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Chapter 20
EXT. WINTERSET - MAIN STREET - DAYRichard and Francesca drive up to the general store to buygroceries. Francesca heads for the store as Richard crossesthe street.
FRANCESCAWant anything special for dinner?
RICHARDHmm. How about that brown sugar meatloaf you make?
FRANCESCA(smiles)Okay.
She enters the store.
INT. GENERAL STORE - DAYFrancesca makes small talk with the grocery lady as she buyswhat she needs.
EXT. MAIN STREET - DAYFrancesca places a bag of groceries on the front seat of thetruck, then gets in herself to wait for Richard. She takes adeep breath and removes a handkerchief from her bag to wipethe sweat from her face. She freezes -Through the windshield, she sees ROBERT standing beside histruck across the street, staring at her. Her heart stops.
For a moment, she isn't even sure he's real.
The town moves about its business around them. But neithernotice or care. Whatever safety or forgetfulness she felt isgone. Her feelings burst through. She sits there helplessbefore him -- willing to go or stay depending on what he did.
He begins walking towards her. She prepares herself. Her lifewill change -- it has to. There's not turning back.
But the closer Robert gets, the clearer he can see that sheis crying. And he stops.
Without any words, he realizes what taking her with him wouldmean. With just a glance, he sacrifices her. With their eyeslocked in the middle of Main Street -- in front of the wholetown -- they smile and say goodbye.
Robert returns to his truck. He drives off down Main Street,taking the first left.
Moments later, Richard throws the feed bag into the back ofhis truck and gets in. Francesca is wiping her eyes.
He doesn't notice. He drives off in the same direction asRobert.
FRANCESCA (V.O.)For a moment, I didn't know where Iwas. And for a split second, thethought crossed my mind that hereally didn't want me -- that it waseasy to walk away.
As they pass the corner where Robert made his left turn,Francesca turns to look and sees:
ROBERT'S TRUCK IS PARKED just off the corner. As if he had todrive away to get out of sight, but couldn't bring himself todrive any further.
The sight of him hiding there breaks Francesca's heart, sheturns away from her husband to hide the tears.
EXT. JOHNSON HOUSE - DAYWE REPLAY THE OPENING SCENE FROM THE MOVIE:
Carolyn is in the yard picking vegetables. Her parents driveup in their truck. She steps out with her bag of groceriesand walks briskly into the house. Richard follows more slowlywith his bag of feed, stopping at the gate to pick up thebutton from Francesca's red dress.
INT. KITCHENFrancesca enters and places her groceries on the counter. Shetries to compose herself. She sees the radio before her. Sheturns it on. The Dinah Washington song "I'LL CLOSE MY EYES"evokes every feeling of love and loss within her. She beginsto cry.
She hears Richard enter the house. She stands out of sight,holding her hand to her mouth to muffle her crying. She hears:
MICHAEL (O.S.)Dad! You bought the wrong feed!
RICHARDWhat!?
She hears Richard exit the house.
EXT. LUCY REDFIELD'S HOUSE - NIGHTA hand knocks on a door. Lucy Redfield opens it to findFrancesca standing there with a cake.
FRANCESCAHi. I'm Francesca Johnson. I justfeel awful I haven't come to visitsooner. I hope I'm not interruptinganything. Is it too late?
Lucy is shocked and moved at the same time.
LUCYNo. Not at all.
FRANCESCAI was wondering if... maybe you'dlike some company.
(almost manic)I baked a cake!
Lucy looks at the cake. She's a little dazed by all this.
LUCYUh... sure. Please. Come in. I'llmake coffee.
Francesca enters. Lucy closes the door.
CUT TO:
EXT. IOWA LAKEFRONT - DAWNMichael continues reading beside Carolyn as the sun rises.
MICHAEL"We became inseparable, Lucy and I.
The funny thing is, I didn't tell herabout Robert until years later. But,for some reason, being with hersomehow made me feel it was safe tothink about him. To continue lovinghim. The town loved talking about thetwo of us but we didn't care. Andneither did your father. Which Ithought was a lovely thing. Ireceived Robert's letter and myphotograph soon after. I alwayswondered if your father found them.
I was never quite sure..."INT. KITCHEN - EVENINGAt dinner, Richard remembers the button he found.
RICHARDOh, Franny, is this yours?
