don't you tell me what you're supposed to be! Huh? Because I sure as hell can't figure it out! I talk to you and it's nothin'. You look at me, and nothin'. (He kisses her, more passionately this time) Nothing.
The Director: You guys make me fly! High! Okay, we're gonna pick it up here, tomorrow.
Kate: Well, that was ah...
Joey: Better?
Kate: Yeah! Yeah, it was definitely an improvement. G'night.
Joey: Ah, Kate?
Kate: Yeah?
Joey: You ah, you forgot your shoes.
Kate: (she giggles) I'm probably gonna need those. Huh? (she giggles some more)
Joey: Hey, listen you ah....
Kate: Hmm?
Joey: ...feel like getting a cup of coffee?
Kate: Umm.
The Director: (leaning in) Kate?
Kate: Yep.
The Director: You ready to go?
Kate: Yeah.
The Director: (to Joey) Very nice. Very nice. (he walks away)
Kate: So umm, I'll see you tomorrow, huh?
Joey: Yeah, yeah sure, goodnight.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is in the kitchen chopping vegetables. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting in the living room.]
Phoebe: (to Chandler) Hey! (Chandler looks up, startled) Why isn't it Spiderman? Y'know like Goldman, Silverman...
Chandler: 'Cause it's-it's not his last name.
Phoebe: It isn't?
Chandler: No, it's not like, like Phil Spiderman. He's a spider, man. Y'know like ah, like Goldman is a last name, but there's no Gold Man.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. There should be Gold Man!
Rachel: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey, Rach, how was work?
Rachel: Oh, great. Although I did sit down where there wasn't a chair.
Monica: By the way, Ross dropped by a box of your stuff.
Rachel: Oh, well, I guess I had that one coming. I'm just gonna throw it out, it's probably just a bunch of shampoo and... (she opens the box and stops)
Monica: Something wrong?
Rachel: (She takes the T-shirt out of the box and holds it to her chest and take a deep breath.) No. Nothing. (She smiles and goes into her room.)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe and Chandler are sitting in the black chairs.]
Chandler: So, ahh, what kind of powers would Gold Man have?
Phoebe: Okay well, he would turn things to gold.
Chandler: What about things that are already gold?
Phoebe: Ahh, his work is done.
Chandler: Okay, let's play my game now.
Phoebe: Okay. All right you yellow-bellied-lilly-livered-DRAW!! (they both kick up the foot rests like an old fashioned gun fight.)
End

319 小小T恤

你的咖啡
谢谢.
瑞秋，有空要不要一起去看电影...
以情侣的身份！
太明显了..或者改天一起去吃饭...
以情侣的身份！
- 嗨！
嗨!好,买东西去
走之前我有话要说
哦，好的
我很喜欢你
以前有罗斯，我不方便行动
既然你们分手了，我想约你出去
所以，我现在就是在...约你
我掉了一个杯子
再过几年，语音辨别系统
将成为电脑的基本配备
你可以说“去洗车”、“去打扫房间”
电脑办不到，但是听得懂
好棒哦
是啊
就这样吧
再见
嗨，不住在这里的人
嗨！
你好！
备用钥匙是有急事时才用的
我们没有 Doritos 玉米片了
跟百万富翁的约会如何？
“百万富翁先生”
最新玩具组合
三老婆单独发售
他很棒，我们在一起很开心
他风趣又体贴
而我对他没兴趣
还是没兴趣？
不～
我快疯了，他各方面都很完美
什么都好，而且什么都有
是的，他真的什么都有！
有真人大小的“星际大战”人物模型吗？
两套！
哇～乔伊和我可以拿来对打吗？
老妈，老爸，我是超级坏小子
老妈，老爸，我是超级坏小子
他一定接到那个舞台剧了
或正如葛萝莉亚.伊丝特芬所唱
人迟早会随节奏起舞
乔,你好吗？
很好
嘿！
嗨
那么，你演爱莉安咯？
对，你演智障堂哥？
不是，我演你的丈夫维克
我是乔伊.崔比亚尼
很高兴认识你，凯特.米勒
这个剧本很棒吧？
是啊，我好喜欢
珍妮佛.班.贝利的作品
她尤其能精确的解构中产阶级
废话那么多，总之她特厉害
我在哪里见过你？
拉莫瑞医生？
“我们的岁月”？“少女杂志”票选为
最想跟他约会的神经外科医生
不是那个
原来你是连续剧演员
能演出舞台剧，你一定很兴奋咯
我也演过舞台剧
我是专业演员
那个公益广告
倒盒装牛奶的那个
你是..那个不会倒牛奶的人
我会倒牛奶，我把你骗倒了
这就是演技
你还被饼干噎到了
哦，那是真的
不敢相信，马克居然约你出去
是啊
你要怎么回答？
我说我会考虑，但是我会拒绝
我目前不想约会
好奇怪，这样一个...
迷人、英俊的男人约我出去
而且我也可以去
但我却有罪恶感
仿佛那样是背叛罗斯的
也许这代表，你还没忘情罗斯
而且还有父女问题
我没有父女问题
那就是罗斯的问题了
我恨这个女人，我恨她！
她到处宣扬公益广告的事
现在大家都跑来找我开饮料
每次我打不开，他们就..
就笑我
你好
嘿！
瑞秋打电话来
说想见我
我待会就要过去
你觉得她有什么事么？
也许她茅塞顿开，发现没有我的人生..
是黑白的
有可能，你很可爱
要是我跟你分手，也会想你的
我只是想表达支持
那么，就以男人的方式来表达
要是我跟你分手，也会想念你
嗨.
- 嗨？！
你找我？
是的
这一盒是你的东西
什么？！
就是帽子、衣服、CD、一些你留在这里的东西
你想干什么？想伤害我吗？
不是
罗斯，只是..
我只是觉得我们应该往前走了
你不同意吗？
同意啊
那就好
是的，我真的同意
这是我送你的
罗斯，那是博物馆礼品部的赠品
一样是礼物
我是从“礼品部”拿到的
好，给我，我留着就是了
不必假好心，既然如此..
我的其他东西呢？像...
嘿！，这本书是我的
你当成睡衣穿的T恤呢？
我要拿回来
你明知我很喜欢那件衣服的
你根本没在穿！
我是在帮你往前走
哦，你真小气
小气...
小气...
小心眼...
小心眼...
你是故意要气我的
我会一直穿着，我爱这件衣服
你15岁后就没穿过了
根本塞不下
哦？是吗-是吗-是吗...
是的，是的，是的！
好吧
不好意思，我要把东西拿走了
然后穿着我最爱的衣服
去放松一下
祝你今晚愉快
那么，你是亿兆富翁
却跟我们差不多大
你知道么？你应该买下一个州
然后取你自己的名字
比如彼特科塔
或是密西西彼特
我知道了：彼芝加哥
芝加哥不是州，乔
哦，密西西彼特是咯？
我该走了
改天见
好的
你跟我们差不多大
明天见？
好的！
快走吧
我快要没地方可以摸了
我有毛病么？
我为何总是喜欢没有未来的人？
不是太老，就是太小
彼特这么喜欢我
而且这么完美，我们又合得来
我是不是有什么毛病？
好像是
我应该感到开心吗？
是吗？
不如你来告诉我
因为我实在搞不懂
我们的交谈没有感情
你看着我的眼神没有感情
一点都没有
有意思
我开始觉得你们有渊源了，很好
我对这场戏有个疑问
怎样？
爱莉安为什么会喜欢维克？
抽丝剥茧
第一，他很帅
我的角色需要更好的理由
我知道，因为剧本这么写
我也不知道维克为什么喜欢你
剧本上说你是个贱人
剧本上没写
我这本有
我吹干，上发胶，还是一样
还是有一撮..
像是被牛舔过的头发，烦死了
你看了烦不烦？
你比较烦
你会不会刚好没看到？
罗斯，别再看了！
你不能在哪里瞄上三小时
你会得偷窥眼的
我就知道，我就知道她喜欢他
她一直否认，结果呢
我们才刚分手，她就变卦了
你们没有“才刚分手”
嘿～才三个星期
你不到三小时就跟别人上床了
连子弹都没这么快
他们回来了...
哦，我发誓，要是她跟他吻别，
我会自杀的
我看不下去了
约会该结束了！该结束了！
没事，她要进去了
哦
她要进去了
等等！他也要进去了！
他进去了！
门关了
门关着我什么都看不到
门的发明者可以安息了
我得想办法阻止
阻止什么？！
我不知道！
但只要我过去就是了
我要过去借东西..
果汁！我要果汁！
不行！
一定要阻止他们
我是你的朋友
我不会让你这么做的
你还真强壮
我要喝果汁！人都要喝果汁！
看啊,伙计
人都要喝果汁
听我说
果汁!我要喝...
她往前走了
就算不是他，也会有别人
除非你打算租下这个窥孔
否则你就得面对分手的事实
好么？结束了
好吧
好
我真的很想她
我知道
咖啡杯为什么都有编号？
这样莫尼卡才方便追踪
要是少了一个
她就可以说“27号杯子呢？”
你知道吗？
不知道,也不想知道
我办不到
我就是不想知道这件事
马克，我的出发点是错的
我只是想报复罗斯
对不起，这样对你不公平
去他的公平！
你想报复罗斯，尽管找我
真的，我们就在这张沙发上报复他吧
天哪
很抱歉
没关系
你确定？
是的
我可以回去自己报复他
将成为21世纪的盘尼西林
所以今天，本院将朝领导改革
跨出一大步
问你一件事
目前是什么状况？
嗯，有这么多医生、护士在场
应该是小型马术表演
跟我说实话
好吧
我应该没有告诉你
我刚结束一段很认真的感情
哦，一年前对吧？
原来我说过了
其实不是这个原因
我目前想把注意力放在自己身上
你懂吗？
哦,我懂
我也想对你有兴趣
但是你没有,好
对不起
不必抱歉
真的，没有那么糟
真的？
我又不是John Bon Jovi,
或是什么有魅力的人
我只是觉得...
你的感觉或许会变
你别误会
但是以被拒绝的人来说
你还真有自信
傻得很可爱吧？
要不要去吃饭？
这里蛮令人沮丧的
我们欢迎幕后功臣，彼特贝克先生
等一下
一山不容二虎，一臣不事二主
拔熗！
我什么也没做！
她又怎么了？
她在耶鲁念戏剧，就自以为比...
切片吐司厉害
哦，切片吐司
她的麦克白夫人是一绝
天！我恨她，我恨她的
“我好有才华”、“我好漂亮”、“我好香”
有某人喜欢上某人咯
嘿！请专心讨论我的问题好吗？
我就是说你，猪头！
哦..
少来
喂，这两天你开口闭口都是她
要是在学校里，你已经在
拉她的辫子、推她了
那为什么我老是想着
要用各种姿势跟她“嘿咻”？
我应该感到开心，是吗？
不如你来告诉我，嗯？
因为我实在搞不懂
我们的交谈没有感情
你看着我的眼神没有感情
一点都没有
你们让我乐翻天了
乐死了！
明天再继续排
刚才...
好多了？
是的
的确有进步
再见
凯特
嗯？
你忘了拿鞋子
不穿鞋子恐怕不行
凯特..
要不要去喝杯咖啡？
凯特
哎
可以走了吗？
是的
很好，非常好
那么...
明天见
好
晚安
嘿！
为什么没有蜘蛛曼？
像是金曼、席维曼
因为那不是他的姓
不是吗？
他又不叫...
菲尔蜘蛛曼
他是个蜘蛛..人
你想..
像金曼是姓氏，但是没有金人
好啦..
应该有金人的
嘿！
好,瑞秋
工作顺利吗？
很好，只是我不小心摔到地上了
对了，罗斯拿了一盒你的东西来
意料中事
直接扔掉吧
还不是洗发精...
怎么了？
没..没事
那么，金人有什么超能力？
他能把东西变成金子
已经是金子的东西呢？
那他的动作完成了咯
来玩我的游戏
好
你这个中看不中用的...
拔熗！
好玩！

[ 此帖被77恋兰在2014-03-21 00:16重新编辑 ]

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77恋兰

ZxID：11247485

23212鲜花 10鸡蛋

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 64楼发表于: 2014-03-20 0

320 The One With The Dollhouse

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey are there.]
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait. You're telling me this actress person is the only woman you ever wanted who didn't want you back?!
Joey: Yeah! Oh my God! (to Chandler) Is this what it's like to be you?
Monica: Wow, you're really crazy about her, huh?
Joey: Oh, you have no idea. And-and when we're on stage I get to-to kiss her and-and touch her, but then she goes home with the director, and it's like somebody's ripping out my heart!
Phoebe: Oh, it's so great to see you feeling like this!
Ross: (entering) Hey!
All: Hey!
Ross: Monica, uh Dad called this morning and ah, Aunt Silvia passed away.
Monica: Yes!! Yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Ross: We were all pretty shaken up about it.
Phoebe: Wait, am I missing something though? 'Cause I thought death was something that's supposed to be sad, in a way.
Ross: Well ah, Aunt Silvia was, well not a nice person.
Monica: Oh, she was a cruel, cranky, old bitch! (Ross gives her a look) (to Ross) And I'm sorry she died. Did Dad say I get the dollhouse?
Ross: You get the dollhouse.
Monica: I get the dollhouse!
Phoebe: Wow, a house for dolls, that is so cool! When I was kid, I had a barrel.
Joey: Uh, Pheebs, you had a barrel for a dollhouse?
Phoebe: No, just a barrel.
Monica: Y'know what, you can play with my dollhouse.
Phoebe: Really?! Really?!
Monica: Any time you want. Y'know, when I was younger, all I wanted to do was to play with this dollhouse, but no!! It was to be looked at, but never played with.
Chandler: My Grandmother used to say that exact same thing to me.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Rachel's office, Chandler and her are coming back from lunch.]
Rachel: Hey, Sophie!
Sophie: Hey, Rach!
Chandler: Hey.
Sophie: Hey.
Rachel: Thanks for lunch, Chandler. Y'know, you didn't have to walk me all the way back up here.
Chandler: Oh, that's-that's okay, no problem. (He starts to look around her office.)
Rachel: Honey um, honey, you do realise that we don't keep the women's lingerie here in the office?
Chandler: Yes, I realise that.
Rachel: Summer catalogue! (hands him the catalogue)
Chandler: That's the stuff! (quickly grabs it)
[Rachel's boss, Joanna, enters]
Joanna: Rachel, I need the Versachi invoice. (to Chandler) Hello! You don't work for me.
Rachel: (introduces them) Joanna, this is my friend Chandler Bing (to Chandler) Joanna.
Joanna: Bing! That's a great name.
Chandler: Thanks, it's ah, Gaelic, for 'Thy turkey's done.' So ah, I'm gonna go, nice, nice meeting you.
Joanna: Me too.
Rachel: Bye, Chandler.
Joanna: (to Rachel) So ah, what's wrong with him?
Rachel: Oh, nothing, he's just goofy like that, I actually, hardly notice it anymore.
Joanna: Oh no, no-no-no, is he ah, married, or involved with anyone?
Rachel: No!! No! He's not married, or involved, with anyone!
Joanna: Oh, Rachel, (pause) actually, y'know what, forget it.
Rachel: Well, I'll ask him for you, if you want me too?
Joanna: Would you? Or, is it just to sad and desperate, and y'know something that Sophie would do?
Sophie: Uh, uh, uh, I am here.
Joanna: I know that.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is showing off her new dollhouse. It's a huge dollhouse, that takes up the entire living room table.]
Monica: Look at it! Ohhh! Wallpaper's a little faded, that's okay. Carpet's a little loose. Hardwood floors!!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Hello.
Phoebe: Oh! Ooh! Oh Monica! It's so beautiful.
Monica: I know!!!
Phoebe: So, I'm here, ready to play.
Monica: Okay.
Phoebe: I brought a bunch of stuff for the house, so check it out. Ha-ha. (She removes this large ceramic dog that comes up to the second floor and places it next to the house.)
Monica: What's this?
Phoebe: That's a dog, every house should have a dog.
Monica: Not one that can pee on the roof.
Phoebe: Well, maybe it's so big because the house was built on radioactive waste.
Chandler: (holding a tissue) And is this in case the house sneezes?
Phoebe: No, no, that's the ghost for the attic.
Monica: I don't want a ghost.
Phoebe: Well, nobody wants a ghost. But you've got one, because the house is sitting on an ancient Indian burial ground.
Ross: Wait a minute, the house was built on radioactive waste, and an ancient Indian burial ground? That would never happen.
Phoebe: Okay, obviously you don't know much about the U.S. government.
Rachel: (entering) Hey!
All: Hello.
Rachel: I need to talk to you!
Ross: Sure, what's up?
Rachel: Oh, sorry. I meant Chandler.
Ross: I-I know. Well if something comes up... (walks away)
Chandler: Oh, I'm glad you guys are past that little awkward phase.
Rachel: Okay, my boss, Joanna, when you left, she started asking questions about you...
Chandler: Oh-ho, liked what she saw, huh? Dug my action, did she? Checkin' out the Chan-Chan man!
Rachel: (looks at him) That was (pause) surreal. Okay, what do think? Are you interested at all?
Chandler: Yeah, she seemed cool, attractive. I'll do it.
Rachel: Oh thank you, Chandler, this is so great, she's gonna love me.
Phoebe: (holding a dinosaur) Okay, dinosaur attack!! Quick, everybody into the house!! Ahh-ahh! (the dinosaur starts attacking the house. She starts to bark like a dog.) Roof! Rrroof-roof-roof!
Monica: Okay, Phoebe, y'know what? That-that's it, that's it, all right? No dinosaurs, no ghosts, no giant dogs, okay? They're not the right size, they're not Victorian, and they just don't go.
Phoebe: Okay, (starts to pack up her stuff) fine. Come dinosaur, we're not welcome in the house of no imagination.
Ross: Uh, Pheebs, while we're hovering around the subject. I just have to say dinosaurs, they-they don't go, rrroof!
Phoebe: The little ones do.
[Scene: The Theatre, Joey and Kate are getting ready to rehearse the play.]
Joey: Hey, Kate!
Kate: Morning.
Joey: Listen, I ah, went to that restaurant that you were talking about last week...
The Director: Hey, lovely! Come, talk to me a minute! (she goes over to him)
Joey: (to himself) And I ate the food, I had the fish, it was good, yeah. It was good, yeah...
Woman: Hi, oh, I'm Lauren, Kate's understudy.
Joey: Oh, hey! Joey Tribbiani.
Lauren: I know! I-I'm a big fan of yours.
Joey: (looks at her, shocked) What?!
Lauren: I used to umm, schedule my classes so I could watch Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives.
Joey: Get out of here, really?!
Lauren: Absolutely!
Joey: Yeah?
Lauren: Oh but then, they went and dropped you down that elevator shaft.
Joey: They gave me the shaft all right.
Lauren: (laughing) Oh, you're so funny. Listen, umm, what are you doing after rehearsals? Do you want to get a drink, or something?
Joey: Well Ahh, (he sees Kate and the director kissing) yeah! Yeah, sure, a drink sounds great.
Lauren: Cool! I-I'll see you then.
Joey: All right.
The Director: All right, it's time to act, my talking props. (Both Joey and Kate just look at each other.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering with her own dollhouse, that she made herself.]
Phoebe: Hey!
All: Hey!
Phoebe: Look everybody, look at my new dollhouse!!
Rachel: Wow!!
Phoebe: Look, look! (She lifts up the roof, and the front panel falls revealing the interior.)
Ross: Hey, what's this?!
Phoebe: Oh, okay, it's the slide instead of stairs. Watch this. (She slides a doll down the slide)
Monica: It's very interesting, Phoebe.
Rachel: What's this?
Phoebe: The Licorice Room, you can eat all the furniture. And, when guests come over, they can stay on the tootsie roll-away bed.
Ross: This is the coolest house ever!!
(Monica is looking on with a hurt expression on her face.)
Phoebe: Hey, does anybody want to join me in the aroma room? (lights some incense)
Rachel: All right!
Ross: I would!
Monica: Hey, guys, guys, did you see my new, china cabinet?!
Ross and Rachel: Uh-huh.
Phoebe: Watch, watch. (She turns a strand of Christmas lights strung around the house.)
Ross and Rachel: Ooohhhh!!
Phoebe: And, and! (She turns on a bubble maker.)
Ross and Rachel: Ahhhh!!
Chandler: (entering) Hey, my Father's house does that!
Rachel: (to Chandler) O-o-o-okay, how did it go? Tell me everything.
Chandler: Well, the movie was great, dinner was great, and there's nothing like a cool, crisp New York evening.
Rachel: Hmm.
Chandler: Of course, I didn't get to enjoy any of that, because Joanna's such a big, dull dud!
[Scene: Rachel's office, Joanna's telling Rachel, her side of the story.]
Joanna: Chandler is fantastic!!
Rachel: What?!
Joanna: Oh God, we just clicked! Y'know how people just click? Like he came by to pick me up, and I opened the door, and it was just like, click! Did he tell you?
Rachel: Oh, I....
Joanna: Oh, and he's got such a good heart! Doesn't he have a good heart?
Rachel: Oh, I know...
Joanna: Oh, I know and he's soo sweet! Listen, he said he was going to call, so put him straight through.
Sophie: Isn't this great?!
Joanna: Don't spoil it.
[Scene: The Theatre, Joey and Kate are rehearsing.]
Joey: Come on baby, don't go. Please? What do you say?
[A phone rings.]
The Director: (answering the phone) Hello. Oh! It's you. Just ah, just one-one sec. (to Joey and Kate) I am going to take this call. When I continue, I hope that there will appear on stage this magical thing that in the theatre we call, committing to the moment! (He goes to take the call.)
Joey: (to Kate) That guy's like a cartoon. What do you see in him anyway?
Kate: He happens to be brilliant. Which is more than I can say for that sweater you're dating.
Joey: Hey, I'm not interested in her sweater! It's what's underneath her sweater that counts. And besides, since ah, since when do you care who I'm going out with?
Kate: I don't care. Why, do you want me to care?
Joey: Do you want me to want you to care?
Kate: Do you?
Joey: What?
The Director: (returning) Okay, I'm afraid to say this, but let's pick it up where we left off.
[They resume rehearsing.]
Joey: Come on baby, don't go. Please? What do you say?
Kate: I've got no reason to stay.
(Joey grabs her and kisses her.)
The Director: Stop!! Stop it! You must stop! You are bad actors! This is a terrible play! I'll see you in the morning. (exits)
Kate: I can't believe we go on in, in a week.
Joey: Hey, it's gonna be all right.
Lauren: (to Joey) Hey! So since we're getting off early, do you want to go and paint mugs?
Joey: What?
Lauren: You know! At the place I told you about last night?
Joey: Oh, yeah, with the mug painting. Yeah. I was so listening to that. But ah, y'know what, I think I kinda need to work on my stuff tonight.
Lauren: Oh, okay.
Joey: Okay. (he gives her a peck on the cheek)
Lauren: I'll see you tomorrow. (she kisses him full on the mouth.)
Joey: Okay.
Lauren: G'night. (exits)
Joey: (to Kate) Ah, are you okay?
Kate: Yeah, I guess. Look, what are we gonna do about this scene, huh?
Joey: I don't know.
Kate: Well umm, maybe if it had more heat.
Joey: How do you mean?
Kate: Well, Adrian's looking for a reason to stay, right? Victor can't just kiss her, he's gotta, gotta really give her a reason, y'know?
Joey: Maybe he could slip her the tongue.
Kate: Or maybe, maybe he could grab her, and, and, and, and lift her up.
Joey: Yeah, yeah, and then Adrian, she maybe she could wrap her legs around his waist.
Kate: And then she could rip off his shirt and kiss his chest, and, and his stomach!
Joey: And then, then he could use his teeth, his teeth to undo her dress, and, and, and bite her!
Kate: And then right, right when the scene ends, he could take her with this raw, animal....
[cut to Joey's bedroom, Joey and Kate are emerging from under the covers.]
Joey: Something like that?
Kate: Yeah, that's pretty much what I had in mind.
Joey: Yeah.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Monica are eating breakfast as Joey enters, very happily.]
Joey: (to Ross) Hey.
Ross: Hi.
Joey: (to Monica) Hey.
(He walks up behind Monica and gives her a big hug and a kiss on the neck.)
Ross: Hi.
Joey: Hey.
(He walks over behind Ross, thinks about it for a moment, and gives him a big hug.)
Ross: It's a little early to be drinkin'.
Joey: No-no, things ah, finally happened with Kate.
Ross: Ohhhhh!
Monica: You're kidding?! That's great!
Joey: Oh, it was so amazing. After the (pause) love making...
Monica: Oh my.
Joey: Yep. I just, I just watched her sleep for like hours, just breathing in and breathing out. And then I knew she was dreaming 'cause, 'cause her eyes keep going like this. (He closes his eyes and moves them around, kinda like he's been processed by the devil, or something.)
Chandler: (entering with Rachel) I'm telling ya, Joanna's got it all wrong. Okay? All I said was, 'This was fun. Let's do it again sometime. I'll give you a call.'
Rachel: Ohh, gee. I wonder why she thinks you're going to call her?
Chandler: That's what you say at the end of a date.
Rachel: You can't just say, 'Nice to meet you, good night?'
Chandler: To her face? Look it's the end of the date, I'm standing there, I know all she's waiting for is for me to say 'I'll call her' and it's just y'know, comes out. I can't help it, it's a compulsion.
Monica: Come on Rach, when a guy says he's going to call, it doesn't mean he's going to call. Hasn't it ever happened to you?
Rachel: Well, they always called.
Monica: Hmm, bite me.
[Scene: Rachel's office.]
Joanna: (entering) Did he call?
Rachel: No. Sorry.
Joanna: Why?! Why?! He said he'd call. Why hasn't he called?
Sophie: Maybe he's intimated by really smart, strong, successful women.
Joanna: Sophie, would you please climb out of my butt. Why hasn't he called, Rachel? Why?
Rachel: Okay, okay. Umm, well ah, maybe he, maybe he feels awkward because you are my boss.
Joanna: Awkward? Why should he feel awkward?
Rachel: Well...
Joanna: The only person that should feel awkward is you, and you didn't tell him not to call me, did you?
Rachel: No. I...
Joanna: Because if you feel uncomfortable with your friend dating someone you work for, there are always ways to fix...that.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is reading a magazine as Rachel approaches.]
Rachel: (grabbing the magazine out of his hands) Call her! Call her now!
Chandler: Multiple, so many paper cuts.
Rachel: Why hasn't he called Rachel? Why? Why? I don't understand. Why? He said he'll call. Why? Why? Chandler I'm telling you she has flipped out, she's gone crazy!
Chandler: (sarcastic) Oh, well give me the phone then.
Rachel: Come on, this isn't funny. She thinks it's my fault that you haven't called her. You have to call her!
Chandler: Look, you can't call somebody after this long just to say, 'In case you didn't notice, I don't like you!'
Rachel: Well then you're going to have to take her out again.
Chandler: Nooo!! She's really dull! And she gets this gross mascara goop thing in the corner of her eye!
Rachel: I don't care! I don't care! You are going to have to take her out again and end it, and end it in way that she knows it's actually ended. And, I don't care how hard it is for you, do not tell her that you will call her again!
Chandler: All right! Fine! But it's just a lunch date, no more than an hour! And from now on I get my own dates, I don't want you setting me up with anybody ever again!
Rachel: That's fine!
Chandler: That's just a lot of big talk, y'know.
Rachel: I know.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.]
Ross: Mon?
Monica: (from the bathroom) I'm in the shower!
[He closes the door and walks over to get something from the fridge. He starts to smell something and turns around to see Phoebe's dollhouse smoking. He runs over and takes off the roof to reveal that the dollhouse fire.]
Ross: Oh, fire! There, there's a fire! Fire!!
[He tries to blow it out, and obviously, it doesn't work. He runs over to the sink to get a glass of water to put out the fire, but since Monica is in the shower the water pressure is very low and takes a long time to fill the glass. In desperation he takes the half full glass over and dumps it on the fire, it doesn't work. He then picks up the dollhouse and considers bringing it over to the sink, but decides to take it into the bathroom and use the shower to put it out. He kicks open the door and we hear Monica scream at the top of her lungs.]
[Scene: The Theatre, Kate is arriving for rehearsal.]
Joey: Hey.
Kate: Hi.
Joey: So I ah, talked to Lauren, kinda told her how things were with us. Did you ah, did you talk to Marshall?
Kate: About what?
Joey: Y'know, about what happened with us.
Kate: Nooo. And there's really no reason he should find out, so ah let's not make a big deal about it, okay?
Joey: What are you talking about? It was a big deal. I mean, come on you can't tell me last night didn't mean something to you. I-I was there, you're not that good an actress.
Kate: Look umm, I, I was, I was just caught up in the moment. That's all it was. Joey, I'm-I'm sorry you feel bad, but haven't you ever sleep with a women where it meant more to her than it did to you?
Joey: Nooo.
Lauren: (entering) Hi, Kate!
Kate: Hi, Lauren.
Joey: Hi, Lauren.
Lauren: Hi, pig!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are inspecting the damage to the dollhouse.]
Ross: Sorry I ah, I scared you in there.
Monica: Oh, that's okay. By the way, I was just checking the shower massager.
Ross: Yeah.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Monica: (runs over to her) I tried to reach you at work. There's....been a fire.
Phoebe: What?! Oh my... (sees the remains of the house) Oh my God!! What happened?!
Ross: Well, we believe it originated here. (He uses a pointer and points to the point of origin.) In the Aroma Room.
Phoebe: All right. Did everyone get out okay?
Monica: Well, the giraffe's okay. And so is the pirate.
Phoebe: Ohh. What is this? (She sees a tissue covering something, and moves to remove it.)
Ross: No Phoebe, don't look! You don't want to see what's under there!!
Phoebe: (She pauses to ready herself, and removes the tissue.) Ohh, the-the Foster puppets!
(She picks up a charred piece of plastic that once was the Foster puppets, and starts to break down. Monica goes over and comforts her.)
[Scene: Rachel's office, Chandler and Joanna are returning from their lunch date. He is telling her about her mascara problem. Rachel is already there.]
Chandler: It's not a big deal. It's, just it's right here, (points to his eye) and it's all the time.
Joanna: Well, thanks again for lunch.
Chandler: (He looks over at Rachel, who nods her head) Yes, this, this was pleasant.
(Rachel is slowing trying to leave and let them talk.)
Joanna: It was, wasn't it?
Chandler: The food there was, was great.
Joanna: Wasn't it?
Chandler: So take care.
Joanna: You too.
Chandler: Well, this was great. I'll give you a call. We should do it again sometime. (Rachel is disappointed)
Joanna: Great! I'm looking forward to it. Rachel, any messages?
Rachel: Sophie's desk.
(Chandler starts to leave ashamed of himself, but Rachel stops him in the hallway.)
Rachel: (whispering) Chandler!! Are you gonna call her!
Chandler: Noo!
Rachel: Chandler!!
Chandler: Look, I'm sorry. Okay? I'm weak, and pathetic, and sorry.
Rachel: Okay, you are going to tell her and you're going to tell her now. (She grabs his nipple and starts to twist it.)
Chandler: Ahhhh -- I'm not going to call you.
Joanna: What?
Chandler: I'm sorry. I'm-I'm-I'm sorry that I said I was going to when I'm not. Look, this has nothing to do with you, y'know? And this isn't Rachel's fault. It's me. I have serious, serious problems when it comes to women. I have issues with commitment, intimacy, (pause) mascara goop. And I'm really sorry, it's just that this is not, this isn't going to work out.
Joanna: Well, this isn't how I was hoping how this would end, but I guess I have to appreciate your honesty.
Chandler: Yeah, o-okay.
Joanna: So...
Chandler: Well this is great! I'll give you a call! We should do it again sometime!
(Rachel is shocked, and holds her arms out in disbelief.)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is talking on the phone.]
Joey: (on phone) Well, so anyway Beth, what I'm saying is I should've considered your feelings before I went home with you that night. I've ah, I've recently learned what's it like to be on your side of it, and I'm sorry. So, do you think you can forgive me? (listens) Great. Thanks. Okay, bye. (He sits down and crosses out something, and dials the phone again.) Hello, Jennifer? (listens) Oh hi, Mrs. Loreo, is Jennifer there? (listens) Oh, she's not home huh? (listens) Well ah, actually I kinda need to talk to you too.
End

320 玩偶屋

你泡过的马子里
只有这个女演员没有反应?
天哪
这就是你的人生?
你真的很喜欢她?
你有所不知
上了台，我可以吻她、摸她
然后她跟导演回家
我就心如刀割
看你这样，感觉真好
爸早上打电话来
施薇亚姑姑死了
我们都很震惊
我漏听了什么?
死亡不是悲伤的事吗?
施薇亚姑姑…
不是一个好人
她是个残忍的糟老太婆
我很难过
我有没有得到娃娃屋?
你有
我得到娃娃屋了
娃娃住的屋子，好酷
我小时候只有铁桶
你拿铁桶当娃娃屋?
不，就是一个铁桶
你可以玩我的娃娃屋
真的？
随时欢迎
我小的时候好想玩
但是不行，只准看、不准碰
我奶奶也是这样告戒我
谢谢你请我吃饭，
还陪我回来
不客气
女性内衣不会放在办公室里
我知道
夏季型录
就是这个
瑞秋，给我凡赛斯的发票
你不是我的员工
乔安娜，我的朋友钱德宾
宾?
很棒的姓
那是盖尔语的“火鸡煮好了”
我走了，
幸会
他怎么样?
他都这样疯疯癫癫的
我都没感觉了
我是说他已婚吗?
有对象吗?
不，他未婚，没有对象
我看还是算了
我可以帮你问他
真的?
会不会太可悲、太饥渴
就像苏菲会做的事?
我在这里
你们看
壁纸有点褪色，没关系
地毯有点翘起来
硬木地板?
我知道
我要来玩了
我带了一堆东西来，看喔
这是什么?
狗狗，每栋房子都应该有狗
不能大到可以在屋顶上撒尿
也许是因为房子
盖在辐射废料掩埋地上
这是房子打喷嚏用的?
不是，那是阁楼里的鬼
我不要鬼
谁都不想闹鬼
但是这里闹鬼
因为房子盖在印地安古坟场上
慢着，这栋房子盖在辐射废料
和印地安古坟场上?
那是不可能的
你太不了解美国政府了
我有事找你
抱歉，我是说钱德
我知道
有事记得找我
恭喜你们度过尴尬期
我的上司乔安娜，你一离开
她就问起你的事…
看上眼了?
喜欢我的表现?
在探听小钱钱的事?
听起来…
怪怪的
怎样?
有兴趣吗?
她还不错，蛮漂亮的，好吧
谢谢你，太好了，她会爱死我
恐龙出击，大家快躲进屋里
你知道吗?
到此为止
我不要恐龙、鬼和超级大狗，好吗?
比例不对，不是维多利亚风
一点也不相衬
好
恐龙，我们走
没有想像力的房子不欢迎我们
趁这个机会，我想告诉你
恐龙不会汪汪叫
小恐龙会
“露西儿洛泰尔剧院”
凯特，早
我去了你说的那家餐厅…
美女
来跟我聊一下
我在那里吃饭
很好吃，我点了鱼
我是萝伦，凯特的候补
乔伊崔此亚尼
我知道
我是你的超级影迷
什么?
我以前经常翘课
好回家看“我们的岁月”
和拉莫瑞医生
真的？
结果他们让你掉到电梯井里
他们是把我踢掉了
你好幽默
你排完戏要做什么?
要不要去喝一杯?
好啊，听起来不错
帅，呆会见
好
该演戏了，会说话的道具们
你们看，我的新娃娃屋
你们看
这是什么?
我用溜滑梯取代楼梯，看
很有意思嘛
这是什么?
甘草房，家俱都可以吃
客人来了可以睡在滑轮床上
这栋房子有够酷的
有人要跟我进芳香室吗?
漂亮
我要
喂
你们看到我的新瓷器柜了吗?
看喔
还有喔
我爸的房子也会那样
怎么样?
快说
电影很好看
晚餐很好吃
凉爽的纽约夜晚最宜人
当然啦，我一点也不尽兴
因为乔安娜好无聊
钱德太棒了
什么?
你知道一拍即合吧?
他来接我，我打开门
感觉一拍即合
他有告诉你吗?
他的心肠很好吧?
而且他好甜
他说他会打来，要立刻转给我
太好了
不要扫兴
求求你，不要走
好吗?
是你，等一下
我要接个电话
等我回来，希望台上会出现…
一种神奇的东西在剧场称之为…
人戏!
他好可笑
你到底看上他哪一点?
他很聪明
比你那位毛衣女郎好多了
我不是看上她的毛衣
毛衣底下才重要
而且……
你几时开始关心我跟谁交往?
我才不关心，你希望我关心?
你希望我希望你关心吗?
你呢?
什么?
我实在很不想说
不过我们继续排吧
求求你，不要走好吗?
我没有理由要留下来
停！
停!别再演了
你们是烂演员
这是出烂戏
明天早上见
居然一星期后就要上演了
没问题的
既然提早收工
你想去画马克杯吗?
什么?
就是我昨晚说的那个地方
对了，那里可以画马克杯
我听得很用心
但是我今晚想好好练戏
那明天见
你还好吗?
还好吧
这场戏怎么办?
不知道
也许应该再激烈一点
怎么说?
爱莉安在寻找留下来的理由
维克不能只是亲她，他必须…
必须给她有力的理由
也许他可以对她舌吻
或者……
他可以捉住她，把她抱起来
然后爱莉安用腿圈住他的腰
然后她扯开他的衣服
亲吻他的胸部、肚子
他可以用牙齿脱掉她的衣服
然后咬她
在结尾的部份，他可以占有她
用他那原始的、兽性的…
像这样?
差不多
现在喝酒太早了吧
我跟凯特终于有进展了
真的?太好了
感觉好棒
做完爱之后…
天哪
我看着她睡觉看了好久
就这样吸气…
吐气
我知道她在做梦，因为…
她的眼睛一直这样
她完全误会了
我只是说今晚很愉快，改天再聚
我再打给你
那她为什么觉得你会打给她?
约完会都要这么说
你就不能说
很高兴认识你，晚安?
当着她的面?
一个晚上结束了
我知道她在等我这句话
所以我就说了，我没办法
我不由自主
男人说要联络
也不见得会联络
你没碰过?
他们都会打给我
杀了我吧
没有，对不起
为什么?
他说要打来怎么还不打来?
也许被你的美丽、成功吓到了
苏菲，不要拍我的马屁
他为什么还不打来?
也许他会尴尬
因为你是我的上司
尴尬?
为什么要尴尬?
你没叫他不要打给我吧?
要是你不喜欢你朋友跟我约会
我们可以想办法解决
现在就打给她
我满手都被纸割伤了
他为什么还不打来?
为什么?我不懂
她很激动，她快疯了
把电话拿来
她觉得你不联络是我的错
你一定要打给她
总不能过了这么久才打去说
你或许没发现，我不喜欢你
那就再带她出去一次
不要，她很无聊，而且在眼角
有一大块睫毛膏印子
我不管
你再约她一次，把话说清楚
让她知道没希望
不管有多困难
千万别说你会再联络
好
但只能吃午餐
以后我自己泡马子
你不要再帮我牵线了
没问题
我只是说说
我知道
我在洗澡
失火了!
失火了
我跟萝伦说了我们的事
你跟马歇尔说了吗?
说什么?
我们之间的事
没有，他没有必要知道
我们就别小题大作了
你在说什么?
什么小题大作?
别说昨晚对你毫无意义
我也在，你没那么会演
我只是一时激情
就这样
抱歉让你觉得不好过
你也曾经给别人这种感受吧?
王八蛋
抱歉吓到你了
没关系
对了……
我是在检查莲蓬头的功能
我有打去公司找你
发生火灾了
什么?
天哪
怎么了?
我们相信起火点在这里
就是芳香室
大家都逃出来了吗?
长颈鹿没事，海盗也是
这是什么？
不要看
你不会想看的
领养的狗狗
其实没什么，就在这里
一直都在
谢谢你这顿饭
很愉快
是吧？
那里的东西很好吃
是吧?
保重
你也是
我再打给你，改天再聚
太好了，我等你
在苏菲桌上
你会打给她吗?
我很抱歉好吗?
我软弱、可悲又抱歉
你去告诉她，现在就说
我不会打给你
什么?
对不起
我不想打给你，却说要打给你
跟你无关
也不是瑞秋的错，是我
我对女人有心理障碍
我害怕承诺、害怕亲密
害怕睫毛膏印子
真的很抱歉，但是…
我们之间是行不通的
我没料到会有这种结局
但是我得谢谢你的诚实
我再打给你，改天再聚
贝丝，我想说的是
我跟你回家之前
应该先考虑你的心情
我最近体会到你的感觉
我很抱歉
你可以原谅我吗?
太好了，谢谢
珍妮佛?
罗里欧太太，
珍妮佛在吗?
她不在?
事实上，我也要找你

[ 此帖被77恋兰在2014-03-21 00:17重新编辑 ]

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77恋兰

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等级: 内阁元老

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321 The One With A Chick. And A Duck

[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Rachel and Phoebe are helping Monica learn how to roller skate by rolling her between themselves.]
Rachel: So who's idea was it to put everybody in the diner on skates?
Monica: Oh, some idiot customer put a suggestion in the suggestion box.
Phoebe: Oh my God, they took my idea!
Monica: That was you?!
Phoebe: Yeah! Okay, here you go. (rolls her back to Rachel)
Gunther: (bringing Rachel a mug) Rachel, I made you a cocoa.
[He distracts her from catching Monica and Monica slams into her, knocking her down. Monica then falls on top of her.]
Phoebe: Oh my God, are you guys okay?
Gunther: Are you all right?
Joey: (leaving Central Perk and seeing Monica laying on top of Rachel who is moaning in pain.) Oh my.
(They both turn and give him a dirty look.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching Quincy M.E. as Chandler is walking into the living room from his bedroom.]
Chandler: (sporting a goatee) Hey.
Joey: Hey. Y'know with that goatee you kinda look like Satan.
Chandler: Oh, so that's why the priest threw holy water on me. (there's no reaction from Joey) Okay, listen, you have to cheer up! Okay? You should come out with Ross and me, I mean anything is better than sitting around here crying all day about Kate.
Joey: Hey I was crying because, because nobody believed Quincy's theory. Okay?
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: (triumphantly) I'm gonna be on TV!!
Chandler: No way!
Ross: Yeah! They're putting together this panel to talk about these fossils they just found in Peru and The Discovery Channel's gonna film it!
Chandler: Oh my God! Who's gonna watch that?!
Ross: Thanks. You ready to go?
Chandler: Yeah. (they start to leave)
Joey: Saw a girl with that vest.
Chandler: Thanks. (He takes off the vest and throws it on the floor.)
Anchorwoman: (on TV) While most of us think of chocolate bunnies and baskets as traditional Easter gifts. Some people insist on giving live chicks as presents. (Joey is intrigued by the idea) Unfortunately, the sad fact remains that most of these little guys won't live to see the fourth of July. (Joey starts to call a place to buy a little baby chick) Because of as a result of improper care, they will be dead.
Joey: (on phone) Yeah, hi. You guys got any of those baby chicks? 'Cause I was watching this ah, commercial on TV and man, those guys are cute!
[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Pete is entering, Monica is on roller skates.]
Pete: Hi!
Monica: Hi! Hey, Pete you're back! Hey, check this out. (She starts to skate over to him)
Pete: Wow! Skates!
(She gets just about all the way over to him and falls into his arms.)
Monica: Wow! You're a lot sturdier that Chandler. He crumpled like a piece of paper. So how was you're trip?
Pete: Well... (he holds up a gift he brought her)
Monica: Oh, what'd ya bring me?! (She opens the gift) Awww, hotel toiletries from Japan. Oh, these are gonna go in my permanent collection. You want some coffee?
Pete: Yeah, sure, that'd be great.
(She starts to go and get the coffee and falls behind the counter.)
Monica: (popping back up) Regular or decaf?
Pete: Ah, which ever is closest.
Monica: Okay. (hands him a cup)
Pete: So ask me what I did today.
Monica: So what did you do today Pete?
Pete: I bought a restaurant and I would like you to be the head chef.
Monica: What?! Oh. (She turns around quickly and falls)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is telling Rachel about Pete's offer.]
Monica: Can you believe he just offered me a restaurant?
Rachel: What a jerk! You want me to kick his ass?
Monica: I mean this has been like my dream since I got my first Easy Bake Oven and opened Easy Monica's Bakery. I mean I would kill for this job. I mean I can totally do this job, and God knows I paid my dues. (She removes her fake breasts) But Pete's just doing this because he has a crush on me.
Rachel: And you're still not attracted to him at all?
Monica: Hmm, no. I mean how can I accept a restaurant from hi-? I-I-I-I can't. I couldn't even accept a necklace from Stu Vincent in the seventh grade.
Rachel: Yeah, but Mon that's totally different. He was you're health teacher.
Monica: Oh, please.
(She slaps Rachel's side and Rachel screams in pain.)
Monica: What? Honey.
Rachel: Oh, I am, my side still hurts from when you crashed into me yesterday.
Monica: Oh God, I'm so sorry.
Rachel: I know.
(Monica hugs her goes and hugs her)
Rachel: Ow!!
Monica: Oh God!
Ross: (entering, wearing a white suit with a little red bow tie) Hey, you guys! Guess what?
Rachel: (looking at the outfit) Got a job on a river boat?
Ross: Y'know what I didn't wear this suit for a year because you hated it. Well, guess what? You're not my girlfriend anymore so...
Rachel: Oh I see, so this suit is making a point.
Ross: Right.
Rachel: Now that you're on you're own, you're free to look as stupid as you like.
Ross: (to Monica) You like it right?
Monica: Oh absolutely. I like it even more on you than I did on Colonel Sanders. (Ross starts to leave) Ross! Ross! I'm kidding!
Rachel: Yeah, come here!
Monica: What-what was it you were gonna tell us?
Rachel: Yeah. Oh! Was how you invented the cotton gin?!
Ross: Okay, good bye! (leaves)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is talking to Phoebe about her suggestion.]
Chandler: So um, after you put the suggestion in the box, how long did it take for the roller skating thing to happen.
Phoebe: Umm, oh, about three months.
Chandler: Okay, so I guess that's about ah, two weeks before the topless thing kicks in.
Joey: (entering carrying a box) Hey!!
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: I got you something! Open it! Open it!
Chandler: Okay. (He opens it and it's a baby chick) It's a chicken.
Joey: It's cute, huh?
Phoebe: Whoa-whoa-whoa, you guys, do you know anything about chicks?
Chandler: Fowl? No. Women? Nooo.
Phoebe: Okay, well they are a huge responsibility, especially at this age. They require constant care. They-they need just the right food, and lot's and lot's of love.
Joey: Oh, well no problem there. (He picks up the chick, hugs it really tight, and talks to it like it's a little baby.)
Chandler: Easy Lenny.
[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Pete is talking to Monica about the restaurant.]
Pete: So? I mean have you thought about it?
Monica: Okay. Here's the thing.
Pete: Oh no, not the thing. I hate the thing. What's the thing?
Monica: I can't do it. I'm sorry, I wish I could, but umm, see you have these feelings for me....
Pete: Wait, wait, wait, wait, that's-that's what you're worried about? If that's the problem, we've got no problem.
Monica: Huh?
Pete: No! Look, I was gonna tell you this over dinner, but I met somebody else. On my trip.
Monica: Oh?
Pete: Her name's Ann, she's a journalist. Ahh, we met on the plane. She asked me if she could finish off my peanuts, I thought she said something else, we had a big laugh. Yeah, I just, I mean I got, I got tired of waiting.
Monica: Oh, that's great! I mean I'm-I'm sorry, but I'm so happy for you. And now I can work for you!
Pete: I guess you can.
Monica: Oh my God! Oh, this is incredible! Ohh! (she rolls over and kisses him on the cheek) All right, y'know what? I'm just gonna roll right into that office and-and quit!
Pete: All right.
Monica: Okay. (she gets ready to go) Can you give me a little push?
Pete: Yeah, sure. Good luck!
Monica: (rolling towards the office) I'm quitting!! Woo-hoo! (She rolls through a doorway and out of sight. We then hear a big crash, and see Monica roll past the door the other way.) I'm okay!! I'm all right!!
Phoebe: (to Pete) Wow! That's exciting, you went to Japan, made up a woman.
Pete: What?
Phoebe: I'm just saying, this woman, I mean she's fictitious. No?
Pete: Why would you say that?
Phoebe: 'Cause you're still into Monica. So you told her there was somebody else so she would agree to work with you, so 'cause you figure oh if you spent a lot of time together, maybe something might happen, and...
Pete: You're good. You're good!
Phoebe: Yeah, no, I'm fairly intuitive and psychic. It's a substantial gift.
Pete: Listen, can you promise me that you won't tell her though?
Phoebe: Absolutely, oh I promise. Tell her what?
Pete: Thanks a lot.
Phoebe: No I'm serious. I mean I'm intuitive, but my memory sucks.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is baby-chick sitting.]
Chandler: Okay, but this is the last time. (singing) With a chick-chick here, and a chick-chick there. Here a chick, there a chick, everywhere a chick-chick- (Joey enters) -chickeeeen.
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: How's she doing?
Chandler: She?
Joey: Well yeah, don't-don't you think it's a she?
Chandler: I don't know. (He picks the chick up and turns it over, trying to determine the sex of the chick, and blows on it.) I can't tell, what ever it was went back in too quickly.
Joey: Well, anyway, I got to go change, I'm ah, meeting some of the cast for drinks.
Chandler: Excuse me?
Joey: What?
Chandler: I stayed home from work today while you were at rehearsal so somebody could be here with our chick!
Joey: Hey! Who was up from 2 o'clock this morning until 5 o'clock this morning trying to get her back to sleep?
Chandler: You don't think I get up when you get up?
Joey: Ohhh, here it comes.
Chandler: Yes, here it comes! I'm stuck here all day, and then you come in and spend two seconds with us and then expect to go off gallivanting with your friends? Well I don't think so mister!
Joey: Hey!! I need to relax! Okay? I was working all day!
Chandler: And you don't think taking care of our chick is work?
Joey: That's not what I said. Okay, I just meant...
Chandler: I know what you meant!! (pause) You notice that ever since we got this chick, we've been fighting a lot more than we used too?
Joey: I don't know, maybe we weren't ready to have a chick.
Chandler: I'll take her back tomorrow.
Joey: Do you think we'll get our three bucks back?
Ross: (entering carrying a garment bag) Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Ross: (sees the chick) Ohhh, hey! All right, listen, I-I have that TV thing in like two hours, and I need your help, okay? What do you think? (takes out two suits) This blue suit, or this brown one?
Joey: Well, the brown one brings out your eyes, but your butt looks great in the blue one.
Ross: Really? (Joey gives him a 'Like I would know' look)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to take some aspirin.]
Rachel: (she reaches for the bottle) Oww! (She grabs the bottle, but has trouble opening it. She pops the top off and aspirins fly all over the place as Ross enters.)
Ross: Wow! That aspirin dance really works!
Rachel: (She bends over to try and pick up the aspirin) Oww!
Ross: Oh my God, is that still...
Rachel: I'm fine, I'm fine.
Ross: No you're not.
Rachel: Yes I am!
Ross: Rach!
Rachel: Look, I'm fine. Watch. (She picks up an aspirin between her toes) Look at that. (She lifts her leg to grab the aspirin with her hand and almost falls over.) Whoa-whoa!
Ross: (stopping her from falling) Okay, okay. Look, you have got to go to a doctor! Okay?
Rachel: No. I have got to get ready and go to a dinner at my bosses house. It's a very big deal, there's a lot of people there I have to meet.
Ross: And I'm sure you're gonna make a big impression. Hi! I'm Rachel Green. It's nice to meet you. (He lifts his leg and imitates shaking hands with it, just like how Rachel was trying to pick up the aspirin with her feet.) Come on, you probably have a broken rib!
Rachel: Well, I will go to the hospital tomorrow, it'll still be broken then.
Ross: Rach...
Rachel: But y'know, I could use a hand getting ready.
Ross: Rachel...
Rachel: Look, either help me or go.
Ross: Fine. I'll go.
Rachel: (with a hurt expression on her face) Okay, but before you go, could you help me first?
Ross: (He checks his watch) Sure. I'll help you.
Chandler: (rushing in) Oh, good! Good! Do you guys know how to get a chick out of a VCR?!
Commercial Break
[Scene: Rachel's bedroom, Rachel is trying to put on eye liner with her left hand, as Ross is setting out her shoes.]
Rachel: (She drops the brush) Y'know what? I cannot do this with my left hand! Would you please, help me with this too?
Ross: Ohh. (He drops the shoes, takes the brush from her, and licks the tip. He doesn't like how it tastes.)
Rachel: (taking the brush back) Okay. Let's use this brush. (Hands him another one.)
Ross: Okay. This stuff?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: All right.
Rachel: Careful. Light. Okay, do you know how, just sweep it across the lid. Okay? Just sweep it.
Ross: Oke-dokey. (He pokes her in the eye with the brush.)
Rachel: Oh-ho!
Ross: Sorry.
Rachel: Hey! That's just poking me in the eye!
Ross: Sorry, I'm sorry. Close, close, close...
Rachel: Okay, just sweep it.
Ross: I'm sweeping...
Rachel: Right.
Ross: Sweep, sweep.... (He starts to paint it on her eye, making it look like she has a black eye.)
Rachel: Okay, now make it even, 'cause we don't...
Ross: What? What?
Rachel: We don't want it-it to be too much, we want it to be subtle.
(Of course it's too late for that.)
Ross: No. No, y'know you don't, you don't wear enough of this. (Rachel is shocked) What?
Rachel: Since when, since when do you think I don't wear enough of this?
Ross: Well I, close your eyes, I just think you're gonna like this a little better, 'cause, close-close... (He gets some more on the brush)
Rachel: Blow it.
Ross: (blows it) Sorry. 'Cause umm, I think this will make you a little more sophisticated.
Rachel: Sophisticated like a hooker?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is entering, Phoebe is already there.]
Monica: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Hey, guess what I'm doing tonight.
Phoebe: What?
Monica: I'm checking out the restaurant with Pete.
Phoebe: Ohh, Monica, I am so excited for you.
Monica: I know.
Phoebe: Ooh, I have to tell you something.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: But I can't tell you.
Monica: Okay, but wouldn't it be easier if you had to tell me something that you could tell me.
Phoebe: Well, sure in a perfect world. But, no, I promised I wouldn't tell, and I swore to like all my gods.
Monica: Okay. Does it have to do with Ross and Rachel?
Phoebe: No.
Monica: Does it have to do with Joey?
Phoebe: No.
Monica: Does it have to do with-with Chandler and that sock that he keeps by his bed?
Phoebe: No, but let's come back to that later!
[Scene: Rachel's Bedroom, Ross is finishing up her make-up.]
Ross: There you go! Good enough for your party, huh?
(She turns and looks in the mirror, and it's way, way over done. She looks like she has two black eyes.)
Rachel: Sure.
Ross: Yep?
Rachel: Sure, I'll just sit next to the trans-sexual from purchasing.
Ross: Okay, come on! All right, I gotta go! So good luck at the party. Okay?
Rachel: Oh wait, Ross, would you just stay and help me get dressed?
Ross: (checks his watch) Sure, okay.
Rachel: Okay. Okay, great! Umm, okay, just turn around.
Ross: What?
Rachel: I don't want you to see me naked!
Ross: Rachel, I've seen you naked a million times. I ate hot fudge off you naked. Remember, I-I sucked that mini-marshmallow out of your belly button?
Rachel: Yeah, but that was different. Y'know? I mean, we were, we were going out then, now I think it's weird.
Ross: Rach, y'know I can see you naked any time I want.
Rachel: What?
Ross: All I have to do is close my eyes. See? (closes his eyes) Woo-hoo!!
Rachel: Ross! Stop that!
Ross: Ah, I'm sorry.
Rachel: Come on! I don't want you thinking of me like that any more!
Ross: Ahh, sorry, nothing you can do about it. It's one of my ah, rights as the ex-boyfriend. (closes his eyes again) Oop, oh yeah!
Rachel: Stop it! Cut it out! Cut it out!
Ross: Okay, okay, I'm sorry, it will never happen... (closes eyes) Uh-oh! Wait a minute! Wait-wait, now there are a hundred of you and I'm the king.
Rachel: Rosss...
Ross: Come on, would you grow up? It's no big deal.
Rachel: All right. (She starts to take off her robe) Fine.
Ross: Yowzah!!!
Rachel: O-kay!! See what you did, I'm gonna be doing it by myself now. Okay?
Ross: Aww, come on.
Rachel: That's it. (She crawls onto the bed) Ow!!!
Ross: Oh my God!
Rachel: Oh-ow!
Ross: All right.
Rachel: Ow!
Ross: Look...
Rachel: Ow!
Ross: Okay.
Rachel: Ow!
Ross: Rach?
Rachel: Ow! Ow!
Ross: Easy. Easy. You have to go to the hospital. Okay?
Rachel: Okay, I do.
Ross: Okay.
Rachel: I really do.
Ross: Okay, I'm gonna get your coat and then I'll-I'll put you in a cab.
Rachel: Okay. Oh wait, wait-wait, you're not gonna come with me?
Ross: (He thinks about it) Of course I am. I just have to make a call.
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: Okay? (goes into the living room)
Rachel: Thank you. (She goes to take off her make-up and screams in pain) Oww!!!! God!
Ross: (rushing back in) What?! I wh-, what's wrong?
Rachel: I'm sorry, I just can't go to the hospital lookin' like this.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is trying to find out what Phoebe won't tell her.]
Monica: Does it involve travel?
Phoebe: Noo!
Monica: Does it involve clogs?
Phoebe: Oh, wait, wait. Clogs, or claws?
Monica: Clogs.
Phoebe: No.
Monica: Claws?!
Phoebe: No.
Monica: Okay, so it doesn't involve Ross or Rachel or Chandler or Joey. But, what about Pete?
Phoebe: (Shaking her head yes) No!
Monica: What is it?! What about Pete?
Phoebe: I don't know! (frantically points at Monica)
Monica: Okay, I feel like I'm talking to Lassie. All right, Phoebe would you just tell me!
Phoebe: I can't!!
Monica: Okay, I gotta go. (gets up)
Phoebe: I, but you're so close! No!
Monica: Okay, does it involve something to do with Pete's computer company?
Phoebe: Oh, just go. You're never gonna get it!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Baywatch with the baby chick. He's on one leather chair, the chick is on the other. It's watching Yasmine Bleeth run and is chirping.]
Chandler: I know. See, yes. That's Yasmine Bleeth, she's a completely different kind of chick. I love you both. But in very different ways.
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: (sees he's watching Baywatch) Ohhh. (sees he still has the chick) Ahh! What are you doing?! I thought you were gonna take her back to the store today.
Chandler: I did! But the store wouldn't take her back! So then I took her to the shelter, and you know what I found out?
(Joey wants to know, but Chandler doesn't want to discuss it by the chick, so he and Joey move over to the windows and away from the chick.)
Chandler: If they can't find a home for her, they kill her! And I'm not gonna let that happen to little Yasmine!
Joey: Okay, good, good, good, 'cause, good, 'cause I was kinda having second thoughts too.
Chandler: Okay. And it's not just chicks y'know? It's all kinds of other animals!
Joey: That's horrible! Well, you did the right thing man.
Chandler: Thanks, I'm glad you see it that way.
(He hear a duck start quacking, and see it waddle into the living room from the bathroom. Joey wants to know what's with the duck.)
Chandler: Ohhh-hoo, funny story!
[Scene: Pete's Restaurant's Kitchen, Pete is showing Monica around the kitchen.]
Monica: I don't believe this! Wow, look at this refrigerator! It's gigantic! I mean I could live in this thing! I'd be cold, but I'm always cold. Oh my God, look at these spider burners! I love spider burners.
Pete: So you like it?
Monica: Oh, it is sooo perfect. Thank you so much. (runs over and hugs him)
Pete: Oh, you're welcome. (He takes a deep breath)
Monica: Did you just smell my hair?
Pete: Nooo. Uh-huh, no way. What? No.
Monica: Oh God.
Pete: What?
Monica: You still have feelings for me don't you?
Pete: Now, nooo! I'm just excited about the restaurant, that's all.
Monica: Pete.
Pete: Okay, I love you. Is that so bad?
Monica: No, it's not bad. It's not bad at all. It's-it's really nice.
Pete: Look, the only who stands to get hurt is me. And I'm okay with that.
Monica: You may be okay about getting hurt, but I am not okay with being the one who hurts you. That's why I can't take this job.
Pete: What?
Monica: And well, we probably shouldn't see each other anymore. I'm sorry.
Pete: Okay, yeah. I mean... If that's, if that's really what you want, okay.
Monica: Okay, bye.
(She kisses him on the cheek, and he kisses her back on the mouth.)
Pete: I'm sorry things didn't work out...
Monica: All right shut up for a second and let me just see something. (She kisses him back on the lips) Oh, wow! (They then hug and kiss, very passionately.)
[Scene: The Hallway Between The Apartments, Ross and Rachel are coming back from the hospital. Ross is helping her up the stairs.]
Rachel: Okay, you'd tell me the truth. Right?
Ross: Rach, you can't look fat in an x-ray.
Rachel: Okay.
(As they approach the door, Chandler comes out carrying his duck.)
Chandler: Okay! Now you stay out here, and you think about what you did!!
Ross: (to Chandler) That's a duck.
Chandler: That's a bad duck!!! (to Ross) How'd the thing go tonight, Ross?
Ross: Oh, it was, nah, well....
Rachel: What thing? What thing?
Ross: Nothing, ah there was this thing at the museum. Come on. (they go into her apartment) Easy.
Chandler: (to the duck) Okay, now when you come back I hope you remember that, that chick is not a toy! (He goes back into the apartment)
[cut to inside Monica and Rachel's]
Rachel: What thing? What is this thing?
Ross: I was kinda, supposed to be on TV tonight for The Discovery Channel.
Rachel: Oh my God!
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Ross, why didn't you tell me that?
Ross: Eh, 'cause I knew that if I told you, you'd make me go, and I knew you needed someone to be with you tonight. Come on. Come on.
Rachel: I cannot believe you.
Ross: What?
Rachel: That is the sweetest thing, I just....
(They both look at each other for a while)
Ross: (breaking the silence) You should get some sleep.
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: So, I'll umm...
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry I spoiled you're evening.
Ross: No, that's, no, as long as you're okay. So I'll ah, I'll see you tomorrow.
Rachel: Um-hmm, yeah.
(He leaves)
Rachel: (After he closes the door) See ya.
(In the hallway, Ross all dejected, sits down on the step.)
Chandler: (coming out of his apartment and seeing Ross) What did you do?
Closing Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's Bathroom: Chandler is watching the duck swim in the bathtub.]
Joey: What 'cha doing?
Chandler: Having a swim.
Joey: What about the chick?
Chandler: Chicks don't swim.
Joey: Are you sure?
Chandler: I don't know. Should we try it?
Joey: Sure.
(Chandler picks up the chick and drops it in the water.)
Chandler: See, I told you they don't swim. (He goes to take it out)
Joey: (stopping him) Wait. Give him a minute.
Chandler: Noo! (takes him out) Oh, it's okay, it's okay, baby, baby, baby.
(Joey picks up and turns on a hair dryer.)
End

