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[size=5][b]THE LILY OF THE VALLEY[/b][/size]

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[color=#333333]Among his own novels this was one of Balzac's favorites. In 1835 he wrote to Madame Hanska: "I am writing a great and beautiful work, entitled Le Lys dens la Vallee, the heroine of which is to represent terrestrial perfection as Seraphita is to represent celestial perfection." A little later he wrote: "But the Lily! If the Lily is not a breviary for women, I am nothing! In it virtue is sublime and not at all tiresome." He also called it "the poetic pendant of The Country Doctor, and in his dedication to Dr. Nacquart he wrote: "Here is one of the most highly wrought stones of the second story of a literary edifice that is being slowly and laboriously constructed." The book was published in 1836, before which time parts of it had appeared in the Revue de Paris. It was not finished in that publication, because it was the occasion of a lawsuit, which Balzac won. An account of this appeared in the first edition. Some of the characters appear in other books: the hero, Felix de Vandenesse, in tine Fate d'Eve (" A Daughter of Eve"); his brother Charles in La Femme de Trente Ans ("The Woman of Thirty"); Madeleine de Mortsauf in Memoires de Deux Jeunes Mariees (" Memoirs of Two Young Wives") and Splendeurs et Miseres (" Splendors and Miseries"); and Natalie de Manerville in Le Contrat de Mariage ("The Marriage Contract"). When writing his introduction to the Comedic Humaine, Balzac remarked: "A sure grasp of the purport of this work will make it clear that I attach to common, daily facts, hidden or patent to the eye, to the acts of individual lives and to their causes and principles, the importance which historians have hitherto ascribed to the events of public national life. The unknown struggle which goes on in a valley of the Indre between Madame de Mortsauf and her passion is perhaps as great as the most famous of battles. In one, the glory of the victor is at stake; in the other, it is heaven."[/color]
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这是一部描写凄婉哀怨的爱情悲剧的优秀作品!     费利克斯是一个青年贵族,他爱上了有夫之妇莫瑟夫伯爵夫人!伯爵夫人的家庭生活极为不幸,她的丈夫性格暴躁,对她缺乏真正的爱!这样缺乏爱情的生活自然枯燥#平淡!费利克斯进入到莫瑟夫伯爵夫人的生活后,在她一潭死水的生活中掀起了波澜!     但是莫瑟夫伯爵夫人对丈夫却十分忠诚,她压抑着内心的痛苦,拒绝一种不道德的生活方式!     后来,费利克斯到达巴黎,在贵妇人迪特利的引诱之下,堕入爱河!莫瑟夫伯爵夫人得知这个消息,痛不欲生,她选择了死亡作为自己解除痛苦的办法,看成自己命运的结局!在她临终时,费利克斯来到她的身边,读到了她留下的信!这封信中她表露了她的真实情怀以及不得已的苦衷!     这部小说结合了当时的时代风云,我们从中可以读到百日政变《宫廷的演变》法国贵族的流亡等等情节,这是巴尔扎克驾轻就熟的技巧,正是通过这种背景,把这曲爱情悲歌演绎得如泣如诉#缠绵悱恻!这部小说可以称得上是巴尔扎克的代表作之一,是法国文学的宝贵遗产,也是世界文学史上一部不可多得的爱情小说!     本书的作者巴尔扎克,是十九世纪著名的法国文学家!代表作还有《欧也妮·葛朗台》、《高老头》等![/color]
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1. To Monsieur J. B. Nacquart, Member of the Royal Academy of Medicine. Dear Doctor--Here is one of the most carefully hewn stones in the second course of the foundation of a literary edifice which   I have slowly and laboriously constructed. I wish to inscribe   your name upon it, as much to thank the man whose science   once saved me as to honor the friend of my daily life.   De Balzac.   THE LILY OF THE VALLEY   ENVOI Felix de Vandenesse to Madame la Comtesse Natalie de Manerville:  I yield to your wishes. It is the privilege of the women whom we  love more than they love us to make the men who love them ignore the ordinary rules of common-sense. To smooth the frown upon their brow, to soften the pout upon their lips, what obstacles we miraculously overcome! We shed our blood, we risk our future!  You exact the history of my past life; here it is. But remember this, Natalie; in obeying you I crush under foot a reluctance  hitherto unconquerable. Why are you jealous of the sudden reveries  which overtake me in the midst of our happiness? Why show the pretty anger of a petted woman when silence grasps me? Could you not play upon the contradictions of my character without inquiring  into the causes of them? Are there secrets in your heart which seek absolution through a knowledge of mine? Ah! Natalie, you have  guessed mine; and it is better you should know the whole truth.  Yes, my life is shadowed by a phantom; a word evokes it; it hovers vaguely above me and about me; within my soul are solemn memories,  buried in its depths like those marine  productions seen in calmest  weather and which the storms of ocean cast in fragments on the shore.  The mental labor which the expression of ideas necessitates has revived the old, old feelings which give me so much pain when they come suddenly; and if in this confession of my past they break forth in a way that wounds you, remember that you threatened to  punish me if I did not obey your wishes, and do not, therefore,  punish my obedience. I would that this, my confidence, might  increase your love.Until we meet,Felix. 　献给王家医学科学院院士 　　　　　　　　　　　　J－B·纳卡尔①先生 　　①冉—巴蒂斯特·纳卡尔（1781—1854），著名医生，1815年开始同巴尔扎克家交往密切，对巴尔扎克来说，他既是忠实的医生，见解深刻的读者，又是多次慷慨解囊的朋友。 　　　　亲爱的博士，这是我长期勤奋建造的文学大厦第二层基的精雕细琢的 　　石头，我要在上面镌刻您的名字，既是为了感激曾经救过我性命的学者， 　　又是为了颁扬与我朝夕相处的朋友。 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　德·巴尔扎克 　　　　　　　　 致娜塔莉·德·玛奈维尔伯爵夫人的信 　　　　　　　　 　　　　我遵从你的意愿。如果我们爱一个女子胜过她爱我们，那她就有了特 　　权，能使我们事事把情理置于脑后。若不愿意看到你们皱一皱眉头，若想 　　拂去你们稍不如意便显露在朱唇上的怏怏神情，我们就必须奇迹般地跨越 　　间距，奉献我们的鲜血，断送我们的前程。现在，你要了解我的过去，它 　　全部在此。不过，娜塔莉，要知道，为了顺从你，我不得不践踏从未触动 　　过的一段不愿回顾的隐情。的确，我就是处在无比幸福之中，有时也会突 　　然沉入长时间的冥想，可你又何必生疑呢？作为受人爱恋的女子，对一阵 　　沉默何必娇嗔呢？你就不能赏玩我性格上的种种矛盾，而不追问其缘由吗？ 　　难道你心里也有隐衷要取得谅解，就要探询我的隐衷吗？是的，你猜得不 　　错，娜塔莉，也许最好全盘告诉你：对，我的生活是被一个幽灵所控制， 　　一有只言片语涉及，它就会依稀现形，而且，它还常常不召自来，在我的 　　头顶上晃动。往事如织，深深埋藏在我的心底，宛如海中生物，在风平浪 　　静时漂浮可见，一旦风暴袭来，就被波涛撕碎，抛上海滩。昔日的激情猝 　　然苏醒会使我万分痛苦；尽管为清理思想所需的努力使那种激情受到抑制， 　　但我在忏悔中仍可能因悲恸而伤害你，如果是这样，请你不要忘记，我是 　　被逼无奈而服从你的。总不能因为我顺从了你而怪罪我吧？但愿我这样交 　　心会使你的情意更浓。晚上见。

CHAPTER I TWO CHILDHOODS To what genius fed on tears shall we some day owe that most touching of all elegies,--the tale of tortures borne silently by souls whose tender roots find stony ground in the domestic soil, whose earliest buds are torn apart by rancorous hands, whose flowers are touched by frost at the moment of their blossoming? What poet will sing the sorrows of the child whose lips must suck a bitter breast, whose smiles are checked by the cruel fire of a stern eye? The tale that tells of such poor hearts, oppressed by beings placed about them to promote the development of their natures, would contain the true history of my childhood. What vanity could I have wounded,--I a child new-born? What moral or physical infirmity caused by mother's coldness? Was I the child of duty, whose birth is a mere chance, or was I one whose very life was a  reproach? Put to nurse in the country and forgotten by my family for over three years, I was treated with such indifference on my return to the parental roof that even the servants pitied me. I do not know to what feeling or happy accident I owed my rescue from this first neglect; as a child I was ignorant of it, as a man I have not discovered it. Far from easing my lot, my brother and my two sisters found amusement in making me suffer. The compact in virtue of which children hide each other's peccadilloes, and which early teaches them the principles of honor, was null and void in my case; more than that, I was often punished for my brother's faults, without being allowed to prove the injustice. The fawning spirit which seems instinctive in children taught my brother and sisters to join in the persecutions to which I was subjected, and thus keep in the good graces of a mother whom they feared as much as I. Was this partly the effect of a childish love of imitation; was it from a need of testing their powers; or was it simply through lack of pity? Perhaps these causes united to deprive me of the sweets of fraternal intercourse. Disinherited of all affection, I could love nothing; yet nature had made me loving. Is there an angel who garners the sighs of feeling hearts rebuffed incessantly? If in many such hearts the crushed feelings turn to hatred, in mine they condensed and hollowed a depth from which, in after years, they gushed forth upon my life. In many characters the habit of trembling relaxes the fibres and begets fear, and fear ends in submission; hence, a weakness  which emasculates a man, and makes him more or less a slave. But in my case these perpetual tortures led to the development of a certain strength, which increased through exercise and predisposed my spirit to the habit of moral resistance. Always in expectation of some new grief--as the martyrs expected some fresh blow--my whole being expressed, I doubt not, a sullen resignation which smothered the grace and gaiety of childhood, and gave me an appearance of idiocy which seemed to justify my mother's threatening prophecies. The certainty of injustice prematurely roused my pride--that fruit of reason--and thus, no doubt, checked the evil tendencies which an education like mine encouraged. Though my mother neglected me I was sometimes the object of her solicitude; she occasionally spoke of my education and seemed desirous of attending to it herself. Cold chills ran through me at such times when I thought of the torture a daily intercourse with her would inflict upon me. I blessed the neglect in which I lived, and rejoiced that I could stay alone in the garden and play with the pebbles and watch the insects and gaze into the blueness of the sky. Though my loneliness naturally led me to reverie, my liking for contemplation was first aroused by an incident which will give you an idea of my early troubles. So little notice was taken of me that the governess occasionally forgot to send me to bed. One evening I was peacefully crouching under a fig-tree, watching a star with that passion of curiosity which takes possession of a child's mind, and to  which my precocious melancholy gave a sort of sentimental intuition. My sisters were playing about and laughing; I heard their distant chatter like an accompaniment to my thoughts. After a while the noise ceased and darkness fell. My mother happened to notice my absence. To escape blame, our governess, a terrible Mademoiselle Caroline, worked upon my mother's fears,--told her I had a horror of my home and would long ago have run away if she had not watched me; that I was not stupid but sullen; and that in all her experience of children she had never known one of so bad a disposition as mine. She pretended to search for me. I answered as soon as I was called, and she came to the fig-tree, where she very well knew I was. "What are you doing there?" she asked. "Watching a star." "You were not watching a star," said my mother, who was listening on her balcony; "children of your age know nothing of astronomy." "Ah, madame," cried Mademoiselle Caroline, "he has opened the faucet of the reservoir; the garden is inundated!" Then there was a general excitement. The fact was that my sisters had amused themselves by turning the cock to see the water flow, but a sudden spurt wet them all over and frightened them so much that they ran away without closing it. Accused and convicted of this piece of mischief and told that I lied when I denied it, I was severely punished. Worse than all, I was jeered at for my pretended love of the stars and forbidden to stay in the garden after dark. Such tyrannical restrains intensify a passion in the hearts of children  even more than in those of men; children think of nothing but the forbidden thing, which then becomes irresistibly attractive to them. I was often whipped for my star. Unable to confide in my kind, I told it all my troubles in that delicious inward prattle with which we stammer our first ideas, just as once we stammered our first words. At twelve years of age, long after I was at school, I still watched that star with indescribable delight,--so deep and lasting are the impressions we receive in the dawn of life.   My brother Charles, five years older than I and as handsome a boy as he now is a man, was the favorite of my father, the idol of my mother, and consequently the sovereign of the house. He was robust and well- made, and had a tutor. I, puny and even sickly, was sent at five years of age as day pupil to a school in the town; taken in the morning and brought back at night by my father's valet. I was sent with a scanty lunch, while my school-fellows brought plenty of good food. This trifling contrast between my privations and their prosperity made me suffer deeply. The famous potted pork prepared at Tours and called "rillettes" and "rillons" was the chief feature of their mid-day meal, between the early breakfast and the parent's dinner, which was ready when we returned from school. This preparation of meat, much prized by certain gourmands, is seldom seen at Tours on aristocratic tables; if I had ever heard of it before I went to school, I certainly had never had the  happiness of seeing that brown mess spread on slices of bread and butter. Nevertheless, my desire for those "rillons" was so great that it grew to be a fixed idea, like the longing of an elegant Parisian duchess for the stews cooked by a porter's wife,--longings which, being a woman, she found means to satisfy. Children guess each other's covetousness, just as you are able to read a man's love, by the look in the eyes; consequently I became an admirable butt for ridicule. My comrades, nearly all belonging to the lower bourgeoisie, would show me their "rillons" and ask if I knew how they were made and where they were sold, and why it was that I never had any. They licked their lips as they talked of them--scraps of pork pressed in their own fat and looking like cooked truffles; they inspected my lunch-basket, and finding nothing better than Olivet cheese or dried fruits, they plagued me with questions: "Is that all you have? have you really nothing else?"--speeches which made me realize the difference between my brother and myself. This contrast between my own abandonment and the happiness of others nipped the roses of my childhood and blighted my budding youth. The first time that I, mistaking my comrades' actions for generosity, put forth my hand to take the dainty I had so long coveted and which was now hypocritically held out to me, my tormentor pulled back his slice to the great delight of his comrades who were expecting that result. If noble and distinguished minds are, as we often find them, capable of vanity, can  we blame the child who weeps when despised and jeered at? Under such a trial many boys would have turned into gluttons and cringing beggars. I fought to escape my persecutors. The courage of despair made me formidable; but I was hated, and thus had no protection against treachery. One evening as I left school I was struck in the back by a handful of small stones tied in a handkerchief. When the valet, who punished the perpetrator, told this to my mother she exclaimed: "That dreadful child! he will always be a torment to us." Finding that I inspired in my schoolmates the same repulsion that was felt for me by my family, I sank into a horrible distrust of myself. A second fall of snow checked the seeds that were germinating in my soul. The boys whom I most liked were notorious scamps; this fact roused my pride and I held aloof. Again I was shut up within myself and had no vent for the feelings with which my heart was full. The master of the school, observing that I was gloomy, disliked by my comrades, and always alone, confirmed the family verdict as to my sulky temper. As soon as I could read and write, my mother transferred me to Pont-le-Voy, a school in charge of Oratorians who took boys of my age into a form called the "class of the Latin steps" where dull lads with torpid brains were apt to linger. 用泪水滋养的何等才情，有朝一日能为我们唱出感泣鬼神的哀歌，描绘出幼小心灵默默忍受的苦痛？这些心灵的细弱根蘖扎在家庭的土壤中，碰到的尽是坚硬的卵石，刚长的嫩校就被仇恨的手折断，正在开放的花朵遭受寒霜的侵袭。童稚的嘴唇吮吸苦涩的奶汁，笑脸被凶焰一般严厉的目光扼杀。孩提的这些苦楚，哪个诗人能向我们诉说？这些可怜的心灵遭受周围人的摧残，而那些人安排在孩子周围本来是为了培养他们的情感。如果有一部描写这种事情的小说，那么它就是我青少年的真实写照。我，一个刚刚出世的婴儿，能损伤谁的虚荣心呢？我生来身心有什么缺陷，母亲对我竟如此冷淡？难道我是义务的产儿？难道我的出生是一件意外的事？难道我这小生命构成我母亲的内疚？我被送到乡下哺养，足足三年家里无人过问。等我回到家中，家人视我若无，连仆役见此情景都心生怜悯。我既没有感情，也没有良机，无法从幼年失宠中振作起来：我童稚时无知，成年后也不谙世事。我哥哥同两位姐姐非但不给我一点慰藉，反而以折磨我为乐事。孩童们已经懂得要脸面，相互间有一种默契，隐瞒小过失，而这种默契对我却不适用。更有甚者，哥哥做了错事，我常常代他受罚，还不能呜冤叫屈。我的哥哥姐姐同样惧怕母亲，为了讨她欢心，他们就从旁助威，争着欺负我。这是儿童身上萌生的馅媚心理作怪呢，还是他们有摹仿的本能？是要试用他们的力量呢，还是缺乏怜悯心？也许这几种因素凑在一起，使我失去了手足之情。一切温情都与我无缘，天生就我一颗爱人之心，却爱无所施！这颗敏感的心灵不断遭到蹂躏，大使会听到它的叹息吗？如果说在某些人的心灵里，受压抑的感情会转化为仇恨；而我的感情却凝聚郁积，在心底深挖一个栖止的巢穴，等待在我日后的生途中迸发出来。从性格上讲，战战兢兢的习惯，使心弦松弛，酿成畏惧心理，事事退让，从而产生懦怯性。这种懦怯使人退化，并使人沾染上难以名状的奴性。然而，不断的折磨倒使我经受了锻炼，增强了毅力，使我的心灵富于韧性。犹如等待新打击的受难者，我时刻准备忍受新的痛苦，因而显得唯唯诺诺，完全像个受气包。儿童处于这种精神状态，天真烂漫的举动就被扼杀了；我看上去像个呆痴儿，这便证实了我母亲的不祥预言。我深知这是不公正的，于是幼小的心灵激起自豪感；无疑正是这一理性果实，煞住了这种教育助长的不良倾向。我母亲虽然撇下我不管，可良心上又不安，有时谈起我的教育，表示她要亲自安排。一想到天天和她接触，不知要受多少罪，我就不寒而栗。无人过问倒是我的福气，我乐于待在花园里玩石子，观察昆虫，仰望碧蓝的苍穹。人一孤独，固然好遐想，不过，我喜欢沉思却另有一段情由，而那个意外事件足以向您描述我幼年的不幸。我在家里是那么无足轻重，以致保姆经常忘记安置我睡觉。一天晚上，我静静地蜷曲在一棵无花果树下，怀着儿童所特有的强烈好奇心，以及早熟的忧郁所引起的一种通感，凝望着一颗星。我姐姐在远处嬉戏；在我听来，她们的喧闹声仿佛是我思绪的伴奏。夜幕降临，四周沉寂下来。母亲仍然发现我不在屋里。我们的保姆卡罗琳娜小姐很凶，她既要逃避责怪，又为我母亲假惺惺的担忧找根据，硬说我讨厌家，若不是她盯得紧，我早就逃走了，还说其实我不傻不呆，心里有鬼主意，她看管过多少孩子，从来没见过像我这样乖癖的。她明明知道我在哪儿，却装模作样地找我，呼唤我。我答应了，她来到无花果树下，问道：“你在这儿干什么呢？”“看一颗星星。”“哪里是看什么星星，”我母亲在阳台上听见我们的话，便说道，“你小小年龄，懂得天文学吗？”“哎呀！夫人，”卡罗琳娜嚷起来，“他把贮水池的开关打开了，花园淹了水。”这下子可闹翻了天。其实，是我姐姐觉得好玩，打开龙头看流水，不料水猛地喷出来，浇了她们一身；她们慌了手脚，没有关上龙头就跑掉了。这场恶作剧，谁都认准是我干的；我母亲见我矢口否认，就斥责我说谎，给了我严厉的惩罚。但更可怕的惩罚是，我喜爱星星遭到大家的嘲笑，而且我母亲不准我晚上待在花园里。粗暴禁止会加剧人的渴望，这一点儿童比成年人表现得更为突出，因为儿童能一心想着禁物，觉得禁物有不可抗拒的吸引力。因此，我时常为我那颗星星挨打。我的忧伤不能向任何人诉说，只能以美妙的心声对我的星星倾吐，这是孩子结结巴巴表达的最初思想，犹如他从前咿呀学语。十二岁人中学之后，我仰望那颗星，仍然感到无法言传的酣美，因为生命之晨所得的印象在心田留下的痕迹实在太深了。 　　夏尔比我大五岁，他小时候可爱，长大了英俊，是父亲的宠儿。母亲的宝贝、整个家庭的希望，在家里自然成为至高无上的君主。他身材匀称，体格健壮，却有个家庭教师。我身材瘦小，体质孱弱，反倒五岁就进城里学校念书，由我父亲的贴身仆人早晚接送。我上学带的饭食很简单，同学们带的食品却很丰富。我的寒酸同他们的阔气形成了鲜明的对照，令我痛苦万分。图尔的熟肉酱和油渣很有名，是学生午餐的主要食物。放学正赶上吃晚饭，因此，早晚我们都在家里用餐。那种熟肉酱，贪食的人特别喜欢，可是在图尔贵族人家的餐桌上却难得见到。进学堂之前，我固然听说过，但我从来没有福气看到给我的面包片抹上这种褐色肉酱。即使这不是同学们常吃的食物，我也照样渴望享享口福；因为，这已经成为一种固定的念头，就好比巴黎一位最风流的公爵夫人眼馋女门房的炖肉，出于女人的本性，非要得到满足不可。孩子们能从目光中看出贪嘴的欲望，正如您能从眼神中辨出爱慕之情，因而我成为他们绝妙的嘲弄对象。我的同学几乎都是市民家庭的孩子，他们把香喷喷的肉酱举到我的眼前，问我是否知道这是怎么做的，哪里有卖的，为什么我没有。他们咂着嘴，夸耀像炸块菰一样的油渣。他们查看我的饭篮，见里边只有奥利维①奶酪或干果，就说：“没什么好吃的？”一句话刺透我的心，使我看清了我和哥哥之间的天壤之别。别人那么幸福，我却被家里遗弃，这种鲜明的对比玷污了我童年的玫瑰，摧残了我青春的绿枝。有个同学见我十分眼馋，存心戏弄我，假惺惺地把抹了肉酱的面包递给我；我误以为他出于诚意，便伸手去接，不料他又把手抽回去，知情的同学哄堂大笑。这是我第一次上当。如果说最杰出的人尚有几分虚荣心，那么为什么就不能体谅一个孩子被歧视嘲弄而哭泣呢？这种引诱，会使多少孩子变得贪吃，低三下四乃至卑怯啊！为了免遭人欺侮，我就动起手来。我这一拼命，使他们明白我不好惹，但也引起他们的仇视，对他们的暗算我防不胜防。一天傍晚出校门，我背上挨了一包石子。仆人狠狠地替我出了气，回去把这事禀报了我母亲。我母亲一听就嚷道：“这个该死的孩子，就会给家里惹麻烦！”如同在家里一样，我在学校也惹人讨厌，不禁对自己产生极大的怀疑；如同在家里一样，我在学校也郁郁独处。这第二场寒雪，又推迟了我心灵幼苗的发育。受宠的孩子都是淘气精，我的孤傲就是基于这种观察。因此，郁积在我可怜的心中的感情依然无法倾诉。老师见我终日神色怏怏，独来独往，被人憎恶，便肯定了我家庭的错误怀疑，认为我性情乖癣。等我能看书写字了，母亲就让我转入勒瓦桥中学。那所学校是奥拉托利会②办的，设有免修拉丁文班，招收我那种年龄的儿童和低能儿。