Francesca sees the button. She speaks her original lines MOSas HER NARRATION is hard:
FRANCESCA (V.O.)I almost told him. In that moment Ifelt as if I couldn't hold it back.
If he really loved me maybe he'dunderstand.
She returns to her meal. The family eats in silence.
FRANCESCA (cont'd; V.O.)But love won't obey our expectations.
Its mystery is pure and absolute.
What Robert and I had, could notcontinue if we were together. WhatRichard and I shared would vanish ifwe were apart. But how I wanted toshare this. How would our lives havechanged if I had? Could anyone elsehave seen the beauty of it?
INT. JOHNSON KITCHEN - NIGHTFrancesca moves about the kitchen with a frantic pace as sheputs the finishing touches on a cake. Placing the frostingbowl in the sink, she hears someone upstairs exiting theirbedroom. She quickly gathers the cake and her bag and exitsthrough the screen door.
EXT. JOHNSON HOUSE - NIGHTFighting tears, she walks to the truck from around the house.
She gets in and starts it. She vaguely hears her daughterfrom the front door.
CAROLYNMom?
But she doesn't acknowledge it and drives away.
EXT. MOTOR INN - NIGHTHer truck approaches and then speeds past the Inn whereRobert is staying. We can see his truck in the parking lot.
1979INT. JOHNSON BEDROOM - NIGHTAnd older Francesca cares for a sickly Richard. He lies in bedbeside an array of medicines and tonics. She wipes hisforehead with a cool cloth as he takes his pills.
FRANCESCABetter?
He nods. She smiles. She shuts off the light and lays besidehim.
RICHARDFranny?
FRANCESCAHmm?
RICHARDI just want to say... I know you hadyour own dreams. I'm sorry I couldn'tgive them to you. I love you so much.
Francesca turns to him. She is so touched, tears fill hereyes. She nestles close to him, wrapping her arms around him.
1982EXT. DES MOINESFrancesca eats at the same restaurant she shared with Robert.
FRANCESCA (V.O.)After your father died, I tried toget in touch with Robert but foundout he had left the NationalGeographic soon after the MadisonCounty. No one seemed to know wherehe was. My only connections to himwere the places we'd been to that oneday. And so each week, I'd re-visitthem.
EXT. JOHNSON HOUSE - DAYFrancesca greets a UPS man with an envelope and a package.
FRANCESCA (V.O.)And then one day, I received theletter from his attorney, with apackage.
INT. JOHNSON LIVING ROOMFrancesca reads the letter informing her of Robert's death.
She then unwraps the package to reveal a MEDALLION with hername inscribed and A PHOTOGRAPHY BOOK; a published collectionof black and white photos by Robert Kincaid entitled "FourDays." Beautiful, dramatic black and white representations oflove and passion, loneliness and pain, and union. On thefront page there reads an inscription "FOR F."ROBERT (V.O.)"There is a pleasure in the pathlesswoods... There is a rapture on thelonely shore... There is societywhere none intrudes... By the deepsea and music in its roar... I lovenot man the less, but Nature more...
From these our interviews, in whichI steal... From all I may be, orhave been before... To mingle with theUniverse and feel... What I canne'er express, yet cannot all conceal."The quote is Byron's. She smiles with pride as she cries.
CUT TO:
EXT. IOWA LAKEFRONT - EARLY MORNINGMichael sits with his arm around Carolyn as they look outover the lake. The notebooks are closed, but Francesca'snarrations continue over the next few scenes.
FRANCESCA (V.O.)There has not been a day since thatI have not thought of him. When hesaid we were no longer two people, hewas right.
INT. JOHNSON BEDROOMCarolyn, looking through her mom's closet, finds the summerdress she bought in Des Moines to wear for Robert.
FRANCESCA (V.O.)We were bound together as tightly astwo people can be. If it hadn't beenfor him, I don't think I would havelasted on the farm all these years.
Remember that dress of mine youwanted, Carolyn -- the one you said Inever wore. Well, I know I was silly.
But to me, it was as if you wereasking to wear my wedding dress to goto the movies.
Carolyn smiles as she holds the dress before her.
INT. MOTEL - DAYA tired Michael finds his way through the motel to his room.
FRANCESCA (V.O.)After reading all this, I hope youcan now understand my burial request.
It was not the ravings of some madold lady. I gave my life to myfamily. I wish to give Robert what isleft of me.