321 小鸡和小鸭

是谁出主意让服务生都穿溜冰鞋的?
某个白痴客人投意见箱的
天哪，他们盗用我的想法
是你?
过去吧
瑞秋，我帮你泡了可可
小心！
天哪!你们还好吗?
辣喔
你留山羊胡有点像撒旦
所以神父才会对我洒圣水
你得开心一点
你应该跟我和罗斯出门
总比整天坐着为凯特伤心好
我伤心是因为
没有人相信昆西的理论
我要上电视了
不会吧
有一个讨论秘鲁化石的座谈会
探索频道要去拍摄
天哪!谁会看?
谢了，可以走了吗?
我看过一个女生穿那件背心
谢了
大部份的人都视巧克力和篮子
为传统的复活节礼物
有些人坚持送活的小鸡
不幸的是，大部份的小鸡
都活不到国庆日
由于照顾得不妥善
它们马上就会死
你们有小鸡吗?
我看到电视上的广告
那些小鸡好可爱
彼特，你回来了!
你看
溜冰鞋
你比钱德结实，他一撞就倒
旅途顺利吗?
你送什么给我?
日本饭店的化妆品
我要永远保留下来
要喝咖啡吗？
好啊
普通还是低咖啡因?
最近的就行了
问我今天做了什么
你今天做了什么?
我买下一家餐厅
想请你当主厨
他居然要送我一家餐厅
那个混蛋，你要我踹他吗?
从我拥有好烘烤箱
开了好吃糕饼店起
就在梦想这一天
我死也甘愿，我绝对能胜任
我吃的苦头也够多了
但彼特这么做是因为他喜欢我
你对他还是没兴趣?
我怎么能接下这个餐厅?
我不能
七年级时史都文森送我项链
我也没收
这是两回事
他是你的健康教育老师
怎么了?
被你撞到的地方好痛
天哪，对不起
天哪
嗨，你们猜怎样?
你在邮轮上找到工作?
我一整年没穿这套西装
因为你不喜欢
你不是我的女朋友了，所以…
我懂了，你想要强调
你现在孤家寡人
可以尽情的出丑
你喜欢这套西装吧?
当然，你穿起来
比肯德基爷爷好看
罗斯，开玩笑的，回来
你要说什么?
你发明轧棉机的过程?
你投书到意见箱之后
多久才得到回应?
大约三个月
所以离上空的规定大约还有两星期
我买了一个东西
打开来看
是一只鸡
很可爱吧?
两位，你们了解鸡吗?
家禽?不了解
女人?不了解
养鸡是重责大任
尤其是小鸡需要无微不至的照顾
它们不能吃错东西需要很多关爱
这个没问题
轻一点，大母鸡
你考虑过了吗?
是这样的
我讨厌“是这样的”
是怎样的?
我不能接受
抱歉，我也很想接受
但你对我有特殊感情
你在担心这个?
如果是这个问题那就没问题了
我正打算吃饭时告诉你
我这趟出国认识了一个人
她叫安，是记者
我们在飞机上认识
她想把我的花生吃完
我听成别的（花生音同阴茎）
我们大笑一场
我等烦了
太好了
抱歉，但我好为你高兴
我可以为你工作了
看来可以了
天哪，太棒了
你猜怎样?
我要溜进办公室去辞职
好
推一下，好吗?
祝你好运
我要辞职了
我没事，我很好
真叫人兴奋啊
你去日本，认识一个女人
什么?
我是说这个女人…是虚构的吧?
为什么这么说?
你还是喜欢摩妮卡
你谎称认识别人
好让她为你做事
相处久了，也许就会产生感情
你真行
我只是直觉准，还会通灵
很实在的天赋
请答应我不要告诉她
没问题，我答应你
告诉她什么?
谢谢你
我的直觉很准，但记性很差?
好吧，但这是最后一次
这里吱，那里吱
这里吱，那里吱到处都在吱吱叫…
鸡…
鸡妹妹好吗?
妹妹?
你不觉得是妹妹吗?
我不知道
看不出来，那个东西一下子就缩回去了
我要换衣服
我要去跟其他演员喝酒
什么?
怎么了?
你排练时，我留在家里
好陪着我们的小鸡
是谁从半夜两点撑到五点?
好哄她睡觉?
你以为我没起来吗?
又来了
没错，又来了
我整天困在这里
你才回来陪了我们几秒钟
就要出去跟朋友花天酒地?
这样不行喔，先生
我需要轻松一下
我忙了一整天
照顾我们的小鸡就不忙?
我不是那个意思，我是说…
我知道你想说什么
你有没有发现，自从有了小鸡
我们争吵的次数变多了?
也许我们还不适合养小鸡
我明天送它回去
三块钱会退吗?
我两小时后要录影
请你们帮个忙
怎么样?蓝色还是棕色的好?
棕色可以突显你的眼睛
但蓝色那套让你的屁股很翘
真的？
祈药舞还真有效
你还是？
我没事
你有事
我没事
我很好，看我的
你得去看医生，好吗?
我要去我老板家参加晚宴
有几个人非见不可
你一定会令人印象深刻
“你好，我是瑞秋”
“很高兴认识你”
你的肋骨可能断了
我明天再去医院，
它还是断的
但我打扮时需要帮忙
你不帮忙就走
好，我走
走之前能不能先帮忙?
好，我帮
你们在
要怎么把小鸡弄出录影机?
你知道吗?我不会用左手化
你能不能也帮我化妆?
用这一支好了
这个？
小心一点
沾一点
在眼睑上刷一下就好
刷一下
对不起
你是在戳我的眼睛
对不起，闭上…
我在刷
刷、刷——
刷均匀，不要…
不要太多，隐隐约约就好
你的妆不够浓
你几时觉得我的妆不够浓了?
闭上眼睛，你一定会喜欢
闭眼睛，
吹一下
这样看起来比较世故、成熟
跟妓女一样世故?
你猜我今晚要做什么?
什么?
我要跟彼特去看餐厅
摩妮卡，我好替你兴奋
我有一件事要告诉你
什么事?
我不能告诉你
把不能说的事说出来
不是会比较舒坦?
哪有那么好的事
我答应不说
我对所有神明发过誓
跟罗斯和瑞秋有关吗?
跟乔伊有关吗?
跟钱德和他床边的袜子有关吗?
不是，不过你待会儿要告诉我
好了，够美了吧?
是啊
是啊，我会坐在采购部那个人妖旁边
我得走了，祝你晚宴愉快
再帮我换一下衣服?
当然好
太好了，转过去吧
什么?
我不想让你看到我的身体
我看过几万遍了
我在你身上吃热奶油
我从你的肚脐眼
吸出小软糖
那个不一样，我们那时在交往
现在很奇怪
我随时都能看到你的裸体
什么?
我只需要闭上眼睛，你看
罗斯，别闹了
拜托，别再那样想我了
抱歉，你管不到
这是前任男友的权利
别闹了，够了
对不起，我不会再…
等一下
现在有一百个你，我是国王
成熟一点，这又没什么
好吧
很好，我决定自己换衣服
天哪，听我说
小心，你得去医院，好吗?
我真的得去了
我去帮你拿外套，再送你上车
你不陪我去吗?
当然要
我得先打个电话
谢谢
怎么了?
对不起，我不能这样去医院
跟旅行有关吗?
跟木屐有关吗?
木屐还是爪子?
木屐
爪子?
所以不是罗斯和瑞秋
也不是钱德和乔伊
那彼特呢?
怎么样?
我不知道
我好像在跟灵犬莱西说话
菲比，你就直说好吗?
不行啦
我得走了
跟彼特的电脑公司有关吗?
你走吧，你死也猜不到的
我知道
没错，那就是雅丝敏布丽丝
她是一种完全不同的“鸡”
你们两个我都爱
是非常不一样的爱
你在干什么?
不是要送她走?
我有，但是店里不收
我带她去收容所
你猜我发现什么?
要是找不到人领养就要杀了她
我绝不让小雅丝敏惨遭毒手
很好，其实我也有点反悔
不只小鸡，所有的动物都一样
太可怕了，你做得对
谢了，你这么想就好
说来好笑
真不敢相信
你看这个冰柜，有够大的
我可以住在里面
会冷，不过我本来就很冷
是传统火炉
我最喜欢传统火炉了
你喜欢喽?
太完美了，真谢谢你
不客气
你刚才在闻我的头发?
怎么可能，没有啊
天哪
怎么了？
你对我还是有感觉
我只是对餐厅的事很兴奋
我爱你，有这么糟吗?
不糟，一点也不糟
其实很好
会受伤的人是我
我都不介意了
你或许不介意受伤
我却不能当那个伤你的人
所以我不能接受这份工作
什么?
我们也不该再见面了
对不起
你如果真的这么想，那好吧
很抱歉事情…
你先闭嘴，让我确认一下
你有说实话吗?
X光片看起来怎么会胖
你给我在这里好好反省
那是一只鸭子
一只坏鸭子
今晚的事顺利吗?
什么事?
没什么，博物馆有事走吧
小心
等你回来，请记住
小鸡不是玩具
到底是什么事?
我今晚本来要上探索频道
天哪
罗斯，你为什么不说?
我一说，你就会赶我去
我知道你今晚
需要有人陪着，来吧
我真不敢相信
你对我太好了
你该睡觉了
抱歉搞砸你的计划
你没事就好
明天见
再见
你犯了什么错?
你们在干什么?
游泳
小鸡呢?
鸡不会游泳
确定?
不晓得
要试试看吗？
好啊
看吧，我就说它不会游
再等一下
乖，没事了

[ 此帖被77恋兰在2014-03-21 00:17重新编辑 ]

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顶端

77恋兰

ZxID：11247485

23212鲜花 10鸡蛋

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 66楼发表于: 2014-03-21 0

322 The One With The Screamer

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is on the phone, Chandler and Monica are sitting in the living room, and Ross is in the kitchen as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
Rachel: Oh, Phoebe, are you still on hold? I was supposed to call my Dad back like two hours ago.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, he clipped on, he said call him as soon as you get a chance, he's at Flimby's.
Rachel: What's Flimby's?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, that's the word I use when I can't remember the real thing.
Rachel: Okay. Hang up! That's it! Come on!
Phoebe: No! Rachel, that's what they want me to do. My warranty expires tomorrow, if I don't get through, they're not gonna fix my crappy, broken phone for free! We cannot let them win! It's us versus them!
Chandler: Ye-e-es!!
Joey: (entering) Hey.
All: Hey.
Joey: Uh, listen I gotta double check for tickets tonight. Who-who got what?
Chandler, Phoebe, and Rachel: I had one.
Monica: I need two. I'm bringing Pete. My boyfriend. I have a boyfriend now!
Joey: Two it is. Ross, how about you?
Ross: Uh, yeah, I ah, I also need two.
Monica: Really? Who's number two?
Chandler: Who's number two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play.
Ross: Uh, no, it's-it's just this person.
Phoebe: Like a date type (looks at Rachel) person?
Ross: Yeah, kinda. It's this woman from work. I hope that won't be too weird. Will it, Rach?
Rachel: No. No, not at all, not at all. I actually was gonna bring someone myself, so...
Joey: But you said one.
Rachel: I meant, me plus one!
Joey: Okay. (to Phoebe and Chandler) Did ah, you guys mean you plus one?
Ross: All right, I'll see you tonight.
Joey: Okay.
Rachel: Okay, bye-bye!
Chandler: Bye!
Monica: Bye-bye!
(Ross exits)
Rachel: Okay, I need a date! (runs to her bedroom)
Joey: Oh, hey, you guys are finally gonna get to meet Kate!
All: Oh!
Joey: (to Chandler) And I ah, borrowed some of your cologne. I hope she likes it.
Monica: Joey, what are you doing?! It's never gonna happen, she's seeing somebody.
Chandler: Yeah, and I don't have any cologne.
Joey: The green bottle next to the shaving cream.
Chandler: Oh! Worm medicine for the duck.
(In horror, Joey wipes his neck and smells it.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is getting ready to go to Joey's premiere and Phoebe is still on hold.]
Monica: (to Phoebe) Here you go. You can wear this. (hands her a sweater)
Phoebe: Thanks!
Monica: Uh-huh.
Phoebe: Okay. (on phone) Ooh, I'm setting the phone down. (does so) But I'm still here! Just don't go anywhere I'm still here. (starts to put on the sweater) Don't-don't switch or anything, 'cause I'm, I'm right here. (She has pulled the sweater over her head, but her head is stuck in a sleeve.) Just one sec. One sec! One second!! (She is now frantically trying to get the sweater on, as Monica returns from the bathroom.) Wait! One second! Just...
Monica: Phoebe?
Phoebe: What?! Monica, I'm scared!!
Monica: All right. Honey, that's-that's a sleeve. Okay?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Monica: And! We also have speaker phone. (She turns on the speaker phone.)
Hold Voice: Please, stay on the line. Your call is important to us.
Monica: Okay, wait, you gotta hang up 'cause we're gonna be late.
(Phoebe starts to hang up the phone, but...)
Hold Voice: Thank you for your patience, you're the next caller.
Phoebe: Yes!! Yes!! I'm the next caller! You were gonna have me hang up.
Chandler: (entering, carrying the chick and duck) Hey! Can you take a duck and a chick to the theatre?
Monica: Of course not.
Phoebe: No.
Chandler: Okay. I just wanted them to hear it from somebody else.
[Scene: Joey's Premiere, Rachel is already there with her date, Tommy who's played by Ben Stiller who will be in There's Something About Mary and Meet The Parents, as Ross and his date, Cailin, arrive.]
Ross: Hey, hey Rach!
Rachel: Oh, hi!
Ross: Hi!
Rachel: How are you? (She goes to kiss him on the cheek, but stops because of the dates and pats him on the shoulder.)
Ross: Good.
Rachel: Hey.
Ross: So it's looks like we're the first ones here.
Rachel: Yeah, looks that way. First ones here! Wooo!!
Ross: Yay!!
(An awkward silence follows.)
Rachel: Oh! Tommy, this is Ross. Ross, Tommy.
Tommy: Hey.
Ross: Hey. Oh, I'm sorry, this is Cailin.
(They all try and shake hands at once. They end up criss-crossing they're arms to shake each other's hand, and Ross says...)
Ross: And! Break!!
(Awkward laughter follows.)
Rachel: Okay, uhh, I think I'm going to run to the ladies room.
Tommy: Okay.
Cailin: I'll join you.
Tommy: I'll get our seats.
Ross: Okay. (The girls leave.) (to Tommy) So uh, well, this-this is uh, this is awkward.
Tommy: Yeah?
Ross: Well y'know 'cause Rachel and I used to go out.
Tommy: Oh, I didn't, I didn't know that.
Ross: Oh! Well then this is awkward. So what do you uh...
Tommy: I think we're here.
Ross: Oh! Yeah.
Tommy: Yeah.
Ross: Okay. (sees two people sitting in their seats.) Uh, huh. Excuse me, I'm sorry, I-I think you may be in our seats.
Man: Umm, no, I don't think so.
Tommy: Can-can we take a look at your ticket?
Man: Sure. (Hands him the ticket.)
Ross: (looking at ticket) Yep! Yeah, see this says D-13, and uh...
Man: Oh, well I thought that ah...
Tommy: Oh, you thought, huh? Yeah, well that didn't really work out too well for you did it you idiot!! What are you?! A moron!! Huh?! It says D-13! Okay?! Look you're surrounded by even numbers!! Did that give you some clue?!
Man: Uh, the usher told us to come...
Tommy: Oh! Oh! The usher must be right! What, with all that training they go through! Get out!! (They start to leave.) Here! (He throws him back his ticket.) (to Ross, calmly) Hey man, you want the aisle?
Ross: No, I'm good. (He sits down, stunned.)
[Scene: The Theatre, at the post premiere party. The gang is already there, except Phoebe. Joey runs in.]
Chandler: (seeing Joey) There he is!
Monica: There's our star!
Joey: So, so, what'd ya think?
Chandler: Almost as good as that play with the two naked girls on the see-saw.
Joey: I-I wasn't in that.
Chandler: I know.
Joey: (sees Kate) Oh-oh, hey-hey, Kate! Listen I want you to meet everybody. Everybody, this is Kate.
Monica: Hi!
The Director: (stepping in) Excuse me. Excuse me. (to Kate) Sweetheart! (Kisses her.) Come! (They leave.)
Chandler: So that's the girl you like.
Joey: Yeah.
Ross: (drags Chandler over to buffet table) I'm telling you, this guy Rachel is with is crazy! Okay? He viscously screamed at total strangers! I think he's baaad news!
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, you don't like the guy Rachel's dating? Well, that's odd.
[cut to Joey, Rachel, and Tommy.]
Joey: Oh, hey, Lauren. Uh, you guys this is, this is Kate's understudy, Lauren.
Rachel: Oh, hi!
Lauren: Hey.
Rachel: Hey. Gosh, you look soo familiar.
Lauren: Oh, yeah! I-I ran into you in the hallway in your building. It was right after I slept with Joey. He dumped me the next day.
[cut to Monica, Pete, and Cailin]
Cailin: So. How'd you guys meet?
Pete: Well ah, the short version is, I ah pursued her for a couple of months, then I gave her a check for 20,000 dollars, and she was mine.
Monica: Yeah, and in the long version, I dump him for telling people the short version.
[cut to Joey as Estelle, Joey's agent, approaches]
Estelle: Joey, sweetheart, you were fabulous!
Joey: Hey you guys, this is my agent, Estelle.
Estelle: How do you do. (to Rachel and Monica) Ooh, you two girls were outstanding! (to Joey) Did they have representation?
Joey: No, they-they weren't in the play.
Rachel: We're not actors.
Estelle: Ooh, what a shame! Because with her face (points to Monica) and her chest (points to Rachel) I could really put something together.
Chandler: Could I borrow it?
[cut to later]
Cailin: (to Ross) Hi! Remember me?
Ross: Hi! Yeah! Tommy's in line for the bathroom and someone just cut in front of him, I think he's gonna snap. (He's watching very intently)
Cailin: Ross, I'm gonna go.
Ross: Go? Why?
Cailin: I don't know. Could be because I don't feel like standing around all night waiting for some guy who may or may not scream.
Ross: But-but Cailin, he definitely will scream.
Cailin: Good bye Ross.
Ross: Uh, oh-ho bye.
The Director: (entering carrying a newspaper) Here we go people! (starts reading the review) Boxing Day! The Lucille Lortel Theatre, blah-la-la-la... Ah-ha! Joey Tribianni, gives an uneven performance, but Mr. Tribianni is not the worst thing in this production.
Joey: Yes!!! Ha-ha-ha!
The Director: Kate Miller's awkward and mannered portrayal is laughable. (Kate walks away depressed.) Badda-badda-badda. Ah-ha! Here it is! The direction by Marshal Talmant is... (stops, reads it again, and throws down the paper in disgust) Thank you, boys and girls, you've ruined my life. Please, stuff your talentless faces with my Mother's crab cakes! (starts to leave) Excuse me!!
(Joey steps in a picks up the paper, the gang all look at him.)
Joey: Anyone mind if I save this?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are returning. Phoebe is still on hold.]
Monica: Hey!
Rachel: Hey!
Phoebe: Oh, is the play over?
Monica: Yeah. Where were you?
Hold Voice: Thank you for your patience, you're the next caller.
Monica: You were the next caller five hours ago. You must be going crazy.
Phoebe: Nah. I kept myself busy.
(Both Rachel and Monica walk into their bedrooms, stop, and come back into the living room with confused looks on their faces.)
Phoebe: Oh, okay, yeah. (to Monica) I put your stuff in her room, and her stuff in your room.
(They both look at each other, nod their heads 'All right' and follow their stuff into their new rooms.)
[Scene: The Theatre, after the party. Joey is trying to comfort Kate.]
Joey: Hey! Are you okay?
Kate: Fabulous.
Joey: Listen, drama critics they're nothing but, but people who couldn't make it as actors. You know what you should do?
Kate: Become a drama critic!
The Director: (entering, drunk) I am hurt! (to Joey and Kate) A plague on both your houses! (walks away)
Kate: By the way, he dumped me tonight after he read my review.
Joey: Oh, classy.
Kate: Yep! I sure know how to pick 'em, huh? Y'know I gave up a part on a soap for this!
Joey: Wow! Yeah I ah, I gave up a job too.
Kate: Really. What?
Joey: Uh, de-clawing cats. Hey, tell ya what. Let me walk you home. We'll stop by every news stand and burn every copy of their Times and the Post.
Kate: Why the Post?
Joey: Oh, you didn't see the Post?
Kate: No. You?
Joey: No. Why?
[Scene: Kate's Apartment, Joey and Kate are returning from a night out on the town.]
Kate: (drunk) So you really think those newspapers are just jealous of me?
Joey: Oh, absolutely! You're talented and you're good looking.
Kate: Oh, you're sweet and cute.
Joey: I know! That's why they trashed me!
(They kiss.)
Joey: Whoa. Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Kate: What?
Joey: I, I don't get you. I mean first, you hate me. Then you sleep with me. Then you want nothing to do with me, now you want me again.
Kate: What? So you never went out with an actress before?
Joey: Kate, do you even like me?
Kate: Of course I do.
Joey: Well so, how come you blew me off? Y'know? How come you were with him?
Kate: I don't know! I just, just do this! I-I always have to pick the like the smartest guy, or-or the most talented guy... Why can't I just pick someone like you?
Joey: Thanks.
Kate: You know what I mean. I mean like the sweetest guy. Joey, you're just so, you're so, so... (She passes out and slumps against his shoulder.)
Joey: (Checks to see if she's drooling on his shirt.) Okay. Okay, okay, hey. (Lays her down and covers her with a blanket.) There we go, let's get your feet up there. (Looks at her) Good night, Kate. Sweet dreams. (Picks up a garbage can) I'm gonna put this can right here in case you have to hurl.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe is STILL on hold.]
Hold Voice: Please stay on the line. You're call is very important to us.
Monica: (entering from her bedroom) Pheebs, you've been up for 24 hours! Go to sleep, honey. Th-this isn't healthy.
Phoebe: No, no, I'm fine, and y'know why? 'Cause of all the riboflavin.
Joey: (entering, happily) Hey!
Monica: Hey! Didn't you have that outfit on last night?
Joey: Yeah! I stayed at Kate's, but ah, nothing happened. Hey, Pheebs, where were ya?
Phoebe: I'm so, so, so sorry, Joey. I definitely am gonna see you're play. I swear you're play is very important to us, thank you for your patience. You're play is the next play is the next play I'm gonna see.
Monica: Anyway, how did it go with Kate?
Joey: Oh, it was great! Yeah, I-I walked her home, and it was amazing how much we connected, y'know? Then ah, then she passed out, but then she woke up. Yeah? And we stayed up all night talking, and now we're like totally crazy about each other!
Monica: Joey, you had the night!
Joey: What?
Monica: When two people finally realise their feelings for each other, and-and they talk for hours, and they-they learn all about the other person!
Joey: You-you think?
Monica: Did you like learn about her family?
Joey: Two brothers, one died!
Monica: Yes!!
Joey: Yeah?!
Monica: Oh! (They hug, triumphantly.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are sitting on the couch, Rachel is on the chair.]
Gunther: (bringing Chandler a cup) This is from the woman at the bar.
Chandler: Oh-ho-ho-ho.
(He turns and looks at her. The woman whispers something to Gunther; who comes back and takes the mug away from Chandler.)
Gunther: Sorry. She thought you were somebody else.
Rachel: What time is it?
Monica: One.
Ross: One.
Chandler: 7:15. (Monica looks at him) Watch doesn't work.
Rachel: Tommy's supposed to be here soon, we're going to lunch.
Ross: Look. Look, I wasn't going to say anything to you, but... All right, I don't think you should be seeing Tommy anymore.
Rachel: You don't?!
Ross: No! The guy is mean. I mean really mean. I think you should stay away from him.
Rachel: Umm, or, maybe, I should stay away from all men.
Ross: No, it's not just 'cause I'm jealous. (Both Monica and Chandler give him a 'Come on' look) I mean I'm not, I'm not, I'm not jealous, okay? It's... Look, the guy, he screamed, he actually screamed at this couple sitting in our seats.
Chandler: Yeah, and at the end of the play, he, he got up y'know, and he just started like, (claps his hands) banging his hands together!
Ross: Okay, fine, fine. You don't want to believe me? No, that's fine. (starts to leave)
Monica: We're kidding!
Chandler: Ross, don't. Ross!
Monica; Ross!
[cut to outside of Central Perk]
Ross: You don't want to believe me, I'm Mr. Funny to you. Mr. Funny... (turns around and almost spills his coffee on Tommy)
Tommy: Whoa!!
Ross: Whoa, sorry Tommy.
Tommy: What's in the cup, Ross?
Ross: Umm...
Tommy:What is in the cup?!
Ross: Okay, it's coffee.
Tommy: Ice coffee? Tell me it's ice coffee!
Ross: It's-it's hot...
Tommy: Hot coffee!!! You idiot!! You were gonna spill hot coffee all over me, huh?!! What are you just some big, dumb, stupid, doofy idiot, with a doofy idiot hairdo, huh?! Huh?!
[cut to inside Central Perk, we see Ross quietly tapping on the window, desperately trying to get the gang's attention, while Tommy is still screaming at him]
Rachel: (not seeing Ross) What's your favourite thing about summertime?
Monica: Umm, going to the beach. When it stays light real late.
Rachel: Yeah...
Tommy: (entering, finished with yelling at Ross, who follows him in shell shocked) (happily) Hey!
Rachel: Tommyyyy! Say, what's your favourite thing about summer?
Tommy: Ooh, I don't know. Probably the smell of freshly cut grass.
Chandler: Ohh, that's a good one.
(Ross is having a fit, about how calm Tommy is now)
[Scene: Backstage at Joey's play, Joey is arriving, late.]
Joey: Sorry! Sorry, I'm late; sorry, I'm late! My duck and my chick and a fight, it-it was ugly.
Stage Manager: Look, we held the curtain for you buddy. Come on, let's go! Let's go!
[cut to onstage with Lauren standing in for Kate, the doorbell rings.]
Lauren: (answering the door) Vic! Where have you been, baby?!
Joey: (surprised it's Lauren) (hugs her) (whispering) Where's Kate?
Lauren: (whispering) She got a job in L.A.
Joey: (stunned) What?!
Lauren: I've been waiting up all night for ya. Where have you been? (Joey doesn't answer) Where have you been? Vic?!
Joey: Oh, ahh, go to the window. I'm wanna run down to the truck and show you something.
Lauren: (at the window, she's looking down out of the window) What do you got down there, Vic? What do you got under that tarp?
Joey: (grabs the window from the outside and sticks his head in) (whispering) When is she leaving?
Lauren: (whispering) Tonight. What are you doing?
Joey: (making like he is yelling up to the second floor) I'm coming up!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are in the kitchen, Rachel and Monica are sitting in the living room, and Phoebe is, you guessed it, still on hold.]
Tommy: Hey, mind if I use the phone?
Phoebe: Oh, I... (starts jabbering incoherently)
Chandler: Why don't you use ours across the hall, 'cause she...has...problems.
Ross: (coming out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee, almost running into Tommy) Oh-ho, whoa! Sorry, Tommy. I almost spilled this hot coffee on you.
Tommy: Yeah, but you didn't.
Ross: No, but it's-it's-it's hot!
(We see Tommy go into Joey and Chandler's apartment)
Rachel: Ross, would you just stop it! It's getting really old.
Ross: I can't believe no one believes me!
Phoebe: I do, I believe you.
Ross: You do Pheebs?
Phoebe: Yeah. But I also believed her (points to the phone) when she said I was next.
[cut to Chandler and Joey's apartment, Tommy is using the phone]
Tommy: (noticing the chick) Ooh, hey! Hey, there little fella. (picks up the chick) Mr. Fuzzy-Man, how are you doing? (starts to pet him) Aww. (The chick poops on his hand.) Eww! Oh! Eww! Gross! Idiot!! Stupid little, fuzzy, yellow creature!! Oh look at me, I'm so cute, I'm a little chick who's disgusting! God, you're so stupid, how are you not yet extinct!! (the duck wattles behind him and quacks) (to the duck) Quack-quack, quack-quack!! What are you quacking about?! Dumb Donald Doo-Doo!!
(We see the gang staring at him through the doorways.)
Chandler: Step away from the duck.
Tommy: Ooh, sorry little Mr. Chic-A-Dee, sorry you went doody in my hand! (starts to walk out and stops) (to Rachel) Well, I guess we're not going out anymore. Whaa!!!
(He leaves the gang in stunned silence.)
[Scene: Backstage at Joey's play, Joey is changing for the next scene as Kate arrives, carrying her bags.]
Kate: Joey!
Joey: Hey!
Kate: I'm soo glad I caught you, I couldn't find you before.
Joey: Wh-wh-what's going on? Wh-what's this about L.A.?
Kate: They still want me for General Hospital.
Joey: But, but wh-what about us?
Kate: Last night was wonderful. But I-I can't stay here just for you.
Joey: Well, so, stay for the museums!
Kate: I'm sorry.
Stage Manager: Joey, onstage!
Joey: Well can you at least stay to the end of the play? I mean, I'll go to the airport with ya, I-I wanna say good bye.
Lauren: (yelling from onstage) Where are you Vic?
Kate: Flight's in an hour. I-I gotta go.
Lauren: Vic! Vic! Vic!!!
Joey: (to Lauren) In a minute!!
[cut to the end of the play]
Lauren: So this is it? Victor?
Joey: Yeah, I guess it is. (sees Kate is watching, he turns Lauren so that he can talk directly to Kate, but still look like he is talking to Lauren) Listen, I ah, I gotta say good bye, and-and I gotta say it quick 'cause this is killing me. One thing you gotta know, is that I will never forget you. But, you've got things you have to do now, and so do I. And so... I'm gonna get on this spaceship, (smoke starts pouring in from the ceiling, and a ladder comes down, with flashing, colored lights on the side of it) and I'm gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels. But when I return, 200 years from now, you'll be long gone. But I won't have aged at all. (gets on the ladder) So you tell your great-great-granddaughter to look me up, because Adrienne, baby, I'm gonna want to meet her.
(The ladder retracts, taking Joey up into the spaceship for his voyage to Blargon 7, and Kate waves good bye.)
Lauren: So long, Vic! (waving good bye as the ladder retracts)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, except Joey, is there. Phoebe is, well you y'know.]
Monica: Phoebe, it's been two days.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know. Oh, good thing it's one of those 801 numbers. Right?
Ross: Phoebe, 800 is toll free, 801 is-is Utah.
Phoebe: No, no, no, oh no-no-no, it's has to be 800. (picks up the instruction manual to check the phone number) 'Cause all those big companies have 800 numbers, every one. (Finds the number) Yeah, every big Utah-based company has one.
Rachel: Phoe-be!!
Phoebe: Sorry, I'm so sorry, I will pay you back.
Chandler: And yet, she's still not hanging up the phone.
All: Hang it up! Hang up the phone!!
Phoebe: Fine! Fine! (slams the phone down, breaking it) Oh-oh!
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Well, I think I broke it. But that's all right, here's the number you can call.
Monica: (sarcastic) Oh.
End

322 尖叫的汤米

你还在等?
我两小时前就该打给我爸了
有，他插播过
你有空就打给他
他在甲乙丙
什么是甲乙丙?
我记不起正确答案时都这么说
挂电话，够了
不要，他们就是要我放弃
保证书明天就过期了要是无法接通…
他们就不会免费修理我的破电话
我们不能让他们赢
这是与他们的对决
没错
我再问一次晚上的票你们要几张?
我要一张
我要两张，我要带彼特去
我的男朋友
我有男朋友了
你两张，罗斯，你呢?
我也要两张
真的?第二个是谁?
第二个是谁?
下水道工人的高难度游戏
就是有一个人嘛
是约会对象吗?
算是吧，是工作上认识的女生
希望不会太奇怪
不会吧，瑞秋?
一点也不会
其实我也要带人去
但是你只要一张
我是说我再多一张
好，还有谁是多一张的?
好，晚上见
再见
拜拜
我得找个男伴
对了，你们终于要见到凯特了
我借了你的古龙水
希望她会喜欢
你这是干嘛?她在跟别人交往
而且我没有古龙水
刮胡膏旁边那一瓶鸭子的除虫药
拿去，这件给你穿
谢谢
我要把电话放下
但是我人还在
不要走开，我还在
不要转线，我就在这里
等我一下下
等一下，一下下
等等，一下就好…
干嘛?我好害怕
小姐，那是袖子
而且我们有免持听筒
请不要挂断
我们很重视您的来电
你得挂断，要迟到了
谢谢您的等候
接下来将为您服务
漂亮!我是下一个
你还叫我挂掉
可以带小鸡和小鸭去剧院吗?
当然不行
我只是想让别人告诉它们
“露西儿洛泰尔剧院”
你好吗?
很好
看来我们最早到
看样子是的
拔得头筹
汤米，这是罗斯
罗斯，汤米
抱歉，这是凯琳
凯琳…
对不起
放开
我要去一趟洗手间
我去找座位
这真是…
有点尴尬
因为瑞秋和我交往过
我不知道
那这才叫尴尬
座位是……
应该是这里
打扰一下，对不起
你们坐到我们的位子了
应该没有吧
可以看一下你的票吗?
当然可以
没错，这是D13
我以为…
你以为?
你以为也没有用，白痴!
你是猪头吗?上面印D13，好吗?
你被双数包围了
你都没想到吗?
带位的人说…
带位的人当然对罗
他受过严格训练嘛
滚！
拿去
你要靠走道吗?
不用了
我们的明星来了
你演得好棒
你们觉得怎样?
跟两裸女坐翘翘板那出有得拼
我没有演
请你来一下各位，她是凯特
借过…亲爱的
过来
那就是你心上人
真的，瑞秋的男伴是神经病
他对陌生人大吼大叫
我觉得他很糟糕
慢着，你不喜欢瑞秋约会的对象?
真奇怪啊
萝伦，各位
这是凯特的候补萝伦
天哪，你好面熟
我们在你那栋楼的走廊上见过
就在我跟乔伊上床之后
他第二天就甩了我
你们是怎么认识的?
简单的说，我追了她两个月
给她一张两万元支票后就搞定了
复杂的说，我因为他说话太简单
而甩了他
乔伊宝贝，你太棒了
各位，这是我的经纪人艾丝黛
各位，这是我的经纪人艾丝黛
两位美眉演得太棒了
她们有经纪人吗?
她们没有演
我们不是演员
真可惜
她的脸蛋加上她的胸部我可以捧出个明星来
可以借我吗?
记得我吗?
是你，汤米在排队上厕所
有人插队，我觉得他要捉狂了
我要走了
走?为什么?
不知道，或许是因为…
我不想整晚等着看一个人发疯
他绝对会发疯
再见
各位，剧评来了
“送礼日”
“露西儿洛泰尔剧院”
乔伊崔此亚尼的表现参差不齐
不过崔此亚尼还不是这出戏最差的一环
帅！
凯特米勒差劲做作的诠释实在可笑
来了!导演部份
马歇尔汤恩导演…
谢谢各位
你们毁了我的一生
请用我妈做的蟹饼
填满你们没有才华的肚子
借过
我可以留着吧?
戏演完了？
你人呢
谢谢您的等候
接下来将为您服务
已经好几个小时了
你一定快疯了
我有找事情做
对了，我把你们房里的东西对调了
你还好吗?
好极了
剧评家只是当不成演员的人
你猜你该怎么做?
去当剧评家
我受伤了
祝你们两家
发生火灾、地震
对了，他看完剧评之后甩了我
真过份
是啊，我还真有眼光
我为了这出戏放弃一个连续剧
我也放弃了一个工作
什么工作？
替猫咪剪指甲
这样吧，我陪你走回家
我们去每个报摊
烧掉所有的时报和邮报
为什么要烧邮报?
你没看邮报?
没有，你看了?
没有，怎么了?
那些剧评真的是在嫉妒我?
绝对的
你有才华，长得又美
你人好又可爱
我知道，所以他们才攻击我
等一下
怎么了？
我实在搞不懂你
你先是讨厌我
然后跟我上床
然后你又跟我撇清关系
现在又想要我了?
你没跟女演员约过会吗?
凯特，你喜欢我吗?
当然喜欢
那你为什么拒绝我?
为什么要跟他在一起?
我不知道
我就是这样
我总是要挑那个最聪明的…
或是最有才华的
我为什么不能挑你这种人?
谢了
你知道我的意思
我是说最体贴的人
你真的好…
你好…
好…
来，把你的脚抬上来
晚安
祝你好梦
我把桶子放在这里
免得你想捉兔子
请不要挂断
我们很重视您的来电
你已经24小时没睡了
去睡吧
这样很不健康
不，我很好
你知道为什么?
因为我吃了核黄素
这是昨晚那套衣服
我在凯特家过夜
但是什么也没做
你怎么没来?
我很抱歉
我一定会去看你演戏
你的戏对我们很重要
谢谢你的等候
我接下来将去看你的戏
你跟凯特怎么样?
感觉好棒
我陪她走回家
我们之间心有灵犀
后来她昏过去了
但是等她醒来
我们聊了一整晚
我们现在为彼此疯狂
你经历了关键性的夜晚
当两个人发现他们坠人爱河
他们会聊上很久
弄清楚对方的一切
是吗?
她有几个家人?
两个兄弟，一个死了
漂亮！
这是吧台那位女士请的
对不起，她认错人了
现在几点？
一点
7点15分
我的表坏了
汤米快来了，我们要去吃饭
听着，我本来不想说的
但是…
好吧，我觉得你不该跟汤米来往
是吗?
那家伙很恶劣，非常恶劣
你应该离他远一点
或许我应该离所有男人远一点
我不只是在嫉妒
我不是在嫉妒
那家伙对坐错位子的夫妇大吼
对啊，落幕的时候
他还站起来用力拍打他的双手
好，你们不信就算了
开玩笑的
没有人相信我
你们当都我在耍宝
对不起杯子里是什么?
杯子里是什么?
是咖啡
冰咖啡吗?请告诉我是冰咖啡
是热……
热咖啡
你这个白痴!你想拿热咖啡泼我?
你是发型很乌的乌白痴吗?
你最喜欢夏天的什么?
去海边玩，天色很晚才变暗
你最喜欢夏天的什么?
不知道
新除过的草地的味道吧
这个好
抱歉迟到
我的鸡和鸭吵架，场面很乱
我们在等你，上场吧
维克，你上哪去了?
凯特呢?
她在洛杉矶找到工作
我等了你一整夜
你上哪去了?
你上哪去了，维克?
去窗子旁边
我去车上拿个东西给你看
你要给我看什么?
帆布底下藏了什么?
她什么时候走?
今晚，你在干什么?
我马上上来
可以借用电话吗?
去对面用我们的，因为她…
有点问题
谢谢
汤米，对不起
我差点把热咖啡泼到你身上
但是你没有
没错，但是…
这是热的
别闹了，都老掉牙了
居然没有人相信我
我相信你
真的？
对，但是我也相信
我是下一个
嗨，小东西
毛毛脸，你好吗?
呕心死了
白痴
白痴黄毛鸡
你看我，我好可爱
我是呕心的小鸡!
笨蛋!你怎么还没绝种?
你叫什么叫?
白痴唐老鸭
离鸭子远一点
很抱歉，小鸡鸡
谁叫你在我手上撇条!
看来我们是没希望了
妈的！
乔伊，幸好赶上了
我一直找不到你
洛杉矶是怎么回事?
“综合医院”还是要我
但是…
我们呢?
昨晚感觉很棒
但我不能为了你留下来
那就为了博物馆留下来
对不起
乔伊上场
至少等到落幕
我陪你去机场，我想跟你道别
维克，你在哪里?
一小时后的班机，我得走了
维克?
维克?
维克?
等一下
维克，就这样了?
我想是的
听我说
我必须赶快说再见
因为我的心好痛
我要你知道
我永远不会忘记你
但是你有你该做的事
而我也是
所以……
我要登上太空船
前往布拉刚7号星寻找替代燃料
等我两百年后回来
你早就死了
而我却一点也不会老
所以请告诉你的曾曾孙女
叫她找我
因为爱莉安
亲爱的……
我绝对会想认识她
别了，维克
已经两天了
我知道
幸好是801免付费电话
800才是免付费电话801是犹他州码
一定是800
大公司都有免付费专线
每个……
犹他州大公司都是801开头
真的很抱歉，我会付钱的
她还是不挂电话
挂掉啦
怪挂挂
好啦
我好像把它摔坏了
没关系，你们可以打这支电话

回复引用

顶端

77恋兰

ZxID：11247485

23212鲜花 10鸡蛋

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 67楼发表于: 2014-03-21 0

323 The One With Ross's Thing

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Joey are playing with the duck and the chick.]
Joey: Hey, wouldn't be cool if our duck and chick had a little baby? We could call it Chuck.
Chandler: Or... Dick.
Ross: (entering) Hey.
Chandler and Joey: Hey.
Ross: Listen, I-I need a favor. Umm, I was in the shower, and as I was cleansing myself, I ah, I-I, well I felt something.
Chandler: Was it like a sneeze only better?
Ross: No, no, I mean, I mean a thing on my body.
Joey: (with a disgusted look) What was it?
Ross: Well, I don't know, it's-it's kinda in a place that's not... It's not visually accessible to me, and I was hoping maybe you guys could-could help me out. (starts to take off his pants)
Chandler and Joey: Whoa!!!
Chandler: No!!
Ross: Come on you guys, it's no big deal! (He turns around and shows him his thing.)
Chandler: Whoa-heeeiiiiii-iiiii-ah!! (sees it) Huh.
Ross: Well what is it? Is it a mole? (He moves closer to them, and they jump back.)
Joey: No, it's too wrinkly to be a mole.
Ross: Well, eww. What? Is it a pimple?
Chandler: No, it's... fancier than a pimple. Look Ross, why don't you just go see a...
Rachel: (entering, interrupting them) Hey guys! What's... (sees what they're doing and stops, the guys are stunned)
Chandler: Okay, well, it's definite, two more weeks of winter.
Ross: Ahhh.
Joey: Yeah, right.
(Rachel backs out with a confused look on her face.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Rachel are there, as Phoebe enters with her date.]
Phoebe: (to her date) Okay, and then this is the coffee house. This is where I play my music. (points to the stage)
Vince: Good deal.
Phoebe: Yeah, and these are my friends. People. This is Vince, Vince the people.
Rachel: Hi!
Chandler: Hey!
Vince: Hey!
Phoebe: Vince is a fireman.
Rachel: Wow! Have you ever rescued anyone from a burning building before?
Vince: 98 hot saves, highest in the force.
Chandler: Well, y'know if Joey and I played with matches we could get you up to an even hundred.
Vince: (dead serious) Fire safety is not a joke, son.
Chandler: You're right, I know.
Vince: (to Phoebe) Look, I gotta go. I'm on call tonight. (kisses her) See you Saturday. (leaves)
Phoebe: Okay. (watches him leave)
Rachel: Wow, he's cute, Pheebs! But I thought you just started dating that Kindergarten teacher.
Phoebe: Oh, Jason? Yeah, uh-huh, we're seeing each other tonight.
Rachel: What-Pheebs?! Two dates in one day? That's so unlike you.
Phoebe: I know, I know! I'm like playing the field. Y'know? Like, juggling two guys, I'm sowing my wild oats. Y'know? Y'know, this kind've like y'know oat-sowin', field-playin' juggler.
Joey: So Pheebs, do they know about each other?
Phoebe: Does a dog's lips move when he reads? (Joey makes an `I don't know' face, and looks to Chandler and Rachel, who're also stumped) Okay, no they don't.
Ross: (entering) Hey guys!
Joey: Hey.
Rachel: Hi!
(He goes over and sits down at the counter, all depressed.)
Joey: (going over to him) Well?!
Chandler: (joining them) Okay, how'd it go at the doctor's?
Ross: Well, he said there's definitely nothing to worry about, it's totally benign.
Joey: Well what is it?!
Ross: He couldn't even tell me! He said it was just some sort of skin... abnormality. And the worst thing is he-he-he said, he said, without being able to identify it, he was reluctant to remove it.
Chandler: Y'know what? You should go to my guy, because when I went in there with my third nipple. He just lopped it right off. Y'know? So I guess I'm lucky. I mean not as lucky as people who were born with two nipples.
Ross: At least they knew what yours was. Y'know, yours had a name.
Joey: Oh! Maybe they'll name yours after you! Y'know, they'll call it, The Ross. And then people would be like, "Awww, he's got a Ross."
Ross: (sarcastic) Yeah, that'd be cool!
[cut to Phoebe and Rachel as Monica returns from the bathroom]
Monica: Pete's breaking up with me.
All: What?!
Monica: I just checked my messages, and he said that when he gets back from Atlanta, we need to talk.
Rachel: And?
Monica: Well that's it. People never say `We need to talk' unless it's something bad.
Joey: Whoa, that doesn't necessarily mean that he's breaking up with you.
Monica: Really?!
Joey: Yeah, maybe he just cheated on you.
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking with her second date, Jason.]
Jason: ...and I know I'll never miss doing it, but I gotta tell you, it's pretty cool knowing that you're making a difference in a kid's life.
Phoebe: That is so great! Oh, I... (sees that a parked car near them has caught on fire) Oh my God!
Jason: Whoa!
Phoebe: (the fire has worsened) Oh my God!!!
Jason: Ahh-ahh, we'd better call the fire department!
Phoebe: (stopping him) No! No!
Jason: No, no?
Phoebe: Well, we don't n-n-n-n-need a fireman, we'd, we'd like a good mechanic. (hears the sound of approaching sirens) Oh my God, here they come! Well, we gotta get out of here!
Jason: W-w-w-wait! Why?!
Phoebe: Well look, if I wanted to see a fireman, I would date one. Okay? (she drags him away)
[Scene: A Doctor's Office, Ross is having his thing looked at by Dr. Rhodes.]
Ross: Th-th-that's all it is, a third nipple. Y'know? Just your run-of-the-mill third nipple. Y'know? You can take it off. Just slice that baby right off!
Dr. Rhodes: Take your shirt off, and let's see what we're dealing with here. (Ross starts to take off his pants) What are you doing?
Ross: Just showing you my run-of-the-mill-slice-it-right-off third nipple.
Dr. Rhodes: Well that's not a third nipple.
Ross: No?
Dr. Rhodes: First of all, it's on your ass.
Ross: Well then, what is it?!
Dr. Rhodes: Wait a minute, hold it. (He goes to the door and opens it.) Johnson! Will you come in here a moment?
Dr. Johnson: I'm with Hamilton!
Dr. Rhodes: He's good with rear things, bring him in too.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are there.]
Monica: (starting to get up) I gotta go water Pete's plants. (stops) Y'know what, if he's gonna break up with me, maybe I won't water his plants.
Chandler: Well, if he's gonna break up with you, maybe Joey and I should water his plants. If y'know what I mean.
Joey: Or ha-ha, we could go over there and pee on them.
Phoebe: (entering with Rachel) ...and I-I can't take it! Y'know? I'm just, always afraid one of them is gonna catch me with the other one. It's making me crazy.
Rachel: Well honey, then why don't you break up with one of them?
Phoebe: (disgusted) Uh.
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa. What ah, what happened to playing the field?
Phoebe: Well, it just, it doesn't feel like playing anymore, it feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field.
Rachel: So Pheebs, pick one of them.
Monica: Yeah. Which one do you like more?
Phoebe: Well, Vince is great, y'know `cause, he's like a guy, guy. Y'know? He's so burly, he's sooo very burly. (giggles)
Joey: Okay, good, so there you go. Go with Vince.
Phoebe: Yeah, but Jason's really sensitive.
Chandler: Well sensitive is important, pick him.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Joey: Oh sure, go with the sissy.
Phoebe: Jason is not a sissy!
Joey: Oh no-no-no-no, I meant Chandler.
[Scene: Dr. Rhodes's Office, a rather large group of doctors has now gathered to take a look at Ross's thing. Ross is none too pleased with the developments, he has a disgusted look on his face.]
Ross: Y'know I have dinner plans!!
Dr. Rhodes: Thank you soo much for coming on such a short notice. Ladies and gentlemen, I've-I've-I've been practicing medicine for twenty-three years, and I'm stumped.
(He removes the blanket covering the thing.)
All: Whoa. (they all lean in to get a closer look, Ross isn't pleased)
[Scene: Pete's apartment, Monica is there to water the plants, and is showing the gang around.]
Monica: Okay, this is the den. All right, check this out. Lights! (the lights turn on automatically, but are very bright) Whoa! All right. Less lights! Bad lights! Lights go away! (they dim) Oh, see you just need to find the right command.
Ross: Yes, and the dimmer switch.
Joey: Whoa! For a rich guy he's got, that's a pretty small TV.
Monica: No-no-no, that's a video-phone. But hey guys you're not supposed to be here, so please, do not touch anything.
Chandler: (sitting down on the couch) I-kea! This is comfortable.
Rachel: (entering with Phoebe) This place is amazing.
Phoebe: God, that is the nicest kitchen.
Monica: I know.
Phoebe: No! But it's the nicest kitchen, the refrigerator told me to have a great day.
Joey: Look at this! A millionaire's checkbook.
Monica: Joey, put that down! (the phone rings) Oh my God! It's Pete. Okay, get out!! How the hell do you answer a video-phone! (steps in front of it, and automatically answers it)
Pete: Monica? (the gang ducks and hides)
Monica: I guess that's how.
Pete: Hey Monica, how's it going.
Monica: Oh it's umm, good! It's umm, it's good, just here watering the plants.
Pete: Well don't forget that fiches over there by Rachel.
Rachel: (standing up) Ahh... Chandler's on the couch!!
Pete: I see him, you guys are just the worst hiders ever.
All: (standing up) Hey Pete.
Joey: Hi, how ya doing?
Monica: Ahh, Pete, the other day when you said you needed to talk, umm, just so I know, is it good news or bad news.
Pete: Oh, it's good news. No, it's definitely good news. Hold on a second, I have another call. (clicks his remote) (to his other call) Hey, how's it going?
Monica: Oh no-no-no, it's still me.
Pete: Ah, no it's not. I've got picture-in-picture here. (to other caller) Yeah. (listens) Yeah, okay. I'm gonna have to call you back later. (pause) Monica? You. I'm gonna have to call you back.
Monica: Oh, oh, okay umm, so I'll see you soon.
Pete: Okay, I love you.
Monica: I love you.
All: I love you, love you.
Monica: Okay. Well, it's good news. It's good news.
Chandler: So, what do you thing the good news is?
Joey: (looking at the checkbook) Wow! Look at this! He wrote a check for 50,000 dollars to Hugo Ligrens Ring Design. (Monica is stunned) Oh, sorry, what do you think the good news is?
[pause]
Monica: Oh my.
Rachel: Monica's gonna marry a millionaire!!!
Ross: Hey, you gotta get Mom on the phone. Call Mom! Call Mom!
(Pete's computer automatically calls Mom, Pete's Mom.)
Pete's Mom: Hello.
Monica: And that's Pete's Mom.
(The gang quickly hides again.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is returning from Pete's.]
Rachel: Mon you definitely have to make it a theme wedding, and the theme could be, “Look how much money we've got!” Y'know, I mean you could put, you could put money in-in the invitations! You-you could have like little money place settings. And ah, you could start with a money salad! I mean it'll be dry, but people will like it.
Monica: Would you stop? We've only been going out a couple of weeks, I mean we don't even know if he's gonna propose.
Chandler: Yes, but this is Pete. Okay? He's not like other people, on your first date he took you to Rome. For most guys that's like a third or fourth date kinda thing.
Monica: Well if-if that's what it is, then it's-it's crazy.
Ross: Monica's right. We're talking about getting married here. Okay? She-she can't just rush into this.
Rachel: Oh please, what do you know! You married a lesbian!
(Joey laughs, Ross glares at him, and Joey stops.)
Phoebe: All right. I gotta go. I have break up with Vince.
Chandler: Oh, so you're going with the teacher, huh?
Phoebe: Yeah, I like Vince a lot, y'know? But, it's just Jason's so sensitive, y'know? And in the long run, I think sensitive it's just better than having just like a really, really, really nice (pause) butt. (Her eyes glaze over thinking about the butt.) (pause) Jason! Definitely Jason! Okay, wish me luck!
All: Good luck!
(pause)
Rachel: OH MY GOD!!! (She holds her hands up in triumph and the gang all look at her.) Sorry, I was just imagining what it'd be like to catch the money bouquet.
[Scene: A Fire House, Phoebe has gone to break up with Vince.]
Phoebe: Excuse me. Umm, is Vince here?
Fireman: Oh sure. Vince?!
Vince: Yo!! (slides down that pole that fire station's have)
Phoebe: Wow! I didn't know you guys actually used those.
Vince: So, what's up?
Phoebe: Umm, wow. This-this isn't gonna be easy. Umm, I don't think we should see each other anymore.
Vince: Uh-huh. G-good deal.
Phoebe: I'm sorry.
Vince: No-no it's okay. It's just that ah, I thought we had something pretty special here. And y'know I-I felt like you were someone I could finally open up to, and... (starts choking up) That there's so much in me I have to share with you yet.
Phoebe: Oh my God, I didn't...
Vince: (starting to cry) I'm sorry, I can't talk. I'm gonna go write in my journal. (walks away)
Phoebe: (running after him) Wait-wait-wait! Wait!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Ross, and Monica are there.]
Phoebe: (to Ross) I'm telling you, if you want to take care of that thing, you should go to my herbal guy.
Ross: Thank you, but I want to remove it Pheebs. I don't want to make it savory.
Monica: Y'know when girls sleep with guys with weird things on their body, they tell their friends about it.
Ross: Gimme this. (Grabs the herbalist's card and leaves.)
Rachel: (entering) Hi! Okay, don't be mad at me, but I couldn't resist.
Monica: Brides magazines?
Rachel: Yes, and I know that you'd say no if he asked you, but I'm sorry; how great would you look walking down the aisle in this Donna Carin. (shows her the picture.)
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh, you so would! Oh, you should get that anyway. (They both look at her.) Like for clubbing.
Monica: It is so weird, I know what I said, but uh, this morning, I was lying in bed I was, I was imagining what it would be like to say yes. (Rachel slams the magazine shut in amazement.) I know it's a little sudden, and it's a little rushed, and it's totally not like me to do something like this, but that doesn't mean I can't. Right? I mean I'm-I'm crazy about Pete, and I know that we want the same things, and when I thought about saying yes, it made me really happy.
Rachel: Oh my God. (starting to cry)
Monica: I know. (pause) I need more pie. (goes and gets some)
Phoebe: Hey Mon umm, if you do get married, can I bring two guests?
Rachel: You didn't break up with that fireman?
Phoebe: No, that was my way of telling you. Well, it turns out he's incredibly sensitive, he keeps a journal and he paints. He even showed me charcoal drawings that he drew of me.
Rachel: Wow!
Phoebe: Yeah, well he'd prefer water colors, but y'know, he has easy access to a lot of charcoal.
Monica: So then, are you going to dump Jason?
Phoebe: Well, yeah, because I have to break up with someone, and... Okay so Jason is sensitive, (holds up one finger) but now so's Vince (holds up one finger on her other hand) Plus, Vince has the body y'know? (holds up two more fingers on the Vince side) So... It's really just about the math.
[Scene: Jason's apartment, Phoebe has gone to break up with Jason.]
Phoebe: (knocks on the door) Jason?
Jason: Yeah, come on in.
(She goes in, and sees Jason without his shirt. It turns out that he has a great body too, and is at a loss for words.)
Jason: So Phoebe, you ah, sounded kinda serious on the phone, is ah, is anything wrong?
Phoebe: Nah-ha!
[Scene: Phoebe's Herbal Guy's office, Ross is there about his thing. Ross is looking around the exam room, and he goes over to a large bank of drawers, pulls one out and almost spills it as the herbalist, Guru Saj, enters.]
Guru Saj: You must be Ross.
Ross: Hi.
Guru Saj: I am Guru Saj. (takes the drawer back and replaces)
Ross: Listen, I got to tell you I've-I've never been to a guru before, so...
Guru Saj: Well, relax. If it makes you feel better, I've attended some of the finest medical schools in Central America. Well then, let's take a look at this skin abnormality of yours. (motions to the table) Come on, have a seat. (looks at it) Eeh, huh. As I suspected, it's a koondis!
Ross: What's a koondis?
Guru Saj: I don't know, what's a koondis with you? (starts laughing as if that joke was funny, Ross only looks at him, and he stops) Please, lie down! I've got a sav that oughta shrink that right up.
Ross: I guess it's worth a try.
Guru Saj: Oh sure, we should see results -- Whoa!! Clearly not the way to go!! (quickly wipes it off)
Ross: What?! What?!
Guru Saj: We appear to have angered it.
Ross: We?! We angered it?!
Guru Saj: Oh, I think I see the problem. And I'm afraid we're gonna have to use a much stronger tool. (Ross gives him a 'What?' look) Love.
Ross: Oh God!
Guru Saj: (He starts moving his hands around in circles above the thing.) Ross, there is absolutely no way this is going to come off unless you start to...
Ross: Ow!!
Guru Saj: Oops.
Ross: What was, what was that?
Guru Saj: Well it's gone.
Ross: What?! How's that?
Guru Saj: It got caught on my watch.
Ross: Hey! (congratulates him)
[Scene: Pete's apartment, Pete and Monica are coming back from a date.]
Pete: Lights. (The lights turn on, once again they're too bright.) Uh, romantic lights. (The lights dim.)
Monica: Ooh, nice.
Pete: So ah, there was this thing I wanted to talk to you about.
Monica: Oh, right! I completely forgot about that.
Pete: Well ah, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I look at my life...
Monica: Yeah?
Pete: And I feel like I've conquered the business world, and I feel like I've conquered the intellectual world, and now I-I have the most beautiful woman in the world.
Monica: Wow.
Pete: There's one thing missing.
Monica: What's that?
Pete: It's time for me to conquer the physical world.
Monica: Okay. (not sure of herself)
Pete: Monica, I want to become (pause) the Ultimate Fighting Champion.
Monica: You wanna what?!
Pete: I want to become the Ultimate Fighting Champion! It's the most intense physical competition in the world, it's banned in 49 states!
Monica: What are you talking about?
Pete: Okay, my trainer, Ho Chi, is teaching me a combination of Gee Koon Doe and Brazilian street fighting, I've even had my own octagon training ring designed.
Monica: And I suppose you used a ring designer for that.
Pete: Yeah. Monica, I want you there in the front row when I win. I want you close enough to smell the blood. What do you think?
Monica: My parents will be so happy.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe's singing, Vince is also there.]
Phoebe: (singing) “Crazy underwear, creepin' up my butt. (Jason enters) Crazy underwear, always in a rut. Crazy under- (sees Jason) -wear...” (In her head) Oh No! What is he doing here? All right, just keep playing, just keep playing. You'll get through this; you'll be fine. (She tries to continue the song, but she has lost the ability to pronounce words, and the lyrics come out as gibberish.) (giving up on the song) Okay, thank you. And, as always no one talk to me after the show.
(They all applaud her.)
Jason: (going up to her) Hey. I was...
Phoebe: Hey!
Jason: I was passin' by and I saw that you were playing tonight, it's kinda cool seeing you up there. (kisses her)
Vince: (running over) Whoa! Hey-hey! What's going on here? Who is this guy?
Phoebe: I don't know, he just started kissing me. Get him! Get him, Vince!
Vince: What?!
Jason: What?!
Phoebe: Yeah, okay, I've-I've been dating both of you, and it's been really horrible. 'Cause y'know it's been a lot of fun, for me. Umm, but I-I like you both, and I, and I didn't know how to chose, so... I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm terrible, I'm a terrible person. I'm terrible.
Vince: Phoebe, Phoebe relax, it's okay. I mean we never said this was exclusive.
Jason: Yeah, and neither did we. Give yourself a break.
Phoebe: Really?!
Jason: Yeah. I mean y'know, we haven't been going out that long. Come on, we haven't even slept together yet. Huh.
Vince: You haven't?
Jason: You have?
Phoebe: Well, this is none of my business. (starts to walk away)
Jason: (to Phoebe) I-I can't believe this! You-you've slept with him?!
Phoebe: Well, I made you a candle light dinner in the park.
Jason: Y'know Phoebe, I'm gonna make this real easy for you. (walks out)
Phoebe: (to Vince) Well, that could've been really awkward.
Vince: You made him a candle light dinner in the park?
Phoebe: Yeah, but I-I-I-I can do that for you, I'm gonna do that for you.
Vince: Uh yeah, I can't believe I ever went out with somebody who would actually have an open flame in the middle of a wooden area. (walks out)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Guru Saj's office: Joey and Chandler have taken the duck to see the guru.]
Chandler: (comforting the duck) Everything's gonna be all right. Okay, Dick?
Guru Saj: (entering) Hello, I am Guru Saj- (sees the duck) -Whoa!! (to Joey) That's supposed to be a duck right? 'Cause otherwise, this is waaay out of my league.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. He's got a, he's got a really bad cough, and our vet, he can't do anything about it. Is there something you can do?
Guru Saj: Hmm, let me see. Let me see. Do you think you could get him to eat a bat?
(The duck starts to frantically flap his wings, while Joey is holding him, in an attempt to get away.)
End

323 罗斯长了怪东西

要是我们的鸡鸭生小宝宝不是很酷?
可以叫它查克
或狄克(老二的双关语)
我要请你们帮忙
我刚才洗澡，正在…
洗身体时，发现一件事
很像打喷嚏，但是感觉更爽?
不是，是我身上长了东西
什么东西?
不晓得，它长在我不能…
我看不到，我想麻烦你们
帮我看一下
拜托，又没什么
是什么?是痣吗?
不是，太皱了，不是痣
那是痘子吗?
不是，它
比青春痘高级
你就去看医…
你们在干……
确定了，冬天还有两星期
没错
这是咖啡馆，我都在这里表演
漂亮
他们是我的朋友
各位，这是文斯
文斯，我的朋友
文斯是消防员
你从燃烧的大楼里救过人吗?
九十八次，队上第一高
要是乔伊和我玩火柴
就可以让你累积到一百
孩子，不能拿火灾开玩笑
你说得对，我知道
我要走了，晚上要值班
星期六见
菲比，他好可爱
但你不是刚和那个老师交往?
杰森?
我们晚上要见面
菲比？
脚踏两条船?你不像这种人
我也知道我在游戏人间
我在玩弄别人，搞七捻三
我是搞七捻三的花心萝卜
他们知道对方的存在吗?
狗狗念书时，嘴唇会动吗?
他们不知道
各位
医生怎么说?
他说不用担心，是良性的
是什么?
他根本说不出来
他只说是一种皮肤异常
更糟的是他说，由于无法辨认
他不愿意为我切除
你应该去找我的医生
我带着第三个乳头去找他时
他直接就把它给切了
我蛮幸运的
虽然比不上天生两个乳头的人
至少他们知道你长了什么
你的有名字
也许医学界会以你为名
把它叫做“罗斯”
大家会说咳，他长了一个罗斯
是啊，真酷
彼特要跟我分手
什么?
我刚才听留言
他说等他回来“我们得谈一谈”
然后呢？
就这样
没有人会说“我们得谈一谈”
除非是坏事
那不一定代表他要跟你分手
真的？
也许他只是对你不忠
这么做没有好处
但我还是很高兴
我改变了一个孩子
真好
天哪
天哪
赶快通知消防队
不必找消防员吧
应该找好的黑手来
他们来了，快逃！
等一下，为什么?
要是我想看消防员
我会找消防员约会
只是一个多出来的乳头
很普通的第三个乳头
你可以把它切掉，直接切掉
把上衣脱掉让我看一下
你在干什么?
让你看那个非常普通
可以直接切掉的乳头
这不是第三个乳头
首先，它长在屁股上
不然是什么?
等一下
詹森，来一下我在跟汉弥顿讲话
他对怪东西很在行，叫他也来
我得去帮彼特浇花
你们知道吗?
如果他想分手，我就不浇了
如果他要分手
干脆让乔伊和我去“浇”
懂我的意思吧?
或者……
我们可以去对着花盆撒尿
我受不了了
我好怕会被捉到
我快疯了
何不跟其中一个分手?
你不是在游戏人间?
现在不像游戏了
比较像工作
我好像在做田野调查
那就选一个
你比较喜欢哪一个?
文斯很棒，他是男人中的男人
他好壮，真的好壮
好，那就选文斯吧
但是杰森好感性
感性很重要，选他
是啊，听娘娘腔的话
杰森才不娘娘腔
我是说钱德
我晚上有约
谢谢各位临时赶来
各位先生、女士
我行医23年
现在却被难倒了
这里是书房
你们看哦，灯光
少一点光…不好的光
灯光走开
看到了吗?
下对指令就行了
也可以用调的
他那么有钱，电视还真小
那是视讯电话
你们不能来的，
所以不要乱碰
宜家家俱，好舒服
这里太高级了
那个厨房好棒
我知道
我说真的
冰箱还会祝我今天愉快
你们看，百万富翁的支票簿
乔伊，放下
天哪，是彼特，快出去!
视讯电话要怎么接?
原来是这样
摩妮卡，你好吗?
很好
我来帮你浇花
别忘了瑞秋旁边那一盆
钱德在沙发上
我看到了，你们还真不会躲
嗨
你好吗？
那天你说要找我谈一谈
请问是好消息还是坏消息?
好消息，绝对是好消息
等一下，有另一通电话
你好吗?
还是我
我这里有子画面
我再回你电话
摩妮卡?
我再回你电话
改天见
好，我爱你
我爱你
我们也爱你
是好消息，是好消息
你想是什么好消息?
你们看
他开了一张五万元的支票给一位戒指设计师
对不起，你想是什么好消息?
天哪
摩妮卡要嫁给百万富翁了
赶快打给妈，打给妈¨打给妈
那是彼特的妈妈
你得办一个主题婚礼
主题可以是…
“看我们多有钱啊”
你可以在喜帖里放钱
你可以用钱做成餐具
第一道菜可以上钞票沙拉
虽然干了点，绝对受欢迎
别再说了
我们才交往两星期
也不知道他会不会求婚
他是彼特，跟别人不一样
你们第一次约会就去罗马
对其他男人来说那是第三、四次约会的事
如果他要求婚，那就太夸张了
摩妮卡说得对
这可是婚姻大事
她不能说嫁就嫁
你懂什么?
你娶了一个女同志
我要走了，我要去跟文斯分手
你选了那个老师?
我很喜欢文斯，但杰森好感性
长期来说，感性应该比…
身材很猛来得好
杰森，绝对是杰森
祝我好运
万岁!
对不起
我在想像接到钞票捧花的感觉
抱歉，文斯在吗?
在
我不晓得你们会真的滑下来
什么事?
这件事很难启齿
我们还是别再见面了
很好
对不起
没关系
我还以为我们之间很特别
我终于找到可以倾诉的对象
我还有好多事没跟你分享
天哪，我不知道你…
抱歉，我说不出话来了
我要去写日记
等一下
“中央公园”
你如果想解决那个问题
就去找我的药草师
谢了，我是想切除不是想做成香料
女生发现情人身上长了怪东西
都会跟朋友广播
拿来
别生我的气，我就是忍不住
“新娘杂志”?
我知道你不会答应求婚
但是穿这套唐娜凯伦走红毯
会有多美啊
一定会很美
不结婚也要买
可以穿去俱乐部
很奇怪
我说过不会答应
但是今天早上…
我躺在床上想像说“愿意”的感觉
我知道有点突然，也很匆促
我也不是会做这种事的人
但我可以这么做，对吧？
毕竟我那么爱彼特
我们追求同样的东西
当我想到说“愿意”的感觉
我觉得很快乐
天哪
我知道
我还要派
要是你真的结婚
我可以带两个人去吗?
你没跟消防员分手?
我就是这个意思
原来他非常感性
他写日记，还画画
他还为我画了一幅炭笔画
他比较想用水彩画
但是手边有很多黑炭
那你要甩掉杰森吗?
对，我总得跟其中一个分手
杰森很感性，但文斯也是
而文斯又有身材
所以……
这是算术问题
请进
你在电话里的语气很严肃
出了什么事吗?
你一定是罗斯
我是萨吉大师
老实说，我没找过大师所以…
放轻松
我在中部念过很好的医学院
这样你比较安心了吧
来看看你的皮肤异常吧
请坐
跟我想的一样，是昆度斯
什么是昆度斯?
不晓得，对你来说是什么?
请趴下
我有一种药膏可以让它缩小
值得一试
那当然，效果应该…
显然不能这么做
为什么?
我们似乎惹火它了
我们惹火它了?
我看到症结了
我们得动用更有力的手段
爱
拜托
它绝对不可能脱落
除非你用·，
怎么了?
它掉下来了
怎么会?
被我的手表刮掉了
灯光
浪漫的灯光
真好
我说过有事情要告诉你
对喔，我都忘了
我最近想了很多
我检讨我的人生
觉得我已经征服了商场
我已经征服了知识界
现在又拥有世界上最美的女人
但是还有一个缺憾
什么缺憾?
我该征服体育界了
我想成为…
终极格斗冠军
你想怎样?
我想成为终极格斗冠军
那是全世界最激烈的体能竞技
在四十九州被禁
你在说什么?
我的教练正在教我…
截拳道和巴西街头搏击
我还请人设计了专用的八角训练场
所以你找了设计师(戒指字同拳击场)
我要你在最前排看我赢得胜利
我要你近得可以闻到血腥味
你意下如何?
我的父母会很高兴
疯狂的内裤，爬上我的屁股
疯狂的内裤，总是一成不变
疯狂的内裤…
他来干什么?
继续唱
你会安全过关，不会有事
谢谢大家
依照惯例演唱完不要跟我说话
我刚好路过，看到你在表演
你在台上的感觉好棒
怎么回事?他是谁?
我不知道，他突然跑来亲我
快捉住他
什么?
我同时跟你们交往
这种感觉很差，因为…
实在很过瘾
你们两个我都喜欢
我不知道该选谁
对不起，我很差劲
我太差劲了
别这样，没关系
我们又没说
只能跟彼此交往
我们也是，你别太自责
真的？
我们交往的时间又不长
甚至还没上过床
你们没有?
你们有?
这是你们的问题
我真不敢相信你跟他上床了?
我陪你在公园吃过烛光晚餐啊
我来替你省掉一个麻烦
幸好没有太难看
你陪他在公园吃烛光晚餐?
我也可以陪你吃，我会陪你吃
我居然跟一个…
在林木区点火的人交往
不会有事的
好吗，狄克?
你们好，我是萨吉大师
他是鸭子吧?否则…
就超出我的能力范围了
他咳得很严重，兽医治不好
你有办法吗?
我看看
我看看
你能让他吃下蝙蝠吗?