3. There I remained eight years without seeing my family; living the life of a pariah,--partly for the following reason. I received but three  francs a month pocket-money, a sum barely sufficient to buy the pens, ink, paper, knives, and rules which we were forced to supply ourselves. Unable to buy stilts or skipping-ropes, or any of the things that were used in the playground, I was driven out of the games; to gain admission on suffrage I should have had to toady the rich and flatter the strong of my division. My heart rose against either of these meannesses, which, however, most children readily employ. I lived under a tree, lost in dejected thought, or reading the books distributed to us monthly by the librarian. How many griefs were in the shadow of that solitude; what genuine anguish filled my neglected life! Imagine what my sore heart felt when, at the first distribution of prizes,--of which I obtained the two most valued, namely, for theme and for translation,--neither my father nor my mother was present in the theatre when I came forward to receive the awards amid general acclamations, although the building was filled with the relatives of all my comrades. Instead of kissing the distributor, according to custom, I burst into tears and threw myself on his breast. That night I burned my crowns in the stove. The parents of the other boys were in town for a whole week preceding the distribution of the prizes, and my comrades departed joyfully the next day; while I, whose father and mother were only a few miles distant, remained at the school with the "outremers,"--a name given to scholars whose families were in the colonies or in foreign countries.   You will notice throughout how my unhappiness increased in proportion as the social spheres on which I entered widened. God knows what efforts I made to weaken the decree which condemned me to live within myself! What hopes, long cherished with eagerness of soul, were doomed to perish in a day! To persuade my parents to come and see me, I wrote them letters full of feeling, too emphatically worded, it may be; but surely such letters ought not to have drawn upon me my mother's reprimand, coupled with ironical reproaches for my style. Not discouraged even then, I implored the help of my sisters, to whom I always wrote on their birthdays and fete-days with the persistence of a neglected child; but it was all in vain. As the day for the distribution of prizes approached I redoubled my entreaties, and told of my expected triumphs. Misled by my parents' silence, I expected them with a beating heart. I told my schoolfellows they were coming; and then, when the old porter's step sounded in the corridors as he called my happy comrades one by one to receive their friends, I was sick with expectation. Never did that old man call my name! One day, when I accused myself to my confessor of having cursed my life, he pointed to the skies, where grew, he said, the promised palm for the "Beati qui lugent" of the Saviour. From the period of my first communion I flung myself into the mysterious depths of prayer, attracted to religious ideas whose moral fairyland so fascinates young spirits.  Burning with ardent faith, I prayed to God to renew in my behalf the miracles I had read of in martyrology. At five years of age I fled to my star; at twelve I took refuge in the sanctuary. My ecstasy brought dreams unspeakable, which fed my imagination, fostered my susceptibilities, and strengthened my thinking powers. I have often attributed those sublime visions to the guardian angel charged with moulding my spirit to its divine destiny; they endowed my soul with the faculty of seeing the inner soul of things; they prepared my heart for the magic craft which makes a man a poet when the fatal power is his to compare what he feels within him with reality,--the great things aimed for with the small things gained. Those visions wrote upon my brain a book in which I read that which I must voice; they laid upon my lips the coal of utterance. 我在那里学习了八年，举目无亲，过着印度贱民一样的生活。下面讲讲何以至此。我每月零用钱只有三法郎，刚够买学习必备的笔墨纸张、小刀尺子，根本买不起游艺用品，如高跷乐器等。同学们游戏没有我的份儿。要想参加，我就得讨好同年级的富家子弟，或者巴结身强力壮的同学。低三下四，这对孩子不算一回事；然而，我稍微有一点这种举动，就会感到耳热心跳。我常常待在树下，冥思遐想，自嗟自怜，或者阅读图书管理员每月分发的图书。在这种形影相吊的孤寂中，隐藏着多少痛苦啊！弃儿的境况又酿出何等凄惶的心情！我获得了最受重视的两门学科奖：法语译拉丁语、拉丁语译法语。想像一下，我第一次参加颁发学年奖大会，幼小的心灵是多么激动啊！台下坐满了家长，而我父母谁也没有来向我祝贺。在欢呼和鼓乐声中，我上台领奖，没有按照惯例亲吻发奖人，而是扑到他的怀中痛哭起来。当天晚上，我把花冠投进火炉里烧掉。发奖的前一周用来评奖，家长们都待在城里，因此，同学们一早都兴高采烈地离校，只剩下我和“海外生”——这是我们给家住在海岛或外国的同学起的称号；然而，我家就住在几法里远的地方。在做晚祷的时候，那些坏小子向我们大肆炫耀随同父母用的美餐。您会处处发现，我在人世涉足渐深，不幸也不断地增加。我做出多少努力，以摆脱与世隔绝的命运啊！怀着无限向往而长久酝酿的多少希冀，却毁于一旦！为请父母到校参加授奖仪式，我给他们写过几封充满感情的信。信虽说不免有些夸张，但何以招致母亲对我的责难、对我文笔的挖苦呢？我仍不气馁，保证满足我父母提出的来校条件。我还央求两个姐姐从旁说情，可是徒劳无益；而每逢她们的圣名瞻礼日和生日，我却像可怜的弃儿一样准时写信祝贺，从不疏忽。授奖日期临近，我催促父母，说我可望得奖。不见他们回音，我便产生了错觉，以为他们一定会来，不禁满心欢喜，翘首以待，并把这消息告诉给同学。家长们陆续到校的那段时间，老校工来传呼学生，脚步声在校园里回荡，我的心扑腾得几近病态；那老人一次也没有呼唤我的名字。在我忏悔诅咒过人生的那天，我的忏悔师指天对我说，主有圣训：“Beati qui lugent③！”这保佑了棕榈盛开。宗教思想奇幻的精神境界，很容易迷住青年；我初领圣体时，就完全沉浸在高深莫测的祈祷中。我受热忱信念的推动，祈求上帝为我重现我在《殉道圣徒录》中看到的令人神往的奇迹。五岁时，我的心便飞到一颗星上；到了十二岁，我去叩圣殿大门。我心醉神迷，产生了难以描摹的幻觉，从而丰富了我的想像力，充实了我的情感，增强了我的思维能力。我常常把我看到的神奇的幻象归功于天使：正是天使陶冶我的灵魂，使之担负天降的大任，赋予我洞烛事物幽微的观察力，锤炼我的心，使之免中魔法；而诗人一旦有了可悲的能力，能对比感受与现实，对比索求的巨大与所得的微小，便会中魔而陷入不幸；天使在我的脑海里著了一部书，让我从中读到我应当表达的思想，还把放在先知嘴唇上的火炭放在我的双唇上④。 　　①奥利维，法国奥尔良省南部的小镇，以出产优质奶酪著称。 　　②奥拉托利会，由圣菲力浦·奈里于1575年在罗马创建的天主教士会。1611年，法国主教皮尔·德·贝吕尔效法意大利奥拉托利会，创建了法国奥拉托利会。 　　③拉丁文，哀恸的人有福了，因为他们必得安慰。见《新约·马太福音》第五章：山上训众。 　　④典出《旧约·以赛亚书》第六章，以赛亚成为先知之前，一个天使用夹子从祭坛上夹一块火红的炭，放到他的嘴唇上，说道：“这炭沾了你的嘴，你的罪孽便除掉，你的罪恶就赦免了。”

4. My father having conceived some doubts as to the tendency of the Oratorian teachings, took me from Pont-le-Voy, and sent me to Paris to an institution in the Marais. I was then fifteen. When examined as to my capacity, I, who was in the rhetoric class at Pont-le-Voy, was pronounced worthy of the third class. The sufferings I had endured in my family and in school were continued under another form during my stay at the Lepitre Academy. My father gave me no money; I was to be fed, clothed, and stuffed with Latin and Greek, for a sum agreed on. During my school life I came in contact with over a thousand comrades; but I never met with such an instance of neglect and indifference as mine. Monsieur  Lepitre, who was fanatically attached to the Bourbons, had had relations with my father at the time when all devoted royalists were endeavoring to bring about the escape of Marie Antoinette from the Temple. They had lately renewed acquaintance; and Monsieur Lepitre thought himself obliged to repair my father's oversight, and to give me a small sum monthly. But not being authorized to do so, the amount was small indeed. The Lepitre establishment was in the old Joyeuse mansion where, as in all seignorial houses, there was a porter's lodge. During a recess, which preceded the hour when the man-of-all-work took us to the Charlemagne Lyceum, the well-to-do pupils used to breakfast with the porter, named Doisy. Monsieur Lepitre was either ignorant of the fact or he connived at this arrangement with Doisy, a regular smuggler whom it was the pupils' interest to protect,--he being the secret guardian of their pranks, the safe confidant of their late returns and their intermediary for obtaining forbidden books. Breakfast on a cup of "cafe-au-lait" is an aristocratic habit, explained by the high prices to which colonial products rose under Napoleon. If the use of sugar and coffee was a luxury to our parents, with us it was the sign of self-conscious superiority. Doisy gave credit, for he reckoned on the sisters and aunts of the pupils, who made it a point of honor to pay their debts. I resisted the blandishments of his place for a long time. If my judges knew the strength of its seduction, the heroic efforts I made after stoicism, the repressed desires of my long resistance,  they would pardon my final overthrow. But, child as I was, could I have the grandeur of soul that scorns the scorn of others? Moreover, I may have felt the promptings of several social vices whose power was increased by my longings. 　我父亲对奥拉托利会学校的教学水平有所怀疑，便从勒瓦桥把我接走，送进巴黎沼泽区的一所私立中学。那时我十五岁，经过考核，校方认为，我这个从勒瓦桥来的修辞班学生可以上三年级。我在勒皮特寄宿学校①学习期间，又尝到了我在家庭、小学校、教会学校所忍受的痛苦，只不过形式有所变化。我父亲根本不给我钱。父母知道我在学校可得到衣食，脑袋里能塞满拉丁文希腊文，就认为问题全部解决了。我在这所学校里先后认识了上千名同学，却没有看到一个家庭对孩子如此漠不关心的例子。勒皮特先生狂热地拥护波旁王朝，早在忠诚的保皇党人力图把玛丽一安东奈特王后从神庙救走的那个时期，他就同我父亲有过交往，后来双方又恢复了联系。他觉得有责任弥补我父亲的疏忽，但不了解我父母的意图，每月给我的钱也少得可怜。校舍早先是“快乐”公馆，同所有旧贵族府邸一样，前面设有门房。鬼学监带我们去查理曼大帝中学之前，有一段休息时间，阔气的同学就到校工家去用茶点。校工叫杜瓦西，是个地地道道的走私犯；对他的生意，勒皮特可能不知道，也可能默许。学生从切身利益出发，也都极力巴结他，因为他是我们违反校规的秘密保护伞，是我们超时返校的知情人，又是同禁书出租商联系的中间人。在拿破仑统治时期，殖民地食品价格上涨，十分昂贵，因此，用茶点时喝一杯牛奶咖啡，便有一种贵族派头。如果说在家长的餐桌上糖和咖啡成为高级食品，那么我们中间有人食用，就会产生优越感。少年贪嘴，好摹仿，容易赶时髦，即使这些因素还不够，单单优越感也足以激起我们强烈的愿望。杜瓦西同意赊账，他估计我们都有姐姐、姑姑、姨母，她们会代为偿付，以便维护我们的名誉。在很长一段时间，我抵制了那个酒吧的诱惑。如果评断我行为的人了解诱惑的力量，了解我的心灵对禁欲主义的毅然向往，了解我长期克己而压抑的怒火，他们就会擦拭我的眼泪，而不是惹我伤心哭泣。我毕竟还是个孩子，哪有那种博大的胸怀，以蔑视回敬别人的蔑视呢？再说，我感到自己可能已染上好几种社会恶习，这些恶习由于我可望不可即而来势更凶，

5. About the end of the second year my father and mother came to Paris. My brother had written me the day of their arrival. He lived in Paris, but had never been to see me. My sisters, he said, were of the party; we were all to see Paris together. The first day we were to dine in the Palais-Royal, so as to be near the Theatre-Francais. In spite of the intoxication such a programme of unhoped-for delights excited, my joy was dampened by the wind of a coming storm, which those who are used to unhappiness apprehend instinctively. I was forced to own a debt of a hundred francs to the Sieur Doisy, who threatened to ask my parents himself for the money. I bethought me of making my brother the emissary of Doisy, the mouth-piece of my repentance and the mediator of pardon. My father inclined to forgiveness, but my mother was pitiless; her dark blue eye froze me; she fulminated cruel prophecies: "What should I be later if at seventeen years of age I committed such follies? Was I really a son of hers? Did I mean to ruin my family? Did I think myself the only child of the house? My brother Charles's career, already begun, required large outlay, amply deserved by his conduct which did honor to the family, while mine would always disgrace it. Did I know nothing of the value of  money, and what I cost them? Of what use were coffee and sugar to my education? Such conduct was the first step into all the vices." After enduring the shock of this torrent which rasped my soul, I was sent back to school in charge of my brother. I lost the dinner at the Freres Provencaux, and was deprived of seeing Talma in Britannicus. Such was my first interview with my mother after a separation of twelve years. When I had finished school my father left me under the guardianship of Monsieur Lepitre. I was to study the higher mathematics, follow a course of law for one year, and begin philosophy. Allowed to study in my own room and released from the classes, I expected a truce with trouble. But, in spite of my nineteen years, perhaps because of them, my father persisted in the system which had sent me to school without food, to an academy without pocket-money, and had driven me into debt to Doisy. Very little money was allowed to me, and what can you do in Paris without money? Moreover, my freedom was carefully chained up. Monsieur Lepitre sent me to the law school accompanied by a man-of- all-work who handed me over to the professor and fetched me home again. A young girl would have been treated with less precaution than my mother's fears insisted on for me. Paris alarmed my parents, and justly. Students are secretly engaged in the same occupation which fills the minds of young ladies in their boarding-schools. Do what you will, nothing can prevent the latter from talking of lovers, or the former of  women. But in Paris, and especially at this particular time, such talk among young lads was influenced by the oriental and sultanic atmosphere and customs of the Palais-Royal. The Palais-Royal was an Eldorado of love where the ingots melted away in coin; there virgin doubts were over; there curiosity was appeased. The Palais-Royal and I were two asymptotes bearing one towards the other, yet unable to meet. Fate miscarried all my attempts. My father had presented me to one of my aunts who lived in the Ile St. Louis. With her I was to dine on Sundays and Thursdays, escorted to the house by either Monsieur or Madame Lepitre, who went out themselves on those days and were to call for me on their way home. Singular amusement for a young lad! My aunt, the Marquise de Listomere, was a great lady, of ceremonious habits, who would never have dreamed of offering me money. Old as a cathedral, painted like a miniature, sumptuous in dress, she lived in her great house as though Louis XV. were not dead, and saw none but old women and men of a past day,--a fossil society which made me think I was in a graveyard. No one spoke to me and I had not the courage to speak first. Cold and alien looks made me ashamed of my youth, which seemed to annoy them. I counted on this indifference to aid me in certain plans; I was resolved to escape some day directly after dinner and rush to the Palais-Royal. Once seated at whist my aunt would pay no attention to me. Jean, the footman, cared little for Monsieur  Lepitre and would have aided me; but on the day I chose for my adventure that luckless dinner was longer than usual,--either because the jaws employed were worn out or the false teeth more imperfect. At last, between eight and nine o'clock, I reached the staircase, my heart beating like that of Bianca Capello on the day of her flight; but when the porter pulled the cord I beheld in the street before me Monsieur Lepitre's hackney-coach, and I heard his pursy voice demanding me!   Three times did fate interpose between the hell of the Palais-Royal and the heaven of my youth. On the day when I, ashamed at twenty years of age of my own ignorance, determined to risk all dangers to put an end to it, at the very moment when I was about to run away from Monsieur Lepitre as he got into the coach,--a difficult process, for he was as fat as Louis XVIII. and club-footed,--well, can you believe it, my mother arrived in a post-chaise! Her glance arrested me; I stood still, like a bird before a snake. What fate had brought her there? The simplest thing in the world. Napoleon was then making his last efforts. My father, who foresaw the return of the Bourbons, had come to Paris with my mother to advise my brother, who was employed in the imperial diplomatic service. My mother was to take me back with her, out of the way of dangers which seemed, to those who followed the march of events intelligently, to threaten the capital. In a few minutes, as it were, I was taken out of Paris, at the very moment when my life there was about to become fatal to me.   The tortures of imagination excited by repressed desires, the weariness of a life depressed by constant privations had driven me to study, just as men, weary of fate, confine themselves in a cloister. To me, study had become a passion, which might even be fatal to my health by imprisoning me at a period of life when young men ought to yield to the bewitching activities of their springtide youth. This slight sketch of my boyhood, in which you, Natalie, can readily perceive innumerable songs of woe, was needful to explain to you its influence on my future life. At twenty years of age, and affected by many morbid elements, I was still small and thin and pale. My soul, filled with the will to do, struggled with a body that seemed weakly, but which, in the words of an old physician at Tours, was undergoing its final fusion into a temperament of iron. Child in body and old in mind, I had read and thought so much that I knew life metaphysically at its highest reaches at the moment when I was about to enter the tortuous difficulties of its defiles and the sandy roads of its plains. A strange chance had held me long in that delightful period when the soul awakes to its first tumults, to its desires for joy, and the savor of life is fresh. I stood in the period between puberty and manhood,--the one prolonged by my excessive study, the other tardily developing its living shoots. No young man was ever more thoroughly prepared to feel and to love. To understand my history, let your mind dwell on that pure time of youth when the mouth is  innocent of falsehood; when the glance of the eye is honest, though veiled by lids which droop from timidity contradicting desire; when the soul bends not to worldly Jesuitism, and the heart throbs as violently from trepidation as from the generous impulses of young emotion. I need say nothing of the journey I made with my mother from Paris to Tours. The coldness of her behavior repressed me. At each relay I tried to speak; but a look, a word from her frightened away the speeches I had been meditating. At Orleans, where we had passed the night, my mother complained of my silence. I threw myself at her feet and clasped her knees; with tears I opened my heart. I tried to touch hers by the eloquence of my hungry love in accents that might have moved a stepmother. She replied that I was playing comedy. I complained that she had abandoned me. She called me an unnatural child. My whole nature was so wrung that at Blois I went upon the bridge to drown myself in the Loire. The height of the parapet prevented my suicide. 第二学年末，我父母来到巴黎。他们到达的日期还是我哥哥告诉我的；他就住在巴黎，却一次也没有来看我。姐姐们也一道旅行，我们全家要一起逛逛巴黎。头一天，我们计划到王宫饭店吃饭，然后就近去法兰西剧院。虽然这种意想不到的娱乐日程令我陶醉，但是风雨欲来的情势又迅即使我兴味索然；久经苦难的人，情绪特别容易受影响。我欠杜瓦西先生一百法郎，必须向父母申报，因为他威胁说要亲自向他们讨账。我打算让哥哥替杜瓦西传话，并让他在父母面前替我求情，转达我的痛悔。父亲有意宽恕我，可母亲一点也不容情；她那深蓝色眼珠一瞪，把我吓呆了。一连串可怕的咒语从她嘴里吐出来：我才十七岁，就这样胡闹，将来会变成什么样子？我真是她儿子吗？我要把家毁了吗？难道家里只有我一个人吗？我哥哥夏尔品行端正，为门庭增光，而我却要败坏家声；他已经有了职业，不是该独自掌握一份财产吗？我两个姐姐日后结婚，没有嫁妆能行吗？难道我不知道金钱的价值，不知道我生活的糜费吗？白糖和咖啡，对学习有什么好处呢？这样下去，不就要沾染上所有恶习吗？同我一比，马拉②也成了天使了。这一通潮水般的责骂，使我的心灵恐惧万分。挨完训斥，我就被哥哥送回学校，丧失了到普罗旺斯兄弟开的饭店用餐的口福，也丧失了观看塔尔玛演出《布里塔尼居斯》③的眼福。这就是睽违十二载，我同母亲见面的情景。 　　①即法国人勒皮特（1764—1821）在沼泽区圣路易街创办的一所私立中学。 　　②冉—保尔·马拉（1743—1793），法国1789年资产阶级大革命时期的群众领袖，被称为“人民之友”，贵族自然对他恨之入骨，视为魔鬼。 　　③法国古典主义代表作家拉辛的名剧。 　　等我修完了人文学科，父亲把我置于勒皮特先生的监护之下：我要学习高等数学，上法学院一年级的课程，开始接受高等教育。我住进公寓，摆脱了课堂的束缚，满以为能暂时告别穷困。哪料到尽管我十九岁，或许正因为我十九岁，我父亲还是照老章程办事：送我上小学不给带像样的饭食，送我上中学不给零用钱，逼得我向杜瓦西赊账；上了大学，给我的钱还是少得可怜。在巴黎这样的地方，没有钱能干什么呢？再说，我的自由也受到巧妙的束缚。勒皮特先生派一名鬼学监送我上法学院，把我交给教师，课后再接回去。我母亲怕我出事，想出种种防范措施，就是保护一名闺秀也不至于如此。巴黎这个世界，理所当然令我父母担心。男生的心事，同样是住宿女生的情思。怎么管也管不住，女生口不离情郎，男生话不离淑女。然而，那时候在巴黎，同学间的聊天，主要是以王宫饭店为话题，说它是爱情的埃尔多拉多①，酷似东方苏丹的宫苑。那里的晚上，金币哗哗流淌；在那里，最纯贞的顾忌也会荡然无存；在那里，我们强烈的好奇心可以得到满足。王宫饭店和我犹如两条渐近线，只能接近而不能相交。请看，命运是如何挫败我的图谋的。父亲曾把我介绍给我的一位老舅母，她住在圣路易岛；每星期四和星期日，我必到她府上吃饭。这也是勒皮特夫妇出门的日子，不是先生就是太太把我送去，晚上回家顺路再接走。多奇特的消遣啊！德·利斯托迈尔侯爵夫人身份高贵，拘泥虚礼，从未想到给我一文钱。她老态龙钟像座古教堂，浓妆艳抹犹如画中人，身着锦绣华服，深居侯府，就仿佛路易十五依然在世。她只接待老贵妇。老贵族；在这些僵尸中间，我真有身临墓地的感觉。他们谁也不同我讲话，我也没有勇气先开口。我的青春似乎妨碍他们，那种敌视或冷淡的目光令我惭愧。不过，我觉得这种漠不关心倒是可乘之机，心里盘算哪天晚餐一结束，便溜出去，跑到木廊商场。我姑母一打上惠斯特牌，就不再注意我了。那个名叫冉的跟班也并不把勒皮特先生放在心上。然而事与愿违，这帮老朽腮帮乏力，牙口不齐，倒霉的宴席久久不散。一天晚上八九点钟，我总算跑到楼梯，只觉得心怦怦直跳，真像比昂卡·卡佩洛②逃跑那天的情景。可是，等门房给我打开门，我却看见勒皮特先生的马车停在街上，老先生气喘吁吁地叫我。也是命该如此，三次都有意外情况阻隔王宫饭店的地狱和我青春的天堂之间的道路。二十岁的人，还一无所知，我深感愧作，有一天把心一横，不管有多大风险也要去见见世面。勒皮特先生身体肥胖，又是畸型足，颇像路易十八，上车十分吃力，于是我趁机甩掉他。真巧！就在这当儿，我母亲乘驿车来到了。在她的逼视下，我停下脚步，不敢动弹，犹如小鸟见到蛇一般。怎么这样巧，偏偏撞上她呢？说来毫不足怪。其时，拿破仑正进行最后的挣扎。我父亲预见到波旁王室要复国，便携我母亲离开图尔，到巴黎来开导我那个已经在帝国外交部任职的哥哥。机灵的人都密切注视敌军的推进，看出京城已危如累卵。我母亲这次来，就是要接我离开险境。我在巴黎正要失足的时候，顷刻之间就被带走了。长期以来生活拮据，只好克制欲念，可又断不了胡思乱想，精神不免痛苦，终日愁闷不解，于是潜心学习，犹如从前幽居在修道院里的厌世之人。青年应当发扬青春的天性，投身到赏心乐事中。然而在那个时期，我读书成癣，自身幽禁，这可能对我终生都有影响。 　　①埃尔多拉多，西班牙语为“黄金国”，位于南美洲，是虚构的地方。王宫饭店在法国大革命时期、帝国时期和波旁王朝复辟初期，是娟妓麇集的地方，故而巴尔扎克这样描述。 　　②比昂卡·卡佩洛（1542—1587），威尼斯贵族出身的妇女，十五岁跟她情人皮埃特罗·波纳旺图里私奔到佛罗伦萨。 　　要说明那个时期对我未来的影响，描写几笔我的青少年时期是不可或缺的；您必能体会出其中的无限哀怨。由于受导致病态的种种因素的影响，我过了二十岁，依旧身材矮小，面黄肌瘦，不过心灵却坚韧不拔。按图尔的一位老医生的话说，我的身体貌似羸弱，但融进了钢铁般的气质，而这种融合已臻完成。我博览群书，勤于思索，保持童稚的身躯，却有老成的思想；因此，在要望见生活的山间崎岖难行的小路和平野沙路之际，我就已经超验地纵观通晓了生活。异乎寻常的际遇使我滞留在人生的美好时期。人到这个时期，心灵初醒，开始萌发冲动和欲望，觉得一切都新奇有趣。我处在交替时期：一方面，学习延长了我的青春期，另一方面，成年期的绿色枝叶却迟迟不发。我经受了这样的磨砺，比哪个青年都善于感受，富于情爱。要想透彻地理解我这段叙述，您还是重温一下锦瑟年华吧；人在妙龄时，嘴还没有被谎言法污，尽管因为羞怯同欲望相矛盾而眼帘低垂，目光却是无邪的，思想绝不肯屈服于世俗的诡橘，内心胆怯，又能见义勇为。 　　我同母亲从巴黎到图尔的行程，就不向您叙述了。她的态度十分冷淡，我的感情受到压抑，难以迸发出来。每从一站出发，我都暗下决心开口讲话。可是，她一瞪眼，一句话，就把我仔细打好腹稿的开场白给吓回去了。到了奥尔良，母亲临睡觉时，责备我一路无话。我一下子扑到她的脚下，搂住她的双膝，热泪滚滚而下，向她倾诉满怀的感情。为了打动她，我剖白心曲，诉说自己多么渴望母爱，那声调足以感化一个继母的心肠。可是，我母亲硬说我装模作样。我抱怨被家里抛弃，她则称我为不肖之子。我心痛欲裂，但求一死；到了布卢瓦时，我跑到卢瓦尔河桥上，想跳水自尽，只因栏杆太高才自杀未遂。

