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[Novel] 【长篇连载】Jane Eyre----简·爱（中英对照）一部催泪的小说〖全篇〗

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这是一部具有浓厚浪漫主义色彩的现实主义小说，小说主要描写了简·爱与罗切斯特的爱情。主人公简·爱是一个心地纯洁、善于思考的女性，她生活在社会底层，受尽磨难。但她有倔强的性格和勇于追求平等幸福的精神。小说以浓郁抒情的笔法和深刻细腻的心理描写，引人入胜地展示了男女主人公曲折起伏的爱情经历，歌颂了摆脱一切旧习俗和偏见。扎根于相互理解、相互尊重的基础之上的深挚爱情，具有强烈的震撼心灵的艺术力量。其最为成功之处在于塑造了一个敢于反抗，敢于争取自由和平等地位的妇女形象。
简·爱是个孤女，出生于一个穷牧师家庭。父母由于染上伤寒，在一个月之中相继去世。幼小的简寄养在舅父母家里。舅父里德先生在红房子中去世后，简过了10年受尽歧视和虐待的生活。一次，由于反抗表哥的殴打，简被关进了红房子。肉体上的痛苦和心灵上的屈辱和恐惧，使她大病了一场。
舅母把她视作眼中钉，并把她和自己的孩子隔离开来，从此，她与舅母的对抗更加公开和坚决了。以后，简被送进了洛伍德孤儿院。
孤儿院教规严厉，生活艰苦，院长是个冷酷的伪君子。简在孤儿院继续受到精神和肉体上的摧残。由于恶劣的生活条件，孤儿院经常有孩子病死,她最好的朋友海伦在一次大的斑疹伤寒中去世了。这次斑疹伤寒也使孤儿院有了大的改善。简在新的环境下接受了六年的教育，并在这所学校任教两年。由于谭波尔儿小姐的离开，简厌倦了孤儿院里的生活，登广告谋求家庭教师的职业。
桑菲尔德庄园的女管家聘用了她。庄园的男主人罗切斯特经常在外旅行，偌大的宅邸只有一个不到10岁的女孩阿黛拉·瓦朗，罗切斯特是她的保护人，她就是简的学生。
一天黄昏，简外出散步，邂逅刚从国外归来的主人，这是他们第一次见面。以后她发现她的主人是个性格忧郁、喜怒无常的人，对她的态度时好时坏。整幢房子沉郁空旷，有时还会听到一种令人毛骨悚然的奇怪笑声。
一天，简在睡梦中被这种笑声惊醒，发现罗切斯特的房间着了火，简叫醒他并帮助他扑灭了火。
罗切斯特回来后经常举行家宴。在一次家宴上向一位名叫英格拉姆的漂亮小姐大献殷勤，简被召进客厅，却受到布兰奇母女的冷遇，她忍受屈辱，离开客厅。此时，她已经爱上了罗切斯特。其实罗切斯特也已爱上简，他只是想试探简对自己的爱情。当他向简求婚时，简答应了他。
婚礼前夜，简在朦胧中看到一个面目可憎的女人在镜前披戴她的婚纱。
第二天，当婚礼在教堂悄然进行时，突然有人出证：罗切斯特先生15年前已经结婚。他的妻子原来就是那个被关在三楼密室里的疯女人。法律阻碍了他们的爱情，使两人陷入深深的痛苦之中。在一个凄风苦雨之夜，简离开了罗切斯特。在寻找新的生活出路的途中，简风餐露宿，沿途乞讨，历尽磨难，最后在泽地房被牧师圣·约翰收留，并在当地一所小学校任教。
不久，简得知叔父去世并给她留下一笔遗产，同时还发现圣·约翰是她的表兄，简决定将财产平分。圣·约翰是个狂热的教徒，打算去印度传教。他请求简嫁给他并和他同去印度，但理由只是简·爱适合做一位传教士的妻子。简拒绝了他，并决定再看看罗切斯特。
她回到桑菲尔德庄园，那座宅子已成废墟，疯女人放火后坠楼身亡，罗切斯特也受伤致残（失去一只胳膊，一只眼睛）。简找到他并大受震动，最终和他结了婚，得到了自己理想的幸福生活。

[ 此帖被伊墨君在2013-02-14 16:32重新编辑 ]

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Chapter 1

THERE was no possibility of taking a walk that day. We had beenwandering, indeed, in the leafless shrubbery an hour in the morning; butsince dinner (Mrs. Reed, when there was no company, dined early) thecold winter wind had brought with it clouds so sombre, and a rain sopenetrating, that further outdoor exercise was now out of the question. Iwas glad of it: I never liked long walks, especially on chillyafternoons: dreadful to me was the coming home in the raw twilight, withnipped fingers and toes, and a heart saddened by the chidings ofBessie, the nurse, and humbled by the consciousness of my physicalinferiority to Eliza, John, and Georgiana Reed. The said Eliza, John,and Georgiana were now clustered round their mama in the drawing-room:she lay reclined on a sofa by the fireside, and with her darlings abouther (for the time neither quarrelling nor crying) looked perfectlyhappy. Me, she had dispensed from joining the group; saying, 'Sheregretted to be under the necessity of keeping me at a distance; butthat until she heard from Bessie, and could discover by her ownobservation, that I was endeavouring in good earnest to acquire a moresociable and childlike disposition, a more attractive and sprightlymanner- something lighter, franker, more natural, as it were- she reallymust exclude me from privileges intended only for contented, happy,little children.'
'What does Bessie say I have done?' I asked.
'Jane,I don't like cavillers or questioners; besides, there is somethingtruly forbidding in a child taking up her elders in that manner. Beseated somewhere; and until you can speak pleasantly, remain silent.'

Asmall breakfast-room adjoined the drawing-room, I slipped in there. Itcontained a bookcase: I soon possessed myself of a volume, taking carethat it should be one stored with pictures. I mounted into thewindow-seat: gathering up my feet, I sat cross-legged, like a Turk; and,having drawn the red moreen curtain nearly close, I was shrined indouble retirement. Folds of scarlet drapery shut in my view to the righthand; to the left were the clear panes of glass, protecting, but notseparating me from the drear November day. At intervals, while turningover the leaves of my book, I studied the aspect of that winterafternoon. Afar, it offered a pale blank of mist and cloud; near a sceneof wet lawn and storm-beat shrub, with ceaseless rain sweeping awaywildly before a long and lamentable blast. I returned to my book-Bewick's History of British Birds: the letterpress thereof I caredlittle for, generally speaking; and yet there were certain introductorypages that, child as I was, I could not pass quite as a blank. They werethose which treat of the haunts of sea-fowl; of 'the solitary rocks andpromontories' by them only inhabited; of the coast of Norway, studdedwith isles from its southern extremity, the Lindeness, or Naze, to theNorth Cape- 'Where the Northern Ocean, in vast whirls, Boils round thenaked, melancholy isles Of farthest Thule; and the Atlantic surgePours in among the stormy Hebrides.'Nor could I pass unnoticed thesuggestion of the bleak shores of Lapland, Siberia, Spitzbergen, NovaZembla, Iceland, Greenland, with 'the vast sweep of the Arctic Zone, andthose forlorn regions of dreary space,- that reservoir of frost andsnow, where firm fields of ice, the accumulation of centuries ofwinters, glazed in Alpine heights above heights, surround the pole andconcentre the multiplied rigours of extreme cold.' Of these death-whiterealms I formed an idea of my own: shadowy, like all thehalf-comprehended notions that float aim through children's brains, butstrangely impressive. The words in these introductory pages connectedthemselves with the succeeding vignettes, and gave significance to therock standing up alone in a sea of billow and spray; to the broken boatstranded on a desolate coast; to the cold and ghastly moon glancingthrough bars of cloud at a wreck just sinking.
I cannot tell whatsentiment haunted the quite solitary churchyard, with its inscribedheadstone; its gate, its two trees, its low horizon, girdled by a brokenwall, and its newly-risen crescent, attesting the hour of eventide. Thetwo ships becalmed on a torpid sea, I believed to be marine phantoms.The fiend pinning down the thief's pack behind him, I passed overquickly: it was an object of terror. So was the black horned thingseated aloof on a rock, surveying a distant crowd surrounding a gallows.Each picture told a story; mysterious often to my undevelopedunderstanding and imperfect feelings, yet ever profoundly interesting:as interesting as the tales Bessie sometimes narrated on winterevenings, when she chanced to be in good humour; and when, havingbrought her ironing-table to the nursery hearth, she allowed us to sitabout it, and while she got up Mrs. Reed's lace frills, and crimped hernightcap borders, fed our eager attention with passages of love andadventure taken from old fairy tales and other ballads; or (as at alater period I discovered) from the pages of Pamela, and Henry, Earl ofMoreland. With Bewick on my knee, I was then happy: happy at least in myway. I feared nothing but interruption, and that came too soon. Thebreakfast-room door opened.
'Boh! Madam Mope!' cried the voice of John Reed; then he paused: he found the room apparently empty.
'Where the dickens is she!' he continued. 'Lizzy! Georgy! (calling tohis sisters) Joan is not here: tell mama she is run out into the rain-bad animal!'
'It is well I drew the curtain,' thought I; and I wished fervently hemight not discover my hiding-place: nor would John Reed have found itout himself; he was not
quick either of vision or conception; but Eliza just put her head in at the door, and said at once-
'She is in the window-seat, to be sure, Jack.'
And I came out immediately, for I trembled at the idea of being dragged forth by the said Jack.
'What do you want?' I asked, with awkward diffidence.
'Say, "What do you want, Master Reed?"' was the answer. 'I want youto come here;' and seating himself in an armchair, he intimated by agesture that I was to approach and stand before him.