INT. MOTEL ROOMMichael enters to find his two children watching TV and anangry Betty folding clothes.
CHILDRENHey, Dad!
He looks at them lovingly, then at Betty who angrily motionsfor him to follow her into the bedroom.
She slams the door behind him and talks in a irate whisper.
BETTYYou have been out all night long! DoI have a right to ask where you'vebeen or is this a family secret?
Michael just looks at her. He gently takes her hand.
MICHAELNo. No more secrets.
He kisses her hand. Betty is floored.
MICHAEL (cont'd)Do I make you happy, Betty?
(she is stunned)Because I want to. I want to morethan anything.
He gently kisses her cheek then embraces her. Betty -- for thefirst time in her life -- is utterly speechless.
INT. JOHNSON BEDROOMWearing her mother's dress, Carolyn sits on the bed holdingthe phone, waiting for Steve to pick up. In her other hand,she holds the divorce lawyers card.
CAROLYN(on the phone)Hi, Steve? It's me. Good. You?...
Listen, we have to talk... Well,how about you?... Uh, no -- I'vedecided I'm going to stay for awhile... I don't know how long...
No, I won't be coming back...
I'm not angry, Steve. I'm not angryat all.
(smiles)CUT TO:
EXT. ROSEMAN BRIDGE - DAYMichael and his family stand beside Carolyn and a Priest.
FRANCESCA (V.O.)"I gave Lucy his photography book. Ifyou're interested, take a look. If mywords still leave something unclear,perhaps his pictures can illuminate.
After all, that's what an artist doesbest... "Michael receives the urn from the priest. He and Carolyn walkaway from the group towards the bridge. They stop. Carolynremoves the lip. Michael sets his mother's ashes free.
FRANCESCA (V.O.)"I love you both with all my heart.
Do what you have to, to be happy inthis life. There is so much beauty."THE END 弗朗西丝卡的信弗朗西丝卡一九八九年一月去世,终年六十九岁,那年罗伯特.金凯如活着,应是七十六岁.登记的死因是"自然死亡".医生对迈可和卡洛琳说:"她就这么死了.事实上我们有点不明白.我们找不出死亡的具体原因.一个邻居发现她趴倒在厨房的餐桌上."她在一九八二年的一封给律师的信中要求死后把遗体火化,骨灰撒在罗斯曼桥.火葬在麦迪逊县是一件不寻常的事-多少被看作是激进行为--因此她这一遗愿引起了咖啡馆和加油站还有执行人的不少议论.撒骨灰一事没有公开进行.
追掉会过后,迈可和卡洛琳缓缓驱车到罗斯曼桥,执行弗朗西丝卡的遗嘱.虽然这座桥离家很近,但与约翰逊一家从来没有什么特殊关联.他们两人一再感到奇怪,为什么他们平时很通情达理的母亲会出此莫名其妙的行动,为什么她为依惯例要求葬在他们父亲的墓旁.
在这以后,迈可和卡洛琳开始了清理房子的漫长过程,并且在律师从财产角度审查放行后从银行把保险箱取出来.
他们把保险箱内的东西分门别类,开始一一过目.那牛皮纸信封是在卡洛琳的一摞东西中,不过压在下面大约三分之一处.她迷惑不解地打开拿出里面的东西.她读了罗伯特.金凯一九六五年给弗朗西丝卡的信,之后又读了他一九七八年的信,然后是西雅图的律师一九八二年的信.最后她仔细看了杂志剪报.迈可.
他听出她声音中惊奇夹着沉思,立即抬起头来,"怎么会事?"卡洛琳眼里含着泪,声音有点发抖."母亲爱上了一个叫罗伯特.金凯的人,他是一名摄影师.你还记得我们都看过的那期<地理杂志>吗?就是上面有关于那几座桥的报导的那一期.这个人就是到这儿拍摄那些桥的.还有,你记得当时所有的孩子都在议论那个背着相机,怪里怪气的陌生人?那是就他."迈可坐在她对面,领带解开,敞开领子."再说一遍,说慢一点儿,我没法相信我听对了."读完信之后,迈可搜寻了楼下的壁柜,然后上楼到弗朗西丝卡的卧室里.他从来没有注意到那个胡桃木匣子,把它打开来拿到楼下放在厨房桌上."卡洛琳,这是他的相机."匣子里一头塞着一个封好的信封,上面写着"卡洛琳或迈可",是弗朗西丝卡的笔迹.在相机之间是三本皮面笔记本.这信的内容我为敢肯定我能读得下去.