6. When I reached home, my two sisters, who did not know me, showed more surprise than tenderness. Afterwards, however, they seemed, by comparison, to be full of kindness towards me. I was given a room on the third story. You will understand the extent of my hardships when I tell you that my mother left me, a young man of twenty, without other linen than my miserable school outfit, or any other outside clothes than those I had long worn in Paris. If I ran from one end of the room to the other to  pick up her handkerchief, she took it with the cold thanks a lady gives to her footman. Driven to watch her to find if there were any soft spot where I could fasten the rootlets of affection, I came to see her as she was,--a tall, spare woman, given to cards, egotistical and insolent, like all the Listomeres, who count insolence as part of their dowry. She saw nothing in life except duties to be fulfilled. All cold women whom I have known made, as she did, a religion of duty; she received our homage as a priest receives the incense of the mass. My elder brother appeared to absorb the trifling sentiment of maternity which was in her nature. She stabbed us constantly with her sharp irony,--the weapon of those who have no heart,--and which she used against us, who could make her no reply.   Notwithstanding these thorny hindrances, the instinctive sentiments have so many roots, the religious fear inspired by a mother whom it is dangerous to displease holds by so many threads, that the sublime mistake--if I may so call it--of our love for our mother lasted until the day, much later in our lives, when we judged her finally. This terrible despotism drove from my mind all thoughts of the voluptuous enjoyments I had dreamed of finding at Tours. In despair I took refuge in my father's library, where I set myself to read every book I did not know. These long periods of hard study saved me from contact with my mother; but they aggravated the dangers of my moral condition.   Sometimes my eldest sister--she who afterwards married our cousin,  the Marquis de Listomere--tried to comfort me, without, however, being able to calm the irritation to which I was a victim. I desired to die. Great events, of which I knew nothing, were then in preparation. The Duc d'Angouleme, who had left Bordeaux to join Louis XVIII. in Paris, was received in every town through which he passed with ovations inspired by the enthusiasm felt throughout old France at the return of the Bourbons. Touraine was aroused for its legitimate princes; the town itself was in a flutter, every window decorated, the inhabitants in their Sunday clothes, a festival in preparation, and that nameless excitement in the air which intoxicates, and which gave me a strong desire to be present at the ball given by the duke. When I summoned courage to make this request of my mother, who was too ill to go herself, she became extremely angry. "Had I come from Congo?" she inquired. "How could I suppose that our family would not be represented at the ball? In the absence of my father and brother, of course it was my duty to be present. Had I no mother? Was she not always thinking of the welfare of her children?" In a moment the semi-disinherited son had become a personage! I was more dumfounded by my importance than by the deluge of ironical reasoning with which my mother received my request. I questioned my sisters, and then discovered that my mother, who liked such theatrical plots, was already attending to my clothes. The tailors in Tours were fully occupied by the sudden demands of their regular customers, and my  mother was forced to employ her usual seamstress, who--according to provincial custom--could do all kinds of sewing. A bottle-blue coat had been secretly made for me, after a fashion, and silk stockings and pumps provided; waistcoats were then worn short, so that I could wear one of my father's; and for the first time in my life I had a shirt with a frill, the pleatings of which puffed out my chest and were gathered in to the knot of my cravat. When dressed in this apparel I looked so little like myself that my sister's compliments nerved me to face all Touraine at the ball. But it was a bold enterprise. Thanks to my slimness I slipped into a tent set up in the gardens of the Papion house, and found a place close to the armchair in which the duke was seated. Instantly I was suffocated by the heat, and dazzled by the lights, the scarlet draperies, the gilded ornaments, the dresses, and the diamonds of the first public ball I had ever witnessed. I was pushed hither and thither by a mass of men and women, who hustled each other in a cloud of dust. The brazen clash of military music was drowned in the hurrahs and acclamations of "Long live the Duc d'Angouleme! Long live the King! Long live the Bourbons!" The ball was an outburst of pent-up enthusiasm, where each man endeavored to outdo the rest in his fierce haste to worship the rising sun,--an exhibition of partisan greed which left me unmoved, or rather, it disgusted me and drove me back within myself. 回到家里，两个姐姐根本不认得我了，对我的态度是七分惊奇，三分亲热。不过，后来相比之下，她们对我倒显得挺有手足之情。我的卧室在四层楼，只要告诉您一个情况，您就会了解我寒酸到了何等地步、我是个二十岁的青年了，一身还是在巴黎穿的那套服装，身边只有我住校时的那点简陋衣物，母亲没有给我添置一点东西。如果我从客厅一端跑到另一端，殷勤地为她拾起手帕，她就像贵妇对待仆人那样，只对我淡淡地道声谢。我不得不观察母亲，以便确认她的心是否还有松软之处，能植上我的感情的嫩枝，结果发现这位又高又瘦的女人非常自私，喜欢捉弄人，跟利斯托迈尔府的所有闺秀一样，傲慢无礼的程度是以嫁妆衡量的。她在生活中，只看重职责；我认识的冷若冰霜的女人，无不把职责视为立身之本。她接受我们的崇敬，俨如神甫做弥撒时接受香火；她心中仅有的一点母爱，仿佛被我哥哥全部耗尽了。她说话尖酸刻薄，总是奚落我们，明知道我们不能反驳，却使用心肠狠毒之人的这种武器对付我们。尽管有这些榛莽阻隔，骨肉之情依然根须相连；况且，对母亲丧失希望，感情上也难以接受；母亲引起的宗教式的恐惧，还能在我们中间维持不少关系，致使母子之情的悖谬一直持续到我们涉世渐深、它最终受到审判的那一天。时候一到，儿女们就开始报复了，往昔的失意所酿成的冷漠，更因他们满载受玷污的感情的残骸而激增；直到父母人士之后，这种冷漠态度也难化解。母亲的无比专横，打消了我要在图尔满足欲望的痴心妄想。我一头扎进父亲的藏书室，拼命阅读所有我没有看过的书。我终日埋在书堆里，就可以避免同母亲接触。不过，我的精神状态也日趋恶化。我大姐已经嫁给了表兄德·利斯托迈尔侯爵，有时她想劝慰我，可是难以平息我心头的愤懑。我想寻死。

7. Swept onward like a straw in the whirlwind, I was seized with a  childish desire to be the Duc d'Angouleme himself, to be one of these princes parading before an awed assemblage. This silly fancy of a Tourangean lad roused an ambition to which my nature and the surrounding circumstances lent dignity. Who would not envy such worship?--a magnificent repetition of which I saw a few months later, when all Paris rushed to the feet of the Emperor on his return from Elba. The sense of this dominion exercised over the masses, whose feelings and whose very life are thus merged into one soul, dedicated me then and thenceforth to glory, that priestess who slaughters the Frenchmen of to-day as the Druidess once sacrificed the Gauls. Suddenly I met the woman who was destined to spur these ambitious desires and to crown them by sending me into the heart of royalty. Too timid to ask any one to dance,--fearing, moreover, to confuse the figures,--I naturally became very awkward, and did not know what to do with my arms and legs. Just as I was suffering severely from the pressure of the crowd an officer stepped on my feet, swollen by the new leather of my shoes as well as by the heat. This disgusted me with the whole affair. It was impossible to get away; but I took refuge in a corner of a room at the end of an empty bench, where I sat with fixed eyes, motionless and sullen. Misled by my puny appearance, a woman--taking me for a sleepy child--slid softly into the place beside me, with the motion of a bird as she drops upon her nest. Instantly I breathed the woman-atmosphere,  which irradiated my soul as, in after days, oriental poesy has shone there. I looked at my neighbor, and was more dazzled by that vision than I had been by the scene of the fete. If you have understood this history of my early life you will guess the feelings which now welled up within me. My eyes rested suddenly on white, rounded shoulders where I would fain have laid my head,-- shoulders faintly rosy, which seemed to blush as if uncovered for the first time; modest shoulders, that possessed a soul, and reflected light from their satin surface as from a silken texture. These shoulders were parted by a line along which my eyes wandered. I raised myself to see the bust and was spell-bound by the beauty of the bosom, chastely covered with gauze, where blue-veined globes of perfect outline were softly hidden in waves of lace. The slightest details of the head were each and all enchantments which awakened infinite delights within me; the brilliancy of the hair laid smoothly above a neck as soft and velvety as a child's, the white lines drawn by the comb where my imagination ran as along a dewy path,--all these things put me, as it were, beside myself. Glancing round to be sure that no one saw me, I threw myself upon those shoulders as a child upon the breast of its mother, kissing them as I laid my head there. The woman uttered a piercing cry, which the noise of the music drowned; she turned, saw me, and exclaimed, "Monsieur!" Ah! had she said, "My little lad, what possesses you?" I might have killed her; but at  the word "Monsieur!" hot tears fell from my eyes. I was petrified by a glance of saintly anger, by a noble face crowned with a diadem of golden hair in harmony with the shoulders I adored. The crimson of offended modesty glowed on her cheeks, though already it was appeased by the pardoning instinct of a woman who comprehends a frenzy which she inspires, and divines the infinite adoration of those repentant tears. She moved away with the step and carriage of a queen. I then felt the ridicule of my position; for the first time I realized that I was dressed like the monkey of a barrel organ. I was ashamed. There I stood, stupefied,--tasting the fruit that I had stolen, conscious of the warmth upon my lips, repenting not, and following with my eyes the woman who had come down to me from heaven. Sick with the first fever of the heart I wandered through the rooms, unable to find mine Unknown, until at last I went home to bed, another man. A new soul, a soul with rainbow wings, had burst its chrysalis. Descending from the azure wastes where I had long admired her, my star had come to me a woman, with undiminished lustre and purity. I loved, knowing naught of love. How strange a thing, this first irruption of the keenest human emotion in the heart of a man! I had seen pretty women in other places, but none had made the slightest impression upon me. Can there be an appointed hour, a conjunction of stars, a union of circumstances, a certain woman among all others to awaken an exclusive  passion at the period of life when love includes the whole sex? The thought that my Elect lived in Touraine made the air I breathed delicious; the blue of the sky seemed bluer than I had ever yet seen it. I raved internally, but externally I was seriously ill, and my mother had fears, not unmingled with remorse. Like animals who know when danger is near, I hid myself away in the garden to think of the kiss that I had stolen. A few days after this memorable ball my mother attributed my neglect of study, my indifference to her tyrannical looks and sarcasms, and my gloomy behavior to the condition of my health. The country, that perpetual remedy for ills that doctors cannot cure, seemed to her the best means of bringing me out of my apathy. She decided that I should spend a few weeks at Frapesle, a chateau on the Indre midway between Montbazon and Azay-le-Rideau, which belonged to a friend of hers, to whom, no doubt, she gave private instructions.   By the day when I thus for the first time gained my liberty I had swum so vigorously in Love's ocean that I had well-nigh crossed it. I knew nothing of mine unknown lady, neither her name, nor where to find her; to whom, indeed, could I speak of her? My sensitive nature so exaggerated the inexplicable fears which beset all youthful hearts at the first approach of love that I began with the melancholy which often ends a hopeless passion. I asked nothing better than to roam about the country, to come and go and live in the fields. With the courage of a child that  fears no failure, in which there is something really chivalrous, I determined to search every chateau in Touraine, travelling on foot, and saying to myself as each old tower came in sight, "She is there!" Accordingly, of a Thursday morning I left Tours by the barrier of Saint-Eloy, crossed the bridges of Saint-Sauveur, reached Poncher whose every house I examined, and took the road to Chinon. For the first time in my life I could sit down under a tree or walk fast or slow as I pleased without being dictated to by any one. To a poor lad crushed under all sorts of despotism (which more or less does weigh upon all youth) the first employment of freedom, even though it be expended upon nothing, lifts the soul with irrepressible buoyancy. Several reasons combined to make that day one of enchantment. During my school years I had never been taken to walk more than two or three miles from a city; yet there remained in my mind among the earliest recollections of my childhood that feeling for the beautiful which the scenery about Tours inspires. Though quite untaught as to the poetry of such a landscape, I was, unknown to myself, critical upon it, like those who imagine the ideal of art without knowing anything of its practice. To reach the chateau of Frapesle, foot-passengers, or those on horseback, shorten the way by crossing the Charlemagne moors,-- uncultivated tracts of land lying on the summit of the plateau which separates the valley of the Cher from that of the Indre, and over which  there is a cross-road leading to Champy. These moors are flat and sandy, and for more than three miles are dreary enough until you reach, through a clump of woods, the road to Sache, the name of the township in which Frapesle stands. This road, which joins that of Chinon beyond Ballan, skirts an undulating plain to the little hamlet of Artanne. Here we come upon a valley, which begins at Montbazon, ends at the Loire, and seems to rise and fall,--to bound, as it were, --beneath the chateaus placed on its double hillsides,--a splendid emerald cup, in the depths of which flow the serpentine lines of the river Indre. I gazed at this scene with ineffable delight, for which the gloomy moor-land and the fatigue of the sandy walk had prepared me. "If that woman, the flower of her sex, does indeed inhabit this earth, she is here, on this spot." Thus musing, I leaned against a walnut-tree, beneath which I have rested from that day to this whenever I return to my dear valley. Beneath that tree, the confidant of my thoughts, I ask myself what changes there are in me since last I stood there. My heart deceived me not--she lived there; the first castle that I saw on the slope of a hill was the dwelling that held her. As I sat beneath my nut-tree, the mid-day sun was sparkling on the slates of her roof and the panes of her windows. Her cambric dress made the white line which I saw among the vines of an arbor. She was, as you know already without  as yet knowing anything, the Lily of this valley, where she grew for heaven, filling it with the fragrance of her virtues. Love, infinite love, without other sustenance than the vision, dimly seen, of which my soul was full, was there, expressed to me by that long ribbon of water flowing in the sunshine between the grass-green banks, by the lines of the poplars adorning with their mobile laces that vale of love, by the oak-woods coming down between the vineyards to the shore, which the river curved and rounded as it chose, and by those dim varying horizons as they fled confusedly away. If you would see nature beautiful and virgin as a bride, go there of a spring morning. If you would still the bleeding wounds of your heart, return in the last days of autumn. In the spring, Love beats his wings beneath the broad blue sky; in the autumn, we think of those who are no more. The lungs diseased breathe in a blessed purity; the eyes will rest on golden copses which impart to the soul their peaceful stillness. At this moment, when I stood there for the first time, the mills upon the brooksides gave a voice to the quivering valley; the poplars were laughing as they swayed; not a cloud was in the sky; the birds sang, the crickets chirped,--all was melody. Do not ask me again why I love Touraine. I love it, not as we love our cradle, not as we love the oasis in a desert; I love it as an artist loves art; I love it less than I love you; but without Touraine, perhaps I might not now be living. 时局正酝酿重大事变，而我却全然不知。德·昂古莱姆公爵从波尔多动身，要去巴黎觐见路易十八，他每经过一座城市，都受到热烈欢迎。波旁王室复国，古老的法兰西欣喜若狂。整个都兰地区都为合法的王公们欢腾起来，图尔全城人兴高采烈，家家户户悬灯结彩，居民都穿上节日盛装，真是一派准备庆典的忙碌景象，有一种难以描摹、令人陶醉的气氛，这一切使我渴望参加为王爷举办的舞会。当时，我母亲抱病在身，不能去参加盛会。