John Reed was a schoolboy of fourteen years old; four years olderthan I, for I was but ten: large and stout for his age, with a dingy andunwholesome skin; thick lineaments in a spacious visage, heavy limbsand large extremities. He gorged himself habitually at table, which madehim bilious, and gave him a dim and bleared eye and flabby cheeks. Heought now to have been at school; but his mama had taken him home for amonth or two, 'on account of his delicate health.' Mr. Miles, themaster, affirmed that he would do very well if he had fewer cakes andsweetmeats sent him from home; but the mother's heart turned from anopinion so harsh, and inclined rather to the more refined idea thatJohn's sallowness was owing to over-application and, perhaps, to piningafter home.
John had not much affection for his mother and sisters, and anantipathy to me. He bullied and punished me; not two or three times inthe week, nor once or twice in the day, but continually: every nerve Ihad feared him, and every morsel of flesh in my bones shrank when hecame near. There were moments when I was bewildered by the terror heinspired, because I had no appeal whatever against either his menaces orhis inflictions; the servants did not like to offend their young masterby taking my part against him, and Mrs. Reed was blind and deaf on thesubject: she never saw him strike or heard him abuse me, though he didboth now and then in her very presence, more frequently, however, behindher back.
Habitually obedient to John, I came up to his chair: he spent somethree minutes in thrusting out his tongue at me as far as he couldwithout damaging the roots: I knew he would soon strike, and whiledreading the blow, I mused on the disgusting and ugly appearance of himwho would presently deal it. I wonder if he read that notion in my face;for, all at once, without speaking, he struck suddenly and strongly. Itottered, and on regaining my equilibrium retired back a step or twofrom his chair.
'That is for your impudence in answering mama awhile since,' said he,'and for your sneaking way of getting behind curtains, and for the lookyou had in your eyes two minutes since, you rat!'
Accustomed to John Reed's abuse, I never had an idea of replying toit; my care was how to endure the blow which would certainly follow theinsult.
'What were you doing behind the curtain?' he asked.
'I was reading.'
'Show the book.'
I returned to the window and fetched it thence.
'You have no business to take our books; you are a dependant, mamasays; you have no money; your father left you none; you ought to beg,and not to live here with gentlemen's children like us, and eat the samemeals we do, and wear clothes at our mama's expense. Now, I'll teachyou to rummage my bookshelves: for they are mine; all the house belongsto me, or will do in a few years. Go and stand by the door, out of theway of the mirror and the windows.'I did so, not at first aware what washis intention; but when I saw him lift and poise the book and stand inact to hurl it, I instinctively started aside with a cry of alarm: notsoon enough, however; the volume was flung, it hit me, and I fell,striking my head against the door and cutting it. The cut bled, the painwas sharp: my terror had passed its climax; other feelings succeeded.
'Wicked and cruel boy!' I said. 'You are like a murderer- you are like a slave-driver- you are like the Roman emperors!'
I had read Goldsmith's History of Rome, and had formed my opinion ofNero, Caligula, etc. Also I had drawn parallels in silence, which Inever thought thus to have declared aloud.
'What! what!' he cried. 'Did she say that to me? Did you hear her,Eliza and Georgiana? Won't I tell mama? but first-' He ran headlong atme: I felt him grasp my hair and my shoulder: he had closed with adesperate thing. I really saw in him a tyrant, a murderer. I felt a dropor two of blood from my head trickle down my neck, and was sensible ofsomewhat pungent suffering: these sensations for the time predominatedover fear, and I received him in frantic sort. I don't very well knowwhat I did with my hands, but he called me 'Rat! Rat!' and bellowed outaloud. Aid was near him: Eliza and Georgiana had run for Mrs. Reed, whowas gone upstairs: she now came upon the scene, followed by Bessie andher maid Abbot. We were parted: I heard the words-
'Dear! dear! What a fury to fly at Master John!'
'Did ever anybody see such a picture of passion!'
Then Mrs. Reed subjoined-'Take her away to the red-room, and lock her in there.' Four hands were immediately laid upon me, and I was borne upstairs.

那天，出去散步是不可能了。其实，早上我们还在光秃秃的灌木林中溜达了一个小时，但从午饭时起（无客造访时，里德太太很早就用午饭）便刮起了冬日凛冽的寒风，随后阴云密布，大雨滂沱，室外的活动也就只能作罢了。
我倒是求之不得。我向来不喜欢远距离散步，尤其在冷飕飕的下午。试想，阴冷的薄暮时分回得家来，手脚都冻僵了，还要受到保姆贝茵的数落，又自觉体格不如伊丽莎、约翰和乔治亚娜，心里既难过又惭愧，那情形委实可怕。
此时此刻，刚才提到的伊丽莎、约翰和乔治亚娜都在客厅里，簇拥着他们的妈妈。她则斜倚在炉边的沙发上，身旁坐着自己的小宝贝们（眼下既未争吵也未哭叫），一副安享天伦之乐的神态。
而我呢，她恩准我不必同他们坐在一起了，说是她很遗憾，不得不让我独个儿在一旁呆着。要是没有亲耳从贝茜那儿听到，并且亲眼看到，我确实在尽力养成一种比较单纯随和的习性，活泼可爱的举止，也就是更开朗、更率直、更自然些，那她当真不让我享受那些只配给予快乐知足的孩子们的特权了。
“贝茵说我干了什么啦？”我问。
“简，我不喜欢吹毛求疵或者刨根究底的人，更何况小孩子家这么跟大人顶嘴实在让人讨厌。找个地方去坐着，不会和气说话就别张嘴。”
客厅的隔壁是一间小小的餐室，我溜了进去。里面有一个书架。不一会儿，我从上面拿下一本书来，特意挑插图多的，爬上窗台，缩起双脚，像土耳其人那样盘腿坐下，将红色的波纹窗帘几乎完全拉拢，把自己加倍隐蔽了起来。
在我右侧，绯红色窗幔的皱褶档住了我的视线；左侧，明亮的玻璃窗庇护着我，使我既免受十一月阴沉天气的侵害，又不与外面的世界隔绝，在翻书的间隙，我抬头细看冬日下午的景色。只见远方白茫茫一片云雾，近处湿漉漉一块草地和受风雨袭击的灌木。一阵持久而凄厉的狂风，驱赶着如注的暴雨，横空归过。
我重又低头看书，那是本比尤伊克的《英国鸟类史》。文字部份我一般不感兴趣，但有几页导言，虽说我是孩子，却不愿当作空页随手翻过。内中写到了海鸟生息之地；写到了只有海鸟栖居的“孤零零的岩石和海岬”；写到了自南端林纳斯尼斯，或纳斯，至北角都遍布小岛的挪威海岸：
那里，北冰洋掀起的巨大漩涡，咆哮在极地光秃凄凉约小岛四周。而大西洋的汹涌波涛，泻入了狂暴的赫布里底群岛。
还有些地方我也不能看都不看，一翻而过，那就是书中提到的拉普兰、西伯利亚、斯匹次卑尔根群岛、新地岛、冰岛和格陵兰荒凉的海岸。“广袤无垠的北极地带和那些阴凄凄的不毛之地，宛若冰雪的储存库。千万个寒冬所积聚成的坚冰，像阿尔卑斯山的层层高峰，光滑晶莹，包围着地极，把与日俱增的严寒汇集于一处。”我对这些死白色的地域，已有一定之见，但一时难以捉摸，仿佛孩子们某些似懂非懂的念头，朦朦胧胧浮现在脑际，却出奇地生动，导言中的这几页文字，与后面的插图相配，使兀立于大海波涛中的孤岩，搁浅在荒凉海岸上的破船，以及透过云带俯视着沉船的幽幽月光，更加含义隽永了。
我说不清一种什么样的情调弥漫在孤寂的墓地：刻有铭文的墓碑、一扇大门、两棵树、低低的地平线、破败的围墙。一弯初升的新月，表明时候正是黄昏。
两艘轮船停泊在水波不兴的海面上，我以为它们是海上的鬼怪。
魔鬼从身后按住窃贼的背包，那模样实在可怕，我赶紧翻了过去。
一样可怕的是，那个头上长角的黑色怪物，独踞于岩石之上，远眺着一大群人围着绞架。
每幅画都是一个故事、由于我理解力不足，欣赏水平有限，它们往往显得神秘莫测，但无不趣味盎然，就像某些冬夜，贝茜碰巧心情不错时讲述的故事一样。遇到这种时候，贝茵会把烫衣桌搬到保育室的壁炉旁边，让我们围着它坐好。她一面熨里德太太的网眼饰边，把睡帽的边沿烫出褶裥来，一面让我们迫不及待地倾听她一段段爱情和冒险故事，这些片段取自于古老的神话传说和更古老的歌谣，或者如我后来所发现，来自《帕美拉》和《莫兰伯爵亨利》。
当时，我膝头摊着比尤伊克的书，心里乐滋滋的，至少是自得其乐，就怕别人来打扰。但打扰来得很快，餐室的门开了。
“嘘！苦恼小姐！”约翰.里德叫唤着，随后又打住了，显然发觉房间里空无一人。
“见鬼，上哪儿去了呀？”他接着说。“丽茜！乔琪！”（喊着他的姐妹）“琼不在这儿呐，告诉妈妈她窜到雨地里去了，这个坏畜牲！”
“幸亏我拉好了窗帘，”我想。我真希望他发现不了我的藏身之地。约翰.里德自己是发现不了的，他眼睛不尖，头脑不灵。可惜伊丽莎从门外一探进头来，就说：
“她在窗台上，准没错，杰克。”
我立即走了出来，因为一想到要被这个杰克硬拖出去，身子便直打哆嗦。
什么事呀？”我问，既尴尬又不安。
“该说，什么事呀，里德‘少爷？’”便是我得到的回答。“我要你到这里来，”他在扶手椅上坐下，打了个手势，示意我走过去站到他面前。
约翰.里德是个十四岁的小学生，比我大四岁，因为我才十岁。论年龄，他长得又大又胖，但肤色灰暗，一付病态。脸盘阔，五官粗，四肢肥，手膨大。还喜欢暴饮暴食，落得个肝火很旺，目光迟钝，两颊松弛。这阵子，他本该呆在学校里，可是他妈把他领了回来，住上—、两个月，说是因为“身体虚弱”。但他老师迈尔斯先生却断言，要是家里少送些糕点糖果去，他会什么都很好的，做母亲的心里却讨厌这么刻薄的话，而倾向于一种更随和的想法，认为约翰是过于用功，或许还因为想家，才弄得那么面色蜡黄的。
约翰对母亲和姐妹们没有多少感情，而对我则很厌恶。他欺侮我，虐待我，不是一周三两次，也不是一天一两回，而是经常如此。弄得我每根神经都怕他，他一走运，我身子骨上的每块肌肉都会收缩起来。有时我会被他吓得手足无措，因为面对他的恐吓和欺侮，我无处哭诉。佣人们不愿站在我一边去得罪他们的少爷，而里德太太则装聋作哑，儿子打我骂我，她熟视无睹，尽管他动不动当着她的面这样做，而背着她的时候不用说就更多了。
我对约翰已惯于逆来顺受，因此便走到他椅子跟前。他费了大约三分钟，拼命向我伸出舌头，就差没有绷断舌根。我明白他会马上下手，一面担心挨打，一面凝视着这个就要动手的人那付令人厌恶的丑态。我不知道他看出了我的心思没有，反正他二话没说，猛然间狠命揍我。我一个踉跄，从他椅子前倒退了一两步才站稳身子。
“这是对你的教训，谁叫你刚才那么无礼跟妈妈顶嘴，”他说，“谁叫你鬼鬼祟祟躲到窗帘后面，谁叫你两分钟之前眼光里露出那付鬼样子，你这耗子！”
我已经习惯于约翰.里德的谩骂，从来不愿去理睬，一心只想着加何去忍受辱骂以后必然接踪而来的殴打。
“你躲在窗帘后面干什么？”他问。
“在看书。”
“把书拿来。”
我走回窗前把书取来。