卡洛琳条开信封,出声念着:一九七八年一月七日亲爱的卡洛琳和迈可:
虽然我现在还感觉良好,但是我觉得这是我安排后事的时候了(如人们常说的那样).有一件非常重要的事你们应该知道.因此我才写这封信.
我可以肯定,你们翻看了保险匣,发现了那个一九六五年寄给我的牛皮纸信封后最终一定会找到这封信.如果可能的话,请坐在厨房的餐桌旁读这封信你们不久就会理解这一请求.
要给我的孩子们写信讲这件事对我极为艰难手,但是我必须这样做.这里面有着这么强烈,这么美的东西,我不能让它们随我逝去.而且,如果你们应该全面了解你们的母亲,包括一切好的坏的方面,那么你们就必须知道这件事.现在,打起精神来.
正如你们已经发现的,他名叫罗伯特.金凯.他中间隆名的缩写是"L",但是我从来不知道那"L"代表什么字.他是一名摄影师,一九六五年曾来这里拍摄廊桥.
你们应当记得,当那些图片出现在<地理杂志>上时,这里如何的满城争道.你也可能还记得从那以后我就开始定期收到这杂志.现在你们知道我为什么突然对它感兴趣了.顺便说一句,他在拍杉树桥时我和他在一起(替他拿一外相机背包).
请你们理解,我一直平静地爱着你们的父亲.我过去知道,现在仍然知道是如此.他对我很好,给了我你们俩,这是我所珍爱的.不要忘记这一点.
但是罗伯特.金凯是完全不同的,我毕生从来没有见到,听到或读到过像他这样的人.要你们完全了解他是不可能的.首先,你们不是我;其次你们非得跟他*在一起呆过,看他动作,听他谈关于物种演变的一个分支的尽头那些话才行.也许那些笔记本和杂志剪报能有所帮助,不过连这也不够.
从某种意义上说,他不属于这个地球.我能说的最清楚的就是这样了.我常常把他想成一个骑着彗星尾巴到来的豹子一般的生物.他的行动,他的身体都给人这个感觉.他能集极度激烈与温和善良于一身.他身上有一种模糊的悲剧意识.他觉得他在一个充满电脑.机器人和普遍组织化的世界上是不合适宜的.他把自己看作是最后的牛仔,称自己为"老古董".
我第一次见到他是他停在门口问去罗斯曼桥的方向.那时你们三人去参加伊利诺伊博览会了.相信我,我决不是闲在那里没事找刺激,这种想法离我远了.但是我看了他不到五秒钟就知道我要他,不过没有我后来真的达到的那个程度.
请你们不要把他想成一个到处占乡下姑娘便宜的浪荡人.他决不是那种人.相反,他有点腼腆.对于已发生的事我和他有同样的责任,事实上我这方面更多.手镯里那条是我钉在罗斯曼桥上的,为的是我们初次见面的第二天早晨他可以见到.除了他给我拍的照片外,这纸条是他这么多年来拥有的唯一证据,证明我确实而不仅仅是他的一个梦.
我知道孩子们往往倾向于把自己的父母看成无性别的,所以我希望以下的叙述不至于对你们打击大太,我当然希望不会破坏你们对我的记忆.
罗伯特和我在我们这间老厨房里一起度过了许多小时.我们聊天,并在烛光下跳舞.而且,是的,我们在那里做爱了,还在卧室里,在牧场草地里以及几乎你们可以想到的任何地方.那是一种不可思议的,强有力的,使人升华的做爱,它连续几天,几乎不停顿.在想他时我总是用"强有力"这个字眼.因为在我们相遇时他已是这样.
他激烈时像一支箭.他对我做爱时我完全不由自主,不是软弱,这不是我的感觉,而是纯粹被他强大的感情肉体的力量所征服.有一次我把这感觉悄声告诉他,他只是说:"我是大路,是远游客,是所有下海的船."我后来查了字典.人们听到"远游客"这个词首先联想起的是游鹰.但是也还有别的含义,他一定是知道的,其中之一是"异乡客,外国人"另一个含义是"流浪.迁移".这个字的拉丁字根意思是陌生人.现在我想起来他身兼所有这些特征:一个陌生人,广义的外国人,远游客,而且也像鹰隼一般.