回复引用

顶端

77恋兰

ZxID：11247485

23212鲜花 10鸡蛋

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 68楼发表于: 2014-03-21 0

401 The One With The Jellyfish

Joey: (lying on a beach towel, recapping what happened in the last episode) Okay, so we went to the beach, because Phoebe found out about this lady who knew her mom and dad, and I don’t really know what happened with that.
[cut to Phoebe Sr.’s house, from the last episode]
Phoebe Sr.: (to Phoebe) I’m your mother.
Phoebe: Ehh?
[cut to Monica opening the door of the beach house, with Chandler trying to pick her up for a date.]
Joey: (voice-over) Oh, and then Monica joked that she wouldn’t go out with a guy like Chandler...
Chandler: (to Monica) (in a funny voice) Hi there. (Monica turns her head away in disgust)
Joey: (voice-over) ...and he couldn’t let it go, and... I don’t really know what happened with that either.
[cut to a montage of scenes involving Bonnie, Ross, and Rachel from the last episode.]
Joey: (voice-over) Oh-oh! And then Ross’s new girlfriend, Bonnie, shows up and Rachel convinced her to save her head. And then Ross and Rachel kiss, and now Ross has to choose between Rachel and the bald girl and I don’t know what happened there either...
[cut back to Joey on the beach towel]
Joey: Y'know what, hold on, let me go get Chandler. (gets up and leaves.)
[Scene: The beach house, it’s the same scene from the end of last year, with Ross in front of the two doors of Rachel’s and Bonnie’s rooms, trying to decide which door to choose. He finally chooses the one his right and goes in.]
Ross: (surprised) Hi!
Rachel and Bonnie: Hi!
Bonnie: Rachel was just helping me out. My head got all sunburned.
Ross: Awww.
Bonnie: (to Rachel) Thanks a million.
Rachel: Oh, you’re welcome a million.
Bonnie: (getting up and leaving) (to Ross) Okay, I’ll see you in our room.
Ross: Yeah. (closes the door, and goes over and kisses Rachel.)
Rachel: (softly) Oh my God.
Ross: I know.
(They both kiss again and fall onto the bed.)
Ross: (stopping suddenly and getting up) Okay, I gotta go.
Rachel: Whoa! What?! Why?!
Ross: Well, I-I gotta go break up with Bonnie.
Rachel: Here?! Now?!
Ross: Well, yeah. I can’t-I can’t stay here all night, and if I go in there she’s-she’s gonna wanna... do stuff.
Rachel: Well, can’t you tell her that you are not in the mood?
Ross: No, she likes that. Yeah. Faking sleep doesn’t work either, I can’t tell you how many mornings I woke up with her...
Rachel: (interrupting) Whoa-ho.
Ross: Whoa-oh, okay! Yeah, why am I telling you that?
Rachel: I don’t know.
(they kiss again)
Ross: Yeah, yeah. (opens the door) It wasn’t every morning.
Rachel: Oh, making it worse!
Ross: Okay.
OPENING CREDITS[Scene: Phoebe Sr.’s house, it’s right after she told Phoebe that she’s her birth mother.]
Phoebe Sr.: So I guess you’d like to know how it all happened.
Phoebe: I-I mean I, well I think I can figure it out. I guess y'know I was born, and everyone started lying their asses off!
Phoebe Sr.: Noo! No! It wasn’t like that I... Remember how I told you how Lily, Frank, and I we were, we were close. Well, we were, we were very close.
Phoebe: How close?
Phoebe Sr.: Well, the-the three of us we were, kind of umm, a couple.
Phoebe: I don’t even know how that would work!
Phoebe Sr.: Well, we were...
Phoebe: (interrupting) I’m not asking!
Phoebe Sr.: Well, any how, some how I got pregnant, and, and I was scared. I was stupid and sellfish, and I was 18 years old. I mean, you remember what it’s like to be eighteen years old?
Phoebe: Yeah. Let’s see, my had Mom killed herself, and my Dad had run off, and I was living in a Gremlin with a guy named Cindy who talked to his hand.
Phoebe Sr.: Well, I’m so sorry. I thought I was leaving you with the best parents in the world, I didn’t even hear about your Mom and Dad til a couple of years ago, and by then you were already grown up. I don’t know, you’re here, and I would, I would really, I would like to get to know you.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, everybody does! I’m a really cool person. And y'know you had 29 years to find that out, but you didn’t even try! Y'know what, you walked out on me, and I’m just, I’m gonna do the same thing to you.
Phoebe Sr.: Wait!
Phoebe: I don’t ever want to see you again!
(She walks out and slams the door.)
Phoebe: (walking back in with her hand over her eyes.) Umm, where’s my purse?
[Scene: The beach house, Joey and Chandler are sitting at the dinner table, Monica is looking in the fridge.]
Monica: (closing the fridge in disgust) Shoot! We’re out of soda.
Chandler: (jumping up) Oh, I’ll go out and get you some.
Monica: Really?!
Chandler: Nope! Because I’m not your boyfriend. (to Phoebe, who’s entering) Hey Pheebs, how did it go?
Phoebe: Well, umm, my Mom’s friend, Phoebe, is actually my birth Mom.
(The gang is shocked.)
Chandler: I found a dried up seashores.
Monica: Sweety, what are you talking about?
Phoebe: Oh, my new Mom, who-who’s a big, fat abandoner! (starts to go upstairs)
Joey: Whoa, wait, Pheebs, wait a second! Don’t you wanna stay here and talk about it?
Phoebe: No. I’m just, I wanna, I need to be alone.
(She starts to go upstairs.)
Phoebe: (turning around, insistently) Monica!
Monica: Oh.
[Scene: The beach house, Rachel’s bedroom. She is finishing up writing something as Ross walks through the door.]
Ross: It’s over.
Rachel: Oh, was it awful?
Ross: Well, it was loong. I didn’t even realise how late it was, until I noticed the 5 o’clock shadow on her head. (They both start to laugh, then stop themselves quickly.) Anyway, she didn’t want to stay. I called a cab; she just left.
(They kiss.)
Rachel: I wrote you a letter.
Ross: Ohh! Thank you! I like mail. (He goes to kiss her again, but she turns away.)
Rachel: (handing him the letter) It’s just some things I’ve been thinking about. Some things about us, and before we can even think about the two of us getting back together, I just need to know how you feel about this stuff.
Ross: Okay. (He leans in to kiss her again, but she leans back preventing him from making contact.) Wow, it’s-it’s 5:30 in the morning. (Rachel laughs) So, I’d better get cracking on this baby.
Rachel: Well, I’ll be waiting for you, just come up when you’re done.
Ross: Okay, I’ll be up in, (looks at the letter) 18 pages. Front and back. Very exciting.
[Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Ross is passed out on the kitchen counter. He wakes up with a start and has one of the pages of the letter stuck to his face.]
Ross: Oh. (looks at his watch) Oh-oh. (takes a drink of coffee and resumes reading the letter)
Rachel: (coming down the stairs) Hey! (Ross jumps up, and quickly puts the letter back together, pretending like he has just finished it.) What happened to you? Why didn’t you come up?
Ross: Done!
Rachel: You just finished?
Ross: Well, I wanted to be thorough. I mean this-this is clearly very, very important to you, to us! And so I wanted to read every word carefully, twice!
Rachel: So umm, does it?
Ross: I’m sorry.
Rachel: Does it?
Ross: Does it? Does it? Yeah, I wanted to give that whole ‘Does it?’ part just another glance.
Rachel: What are you talking about, Ross, you just said that you read it twice! Look, y'know what, either it does or it doesn’t, and if you have to even think about it...
Ross: (interrupting) No, Rach, no. I don’t, I don’t, I don’t have to think about it, in fact, I’ve decided, I’ve decided that, that it.......does.
(Rachel stands there for a moment, starting to cry. Then gasps and runs over and hugs him. While hugging her, Ross tries to find the ‘Does it?’ part in the letter.)
Rachel: Are you sure?
Ross: Oh, sure! I’m sure.
Rachel: I know. (Hugs him more violently this time and pushes him back away from the letter.)
[Scene: The beach. Chandler and Monica are out getting some sun.]
Chandler: All right, there’s a nuclear holocaust, I’m the last man on Earth. Would you go out with me?
Monica: Ennnh.
Chandler: I’ve got canned goods.
Joey: (jumping up in a hole that he is digging, he is shoulder deep) Hey, you guys! Take a look at this! (Chandler and Monica jump up and go over to the hole.) Check this baby out, dug me a hole!
Chandler: Excellent hole, Joe.
(A wave crashes on the beach and partially fills up his hole.)
Joey: Oh no! No!! My hole!!
Monica: (screaming in pain) Ow!! Ow!!!
Joey: (climbing out of the hole) What?! What?!! What is it?!
Monica: Jellyfish sting! Oh, it hurts! It hurts!! It hurts!!
Chandler: Well, can we help?! You want us to take you back to the house?!
Monica: It’s like two miles!
Joey: Yeah, and I’m a little tired from digging the hole.
Monica: Oh damn the jellyfish. Damn all the jellyfish!
Chandler: We’ve got to do something!
Joey: Well, there’s really only one thing you can do.
Monica: What?! What is it?!
Joey: You’re gonna have to pee on it.
Monica: What?!! Gross!!
Joey: Don’t blame me, I saw it on The Discovery Channel.
Chandler: Y'know what, he’s right. There’s something like uh, ammonia in that, that like kills the pain.
Monica: Well forget it! It doesn’t hurt that (tries to take a step) baaad!!!!
Joey: If you want some privacy you can use my hole.
[Scene: The beach house, Phoebe is coming down the stairs all packed and ready to go.]
Phoebe: Well, I’m ready to get the hell out of here! (Sees Ross and Rachel cuddling on the couch.) Oh. Are you? Are you?!! (they nod ‘Yes.’) Ohh! That’s so great!! Ooh, not for Bonnie. (they nod ‘No.’) But for you, yay! Ohh.
(The rest of the gang arrives with their heads down in shame.)
Ross: Hey!
Rachel: How was the beach?
Monica: Nothing, I don’t know.
Ross: What happened?
Monica: Nothing. I’m gonna take a shower.
Chandler: Me too!!
Joey: Me too.
Phoebe: Okay, I’m gonna put this (her suitcase) in the car.
Rachel: Ooh, I have to go pack. (Gets up to do so.) It really does?
Ross: It does. It really and truly does.
(Rachel kisses him, and goes upstairs. After she’s gone, Ross frantically tries to find and read the ‘Does it?’ part.)
Ross: (finding the part) (looks up in disgust) It so does not!!!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler about the letter.]
Ross: She wants me to take responsibility for everything that went wrong in our relationship. I mean she goes on for five pages about, about how I was unfaithful to her! (Both Joey and Chandler shrug their shoulders as to say ”Well...”) (yelling) WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!
Chandler: Oh my God! If you say that one more time, I’m gonna break up with you!
Ross: Fine! Fine! But this break-up was not all my fault, and she, she says here, (reading from the letter) “If you accept full responsibility...” (to Chandler and Joey) Full responsibility! “...I can begin to trust you again. Does that seem like something you can do. (yells at Joey) Does it?!!”
Joey: No?
Chandler: Look, Ross, you have what you want, you’re back with Rachel. If you bring this up now you’re gonna wreck the best thing that even happened to you.
Ross: (calming down) Yeah, I know. I mean, no, you’re right. Yeah I guess I’ll let it go. But you-you understand how-how hard it is to forget about this.
Joey: Sure, it’s hard to forget! But that doesn’t mean you have to talk about it! A lot of things happened on that trip that we should never, (to Chandler) ever talk about.
Ross: What the hell happened on that beach?!
Joey: It’s between us and the sea, Ross!
(Ross laughs and has a ‘Come on...’ look on his face as he looks and Chandler who nods his head in agreement with Joey. Ross is stunned.)
[Scene: A hallway in an apartment building. Phoebe is knocks on a door and it opens.]
Phoebe: (to the person that answered the door) Hi, Ursula.
Ursula: Hey!
Phoebe: Okay, well umm, I know that we haven’t talked in a long time, but umm okay, our Mom is not our birth Mom. This-this other lady is our birth Mom.
Ursula: Right, okay, the one that lives in Montuak, umm-hmm.
Phoebe: (shocked) You know her?!
Ursula: No, I umm, I read about her in Mom’s suicide note.
Phoebe: There-there was a suicide note?! (Ursula nods ‘Yes.’) Well, do you still have it?
Ursula: (disgusted) Hang on. (She goes into her apartment and slams the door in Phoebe’s face.)
Phoebe: I can’t believe you didn’t tell me there was a suicide note!
Ursula: Yeah. So how have you been doing?
Phoebe: I, umm, shut up!
(Ursula opens the door and hands her the note.)
Phoebe: (reading from the note) “Good-bye Phoebe and Ursula. I’ll miss you. P.S. Your Mom lives in Montauk.” You just wrote this!
Ursula: Well, it’s pretty much the gist. Well, except for the poem. You read the poem, right?
Phoebe: Noooo!!
Ursula: All right, hang on! (She takes the note, goes back into her apartment and slams the door shut.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are sitting at the table eating dinner and not talking. Ross and Rachel are outside cuddling on the balcony.]
Monica: Pass the cheese, please.
(Joey hands her the cheese without looking at her.)
Monica: My God, you can’t even look at me! Can you?
Joey: Nope.
(Phoebe enters.)
Chandler: (jumping up) Hey! Phoebe! We can talk to Phoebe!!
Phoebe: No. I’m-I’m to depressed to talk.
Chandler: I’ll give you a thousand dollars to talk to us.
Ross: (coming back in with Rachel) Hey, you guys! What do you, what do you think about making that beach trip an annual thing?
Chandler, Monica, and Joey: NO!!!
Rachel: All right, that’s it, you guys! What happened out there?
Monica: What? We took a walk, nothing happened. I can back with nothing all over me.
Ross and Rachel: Come on!
Ross: What happened? Joey?
Joey: All right. (gets up)
Monica: (stopping him) No! Joey, we swore we’d never tell!
Chandler: (running over and joining Monica) They’ll never understand!
Joey: Well, we have to say something! We have to get it out! It’s eating me alive!! Monica got stung by a jellyfish.
Monica: (interrupting) All right!! All right. (walks slowly into the living room) I got stung. Stung bad. I couldn’t stand. I-I couldn’t walk.
Chandler: (following Monica) We were two miles from the house. Scared and alone. We didn’t think we could make it. (He goes to put his hands on Monica’s shoulders but for some reason can quite complete the action and pulls back.)
Monica: I was in too much pain.
Joey: And I was tired from digging the huge hole!
Chandler: And then Joey remembered something.
Joey: I’d seen this thing on The Discovery Channel...
Ross: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... (stops suddenly and turns to look at Monica) Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!
Phoebe and Rachel: Ewwww!!
Monica: You can’t say that!! You-you don’t know!! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldn’t...bend that way. So... (looks at Joey.)
Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel: (turning to look at Joey) Ewwww!!
Joey: That’s right I stepped up! She’s my friend and she needed help! And if I had too, I’d pee on anyone of you! Only, uhh, I couldn’t. I got the stage fright. I wanted to help, but there was too much pressure. So-so I uh, I turned to Chandler.
Chandler: (wails loudly into his hands) Joey kept screaming at me, “Do it now! Do it!! Do it! Do it now!!” Sometimes late at night I can still here the screaming.
Joey: (laughs) That’s ‘cause sometimes I just do it through my wall to freak you out.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is finishing up a song.]
Phoebe: (singing) “...fuchsia and mauvvve. Those are the 66 colours of my bedroommmm.” (applause) Thank you, thank you. Ohh, and I invite you to count the colours in your bedroom. (Sees that Phoebe Sr. has entered, and to her) Except for you. You go away.
Phoebe Sr.: I’ll go in a second, I-I just wanted to tell you that there hasn’t been a day where I didn’t regret giving you up.
Phoebe: Okay, bye.
Phoebe Sr.: No, I’m not done. I-I-I just want you to know that I, the reason I didn’t look you up was, well I was afraid that you’d react, just well like, the way, the way you’re reacting right now, and can’t we just, y'know, start from here?
Phoebe: No.
Phoebe Sr.: Sorry. But just one last thing. Y'know you came looking for family. I’m family, I’m it. Now, now I’m done. (starts to leave)
Phoebe: But, it’s not like we’re losing anything. Y'know?
Phoebe Sr.: Yeah, I guess you’re right.
Phoebe: It’s not like we-we know each other or anything. Or that have anything in common.
Phoebe Sr.: Well, I don’t know. I mean it’s not like we don’t have anything in common. I mean I like uh, pizza.
Phoebe: I-I like pizza!
Phoebe Sr.: You do?! Wait, I like umm, the Beetles.
Phoebe: Oh my God, so do I!
Phoebe Sr.: I knew it, wow!!
Phoebe: Wait-wait-wait, wait! Puppies. Cute or ugly?
Phoebe Sr.: Ohh, so cute.
Phoebe: Uh-huh, well! But umm, still I’m-I’m mad at you.
Phoebe Sr.: I know. I’m mad at me too.
Phoebe: Well umm, do you wanna get something to eat? I’m kinda hungry.
Phoebe Sr.: Hey! Me too!
Phoebe: All right, stop it. Now you’re just doing it to freak me out.
[Scene: Rachel’s bedroom. Ross and Rachel have just finished consummating the new relationship.]
Rachel: Oh-hooo, I missed you.
Ross: I missed you too.
Rachel: Ooh, I was soo nervous about that letter. But the way you owned up to everything, it just showed me how much you’ve grown. Y'know?
Ross: (getting miffed) I suppose.
Rachel: You have! Ross, you should give yourself credit. I mean my Mom never thought this would work out. It was all, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”
Ross: (getting angry) Umm-hmm.
Rachel: Ooh, I just wish we hadn’t lost those four months, but if time was what you needed just to gain a little perspective...
[cut to Monica cleaning the floor in the kitchen]
Ross: (yelling from the bedroom) WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!!!
Chandler: (entering with Joey) (to Monica) Coffee house?
Monica: You bet.
[cut back to Rachel’s bedroom with both of them hurriedly getting dressed]
Ross: And for the record, it took two people to break up this relationship!!
Rachel: Yeah! You and that girl from that copy place, which yesterday you took full responsibility for!!
Ross: I didn’t know what I was taking full responsibility for! Okay?! I didn’t finish the whole letter!
Rachel: What?!!
Ross: I fell asleep!
Rachel: You fell asleep?!
Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means ‘you are,’ Y-O-U-R means ‘your!’
Rachel: Y'know I can’t believe I even thought about getting back together again! We are so over!!
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
Rachel: Oh, oh, and hey-hey-hey, those little spelling tips will come in handy when you’re at home on Saturday nights playing Scrabble with Monica!!
Monica: Hey!!
Rachel: (to Monica) Sorry!! (to Ross) I just feel bad about all that sleep you’re gonna miss wishing you were with me!
Ross: Oh, no-no-no don’t you worry about me falling asleep. I still have your letter!!!
Rachel: And hey! Just so you know, it’s not that common! It doesn’t happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!!
Chandler: I KNEW IT!!!!
CLOSING CREDITS[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are playing cards at the dinner table.]
Monica: (sets down some cards) Gin.
Chandler: We were playing Gin? Y'know if we were a couple, we could play this game naked.
Monica: Will you stop!
Chandler: Okay. All right.
Monica: Okay, all right, I think you’re great, I think you’re sweet, and you’re smart, and I love you. But you will always be the guy who peed on me.

401 水母惊情

好吧，就从我们到海边说起，因为
菲比找到一个认识她父母的女人
我真不知道她们发生了些什么。
我是你的母亲。
呃？
喔，然后莫妮卡开玩笑说她
不会跟一个像钱德这样的人约会...
嗨，在这。
钱德没什么进展，而且...
我也不知道他俩是怎么回事。
喔喔！接着，罗斯的新女朋友突然出现，
瑞秋让她相信她该重新留光头。
罗斯和瑞秋接吻，
现在罗斯得在瑞秋和
那个光头女孩之间做个选择
我不知道他们之间又发生了什么...
你知道，等等，让我去找钱德。
嗨！
瑞秋帮了我大忙。我的头全晒黑了。
噢。
万分感谢。
你是万分客气。
那好，我在房间等你。
当然。
喔，天哪
我了解。
好了，我得走了。
哇！什么？！为什么？！
是这样，我－我要去跟邦妮分手。
这里？！现在？！
是的。我不能－不能整晚都呆在这，而且
如果我过去她那边，她会－她会...动手动脚。
那么，你不能告诉她你没这个心情？
不，她喜欢那样。
是的。假装睡觉也不管用，我没法
跟你说有多少个早晨我醒来后和她...
喔不。
哇，很好。
真是的，我为什么要告诉你这些？
我不知道！
是的，是的。
不是每个早晨都会。
喔，越描越黑！
好了。
这下我猜你会想知道都发生了什么事了。
我－我的意思是，我想我能弄明白怎么回事。
我猜你知道我的出生，然后每个人开始愚蠢地撒谎！
不不！不是那样的，我...记得告诉过你，莉莉，
弗兰克和我，曾经很亲密，我们，非常非常亲密。
有多亲密？
就是说，我们三个有点象，夫妇那样。
我真不知道你们是怎么作到的！
我们...
我没问！
不管怎么说，不知怎么我怀孕了，我吓坏了。
我很傻，而且自私，当时我只有十八岁。
我是说，你还记得你十八岁时的情形吗？
是的。让我想想，我的母亲自杀了，我父亲跑掉了，
我和一个只和自己的手说话
叫辛迪的家伙住在一个糟糕的地方。
我很抱歉。我原以为我把你留给了世上最好的父母。
直到几年前我才得到你父母的消息。
而且那时你已经长大了。
我不知道你在这儿，而且我会，
我真的会，我会很高兴试着了解你。
是啊，人人都想了解我！我是一个很酷的人。
你有２９年的时间来找我，可你甚至没有试过！
你知道吗，你遗弃了我，我会，
我也要对你作同样的事。
等等！
我再也不想见到你了！
我的皮包在哪？
讨厌，我们没苏打水了。
我可以出去帮你买。
真的？！
不，因为我不是你的男朋友。
嘿，菲比，事情怎么样？
是这样，我妈妈的朋友菲比，事实上是我的亲生母亲。
我发现了一片干燥的沙滩。
甜心，我们说到哪了！
我的亲妈是个大个子，肥胖的遗弃者！
哦，等等，菲比，等一下，
你不想留下来谈谈这事儿吗？
不，我只是，我想，我需要安静一会。
莫妮卡！
哦。
结束了。
哦，很糟吧？
时间真久。我甚至没意识到有多晚，直到我
看到投射到她的光头上的早上五点钟的光影。
不管怎么说，她也不想呆下去了。
我叫了辆的士，她走了。
我给你写了封信。
喔！谢谢你！我喜欢收信。
只是一些我现在的想法。
一些关于我们的想法，
而且在我们考虑复合之前，
我得知道你是怎么看这件事的。
没问题。
噢，现在是-现在是早上5：30。
这样，我最好还是先解决这件事。
那，我会等你，你一看完就上来。
好的，我过一会上来。
18页纸，两面都是。真让人激动。
哦。
哦哦。
嘿！
你怎么啦？你为什么不上来？
看完了！
你才看完？
是这样，我想看得更透彻。我的意思是它-
它很显然非常，非常重要，对你，对我们！
于是我想看得仔细点，看了两遍。
那，是不是？
你说什么。
是不是？
是不是？是不是？
哦，我想把整个“是不是”的部分再看一遍。
你在说什么，罗斯，你刚才不是说看了两遍吗？
听着，你知道吗，不管是或不是，
如果你还需要考虑的话...
不，瑞秋，不。我不需要，我不需要，我不需要考虑。
事实上，我决定了，我决定了，就是...
是。
真的吗
哦，当然。真的。
我明白了。
好吧，假设发生了核爆炸，
我是地球上最后一个男人，你会和我在一起吗？
呃呃。
我有罐装食物。
嘿，你们这些家伙！看看这个。
看看，挖了个大洞！
很棒的洞，乔伊。
哦，不，不。我的洞！
噢噢！！
什么？什么？怎么啦？
水母蜇了一下！喔，好痛！好痛！好痛！
我能帮你吗？要不要我们送你回去？
差不多两里路呢！
是啊，我挖洞也挖的有点累了。
哦该死的水母。所有该死的水母。
我们得做点什么。
只有一件事可以做。
什么？是什么？
你们得在伤口上撒尿。
什么？！！你真粗鲁！！
别指责我，我是从探索频道看来的。
你知道吗，他说的对。
因为尿里面有一些类似，氨之类的东西，可以止痛。
哦算了吧，也没痛得那么
要命！！！！
要是你想隐蔽点的话，可以用我的洞。
我准备把它弄出去。
哦。是你吗？是你吗？
哇哦！真棒。哦，不是给邦妮的。
是给你的。哦。
嘿！
海滩怎么样？
没什么，我不知道。
发生什么事了？
没什么。我要去冲个澡。
我也是！！
我也是。
好了，我要把这个放到车上去。
哦，我得回去了。
真的‘是吗’？
是的，千真万确，是的。
不是的！！！
她要我承担所有的责任，为造成我们分手的每件事。
我是说她花了五页纸来写我是怎么对她不忠的。
我们当时已经分手了！！！
哦天哪！你要是再说一遍的话，我也要和你分手了。
很好！很好！但分手不是我一个人的错，这里她说，她说，
如果你承认所有的责任...
所有的责任！
....我就能重新信任你。这是你能做到的。
是不是？！
不？
瞧，罗斯，你得到了你想要的，你回到了瑞秋身边。
如果你现在提出这件事，你会毁了你能有的最好的结果。
可是，你知道，我的意思是，不，你是对的。
我猜我能挺过去的。
但是你-你明白要忘掉它有多-多难。
确实，是很难忘掉。不过不代表你要老提它。
那趟旅行发生的事咱们永远永远也不要提。
那天在海滩究竟发生什么了？！
那是我们和大海之间的事，罗斯！
嗨，乌苏拉。
嘿！
是这样，呃，我知道我们很久没谈过了，但是，呃
好吧，我们的妈妈不是我们的亲生母亲。
另-另外一个女人才是我们的亲生母亲。
是的，另外一个住在蒙塔克，哦哼。
你知道她？！
不，我，我读过妈妈的遗书。
有-有遗书？！
那，你还留着吗？
等会儿。
我真不敢相信你竟然没告诉我妈妈有遗书！
是啊。那你想怎么样？
我，呃，你闭嘴！
“再见菲比和乌苏拉。我会想你们的。
P.S.你们的妈妈住在蒙塔克。”
是你刚才写的！
好啦，大概就是这个意思。
除了，除了那首诗。你读过的，对不对？
没--有！！
那好吧，等等。
请把芝士拿给我。
天啦，你甚至不敢看我！是不是？
不是。
嘿！菲比！我们可以和菲比讲话！！
不，我-我心情不好，不想讲话。
我给你一千块让你和我们讲话。
嘿，你们这些家伙！你们觉得每年去一次海边怎么样？
不！！！
好啦，你们真是的！到底发生什么啦？
发生什么？我们出去走了走，没什么事。
我回来的时候全身也没什么东西。
别这样！
怎么啦？乔伊？
没什么。
不！我们发过誓永远不说的！
他们永远也不会明白！
可是我们得说点什么！
我们得解决这事儿！它弄的我很不自在！！
莫妮卡被水母蜇了一下。
好啦！！
是这样。
我被蜇了一下。
很厉害。
我站不起来。我-我走不了路。
我们离屋子有两里路。
又怕又孤单。
我们觉得应付不来。
我太痛了。
而我又挖洞挖的累了。
然后乔伊记起了。
我以前在探索频道上看过...
等等!我知道了！探索频道，
是的！关于水母，如果你...
喔喔！！你在自己身上撒尿？！
哇哦！！
你不能那么说！！你-你不知道！！
我是说我以为会痛昏过去！
不管怎么说我-我试过了，
可我-我不能...够不着。于是...
哇哦！！
是的，于是我挺身而出！
她是我的朋友，而她需要帮助！
而且如果需要的话，我会在你们每个人身上撒尿！
只是，呃，我没做到。
我怯场了。
我想帮她，可我压力太大了。
于是，于是，我呃，我交给了钱德。
乔伊不停地冲我叫，“快点！快点！快点！”
有时夜深了我还能在这里听见那叫声。
那是因为有时候我隔着墙在冲你叫。
“... 金钟紫红和浅紫红。
就是我的卧房的六十六种颜色。”
谢谢你们，谢谢你们。哦，你们也可以
数一数自己的卧房有多少颜色。
除了你，你走开。
我马上就走，我-我只想告诉你，没有一天我不在后悔扔下你。
那好，再见。
不，我还没说完。我-我-我只想让你知道我，
不来找你的原因，因为我担心你的反应。
就象，这样，你现在的反应，
我们不能，你知道的，从现在开始？
不。
我很难过。
还有最后一件事。
你知道你想有个家。
我就是你的家，是的。现在，现在，我说完了。
可是，看来我们不会失去任何东西，你说是吗？
对，你说的对。
看来我们互相还不了解，或者说我们有什么相似之处。
我不知道。我是说说不定我们有很多相似之处。
比如说我喜欢，披萨。
我-我喜欢披萨。
你也是吗？等等，我喜欢呃，披头士。
哦，天哪，我也是。
我知道，哇！！！
等等，等等。小狗。你觉得可爱吗？
哦，当然可爱。
喔喔，不过，我还是，还是生你的气。
我知道，我也生自己的气。
那，你想吃点什么吗？我有点饿了。
嘿！我也是！！
好啦，你不用这样。现在你只是想让我高兴罢了。
哦噢，我有多想你。
我也想你。
哦，我当时好紧张那封信。
但既然你承担了一切，那表明你已成熟了。
你说是不是？
大概是吧。
你当然是。罗斯，你该相信自己。
我是说妈妈从不相信这点。
她说，“一旦骗人，永远骗人。”
呃哼。
哦，我多希望我们没有浪费过去的四个月，
不过如果真的必须花这么多
时间来获得一点了解的话...
可我们当时已经分手了！！！！！！
咖啡屋？
你猜。
记住，分手是两个人的事！！
没错！那两个人就是你和那个复印室的女孩，
就象昨天你承认的，所有的责任都是你的！！
什么？！！
我睡着了！
你睡着了？！
那时是早上5：30，你那封信洋洋洒洒18页纸，
而且是双面的！！
哦哦哦，顺便说一句，
Y-O-U-R-E意思是‘你是’，Y-O-U-R意思是‘你的’！
你知道吗我真不敢相信
我们居然会又和好！我们之间完了！！
求之不得！！
哦，哦，嘿嘿嘿，你那些拼写的小本事留着
你星期六晚上和莫妮卡玩拼字游戏的时候用吧！！！
嘿！！
对不起！！
只是想到我在那么希望他和我
在一起的时候他居然在睡觉，我就觉得恼火！
哦，不不不，你就没想过我会睡觉。
我还留着你的信！！！
嘿！那你该知道，它不是普通的信！
不是每个人都会收到这样的信的！是很大件事！！
我知道！！！
金！（我赢了）
我们在打金拉米牌？
你知道要是咱们俩是一对儿，就可以光着身子玩牌。
你有没有完！
好吧，不说了。
是的，我觉得你很棒，你很体贴，而且你很帅，
我也爱你。可你还是那个在我身上撒尿的人。

回复引用

顶端

77恋兰

ZxID：11247485

23212鲜花 10鸡蛋

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 69楼发表于: 2014-03-21 0

402 The One With The Cat

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is eating breakfast as Chandler comes out of his bedroom, ripping his coat in the process.]
Chandler: Wow! That ripped! That ripped real nice!
Joey: How many times do I have to tell you! Ya, turn and sliiiide! Y'know, turn and slide.
Chandler: You don’t turn and slide, you throw it out! I’m tired of having to get a tetanus shot every time I get dressed!
Joey: Look, we’re not throwing it out! I built this thing with my own hands!
Chandler: All right, how about we, how ‘bout we sell it.
Joey: All right. But, you’re gonna have to tell them. (He opens the cabinet to reveal the chick and the duck living inside with Christmas lights and a disco ball as decorations.)
Chandler: (nods his head) Do you mind if we stick you in another cabinet? (to Joey) They seem all right with it!
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are there. Monica is checking the messages.]
Chip: (on machine) Hey Monica, it’s Chip.
Monica: Yesss!!
Ross: Who’s Chip?
Monica: Shhh!
Chip: (on machine) Good runnin’ into you at the bank today, so ah, here’s my number, 555-9323. Give me a call. Later.
Monica: Chip, is Chip Matthews.
Ross: The guy who took Rachel to the prom? Why is he calling you?
Monica: ‘Cause I ran into him at the bank, he is still soo cute.
Ross: Monica, you’re so lucky! He’s like the most popular guy in school!!
Monica: I know!! (calls him) (on phone) Chip? Hi! It’s Monica. (listens) ‘Kay. (listens) ‘Kay. (listens) Okay. (listens) Okay, good-bye. (hangs up) Oh my God, we just had the best conversation!! (goes into her room as Rachel enters)
Ross: (to Rachel) I was just leaving.
Rachel: Good! ‘Cause I’ve got a product report to read, it’s like eight pages, I hope I don’t fall asleep.
Ross: Why? Did you write it?
Rachel: (sees Chip’s phone number) Wow! Look at that, Chip Matthews called. I wonder what he wants?
Ross: Well ah, actually...
Rachel: (interrupting) I bet he sensed that I was ready to have sex with another guy.
Ross: Well, umm, why don’t you give him a call?
Rachel: Okay. (picks up phone) Are you sure you wanna hear this?
Ross: Oh, I’m sure.
Rachel: (on phone) Chip! Hi, it’s Rachel. (listens) Rachel Green. Yeah, umm, you left me a message. (listens) Yes you did, my roommate wrote it down. (listens) Monica Geller. (listens) Ohh.
Ross: (whispering in her ear) Oh, that’s right! He called to ask out Monica! That-that’s gotta be embarrassing!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is finishing up a song.]
Phoebe: (screaming, angrily) ...DUMB, DRUNKEN, BITCH!!! (applause) (happily) Thank you, thanks.
Ross: (reading the newspaper) Hey, here’s a question; where did you guys get the finest oak East of the Mississippi?
Chandler: Uh-huh, first you tell us where you got the prettiest lace in all the land.
Ross: I’m reading your ad.
Joey: Looks good, uh?
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: (reading the ad) Stunning entertainment center. Fine, (pause) fine Italian craftsmanship. (Joey is very proud of himself)
Phoebe: Oh my God, you guys are selling the entertainment center?
Rachel: Why? I love that thing.
Chandler: You want it?
Phoebe and Rachel: Oh no.
Chandler: Ahh, Gepeto, $5,000 dollars? Are you insane?
Joey: Hey, the ad alone cost 300 bucks!
Chandler: All right look, I’m changing it to 50 bucks, or your best offer.
Joey: What kind of profit is that?! And you call yourself an accountant.
Chandler: (looks at him) Nooo.
Joey: Oh. What do you do?
Chandler: I can’t believe you don’t know what I do for a living!
Phoebe: Yeah, I actually don’t know...
Ross: Good, so do I
Rachel: Something to do with numbers?
[Cut to someone entering Central Perk which lets a cat in. The cat then runs over to Phoebe’s guitar case and starts sniffing around.]
Phoebe: Oh my God! No! Shoo! Kitty! No! No-no-no! Shoo! Come on, you! (goes over and picks up the cat) Come on. Crazy. (looks into the cat’s eyes) Oh my God.
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: Nothing. Nothing.
Joey: What? What’s wrong?
Phoebe: I just, I just have this really strong feeling that this cat is my Mother.
Rachel: You mean the mom you met in Montauk. She was a cat?!
Phoebe: No, no-no, she was a human lady. This is the spirit of my Mom Lily, the one who killed herself.
Ross: Are you sure she’s in the cat, or have you been taking your grandma’s glycoma medicine again?
Phoebe: No Dr. Skeptismo! I’m sure. First of all, okay, there’s the feeling. (Chandler shrugs) Okay, and for another, how about the fact that she went into my guitar case which is lined with orange felt. (Rachel nods her head in unsure agreement) My Mother’s favourite fish is Orange Roughy... (Joey thinks he understands, but then nods that he has no clue.) Cats....like....fish! (Ross and Rachel are totally lost) (to the cat) Hi, Mommy. (Rachel covers her mouth, in an “Oh my God.” gesture) Oh, I haven’t seen this smile in 17 years!
Joey: (to Chandler) Dude, Phoebe’s mom has got a huge peni...
Chandler: (interrupting) Let it go!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is working as Monica enters.]
Monica: Hey!
Rachel: Umm, when were you gonna tell me that you’re going out with Chip Matthews?
Monica: Now? Is it okay if I go out with Chip Matthews?
Rachel: Nooo! It’s not okay! I can’t believe you would want to after what he did to me!
Monica: What, that little thing at the prom?
Rachel: Monica! I couldn’t find him for two hours! He was having sex with Amy Welch!
Monica: Come on, that was back in high school! How could that still bother you?
Rachel: I mean why, of all people would you want to go out with Chip?!
Monica: Look, you and I went to different high schools...
Rachel: Okay, that doesn’t help me, because we went to the same high school.
Monica: You went to one where you were popular, and you got to ride off Chip’s motorcycle, and wear his letterman jacket. I went to one where I wore a band uniform they had to have specially made.
Rachel: (shocked) They had to have that specially made?!
Monica: It was a project for one of the Home Ec classes.
Rachel: (stunned) Oh my God, they told us that was for the mascot!
Monica: Back then, I thought that I would never, ever get the chance to go out with a Chip Matthews, and now he’s-he’s called me up and asked me out. And the fat girl inside of me really wants to go. I-I owe her this. I never let her eat.
Rachel: Oh, you go out with him. (goes over and hugs her)
Monica: Oh, really?!
Rachel: Yeah. Just, if it’s possible, could you leave him somewhere and go have sex with another guy?
Monica: I’ll try.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, they are all there eating breakfast.]
Ross: So you guys having any luck getting rid of the entertainment center?
Joey: Well, there were a couple of calls last night, but ah, I don’t think any of them are gonna work out.
Chandler: Yes, Joey has a very careful screening process. Apparently, not everyone is qualified to own wood and nails.
Phoebe: (is struggling with the cat) Stop it! Stop it! She keeps squirming, trying to get away! Just like when she was alive.
Ross: So Pheebs, how long is your mom gonna be with us?
Phoebe: Well, I’m not sure. I mean, I guess until she y'know, gets used to the fact that there’s y'know, a new mom. Y'know, I think she’s worried that y'know, she’s gonna, she’s gonna be replaced. (to the cat, in a funny voice) Well, that’s not gonna happen is it? Noo. (gets up) Okay, I have to return a call in the other room.
Monica: Why can’t you use the phone in here?
Phoebe: Well, I’m returning a call from a certain mom at the B-E-A-C-H. I just spelled the wrong word. (goes into Monica’s room)
Ross: So, guys, am I crazy, or does Phoebe’s mom remind anyone of a cat?
Monica: Ross, don’t start.
Ross: Come on, you-you can’t tell me you actually believe that-that there’s a woman inside that cat!
Rachel: I believe it.
Ross: No you don’t.
Rachel: Yes, I do.
Ross: No you do--y'know what, you’re not gonna suck me into this.
Rachel: Oh sure I am, because you always have to be right.
Ross: I do not always have to be--okay, okay. (starts to leave)
Rachel: Jurassic Park could happen.
(Ross wants to say something, but just smiles and leaves.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are showing a couple of guys (Tony and Peter) the entertainment center.]
Tony: Wow! That’s ah, that’s pretty nice!
Joey: Pretty nice?
Chandler: You’ll have to pardon my roommate, he wanted to marry this.
Tony: We don’t have 50 bucks, but would you be willing to trade for it? We’ve got a canoe.
(Joey jumps up in excitement and without turning around Chandler holds out his hand stopping him, and ushering him back into his seat. Joey sits down, dejected.)
Chandler: Y'know, I, I really don’t think we need a canoe.
Tony: You gotta take the canoe!
Chandler: All right, just, just take the entertainment center, and then when you get home, throw the canoe away!
Peter: We’re not throwing it away! I built that canoe! (starts to leave as Tony chases after him)
Joey: (to Peter) Good for you!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Ross are there.]
Rachel: (entering) You guys, you’re never gonna believe what I just found tacked up on a telephone pole! (She’s holding a flyer.) Look kinda familiar?
Ross: (taking the flyer) Apparently Phoebe’s mother also goes by the name Julio.
Rachel: You guys, there’s a little girl in Soho looking for this cat. I mean, you know what that means?!
Joey: (looking at the flyer) Yeah-eah! 200 dollar reward, split five ways!!
Rachel: Do we have to tell her?
Ross: Yes, we have to tell her!
Monica: Oh, but it’s made her so happy.
Ross: (holds up a hand) Little girl misses her cat. (hold up the other hand) Crazy lady thinks her mother is in a cat. (gets up) Okay, y'know what, I have to go have dinner with my son, can I trust that when you see Phoebe, you will tell her.
All: (disappointed) Yeah.
Ross: Thank you.
Rachel: I hate when Ross is right!
Monica: He is right, isn’t he?
Chandler: Y'know what, I think this might be one of the times he’s wrong.
All: You think?
Chandler: Oh-no, he’s right.
COMMERCIAL BREAK[Scene: Central Perk, the same scene is continued from before the break. With Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: (entering, with Julio) Hi. (sits down in the chair)
Monica: Hi!
All: Hey!
Joey: Uh, Pheebs, about your mom...
Phoebe: Yeah?
Joey: (pause) How’s that going?
Phoebe: So great. Oh, we took a nap today and my Mom fell asleep on my tummy and purred.
Joey: That’s so sweet. (pause) I’m gonna get some coffee. (gets up and leaves)
Monica: (sliding into Joey’s place on the couch to try and talk to Phoebe) Huh? What’d ya say Joe? I’ll be right there. (gets up and joins Joey)
(Rachel and Chandler slide into position.)
Rachel: Pheebs...
Phoebe: I just feel so, uhh.....
Rachel: All right!!
Chandler: I’m coming already!!
Rachel: Jeez!
(They both get up and leave Phoebe alone.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading at the kitchen table as there is a knock on the door.]
Monica: (running from the bathroom to her room, wearing only a towel) Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! (gets to her room and closes the door, as Rachel gets up to answer the door.)
Rachel: Hello, Chip.
Chip: Hey, Rach! How ya doin’?
Rachel: I’m great! I’m great. I’ve got a great job at Bloomingdale’s, have wonderful friends, and eventhough I’m not seeing anyone right now, I’ve never felt better about myself.
Chip: So ah, Monica ready yet?
Rachel: She’ll be out in a second. So, Chip, how’s umm, Amy Welch?
Chip: Amy Welch? Wow! I haven’t seen her since... So, Monica about ready?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is showing off the entertainment center.]
Joey: This is the unit for you my friend. Sturdy construction, tons of storage compartments, some big enough to fit a grown man.
Guy: What?!
Joey: Oh yeah! I got in there myself once. My roommate bet me five bucks that I couldn’t, and then he stuck a board through the handles that locked me in. Yeah. It was funny ‘til I started feeling like I was in a coffin.
Guy: No, you, you can’t fit in that thing. That’s not deep enough.
Joey: Oh yeah? (opens up the center and takes out the stereo) If I can’t, I’ll knock five bucks off the price off the unit.
Guy: All right, you have yourself a deal. (shakes his hand)
Joey: Okay. (he gets in the unit and closes the door) See?! I told ya!
(The guys takes a hockey stick and slips it through the handles then proceeds to take the stereo and Chandler’s computer and walk out.)
Joey: Sometimes I get in here just to get away from it! Hey, a nickel!!
[Scene: A street, Chip is walking Monica to his motorcycle.]
Chip: Here, we are.
Monica: Oh my God! You still have the Chipper!
Chip: The what?
Monica: That’s what we used to call your ah, your motorcycle in high school. Y'know how a motorcycle is a Chopper, and you’re Chip. Nevermind.
Chip: No, I think it’s cute. (kisses her)
Monica: Wow! A lipper from Chipper.
Chip: So you still in touch with anyone from high school?
Monica: Umm. Well, there’s Rachel, and umm, I think that’s it. How bout you?
Chip: Oh yeah, I still hang with Simmons and Zana, y'know. I see Spindler a lot. Devane, Kelly, and I run into Goldie from time to time. Steve Brown, Zuchoff, McGwire, J.T., Breadsly.
Monica: Is that all?
Chip: Ehh, y'know after high school, you just kinda lose touch. Oh yeah! I ran into Richard Dorfman.
Monica: Ohh, how is he?
Chip: Not so good, Simmons and I gave him a wedgie.
Monica: Isn’t he an architect now?
Chip: Yeah, they still wear underwear.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming home. As we walks through the door, and without looking up, he goes to throw his keys on the foosball table, only, it’s gone and the keys it the floor. He then looks up at an empty apartment; everything is gone except for the entertainment center and that ceramic dog. Even the food in the fridge!]
Chandler: OH MY GOD!!!
Joey: (still trapped in the entertainment center) WHAT?!!
Chandler: Are you all right?!
Joey: Yeah...
Chandler: (lets him out) What happened?!!
Joey: (getting out) Awww, man! He promised he wouldn’t take the chairs!!
Chandler: What the hell happened?!! How were you locked in?!! And where the hell is all of our stuff?!!
Joey: Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didn’t think big enough to fit a grown man!
Chandler: So--You got in voluntarily?!
Joey: I was tryin’ to make a sale!! Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what I’m gonna do?
Chandler: BEND OVER?!!!
[Scene: Dot’s Spot, Chip and Monica are on there date, eating dinner. Chip is telling a story.]
Chip: ...and then Zana, just let one rip!! (laughs histerically)
Monica: Look, not that I enjoy talking about people who I went to high school with, ‘cause I do, but umm, maybe we could talk about something else? Like you, I don’t even know where you work?
Chip: You know where I work!
Monica: I do?
Chip: The movie theatre, you used to come in all the time.
Monica: You still work at the multiplex?
Chip: Oh, like I’d give up that job! Free popcorn and candy, anytime I want. I can get you free posters for your room.
Monica: Thanks, I’m set. Do you still live with your parents?
Chip: Oh yeah, but I can stay out as late as I want.
(Monica takes a big swig of her martini.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rachel, Phoebe, and Julio are consoling Joey and Chandler.]
Rachel: Wow! They really got you guys. Your T.V. The chairs.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, your microwave. The stereo.
Joey: (looking through a deck of cards) Aww, man, he took the five of spades!! Oh, no-no-no, here it is!
Monica: (entering) Oh my God! What happened?
Chandler: Oh, umm, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed!!
Rachel: (to Monica) So, how was your date?
Monica: Well, y'know how I always wanted to go out with Chip Matthews in high school?
Rachel: Um-hmm.
Monica: Well, tonight, I actually went out with Chip Matthews in high school.
Rachel: Oh honey, I’m sorry.
Monica: No, it’s okay, not only did I get to go out with Chip Matthews, I got to dump Chip Matthews.
Rachel: Ohh! That’s so great!
Monica: I know!
Ross: (entering) Hey! So ah, what did the insurance company say?
Chandler: Oh, they said uh, “You don’t have insurance here, so stop calling us.”
Ross: (seeing Phoebe still with cat) You didn’t tell her?! (They all kinda shy away.) Okay, fine! Pheebs?
Phoebe: Yeah? (sees Ross) Hi!
Ross: Hi! Listen uhh, this cat belongs to a little girl. There are flyers all over the place.
Rachel: I’m sorry, sweetie. (shows her the flyer)
Monica: Hey, we can take her back with you if you want.
Phoebe: Ohh. Um-hmm. But y'know, she choose to find me. I mean, I have to respect her decision. Right?
Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel: That’s a good call. Right.
Ross: No! No! Look--Hey, enough is enough! Look, I am sorry that you feel guilty or whatever about spending time with your new mom, but this is not your old mom. This is a cat! Okay, Julio the cat! Not mom! Cat!
Phoebe: (she turns around and puts the cat on the entertainment center) Ross, how many parents have you lost?
Ross: None.
Phoebe: Okay, then you don’t know what it feels like when one of them comes back. Do you? I believe this is my Mother. Even if I’m wrong, who cares? Just be a friend. Okay? Be supportive.
Ross: I’m sorry.
Phoebe: Okay.
Ross: I don’t know what to say.
Rachel: You could.... say you’re sorry to her mom.
Phoebe: I think she would like that.
Ross: (goes over to Julio) Come here, here, come here, come here, (pause) Mrs. Buffay. Sorry, about what I said, umm, it was, it was insensitive of me to say that you were just a cat. When clearly you are also the reincarnated spirit, of my friend’s mother.
Phoebe: Thank you. We both forgive you.
Rachel: So honey, what are you gonna do about the little girl?
Phoebe: Yeah, okay, listen, umm, Mom, I hope you know you still mean a lot to me. And you’re welcome to come back anytime.
Chandler: Pheebs, if she could come back as a couch, we’d really appreciate it. (Joey nods in agreement)
Phoebe: Come on, Mom, I’ll take you home.
Rachel: I’ll go with you.
Monica: Me too. (they all leave)
Ross: Oh! Y'know, I’ve got an extra futon.
Joey: Dude, you don’t have to brag! We got nothing here!!
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler have trading the entertainment center for the canoe. Joey is sitting in the bow, staring off into space as to envision his future full of possibilities. Chandler is sitting at the stern, staring into space and is looking at an uncertain future.]
END

402 转世灵猫

哇～～撕破了！
撕的真不错
我告诉你多少次了！
侧身、划步！知道吗，侧身然后划步
你不必侧身加划步，你要扔它出去！
我已经厌倦了
每次穿衣服都得打破伤风针！
我们不会把它扔出去的
它是我自己做的！
那么，不如..不如我们把它卖了吧
好吧..不过我们得告诉它们
你们介意搬到其它的橱柜吗？
看来它们没问题！
你好，莫尼卡！我是切普
好啊～
切普是谁？
嘘～～
真高兴今天在银行重遇到你
我的电话是555-9323，联系我
是切普.马休斯
那个带瑞秋去舞会的男人？
他为什么打电话找你？
因为我在银行里撞上他了
他依然很可爱
莫尼卡，你真幸运
在学校里他是最受欢迎的！
我知道～！！
切普？是我，莫尼卡
好..
好的..
好的，再见
天！我们刚刚进行了一次最好的谈话
我要走了
好！
我要阅读一份生产报告
好像有8页，希望我不要睡着
为啥？你写的么？
呀～看啊，切普.马休斯
打电话来过，他想怎样呢？
其实...
我打赌他感觉到我正准备
和其他男人“嘿咻”
那么，嗯..
不如你打个电话给他？
当然
你确定想听？
当然是啦
嗨！切普，我是瑞秋
瑞秋.格林
是的..
嗯，你留了个口信给我
对啊，我的室友留的
莫尼卡.盖勒
哦..
是的，没错
他打电话来约莫尼卡
真让人为难..
DUMB（哑巴）！
DRUNKEN（酒鬼）！
BITCH（婊子）！
谢谢大家
问个问题：你们在哪里找到
密西西比河东部最好的橡木？
首先你先告诉我们
哪里可以找到最漂亮的带子
我正在读你们的广告
看起来不错，嗯？
是啊
极好的娱乐中心，不错..
不错的意大利人手艺
你们要卖掉娱乐中心？
为什么？我喜欢那东西
你想要么？
不要
呃..
5,000美元？！你疯了？
嘿！这广告花了我300美元
那好，我把价钱降到50美元
或者你出更好的价？
那有什么利润？
亏你还说自己是会计师呢
我不是～
哦..你是做什么的？
真不敢相信你
不知道我是以何为生的
对啊,其实我也不知道
我也不知
跟数字有关的工作？
哦，天！不要！嘘！小猫！不！
不－不－不！嘘！过来！
过来，疯子
哦，老天！
怎么了？
没事，没事
怎么了？有什么不对劲的？
我只是..只是觉得这只猫是我的母亲
你的意思是你在蒙塔克
遇见的母亲是一只猫？
不..不是，她是位女士
这是我那自杀的妈妈Lily的灵魂
你确定她在猫里么
还是你又吃了你奶奶的药？
不是，Skeptismo博士！
我很确定
首先，那是感觉
还有，就是它走进我那镶了
橙色衬里的吉他盒子的事实
我母亲最喜欢的鱼是橙色Roughy...
猫..喜欢..鱼！
你好，妈妈
我已经17年没见到这样的笑容了
伙计，菲比的妈妈有一条好大的鸡...
别说了！
嘿！
嗯..你准备什么时候告诉我
你和切普出去的事？
现在...？
我可以和切普出去吗？
不～一点都不好
不敢相信在他那样对我后，你还想和他
就是舞会的那件小事？
莫尼卡！我找了他两个小时都找不到
那时他正在和埃米.韦尔奇“嘿咻”呢！
得了吧，那是高中时候的事了
你怎么还在为那事烦恼呢？
我意思是
为什么你们都想跟切普出去？
你和我上的是不同的学校
那对我没有帮助
因为我们上的是同一所学校
你在学校里受欢迎
你可以骑切普的摩托车
你可以穿他那件优秀运动员夹克
我就只能穿特别制造的乐队制服
那是特别制造的吗？
那是家政课专门制作的
哦，天！他们告诉我那是给吉祥物的
所以说，在那时
我是绝对没有机会和切普约会的
现在，他找我并约我出去
而且我身体里的胖妞确实很想去
我欠她的，我没满足过她
你去吧
真的吗？
当然，只是，如果可能，你能把他扔下
然后去和其他男人“嘿咻”吗？
我会试试的
你们处理了娱乐中心没有？
昨晚有两个电话打来
不过，我想他们不会得到的
是啊，乔伊很细心地做了抛光处理的
很显然，不是每个人都够资格
拥有木头和钉子
停下，停下！她不停地蠕动
想离开，就像她在生的时候
菲比，你妈妈准备和我们呆在一起多久
我不确定。我猜她会呆到习惯于
一个新母亲的事实
我想她会担心被取代
那不会发生吧？不会！
好了，我必须到其他房间去回个电话
为什么你不用这里的电话？
我要回的是
住在B-E-A-C-H(海滩)的妈妈的电话
我刚刚拼错了一个字
伙计们，是我疯了呢
还是菲比妈妈提醒别人是只猫？
罗斯，别说了
你..你们不会告诉我
你们真的相信..相信那猫里有个女人吧？
我相信
不是的
哦，是的
不，你不..我不会被你牵扯进去的
哦，我当然相信
因为你一向认为自己是对的
我才不...好吧，好吧
侏罗纪公园会有的
哇～真是太好了
太好了？
你必须原谅我的是室友
他想和这东西结婚呢
我们没有50美元
但你们愿意用我们的独木舟交换么？
我..我想我们真的不需要独木舟
你们必须要那独木舟
好吧，你们拿走这娱乐中心
然后回家，把那独木舟扔掉吧！
我们才不会扔掉它呢！
那是我自己做的！
你不错嘛～
伙计们，你们不会相信我刚才
在电话杆上发现的东西
看起来有点熟悉吗？
很显然菲比的妈妈也用过胡利奥这个名字
伙计们，那是个小女孩正在在找这只猫
我的意思是，你们知道这意味着什么吗？
那当然！200美元的报酬，分成5份！
我们必须告诉菲比吗？
是的，必须告诉她！
哦，但是那只猫使她这样高兴啊
小女孩丢失了她的猫
疯女人认为她妈妈在猫里
这样吧，我要去和我儿子吃晚饭
我应该相信你们会告诉她吗？
当然
谢谢！
我讨厌罗斯是对的时候！
他是对的，不是吗？
知道吗？我认为这次他错了
你认为？
哦，不～他是对的
嗨！
呃..菲比，关于你妈妈...
嗯？
发生什么事了？
真好..今天我妈妈在我肚子上睡觉
还打呼噜呢！
真温馨
我要去倒点咖啡
嗯？乔，你说什么？我这就过去
菲比...
我只是觉得，嗯......
好吧！我来啦！
还没好！没好！没好！没好！没好！...
你好，切普
嘿，瑞秋，你好吗？
我很好，很好！我有个很好的工作
还有一群很好的朋友
而且即使我现在没有见过任何人
我也从没感觉到那么好
那么，嗯..莫尼卡准备好了么？
她很快就出来
那么，切普，埃米.维尔奇..好么？
埃米.维尔奇？哇～
我没见过她了，自从...
嗯，莫尼卡准备好没？
朋友，这很适合你
坚固的结构，大量的储藏格
有些还能钻进一个人呢
什么？
没错！我自己就进去过一次
我的室友打赌5美元说我进不去
然后他拿了条木板穿在把手上，把我锁在里面
是的，我觉得很有趣
直到我开始觉得自己像在棺材里
不，你不可能进得去，那不够深
是吗？如果我不行的话
我就以5美元把它卖给你
那好，那是你说的
怎样？我就说嘛～
我经常进来..嘿！5分钱！
我们到了
喔，天！你还保留“Chipper”
什么东西？
在学校的时候，我们经常这样称呼你..
你的摩托车
你知道，摩托车叫“Chopper”
而你是“Chip”..别介意
不，我觉得挺有趣的
喔～来自“Chipper”的唇
那么，你和高中的同学还有联系么？
嗯..有瑞秋，还有..嗯
就这么多了，你呢？
哦，我跟西蒙和冼娜还有联系
我还经常见Spindler.. Devane、 Kelly
还有我常常去找Goldie，Steve Brown、choff
McGwire、J.T..Breadsly.
就那么多？
呃..自从高中后，你就失去联系了
哦，对了，我正去找Richard Dorfman.
哦～他好么？
不太好，西蒙和我给了他一双坡跟鞋
他现在不是个建筑师吗？
是啊，他们依然穿内衣
哦，我的天啊！！
什么？！
你还好吗？
当然..
发生什么事了？
啊，混蛋！他答应我不拿走椅子的！
到底发生了什么事？你怎么被锁进去的？
我们的东西都到哪去了？！
这样的，有个男的来看组合柜
而他不相信这能装下一个成年男人！
所以..你就自动钻了进去？！
我是在尝试把它卖出去的！
如果让我再撞到那个男人，你猜我会怎样？
屈服于他？！
...然后冼娜，就裂了道口！！
其实，我对谈论高中同学不太感兴趣
嗯..也许我们能谈点别的东西
比如说你，我甚至不知道你在哪工作呢！
你知道我在哪工作的
我知道么？
那间电影院，你过去经常去的
你还是在打散工？
哦，好像我就应该放弃那份工作？
我可以随时得到免费的爆米花和糖果
我可以给你免费的海报
谢谢，我有了
你仍然和你父母一起住吗？
是啊，不过我可以在外面呆到多晚都行
哇～～他们收获真的大，电视、椅子..
还有微波炉、音响
啊，天！他还拿走了黑桃5！
啊，没有，它还在！
天啊！发生了什么事？
嗯..乔伊出生了，然后28年后
我被打劫了！！
那么，你的约会又怎样？
嗯，你知道在高中时
我是多么渴望和切普约会的？
哦..
今晚，我真的和高中的切普.马休斯约会了
哦，亲爱的，我很难过
不，挺好的。这次我不但可以和切普约会
我还甩了他
啊！那太好了！！
我知道！！
保险公司怎么说？
哦，他们说：你们这里没有买保险
然后就不再打电话给我们了
你们没告诉她？！
那么好！
菲比
YEAH？嗨～
听着，嗯..这只猫是属于一个小女孩的..
我很抱歉，亲爱的
我们可以在你想的时候把她带回来
哦，嗯..可是，她选择了来找我
我的意思是，我必须尊重她的决定吧？
说得对
没错
不！不！看！
我很难过你觉得和你新妈妈在一起感到内疚
但这不是你的妈妈
这是一只猫！知道么，不是妈妈！猫！
罗斯，你的父母死了几个？
没有
这么说，你并不清楚他们
中的一个回来了是什么样的感觉咯，对不？
我相信这是我妈妈，即使我错了
谁会在乎？做朋友嘛，好吗？
支持一下
对不起
没事
我不知道该说什么
你可以..对她妈妈说“对不起”
我相信她会喜欢的
来这里，这里，来啊，来啊
Buffay夫人.
我对我说的话感到抱歉
嗯，是的
说你是只猫，我可是一点感觉都没有
而且很明显的，你是我朋友母亲的转生
谢谢，我们都原谅你了
那么，你准备怎样对待那个小姑娘？
对了，听着，嗯...妈妈
我希望你知道你对于我还是很重要的
欢迎你随时回来
菲比，如果她回来时是张睡椅
那会更好的
来吧，妈妈，我带你回家
我和你一起去
我也去