“你没有资格动我们的书。妈妈说的，你靠别人养活你，你没有钱，你爸爸什么也没留给你，你应当去讨饭，而不该同像我们这样体面人家的孩子一起过日子，不该同我们吃一样的饭，穿妈妈掏钱给买的衣服。现在我要教训你，让你知道翻我们书架的好处。这些书都是我的，连整座房子都是，要不过几年就归我了。滚，站到门边去，离镜子和窗子远些。”
我照他的话做了，起初并不知道他的用意。但是他把书举起，拿稳当了，立起身来摆出要扔过来的架势时，我一声惊叫，本能地往旁边一闪，可是晚了、那本书己经扔过来，正好打中了我，我应声倒下，脑袋撞在门上，碰出了血来，疼痛难忍。我的恐惧心理已经越过了极限，被其他情感所代替。
“你是个恶毒残暴的孩子！”我说。“你像个杀人犯——你是个奴隶监工——你像罗马皇帝！”
我读过哥尔斯密的《罗马史》，时尼禄、卡利古拉等人物已有自己的看法，并暗暗作过类比，但决没有想到会如此大声地说出口来。
“什么！什么！”他大叫大嚷。“那是她说的吗？伊丽莎、乔治亚娜，你们可听见她说了？我会不去告诉妈妈吗？不过我得先——”
他向我直冲过来，我只觉得他抓住了我的头发和肩膀，他跟一个拼老命的家伙扭打在一起了。我发现他真是个暴君，是个杀人犯。我觉得一两滴血从头上顺着脖子淌下来，感到一阵热辣辣的剧痛。这些感觉一时占了上风，我不再畏惧，而发疯似地同他对打起来。我不太清楚自己的双手到底干了什么，只听得他骂我“耗子！耗子！”一面杀猪似地嚎叫着。他的帮手近在咫尺，伊丽莎和乔治亚娜早已跑出去讨救兵，里德太太上了楼梯，来到现场，后面跟随着贝茜和女佣艾博特。她们我们拉开了，我只听见她们说：
“哎呀！哎呀！这么大的气出在约翰少爷身上：”
“谁见过那么火冒三丈的！”
随后里德太太补充说：“带她到红房子里去，关起来。”于是马上就有两双手按住了我，把我推上楼去。

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举报只看该作者板凳发表于: 2013-01-30 0

Chapter 2

I RESISTED all the way: a new thing for me, and a circumstance whichgreatly strengthened the bad opinion Bessie and Miss Abbot were disposedto entertain of me. The fact is, I was a trifle beside myself; orrather out of myself, as the French would say: I was conscious that amoment's mutiny had already rendered me liable to strange penalties,and, like any other rebel slave, I felt resolved, in my desperation, togo all lengths.
'Hold her arms, Miss Abbot: she's like a mad cat.'
'For shame! for shame!' cried the lady's-maid. 'What shockingconduct, Miss Eyre, to strike a young gentleman, your benefactress'sson! Your young master.''Master! How is he my master? Am I a servant?'
'No; you are less than a servant, for you do nothing for your keep. There, sit down, and think over your wickedness.'
They had got me by this time into the apartment indicated by Mrs.Reed, and had thrust me upon a stool: my impulse was to rise from itlike a spring; their two pair of hands arrested me instantly.
'If you don't sit still, you must be tied down,' said Bessie. 'Miss Abbot, lend me your garters; she would break mine directly.'
Miss Abbot turned to divest a stout leg of the necessary ligature.This preparation for bonds, and the additional ignominy it inferred,took a little of the excitement out of me.
'Don't take them off,' I cried; 'I will not stir.'
In guarantee whereof, I attached myself to my seat by my hands.
'Mind you don't,' said Bessie; and when she had ascertained that Iwas really subsiding, she loosened her hold of me; then she and MissAbbot stood with folded arms, looking darkly and doubtfully on my face,as incredulous of my sanity.
'She never did so before,' at last said Bessie, turning to the Abigail.
'But it was always in her,' was the reply. 'I've told Missis often myopinion about the child, and Missis agreed with me. She's an underhandlittle thing: I never saw a girl of her age with so much cover.'
Bessie answered not; but ere long, addressing me, she said- 'Youought to be aware, Miss, that you are under obligations to Mrs. Reed:she keeps you: if she were to turn you off, you would have to go to thepoorhouse.'
I had nothing to say to these words: they were not new to me: my veryfirst recollections of existence included hints of the same kind.
This reproach of my dependence had become a vague sing-song in myear: very painful and crushing, but only half intelligible. Miss Abbotjoined in-
'And you ought not to think yourself on an equality with the MissesReed and Master Reed, because Missis kindly allows you to be brought upwith them. They will have a great deal of money, and you will have none:it is your place to be humble, and to try to make yourself agreeable tothem.'
'What we tell you is for your good,' added Bessie, in no harsh voice;'you should try to be useful and pleasant, then, perhaps, you wouldhave a home here; but if you become passionate and rude, Missis willsend you away, I am sure.'
'Besides,' said Miss Abbot, 'God will punish her: He might strike herdead in the midst of her tantrums, and then where would she go? Come,Bessie, we will leave her: I wouldn't have her heart for anything. Sayyour prayers, Miss Eyre, when you are by yourself; for if you don'trepent, something bad might be permitted to come down the chimney andfetch you away.'
They went, shutting the door, and locking it behind them. Thered-room was a square chamber, very seldom slept in, I might say never,indeed, unless when a chance influx of visitors at Gateshead Hallrendered it necessary to turn to account all the accommodation itcontained: yet it was one of the largest and stateliest chambers in themansion. A bed supported on massive pillars of mahogany, hung withcurtains of deep red damask, stood out like a tabernacle in the centre;the two large windows, with their blinds always drawn down, were halfshrouded in festoons and falls of similar drapery; the carpet was red;the table at the foot of the bed was covered with a crimson cloth; thewalls were a soft fawn colour with a blush of pink in it; the wardrobe,the toilet-table, the chairs were of darkly polished old mahogany. Outof these deep surrounding shades rose high, and glared white, thepiled-up mattresses and pillows of the bed, spread with a snowyMarseilles counterpane. Scarcely less prominent was an ample cushionedeasy-chair near the head of the bed, also white, with a footstool beforeit; and looking, as I thought, like a pale throne.
This room was chill, because it seldom had a fire; it was silent,because remote from the nursery and kitchen; solemn, because it wasknown to be so seldom entered. The housemaid alone came here onSaturdays, to wipe from the mirrors and the furniture a week's quietdust: and Mrs. Reed herself, at far intervals, visited it to review thecontents of a certain secret drawer in the wardrobe, where were storeddivers parchments, her jewel-casket, and a miniature of her deceasedhusband; and in those last words lies the secret of the red-room- thespell which kept it so lonely in spite of its grandeur.
Mr. Reed had been dead nine years: it was in this chamber he breathedhis last; here he lay in state; hence his coffin was borne by theundertaker's men; and, since that day, a sense of dreary consecrationhad guarded it from frequent intrusion.
My seat, to which Bessie and the bitter Miss Abbot had left meriveted, was a low ottoman near the marble chimney-piece; the bed rosebefore me; to my right hand there was the high, dark wardrobe, withsubdued, broken reflections varying the gloss of its panels; to my leftwere the muffled windows; a great looking-glass between them repeatedthe vacant majesty of the bed and room. I was not quite sure whetherthey had locked the door; and when I dared move, I got up and went tosee. Alas! yes: no jail was ever more secure. Returning, I had to crossbefore the looking-glass; my fascinated glance involuntarily exploredthe depth it revealed. All looked colder and darker in that visionaryhollow than in reality: and the strange little figure there gazing atme, with a white face and arms specking the gloom, and glittering eyesof fear moving where all else was still, had the effect of a realspirit: I thought it like one of the tiny phantoms, half fairy, halfimp, Bessie's evening stories represented as coming out of lone, fernydells in moors, and appearing before the eyes of belated travellers. Ireturned to my stool.