可是，当我鼓起勇气，当面向她表示这种愿望时，她竟然大发雷霆。难道我是从刚果归来，什么也不懂吗？我怎么能想像，我们府上没人去参加舞会呢？父亲和兄长都有事在外，按理不是应该我去吗？难道我没有母亲吗？她就一点不为子女的幸福着想吗？几乎被否认的儿子，转瞬间变成了重要人物。我的身价的猛增，以及母亲针对我的请求以挪揄的口吻讲的一番大道理，同样令我惊诧不已。我私下问了姐姐才知道，母亲做事就爱这样故弄玄虚，其实她正赶着给我制装呢。图尔的裁缝对她定活的要求都感到意外，谁也不敢承做我的服装。她只好把活交给那个来打短工的女人；按照外省的习惯。临时女工要能做各式各样的服装。就这样，秘密为我准备的一套浅蓝色礼服好歹做成了。长丝袜、薄底浅口皮鞋都不难买到；男背心时兴短的，我可以穿父亲的一件。有生以来，我头一次穿上带襟饰的衬衣，管状褶裥束在领带结中，使我的胸部显得很挺拔。我打扮停当，模样大变，听了姐姐的赞扬，才有勇气到都兰的集会上亮相。谈何容易！去的人太多，能有几个出得风头！幸亏身体瘦小，我才得以在帕皮翁楼花园的一座帐篷下钻来钻去，靠近王爷的座位。这是我头一次参加公共舞会，灯火、朱红帷幕、金晃晃的装饰物、华丽的服装和钻石首饰交相辉映，使我眼花缭乱，一时间热得透不过气来。身后一群男男女女往前拥我，他们挤来挤去，相互碰撞，踏得尘土飞扬。“德·昂古莱姆公爵万岁！国王万岁！波旁王室万岁！”欢声雷动，淹没了响亮的铜管乐队和歌颂波旁王室的军乐曲。人人如痴如狂，个个争先恐后，都要朝拜波旁这颗初升的太阳。我冷眼旁观这种名副其实的朋党之私，觉得自己很渺小，不禁反躬自省。 我像一根麦杆儿卷进这阵旋风里，心中萌生一种幼稚的愿望，想当德·昂古莱姆公爵，脐身于在诚惶诚恐的人群面前趾高气扬的王公之列。我这都兰人可笑的非分之想，倒引发一种雄心；而后由于我的性格和时局的变化，这种雄心变得非常高尚了。谁不艳羡这种崇拜呢？数月之后，我又一次目睹这种宏大的场面：皇帝①从厄尔巴岛卷土重来，巴黎倾城相迎。芸芸众生把感情与生命倾注在一个人身上，这种对民众的影响力使我突然立志，要一生追求荣名。今天，主持荣耀的女祭司残害法国人，如同古代德落伊教②女祭司拿高卢人祭祀一样。接着，我又同一个女子不期而遇，后来正是她不断激发我的抱负，把我投进王国的政治中心，使我如愿以偿。我过分胆怯，又怕认错面孔，不敢邀请人跳舞，待在那儿手足无措，自然怏怏不乐。我挤在人群里熙来攘去，皮鞋又紧又热，两脚胀得难受，我正感到不自在，不料又被一名军官踩了一下，更为扫兴，真想离开舞场，但根本出不去，只好躲到一个角落，在一张空长椅的一端坐下，一动不动，两眼发直，心里憋气。一位女子见我身形瘦小，误认为我是个孩子，坐在那儿昏昏欲睡，等待母亲尽了兴好回家，于是她宛如鸟儿回巢一样，轻盈地坐到我的身边。我立刻闻到一股女子的芳香，只觉得心旷神恰；自此以后，这种芳香就犹如东方诗歌一样充溢我的心田。我瞧瞧身边的女子，感到她比舞会还要光彩夺目，使我充满了快乐。您若是完全理解我前一段的生活，就能推见心中涌现的情感。我的目光一下被雪白丰腴的双肩吸引住，真想伏在上面翻滚；这副肩膀白里微微透红，仿佛因为初次袒露而羞赧似的，它也有一颗灵魂；在灯光下，它的皮肤有如锦缎一般流光溢彩，中间分出一道线；我的目光比手胆大，顺着线条看下去，不由得心突突直跳，我挺直身子瞧她的胸脯，只见一对丰满滚圆的球体，贞洁地罩着天蓝色罗纱，惬意地卧在花边的波浪里，直看得我心荡神迷。少女般的颈项柔媚细腻，光亮的秀发梳出一条条白缝，犹如清新的田间小路，任我的想像驰骋，这一切使我丧失理智。我看准周围无人注意，便像孩子投进母亲怀抱一样，头埋在她的后背上，连连吻她的双肩。这女子惊叫一声，但叫声淹没在乐声中，无人听见。她回过身，一看是我，责问道：“先生！”啊！倘若她说：“你这小家伙，怎么啦？”我也许会杀掉她。然而，听到这声“先生！”我的热泪便夺眶而出。她那高贵的灰发冠冕，同妩媚的颈项显得多么和谐，而眼里却含着圣洁的恼怒，使我一时瞠目结舌。她脸上泛起红晕，不过，嗔怪的神情已为宽容的态度所缓解，因为她理解由她引起的一种冲动，并从我痛悔的眼泪中，看出我对她的无限仰慕。她走了，那姿态像王后。我感到自己的处境多么可笑，这才醒悟自己的打扮犹如萨瓦人的猴子。我惭愧，我呆若木雕，但仍在品味我偷窃的苹果，嘴唇上还存留我吮吸的血气的温煦，心中毫无悔意，目光追踪那位下凡的仙女。初次的肉体接触使我的心亢奋不已，直到人已散尽，我还在舞场徘徊，但再也没有见到那位陌生的女子，只好回府安歇，可我的心灵已经蜕变了。 　　①即拿破仑一世，他于1815年3月1日离开厄尔巴岛在法国登陆，5月20日重返巴黎，同年6月18日，在滑铁卢败于盟军。这段历史称“百日政变”。 　　②古代克尔特人及高卢人信奉德落伊教。 　　一颗新灵魂，一颗有绚丽翅膀的灵魂破壳而生。我心爱的星，从我瞻仰它的蓝色苍穹上降临，化为女子的身影，但仍然是那样明亮、晶莹，那样清新。我遽然萌生了爱情，却不知道爱情是什么。男子最炽热的感情头一次闯入心扉，这不是非常奇特的吗？我在舅母的沙龙里也见过几位美丽的女子，可是没有一位给我留下什么印象。在一个男子春心荡漾的时候，难道要有一定的时辰、一定星宿的际遇、一定时机的巧合，以及一个非他莫属的女子，才会产生专一的爱情吗？想到我的意中人生活在都兰地区，我呼吸都格外畅快，觉得湛蓝天空的色调是我在任何地方所未见到的。虽然我的精神异常兴奋，可是外表看来却像害了大病，我母亲又担心又内疚。犹如预感到灾难降临的动物，我蟋缩在花园的角落里，回味偷来的一吻。那次难忘的舞会过去几天之后，母亲见我荒废学业，神色怏怏，对她威逼的目光毫无惧色，对她的冷嘲热讽也无动于衷，认为这是性情骤变的缘故；到我这年龄的青年人都要经历这样的心理危机。医学对这种病态根本不知究竟，而乡间就被认为是医治它的千古不易的良方，是使我摆脱萎靡不振的精神状态的灵丹妙药。我母亲决定让我到弗拉佩斯勒去住几天；那座古堡坐落在安德尔河畔，位于蒙巴宗和阿泽屏两个小镇之间。古堡的主人是她的朋友，当然得到她的秘密嘱托。我在爱情的海洋中拼命游，到下乡那天，竟然游到了彼岸。我不知道那位陌生女子的芳名，如何呼唤她，到哪儿能找到她呢？再说，我又能向谁提起她呢？年轻人初恋时会产生无法解释的疑惧；我性格腼腆，疑惧更大，无望的恋情最后才会变成忧郁，而我一开始便被这种情绪笼罩，但求到田野里游荡奔跑。我怀着儿童那种无所怀疑的、颇具骑士风范的勇气，打算徒步旅行，搜遍都兰地区的乡间别墅，每望见一座秀丽的塔楼，就要自言自语：“她就在那儿！” 　　于是，一个星期四的早晨，我从圣埃卢瓦门出图尔城，穿过救世主桥，来到蓬舍村，遇见房子就抬头看看，最后上了希农大道。这是我有生以来第一次自由行动，无人干涉，要走就走，要停就停，想快就快，想慢就慢。青年人无一例外，都或多或少受各种专制力量的压抑。对我这受尽压制的可怜人来说，第一次按照自己的意志行事，哪怕事情微不足道，也会给心灵带来说不出的欢快。种种情由作美，这一天像过节一样喜气洋洋。少年时，我散步离城没超过一法里。无论是在勒瓦桥附近还是在巴黎游玩，我都没有领略过田野的自然风光。不过，我幼年时对图尔景色十分熟悉，记忆中保留了这种美感。虽然初出茅庐，还不善于鉴赏风景的诗情画意，我却不自觉地要求很高，如同缺乏艺术实践的人，起始就想得非常完美那样。要去弗拉佩斯勒古堡，步行或骑马都可以抄近路，从一片荒野穿过去。那片以查理曼大帝命名的荒野是不毛之地，坐落在一条岭岗之巅，岭岗两侧便是谢尔溪谷和安德尔河谷。到了尚匹那里，可以走斜插岭岗的一条路。荒野地势平坦，布满沙石，约摸一法里长的路景色凄凉，再过一片灌木林，便到萨榭乡路，萨榭即弗拉佩斯勒所在的乡名。萨榭乡路沿着起伏不大的平野，过了巴朗很远，直到阿尔塔纳那个小地方，才通上希农大道。那里展现一座山谷，起自蒙巴宗镇，延至卢瓦尔河。两边山峦有腾跃之势，上面古堡错落有致；整个山谷宛如一个翡翠杯，安德尔河在谷底蜿蜒流过。或许由于荒野小径过分寂寥，或许由于旅途劳顿，一望见幽谷的景色，我不禁大为惊叹，顿觉心旷神恰。“那位女子是女性之花，如果说她住在人间，那一定是此地了！”我一产生这个念头，便倚到一棵核桃树上烈这天起，我每次来到可爱的山谷，总要在这棵树下停歇。如今，我来到这棵深解我的情思的树下，探究自从我离开之后的这段时间，心境发生了什么变化。她就在这里，我的心绝不会欺骗我：荒坡上头一座小古堡，就是她的居所。我坐在核桃树下望去，只见在正午的太阳照耀下，青石屋顶和玻璃窗烟烟闪光。我注意到在一棵白桃树下，葡萄架中间，有一个白点，那是她的轻纱长裙。可能您已经知道她就是这座幽谷的百合花，为天地而生长，满谷飘溢着她美德的馨香。而她自己却毫无党察。无限的柔情充满我的心灵，它没有别种滋养，只有那依稀可见的身影。然而我觉得，那绿岸夹护、碧波粼粼的长长水带，那装点爱情之谷的摇曳多姿的行行白杨、那弯弯曲曲的岸边坡地的葡萄园中脱颖而出的片片橡林、那渐渐远逝而色调变幻的空滔天际，都在表述这种爱情。您想要观赏如未婚妻一般美丽而贞洁的自然风光，请您春天去那里吧；您想要平复您心灵上涔涔流血的伤口，请您晚秋再去那里吧。春天，爱情在那里振翅凌空翱翔；秋天，可以在那里缅怀已经长逝的人们。肺病患者，可以在那里呼吸有益健康的清新空气，目光可以落在金黄树丛上休憩，任树丛把甜美的宁静传给心灵。这时空谷回响，那是安德尔河飞流上的座座磨坊吟呜，白杨搔首弄姿，笑容可掬，晴空万里，百鸟鸣啭，蝉声阵阵，一切都那么悦耳和谐。不要再追问我为什么爱上都兰吧！我爱它，既不像人们爱自己的摇篮，也不像人们爱沙漠中的一块绿洲；我爱它如同艺术家爱艺术；诚然，我爱它不如爱您这样炽热，可是没有都兰，也许我早已不在人间。

Without knowing why, my eyes reverted ever to that white spot, to  the woman who shone in that garden as the bell of a convolvulus shines amid the underbrush, and wilts if touched. Moved to the soul, I descended the slope and soon saw a village, which the superabounding poetry that filled my heart made me fancy without an equal. Imagine three mills placed among islands of graceful outline crowned with groves of trees and rising from a field of water,--for what other name can I give to that aquatic vegetation, so verdant, so finely colored, which carpeted the river, rose above its surface and undulated upon it, yielding to its caprices and swaying to the turmoil of the water when the mill-wheels lashed it. Here and there were mounds of gravel, against which the wavelets broke in fringes that shimmered in the sunlight. Amaryllis, water-lilies, reeds, and phloxes decorated the banks with their glorious tapestry. A trembling bridge of rotten planks, the abutments swathed with flowers, and the hand-rails green with perennials and velvet mosses drooping to the river but not falling to it; mouldering boats, fishing-nets; the monotonous sing- song of a shepherd; ducks paddling among the islands or preening on the "jard,"--a name given to the coarse sand which the Loire brings down; the millers, with their caps over one ear, busily loading their mules,--all these details made the scene before me one of primitive simplicity. Imagine, also, beyond the bridge two or three farm-houses, a dove-cote, turtle-doves, thirty or more dilapidated cottages, separated by gardens, by hedges of honeysuckle, clematis, and jasmine; a dunghill beside each  door, and cocks and hens about the road. Such is the village of Pont-de-Ruan, a picturesque little hamlet leading up to an old church full of character, a church of the days of the Crusades, such a one as painters desire for their pictures. Surround this scene with ancient walnut-trees and slim young poplars with their pale-gold leaves; dot graceful buildings here and there along the grassy slopes where sight is lost beneath the vaporous, warm sky, and you will have some idea of one of the points of view of this most lovely region. I followed the road to Sache along the left bank of the river, noticing carefully the details of the hills on the opposite shore. At length I reached a park embellished with centennial trees, which I knew to be that of Frapesle. I arrived just as the bell was ringing for breakfast. After the meal, my host, who little suspected that I had walked from Tours, carried me over his estate, from the borders of which I saw the valley on all sides under its many aspects,--here through a vista, there to its broad extent; often my eyes were drawn to the horizon along the golden blade of the Loire, where the sails made fantastic figures among the currents as they flew before the wind. As we mounted a crest I came in sight of the chateau d'Azay, like a diamond of many facets in a setting of the Indre, standing on wooden piles concealed by flowers. Farther on, in a hollow, I saw the romantic masses of the chateau of Sache, a sad retreat though full of harmony; too sad for the superficial, but dear to a poet with a soul in  pain. I, too, came to love its silence, its great gnarled trees, and the nameless mysterious influence of its solitary valley. But now, each time that we reached an opening towards the neighboring slope which gave to view the pretty castle I had first noticed in the morning, I stopped to look at it with pleasure.   "Hey!" said my host, reading in my eyes the sparkling desires which youth so ingenuously betrays, "so you scent from afar a pretty woman as a dog scents game!"   I did not like the speech, but I asked the name of the castle and of its owner.   "It is Clochegourde," he replied; "a pretty house belonging to the Comte de Mortsauf, the head of an historic family in Touraine, whose fortune dates from the days of Louis XI., and whose name tells the story to which they owe their arms and their distinction. Monsieur de Mortsauf is descended from a man who survived the gallows. The family bear: Or, a cross potent and counter-potent sable, charged with a fleur-de-lis or; and 'Dieu saulve le Roi notre Sire,' for motto. The count settled here after the return of the emigration. The estate belongs to his wife, a demoiselle de Lenoncourt, of the house of Lenoncourt-Givry which is now dying out. Madame de Mortsauf is an only daughter. The limited fortune of the family contrasts strangely with the distinction of their names; either from pride, or, possibly, from necessity, they never leave Clochegourde and see  no company. Until now their attachment to the Bourbons explained this retirement, but the return of the king has not changed their way of living. When I came to reside here last year I paid them a visit of courtesy; they returned it and invited us to dinner; the winter separated us for some months, and political events kept me away from Frapesle until recently. Madame de Mortsauf is a woman who would hold the highest position wherever she might be." "Does she often come to Tours?" "She never goes there. However," he added, correcting himself, "she did go there lately to the ball given to the Duc d'Angouleme, who was very gracious to her husband." "It was she!" I exclaimed. "She! who?" "A woman with beautiful shoulders." "You will meet a great many women with beautiful shoulders in Touraine," he said, laughing. "But if you are not tired we can cross the river and call at Clochegourde and you shall renew acquaintance with those particular shoulders." I agreed, not without a blush of shame and pleasure. About four o'clock we reached the little chateau on which my eyes had fastened from the first. The building, which is finely effective in the landscape, is in reality very modest. It has five windows on the front; those at each end of  the facade, looking south, project about twelve feet,--an architectural device which gives the idea of two towers and adds grace to the structure. The middle window serves as a door from which you descend through a double portico into a terraced garden which joins the narrow strip of grass-land that skirts the Indre along its whole course. Though this meadow is separated from the lower terrace, which is shaded by a double line of acacias and Japanese ailanthus, by the country road, it nevertheless appears from the house to be a part of the garden, for the road is sunken and hemmed in on one side by the terrace, on the other side by a Norman hedge. The terraces being very well managed put enough distance between the house and the river to avoid the inconvenience of too great proximity to water, without losing the charms of it. Below the house are the stables, coach-house, green-houses, and kitchen, the various openings to which form an arcade. The roof is charmingly rounded at the angles, and bears mansarde windows with carved mullions and leaden finials on their gables. This roof, no doubt much neglected during the Revolution, is stained by a sort of mildew produced by lichens and the reddish moss which grows on houses exposed to the sun. The glass door of the portico is surmounted by a little tower which holds the bell, and on which is carved the escutcheon of the Blamont- Chauvry family, to which Madame de Mortsauf belonged, as follows: Gules, a pale vair, flanked quarterly by two hands clasped or, and two lances in chevron sable. The motto, "Voyez  tous, nul ne touche!" struck me greatly. The supporters, a griffin and dragon gules, enchained or, made a pretty effect in the carving. The Revolution has damaged the ducal crown and the crest, which was a palm-tree vert with fruit or. Senart, the secretary of the committee of public safety was bailiff of Sache before 1781, which explains this destruction. These arrangements give an elegant air to the little castle, dainty as a flower, which seems to scarcely rest upon the earth. Seen from the valley the ground-floor appears to be the first story; but on the other side it is on a level with a broad gravelled path leading to a grass-plot, on which are several flower-beds. To right and left are vineyards, orchards, and a few acres of tilled land planted with chestnut-trees which surround the house, the ground falling rapidly to the Indre, where other groups of trees of variegated shades of green, chosen by Nature herself, are spread along the shore. I admired these groups, so charmingly disposed, as we mounted the hilly road which borders Clochegourde; I breathed an atmosphere of happiness. Has the moral nature, like the physical nature, its own electrical communications and its rapid changes of temperature? My heart was beating at the approach of events then unrevealed which were to change it forever, just as animals grow livelier when foreseeing fine weather. This day, so marked in my life, lacked no circumstance that was  needed to solemnize it. Nature was adorned like a woman to meet her lover. My soul heard her voice for the first time; my eyes worshipped her, as fruitful, as varied as my imagination had pictured her in those school-dreams the influence of which I have tried in a few unskilful words to explain to you, for they were to me an Apocalypse in which my life was figuratively foretold; each event, fortunate or unfortunate, being mated to some one of these strange visions by ties known only to the soul. We crossed a court-yard surrounded by buildings necessary for the farm work,--a barn, a wine-press, cow-sheds, and stables. Warned by the barking of the watch-dog, a servant came to meet us, saying that Monsieur le comte had gone to Azay in the morning but would soon return, and that Madame la comtesse was at home. My companion looked at me. I fairly trembled lest he should decline to see Madame de Mortsauf in her husband's absence; but he told the man to announce us. With the eagerness of a child I rushed into the long antechamber which crosses the whole house. "Come in, gentlemen," said a golden voice. Though Madame de Mortsauf had spoken only one word at the ball, I recognized her voice, which entered my soul and filled it as a ray of sunshine fills and gilds a prisoner's dungeon. Thinking, suddenly, that she might remember my face, my first impulse was to fly; but it was too  late,--she appeared in the doorway, and our eyes met. I know not which of us blushed deepest. Too much confused for immediate speech she returned to her seat at an embroidery frame while the servant placed two chairs, then she drew out her needle and counted some stitches, as if to explain her silence; after which she raised her head, gently yet proudly, in the direction of Monsieur de Chessel as she asked to what fortunate circumstance she owed his visit. Though curious to know the secret of my unexpected appearance, she looked at neither of us,--her eyes were fixed on the river; and yet you could have told by the way she listened that she was able to recognize, as the blind do, the agitations of a neighboring soul by the imperceptible inflexions of the voice. Monsieur de Chessel gave my name and biography. I had lately arrived at Tours, where my parents had recalled me when the armies threatened Paris. A son of Touraine to whom Touraine was as yet unknown, she would find me a young man weakened by excessive study and sent to Frapesle to amuse himself; he had already shown me his estate, which I saw for the first time. I had just told him that I had walked from Tours to Frapesle, and fearing for my health--which was really delicate--he had stopped at Clochegourde to ask her to allow me to rest there. Monsieur de Chessel told the truth; but the accident seemed so forced that Madame de Mortsauf distrusted us. She gave me a cold, severe glance, under which my own eyelids fell, as much from a sense of  humiliation as to hide the tears that rose beneath them. She saw the moisture on my forehead, and perhaps she guessed the tears; for she offered me the restoratives I needed, with a few kind and consoling words, which gave me back the power of speech. I blushed like a young girl, and in a voice as tremulous as that of an old man I thanked her and declined. "All I ask," I said, raising my eyes to hers, which mine now met for the second time in a glance as rapid as lightning,--"is to rest here. I am so crippled with fatigue I really cannot walk farther." "You must not doubt the hospitality of our beautiful Touraine," she said; then, turning to my companion, she added: "You will give us the pleasure of your dining at Clochegourde?" I threw such a look of entreaty at Monsieur de Chessel that he began the preliminaries of accepting the invitation, though it was given in a manner that seemed to expect a refusal. As a man of the world, he recognized these shades of meaning; but I, a young man without experience, believed so implicitly in the sincerity between word and thought of this beautiful woman that I was wholly astonished when my host said to me, after we reached home that evening, "I stayed because I saw you were dying to do so; but if you do not succeed in making it all right, I may find myself on bad terms with my neighbors." That expression, "if you do not make it all right," made me ponder the matter deeply. In other words, if I pleased Madame de Mortsauf, she would not  be displeased with the man who introduced me to her. He evidently thought I had the power to please her; this in itself gave me that power, and corroborated my inward hope at a moment when it needed some outward succor. 不知道为什么，我的眼睛总是盯着那个白点，盯着绿园中那个女子；她在绿丛中显得格外光艳，宛若一触即凋的铃状旋花。我心情激动，步入这个花篮的里端，不久便望见一个村落，由于诗意正浓，看那村庄简直举世无双。请您想像一下，几个婀娜多姿的小岛，环绕着三座磨坊；岛上覆盖着一簇簇树丛，周围是一片水草地，不如此称谓，还能给这些绿草起什么名字呢？萋萋的水草，翠绿翠绿的，铺在河面上，又超出水面，随着水流起伏波动，在磨轮击水形成的漩涡中偃伏。河中疏疏落落露出些石头，水波击石，散落成流苏状，在阳光下粼粼耀眼。孤挺花、粉红睡莲、白睡莲、灯心草、福禄考，宛如精美的壁毯，装饰着两岸。一座小桥摇摇晃晃，梁木已朽，桥墩上开满鲜花，栏杆也覆盖着茂盛的青草与绿茵茵的苔藓，向河面倾斜，却没有塌毁。几只破旧的小船、几张渔网、还有牧人单调的歌声；一群群鸭子在小岛之间嬉游，或在卢瓦尔河水冲下来的粗沙滩上舒翅；磨坊工人帽子压在耳朵上，正忙着给骡子装驮；这种种细节，给这幅画面增添了惊人的天真气氛。请想像一下，过了桥，便看见三两座农舍、一间鸽棚、几座墙角塔；还有三十来座简陋的房子，由园子和忍冬、茉莉、铁线莲长成的绿篱隔开；每户门前的肥料堆上都开满鲜花，公鸡母鸡在路上闲逛。这就是日昂桥村，一座明媚秀丽的村庄。村中高矗一座古老的教堂，是十字军时代的建筑，很有特色，也是画家喜欢人画的景物。请您在整个画面的四周，画上胡桃古木、淡黄叶丛的幼杨；在云蒸霞蔚的天空下，一望无际的辽阔草场中间，再添上几种园中建筑，您对这个美丽的地方就会窥见一斑了。我沿着河左岸的萨榭乡路，边走边观赏，看那布满对岸的丘丘壑壑。最后走入一座园子，园中的百年大树表明，这便是弗拉佩斯勒古堡了。我到达时，正巧响起午餐钟声。主人绝没有想到我是从图尔徒步而来的，饭后便带我出去，到他的庄园转了一圈。我从各个角度观赏了山谷的千姿百态，此处只见一线，别处又豁然开朗；卢瓦尔河宛如一把精致的金刀，常常把我的目光引向天际，只见粼粼碧波中间，帆影幢幢，趁风疾驶。