回复引用

顶端

77恋兰

ZxID：11247485

23212鲜花 10鸡蛋

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 70楼发表于: 2014-03-21 0

403 The One With The ‘Cuffs

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in the canoe as Joey runs through the door carrying an outdoor patio table.]
Joey: Hey!! We are so in luck! Treeger said that we could have all this cool stuff from the basement. Wait right there. (Goes back into the hall)
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, I’m, I’m paddling away!
Joey: (Returning carrying a couple of rusted lawn chairs) Huh?!
Chandler: Wow! Really?! We get all this rusty crap for free?!
Joey: Uh-huh. This and a bunch of bubble wrap. And, some of it is not even popped!
(They both sit down at the table and the chick and the duck enter from Joey’s bedroom.)
Chandler: Could we be more white trash?
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]
Monica: (Entering from her bedroom) How desperate am I?
Rachel: Oh! Good thing Chandler’s not here, he always wins at this game.
Monica: I just told my Mom I’d cater a party for her.
Phoebe: How come?
Monica: Because I need the money, and I thought that it’d be a great way to get rid of that last little schmidgen of self-respect.
Ross: Come on, I think this is a good thing. I don’t think Mom would’ve hired you if she didn’t think you were good at what you do.
Monica: You don’t have to stick up for her. She can’t here you.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading the paper and Chandler is getting ready for work.]
Rachel: (entering) Hey! Umm, do you guys have any juice?
Joey: Just pickle.
Chandler: Hey uh, Rach, funny story. I ah, bumped into Joanna on the street yesterday.
Rachel: My boss, Joanna? Wow, that must’ve been awkward.
Chandler: Well, no, actually she uh, asked me if I wanted to get a drink.
Rachel: (laughs) You ah, you didn’t say ‘Yes’ to that did you?
Chandler: (laughs) No. No!
Joanna: (Coming out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel) Hello, Rachel. (She goes into Chandler’s bedroom)
Chandler: Well, not at first.
Rachel: What is she doing here?
(Joey makes a sound like a creaking bed.)
Rachel: I don’t understand! Last time you went out with her you said she was a ‘big, dull dud.’
Chandler: Well, I think I judged her too quickly, and this time we were able to take the relationship to the next level.
(Joey creaks louder)
Rachel: Well, last time I almost got fired. You must end it, you must end it now!
Chandler: Oh, come on! It’s not like this is an everyday occurrence for me! I mean usually I’m pretty much just in there by myself.
(Joey makes a sound imitating one person making a bed creak and Chandler turns and glares at him.)
Rachel: Chandler!! (He turns around quickly) Promise me, you will end it.
Chandler: Okay, I promise, I’ll end it.
Rachel: Thank you.
Chandler: I hope you know what I’m giving up for ya, because she’s not just the boss in your office, if you know what I mean.
Joey: Yeah-eh-eah! (Rachel glares at him) Oh-oh, sorry, I-I knew what he meant.
[Scene: The Geller household kitchen, Monica and Phoebe are cooking for Mrs. Geller’s party.]
Mrs. Geller: (entering) How’s the hired help?
Monica: Doing great, the quiches are coming along.
Mrs. Geller: What’s this? Blue nail polish?
Monica: Yeah, I thought it was cute.
Mrs. Geller: Ahh, that’s what your Grandmother’s hands looked like when we found her.
Monica: Let me ask you a question.
Mrs. Geller: Hmm.
Monica: Why did you hire me?
Mrs. Geller: Oh, well Richard raved about the food at his party, of course you were sleeping with him. Then I heard the food at that lesbian wedding was very nice, I assume you weren’t sleeping with anybody there. Though, at least that would be something. (Leaves)
Monica: (to Phoebe) Oh my God! Did you hear that? She hired me because she thinks I’m good.
Phoebe: Okay, I didn’t hear that.
Monica: Oh yeah, she didn’t hire me out of pity, it wasn’t so she could pick on me in front of her friends, she actually thinks I’m good.
Phoebe: Wow! And hey, it’s cool if you’re a lesbian! (Gives her a thumbs up)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is scrapping gum off the table as there is a knock on the door. He goes over and opens it.]
The Salesman: (Entering before Joey can say anything) Good afternoon, are you the decision maker of the house?
Joey: Uhhhh. (He’s not sure)
The Salesman: Do you ah, currently own a set of encyclopedias?
Joey: No! No. But ah, try the classifieds, people sell everything in there.
The Salesman: Actually, I’m not buying. I’m selling. Let me ask you one question. Do your friends ever have a conversation and you just nod along even though you’re not really sure what they’re talking about?
(We go into a flashback sequence with Joey remembering some of those times.)
[Cut to Monica and Rachel’s apartment, all are there.]
Ross: …I’m telling you it’s totally unconstituional.
Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Rachel: Oh yeah, I totally agree.
(Joey just nods his head.)
[Cut to Central Perk, the entire gang is there.]
Monica: …I think he deserves a Nobel Prize. (Joey starts to nod ‘Yes.’)
All: Nooo!! (Joey quickly stops nodding his head.)
[Cut to Monica and Rachel’s, they’re all there playing cards.]
Chandler: …it was like the Algonquin kids table. (They all laugh, but Joey only laughs not to be left out.)
[Cut back to the present day.]
The Salesman: (Interrupting the flashback) Excuse me, I’m sorry, you haven’t said anything for about two and a half minutes, are you at all interested?
Joey: Yeah-well-yeah! Yeah-oh-yeah. Come on in.
[Scene: The Geller’s Kitchen, Monica and Phoebe are still cooking.]
Phoebe: That’s weird.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Your nails.
Monica: Oh, I know, I never wear fake ones. I just did it so my Mom wouldn’t give me grief about me biting them.
Phoebe: Oh, no, I meant that it’s weird that you only have nine now.
Monica: (Looks at her nails) Oh my God. Wait a minute, I had them put… (realises) Oh my God! It’s in the quiche! Oh My God!
Phoebe: Okay, don’t panic. I’m gonna go to the store, I’m gonna get you another set of nails, no one’s gonna know, and you’re gonna look great. (She runs over to get her coat.) Oh! Oh, it’s ‘cause they’re gonna eat—that’s the problem.
Mrs. Geller: (entering) (to Monica) Honey, don’t bite your nails.
Monica: Okay ah, please don’t freak out. Umm, but ah, there’s a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups, and there’s no way to know which one.
Phoebe: And! Whoever finds it wins the prize!
Mrs. Geller: (laughs) I’m not freaking out.
Monica: Then why are you laughing?
Mrs. Geller: It’s nothing, it’s just that now your Father owes me five dollars.
Monica: What? You bet I’d lose a nail?
Mrs. Geller: Oh no, don’t be silly. I just bet I’d need these. (Opens the freezer to reveal…)
Monica: Frozen lasagnas?
Mrs. Geller: Um-hmm.
Monica: You bet that I’d screw up?! So all that stuff about hiring me because I was good was…
Mrs. Geller: No-no-no, that was all true. This was just in case you pulled a Monica.
Monica: You promised Dr. Weinburg, you’d never use that phrase.
Mrs. Geller: Oh honey, come on, have a sense of humour, you’ve never been able to laugh at yourself.
Monica: (laughs) That’s right. My Mom doesn’t have any faith in me! Oh, that’s hilarious! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Phoebe: I don’t get it.
Mrs. Geller: No, I have faith…
Monica: (interrupting) No! You have lasagnas! (Storms out and an awkward silence follows.)
Oven: Ding!
Phoebe: Op, the ruined quiches are ready.
[Scene: Joanna’s office, Joanna and Chandler are making out on her chair. Chandler isn’t wearing any pants.]
Chandler: It just doesn’t…feel like we’re breaking up.
Joanna: No, we are. I’m sad.
Chandler: Okay.
(They start kissing again, but are interrupted by the phone.
Joanna: (answering the phone) Yes. (listens) Uh, can’t you wait until tomorrow? (listens) All right. (hangs up) Unbelievable!!
Chandler: Thanks.
Joanna: No, no, that was my boss. I have to go.
Chandler: Okay. (Starts to button up his shirt)
Joanna: What are you doing?
Chandler: I’m getting dressed.
Joanna: Why?
Chandler: When I walk outside naked people throw garbage at me.
Joanna: Wait. I wanna show you something.
Chandler: What is it?
Joanna: Just a little gag gift somebody gave me. (She’s holding a pair of handcuffs) Put your hands together.
Chandler: Ah-ha, you’re not the boss of me. (She kisses him) Yeah, you are! (She handcuffs him to the chair) Ooh, saucy.
Joanna: (kisses him) I’ll be back in ten minutes. (Starts to leave)
Chandler: You are, you’re gonna leave me like this?
Joanna: Knowing you’re here, waiting for me I think it’s kinda exciting.
Chandler: Okay. But if you don’t come back soon, (She leaves and closes the door) there’s pretty much nothing I can do about it!
[Cut to Joanna’s outer office, where Rachel and Sophie work. They are both coming back from lunch.]
Joanna: (locking her door) Oh.
Sophie: Hi! I brought you back a macaroon!
Joanna: Oh great! I’ll keep it in my butt with your nose. (She grabs the cookie and walks out.)
Rachel: That’s weird, she locked the door.
Sophie: Y’know why? She’s got the Christmas bonus list in there. I saw her working on it this morning.
Rachel: Okay, swear you won’t tell, but when Mark left he gave me a key to Joanna’s office. Do you wanna see the list?
Sophie: Yeah!
(Rachel unlocks and opens the door to reveal a half-naked Chandler handcuffed to the chair. They both gasp and Chandler stares at them in shock and surprise.)
Chandler: Hi! (to Sophie) How are you?
(Rachel and Sophie both back out and close the door without saying anything.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Joanna’s office, Chandler, still handcuffed to the chair, is looking through the lingerie catalogue by turning the pages with his teeth. The phone rings and Chandler answers it with his nose.]
Chandler: Hello, Joanna…(Realises he doesn’t know her last name)…’s office.
Joanna: (on speaker phone) I’m really sorry but I may be a little while longer.
Chandler: How little?!
Joanna: A couple of hours, I feel awful.
Chandler: Look, this isn’t funny! You get back here right now!
Joanna: I can’t!!
Chandler: Why not?!
Joanna: I’m in my boss’s car!
Chandler: What?!
Joanna: Uh-oh, tunnel. (The phone gets cut off)
(Chandler gets an idea)
[Cut to Rachel’s office as her intercom buzzes.]
Rachel: (answering it) (angrily) What?!
Chandler: (in a serious, businesslike tone) Rachel, could I see you for a moment?
(Rachel goes into talk to Chandler.)
Chandler: Okay, here’s the situation. The keys to the cuffs are on the back of the door. Could you be a doll and grab them and scoot on over and unlock me? And on a totally different subject, that is a lovely pantsuit.
Rachel: You promised you would break up with her!
Chandler: I did break up with her! She just took it really, really well!
Rachel: And the fact that you were jeopardising my career never entered your mind?!
Chandler: It did enter my mind! But then something happened that made it, shoot right out.
Rachel: Y'know what Chandler, you got yourself into those cuffs, you get yourself out of them.
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no-no-no!! I can’t get myself right out of them! You must have me confused with the Amazing Chandler!! Come on, you have to unlock me, she could be gone for hours, and I’m cold, and (Stops and looks up the skirt on a statue behind Joanna’s desk.)
Rachel: Oh, Chandler!! All right, this is it! (Grabs the key) You never see Joanna again!
Chandler: Never!
Rachel: You never come into this office again!
Chandler: Fine!
Rachel: You give me back my Walkman!
Chandler: I—never borrowed your Walkman.
Rachel: Well, then I lost it. You buy me one!
Chandler: You got it! Here we go! Come on! This is great! (Rachel goes over and unlocks the handcuffs) Ahhh! (He starts rubbing his wrist)
Rachel: Does it hurt?
Chandler: No, I just always see guys doing this when they get handcuffs taken off them. (He runs over to where his pants are hanging) Hello sweet pants!
Rachel: Wait a minute! What are you gonna tell Joanna?
Chandler: About what?
Rachel: When she sees that you’re gone, she’s gonna know that I let you out, and that I was in here, and I’m gonna get fired!
Chandler: I’ll make something up! I’m good at lying, I actually did borrow your Walkman!
Rachel: No, there’s nothing to make up, she’s gonna know that I have a key to her office, I’ve got to get you locked up back the way you were! (She tries to drag him over to the chair, but Chandler stops her.)
Chandler: Oh-ho-ho, I don’t think so!
(He starts to put his pants on, but Rachel manages to drag him to the chair. When they get to the chair, Chandler drops his pants and knocks the chair away. Rachel then backs him up and locks him to the top drawer of a filing cabinet.)
Chandler: Well, this is much better.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, The salesman is trying to sell Joey the encyclopedias.]
The Salesman: So, here’s somebody interesting, Joey. What do you know about Van Gogh?
Joey: He cut off his ear.
The Salesman: And?
Joey: I’m out.
The Salesman: He painted that. (Points to one of his paintings in the book)
Joey: Wow! That’s pretty nice. I thought he cut off his ear ‘cause he sucked. What else you got in there?
The Salesman: Let’s see, ahhh… Where does the Pope live?
Joey: In the woods. No wait-wait, that’s the joke answer.
The Salesman: Actually its, Vatican City. Now ahh, what do you know about vulcanised rubber?
Joey: Spock’s birth control.
The Salesman: (laughs) You need these books.
[Scene: Monica’s childhood bedroom (which has been turned into a gym), Monica is lying on the treadmill as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Hi.
Phoebe: This used to be your room? (She nods ‘Yes’) Wow! You must’ve been in really good shape as a kid.
Monica: Ohh, I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I actually thought she could change.
Phoebe: Well, who cares what your Mom thinks? So you pulled a Monica.
Monica: Oh good, I’m glad that’s catching on.
Phoebe: No but, why does that have to be a bad thing. Just change what it means. Y'know? Go down there and prove your Mother wrong. Finish the job you were hired to do, and we’ll call that pulling a Monica.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Okay, umm, if a kid gets straight A’s, his parents would say, "Yeah, he pulled a Monica." Y'know? Or a fireman saves a baby, and they go, "Yeah I know, he pulled a Monica." Or someone hits a homerun and the announcer says, "Yeah, that one’s outta here." Though some things don’t change.
Monica: (getting up) All right, I’ll go down there. But, I’m not gonna serve the lasagna. I’m gonna serve something I make.
(She exits and Phoebe goes over and sits down at the machine that works your shoulders and tries to do one, which she does, easily.)
Phoebe: Wow! My breasts are really strong. (She goes and joins Monica.)
[Scene: Joanna’s office, Rachel and Chandler are having a little tug-of-war with his pants.]
Rachel: Chandler! Chandler, please, I have to get you locked up back the way you were, I am sooo gonna lose my job, she’s very private about her office. Now I know why.
Chandler: Hey, look, you’re in trouble either way! Okay? If she comes back and sees me locked to this instead of the chair, she’s gonna know you were in here. So you might as well just let me go.
Rachel: What if I clean your bathroom for a month?
Chandler: It still wouldn’t be clean. (Rachel makes an ‘Eww, disgusting!’ face) All I want is my freedom.
Rachel: Foot rubs for a month!
Chandler: Freedom!
Rachel: I’ll take all of your photos and put them into photo albums!
Chandler: Freedom! I want my freedom! Why won’t you here me?! (Opens the door) Sophie, help me! Help me!! (Sophie stands up)
Rachel: Sophie sit!!
(She closes the door and puts his tie into his mouth as a gag.)
Rachel: No! God, would you just calm down!
(Chandler screams a little bit, then realises that he can spit out his gag. He does so with a ‘Pouff!’)
Chandler: I’m gonna say this for the last time. Would you please just… (He moves his arm which opens the drawer and hits in the back of the head, which proves his point.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is now reading the ‘V’ book, with the salesman watching.]
Joey: Wow! There’s a lot I didn’t know about vomit. (The duck comes to the door of the bathroom, quacking.) (To the duck) In a minute. (The duck goes back into the bathroom.)
The Salesman: So, what do you say, Joey? You get the whole set of encyclopedias for twelve hundred dollars, which works out to just 50 bucks a book!
Joey: Twelve hundred dollars? You think I have $1200? I’m home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess there’s a few things you don’t get from book learnin’.
The Salesman: Well ah, what can you swing?
Joey: How about zero down and zero a month for a long, long time?
The Salesman: You don’t have, anything?
Joey: You wanna see what I got? (He gets up to empty out his pockets) Okay? I’ve got a baby Tootsie Roll, a movie stub, keys, a Kleenex, a rock, and an army man. Hey!
The Salesman: Okay, I-I get the picture. Uh, thanks, for your time. (Starts to leave)
Joey: And a 50. (The salesman stops suddenly) Huh, these must be Chandler’s pants.
The Salesman: For 50 bucks, you can get one book! What will it be? A? B? C?
Joey: Oh, I-I think I’m gonna stick with the V, I wanna see how this bad boy turns out.
[Scene: Joanna’s office, Rachel and Chandler are still negotiating.]
Rachel: I ah, will buy and wrap all of your Christmas gifts.
Chandler: No!
Rachel: I ah… Oh! I’ll squeeze you fresh orange juice every morning!
Chandler: With extra pulp?
Rachel: (happily) Yeah!!
Chandler: No!
Rachel: D’oh!! (pause) I’ve got it!
Chandler: You don’t have it.
Rachel: I have so got it. There’s gonna be rumours about this, there’s no way to stop it. Sophie knows, Monica and Phoebe know.
Chandler: How do Monica and Phoebe know?
Rachel: Oh, I called them. And when they ask me what I saw, I can be very generous (Holds her hands far apart) or very (In a high pitched voice) stingy.
Chandler: (intrigued) Go on.
Rachel: I can make you a legend. I can make you this generation’s Milton Berle.
Chandler: And Milton Berle has a…
Rachel: Ohh, not compared to you. (Chandler nods in agreement)
[Scene: The Geller’s kitchen, Phoebe is bringing in some dirty dishes.]
Monica: Well?
Phoebe: They’re not even touching the lasagna!
Monica: Really?!
Phoebe: Oh, they love your casserole.
Monica: Yes!!
Phoebe: It’s hard to believe that just a little while ago this was nothing but ingredients.
Mrs. Geller: (entering) Well, everyone seems to be enjoying your dish.
Monica: And you?
Mrs. Geller: I thought it was… quite tasty.
Monica: So if everyone liked it, and you liked it, that would make this a success. Which would make you…
Mrs. Geller: (interrupting) A bitch?
Monica: Well, I was going for wrong, but we can use your word.
Mrs. Geller: Yes, well I was wrong, and I have to say you really impressed me today.
Monica: Wow!
Phoebe: Umm, you might even say that she pulled a Monica. (They both look at her) (to Monica) She doesn’t know we switched it. (Monica nods her head ‘No.’)
Mrs. Geller: And the next time you cater for me, there will be nothing but ice in the freezer. (She starts to bite her nails)
Monica: That really means a lot. Oh, and Mom, don’t bite your nails.
[Scene: Central Perk, all except Chandler, are there.]
Chandler: (hello) Hello.
Joey, Rachel, and Ross: Hey!
Monica: (in a sexy voice) Hello, Chandler. (Phoebe has a huge smile on her face.)
Chandler: (to Rachel) I love you. (Kisses her on the forehead)
Joey: Wh-what’s going on?
Phoebe: Oh.
(She motions for them to come closer, they lean in and she whispers what Rachel told her. The guys both lean back laughing.]
Joey: No he doesn’t!
Chandler: (checks his watch) Two hours, that lasted!
Rachel: So did you break up with Joanna?
Chandler: I think so.
Joey: Well, it’s good thing you got out when you did, before she blew up like that Vesuvius.
Ross: The volcano?
Joey: Yeah. And speaking of volcanoes, man are they a violent igneous rock formation.
Rachel: What?!
Joey: Oh yeah, lava spewing, hot ash, of course some are dormant.
Monica: Why are you talking about volcanoes all of the sudden?
Joey: Well, we can talk about something else. What do you want to talk about? Vivisection? The Vasdeferens? The Vietnam War?
Monica: Oh! Did anybody see that-that documentary on the Korean War? (Joey is pissed)
All: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Phoebe: Oh God, Korea is such a beautiful country.
Ross: With such a sad history.
Chandler: Could there be more Kims?
(They all laugh and Joey joins them, not to be left out. When the laughing dies down, he has a depressed look on his face.)
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Rachel’s office, Rachel is coming in for the day.]
Joanna: (from her office) Who’s out there?
Rachel: It’s me! Good morning!
Joanna: Rachel, could you come in here for a moment, please?
Rachel: Yeah, sure. Umm, they didn’t have poppy seed bagels, so I… (Enters Joanna’s office and sees her handcuffed to her chair wearing nothing but a slip) Oh my word!
Joanna: I seem to have had a slight office mishap. Could you please get the key off the back of the door for me.
Rachel: Oh, yeah! Yeah!
(She goes back and forth, not sure what to do first, put the bagel down or grab the key. She finally puts the bagel down and grabs the key and goes over to unlock Joanna.)
Joanna: You tell your friend Chandler that we’re definately broken up this time.
Rachel: Okay.
END

403 手铐游戏

被铐住的人
嘿!! 看我们运气多好! 特雷盖说
地下室的东西我们随便拿.
等一下.
噢,不-不-不,我要划向远方!
哈?!
我们真的要这些生锈的废物?!免费拿？
还有些爆竹呢，没点过的
我们真算得白人垃圾
我很绝望吗?
幸好钱德不在这儿, 他总是最绝望的
我刚刚告诉我妈
我要帮她的晚会准备食物.
为什么要这样做?
因为我需要钱,
而且我那点仅存的自尊不要也罢
这是一件好事.
老妈若不是觉得你厨艺精湛
才不会雇你呢
你犯不着替她说好话，她又听不见
嘿! 你有水果汁吗?
只有泡菜.
很有趣. 昨天我在街上碰见乔安娜了.
我的老板, 乔安娜? 喔, 很惨吧
不, 实际上, 她只是问我是否想一起喝一杯.
你没答应她吧?
没有
嘿, 瑞秋.
起初我没答应
她在这里做什么?
我不能理解!
上次你跟她约会以后
还说她是个'反应迟钝的笨女人'
好吧, 我过早对她下结论了
现在我跟她可以做进一步的发展
上次我差点被开除. 你必须跟她绝交,立刻！
得了吧！我又不是天天有艳遇！
通常我都是独处的
钱德!!
答应我, 跟她断交.
好吧, 我答应.
谢谢.
希望你知道，我为了你牺牲巨大
她可不光是你的老板而已,
了解我的意思吧.
耶!
抱歉, 我只是了解他的意思.
大厨进展如何?
非常好, 乳蛋饼已经快好了.
这是什么? 蓝色指甲油?
我认为它很可爱.
我们发现你祖母时，她的手就这样.
我想问你一个问题.
嗯.
为什么你要雇我?
理查德办晚会那次，说你的食物非常棒,
当然那时你和他睡过.
而且我听说在那个女同性恋的婚礼上
你的食物也大受欢迎,
我假定你没和那里的什么人睡过.
所以我认为你可能有两把刷子
天啊! 你听到了吗?
她雇我是因为，她认为我很优秀.
我倒没听见.
她不是可怜我才雇我的,
也不是她想在她的朋友前挑剔我,
而是她真的认为我很优秀.
喔! 如果你是个同性恋就太酷了!
下午好, 你是一家之主吗？
啊~
你有大百科全书吗?
没有! 你可以查查分类广告，卖什么的都有。
实际上我不想买书, 我是来卖书的.
我想问你一个问题.
朋友们聊天的时候，你是否经常频频点头
却不太明白他们在说什么?
我告诉你这是违反宪法的.
没错, 我完全同意.
我认为他应获诺贝尔奖.
不!!
这就像阿尔冈琴族的小孩儿桌一样.
对不起, 这两分半钟你什么也没有说,
你有兴趣吗?
耶! 耶. 进来.
这很神秘.
什么?
你的指甲.
我知道, 我从不戴假指甲的.
这次是为了不让我妈抱怨我咬指甲。
不, 我的意思是现在你只戴着九个.
天啊. 等一下, 刚才还是十个
天啊! 它在乳蛋饼里! 天啊!
别慌. 我现在就去商店, 我将给你带回一套新的,
神不知鬼不觉, 你看起来依旧完美.
哦! 但是他们会吃掉它的, 这才是问题.
亲爱的, 不要咬你的指甲.
好吧, 别惊慌
有个乳蛋饼杯里有只我的蓝指甲
谁都不知道是哪一个杯子
发现指甲就可以赢大奖!
我没惊慌
那你为什么笑?
没什么, 这样你父亲输给我5美元.
什么? 你打赌我会掉一个指甲吗?
别傻了. 我打赌我会需要这些
冰冻宽面条?
嗯.
你笃信我会搞砸？
“你雇我是因为我很优秀”都是假的咯...
不-不-不, 那是真的.准备备用食物
只是怕你又“很莫尼卡”.
你答应过外恩博格教授, 你不再使用这个词了.
亲爱的, 来吧, 幽默一点,
你从未有自嘲的风度.
没错.
我妈从没信任过我!
好好笑! 哈-哈-哈-哈.
我不觉得好笑.
不, 我信任你...
不! 你只是有烤宽面条!
(铃响)!
报废的乳蛋饼烤好了.
怎么没有分手的感觉.
我们的确分手了. 我很忧伤.
好吧.
是的.
不能等到明天吗?
好吧.
难以置信!!
谢谢.
不, 不, 是我的老板. 我不得不走.
好.
你做什么?
我穿衣服
为什么?
如果我光溜溜走出去，
会有人朝我扔垃圾.
等一下. 我想给你看些东西.
是什么?
别人给我的一个让人兴奋的小礼物.
把手并拢
啊哈,
你不是我的老板.
你是!
好调皮.
10分钟后我就回来.
你就这样离开我?
你就乖乖地坐在这里等我,
这真让人有些兴奋.
好吧. 但是如果你不能马上回来,
我可也无计可施!
哦.
嘿! 我给你带了蛋白杏仁饼干!
太好了! 这样我就可以用它
撞你的鼻子了.
奇怪, 她竟然锁门.
你知道为什么吗?
圣诞节的奖金清单就在里面.
我早晨看见她在写
好吧, 你发誓不告诉别人, 马克离开前
给了我一把乔安娜办公室的钥匙.
你想看清单吗?
耶!
嘿!
你好?
你好, 乔安娜......的办公室.
真的很抱歉
我可能要多呆一小会儿.
有多小?!
几个小时, 这太可怕了.
看, 这一点都不有趣! 你要马上回来!
我不能!!
为什么?!
我正在我老板的车里!
什么?!
噢, 进隧道了.
什么事?!
瑞秋, 我现在能见你一下吗?
可以, 现在的情况是...
手铐的钥匙在门的后面.
你可以乖乖把钥匙拿来给我开锁吗?
顺便说一下，你的长裤套装很可爱
你发誓你和她分手了!
我是和她分手了!
她只是感觉良好
事实上你已经使我的职业生涯面临危险,
难道你从未意识到吗?!
我已经意识到了!
但是情况有变，打开手铐.
你知道吗钱德, 你作茧自缚
你自己想办法脱身
不-不-不-不-不-不-不!! 我开不了手铐!
你当我有特异功能吗？
快点, 你必须帮我，她要好几个小时
后才能回来, 我很冷, 而且
哦, 钱德!! 好吧, 我帮你!
你不能再见乔安娜了!
不见!
你也不能再进她的办公室了!
不进!
你要把我的随身听还给我!
我 ... 从未借过你的随身听.
那是我搞丢了。你买一个给我!
成交! 我们现在就离开! 快! 这感觉太好了!
啊!
很疼?
不, 我经常看见人们大松一口气,
当他们的手铐被打开以后.
我可爱的裤子!
等一下! 你打算怎么跟乔安娜交代?
交代什么?
当她看见你不在了, 她就知道是我放你走的,
她就知道我进来过, 我会被炒鱿鱼的!
我会捏造一个故事! 我很擅长说谎,
实际上我借过你的随身听!
你无法自圆其说, 她会知道是我放你走的
我必须把你重新铐回去
哦-哦-哦, 这不行!
好吧, 这会好一点.
有趣儿的东西来了, 乔伊. 你知道梵高吗?
他割了自己的耳朵.
还有?
没了.
他画了这个.
喔! 画得真好.
我还认为他太蠢所以割掉自己耳朵.
书上还有什么?
哦... 教皇住在哪里?
森林里.
不, 等等, 这是笑话里的答案.
答案是梵蒂冈.
你知道加硫橡胶吗?
司迫克的节育器.
你需要这套书.
嘿!
嘿.
这里以前是你的闺房？
喔! 你童年时身材一定很好
哦, 我太白痴了.
无法相信，我竟然真以为她已经会转变
其实, 谁关心你妈妈怎么想? 你无非就是“很莫尼卡”.
很好, 我很高兴你也这么说
但是, 这不一定是贬义嘛
我们可以当它是褒义.
下楼去，证明你妈妈错了.
把你该干的活做好，
我们把那叫做“很莫尼卡”
什么?
好吧, 如果一个孩子得到了成绩优秀的A,
他的父母就会说, "耶, 他‘很莫尼卡’"
你知道? 或者一个消防队员救了一个孩子,
人们就会说"耶, 他‘很莫尼卡’"
或者当有人打了一个全垒打,广播员就说, "太棒了."
当然他还是没变说法
好吧, 我现在下去.
但是, 我可不想端烤宽面条.
我要端我做的食物出去
喔! 我的乳房还真强壮呢.
钱德! 我必须把你锁回去
我不能失去这份工作, 她的办公室是非常保密的.
现在我知道原因了.
反正你都会有麻烦，明白吗
如果她回来看见我被锁在这边，而不是椅子上
她就会知道你进来过. 所以你最好还是让我走.
我帮你打扫一个月浴室?
还不是脏的
我只是想要自由.
帮你脚底按摩一个月!
自由啊!
帮你把所有照片都收到相册里!
自由啊! 我只是想要自由啊!
为什么你不能帮我?!
索菲, 救我! 救我!!
索菲, 坐!!
不! 天啊, 你不能平静下来吗!
我只想说最后一遍.
你能...
喔! 想不到呕吐也有这么多学问
稍等.
怎么样, 乔伊?
你只要花$1200就可以得到一整套百科全书,
零售$50一本!
$1200?
你认为我会有$1200吗?
这些天我一直在家,
我的客厅里摆着庭院椅
你博览群书却没学到某些常识
好吧,你有什么?
分期付款卖给我如何？每月付零元？
你难道一无所有吗
想看看我有什么?
好?
巧克力软糖
一张电影票根
钥匙,
面巾纸,
石头,
还有个小兵人!
了解了, 谢谢你的时间.
还有$50.
喔, 这一定是钱德的裤子.
如果是$50的话你就能拥有一本书了! 你想要哪本? A? B? C?
V那本, 我想看看坏孩子是怎么回事
我帮你打点圣诞礼物.
不!
我... 哦! 我每天早晨给你榨鲜橙汁!
带水果肉的吗?
耶!!
不!
不!!
我想到了!
你才没辙呢
我胜券在握
将有谣言四起，无法平息
索菲知道，莫尼卡和菲比也知道.
莫尼卡和菲比怎么会知道?
哦, 我给她们打电话. 如果她们问我
看见了什么, 我会非常大方
或者守口如瓶
继续.
我可以让你成为一个传奇
我可以让你成为当今的“米尔顿伯乐（谐星）”
米尔顿可了不得...
他都无法同你媲美
他们碰到不碰宽面条了!
真的?!
哦, 他们喜欢你的砂锅菜.
太好了!!
很难相信，刚才还只有一些原材料
看来每个人都喜欢你的菜.
你呢?
我想它是... 十分可口.
每个人都喜欢, 你也喜欢,
那就代表我成功了.
那你就是个……
婊子?
我不是这意思, 但是我们可以用你的词.
我错了, 我必须告诉你今天
你给我留下了非常深刻的印象.
喔!
嗯, 你可以说她“很莫尼卡”.
她不知道我们已经将它转义了.
下次你帮我提供食物,我只准备冰块
你的话对我意义重大；
哦, 妈妈, 不要咬你的指甲.
嗨.
嗨!
嗨, 钱德.
我爱你.
怎么了?
哦.
不, 他才不会!
被琐了两个小时!
你真的要和乔安娜分手?
我想是这样的.
正确的是, 当你说完以后就应该马上离开,
在她像维苏威火山喷发以前.
像火山?
是啊,像火山一样.
可怕的火成岩构成.
什么?!
喷出熔岩, 吐出热灰,
当然有些火山是休眠状态的
为什么你会突然谈到火山?
好吧, 那我们谈谈其他的.
你想谈什么? 活体解剖?
输精管?
越战?
有谁看过朝鲜战争的记录片吗?
看了, 看了.
朝鲜真的是一个美丽的国度.
不过她的历史哀伤了一些.
姓“金”的人可真多
谁在外面?
是我! 早上好!
瑞秋, 你能进来一下吗?
好, 没问题. 嗯,
没有你要的那种百吉饼, 所以我...
天啊!
我似乎有一些小麻烦.
你能把门后的钥匙给我吗.
没问题!
告诉钱德我们完了.

回复引用

顶端

77恋兰

ZxID：11247485

23212鲜花 10鸡蛋

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 71楼发表于: 2014-03-22 0

404 The One With The Ballroom Dancing

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is there eating breakfast. Chandler is cleaning out his wallet.]
Phoebe: Hey! New wallet, huh?
Chandler: Yeah, it was time. The old condom ring in the leather just doesn’t say ‘cool’ anymore.
Monica: Rachel!
Rachel: What?
Monica: You just put an empty carton back in the fridge!
Rachel: Oh yeah, I know, but the garbage was full.
Monica: Have you ever taken out the trash? (Hands her the garbage.)
Rachel: Well, I thought you liked doing it. (Rachel starts out the door and stops.)
Monica: Third door on the left.
Rachel: Right!
[Scene: Garbage room: Mr. Treeger is unclogging the trash chute as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Oh! Hey, Mr. Treeger.
Mr. Treeger:: Hey.
(Rachel opens the trash chute, winces at the smell, and throws the garbage bag in. She then tries to throw the pizza box in, but since it’s so big she jams it into the opening and it prevents the door from closing. She then turns around too see Mr. Treeger watching her.)
Mr. Treeger:: What are you doing?
Rachel: Ummm. Oh! I’m sorry. (She grabs the box and offers him a piece.) It’s a little old but…
Mr. Treeger:: No! You’re clogging up the chute that I spent a half-hour unclogging!
Rachel: I’m sorry. I didn’t—I don’t come in here a lot.
Mr. Treeger:: Oh yeah, of course you don’t!
Rachel: No.
Mr. Treeger:: ‘Cause you’re a little princess! "Daddy, buy me a pizza. Daddy, buy me a candy factory. Daddy, make the cast of Cats sing Happy Birthday to me…"
Rachel: I didn’t… I never said that.
Mr. Treeger:: You think you could make a mess and the big man in coveralls will come in here and clean it up, huh? Well, why don’t think of someone else for a change?
Rachel: (starting to cry) Okay, I’m sorry. (Runs out still carrying the pizza box.)
[Cut to Monica and Rachel’s apartment as Rachel returns in tears.]
Monica: God! If you’re gonna cry about it! (She grabs the box and goes to through it out.]
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Continued from earlier, Rachel is now telling everyone of her experience in the garbage room.]
Joey: Whoa-whoa, Treeger made you cry?
Rachel: Yes! And he said really mean things that were only partly true.
Joey: I’m gonna go down there and teach that guy a lesson.
Monica: Joey, please don’t do that. I think it’s best that we just forget about it.
Rachel: That’s easy for you to say, you weren’t almost just killed.
Joey: All right that’s it, school is in session! (Exits and slams the door.)
Monica: (Picking up a card from Chandler’s wallet.) My God! Is this a gym card?
Chandler: Oh yeah, gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I’ve missed the last 1200 times.
Ross: So why don’t you quit?
Chandler: You don’t think I’ve tried? You think I like having 50 dollars taken out of my bank account every month? No, they make you go all the way down there! Then they use all of these phrases and peppiness to try and confuse you! Then they bring out Maria.
Ross: Who is Maria?
Chandler: Oh Maria. You can’t say no to her, she’s like this lycra spandex covered gym…treat.
Ross: You need me to go down there with you and hold your hand?
Chandler: No!
Ross: So you’re strong enough to face her on your own?
Chandler: Oh no, you’ll have to come.
[Scene: Treeger’s apartment, Joey knocks on the door and Treeger opens it.]
Mr. Treeger:: Tribbiani! Hold on, I’ll get the plunger.
Joey: Hey! You hold on pal! Now you made my friend, Rachel, cry. So now, you’re gonna go up there and apologize to her, unless you want me to call the landlord.
Mr. Treeger:: And tell him what?
Joey: Have you heard about a little something called, Not Making Girls Cry.
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah. Well maybe you have heard about the Rent Stabilization Act of 1968!
Joey: I have actually not heard of that.
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, well your friends are in violation of it. I’ve been a nice guy up until now, but uh, I don’t need this grief. I’m gonna call the landlord and tell him that Monica is illegally subletting here grandmother’s apartment. Your friends are outta here pal.
Joey: Why don’t you tell me something I don’t know! (He storms out, and once Treeger closes the door behind him, Joey makes an ‘Oops!’ have.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier, everyone is still eating breakfast.]
Phoebe: Oh please, somebody tell me I don’t have to go to work today!
Monica: What’s the matter?
Phoebe: Oh, my first massage today is this incredibly gorgeous guy, and every time I see him I just want to do things to him that I’m not allowed to charge for.
Monica: So do them for free.
Phoebe: Oh no, it is forbidden! No-no, Mrs. Potter fires people for fooling around with clients. And it’s against my oath as a masseuse.
Ross: They make you take an oath?
Phoebe: No, I made myself take an oath. Yeah, no fooling around with clients and umm, always be prepared. Yeah, that one’s actually from the Boy Scouts, but it just makes good sense.
Chandler: Why don’t you just give him to somebody else?
Phoebe: No, I can handle it. No, I’m a professional. (She starts to leave)
Rachel: Oh Pheebs, is that a new ankle bracelet?
Monica: Wow! And you got a petticure. Your feet are all dressed up.
Chandler: Because that’s the only part of you he can see when he’s on the table!
Monica: You’re gonna do some feet flirtin’!
Phoebe: I don’t what your talking about. (Laughs nervously and continues to leaqve)
Ross: Then how do you explain the toe ring?!
Phoebe: Because it’s Arabian princess day at work! Okay?! Leave me alone!
[Cut to later, Joey is returning from talking to Mr. Treeger.]
Rachel: Oh! My hero! What happened?
Joey: Well uh, I went down there and told him that no one treats my friends like that and that he’d better come up here and apologize. I’ll see you later. (Starts to leave)
Monica: What a minute, what did he say?
Joey: He said that he wasn’t gonna apologize because you guys are living here illegally, so instead what he’s gonna do is have you evicted—I’ll see you later.
Rachel: What?! You got us evicted!!
Monica: I told you not to go down there!
Joey: Well he made Rachel cry!
Monica: Rachel always cries!
Rachel: That’s not true! (Starts to cry.)
Monica: Now Joey, you go down there and you suck up to him. I mean you suck like you’ve never sucked before!
Joey: All right! I’ll try! But if I can’t, you can stay with Chandler and I until you get settled.
Rachel: Go!!
Joey: All right, all right, all right. (Starts to leave, stops, and turns around) I mean I’ll have to check with him first, but I’ll think he’ll be cool with it. (Monica shoos him out.)
[Scene: Chandler’s gym, He and Ross are there to cancel his membership.]
Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa, hey! Now remember what we talked about, you gotta be strong.
Chandler: Yes. (In a stronger voice) Yes!
Ross: One more time, "Hey, don’t you want a washboard stomach and rock hard pecs?"
Chandler: No! I want a flabby gut and saggy man breasts!
Ross: Good! That’s good!
Chandler: Okay. (They go inside) (To the guy at the desk) I wanna quit the gym.
Gym Employee: You wanna quit?
Chandler: I wanna quit the gym.
Gym Employee: You do realize that you won’t have access to our new full service Swedish spa.
Chandler: (He turns to Ross and Ross makes a ‘Be strong’ sound.) I wanna quit the gym.
Gym Employee: Okay, Dave in the membership office, handles quitters. (Both Chandler and Ross start to make their way to the membership office.) Uh, excuse me, (to Ross) are you a member?
Ross: Me? No.
Gym Employee: Sorry, members only.
Chandler: (horrified at the prospect of trying to quit alone and unsure about himself) I wanna quit the gym.
Ross: It’s okay man, be strong. (Chandler goes into the office.)
Gym Employee: (to Ross) So, are you a member of any gym.
Ross: No! And I’m not gonna be, so you can save you little speech.
Gym Employee: Okay, no problem. (To someone out of the picture) Could you come here for a second?
(This gorgeous woman in spandex walks up)
Woman: Hi, I’m Maria.
(Ross is at a loss for words.)
[Scene: Heeling Hands Inc., Phoebe’s work, she is giving a massage to the guy, Rick, she likes.]
Rick: (looking at her feet) Wow, you have really pretty feet.
Phoebe: These old things.
Rick: Would you mind spending some time on my siadic area, it’s been killing me today.
Phoebe: You mean the—Okay by siadic, you mean the towel covered portion.
Rick: Yeah.
Phoebe: Sure, yeah, no I can do that, yeah, because umm, y'know, the muscles in the siadic area can get y’know, real (lifts up the towel) nice and tight. So umm, tell me Rick, how umm, how did you injure the area.
Rick: Oh, a 16-hour sit-in for Greenpeace.
Phoebe: Oh. (She goes to work, and her head slowly drops out of view.)
Rick: Ow! Did you just bite me?
Phoebe: No!
[Scene: Mr. Treeger’s apartment, Joey is there to suck up.]
Mr. Treeger:: What?
Joey: Please don’t kick Monica and Rachel out, this wasn’t there fault, it was mine.
Mr. Treeger:: You want me to kick you guys out instead?
Joey: No you can’t do that, where would the chick and the duck live?
Mr. Treeger:: You have pets!
Joey: Noo-no-no, no, those are nicknames. I’m the chick and Chandler is the duck.
Mr. Treeger:: Huh, I would’ve thought it was the other way around.
Joey: Come on man, just-just let the girls stay, I’ll do whatever you want.
Mr. Treeger:: Really? You’ll do anything?
Joey: Yeah-yeah, absolutely.
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, I’ve got something you can do.
Joey: What, what is it?
Mr. Treeger:: Can you be my dancing partner?
Joey: That’s not, prison lingo, is it?
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is telling Monica and Rachel what he has to do.]
Monica: His dancing partner?!
Joey: Yeah, there’s this superintendent’s dance, the Super Ball. I don’t know, and he wants to impress Marge, this lady super that he’s a crush on.
Rachel: Well, why doesn’t he practice with a girl?
Joey: Well, he’s too shy, he doesn’t thing he’s good enough to dance with girls yet.
Rachel: Yeah, right, he almost danced me right down that…garbage chute. (Starts to cry)
Monica: Oh, would you let it go already?! You’re fine!
(Chandler and Ross enter)
Chandler: Hey.
Rachel: Hey! So, did you quit?
Chandler: No, I almost did, couldn’t leave Ross there without a spotter!
Monica: Wait, now so you joined the gym?
(Rachel starts to laugh.)
Ross: And that’s funny, why?
Rachel: Oh, umm, I was just y’know working out and umm… Oh, that’s it.
Chandler: We’re doomed. Okay, they’re gonna take 50 bucks out of our accounts for the rest of our lives. What are we gonna do?
Monica: Well, you could actually go to the gym.
(Chandler and Ross both laugh)
Ross: Or! Or, we could go to the bank, close our accounts and cut them off at the source.
Chandler: You’re a genius!
Joey: Aww, man, now we won’t be bank buddies!
Chandler: Now, there’s two reasons.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey.
All: Hey!
Phoebe: Ohh, you guys, remember that cute client I told you about? I bit him.
Rachel: Where?!
Phoebe: On the touchy.
Ross: And that’s not against your oath?!
Phoebe: No, I know! I-I’m sorry, but the moment I touch him, I just wanna throw out my old oath and take a new, dirty one.
Monica: Well, next time your massaging him, you should try and distract yourself.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Like-like when I’m doing something exciting and I don’t wanna get too excited, I just ahh, y’know try to thing of other things like ah sandwiches, and ah baseball, and ah Chandler!
Chandler: Thank you, Joey.
Joey: No-no, thank you.
[Scene: Treeger’s apartment, Joey knocks and Mr. Treeger opens the door.]
Joey: All right, I’m here, let’s ahh, get this over with.
Mr. Treeger:: Okay ahh, well, just ahh, follow my lead. (Turns on some music)
Joey: Whoa-whoa, don’t we need to do some kinda preparation first? Like ahh, get really drunk?
Mr. Treeger:: Look come on, eh, just ah, just ah, put your arms around me, eh.
(Joey does so, and they both start dancing. Treeger tries to spin Joey, but ends up throwing him into the door.)
Mr. Treeger:: Ahhhh! I’m sorry!
Joey: No, it’s okay, but if I’m Marge, my breasts are coming out my back.
Mr. Treeger:: Ahh, forget it! I’ll never be any good at this, my mom was right, I’m just a big potato with arms, and legs, and a head.
Joey: Come on man, you’re not a potato.
Mr. Treeger:: I’m sure as hell a dancer, it’s no use Marge will never go for me.
Joey: Come on Treeger, don’t say that. You just ahh, you just need more practice. Here, come on, let’s ahh, let’s try it again. Come on. (they start dancing again) Plus, it was, it was probably mostly my fault, anyway. I mean, y’know, I’m not really that comfortable dancing with a—(Treeger throws him) We-he!! Hey!
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Monica are sitting at the table as Joey enters.]
Monica: Hey-hey, how goes the dancing? Gay yet?
Joey: Ah-ha-ha, you guys owe me big time. (He walks into the kitchen and does a little dance step on the way.)
Rachel: (laughing) What was that?
Joey: What?
Rachel: You just did a little dancy thing.
Joey: No I didn’t.
Monica: Yes you did! You did like a little hop.
Rachel: You are soo enjoying this.
Joey: No, I’m not! And it wasn’t a hop it was a pademarie.
Monica: (laughing harder) You know the words! You are so into this!
Joey: All right, well maybe I’m enjoying it a little bit. I mean I’m getting pretty good at it.
Rachel: Ooh, this is soo sweet, Joey our little twinkle-toes.
Joey: Hey-hey, hold on, this isn’t some kind of like girly dance. All right, it’s like a sport, it’s manly!
Monica: All right, then show me some manly moves.
Joey: All right.
(They both get up and Monica expects Joey to take the lead, but he doesn’t, and they fumble around for a little bit.)
Joey: I don’t know how to lead.
[Scene: Ross and Chandler’s bank, they are there to close their accounts.]
Ross: Hello.
Chandler: Hi.
Ross: We’d like to close our accounts.
Bank Officer: Close your accounts? Is there some kind of problem?
Ross: No-no.
Chandler: No, we’d just like to close them.
Bank Officer: Okay, Ms. Lambert handles all our closures. (to a beautiful woman) Would you come over here please?
Ms. Lambert: Hi, I’m Karen.
Chandler: I wanna quit the bank!
[Scene: Healing Hands, Inc., Phoebe is giving Rick a massage.]
Phoebe: (thinking to herself) Okay, baseball. Rick, playing baseball. Okay, slides into second, maybe even his pants come down a little… Oh no—wait no, no! No! Okay, all right, sandwiches, sandwiches. Umm, okay, on a plate, maybe Rick’s pants come down a little. No! No! Okay, Chandler! Okay Chandler, ooh, that’s working.
(The camera zooms in on the clock on the wall and it reads a quarter after one. Time lapse. The clock now reads 3:30, and Phoebe is still giving Rick his massage.)
Phoebe: (thinking to herself) Chandler’s knees. Chandler’s… ankles. Chandler’s ankle hair. (notices the clock) Oh no. (to Rick) Okay, you’re all set.
Rick: Oh wow! That was amazing, was that really just an hour?!
Phoebe: Yeah! In… really long hour world.
Rick: What?
Phoebe: Ugh, okay, I have an enormous crush on you. But because you’re a client, I can’t ask you out, even though you give me y’know, the feeling.
Rick: Wow! I had no idea! But you know, I could always find another masseuse.
Phoebe: Really?!
Rick: Yeah, really.
(They start to kiss, then Rick stops suddenly.)
Phoebe: What?
Rick: Suddenly, I very aware that I’m naked.
Phoebe: (laughs) Okay, quit down. (they start to kiss again)
(Suddenly, Phoebe’s boss, Mrs. Potter, and a client, Mr. Simon, enters.)
Mrs. Potter: Mr. Simon’s been waiting for—(sees Phoebe and Rick) Oh my God!
Mr. Simon: Why wasn’t I offered that? I’d definitely pay more for that.
Mrs. Potter: Phoebe, we have rules here, this isn’t that kind of place.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, oh and I know, but this isn’t what it looks like, ‘cause Rick is my ahh, husband.
Mrs. Potter: Oh really? Well, then you’d better tell his other wife, ‘cause she called three times asking where he is.
Phoebe: Yes, I will tell her.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are telling Joey, Rachel, and Monica of their bank woes.]
Monica: So you didn’t leave the bank?
Ross: No! And somehow, we ended up with a joint checking account.
Rachel: What are you ever gonna use that for?!
Chandler: To pay for the gym.
(Phoebe enters)
Chandler: Hey.
Phoebe: Hey! So I had a great day, Rick and I really hit it off, and we started making out, and then my boss walked in and fired me for being a whore.
Joey: What?!
Rachel: You got fired?!
Monica: Oh my Gosh!
Phoebe: It’s so weird, I have never been fired from anything before!
Rachel: Sweety...
Phoebe: I just-I just started walking around not knowing what to do next, y’know? I-I started asking people on the street if they wanted massages. Then these policemen, thought I was a whore too. It’s been a really bad day, whore wise.
(There’s a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.)
Mr. Treeger:: Hey Duck, is Chick here?
Chandler: Yeah… Bunny-rabbit.
Joey: (To Mr. Treeger) So you ah, ready for our last practice?
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, but y’know, I think the reason we’re not getting that spin right is because my apartment’s too small.
Joey: Look, you wanna use our place?
Mr. Treeger:: No, I ahh, had another idea.
[Cut to the roof, where Joey and Mr. Treeger are dancing happily to ^Night and Day^.]
Joey: We did it!!
Mr. Treeger:: I know, we did it!! Hey, that was incredible, huh?!
Joey: I know, it was amazing! I mean, we totally nailed it, it was beautiful.
Mr. Treeger:: Thank you, listen, thanks a lot Tribbiani, (checks watch). Oh my God, look at the time, I gotta catch the bus to the ball.
Joey: Oh well, okay, good luck.
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah.
Joey: Unless you wanna practice the Foxtrot again? Or-or the Tango?
Mr. Treeger:: Ahh, thanks but no. You see I-I think I’m ready to dance with girls.
Joey: Okay.
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah.
Joey: Go get ‘em Treeger.
Mr. Treeger:: Right. (Starts to leave) Hey, ahh, you wanna come? Marge has a girlfriend.
Joey: (intrigued) Really?
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, you could dance real good with her, she’s the same size as me.
Joey: No, I’m good.
(Treeger leaves, and Joey’s dances off.)
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Lara and Jeni’s Massage, Phoebe is interviewing for a job.]
Interviewer: So it looks like you’ve got some great experience here. Let’s see ahh, reason for leaving last job?
Phoebe: Yeah, they thought I was a whore.
Interviewer: Okay, we’ll give a call if anything comes up.
Phoebe: Great! Thank you very much.
(The interviewer watches her leave with an ‘Oh my goodness’ face.)
END

404 社交舞

社交舞
嘿! 新钱包哦
对,也该换新的了。里面的安全套
终于不再说“好凉快”了。
瑞秋!
嗯？
你把吃剩的空盒子又放回冰箱!
对啊，因为垃圾袋满了。
你从来没有倒过垃圾吗？
呃, 我以为这是你的爱好。
左边第三个门。
知道了!
哦! 嗨, 崔戈先生。
嗨。
你在干什么?
哦。哦! 对不起。
虽然不那么新鲜不过……
不是说这个!
你堵住了我花半小时才弄通的垃圾道!
真对不起！我不是经常来这儿。
是啊, 你当然不常来!
对。
因为你是个小公主!
"爸爸, 给我买份pizza。
爸爸, 给我买个糖果厂。
爸爸, 让猫咪们为我唱生日歌…… -"
我没有…… 我从没说过这样的话。
你以为你可以到这儿来
把东西搞得一团糟,
然后由穿工人装的大个子来清扫, 对吗?
为什么不改一改? 为他人想一想
哦, 我很抱歉!
老天! 干这么点活你也会哭!
Whoa-whoa, 是崔戈弄哭你的?
是! 他的话相当刻薄
而且并不都是真的。
我要下去给那家伙上一课。
乔伊, 别去。
我们最好忘掉这事。
你说的轻松, 我刚才几乎被杀掉。
好的, 上课的时间到了!
老天! 这是健身卡吗?
哦没错, 健身房会员。
我原打算每周去四次,
但我已经错过了1200次。
为什么不退出？
你以为我没试过吗？
你以为他们每月从我帐户上
扣掉50块我很开心？
不, 他们让你到他们那里!
然后就运用所有的词语
和表情来迷惑你。
然后他们带来玛利亚。
玛利亚是谁?
哦！玛利亚。
你没有能力拒绝她, 她就像是
用合成弹力纤维包装的
健身房的……礼品。
要我和你一道去帮你打气吗?
不!
那你有勇气单独面对她吗?
哦不, 你还是来吧。
崔比昂尼! 等一下, 我去拿皮揣子。
嘿! 你等一下伙计!
你把我朋友瑞秋弄哭了。
所以你得跟我上去向她道歉,
否则我就要去找房东了。
跟他说什么?
你难道不知道
什么叫“不准让女孩哭泣”吗？
知道。你也该知道什么叫
1968年发布的的《租赁安定化条例》吧!
说实话我不~~~知道。
你朋友触犯了这个条例。
我一直没出声，
不过现在我不用再做好人了。
我要去告诉房东，把莫妮卡的外婆的
房子转租给她是不合法的。
你的朋友们要被赶出去了伙计。
你为什么不告诉我点我不知道的东西!
哦拜托, 我今天真不想去上班!
出什么事了?
我今天的第一个顾客
是个帅得一塌糊涂的家伙,
一看到他我就想
对他提供点我不能收费的服务。
那就免费提供。
哦不行, 那是被禁止的!
不行的,
跟客户鬼混会被波特太太开除。
而且这有违女按摩师的誓言。
你们要宣誓的吗?
不, 我自己的誓言。
不和顾客鬼混，时刻准备着。
对, 后一句是童子军说的,
但用在这里也很不错。
你为什么不把他转给别人?
不用, 我能处理。我是职业的。
哦菲比, 那是个新脚镯吗?
Wow! 你还做了脚部美容。
你的脚盛装打扮。
因为当他在按摩台上,
那是你唯一能被他看见的部分!
你想用脚来勾引他!
我不明白你们在说什么。
那脚趾环你又怎么解释?!
因为今天是阿拉伯公主日!
行了吗?! 别烦我!
哦! 英雄! 事情怎样了?
哦, 我下去告诉他说谁也不能
那样对我朋友,
他最好上来道歉。待会儿见。
等等, 那他怎么说?
他说他不会来道歉
因为你们住在这里是违法的,
所以相反他要把你们赶出去。
待会儿见。
什么?! 你弄到我们要被赶出去!!
我告诉过你不要去!
可是他把瑞秋弄哭了!
瑞秋整天都哭的了!
这不是真的吧!
乔伊, 现在你得去拍他的马屁。
而且要拍得不着痕迹!
好吧! 我试试看!
不过如果不成功,
你们可以和钱德还有我暂时一起住着。
快去!!
好, 好, 好。
我会先和他商量商量,
不过我想他可能会很酷。
Whoa-whoa-whoa, 嘿!
记着我们刚才说过的,
你要强硬一点。
好。
好!
再试一次, "嗨，你不想拥有平滑的
小腹和结实的胸肌吗?"
不! 我要的是松弛的肚皮
和下垂的胸部!
好! 很好!
我想要退出健身房。
你要退出?
我要退出健身房。
你知道吗，你将因此不能享受
我们新推出的全套瑞典式温泉浴服务
我要退出健身房。
好吧, 戴夫在成员资格办公室
办理退会。
对不起,
你是会员吗?
我? 不是。
对不起, 只有会员能进去。
我要退出健身房。
没事的老兄, 要强硬。
你参加过健身房吗?
没有! 也没这个打算,
你不用白费唇舌了。
好的, 没问题。
你能过来一下吗?
嗨, 我是玛利亚。
Wow, 你的脚真漂亮。
都是些旧玩意儿。
你能帮我按一按髋部吗？
痛了一整天了。
髋部? 你指的是毛巾盖着的这部分？
对。
哦, 当然, 没问题, 因为呃,
其实髋部的肌肉通常很——
结实而且美观。
告诉我里克, 呃,
你怎么会弄伤这里的。
哦, 为了绿色和平组织
16个钟头的静坐抗议。
哦。
哇!
你刚才咬了我?
没有!
有事吗?
拜托不要把莫妮卡和瑞秋赶出去,
不是她们的错, 错在我。
你是要我把你们赶出去?
哦你不能这么做,
那样小鸡小鸭该住哪儿?
你们养宠物!
不,不,不是的, 那些只是外号。
我是"小鸡", 钱德是"小鸭"。
哦, 我还以为你是“小鸭”。
求求你, 只要让她们留下来,
我帮你做什么都行。
真的? 什么都行?
是,是, 我保证。
倒真有点事你能帮忙。
什么事?
你能做我的舞伴吗?
这不是监狱里的黑话吧?
他的舞伴?!
对, 有个公寓主管的舞会,
主管（超级）舞会。
他想引起玛芝的注意,
就是他爱上的那个女主管。
为什么不找个女生来练习?
他太怕羞, 他认为
以他现在的技术还不能和女生跳舞。
那倒没错,
他差点让我跳进那个垃圾道。
哦
你还没忘?! 又不是什么大事!
嗨。
嗨! 你退出了吗?
没有, 我几乎成功了,
可我不能让罗斯在那儿没伴儿啊!
你参加了健身房?
好笑吗, 笑什么?
哦, 我只是想象你精疲力尽的模样
还有……
哦, 没什么了。
我们没救了。
在我们的余生中他们将每个月
从我们的帐户里扣掉50块。
我们该怎么办?
你们可以真的去健身。
或者!
或者, 我们可以去银行销掉我们的
帐户, 切断他们的来源。
你真是天才!
啊, 老兄,
那我们就不再是帐户的合伙人了!
又多了一条理由。
嗨!
哦, 你们还记得
我上次提到的那个帅哥顾客吗?
我咬了他。
哪里?!
屁股。
这不违背你的誓言吗?!
违背! 我知道! 我抱歉,
可是当我一摸他,
我就想把我旧的誓言扔到一边,
找一个新的, 下流的。
下次帮他按摩的时候，试着
分散自己的注意力。
对啊! 对啊!
如果我在做让我很兴奋的事
而我又不想让自己太
兴奋,
我就想点其他的,像……三明治,
像……棒球,
像……钱德!
多谢你, 乔伊。
不不, 该我谢你。
我想尽快把事情办完。
好的,跟我的步子跳就行了。
喂喂, 不需要先做点准备工作吗?
比如, 喝个大醉?
来, 用你的手臂搂着我。
啊! 真对不起!
不要紧, 不过要是玛芝,
可能已经被摔成相片了。
啊, 算了! 我永远也跳不好,
我妈说的对,
我只是个有头,有手,有脚的大土豆。
嘿老兄, 你并不是什么土豆。
我肯定跳舞的时候是,
没用的, 玛芝永远不会找我跳舞。
别这么说, 崔戈, 你只要,
你只要多练练。
来, 我们再试一次。
来吧。
而且, 刚才很可能要怪我。
我是说,我不是个
让人感觉很舒服的舞伴。
We-he!!
嘿!- Yeah!
感觉如何? 还是像在“搞基”吗?
Ah-ha-ha, 你们这次要多谢我。
那是什么?
什么?
你刚才跳了点舞步。
我没有。
你跳了! 像是单脚跳。
舞跳得很开心哦。
没有, 我没有! 况且
那不是单脚跳，那是帕得玛利舞。
术语你都知道! 你真的很投入!
可能我有点喜欢跳舞了。
其实我已经跳得相当不错。
哦，真棒！舞姿翩翩的小乔伊。
嘿嘿, 这可不是女孩子跳的那种舞。
它像一种体育运动, 很阳刚的!
好吧，来，
让我见识一下很“阳刚”的运动。
我不会跳男步。
你好。
你们好。
我们想要销户。
销户? 出了什么问题吗?
没有。
我们只是想销户。
好吧, 销户是由兰伯特女士办理的。
请你过来这边好吗?
嗨, 我叫凯伦。
我要退出银行!
好吧, 棒球。里克是打棒球的。
哦，滑下去了一点儿,
要是他的短裤也滑下去一点儿……
哦不, 不! 不行!
好吧, 三明治, 三明治。
装在盘子里的,
要是里克的短裤滑下去一点儿……
不! 不! 好吧, 钱德!
钱德, 哦, 这个有效。
钱德的膝盖。
钱德的…… 脚脖子。
钱德脚脖子上的毛。
哦老天。
全部做完了。
wow! 真不敢相信,
只过了一个小时吗?!
是啊! 这里的一小时比较长。
什么?
哦, 好吧,
我迷上你了。
但因为你是顾客，我不能约你，
尽管你让我有……这种感觉。
Wow! 我根本不知道! 不过,
我可以找别人帮我按摩
真的?!
对, 真的。
怎么了?
我突然间很不习惯我的暴露。
乖乖躺下吧。
西蒙先生已经等了……哦!我的天
为什么刚才没给我提供这个?
我肯定会多给些钱的。
菲比, 这里有规定, 这里不是那种地方。
我知道, 但不是像你想的那样,
因为里克是……我老公。
哦是吗? 那你最好先告诉他的
另一个老婆, 因为她已经
打了三次电话来问他在哪里
好的, 我会告诉她的。
你们最后没有脱离银行？
没有! 而且, 最后我们合开了一个支票帐户。
开那个干什么?!
用来付钱给健身房。
嗨。
嗨! 我今天过的真不错,
里克和我果然很合得来, 我们正想更进一步，
老板就走了进来，
以为我是个妓女，开除了我。
什么?!
你被开除了?!
哦我的天!
真不敢相信,
我以前从没因为任何原因被开除过!
亲爱的……
我只好漫无目的四处游荡,
问街上的人是否需要按摩。
然后警察也以为我是个妓女。
真是倒霉的一天, 妓女式的。
嗨小鸭，小鸡在吗?
在…… 兔宝宝。
这是最后一次练习，你准备好了吗?
好了, 不过我觉得我们
不能做好那个旋转是因为
我的屋子太小了。
那你想用我们的房子吗？
不, 我另有办法。
我们成功了!!
我知道, 我们成功了!!
难以置信, 对不对?!
我知道, 真不可思议!
我们完全固定住了, 动作太漂亮了。
谢谢你, 真的很感谢你，崔比昂尼,
哦老天, 时间到了,
我得赶着搭去舞会的公交车。
哦, 好吧, 祝你好运。
谢谢。
你还想再练练狐步舞吗？或者探戈?
啊, 谢谢，不过不必了。
我觉得我可以开始和女生跳了。
哦。
快去吧,崔戈。
好。
嗨, 要不要一道去? 玛芝有个女朋友。
真的?
真的, 你可以和她好好跳跳,
她个头和我差不多。
哦，不用了。
看来你有很丰富的工作经验。
上一份工作为什么没做下去呢?
他们以为我是个妓女。
好吧，如果有消息我们会通知你的。
太好了! 非常感谢。