Superstition was with me at that moment; but it was not yet her hourfor complete victory: my blood was still warm; the mood of the revoltedslave was still bracing me with its bitter vigour; I had to stem a rapidrush of retrospective thought before I quailed to the dismal present.
All John Reed's violent tyrannies, all his sisters' proudindifference, all his mother's aversion, all the servants' partiality,turned up in my disturbed mind like a dark deposit in a turbid well.
Why was I always suffering, always browbeaten, always accused, forever condemned? Why could I never please? Why was it useless to try towin any one's favour? Eliza, who, was headstrong and selfish, wasrespected. Georgiana, who had a spoiled temper, a very acrid spite, acaptious and insolent carriage, was universally indulged. Her beauty,her pink cheeks and golden curls, seemed to give delight to all who,looked at her, and to purchase indemnity for every fault.
John no one thwarted, much less punished; though he twisted the necksof the pigeons, killed the little pea-chicks, set the dogs at thesheep, stripped the hothouse vines of their fruit, and broke the budsoff the choicest plants in the conservatory: he called his mother 'oldgirl,' too; sometimes reviled her for her dark skin, similar to his own;bluntly disregarded her wishes; not unfrequently tore and spoiled hersilk attire; and he was still 'her own darling.' I dared commit nofault: I strove to fulfil every duty; and I was termed naughty andtiresome, sullen and sneaking, from morning to noon, and from noon tonight.
My head still ached and bled with the blow and fall I had received:
no one had reproved John for wantonly striking me; and because I hadturned against him to avert farther irrational violence, I was loadedwith general opprobrium.
'Unjust!- unjust!' said my reason, forced by the agonising stimulusinto precocious though transitory power: and Resolve, equally wroughtup, instigated some strange expedient to achieve escape frominsupportable oppression- as running away, or, if that could not beeffected, never eating or drinking more, and letting myself die.
What a consternation of soul was mine that dreary afternoon! How allmy brain was in tumult, and all my heart in insurrection! Yet in whatdarkness, what dense ignorance, was the mental battle fought! I couldnot answer the ceaseless inward question- why I thus suffered; now, atthe distance of- I will not say how many years, I see it clearly.
I was a discord in Gateshead Hall: I was like nobody there; I hadnothing in harmony with Mrs. Reed or her children, or her chosenvassalage. If they did not love me, in fact, as little did I love them.They were not bound to regard with affection a thing that could notsympathise with one amongst them; a heterogeneous thing, opposed to themin temperament, in capacity, in propensities; a useless thing,incapable of serving their interest, or adding to their pleasure; anoxious thing, cherishing the germs of indignation at their treatment,of contempt of their judgment. I know that had I been a sanguine,brilliant, careless, exacting, handsome, romping child- though equallydependent and friendless- Mrs. Reed would have endured my presence morecomplacently; her children would have entertained for me more of thecordiality of fellow-feeling; the servants would have been less prone tomake me the scapegoat of the nursery.
Daylight began to forsake the red-room; it was past four o'clock, andthe beclouded afternoon was tending to drear twilight. I heard the rainstill beating continuously on the staircase window, and the windhowling in the grove behind the hall; I grew by degrees cold as a stone,and then my courage sank. My habitual mood of humiliation, self-doubt,forlorn depression, fell damp on the embers of my decaying ire. All saidI was wicked, and perhaps I might be so; what thought had I been butjust conceiving of starving myself to death? That certainly was a crime:and was I fit to die? Or was the vault under the chancel of GatesheadChurch an inviting bourne? In such vault I had been told did Mr. Reedlie buried; and led by this thought to recall his idea, I dwelt on itwith gathering dread. I could not remember him; but I knew that he wasmy own uncle- my mother's brother- that he had taken me when aparentless infant to his house; and that in his last moments he hadrequired a promise of Mrs. Reed that she would rear and maintain me asone of her own children. Mrs. Reed probably considered she had kept thispromise; and so she had, I dare say, as well as her nature would permither; but how could she really like an interloper not of her race, andunconnected with her, after her husband's death, by any tie? It musthave been most irksome to find herself bound by a hard-wrung pledge tostand in the stead of a parent to a strange child she could not love,and to see an uncongenial alien permanently intruded on her own familygroup.
A singular notion dawned upon me. I doubted not- never doubted-thatif Mr. Reed had been alive he would have treated me kindly; and now, as Isat looking at the white bed and overshadowed walls-occasionally alsoturning a fascinated eye towards the dimly gleaming mirror- I began torecall what I had heard of dead men, troubled in their graves by theviolation of their last wishes, revisiting the earth to punish theperjured and avenge the oppressed; and I thought Mr. Reed's spirit,harassed by the wrongs of his sister's child, might quit its abode-whether in the church vault or in the unknown world of the departed- andrise before me in this chamber. I wiped my tears and hushed my sobs,fearful lest any sign of violent grief might waken a preternatural voiceto comfort me, or elicit from the gloom some haloed face, bending overme with strange pity. This idea, consolatory in theory, I felt would beterrible if realised: with all my might I endeavoured to stifle it-Iendeavoured to be firm. Shaking my hair from my eyes, I lifted my headand tried to look boldly round the dark room; at this moment a lightgleamed on the wall. Was it, I asked myself, a ray from the moonpenetrating some aperture in the blind? No; moonlight was still, andthis stirred; while I gazed, it glided up to the ceiling and quiveredover my head. I can now conjecture readily that this streak of lightwas, in all likelihood, a gleam from a lantern carried by some oneacross the lawn: but then, prepared as my mind was for horror, shaken asmy nerves were by agitation, I thought the swift darting beam was aherald of some coming vision from another world. My heart beat thick, myhead grew hot; a sound filled my ears, which I deemed the rushing ofwings; something seemed near me; I was oppressed, suffocated: endurancebroke down; I rushed to the door and shook the lock in desperate effort.Steps came running along the outer passage; the key turned, Bessie andAbbot entered.
'Miss Eyre, are you ill?' said Bessie.
'What a dreadful noise! it went quite through me!' exclaimed Abbot.
'Take me out! Let me go into the nursery!' was my cry.
'What for? Are you hurt? Have you seen something?' again demanded Bessie.
'Oh! I saw a light, and I thought a ghost would come.' I had now got hold of Bessie's hand, and she did not snatch it from me.
'She has screamed out on purpose,' declared Abbot, in some disgust.
'And what a scream! If she had been in great pain one would haveexcused it, but she only wanted to bring us all here: I know her naughtytricks.'
'What is all this?' demanded another voice peremptorily; and Mrs.Reed came along the corridor, her cap flying wide, her gown rustlingstormily. 'Abbot and Bessie, I believe I gave orders that Jane Eyreshould be left in the red-room till I came to her myself.'
'Miss Jane screamed so loud, ma'am,' pleaded Bessie.
'Let her go,' was the only answer. 'Loose Bessie's hand, child: youcannot succeed in getting out by these means, be assured. I abhorartifice, particularly in children; it is my duty to show you thattricks will not answer: you will now stay here an hour longer, and it isonly on condition of perfect submission and stillness that I shallliberate you then.'
'O aunt! have pity! forgive me! I cannot endure it- let me bepunished some other way! I shall be killed if-' 'Silence! This violenceis all most repulsive:' and so, no doubt, she felt it. I was aprecocious actress in her eyes; she sincerely.
looked on me as a compound of virulent passions, mean spirit, and dangerous duplicity.
Bessie and Abbot having retreated, Mrs. Reed, impatient of my nowfrantic anguish and wild sobs, abruptly thrust me back and locked me in,without farther parley. I heard her sweeping away; and soon after shewas gone, I suppose I had a species of fit: unconsciousness closed thescene.