我登上一个峰顶，第一次欣赏到阿泽古堡，这颗经过琢磨的钻石，镶嵌在安德尔河上，下面衬托着雕花的桩基。接着，我望见坐落在谷底一隅的萨榭古堡，它的体态巍峨和谐，引人遐思，然而大凄清、太肃穆，不适于浮华的人逗留，却是愁肠百结的诗人的好去处。我受此感染，后来也爱上了寂静、树顶光秃的乔木。爱上了幽谷中无名的神秘气氛！但是，那坐落在斜坡上的、被我一眼选中的小古堡，我每次望见都意倾神往，久久凝视。 　　“喂！”主人在我的眼神里，发现年轻人总是十分天真地流露出来的欲念的闪光，不禁说道，“您远远就觉察出有个漂亮女子，就像狗嗅到猎物一样。” 　　我不爱听他这后半句话，不过，我还是向他打听小古堡的名称、主人的姓名。 　　“那是葫芦钟堡，建筑很好看，是德·莫尔索伯爵的宅邸。他是都兰地区一个世族的后裔；他家在路易十一①朝代开始发迹，这一姓氏表明他祖先历过奇险，从而赢得了纹章和封号。他一个先辈幸免绞刑之难，因此，全家人都戴金质黑色小型十字徽章；徽章上下呈T字形和倒T字形，中心有一朵枝茎截断的金色百合花，题铭为：‘主佑吾王陛下’。伯爵流亡回国后，便在这个宅邸安了家。这份产业是他妻子的。德·莫尔索夫人是独生女，她娘家勒农库，即勒农库一吉弗里世家，眼看就要绝嗣了。伯爵一家财产微薄，同夫妇二人的显赫姓氏形成奇特的对比。也许出于自尊心，也许迫不得已，他们始终守在葫芦钟堡，杜门谢客。直到目前为止，他们深居简出还有情可原，只为眷恋波旁王室；不过我怀疑，国王回来，他们也未必改变生活方式。去年，我来到这里居住，曾对他们进行一次礼节性的拜访；他们回访了，并邀请我们吃饭。冬季，双方有几个月没有来往；后来又发生了政治事变，推延了我们返回的日期。我回到弗拉佩斯勒的时间不长。德·莫尔索夫人无论到什么地方，都是首屈一指的女子。” 　　①路易十一（1423—1483），法国国王，于1461年至1483年间在位。 　　“她常去图尔吗？” 　　“从来不去。哦，”他又改口道，“她最近去过，就是德·昂古莱姆公爵路经图尔的那次。公爵对德·莫尔索先生优礼相待。” 　　“正是她！”我失声高叫。 　　“谁呀，她？” 　　“肩膀很美的女子。” 　　“肩膀美的女子，您在都兰一带能见到很多，”他笑道，“真的，您若是不累，我们可以过河，到葫芦钟堡去。到了那儿，您再辨认辨认，是不是您说的那副肩膀。” 　　我又高兴又羞愧，红着脸同意了。将近下午四点钟，我们到达我的目光长时间爱抚的小古堡。这个建筑其实挺普通，但与周围景物相得益彰。它坐北向南，正面有五扇窗户，两头的两扇各突出约两图瓦兹①，模拟两座楼阁，这种建筑技巧，给这座古堡增彩添色。中间的窗户兼作楼门，下两层台阶便是梯状花园；最低一层有洋槐椿树掩映，隔一条乡路，就是沿安德尔河边的一长条草地，但看上去还像是花园的组成部分；因为那条土路低四，一侧紧贴梯园，另一侧护着诺曼底式的绿篱。坡地平整成梯田，使房舍与河流距离适宜，既避免临水产生的妨害，又不失依山傍水的风致。古堡下方建有库棚、马厩、贮藏室、厨房，全是安的拱形门。古堡顶棱角分明，栩栩生姿；顶室有雕花小窗棂，山墙上饰有铅皮制的花束。在大革命时期，房顶无疑失修，上面像生了锈一般，平平地铺了一层淡红色苔藓；朝南的房顶就好生这种藓类。台阶正门上方建有一个钟楼，上面雕着布拉蒙一绍弗里的盾形纹章：纹章等分成四个口状，面上是蓝色和银色交替的纵条纹，两侧各有一只肉包与金色手掌，各握一条人字条纹的黑色长熗。题铭为：“万人可睹，一人莫触！”这给我留下强烈的印象。纹章的支撑图案是一条龙和一只狮身鹰头怪兽，张着大口，金链锁住，雕得十分精美。纹章上的公爵桂冠，以及顶端的金果绿色棕榈树，大革命时期给毁坏了。1789年之前，公安委员会秘书瑟纳尔被赶出了萨榭②，建筑遭到损坏也就不足为奇了。 　　①法国旧长度单位，一图瓦兹合1.9449米。 　　②根据史实，瑟纳尔并未被赶出萨榭，而是从1786年起，几度出任伊斯勒·布夏尔地区司法官，萨榭在其辖内。1791年，他在都兰成为革命委员会主席，曾对贵族实行恐怖统治。 　　这样的布局和雕饰，给这座小古堡增添一种美感，使它像一朵花，飘飘欲举。从山谷往这里看，古堡底层像是第二层；可是到庭院里一瞧，底层和一条宽宽的沙路却处于同一水平上；沙路通向一块草坪，草坪上有几个圆形花坛，显得生气盎然。左右两侧是葡萄园、果园和几块栽了核桃树的耕地，使古堡绿环翠绕；这一段地势很陡，直冲而下，濒临安德尔河。河边草木丰茂，苍翠青葱，色调深浅不同，着实显出造化之功。沿着葫芦钟堡旁边的小路往上走，只见园林建筑错落有致，我一边赞赏，一边呼吸着充满幸福的空气。精神难道像物质一样有导电作用，也能迅速地改变温度吗？隐秘的事件即将发生，要永远改变我的心境，我的心不禁怦怦直跳，就像动物预感到好天气而快活那样。这一天是我终生难忘的日子，每个情景都给它增添了隆重的色彩。大自然装扮一新，犹如一位去同情郎幽会的女子。我的心灵第一次听到大自然的声音，我凝目观赏，她像我在中学时幻想中描绘的那样，丰美茂盛，五彩缤纷。为了说明那种幻想对我的影响，我在前面笨拙地向您提了几句；那的确像一部《启示录》①，我的一生都一幕幕在上面预示出来：每个事件，无论是幸运的还是不幸的，都有古怪的图像相伴随，那其中的联系，惟独心灵的眼睛才能看见。葫芦钟堡的头一道院子四周，建有农事用房：仓库、压榨机室、牲口棚、马厩等。我们穿过头道院子，看门狗叫起来，一位仆人闻声而出，对我们说伯爵先生一早就到阿泽去了，估计就要返回，府上只有伯爵夫人。我的房东看了看我。我的心突突直跳，怕他因为男主人不在家，不愿意拜访德·莫尔索夫人；还好，他让仆人去通禀。我像孩子一样急不可耐，快步走进纵贯主楼的长长的门厅。 　　①《启示录》，《新约》中的最后一卷。 　　“请进吧，先生们！”一副金嗓音说道。 　　虽然德·莫尔索夫人在舞会上只讲过一句话，但我一下便听出是她；这声音直透我的心扉，充溢我的灵魂，犹如一束阳光照亮一个囚徒的牢室。想到她可能记得我的相貌，我恨不能逃走；可是已经迟了，她出现在门口，我们的目光相遇了。我不清楚谁的脸红得最厉害，是她还是我。她一时怔住，一句话也讲不出来，等仆人搬过两张圆椅，她才回到原位，坐在绒绣机前，绣完一针，数了针数，以表示她沉默并非无故，然后抬起头来，表情又温和又高傲，对着德·谢塞尔先生问，是什么好风使我们光临。她虽然急切想了解我来访的真意，眼睛却不看我，也不看德·谢塞尔先生，而一直凝望外面的河流。但是，她听我们讲话的神情就像盲人一样，要从声调的细微变化中，捕捉对方心灵上的波动。也的确如此。德·谢塞尔先生介绍了我的姓名、身世，说我来到图尔只有几个月，战事威胁巴黎时，我父母才把我接回图尔的家中。我虽然生在都兰，却不熟悉这地方；在都兰人看来，我不过是个因学习负担过重，把身体搞虚弱了的小伙子，是到弗拉佩斯勒来疗养的。我是头一次到这里来，他便带我参观他的庄园，到了山脚下我才告诉他，我是从图尔步行到弗拉佩斯勒的；我的身体本来就虚弱，他担心我吃不消，便冒昧走进葫芦钟堡，想必德·莫尔索夫人会允许我在府上休息一下。德·谢塞尔先生讲的是实情，然而事情显得太巧，德·莫尔索夫人还半信半疑。她转身打量我，那眼神又冷淡又严峻，我被逼视得垂下眼帘，既是由于一种说不出来的耻辱之感，又是要掩盖我忍住的眼泪。高贵的女主人见我额头沁出汗珠，也许还清出我几欲流泪，因而热情地款待我们；她的好意使我定下心来，有了开口的勇气。我逊谢一番，可是脸红得像做了错事的姑娘，声音颤抖得像老人。 　　“我的全部祈愿，”我抬起眼睛，第二次同她的目光相遇，但像闪电一样旋即离开，对她说道，“就是不要把我从这里赶走；我实在疲乏，走不动路了。” 　　“您为什么怀疑这个美丽的地方的好客精神呢？”她问道，“你们一定肯赏光，在葫芦钟堡吃饭吧？”她转身向我的房东补充了一句。 　　我看了看我的保护人，目光充满了祈求的神色。他见此光景，便准备接受这一措辞是要对方谢绝的邀请。诚然，德·谢塞尔先生在社交场上阅历既深，听出了话外之音，而我这个不谙世事的青年，却确信一个美丽的女子必定心口如一；因此晚上回去，我的房东提起此事，令我好生奇怪。他对我说：“我留下吃饭，是因为您有这种强烈的愿望。但是，假如您不把事情挽回来，我同邻居的关系也许就搞僵了。”假如您不把事情挽回来这句话，令我沉思很久。德·莫尔索夫人若是喜欢我，就不会嗔怪把我引到她府上的人。看来，德·谢塞尔先生料想我能使她感兴趣，这不就是向我肯定了这一点吗？在我需要帮忙的时刻，这种解释增强了我的希望。

"I am afraid it will be difficult," he began; "Madame de Chessel expects us."   "She has you every day," replied the countess; "besides, we can send her word. Is she alone?"   "No, the Abbe de Quelus is there."   "Well, then," she said, rising to ring the bell, "you really must dine with us."   This time Monsieur de Chessel thought her in earnest, and gave me a congratulatory look. As soon as I was sure of passing a whole evening under that roof I seemed to have eternity before me. For many miserable beings to-morrow is a word without meaning, and I was of the number who had no faith in it; when I was certain of a few hours of happiness I made them contain a whole lifetime of delight.   Madame de Mortsauf talked about local affairs, the harvest, the vintage, and other matters to which I was a total stranger. This usually argues either a want of breeding or great contempt for the stranger present who is thus shut out from the conversation, but in this case it was embarrassment. Though at first I thought she treated me as a child and I  envied the man of thirty to whom she talked of serious matters which I could not comprehend, I came, a few months later, to understand how significant a woman's silence often is, and how many thoughts a voluble conversation masks. At first I attempted to be at my ease and take part in it, then I perceived the advantages of my situation and gave myself up to the charm of listening to Madame de Mortsauf's voice. The breath of her soul rose and fell among the syllables as sound is divided by the notes of a flute; it died away to the ear as it quickened the pulsation of the blood. Her way of uttering the terminations in "i" was like a bird's song; the "ch" as she said it was a kiss, but the "t's" were an echo of her heart's despotism. She thus extended, without herself knowing that she did so, the meaning of her words, leading the soul of the listener into regions above this earth. Many a time I have continued a discussion I could easily have ended, many a time I have allowed myself to be unjustly scolded that I might listen to those harmonies of the human voice, that I might breathe the air of her soul as it left her lips, and strain to my soul that spoken light as I would fain have strained the speaker to my breast. A swallow's song of joy it was when she was gay!--but when she spoke of her griefs, a swan's voice calling to its mates!   Madame de Mortsauf's inattention to my presence enabled me to examine her. My eyes rejoiced as they glided over the sweet speaker; they kissed her feet, they clasped her waist, they played with the ringlets of her  hair. And yet I was a prey to terror, as all who, once in their lives, have experienced the illimitable joys of a true passion will understand. I feared she would detect me if I let my eyes rest upon the shoulder I had kissed, and the fear sharpened the temptation. I yielded, I looked, my eyes tore away the covering; I saw the mole which lay where the pretty line between the shoulders started, and which, ever since the ball, had sparkled in that twilight which seems the region of the sleep of youths whose imagination is ardent and whose life is chaste. I can sketch for you the leading features which all eyes saw in Madame de Mortsauf; but no drawing, however correct, no color, however warm, can represent her to you. Her face was of those that require the unattainable artist, whose hand can paint the reflection of inward fires and render that luminous vapor which defies science and is not revealable by language--but which a lover sees. Her soft, fair hair often caused her much suffering, no doubt through sudden rushes of blood to the head. Her brow, round and prominent like that of Joconda, teemed with unuttered thoughts, restrained feelings--flowers drowning in bitter waters. The eyes, of a green tinge flecked with brown, were always wan; but if her children were in question, or if some keen condition of joy or suffering (rare in the lives of all resigned women) seized her, those eyes sent forth a subtile gleam as if from fires that were consuming her,--the gleam that wrung the tears from mine when she covered me with  her contempt, and which sufficed to lower the boldest eyelid. A Grecian nose, designed it might be by Phidias, and united by its double arch to lips that were gracefully curved, spiritualized the face, which was oval with a skin of the texture of a white camellia colored with soft rose-tints upon the cheeks. Her plumpness did not detract from the grace of her figure nor from the rounded outlines which made her shape beautiful though well developed. You will understand the character of this perfection when I say that where the dazzling treasures which had so fascinated me joined the arm there was no crease or wrinkle. No hollow disfigured the base of her head, like those which make the necks of some women resemble trunks of trees; her muscles were not harshly defined, and everywhere the lines were rounded into curves as fugitive to the eye as to the pencil. A soft down faintly showed upon her cheeks and on the outline of her throat, catching the light which made it silken. Her little ears, perfect in shape, were, as she said herself, the ears of a mother and a slave. In after days, when our hearts were one, she would say to me, "Here comes Monsieur de Mortsauf"; and she was right, though I, whose hearing is remarkably acute, could hear nothing. Her arms were beautiful. The curved fingers of the hand were long, and the flesh projected at the side beyond the finger-nails, like those of antique statues. I should displease you, I know, if you were not yourself an exception to my rule, when I say that flat waists should have the preference over round ones.  The round waist is a sign of strength; but women thus formed are imperious, self-willed, and more voluptuous than tender. On the other hand, women with flat waists are devoted in soul, delicately perceptive, inclined to sadness, more truly woman than the other class. The flat waist is supple and yielding; the round waist is inflexible and jealous. You now know how she was made. She had the foot of a well-bred woman, --the foot that walks little, is quickly tired, and delights the eye when it peeps beneath the dress. Though she was the mother of two children, I have never met any woman so truly a young girl as she. Her whole air was one of simplicity, joined to a certain bashful dreaminess which attracted others, just as a painter arrests our steps before a figure into which his genius has conveyed a world of sentiment. If you recall the pure, wild fragrance of the heath we gathered on our return from the Villa Diodati, the flower whose tints of black and rose you praised so warmly, you can fancy how this woman could be elegant though remote from the social world, natural in expression, fastidious in all things which became part of herself,--in short, like the heath of mingled colors. Her body had the freshness we admire in the unfolding leaf; her spirit the clear conciseness of the aboriginal mind; she was a child by feeling, grave through suffering, the mistress of a household, yet a maiden too. Therefore she charmed artlessly and unconsciously, by her way of sitting down or rising, of throwing in a word or keeping silence. Though  habitually collected, watchful as the sentinel on whom the safety of others depends and who looks for danger, there were moments when smiles would wreathe her lips and betray the happy nature buried beneath the saddened bearing that was the outcome of her life. Her gift of attraction was mysterious. Instead of inspiring the gallant attentions which other women seek, she made men dream, letting them see her virginal nature of pure flame, her celestial visions, as we see the azure heavens through rifts in the clouds. This involuntary revelation of her being made others thoughtful. The rarity of her gestures, above all, the rarity of her glances--for, excepting her children, she seldom looked at any one--gave a strange solemnity to all she said and did when her words or actions seemed to her to compromise her dignity. On this particular morning Madame de Mortsauf wore a rose-colored gown patterned in tiny stripes, a collar with a wide hem, a black belt, and little boots of the same hue. Her hair was simply twisted round her head, and held in place by a tortoise-shell comb. Such, my dear Natalie, is the imperfect sketch I promised you. But the constant emanation of her soul upon her family, that nurturing essence shed in floods around her as the sun emits its light, her inward nature, her cheerfulness on days serene, her resignation on stormy ones,--all those variations of expression by which character is displayed depend, like the effects in the sky, on unexpected and fugitive circumstances, which have  no connection with each other except the background against which they rest, though all are necessarily mingled with the events of this history,--truly a household epic, as great to the eyes of a wise man as a tragedy to the eyes of the crowd, an epic in which you will feel an interest, not only for the part I took in it, but for the likeness that it bears to the destinies of so vast a number of women. Everything at Clochegourde bore signs of a truly English cleanliness. The room in which the countess received us was panelled throughout and painted in two shades of gray. The mantelpiece was ornamented with a clock inserted in a block of mahogany and surmounted with a tazza, and two large vases of white porcelain with gold lines, which held bunches of Cape heather. A lamp was on a pier-table, and a backgammon board on legs before the fireplace. Two wide bands of cotton held back the white cambric curtains, which had no fringe. The furniture was covered with gray cotton bound with a green braid, and the tapestry on the countess's frame told why the upholstery was thus covered. Such simplicity rose to grandeur. No apartment, among all that I have seen since, has given me such fertile, such teeming impressions as those that filled my mind in that salon of Clochegourde, calm and composed as the life of its mistress, where the conventual regularity of her occupations made itself felt. The greater part of my ideas in science or politics, even the boldest of them, were born in that room, as perfumes emanate from flowers; there grew the mysterious  plant that cast upon my soul its fructifying pollen; there glowed the solar warmth which developed my good and shrivelled my evil qualities. Through the windows the eye took in the valley from the heights of Pont-de-Ruan to the chateau d'Azay, following the windings of the further shore, picturesquely varied by the towers of Frapesle, the church, the village, and the old manor-house of Sache, whose venerable pile looked down upon the meadows. In harmony with this reposeful life, and without other excitements to emotion than those arising in the family, this scene conveyed to the soul its own serenity. If I had met her there for the first time, between the count and her two children, instead of seeing her resplendent in a ball dress, I should not have ravished that delirious kiss, which now filled me with remorse and with the fear of having lost the future of my love. No; in the gloom of my unhappy life I should have bent my knee and kissed the hem of her garment, wetting it with tears, and then I might have flung myself into the Indre. But having breathed the jasmine perfume of her skin and drunk the milk of that cup of love, my soul had acquired the knowledge and the hope of human joys; I would live and await the coming of happiness as the savage awaits his hour of vengeance; I longed to climb those trees, to creep among the vines, to float in the river; I wanted the companionship of night and its silence, I needed lassitude of body, I craved the heat of the sun to make the eating of the delicious  apple into which I had bitten perfect. Had she asked of me the singing flower, the riches buried by the comrades of Morgan the destroyer, I would have sought them, to obtain those other riches and that mute flower for which I longed. When my dream, the dream into which this first contemplation of my idol plunged me, came to an end and I heard her speaking of Monsieur de Mortsauf, the thought came that a woman must belong to her husband, and a raging curiosity possessed me to see the owner of this treasure. Two emotions filled my mind, hatred and fear,--hatred which allowed of no obstacles and measured all without shrinking, and a vague, but real fear of the struggle, of its issue, and above all of HER. "Here is Monsieur de Mortsauf," she said. 　“这恐怕难于从命，”德·谢塞尔先生答道，“德·谢塞尔夫人还等我们回去呢。” 　　“她天天有您陪伴，”伯爵夫人又说，“可以派人告诉她一声。她一个人在府上吗？” 　　“德·凯吕斯神甫在那儿做客。” 　　“那好！”她起身摇铃传仆人，“你们就同我们一道用餐。” 　　这回，德·谢塞尔先生才相信她出于诚意，向我投来祝贺的目光。我一旦确信整个傍晚能待在这里，就觉得这段时间是无穷无尽的。在许多不幸的人的心目中，明天是一个毫无意义的词，他们对次日不抱任何企望，我就是其中的一个、能有几个小时，我便尽情地享受。德·莫尔索夫人谈到当地情况，谈到收获、葡萄的长势，话题全是我不知道的事物。一位女主人这样行事，不是表明她缺乏教养，就是表明她瞧不起客人，要让人家插不上嘴。其实，伯爵夫人倒很为难。如果说乍一开始，我认为她故意把我当作孩子看待，如果说我看到德·谢塞尔先生同女邻居谈些我根本不懂的严肃事，不禁羡慕起三十岁男子的优越地位，如果说我认为青睐为他独占，心中非常气恼，那么几个月之后我才明白，一位女子的缄默有多深的涵义，一次漫无边际的谈话又掩饰了多少心思。起初，我坐在椅子上，尽量显得自如一些、继而发觉自己的位置有利，便一饱耳福，聆听伯爵夫人迷人的声音。她那心灵的气息，在音节的抑扬顿挫中舒展，犹如乐音通过笛孔分成音调一样。那气息飘飘摇摇，人耳已微，却能促进人的血液循环。从她口中讲出来，i结尾的词宛若鸟鸣，ch音犹如爱抚，爆破音t又像是表现了心灵的专横。就这样，她不知不觉扩展了语词的含义，将听者的灵魂带入仙境。有多少回，一场可以结束的讨论，我却任其继续下去；有多少回，我故意惹她训饬，就为了倾听这人声的音乐会，呼吸从她表露心灵的双唇吐出来的空气，就为了能热烈地拥抱住这闪光的语流，我真渴望能以同样的狂热把伯爵夫人紧紧搂在心口！当她讲到高兴处笑起来的时候，那是多么快活的燕子歌声啊！可是，当她提起她的忧伤时，那声音又多么像天鹅在呼唤自己的同伴！伯爵夫人没有注意我，正好给我端详她的机会。我的目光尽情地在这位谈话的漂亮女子身上移动，这目光紧紧搂住她的腰，亲吻她的双脚，在她的发鬈中嬉戏。然而，一种恐惧的心理折磨着我；大凡在生活中有过真正的恋情，尝过无穷乐趣的人，都能理解我这种心情。我就怕她发现我的目光盯着她的肩膀，盯着我曾热烈亲吻的地方。越怕，欲望越强烈，我不能自制，还是凝视她的双肩！我的眼睛撕开了她的衣领，又瞧见那颗淹没在乳白色中的斑点；斑点以下便是中分后背的美丽的线条。自从那次舞会之后，这斑点就一直在我的漆黑之夜中闪光；要知道，富于幻想而生活又纯洁的年轻人，他们的睡梦就仿佛在这种黑暗中流转。 　　我可以向您勾画伯爵夫人的仪态，这仪态使她所到之处令人瞩目；然而，多么精妙的笔触、多么温暖的设色，也不能表现其万一。要想绘出她的形象，就必须有一只妙手，善于刻画内心的火焰，善于表现朦胧皎洁的神韵，可是这样的画家是找不到的，因为这样的神韵既为科学所否认，又是语言所无法描摹的，而惟有情人的眼睛能够窥见。她那纤细的灰色秀发常常使她难受；这类不适，无疑是血液猛然上头而引起的。她的额头像若孔德①那样饱满丰润，蕴蓄着无数未表达的思想，种种被抑制的情感和无数浸在苦水中的鲜花。她那水绿色的眼睛有褐色斑痕，平时一直暗淡无光。不过，若是谈起她的孩子，若是突然流露快乐或痛苦，尽管在安分守己的女人生活中很少发生这种情况，那么，她的眼睛也会闪现难以捉摸的光芒，仿佛生命的精力在燃烧，即将燃尽似的。那闪光曾以它极大的鄙视射向我，使我几欲流泪；它也足以使最狂妄的人垂下眼睑。她的鼻子是希腊型的，像菲迪亚斯②画上的那样，由一对弧线与秀美的嘴唇相连，给她那张瓜子脸增添许多神采。她的脸色宛似白茶花色织锦，两腮泛红时，又像玫瑰一般鲜艳。体态丰满适度，既不减妩媚，也无损丰腴，虽然富态而依旧风姿绰约。那双手赛过璀璨的瑰宝，令我目眩神摇；手臂相连没出一条纹褶，您若是看到，就会顿然领悟这种完美的形体。她的头下半部并无凹陷，不像脖颈类似树干的那种女子；肌肉也没有凸出条条纹路，周身各部分都是流线型的，人见而忘俗，笔墨难以描绘。沿双颊有两溜绒毛，至脖颈平阔处渐次疏落，由于反光作用，像丝绸一样柔软光滑。她的耳轮纤巧，照她的话说，这是做奴婢与母亲的苦相。后来，当她心中有了我时，她才对我说：“指的就是德·莫尔索先生！”真对呀，而我这听话善于听音的人，当时却什么也没有听出来。她的胳膊妙丽，双手修长，葱指微微弯曲，像所有的古代雕像一样，手指肚超出薄薄的指甲。如果您不是个例外的话，我说扁腰胜过圆腰，必定会惹您不快。圆腰是有魄力的标志。然而，这种女子专擅固执，好享乐而缺乏温情。扁腰的女子则不然，她们忠诚，多愁善感，情意缠绵，比前者更具有女性的特点。扁腰女子温和柔顺，圆腰女子倔强嫉妒。现在您知道了她的容貌。再者，她有大家闺秀的一双纤足，极少走路，走几步就乏，从衣裙里露出来煞是好看。虽说生了两个孩子，却保留了少女的情态，我见过的女子都不及她。她的样子天真，又显得羞怯，常爱沉思默想，那无以言传的神态，正像一个天才画家为表现内心世界而创作的肖像。就是她的外表美，也只有通过对比才能体现出来。您回想一下，我们俩从迪奥达蒂别墅③返回的路上，曾采了一枝欧石南，它有一股野花的清香，您还大大赞美那粉红墨黑两色的死瓣。你想起那枝花，就能推断出来，这位女子远离尘世，人有多么标致，表情有多么自然，在与她融为一体的事物中，又是多么令人爱慕，她真像那粉红墨黑两色的花瓣，她的身体就像新发的叶子那样生机勃勃，头脑如同离群索居的人那样简洁明辨。