[ 此帖被77恋兰在2014-03-23 00:08重新编辑 ]

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77恋兰

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23212鲜花 10鸡蛋

等级: 内阁元老

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http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 72楼发表于: 2014-03-22 0

405 The One With Joey's New Girlfriend

[Scene: Central Perk, the gang's all there. Ross has a slip of paper that he throws on the ground tying to get Rachel's attention.]
Ross: (picking up the slip of paper) Hello! What's this? Oh right its that girl's phone number. (Rachel ignores him) Yeah-yeah, there it is, just a phone number a really hot girl gave me. (He holds it so that Rachel can see it, she continues to ignore him) It's no big deal, I mean it is her home phone number, but...(Rachel still ignores him) Whoa! (Throws it in her lap) Whoa-whoops, I almost lost this baby! Yeah, the lovely Amanda gives me her number and I-I go and drop it. (He waves it in front of Rachel's face. Then suddenly Phoebe has to sneeze and Rachel quickly grabs the slip of paper and gives it to Phoebe for her to sneeze into.)
Phoebe: Thank you.
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Central Perk, the next morning. Chandler, Monica, Ross, and Rachel are there.]
Gunther: Rachel?
Rachel: Yeah?
Gunther: When's your birthday?
Rachel: May fifth, why?
Gunther: Oh, I-I'm just making a list of people's birthdays.
Ross: Oh, mine's December...
Gunther: Yeah, whatever. (Walks away)
(Chandler is talking to Monica and notices a beautiful woman.)
Chandler: Ohh, she's pretty. Pretty ahh, pretty girl, the pretty--she's pretty.
Monica: Just go up to her and ask her out. (Chandler laughs) Oh, what's the worst thing that could happen?
Chandler: I could die.
Ross: Yeah, it's-it's tough being single. That's why I'm so glad I found Amanda.
Rachel: Ross, you guys went out once. You took your kids to Chucky Cheese, and you didn't even kiss her.
(Ross glares at Chandler.)
Chandler: I tell people secrets. It makes them like me.
Phoebe: (entering) Oh.
Chandler: Hey! (Phoebe sneezes)
Monica: Phoebe! You're sick, you shouldn't play. You should just go home, get in bed, and stay there.
Phoebe: (in a nasally voice, from her cold) But I'm unemployed, my music is all I really have now. Well music, and making my own shoes. (She puts her shoe on the table, and it's horribly decorated) Pretty, huh? (Sneezes)
Chandler: All right, I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna get shot down. Any advice?
Monica: Just be yourself. But, not too much.
Chandler: (gets up) (softly) Wish me luck.
Ross: (loudly) Good luck!
Chandler: Wish it! (To the woman, Kathy, he likes) Hi. Hi, I-I was just sitting over there, and uhh, Chandler. My name is Chandler. Did I say that?
Kathy: No, you didn't. Hi, I'm Kathy.
Chandler: Uh Kathy, with K or a C?
Kathy: With a K.
Chandler: Oh-oh-hey!
Kathy: Wow! You are really good at this.
Chandler: Hey, come on, give me a break, I'm out on a limb here.
Kathy: I'm sorry, you're right, I apologize, but I should tell you that I'm waiting for a date. (Joey enters) Oh, and there he is now.
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Hey! Hey, hey-hey, hey. (Joey kisses Kathy.)
Joey: Hey, I see you guys already met, huh?
Chandler: Yes-yes, I was just trying to figure out a way to uh, demonstrate how I could get my exceptionally large feet into my even bigger mouth.
Joey: Didn't I tell ya? Always showin' off.
Phoebe: Before I start, I just wanna say that umm, I have a cold, so if I sneeze in the middle of song, it's not on purpose. Oh, except the last verse of Pepper People. (Starts to sing) Smelly cat, smelly cat. What are they feeding you? (Stops singing) This chick sounds good. (Singing) Smelly cat, smelly--(stops singing) Hey Gunther, be a good little boy and bring me a whiskey.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is walking into the living room having just gotten up in the middle of the night.]
Chandler: (sees Kathy is up watching TV) Hi!
Kathy: Hi.
Chandler: Jeez, at 2:30 in the morning, I didn't expect to have to fight over the remote.
Kathy: I'm sorry, it's just this Ernie Cofax thing on in a few minutes I wanted to watch.
Chandler: Oh my God! That's why I got up too!
Kathy: You're kidding! Oh, I love him.
Chandler: Hey, listen, I'm sorry about this afternoon, y'know, if I would've known you guys were... I never would've...
Kathy: Oh please!
Chandler: So ah, Joey tells me you two met in acting class.
Kathy: Yeah, they teamed us up as partners. Joey picked three scenes for us to do; all of them had us making out.
Chandler: That's a good thing actually, because ah, he used to have me rehearse with him.
Kathy: (laughs) Oh-oh-oh-oh!
Chandler: Is it on?
Kathy: No, but this wonder broom is amazing!
Chandler: Hey! (Runs over and gets his wonder broom)
Kathy: Oh my God!
Chandler: Oh! It's on! It's on!
(Chandler jumps into the canoe and sits down. The chick starts chirping and Chandler reaches down to pick him up.)
Chandler: There we go little fella.
Kathy: (laughs) What about the duck?
Chandler: Well the duck can swim.
Kathy: Oh, jeez. (Hits him)
[Scene: Central Perk, the next night, Phoebe is finishing up her set.]
Phoebe: (singing, drunk) My sticky shoes, my sticky-sticky shoes, why do you stick on me, ba-a-by! Thanks for the lights honey.
All: Way to go, Phoebe!
Monica: That cold makes you sound so great.
Phoebe: It's fun, God I love how sexy I am. (Coughs really loudly.)
Joey: Oh, Kath, we should get going. We're going to by hamsters.
All: Ooh, that's great, I love those little guys.
Kathy: No, no, it's not like that. I, I work for a medical researcher.
Rachel: Well, have fun!
Kathy: Okay.
Phoebe: Well, I think it's great that the medical community is finally trying to help sick hamsters.
Monica: Y'know what, I like Kathy.
Chandler: Oh yeah, me too, she's so cool and pretty.
Rachel: Yeah, she's...
Chandler: She's smart and funny, y'know? We were up all last night talking, she said the funniest thing about--what?
Rachel: You love her.
Chandler: No, I don't.
Phoebe: Yes, you do. Chandler loves Kathy.
Ross: Come on, Pheebs lay off him.
Chandler: Thank you, Ross.
Ross: Yeah, he's a little sensitive right now, `cause he's so in love.
Chandler: All right.
All: Ohh!
Chandler: All right.
Monica: (turning around and doing that, "I'm making out with someone," thing with her hands) Ooh, umm, oh Kathy! Kathy, I love you! Oh! (She turns around and sees Gunther staring at her and stops suddenly.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are there.]
Phoebe: So, I need to write some depressing stuff to go along with my new floozy voice, but nothing that sad has ever really happened to me.
Monica: Oh umm, how about your mom dying, or having to live on the streets when you were 14?
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Oh, yeah, I could write about the time my hair did that "Woo-hoo" thing.
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey.
Ross: (loudly) So I'm going over to Amanda's tonight!
Monica: Rachel's not here.
Ross: Oh.
Monica: How's it going with her?
Ross: Great, actually. I'm thinking tonight, maybe the night. Yeah, I mean ah, the kids are gonna play together and then when they're asleep, I'm thinking Amanda and I break open a bottle of wine, and do a little "playing" ourselves.
Rachel: (entering, with a guy) Hi guys! This is Josh. Josh, these are my friends, and that's Ross.
Monica: Hi, Josh.
Phoebe: Hi.
Josh: Dudes.
Monica: So, did you play in college? (She points to his NYU Soccer (football for the rest of the world) sweatshirt he's wearing.)
Josh: Oh, I still do. Next year, I hope to make varsity though.
Rachel: Ross, didn't you ah, play soccer in High School? Oh no wait, that's right. You just organized their game schedules on your Commodore 64.
Josh: Well, it's getting late, I've got to get to the game, so I'm gonna... head.
Rachel: Okay. (He starts to leave, and Rachel grabs him and gives him a passionate kiss.) I'll miss you.
Josh: Dope! (exits)
Phoebe: Wow, cute one!
Monica: Very!
Rachel: I know, isn't he great? It's so nice to finally be in a fun relationship, y'know? There's nothing boring about him, and ah, I bet he's never set foot in a museum.
Ross: Well maybe he'll get to go soon, like on a class trip or something.
Rachel: Y'know what else is really great about him, oh, what is the word for the adult that doesn't have dinosaur toys in their bedroom?
Ross: Oh! (He bangs his fists together.)
Rachel: What was that?
Ross: Monica knows.
Monica: It's this dumb thing that Ross made up `cause he was trying to fool our parents. It's a way of giving the finger, without actually having to give it. I remember I cried the night you made it up, `cause it was the first time that I realized that I was actually cooler than my older brother.
Ross: Well, I'm gonna go get ready, (Gives Monica the fist thing.) for my date tonight, so ah, I'll just_ head.
Phoebe: Yeah, I should go to, `cause I'm playing in one hour. Hey, (clears her voice and in her normal voice) you guys should come hear me, ooh hear me. Ooh, (tries to sing) My sticky shoes--eww! Eww! I lost my sexy phlegm!
[Scene: Amanda's apartment, Ross is arriving with Ben.]
Amanda: (opening the door) Hi!
Ross: Hi!
Amanda: Hi Ben!
Ross: Wow! You-you look great!
Amanda: Thanks!
Ross: (she lets him in) Okay! (to her son) Hey Tommy.
Amanda: I am so glad that you could come over tonight.
Ross: Oh no-no-no, it's my pleasure.
Amanda: Okay, well, my cell phone number is right here on the counter, please help yourself to anything in the fridge.
Ross: What?
Amanda: I appreciate this soo much, I've been trying to go out with this guy for like a month.
Ross: I-I-I...
Amanda: (noticing the bottle of wine he has) Oh, I don't mean to be a square, but I'd really appreciate it if you wait and drink your wine after the kids are asleep? Oh uh, thanks for this, I hope I can do the same for you sometime. (She leaves)
Ross: Who wants to make some long distance calls?
[Scene: A street, Chandler is buying a newspaper and notices Kathy running by.]
Chandler: Kathy! Kathy! Hi!! Kathy! Kathy! (She doesn't hear him and keeps running, Chandler starts chasing her as the theme to The Mod Squad starts to play. First, a car almost hits him and then gets mustard splashed on him as he runs by a hot dog vendor.) Kathy! (He keeps running and gets tangled up in the leashes of five dogs, in desperation he throws his paper.) Fetch! Fetch it! (He frees himself and resumes the chase) Kathy! Kathy! Kathy! (He now trips and falls into a pile of garbage, he tries to get up and scream her name again but he has a piece of spinach in his mouth. He gets out of the garbage and starts crossing the street by running over the hoods of a couple of cabs.) Kathy! (He jumps in front of her and out of breath he says) Kathy.
Kathy: Hey, Chandler! What are you doing here?
Chandler: Oh, I just wanted to say, "Hey!"
Kathy: Hey!
Chandler: Okay. (He walks away disgusted with himself.)
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is telling Monica about his new baby sitting job.]
Monica: Oh come on! You're making it sound worse than it actually was.
Ross: Her date tipped me ten dollars. (Monica laughs)
(Phoebe runs into the kitchen with wet hair, opens the window, and sticks her head outside.)
Ross: Pheebs, what are you doing?
Phoebe: Okay, I wanna be sexy again so I'm trying to catch a cold. It should be easy, supposedly they're pretty common.
Monica: Phoebe, you'll catch pneumonia.
Chandler: (entering) Okay. You were right. I'm in love with Joey's girlfriend.
Phoebe: What?!
Ross: Are you serious?
Phoebe: Well, how-how-how is that possible? You barely know her!
Chandler: I don't know. I can't--I just, I can't get her out of my head. Y'know? I mean, I'm a very bad person. I'm a very, very bad person. I'm a horrible person. (he waits for a reaction, when he doesn't get one) No you're not Chandler! We still love you Chandler!
Monica: (sneezes) Oh gosh, Phoebe, I think I caught your cold.
Phoebe: You mean you stole it! (Monica sneezes again) Don't cover your mouth when you do that!
(Joey and Kathy enter, laughing)
Joey: Hey.
Kathy: (to Chandler) We were just talking about you.
Chandler: Really?!
Joey: Yeah-yeah, I told her about the time you got drunk and fell asleep with your head in the toilet.
Chandler: (laughs) Right in there!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is playing Hide-and-Go-Seek with the chick and the duck.]
Chandler: 99...100! Ready or not, here I come! (He opens his eyes and sees that the chick and the duck are still sitting in front of him) All right, let's go over the concept one more time.
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: Hey guys. (to Chandler) Listen uh, you wanna get some dinner with me and Kathy tonight?
Chandler: Ohh, umm, y'know what, I already ate.
Joey: It's 4:30.
Chandler: Y'know I had a big meal on Monday, y'know. So that's just gonna get me straight through the week.
Joey: Okay, I see what's going on here.
Chandler: You-you do?
Joey: Yeah! You don't like Kathy.
Chandler: You got me.
Joey: Yeah, you've been avoiding her ever since we started going out. Look, I made an effort to like Janice, now I think it's your turn to make an effort to like Kathy by going out to dinner with us. Right?
Chandler: Yeah. Right.
Joey: Good, and hey! My treat. (He turns to go into his bedroom then stops.) But that's only because you're not eating anything, right?
Chandler: Okay.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is returning from a date with Josh, and when they get the door open, Rachel turns and passionately kisses Josh.]
Monica: (lying on the couch suffering from her cold) Ross isn't here.
Rachel: Oh. (She tries to walk away from Josh, by he keeps holding her) Stop it!
Josh: So I'll see you at the party? Beer's beer man, 24, 7!!
Rachel: Yeah! (Monica gives a sarcastic thumbs up) (Josh leaves) I am soo gonna marry that guy. (looking in her wallet) Ohhh!
Monica: What?
Rachel: I think he's stealing from me.
Monica: Why?
Rachel: Because he's stealing from me!
Phoebe: (entering) Hi! It's me. And soup. (to Rachel) Hey, I just saw Josh, he looks so yummy in your leather jacket.
Rachel: Ughh! (Storms out after him)
Phoebe: (to Monica) Here, now I don't eat chicken, so it's just noodle soup. And there's no chicken in the broth either, so it's really just... noodle water.
Monica: Thank you so much Phoebe.
Phoebe: (picking up Monica's used Kleenex and putting some in her pocket.) Sure.
Monica: What are you doing with those?!
Phoebe: But, I need your germs! I want my cold back! I miss my sexy voice.
Monica: Sorry, Phoebe.
Phoebe: It's okay. How's the soup?
Monica: Umm. (nodding her head, "Good.")
(Monica sets the soup down and Phoebe picks it up and licks the rim.)
Monica: Ohhhh!! Gross!!
[Scene: A nightclub, Chandler is having dinner with Kathy and Joey.]
Kathy: Ohh, God, guys, check it out, you can see that girl's underwear!
Joey: Is she great or what?
Kathy: (to Chandler) So? Huh? What do you think?
Chandler: Ohh, she's-she's not really my type.
Kathy: Not your type?! She's gorgeous!
Chandler: Y'know what I think it is? It's the fishnet stockings. Y'know? Whenever I see a girl in fishnet stockings it reminds me of my father in fishnet stockings.
Kathy: Okay. Understanding a little more why you're single. Ohh! Y'know, I have a friend you would like, she's really pretty. And then we could double date!
Chandler: Uhh, no-no thanks.
Kathy: Okay, I've got some ugly friends, and they're all available too.
Chandler: Listen, I-I'm gonna grab a beer. (Leaves)
Joey: (to Kathy) I'll be right back. (to Chandler) What was that?
Chandler: What?
Joey: Kathy was being really nice and you just walked away. I thought we had a deal.
Chandler: Hey, look, what do you want from me?
Joey: I want you to like her! But if that's too damned difficult for you, then the least you can do is pretend.
Chandler: I am pretending.
Joey: Well then, do it better!
Chandler: Okay, what do you saw I go over there and say how much I like her? (Joey gives him a thumbs up) No-no it'll be good, I can tell her much I've been thinking about her. That I haven't stopped thinking about her since the moment I met her. That I'm so fantastically, over-the-top, wanna-slit-my-own-throat in love with her, that for every minute of every hour of every day I can't believe my own damn bad luck that you met her first!!
Joey: Well, that's pretty good. But you might wanna tone it down a little.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are there.]
Ross: (entering) Hey! So, uhh, Amanda just-just dropped me off. Yeah, that's one of the things I love about her, she's...uh, she's old enough to drive. (to Monica) So uhh, I guess you're not going to mom and dad's tonight?
Monica: No, sorry.
Rachel: Well where's Amanda?
Monica: Hey Rach, could you get me some cough drops?
Rachel: I mean y'know, I'm thinking. You could bring her, and you guys could go up to your old room, and not make out.
Monica: Ross, cough drops, please?
Ross: At least I know she's not going out with me to get into R rated movies.
Rachel: Why don't you just marry her? Oh no, wait a minute you can't, I'm sorry I forgot, she's not a lesbian.
Ross: You see Amanda and I have a very special...
Monica: (interrupting) You have nothing! You're not even going out! You're her baby sitter! You have a 12-year-old girl's job!
Rachel: (laughing) Ohh, that is soo sad.
Monica: And what are you laughing at, Miss `My-keg-sucking-boyfriend-is-stealing-from-me!'
(Ross starts laughing)
Rachel: Hey, so he stole a couple bucks from me! At least he bought me something with it! (Shows her, her ring)
Monica: That's mine!! Now, would you both please start acting like adults? And get me my cough drops!
Ross: Fine.
Rachel: Sorry.
Ross: Here. (Hands her, her cough drops) (to Rachel) At least I made ten bucks in my relationship.
Rachel: Y'know...
(She does Ross's little gesture. In response Ross puts his hands behind his neck with his arms sticking straight out and starts flapping them together.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there with her guitar.]
Phoebe: (singing) Platting goats are platting. Platting down the street. Platting goats are platting, leaving little treats. (to Gunther) Does it even work without my sexy voice?
Gunther: I like it. (sneezes)
Phoebe: Gunther, kiss me.
Gunther: What?
(Phoebe grabs Gunther and kisses him. He then falls to the couch in shock.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching TV as Joey and Kathy are laughing in Joey's bedroom. They get to be pretty loud so Chandler turns the TV way up.]
Joey: (opening the door wearing nothing but a sock, and holding a dart board over the `Little General.') Hey! (Chandler turns down the TV) Now, we're not actually gonna be sleeping in her, but do you mind?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, with a blanket draped over her shoulders, opens the door to a similarly clad Chandler.]
Chandler: Can I sleep on your couch?
(Monica nods `Yes.' And they both walk to the couch looking all depressed.)
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing, with everyone else present.]
Phoebe: (singing) And I'm still waiting for my paper mache man. Thank you my babies.
(applause)
Gunther: Rachel?
Rachel: Yeah.
Gunther: I don't know if you heard about what happened between me and Phoebe the other day_
Rachel: No!
Gunther: Well, we kissed. I-I-I didn't initiate the kiss, but-but I also didn't stop it, and I've been feeling guilty.
Rachel: (confused) Okay.
Gunther: So umm, are we cool?
Rachel: (really confused) Okay.
Gunther: I knew you'd understand.
(Gunther walks away, leaving Rachel with a `What just happened?' look on her face.)
END

405 乔伊的新女友

乔伊的新女友
嗨!
这是什么? 哦这是个姑娘的电话号码
对，这是一个真正的辣妹刚刚给我的
这还不算什么，
我的意思是这是她家里的电话，而且...
喔！喔！我差点弄丢了！
对，这是可爱的阿曼达给我的电话号码
我刚刚把它弄掉了
谢谢你.
瑞秋?
啊?
你的生日是哪天?
5月5日，怎么了?
哦，我只是把大家的生日列个单子。
哦, 我的是12月...
好, 随便你.
喔，她是个非常非常，啊，非常漂亮的姑娘，
漂亮，她非常漂亮。
去约她出去呀
最坏又能怎么样?
我会死的.
对，单身生活很难过.
这就是为什么我为找到阿曼达高兴
罗斯,你们只出去过一次.
你们带各自的孩子去吃Chucky Cheese
而且你连吻都没吻过她。
我传别人的闲话，这会让他们喜欢我。
哦.
嗨!
菲比！你病了，你不能表演了。你应该回家去躺着。
但是我失业了，音乐是我现在唯一拥有的。
对，音乐。还有自己做鞋
漂亮吧?
好，我去！我去搞定她。有什么建议？
表现你的本色。不过...别太过份。
祝我好运
好运
心里念就行了！
嗨.嗨,我-我刚才坐那边，呃...
钱德，我叫钱德，我刚说过吗？
没，你没说过。嗨，我叫凯茜
呃，凯茜，K打头的还是C打头的？
K.
喔-喔-嗨!
喔！你还真会打招呼啊.
嘿，拜托，给点面子，看我现在多尴尬。
不好意思，你是对的，我道歉
不过我不得不告诉你
我正在等约会的对象。
啊，而且现在他来了。
嗨!
嗨! 嗨, 嘿-嘿, 嘿.
嘿, 你们已经认识了, 嗯?
对-对，我刚才正在讲，呃，
示范我怎么把我大得出奇的脚
正好放在我的嘴里
我早跟你说过吧？他总爱逞口舌之利
在我开始之前，我只想要说，嗯
我感冒了，所以如果我唱到一半打喷嚏
那个喷嚏并不是歌里原来有的
对了，不包括"胡椒人"的最后一小节
臭臭猫，臭臭猫。他们拿什么喂你
这小妞声音不错
臭臭猫，臭--
嗨阿甘，给我来点威士忌
嗨!
嗨.
呀，凌晨两点半，我还不想和客队比赛
不好意思，这是Ernie Cofax的队服
几分钟前我在看比赛。
天啊！这就是为什么我也起床！
你开玩笑？哦，我爱他。
嗨，听着，我为今天下午的事很抱歉，
你知道，如果我知道你等的是...
我绝不会...
哦，行了！
那么，呃，乔伊对我说你们
是在表演课上遇到的
对，他们让我们俩搭档，
乔伊为我们选了三个场景，
每个都需要我们投入很长时间去练习
这很好，实际上，因为，呃，
他经常让我和他一起排练
喔-喔-喔-喔!
开始了?
不，但这个神奇扫帚真的很令人惊讶!
嗨!
哦天啊!
哦! 开始了! 开始了!
来，我的小伙计
那鸭子呢?
鸭子自己会游泳.
哦,对.
My sticky shoes, my sticky-sticky shoes, why do you stick on me, ba-a-by!
多谢灯光，甜心
很不错，菲比
感冒让你的声音变的太棒了
很好笑，天啊，我真是爱死性感的我了
哦，凯茜，我们该走了，我们要去和老鼠在一起。
哦，太棒了，我爱这些小家伙。
不，不，和你想的不一样，我为医疗研究机构工作
- 那么, 祝你愉快!- 好.
好，我想真是太棒了，
医疗组织终于打算帮助那些生病的老鼠了.
你知道么，我喜欢凯茜
哦对，我也是，她太酷太漂亮了。
对，她...
她聪明，风趣，你知道么？
我们昨晚聊了整夜，
她讲了一件特别好笑的事情...怎么了？
你爱她
不，我不爱
你爱，钱德爱上凯茜了
拜托，菲比别拿他开玩笑了
多谢，罗斯
对，他现在有一点敏感，因为他坠入爱河了
对.
哦!
没错.
哦, 嗯, 哦凯茜! 凯茜, 我爱你! 哦!
我现在需要写一些压抑的歌，
好适应我的新嗓子
但是我身边没发生什么悲伤的事情。
哦，你母亲去世的事呢
或者你14岁就要上街讨生活？
啊哈，哦，对，
我可以写一首关于我头发"Woo-hoo"的歌。
嗨!
我今晚还要去阿曼达那里！
瑞秋不在
哦.
那么，她怎么样？
非常好，实际上，
我想今夜可能就是..."那一夜"
对，我的意思是，
孩子们会一起玩，睡得早
我想阿曼达和我会开瓶红酒，再搞些我们自己的"节目"
嗨大家！这是乔斯。乔斯,
这些是我的朋友，那个是罗斯
嗨, 乔斯.
嗨.
老兄.
那么，你曾经在大学踢足球？
哦，现在也是，明年我希望能进校队。
罗斯，你是否，呃，在高中踢过足球？
哦，不对，等等，是这样。
你只是组织了一下他们的比赛时间表
那么，已经很晚了，
我要去比赛了，我已经...热血沸腾了
好.
我会想你的.
哦!
喔, 帅哥!
非常帅!
我知道，他是不是很棒？
我们的关系真是太好了，你知道，
他不会为什么事情烦恼，而且，呃，
我打赌他永远都不会进博物馆
也许他不久就得去，比如学校组织春游什么的
你知道他其他更棒的地方么
哦，我怎么形容才好呢？
一个成年人，他的卧室里竟然没有恐龙玩具！
喔!
那是什么?
莫妮卡知道.
这是罗斯发明的手语，他用来愚弄我们的父母。
这是比出中指又不被人察觉的手段
我记得你发明出来那晚我哭了。
因为我第一次意识到我比我哥哥强
好，我要去准备了
我今晚要约会，呃，我热血沸腾了
对，我也要走了，我一小时后有演出
嗨，你们得去听我唱,喔，听我唱. 哦,
My sticky shoes--呃！呃！
我的性感粘痰呢？！
嗨!
嗨!
嗨班!
喔! 你看上去太棒了!
多谢!
好!
嗨汤米.
你今天晚上来我真是太高兴了
喔不不不，那是我的荣幸
好，我的手机号码在桌子上，
你要吃什么自己到冰箱里拿
什么?
实在是太感谢你了，有一个月了
我已经不得不每次出去都得带着他
我-我-我...
哦, 我不想直说,
但是，如果你等孩子们都睡了以后再喝你的红酒，
我会非常感谢
哦，多谢你做这些事,
我希望什么时候我也能为你做这些
谁想要打长途电话？
凯茜! 凯茜! 嘿!! 凯茜! 凯茜!
凯茜!
拿开! 拿开它!
凯茜! 凯茜! 凯茜!
凯茜!
嘿，钱德！你在这干什么？
哦，我只是想过来说"嗨!"
嗨!
好.
哦拜托! 你有点言过其实了.
她的约会对象给了我10美元小费
菲比，你在干什么？
我还想要性感的声音，我试着让自己感冒
应该很容易，感冒很普通。
菲比，你会得肺炎的
好，你们是对的，
我爱上了乔伊的女朋友.
什么?!
你当真?
这-这-这怎么可能？你才刚认识她！
我不知道。我不能-我只是,
我不能把她从我脑海中抹去。你知道？
我的意思是，我是个坏人
我是个非常非常坏的人
我是个彻底的坏蛋！
不！你不坏，钱德！
我们仍然爱你，钱德！
哦，糟了，菲比，
我想我被你传染上感冒了
你是说你把它从我这儿偷走了！
你咳嗽的时候别捂着你的嘴！
嗨.
我们刚刚在说你的事.
真的?!
对对，我刚刚跟她说那次你喝醉了以后，
把脑袋扎进马桶睡着了的事
就在那儿!
99...100! 好了没有，我来了!
好吧，我们重新再讲一遍规则
嗨!
嗨，大家.
听着，今晚跟我和凯茜一起吃晚饭如何？
哦，不了，你知道么，我已经吃了
才4点半.
你知道，我星期一有顿大餐
这够我撑一星期的
好，我知道怎么回事了
你-你知道?
对！你不喜欢凯茜.
你了解我.
对，自从我们约会以来，你一直躲着她
看，我曾经努力去喜欢珍妮丝
现在，我想你应该努力去喜欢凯茜，
就从和我们一起吃晚饭开始，好么？
好，对.
好，而且，嘿！我请客
我说请客是因为你已经
不打算吃任何东西了，对吧？
好.
罗斯不在.
哦.
停下来!
那么咱们聚会上见？
啤酒大王, 24, 7!!
对!
我真想和他结婚.
喔!
怎么了?
我想他从我这儿偷东西.
为什么?
因为他从我这儿偷东西!
嗨！是我，还有汤
嗨，我刚才看见乔斯了，
他穿你的皮夹克很帅。
呜!
这个，我不吃鸡，所以这只是面汤
而且是没有肉的汤，实际上是...面条水
太谢谢你了,菲比.
应该的.
你到底干了些什么?!
可是，我需要你的病菌，
我要我的感冒回来，我想我性感的声音
对不起，菲比.
没关系，汤怎么样？
哦.
呕!! 天啊!!
哦，天啊，注意，
你可以看见那个女孩的内衣
她棒么?
那么，你怎么看?
哦，她-她不是我喜欢的那一型
不是你那一型?!她艳光四射！
你知道我怎么看？她穿着网格长筒袜
你知道？当我看到女孩穿着网格长筒袜，
我就想起我父亲穿网格长筒袜的样子
哦，我有点了解你为什么单身了
哦!你知道，我有个朋友你会喜欢，她很漂亮
到时候我们就可以四个人一起约会!
哦，我不-不谢了
好，那我还有些难看的朋友，
而且她们也都有空
听着，我-我要去拿瓶啤酒
我一会回来
刚才怎么回事?
怎么了?
凯茜表现的多好，你却走开了，
我想我们有协议
嗨，你到底想要我干什么？
我要你喜欢她！
如果这对你来说真的很难的话，
至少假装喜欢她
我一直在装.
好，那么，干得好点!
好的，那么你看我过去跟她说我多么喜欢她如何？
不不，这样更好。我可以跟她说我是多么想念她
从我遇到她以后从未停止过想念她
我整天在空想，没完没了，
想要扯开我的喉咙说我爱她
每天每小时每分钟都在想她，
难以置信我怎么这么倒霉，你先遇上了她!!
嗯，这样很好。但是你的音调最好低一些
嗨！呃，阿曼达刚刚甩了我
对，至少我爱上她一点，她...呃，
她起码够年龄开车了
那么，我猜你今晚没去看爸爸和妈妈了？
不，抱歉.
那么，阿曼达在哪?
嗨，瑞秋，你能给我点咳嗽药么？
我的意思你知道，我想，
你可以带她和你的孩子到你的旧房间去，
而且没有任何进展。
罗斯，请给我咳嗽药
至少我知道他不会跟我一起去看R级片
那你为什么不娶她？
哦不，等等，你不能。
不好意思我忘了，她不是女同性恋。
你看,阿曼达和我有很特殊的...
你有个屁!
你根本没跟她出去过，
你是她的保姆，你做着个12岁女孩的工作
哦，太悲哀了
你美个什么？"我该死的男友从我这偷东西小姐"？
嘿，就算他从我这偷走几块钱！
至少他还用这些钱买东西送我！
那个是我的!!
你们两个就不能表现得象个成年人？
现在，把咳嗽药给我！
好的.
对不起.
给你.
至少我还赚了10块钱
你知道...
Platting goats are platting,
Platting the streets,
Platting goats are platting,
leaving little treats.
没有了我性感的声音还好听么？
我喜欢.
阿甘，亲我
什么?
嘿!
现在，我们不是真的要睡了，你不介意吧？
我能在你沙发上睡么?
And I'm still waiting for my paper mache man.
谢谢大家.
瑞秋?
嗯.
我不知道听说那天我和菲比之间发生的事没有...
不!
是的, 我们接吻了. 不-不-不是我开始的
但-但是我也没有结束它，我感到很内疚
好的.
那么，我们没问题了?
是的.
我知道你会理解的.

[ 此帖被77恋兰在2014-03-23 00:08重新编辑 ]

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顶端

77恋兰

ZxID：11247485

23212鲜花 10鸡蛋

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 73楼发表于: 2014-03-22 0

406 The One With The Dirty Girl

[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and a beautiful blonde (Cheryl) are standing outside. The rest of the gang is watching from inside.]
Cheryl: So, thank you for the delicious dinner.
Ross: You're welcome for a delicious dinner.
[inside]
Phoebe: Hey what are you guys looking at?
Chandler: Ross and the most beautiful girl in the world.
Phoebe: Yeah, come to papa.
[Cheryl walks away and Ross walks inside. Everyone stares at him in disbelief.]
Ross: I know!
Monica: Probably the only time I'll ever say this, but did you see the ass on her?
Chandler: Where did you, when did you, how did you... (Joey hits the back of Chandler's head) How did you get a girl like that?
Rachel: Yeah, so what is she, like a... like a spokesmodel, or an aerobics instructor, what?
Ross: Actually she's a paleontology doctoral candidate, specializing in the centazoic era.
Chandler: Okay, but that's, like, the easiest era.
Ross: I've seen her at work, but I always figured, ah-huh? But, uh, I made her dinner. We had a great time. And we're going out again tomorrow.
Rachel: Well maybe she and her friends are just having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek.
Ross: Fine by me; hope she wins.
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there. Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hi. You guys have any wrapping paper?
Phoebe: Oo! Is it for my birthday present?
Chandler: Phebes, it was your birthday, like, months ago.
Phoebe: Yeah, but remember you said you ordered something special, and it just hasn't come yet?
Chandler: Well, I have a call in about that.
Phoebe: 'Kay.
Chandler: Actually, this is for Kathy's birthday. It's an early edition of her favorite book.
Rachel: Oh, The Velveteen Rabbit! Oh my God, when the boy's love makes the rabbit real!
Chandler: Okay, but don't touch it, because you fingers have destructive oils.
Rachel: Huh. Well, then you'd better keep it away from Ross's hair. So this is pretty rare. How did you get that?
Chandler: Oh, it wasn't a big deal. I just went to a couple of bookstores, talked to a couple of dealers... called a couple of the author's grandchildren.
Rachel: Oh, honey, that's so sweet.
Phoebe: Yeah, and what a great way to say, "I secretly love you, roommate's girlfriend!"
Chandler: It doesn't say that. Does it?
Ross: How do you think it's gonna look when you get her something incredibly meaningful and expensive and her boyfriend Joey gives her an orange?
Chandler: Okay, all right, I'll just uh, make sure that uh, Joey gets her something really great.
Phoebe: It's gotta be better than that book. Oo! Like a crossbow!
Monica: (Entering from her bedroom, talking on the phone) Yeah, once again, I am sorry. Thank you. Bye. (To the gang) I just had to turn down a job catering a funeral for sixty people.
Rachel: Oh my God! What happened?
Monica: Sixty guests.
Ross: So, uh, why did you have to turn it down?
Monica: Because I don't have the money or the equipment to handle something that big on such short notice. I mean there's no way.
Phoebe: Wow, what is with all the negativity? You sound like Monican't , not Monican... (Monica looks almost puzzled) ...Monica. Look, you know, you have been playing around with this catering thing for over three years. Do you want to be a caterer or not?
Monica: I don't know.
Phoebe: There you go, that's the spirit! Okay! Now, if you need money, I will lend you money, but just get moving!
Monica: Really? Cause I'd need like $500 for all the food and the supplies and stuff.
Phoebe: Okay! It's worth it, if it will get you moving. You haven't worked in months.
Monica: Well, you're not working either.
Phoebe: Yes, but I'm doing this.
Monica: Yeah, that'd be great! Thank you!
[Joey enters]
Joey: Hey!
Everyone: Hey.
Kathy: Can I borrow the keys to your apartment?
Joey: Why?
[Kathy whispers something in Joey's ear]
Joey: You can pee here!
Kathy: Ahahaha... haha.. yes I can, of course. Excuse me.
Chandler: It's okay, the duck's using our bathroom anyway. (Kathy goes into the bathroom.) Hey Joe! What are you getting Kathy for her birthday?
Joey: We've only been going out for a couple of weeks, do you think I gotta get her something?
Everyone: Yeah!
Rachel: Yes, you have to get her something, and it should be something really nice.
Joey: Oh, I know...
Rachel: And not one of your coupons for an hour of "Joey Love."
[cut to a new scene, also in Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting, Phoebe is nearby.]
Phoebe: Ooo, a crossword! Can I help?
Rachel: No! I'm sorry, honey, it's just that last week I got all but three answers and I really want to finish a whole one without any help.
Phoebe: Fine. But you can't help me develop my new universal language.
[Monica enters]
Monica: Hey!
Rachel: Hey, how'd it go?
Monica: Oh my God, it was the best funeral ever! I mean, everyone loved the food, and guess what? I even got another funeral for tomorrow--the dead-guy-from-today's best friend. I mean, it is like I am the official caterer for that accident!
Phoebe: Mon! I'm so happy for you!
Monica: Thanks. Like, check out my new catering stuff. (Picks up two frying pans) Look at this! I'm an omelet station! Omelet? Made to order!
Phoebe: I'll have one, please. Plus my money.
Monica: Oh. Well, I didn't realize that you needed it back right away. I mean, you told me to go and be a caterer. So I went. I beed. I mean, I... I used it to buy all this stuff. But look--I've got another job tomorrow, so I'll pay you back with the money I make from that.
Phoebe: Oh. Okay. Oo, sorry I acted like a bank.
Monica: Okay.
[Scene: Outside Cheryl's apartment, Ross and Cheryl are kissing]
Ross: (moved by the kiss) Huh...
Cheryl: Um, would you like to come in?
Ross: Did homo-erectus hunt with wooden tools?
Cheryl: According to recent findings!
[They go into the apartment. Inside the apartment it looks like a sewage dump exploded and landed in her living room. There are clothes and food and junk covering every square inch of space. I mean pigs have nicer pens. Ross is completely shocked.]
Cheryl: (throwing food around the room) Here Mitzi! Here Mitzi!
Ross: Mitzi is.....
Cheryl: My hamster. I hope she's okay, I haven't seen her in a while. Have a seat.
Ross: (mouths "where?") Uh... Oh hey, do you, uh (steps on some garbage and falters) ...do you have any, um, Cinnamon Fruit Toasties?
Cheryl: What?
Ross: Well, I do! Why don't we go back to my place, light a couple of candles, break open a box of Cinnamon Fruit Toasties, uh...
Cheryl: I'd rather not.
Ross: Oh, yeah, why not?
Cheryl: Okay, um, don't take this the wrong way, but your place kinda has a weird smell.
[Scene: A kitchen where Phoebe and Monica are finishing up a catering job]
Monica: Oh, is everything in the car?
Phoebe: Yes. Did you settle the bill?
Monica: No. I hate this part.
Phoebe: Oh, look what we almost left. (Picks up a coffee maker)
Monica: No, that's not mine.
Phoebe: Oh, all right. Oh! Look what we almost took!
[cut to the living room of the same dwelling, where the funeral guests are mingling. Monica enters.]
Monica: Excuse me, Mrs. Burkart? Well, we're all cleaned up in the kitchen.
Mrs. Burkart: Oh, good. Thank you.
Monica: Um, and, well there's the.. the the small matter of...
Mrs. Burkart: Dear?
Monica: Just the matter of ...payment?
Mrs. Burkart: (in grief) Jack used to handle the finances! (Breaks into tears)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on the couch still doing the crossword. Chandler is in the kitchen.]
Rachel: You know what we should all do? Go see a musical.
Chandler: (confused) Sure...
Rachel: And you know which one we should see? The 1996 Tony award winner. Do you happen to know the name of that one?
Chandler: I don't know... um, Grease?
Rachel: No....
Chandler: Rent?
Rachel: Yes! Rent!
Chandler: Okay, so when do you want to go?
Rachel: What? Oh, I'm sorry, I can't, I'm busy.
Joey: (entering the apartment) Hey. Man, it is so hard to shop for girls.
Chandler: Yes, it is, at Office Max.
Rachel: What did you get her? (Joey opens up a rectangular black box and holds up a pen.)
Chandler: A pen.
Joey: It's two gifts in one. It's a pen that's also a clock! Huh?
Chandler: Huh-huh! You can't give her that.
Joey: Why not?
Chandler: Because she's not eleven! And it's not the seventh night of Hanukkah!
Rachel: Okay, honey, what he means by that, is ...while this is a very nice gift, maybe it's just not something a boyfriend gives?
Joey: Sure it is! She needs a pen for work, she's writing, she turns it over.... "Whoa! It's time for my date with Joey!"
Chandler: All right, look, look. What did... what did you get for Angela Delveccio for her birthday?
Joey: She didn't have a birthday while we were going out.
Chandler: For three years?
Joey: (whining and heading toward the door) Look, it's too late, and I got an audition. I can't shop anymore! I...
Chandler: All right. I will go out and I will try to find something for her, okay?
Joey: Thanks, man. And oh, while you're at it, could you get her a card?
Chandler: Would you like me to write her a little poem as well?
Joey: Or... just get a card that has a poem already in it.
[Scene: Back in the kitchen at the funeral. Phoebe is there, Monica enters.]
Phoebe: But Mon, you have to get our money!
Monica: Oh, Phoebe, she couldn't stop crying! With those thick glasses, her tears looked giant.
Phoebe: I know, it's tough. You know what the first thing I did after my mother's funeral was?
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Pay the caterer! Look, I've had a lot of jobs, okay, and there are some people who just always try to get out of paying. It's either, you know, "that massage wasn't long enough, or, "I don't recognize any of those songs," or, you know, "these sombreros aren't big enough. Bad little white girl!"
Monica: Okay. So what do you.... you think she's faking?
Phoebe: Well, it seems like there weren't any tears 'til you showed her the bill.
Monica: Phoebe, she sounded pretty upset to me.
[cut to the living room where Mrs. Burkart is now performing.]
Mrs. Burkart: (singing) You're a grand ol' flag, you're a high-flying flag, and forever in peace may you wave....
Phoebe: She seems fine now.
Mrs. Burkart: (singing) ...emblem of the land I love. The home of....
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are standing and talking, Ross is tying a tie.]
Joey: So, you just left? Her place was really that bad?
Ross: You know how you throw your jacket on a chair at the end of the day?
Joey: Yeah.
Ross: Well, like that, only instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived! (Ross takes the loosely tied tie off and hands it to Joey who puts it on.) Here.
Joey: Wow. Thanks. So, uh, what happened?
Ross: What do you mean? Nothing happened! I had to get out of there.
Joey: All right, so... next time, you take her to your place.
Ross: No, I tried that. She says it has a weird smell.
Joey: What kind of smell?
Ross: I don't know. Soap?
Joey: All right, listen, Ross... you like this girl, right?
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: You wanna see her again, right?
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: So you're gonna have to do it in the mess!
Ross: Yeah, okay you're right.
Joey: Yeah.
Ross: I mean, uh, who... who cares about a little sloppiness?
Joey: Yeah!
Ross: It's, uh... it's endearing, really.
Joey: All right! Now you go get that beautiful pig! (Ross hesitates, looks unsure) Oink!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel, Rachel is there, Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Okay, all right. I just spent the entire afternoon looking for a present for Kathy that would be better than the rabbit.
Rachel: Any luck?
Chandler: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I found this great place called "Invisible things for Kathy." (Motions to an imaginary pile of presents next to him.) Can you give me a hand with all this stuff?
Rachel: All right, look. Why don't you just return the book, let Joey give her the clock pen, and you give her something worse than that. Like... a regular pen.
Chandler: She's really going to love this, you know? The bottom line is I want her to have it, even if I don't get to be the one who gives it to her.
Rachel: Aw, honey, that's so sweet.
Chandler: Yeah? You don't think it's just pathetic?
Rachel: Oh! Pathetic! (Grabs the crossword puzzle and starts writing.)
Joey: (entering) Hey! I'm meeting Kathy in ten minutes! I've been looking all over for you!
Chandler: Where?
Joey: Our place, the hall! I...
Chandler: I got something for her. (Joey picks up the package, shakes it next to his ear, can't hear anything, switches ears, shakes it again.) It's a book!
Joey: (Unimpressed) A book? (Suddenly interested) Is it like a book that's also a safe?
Chandler: No, it's a book that's just a book, okay? It's an early edition of the Velveteen Rabbit. It was her favorite book as a kid. So, uh, just... let me know if she likes it, okay?
Joey: You got it. Thanks man. Thanks for doing this, I owe you one. (Joey leaves, comes back in.) Oh, hey! There wasn't any change from that twenty, was there?
Chandler: No, it came out to an even twenty.
Joey: Wow. That's almost as much as a new book.
[Scene: In the living room at the funeral]
Mrs. Burkart: (singing) Jeepers, creepers, where'd you get those peepers? Jeepers, creepers, where'd you get those eyes?
[cut to Monica and Phoebe in the kitchen]
Phoebe: You didn't get the money, did you?
Monica: Maybe I can try at intermission? Phoebe, come on... you know what? Let's just go!
Phoebe: No! Hey, we're not leaving until we get paid! I don't know who she thinks she is! Enough is enough! (Phoebe goes into the living room.) Hey, widow?
Mrs. Burkart: (Singing) Come on along and listen to...
Phoebe: Okay, Widow!
Mrs. Burkart: (Singing) ...the lullabye of...
Phoebe: Excuse me. Excuse me! (Mrs. Bukart stops singing) Thanks. Um, clearly this is a very, very hard time for you. Um, but, um, we provided a service, and we deserve to be paid because you ate that service, and, um, we are not leaving here until we're paid every penny. 'Cause you know what, lady? We're part time caterers, and we have no place else to go.
Mrs. Burkart: All right. I'll get my bag.
Phoebe: Good. (Phoebe and Mrs. Burkart go into the other room, leaving Monica with everyone staring at her.)
Monica: I'm gonna leave some cards here. Please think of us for you next event.
[Scene: Outside Cheryl's apartment.]
Cheryl: So you want to come inside?
Ross: (mustering up courage) Yes. Yes I do. (They go inside.)
Cheryl: I'll be right back. Make yourself comfortable. (Ross attempts to clear a place for his coat and fold it small enough to fit. Then hit sits on the couch. Something falls on him from above and he brushes his neck off frantically.)
Cheryl: (sneaking up behind Ross) Guess who?
Ross: Department of Sanitation?
Cheryl: It's me!
Ross: Oh! (She kisses him) Ah. (They kiss more, and move down onto the couch. Ross's hand moves under some garbage) Aw! (His hand is covered with something brown and gooey.)
Cheryl: What?
Ross: (trying to make his disgust into lust) Ah, Cheryl!
Cheryl: Oh, Ross!
[They sit up, moaning in excitement, and Cheryl straddles Ross. Ross finds a slice of bologna and moans higher and louder, then a bag of potato chips on the coffee table starts to move. Ross throws Cheryl off his lap, grabs a tennis racket and a toilet brush and starts pounding the bag.]
Cheryl: Wait! No! No! It's my hamster! It's Mitzi!
Ross: Oh my god! I'm so sorry, Cheryl. I must have freaked out.
Cheryl: (looking in the bag) Oh, thank god, it's not Mitzi. It's just a rat.
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is sitting on the couch alone. Gunther is there, going into the back room.]
Rachel: I did it! Oh! I finished it! I did it all by myself! And there's nobody to hug!
[From the background we hear a crash and Gunther comes running out of the back room, pushing people aside, reaching for Rachel.]
Gunther: Move!
[Gunther slips and falls just before reaching the back of the couch. Monica and Phoebe come into Central Perk.]
Rachel: Hey! Hey, you guys, I finished the crossword all by myself! Hug me!
[Gunther gets up slowly from behind the couch and walks away sadly]
Phoebe: Uh... yay!
Rachel: Thanks!
Monica: Oh, that's great! Congratulations!
Rachel: Thank you! Hey, how'd the catering go?
Monica: Oh, it was great! The widow wouldn't pay, so Phoebe yelled at her 'til she did.
Phoebe: Yeah. I'm a hard ass.
Monica: And I'm a wuss. And we should be partners.
Phoebe: Yeah. Hard Ass and Wuss. We could fight crime!
Monica: Wait a minute, Phoebe! We should be partners. We should be catering partners. I mean, think about it! You're not working right now, and we have such a great time together!
Phoebe: Okay!
Monica: I can cook and you can take care of the money.
Phoebe: Yeah. Oh! It'll be like I have a wife in the fifties!
Both: (screaming with excitement) Aah!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is there, Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Hey, how'd it go? How'd she like the gift?
Joey: Oh, man, she loved it! She's over there showing Monica and Rachel right now.
Chandler: Oh yeah? That's great!
Joey: Hey, listen, I gotta tell ya, I feel kinda bad taking credit for this, because man, am I gonna get a lot of credit for this!
Chandler: [nodding, with mixed feelings] Aahhuuhhh....
[Kathy enters]
Kathy: Hey.
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Hey! Happy birthday.
Kathy: Thank you!
Joey: You know, uh... [Joey moves the pen case out onto the counter.] Chandler got you a gift, too.
Chandler: No he didn't. [Moving it back.]
Joey: Yeah, he did, look... look, it's right there on the counter! Ha-ho-ho!
Chandler: Happy birthday! I'm sorry.
Kathy: You really didn't have to. (Opens the box) Wow.
Chandler: See, you think it's just a pen, but then you turn it over and it's also a clock.
Kathy: Yeah. No, this is great. Thank you, Chandler. (They hug).
Chandler: Oh, yeah... yeah.
Joey: Ah. Hm. (To Kathy) Wanna go to bed?
Kathy: I'll be in in a minute.
Joey: Oh, uh... don't forget your coupon. (Tries to strike a sexy pose up against the doorway to his room. Then goes inside).
Chandler: [to Kathy] Goodnight.
Kathy: Um, thank you for the gift.
Chandler: Oh, uh, yeah... I just knew that sometimes when you're writing, you... you don't always know the exact time.
Kathy: No, I... I didn't mean the pen. Thank you for the book.
Chandler: Uh, the book?
Kathy: The Velveteen Rabbit. I kinda have the feeling you had something to do with it.
Chandler: What do you mean?
Kathy: Well, uh, when Joey gave it to me, he said, "This is 'cause I know ya like Rabbits, and I know ya like cheese." Thanks. I love it. And I know how hard it must have been for you to find.
Chandler: (tongue-tied) Uhl..ell. By the way, in case you missed that, that sound was, "Uhl, ell."
Kathy: You must really like... Joey... to go to all that trouble for him.
Chandler: Oh, yeah, he's my... he's my best friend.
Kathy: Well....
Chandler: Goodnight. (Goes to his room.)
Joey: (opening bedroom door) Hey, that coupon expires, you know.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[ending credits scene: outside Cheryl's apartment, Monica knocks on Cheryl's door]
Monica: Hi. Uh, you... you don't know me, I'm Monica Geller... Ross's sister.
Cheryl: Oh, yeah. Oh, you know, that's too bad that didn't work out.
Monica: Yeah. Anyway, he told me about your apartment. And, um, I couldn't sleep, thinking about it. So, uh, would it be okay if I cleaned it?
[Cheryl shrugs, shuts the door, looking puzzled]
Monica: No?
[Monica looks around the hallway, pulls out a sponge and starts scrubbing the door frame.]
THE END

406 “灰”姑娘

那么,谢谢你这顿美味的晚餐
不客气
嘿,你们看什么呢?
罗斯和世界上最漂亮的姑娘
对,到爸爸这儿来
我知道!
也许只有一次,不过我会一直这么说
但是你注意她的屁股了么?
你从哪儿,你什么时候,你怎么...
你怎么把这样的姑娘搞到手的?
对,她是不是,比如车展模特,或者健身教练什么的?
实际上她是古生物学博士,中古时期专业
好的,这听起来象...最简单的领域
我和她在工作上认识,但我一直考虑...嗯哼?
我请了她晚饭,我们在一起很愉快.
我们约好明天一起出去
也许只是她和她的朋友比赛
谁能带回来最滑稽的小丑
再好不过了.希望她会赢.
嗨,你们有包装纸么?
是为了我的生日礼物么?
菲比,你的生日好象在一个月以前
好的,但是你应该记得,
你答应过安排一些特别的,
但是现在还没有出现过
好的,我正在准备这个
好.
实际上,这是为凯茜的生日准备的.
这是她最喜欢的书的的早期版本
哦,《绒毛兔子》!我的天,
男孩的爱会把它变成真兔子!
好的，但不要碰它,
你手指上有油.
呵,好,那你最好拿它离罗斯的头发远点
这应该非常罕见.你怎么弄到的?
哦,不算什么大事.我只是去几家书店,
问几个书商...
打电话给作者的孙子.
哦,亲爱的,这真是甜蜜.
对,一个伟大的方法去表明,
我暗恋你,室友的女朋友!
这不代表这个意思,对么?
你会怎么看?看起来
你送她的礼物难以置信,意味深长
而且价值不菲,
而她的男朋友乔伊可能只送她一个橘子
好,我只是确认一下,
乔伊会送她更好的东西
会比这本书好...喔,就象弓!
对,我再次说声抱歉,谢谢.再见.
我刚回掉了一件工作,
给一个60人的葬礼提供饮食
天啊!出什么事了死那么多人?
来了60个客人.
那么,呃,为什么你推掉这件工作?
因为我没有钱,也没有设备
在这么短的时间里准备这么多的东西.
我是说,这不可能.
喔，怎么全都否定了?
你听起来象是"莫妮卡什么都不行",
而不是那个"莫妮卡什么都行"...
...莫妮卡.你看,
你已经做承包宴会这样的工作大约3年了
你想成为宴会承包商么?
我不知道.
对,就是这样,精神起来!
好的,如果你现在需要钱,
我会借给你,不过你要立刻行动!
真的?因为全部食物,设备和原料
好!值得一做,如果干了这次,
你失业几个月了
是啊,你也没工作啊
是啊,但是我可以放债
啊,太好了,谢谢你.
嗨!
嗨.
我能借你公寓的钥匙么?
为什么?
你可以在这尿!
啊哈哈哈...哈哈..我可以,
当然,不好意思.
没问题,鸭子也经常用我们的洗手间
嗨乔!你为凯茜的生日准备了什么?
我们刚约会了几个星期,
你真认为我应该送她东西?
对!
是的,你应该送她东西,
送她非常好的东西.
哦,我知道了...
- 而且不是一小时"与乔伊做爱"的优待券
哦,猜字游戏!要我帮忙?
不!对不起,亲爱的,
上个星期我就只差3个答案了,
而且我非常想自己完成它.
好,但是你也不能帮我开发新的世界语.
嗨!
嗨, 怎么样了?
天啊，这一定是有史以来最好的葬礼!
所有人都喜欢这些食物,而且你猜怎么样?
我承包了明天的另一个葬礼--
今天那个死鬼的最好朋友的.
我是说,这件事让我看上去象是
职业葬礼承办商!
莫!我真为你高兴!
谢谢.看看我的新设备.
看这个!我是个煎蛋卷站!
煎蛋卷?按秩序来!
我也点一份，还有我的钱.
哦.好的,我觉得你不是立刻需要它.
我是说,你叫我当个宴会承包商.
所以我做了,我的意思是...
我...我把它们都花了,买了这些.
但是,你看,我已经找到了明天的工作,
那么我可以把明天挣到的钱还给你.
- 哦.好的.哦,不好意思,
我表现的象个银行.
没事.
哦...
哦,想不想进去?
直立人用木头工具狩猎么?
根据最新的发现!
过来米兹!过来米兹!
哦...米兹是.....
我的老鼠.希望她没事,
我有段时间没看到她了,坐.
哦...哦嘿,你,哦
你有没有肉桂吐丝?
什么?
好的,我有!为什么咱们不去我那儿,
点上几根蜡烛,打开一盒肉桂吐丝,嗯
我宁可不去.
哦,为什么不?
好的,你别太在意,
你房间里有一股怪味
哦,东西都装上车了?
对,你整理好帐单了?
没有.我恨这部分工作.
哦,看看我们差点还忘了什么.
不,这个不是我的.
哦,好吧.哦!
看看我们差点拿了什么!
对不起,巴卡特夫人,
我们已经把厨房打扫完了.
哦,好,谢谢你.
哦,有一件小事...
亲爱的?
一点小事...报酬?
一直是杰克管帐的!
你知道我们应该去干什么?
去看音乐剧.
当然...
你知道我们应该去看谁?
1996年托尼奖获得者
你知道那人叫什么名字么?
我不知道,呃,格雷斯?
不对....
伦特?
对! 伦特!
好，那么你打算什么时候去?
什么?哦,对不起,我不能去,我很忙.
嘿.给女孩买礼物可真累啊
是的,没错,尤其是去马克斯商店.
你给她买了什么?
一支笔.
这是两件礼物.这是支笔,
也是个表!啊?
哈哈!你不能送她这个.
为什么?
因为她不是11岁!
而且这也不是光明节的第七夜!
好的,亲爱的,他的意思是
这应该是件非常好的礼物,
应该是适合男朋友送她的.
这当然是!她工作的时候需要笔,
她写字的时候,把笔转过来...
哇!到了我和乔伊约会的时间了!
好,好,
安琪拉.德尔维琪生日的时候你送的什么?
我们约会的那段时间没有她生日.
3年没有生日?
太晚了,而且我还要去参加选角,
我已经不能再逛商店了!我...
好,我出去给她买件礼物,如何?
多谢,兄弟.哦,既然你已经去了,
能不能顺便送她张卡?
你是否希望我最好再写首诗送她?
或者...只是买张上面有诗的卡?
但是,莫,你拿了我们的钱!
哦,菲比,她不停的哭!
从那些厚眼镜片里看,
她的泪珠特别的大.
我知道,这很难.你知道我母亲葬礼后
我做的第一件事是什么?
什么?
付钱给承包宴会的人!
我在工作经常碰到这种事,
有些人不打算付钱
比如说,你知道,"按摩时间好像不够长"
或者, "我并不认可这些歌,"或者,你知道,
这些宽边帽不怎么大,小姑娘!!
好的,那么你认为她是在装?
是的,看上去在你给她看帐单之前
好像没什么眼泪.
菲比,她的声音真的让我难受.
You're a grand ol' flag, you're ahigh-flying flag, and forever inpeace may you wave....
她现在看上去很好.
...emblem of the land I love. The home of....
那么,你真的离开了?
她的房间真的这么差?
你知道,每天回家时把夹克扔到椅子上
嗯.
好的,就象这样,有件东西取代了椅子,
是一堆垃圾.
有件东西取代了夹克,也是一堆垃圾.
还有件东西取代了回家的时候,
是世界末日,幸存的只有垃圾!
这
喔.谢谢.那么,哦,发生了什么?
你什么意思?什么也没发生!
我只有离开了.
好,那么...下次你带她去你那儿.
不,我试过了.她说我那儿有股怪味.
什么样的味?
我不知道.香皂?
好,听着,罗斯... 你喜欢她,对么?
对.
你想再见到她,对么?
对.
那你就得在垃圾堆里做!
对,你是对的.
对.
我是说,呃,谁...谁在乎一点脏东西?
对!
这,呃...这很可爱,真的.
好!现在你去找这头漂亮的猪!
哼哈!
好,好.我花了整个下午去给凯茜找一件
比这本兔子更好的礼物.
好运?
哦,对,我找到了个"凯茜看不见的东西"
你能不能帮我一把?
好,这样,你为什么不退掉这本书,
让乔伊送她那支带表的笔?
然后你送一件更差的礼物.比如...
普通的笔.
她真的会喜欢这个,你知道?
重要的是把这个送给她,
即使她不知道是谁送的.
啊,亲爱的,你真好.
啊?你不认为这很可悲么?
哦!可悲!
嗨!我十分钟前遇见了凯茜!
我到处在找你!
哪儿?
咱们那儿, 客厅! 我...
我给她买了礼物.
是本书!
书?
是本书也是保险箱?
不,就是本书.
好吧.这是绒毛兔的最初版本,
这是她小时候最喜欢的书
那么,如果她喜欢,告诉我,OK?
好的.谢谢你,我欠你的.
哦,嘿!给你的20块钱有找头没有？
不,不只20块呢
哦.跟新书一样贵
Jeepers, creepers, where'd you get those peepers?
Jeepers, creepers, where'd you get those eyes?
你没弄到钱,对么?
也许我该在间断的时候去?
菲比,拜托,你知道...走吧!
不!嘿,她付钱之前我们决不离开!
我真不知道她把自己当谁了!
够了!够了!
嘿, 寡妇?
Come on along and listen to...
寡妇!
...the lullabye of...
对不起. 对不起!
谢谢.显然这是你非常难过的时候.
呃,但是,我们提供了服务,
我们应该得到报酬因为你吃了这些服务.
而且,在你付清每一分钱之前我们绝不走.
你知道为什么吗,女士?
我们只是临时承包商,
而且我们没别的地方可以去
好的,我去拿我的包.
好.
我留下几张名片.
下次丧事找我们.
那么你打算进来么?
是的,我想.
我一会回来,你尽量舒服点.
猜猜是谁?
卫生部?
是我!
喔!
啊.
哇!
怎么?
啊, 谢丽!
哦, 罗斯!
等等!不!住手!是我的老鼠!是米兹!
天啊,对不起,谢丽.
我一定是吓坏了.
哦,谢天谢地,不是米兹.
只是只一般的老鼠
我做到了!哦!我完成了!
我自己把它都做出来了!
可是却没有人和我拥抱!
躲开!
嘿!
嘿, 你们, 我自己完成了猜字游戏! 拥抱我!
呃...呀!
谢谢!
哦,太棒了!祝贺!
谢谢你!宴会怎么样?
哦,太棒了!寡妇不肯付钱,
于是菲比对她大吼直到她付钱为止.
对.我是强硬派.
我是软弱派,我需要搭档.
对.强硬加软弱..我们可以对抗犯罪!
等一下,菲比!我们可以成为搭档.
我们成为承包商搭档!
我是说,想想看!你现在没有工作,
我们可以长时间在一起!
好吧!
我做菜你管钱.
好,哦!就好象
五十年代的人讨了个老婆！
啊!
嗨!
嗨, 怎么样? 她喜欢这个礼物么?
哦,兄弟,她爱死这个了!
她现在去给莫妮卡和瑞秋看呢.
哦? 这很好!
嗨,听着,我得说,把功劳都给我,
我感觉不太好，因为
我得到的好处可真会不少
啊哈哈哈哈....
嗨.
嗨!生日快乐.
谢谢你!
你知道,呃...钱德也给你带了礼物.
不,他没有.
他有,看...看,就在桌子上!哈呵呵!
生日快乐!
对不起.
你真的不必.
喔.
看,你以为它是个笔,
其实它翻过来还是个表呢.
好,这非常好.谢谢你,钱德.
哦,是..是.
啊.
什么时候上床?
再等一下
别忘了你的优待券.
晚安.
嗯,谢谢你的礼物.
哦,是的...我知道你有些时候会写字.
你...你有时候不知道时间.
不,我...我不是说笔.谢谢你的书.
呃,书?
绒毛兔.我感到这事和你有关.
你什么意思?
是的,乔伊给我的时候,他说,
送你这个因为你喜欢兔子,也喜欢奶酪.
谢谢.我很喜欢.而且我知道这很不好找.
哦哇.顺便说一下,你忘了这个,听起来象是"哦哇."
你一定很喜欢乔伊,
才为他惹了这么多麻烦.
哦,是,他是我...他是我最好的朋友.
好....
晚安.
嘿,你知道么,优待券会过期的.
嗨.你不认识我, 我是莫妮卡.盖勒...罗斯的妹妹.
哦,对,你知道,实在太糟糕了,我们分手了。
对,他跟我说了你的公寓.
我听了之后想着它根本睡不着.
那么你能让我打扫一下么?
不吗

[ 此帖被77恋兰在2014-03-23 00:09重新编辑 ]