我一路反抗，在我，这还是破天荒第一次。于是大大加深了贝茜和艾博特小姐对我的恶感。我确实有点儿难以自制，或者如法国人所说，失常了。我意识到，因为一时的反抗，会不得不遭受古怪离奇的惩罚。于是，像其他造反的奴隶一样，我横下一条心，决计不顾一切了。
“抓住她的胳膊，艾博特小姐，她像一只发了疯的猫。”
“真丢脸！真丢脸！”这位女主人的侍女叫道，“多可怕的举动，爱小姐，居然打起小少爷来了，他是你恩人的儿子：你的小主人！”
“主人，他怎么会是我主人，难道我是仆人不成？”
“不，你连仆人都不如。你不干事，吃白食。喂，坐下来，好好想一想你有多坏。”
这时候她们已把我拖进了里德太太所指的房间，推操到一条矮凳上，我不由自主地像弹簧一样跳起来，但立刻被两双手按住了。
“要是你不安安稳稳坐着，我们可得绑住你了，”贝茜说，“艾博特小姐，把你的袜带借给我，我那付会被她一下子绷断的。”
艾博特小姐转而从她粗壮的腿上，解下那条必不可少的带子。捆绑前的准备工作以及由此而额外蒙受的耻辱，略微消解了我的激动情绪。
“别解啦，”我叫道，“我不动就是了。”
作为保证，我让双手紧挨着凳子。
“记住别动，”贝茜说，知道我确实已经平静下去，便松了手。随后她和艾博特小姐抱臂而立，沉着脸，满腹狐疑地瞪着我，不相信我的神经还是正常似的。
“她以前从来没有这样过，”末了，贝茜转身对那位艾比盖尔说。
“不过她生性如此，”对方回答，“我经常跟太太说起我对这孩子的看法，太太也同意。这小东西真狡猾，从来没见过像她这样年纪的小姑娘，有那么多鬼心眼的。”
贝茜没有搭腔，但不一会便对我说：
“小姐，你该明白，你受了里德太太的恩惠，是她养着你的。要是她把你赶走，你就得进贫民院了。”
对她们这番活，我无话可说，因为听起来并不新鲜。我生活的最早记忆中就包含着类似的暗示，这些责备我赖别人过活的话，己成了意义含糊的老调，叫人痛苦，让人难受，但又不太好懂。艾博特小姐答话了：
“你不能因为太太好心把你同里德小姐和少爷一块抚养大，就以为自己与他们平等了。他们将来会有很多很多钱，而你却一个子儿也不会有。你得学谦恭些，尽量顺着他们，这才是你的本份。”
“我们同你说的全是为了你好，”贝茜补充道，口气倒并不严厉，“你做事要巴结些，学得乖一点，那样也许可以把这当个家住下去，要是你意气用事，粗暴无礼，我敢肯定，太太会把你撵走。”
“另外，”艾博特小姐说，“上帝会惩罚她，也许会在她耍啤气时，把她处死，死后她能上哪儿呢，来，贝茜，咱们走吧，随她去。反正我是无论如何打动不了她啦。爱小姐，你独个儿呆着的时候，祈祷吧。要是你不忏悔，说不定有个坏家伙会从烟囱进来，把你带走。”
她们走了，关了门，随手上了锁。
红房子是间空余的卧房，难得有人在里面过夜。其实也许可以说，从来没有。除非盖茨黑德府上偶而拥进一大群客人时，才有必要动用全部房间。但府里的卧室，数它最宽敞、最堂皇了。—张红木床赫然立于房间正中，粗大的床柱上，罩着深红色锦缎帐幔，活像一个帐篷。两扇终日窗帘紧闭的大窗，半掩在清一色织物制成的流苏之中。地毯是红的，床脚边的桌子上铺着深红色的台布，墙呈柔和的黄褐色，略带粉红。大橱、梳妆台和椅子都是乌黑发亮的红木做的。床上高高地叠着褥垫和枕头，上面铺着雪白的马赛布床罩，在周围深色调陈设的映衬下，白得眩目。几乎同样显眼的是床头边一把铺着坐垫的大安乐椅，一样的白色，前面还放着一只脚凳，在我看来，它像一个苍白的宝座。
房子里难得生火，所以很冷；因为远离保育室和厨房，所以很静；又因为谁都知道很少有人进去，所以显得庄严肃穆。只有女佣每逢星期六上这里来，把一周内静悄悄落在镜子上和家具上的灰尘抹去。还有里德太太本人，隔好久才来一次，查看大橱里某个秘密抽屉里的东西。这里存放着各类羊皮文件，她的首饰盒，以及她已故丈夫的肖像。上面提到的最后几句话，给红房子带来了一种神秘感，一种魔力，因而它虽然富丽堂皇，却显得分外凄清。
里德先生死去已经九年了，他就是在这间房子里咽气的，他的遗体在这里让人瞻仰，他的棺材由殡葬工人从这里抬走。从此之后，这里便始终弥漫着一种阴森森的祭奠氛围，所以不常有人闯进来。
里德先生死去已经九年了，他就是在这间房子里咽气的，他的遗体在这里让人瞻仰，他的棺材由殡葬工人从这里抬走。从此之后，这里便始终弥漫着一种阴森森的祭奠氛围，所以不常有人闯进来。
贝茜和刻薄的艾博特小姐让我一动不动坐着的，是一条软垫矮凳，摆在靠近大理石壁炉的地方。我面前是高耸的床，我右面是黑漆漆的大橱，橱上柔和、斑驳的反光，使镶板的光泽摇曳变幻。
我左面是关得严严实实的窗子，两扇窗子中间有一面大镜子，映照出床和房间的空旷和肃穆。我吃不准他们锁了门没有，等到敢于走动时，便起来看个究竟。哎呀，不错，比牢房锁得还紧呐。
返回原地时，我必须经过大镜子跟前。我的目光被吸引住了，禁不住探究起镜中的世界来。在虚幻的映像中，一切都显得比现实中更冷落、更阴沉。那个陌生的小家伙瞅着我，白白的脸上和胳膊上都蒙上了斑驳的阴影，在—切都凝滞时，唯有那双明亮恐惧的眼睛在闪动，看上去真像是一个幽灵。我觉得她像那种半仙半人的小精灵，恰如贝茵在夜晚的故事中所描绘的那样，从沼泽地带山蕨丛生的荒谷中冒出来，现身于迟归的旅行者眼前。我回到丁我的矮凳上。
这时候我相信起迷信来了，但并没有到了完全听凭摆布的程度，我依然热血沸腾，反叛的奴隶那种苦涩情绪依然激励着我。往事如潮、在我脑海中奔涌，如果我不加以遏制，我就不会对阴暗的现实屈服。
约翰.里德的专横霸道、他姐妹的高傲冷漠、他母亲的厌恶、仆人们的偏心，像一口混沌的水井中黑色的沉淀物，一古脑儿泛起在我烦恼不安的心头。
为什么我总是受苦，总是遭人白眼，总是让人告状，永远受到责备呢？为什么我永远不能讨人喜欢？为什么我尽力博取欢心，却依然无济于事呢？伊丽莎自私任性，却受到尊敬；乔治亚娜好使性子，心肠又毒，而且强词夺理目空一切，偏偏得到所有人的纵容。她的美貌，她红润的面颊，金色的卷发，使得她人见人爱，一俊便可遮百丑。至于约翰，没有人同他顶撞，更不用说教训他了，虽然他什么坏事都干：捻断鸽子的头颈，弄死小孔雀，放狗去咬羊，采摘温室中的葡萄，掐断暖房上等花木的嫩芽。有时还叫他母亲“老姑娘”，又因为她皮肤黝黑像他自己而破口大骂。
他蛮横地与母亲作对，经常撕毁她的丝绸服装，而他却依然是“她的宝贝蛋”。而我不敢有丝毫闪失，干什么都全力以赴，人家还是骂我淘气鬼，讨厌坯，骂我阴丝丝，贼溜溜，从早上骂到下午，从下午骂到晚上。
我因为挨了打、跌了交，头依然疼痛，依然流着血。约翰肆无忌惮地打我，却不受责备，而我不过为了免遭进一步无理殴打，反抗了一下，便成了众矢之的。
“不公呵，不公！”我的理智呼喊着。在痛苦的刺激下我的理智变得早熟，化作了一种短暂的力量。决心也同样鼓动起来，激发我去采取某种奇怪的手段，来摆脱难以忍受的压迫，譬如逃跑，要是不能奏效，那就不吃不喝，活活饿死。
那个阴沉的下午，我心里多么惶恐不安！我的整个脑袋如一团乱麻，我的整颗心在反抗：然而那场内心斗争又显得多么茫然，多么无知啊！我无法回答心底那永无休止的问题——为什么我要如此受苦。此刻，在相隔——我不说多少年以后，我看清楚了。
我在盖茨黑德府上格格不入。在那里我跟谁都不像。同里德太太、她的孩子、她看中的家仆，都不融洽。他们不爱我，说实在我也一样不爱他们。他们没有必要热情对待一个与自已合不来的家伙，一个无论是个性、地位，还是嗜好都同他们泾渭分明的异己；一个既不能为他们效劳，也不能给他们增添欢乐的废物；一个对自己的境界心存不满而又蔑视他们想法的讨厌家伙。我明白，如果我是一个聪明开朗、漂亮顽皮、不好侍候的孩子，即使同样是寄人篱下，同样是无亲无故，里德太太也会对我的处境更加宽容忍让；她的孩子们也会对我亲切热情些；佣人们也不会一再把我当作保育室的替罪羊了。
红房子里白昼将尽。时候已是四点过后，暗沉沉的下午正转为凄凉的黄昏。我听见雨点仍不停地敲打着楼梯的窗户，狂风在门厅后面的树丛中怒号。我渐渐地冷得像块石头，勇气也烟消云散。往常那种屈辱感，那种缺乏自信、孤独沮丧的情绪，浇灭了我将消未消的怒火，谁都说我坏，也许我确实如此吧。我不是一心谋划着让自己饿死吗？这当然是一种罪过。而且我该不该死呢？
或者，盖茨黑德教堂圣坛底下的墓穴是个令人向往的归宿吗？听说里德先生就长眠在这样的墓穴里。这一念头重又勾起了我对他的回忆，而越往下细想，就越害怕起来。我已经不记得他了，只知道他是我舅父——我母亲的哥哥——他收养了我这个襁褓中的孤儿，而且在弥留之际，要里德太太答应，把我当作她自己的孩子来抚养。里德太太也许认为自己是信守诺言的。而我想就她本性而论，也确是实践了当初的许诺。可是她怎么能真心喜欢一个不属于她家的外姓、一个在丈夫死后同她已了却一切干系的人呢？她发现自己受这勉为其难的保证的约束，充当一个自己所无法喜爱的陌生孩子的母亲，眼睁睁看着一位不相投合的外人永远硬挤在自己的家人中间。对她来说，这想必是件最恼人的事情了。
我忽然闪过一个古怪的念头。我不怀疑—一也从来没有怀疑过——里德先生要是在世，一定会待我很好。此刻，我坐着，一面打量着白白的床和影影绰绰的墙，不时还用经不住诱惑的目光，瞟一眼泛着微光的镜子，不由得忆起了关于死人的种种传闻。据说由于人们违背了他们临终的嘱托，他们在坟墓里非常不安，于是便重访人间，严惩发假誓的人，并为受压者报仇。我思忖，里德先生的幽灵为外甥女的冤屈所动，会走出居所，不管那是教堂的墓穴，还是死者无人知晓的世界，来到这间房子，站在我面前。我抹去眼泪，忍住哭泣，担心嚎啕大哭会惊动什么不可知的声音来抚慰我，或者在昏暗中召来某些带光环的面孔，露出奇异怜悯的神色，俯身对着我。这念头听起来很令人欣慰，不过要是真的做起来，想必会非常可怕。我使劲不去想它，抬起头来，大着胆子环顾了一下暗洞洞的房间。就在这时，墙上闪过一道亮光。我问自己，会不会是一缕月光，透过百叶窗的缝隙照了进来？不，月光是静止的，而这透光却是流动的。停晴一看，这光线滑到了天花板上，在我头顶上抖动起来。现在我会很自然地联想到，那很可能是有人提着灯笼穿过草地时射进来的光。但那会儿，我脑子里尽往恐怖处去想，我的神经也由于激动而非常紧张，我认为那道飞快掠过的光，是某个幽灵从另一个世界到来的先兆。我的心怦怦乱跳，头脑又热又胀，耳朵里呼呼作响，以为那是翅膀拍击声，好像什么东西已经逼近我了。我感到压抑，感到窒息，我的忍耐力崩溃了，禁不住发疯似地大叫了一声，冲向大门，拼命摇着门锁。外面们廊上响起了飞跑而来的脚步声，钥匙转动了，贝茜和艾博特走进房间。
“啊！我看到了一道光，想必是鬼来了。”这时，我拉住了贝茜的手，而她并没有抽回去。
“她是故意乱叫乱嚷的，”艾博特厌烦地当着我的面说，“而且叫得那么凶！要是真痛得厉害，倒还可以原谅，可她只不过要把我们骗到这里来，我知道她的诡计。”
“到底是怎么回事？”一个咄咄逼人的声音问道。随后，里德太太从走廊里走过来，帽子飘忽着被风鼓得大大的，睡袍悉悉簌簌响个不停。“艾博特，贝茜，我想我吩咐过，让简.爱呆在红房子里，由我亲自来过问。”
“简小姐叫得那么响，夫人，”贝茵恳求着。
“放开她，”这是唯一的回答。“松开贝茵的手，孩子。你尽可放心，靠这些办法，是出不去的，我讨厌耍花招，尤其是小孩子，我有责任让你知道，鬼把戏不管用。现在你要在这里多呆一个小时，而且只有服服贴贴，一动不动，才放你出来。”
“啊，舅妈，可怜可怜我吧：饶恕我吧！我实在受不了啦，用别的办法惩罚我吧！我会憋死的，要是——”
“住嘴！这么闹闹嚷嚷讨厌透了。”她无疑就是这么感觉的。在她眼里我是个早熟的演员，她打心底里认为，我是个本性恶毒、灵魂卑劣、为人阴险的货色。
贝茜和艾博特退了出去。里德太太对我疯也似的痛苦嚎叫很不耐烦，无意再往下谈了，蓦地把我往后一推，锁上了门。我听见她堂而皇之地走了。她走后不久，我猜想我便一阵痉挛，昏了过去，结束了这场吵闹。

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举报只看该作者地板发表于: 2013-01-30 0

Chapter 3

THE next thing I remember is, waking up with a feeling as if I hadhad a frightful nightmare, and seeing before me a terrible red glare,crossed with thick black bars.
I heard voices, too, speaking with a hollow sound, and as if muffledby a rush of wind or water: agitation, uncertainty, and anall-predominating sense of terror confused my faculties. Ere long, Ibecame aware that some one was handling me; lifting me up and sup worseailment was an unutterable wretchedness of mind: a wretchedness whichkept drawing from me silent tears; no sooner had I wiped one salt dropfrom my cheek than another followed. Yet, I thought, I ought to havebeen happy, for none of the Reeds were there, they were all gone out inthe carriage with their mama. Abbot, too, was sewing in another room,and Bessie, as she moved hither and thither, putting away toys andarranging drawers, addressed to me every now and then a word of unwontedkindness. This state of things should have been to me a paradise ofpeace, accustomed as I was to a life of ceaseless reprimand andthankless fagging; but, in fact, my racked nerves were now in such astate that no calm could soothe, and no pleasure excite them agreeably.
Bessie had been down into the kitchen, and she brought up with her at?;B?of Abbot, for instance, would have been), I scrutinised the face ofthe gentleman: I knew him; it was Mr. Lloyd, an apothecary, sometimescalled in by Mrs. Reed when the servants were ailing: for herself andthe children she employed a physician.