孩子们,请你们理解,我是在试图表达本来不可言喻的事.我只希望有一天你们各自也能体验到我有过的经历,不过我想这不大可能.虽然我想在当今这个比较开明的时代说这话不大合乎时宜但我的确认为一个女人不可能拥有像罗伯特.金凯这种特殊的力量.所以,迈可,刚才说不把包括在内.至于卡洛琳,恐怕坏消息是天底下这样的男人只有他一个,没有第二人.
如果不是因为你们俩和你们的父亲,我会立即跟他走遍天涯他要我走,求我走,但是我不肯.他是一个非常敏感,非常为别人着想的人,从此以后没有来干扰过我们的生活.
事情就是这样矛盾:如果没有罗伯特.金凯,我可能不一定能在农场呆这么多年.在四天之内,他给了我一生,给了我整个宇宙,把我分散的部件合成了一个整体.我从来没有停止过想他,一刻也没有.即使他不在我意识中时,我仍然感觉到他在某个地方,他无处不在.
但是这从来没有丝毫减少我对你们或你们父亲的感情.在只想到我自己一个人时,我不敢肯定我做出了正确的决定,但是把全家考虑在内时,我肯定我做对了.
不过我必须坦诚地告诉你们,从一开始,罗伯特比我更了解我们两人怎样是天造地设的一对.我想我只是随着时间的推移才逐步理解这意义的.如果在他与我面对要求我跟他走时我已真正了解这一点,我也许会跟他去了.
罗伯特认为这世界已变得太理性化了,已经不像应该的那样相信魔力了.我常想,我在作出决定时是否太理性了.
我相信你们一定认为我对自己葬法的遗嘱不可理解,以为那是一个糊涂了的老太婆的主意.你们读了一九八二年西雅图的律师来信和我的笔记本之后就会理解我为什么提出这一要求.我把活的生命给了我的家庭,我把剩下的遗体给罗伯特.金凯.
我想理查德知道我内心有他达不到的地方,有时我怀疑他是否发现了我放在梳妆台抽屉里的牛皮纸信封.在他弥留之际在得梅音的一家医院里我坐在他身边他对了我说了以下的话:弗朗西丝卡,我知道你也有过自己的梦,我很抱歉我没能给你."这是我们共同生活中最动人的时刻.
我不要你们有内疚,或者怜悯,或者任何这类感觉.这不是我的目的.我只要你们知道我多爱罗伯特.金凯.我这么多年来每天都在对付这件事,他也是.
虽然我们没有再说过话,但是我们已紧密地联在一起,世界上任何两人的关系能有多紧密我们就有多紧密.我找不出言词来充分表达这一点.他告诉我的话表达的最好,他说:"我们原来各自的两个生命已不存在了,而是两人共同创造了第三个生命.我们两人都不是独立于那个生命之外的,而那个生命已被放出去到处游荡.
卡洛琳,还记得我们为了我壁柜里那件粉色连衣裙发生的那场激烈争吵吗?你看见了想穿.你说你从来没见我穿过,那么为什么不能改合适了让你穿.罗伯特和*我第一夜做爱时我穿的就是那件衣服.我一辈子都没有像那天那么漂亮过.这件连衣裙是我对那段时光的小小的,傻傻的纪念.所以我从来没有再穿过,也拒绝给*你穿.
罗伯特一九六五年离开这里以后,我意识到我对他的家庭背景知之甚少.不过我认为几乎对其他一切都已了解-也就是在那几天中值得注意的一切.他是独生子,父母双亡,他生于俄亥俄州一个小镇.
我连他上过大学没有,甚至上过中学没有也不清楚.但是他有一种质朴的,原始的,几乎是神秘的聪明智慧.对了,在第二次世界大战时他是随海军陆战队到南太平洋的战地摄影记者.
他结过婚,遇到我之前很久已经离了.没有孩子.他的前妻是搞音乐的,好像记得他说是个民歌手之类的,他外出摄影长期不在家的生活使婚姻难以维持.他把破裂的原因归罪于自己.
除此之外,据我所知罗伯特没有家.我要求你们把他看作我们的亲人,不论这一开始对你们有多困难.至少我有一个家,有与人共享的生活.罗伯特是孤身一人这不公平,我当初就知道.