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顶端

77恋兰

ZxID：11247485

23212鲜花 10鸡蛋

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 74楼发表于: 2014-03-22 0

407 The One Where Chandler Crosses a Line

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey and Chandler are there eating breakfast.]
Chandler: (entering in a bathrobe) I just walked in the bathroom and saw Kathy naked! It was like torture!
Ross: Y'know if we ever go to war and you're captured, you're in for a big surprise.
Chandler: It just keeps getting worse and worse! Y'know? I mean it's bad enough that I'm in love with my roommate's girlfriend -- which by the way, I think she knows. Because every time we're in the room together there's this weird like energy between us. And call me crazy, but I think she likes me too. And now I have seen her naked. I mean at least when I've seen her with clothes on, I could imagine her body was like covered in boles or something. But there are no boles, she's smooth! Smooth! (leaves)
(Pause)
Phoebe: Wow! Could everyone totally see up his robe?
All: Yeah! Oh my God!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is getting a phone number from a woman (Casey) as Chandler watches from the doorway.]
Casey: Here you go.
Joey: Great! All right, so I'll call you later.
Casey: Great! (leaves)
Chandler: (rushing up) Hey-Hey-Hey! Who was that?
Joey: That would be Casey. We're going out tonight.
Chandler: Goin' out, huh? Wow! Wow! (Does a little celebration dance) So things didn't work out with Kathy, huh? Bummer.
Joey: No, things are fine with Kathy. I'm having a late dinner with her tonight, right after my early dinner with Casey.
Chandler: (shocked) What?
Joey: Yeah-yeah. And the craziest thing is that I just ate a whole pizza by myself! (Laughs)
Chandler: Wait! You're going out with Kathy!
Joey: Yeah. Why are you getting so upset?
Chandler: Well, I'm upset -- for you. I mean, having sex with an endless line of beautiful women must be very unfulfilling for you. (He can't believe he just sad that.)
Joey: What is the big deal? It's not like we're exclusive.
Chandler: Look, Joey, Kathy is clearly not fulfilling your emotional needs. But Casey, I mean granted I only saw the back of her head, but I got this sense that she's-she's smart, and funny, and gets you.
Joey: You got all that from the back of her head?
Chandler: All right look, I think it's time for you to settle down. Y'know? Make a choice, pick a lane.
Joey: Who's Elaine?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Monica are sitting on the couch playing cards, and Phoebe is working on a new song.]
Phoebe: (singing) "Little, tiny Tarzan, swinging on a nose hair. Swinging with the greatest of ease..." Darn it! Now, I don't know who to get to the next verse.
Ross: Oh, you could just go uh, "greatest of ease... (plays air guitar) BAH-bah-bha-bhannn." Then go right into it.
Phoebe: Yeah, ooh, I like that! Yeah. Wait! How do you know about 'bah-bah-bha-bhan?'
Ross: Well umm, y'know, I used to play.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, that's right, the keyboards, huh?
Ross: Yeah, just a little in high school, but then I really got into it in college. I mean that's-that's when I really found my sound.
(Monica is taking a drink as Ross says that, laughs, and snorts her drink.)
Monica: Oh God! Orange juice just came out of my nose, but it was totally worth it. Oh my God, I completely forgot about your sound.
Ross: Yeah.
Monica: He used to lock himself in the basement for hours. No one was every allowed to hear, "The Sound."
Phoebe: I wanna hear "The Sound."
Ross: Really? No. I mean, nah, I haven't played in so long, and-and, well it's-it's really personal stuff, y'know?
Phoebe: Come on, play that funky music white boy.
Monica: Yeah!
Ross: No, you guys, I mean my keyboards are all the way up in -- No, yeah, okay. (Runs out.)
[Cut to later that same day, Ross has retrieved his keyboard and is about to debut, "The Sound."]
Ross: Okay, guys.
Chandler: All right! Bring it on, you...
Ross: Here we go. (Plays one note) Y'know, I've-I've never played my stuff for anyone before, so it's important that-that you understand it's about communicating very private emotions. (Plays another note) Y'know, umm, you should-you should think of umm, my work as wordless sound poems. That's what I'm...
Chandler: (interrupting) Oh my God! Play!
(Ross starts to play. He plays a key that has a back beat sound attached to it. Over the background music he plays the sound of a barking dog, a mooing cow, a laser beam, someone coughing, a jackhammer, a doorbell, a police siren, a ray gun, breaking dishes, and for a closer he plays the sound of a loud crash.)
Monica: (At a loss for words) Boy, that was-that was, umm... terrific.
Chandler: Really, bitchin'!
Phoebe: Wow, it was so -- wow!
Ross: Really?! I mean, really?!!
Rachel: Yeah, I mean, you should play in public!
Ross: Wow! Thanks, you guys. That's uh -- ohhh, I wanna, I wanna play you another piece! Umm! Uh-oh! I left my uh, helicopter sounds on another disk. I'll be right back! Okay? (Runs to fetch them) This is so nice, I'm -- I am so... (starts to break up and leaves)
Monica: Oh God bless my dad sound proofing the basement!
Rachel: Oh, I can't believe I ever let him touch me with those fingers.
Phoebe: What are you guys talking about, I loved it! It was soo moving. Oh, plus it's just, it's so different from the stuff you usually hear.
Chandler: You mean like, music?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts quacking.]
Chandler: Yeah, I know what you're thinkin'! Yes, yes, your breasts are just as firm and juicy.
(There's a knock on the door.)
Chandler: Come in!
Kathy: (entering) Hey! (sees what's on TV) Oh God, is that Baywatch?
Chandler: Uh yes, but uh, I just watch it for the articles.
Kathy: So is Joey around?
Chandler: No-no, he's not back yet, but he'll be here any minute. So uh, come on in. Have a seat. Bow or stern?
Kathy: I uh, don't really have a preference. You?
Chandler: I like it in the stern. (Realizes what he just said.) ...of the boat. (The phone rings, and he answers it.) (on phone) Hello.
Joey: (on the other end at a pay phone) Hey, it's me. Listen Casey and I were on our way back and had a little car trouble.
Chandler: What happened?
Joey: We broke down on the Parkway, so I have to walk back and get some transmission fluid. And hey, listen could you please tell Kathy that I'll be there as soon as I can.
Chandler: Why can't you tell her?
Joey: 'Cause I only have one quarter, and I think my time is about to -- (he stops talking suddenly)
Chandler: Joey! Joey!!
Joey: Yeah?
Chandler: I thought your time ran out.
Joey: Me too, but I guess I do have a couple of more -- (his time runs out for real)
Chandler: (to Kathy) Uhh, that was Joey. He's running a little late, he says he's sorry.
Kathy: Oh.
Chandler: So I guess it's just uh, you and me then.
Kathy: Oh, okay.
Chandler: Yeah, I think it is!
Kathy: So what did you do today?
Chandler: Oh, I had an appointment to get my haircut...
Kathy: (interrupting) Oh, it looks great!
Chandler: ...and then it got canceled.
Kathy: Well, I could cut it.
Chandler: Really?! You do that?
Kathy: Yeah, I do. Of course, I learned at my aunt's dog grooming shop, but hey, what do you say?
Chandler: Dog grooming huh? Okay, just don't make my tail too poofy.
[Cut to later, Kathy is cutting Chandler's hair.]
Kathy: You have really great hair.
Chandler: Well, thanks. I grow it myself. (Kathy is running her fingers through his hair, and Chandler catches himself enjoying it too much.) Y'know who also has great hair is Joey!
Kathy: Yes! Yeah! Joey has great hair! Umm, I'm basically done here. Just let me get this off your neck.
(Kathy leans in really close and Chandler mouths "Oh my God." She moves around in front of him and kneels at his feet.)
Chandler: What-what 'cha doin'?
Kathy: Checking to see if it's even.
Chandler: 'Kay.
Kathy: Looks good.
(They lean in to kiss and are interrupted by the phone.)
Chandler: (jumping up to answer the phone) Oh the phone! The phone's making sounds! (On phone) Hello!
Joey: (on phone) Hey dude, it's me.
Chandler: Hey it's Joey!
Joey: Listen uh, I'm really sorry, it looks like I'm gonna be stuck here for a while. I got the transmission fluid, but when I went to put it in the car, the transmission wasn't there!
Chandler: What?
Joey: Yeah, it must've fallen out a few blocks back. I just figured we hit a dog.
Chandler: Okay.
Joey: Listen uh, could you put Kathy on, I wanna apologize.
Chandler: Oh yeah man. (to Kathy) Joey. (Hands her the phone.)
Kathy: (on phone) Hey. (listens) Oh no it's fine, don't worry about it. (listens) Yeah-no, stop apologizing, it's okay. (listens) Yeah! I'll talk to you tomorrow. (hangs up) (to Chandler) I should uh, probably go.
Chandler: Yeah. Yes! Yeah.
(Kathy leaves and Chandler groans in agony. Kathy knocks on the door and Chandler opens it.)
Kathy: I forgot my purse.
Chandler: Oh.
(They kiss, passionately.)
Kathy: No, I really did forget my purse.
(They kiss again.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, continued from earlier. Chandler and Kathy are still kissing, then they stop suddenly.]
Chandler: No-no-no-no, this is bad! It's bad! This is bad!
Kathy: Horrible!
Chandler: Wait the uh, the kiss or the situation?
Kathy: No-no-no, the kiss was good.
Chandler: Okay!
Kathy: No, but that's bad!
Chandler: Ooh! Yes! Okay! Here's what we do, we-we forget it happened.
Kathy: What?!
Chandler: Okay, we-we swallow our feelings. Even if it means we're unhappy forever. Sound good?
Kathy: Can you really do that?
Chandler: I have to; he's my best friend, and you're seeing him.
Kathy: Chandler, I like Joey a lot, but with you...
Chandler: (interrupting) Oh-no-no-no! Don't! Don't! See-see, you're getting me confused, I'm starting to urn.
Kathy: I'm sorry. If you wanna pretend that nothing happened, I can try.
Chandler: I-I think we have too.
Kathy: Okay. Bye.
Chandler: Bye. (Kathy leaves and Chandler wonders over to and leans up against the door.) Are you still out there?
Kathy: (outside the door) No. (Chandler opens the door and they kiss again.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is performing, his music hasn't improved.]
Ross: (His voice is altered to sound like a computer.) Electrifying. (He plays the sound of a ticking clock.) Emphatic time-time-time...
Monica: (to Rachel and Phoebe) Y'know, there's a Starbucks about three blocks down.
Phoebe: (pushing Monica back onto the couch) It's so inspired! Look at him! Look at him go!
[cut back to Ross who finally finishes his so-called song with the same crash from before. He gets some applause, mainly 'cause he's done.]
Ross: (with the altered voice) Thank you guys-guys-guys...
Monica: (to Phoebe) Hey, aren't you up next?
Phoebe: Oh no, I'm not playing tonight.
Rachel: Why not?
Phoebe: I can't follow Ross! It'd be like those bicycle ridding chimps that followed The Beetles. No.
Monica: Phoebe, Ross sucks!
Rachel: Phoebe, the place has emptied because of him.
Phoebe: Oh my God, he's not even appreciated in his own time. I would give anything to not be appreciated in my own time!
(Rachel and Monica look at each other, and agree on something without saying anything.)
Monica: Okay. Umm, Phoebe, you suck too.
Rachel: Yeah, Phoebe you're... awful!
Phoebe: You guys. You suck too. (She hugs them both.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is opening the door, but Chandler has the chain on it.]
Joey: Aww man! I can't believe I locked myself out again! (He knocks on the door.)
Chandler: Hang on buddy! (He goes over and unlocks the door and opens it to reveal a fully furnished apartment.)
Joey: (rushing in) Oh my God! What happened here? Did you do all this?
Chandler: I sure did.
Joey: Why?
Chandler: Well, I just thought it'd make me feel good to do something nice for my friend.
Joey: Well, you're amazing.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no. This is amazing. (He goes over and presses a button on a remote control that opens the entertainment center doors revealing the TV.)
Joey: (very excited) A TV as if it appears from nowhere! That's the dream! Man, how did you afford this stuff?
Chandler: Well, y'know I'm 29. I mean who needs a savings account.
Joey: Oh, you are the best friends anyone has ever had.
Chandler: Oh, I don't know.
Joey: Oh-no-no-no, you are! You do this, you give me the great advice, and hey listen, I was thinking about what you said yesterday about focusing on one woman, I'm gonna do that.
Chandler: You mean with Casey.
Joey: No-no-no, I think I'm gonna see how things go with Kathy. She's pretty cool.
Chandler: Or Casey.
Joey: No-no, Kathy.
Chandler: Could be Casey.
Joey: No. No, Kathy.
Chandler: Consider Casey.
Joey: Y'know what I think? I think somebody's got a little crush on Casey. How 'bout I fix you two up? What do you think?
Chandler: That all the pieces of my life are falling right into place!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross has just finished playing.]
Ross: (to Phoebe) Hey!
Phoebe: Hey! You were really great! You were really, really great!
Ross: Oh, thanks, thanks. So Monica tells me that uh, you don't want to play anymore because me and y'know my talent. Is that true?
Phoebe: Well, kinda. Yeah. Yeah.
Ross: Pheebs...
Phoebe: Yeah, I-I can't -- I mean y'know I was trying to be really y'know okay and upbeat about it, I just -- I feel so dwarfed by your musical gift. I...
Ross: See but, Pheebs that-that is the exact opposite intent of my music. Y'know my music is-is meant to inspire, and if it bothers you this much, then I... I won't play anymore.
Phoebe: Oh no. No-no-no, don't do that! How could I live with myself if I knew I was depriving the world of your music.
Ross: Yeah, okay.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are sitting on the couch and Phoebe is getting coffee as Chandler enters. Ross is also there.]
Ross: Hey Chandler! Saw the new furniture. Very nice.
Monica: Yeah! Joey has the best boyfriend ever!
Chandler: I kissed Kathy.
Ross: What?
Monica: Are you serious?
Phoebe: Does Joey know?
Chandler: No. Is there anyway, anyway you think he'll understand this?
Monica: You obviously haven't screwed over a lot of your friends. (They all look at her) Which we all appreciate.
Ross: No the-the sad thing is, if you had told him how you felt before you kissed her, knowing Joey, he probably just would've just stepped aside.
Chandler: Oh, don't say that! Don't say that. That's not true. Is it?
Phoebe: I think maybe, yeah.
Monica: He loves you.
Chandler: Then why didn't you tell me to do that?!!
Ross: Well, I said-I said something to Phoebe.
Phoebe: Yeah! No, that's right. And I thought it was a really good idea.
Rachel: I know, I remember that!
Monica: I remember you did.
Chandler: God!! (Sits down in disgust.) What am I gonna do?!
Rachel: Well, Chandler, you're gonna have to tell him.
Chandler: Why?! Why do I have to tell him?!
Rachel: Because you do.
Chandler: Yeah, I know.
Ross: Hey, would it be okay if I wrote a song about this.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: Hey! Samboucha Margarita?
Chandler: Is that a real thing?
Joey: Well, we only had samboucha, so it is now.
Chandler: Listen ah, Joe, I-I need to, I need to talk to you about something.
Joey: What's up?
Chandler: It's-it's about Kathy. Umm, uh, I like her. I like her a lot actually.
Joey: You do?
Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: Well, you're timing couldn't be better. She's not my girlfriend anymore.
Chandler: What?
Joey: Yeah, she broke up with me.
Chandler: Oh uh, when?
Joey: Just now, after acting class. At first I thought she was doing some kind of scene, that's why I let people watch.
Chandler: Oh man, I am so sorry. Are, are you okay?
Joey: Well, I've been better. But, I'm all right. So you like her huh?
Chandler: Yes, but I-I uh, don't have too.
Joey: No-no-no, no it's uh, it's okay.
Chandler: Yeah?
Joey: Yeah. You know why? 'Cause you came to me first.
Chandler: Well, I thought that would be the best thing to do.
Joey: But hey, listen just so you know, you might have you're work cut out for you. 'Cause when I talked to her, I kinda got the feeling that she's into some other guy. So...
Chandler: See uh, that's-that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I-I think I know who the other guy is.
Joey: Who?
Chandler: It's me. I'm the other guy.
Joey: What?
Chandler: Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking, and one thing to another and...
Joey: And what?! Did you sleep with her?!
Chandler: No! No! No! I just kissed her.
Joey: What?!! That's even worse!!
Chandler: How is that worse?!
Joey: I don't know! But it's the same!
Chandler: Look, I'm sorry! But there's nothing I can do, I think I'm in love with her!
Joey: Who cares?! You went behind my back! I would never do that to you!

Chandler: You're right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line.
Joey: Over the line?! You-you're-you're so far past the line, that you-you can't even see the line! The line is a dot to you!
Chandler: Yes. Yes! Right! And I feel horrible. You have to believe me!
Joey: Is that why you bought all this stuff?! (Chandler makes a face like "Well, kinda.") Well, y'know what I will not watch your TV, I will not listen to your stereo, and there's a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that I'm not gonna eat! You know why?!
Chandler: Probably because...
Joey: Because it's all tainted with your betrayal. From now on this apartment is empty for me! And I'm not happy about you either. (The bread maker dings) Oh, and just so you know, I made that bread for you. (Joey walks into his bedroom and slams the door.)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is playing his music. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: Oh my God, he's lost it. He's totally lost it.
Monica: (removing ear plugs) What?
Rachel: Phoebe, his music could not get any worse. There are rats in the basement that are hanging themselves.
(Ross finally finishes with the same crash, and gets some applause.)
Ross: Thank you, thanks. (Sits down next to the girls) Yeah, I lost it. Y'know, I'm not gonna play anymore, (to Phoebe) would you, can you finish my set?
Phoebe: After that? Yeah! No, I mean if I can help.
(Phoebe gets up and goes to play, Ross goes over and sits down next to Monica and Rachel.)
Ross: Yeah, like I could lose it.
Rachel: What?
Ross: I played bad on purpose guys.
(Both Monica and Rachel laugh.)
Monica: Okay, so you were trying to play bad this whole time.
Ross: Yeah -- no, just that last song.
End

407 钱德横刀夺爱

TOW Chandler
我刚才走进浴室，竟看见Kathy一丝不挂！！
简直是种折磨！
如果你曾当过战俘，
那你才会惊讶的知道什么叫"折磨"
情况越来越糟！！
你知道么? 我爱上了我室友的女朋友，
这可太糟糕了！
而且，我想她也知道。
因为每次我们俩同处一室，
在我俩之间总有种怪异的能量。
更叫我疯狂的是，我想她也喜欢我。
而且现在我更看见她的裸体了！！
我是说，当我看见她穿着衣服的时候，
我至少可以想象她的躯体是被树皮什么的给盖住的。
但是现在却没有树皮，她是光着身子的！光着的！
喔！大家是不是都看见他浴袍下面的东西了？！
Yeah！我的天！
给你！
好极了！那么，我迟些打电话给你。
好的！
Hey-Hey-Hey! 那是谁？
那是...Casey。我们今晚有约会。
约会? 喔! 喔!
那么你和Kathy有什么不妥，嗯？无赖老兄。
没有，我跟Kathy很好。我今晚和她有个迟点的晚餐。
就在我和Casey的晚餐之后
什么?
是的.是的. 更夸张的是我刚刚一个人吃了一整个披萨！
等一下! 你要和Kathy约会!
是的.你怎么变得颠三倒四的？
喔，我颠三倒四?
全是因为你. 我是说，
没完没了和各色美貌女子上床，
恐怕很难满足你。
这有什么大不了的？？
又不是只有我们才这么干！
听着，Joey。Kathy很明显无法满足你的感情需求。
但是Casey，老实说我只看到过她的后脑勺，
但是我能感觉到她..
她聪明、风趣而且很在乎你。
你真能从后脑勺看出这么多东西？
好吧，听着，我想你真的应该安定下来了。
做个选择，选条道路([e lein])
谁是"伊莱恩"([i'lein])
小泰山，在鼻毛上荡秋千，悠闲的荡着秋千...
该死的！现在我不知道该怎么转到下一段。
你只需要这样："很悠闲呀，
然后继续下去。
对呀，我喜欢!
等一下，你是怎么知道的?
呣，你知道，我过去也经常弹奏乐器
对了对了，是电子琴，呣?
对，我上高中的时候只是玩玩，
到大学时就完全地沉迷其中了。
我是说，我那是真的找到属于我的声音！
喔，天！橙汁从我鼻子里出来了，但这也很值得
-喔，天！我已完全忘记你的那种"声音"了。-对。
他过去常常把自己关在地下室好几个小时。
不准任何人来听他的那种"声音"。
我想听那种"声音"
真的？喔，不，我已经好久没有弹过了，
而且，这是很私人的东东，你明白？
来嘛！演奏你那恐怖的音乐吧，"小孩"！
是呀！
不，我的电子琴早就在我那收起来了。
噢，好吧，我去拿
好了，大伙儿准备
哇，你竟然又找出来了...
我们开始吧。
你们要知道，
我从未...从未在别人面前表演过我的作品。
所以你们得清楚一件很重要的事，
我将和大家交流非常私人的感情
你们还得知道，你们得...呃，你们得思考，
我的作品就像是是无言的诗
我还要说...
- 噢，天呀，快弹!!
听呀，简直太...呣，太棒了！！
真的是，棒极了！
喔，实在是太...喔！！
真的么？我是说，真的么？
是的，你应该到公众场合来弹
喔！多谢大家！
下面，我想，我想再为大家演奏另一首曲子！
呣，噢！我把直升飞机的声音录在另一张盘上了。
我去拿，马上回来，好么？
这太好了！我是说，我是如此...
噢，幸亏老爸的地下室有隔音层！！
噢，我不敢相信，
他竟然用弹奏这种曲子的手指抚摸过我！！
你们都在说什么呀，我非常喜欢！非常动人！
而且，而且它还同你们平常听的东西完全不一样！
你是说，音乐？！
Yeah,我知道你在想什么！
是的是的，你的胸部也很结实而诱人！
请进！
Hey! 噢，是不是"海滩奇侠"??
噢，是的，但我只是看看演员表而已。
呃，那么Joey在么？
不在，他还没回来，但是他再过几分钟就回来了。
先请进，坐一会吧！船头还是船尾？？
我无所谓坐哪，你呢？
我喜欢坐在"末端"...船尾！
Hello.
Hey, 是我. 听着，我和Casey在回来的路上，但是车子出问题了
怎么了？
我们在专属车道上抛锚了，
我得走回去拿一些传动液。
并且听着，请告诉Kathy我会尽快赶回来的。
为什么你不自己跟她说呢?
因为我只有一刻钟，而且我想投币时间快要...
Joey! Joey!!
嗯?
我以为你时间不够了...
我也这么以为，但是我想我还有几...(断线了)
呣, 是Joey. 他说他很抱歉,他得迟点到了。
噢.
所以我想，呣..现在只有你和我。
噢，OK.
呃，就是这样的了。
那么今天你都干了些什么呢？
Oh,我今天要去理发的。
Oh, 你的发型很好看!
...呃，后来没去成.
喔，我可以帮你理。
真的？你真的会？
是的，我会理。我从我姑妈的狗儿理发店学的，
你看怎么样？
狗儿理发店?
好的, 只要别把我的尾巴搞得太脂粉气了！
你的头发的发质很好.
噢，谢谢。我自己长出来的。
你知道么，Joey的发质也很好!
噢! 是的!Joey的发质也很好!
呣,我基本上干完了.
让我把你脖子上的头发屑扫掉。
你在干什么?
检查是否看着比较自然。
怎么样？
看起来很好.
噢! 是电话! 电话在响!
Hello!
Hey 老兄, 是我。
嘿，是Joey!
听着，我非常抱歉，
看起来我被困在这里了。
我拿到了传动液，但是当我准备倒进汽车的时候，
却发现传送器不见了！
什么?
Yeah,可能是在前几个路口就掉了.
当时听到异响，我还以为撞到了狗。
好吧.
听着，你能让Kathy接电话么？我想跟她道歉.
噢，好的。
Joey.
Hey.
噢，一切都还好，不用为我担心。
噢，不用道歉，不要紧
好，我明天再找你。
我想，我可能得走了。
呃，是的！没错。
我忘拿我的皮包了.
噢.
不,我真的是忘拿皮包了.- 不-不-不-不
噢，不-不-不-不！
这太差劲了！太差、太差劲了！
可怕极了!
呃等等,你是说吻得不好?
不-不-不 , 这个吻非常好.
那就行!
不, 就是这个吻太可怕了!
噢! 是的!我们应该，应该当什么都没发生过
什么?!
好吧，我们得隐藏我们的感情，
甚至可能我们将从此都不快乐，听起来好些么?
你真能这么做么?
我不得不这么样!
他是我最好的朋友，而你是来看他的
Chandler, 我是很喜欢Joey,
但是和你在一起...
不-不-不! 不要说！不要说!
你看，你把我弄胡涂了，我快胡涂死了！！
我很抱歉。
但如果你想装作什么都没发生，我可以试试！
我想我们必须得这样
好吧！再见
再见.
你是不是还没走?
我已经走了！
通电中...
加重--时间.时间.时间.
你们知道么，过去三个街口有家"星巴克"
这是多么有灵韵呀！看他！听他的演奏吧！
谢谢大家.大家..大家...
嘿，你不是要接下去演奏么?
噢，不，我今晚不想弹了。
为什么?
我根本比不上Ross!
就像披头士演完了，
让骑自行车的黑猩猩接着演奏一样。不行
Phoebe, Ross简直太糟糕了!
Phoebe, 咖啡厅因为Ross都没人敢来啦！
噢天啊！
他甚至在他自己的时代
得不到大众欣赏
我也想让我的音乐高于时代标准！
好吧。呣，Phoebe, 你也很差劲。
是的，Phoebe你也差到一定份上了！
你们俩，你们俩也很差，呵呵。
噢！简直无法相信，
我又把自己锁在外面了！
等一下,老兄!
噢，天啊! 这儿发生了什么事?
难道你一个人买了这么多的东西?
我想是的.
为什么?
呃, 我只是认为，
为我的朋友做点事，能让我感觉很好！
啊，你简直太不可思议了.
噢，不-不-不，这些东西才不可思议呢。
一台随时可出现在眼前的电视机!
简直象在梦里一样!
老兄,你怎么买得起这么多东西的?
喔，我都29了，
还存那么多钱干什么。
你是天底下最够朋友的了！
喔，那可不一定。
噢，不-不-不，你是的！
你不仅买了这么东西，还给我非常好的建议
听着，昨天你让我只对一个女孩子好，
我考虑后觉得你说的没错
你是不是打算和Casey...
不-不-不, 我想继续和Kathy交往下去. 她可相当酷！
是Casey吧？！
不,不, Kathy.
喔,是Casey呀.
不,不, Kathy.
考虑一下Casey嘛.
你知道我怎么想么?
我想有人有点为Casey抓狂了.
嗯，我怎么撮合你们俩呢？
你怎么认为
我的生活终于可以踏入正轨了！
嘿!
嘿!你太棒了！你真的,真的很棒!
哦，谢谢，谢谢。
Monica告诉我,因为我的天才演出，
你以后都不再演奏了，真的么？
哦,大概吧...是的.
哦,Pheebs...
是的。但我无法..我尝试保持乐观，
但是，在你的音乐天赋面前，我简直就像个侏儒！
我明白，但是 Pheebs，
这就和我演奏的初衷完全相反了。
你知道，我的音乐是鼓舞人心的。
但如果这反而挫伤了你，那么，我以后就不再演奏了
噢不！别这样,千万别这么干!
如果离开你的音乐我怎么能活得下去呢？！
啊，好吧.
嘿，Chandler! 看到你的新家具了，非常漂亮.
啊! Joey有个最～～～棒的"男"朋友!
我吻了Kathy.
什么?
你是说真的?
Joey知道么?
还不知道.你们认为有没有可能，他会理解这件事？
你显然还没有深入了解你的室友。
这正是让我们都敬佩不已的。
不，最可悲的是，如果你在亲她之前告诉Joey你的感受，
我想Joey肯定把她会让给你。
噢，不要告诉我！不要告诉我那是真的！
我想可能,那是真的.
他爱你.
那么你们为什么不告诉我?!!
哦，我告诉过Phoebe.
啊!不,哦是的. 而且我认为那还真是个好主意.
我就知道，我还记得!
我也记得你告诉过我.
天哪!!
我该怎么办?!
Chandler, 你得告诉他.
为什么?! 为什么我非得告诉他?!
因为你必须这么做.
是的,我知道.
嘿,
我为此写首曲子，能不能让你好过点？
嘿!
嘿! 要不要“葡萄糖”鸡尾酒?
那是什么东西?
哦, 我们只剩葡萄糖了，所以就有“葡萄糖”鸡尾酒了。
听着, Joey, 我必须，必须跟你谈谈。
什么事?
关于Kathy. 呣,我喜欢她。
事实上我是非常喜欢她。
真的么?
真的.
哦，那你现在的时机正好. 她现在不是我的女朋友了.
什么?
哦, 她和我分手了.
啊，什么时候的事?
就刚才，表演课后.
开始我以为她只是在表演某个场景，我还叫大家来看。
哦，老兄，真遗憾
你还好吧?
我想还是过去更好点. 但是，现在, 我没事了
那么，你喜欢她?
是的，但是我可以算了.
不，不，我没事的。
嗯?
是的，你知道为什么么? 因为你先告诉了我.
啊，我就知道我这么干没错.
但是, 你听着，恐怕你还得努把力.
因为我跟她谈的时候, 我有种感觉，
呃，她好像喜欢另一个人.所以...
你知道么, 这正是我想跟你谈的事情.
我.我知道那个人是谁.
谁?
就是我.我就是那个人.
什么?
是的, 昨晚你回来迟了,
Kathy和我聊天,但是另一件事发生了...
什么?! 难道你和她上床了?!
没有! 没有! 我只是吻了她.
什么?!! 那更糟糕!!
怎么会更糟?!
我不知道! 但那都不行!
听着，我很抱歉!
但我没办法，我已经深深爱上了她!
谁管你?!你背后下刀子!我从未这样对你!
是的,我没有借口!我是完全过线了.
过线?! 你.你过线过..过了这么多！
你甚至..甚至看不到线在哪!
你根本就没管那条线!
是的！是的!我也知道这很糟糕.
但你得相信我!
哦，这就是你为什么买这么多家具?!
哦，好吧，我不会再看你的电视，听你的音响
我也不会吃那条在你的新面包机里的肉桂葡萄面包！
你知道为什么么?!
可能是因为...
因为那些都因你的背叛行为而染上了污点！
从现在起，我不会用你买的任何东西！
而且也不会跟你一起玩了！
哦，得让你知道，我是为你做得那个面包！
哦天哪,他江郎才尽了，他的灵气荡然无存！
你说什么?
Phoebe, 他的音乐本来就没有可取之处.
地下室的老鼠们听了他的音乐
都在上吊寻死！
谢谢，谢谢.
是的，我才思枯竭了.
我不会再演奏了,你能...
你能继续演奏下去么?
在此之后? 当然! 哦不,我是说
如果我可以帮忙的话.
呃，好像我真的没灵感了似的
什么?
我是有意演奏得佷差!
是么？你这段时间一直是故意
弹得这么难听呀？！
呃?不，只是刚刚这最后一首。

[ 此帖被77恋兰在2014-03-23 00:09重新编辑 ]

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顶端

77恋兰

ZxID：11247485

23212鲜花 10鸡蛋

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 75楼发表于: 2014-03-22 0

408 The One With Chandler in a Box

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is sitting at the counter reading a magazine as the phone rings.]
Joey: (answering phone) Hello.
Chandler: (on phone) Hey, it’s me. I know you can’t stand to be in the same room as me, so I just thought I’d try and apologize over the phone. All I… (Joey hangs up the phone in disgust.)
(Pause)
(The phone rings again.)
Joey: (answering phone) Hello.
Chandler: Look I never should have kissed your girlfriend, but I’m… (Joey hangs up the phone again.)
(Pause)
(The phone rings yet again.)
Joey: (answering phone) Stop callin’!!
Voice: (on phone) Hey! Hey! Hey! This is 92.3, WXRK, K-Rock for our $1,000 daily challenge.
Joey: All right!
Voice: What is the name of your roommate who is very, very sorry and would do anything… (Joey realizes it’s Chandler and hangs up the phone in anger.)
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone but Joey and Chandler are there getting ready for Thanksgiving.]
Chandler: (entering) Aww, turkey! Aww, giving thanks! Aww!
Phoebe: Look everyone, it’s the spirit of Thanksgiving!
Rachel: So are things with you and Joey any better?
Chandler: They couldn’t be worse. I spent eight hours calling him last night, just trying to get him to talk to me.
Rachel: Oh wow, eight hours? So you could probably really use one of those plug-in telephone headsets huh?
Ross: Should we all expect Christmas gifts that can be stolen from your office?
Rachel: You shouldn’t.
Phoebe: Speaking of Christmas, umm since Monica and I are starting a new business and have like no money, umm, this year maybe we could do secret Santa, and then we each only buy one gift. And-and there’s the added mystery of who gets who.
Ross: Who gets whom. (They all look at him.) I don’t know why I do that.
[Cut to later, the gang, minus Joey, is watching the Thanksgiving Day parade.]
Rachel: Well, I’m gonna take a nap, turkey makes me sleepy.
Monica: We haven’t eaten yet!
Rachel: I know, but all that work you’re doing to get it ready, I just… (goes into her bedroom.)
Chandler: Hey, by any chance did either of pick uh Rachel for your secret Santa, ‘cause I wanna trade for her.
Phoebe: I picked her! Oh thank God you want her! Ooh!
Chandler: Wow! Why do you want to get rid of her so badly?
Phoebe: Because she exchanges every gift she ever gets, it’s like impossible to get her something she likes. Come on, let’s trade!
Chandler: Oh that’s not true! That’s not true! I got her that backpack and she loved it! I remember how much she was crying the day when that big dog ran off with it… (notices the look on Monica and Phoebe’s faces.) Oh, there was no big dog. All right this sucks! I already got her this briefcase, and I had R.G. put on it… (Phoebe looks confused.) Her initials…
Phoebe: Ohh.
Monica: Well, maybe you could give to somebody else. Ooh, like Ross Geller.
Chandler: Op, y'know what though, it’s kind’ve a girlie briefcase.
Monica: Who cares? He works in a museum!
Chandler: Hey, what time is it? The big game is about to start!
Phoebe: You don’t have to do that, Ross and Joey aren’t here, you can watch the parade if you want.
Chandler: Thanks.
Monica: What is wrong with this freezer?! (She jabs her arm into the freezer and a piece of ice flies into her eye.) Ow! Ow!!
Phoebe: God, what happened?!
Monica: Oh my God, ice just got in my eye!
Rachel: (standing in her doorway) People are trying to sleep in here!
Chandler: Monica got ice in her eye, and it hurts.
Phoebe: Open it up, let me see.
Monica: Oh, y’know what, I can’t, it really kills.
Chandler: Well maybe you should put some ice on it.
Phoebe: Ooh, God it looks bad.
Rachel: Honey, maybe we should take you to a doctor.
Monica: No, my eye doctor is Richard! I can’t go to him when I don’t have a boyfriend!
Chandler: He’s really picky about his patients.
Phoebe: Honey, you’ve got to go. What’s his office number?
Monica: Like I remember his office number! (Pause) Speed dial 7.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi! Yeah, I’m calling on behalf of Monica Geller’s eye, and is um, is Richard Burke in today. (Listens) (to Monica) He’s out of town, but does she want to see the on-call doctor?
Monica: Yes!!
Phoebe: Yes! She’s very excited about that.
[Cut to later, Phoebe is adding butter to something and Ross is watching.]
Phoebe: This is so cool, ‘til Monica gets back, it’s like I’m head chef and I get to make all the decisions. (She looks at the remaining butter, and then decides to add it to the dish.)
Ross: Hey-hey, I thought she told you to follow the recipe exactly!
Phoebe: Okay, get out of my kitchen!
Chandler: (entering) All right! Okay! I think I am making some progress with Joey, when I went into the apartment he went straight into his bedroom but he only slammed the door once! (Ross is pleased.) I mean yeah, he gave me the finger while doing it.
Phoebe: All right I… I gotta call my mom and ask her a left handed cooking question.
Ross: So listen ah, I picked Monica for secret Santa, but I’m already getting her something for Chanukah, I was wondering if you wanna switch.
Chandler: Oh y’know what, I was already trying to trade for ah, well, you.
Ross: Really?! Wow! That’s-that’s so nice, what are you gonna get me?
Chandler: I don’t know R.G., I was thinking something girlie for your office.
Ross: Yeah, well maybe Phoebe will switch with me.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, you don’t want to do that, then you’re gonna get stuck with Rachel and she exchanges every gift she ever gets.
Ross: Oh, that’s not true! I’ve got her lots of stuff she never took back.
Chandler: Like?
Ross: Like uh, that gold necklace I got her last year.
Chandler: When was the last time you saw her wear it?
Ross: Well, she wore it all Christmas day, and then uh…
Chandler: Big dog?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is repacking the furniture into boxes to return it.]
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Hey!
Ross: What are you doing?
Joey: I’m sending back all this stuff that Chandler bought out of guilt.
Ross: Everything? Even the TV?
Joey: No! I’m putting that in my room.
Ross: Listen, Joey, I know what he did was wrong but don’t you think you could at least hear the guy out?
Joey: Back when you and Rachel were together, if Chandler had kissed her, would you hear him out?
Ross: That’s a good point. So uh, how long are you gonna punish him?
Joey: Five years.
Ross: You’ve sentenced him?!
Joey: Hey! Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.
Ross: Joey, the guy’s your best friend.
Joey: No, was my best friend. Anyway, I don’t know why you’re pushing for him so hard. With him out of the way as my best friend, there’s a spot open.
Ross: Oh, who? Me?
Joey: Yeah!
Ross: Wow! I’m honored! And y’know what I’m gonna do as my first act as your best friend?
Joey: What?
Ross: I’m gonna get you to talk to Chandler.
Joey: All right. But if you weren’t my best friend.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Kathy are sitting at a table and talking about Joey.]
KATHY: Oh my God, is it really that bad?
Chandler: I walk into a room and he won’t even talk to me, he just mumbles something in Italian. And I know he only knows the bad words.
Joey: (entering) Hey Gunther, have you uh, have you seen Chandler?
GUNTHER: I thought you were Chandler. But umm, one of who is over there.
(Joey turns around and sees them kissing.)
KATHY: Oh.
Chandler: Hey Joe.
Joey: (Something in Italian.) (Storms out.)
[Scene: Dr. Burke’s office, Rachel and Monica are waiting as the doctor arrives.]
Doctor: I’ll be right with you. Okay? (to the nurse) Thanks, Wendy.
Monica: Oh my God! How cute is the on-call doctor?
Rachel: Ooh, so cute, that I’m thinking about jamming this pen in my eye.
(The intercom buzzes.)
Nurse: Dr. Burke will see you know.
Monica: Oh no-no-no, not Dr. Burke. Dr. Burke is out of town. The-the on-call doctor will see me now.
Nurse: Dr. Richard Burke is out of town. Dr. Timothy Burke, his son, will see you now.
Dr. Timothy Burke: Ready?
(Monica looks at Rachel, who gives her the thumbs up.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is packing as Chandler rushes in.]
Chandler: Hey! I’m sorry! That—(sees that Joey is about to leave) where are you going?
Joey: My folks.
Chandler: Oh, uh, when-when are you coming back?
Joey: I don’t know. I might stay there for a few days while I look for an apartment.
Chandler: What?!
Joey: Yeah, y’know at first I thought we could talk about this y’know, work it out, but uh, seeing you two together I don’t think I…
Chandler: Hey, look, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to say that I’ll stop seeing her?
Joey: Look, it’s not about her. Okay? But seeing you two together just reminds me of what you did. And I don’t want to live with some one who doesn’t know what it is to be a friend. So, I’ll see ya. (He starts to leave, but Chandler grabs his bag and stops him.)
Chandler: Hey, look, I know what it is to be a friend, I just-I just screwed up!
Joey: Yeah! You did! And that’s why I’m leaving.
(The chick and the duck walk into the living room.)
Chandler: All right look, if you’re not gonna stay for me, then at least stay for them! Okay, they have had a very difficult year! What with the robbery and all!
Joey: When that guy was robbing us, and I was locked in the entertainment unit for like six hours, you know what I was doing in there all that time? I was thinking about how I let you down!
Chandler: What?
Joey: Yeah! But if would’ve know what kind of friend you were gonna turn out to be, I wouldn’t have worried about it so much! See you around!
Chandler: All right, wait! Come on! Just wait one second! There has to be something that I can do! Something! If we still had that entertainment unit I would get in it for six hours and think about how I let you down. (Joey looks intrigued) What?
Joey: We’ve got a box. (Motions to a large wooden box next to him.)
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Dr. Burke’s office, Tim is examining Monica.]
Tim: Last time I saw you, it was the morning I left for college. And you were just standing outside The Dairy Queen.
Monica: I was probably waiting for it to open.
Tim: I gotta tell you, you look great now.
Monica: You look great too.
Tim: You’re an excellent patient!
Monica: So how does it look?
Tim: Well, you’ve got a little scratch on your cornea, your gonna have to wear a patch for a couple of days.
Monica: Like a pirate?!
Tim: If that helps you.
Monica: Umm, so how long have you been working with your dad? (He looks at her) Come on, one of us had to mention him.
Tim: I moved back here a couple of months ago.
Monica: Oh. Big family dinner tonight?
Tim: Uh. (He holds up a brown lunch bag.)
Monica: No way!
Tim: I was gonna have Thanksgiving at my girlfriend’s.
Monica: (disappointed) Oh.
Tim: But we broke up.
Monica: (happy) Oh.
Tim: She-she wasn’t ready for a serious commitment.
Monica: (sympathetic) Oh. (in a pirate’s voice) So you made her walk the plank? Aye, matie?
Tim: You’re not wearing the patch yet.
Monica: I know.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, It’s closer to dinner. Monica has just told everyone that Tim is coming to dinner.]
Ross: He’s coming here for Thanksgiving!
Rachel: I know, it’s sick.
Monica: Why is it sick?
Rachel: Because it’s Richard’s son! It’s like inviting Greek tragedy over for dinner!
Monica: Hey, come on, Phoebe, you understand don’t you?
Phoebe: Yeah, I can see where I’d be your best shot but, no. I’m sorry, but I think it’s twisted.
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: (coming out of the bathroom) What’s twisted?
Monica: Me going out with Richard’s son.
Joey: Ewwwww!! Ew! Ew! Ew!
Chandler: (He is now in the box, in their living room.) Sounds like a really bad idea to me.
Rachel: Is he okay in there?
Joey: He’s fine!
Ross: Hey, y'know, Mon, if things wrong out between you and Richard’s son, you’d be able to tell your kids, that you slept with their grandfather.
Monica: Fine! Judge all you want to but, (points to Ross) married a lesbian, (points to Rachel) left a man at the altar, (points to Phoebe) fell in love with a gay ice dancer, (points to Joey) threw a girl’s wooden leg in a fire, (points to Chandler) livin’ in a box!! (goes to her room)
Rachel: So now, what exactly is the point of the box?
Joey: Chandler?
Chandler: The meaning of the box is three fold. One (holds a finger up through the air hole), it gives me the time to think about what I did. Two (holds up another finger), it proves how much I care about my friendship with Joey. And three (holds up a third finger), it hurts!
Ross: (to Rachel) Oh hey! Hey uh, you remember the necklace I gave you last year? Can I see it?
Rachel: (worried) Why?
Ross: I just wanna check something.
Rachel: Okay. (She goes into her bedroom)
Ross: (He puts his hand over the hole on the box.) (to Chandler) Now, we’ll see.
Chandler: Air hole! Air hole!! (Ross retracts his hand quickly.)
Rachel: (coming out of her bedroom with a necklace) Here it is! I love it. I wear it all the time.
Ross: (grabbing the necklace) The necklace I got you was gold, this one is silver.
Rachel: Huh, well maybe it uh, it changed.
Ross: Oh my God! You actually exchanged it!
Rachel: Well isn’t it better that I exchanged it for something that I enjoy and that I can get a lot of use out of?
Ross: What did you get?
Rachel: Credit.
(There’s a knock on the door.)
Monica: (running in from her bedroom) I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! (opens the door) Hi, Tim.
Tim: Hi. (gives her a bottle of wine)
Monica: Thank you. Come meet my friends. This is uh, Phoebe.
Tim: Hi, nice to meet you.
Monica: And Joey.
Joey: Hey!
Tim: Hi, Joey.
Monica: My brother, Ross.
Ross: Hey.
Monica: And Rachel. (Chandler clears his voice loudly) And that’s Chandler.
Chandler: How do ya do.
Tim: What’s…
Monica: Umm, well, he’s…
Joey: He’s doin’ some thinkin’!
[cut to later, Joey, Rachel, Ross, and Tim are watching the football game, and they all cheer loudly.]
Chandler: What happened? What happened?!
Joey: You kissed my girlfriend!
(A commercial for sunglasses comes on.)
Rachel: Ooh, I like those sunglasses.
Ross: Like ‘em, like ‘em? Or, I’d like to get store credit for that amount like ‘em?
Rachel: (Swears in Italian, it’s the same term used by Joey earlier and Joey nods his approval.)
Monica: All right everybody, this turkey is ready!
Tim: Where can I wash up?
Monica: Here, let me show you. Okay, the towels are hanging next to the sink, and umm, you can use the fancy soap.
Tim: Thank you.
Rachel: Fancy soap? I thought we were savin’ that for the Pope!
Monica: See he’s nice. Right?
Phoebe: Yeah, but Monica, do you actually want to be in a relationship where you can actually use the phrase, "That’s not how your dad used to do it."
Tim: Wow! Everything looks great! Where should I sit?
Monica: I saved you a seat. (Motions to the one next to her.)
Rachel: (pouring the wine) Sick-sick-sick-sick.
(There’s a loud knocking.)
Phoebe: Oh, I’ll get it. (goes over to the door.)
Chandler: Gotcha! (laughs)
Joey: That doesn’t sound like thinking to me!
Chandler: Sorry!
Joey: Y’know I don’t think you should be talking at all in there! I think you’ve got to much thinking to do to be talking and making jokes!
Chandler: Okay, okay, you got it!
Rachel: Ross, can you pass me the yams?
Ross: Sure! Oh, and Joey’s got the mashed potatoes if you want to exchange them.
Rachel: Would you stop?! What is the matter with you?!
Monica: Oh-ho-ho, we’ve got company.
Ross: There’s nothing the matter with me. See, I’m not completely devoid of sentiment, see I have feelings.
Rachel: Okay, fine. (She gets up and walks into her bedroom)
(an awkward silence follows)
Chandler: You can’t tell, but I’m trying to break the tension by mooning you guys!
Joey: All right, look! If this is just a big joke to you, then forget about it, all right?! This means something to me! And if it doesn’t mean anything to you, then you should get out of there, otherwise you’re just an idiot in a box!
Chandler: You’re right, and I’m sorry! This means a lot to me! I want you to be my friend again! I swear, I won’t say another word tonight.
Joey: So are you gonna start taking this thing seriously?
Chandler: Absolutely!
Joey: That sounds like another word to me! Are you gonna take this seriously? (There’s no response from Chandler.) Okay.
(Rachel comes back carrying a shoe box.)
Rachel: Don’t say that I have no sentiment! (Starts to show Ross what’s in the box.) This is a movie stub from our first date! This is an eggshell from the first time you made me breakfast in bed! (Holds up a bone) This is from the museum from the first time we… were together. Okay, maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter!
Ross: I don’t know what to say, I’m sorry. Though, you’re not supposed to take these. (Points to the bone) It’s like a million years old, we, we actually, we had people looking for that.
(Rachel glares at him.)
[Cut to the balcony with Monica and Tim.]
Monica: (putting off her coat) Ooh, this always happens. (Her coat gets stuck.)
Tim: Here, let me help. (Does so.)
Monica: Thank you.
Tim: You-you have a very beautiful… eye.
Monica: Y’know all my friends think this is weird.
Tim: Y’know I-I thought it was gonna be weird, I mean I almost called and canceled, but it really isn’t.
Monica: I know! I mean it’s like me and your dad, that’s a totally separate thing.
Tim: Oh, I totally agree.
Monica: We’re just two people who find each other very attractive. Right?
(Tim leans in to kiss her. They stop, and when he tries to kiss her again, Monica pulls away.)
Tim: What?
Monica: Nothing. Nothing.
Tim: No-no really, was-was that not okay?
Monica: No-no-no that was good, it was, that was uh, that was a goood kiss…
Tim: Oh my God! It didn’t remind you of…
Monica: (interrupting) Don’t say it!
Tim: No, but it did! Didn’t it?!
Monica: Yeah!
Tim: Oh man!!
Monica: I know!
(They both shiver in horror.)
[cut to later, Tim has left. Monica is still shivering. There’s a knock on the door.]
Joey: I’ll get it. (It’s Kathy.)
KATHY: (sees it’s Joey) Oh.
Joey: Hey.
KATHY: Hey. Listen, I want you to know how sorry I am…
Joey: That’s okay. Chandler’s the one I’m mad at.
KATHY: Well, I’m still sorry. Is he here?
Joey: In the box.
KATHY: (going over to the box) Chandler?
Phoebe: Oh, he-he can’t talk right now.
KATHY: Why not? What’s going on?
Phoebe: He’s just trying to show Joey how much he means to him.
KATHY: By being in a box?
Rachel: Joey, had reasons.
Phoebe: They were threefold.
KATHY: Oh. Well uh, (to Chandler) you not being able to talk may make this easier. Listen umm… (She looks at the gang who are watching, they take the hint and leave them alone.) Listen I don’t wanna be someone who comes between two best friends. I just, I can’t stand seeing what this is doing to you guys, and I don’t wanna be the cause of that. So, I don’t think we can see each other anymore. I’m gonna go to my mom’s in Chicago, I’m gonna stay there for awhile. I think this could’ve be something really amazing, but y’know this is probably for the best. Y’know? I’m gonna miss you. Good-bye, Chandler.
(She gets up and leaves, Chandler waves good-bye with one finger extended through the air hole. Ross glares at Joey.)
Joey: (starting to cry) Open the box!! (Runs over to do so.)
Rachel: What?!
Joey: He can still catch her! Come on, get out of there! (He opens the box) Get out of there!
Chandler: So?
Joey: Yeah, we’re gonna be fine! Get out!
Chandler: Yeah?
Joey: Yeah, you did some real good thinkin’ in there.
Chandler: Man, this is…
(Joey says something unintelligible and they hug.)
Joey: Now go! ‘Cause you can still catch her! And Merry Christmas from you’re secret Santa! (Chandler runs out and closes the door.)
(After he’s gone.)
Joey: All right, who got Chandler? ‘Cause I uh, need to trade.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, the gang is all there watching Chandler.]
Rachel: Oh, he sees her!
Monica: Oh, he’s catching up to her!
Phoebe: Oh, she sees him! Oh, they’re hugging!
Ross: He’s taking her purse!
Joey: Uhh, that’s not them. I’m gonna go call the police.
Phoebe: Oh, there they are!
(They watch them making up and sigh)
Phoebe: All right, get a room.
END

408 钱德到箱子里过节

嘿,是我。我知道你是不愿意和我一起住了
但我还是想在电话里给你道歉。我…
我的确不应该去吻你的女朋友，但我…
别再打来了！！
这儿是92.3，WXRK
来挑战我们每日的1000美元大奖吧
好啊！
你室友的名字是什么，那个对你非常抱歉
愿意做任何事情……
啊，火鸡！啊，感恩！啊！
看啊，这正是感恩节的真谛。
你和Joey和好了么？
糟糕透了，昨晚我给他拨了八个小时的电话
想让他和我说话
八个小时？那你一定用的着那种
配在电话上的小耳机
你给我们的圣诞礼物就只能是
办公室里的小玩意么？
没你的份。
说到圣诞节，Monica和我刚开始新的生意
没什么钱
今年可以来个秘密的圣诞
我们每人就买一个礼物。
这样还多了个神秘感
看谁送给谁
谁送给谁
我不知道为什么这么做
我得睡一会
火鸡让我感到困了。
我们还没吃那
我知道，但你们一直在准备，那我就…
你们谁打算送给Rachel？
因为我想送她个礼物
我选的她，谢天谢地你想要给她
为什么你这么不想送她礼物？
因为她老是把她得的礼物拿去换了
根本没法送给她她想要的东西
来吧，咱俩换换！
不会的，不会的
她很喜欢我送她的那个背包的
我还记得背包被那只大狗叼走的时候
她哭的多伤心
原来没有什么大狗
不管这个了。我已经给她买了个皮包
还在上面印上了R.G…
她名字的首字母
也许你能给别人，比如Ross Geller
可那是女式皮包
谁在乎这个？他是在博物馆工作！
嘿，几点了？
比赛要开始了！
你没必要这样，Ross和Joey又不在
你愿意的话就看游行呗
谢谢
冷冻室出什么毛病了，嗷！嗷！
怎么了？
天啊，冰渣进我眼睛了！
有人想在这儿睡觉！
Monica眼睛里进去冰渣了，很疼。
睁开，让我看看。
不行，太疼了
那或许该放些冰块在上面
看上去很严重
我们该带你去看医生。
我的眼科医生是Richard！
我不能去找他，除非我有男朋友
他的确对病人够挑剔的
你必须得去
他办公室电话号码是多少？
好像我记得似的！
快捷键7
我在代表Monica Geller的眼睛说话
Richard Burke今天值班么
他出城了
那她愿意见其他医生么，随叫随到的
好的！
好！她听到这个非常兴奋
太酷了，Monica回来之前我就是主管
所有决定都由我来做
嘿—嘿，我想她跟你说了
让你按照食谱来
OK，离开我的厨房！
我想我和Joey之间取得进展了
我进房的时候，他径直回他的卧室
但他只摔了一下门
…摔门的时候，对我比了中指
我得打电话问问我妈妈
左撇子做菜的问题
我选了送Monica东西，但我
在光明节送过她了。你和我换换？
知道么，我是想要送给……你
真的？有意思。打算给我什么？
我不知道，R.G.
本来想给你个办公室里用的女式用品
也许Phoebe愿意和我换。
不，不，别去。不然你和Rachel就麻烦了
她总是把得到的礼物拿去换
不可能
我送了她很多东西她都留着的
比如…？
比如，那个金项链，我去年送她的
那你最后一次看到她带着
是在什么时候？
她整个圣诞都带着
后来……
大狗？
你在干什么呢？
我要把Chandler买的这些玩艺都送回去
全部？电视也送走？
不！我把它放在我房间里了
听着 Joey
我知道他做的不对，
但你不能听听他解释么？
你和Rachel在一起的时候，Chandler
要是吻了她，你会听他解释？
有道理
你准备惩罚他多久？
五年
你在判他刑！
嘿，若要人不知，除非己莫为
Joey，他可是你最好的朋友
不，曾经是而已。
不知道你为啥要替他说话。
他不再是我最好的朋友了。
那就有另外的人来当了
谁？我？
当然！
真荣幸！那么作为你最好的朋友
我该做的第一件事就是……
什么?
我得让你去跟Chandler谈谈
好吧。
你如果不是我最好的朋友的话……
真的这么糟糕？
我回房间他都不和我说话
他只是用意大利语在嘟囔
也只有他才懂那些骂人的词儿
Gunther，有没有看到Chandler？
我一直以为你就是Chandler
在那边
嘿，Joe
请稍等一下，好吗？
天那，这个医生好帅
是够帅，我都想把钢笔扔进我眼睛里了
Burke医生在等你
不不，Burke医生出城去了
现在我要看的是另一个医生
Richard Burke医生是出城了，但要给你
看病的是Timothy Burke，他的儿子
准备好了吗？
嘿！我很抱歉，那是……
你要去哪儿？
回父母家
那你什么时候回来？
不知道，在家待一段时间
去找个新房子住
什么？！
起初我还以为咱俩能就此事谈谈，然后和好
但一看到你俩在一起，我就……
那你想让我说什么？
你想让我说我不会再去见她？
不是关于她，OK？
一看到你俩就让我想起你的所作所为
我不会和一个不知道怎么去做别人朋友的人
住在一起
那我告辞了
我知道怎么去当一个朋友
我只是——只是没做到
是没做到
所以我要搬走
看，你不打算为了我留下来
那至少也得为了它们而留下来
它们这一年过的很惨
还有那次抢劫
那个家伙在抢我们东西的时候
我被锁在柜子里达6个小时
你知道我当时在干嘛吗？我是在想
我多么的对不起你
什么？
但要是早知道你是这种所谓的朋友
我才不会那样做
再见！
等等，就等一下
再给我个机会
要是还有那个柜子，我宁愿在里面待上
6个小时，在里面想我是怎样的对不起你
这儿有个箱子
我还记得最后一次看到你
在我离家去学校的那天早上
你当时站在Dairy Queen的外边
我可能是在等它开门
你现在看上去好极了
你看上去也很棒
你真是个与众不同的病人！
伤痕明显么？
角膜上还有点伤
你得带个眼罩保护两三天
像个海盗？
用在保护的
你和你父亲一起工作多久了？
别这样，咱俩总有一个要提起他
两个月前我搬回来的
今晚有个家庭聚餐吧
不是吧！
我本来打算在女朋友家过感恩节的
但我们分手了
她对恋爱本身态度并不严肃
所以你把她从甲板上弄下去了
是吧，水手？
你还没带上眼罩呢
我知道
他要来我们这儿过感恩节？
我觉得这样不好
有什么不好的？
因为他是Richard的儿子！
简直是把希腊悲剧故事邀请来了
Phoebe，你理解我，对吧
可以说是，但做为你好友就得说，不
对不起，但我认为你把事情弄乱了
什么事儿乱了？
我要和Richard的儿子约会
听起来是不怎么样
他在里面没事儿吧？
他很好！
要是你和Richard的儿子真的成了
你就能对你们的孩子说
你和他们的祖父上过床
好，我会考虑你们的话，不过
和女同性恋结婚，在婚礼上逃跑，
迷上滑冰舞的同性恋，把女伴的腿扔进火里,
住在箱子里！
那么，这个箱子是什么用意？
Chandler？
箱子的用意有三点
一、在里面好好反思我的所作所为
二、说明我是多么在乎和Joey的友谊
三、很不舒服！
还记得我去年送你的项链吗？
能给我看看么？
为什么？
只是看看而已
OK
来，看着
气孔！气孔！！
这儿那！我爱它，整天带着
我送你的是金的，这个是银的
也许它…变了
天哪，你真的把它给换了
我把它换成我喜欢的，更有用的东西
这样不好吗？
那你换到什么了？
存款
我来！我来！……我来！
见见我的朋友，这是Phoebe
很高兴见到你
Joey。- Hey！- Hi， Joey
我哥哥, Ross。- Hey
还有Rachel
那是Chandler
你好
他怎么…
呃,他在…
他正在思考！
怎么了？怎么了？
你吻了我女朋友！
欧，我喜欢那些太阳镜
喜欢它们？还是喜欢它们带来的存款？
各位，火鸡准备好了！
在哪里洗手？
这儿，我指给你看
毛巾在水池旁边
你能用那块特级肥皂
谢谢
特级肥皂？
我还以为是为教皇准备的
他不错，是吧
是的，不过Monica，
你是否想过发展下去
你就能这么说话了
“你父亲以前可不这么做”
哇，真丰盛
我坐哪儿？
给你留了个位置
有病－有病－有病－有病
我来开门
上当了！
这不像是在为我反思！
对不起！
我可不认为你应该说话
反思那么多事情
你应该没空说话和开玩笑
好，好，遵命
Ross，递给我点红薯好么？
当然！Joey还有土豆泥，
如果你想和他换的话
别说这个了好吗？
你到底怎么了？
我们有同伙了
我没什么事儿
可我不缺乏情感，我有感受的
OK，好
你们都哑巴了吧
我在这儿来缓解一下气氛
如果这对你来说是个玩笑
那么把它忘了吧，好吗？
这对我不是玩笑
你要是觉得无所谓，那你马上走
除非你是个愿意呆在箱子里的傻瓜
你说的对，我错了！这事对我很重要
我要让你重新成为我的朋友
我发誓，今晚不再说一个字了
那么你打算严肃对待了？
没错！
又说话了！
你打算严肃对待了吗？
OK
不要说我没有情感
这电影票根是我们第一次约会时的
蛋壳是你第一次为我做早点时的
这个是从博物馆拿的
第一次我们…在一起的时候
也许我是常把礼物换掉
但我留下了有意义的！
不知道该说什么好，对不起
不过，你不该把这个拿走
它有差不多百万年的历史
事实上，我们还派人去找过
又卡住了
我来帮你
谢谢
你有非常美丽的…眼睛
所有的朋友都认为这事儿很不对劲
我也这么想过，我甚至要打电话说我不来了
但是事实上挺好
我的意思是咱们现在和
我与你父亲的过去完全是两码事
完全同意
我们只是两个喜欢上对方的人
对吗？
怎么了？
没事，没事
真的，吻的不好？
不不不，很好
那是个，呃，甜蜜的吻…
天啊，这不会让你想起…
别说了！
但是确实…
Yeah!
欧，天啊!!
我知道!
我来开
我想让你知道我是多么的抱歉
没事儿
我生气的是Chandler
我还是很对不起
他在这儿么？
在箱子里
Chandler？
他现在不能讲话
为什么？怎么了？
他在向Joey证明他是多么在乎他
用待在箱子里证明？
Joey知道理由
有三个理由
你不能讲话，这样倒也好，听着……
我不想当一个搅乱两个好朋友的人
我真不忍心看到会发生在你们
身上的事情，也不想是因为我
所以，我想我们还是不要见面了
我要去我妈妈家，在芝加哥，待一阵子
这么做是让人感到惊讶，但你知道
这样是最好的解决办法
你知道么？
我会想你的
Good-bye，Chandler
打开箱子吧！！
什么？！
他还能追上她！
出来，出来
那么？
咱们俩没事的
去追她
你已经反思的很彻底了
哥们，这…
赶紧走！你还能追上她！圣诞快乐！
因为我的秘密圣诞是给你
谁要送Chandler来着？
我得跟他换
他看见她了！
他追上她了！
她看见他了！
他们抱在一起了！
他在拿她的钱包
不是他们
我得去叫警察
他们在那儿！

[ 此帖被77恋兰在2014-03-23 00:10重新编辑 ]