'Well, who am I?' he asked.
I pronounced his name, offering him at the same time my hand: he tookit, smiling and saying, 'We shall do very well by and by.' Then he laidme down, and addressing Bessie, charged her to be very careful that Iwas not disturbed during the night. Having given some furtherdirections, and intimated that he should call again the next day, hedeparted; to my grief: I felt so sheltered and befriended while he satin the chair near my pillow; and as he closed the door after him, allthe room darkened and my heart again sank: inexpressible sadness weighedit down.
'Do you feel as if you should sleep, Miss?' asked Bessie, rather softly.
Scarcely dared I answer her; for I feared the next sentence might be rough. 'I will try.'
'Would you like to drink, or could you eat anything?'
'No, thank you, Bessie.'
'Then I think I shall go to bed, for it is past twelve o'clock; butyou may call me if you want anything in the night.' Wonderful civilitythis! It emboldened me to ask a question.
'Bessie, what is the matter with me? Am I ill?'
'You fell sick, I suppose, in the red-room with crying; you'll be better soon, no doubt.'
Bessie went into the housemaid's apartment, which was near. I heard her say-
'Sarah, come and sleep with me in the nursery; I daren't for my lifebe alone with that poor child tonight: she might die; it's such astrange thing she should have that fit: I wonder if she saw anything.Missis was rather too hard.'
Sarah came back with her; they both went to bed; they were whisperingtogether for half an hour before they fell asleep. I caught scraps oftheir conversation, from which I was able only too distinctly to inferthe main subject discussed.
'Something passed her, all dressed in white, and vanished'- 'A greatblack dog behind him'- 'Three loud raps on the chamber door'- 'A lightin the churchyard just over his grave,' etc., etc.
At last both slept: the fire and the candle went out. For me, thewatches of that long night passed in ghastly wakefulness; ear, eye, andmind were alike strained by dread: such dread as children only can feel.
No severe or prolonged bodily illness followed this incident of thered-room; it only gave my nerves a shock of which I feel thereverberation to this day. Yes, Mrs. Reed, to you I owe some fearfulpangs of mental suffering, but I ought to forgive you, for you knew notwhat you did: while rending my heart-strings, you thought you were onlyuprooting my bad propensities.
Next day, by noon, I was up and dressed, and sat wrapped in a shawlby the nursery hearth. I felt physically weak and broken down: but myworse ailment was an unutterable wretchedness of mind: a wretchednesswhich kept drawing from me silent tears; no sooner had I wiped one saltdrop from my cheek than another followed. Yet, I thought, I ought tohave been happy, for none of the Reeds were there, they were all goneout in the carriage with their mama. Abbot, too, was sewing in anotherroom, and Bessie, as she moved hither and thither, putting away toys andarranging drawers, addressed to me every now and then a word ofunwonted kindness. This state of things should have been to me aparadise of peace, accustomed as I was to a life of ceaseless reprimandand thankless fagging; but, in fact, my racked nerves were now in such astate that no calm could soothe, and no pleasure excite them agreeably.
Bessie had been down into the kitchen, and she brought up with her atart on a certain brightly painted china plate, whose bird of paradise,nestling in a wreath of convolvuli and rosebuds, had been wont to stirin me a most enthusiastic sense of admiration; and which plate I hadoften petitioned to be allowed to take in my hand in order to examine itmore closely, but had always hitherto been deemed unworthy of such aprivilege. This precious vessel was now placed on my knee, and I wascordially invited to eat the circlet of delicate pastry upon it. Vainfavour! coming, like most other favours long deferred and often wishedfor, too late! I could not eat the tart; and the plumage of the bird,the tints of the flowers, seemed strangely faded: I put both plate andtart away. Bessie asked if I would have a book: the word book acted as atransient stimulus, and I begged her to fetch Gulliver's Travels fromthe library. This book I had again and again perused with delight. Iconsidered it a narrative of facts, and discovered in it a vein ofinterest deeper than what I found in fairy tales: for as to the elves,having sought them in vain among fox-glove leaves and bells, undermushrooms and beneath the ground-ivy mantling old wall-nooks, I had atlength made up my mind to the sad truth, that they were all gone out ofEngland to some savage country where the woods were wilder and thicker,and the population more scant; whereas, Lilliput and Brobdingnag being,in my creed, solid parts of the earth's surface, I doubted not that Imight one day, by taking a long voyage, see with my own eyes the littlefields, houses, and trees, the diminutive people, the tiny cows, sheep,and birds of the one realm; and the corn-fields, forest-high, the mightymastiffs, the monster cats, the tower-like men and women, of the other.
Yet, when this cherished volume was now placed in my hand- when Iturned over its leaves, and sought in its marvellous pictures the charm Ihad, till now, never failed to find- all was eerie and dreary; thegiants were gaunt goblins, the pigmies malevolent and fearful imps,Gulliver a most desolate wanderer in most dread and dangerous regions. Iclosed the book, which I dared no longer peruse, and put it on thetable, beside the untasted tart.
Bessie had now finished dusting and tidying the room, and havingwashed her hands, she opened a certain little drawer, full of splendidshreds of silk and satin, and began making a new bonnet for Georgiana'sdoll. Meantime she sang: her song was- 'In the days when we weregipsying, A long time ago.'
I had often heard the song before, and always with lively delight;for Bessie had a sweet voice,- at least, I thought so. But now, thoughher voice was still sweet, I found in its melody an indescribablesadness. Sometimes, preoccupied with her work, she sang the refrain verylow, very lingeringly; 'A long time ago' came out like the saddestcadence of a funeral hymn. She passed into another ballad, this time areally doleful one.