由于理查德的缘故,也由于人们爱讲闲话的习惯,我宁愿(至少我自以为是这样)这件不传我们约翰逊家之外.不过我还是交给你们来判断该如何处理.
在我这方面,我当然决不以同罗伯特.金凯在一起为耻.恰恰相反.这些年来我一直爱着他爱得要命,虽然由于我自己的原因,我只有过一次设法同他联系.那是在你们的父亲去世之后,结果失败了.我担心他出了什么事,由于这种害怕,就没有再作偿试.我就是无法面对这样的现实.所以你们可以想象,当一九八二年这个包裹同律师的信一起来到时我是怎样的心情.
如我所说,我希望你们理解,别把我往里想.如果你们是爱我的,那么也该爱我做过的事.
罗伯特.金凯教给了我生为女儿身是怎么回事,这种经历很少有女人,甚至没有任何一个女人体验过.他美好,热情,他肯定值得你们尊敬,也许也值得你们爱.我希望你们两者都能给他.他以他特有的方式,通过我,对你们很好.
望好自为之,我的孩子们.
母字厨房里寂静无声.迈可深深吸了一口气,望着窗外.卡洛琳环顾四周,看着洗涤池,地板,桌子和每一件东西.
当她开口说话时,她的声音轻的几乎像耳语,"哦,迈可,想想他们两人这么多年来这样要死要活地互相渴望.她为了我们和爸爸放弃了他,而他为了尊重她对我们的感情而远远离去.迈可,我们想到这简直没法处之泰然.我们这样随便对待我们的婚姻,而这样一场非凡的恋爱却是因我们而得到这么一个结局."他们在漫长的一生中只在一起度过了四天,只有四天.就是在我们去参加那可笑的伊利诺伊州博览会的时候.你看妈妈这张照片,我从来没有见过她这样子.她真美.这不是照相的美,而是由于他为她做的一切.你看她,放荡不羁,自由自在,她的头发随风飘起,她的脸生动活泼,真是美妙极了."天哪,了擦眼睛.
卡洛琳又说:"显然这些年来他没有跟她联系过.他死时一定是孤身一人,所以才让人把相机寄给她."我记得我跟妈妈为了那件粉色连衣裙吵架的事,接连好几天,我嘀嘀咕咕闹着要,并且问为什么不行.后来我拒绝跟她说话.他只说一句:'不,卡洛琳,这件不行.'"迈可想起他们现在坐的这张旧桌子,就因为这,弗朗西丝卡才在他们父亲死后要搬进来.
卡洛琳打开那软包装的小信封."这是他的手镯,项链和那小圆牌.这是母亲在信里提到的那张纸条,就是她钉在罗斯曼上的那张.所以他寄来的这座桥的照片上看得出来桥上钉着纸条."迈可,我们该怎么办?你考虑一下,我一会儿就回来.
她跑到楼上去,几分钟后拿着那件粉色连衣裙回来了.那衣服叠得好好的包在塑料纸里.她把它抖落开,举起来给迈可看.想象一下,她穿着这件衣服在这儿厨房里跟他跳舞.想一想:我们大家在这里度过了多少时光,她在为我们做饭,坐在这里同我们谈我们的问题-讨论到哪里去上大学,谈维持成功的婚姻有多困难的时候,必定时时刻刻看到什么的形象.天哪,我们跟她相比多么天真,多么不成熟."迈可点点头,走到洗涤池上面的碗柜旁."你想母亲会留下什么喝的吗?我可真想喝.回答你的问题?我不知道我们该怎么办."他在碗柜里掏来掏去,找到一瓶白兰地,几乎空了."还够两杯,卡洛琳,要一杯吗?"好.
迈可从柜子里拿出仅有的两只白兰地杯子放在黄色贴面的餐桌上.他倒空了弗朗西丝卡最后一瓶白兰地,而卡洛琳开始默默地读第一册笔记本."罗伯特.金凯于一九六五年八月十六日一个星期一来到这里.他正设法找罗斯曼桥.那是下午近黄昏时分,天很热,他开着一辆小型卡车,他给它取名叫哈里......'
后记:塔科马的夜鹰我写罗伯特.金凯和弗朗西丝卡的故事的过程中,我对金凯越来越感兴趣,觉得我们对他和他的生平知道得太少了.在本书付印前几个星期我又飞往西雅图,试图再发掘一些关于他的尚未发现的情况.