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顶端

77恋兰

ZxID：11247485

23212鲜花 10鸡蛋

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 76楼发表于: 2014-03-23 0

409 The One Where They’re Gonna PARTY

[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are showing everyone the van they bought for the catering business. It’s an old Dodge van, that has a cartoon woman riding on a dragon painted on the side of it.]
Phoebe: Okay!
Monica: Come on, no peeking! (They are leading the gang out with there hands over their eyes.)
Chandler: Our eyes are closed and we’re about to cross the street. Very good.
Phoebe: Okayyyyy, open up!
(They open their eyes and are stunned at the van.)
Ross: What did you want to show us? Because all I can see is this bitchin' van!
Phoebe: Yeah, it’s for our catering business!
Joey: I think I know that girl.
Monica: All right, umm, we’re not gonna really keep it this way though.
Rachel: No?
Phoebe: No, we’re gonna paint over the sword, and replace it with a baguette.
Rachel: Oh!
Phoebe: And also, we don’t know what to do with this. (She turns on a switch and the girl’s nipples light up.)
Joey: Oh yeah, I definitely know her.
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is all there.]
Monica: (to Phoebe) Remember that guy from cooking school I told you about that put cilantro with everything?
Phoebe: Oh sure, Cilantro Larry.
Monica: Well, I’m gonna fill in for him as food critic for the Chelsea Reporter.
Monica: Wow, Monica! What an amazing opportunity to influence… dozens of people.
Phoebe: How could you say yes, what about our catering business?
Monica: Oh no-no-no, it’s only one night a week, and plus I get to take all of you out for a lot of free dinners.
All: Yay!!
Phoebe: Oh, in that case—(hops up and down in joy)—Yay! (Monica looks confused) That was me hopping on board.
Monica: Oh.
Chandler: (entering) Hey, you guys! Hey, Ross, quick question for ya. Are you ready to party?
Ross: I don’t know, I could maybe go out for a couple of beers, but there’s this thing about bumblebees on The Discovery Channel that I was planning to watch.
Chandler: No-no, I don’t think you heard me. Are you ready to party?!
Ross: Nooo!! Gandolf?! Gandolf is coming to town?
Chandler: Kathy’s with her parents, I have nothing to do, so tomorrow we are partying with Gandolf dude!
Ross: Dude, we are sooo gonna party!
Phoebe: Wow! Okay, dude alert! And who is this guy?
Ross: Mike "Gandolf" Ganderson, only like the funest guy in the world.
Chandler: I’m gonna call and get off work tomorrow!
Ross: I’m gonna call after you!
Chandler: This is gonna be soo cool, dude, we never party anymore!
Chandler and Ross: Woooo!!!
Monica: All right, were you guys smoking something in the back of our van?
Joey: Really. And what do you mean you never have fun anymore? You have fun with me, remember that time we saw those strippers and you paid me 50 bucks to eat that book?
Ross: Joey, you are gonna love this guy. Gandolf is like the party wizard!
Joey: Well, why do you call him Gandolf?
Ross: Gandolf the wizard. (Joey is still confused) Hello! Didn’t you read Lord of the Rings in high school?
Joey: No, I had sex in high school.
[Scene: Rachel’s office, Rachel and Sophie are sitting at their desks working as Joanna walks in.]
Rachel: Oh, uh, Joanna I was wondering if I could ask you something. There’s an opening for an assistant buyer in Junior Miss…
Joanna: (interrupting) Okay, but that would actually be a big step down for me.
Rachel: Well, actually, I meant for me. The hiring committee is meeting people all day and…
Joanna: Oh. Well, I wish I could say no, but you can’t stay my assistant forever. Neither can you Sophie, but for different reasons.
Rachel: God, I am so glad you don’t have a problem with this, because if you did, I wouldn’t even consider applying.
Joanna: Really? Well, in that case…
Rachel: (interrupting) And that’s I’m so glad… there’s no problem.
Joanna: That’s fine, actually I’m on the hiring committee, so there’ll be at least one friendly face.
Rachel: Ohh! That’s great!
Joanna: You know, Junior Miss is where I started. Oh, I had to sleep with the ugliest guy to get that job.
Rachel: Really?!
Joanna: No-ho-ho! (pause) Yeah. (pause) I mean, no-no-no-no-no, don’t you worry, I’m sure with your qualifications you won’t need to sleep with some guy to get that job. Although, I might need some convincing.
Rachel: Well, I, umm…
Joanna: Kidding! God, I feel wild today!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is getting ready to party.]
Chandler: Oh man! I am so excited—I may vomit!
Joey: Will you calm down, he’s just a human guy.
Chandler: Look you don’t understand, Gandolf is amazing. Y’know you’re never know what’s gonna end up happening, you go out for a couple of beers and end up on a fishing boat to Nova Scotia!
Joey: Really?!
Chandler: Oh yeah, it’s beautiful country up there.
Ross: (entering) Hey! Okay! I got my passport, fresh socks, and a snake bite kit!
Chandler: It’s not gonna be exactly like last time.
Joey: All right, I’ll see you guys.
Chandler and Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa!
Chandler: Whoa-wh-wh-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!
Joey: I have an audition, but I’ll definitely hook up with you later. Where are you gonna be around noon?
Ross: Somewhere maybe along the equator?
Joey: Okay. (leaves as the phone rings)
Chandler: (answering it) Hello. (listens) (to Ross) It’s Gandolf!!! (on phone) So, are you in town? (listens) (disappointed) Oh, well, well maybe next time then. (Hangs up)
Ross: What happened?
Chandler: He’s not gonna make it, he’s stuck in Chicago.
Ross: Ohh, man! Chicago, is sooo lucky!
Chandler: Stupid, useless Canadian money!
[Scene: Bloomingdale’s, Rachel is meeting with Mr. Posner, Mrs. Lynch, and Joanna the hiring committee.]
Mr. Posner: You have a very impressive resume, Ms. Green. I especially like what I see here about implementing a new filing system.
Rachel: Thank you.
Joanna: Filing system? Oh-oh! You mean those-those little colored labels you put on all the folders? (to the committee) It certainly did brighten up the inside of the filing cabinets.
Rachel: Well, they uh, they-they do more than that.
Mrs. Lynch: I notice that you’ve been trusted with a lot of rather important responsibilities.
Rachel: Yes, Joanna really has been an incredible mentor to me.
Joanna: Oh. And Rachel has been really incredible in getting my morning bagel for me. It’s amazing how she gets it right almost every time!
Rachel: I-I-I of course, I have more responsibilities than that.
Joanna: Oh yes, well there’s the coffee too. (to the committee) Rachel can carry two things at once!
Mr. Posner: Yes, that’s very good. Now a uh, big part of this job is cultivating personal relationships, especially with designers.
Rachel: Yes, I realize that…
Joanna: (interrupting) And Rachel shouldn’t have any problem with that. The only problem might be getting a little too friendly, if you know what I mean.
Rachel: I love working with designers!
Joanna: With them, under them, what’s the difference? Eh, Rach?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is there as Monica enters carrying a huge stack of newspapers.]
Monica: Hey! My first review is out!
Phoebe: Ohh! Oh, the Chelsea Reporter, ohh, this used to keep me so warm.
Monica: All right, look at my on the back page.
Phoebe: Oh, okay! (reading) "Would I go back to Allesandro’s? Sure, but I’d have to order two meals, one for me and one for the guy pointing the gun to my head." (to Monica) Wow! You really laid into this place.
Monica: Hey, they don’t pay me a penny a word to make friends.
Phoebe: Ooh, I gotta go. I found a guy that who could fix up the van for catering.
Monica: Oh! Do you need me to go with you?
Phoebe: No-no, it’s okay. But are we sure we don’t want the waterbed?
Monica: Haven’t we made this decision?
Phoebe: Yeah, all right. (starts to leave)
Monica: Bye!
Phoebe: Bye!
(The intercom buzzes.)
Monica: (answering it) Who is it?
Allesandro: It’s Allesandro, from Allesandro’s.
Monica: Oh my God.
Allesandro: I want to talk to you about your review.
Monica: Oh my God, oh my God. (on intercom) Call me on the phone!
Allesandro: Why? So you could hang up on me?
Monica: Look, I-I’m never gonna let you up so you may as well just go away.
Allesandro: Just give me a chance too…
Phoebe: (on intercom) Hey, do you need to get in? Here you go.
Monica: No! Phoebe!
Phoebe: Hey, Monica!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Allesandro: (entering) I want a retraction! Our food is not inedible swill!
Monica: I couldn’t eat it! I had five friends who couldn’t eat it, and one of them eats books.
Allesandro: Well our service is not grossly incompetent.
Monica: The waiter carried the breadsticks in his pants!
Allesandro: Well, you said that we except the Discover Card, which we do not!
Monica: All right, that I’ll retract. But I stand by my review, I know food and that wasn’t it. You’re marinara sauce tasted like tomato juice! You should serve it with vodka and a piece of celery.
Allesandro: Hey! I’m proud of that sauce, it’s delicious.
Monica: Oh my God! You own an Italian restaurant and you think that tastes good?! Where are you even from?
Allesandro: (shyly) Lebanon.
Monica: Hand me those tomatoes, I’m gonna show you what it should taste like! Come on, hand me them.
Allesandro: How long is this gonna take? ‘Cause I got another critic to go yell at.
[Scene: Rachel’s office, Rachel is confronting Joanna about her interview.]
Rachel: (entering Joanna’s office) Umm, Joanna? I wanna talk about that interview.
Joanna: I thought it went very well.
Rachel: No! It didn’t! That’s what I want to talk to you about. (starts to break up) Now, just to brief you… (starts to cry) I may cry, but they are not tears of sadness or of anger, but just of me having this discussion with you.
Joanna: Rachel, please, don’t make a scene.
Rachel: There’s nobody here!
Joanna: Sophie, get in here! (Sophie enters) You see! Now you’re making Sophie uncomfortable!
Sophie: She’s not making me uncomfortable.
Joanna: Congratulations! You now just crossed the line into completely useless. Get out. (Sophie starts to cry and leaves)
Rachel: Do you want me to quit?
Joanna: What?! What would make you think that?
Rachel: Well of those things that you said in the interview, I mean if you believe any of them, I must not be a very good assistant. Y’know what? I am just gonna pack up my desk, (She goes over to get all of her belongings from the desk, which amount to a muffin and a pen) and I will be gone by the end of the day! (Realizes she has nothing.) Well, I guess there’s no use to me sticking around ‘til the end of the day! (Starts to leave.)
Joanna: Wait-wait-wait-wait! You can put your sad little muffin back in it’s drawer. If you must know the truth, I didn’t want to lose a perfectly good assistant.
Rachel: What?
Joanna: That’s why I said all those things about your flirting and your drinking…
Rachel: My drinking?
Joanna: Oh, I must’ve said that after you left.
Rachel: Said what? Exactly.
Joanna: That you enjoyed the occasional drink…ing binge.
Rachel: Oh my God!! Ohh, that is it! I’m leaving! You are just a horrible person!
Joanna: Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait!! If you’re gonna get all sensitive about it! I don’t want to lose you. What if I, create a position for you? I’ll make you an assistant buyer in this department.
Rachel: Say more things like that.
Joanna: You can have your own office, and a raise! Effective tomorrow.
Rachel: I’d need an expense account.
Joanna: Done!
Rachel: And an assistant.
Joanna: Sophie, get in here! (Sophie peeks in around the corner)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are watching TV as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey! What are you guys doing here? I thought you’d be out partying with Gandel-worf.
Ross: It’s Gandolf, and he’s not coming.
Joey: So you’ve been sittin’ around here all mornin’?
Ross: No! I balanced my checkbook.
Chandler: Yeah, and I-I gave first names to all of the foosball players.
Ross: I can’t believe he didn’t come!
Joey: So what if he didn’t come! We can still go out and party ourselves!
Chandler: Oh-no, y’know with Gandolf we’d be out all night!
Ross: Yeah! We’d meet, we’d meet total strangers, and hang out with them!
Joey: Well, we could do that!
Ross: There’s other stuff too.
Joey: We’ll do it all, and better! Look, after tonight, Gandolf will want to party with us, dude! Come on!
Ross: Yeah!
Joey: Yeah!
Ross: Yeah!!
Joey: Yeah!!
Ross: It’s not like we don’t know how to party!!
Joey: Yeah! All right? Let’s go!
Chandler: And may-maybe we could end up on a boat again?
Joey and Ross: Yeah!!!
Chandler: All right!!
Ross: (to Chandler) Hey-hey-hey, when uh, when were we on a boat?
Chandler: Remember that really cold morning, you woke up and those dogs were licking your face?
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Well, those were seals, man.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is entering, excited.]
Rachel: Hey Mon, little question for ya! How do you think this suit will look on an assistant buyer?
Monica: Okay, the owner of Allesandro’s came over to yell at me, but instead I made him some sauce, and he offered me the job as head chef!!
Rachel: Oh my God!! You just ruined the thing I was practicing the whole way home, but I’m soo happy!
Monica: Can you believe it? I finally get to run my own kitchen!
Rachel: Ohh, you’ve waited soo long.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Rachel: Hey, Pheebs, quick question for ya.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Rachel: How do you think this suit would look on an assistant buyer at Bloomingdale’s?
Phoebe: I don’t know, it would totally depend on her coloring and… (realizes) You got the job!!
Rachel: Yes!!!
Monica: You got the job?! Why didn’t you tell me?
Rachel: Ohh, it’s gonna be so great! I’m gonna get to help decide what we sell, I’m gonna have an office with walls and everything. (turns to Monica) I’m gonna have walls!
Phoebe: Okay, is this the day of good news or what? I got us a job! The wedding reception.
Monica: Ohh! Umm, Phoebe, I kinda need to talk to you about that. (Rachel excuses herself) Umm, well I-I-I think it might be time for me to take a step back from catering.
Phoebe: But we’ve only had one job.
Monica: I know, but now we have this second one and it just, it feels like it’s snowballing, y’know?
Phoebe: Yeah! What are you saying?
Monica: I got offered the head chef job at Allesandro’s.
Phoebe: What?
Monica: It’s okay, ‘cause y'know what? You don’t really need me for the business.
Phoebe: You’re the cook! With out you it’s just me driving up to people’s houses with empty trays and asking for money!
Monica: All right. But umm, I-I-I’ll pay you back all the money you invested, and you can keep the van.
Phoebe: For what? I can’t believe this! I gotta get out of here. (leaves)
Monica: Phoebe, wait a minute! (runs after her, leaving Rachel alone)
Rachel: I’m an assistant buyer!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Ross, and Chandler are making a pit stop on their party tour.]
Joey: All right, so we’ll get a little coffee, and get energized, and we’ll head back out.
Chandler: Yeah, all right.
Ross: Okay.
Joey: So, we’re having fun, right?
Chandler and Ross: Yeah.
Joey: We don’t need that wizard guy. We hit a couple of clubs, talked to some strangers, and uh, after this, we’ll head down to the docks and see about that boat thing.
Ross: I’m kinda beat.
Chandler: Actually, me too.
Joey: Are you serious?!
Chandler and Ross: Yeah.
Joey: Thank God! I’m exhausted!
Gunther: So you guys want coffees?
Joey: Yeah, but uh, I don’t want to be up too late, so uh, I’ll have a decaf.
Ross: Yeah, me too.
Chandler: Actually, can I get some hot water with a little lemon? I think I strained my voice screaming in there. Does it have to be so loud?
Joey: I can’t hear a word you’re saying, my ears are ringing so bad.
Ross: I’m just glad I brought that extra pair of socks, y’know? I used them as mittens, I didn’t want to touch a thing in that last place.
(pause)
Ross: How sad are we?
Joey: Yeah, I know.
Chandler: Y’know what? We’re not sad, we’re not sad, we’re just not 21 anymore. Y’know? I’m 29 years old, damnit! And I want to sit in a comfortable chair, and watch television and go to bed at a reasonable hour!
Joey and Ross: Yeah!
Joey: Yeah! And I like to hang out in a quiet place where I can talk to my friends.
Chandler and Ross: Yeah!
Ross: And so what if I like to go home, throw on some Kenny G, and take a bath!
Joey: We’re 29, we’re not women.
[Scene: Central Perk, the next day, Phoebe is there.]
Monica: (entering) Ohh, here you are. Y’know, I’m-I’m glad you decided to hear me out.
Phoebe: Okay, I’m hearing.
Monica: I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. A lot! And umm, well, I came up with a whole bunch of businesses you can do with your van. Okay umm, you could be flower delivery person.
Phoebe: What?!
Monica: Or! A bakery delivery person.
Phoebe: I wa-I wa-I wa…
Monica: Pizza?!
Phoebe: Monica!
Monica: All right, I’ve got a whole bunch of uh-uh, stuff in this area, but umm, I’m getting the feeling that you don’t want to deliver.
Phoebe: No.
Monica: Okay. I’m guessing that if you don’t want to deliver, you probably don’t want to pick stuff up either.
Phoebe: No.
Monica: Y’know what, let’s do the catering business.
Phoebe: Really?! Are you sure?
Monica: Yeah, y'know I-I made a commitment to you. Y’know what, it’d be, it’d be fun.
Phoebe: Oh! It will be fun! Ohh! Yay! Oh! Okay, ooh, let’s plan the wedding reception. (She grabs the notebook which Monica used for her ideas and starts flipping page after page after page after page after page to find a blank one.) Wow! You really wanted me to do something with this van. (pause) Y’know what, I want you to take the chef job.
Monica: Really?!
Phoebe: Yeah. That’s what you really want. Yeah, I don’t want to be the reason you’re unhappy, that would just make me unhappy, and I really don’t want to be the reason I’m unhappy.
Monica: Thank you.
Phoebe: Besides, it might be kinda fun to form the new A-Team.
[Scene: Rachel’s office, she is coming in for the day carrying a picture for her new office. Mrs. Lynch is coming out of Joanna’s office, carrying a box.]
Rachel: Oh, hi Mrs. Lynch! Is Joanna in already?
Mrs. Lynch: Oh my goodness! You haven’t heard!
Rachel: Heard what?
Mrs. Lynch: Joanna passed away last night.
Rachel: Oh my God! How?!
Mrs. Lynch: Well, she was leaving work and she was hit by a cab.
Rachel: Oh my God! Oh, I cannot believe it!
Mrs. Lynch: I know!
Rachel: Oh, God. Oh, God. (gets worried) Oh God.
Mrs. Lynch: I didn’t realize that she was so close.
Rachel: Yes, so close. Mrs. Lynch, I know that this is an emotional and difficult time, for all of us. But by any chance did Joanna send any paperwork your way before… it happened.
Mrs. Lynch: No. Nothing. Imagine, if she had just stepped off that curb a few seconds later.
Rachel: Yes-yes, just a few seconds and she’d still be with us—nothing about an assistant buyer?
Mrs. Lynch: (starting to cry) No, I’m sorry. I have to go. (She leaves as Sophie arrives.)
Sophie: (happily) Good morning!
Rachel: Oh, Sophie, I guess you didn’t hear about Joanna…
Sophie: I sure did! (smiles)
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica’s new kitchen, Allesandro is introducing her to her new employees.]
Allesandro: I’m so excited about having Monica come on board with us. Although I do feel bad about having fired chef Emillio, it’s like losing a member of the family. Of course, that literally is the case for several of you. Tony, Carlos, Marie, please, tell your father how much we’re gonna miss him. Now, I know that Monica has a lot of great ideas for this place, well, you all read the review. So without much further ado, I present to you our new head chef.
Monica: Umm, I just wanna say, uh (reads from a 3 X 5 card) that with a pinch of exictement, a dash of hard work, a dollup of cooperation, we can have the recipe... (Looks up and sees eveyone glaring at her) Are you gonna kill me?
END

409 参加派对

好的！- 喂，别偷看!
我们闭上眼睛了
然后穿过大街，呣，很好
好，可以睁开了！
你要让我们看什么？
因为我们看到的只有
这辆棒~~~极了的货车！
那是我们备办伙食用的
嘿，我想我见过那女孩
噢，我们不会让它一直那样的
什么?
我们会用棍子面包代替那剑- 噢!
噢！而且我们还不知道
准备拿这个怎么办
噢，现在想起来了，我肯定见过她！
还记得我跟你说过的，
那个在厨艺学校时甭管做什么都放芫荽叶的那人？
噢，当然，“Larry”！
我是《切尔西报道》为他选定的食评家
喔, Monica! 你可以影响好几十号人了！
多棒的机会呀！
你同意了？那我们的包办伙食生意呢？
噢不要紧的，只是每周一晚，
而且我还可以带你们大家去吃免费晚餐
啊!!- 噢,如果这样的话?
Yay!
我只是单脚跳一跳.- 噢.
嘿,伙计!
嘿，Ross, 回答我：要去舞会吗？
我不知道，我也许能出去喝点啤酒，
但我打算看Discovery频道的”大黄蜂“节目
不－不,我想你没听清楚我说什么.
要去"舞~~会~~"吗
啊!! Gandolf?! Gandolf要来吗
Kathy要陪她爸妈, 而我就没事可干了,
所以明天我们要跟Gandolf去舞会，花花公子！
花花公子, 我们要去舞~~会~~!
喔，好了。花花公子们注意！
他是谁?
Mike "Gandolf" Ganderson,
世上最有趣的家伙！
我得打电话，明天请假!
你请完我也请假!
这太cool了,
我们不再需要去其他什么舞会了
喔!!!
记不记得那次：我们去看脱衣舞，
然后你付了50块因为我果然吃掉了那本书
Joey, 你会喜爱这个人的.
Gandolf 就像是“舞会魔法师”!
你们为什么叫他"Gandolf"?
Gandolf－魔法师.
喂! 你高中的时候难道没看过"指环王"?
没有, 在高中我倒是“嘿咻”来着.
喔，Joanna，能不能请教你一点事？
有一个将初级文员提升到助理采购人员的机会...
不错，但是好像对我来说是个退步...
事实上，我是说我挺合适的.
招聘委员会将整天都接见有意向的人员，而且...
噢，我希望我能说不，
但是我不能一辈子把你留在我助理的位置上.
Sophie你也不能去,但是原因就不是这个了
天！我真高兴你这么宽容大量！
因为如果你稍有微辞的话，我就不会去报名了
真的么？那么...- 我非常高兴你同意了... 没什么问题了。
那好吧, 其实我也是招聘委员会的一员,
所以你去的时候至少可以看到张熟面孔
噢! 太好了!
你知道，我也是从初级文员干起的.
噢,那时候我为了得到那份工作,不得不跟最丑的男人上床
真的?!
假～～嗯是真的.我是说－－－假的！
别担心，我可以肯定，以你的资历，
肯定不用跟男人上床来得到这份工作
虽然我对此并不十分信服.
哦,我,呣...- 开玩笑的! 天,我今天还真有点兴奋！
噢，哥们!我太激动了! 我都紧张得快吐了!
你能不能冷静点？他不过是个普通人而已.
你不明白的, Gandolf是不同于常人的.
你将无法知道下一步将发生什么,
你开始只不过是跟他去喝两杯，
但当你醒来时你却发现躺在加拿大Nova Scoti省的一条渔船上！
真的?!
噢,是的。那儿还真是个漂亮的地方。
嘿!我拿了护照、干净袜子还有蛇伤药！
这次不会跟上次一样，又到那去的！
好吧伙计们，过会见！
喔-喔-喔!
喔-喔-喔-喔-喔!
我有一个试听课，但我迟点再找你们；
你们中午会去哪？
大概不会是赤道附近吧?
好吧.
Hello.
是Gandolf!!!
那么,你到了么?
噢,那么下次吧！
怎么了?
他没法来了, 他被绊在芝加哥了
噢! 芝加哥可太~~~幸运了!
我还蠢得去换了这些tmd加拿大元！！
你的工作经历还不错,Green小姐.
我认为您这里提到的文件归档系统非常棒。
谢谢.
文件归档系统?
噢! 就是你弄在文件夹上那些有色的标签?
那倒是的确给档案柜增色不少
哦，那些标签的作用不止于此
我注意到你被委托了不少重要的职责
哦是的，Joanna确实是对我有知遇之恩
哦.Rachel确实把每天早上给我送百吉饼这件事做得非常不错
更惊人的是，她每次给的数目竟然都刚好！
我－我－我当然，我还有其他更多的职责
喔对了，还有咖啡！
Rachel可以一次就把两样都拿来!
那很好. 现在这个工作的很大一部分，
是建立同他人的关系，特别是同设计人员
是的，我意识到...
Rachel她不会有任何问题的
她唯一的问题是太热情了，如果你们知道我说的是哪方面的话
我喜欢与设计人员一起工作
和他们工作,和他们上床,有什么区别? 哦, Rachel?
嘿! 我的第一篇评论出炉了!
哦! 《切尔西报道》，
我流浪的时候常拿它来盖在身上御寒.
我的评论在反面.
喔，好的!
"我还会再去Allesandro餐厅么? 我不确定。
但是如果我再去的话，我肯定会点两份肉，
一份给我，一份给那个用熗指着我的头，逼我再到这个餐厅的人."
哇! 你可真是在控诉这家餐厅呀！
嘿,他们又不是付给我1元/百字来跟餐厅交朋友的.
喔，我得走了，我找到一个可以修咱们货车的人
要不要我跟你一块去?
不用,没事. 但我们真的不要张水床了么？
我们有决定要买水床么?
哦，是没有，算了.
Bye!
Bye!
这是谁?
这是Allesandro,
就是那家Allesandro餐厅的老板.
哦，天！
我想跟你谈谈你的那篇评论.
哦天啊天啊！请打电话，勿访!
为什么?那样让你可以随时挂掉电话?
你瞧，我只是让你别放松要求，你走吧
给我一个机会吧...
嘿，你要进去么，来吧- 不! Phoebe!
嘿, Monica!
我要你收回你的评论!
我们的菜不是无法下咽的泔水!
我根本没法吃! 而且我至少有5个朋友不会去吃那种东西，
虽然他们中的一个连书都吃
那么，至少我们的服务不太差.
你们的服务员竟然用裤子拿面包！
那么这句，你说我们反对Discover Card，
但我们并不是这样的!
那么，我收回这句. 但我坚持我的观点,
我知道怎么做菜，但决不是你们那样.
你们的意式沙拉尝起来就像是番茄汁! 你们应该加些伏特加酒与芹菜末
嘿！我为那果汁骄傲,很美味.
哦天啊! 你拥有自己的意大利餐厅，
但你竟然认为那样很美味？你从哪来的？
黎巴嫩.
把那些西红柿递给我, 我让你看看该是什么味道!
来,把那些递给我.
这得花多少时间? 我还得去吼下一个评论家.
呣, Joanna? 我想跟你谈谈那个面试.
我想那个面试不错呀.
不，它很差! 那正是我想跟你说的.
现在，简单点说...
我要哭了，并不因为伤心和生气,
只因为我要跟你继续下面的谈话
Rachel, 请不要这样.
这儿没其他人!
Sophie, 进来!
你看! 现在你弄得Sophie不快了!
她没有让我不快了.
恭喜! 你总算有点作用了.出去！
你是要我辞职么?
什么?!你怎么会这么想?
那些你在面试时说的话。
如果其中有任何一件你确是如此认为的话，
那我都不是一个好助理.
你知道么? 我正在整理我的桌子,
而且今天之后我就不再在这里了!
现在，我想我没有必要继续赖在这里直到今天结束了。
等等－等等!
你可以把那些糟糕的小松饼放回抽屉
假如你要知道那真相, 我不想失去个好助理
什么?
这就是为什么我说你轻浮和酗酒...
我酗酒?
哦, 那我一定是在你离开后说的.
到底你说了什么？
你时不时的喜欢酗酒...然后狂欢
噢，天!!我得离开这！! 你可太可怕!
不要－不要. 等等－等等!!
如果你真的在意这个职位的话..
我不想失去你.
如果我给你创造这么个职位怎样?
我会让你在这部门里当个助理采购员
说更多的来听听.
给你升职，让你有自己独立的办公室! 从明天开始.
我还要公费报销单.
成交!
还有助手.
Sophie,进来。
嘿! 你们在这干吗?
我以为你们和Gandel-worf去舞会了
拜托，是Gandolf, 他不来了.
你们在这里坐一整天了
不! 我结算了自己的支票簿.
Yeah, 我－我给所有的足球桌里的小人都起了名字
难以相信他不来了!
那又怎样! 那我们也可以自己出去找乐子!
哦不, 有了Gandolf我们可以呆一整晚!
是的! 我们可以去约会,
跟完全陌生的人, 然后跟他们待在外面不回来!
我们也可以呀!
还有别的事情.
我们都会做得更好!
瞧着吧,今晚以后Gandolf会希望跟我们一起去舞会的。
兄弟们，走!
Yeah!- Yeah!- Yeah!!- Yeah!!
我们也知道怎么找乐子!!
Yeah! 好了么? 我们走!
也－也许我们也可以最后到一艘船上?
是呀!!!
好吧!!
嘿－嘿－嘿, 什么时候，什么时候咱们在船上?
记得那寒冷的早上, 你醒来发现那些“狗”在舔你的脸?
记得.
Well, 那些是海豹,老兄.
嘿 Monica,问你个小问题!
你看一个助理采购员身上的这套套装怎么样？
Ok, Allesandro餐厅的老板来见我,
我做了些沙拉给他, 他就雇我当他的首席大厨了!!
哦天!! 你没理睬我在回家路上练了好久的表演，但我还是为你高兴！
你能相信吗?我终于可以回我心爱的厨房了!
噢,你等了好久了.- 不
嘿!
嘿, Pheebs, 问你个小问题.- 好.
你看一个Bloomingdale商场
的助理采购员穿上这套套装怎么样?
我不知道, 这完全取决于颜色和...你升职了!!
是的!!!
你升职了?! 你怎么不告诉我?
噢, 那太好了! 我将决定我们商场卖什么,
我会拥有独立的办公室和一切
我将有墙了!
Ok,今天是什么好日子?
我替咱们找到工作了! 婚礼招待会！
噢!呣, Phoebe, 我得跟你谈谈这个问题.
呣, 我想是时候我该从伙食包办行业退出来了
但我们刚刚才有了一份工作
我知道, 但是我们现在马上有了第二份，
然后第三份...就像滚雪球一样，嗯你明白?
是的!你要说什么?
我得到了Allesandro餐厅的主厨工作.
什么?
没什么, 你知道为什么么?你可以自己干
拜托，你是厨师!
没了你,我只有拿空盘子开车到人们的家里
然后管人要钱？！
噢对. 但我会还你所有你投资的钱,
而且你还可以保留那货车
为什么? 我简直不能相信!我要离开这里.
Phoebe, 等等!
我是助理采购员了!!
好吧, 我们来点咖啡, 补充点动力,
然后扭头走人.
好的.- Ok.
那么, 我们玩的很开心,对不?- 是.
我们不需要那个什么“魔法师”.我们去了几个club,
和一些陌生人交谈,然后
呣，之后, 我们掉头去码头看船...
我有点精疲力竭.
事实上～我也是.
你们是说真的?!
Yeah.
谢谢上帝!我也累坏了!
你们要咖啡吗?
是的, 但我不想太晚睡, 来一杯低咖吧.
对，我也是.
事实上，我能要些热柠檬水吗？
我在那里喊得伤了喉咙
一定要那么大声吗？
我一个字也没听到你说什么,
我耳鸣得厉害
我很高兴我还多带了双袜子,你知道么?
我把它们当手套使,
在最后那地方我不想碰任何东西
我们太可悲了！
对，我知道.
你们知道吗? 我们一点都不可悲,
我们只是不再是21岁了.
对呀? 我都29了,去他的!
我想坐在舒服的椅子上，看看电视，然后到时间去睡觉!
是呀!
没错! 我只想在安静的地方歇歇，跟朋友谈心
对呀!
而且如果我回家了,
就来首Kenny G的萨克思曲，然后洗个澡!
我们29岁了，我们也不是女人.
噢，你在这.我很高兴你愿意听我说完
好，我在听.
我想了很久. 想了很多事情!
而且我想出一番你能用上你货车的事业
Ok，呣~~你可以去送花.
什么?!
或者~~送面包.
我哇~~...- 要不－pizza?!
Monica!
好吧, 我想出能在这个区做的很多生意,
但我估计你不是很想作外卖之类的事.
当然不.
Ok. 我猜你不想送外卖的话
就更不会去拉货了
不想.
那么,我们还是做伙食包办吧.
真的么?! 你确定?
是的，我答应过你的，那会--那会挺有意思的
噢! 是会挺有意思的! 哦!是的!
Ok,那我们来计划一下婚礼招待会的事.
喔! 你还真是替我想了好多用那货车的办法呀。
你知道么,我想你应该去当大厨.
真的?!
没错. 那是你真正想做的.
而且, 我不希望让你不快, 那样我也会不高兴的
所以我真的只不过是不想让自己不快罢了
谢谢你.
此外,组织新的一个队伍也许会挺有趣
哦，Lynch太太! 乔安娜回来了吗?
噢，我的天! 你还不知道!
知道什么?
乔安娜，她－昨晚过世了
噢，天! 怎么回事?!
她下班后出了车祸
噢，天！我简直无法相信!
我也是!
噢,天!噢,天!
噢,天！
我还不知道你们原来如此亲密
对，很~~亲密！
Lynch太太, 我知道对于我们大家来说
现在都是悲伤的时候
但是Joanna有没有给你关于什么
任命文件之类的东西，在...那件事发生前？
没有.没给过.
想象一下, 假如她在路边能停留一会...
是呀, 只要慢几秒钟，
她就可以再跟我们一起了
真的没有关于助理采购员的消息?
哦，真的没有。
抱歉。我要走了.
早!
噢，Sophie, 我想你还没听说Joanna出事...
我已经知道了!
我非常高兴能邀请到Monica到我们餐厅来工作.
虽然我非常遗憾解雇了原来的大厨Emillio, 就像失去了家庭的一成员.
当然, 对你们几个来说，确实就是失去“家庭”一员：
Tony, Carlos, Marie,
请告诉你们的爸爸我有多想他.
我知道Monica对本餐厅有很多很好的建议,
当然，你们都看过那篇评论了
所以我就不再多说什么题外话了,
我将给你们介绍新的主厨－Monica.
呣, 我只想说，少一点轻浮，
多一点辛勤劳动，多一些密切合作，
我们就可以把餐厅搞得更好...

回复引用

顶端

77恋兰

ZxID：11247485

23212鲜花 10鸡蛋

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 77楼发表于: 2014-03-23 0

410 The One With The Girl From Poughkeepsie

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
Ross: Hey!
Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe: Hey!
Ross: I’m sorry I’m late, did I miss anything?
Phoebe: Joey stuffing 15 Oreos in his mouth. (Joey, with an obvious mouth full, nods yes.)
Ross: 15? (Joey nods again) Your personal best! (Ross takes an Oreo and Joey mumbles, no!)
Phoebe: Where were you?
Ross: Oh, on a date. Yeah, I met this girl on the train going to a museum upstate.
(simultaneously)
Chandler: Oh, yeah! How did you meet her?
Phoebe: Oh, which museum?
Phoebe: (just Phoebe) No, answer his.
Ross: Okay, it was just me and her at the back of the train, and I sat near the door, so she’d have to pass by me if she wanted to switch cars. She was totally at my mercy.
Chandler: Were you so late because you were burring this woman?
Ross: No, I’m getting back down ‘cause she lives in Poughkeepsie. She seems really great, but she’s like totally great, but she lives two and a half hours away.
Chandler: How can she be great if she’s from Poughkeepsie? (laughs, at they all look at him) That joke would’ve killed in Albany.
Joey: Done! I did it! Heh, who’s stupid now? (He smiles and has cookie remains all over his teeth.)
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are there.]
Chandler: Hey, look at this! (Holding a newspaper) They’re lighting the big Christmas tree tonight.
Phoebe: Umm, that paper’s two weeks old.
Chandler: All right, who keeps leaving old newspapers in the trash?! I really wanted to take Kathy to this, I can’t believe I missed it.
Rachel: Hey, y’know, at least you have somebody to miss that stuff with! I hate being alone this time of year! Next thing you know it’ll be Valentine’s Day, then my birthday, then bang!—before you know it, they’re lighting that damn tree again. Ohh, I want somebody! (hearing this, Gunther moves in) Y’know, I want a man!! (Gunther leaves depressed) I mean, it doesn’t even have to be a big relationship, y’know, just like a fling would be great.
Chandler: Really?! I didn’t think girls ever just wanted a fling.
Rachel: Well, believe me, it’s been a long time since I’ve been flung.
Joey: Well, I know what I’m giving you for Christmas.
Chandler: Y’know what? There’s some nice guys at my office, do you want me to set you up?
Rachel: Yeah! Wait a minute, it’s been a long time that I’ve been single. How come you never offered this before?
Chandler: Well, I have a girlfriend, I’m-I’m happy. So, I no longer feel the need to go out of my way to stop others from being happy.
Rachel: Okay! No accountants. Oh, and no one from like legal. I don’t like guys with boring jobs.
Chandler: Oh and Ross was like what? A lion tamer?
(Monica enters)
All: Hey!
Phoebe: What’s wrong Mon?
Monica: Ohh, everybody at the restaurant still hates me.
Phoebe: Oh.
Monica: I thought I was making headway, everyone was smiling at me all day, I get off work and I find out that they wrote this (puts on her chef hat) on my chef’s hat. (The hat says ‘Quit, bitch’)
Phoebe: Hey, maybe they meant to write, ‘Quiet, bitch.’
Rachel: Hey, honey! What’s the matter? (Monica shows her, her hat.) Fine, I was just trying to be nice! Whoa!
Monica: I mean I have not been picked on this much since kindergarten and they had to bring in someone from junior high to do the see-saw with me. (Joey laughs and Monica glares at him.)
Joey: Ohhh!
Monica: I mean they’re trying to do everything they can to make me quit, and if there were any other job, I would. But this is something I’ve been waiting for my whole life.
Rachel: Well, wait a minute, you’re the boss! Why don’t you just yell at them? Or, fire them?
Monica: I would love too, but I can’t! I mean I just can’t, you know that I’m not good at confrontation.
Chandler: Hey, you know what you can do? I remember reading about this director, I think it was Orson Wells, who at the beginning of the movie would hire somebody, just so he could fire them in front of everybody. Then they would all know, who’s boss.
Joey: Hey, Mon! I’m not doing anything, why don’t you fire me?
Monica: That’s a good idea! Wait, do you know how to waiter?
Joey: Good enough to get fired.
Monica: All right, you’re hired!
Joey: Hey! That must be why I got fired last week! Does this Orson Wells guy direct Burger King commercials?
Chandler: (he glares at him for a while) Yes.
[Scene: Chandler’s office, he is trying to find Rachel a date.]
Chandler: I say, Drew! Are you seeing anybody right now? (Drew looks at him) Og-ee-op, I’m not asking for me, I’m… I mean… No, I’m-I’m not gay, I’m not asking you out. I’m not-I’m not-I’m not gay!
Drew: I didn’t think you were gay. I do now.
Chandler: See my friend-my friend, Rachel, she wants to be set up.
Drew: Ahh, I just got out of a big relationship, I’m not looking for any thing serious.
Chandler: Oh, y’know what, that might be okay even if it was just kind of a fling, that might be all right with Rachel.
Mike: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Is this, hot Rachel, that you took to the Christmas party, Rachel?
Chandler: (to Drew) Oh, by the way, that is her full name.
Mike: Oh wow! I’m free for her!
Drew: Oh, wait a second! I didn’t say I wasn’t free!
Mike: Hey, Chandler, why don’t we talk this over at the Ranger game tomorrow?
Drew: Hold on, y’know I just got a box of Cubans, maybe I bring them by your office around uh, five?
Chandler: Oh well, that’s uh, a little later than I uh, generally care to stay, but sure!
Mike: Maybe, before the game we could enjoy some eight year old some small batch Basel Hadens.
Chandler: Well, I don’t really know what that is, but let’s!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is working on a new song.]
Phoebe: Hey! You guys, I’m writing a holiday song for everyone. Do you want to hear it?
Monica, Rachel, and Joey: Yes!
Phoebe: (singing) Happy Chanukah, Monica! May your Christmas be snowy, Joey! Happy New Year, Chandler and Ross. Spin the draddle, Rachel!
Rachel: Pheebs, that’s great!
Phoebe: Oh, yay!
Rachel: But y’know umm, Rachel doesn’t rhyme with draddle.
Phoebe: I know but it’s so hard! Nothing rhymes with your stupid name!
Joey: What are you talking about? Lots of things rhyme with Rachel. Bagel. Mail. Jail. Bail. Able. May-pole.
Phoebe: All good, thanks. (to Rachel) Do you maybe have a nickname have like a nickname that’s easier to rhyme?
Monica: Didn’t your dad used to call you Pumpkin?
Rachel: Oh yeah!
Phoebe: Pumpkin? Yeah. But did he ever call you like, Budolph?
Chandler: (entering) Hello, children!
All: Hey!
Chandler: (to Rachel) Have I got the 50 guys for you!
Rachel: Really?!
Chandler: Oh yeah, I just showed this a picture of you and guys were throwing themselves at me! They’re buying me drinks! They’re giving me stuff! (to Joey) Knicks tonight?
Joey: Sure! Where are the seats?
Chandler: Wherever! I’ve got like 20!
Rachel: So, will I like any of these guys?
Chandler: Y’know what, I’m gonna uh, play the field just a little more.
Rachel: Chandler!
Chandler: Guys are signing over their 401-K’s to me?
Phoebe: (shocked) You work with robots!!
Chandler: (pause) Yes. (to Rachel) Okay, there’s this one guy, Patrick, I think you’re gonna like him, he’s really nice, he’s funny, he’s a swimmer.
Rachel: Ohh, I like swimmer’s bodies!
Chandler: Yes, and his father invented that magnetic strip on the back of credit cards.
Rachel: Op, I like credit cards!
Chandler: See, I’m not bad at this fixing up thing, huh?
Rachel: Well, so what does he do?
Chandler: Oh, he works in the Fine Foods division.
Rachel: Your company has a fine foods division?
Chandler: It’s a big company, I don’t—if you—I…
Joey: Now, wait a second! You make food and robots?
Phoebe: No! No, the robots just work for them.
Monica: (getting up) All right, I’m gonna go to work. Does anybody have a problem with that?
Joey: Yeah, lady, I do! I got a problem with that!
Monica: You want a problem? I’ll give you a problem!
Joey: Oh, what are you gonna do? You’re gonna fire me?
Monica: You bet your ass, I’m gonna fire you! Thank you.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, and Chandler are there.]
Ross: Oh, wow! I should get going. I-I got a date tonight.
Chandler: Oh yeah! With who?
Ross: You know that girl I told you about who lives up in Poughkeepsie?
Chandler: Yeah.
Ross: Not her. Yeah, this is someone else I meet, and I-I can’t decide between the two of them. Y’know the one from Poughkeepsie, even though she’s a two hour train ride away, is really pretty, really smart, and-and a lot of fun. But this other girl, well, she lives right uptown. Y’know she’s, well she’s-she’s just as pretty, I guess she’s smart, she’s not fun.
Phoebe: If she’s no fun, why do you want to date her at all?
Ross: Well, I-I want to give her another chance, y’know? She lives so close. And, at the end of the date, the other time, she-she said something that was—if she was kidding was very funny. On the other hand, if she wasn’t kidding, she’s not fun, she’s stupid, and kind of a racist.
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Ross: Hey!
Chandler: Hey, man!
Phoebe: Hey! Ooh, how was your first day working at the restaurant?
Joey: (checks his watch) Damn! (runs out to work)
[Scene: Allesandro’s, Monica is cooking.]
Joey: (entering from the dining room) Hey.
Monica: Hey.
Joey: Hey, what happened to your fancy chef’s jacket? (sees there’s a burn spot on it)
Monica: They baked it. I can’t take this anymore. I’m gonna call a meeting tonight, I’m gonna fire you tonight.
Joey: You got it! Oh-oh! (He starts patting the burned spot, which just happens to be over her breast.)
Monica: What are you doing?!
Joey: It’s still a tiny bit on fire there.
Monica: Thanks. (Joey’s still patting the burn spot) I think you got it!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is there.]
Rachel: (entering) Chandler!! You have the best taste in men!
Chandler: Well, like father, like son.
Rachel: Patrick and I had such a great time last night! I mean I think this could maybe turn into something serious.
Chandler: Really?! I-I thought you weren’t looking for something serious? I thought you were looking for some kind of a fling.
Rachel: Well, y'know, possibly. (pause) You didn’t tell him that, though? Right?
Chandler: Ummmmmmmm, no.
Rachel: You told this guy that I was looking for a fling?! You don’t tell the guy that!
Chandler: Why not?! I’d be thrilled if I heard that some hot girl was just looking to get—oh I see.
Rachel: Oh, between you telling him that I wanted to have a fling and me putting out on the first date—oh, he’s so gonna get the wrong idea.
[Scene: Allesandro’s, Joey is eating some cheese.]
Monica: Hey, Joey, could you pass the cheese?
Joey: Yeah. Listen uh, I’d prefer it if you didn’t call me Joey. Since I don’t know anyone here, I thought it’d be cool to try out a cool work nickname.
A Waiter: (entering) Hey, dragon! Here’s your tips from Monday and Tuesday. (hands him two envelopes)
Joey: (opening an envelope) There’s like-there’s like 300 bucks in this one!
The Waiter: Yeah, people get pretty generous around the holidays. And it never hurts to wear tight trousers.
Monica: Okay. Could the waiters gather around to hear tonight’s specials? Okay, first there is a Chilean Sea Bass prepared with a Mango relish on a bag—Why is nobody writing these down?
The Waiter: Because we can remember them.
Monica: Because your all gonna make up fake specials and make me cook them like you did the other night?
The Waiter: Well, sure, that too.
Monica: Okay, forget the specials for a minute. Umm, all right here’s the thing, for the last two weeks I have umm, (quietly) tried really hard to create a positive atmosphere…
The Waiter: Can’t hear you!
Monica: (louder) A positive atmosphere! But I-I-I have had it up to here. (She holds her hand over her head as an afterthought.) From now on, it is gonna be my way, or the highway! All right? Does anybody have a problem with that?!! (Joey looks at the money he’s holding, and doesn’t speak up.) Hey new guy! I said, does anybody have a problem with that?!
Joey: No ma’am.
The Waiter: Hey! He has a name, it’s Dragon. Do you wanna know your name? Check your hat. (to another waiter) We did the hat right? (The other waiter nods yes.)
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Allesandro’s, continued from earlier. The other waiters are gone and Monica is confronting Joey about his not speaking up.]
Monica: What the hell happened?!
Joey: I am so-so-so sorry. I was gonna do it! Really! But I was standing there with 327 dollars in one hand and 238 dollars in the other hand, and I was thinking, "Wow! It’s been a long time since I had… (tries to do the math in his head, but can’t) 327 + 238 dollars!"
Monica: Joey, we had a deal. That-that’s why you’re here! I’ve got to fire you!
Joey: And I gotta pay rent! Look, how-how about this? You don’t fire me, instead I stay here, I gain their trust, and they’ll start listening to all the nice things I’ve been saying about you.
Monica: What kinda things have you been saying?
Joey: Well nothing yet, they really hate you and I want to fit in.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is working on her holiday song, Chandler is sitting on the couch reading a magazine, and Ross is sleeping on the couch.]
Phoebe: (singing) Happy, happy Chanukah, Chandler and Monica. Very merry…
Chandler: (interrupting) Oh, y’know, y’know what Pheebs?
Phoebe: What?
Chandler: I’m not Jewish, so…
Phoebe: So! Ross doesn’t really decorate his tree with floss, but you don’t hear him complaining do you? God! (Phoebe hits her guitar which wakes up Ross with a start.)
Chandler: Bad dream?
Ross: I wasn’t sleeping.
Chandler: Oh yeah, then uh, what was Phoebe’s song about?
Ross: The one with the cat. I gotta go, I’ve got another date.
Phoebe: So, did you pick one yet?
Ross: No, it turns out that the one from uptown was making a joke. But it was a different joke than I thought—it wasn’t that funny. So I’m still torn.
Phoebe: Well look, you don’t really like the one from uptown and you’re too exhausted from dating the one up in Poughkeepsie, so I say you just end them both. Okay? You take a train up to Poughkeepsie and break up with her, and on your way back you break up with uptown. And then by the time you get home tonight, you’re done!
Ross: Y’know, you’re right. Thank you.
Phoebe: Umm, well I had a similar problem when I lived in Prague.
Chandler: Prague?
Phoebe: There’s sooo much you don’t know.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is playing living room golf as Rachel enters. Rachel sees this and holds the door open until Chandler is ready to start his swing, when he is, she slams the door shut which causes the club to fly from his hands. He turns around, shocked.]
Rachel: Chandler! Patrick just uh, ended things with me. Did you or did you not tell him that I was looking for a serious relationship?
Chandler: I did! I absolutely did!
Rachel: You idiot!!
Chandler: I’m sure you’re right, but why?
Rachel: You don’t tell a guy that you’re looking for a serious relationship! You don’t tell the guy that! Now you scared him away!
Chandler: Oh, man. I’m sorry, I’m so-so sorry.
Rachel: Y’know, you should never be allowed to talk to people!
Chandler: I know! I know!
Rachel: Oh! See just I’m right back where I started! Aww, this sucks! Being alone, sucks! (She sits down heavily in one of the new chairs)
Chandler: Well, y’know, you’re-you’re gonna meet somebody! You’re a great catch! Y’know when I was telling all those guys about you, I didn’t have to lie once. (He sits down on the arm of her chair)
Rachel: Really?
Chandler: Yeah! You graduated Magma Ku Laude, right?
Rachel: No.
Chandler: Oh, it doesn’t matter. (Kisses her on the top of her head.) Hey, y’know what, I’ve got two tickets to tonight’s Rangers game, you wanna come with me?
Rachel: Cute guys in little shorts? Sure.
Chandler: Well, actually it’s a hockey team, so it’s angry Canadians with no teeth.
Rachel: Well that sounds fun too. (They hug.)
(pause)
Chandler: Have you ever been with a woman?
Rachel: What?! Chandler, what is the matter with you?!
Chandler: So there is no good time to ask that question.
[Scene: A train to Poughkeepsie, Ross is asleep against the window.]
The Conductor: The next station is Poughkeepsie. Poughkeepsie!
The Woman From Poughkeepsie: (outside Ross’s window) Ross? Ross! (she knocks on the window) Wake up! Ross! (the train starts moving) Ross! Ross!! Ross!!! Ross!!!!
[Scene: Allesandro’s, Monica is cooking.]
Monica: I need more swordfish. (to one of the assistant chefs) Can you get me some more swordfish?
Kitchen Worker: I don’t speak English.
Monica: You did a minute ago!
Kitchen Worker: Well, I don’t know what to tell ya!
Monica: Fine!
(She goes into the freezer to get it herself, and leaves the door open. The waiter from earlier comes by and closes the door.)
Monica: Okay! Very funny! Somebody let me out please?! Come on, I’m cold! (She spills something.) And covered in marinara sauce! Come on! Let me out! (the door opens)
The Waiter: You found that handle, did ya?
Monica: That’s not funny.
The Waiter: Well that’s not true.
Monica: (starting to cry) I’m a good person. And I’m a good chef, and I don’t deserve to have marinara sauce all over me! Y’know what, if you want me to quit this bad, then all you have to do is…
Joey: (interrupting) Hey! Chef Geller! Y’know that little speech you made the other day? Well I got a problem with it!
Monica: You do?
Joey: You bet I do! I just ah, wasn’t listening then, that’s all.
Monica: Well if you want a problem? I’ll give you a problem!
Joey: What are you gonna do? You’re gonna fire me?
Monica: You bet your ass I’m gonna fire you! Get out of my kitchen! Get out!! (Joey leaves) All right! Anybody else got a problem? How ‘bout you Chuckles? You think this is funny now?
The Waiter: No.
Monica: How about if I dance around all covered in sauce? Huh? You think it’s funny now?
The Waiter: No, it’s really good.
Monica: Good! Now, take those salads to table 4, (to the kitchen worker from earlier) And you! Get the swordfish! (to another assistant chef) And you! Get a haircut!
[Scene: The train, it’s pulling into a station.]
The Conductor: Last stop, Montreal. This stop is Montreal.
Ross: (waking up) What? (notices that there is now a beautiful woman sitting next to him)
Woman On Train: I made a bet with myself that you have beautiful eyes. Now that I see them, I win.
Ross: What?
Woman On Train: We’re at my stop. But would you like to have coffee?
Ross: (now fully awake) Are we really in Montreal?!
Woman On Train: Yes we are. So, coffee?
Ross: Coffee sounds great. (They get up) Wait, so, so you live in Montreal?
Woman On Train: Oh, no. But it’s just a two hour ferry ride to Nova Scotia.
[Scene: Allesandro’s, Joey is coming back in with his coat on.]
Joey: Well I guess I should’ve thought about my wife and kids before I talked back to chef Geller!
Monica: Thanks.
Joey: Yep! Looks like it’s gonna be a leeeeean Christmas at the Dragon house this year.
Monica: Enough!
Joey: (leaving) Lean-lean-lean!
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing her holiday song.]
Phoebe: (singing) "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap.
Asked him to bring my friends all kind of crap.
Said all you need is to write them a song.
They haven't heard it, so don't try and sing along.
No, don't sing along.
Monica, Moncia, have a happy Chanukah.
Saw Santa Clause, he said hello to Ross.
And plese tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy!
And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!"
Happy holidays, everybody!
END

410 帕基普希来的姑娘

嘿!- 嘿!
很抱歉我迟到了,没错过什么吧?
Joey放了15块奥立奥饼干到嘴里.
15块?你的个人记录呀!
你到哪去了?
噢，去赴个约会. 那女孩是我
在去城郊的博物馆的火车上认识的
噢是么!你怎么认识她的?
噢, 哪个博物馆?
不用理我,回答他的问题吧.
好吧, 火车后厢就我们两个人
我坐得靠近门一些
那么她如果要转车的话，就得从我边上过.
她拿我没办法。
你就是因为和她神侃才这么迟的？
不是，我赶紧回来了，
因为她住在Poughkeepsie（纽约州东南部）.
她看上去真的很不错,
但是...她只是似~乎~很不错,
但是她住在2个半小时的路程之外
她都住在Poughkeepsie了怎么还会很棒?
我是说，到Albany（纽约州首府）就没笑话可讲了.
好了!我吃下去了! 嘿, 现在谁才傻?
嘿，看这个! 他们今晚要点亮这棵大圣诞树！
呣，那是两周前的报纸
好啊，是谁忘记把旧报纸丢到垃圾箱啦？！
我本来想带Kathy去看这个的,没想到竟然错过了.
嘿，你至少还有人可以和你一起“错过”机会
但我已经孤独整整一年了！
接着我又要一个人过情人节、我的生日，然后又是“嗙－－”
在你反应过来之前，又是圣诞节了
噢，我想有人陪!
我要个真正的“男人”!!
哪怕不是正式的交往,而只是“逢场作戏”一次也好。
真的?!我还以为女孩子从来不想搞“一夜情”的呢！
我告诉你,我很早以前就来过“一夜情”了！
噢，这下我知道圣诞节可以给你什么了.
你知道么?
我公司里有许多很棒的小伙子，你要我帮你介绍么？
好啊！等等，我已经单身好久了.
你从前为什么没提过这事?
我有女朋友了，我很快乐.
所以，我不再需要把快乐建筑在他人的痛苦之上了
Ok!不要会计师.噢，也不要律师.
我不喜欢那些从事闷蛋工作的人.
噢，Ross的工作不闷蛋么?他是驯兽师么?
嘿!
Monica，怎么了?
噢,那个餐馆的所有人都恨我.
噢.
本来我想我的人缘好起来了,
今天一整天人们都对我笑
我开始工作，然后发现他们在我的厨师帽上写了这个
也许他们想写：“安静，婊子”
嘿，亲爱的!怎么了?
- 好了,我只是想礼貌的打个招呼!- 哇噢!
自从幼儿园后我就没被这么捉弄过了。
他们还找来人监视我
噢!
他们想尽办法来赶我走
如果我对其他什么工作感兴趣的话，我会走.
但是这是我一生都想从事的职业
哦等一下，你才是头儿!
为什么你不吼他们，或者解雇他们？
我是想这么来着，可是我做不到!
我总是在对峙中败下阵来.
嘿，你知道你该怎么办么?我记得我曾读过一个导演的书－－
好像是Orson Wells(“公民凯恩”的导演)－－
他会在电影开拍的时候雇一个人，然后在大伙面前解雇他
那样那些人就明白了，谁才是头儿.
嘿，Monica!我正好没事做，要不你开除我?
好主意!但，你知道怎么当侍应生么?
只要会被解雇不就行了？！
好的，我雇你了!
嘿!这就是我上个礼拜被炒的原因了!
Orson Wells是不是也掌管
Burger King（著名汉堡包连锁店）的生意?
是的.
我说..Drew！你现在有没有人约会?
哦－呃,我不是想约你,
我...我...我不是同性恋,我不是想跟你约会.
我不是.不是同性恋!
我从未以为你是同性恋.
但现在就拿不准了.
你看，我的朋友－Rachel,她想我帮她介绍个男孩子.
啊，我刚和一个女孩子分手，我现在不想跟谁交往
你知道么,哪怕是“逢场作戏”都行,Rachel也说没问题.
喔－啊－! 是不是那个“火辣Rachel”,
你曾带到圣诞晚会上的那个?
噢，顺便说一下，那是她的“全名”
噢，喔!我有空!
哦，等一下!我又没说我没空!
嘿, Chandler,
为什么我们不在明天“游骑兵”队的比赛上谈谈这个事呢？
打住！我刚得到一盒古巴雪茄,
也许我可以到你那去，跟你一起来一根, 5点怎么样?
这个么，我一般都不会留到那个点，但是--没问题！
也许比赛前，我们可以去享受两瓶8年的Basel Hadens.
呃，虽然我不知道那是什么，但是－－我们去吧!!
嘿! 你们几个,我为所有人写了个节日歌.你们想听么?
好的!
Happy Chanukah, Monica! May your Christmas be snowy, Joey!
(光明节快乐，Monica!圣诞节会下雪，Joey！)
Happy New Year, Chandler and Ross. Spin the draddle, Rachel!
(Chandler和Ross新年快乐！ Rachel转陀螺！)
- Pheebs, 太棒了!
- 噢，没错!
但是..., “Rachel”跟“陀螺”不压韵呀.
我知道，但是实在没办法!
你的垃圾名字实在很难找压韵的词!
不会呀?“Rachel”可以跟好多词压韵啊.
象：“Bagel. Mail. Jail. Bail. Able. May-pole.”
(百吉饼、邮件、监狱、能够、五月柱)
都不错，谢谢.
你有没有小名或者比较好压韵的称号什么的？
你老爸以前不是叫你Pumpkin（南瓜）来着?
噢，对，没错!
Pumpkin? 好吧.他干嘛不叫你Budolph什么的?
Hello, 孩子们!
嘿!
我给你找了50个候选男子!
真的么?!
是的,我只不过是亮了一下你的靓照，
结果他们全都蜂拥而至！
他们又是请我喝酒，又是送我东西！
今晚看球赛去?- 好!座位在哪儿?
随你便! 我有大约20张票!
那么，他们中有没有适合我的?
你知道的,我让你可以两脚踏好多条船,所以都没拒绝。
Chandler!
他们甚至把401-k（养老基金）受益人都填成我啦！
你和一大堆机器人(不要养老金)工作?!
你说的对.
Ok,其中有个叫Patrick的小伙,
我想你应该会喜欢他,他很棒，很风趣，
而且还是个游泳健将！
噢,游泳健将的身材可是一级棒！
是的,而且他老爸就是发明信用卡背面的识别磁条的.
噢,我也很喜欢信用卡!
你看,这事我办得不错吧?
那他是干什么工作的?
他在精炼食品部门工作.
你公司还做精炼食品?
这可是家大公司,可不是么?如果你?我...
等等!你公司又做精炼食品又做机器人?
不是!不是,机器人是帮忙工作的.
好了，我得上班去了.谁有意见么?
是的，女士，我有意见，我很有意见！
你有意见?那我就让你头疼不已!
噢，怎么?你要解雇我么?
你个蠢驴,我解雇你了!
谢谢.
噢，喔!我得走了，我今晚还有个约会.
是么？跟谁?
还记得我上次跟你提过的那个住在Poughkeepsie的女孩么?
记得.
不是她.
是我另外碰到的,而我无法在这两个女孩中取舍.
那个住在Poughkeepsie的女孩,
虽然得坐两个小时火车才能看到她，
但她漂亮、聪明，而且佷风趣
但是另外那个,她就住在城里的住宅区.
她也佷漂亮,可能聪明,但是一点也不风趣
既然她一点也不风趣，那你干嘛还跟她约会?
我想再给她一个机会，对吧?她住的这么近.
而且上次约会的最后,另一次,她曾说了些...
如果她是在开玩笑的话，那她就佷风趣.
但如果她不是开玩笑的话,她就不风趣，
而且愚蠢，还有点种族主义了
嘿，伙计!
嘿!噢,你到餐馆工作的第一天怎么样啊?
糟糕!
嘿.- 嘿.
Oh, 你最喜欢的主厨服怎么了?
他们烘烤过.
我无法再忍受了.我今晚要开个会
然后把你解雇，杀鸡给猴看。
对了，就这样。噢～～
你在干什么?!
那里还有点火.
谢谢！我想够了!
Chandler!! 你对男人非常有品味!
有其父必有其子
Patrick 和我昨晚玩的很开心!我想现在可以转入正式交往了.
是么?! 你好像不是想要跟谁交往的呀？
我记得你只是想“放荡”一下而已。
噢，好像是这么回事.
你没有把这个告诉他吧？
呣～～～，我已经说了
你告诉他我只是想搞“一夜情”?!
你怎能告诉他这个啊！！
为什么不能?! 如果我知道那个火辣的女孩想要“那个”，
我会兴奋得直发抖！噢，我明白了
噢，我该怎么办？
你告诉他我想“一夜情”，而我想跟他长期交往。
他完全会错意了
嘿, Joey,能把芝士递过来么?
好的.我想你还是别叫我Joey的好.
因为这没人认识我，所以我想试试取个酷点的工作昵称
嘿,“龙”!这是你周一和周二的小费.
是的，人们在节假日里总是佷慷慨的.
所以穿紧身裤也是值得的
OK.侍应生集合一下，
我交代一下今晚的特价菜
这样, 首先是用芒果佐味的智利黑鲈
为什么没人用笔记一下?
因为我们能记住.
因为你们这样就能象以前一样，
自己捏造假的特价菜，然后让我来弄么？
哦，没错，也有因为这个原因.
好吧,先把特价菜放到一边.这事好办,
在过去的两周里，我努力试图营造一种友好的气氛...
我们听不到!
一种友好的气氛!
但是我现在对此不抱希望了.
从现在开始,要么按我说得去做,要么就滚蛋!
有没有问题?
有没有人有意见的?!!
嘿，新来的!我说，有没有人对此有意见?!
没有
嘿!他有名字,他叫“龙”
知道你的名字么?看看你的帽子吧
我们写在上面了，是吧?
这该死的到底怎么了?!
太对不起了.我本来打算按计划进行的!真的!
但当我这个手拿着327块，
另一只手拿着238块站在那的时候
我想, "喔!我好久没拿过~~~（心算中...） 327 + 238块了!"
Joey,我们有协议的.所以你才会在这!
我得解雇你的!
可我要付房租!你看，不如这样?
你别解雇我,而是我留在这,
取得他们的信任,
然后他们就会相信我讲你的好话。
哦，你跟他们说了我什么好话?
目前为止－－没有。
他们还很恨你，而我正要融入他们中去。
光明节快乐, Chandler 和 Monica.
非常开心...
Pheebs你知道么?
什么?
我不是犹太人，所以...
那又怎么了! Ross也没有用绒毛装饰他的圣诞树,
他有没有跟你抱怨过? 天!
噩梦?
我根本没睡着.
哦是么？那么Phoebe唱什么来着?
关于小猫什么的.我得走了，赴另外一个约会.
那么，你选谁了?
没有, 现在反而城里的那个女孩开始讲笑话
但是我根本不懂她的笑话。
一点也不好玩。我还是两头跑
你看,你根本不喜欢城里的那个女孩
而且你也为跟住在Poughkeepsie的女孩约会而疲惫不堪
所以跟他们两个都分手.怎么样?
你搭上去Poughkeepsie的火车跟那个女孩分手
然后回来的路上跟城里的那个姑娘也分手。
然后你就可以回家了，搞定！
对，你说的对.谢谢.
呣，我住在Prague（捷克首都）时也碰到同样的问题
Prague?
还有很多事你不知道呢！
Chandler! Patrick刚跟我分手了.
你后来有没有跟他说我想要的是一段正式的交往？
我说了!当然说了!
你个白痴!!
我知道你说得对，但是...为什么?
你不该告诉他我想要正式的交往的!
你不该告诉他的!你看，把他给吓跑了!
噢，伙计，我非常遗憾，我非常非常遗憾.
你应该为你的失言被下禁言令！
是的，没错!
噢!我又回到了起点!
啊，真烂!孤独一个人,烂!
呃，你知道，你总会遇上其他人的!
你是个好对象!
你知道么，我跟那些男的谈起你的时候,
我根本无需美化你。.
是么?
是呀!你是从Magma Ku Laude毕业的, 是吧?
不是.
噢，别管这个了.
嘿你看,我有两张今晚“游骑兵”队比赛的球票, 你想跟我一起去么?
穿短裤的小伙子? 好啊.
这是曲棍球比赛, 所以只有“愤怒无齿的加拿大人”（曲棍球队名）
这也很有趣.谢谢你.
Ok
你以前有没有跟女人交往过?
什么?! Chandler,你到底怎么了?!
我就知道问这个问题的时机不对
下一站是Poughkeepsie. Poughkeepsie!
Ross? Ross!醒醒! Ross! Ross! Ross!! Ross!!! Ross!!!!
我还要些旗鱼.你能帮我拿些旗鱼么?
我不说英语.
可你才说过!
我只是不知道跟你说什么而已!
好吧!
好了!够了!谁来开下门?!快点，我很冷!
现在又被泼了一身杂菜酱!
快点让我出去!
你终于找到了把手，是么?
这一点也不好笑.
谁说不好笑.
我是个好人.而且我也是个好厨师,
我本不该被杂菜酱泼了全身的！！
你知道么，如果你们想我辞职，你们只要...
嘿，Geller主厨!
你还记得你那天的演讲么?我不同意!
你不同意?
当然!我只是根本没在听，就是这样。
如果你想提出不同的意见，那我就让你头疼不已！
你想干什么? 解雇我么?
你这蠢蛋，我正要解雇你！
滚出我的厨房，滚出去！
好了!谁还有意见?
你呢，"偷笑先生"? 你现在还觉得可笑么?
不.
那么我一身杂菜酱来跳舞?呣?现在可笑么?
不，那很好.
这还差不多!你, 把这些色拉拿给4号台,
你! 去拿旗鱼!
还有你!去理个发，先!
终点站Montreal(加拿大境内). Montreal到站了.
什么？
我跟自己打赌你的眼睛肯定佷漂亮，
现在我看到了，我赢了
什么?
我们到站了.想一起喝杯咖啡么?
我们真的到了Montreal?!
是的。那么，你要不要一起去?
好啊！
等等，你住在Montreal?
噢，不是.
但是离Nova Scotia有两个钟头的船程.
噢，我想刚才我对主厨Geller说话之前，
应当想想我的妻子和孩子的
多谢了.
没事! 看来今年我们全家只能过个艰苦的圣诞节了
够了!
穷啊－穷啊－穷啊!
来到储藏室，坐在圣诞老人的腿上)
(告诉他给我的朋友们带去一些废话)
(他说，你要把它们都写成歌儿)
(他们都还没听过的歌儿，但请别太晚唱)
(不会太晚来唱)
(Monica, Moncia,光明节快乐！)
(看见圣诞老人，他和Ross打招呼)
(请告诉Joey，圣诞节要下雪)
(还有Rachel和Chandler，有呃...鼻膈炎！！)
大家节日快乐!