'My feet they are sore, and my limbs they are weary; Long is the way,and the mountains are wild; Soon will the twilight close moonless anddreary Over the path of the poor orphan child. Why did they send me sofar and so lonely, Up where the moors spread and grey rocks are piled?Men are hard-hearted, and kind angels only Watch o'er the steps of apoor orphan child. Yet distant and soft the night breeze is blowing,Clouds there are none, and clear stars beam mild, God, in His mercy,protection is showing, Comfort and hope to the poor orphan child.
Ev'n should I fall o'er the broken bridge passing, Or stray in themarshes, by false lights beguiled, Still will my Father, with promiseand blessing, Take to His bosom the poor orphan child.
There is a thought that for strength should avail me, Though both ofshelter and kindred despoiled; Heaven is a home, and a rest will notfail me; God is a friend to the poor orphan child.'
'Come, Miss Jane, don't cry,' said Bessie as she finished. She mightas well have said to the fire, 'don't burn!' but how could she divinethe morbid suffering to which I was a prey? In the course of the morningMr. Lloyd came again.
'What, already up!' said he, as he entered the nursery. 'Well, nurse, how is she?'
Bessie answered that I was doing very well.
'Then she ought to look more cheerful. Come here, Mis Jane: your name is Jane, is it not?'
'Yes, sir, Jane Eyre.'
'Well, you have been crying, Miss Jane Eyre; can you tell me what about? Have you any pain?'
'No, sir.'
'Oh! I daresay she is crying because she could not go out with Missis in the carriage,' interposed Bessie.
'Surely not! why, she is too old for such pettishness.'
I thought so too; and my self-esteem being wounded by the falsecharge, I answered promptly, 'I never cried for such a thing in my life:I hate going out in the carriage. I cry because I am miserable.'
'Oh fie, Miss!' said Bessie.
The good apothecary appeared a little puzzled. I was standing beforehim; he fixed his eyes on me very steadily: his eyes were small andgrey; not very bright, but I daresay I should think them shrewd now: hehad a hard-featured yet good-natured looking face. Having considered meat leisure, he said-
'What made you ill yesterday?'
'She had a fall,' said Bessie, again putting in her word.
'Fall! why, that is like a baby again! Can't she manage to walk at her age? She must be eight or nine years old.'
'I was knocked down,' was the blunt explanation, jerked out of me byanother pang of mortified pride; 'but that did not make me ill,'
I added; while Mr. Lloyd helped himself to a pinch of snuff.
As he was returning the box to his waistcoat pocket, a loud bell rangfor the servants' dinner; he knew what it was. 'That's for you, nurse,'said he; 'you can go down; I'll give Miss Jane a lecture till you comeback.'
Bessie would rather have stayed, but she was obliged to go, becausepunctuality at meals was rigidly enforced at Gates-head Hall.
'The fall did not make you ill; what did, then?' pursued Mr.Lloyd when Bessie was gone.
'I was shut up in a room where there is a ghost till after dark.'
I saw Mr. Lloyd smile and frown at the same time. 'Ghost! What, you are a baby after all! You are afraid of ghosts?'
'Of Mr. Reed's ghost I am: he died in that room, and was laid outthere. Neither Bessie nor any one else will go into it at night, if theycan help it; and it was cruel to shut me up alone without a candle,- socruel that I think I shall never forget it.'
'Nonsense! And is it that makes you so miserable? Are you afraid now in daylight?'
'No: but night will come again before long: and besides,- I am unhappy,- very unhappy, for other things.'
'What other thingury Gothic" size="2">it implied a long journey,an entire separation from Gateshead, an entrance into a new life.
'I should indeed like to go to school,' was the audible conclusion of my musings.
'Well, well! who knows what may happen?' said Mr. Lloyd, as he gotup. 'The child ought to have change of air and scene,' he added,speaking to himself; 'nerves not in a good state.'
Bessie now returned; at the same moment the carriage was heard rolling up the gravel-walk.
'Is that your mistress, nurse?' asked Mr. Lloyd. 'I should like to speak to her before I go.'
Bessie invited him to walk into the breakfast-room, and led the way our??me up in the red-room.'
Mr. Lloyd a second time produced his snuff-box.
'Don't you think Gateshead Hall a very beautiful house?' asked he.'Are you not very thankful to have such a fine place to live at?'
'It is not my house, sir; and Abbot says I have less right to be here than a servant.'
'Pooh! you can't be silly enough to wish to leave such a splendid place?'
'If I had anywhere else to go, I should be glad to leave it; but I can never get away from Gateshead till I am a woman.'
'Perhaps you may- who knows? Have you any relations besides Mrs. Reed?'
'I think not, sir.'
'None belonging to your father?'
'I don't know: I asked Aunt Reed once, and she said possibly I mighthave some poor, low relations called Eyre, but she knew nothing aboutthem.'
'If you had such, would you like to go to them?'
I reflected. Poverty looks grim to grown people; still more so tochildren: they have not much idea of industrious, working, respectablepoverty; they think of the word only as connected with ragged clothes,scanty food, fireless grates, rude manners, and debasing vices: povertyfor me was synonymous with degradation.
'No; I should not like to belong to poor people,' was my reply.
'Not even if they were kind to you?'
I shook my head: I could not see how poor people had the means ofbeing kind; and then to learn to speak like them, to adopt theirmanners, to be uneducated, to grow up like one of the poor women I sawsometimes nursing their children or washing their clothes at the cottagedoors of the village of Gateshead: no, I was not heroic enough topurchase liberty at the price of caste.
'But are your relatives so very poor? Are they working people?'
'I cannot tell; Aunt Reed says if I have any, they must be a beggarly set: I should not like to go a-begging.'
'Would you like to go to school?'
Again I reflected: I scarcely knew what school was: Bessie sometimesspoke of it as a place where young ladies sat in the stocks, worebackboards, and were expected to be exceedingly genteel and precise:John Reed hated his school, and abused his master; but John Reed'stastes were no rule for mine, and if Bessie's accounts ofschool-discipline (gathered from the young ladies of a family where shehad lived before coming to Gateshead) were somewhat appalling, herdetails of certain accomplishments attained by these same young ladieswere, I thought, equally attractive. She boasted of beautiful paintingsof landscapes and flowers by them executed; of songs they could sing andpieces they could play, of purses they could net, of French books theycould translate; till my spirit was moved to emulation as I listened.Besides, school would be a complete change:it implied a long journey, anentire separation from Gateshead, an entrance into a new life.
'I should indeed like to go to school,' was the audible conclusion of my musings.
'Well, well! who knows what may happen?' said Mr. Lloyd, as he gotup. 'The child ought to have change of air and scene,' he added,speaking to himself; 'nerves not in a good state.'
Bessie now returned; at the same moment the carriage was heard rolling up the gravel-walk.
'Is that your mistress, nurse?' asked Mr. Lloyd. 'I should like to speak to her before I go.'
Bessie invited him to walk into the breakfast-room, and led the wayout. In the interview which followed between him and Mrs. Reed, Ipresume, from after-occurrences, that the apothecary ventured torecommend my being sent to school; and the recommendation was no doubtreadily enough adopted; for as Abbot said, in discussing the subjectwith Bessie when both sat sewing in the nursery one night, after I wasin bed, and, as they thought, asleep, 'Missis was, she dared say, gladenough to get rid of such a tiresome, ill-conditioned child, who alwayslooked as if she were watching everybody, and scheming plots underhand.'Abbot, I think, gave me credit for being a sort of infantine GuyFawkes.
On that same occasion I learned, for the first time, from MissAbbot's communications to Bessie, that my father had been a poorclergyman; that my mother had married him against the wishes of herfriends, who considered the match beneath her; that my grandfather Reedwas so irritated at her disobedience, he cut her off without a shilling;that after my mother and father had been married a year, the lattercaught the typhus fever while visiting among the poor of a largemanufacturing town where his curacy was situated, and where that diseasewas then prevalent: that my mother took the infection from him, andboth died within a month of each other.
Bessie, when she heard this narrative, sighed and said, 'Poor Miss Jane is to be pitied too, Abbot.'
'Yes,' responded Abbot; 'if she were a nice, pretty child, one mightcompassionate her forlornness; but one really cannot care for such alittle toad as that.'
'Not a great deal, to be sure,' agreed Bessie: 'at any rate, a beautylike Miss Georgiana would be more moving in the same condition.'
'Yes, I doat on Miss Georgiana!' cried the fervent Abbot. 'Littledarling!- with her long curls and her blue eyes, and such a sweet colouras she has; just as if she were painted!- Bessie, I could fancy a Welshrabbit for supper.''So could I- with a roast onion. Come, we'll go down.' They went.