我有一个想法:既然他爱好音乐,本人又是个艺术家,那么在皮吉特的音乐文艺圈中也许会有人认识他.西雅图时报的编辑帮了我的忙.虽然他不知道金凯其人,但是他向我提供了该报纸一九七五年到一九八二年的有关部分,这是我最感兴趣的时期.
在翻阅一九八零年的报纸时我见到一张黑人爵士乐演奏者的照片,是一个名叫约翰."夜鹰".卡明斯的高音萨克斯管吹奏手.照片旁署名罗伯特.金凯.当地音乐家协会给了我卡明斯的地址,并且告诉我他有好几年没有参加演出了.地址是塔科马一个工业区附近一条叉道.
我登门几次才碰到他在家.开头他对我的提问有点防范,不过我说服了他,使他相信我对罗伯特.金凯的兴趣是严肃的,善意的.之后,他就亲切地,敞开来谈了.他同我谈话时七十岁,我总是打开录音机让他告诉我有关罗伯特.金凯的情况.以下是略加整理的他的谈话记录.夜鹰我那会儿住在西雅图,在肖蒂乐队干活儿,我需要一张好的黑白相片做广告.那个吹铜管儿的告诉我有个家伙住在那儿一个岛上,照得不赖,他没有电话,我就给他寄了一张明信片.
他来了,可真是个怪里怪气的外乡老汉,穿着件仔裤,靴子,桔黄背带,拿出那老掉牙的破相机,看上去简直就不像还能开得动,我心想,呵呵!他让我拿着号靠一块浅色墙呆着,要我就就这么说,不停的吹.开头的三分钟那小子就站在那儿盯着我看,真是死盯着我看,那是你从来没见过的最冷冰冰的蓝眼睛.
过了一会儿他开始照相,然后他问我能不能吹<秋叶>,我吹了.我吹了大约有十分钟,他就在那儿不停地扣扳机,照了一张又一张,然后他说:"好了,我照好了,明天就给你.'
第二天他把相片儿拿来了.我真给镇住了.我过去照过好些相.可这几张是最棒的,比以前所有的都好得多.他要了我五十元,我觉得挺便宜.他谢了我,走了.他往出走时问我在哪儿演奏,我说"肖蒂乐队".
过了几个晚上这后,有一次我往观众席里望,瞅见他坐在旮旯里一张桌子边儿,听得绝对认真.从此他每礼拜来一次,总是在礼拜二,总是喝啤酒,不过喝得不多.
我有时候在休息时过去跟他聊几分钟.他挺安静,话不多,不过确实挺好处的.他总是有礼貌地问我可不可以吹一曲<秋叶>.过了不久我们有点熟了.我喜欢到港口去看水,看船,发现他也是.后来熟到一块儿坐到长板凳上聊天,一聊就是一下午.也就是一对老家伙随便谈谈心,都觉得自己有点儿跟不上趟,有点过时了.
他常带着他的狗,挺好的狗,他管它叫"大路".
他懂魔力,搞爵士音乐的也都懂魔力,也许正因这个我们谈得来.你吹一个调子已经吹了几千次了,忽然有一套新的思想直接从你的号里吹出来,从来没有经过你头脑里的意识.他说照相,还有整个人生都是这样的.然后他又加一句,:跟你爱的一个女人做爱也是这样.'
他那会儿正在干一件事,想把音乐转变成视觉形象.他跟我说:"约翰,你知道你吹<老于世故的女士>这支曲子的第四节时差不多总是即兴重复的那调子吗?好了,我想我那天早晨把这拍成照片了.那天光线照在水上恰到好处,一只蓝色的苍鹭正好同时翻过我的取景器,我当时听到你吹那重复的调子,同时也真正看见了那曲调,于是扣下扳机."他把所有时间都花在这把音乐变成形象的工作上,简直着了迷.不知道他靠什么过日子.
他很少讲他自己的生活.我一直只知道他照相旅行过好多地方,再多就不太知道了.可是有一天我问起他脖子挂的链子底下的那个小东西.凑近着可以看见那上头刻着"弗朗西丝卡"我就问:"这有什么特别意思吗?"他好一阵了没说话,光盯着水看.然后说:"你有多少时间?""得,那天是礼拜一,是我的休息日,所以我说我有的是时间."他讲开了,像是打开了水龙头,整整讲了一下午,一晚上.我觉得他把这事藏在心里已经很久很久了.
