[Free Talk] 与小女：关于你未来的另一半儿

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举报只看楼主使用道具楼主发表于: 2014-03-10 0

A Daddy's Letter to His Little Girl (About Her Future Husband)

Dear Cutie-Pie,

Recently, your mother and I were searching for an answer on Google. Halfway through entering the question, Google returned a list of the most popular searches in the world. Perched at the top of the list was "How to keep him interested."

It startled me. I scanned several of the countless articles about how to be sexy and sexual, when to bring him a beer versus a sandwich, and the ways to make him feel smart and superior.

And I got angry.

Little One, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to "keep him interested."

Little One, your only task is to know deeply in your soul -- in that unshakeable place that isn't rattled by rejection and loss and ego -- that you are worthy of interest. (If you can remember that everyone else is worthy of interest also, the battle of your life will be mostly won. But that is a letter for another day.)

If you can trust your worth in this way, you will be attractive in the most important sense of the word: you will attract a boy who is both capable of interest and who wants to spend his one life investing all of his interest in you.

Little One, I want to tell you about the boy who doesn't need to be kept interested, because he knows you are interesting:

I don't care if he puts his elbows on the dinner table -- as long as he puts his eyes on the way your nose scrunches when you smile. And then can't stop looking.

I don't care if he can't play a bit of golf with me -- as long as he can play with the children you give him and revel in all the glorious and frustrating ways they are just like you.

I don't care if he doesn't follow his wallet -- as long as he follows his heart and it always leads him back to you.

I don't care if he is strong -- as long as he gives you the space to exercise the strength that is in your heart.

I couldn't care less how he votes -- as long as he wakes up every morning and daily elects you to a place of honor in your home and a place of reverence in his heart.

I don't care about the color of his skin -- as long as he paints the canvas of your lives with brushstrokes of patience, and sacrifice, and vulnerability, and tenderness.

I don't care if he was raised in this religion or that religion or no religion -- as long as he was raised to value the sacred and to know every moment of life, and every moment of life with you, is deeply sacred.

In the end, Little One, if you stumble across a man like that and he and I have nothing else in common, we will have the most important thing in common:

You.

Because in the end, Little One, the only thing you should have to do to "keep him interested" is to be you.

Your eternally interested guy,

Daddy

------
This post is, of course, dedicated to my daughter, my Cutie-Pie. But I also want to dedicate it beyond her.

I wrote it for my wife, who has courageously held on to her sense of worth and has always held me accountable to being that kind of "boy."

I wrote it for every grown woman I have met inside and outside of my therapy office -- the women who have never known this voice of a Daddy.

And I wrote it for the generation of boys-becoming-men who need to be reminded of what is really important -- my little girl finding a loving, lifelong companion is dependent upon at least one of you figuring this out. I'm praying for you.

------

我亲爱的小宝贝儿，
最近，我和你妈妈在谷歌上搜索一个问题的答案。问题输到一半儿，谷歌就自动列出了世界上最热门的搜索选项，而排在第一位的居然是“如何保持你对他的吸引力。”
我真的吓了一跳。相关的文章不计其数，内容都是教女孩怎样才能性感迷人，什么时候为他送去一杯啤酒，一块三明治，以及如何让他觉得自己聪明潇洒，与众不同的。浏览了其中几篇，我生气了。
小宝贝儿，“让他寄情于你”从来不是，现在不是，永远也不会是你的责任。
宝贝儿，你唯一的任务就是从心底---那里坚若磐石，不会因拒绝和失败而惊慌，也不会因怀疑自我价值而动摇---深深地认识到，你值得别人喜欢。（如果你还能牢牢记住其他每个人同样值得别人喜欢，那么你的人生就已经成功了一大半。这一点以后我会在另一封信中提及。）
如果你能这样相信自己的价值，那么你将真正变得有魅力：你会吸引一个男孩，他能够关心你，并且会倾其一生，全心全意去爱你，不离不弃。
小甜心，我想告诉你，如果一个男孩不需要你保持你对他的吸引力，那是因为，对他而言，你永远充满魅力。
我不在乎他用餐时的仪态是否文雅，只要他的目光一直追随着你，即使你因微笑鼻子发出声音，他还是凝望着你。
我不在乎他是否能陪我打高尔夫，只要他能和孩子们打闹嬉戏，并且醉心于你和孩子们的相像---你们都是那样可爱却又那样调皮，傻里傻气。
我不在乎他是否努力赚钱，只要他能听从自己的心，他的心总会指引他去爱你。
我不在乎他是否强壮，只要他能为你提供空间，让你砺练心力。
我丝毫不在乎他把选票投给谁，只要他每天清晨醒来，视你为整个家的荣耀，在他心底敬重着你。
我不在乎他的肤色，只要他用耐心，奉献，温柔与体贴的笔触为你们的生活之帆着色。
我不在乎他的宗教信仰，只要他从小被教育要珍视神圣，要懂得生活的每一瞬间，尤其是和你在一起的分分秒秒，都是极为神圣的时刻。
最后，我的小甜心，如果偶然间你遇到了这样一个男人，即使我们俩没有其他任何共同之处，可我们却共同拥有一件最珍贵的东西：
那就是你。
最后，我的小宝贝儿，如果你想让他“一直爱你”，你唯一要做的就是做你自己。
永远爱你的男人，
爸爸
后记：
当然，这封信不仅是写给我女儿，我的小宝贝儿的。我希望其他人也能从中受益。
我把它献给我的妻子，是她一直坚持着对于“自我价值”的信念，并且让我成为那种负责任的“男孩”。
我把它献给每一位我遇到过的成年女性---她们或是来我的诊疗室看病，或是在诊疗室之外和我相遇，她们都从未倾听过这样一位父亲的心声。
最后，我把它献那些即将成为男人的男孩，他们需要有人提醒什么是真正重要的---如果我女儿想找到一个爱她的，值得托付终身的伴侣，你们中间至少得有一个明白这些才行。为你们祈祷。