她在感情上稚气十足，却又因倍受折磨而神态严肃，具有高贵夫人与可爱少女的双重气质。她从不忸怩作态，一起一坐，一言一止，无不招人喜爱。她一向沉默寡言，心神集中，警惕着灾祸的偷袭，像是一家人安全的可靠哨兵。有时脸上洋溢出笑意，揭示她爱笑的天性，不过，这种天性已经埋没在生活强加给她的神态中了。她的妩媚蒙上了一层神秘的色彩，只能引起人们的遐想，不会激发一般女子所希冀的男人的追求，但显露了她早年的烈火般的天性、蔚蓝色的梦幻，犹如乌云绽开的缝隙中露出的湛蓝天空。这无意中隐现的天性，会使还没有体味到心中的泪水已被欲火烤于的人陷入沉思。她的动作极少，尤其是眼睛很少顾盼（除了她的孩子，她谁也不瞧），因而做件事，说句话，显得无比庄重；大凡女子因流露真情而有失体面时，都善于摆出这样一本正经的面孔。那天，德·莫尔索夫人穿一件粉色密条纹衣裙，细布绉领上镶着宽宽的折边，扎一条黑色腰带，穿一双黑色皮靴。她的发式很简单，只是盘在头顶，用一个玳瑁梳子卡住。这就是我许下的不完整的素描。然而，她那不断向亲人身上流溢的心灵的力量，她那像太阳放光一样大量输送的营养汁液，她那内在的本性，她那安宁时刻所持的态度，阴云密布时表现出来的隐忍，所有那些展示性格的生活漩涡，有如变化莫测的天穹，只有深处的本色相似；要想全部描述出来，就不能脱离这个故事中的种种事件。这是一部真正的家庭史诗，它在贤者心目中的伟大程度，不亚于百姓心目中的悲剧。它定会扣紧您的心弦，不仅因为我在这个故事中占有一席之地，而且因为它反映了大多数女子的类似命运。 　　①即意大利画家达·芬奇的代表作《蒙娜·丽莎》中的女子。 　　②菲迪亚斯（公元前440—431），雅典雕塑家，是希腊古典艺术的杰出代表。 　　③迪奥达蒂别墅，位于日内瓦湖畔，英国诗人拜伦曾在此小住。巴尔扎克曾两度来访。 　　葫芦钟堡非常整齐洁净，处处显示英格兰的特点。伯爵夫人常待的客厅，全部镶了细木护壁，涂成两种不同的灰色。壁炉上摆着一个座钟，钟罩是一块整桃花心木雕成的，上面立着一只高脚杯，还摆着一对白色金丝大瓷瓶，里边插着从好望角移植来的欧石南花。托架上放着一盏灯。壁炉对面摆着一个双六棋盘。白色薄纱窗帘没镶流苏，由两条棉布宽带系着。坐椅的罩子是灰色的，镶有绿边。绷在架子上的绒绣布可以表明，伯爵夫人的家具为什么都有罩子。这种简朴可以说达到了伟大的程度。葫芦钟堡的这间客厅宁静肃穆，跟伯爵夫人的生活极为相称，看得出她平时的活动很有规律；我后来见过许多客厅，没有一个给我留下如此充实丰赡的印象。我的大部分思想，甚至那些在科学上、政治上最大胆的设想，都是在那里产生的，好比鲜花散发芳香一样；正是那里生长着一株不为人识的奇花，它把花粉撒在我的心灵上；正是那里照耀着温暖的太阳，它使我的好品质发扬光大，使我的坏品质枯萎消退。从窗口望去，整个山谷景物尽收眼底，从横卧昂昂桥的丘峦起，沿着对面蜿蜒起伏的山坡，以及沿线矗立的弗拉佩斯勒的塔楼、教堂、小镇、雄踞草场的萨榭小古堡，直到阿泽古堡，一览无余。这地方与闲适的生活非常和谐，把宁静注入人的心灵；除了家庭风波，再也没有情绪变化。假如我在那里同她第一次相遇，看见她在伯爵和两个孩子中间，而不是身穿舞会的衣裙像仙子一样，我绝不会猎取那狂热的一吻，当时我正痛悔莫及，以为那将葬送我的爱情！不，我绝不会那样做。在我身遭不幸、痛不欲生的时候，我可能跪下来，吻她的靴子，洒下几滴泪，然后去投安德尔河。可是，我接触了她那初绽的茉莉花般的皮肤，喝了那盛满爱情的杯中奶汁，心灵领略了超凡的快意，便燃起了希望；因此，我要活下去，等待欢乐时刻的到来，有如野人窥伺报仇的时机；我要藏匿在树上，匍匐在葡萄园里，潜伏在安德尔河中；我要寂静的夜晚、孤独的生活、火热的太阳做我的同谋，以便吃掉我曾咬过的甜美禁果。即使她要我采撷会唱歌的花①，找到赛海神摩尔根②的同伙埋藏的财宝，我也一定要全部献给她，以便换取可靠的财富，换取我渴望的缄默之花！我久久凝视我崇拜的女子，盘桓于梦幻之乡，这时一名仆人走进来，向她禀报什么事；于是我停止幻想，听到她提到伯爵，这才想起一位女子应该属于她的丈夫，不由得头脑一阵眩晕。继而，我暗暗气恼，倒要瞧瞧拥有这个珍宝的究竟是什么人。两种情绪控制着我：仇恨与害怕；这种仇恨无所畏惧，敢于冲破一切障碍；这种畏怯既模糊又真切，担心这场搏斗及其结局，尤其是担心她。我被无名的预感搅得心烦意乱，害怕蒙受耻辱的握手；我已经隐约看见这种有弹性的困难，意志最坚强的人碰上去，也要被消磨得精疲力竭；我也忌惮那种惰性，它使现今的社会生活里不再有火热的心灵所追求的激动人心的结局。 　　①指曼德拉草，据说拔的时候它会呻吟。 　　②赛海神摩尔根，18世纪英国最著名的海盗。 　　“德·莫尔索先生回来了。”伯爵夫人说道。 　　我像一匹受惊的马，噌地跳起来。德·谢塞尔先生和伯爵夫人都看到了我这一举动，但谁也没有表露责备之意，因为他们的注意力转移到一个小姑娘身上。我看进来的小姑娘有六岁，只听她说道： 　　“爸爸回来了。” 　　“没看见有客人吗，玛德莱娜？”她母亲问道。 　　孩子向德·谢塞尔先生伸出手，又十分惊奇地向我略施一礼，接着目不转睛地打量我。 　　“您对她的身体还满意吧？”德·谢塞尔问道。 　　“身体好多了。”伯爵夫人答道，她抚摩着已经偎依在她怀里的孩子的头发。 　　德·谢塞尔先生问了一句话，我才知道玛德莱娜已经九岁，原来自己估计错了，脸上不免流露出诧异的神色。孩子的母亲见我的表情，额头便聚起愁云。我的引荐者意味深长地瞥了我一眼，社交人物常用这种眼色给我们进行第二次教育。孩子的身体无疑是这位母亲的心病，外人是不应当触碰的。玛德莱娜形体孱弱，眼睛无神，皮肤白得像激光下的瓷器，如果生活在城市那种环境里，肯定早已夭折。她就像移来的一株花木，栽在暖室里，与异地恶劣的气候隔绝，全凭乡村的新鲜空气、母亲的精心照料，才得以维持生命。玛德莱娜长得虽然没有一点像她母亲，却似乎有她母亲一样的心灵，正是这颗心灵在支撑着她。她的黑发稀疏，眼窝凹陷，脸蛋瘦削，胳膊皮包骨，一副鸡胸，整个形体表明，她身上正进行着一场生与死的决斗，而在这场无休止的决斗中，伯爵夫人还占着上风。她无疑是怕母亲伤心，竭力装出活泼的样子，因为，只要心不在焉，她的姿态就像一棵垂柳，无精打采了。真好比是一个波希米亚小姑娘，背井离乡，沿途乞讨，终日捱饿，虽然筋疲力尽，但仍鼓起勇气，打扮起来给观众表演。 　　“你把雅克丢在哪儿啦？”母亲问道，边说边亲亲女儿头顶的白色发缝；她的头发分在两边，如同乌鸦的两只翅膀。 　　“他跟爸爸来了。” 　　说话间，伯爵领着儿子走进来。雅克跟他妹妹一样，也是一副羸弱的病态。看到一位绝色的母亲身边有这样两个病弱的孩子，就不难猜出为什么伯爵夫人脸上浮现忧容，把只有天主才知晓的思虑憋在心中，因而眉宇间有一种奇异的神色。伯爵看了我一眼，同我见礼。他的目光不善于观察，只是笨拙不安，表明他这个人缺乏分析的习惯，疑心很重。伯爵夫人向他介绍了我的姓名家世，便起身让座，离开我们。两个孩子想要出去，都盯着母亲的眼睛，仿佛要从中汲取光芒似的。她对孩子说：“留下，亲爱的小天使！”说着把手放在嘴唇上。孩子们顺从了，可是，他们的目光却暗淡下来。听她叫一声亲爱的，别人怎能不百依百顺呢！她不在眼前，我同两个孩子一样，情绪当即冷落下来。伯爵知道了我的姓氏，便改变了对我的态度，即便谈不上热情，起码是殷勤有礼，不那么冷淡狐疑了，甚至还对我表示了几分敬重，显得非常高兴接待我。家父对王室忠心耿耿，从前扮演了重要而又默默无闻的、危险而又功劳卓著的角色。等到拿破仑掌握了国家的最高权力，大势已去，家父便同许多密谋者一样，避居外省，过起隐逸的生活，自得其乐，任凭别人指责；那些无情而又失当的指责，正是孤注一掷的赌容应得的酬金，他们充当了政治机器的中轴之后，就成了替罪羊。我对本家族的发迹、往事与前途一无所知，对这段湮灭了的特殊遭际也不甚了了，可是德·莫尔索伯爵还都记得。他的殷勤态度弄得我局促不安。如果说这种欢迎是因为在他眼里，一个人姓氏古老便有高贵品质的话，那么后来我才明白真正的原因。不过，就当时来说，他突然改变了态度，倒使我的心情放松了。孩子们见我们三个大人又谈起话来，玛德莱娜便把头从父亲手中移开，望着敞开的门，像鳗鱼一样溜了出去，雅克紧随其后。两个孩子回到了母亲身边，因为我听见他们说话和活动的声音，远远传来，就像蜜蜂在可爱的蜂房周围的嗡嗡声。 　　我打量着伯爵，想推测他的性格。不过，我对他相貌的几个主要特征颇感兴趣，因此注意力停留在他的外表上。他只有四十五岁，长得却像年近花甲，因为在18世纪末的大劫大难中，他衰老得太快了。他已经秃顶，头发像僧侣一样，只有后脑勺残留半圈，延至耳边就消失了，鬓角是两绺灰中杂黑的汗毛。他的脸有点像界口沾满鲜血的白脸狼，因为他的鼻子也是红的。一个人生活规律被打乱，胃功能减退，老病缠身，脾气变坏，就有这样的鼻子。他的脸型上宽下尖，不成比例；前额扁平，刻着几道长短不一的抬头纹，表明他经常在露天活动，而不是动脑筋劳累的，也表明他长期遭逢不幸，却不是为战胜不幸而奋斗的结果。他的脸色灰白，颧骨很高，呈棕褐色，从而看出他的体格比较结实、能够长寿。他的眼珠发黄，明亮而冷峻，像冬日的太阳一样，耀眼而不温暖，不安而无主见，多疑而无缘由。他的嘴显得粗暴，表情专横，下颏儿直而长，身材又高又瘦，有一种单靠传统习惯支撑的绅士派头；他自知在权力上高人一头，而事实上却低人一等。在乡下生活随便惯了，他平日不修边幅，一身农村人打扮。对这样的乡下人，农民和邻居们也只是看重他的地产了。他的双手晒成棕黑色，青筋暴突，表明除了骑马，礼拜天去望弥撒，他平常是不戴手套的。他脚下穿一双粗笨的皮鞋。十年流亡生涯，十年乡下生活，尽管影响了他的外貌，但是他身上仍有贵族风度的遗韵。在自由党这个词还没有被窃用的时候，最激烈的自由党人能看出他身上具有骑士的忠诚，具有从《每日新闻》上得来的不可动摇的信念，会佩服他像个教徒，对事业非常狂热，政治上爱憎分明，可又不谙法兰西国情，是个成事不足、败事有余的角色。伯爵的确是个耿直的人，软硬不吃，在他面前什么也别想通过，他在指定的岗位上，可以抱着兵刃以身殉职；然而，他性颇悭吝，宁可要财不要命。席间，从他那瘦削的面颊上和偷觑孩子的眼神中，我看出他思想苦恼的端倪；不过，那些思虑刚要露头便消失了。谁见到他不会一目了然呢？谁不会怪他把缺乏生机的肉体传给孩子，造成可悲的后果呢？他可以自责，但不让别人评论他，犹如一位自知失误的当政人物，内心苦不堪言，但又缺乏高尚精神与魅力，以弥补他投在天平上的痛苦分量；因此，他的家庭生活必然频起风波；他那瘦削的面孔、时刻不安的眼神，就已经揭示了这一点。等他夫人左右带着两个孩子回到客厅的时候，我就觉察出这个家庭存在着不幸，正如一个人走到地窖顶盖上，双脚仿佛觉出下面很深一样。我端详这聚在一起的四口人，目光从一个转向另一个，捉摸各自的相貌神态，忧郁的念头便油然而生，就像在一个艳阳普照的美丽的地方，天空猝然阴霾，细雨霏霏一样。伯爵见话题谈尽了，便怠慢了德·谢塞尔先生，又把我推上前台，向他夫人讲述了我家的几件往事，连我本人也头一回听说。他问我有多大年龄。伯爵夫人听了我的回答，立刻流露出诧异的神色，同我听说她女儿年龄时的反应一样。也许她以为我只有十四岁。此后我便知道，这是把她同我紧紧联结起来的第二层关系。我洞烛了她的心灵。迟来的希望把一束阳光射到她的身上，照亮了这颗母爱之心，使它颤抖起来。看到我年过二十、身体还这样单薄瘦弱，而神经又这样敏感，也许一个声音向她喊道：他们能活下去！她好奇地端详我，我感到此刻，我们之间许多隔阂都涣然冰释了。她似乎有满腹的话要问我，但是全憋在心里。 　　“您若是学习累病了，”她说道，“我们山谷的空气倒能使您恢复健康。” 　　“现代教育简直要孩子们的命，”伯爵接上说，“硬是向他们灌数学，用科学害他们，使他们未老先衰。您应当在这地方休息，”他对我说道，“现在思想太庞杂，全冲过来，把您压垮了。如果不防止弊端，让教会重新掌握教育，真不知道这种人人受教育的制度，会把我们带到什么年代去！” 　　听了这种言论，就不奇怪他在选举时说的一句话了。一个候选人很有才干，能为保王党的事业尽忠效力，可是伯爵偏偏不肯投票赞成，有一天他对拉票人说：“我对聪明人一向怀有戒心。”他提议带我们到花园里走走，说着站起身。 　　“先生……”伯爵夫人叫道。 　　“什么事，亲爱的？……”他转身应道，口气又粗暴又傲慢，表明他在家里想说一不二，实际上却又缺乏权威。 　　“先生是从图尔步行来的，起初德·谢塞尔先生不知道，才带他在弗拉佩斯勒游赏。” 　　“虽说您年轻啊！……”伯爵对我说，“可您也太疏忽大意了。”他摇摇头表示遗憾。 　　大家坐下来，重新叙话。我很快发现他是个极端的保王派，在他的圈子里要避免磨擦，就得事事迁就他。迅速换上号衣的仆人来请我们人席。德·谢塞尔先生让伯爵夫人搀着胳臂，伯爵则高兴地挽住我的胳臂，一同步入餐厅。餐厅设在一楼，与客厅对称。 　　里边都兰烧的白瓷方砖铺地，四壁镶有细木护板，与窗台相平；护板上面糊着蜡光墙纸，组成几大幅由花果圈起来的图案；窗上挂着绣红边的密织薄纱窗帘；餐柜是布勒①的旧式样，橡木雕花椅上蒙着手工绒绣罩面。菜肴丰盛，但餐具并不精致：型号不等的家用银餐具、尚未重新时兴的萨克森瓷器、八角形水瓶、玛瑙柄餐刀，还有放酒瓶的中国漆盘。不过，室内摆的几盆花倒挺别致，带牙边的涂漆花盆金光耀眼。我喜欢这些老式器具，觉得雷韦永②墙纸及其花边十分悦目。我心如轻帆，只顾得意，却没有看出如此协调的乡下孤独生活，在她与我之间设置了难以排除的障碍。我坐在她的右首，给她斟酒。对，这是意想不到的幸福！我擦到她的衣裙，吃着她餐桌上的面包。只经过三个小时，我同她的生活便交织起来！总而言之，那可怕的一吻，那桩使双方都羞愧的秘密，把我们连在一起了。我以谄媚为荣，一心要讨好伯爵，他也十分受用。我可以抚摩他家的狗，迎合孩子们的任何微不足道的愿望；我可以给他们带来铁环、玛瑙球玩，可以给他们当马骑；我甚至怨他们还没有把我当成他们的玩物。爱情跟天赋一样，有它本身的直觉。我已经隐约看出，我若是暴躁，赌气，若是采取敌对态度，反而会葬送我的希望。我在喜不自胜的心情中用完了晚餐。只要在她家作客，我就不能计较她那不折不扣的冷淡态度，也不能计较伯爵表面客气、实则相交如水的态度。爱情如同生命，也有它能自我满足的青春期。由于心情激动不已，我回答几句问话显得笨口拙舌；不过，连同她在内，谁也没有猜出我的心事；她在爱情上还一无所知。后半段时间像做梦一样。可是，美梦中断了；告辞出来，外面月光清朗，初夜充满了暖意与馨香，四周一片银白世界，草场。河岸、丘峦有如幻境一般；我经过安德尔河的时候，听到清亮的鸣声，那是一只雨蛙间歇发出来的，我不知道它的学名；听来既单调，又十分忧伤；然而，自从这个重大的日子之后，我一听到雨蛙的鸣声，心头便涌起无限喜悦。我在那里碰到的，仍然是一直消损我感情的那种冷漠，而且同在别处一样，等我意识到未免迟了。我思忖会不会永远如此；我觉得自己处在一种厄运的摆布之中，以往的种种可悲事件，正与我品尝过的纯个人乐趣相冲突。回弗拉佩斯勒之前，我望了望葫芦钟堡，瞧见下面一棵木岑树上挂着一只小船，在水中荡漾，是德·莫尔索先生钓鱼用的；都兰人称为平底船。 　　①布勒（1642—1732），法国高级木器细木工，1672年起为王宫制作，后来流行的家具款式即以他命名。 　　②雷韦永（1725—1811），法国彩色糊墙纸制造商。 　　当我们走远，不用担心被人听见谈话的时候，德·谢塞尔先生便对我说：“喂！我用不着问您是否找到了那副美丽的肩膀；不过，您受到了德·莫尔索先生的款待，应当祝贺！见鬼，初次见面，您就成了中心人物。” 　　这句话和随后那句我向您提过的话，又把我的心从沮丧状态中激发起来。离开葫芦钟堡之后，我还一句话也没有讲；德·谢塞尔先生则认为，我是沉醉在幸福之中，才默默无语。 　　“怎么可能！”我以讥诮的口气答道；不过，这种口气也像是我克制激动心情的缘故。 　　“他待客从来没有这样热情过。” 　　“坦率地讲，对他的款待，我本人也感到惊奇。”我觉出他的话有些醋意，便这样说道。 　　诚然，我不谙世事，无法理解他这种情绪的缘起，但是，他暴露内心情绪的话却震动了我。其实，我的房东心虚气短，因改姓而贻笑大方。他本姓杜朗，父亲是个有名的制造商，大革命期间发了大财。他妻子是德·谢塞尔家族的惟一后嗣，这个世族中出过王国最高司法官，它同巴黎大部分司法官的家庭一样，在亨利四世①在位时期，还仅仅是市民阶层。德·谢塞尔先生野心勃勃，想一笔勾销杜朗这个本姓，以便爬上他梦寐以求的地位。起初他名字改为杜朗·德·谢塞尔，后来自称D·德·谢塞尔，当时他是德·谢塞尔先生。在复辟时期，根据路易十八的诏书，他得到了长子世袭权，成了伯爵。他的子孙将采摘他的胆识所结的果实，却不了解这种胆识有多大。一位嘴皮刻薄的亲王讲了一句话，常常压得他抬不起头来。“一般来讲，德·谢塞尔先生的举止，难得显出杜朗的本色。”那位亲王说。在很长一段时间里，都兰人常拿这句话开心。新贵们全有猴子的机灵：人们居高临下观赏他们，赞叹他们攀登的敏捷，可是一旦他们爬到顶点，人们就只注意他们不光彩的方面了。我的房东的另一面，便是被嫉妒心所激发起来的小人气。迄今为止，贵族院议员的称号和他本人，还是两条不能相交的线。胸怀抱负而得到印证，可谓自恃其力；然而，志向高远却又达不到，就难免令人耻笑，成为庸人茶余酒后的谈资了。德·谢塞尔先生便是如此，他不像强者那样走过一条笔直的路，当了两届国民议会议员，两次落选，昨日荣任总监，今天是个白丁，连个省督都没当上。他的官运大起大落，性情也随之变坏了，增添了空怀大志的人常有的那种暴躁。都兰人工于心计，对什么都眼红。德·谢塞尔先生尽管温文尔雅，才智过人，堪负重任，但是事情也许就坏在这种生活环境助长的嫉妒心，因为在上流社会里，听到别人升迁便把脸绷得铁紧的人，尖嘴薄舌、不肯称赞别人的人，偏偏不容易春风得意。欲望小些，或许他会得的多些。然而不幸的是，他这个人确比别人高出一筹，于是总想昂首挺胸地走路。此时，德·谢塞尔先生的雄心已见曙光，保皇派频频送来微笑。也许他装出气度不凡的样子，不过，他待我却十分周到。况且，我对他也有好感，原因很简单：有生以来第一次，我在他的府上得到了安宁。他对我的关心也许很有限，可是在我这遭遗弃的可怜孩子看来，却有点父爱的意味。我受到的体贴照顾，同我一直遭受的冷遇形成鲜明的对照；生活无拘无束，几乎受到宠爱，我怎能不像孩子一样感激。弗拉佩斯勒堡的主人同我幸福的黎明交织在一起，因此，我喜欢重温的记忆里总有他们的身影。后来，在签发诏书那件事上，我恰巧有机会为我的房东尽了点力，颇感欣慰。德·谢塞尔先生富甲乡里，生活豪华，不免触怒了几位邻居。他有钱更换已有的骏马和华丽的车子；他夫人的衣着打扮也首屈一指。他好摆出一副王公的架势，接待客人的排场很大，仆役的数目超出了当地的传统习惯。弗拉佩斯勒庄园的土地一望无际。因而，同这位邻居及其奢糜的生活相比，德·莫尔索伯爵就显得寒酸多了。他家只有一辆轻便马车，在都兰比简陋的公共马车强些，但比不上驿车。他家产微薄，只好蛰居在葫芦钟堡，做个都兰人，直到国王施下恩泽，使他的门庭重新光耀，这也许是他未敢企望的。他欺邻居不是士绅，便借欢迎我这个家道衰败。徽章却起自十字军时代的世族子弟，压一压这位邻居的富豪气，贬低这位邻居的树林、土地和草场的价值。德·谢塞尔完全明白伯爵的这种用意。因此，二人见面总是虚与委蛇，没有一点日常交往的关系，也没有那种融洽的气氛。按说，葫芦钟堡和弗拉佩斯勒堡一衣带水，两个庄园只隔一道安德尔河，两边的女主人在窗口可以相呼，他们是应该建立起密切关系的。 　　①亨利四世（1553——1610），法国国王，1589年至1610年在位。 　　德·莫尔索伯爵离群索居，不仅仅出于嫉妒心理。他跟大多数世家子弟一样，早年所受的教育既不完善，又很肤浅，只有等将来周旋于社交界，出入于朝廷，执行钦差使命或者荣任要职，以便弥补早年教育的不足；岂料恰巧在第二阶段教育开始之际，德·莫尔索伯爵流亡异国，缺了这一课。他总以为王朝很快会在法国复辟；他抱着这种信念，流亡期间便无所事事，蹉跎了岁月。他曾在孔代①军中效命，作战英勇，不愧是保王党的中坚分子；孔代军瓦解后，他又期望不久在白旗下卷土重来，因而不像某些流亡者那样自谋生计。抑或他也没有勇气隐埋自己的高贵姓氏，去干下贱活儿，用汗水挣面包吃。他总是寄希望于第二天，也许还由于荣誉感的作用，他始终不肯投靠外国列强。磨难挫伤了他的勇气。长途跋涉、忍饥挨饿；希望频频破灭，凡此种种损坏了他的身体，消磨了他的意志。他一步步走到了穷途末路。对许多人来说，穷困固然是一种振奋剂，可是对另外一些人，它又成为麻醉剂，而伯爵就属于这后一种人。这位可怜的都兰贵绅，在匈牙利境内风餐露宿，向埃斯特哈泽亲王②的牧羊人讨块面包，同他们分吃一块烤羊腿，然而，他绝不会接受他们主子的施舍，而且也多次拒绝过法兰西敌人递过来的面包。我想到这些情景，心里对这个流亡者始终没有产生过怨恨，即使看到他得意时有多么可笑。德·莫尔索先生白发苍苍，可见他罹难重重；我特别同情流亡者，不忍心对他们评头品足。在伯爵身上，法兰西人和都兰人的开朗性格消失了；他变得郁郁寡欢，羁旅中又身染重病，不知是德国哪家济贫院行善，为他医治。他患的是肠膜炎；这种病往往危及生命，即使治好，患者的脾气也要改变，十有八九要落个疑病症。同他有过风流艳遇的也都是些下等女人，这不仅危害了他的生命，而且葬送了他的前程；他把那些艳遇深深埋藏在心底，惟独被我发现了。经过十二个春秋的悲惨生活，他的目光开始移向法兰西；由于拿破仑颁发了赦令，他可以重返家园了。他一路跋涉，千辛万苦，在一个晴朗的傍晚渡过莱茵河时，望见了斯特拉斯堡的钟楼，激动得险些昏倒。他向我讲述当时的情况：“我叫起来：法兰西！法兰西！可见到法兰西啦！就像一个孩子受了伤，高声叫：妈妈！”他未出世时家财万贯，回国时却一贫如洗；他本来有指挥一个团或者治理国家的才能，回国时却无职无权，前途暗淡；他生来身强体壮，回国时却心力交瘁，病弱不堪。在人与事发生了巨变的国度里，他既无学识，当然也毫无威望，眼睁睁丧失了一切，甚至连身体和精神都垮了。他深感没有财产，难以支撑门第。他的不可动摇的观点、在孔代军中的经历、他的感愤忧伤、种种回忆，以及垮了的身体，使他浮躁易怒；在法兰西这样戏谑成风的国度里，伯爵这种性格是必定要吃苦头的。且说他走到曼恩，已经半死不活。也许是内战的缘故，革命政府偶尔疏忽，没有拍卖那里的一座大庄园。伯户称说是他自己的产业，才算给伯爵保留下来。勒农库家族住在吉弗里，他们的古堡与这座庄园毗邻；德·勒农库公爵得知德·莫尔索伯爵回归故里，便去请他暂时住在吉弗里，以便从容修缮一所住宅。勒农库府上人慷慨好客，伯爵一住就是几个月，身体渐渐复原；不过，在这最初的修养期间，他极力掩饰内心的苦痛。勒农库一家丧失了巨万家资；从门第来看，德·莫尔索先生同他们女儿还算般配。嫁给一个三十五岁又老又病的男子，德·勒农库小姐非但不反对，反而显得挺满意；因为婚后，她就能同她姨母一起生活了。她姨母又是她的养母，即德·布拉蒙．绍弗里亲王之妹，德·韦纳伊公爵夫人。 　　①孔代亲王，即路易·约瑟夫·德·波旁（1736—1818），曾于1792年组织保王军，同共和军作战，1801年溃散。 　　②埃斯特哈泽（1765—1833），匈牙利将军、外交官，拥有奥地利帝国境内最丰饶的地产。 　　德·韦纳伊公爵夫人是德·波旁公爵夫人的挚友，参加了一个神圣会门。那个会门的灵魂圣马丁①先生生于都兰，人称“无名的哲学家”；他的信徒修德养性，遵奉神秘主义的天启论派②的高深思辨哲学。这种理论能提供打开神圣世界大门的钥匙，它以人走向齐天洪福的演变来解释人生，要把人的职责从合法的泯灭中解救出来，用教友会的永不枯竭的温情来安抚人生的苦难，同时教导人鄙视苦难，要以慈母般的感情对待我们要送上天堂的天使。这是一种给人以希望的禁欲主义。勤于祈祷，以纯洁之爱爱人，便是这种信念的要义，它源于脱离罗马教会的天主教义，而回到教会创立之初的基督主义。然而，德·勒农库小姐始终留在教廷派教会中，她姨母也一直忠于教会。大革命时期，德·韦纳伊公爵夫人饱受苦难，到了晚年越发虔诚，不断往她掌上明珠的心灵里倾注圣爱的光照和内心喜悦的圣油，这里引的是圣马丁的原话。这位性情平和的贤达，从前常去看望德·韦纳伊夫人。姨母仙逝之后，伯爵夫人也在葫芦钟堡多次接待他。圣马丁最后几卷著作在图尔的勒图尔米印书馆印刷，他就在葫芦钟堡监督出书事宜。同历尽人世沧桑的老妇人一样，德·韦纳伊夫人深明事理，把葫芦钟堡给了新娘子，好让她有个家。老人心地慈悲，好事总是做到底，她把整座古堡给了外甥女，自己只留一间卧室，就在她从前住的、后来给伯爵夫人用的房间上面。不久她便辞世了；刚办完喜事，又办丧事，这给葫芦钟堡罩上了一种无法消除的忧伤气氛，也给新娘迷信的心灵添了一层难以排遣的哀愁。刚到都兰安家的那些日子，对伯爵夫人来说，即使算不上幸福，也是她生活中舒心的一段时间。 　　①圣马丁（1743——1803），他的处女作《论谬误与真理》署名“无名的哲学家”。 　　②天启论派，基督教神秘主义派别，自称获得上帝特别光照启示，于1776年由韦斯豪普特创立，主张推翻教会和国家的一切权力，后因遭禁而成为秘密派别。 　　德·莫尔索先生结束了异国漂泊的生活，依稀望见了比较安生的前景，觉得心满意足，心灵的创伤也似乎渐渐平复了。这个山谷的气息沁人心脾，他呼吸畅快，对未来存有美好的憧憬。家业大计，不得不考虑。他全力筹划经营农业，开始尝到了一些乐趣。但是，雅克的出世，对他是一次严重打击，毁了他的现在与将来。医生断定婴儿难以成活。伯爵向孩子的母亲隐瞒了医生的话；继而，他请医生检查了他自己的身体，检查的结果令他绝望。接着，玛德莱娜的出世，又证实了医生的诊断。这两桩变故，使他内心确信了命运的判决，从而加剧了他的病态心理。他的家族从此绝嗣；一个纯洁无暇的少妇，要在他身边痛苦地生活，终日为子女的性命提心吊胆，却得不到半点做母亲的乐趣；从他昔日生活的腐殖土中，又萌生新的痛苦，这像块重石砸在他的心上，把他彻底摧毁了。伯爵夫人看现在便猜出了过去，也预见了将来。最难的事莫过于使一个负疚的人得到幸福，只有天使才肯做，然而伯爵夫人还是力图办到。一日之间，她变成了禁欲主义者。她步入深渊之后还能望见天空，现在又要为一个男人献身，承担起慈善修女普救众生的那种使命。她原谅了伯爵不能自我原谅的事情，以便让他同他本身和解。伯爵变得吝啬了，她就接受了清苦的生活；伯爵像所有领教了社交生活而只产生厌恶之感的人那样，害怕受妻子的欺骗，她就深居简出，毫无怨言，以免引起丈夫的猜疑。她运用女人的心计，引导伯爵干有利的事情，伯爵便自以为有见地，比别人高明，在家中沾沾自喜，其实在任何别的地方他都不高明。后来夫妻生活渐久，伯爵夫人看出丈夫性情暴躁，而本地人既狡诈又爱讲闲话，怕他万一不检点，就会牵累孩子，因此，她索性决定永远不出葫芦钟堡。正因为如此，外面谁也没有想到，德·莫尔索先生其实是无能之辈，妻子用厚厚一层青藤掩盖了这堆废墟。伯爵的真正心理不是不满意，而是爱挑剔；然而，他妻子却像一块松软的土地，他躺在上面，内心痛苦也像上了清凉油一样，减轻了许多。 　　德·谢塞尔先生出于心中恼恨而透露了不少情况，这不过是最扼要的叙述。他素诸世情，能够看出深埋在葫芦钟堡的一部分秘事。但是，如果说德·莫尔索夫人以她高尚的姿态，骗过了世人的眼睛，却瞒不过爱情的灵性。我躺在小小的卧室里，便预感到其中的内幕，于是一跃而起；现在我能望见她房间的窗户，在弗拉佩斯勒怎么还待得下去呢！我穿好衣裳，从塔楼的螺旋梯蹑手蹑脚地下去，出了古堡。夜间的寒气使我冷静下来。我从红磨坊桥横渡安德尔河，来到那只系在葫芦钟堡对面的幸运的船上。古堡朝阿泽屏那面的最靠边一扇窗户依然亮着灯光。我又恢复了昔日的瞻仰，但又不同以往，这回的凝望是平静的，时而伴着柔情蜜意的夜间虫鸣的华彩乐章，以及大苇莺单调的鸣啭。我身上的一些意识醒来，像幽灵一般悄然而至，掀起了一直遮掩我那美好前程的纱幕。我的灵魂和感官全陶醉了。我的欲念多么强烈，直冲到她的面前！多少回我自言自语：“我能得到她吗？”犹如丧失理智的人的谵语。如果这几天，世界对我来说扩大了，那么一夜之间，这世界便有了中心。我的意愿、我的志向，全系在她一人身上。我祈愿成为她的一切，以便治愈并充实她那颗破碎的心。待在她的窗下，周围是水流通过磨坊闸门发出的潺潺声，不时还传来萨榭钟楼报时的钟鸣，这一夜过得多美啊！就在这清朗的夜晚，这朵星空之花照亮了我的生途。我怀着卡斯蒂利亚那位骑士的信念，把我的灵魂许给了她；我们嘲笑塞万提斯笔下那个可怜的骑士，却以那种信念开始了爱情。当天空出现第一束晨光，鸟儿发出第一声啁啾，我急忙溜走，回到弗拉佩斯勒花园。田野上没人瞧见我，谁也没有觉察我偷偷出去过。我一觉睡到午餐钟响的时候。饭后，我不顾天气炎热，又走到草场，再去瞧瞧安德尔河及其小岛，瞧瞧幽谷及其山峦；看来我已经迷上了这里的景物。然而，一走起来便停不下，我脚步如飞，赛过脱缰的野马；我又看到我那只小舟、我那株株柳树。我那座葫芦钟堡。中午时分，乡村总是一片寂静，这里也一样，只有空气在微微发颤。树冠纹丝不动，在湛蓝的天空映衬下，显得格外清晰。昆虫在阳光下忙碌不休，蜻蜓、斑蝥，忽而飞上(木岑)树，忽而飞入苇丛；家畜在树荫下反刍；葡萄园的红土暑气蒸人；鳗鱼在岸边游窜。我去睡觉之前，这里的景色多么清新、多么娟秀，现在变化多大啊！好像是伯爵出来了，我猛地跳下船，沿着坡路上去，好绕着葫芦钟堡转一转。我没看错，伯爵正顺着一道树篱，似乎朝一道门走去，门外便是沿河的阿泽公路。 　　“今天上午您身体好吧，伯爵先生？” 　　他高兴地看着我，显然他不是经常听到别人这样称呼他。 　　“很好，”他答道，“您也真喜欢乡村呀，大热天还出来散步。” 　　“家里让我到这儿来，不就是要我在田野里活动吗？” 　　“那好哇，我的黑麦正在收割，您愿意去看看吗？” 　　“当然愿意啦！”我答道，“不过，老实说，我对农事无知得令人难以相信，不仅不辨麦寂，连白杨、山杨也分不清楚，既对农作物一无所知，也不懂经营土地的各种方法。” 　　“好哇，好哇！来吧，”他一边往回走，一边兴冲冲地说，“您从坡上的小门进来。” 　　我们俩一里一外，沿着树篱上坡。 　　“在德·谢塞尔府上，您什么也学不到，”他对我说，“人家太阔气了，除了从管家手里收账，什么也不干。” 　　一路上，伯爵指给我看他的庭院、房舍、休憩的花园、菜园和果园。然后，他又带我朝一条长长的林荫小路走去。小路临水，两边长着刺槐和椿树。我望见在林荫小路的尽头，德·莫尔索夫人坐在一条长椅上，正照看着她的两个孩子。锯齿形的细小树叶在微风中轻轻抖动，一个女子在那样的树荫下显得多美啊！我这样快又登门拜访，未免失于天真；对此她也许感到惊奇，因而明知道我们朝她走去，她也没有起身。伯爵让我观赏一下山谷的景色。从这里望去，别有一番风光，同我们一路经过的丘岗大相径庭。这里酷似瑞士一隅。条条小溪穿过草场，注入安德尔河；草场狭长，消逝在苍茫的天际。朝蒙巴宗方向望去，绿茵无边，而其余各个方向，或有丘峦，或有树林，或有巉岩，阻隔了视线。我们迈开大步，去问候德·莫尔索夫人。她突然扔掉玛德莱娜正读的书本，把雅克抱在膝上；雅克已经咳成了一团。 　　“哦！怎么回事？”伯爵的脸刷地白了，高声问道。 　　“他嗓子痛，”孩子的母亲仿佛没有看见我，回答说，“一会儿就好。” 　　她搂住雅克的脑袋和后背，眼睛射出两道光，在向这个孱弱的可怜孩子倾注生命。 　　“真没法儿说，您太大意了，”伯爵又尖刻地说道，“河边凉，您竟然让他待在这儿，还让他坐在石椅上。” 　　“可是，爸爸，石椅晒得滚烫呀。”玛德莱娜高声说。 　　“他们在上面问得喘不过气来。”伯爵夫人说。 　　“女人总是有理！”伯爵看着我说。 　　我的目光故意盯着雅克，对他的话不置可否。雅克叫着嗓子痛，母亲要抱他回屋，刚起身又听见丈夫来了一句。 　　“自己生的孩子身体这样糟，就该懂得照料他们！”伯爵说道。 　　这话极不公正，然而，他受自尊心的驱使，不惜委过于妻子。我望见伯爵夫人跑上坡道和台阶，进了玻璃门。德·莫尔索先生坐在石椅上，垂着脑袋，冥思苦想起来，既不看我，也不同我讲话。我的处境极为尴尬。这次散步算吹了，我本想借此机会赢得他的好感。那一刻钟实在难熬，在我一生中恐怕找不出第二次。我的额头沁出豆大的汗珠，心里拿不定主意：“我告辞呢？还是不告辞呢？”他心头涌起多么忧伤的念头，竟至忘了去瞧瞧雅克情况如何！他霍地站起身，走到我面前。我们又转身眺望明媚的山谷。 　　“伯爵先生，我们改日再去散步吧。”我轻声对他说。 　　“走吧，”他答道，“不幸得很，像这样突然发病，已经是家常便饭了。要能保住这孩子一条命，我死而无憾。” 　　“雅克好多了，他睡着了，我的朋友。”一副金嗓子说道。德·莫尔索夫人突然出现在林荫路口，她既不恼恨，也不伤心，回答了我的问候，对我说：“见您喜欢葫芦钟堡这地方，我很高兴。” 　　“亲爱的，要不要我骑上马，去把德朗德先生请来？”伯爵先生对她说，显然觉得他刚才没有道理，要取得谅解。 　　“不必操心了，”她答道，“雅克也没什么事儿，就是昨天夜里没睡好。这孩子神经太脆弱，做个恶梦便睡不着了。我给他讲故事讲了一夜，想哄他重新入睡。他咳嗽纯粹是神经性的。我让他吃了一片止咳糖，咳嗽止住了，他也就睡着了。” 　　“可怜的女人！这些我一点儿也不了解。”伯爵说着，拉住妻子的手，泪光莹然，看了她一眼。 　　“小毛病，何必担心呢？正收割黑麦，去瞧瞧吧。要知道，您不在那里，不等麦捆运走，外乡的女人就会进地里拾麦穗，伯户也不管。” 　　“夫人，我要上农学的第一堂课。”我对伯爵夫人说。 　　“您投师投对了。”她指着伯爵答道。伯爵嘴角一收，要做个满意的微笑；这种笑俗称抿嘴笑。

I sprang to my feet like a startled horse. Though the movement was seen by Monsieur de Chessel and the countess, neither made any observation, for a diversion was effected at this moment by the entrance of a little girl, whom I took to be about six years old, who came in exclaiming, "Here's papa!" "Madeleine?" said her mother, gently. The child at once held out her hand to Monsieur de Chessel, and looked attentively at me after making a little bow with an air of astonishment. "Are you more satisfied about her health?" asked Monsieur de  Chessel. "She is better," replied the countess, caressing the little head which was already nestling in her lap. The next question of Monsieur de Chessel let me know that Madeleine was nine years old; I showed great surprise, and immediately the clouds gathered on the mother's brow. My companion threw me a significant look,--one of those which form the education of men of the world. I had stumbled no doubt upon some maternal wound the covering of which should have been respected. The sickly child, whose eyes were pallid and whose skin was white as a porcelain vase with a light within it, would probably not have lived in the atmosphere of a city. Country air and her mother's brooding care had kept the life in that frail body, delicate as a hot-house plant growing in a harsh and foreign climate. Though in nothing did she remind me of her mother, Madeleine seemed to have her soul, and that soul held her up. Her hair was scanty and black, her eyes and cheeks hollow, her arms thin, her chest narrow, showing a battle between life and death, a duel without truce in which the mother had so far been victorious. The child willed to live,--perhaps to spare her mother, for at times, when not observed, she fell into the attitude of a weeping-willow. You might have thought her a little gypsy dying of hunger, begging her way, exhausted but always brave and dressed up to play her part. "Where have you left Jacques?" asked the countess, kissing the  white line which parted the child's hair into two bands that looked like a crow's wings. "He is coming with papa." Just then the count entered, holding his son by the hand. Jacques, the image of his sister, showed the same signs of weakness. Seeing these sickly children beside a mother so magnificently healthy it was impossible not to guess at the causes of the grief which clouded her brow and kept her silent on a subject she could take to God only. As he bowed, Monsieur de Mortsauf gave me a glance that was less observing than awkwardly uneasy,--the glance of a man whose distrust grows out of his inability to analyze. After explaining the circumstances of our visit, and naming me to him, the countess gave him her place and left the room. The children, whose eyes were on those of their mother as if they drew the light of theirs from hers, tried to follow her; but she said, with a finger on her lips, "Stay dears!" and they obeyed, but their eyes filled. Ah! to hear that one word "dears" what tasks they would have undertaken! Like the children, I felt less warm when she had left us. My name seemed to change the count's feeling toward me. Cold and supercilious in his first glance, he became at once, if not affectionate, at least politely attentive, showing me every consideration and seeming pleased to receive me as a guest. My father had formerly done devoted service to the Bourbons, and had played an important and perilous, though secret part.  