从来没提过那女的姓什么,也没说过这事发生在哪儿.可是,说真格的!罗伯特.金凯讲她的时候真是个诗人.她一定是个人物,一位了不起的女士.他开头先引了他为她写的一篇文章我记得题目好像是叫个什么"零度空间".我记得我当时觉得这像奥奈特.柯尔曼的自由体即兴曲.
好家伙,他一边说儿一边儿哭.他大滴大滴眼泪往下落,老人才这么哭法儿,也就是萨克斯管才这么吹法儿.这以后我才明白为什么老是要求我吹<秋叶>.于是,说真格的,我开始喜欢上这小子了.能对一个女人这么钟情的人自己也是值得让人爱的.
我老是想着这件事儿,想着他跟那个女人共同有的那东西力量有多强大,想着他叫作"老方式"的东西.于是我对自己说:"我一定要把那力量,那段爱情演奏出来,让那"老方式"从我的号里吹出来,这里头有一种他好的特别抒情的东西."于是我就写了这个曲子-花了我三个月时间.我要保持它简单,优雅.复杂的玩意儿好弄.简单才难.我每天都在那上头花功夫,直到开始对头了.然后我又下点功夫把钢琴和低音提琴的过门谱子写出来.最后有一天晚上我演奏了这个曲子.
那是星期二晚上,他跟往常一样,在听众席里头.反正那是一个不太热闹的晚上,可能一共有二十来个人,没人太注意我们乐队.
他静静地坐在那儿,像往常一样全神贯注地听,我透过麦克风说:"我现在要吹一支我为一个朋友作的曲子,名叫<弗朗西丝卡>."我说这话时看着他.他正盯着他那瓶啤酒看,可是我一说出"弗朗西丝卡",他就慢慢儿抬起头看着我,用两只手把他的灰色长发往后拢一拢,点起一支骆驼牌香烟,两只蓝眼睛直勾勾看着我.
我把那号吹出从来没有过的声音,我让它为他们分离的那些年月,为他们相隔的那千万里路而哭泣.在第一小节有一句立调,好象是在呼她的名字:"弗朗....西丝....卡"我吹完之后,他笔直的站在桌边儿,笑着点点头,付了账,走了.以后每次他来我都奏这支曲子.他为报答我写那曲子,把一张古老的廊桥照片儿装好镜框送给我,现在就挂在那儿.他从来没告诉我他在那儿照的,只是紧挨着他的签名底下写着"罗斯曼桥".
可能是七.八年前,有一个礼拜二晚上他没出现.下一个礼拜还没有.我想他可能病了还还是出了什么事儿,开始担心起来,就到港口去打听.谁也不知道他.最后打到了一条船到他住的那个岛上去,那是在水边的一间旧屋子,说实在的就是个棚子.
我在那儿探头探脑的时候有个邻居过来问我干什么,我告诉了他,邻居说他十天以前就死了.说真格的,我听了以后心里可难过了,现在还难过.我非常喜欢他,这家伙就是有点不寻常,我觉得他知道好多我们大家都不知道的东西.
我向邻居打听那条狗,他不知道,说他也不认识金凯.我就给动物收容所打电话,可不是,"大路"就在那儿.我到那儿把它领出来给了我的侄子.我最后一次看见它,它正跟那孩子亲热呢,我心里觉得挺舒坦.
总之,就是这么回事.我打听到金凯的情况之后不久,我的右胳膊出了问题,只要吹二十分钟以上它就发麻,是一种脊椎病.所以我就不再工作了.
可是,说真格的,他跟那个女人的故事一直缠着我.所以每礼拜二晚上我都拿出我的号来吹我为他写的那支曲子,我就在这么吹,完全自个儿吹.
不知怎么回事儿,我吹的时候总是瞅着他送给我的那张照片.有点儿什么特别的因缘,我说不上来,反正我吹那曲子的时候眼睛总是离不开那照片.
我就站在那儿,在天擦黑的时候,把这老号弄得呜呜哭,那是我在吹那曲调,为了一个叫罗伯特.金凯的男人和他管她叫弗朗西丝卡的女人.
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