回复引用

顶端

77恋兰

ZxID：11247485

23212鲜花 10鸡蛋

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 78楼发表于: 2014-03-23 0

411 The One With Phoebe’s Uterus

[Scene: Central Perk, Frank and Alice are there talking with Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Oh my God! I can’t believe my little brother is married!
Frank: Oh I know!! (Both he and Alice squeal hysterically)
Phoebe: You guys, why didn’t you tell me you were eloping?
Frank: ‘Cause it just sorta happened, y’know we were at the courthouse, we were having lunch…
Phoebe: Wait, wait, why were you at the courthouse?
Frank: We were having lunch. Yeah and then all of the sudden we were like, "Hey! Y'know, we’re here, having lunch let’s get married!
Phoebe: Wow, a year and a half ago I didn’t even know I had a brother, and now I have a sister too. (They all hug, and Frank and Alice start kissing.) Okay. Okay. Stop it, don’t. So, I gotta get you a gift now. Is there anything you need?
Frank: Uhh, yeah.
Alice: We’ve been trying to get pregnant, uh pretty much ever since we got engaged, we thought we’d get a jump on things, y’know no one’s getting any younger.
Frank: See the thing is umm, we’re not able to y’know, uh, conceive.
Alice: And we’ve tried everything, we’ve seen a bunch of doctors.
Frank: Yeah, and they-and they say that our-that our only chance to have a baby is that if they take my sperm, her egg and put it together in a dish and then put it into another girl. So we were wondering if you could be the girl that we could put it into.
Phoebe: (shocked) That’s a really nice gift. I was thinking of like a gravy boat.
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are trying to throw cards into a vase.]
Joey: (entering with Ross) Hey! You guys! Check it out, check it out! (He’s wearing a blue blazer) Guess which job I got.
Chandler: I don’t know, but Donald Trump wants his blue blazer black.
(The gang is stunned.)
Ross: What?
Chandler: Blue blazer back. He-he wants it back.
Rachel: But you-you said black. Why would he want his blue blazer black?
Chandler: Well, you-you know what I meant.
Monica: No, you messed it up. You’re stupid.
Chandler: So what job did you get Joe?
Joey: Oh, ah, tour guide at the museum. Yeah, Ross got it for me.
Rachel: Well, how can you be a tour guide, don’t you have to be a dinosaur expert or something?
Joey: No, not really. They give you all the information, it’s uh, it’s like memorizing a script. (Making like a tour guide) "And on your left, you have Tyrannosaurus Rex, a carnivore from the Jurassic period.
Chandler, Monica, and Rachel: Great!! That’s great!
Ross: Uh actually Joey, it’s the Cretasous period.
Joey: Yeah but, I can pronounce Jurassic.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!!
All: Hey!
Phoebe: Guess what. Frank Jr., and Alice got married!
All: Oh my God!!
Phoebe: And! And, they’re gonna have a baby! (The gang is shocked.) And! And, they want me to grow it for them in my uterus. (The gang is stunned into silence.)
Ross: My God!
Monica: Are you serious?
Phoebe: Yeah
Joey: You’re really thinking about having sex with your brother?!
Phoebe: Ewww! And "Oh no!" It’s—they just want me to be the surrogate. It’s her-it’s her egg and her sperm, and I’m-I’m just the oven, it’s totally their bun.
Joey: Huh.
Monica: What did you tell them?
Phoebe: Well, they said that I had to think about it first, but what is there to think about? I’m gonna be giving them the greatest gift you can possibly give.
Chandler: You’re gonna be carrying their baby and give them a Sony Play Station?
Rachel: Honey, this really is an incredible thing to do for them, but there are things to think about.
Monica: Yeah, like you’re gonna be pregnant. I mean pregnant.
Phoebe: I know!
Ross: Pheebs, you’re talking about putting your body through an awful lot, I mean morning sickness, uhh, labour, and it’s all for somebody else!
Phoebe: Yeah, what’s your point?
Ross: Well, the stuff I just mentioned.
Rachel: Wow! I don’t know if I could ever do that. I always figured the first time I had a baby was with somebody I love and that baby would be a…keeper.
Phoebe: Y'know you guys were a lot more supportive when I wanted to make denim furniture.
Joey: No, Pheebs, listen, if you decide to do this, we’ll be supportive like crazy.
All: Yeah.
Monica: We just want you to think it through.
Rachel: Yeah, honey, maybe you can talk to somebody who’s had a baby. Like your mom?
Phoebe: My mom never gave birth. Oh! But my birth mom did.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Kathy are kissing.]
Kathy: Umm, (moves her hand’s down to his butt) I love this touchy. Can I take it to work with me?
Chandler: Oh, yeah, sure, it’s not mine anyway. It can with the pants.
Kathy: Oh! (They kiss and she leaves)
Monica: I am so jealous.
Rachel: You guys are really right…there aren’t you?
Chandler: Yes. Right where?
Monica: In the beginning where y’know it’s all sex and talking and sex and talking and…
Chandler: Yeah, you-you gotta love the talking.
Monica: And the sex?
Chandler: All right, we haven’t had sex yet. Okay, what’s the big deal? Y’know? This is special, and I want our love to grow until we move on to the next level.
Rachel: Oh, Chandler that is so nice.
Ross: That is really nice…lying! No way is that the reason!
Rachel: Why? Just because you’re not mature enough to understand something like that?!
Chandler: No, he’s right, I’m totally lying.
(Ross makes an "I was right, and you weren’t face." And Rachel does Ross’s little I’m-flicking-you-off-but-I’m-not-giving-you-the-finger banging of the fists.)
Monica: Then what is it?
Chandler: Well, Kathy’s last boyfriend was Joey.
Ross: And you’re afraid you won’t be able to…fill his shoes.
Chandler: No, I’m afraid I won’t be able to make love as well as him.
Ross: Yeah, I was going for the metaphor.
Chandler: Yes, and I was saying the actual words.
Monica: So big deal, so Joey’s had a lot of girlfriends, it doesn’t mean he’s great in bed.
Chandler: We share a wall! So either he’s great in bed, or she just likes to agree with him a lot.
Monica: Sweetie, with you it’s gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great, ‘cause you-you guys are in love.
Chandler: Yeah?
Rachel: Yeah!
Ross: Just go for it Chandler.
Monica: Yeah, you should.
Rachel: Yeah, you should, really.
Monica: Go on.
Chandler: All right, all right, I’ll go sleep with my girlfriend. But I’m just doing it for you guys.
[Scene: The museum, Joey is giving a tour to a bunch of school kids.]
Joey: Okay, now the Mastodon is from the semi-late Jurassic period.
Smart Kid: Isn’t the Mastodon from the Pliocene Epic?
Joey: Shhh! This is a museum, no talking. Right down here, (Motions to a fossilised dinosaur foot.) we have a large foot. (Sees Ross working in one of the display cases.) Uhh, and over here we have Ross Geller. (Knocks on the glass) Everyone wave ‘Hi’ to Ross. Ross is one of our most important scientists, look at him, hard at work. (Ross does the old "Putting a cigarette in your ear and pulling it out of your mouth trick.") Okay, moving right along. Come on.
[Scene: Phoebe Sr.’s house, there’s a knock on the door.]
Phoebe Sr: It’s open! Come in!
Phoebe: Hi!
Phoebe Sr: Hi!
Phoebe: I’m sorry, I’m late.
Phoebe Sr: Oh, that’s okay, it gave me time to finish glazing my nipples.
Phoebe: Wow! You really go all out when you’re expecting company.
Phoebe Sr: No, I was working on my pottery.
Phoebe: Oh! Ooh! Oh, I didn’t know that you did…pot.
Phoebe Sr: Well, yeah, mostly nudes. It combines my two passions, pottery and erotica.
Phoebe: Ooh, erotiery!
Phoebe Sr: Hey! Okay! Well thanks for coming out to see me. I just-I just thought it would be a very good idea to talk about this baby stuff in person. Y’know…
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe Sr: I really don’t think it’s a very good idea, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Why not?
Phoebe Sr: Well, because you’d be giving up a baby, and I-I really don’t—I don’t know if there’s anything I can say that could make you understand the pain of giving up a baby. So, umm, (Picks up a puppy in the box next to the couch.)
Phoebe: Oh no! No-no! I understand the pain! Don’t-don’t hurt the puppy.
Phoebe Sr: No-no-no, the-the puppy’s yours.
Phoebe: Oh, I get a puppy!!
Phoebe Sr: Well, yeah! I mean yeah, but only for three days.
Phoebe: Why?
Phoebe Sr: I realise I don’t have any right to start get all parenty on you and everything now, but umm, (Sees that Phoebe isn’t paying attention and is busy mimicking the puppy.) uhh… Phoebe, would you please look at me and not the puppy, it’s very important.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe Sr: I mean, I know what I’m talking about. I gave up two babies, and I only wish I had someone there that had given up babies, that could tell me how terrible it is to give up babies. I just think that, it would be something you will regret every single day for the rest of your life. So, how ever hard it is to give up this puppy, it would be like a million times harder to give up a child. (Phoebe is playing with the puppy again, and not listening) I really shouldn’t have given you the puppy first.
Phoebe: All right, I’m sorry.
[Scene: The museum’s worker cafeteria, Joey is eating lunch with the rest of the tour guides. Another tour guide tries to sit down in a seat Joey saved for Ross.]
Joey: Uhh, do you mind sitting there. I’m-I’m saving this for my friend Ross.
Tour Guide: You mean Dr. Geller?
Joey: Doctor? Wow! I didn’t know he had a nickname.
Tour Guide: Oh, he won’t sit here. Only the people in the white coats sit over there, (Points to there table) and only the people in the blue blazers sit here.
Joey: Well, how-how come?
Tour Guide: That’s just the way it is.
Joey: That’s crazy.
Tour Guide: Maybe it’s crazy in a perfect world, a world without lab coats and blazers, but you not in a perfect world, you in a museum now. See that scientist in the classes, he and I used to play together all the time in grade school, but now…(Turns around) Peter! Hey, Peter! It’s me Rhonda! From PS-129! I shared my puddin’ which you man! I gave you my Snack Pack! (to Joey) See, he pretend he don’t even here me!
Joey: I-I think everybody’s pretending they don’t hear you. Anyway, look, I don’t know about you and your jackets and your separate tables, but Ross is one of my best friends, and if I save him a seat, I’m telling you, he will sit in it! (Ross enters and goes over to the white table) Ross! Ross! Over here, man! I-I saved you seat.
Ross: That’s okay, I’m cool over here. I’ll catch up with you later, Joey. (Joey is shocked.)
(Another woman enters without a coat or blazer and tries to sit at the ‘blue’ table.)
Tour Guide: Op, this is saved. (Joey wonders why) Gift shop.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating dinner, Monica and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Ross: (entering) Hey, uh, I’m really, really sorry about what happened in the cafeteria today.
Joey: It’s no big deal. Hey, y’know, you do what you gotta do. Right?
Ross: But hey, it’s not just me, I mean the scientists and the tour guides never sit together.
Joey: Whatever.
Ross: It’s like that everywhere, Joey! Okay, Mon, back me up here. Where you work the uh, waiters eat with the waiters, right? And the chefs eat with the other chefs, right?
Monica: I eat by myself in the alley because everybody hates me.
Joey: Look, Ross, really it’s-it’s no big deal. Y’know you wear a white coat, I wear a blue blazer, if that means we can’t be friends at work, then so be it. Y’know, hey I understand. Y’know? Hey, when I’m in a play and you’re in the audience, I don’t talk to you, right? So it’s y’know, it’s uh, it’s cool. I’ll see you tomorrow. (Leaves)
Rachel: Yeah, when we’re in the audience he doesn’t talk to us, but he does wave.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe is there with her puppy and is trying to sing it to sleep as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hi.
Monica: Hey!
Chandler: Why is Phoebe singing to Carl Mulden?
Phoebe: Ooh, y’know what, I think it’s time for puppy to go out again. Come on, let’s go to the balcony.
Monica: What?!
Phoebe: Umm, the street. Come on, let’s go to the street. Ooh, listen, don’t go onto the balcony until after I get back. (Leaves)
Monica: (to Chandler) So, did you do it?
Chandler: Yes, yes, we had the sex.
Monica: Uh-oh, it was bad?
Chandler: It was fine, y’know? But she didn’t agree with me as strongly as she agreed with Joey. She was more like, "I see you point, I’m all right with it."
Monica: Well, it was the first time. Y’know, there’s not always a lot of agreement the first time.
Rachel: Yeah, not girls anyway, guys agree (snaps her fingers) like that.
Chandler: Look, you have to help me! Okay? I mean, I know what to do with a woman, y’know, I know where everything goes, it’s always nice. But I need to know what makes it go from nice to, "My God! Somebody’s killing her in there!"
Monica: All right, I’m gonna show you something a lot of guys don’t know. Rach, give me that pad, please? (She does so and Monica starts drawing on it) All right. Now…
Chandler: Look, you don’t have to draw an actual wo—whoa! She’s hot!
Monica: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out there’s more than three), five, six, and seven!
Chandler: (shocked) There are seven?!
Rachel: Let me see that. (Monica shows her) Oh, yeah.
Chandler: (Points to one) That’s one?
Monica: It’s kind of an important one!
Chandler: Oh, y’know-y’know what, I was looking at it upside down.
Rachel: Well, y’know, sometimes that helps. (She realises what that could’ve meant.)
Monica: (continuing) Now, most guys will hit uh, 1-2-3 and then go to 7 and set up camp.
Chandler: That-that’s bad?
Rachel: Well if you go to Disneyland, you don’t spend the whole day on the Materhorn.
Chandler: Well you might if it were anything like 7!
Monica: All right uh, the important thing is to take your time, you want to hit ‘em all, and you mix ‘em up. You gotta keep them on their toes.
Rachel: Oo, toes!! Well, for some people. (Chandler eyes her and her toes.)
Monica: All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, (Rachel starts getting worked up) 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7, …7..…7…7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7…(mouths 7)! (They both lean back on the couch satisfied.)
[Scene: The museum cafeteria, Joey is eating with the tour guides as Ross enters.]
Older Scientist: Dr. Geller, there’s a seat over here. (Motions to an empty chair at the ‘white’ table.)
Ross: Thank you, Dr. Phillips, but I’m having my lunch at this table, here in the middle. I’m having lunch right here, with my good friend Joey, if he’ll sit with me.
Joey: (standing up) I will sit with you Dr. Geller. (He goes over to his table and they shake hands.)
Ross: Y'know, we work in a museum of natural history, and yet there is something unnatural about the way we eat lunch. Now, I look around this cafeteria, and y’know what I see, I see-I see division. Division, between people in white coats and people in blue blazers, and I ask myself, "My God why?!" Now, I say we shed these-these coats that separate us, and we get to know the people underneath. (He takes off his coat and throws it down.) I’m Ross! I’m divorced, and I have a kid!
Joey: (stands up, and throws his coat on the floor) I’m Joey! I’m an actor! I don’t know squat about dinosaurs!
Another Tour Guide: (standing up and removing his coat) I’m Ted, and I just moved here a month ago, and New York really scares me.
Ross: All right, there you go!
Joey: Yeah, you hang in there Teddy!
Older Scientist: I’m Andrew, and I didn’t pay for this pear.
Ross: Okay, good-good for you.
Tour Guide: I’m Rhonda, (motions to her breasts) and these aren’t real! (Joey and Ross look at each other, shocked)
Ross: Wow, Rhonda.
Another Scientist: I’m Scott.
Ross: Yeah, okay, Scott!
Another Scientist: And I need to flip the light switch on and off 17 times before I leave a room or my family will die.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, with the puppy, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: My mom’s gonna be here any minute. I can’t do this, I can’t give him up. Yes—no, I can. I don’t want to. But I can. No.
Rachel: Oo, I can’t watch this, it’s like Sophie’s Choice.
Monica: Y’know, I never saw that.
Rachel: Ooh, it was only okay.
Phoebe: Ooh, I can’t do this. My mom was right. If I can’t-if I can’t give him up, then there’s no way I can give up a baby. Ohh, God, Frank and Alice are gonna be so crushed. What-what else, what else can I give ‘em—a kidney!
Alice: (entering with Frank) Hi!
Frank: Hi!
Alice: Uhh, we were just in the neighbourhood, so…
Frank: Yeah, so we just thought we’d stop by and let you know there’s still no pressure.
Alice: None. But if there was something you wanted to tell us, we’re just gonna be right over there (points to the counter) having coffee.
Phoebe: Okay.
Frank: (noticing the puppy) Oh, who’s this little guy?! (Grabs the puppy)
Phoebe: Oh! Ooh! Umm!
Frank: Oh, he’s so cute, he reminds me of my old dog, Tumour.
Alice: You are so precious, I could just take you home.
Phoebe: Hey, why don’t you?
Frank: Are you serious?
Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah!
Frank: Oh, thanks.
Monica: What are you doing?
Phoebe: No, I’m really okay with this. Y’know why? ‘Cause look at them, and I made that, so… I know it’s gonna be like a million times harder to give up a baby but, oh my God, it’s gonna feel like a million times better, right? I wanna do this. (To Frank and Alice) I wanna carry your baby.
Alice: (shocked) Oh! Oh! Oh! Thank you so much! You don’t know what this means to us! Oh!
Frank: Oh my God, I think I’m gonna cry!
Monica: It’s gonna be so great.
Phoebe Sr: (entering) Hi! What’s going on?
Phoebe: Oh, I-I gave them the puppy and it made them so happy that I decided I’m gonna carry their baby.
Phoebe Sr: But Phoebe…
Phoebe: No-no-no, I know, but you and I are different people though, and this is a totally different situation, and I know that I am not gonna regret this.
Phoebe Sr: Oh, I-I-I understand all that, but it’s just—that was my puppy.
Phoebe: Oh!
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are sitting at the table.]
Monica: Would you ever be a surrogate for anyone?
Rachel: It depends on who asked.
Monica: What if I asked?
Rachel: Oh, Mon, sure.
Monica: Really?
Rachel: Yes. (Pause) You’re not asking are you?
Monica: No.
Rachel: Yes! Totally!
(Kathy runs in, hair all out of place, and hugs Monica.)
Kathy: Oh! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Yes! Thank you! (Runs back to Chandler)
END

411 菲比被“借鸡生蛋”

啊，天呀。真不敢相信，弟弟你已经结婚了。
是呀。
你们俩为什么不告诉我你们准备结婚?
因为我们之前也没有想过结婚这事,
那天我们去法院, 我们正在吃午饭...
等等，你们去法院做什么呀?
我们去吃午饭呀.
然后，我们突然之间意识到,
嘿! 我们正在法院吃饭,吃完饭我们去登记结婚吧!
哇, 一年半以前我甚至都不知道自己有个弟弟,
现在我还有弟媳了。
好，啊. 快停下来,别亲了。
既然你们结婚了, 我得送给你们一份礼物.
你们需要什么吗？
嗯...有。
我们俩一直努力想要个孩子
嗯，几乎从我们订婚那天就开始了。
我们非常着急, 你也知道，我们都不年轻了。
但情况是,嗯，她不能怀孕。
我们什么方法都试过了, 也去看了不少医生。
医生说了，我们有孩子的唯一的机会就是把我的精子,
她的卵子放在一个器皿里，然后再移入另外一个女生。
因此我们在想，你可不可以成为那个女生。
那真是一个美好的礼物. 我刚刚还以为是要放到酱油壶里呢.
嘿! 嘿! 快来看看,快来看看!
猜我找到什么工作了.
我不知道呀, 但是Donald Trump（赌场大亨）
想让他的蓝色运动夹克变黑所以借你穿脏点.
什么?
我是说要回，他想要回他的夹克.
但是你刚刚说的是变黑.
他为什么想把他的蓝色夹克变黑呢?
嘿，你知道我是什么意思.
不是，你弄混了. 你好笨.
Joe,你找到的工作到底是什么呀?
哦, 博物馆里的解说员.是Ross帮我找的活.
啊？你怎么能成为解说员呢？要成为解说员，
不得是恐龙或者是历史专家吗？
不，其实不用.他们给我全部资料,
嗯, 就像背剧本一样.
"在您的左边,您看到的是暴龙,
一种来自侏罗纪的肉食动物."
嘿！不错嘛！
嗯，joey, 暴龙实际上是来自白垩纪.
对,但是我可以发表我的看法.
嗨!!
你们猜怎么了. Frank Jr.和Alice结婚了!
啊天呀!!
还有!还有,他们将要生小孩啦!
还有，还有他们想要用我的子宫来为他们怀胎.
啊，天呀!
你没开玩笑吧?
没。
你真的在考虑和你弟弟做爱?!
你好恶心!当然不是！
他们只是想让我成为怀胎代理人.
是她的卵子和他的精子，
啊，我只是烤炉.面包完全是他们的.
哈.
你怎么答复他们的?
他们说先让我考虑考虑,但是这有什么可考虑的呢?
我将把我所能给的最好的礼物送给他们.
你将要帮他们怀孩子，还给他们一台索尼PS?
亲爱的为他们这么做，的确实是一件惊人的喜事.
但是有些事你得再想想.
是呀, 你将要怀孕，是怀孕呀!!
我知道!
Pheebs,你的身体将接受一段可怕的经历,
我是说，如晨吐,嗯，分娩，
但你做这一切都是为了别人!
你的要点是什么?
嗯, 我刚刚说过的那些东西.
Wow! 不知道我这辈子会不会那么做?
我一直在想，如果我第一次怀孕，
一定是为一个我爱的人，而且我得照顾那个孩子.
我当初想做家具时，你们可是很支持我的噢.
不是，Pheebs,听着,
如果你决定下来要做这事,我们当然会全力支持你的.
是呀.
我们只是想让你全面的想一想.
对, 亲爱的, 也许你可以和生过孩子的人聊聊.
例如你的妈妈?
我妈妈从来没生过孩子. 哦!但是我生母生过.
Umm, 我爱死你的屁股了,我可以把她带到单位吗?
哦, 当然可以,反正也不是我的.它跟裤子是一起的.
哦!
我太嫉妒你了.
你们俩正在那个阶段，对吧？
哪个阶段?
热恋期，一天到晚的甜言蜜语，
不眠不休的性生活. 还有...
是, 我必须得不停的说.
那性生活呢?
好,我们还没有做过呢.
对, 那又能怎么样? 你知道,
这次恋爱对我来说很特殊，
我想充分培养感情再更上层楼。
啊,Chandler,你那么做好体贴呀.
是很体贴...
撒谎! 不可能是你说的那个原因!
怎么啦? 只是因为你还不够成熟去理解像这样的事情？！
不, 他说得对, 我完全在撒谎.
那么原因是什么呢?
Kathy的上一个男朋友是Joey.
所以你担心你不能"填充他的鞋子"？
不, 我是担心我做爱不如Joey好.
对, 我刚刚在用暗喻.
对, 我刚刚在说实际的意思.
没什么大不了的,Joey是有很多女朋友，
但那并不意味着他在床上也很厉害.
我们的房只隔着一面墙! 因此，要么他在床上极伟大，
要么就是她喜欢和他"和谐一致".
亲爱的, 她和你将会不同的.
你们的性生活一定会非常好的，因为你俩都都深爱着对方呀.
真的吗?
-当然!
Chandler,你大胆的向前.
对, 你应该那么做.
-对，真的，去吧！
快去.
好，那好吧,,我这就去和我女朋友睡觉.
但是，我这么做，只是为了你们.
接下来这头乳齿象
是来自侏罗纪中后期.
乳齿象不是来自上新世吗?
嘘嘘!这里是博物馆,不许讲话.
这里是一个大脚.
这里是我们的Ross Geller.
大家向Ross挥手说'嗨'.
Ross是博物馆里最重要的科学家之一,快看看他，工作多努力.
好, 继续向前.快.
门开着呢,进来吧.
-嗨!
不好意思，我来晚了.
哦，没事, 我正好有时间给乳头上釉.
哇! 你等客人时，还真是竭尽全力.
没有, 我刚刚在做陶器.
哦！哦!我不知道你会做...罐子.
啊,是呀.大部分是裸体的.
它结合了我的两大嗜好，陶器和色情艺术.
哦!! 情色陶器!
嘿! 嗯，谢谢你来见我. 我只是-
我很高兴能以我的亲身经历
和你聊聊生儿育女的事情
好吧.
Phoebe,我真的认为你不应该那么做.
为什么呢?
嗯, 因为你将要把孩子送交给别人, 怎么和你说呢...
我不知道怎么说才能让你理解
放弃孩子时的那份痛楚,因此,
喔，不!不-不!我理解那痛的感觉! 别，别伤害这个小狗.
不-不, 这个小狗是你的啦.
哈哈, 我有小狗了!!
嗯, 对! 是的,但只是3天.
为什么?
我知道我没有权利像母亲一样管你，但是，喂
Phoebe, 你能不能先听我说，
而不是玩小狗, 这事非常重要.
好.
我是说，我知道自己以前做了什么，我抛弃了2个孩子,
而且我真的希望当时身边有个
抛弃过孩子的人可以告诉我
抛弃孩子的感觉是多么的糟糕.
我只是在想，那么做的后果将会是遗恨终生.
因此,不管你要放弃这个狗有多么的难,
放弃一个孩子要比那难上一万倍.
我真不应该先给你小狗..
哦,不好意思.
Uhh,你介意坐在别处吗.我给我朋友Ross留着这个座呢.
你是说博士Geller?
博士? Wow! 我不知道他还有一个绰号.
哦，他不会坐在这里.
穿白色衣服的都坐在那边,
同时，只有穿蓝制服的才坐在这里.
啊，为什么呀?
这里情况就这样.
太荒唐啦.
在完美的世界里，这或许是有些荒唐,
一个不分研究员和解说员的世界
但是你现在是在一个博物馆，不是完美社会.
看到那个带眼镜的科学家没,
他和我以前在小学时总是在一起玩，现如今却....
Peter! 嗨, Peter! 是我， Rhonda! PS-129的!
我和你分享我的布丁!我给你吃我的零食!
看, 他甚至假装没听到我说的话!
我想人人都在假装没听到你说话.
总之, 我不了解你，我才不管制服和餐桌的分别，
Ross是我最好的朋友之一.
而且我要是为他留了座位，
我告诉你，他肯定会坐在这里!
Ross! Ross! 这里, 嘿! 我帮你留了个座位.
不用,我坐这边很好. Joey,我一会去找你.
哦, 这个座位有人了.
礼品店的.
嘿, 关于今天在餐厅所发生的事，
我真的，真的非常抱歉.
没什么大不了的.
嘿, 真的, 你是迫不得已. 对吧?
嘿,不仅仅是我一个人那么做,
我是说科学家和解说员从来都不坐在一起.
随便你.
Joey,到处都这样，
Mon,支持我一下.在你工作那里，
服务员也是和服务员一起吃饭,对吧？
并且厨师和其他厨师一起吃，是吧？
我自己在走廊里自己吃饭，因为人人都讨厌我.
Ross, 真的，真的没什么.
你知道你穿白色衣服，我穿蓝色制服，
如果那代表着我们不能在单位成为朋友，
那么不是就不是，我理解.
嘿,当我在舞台上，你在观众席上，
我也没和你说话，对吧.
因此，你知道，没事. 明天见.
对,当他在舞台上时是没有和我们说话，但他确实挥过手.
嗨.
嘿!
Phoebe为什么对着Carl Mulden(电影演员)唱歌？
我想现在又到遛狗的时间了，
来呀，我们去阳台.
什么?!
哦,是街道.快，我们上街去.
Ooh,听着, 我回来之前别去阳台.
怎么样,你做了吗？
是，是，我们做爱了.
Uh-oh, 不是很理想?
还可以,
但是她没有激烈到像"赞同"Joey那样"赞同"我.
她更像是"我知道你的观点",
我可以接受
没关系，你们毕竟是第一次嘛。
不可能一开头就琴瑟和谐的对不对？
对啊，通常都是女人觉得还不够和谐，男人却很快就满足了。
看,你得帮帮我！行吗？我是说,
我知道该做些什么，
我也知道哪里总是让人感觉美妙
但是我需要使得她从美妙到
啊，天呀！有人要了她的命!
好吧, 我将要呈现你一些很多男人不知道的"密笈".
Rach, 请把便笺本给我。
好，现在...
哦，你不用画那么具体...wo? whoa! 辣妹!
好，每个人都知道的，基本的性敏感带.
第1个，第2个，第3第4个，
第5个，第6个还有第7个!
一共有7个?
让我看看，Oh, 正确.
那也是一个?
那个还是一个挺重要的呢!
哦，我看颠倒了.
呵呵,有时那样也有用呢.
大多数男人只会走过1-2-3
然后就直接到7，接着就"安营扎寨"了.
那样做不对吗?
如果你去迪斯尼游乐园，你不会把整天都玩过山车.
如果那是象7那样的东西,也许你可能会那么做.
嗯，重要的是，你得从容进行,
你得把所有的敏感部位都照顾到，
让它们全部保持兴奋状态。
Oo, 脚趾!!
Well, 对一些人有用.
好. Umm,你可以从一点点1,2,1-2-3开始,
3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4,
2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7, ...7.....
7...7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7...
Geller博士, 这里有个座位.
谢谢,Phillips博士,
但我将在这张餐桌吃午餐，中间这张桌.
与我的好朋友Joey, 就坐在这里吃午餐，
如果他愿意和我坐在一起.
Geller博士,我愿意和你坐在一起.
我们是在一家自然博物馆，
可是我们吃午餐的情形却非常的不自然.
现在，我环顾这间餐厅
你知道我看到什么吗？是隔阂.
穿白大褂和蓝制服的人之间的隔阂,
我扪心自问，"老天爷呀，为什么会这样?!"
我倡议我们脱掉这些分化我们
的衣服,真诚的相互了解。
我是Ross! 我离婚啦，我还有一个小孩!
我是Joey! 我是一名演员! 我对恐龙一无所知!
我是Ted, 我刚刚搬到纽约一个月，这里真的吓坏我了.
大家都这样才对嘛!
Teddy 你要坚持到底!!
我是Andrew, 我拿这个梨没付钱.
好,对你有好处.
我是Rhonda, 我隆过乳!
Wow, Rhonda.
我是Scott.
好, 够了, Scott!
我必须开关灯17次才能离开一个房间，
否则我全家会死光.
我妈妈随时要来领走它，我确实舍不得，
我不能放弃狗狗，我能吗？不，我不能.
我不想那么做.但是我能，不.
唉,我看不下去了，就好像在看《苏菲的选择》
我从来没看过那个电影.
那个电影只是一般而已.
哦,我做不了这个.我妈妈说得对.
如果我不能放弃小狗，那么，
我根本就不可能放弃一个婴儿.
啊，老天爷呀,
Frank和Alice听了一定会非常的沮丧.
还有什么,我还能给他们什么? 肾!
嗨!
我们刚刚散步走到这里, 因此...
对, 我们路过进来看看，
想让你知道,我们不想让你有什么压力.
绝不. 但是你要是有什么想和我们说,
我们就在那边喝咖啡.
好.
Oh,这个小家伙是谁?!
Oh! Ooh! Umm!
Oh,他太可爱啦, 他让我想起我以前的狗"肿瘤".
你太漂亮啦，真想把你带回家.
嘿, 为什么不呢?
真的吗?
Uh-huh, 是!
Oh, 谢谢.
你在做什么?
我舍得放手.你知道为什么吗?
看看他们,看他们有多幸福
是我给他们带来快乐, 因此...
我知道放弃一个婴儿会比
放弃一只小狗难上100万倍
但是, 啊,天呀.
那也会让我自我感觉
伟大上100万倍,对吧?
我想要做这事. 我想怀你们的婴儿.
太感激你了! 你不知道这对我们来说意味着什么!
啊，天呀, 我想我感动得要哭了!
太伟大了.
嗨! 怎么了?
喔，我把狗给他们了并且让他们很开心，
因此我决定我将要帮他们怀他们的孩子.
但是，Phoebe...
不-不-不我知道, 我们是不同的人，
而且这个情况和你当年也完全不同
而且我知道我以后不会为这事遗憾.
喔, 我-我完全理解, 但是，那是我的小狗.
Oh!
你这辈子会不会帮别人怀孕?
那要取决于谁求我.
如果那个人是我呢?
喔，行，当然.
真的吗?
是.
你不是真的求我吧?
不是.
当然! 完全没问题!
啊! 谢谢! 谢谢! 谢谢! Yes! 太感谢你啦!

回复引用

顶端

77恋兰

ZxID：11247485

23212鲜花 10鸡蛋

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 79楼发表于: 2014-03-23 0

412 The One With The Embryos

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, it’s 0-Dark:30, in other words it’s really, really early. Everyone’s asleep, and all through the apartments not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. That is except for the chick, who turns out to be a rooster and is crowing in the sun. Needless to say, this awakens Monica and Rachel who rush into their living room, searching for the cause of the sound.]
Rachel: What the hell is that?!! (to Monica) What the hell is that? Is that you? (Monica nods her head no, and Rachel realizes what is making that sound.) Ohhhhhhh! (storms over to Chandler and Joey’s with Monica in trail.)
Monica: Boy, you are really not a morning person.
Rachel: (angrily) BACK OFF!!! (She starts banging on their door.) Get up! Get up! Get up! God damn it! Get up, get up, get up, get up, get up!!
(Chandler opens the door, finally.)
Rachel: What is that noise?
Chandler: You!
Joey: It’s the chick! She’s…going through some changes.
Monica: What kind of changes?
Chandler: Well the vet seems to think that’s she’s becoming a rooster. (The rooster crows.) We’re getting a second opinion.
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, it’s later that morning, everybody has gotten up and Ross and Phoebe has joined them for breakfast. Rachel is returning from shopping.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Ross: Hey, what are you doing shopping at eight in the morning?
Rachel: Well, I’ve been up since six. Thanks to somebody’s dumb-ass rooster.
Phoebe: You guys you really should get rid of those animals. They shouldn’t be living in an apartment.
Rachel: Yeah! Especially not with all of these knives and cookbooks around…
Phoebe: All right. I’m gonna go to the fertility doctor and um, see if I’m ready to have Frank and Alice’s embryo transferred into my uterus.
Ross: Now, how will they know if you’re ready?
Phoebe: Oh, they’re just gonna umm, look to see if my endometria layer is thick.
Chandler: Oh, I can uh, check that for ya.
Phoebe: Okay everyone, think thick.
All: Good-bye! Good luck! (She opens the door to reveal Monica and Joey.)
Phoebe: Hi! Wish me luck!
Monica: Oh, good luck.
Joey: Good luck. (to Monica) And I’m still right!
Monica: That is sooo not true!
Rachel: What?
Joey: She’s mad because I know today’s her laundry day and that means she’s wearing her old lady underpants.
Chandler: I can check that for ya.
Monica: I just—I can’t believe that you think that you and Chandler know me and Rachel better than we know you.
Chandler: Well… we-we do. You can only eat Tic Tacks in even numbers.
Joey: Yeah, what’s that about?
Chandler: (to Rachel) And you… Ross, I believe, if you check Rachel’s bag you will find a half-eaten box of cookies in there.
Ross: (He does so, and finds a half-eaten box of cookies.) You’re good. (Tries a cookie.) These are not.
Rachel: I’m so not impressed. Everybody snacks when they shop.
Monica: Yeah.
Joey: Oh yeah? Ross, how many items left in that bag?
Ross: Five.
Chandler: Okay, ten bucks says that we can name every item in that bag.
Rachel: How many guesses do you get?
Joey: Six.
Ross: Challenge extended.
Monica: Deal!
Ross: Challenge excepted.
Joey: All right, we’ll start with…apples.
Ross: We’ll be starting with apples.
Chandler: (to Ross) Stop that now!
(Ross reveals a bag of apples.)
Chandler: Yes!
Joey: Okay. Uhh, tortilla chips, yogurt.
Chandler: Diet soda.
Ross: Yes. Yes. Yes. (They’re perfect so far.)
Chandler: Orange juice.
Rachel: No! There’s no orange juice in there! We win!!
Monica: Ha-ha!
Ross: They have another guess.
Rachel: Okay, well, we won that one.
Joey: Okay, the last thing…
Chandler: Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh! (Whispers something in Joey’s ear.)
Joey: No-no, not for like another two weeks.
Chandler: I got it! Scotch… tape. (They’re right.)
Ross: How did you know she would buy scotch tape?
Chandler: Well, we used there’s up last night making scary faces.
Monica: Aww, man!
Chandler: All right! Ten buck! Fork it over! Cough it up! Pay the piper! Gimme it.
Monica: That does not mean you know us better, I-I want a rematch.
Rachel: Yeah, and none of these stupid grocery questions, real personal questions.
Monica: Yeah! And the winner gets a hundred bucks.
Joey: Serious?
Monica: Are you scared?
Joey: No! All right, who-who makes up the questions?
Monica: Ross will do it.
Ross: Oh sure, "Ross will do it!" It’s not like he has a job, or a child, or a life of his own.
Rachel: Fine! We’ll ask Phoebe.
Ross: No-no-no, I-I wanna play.
[Scene: The Doctor’s office, Dr. Zane is examining Phoebe as Frank and Alice watch.]
Dr. Zane: It looks like your uterus is ready for implantation.
Phoebe: Oh! I knew it! I knew it! I felt really thick this morning.
Frank: Well, okay, so what’s now—go get, go get the eggs, put ‘em in there.
Dr. Zane: Okay, it’ll take just a little while to prepare the embryos.
Phoebe: Embryossss? As in, "More than one?"
Dr. Zane: Um-hmm, five actually.
Phoebe: Five? Okay, where am I giving birth, a hospital or a big box under the stairs?
Dr. Zane: We do five because that gives you a 25% chance that at least one will attach.
Phoebe: That’s it! 25 percent? That means that’s it’s like 75 percent chance of no baby at all!
Frank: Hey, y’know I was thinking, what are the odds like if-if, if you stuff like 200 of them in there?
Alice: Sweety, now, she’s a woman, not a gumball machine.
Phoebe: Okay, well y’know what, don’t worry you guys, ‘cause I’m-I’m gonna do this as many times as it takes to get it right.
Frank: Well, you see, the-the thing is, we-we only got, we kinda have one shot to make it right.
Alice: Umm, it costs $16,000 each time you do this. So, umm, we’re kinda using all the money we have to do it just this one time.
Phoebe: Whoa!! That—okay, that’s a lot of pressure on me and my uterus. (to Dr. Zane) So, well okay, so is there—is maybe is there something that I can do y’know just to like help make sure I get pregnant?
Dr. Zane: No, I’m sorry.
Phoebe: Wow! You guys really don’t know anything!
Frank: I know! Why don’t you get drunk! That worked for a lot of girls in my high school.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the game is about to begin.]
Monica: You guys! Do you realize that any minute now, Phoebe can be pregnant?
Joey: Huh.
Rachel: I know! I know, it’s such a huge, life-altering thing.
Joey: I know.
(They all pause and think about it.)
Ross: The test is ready.
All: Yeah! Yes! (They all right into the living room, all excited.)
Ross: Okay, each team will answer ten questions. The first team that answers the most questions wins. Okay, the categories are, Fears and Pet Peeves, Ancient History, Literature, and It’s All Relative. Now, the coin toss to see who goes first. (He flips the coin and they all watch it hit the table and stop. Then they all look up at him, to see who goes first.) Okay, somebody call it this time.
All: Oh yeah!
(Ross flips the coin again.)
Rachel: Tails!
Ross: It’s heads. (The guys celebrate.) Gentlemen, pick your category.
Chandler: Fears and Pet Peeves.
Ross: What is Monica’s biggest pet peeve?
Joey: Animals dressed as humans.
Ross: That’s correct. Ladies?
Monica: Same category?
Ross: According to Chandler, what phenomenon scares the bejeezus out of him?
Monica: Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance!
Ross: That is correct.
Joey: (to Chandler) The Irish gig guy?!
Chandler: His legs flail about as if independent of his body!
Ross: Gentlemen, you’re pick.
Joey: It’s All Relative.
Ross: Monica and I have a grandmother who died, you both went to her funeral, name that grandmother!
Joey: (to Chandler) Nana?
Chandler: She has a real name.
Joey: (answering the question) Althea!
Chandler: Althea?! What are you doing?!
Joey: I took a shot.
Chandler: Are you sure it was Althea?!
Ross: Althea is correct.
Chandler: Nice shooting!
(Ross motions for the girls to pick.)
Rachel: We’ll take Literature!!
Ross: Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joey’s apartment. What name appears on the address label?
Rachel: Chandler gets it! It’s Chandler Bing!
Monica: No!!
Ross: I’m afraid the TV Guide comes to Chinandolor Bong.
Monica: I knew that! Rachel! Use you’re head!
Chandler: Actually, it’s Miss Chinandolor Bong.
[Scene: The Doctor’s office, Phoebe is giving a pep talk to the petrie dish containing the embryos.]
Phoebe: Hello, tiny embryos. Well, I’m-I’m Phoebe Buffay, hi! I’m-I’m-I’m hoping to be your uterus for the next nine months. You should know, that we’re doing this for Frank and Alice, who you know, you’ve been there! Umm, y’know they want you so much, so when you guys get in there, really grab on. Okay, and-and I promise that I’ll keep you safe and warm until you’re ready to have them take you home, so… Oh! And also, umm next time you see me, I’m screaming, don’t worry, that’s what’s supposed to happen.
Dr. Zane: Ready?
Phoebe: Uh-huh. (To the embryos) Good luck.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the game is coming to a close.]
Ross: All right, the score is nine to eight in favor of the guys. Ladies if you miss this the game is theirs, pick your category.
Rachel: (shouting) It’s All Relative!!
Ross: You don’t have to shout everything.
Rachel: (shouting) I’m sorry!
Ross: Ooh. What is the name of Chandler’s father’s Las Vegas all-male burlesque?
Monica: Viva Las Gaygas!
Chandler: Unfortunately that is correct.
The Girls: Yes!!
Ross: All right, we have a tie. Luckily, I have prepared for such an event. (He opens up an envelope and holds up some note cards.) The Lightning Round!
All: Ohhhh.
Ross: Thirty seconds, all the questions you can answer.
Monica: You guys are dead, I am so good at lighting rounds.
Chandler: I majored in lightning rounds. All right, we’re gonna destroy you.
Monica: Huh, wanna bet?
Chandler: Well, I’m so confused as to what we’ve been doing so far…
Monica: How about we play for more money, say 150?
Ross: 150 dollars.
Chandler: Say 200?
Ross: 200 dollars.
Monica: You’re doing it again.
Ross: Excuse me.
Rachel: Monica, I don’t want to lose 200 dollars.
Monica: We won’t. (to Chandler) 300?
Rachel: Monica?!
Monica: I’m just trying to spice it up!
Rachel: Okay, so let’s play for some pepper! Stop spending my money!
Monica: I got it! How about, if we win, they have to get rid of the rooster?
Rachel: Oooohh that’s interesting.
Joey: Hey, no way, that rooster’s family!
Rachel: Throw in the duck too!
Joey: What do you have against the duck?! He doesn’t make any noise!
Rachel: Well, he gets the other one all riled up.
Joey: Look, we are not gonna…
Chandler: (interrupting) All right, hold on! If you win, we give up the birds.
Joey: (shocked) Dah!! (Chandler motions for him to calm down.)
Chandler: But if we win, we get your apartment.
Joey: Oooooh!
Monica: Deal!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier, only slightly later.]
Rachel: Monica, betting the apartment, I don’t know about this.
Monica: Rachel, I have not missed one question the whole game. I own this game! Look at my hand. (Holds up her hand.)
Rachel: Why? Do you have the answers written on there?
Monica: No! Steady as a rock! Now, are you with me.
Rachel: All right, let’s do it.
Monica: Come on!
Rachel: Okay. (They go into the living room.)
Ross: All right, gentlemen, you’re up first.
Joey: Okay.
Chandler: Okay. (Starts jumping around.)
Ross: You have 30 seconds. And the lightning round begins—stop it (Chandler stops jumping)—now. What was Monica’s nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
Joey: Big fat goalie.
Ross: Correct. Rachel claims this is her favorite movie…
Chandler: Dangerous Liaisons.
Ross: Correct. Her actual favorite movie is...
Joey: Weekend at Bernie’s.
Ross: Correct. In what part of her body did Monica get a pencil stuck at age 14?
Chandler: Oh! (Whispers something in Joey’s ear and then in Ross’s ear.)
Ross: Eww! No!! Her ear! All right, Monica categorizes her towels. How many categories are there?
(They both confer.)
Joey: Everyday use.
Chandler: Fancy.
Joey: Guest.
Chandler: Fancy guest.
Ross: Two seconds…
Joey: Uhh, 11!
Ross: 11, unbelievable 11 is correct. (The guys celebrate.) All right, that’s 4 for the guys. Ladies, you’re up.
Rachel: All right!
Monica: Come on!
(As they change places, they give each other the now patented Ross maneuver. If you don’t know what that means, click here to find out The One With Joey’s New Girlfriend.)
Ross: 30 seconds on the clock. 5 questions wins the game. The lightning round begins…now! What is Joey’s favorite food?
Monica: Sandwiches!
Ross: Correct. Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl’s breast?
Rachel: 14?
Ross: No, 19.
Chandler: Thanks man.
Ross: Joey, had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was?
Monica: Maurice.
Ross: Correct, his profession was?
Rachel: Space cowboy!
Ross: Correct! What is Chandler Bing’s job?
(The girls are stumped)
Rachel: Oh gosh, it has something to do with numbers.
Monica: And processing.
Rachel: He carries a briefcase.
Ross: 10 seconds, you need this or you lose the game.
Monica: It’s umm, it has something to do with transponding.
Rachel: Oh-oh-oh, he’s a transponce—transpondster!
Monica: That’s not even a word! I can get this! I can get this!
(Ross stops the clock, signifying the end of the lightning round.)
Monica: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Rachel: Oh my God.
Chandler and Joey: YEAH!!! YES!!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Joey are carrying in the foosball table.]
Joey: I call Monica’s room!
Chandler: You can’t just call Monica’s room.
Joey: Sure I can, standard shotgun rules, I’m sight of the room and I called it.
(Chandler grunts and turns around, sees that he’s in sight of the room, and mouths damn!)
Monica: Man, I feel like I’m coming down with something.
Joey: What?
Monica: Yeah. (to Chandler) I bet you can’t guess what color my tonsils are? I’ll bet the apartment!
Chandler: Oh, I would never bet this apartment. It’s too nice.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: Hey—ooh Pheebs, are they in there?
Phoebe: Umm, yeah, uh-huh, they’re implanted.
Monica: How do you feel?
Phoebe: Well, freaked. ‘Cause it turns out that the odds are really sucky. And! This is Frank and Alice’s like only shot. Like, they are literally putting all of their eggs in my basket.
Chandler: Yeah, but I bet it works.
Monica: Really?! How much?!
Phoebe: All right, I’m gonna go take a pregnancy test, right now.
Joey: Oh wow! You can tell this soon.
Phoebe: Well the doctor says it takes a couple days, but my body’s always been a little faster than Western medicine.
Rachel: (entering from Chandler’s bedroom, I guess, and sees the foosball table.) Oh my God! I can’t believe you guys are actually think you’re moving in here!
Chandler: Well believe it baby!
Rachel: Well I-I-I’m not moving.
Joey: What?!
Rachel: No, it was a stupid bet! We were just playing a game!
Joey: You can’t just ignore the bet! It’s a bet! You bet and you bet and if you lose, you lose the bet!
Monica: Look Rach, we have to move. I mean if they had lost, we would’ve made them get rid of the birds. Right?
Rachel: Noooo.
Monica: All right, look, I hate this as much as you, but if it makes you feel better, it’s all your fault.
Rachel: What?!
Monica: Chinadolor Bong, come on, we steal that TV Guide every week!
Chandler: I knew it!
Rachel: I don’t care, I’m not going anywhere.
Chandler: Cool, girl roommate.
(Phoebe comes in from the bathroom as Rachel sits down in disgust.)
Monica: Well?
Phoebe: Nope, not knocked up yet.
Monica: It’s only been a couple of hours, so just give it some time.
Phoebe: Yeah, all right. Meanwhile, I’m gonna do whatever I can to help this so, I’m just gonna y’know, lie it your chair, (She climbs into the chair and drapes her feet over the back of the chair.) Y'know? Yeah, good, I’m let gravity y’know, do its jobs.
[Cut too later, the moving process is progressing steadily. Monica is trying to lift a heavy box, as Rachel comes in from Chandler’s bedroom.]
Monica: Hey, Rach, can you give me a hand with this box?
Rachel: No! Put that box down! We are not going anywhere! This is my apartment and I like it! This is a girl’s apartment! That is a boy’s apartment, it’s dirty and it smells. This is pretty. It’s-it’s so pretty! And look, and it’s-it’s purple! And I’m telling you, you with the steady hand, I am not moving, and now I have got the steady hand. (She holds out her hand, which is shaking uncontrollably.)
Monica: I’ll take care of it.
Rachel: That’s right! You do what the hand says!
[Cut to later, Phoebe is still in the chair and Rachel is laying down as Monica enters.]
Rachel: How did it go?
Monica: I lost our mattresses.
[Cut to still later, Rachel has now resigned herself to move and is now helping Monica. Phoebe is still on the chair.]
Phoebe: (singing) "Are you in there little fetus?
In nine will you come great us?
I will buy you some Adidas."
(There’s a knock on the door and Monica answers it.)
Monica: Hey!
Frank and Alice: (entering) Hi!
Alice: Hi, Phoebe! We were just at the drugstore and we got you a little present.
Phoebe: Oh. Oh.
Frank: Umm, it’s a lollipop and a uh, a home pregnancy test.
Monica: Hey, don’t mix those up, you could really ruin that lollipop.
Alice: So umm, you feel like taking a test? There’s only one question.
Phoebe: All right, I will. No, I will. But umm, y’know just remember that it’s still really early, okay so, if it says that I’m not pregnant, that doesn’t mean that I’m not gonna get pregnant, okay and, and just please, just so I don’t go completely nuts, just try not put all your hopes on this.
Alice: Okay.
Frank: Okay. (They both squeal in expectation.)
Phoebe: Great. (Goes to take the test.)
(The door opens and Joey and Chandler ride in on the big, fake dog in triumph)
Rachel: Y’know what, you are mean boys, who are just being mean!
Joey: Hey, don’t get mad at us! No one forced you to raise the stakes!
Rachel: That is not true. She did! She forced me!
Monica: Hey, we would still be living here if hadn’t gotten the question wrong!
Rachel: Well it stupid, unfair question!
Ross: Don’t blame the questions!
Chandler: Would you all stop yelling in our apartment! You are ruining moving day for us!
Rachel: Will you stop calling it your apartment!
Joey: But it is our apartment!
Rachel: No it’s not!
(They all decay into massive bickering as Phoebe returns from the bathroom.)
Phoebe: You guys! You guys! You’re gonna have a baby! They’re gonna have a baby!
Frank: MY SISTER’S GONNA HAVE MY BABY!!!!!!!
(They all go over and hug Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Okay, but this can’t be good for the baby.
All: Oh! (They stop hugging her to let her out and resume the hug without her.)
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are busy unpacking.]
Monica: I can’t find garbage bags!
Rachel: Oh, I think I saw some in here.
(She opens a door and they both scream at horror at what’s inside of it.)
Monica: What is it?!
Rachel: I don’t know! But maybe if we keep that drawer shut, it’ll die.
Monica: I can’t believe we’re living here!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, they’re both unpacked. The big ceramic dog has found a new home in front of the window. Joey screams and runs into the living room.]
Chandler: What?! What-what is it?!
Joey: Did you see the size of the closets?!
Chandler: I can’t believe we live here!
(They both sit down on the chairs and put up the foot rest.)
Chandler and Joey: Awwwww!! (They lean back all the way.) Awwwwwww!!!
END

412 受精卵

这该死的鬼声音是什么?!!
这该死的鬼声音是什么? 是你吗?
哦!!!!!!!!!!
你还真不是个早起的人啊.
一边去!!!
起床! 起床! 起床! 该死的!
起床! 起床! 起床! 该死的!!
这噪音是什么?
你!
是小鸡! 她...有了些变化.
什么样的变化?
兽医的诊断结果是她要变成公鸡了.
我们有其他的看法.
嗨!
嗨, 你怎么早晨8点就出去购物了?
我早晨6点就起了，多谢某人的臭公鸡.
你们真的应该放弃这些动物.
它们不应该住在公寓里.
对! 尤其是应该远离那些餐刀和食谱
好吧. 我要去看产科医生了
嗯, 看看我是否准备好
把弗兰克和爱丽丝的胚胎放进我的子宫
现在, 他们怎么知道你是否准备好了?
哦, 他们只是嗯, 看看我的子宫内膜是否够厚.
哦, 我能嗯, 帮你检查这个.
好的大家, 想着厚.
再见! 好运!
嗨! 祝我好运!
哦, 好运.
好运. 我仍然是对的!
不对!
什么?
她很生气因为我知道,
今天是去洗衣店的洗衣服日子,
所以今天她穿的是老女人才穿的那种内裤.
我能帮你检查这个.
我只是, 我不相信你说的,
你和钱德了解我和瑞秋，
比我和瑞秋了解你们更深.
他说的没错.
你吃榛子只能是偶数个.
对, 这说明什么?
你...罗斯, 我相信, 如果你检查一下瑞秋的袋子,
你就会发现一盒吃了一半的饼干.
你很厉害嘛. 这饼干可不怎么样.
这不算什么. 每个人购物的时候都会带着零食.
是么? 罗斯, 袋子里还有多少件东西?
五件.
好, 赌十块钱我们可以说出里面每样东西.
你们有多少次猜的机会?
六次.
挑战提出.
来吧!
挑战接受.
好吧, 首先是...苹果.
首先是苹果.
别这样了!
没错!
好. 呃, 玉米饼, 酸奶.
无糖饮料.
有. 有. 有.
橘子汁.
错! 里面没有橘子汁! 我们赢了!!
哈哈!
他们还有一次机会猜.
好, 我们待会再赢.
好, 最好一件...
喔-喔,喔,喔-喔!
不-不, 还得过两周才会买.
我知道了! 透-明-胶-带.
你怎么会知道她会买透明胶带?
我们昨晚做鬼脸, 把原来的都用完了.
啊, 你们!
好吧! 十块钱!
快交钱! 给我.
这不表示你们了解我们更深, 我要重赛.
对, 而且不是这些愚蠢的杂货问题, 真正的个人问题.
对! 而且胜利者赢一百块钱.
当真?
怕了吧?
不! 好的, 谁-谁来出题?
罗斯会出.
哦当然, "罗斯会出!"
这可不是他的工作,或者他的孩子,或者他自己的生活.
好! 我们找菲比.
不-不-不, 我-我想玩.
看上去你的子宫已经完全可以接受移植.
哦! 我就知道! 我就知道! 今早我感觉它真的很厚.
好的, 好, 现在干什么?
把那些卵子拿来，放进去啊.
好, 不过准备这些胚胎需要一点时间.
这些胚胎? 不止一个?
事实上, 五个.
五个? 那我生的时候, 是去医院还是准备个大盒子?
我们做五个是因为,
这样我们可以确保至少25%的机会至少有一个能出生.
什么? 25%? 也就是说有75%的可能根本就没有孩子!
嘿, 我想, 要是放进200个胚胎那成功的机会是多少?
亲爱的, 她是个女人, 不是塞珠子的机器.
好, 知道么, 你们别担心,
因为我可以帮你们植很多次直到成功为止.
不过, 事实上, 我-我们只能有一次机会.
嗯, 每做一次要16,000美元.
为了这一次我们差不多花了所有的钱了.
喔!! 这样? 好, 我和我的子宫有点压力了.
那么, 好吧, 我可以做点什么事,
能够更确保我能怀孕吗?
没有, 我很抱歉.
喔! 你还真是什么都不知道!
我知道! 为什么我们不让她喝醉呢?!
这在我们高中的时候经常让姑娘怀孕.
你们几个! 你们知道么, 菲比能不能怀孕就看现在了.
我知道!我知道, 这真是关系一生的大事啊.
对.
题目准备好了.
耶! 好!
好, 每个队要回答十个问题.
答对更多的队胜利.
分类是, 害怕的东西和难以接受的事情
历史, 文化, 和亲戚.
现在, 扔硬币决定谁先答.
好, 这次有人出来选一面.
哦好!
背面!
是正面.
先生们, 选择你们的分类.
害怕的东西和讨厌的宠物.
莫妮卡最讨厌什么样的宠物?
动物穿的跟人一样.
正确.
女士们?
还是这个分类
对于钱德来说, 什么东西能让他叫"老天爷"?
Michael Flatley, 舞蹈皇帝!
正确.
那个爱尔兰转圈的家伙?!
他的腿相互敲打, 就象不属于他的身体!
先生们, 你们选.
亲戚.
莫妮卡和我有个祖母已经去世,
你们都参加过她的葬礼, 祖母的名字!
奶奶?
她有真名.
阿尔西亚(希腊神话中的女神)!
阿尔西亚?! 怎么样?!
我蒙的.
你蒙"阿尔西亚"?!
阿尔西亚是对的.
蒙的好!
我们选文化!!
每周都有电视节目指南送到钱德和乔伊的公寓.
出现在地址标签上的名字是什么?
钱德订的! 是钱德.宾!
不!!
我恐怕得说,电视节目预告送给的是钱纳德.邦.
我知道这个!
瑞秋! 动动你的脑子!
事实上, 是钱娜德.邦小姐.
你好, 小胚胎.
我是-我是菲比.布费, 海!
我-我希望以后九个月到你的子宫里去.
你知道, 我们这是为了弗兰克和爱丽丝,
你们认识, 你们曾经在现场!
哦, 他们很想要你们,
所以你们到里面的时候,要抓住机会哦.
好, 我会保证你们的安全和温暖,
直到你们准备好回家, 那么...
哦! 对了, 下次你们见到我, 如果我尖叫的话,
别害怕, 这只是假定会发生.
好了吗?
呃-呃. 好运.
好吧, 现在比分是9比8.
女士们, 如果这题答错他们就赢了, 选你们的分类.
亲戚!!
你不用每次都大喊.
对不起!
哦.钱德的父亲在拉斯维加斯的做滑稽表演,
他的名字是?
万岁拉斯Gay加斯!
很不幸,正确.
好啊!!
好的, 现在平局.
还好, 我准备的不止这些.
闪电赛!
喔!!.
30秒, 所以的问题都可以回答.
你们俩死定了, 闪电赛我最拿手了.
我的专业就是闪电赛.
好的, 我们这就打垮你.
啊, 打赌么?
我很奇怪, 我们忙了半天是为了...
押更多的钱怎么样
比如150?
150美元.
比如200?
你又这个腔调.
对不起.
莫妮卡, 我不想失去200美元.
莫妮卡?!
我只是让它更刺激些!
好, 那我们就再加点胡椒粉! 别再花钱了!
我知道了! 这样吧,
如果我们赢, 他们扔掉公鸡怎么样?
喔!! 这很有趣喔.
嗨, 不行, 公鸡是我们的家庭成员!
把鸭子也扔了!
又有鸭子什么事?! 他又没制造噪音!
他老是让公鸡叫.
我们不打算...
好的, 等等!
如果你们赢, 我们放弃鸟儿们.
啊!!
但是如果我们赢, 我们赢得你们的公寓.
哦!!!
成交!
什么??
莫妮卡, 赌公寓, 我不知道说什么.
瑞秋, 整个比赛我还没答错一道题.
我是赢家! 看我的手!
为什么? 答案写在上面?
不! 象石头一样坚硬! 现在, 你跟我一起么?
好吧, 我们上.
来吧!
好.
好的, 先生们, 你们先来.
好.
好.
你们有30秒.
闪电赛现在...
停下来.
开始.莫妮卡当曲棍球守门员时候的绰号
大胖守门员.
正确.
瑞秋说她最喜欢的电影是...
孽恋焚情.
正确.
她实际上最喜欢的电影是...
老板渡假去.
正确.
莫妮卡14岁的时候用铅笔扎了她身体的什么部位?
哦!
哟! 不!!
她的耳朵!
好的, 莫妮卡给她的毛巾分类.
一共分了多少类?
每个人一类.
装饰用的.
客用.
客用装饰.
两秒...
哦, 11!
11, 难以置信11是对的.
好的, 这是你们的. 女士们, 准备.
好!
来吧!
30秒比赛时间, 答对5个就赢得比赛.
闪电赛现在...开始!
乔伊最喜欢的食物?
三明治!
正确.
钱德第一次碰女生胸部是几岁?
14?
不, 19.
谢了.
乔伊有个虚构的童年伙伴, 他的名字是?
莫里斯.
正确, 他的职业?
太空牛仔!
正确!
钱德.宾的工作是什么?
哦天啊, 跟数字有关的什么.
还有处理.
他带个公文包.
10秒, 答错这个你们就输了.
是个呃, 和传送有关的什么.
哦-哦-哦, 他收发什么东西, 收发员!
不是一个词能说清楚的!
我能答! 我能答!
不!!!!!
我的天.
耶!!! 好!!!
我要莫妮卡的房间!
你不能这么就要了莫妮卡的房间.
我当然能, 标准的射击游戏规则, 我看到了我就能要.
我感觉我能接着做点什么
什么?
对. 猜猜房子的颜色? 我赌公寓!
哦, 我永远不会拿这个公寓打赌的. 它太棒了.
嗨!
嗨? 哦菲比, 他们在那儿了?
嗯, 对, 哦, 我已经被植入了.
感觉怎么样?
哦, 感觉很怪.
因为他们能出来的机率真是太差了.
而且! 弗兰克和爱丽丝只来一次.
就象, 他们按顺序把他们的鸡蛋放到我的篮子里.
好, 但我打赌这会有用.
真的?! 赌多少?!
好吧, 我去做个怀孕测试, 就现在.
哦喔! 这么快就行?
医生说要几天时间, 但是我的身体总是比医学要快.
天啊! 难以置信, 你们这些家伙真的要搬过来.
最好相信, 宝贝!
好, 我-我不搬.
什么?!
不, 这是个愚蠢的打赌! 我们只是玩个游戏!
你不能就这么不管这个打赌! 这是个打赌!
你打赌而且你输了, 你就输了打赌!
瑞秋, 我们得搬. 我是说如果他们输了,
我们也会让他们把鸟儿们扔掉的, 对吗?
不.
好吧, 我恨这样就象你一样,
不过这个或许能让你好过些, 这都是你的错.
什么?!
钱纳德.邦, 我们每周都把电视节目指南偷来!
我就知道!
我不在乎, 我哪儿也不去.
酷, 女室友.
怎样?
没有, 现在还没.
才几个小时, 多给它们点时间.
好吧, 这段时间, 我是无能为力了, 我只能躺在你的椅子上,
知道么, 交给地心引力来办.
嘿, 瑞, 你能帮我抬一下这个箱子么?
不! 放下箱子! 我们哪儿也不去!
这是我的公寓, 我喜欢它! 这是女生的公寓!
那是个男生的公寓, 脏而且难闻.
这个多漂亮, 这个太漂亮了!
你看, 这个-这个是紫色的!
我跟你说, 你和你坚强的手, 我不搬,
而且现在我有坚强的手了.
我来办妥.
这就对了! 这手说什么你办什么!
怎么样?
我输了我们的床垫.
你们在那儿么小婴儿? 九个月我们在一起好么? 我会给你们买阿迪达斯的.
嗨!
嗨, 菲比! 我们刚才去药店给你带了点礼物.
哦, 是棒棒糖和, 哦, 家用怀孕测验.
嘿, 别混在一起, 要不然棒棒糖没法吃了.
那么, 你是否能做个测试? 这只是问问.
好吧, 我测, 不, 我测.
但是呃, 你要记住现在测还很早.
所以如果说我没怀孕, 不说明我不会怀孕.
所以即使这次没成, 也别觉得所有希望都没了.
好的.
好的.
好.
你知道么, 你们是恶劣的男生, 就是恶劣!
嘿, 别对我们发火! 没人逼你!
这不对. 她! 她逼我!
嘿, 要是你没答错的话, 我们就还能在这住!
这是愚蠢, 不公平的问题!
别怪问题!
你能不能别在我们的公寓里大叫了!?
你毁了我们搬家大喜的日子!
别把这叫你们的公寓!
但这就是我们的公寓!
不, 这不是!
你们! 你们! 你们要有孩子了!
他们要有孩子了!
我姐姐怀了我的孩子了!!!!!!!
好, 但这对孩子没什么好处.
哦!
我找不到垃圾袋了!
哦, 我想我在这看见过几个.
这是什么?!
我不知道! 但是也许我们把抽屉一直关着, 能闷死它.
难以置信我们竟然住在这种地方!
什么?! 怎么了?!
你看到储藏室有多大了吗?!
难以置信我们竟然住在这种地方!
啊!!!!!!! 啊!!!!!!!!

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