When their cause was lost by the elevation of Napoleon, he took refuge in the quietude of the country and domestic life, accepting the unmerited accusations that followed him as the inevitable reward of those who risk all to win all, and who succumb after serving as pivot to the political machine. Knowing nothing of the fortunes, nor of the past, nor of the future of my family, I was unaware of this devoted service which the Comte de Mortsauf well remembered. Moreover, the antiquity of our name, the most precious quality of a man in his eyes, added to the warmth of his greeting. I knew nothing of these reasons until later; for the time being the sudden transition to cordiality put me at my ease. When the two children saw that we were all three fairly engaged in conversation, Madeleine slipped her head from her father's hand, glanced at the open door, and glided away like an eel, Jacques following her. They rejoined their mother, and I heard their voices and their movements, sounding in the distance like the murmur of bees about a hive. I watched the count, trying to guess his character, but I became so interested in certain leading traits that I got no further than a superficial examination of his personality. Though he was only forty- five years old, he seemed nearer sixty, so much had the great shipwreck at the close of the eighteenth century aged him. The crescent of hair which monastically fringed the back of his head, otherwise completely bald, ended at the ears in little tufts of gray mingled with black. His face bore a vague  resemblance to that of a white wolf with blood about its muzzle, for his nose was inflamed and gave signs of a life poisoned at its springs and vitiated by diseases of long standing. His flat forehead, too broad for the face beneath it, which ended in a point, and transversely wrinkled in crooked lines, gave signs of a life in the open air, but not of any mental activity; it also showed the burden of constant misfortunes, but not of any efforts made to surmount them. His cheekbones, which were brown and prominent amid the general pallor of his skin, showed a physical structure which was likely to ensure him a long life. His hard, light- yellow eye fell upon mine like a ray of wintry sun, bright without warmth, anxious without thought, distrustful without conscious cause. His mouth was violent and domineering, his chin flat and long. Thin and very tall, he had the bearing of a gentleman who relies upon the conventional value of his caste, who knows himself above others by right, and beneath them in fact. The carelessness of country life had made him neglect his external appearance. His dress was that of a country-man whom peasants and neighbors no longer considered except for his territorial worth. His brown and wiry hands showed that he wore no gloves unless he mounted a horse, or went to church, and his shoes were thick and common. Though ten years of emigration and ten years more of farm-life had changed his physical condition, he still retained certain vestiges of nobility. The bitterest liberal (a term not then in circulation) would readily  have admitted his chivalric loyalty and the imperishable convictions of one who puts his faith to the "Quotidienne"; he would have felt respect for the man religiously devoted to a cause, honest in his political antipathies, incapable of serving his party but very capable of injuring it, and without the slightest real knowledge of the affairs of France. The count was in fact one of those upright men who are available for nothing, but stand obstinately in the way of all; ready to die under arms at the post assigned to them, but preferring to give their life rather than to give their money. During dinner I detected, in the hanging of his flaccid cheeks and the covert glances he cast now and then upon his children, the traces of some wearing thought which showed for a moment upon the surface. Watching him, who could fail to understand him? Who would not have seen that he had fatally transmitted to his children those weakly bodies in which the principle of life was lacking. But if he blamed himself he denied to others the right to judge him. Harsh as one who knows himself in fault, yet without greatness of soul or charm to compensate for the weight of misery he had thrown into the balance, his private life was no doubt the scene of irascibilities that were plainly revealed in his angular features and by the incessant restlessness of his eye. When his wife returned, followed by the children who seemed fastened to her side, I felt the presence of unhappiness, just as in walking over the roof of a vault the  feet become in some way conscious of the depths below. Seeing these four human beings together, holding them all as it were in one glance, letting my eye pass from one to the other, studying their countenances and their respective attitudes, thoughts steeped in sadness fell upon my heart as a fine gray rain dims a charming landscape after the sun has risen clear. When the immediate subject of conversation was exhausted the count told his wife who I was, and related certain circumstances connected with my family that were wholly unknown to me. He asked me my age. When I told it, the countess echoed my own exclamation of surprise at her daughter's age. Perhaps she had thought me fifteen. Later on, I discovered that this was still another tie which bound her strongly to me. Even then I read her soul. Her motherhood quivered with a tardy ray of hope. Seeing me at over twenty years of age so slight and delicate and yet so nervously strong, a voice cried to her, "They too will live!" She looked at me searchingly, and in that moment I felt the barriers of ice melting between us. She seemed to have many questions to ask, but uttered none. "If study has made you ill," she said, "the air of our valley will soon restore you." "Modern education is fatal to children," remarked the count. "We stuff them with mathematics and ruin their health with sciences, and  make them old before their time. You must stay and rest here," he added, turning to me. "You are crushed by the avalanche of ideas that have rolled down upon you. What sort of future will this universal education bring upon us unless we prevent its evils by replacing public education in the hands of the religious bodies?" These words were in harmony with a speech he afterwards made at the elections when he refused his support to a man whose gifts would have done good service to the royalist cause. "I shall always distrust men of talent," he said. Presently the count proposed that we should make the tour of the gardens. "Monsieur--" said his wife. "Well, what, my dear?" he said, turning to her with an arrogant harshness which showed plainly enough how absolute he chose to be in his own home. "Monsieur de Vandenesse walked from Tours this morning and Monsieur de Chessel, not aware of it, has already taken him on foot over Frapesle." "Very imprudent of you," the count said, turning to me; "but at your age--" and he shook his head in sign of regret. The conversation was resumed. I soon saw how intractable his royalism was, and how much care was needed to swim safely in his  waters. The man-servant, who had now put on his livery, announced dinner. Monsieur de Chessel gave his arm to Madame de Mortsauf, and the count gaily seized mine to lead me into the dining-room, which was on the ground- floor facing the salon. This room, floored with white tiles made in Touraine, and wainscoted to the height of three feet, was hung with a varnished paper divided into wide panels by wreaths of flowers and fruit; the windows had cambric curtains trimmed with red, the buffets were old pieces by Boulle himself, and the woodwork of the chairs, which were covered by hand-made tapestry, was carved oak. The dinner, plentifully supplied, was not luxurious; family silver without uniformity, Dresden china which was not then in fashion, octagonal decanters, knives with agate handles, and lacquered trays beneath the wine-bottles, were the chief features of the table, but flowers adorned the porcelain vases and overhung the gilding of their fluted edges. I delighted in these quaint old things. I thought the Reveillon paper with its flowery garlands beautiful. The sweet content that filled my sails hindered me from perceiving the obstacles which a life so uniform, so unvarying in solitude of the country placed between her and me. I was near her, sitting at her right hand, serving her with wine. Yes, unhoped-for joy! I touched her dress, I ate her bread. At the end of three hours my life had mingled with her life! That terrible kiss had bound us to each other in a secret which inspired us with mutual shame. A  glorious self-abasement took possession of me. I studied to please the count, I fondled the dogs, I would gladly have gratified every desire of the children, I would have brought them hoops and marbles and played horse with them; I was even provoked that they did not already fasten upon me as a thing of their own. Love has intuitions like those of genius; and I dimly perceived that gloom, discontent, hostility would destroy my footing in that household.   The dinner passed with inward happiness on my part. Feeling that I was there, under her roof, I gave no heed to her obvious coldness, nor to the count's indifference masked by his politeness. Love, like life, has an adolescence during which period it suffices unto itself. I made several stupid replies induced by the tumults of passion, but no one perceived their cause, not even SHE, who knew nothing of love. The rest of my visit was a dream, a dream which did not cease until by moonlight on that warm and balmy night I recrossed the Indre, watching the white visions that embellished meadows, shores, and hills, and listening to the clear song, the matchless note, full of deep melancholy and uttered only in still weather, of a tree-frog whose scientific name is unknown to me. Since that solemn evening I have never heard it without infinite delight. A sense came to me then of the marble wall against which my feelings had hitherto dashed themselves. Would it be always so? I fancied myself under some fatal spell; the unhappy events of my past life rose up and  struggled with the purely personal pleasure I had just enjoyed. Before reaching Frapesle I turned to look at Clochegourde and saw beneath its windows a little boat, called in Touraine a punt, fastened to an ash-tree and swaying on the water. This punt belonged to Monsieur de Mortsauf, who used it for fishing. "Well," said Monsieur de Chessel, when we were out of ear-shot. "I needn't ask if you found those shoulders; I must, however, congratulate you on the reception Monsieur de Mortsauf gave you. The devil! you stepped into his heart at once." These words followed by those I have already quoted to you raised my spirits. I had not as yet said a word, and Monsieur de Chessel may have attributed my silence to happiness. "How do you mean?" I asked. "He never, to my knowledge, received any one so well." "I will admit that I am rather surprised myself," I said, conscious of a certain bitterness underlying my companion's speech. Though I was too inexpert in social matters to understand its cause, I was much struck by the feeling Monsieur de Chessel betrayed. His real name was Durand, but he had had the weakness to discard the name of a worthy father, a merchant who had made a large fortune under the Revolution. His wife was sole heiress of the Chessels, an old parliamentary family under Henry IV., belonging to the middle classes, as  did most of the Parisian magistrates. Ambitious of higher flights Monsieur de Chessel endeavored to smother the original Durand. He first called himself Durand de Chessel, then D. de Chessel, and that made him Monsieur de Chessel. Under the Restoration he entailed an estate with the title of count in virtue of letters-patent from Louis XVIII. His children reaped the fruits of his audacity without knowing what it cost him in sarcastic comments. Parvenus are like monkeys, whose cleverness they possess; we watch them climbing, we admire their agility, but once at the summit we see only their absurd and contemptible parts. The reverse side of my host's character was made up of pettiness with the addition of envy. The peerage and he were on diverging lines. To have an ambition and gratify it shows merely the insolence of strength, but to live below one's avowed ambition is a constant source of ridicule to petty minds. Monsieur de Chessel did not advance with the straightforward step of a strong man. Twice elected deputy, twice defeated; yesterday director-general, to-day nothing at all, not even prefect, his successes and his defeats had injured his nature, and given him the sourness of invalided ambition. Though a brave man and a witty one and capable of great things, envy, which is the root of existence in Touraine, the inhabitants of which employ their native genius in jealousy of all things, injured him in upper social circles, where a dissatisfied man, frowning at the success of others, slow at compliments and ready at epigram, seldom succeeds. Had he sought less he might  perhaps have obtained more; but unhappily he had enough genuine superiority to make him wish to advance in his own way. 两个月之后我才知道，那一夜她心惊胆战，害怕儿子患了假膜性喉炎。而我呢，那天夜里坐在小船上，居然做着爱情的美梦，想像她从窗口能够发现我在瞻仰那烛光，殊不知那烛光却照着她恐慌万状的额头。当时图尔流行假膜性喉炎，已经造成很大危害。我们走到门口的时候，伯爵激动地对我说：“德·莫尔索夫人真是个天使！”一句话摇撼了我的心。这个家庭，我还只了解皮毛；良心责问我：“你凭什么要打扰这无比和睦的家庭呢？”遇到这种情况，年轻人产生负疚之感是非常自然的。 　　伯爵难得碰上一个容易说服的年轻听众，因此兴致很高，他向我谈起波旁王室复国会给法兰西带来什么前景。这场谈话东拉西扯，有些话讲得实在幼稚，我不禁深为诧异。极明显的事实他都不知道；他害怕有学识的人，否认高明的人，嘲笑进步，也许嘲笑得有道理；总之，我觉出他身上有大量的痛苦神经，别人必须百倍小心，才不至于伤害他，必须绞尽脑汁，才能同他进行一次不间断的谈话。我一摸透他的弱点，便对他百依百顺，可以说同伯爵夫人为安抚他所表现的柔顺不相上下。若是换个时期，我会不可避免地冒犯他；然而当时，我像小孩子一样胆怯，以为自己什么也不懂，换句话说，以为成年人什么都懂，因此，听到这位耐心的庄园主在葫芦钟堡实现的奇迹，我惊讶得目瞪口呆。我钦佩地听他的计划。我这不自觉的逢迎态度，终于赢得了这位老贵族的好感。我艳羡这块风景如画的土地，艳羡他的地位，也艳羡这个人间天堂，认为它远远胜过弗拉佩斯勒。 　　“弗拉佩斯勒是一件大银器，”我对他说，“可是，葫芦钟堡却是一颗宝石！” 　　后来，他经常引用这句话，并指出是谁讲的。 　　“哼！我们搬来之前，这里根本不像样子。”他说道。 　　当他谈起如何播种，如何育苗的时候，我听得特别认真。我不懂农事，向他提了许多问题，问他农产品的价格、经营的方式等等，他能告诉我很多具体情况，显得很高兴。 　　“别人都教您什么啦？”他惊奇地问我。 　　伯爵只跟我待了一天，回去就对他妻子说：“费利克斯这个小伙子真可爱！” 　　当天晚上，我给母亲写信，说我要在弗拉佩斯勒住些日子，请她把我用的衣物寄来。我并不知道已臻于完成的大变革，也不清楚这对我的前途会产生什么影响，还打算返回巴黎，修完哲学课程；而学校11月上旬才开学，我还有两个半月的空闲。 　　我在逗留的初期，竭力同伯爵建立起密切的关系，这段时间实在不堪回首。我发现他无缘无故就发怒，一遇到困境就玩命，真叫我害怕。想当年，这位贵族在孔代军中十分骁勇，具有神奇般的意志。这种有时还会在他身上闪现出来的意志，在严峻的关头，会有炮弹一样的威力，能在政治防线上炸开一个突破口，而且也能使一个蛰居在乡间的绅士成为德·埃尔贝、邦尚、夏雷特①。在一些假定情况面前，德·莫尔索伯爵鼻子翕动，眉头舒展，眼睛射出一闪即逝的光芒。我真害怕他摔然发觉我的眼神，会不假思索地杀掉我。在那个时期，我的性情格外温和。意志，能把人改变得面目皆非的意志，当时在我身上还刚刚萌生。我的强烈欲望使我的感情急速震动，就像恐惧所弓愧的颤抖那样。若是搏斗，我绝不会发抖燃而，在尝到相爱的幸福之前，我绝不愿意毁掉生活。我的欲望和我遇到的困难在同步增长。怎样描绘我的情怀呢？我陷入了困惑之中，苦不得脱。我窥察着，期待着时机；我同两个孩子混熟了，得到他们的喜爱，还千方百计地脐身于他们家庭的事物中。伯爵在我面前，不知不觉地放松了克制。我这才领教了他那变化无常的性情、毫无来由的极度惆怅、出人意料的勃然兴致、辛酸而聒耳的牢骚、充满仇恨的冷淡态度、克制住的疯狂冲动、孩子一般的哀怨、绝望之人的嚎叫，以及突如其来的震怒。人的性情和形体的不同就在于毫无定准：外界影响的大小，要取决于性格的强弱，或者取决于就某件事所搜集的看法。我在葫芦钟堡能不能立住脚，我的生活前景如何，都要听命于翻脸不认人的伯爵的意志。每次登门，我心中都暗自揣度：“他会怎样接待我呢？”那种惶惶不安的心情，既容易欢欣鼓舞，也容易紧张挛缩，实在难以向您描述。看到他那饱经风霜的额头上骤然阴云密布，我的心多么惶恐，仿佛要撕裂！每时每刻都必须警惕和提防。我落入了这个专横之人的手掌里。我亲自尝到了痛苦，便能猜出德·莫尔索夫人的痛苦。我们俩开始交换会意的眼色，有时她忍住了眼泪，我的却流了下来。伯爵夫人和我，我们就是这样通过痛苦相互考验。在初次逗留的四十天中，我有多少发现啊！那段时间充满了不折不扣的酸楚、心照不宣的快乐，以及时而沉没、时而浮起的希望！一天傍晚，我发现她对着落日凝思。被霞光染红了的峰顶异常绚丽，山谷看上去像一张床，这是大自然邀人相爱的永恒的《雅歌》②，怎么可能听不见呢？她在重温少女逝去的幻想吗？她在咀嚼少妇暗中对比的感伤吗？看她那忘情的姿态，我觉得机会难得，要向她吐露心迹，便说道：“有些日子真难熬啊！” 　　①德·埃尔贝（1752—1794）邦尚（1759或1760—1793）夏雷特（1763—1796），法国大革命期间均系旺代保王军的军官。 　　②《雅歌》，《旧约》中的一卷，全部是情歌。 　　“您洞烛了我的心灵，”她说道，“请问，是怎么看透的呢？” 　　“我们有多少共同点啊！”我答道，“从悲欢的情感来看，我们不是属于极少数聪颖的人吗？这种人心弦都极为灵敏，能够产生强烈的共鸣；他们的灵秀之气，始终与天地万物之性相和谐！他们若是处在不协调的环境里，就会痛苦不堪；反之，若是遇见和他们息息相通的人或思想感情，他们也会欣喜若狂。不过，对我们来说还有第三种境况，而那苦状只有同病相怜的心灵才能领略，他们之间能产生同胞手足的互相理解。有时候，我们既无欢乐，也无痛苦，好比一架音域宽广的管风琴，信手弹奏，无由感发，而音不成旋律，一声声消逝在寂寥的空间！这种激烈的矛盾表明，一颗茫然无托的灵魂在搏击。在这种搏击中，我们的精力没有补养，就会消耗殆尽，如同鲜血从暗伤口流淌一样。感情大量涌出，人就会极度衰弱，产生无处倾诉的无名惆怅。我没有表达出我们共同的痛苦吗？” 　　她猛然一抖，但依然望着夕阳，答道：“您这样年轻，怎么懂得这些事情？难道您做过女人吗？” 　　“唉！”我声音激动地说，“我的童年就像一场久病。” 　　“我听见玛德莱娜咳嗽了。”说着，她起身匆匆离去。 　　我去得那样频繁，伯爵夫人没有介意，有两种原因。首先，她像孩子一样纯洁，毫无非分之想。其次，我能让伯爵开心，充当这头无爪无鬃的狮子的食物。此外，我还想出一个大家都能接受的借口。我不会下西洋双六棋。德·莫尔索先生表示愿意教我，我接受了。在这件事说定的时候，伯爵夫人不禁瞥了我一眼，那同情的目光分明在说：“您这不是自投虎口吗？”的确，起初我一点也没有领会那目光的含义；可是到了第三天，我才明白自己投入了什么样的魔掌里。我的耐性极大，是在童年养成的，再经过这个时期的磨练，就更加过硬了。下棋的时候，如果我没有运用伯爵教我的原理和规则，他就得意扬扬，百般嘲笑我；如果我沉吟片刻，他就抱怨下得太慢，玩得没意思；如果我下快了，他又嗔怪我不容斟酌；如果我算错分数，他更有了话柄，说我操之过急。这简直像乡村学校的教师手执戒尺对孩子大施淫威。我必须打个比方，才能使您了解他是如何专横跋扈：我在他手里，就像伊壁克泰都斯①落到一个顽童的掌中。当我们赔钱时，他总是当赢家，乐得合不拢嘴，样子俗不可耐。伯爵夫人从旁提醒一句，他才马上想到礼节体统，我的心也就释然了。真想不到，不久我就掉进火坑，忍受着折磨。棋阵一摆，我的钱便流了出去。有时我很晚才告辞，尽管伯爵始终坐陪，插在我和伯爵夫人中间，我还是盼望有机会能钻进她的心里；然而，要以猎人忍痛的耐心等到那一时刻，不就得继续这种戏弄人的赌博吗？不就得眼睁睁看着自己的心不断被撕裂，自己的钱全被夺走吗？多少回我们默然坐着，观赏眼前的万千景象：或是斜阳残照，在草场上弄影，或是天空阴霾，乌云翻腾，或是雾霭氤氲，笼罩着山峦，或是月华洒在河面上，散成一片颤动晶莹的宝石。每当这种时刻，我们只能说：“夜色多美！” 　　①伊壁克泰都斯（50—125或130），斯多葛主义哲学家。他沦为奴隶，被带到罗马，曾受过主人的酷刑。 　　“夜是蝉娟啊，夫人。” 　　“多么静谧！” 　　“对，生活在这里，不可能完全陷入不幸。” 　　听到这句回答，伯爵夫人又低头做起绒绣。感情要求应有的位置，必然引起内心骚动；我到底听到了她的心声。然而，囊空如洗，晚间聚会也就告吹了。我写信请母亲寄钱来，她回信训斥了我一通，寄给我的钱不够一周的生活费用。向谁求告呢？这可是我性命攸关的大事啊！平生第一次尝到巨大的幸福，偏偏又碰上曾经到处困扰我的苦恼。从前，无论在巴黎，在中学，还是在寄宿学堂，我的不幸还算消极，只要多多沉思，节衣缩食就应付了；然而，在弗拉佩斯勒，这不幸却活跃起来，我曾动过偷窃的念头、幻想过犯罪。这种挺而走险的恶念刚一萌生，就要压下去，否则，人就会丧失廉耻。我母亲十分克扣，害得我生计窘迫，终日苦思焦虑，惶惶无主；我一想起那时的情景，对青年的宽恕之心便油然而生；那些虽还没有失足，却已到过深渊的边缘，仿佛要探测它的深度的人就会有这种圣洁的恕道。就在生活开始展现，露出它那底部光秃的砂砾时，我那几度令人担心的廉洁得到磨练加强，尽管如此，每逢人类可怕的司法把屠刀架在一个人的脖颈上，我心里总不免想：“看来制定刑法的人，都没有尝过不幸的滋味。”正在无计可施的时候，我在德·谢塞尔先生的书房里，偶然发现一本双六棋谱，便拿来研读；而且，我的房东也乐于指点，我在他手下学棋，少受点气，进步挺快，记住并掌握了规则和计分法。不多日子，我已能跟我的师傅，德·莫尔索伯爵势均力敌了。可是，他一输棋，情绪就坏得可怕，两眼像猛虎一样射出凶光，脸绷得铁紧，眉头绞在一起，我没有见过任何人有那样失态的表情。他像娇惯坏了的孩子一样连声抱怨，有时还摔棋子，大动肝火，又是跺脚，又是咬棋子袋，嘴里甚至不于不净。不过，这样的发作终于告一段落，因为我的棋艺已经超过他，能够控制局面了；每次我都巧妙地安排，开头几盘让给他，后几盘再扳回来，结果双方互有胜负。他见徒弟这样快就胜过师傅，比看到世界的末日还要惊异！然而，他从来不承认这种事实。每次下棋结果总是先胜后负，这使他百思不得其解。 　　“毫无疑问，”他常说，“我这可怜的脑袋累了，精神跟不上，要不然，最后几盘怎么总是您赢呢。” 　　伯爵夫人懂棋，一眼就看穿了我的战术，也猜出了我满怀的深情。只有非常高明的棋手，才能看出我的一招一势的变化。这件小事有多深的含义啊！的确，爱情犹如博叙埃①的上帝，把穷人给的一杯水，把战死的无名士卒所表现的勇气，看得重于最辉煌的胜利。伯爵夫人默默看了我一眼，那感激的目光却撕裂一颗年轻的心：她是拿看子女的目光看我的呀！从那天幸运的晚上起，她同我说话便总是看着我。我每次告辞真不知道是什么心情。我的灵魂吸收了形体，身子仿佛失去了重量，我不是在走路，简直是在飞。我感到她那目光留在我身上，使我的心充满了光明，也感到她那一声再见，先生在我的灵魂中回响，就像复活节的赞词I'o filii，o filiae②那样美妙。我得到了新生。显然，我在她的心目中有了分量！我在朱红的襁褓中睡着了。火光在我合着的眼前经过，继续在黑暗中流动，犹如火红色好看的小蚯蚓，在焚烧的纸灰上鱼贯飞驰。在我的梦境里，她的声音似乎变成看得见摸得到的东西，变成笼罩我的光明与芳香的氛围，变成愉悦我的精神的优美旋律。次日，她对我的欢迎已带有很多感情了，我也初步领会她声音的秘密。这无疑是我终生最难忘的一天。晚饭后，我们一同到山岗上散步，走在一片荒野中；到处是石头，没有土壤，异常干燥，什么也不能生长；不过，倒有几棵橡树、几丛挂满果子的山楂树；地面没有长草，铺着一层皱波状浅黄褐色苔藓，让夕阳的余辉照得红红的一片，走在上面很滑。我拉着玛德莱娜的手，好扶住她。德·莫尔索夫人则让雅克拉住胳膊。伯爵走在前边，忽然转过身，用手杖杵着地，声调凄惨地对我说：“我的生活，就像这个地方！哦！我指的是认识您之前。”他带着歉意看了他妻子一眼，急忙改口说。改口也晚了，伯爵夫人脸已经白了。遭受这样的打击，哪个女子支撑得住呢？ 　　①博叙埃（1627—1704），法国古典主义散文家，著有《诔词》、《世界史讲话》等。在作品中极力宣扬上帝掌管人间一切的思想。 　　②拉丁文：儿子啊，女儿啊。 　　“这里多清香啊！夕照多美啊！”我高声叹道，“我真想把这片荒野据为己有，探一探地下，也许会发现宝藏呢。不过，最有把握的财富，还是和您毗邻。况且，这地方景色优美，河流曲曲弯弯，两岸护着(木岑)木(木岂)木林，令人赏心悦目，谁还不肯花大钱得到呢？这就是意趣不同，您明白吗？在您看来，这是一片不毛之地；可是在我眼中，这是人间乐园。” 　　伯爵夫人看了我一眼，表示感谢。 　　“田园诗！”伯爵酸溜溜地说，“您这样的世家子弟，不该在这里生活。”他顿了顿，又说：“您听见阿泽的钟声了吗？我听得很清楚。” 　　德·莫尔索夫人神色惊慌地看着我，玛德莱娜也握紧了我的手。 　　“我们回去下盘棋好吗？”我对他说，“棋子一响，您就听不见钟声了。” 　　我们一路断断续续地说话，回到葫芦钟堡。伯爵不住地哼哼，又不说明什么地方疼痛。到了客厅，大家都不知道如何是好。伯爵坐进一把扶手椅里，陷入沉思。夫人不敢惊动他，知道他这是要犯病的征兆。我也默然不语。她没有请我离开，大概是以为伯爵下下棋，心情就可能好起来，一触即发的火气就可能消掉，否则一发作，岂不要她的命。伯爵是个棋迷，可是要让他下盘棋，真比登天还难。他像个娇气的情妇，非得让人求他，强迫他不可，好显得他并不情愿，也许他本性就如此吧。我聊天若是聊得高兴，一时忘了应酬他，他便悻悻然，脸拉长了，口气也变得尖酸刺耳，专门跟人唱反调。见他情绪不对头，我心下便明白，连忙提议下盘棋。他倒端起架子来，说道：“一来时间太晚，二来我也没这个兴致。”极尽扭，泥作态之能事，那架势就像女人，最后弄得你不知道她们究竟想干什么。我只好低声下气，央求他陪我练练，说是这种棋一不下就生疏了。这一次，我得装作瘾头极大，才能说服他同我下棋。他哼哼唧唧地说他昏昏沉沉，计算不了分数，脑袋就像被钳子夹住似的，耳朵嗡嗡直响，胸口憋闷，说着连声长叹。最后，他终于坐到棋桌前。德·莫尔索夫人离开我们，去安顿孩子睡觉，并让府上仆役作晚祷。这工夫一切顺利，我有意让德·莫尔索先生赢棋；他心里一高兴，立刻眉开眼笑。刚才忧心忡忡，冒出此生休矣的悲观念头，现在又像醉汉一样兴奋狂笑，几乎笑得没有来由，他这种情绪的急遽变化，真叫我不寒而栗，十分担心。我还从未见过他喜怒如此不加掩饰。显然，我们交往密切有了效果，他同我在一起再也不拘束了。每天，他都力图把我幽禁在他的专制之中，抓住一个新的出气对象。的确，精神病症犹如人，也有胃口，有本能，也要扩张地盘，就像一个地产主要扩大土地一样。伯爵夫人下楼来，坐到棋桌旁，借亮做绒绣；不过看得出来，她手上做活，心里却惴惴不安。我来不及阻止，伯爵一步棋走错，脸色登时大变，由快活变阴沉，由红变黄，目光也闪烁不定。接着，他又一着失误，是我始料未及，也无法替他挽回的。德·莫尔索先生掷了个坏点，造成输局。他霍地站起来，把棋桌往我身上一掀，把灯也掀到地上。他用拳头捶着支架，随即又在客厅里跳来跳去，那样子我不能说是“走”。一连串的谩骂、斥责、诅咒，从他嘴里冒出来，语无伦次，真像中世纪一个中魔者！想想我的脸面怎么搁得住。

At this particular time Monsieur de Chessel's ambition had a second dawn. Royalty smiled upon him, and he was now affecting the grand manner. Still he was, I must say, most kind to me, and he pleased me for the very simple reason that with him I had found peace and rest for the first time. The interest, possibly very slight, which he showed in my affairs, seemed to me, lonely and rejected as I was, an image of paternal love. His hospitable care contrasted so strongly with the neglect to which I was accustomed, that I felt a childlike gratitude to the home where no fetters bound me and where I was welcomed and even courted. The owners of Frapesle are so associated with the dawn of my life's happiness that I mingle them in all those memories I love to revive. Later, and more especially in connection with his letters-patent, I had the pleasure of doing my host some service. Monsieur de Chessel enjoyed his wealth with an ostentation that gave umbrage to certain of his neighbors. He was able to vary and renew his fine horses and elegant equipages; his wife dressed exquisitely; he received on a grand scale; his servants were more numerous than his neighbors approved; for all of which he was said to be aping princes. The Frapesle estate is immense. Before such luxury as this the Comte de Mortsauf, with one family cariole,--which in Touraine is something between a coach without springs and a  post-chaise,--forced by limited means to let or farm Clochegourde, was Tourangean up to the time when royal favor restored the family to a distinction possibly unlooked for. His greeting to me, the younger son of a ruined family whose escutcheon dated back to the Crusades, was intended to show contempt for the large fortune and to belittle the possessions, the woods, the arable lands, the meadows, of a neighbor who was not of noble birth. Monsieur de Chessel fully understood this. They always met politely; but there was none of that daily intercourse or that agreeable intimacy which ought to have existed between Clochegourde and Frapesle, two estates separated only by the Indre, and whose mistresses could have beckoned to each other from their windows. Jealousy, however, was not the sole reason for the solitude in which the Count de Mortsauf lived. His early education was that of the children of great families,--an incomplete and superficial instruction as to knowledge, but supplemented by the training of society, the habits of a court life, and the exercise of important duties under the crown or in eminent offices. Monsieur de Mortsauf had emigrated at the very moment when the second stage of his education was about to begin, and accordingly that training was lacking to him. He was one of those who believed in the immediate restoration of the monarchy; with that conviction in his mind, his exile was a long and miserable period of idleness. When the army of Conde, which his courage led him to join with the utmost devotion, was  disbanded, he expected to find some other post under the white flag, and never sought, like other emigrants, to take up an industry. Perhaps he had not the sort of courage that could lay aside his name and earn his living in the sweat of a toil he despised. His hopes, daily postponed to the morrow, and possibly a scruple of honor, kept him from offering his services to foreign powers. Trials undermined his courage. Long tramps afoot on insufficient nourishment, and above all, on hopes betrayed, injured his health and discouraged his mind. By degrees he became utterly destitute. If to some men misery is a tonic, on others it acts as a dissolvent; and the count was of the latter.   Reflecting on the life of this poor Touraine gentleman, tramping and sleeping along the highroads of Hungary, sharing the mutton of Prince Esterhazy's shepherds, from whom the foot-worn traveller begged the food he would not, as a gentleman, have accepted at the table of the master, and refusing again and again to do service to the enemies of France, I never found it in my heart to feel bitterness against him, even when I saw him at his worst in after days. The natural gaiety of a Frenchman and a Tourangean soon deserted him; he became morose, fell ill, and was charitably cared for in some German hospital. His disease was an inflammation of the mesenteric membrane, which is often fatal, and is liable, even if cured, to change the constitution and produce hypochondria. His love affairs, carefully buried out of sight and which I  alone discovered, were low-lived, and not only destroyed his health but ruined his future. After twelve years of great misery he made his way to France, under the decree of the Emperor which permitted the return of the emigrants. As the wretched wayfarer crossed the Rhine and saw the tower of Strasburg against the evening sky, his strength gave way. "'France! France!' I cried. 'I see France!'" (he said to me) "as a child cries 'Mother!' when it is hurt." Born to wealth, he was now poor; made to command a regiment or govern a province, he was now without authority and without a future; constitutionally healthy and robust, he returned infirm and utterly worn out. Without enough education to take part among men and affairs, now broadened and enlarged by the march of events, necessarily without influence of any kind, he lived despoiled of everything, of his moral strength as well as his physical. Want of money made his name a burden. His unalterable opinions, his antecedents with the army of Conde, his trials, his recollections, his wasted health, gave him susceptibilities which are but little spared in France, that land of jest and sarcasm. Half dead he reached Maine, where, by some accident of the civil war, the revolutionary government had forgotten to sell one of his farms of considerable extent, which his farmer had held for him by giving out that he himself was the owner of it. When the Lenoncourt family, living at Givry, an estate not far from  this farm, heard of the arrival of the Comte de Mortsauf, the Duc de Lenoncourt invited him to stay at Givry while a house was being prepared for him. The Lenoncourt family were nobly generous to him, and with them he remained some months, struggling to hide his sufferings during that first period of rest. The Lenoncourts had themselves lost an immense property. By birth Monsieur de Mortsauf was a suitable husband for their daughter. Mademoiselle de Lenoncourt, instead of rejecting a marriage with a feeble and worn-out man of thirty-five, seemed satisfied to accept it. It gave her the opportunity of living with her aunt, the Duchesse de Verneuil, sister of the Prince de Blamont-Chauvry, who was like a mother to her. Madame de Verneuil, the intimate friend of the Duchesse de Bourbon, was a member of the devout society of which Monsieur Saint-Martin (born in Touraine and called the Philosopher of Mystery) was the soul. The disciples of this philosopher practised the virtues taught them by the lofty doctrines of mystical illumination. These doctrines hold the key to worlds divine; they explain existence by reincarnations through which the human spirit rises to its sublime destiny; they liberate duty from its legal degradation, enable the soul to meet the trials of life with the unalterable serenity of the Quaker, ordain contempt for the sufferings of this life, and inspire a fostering care of that angel within us who allies us to the divine. It is stoicism with an immortal future. Active prayer and pure love are the elements of this faith, which is born of the Roman  Church but returns to the Christianity of the primitive faith. Mademoiselle de Lenoncourt remained, however, in the Catholic communion, to which her aunt was equally bound. Cruelly tried by revolutionary horrors, the Duchesse de Verneuil acquired in the last years of her life a halo of passionate piety, which, to use the phraseology of Saint-Martin, shed the light of celestial love and the chrism of inward joy upon the soul of her cherished niece. After the death of her aunt, Madame de Mortsauf received several visits at Clochegourde from Saint-Martin, a man of peace and of virtuous wisdom. It was at Clochegourde that he corrected his last books, printed at Tours by Letourmy. Madame de Verneuil, wise with the wisdom of an old woman who has known the stormy straits of life, gave Clochegourde to the young wife for her married home; and with the grace of old age, so perfect where it exists, the duchess yielded everything to her niece, reserving for herself only one room above the one she had always occupied, and which she now fitted up for the countess. Her sudden death threw a gloom over the early days of the marriage, and connected Clochegourde with ideas of sadness in the sensitive mind of the bride. The first period of her settlement in Touraine was to Madame de Mortsauf, I cannot say the happiest, but the least troubled of her life. After the many trials of his exile, Monsieur de Mortsauf, taking comfort in the thought of a secure future, had a certain recovery of mind;  he breathed anew in this sweet valley the intoxicating essence of revived hope. Compelled to husband his means, he threw himself into agricultural pursuits and began to find some happiness in life. But the birth of his first child, Jacques, was a thunderbolt which ruined both the past and the future. The doctor declared the child had not vitality enough to live. The count concealed this sentence from the mother; but he sought other advice, and received the same fatal answer, the truth of which was confirmed at the subsequent birth of Madeleine. These events and a certain inward consciousness of the cause of this disaster increased the diseased tendencies of the man himself. His name doomed to extinction, a pure and irreproachable young woman made miserable beside him and doomed to the anguish of maternity without its joys--this uprising of his former into his present life, with its growth of new sufferings, crushed his spirit and completed its destruction. The countess guessed the past from the present, and read the future. Though nothing is so difficult as to make a man happy when he knows himself to blame, she set herself to that task, which is worthy of an angel. She became stoical. Descending into an abyss, whence she still could see the sky, she devoted herself to the care of one man as the sister of charity devotes herself to many. To reconcile him with himself, she forgave him that for which he had no forgiveness. The count grew miserly; she accepted the privations he imposed. Like all who have known the world  only to acquire its suspiciousness, he feared betrayal; she lived in solitude and yielded without a murmur to his mistrust. With a woman's tact she made him will to do that which was right, till he fancied the ideas were his own, and thus enjoyed in his own person the honors of a superiority that was never his. After due experience of married life, she came to the resolution of never leaving Clochegourde; for she saw the hysterical tendencies of the count's nature, and feared the outbreaks which might be talked of in that gossipping and jealous neighborhood to the injury of her children. Thus, thanks to her, no one suspected Monsieur de Mortsauf's real incapacity, for she wrapped his ruins in a mantle of ivy. The fickle, not merely discontented but embittered nature of the man found rest and ease in his wife; his secret anguish was lessened by the balm she shed upon it. This brief history is in part a summary of that forced from Monsieur de Chessel by his inward vexation. His knowledge of the world enabled him to penetrate several of the mysteries of Clochegourde. But the prescience of love could not be misled by the sublime attitude with which Madame de Mortsauf deceived the world. When alone in my little bedroom, a sense of the full truth made me spring from my bed; I could not bear to stay at Frapesle when I saw the lighted windows of Clochegourde. I dressed, went softly down, and left the chateau by the door of a tower at the foot of a winding stairway. The coolness of the  night calmed me. I crossed the Indre by the bridge at the Red Mill, took the ever-blessed punt, and rowed in front of Clochegourde, where a brilliant light was streaming from a window looking towards Azay. Again I plunged into my old meditations; but they were now peaceful, intermingled with the love-note of the nightingale and the solitary cry of the sedge-warbler. Ideas glided like fairies through my mind, lifting the black veil which had hidden till then the glorious future. Soul and senses were alike charmed. With what passion my thoughts rose to her! Again and again I cried, with the repetition of a madman, "Will she be mine?" During the preceding days the universe had enlarged to me, but now in a single night I found its centre. On her my will and my ambition henceforth fastened; I desired to be all in all to her, that I might heal and fill her lacerated heart. Beautiful was that night beneath her windows, amid the murmur of waters rippling through the sluices, broken only by a voice that told the hours from the clock-tower of Sache. During those hours of darkness bathed in light, when this sidereal flower illumined my existence, I betrothed to her my soul with the faith of the poor Castilian knight whom we laugh at in the pages of Cervantes,--a faith, nevertheless, with which all love begins.   At the first gleam of day, the first note of the waking birds, I fled back among the trees of Frapesle and reached the house; no one had seen me, no one suspected by absence, and I slept soundly until the bell rang  for breakfast. When the meal was over I went down, in spite of the heat, to the meadow-lands for another sight of the Indre and its isles, the valley and its slopes, of which I seemed so passionate an admirer. But once there, thanks to a swiftness of foot like that of a loose horse, I returned to my punt, the willows, and Clochegourde. All was silent and palpitating, as a landscape is at midday in summer. The still foliage lay sharply defined on the blue of the sky; the insects that live by light, the dragon-flies, the cantharides, were flying among the reeds and the ash-trees; cattle chewed the cud in the shade, the ruddy earth of the vineyards glowed, the adders glided up and down the banks. What a change in the sparkling and coquettish landscape while I slept! I sprang suddenly from the boat and ran up the road which went round Clochegourde for I fancied that I saw the count coming out. I was not mistaken; he was walking beside the hedge, evidently making for a gate on the road to Azay which followed the bank of the river. "How are you this morning, Monsieur le comte?" He looked at me pleasantly, not being used to hear himself thus addressed. "Quite well," he answered. "You must love the country, to be rambling about in this heat!" "I was sent here to live in the open air." "Then what do you say to coming with me to see them cut my rye?"   "Gladly," I replied. "I'll own to you that my ignorance is past belief; I don't know rye from wheat, nor a poplar from an aspen; I know nothing of farming, nor of the various methods of cultivating the soil." "Well, come and learn," he cried gaily, returning upon his steps. "Come in by the little gate above." The count walked back along the hedge, he being within it and I without. "You will learn nothing from Monsieur de Chessel," he remarked; "he is altogether too fine a gentleman to do more than receive the reports of his bailiff." The count then showed me his yards and the farm buildings, the pleasure-grounds, orchards, vineyards, and kitchen garden, until we finally came to the long alley of acacias and ailanthus beside the river, at the end of which I saw Madame de Mortsauf sitting on a bench, with her children. A woman is very lovely under the light and quivering shade of such foliage. Surprised, perhaps, at my prompt visit, she did not move, knowing very well that we should go to her. The count made me admire the view of the valley, which at this point is totally different from that seen from the heights above. Here I might have thought myself in a corner of Switzerland. The meadows, furrowed with little brooks which flow into the Indre, can be seen to their full extent till lost in the misty distance. Towards Montbazon the eye ranges over a vast green plain; in  all other directions it is stopped by hills, by masses of trees, and rocks. We quickened our steps as we approached Madame de Mortsauf, who suddenly dropped the book in which Madeleine was reading to her and took Jacques upon her knees, in the paroxysms of a violent cough. "What's the matter?" cried the count, turning livid. "A sore throat," answered the mother, who seemed not to see me; "but it is nothing serious." She was holding the child by the head and body, and her eyes seemed to shed two rays of life into the poor frail creature. "You are so extraordinarily imprudent," said the count, sharply; "you expose him to the river damps and let him sit on a stone bench." "Why, papa, the stone is burning hot," cried Madeleine. "They were suffocating higher up," said the countess. "Women always want to prove they are right," said the count, turning to me. 　“您先到花园去。”伯爵夫人说着，紧紧握了一下我的手。 　　我离开客厅，而伯爵并没觉察。我缓步走到平台上，还听见从餐室隔壁他的房间传出的喊叫和呻吟声。透过他那狂风暴雨般的吼叫，我间或听到天使的声音，宛似暴雨快停歇时黄莺的鸣啭。时值8月末，夜色极美，我在洋槐下漫步，等待伯爵夫人。她一定会来，她那动作就是对我的许诺。几天来，我们都有满腹话，仿佛只要一开口，就会像心泉喷射一样倾吐出来。碍于何种羞耻心，我们才一拖再拖，没有完全沟通心灵呢？人在自己的生活快要溢出而又矜持的时候，在要披露心曲而又迟疑的时候，就会像出阁的闺秀将要在心爱的夫君前露面那样，出于羞赧的心理，产生一种类似恐惧使感觉麻木的颤栗；也许伯爵夫人同我一样，也喜欢这种颤栗吧。相互交心势在必行，我们由于思想郁结，就越发把初次倾谈看得很重。一个小时过去了。我坐在砖砌的护墙上，她的脚步伴随着衣裙飘动的窸窣声，忽然打破静谧的夜晚。这类感觉，仅仅靠心是不够的。 　　“德·莫尔索先生睡着了，”伯爵夫人对我说，“碰到这种情况，我就用几个罂粟头泡一杯水给他喝；这种疗法尽管极为简单，但犯病间隔时间长，每次喝下去都见效。先生，”她换了口气，以最令人信服的坚定声音对我说，“仔细保守至今的秘密，不幸让您发现了。请答应我，您要把这个场面埋藏在心底。为了我，请您做到这一点。我并不要求您发誓，只需君子一言，说声好，我就满意了。” 　　“这声好还有必要说吗？”我说道，“难道我们相互还始终不了解吗？” 　　“德·莫尔索先生长期流亡，历尽艰辛，您看到了留下的病根，千万不要对他产生恶感，”她又说道，“他说过的话，明天就会忘得一干二净，您还会觉得他为人和善热情。” 　　“不要替伯爵辩解了，夫人，”我答道，“您要求什么我全照办。若是投安德尔河自尽，就能使德·莫尔索先生脱胎换骨，使您重新过上幸福生活，我一刻也不会犹豫。然而，惟独我的看法不能改变；在我身上，什么也没有我的看法形成得牢固。我情愿把生命献给您，却不能把良心给您。我可以不听良心的声音，但我能阻止它讲话吗？而照我看，德·莫尔索先生是……”