我随后记得，醒过来时仿佛做了一场可怕的恶梦，看到眼前闪烁着骇人的红光，被一根根又粗又黑的条子所隔断。我还听到了沉闷的说话声，仿佛被一阵风声或水声盖住了似的。激动不安以及压倒一切的恐怖感，使我神智模糊了。不久，我明白有人在摆弄我，把我扶起来，让我靠着他坐着。我觉得以前从来没有被人这么轻乎轻脚地抱起过，我把头倚在一个枕头上或是一条胳膊上，感到很舒服。
五分钟后，心头的疑云消散了。我完全明白我在自己的床上，那红光是保育室的炉火。时候是夜间，桌上燃着蜡烛。贝茵端着脸盆站在床脚边，一位老先生坐在我枕边的椅子上，俯身向着我。
我知道房间里有一个生人，一个不属于盖茨黑德府、也不与里德太太拈亲带故的人。这时，我感到了一种难以言表的宽慰，一种确徐堂啊，永远是归宿和安息之所，上帝是可怜孤儿的朋友。
“来吧，简小姐，别哭了，”贝茜唱完了说。其实，她无异于对火说“你别燃烧！”不过，她怎么能揣度出我被极度的痛苦所折磨？早上劳埃德先生又来了。
“怎么，己经起来了！”他一进保育室就说，“嗨，保姆、她怎么样了？”
贝茜回答说我情况很好。
“那她应该高兴才是。过来、简小姐，你的名字叫简，是不是？”
“是，先生，叫简.爱。”
“瞧，你一直在哭，简.爱小姐，你能告诉我为什么吗？哪儿疼吗？”
“不疼，先生。”
“啊，我想是因为不能跟小姐们一起坐马车出去才哭的，”贝茜插嘴说。
“当然不是罗！她那么大了，不会为这点小事闹别扭的。”
这恰恰也是我的想法。而她这么冤枉我伤了我的自尊，所以我当即回答，“我长得这么大从来没有为这种事哭过，而且我又讨厌乘马车出去。我是因为心里难受才哭的。”
“嘿，去去，小姐！”贝茜说。
P葸o嗝幢虮蛴欣癜。∮谑俏掖笞诺ㄗ游柿烁鑫侍狻?br>
“贝茜，我怎啦？病了吗？”
“你是病了，猜想是在红房子里哭出病来的，肯定很快就会好的。”
贝茵走进了附近佣人的卧房。我听见她说：
“萨拉，过来同我一起睡在保育室吧，今儿晚上，就是要我命，我也不敢同那个可怜孩子单独过夜了。她说不定会死的。真奇怪她竟会昏过去。不知道她看见了什么没有。里德太太也太狠心了。”
萨拉跟着她回来了，两人都上了床，嘁嘁喳喳讲了半个小时才睡着。我只听到了片言只语，但我可以清楚地推断出她们讨论的主题。
“有个东西从她身边经过，一身素装，转眼就不见了”——“一条大黑狗跟在后面”——“在房门上砰砰砰”敲了三下——“墓地里一道白光正好掠过他坟墓”等等等等。
最后，两人都睡着了，炉火和烛光也都熄灭。我就这么可怕地醒着挨过了漫漫长夜，害怕得耳朵、眼睛和头脑都紧张起来，这种恐俱是只有儿童才能感受到的，
红房子事件并没有给我身体留下严重或慢性的后遗症，它不过使我的神经受了惊吓，对此我至今记忆犹新。是的，里德太太，你让我领受了可怕的精神创伤，但我应当原谅你、因为你并不明白自己干了些什么，明明是在割断我的心弦，却自以为无非是要根除我的恶习。
第二天中午，我起来穿好衣服，裹了块浴巾，坐在保育室壁炉旁边。我身体虚弱，几乎要垮下来。但最大的痛楚却是内心难以言传的苦恼，弄得我不断地暗暗落泪。才从脸颊上抹去一滴带咸味的泪水，另一滴又滚落下来。不过，我想我应当高兴，因为里德一家人都不在，他们都坐了车随妈妈出去了。艾博特也在另一间屋里做针线活。而贝茵呢，来回忙碌着，一面把玩具收拾起来，将抽屉整理好，一面还不时地同我说两句少有的体贴话。对我来说，过惯了那种成天挨骂、辛辛苦苦吃力不讨好的日子后，这光景该好比是平静的乐园。然而，我的神经己被折磨得痛苦不堪，终于连平静也抚慰不了我，欢乐也难以使我兴奋了。
贝茜下楼去了一趟厨房，端上来一个小烘饼，放在一个图案鲜艳的瓷盘里，图案上画的是一只极乐鸟，偎依在一圈旋花和玫瑰花苞上。这幅画曾激起我热切的羡慕之情。我常常恳求让我端一端这只盘子，好仔细看个究竟，但总是被认为不配享受这样的特权。此刻，这只珍贵的器皿就搁在我膝头上，我还受到热诚邀请，品尝器皿里一小圈精美的糕点。徒有虚名的垂爱啊！跟其他久拖不予而又始终期待着的宠爱一样，来得太晚了！我已无意光顾这烘饼，而且那鸟的羽毛和花卉的色泽也奇怪地黯然无光了。我把盘子和烘饼挪开。贝茜问我是否想要一本书。“书”字产生了瞬间的刺激，我求她去图书室取来一本《格列佛游记》。我曾兴致勃动地反复细读过这本书，认为书中叙述的都实有其事，因而觉得比童话中写的有趣。至于那些小精灵们，我在毛地黄叶子与花冠之间，在蘑菇底下和爬满老墙角落的长春藤下遍寻无着之后，终于承认这悲哀的事实：他们都己逃离英国到某个原始的乡间去了，那儿树林更荒凉茂密，人口更为稀少。而我虔信，小人国和大人国都是地球表面实实在在的一部份。我毫不怀疑有朝一日我会去远航，亲眼看一看一个王国里小小的田野、小小的房子、小小的树木；看一看那里的小人、小牛、小羊和小鸟们；目睹一下另一个王国里如森林一般高耸的玉米地、硕大的猛犬、巨大无比的猫以及高塔一般的男男女女。然而，此刻当我手里捧着这本珍爱的书，一页页翻过去，从精妙的插图中寻觅以前每试必爽的魅力时，我找到的只是怪异和凄凉。巨人成了憔悴的妖怪，矮子沦为恶毒可怖的小鬼，而格列佛则已是陷身于险境的孤独的流浪者了。我不敢往下看了，合上书，把它放在桌上一口未尝的小烘饼旁边。
我以前常听这首歌，而且总觉得它欢快悦耳，因为贝茜的嗓子很甜，至少我认为如此。而此刻，虽然她甜蜜的嗓子依旧，但歌里透出了一种难以言喻的悲哀。有时，她干活出了神，把迭句唱得很低沉，拖得很长。一句“很久很久以前”唱出来，如同挽歌中最哀伤的调子。她接着又唱起一首民谣来，这回可是真的哀怨凄恻了。
我的双脚酸痛啊四肢乏力，前路漫漫啊大山荒芜。没有月光啊天色阴凄，暮霭沉沉啊笼罩着可怜孤儿的旅途。
为什么要让我孤苦伶丁远走他乡，流落在荒野连绵峭岩重叠的异地。人心狠毒啊，唯有天使善良，关注着可怜孤儿的足迹。
从远处吹来了柔和的夜风，晴空中繁星闪烁着温煦的光芒。仁慈的上帝啊，你赐福于万众，可怜的孤儿得到了保护、安慰和希望。
哪怕我走过断桥失足坠落，或是在迷茫恍惚中误入泥淖。天父啊，你带着祝福与许诺，把可怜的孤儿搂入你怀抱。
哪怕我无家可归无亲无故，一个给人力量的信念在我心头。天堂啊，永远是归宿和安息之所，上帝是可怜孤儿的朋友。
“来吧，简小姐，别哭了，”贝茜唱完了说。其实，她无异于对火说“你别燃烧！”不过，她怎么能揣度出我被极度的痛苦所折磨？早上劳埃德先生又来了。
“怎么，己经起来了！”他一进保育室就说，“嗨，保姆、她怎么样了？”
贝茜回答说我情况很好。
“那她应该高兴才是。过来、简小姐，你的名字叫简，是不是？”
“是，先生，叫简.爱。”
“瞧，你一直在哭，简.爱小姐，你能告诉我为什么吗？哪儿疼吗？”
“不疼，先生。”
“啊，我想是因为不能跟小姐们一起坐马车出去才哭的，”贝茜插嘴说。
“当然不是罗！她那么大了，不会为这点小事闹别扭的。”
这恰恰也是我的想法。而她这么冤枉我伤了我的自尊，所以我当即回答，“我长得这么大从来没有为这种事哭过，而且我又讨厌乘马车出去。我是因为心里难受才哭的。”
“嘿，去去，小姐！”贝茜说。
好心的药剂师似乎有些莫明其妙。我站在他面前，他目不转睛地看着我。他灰色的小眼睛并不明亮，但现在想来也许应当说是非常锐利的。他的面相既严厉而又温厚，他从从容容地打量了我一番后说：
“昨天你怎么得病的呢？”
“她跌了一跤。”贝茜又插嘴了。
“跌交：又耍娃娃脾气了！她这样年纪还不会走路？八九岁总有了吧。”
“我是被人给打倒的，”我脱口而出。由于自尊心再次受到伤害，引起了一阵痛楚，我冒昧地作了这样的辩解。“但光那样也不会生病。”我趁劳埃德先生取了一撮鼻烟吸起来时说。
他把烟盒放入背心口袋。这时，铃声大作，叫佣人们去吃饭。他明白是怎么回事。“那是叫你的，保姆，”他说，“你可以下去啦，我来开导开导简小姐，等着你回来，”
贝茜本想留着，但又不得不走，准时吃饭是盖茨黑德府的一条成规。
“你不是以为跌了跤才生病吧？那么因为什么呢？”贝茜一走，劳埃德先生便追问道。
“他们把我关在一间闹鬼的房子里，直到天黑。”
我看到劳埃德先生微微一笑，同时又皱起眉头来，“鬼？瞧，你毕竟还是个娃娃！你怕鬼吗？”
里德先生的鬼魂我是怕的，他就死在那同房子里，还在那里停过棂。无论贝茜，还是别人，能不进去，是不在夜里进那房间的。多狠心呀，把我一个人关在里面，连支蜡烛也不点。心肠那么狠，我一辈子都忘不了。”
“瞎说！就因为这个使你心里难受，现在大白天你还怕吗？”
“现在不怕，不过马上又要到夜里了。另外，我不愉快，很不愉快，为的是其他事情。”
“其他什么事？能说些给我听听吗？”
我多么希望能原原本本回答这个问题！要作出回答又何其困难：孩子们能够感觉，但无法分析自己的情感，即使部分分折能够意会，分析的过程也难以言传。但是我又担心失去这第一次也是唯一一次吐苦水的机会。所以局促不安地停了一停之后，便琢磨出一个虽不详尽却相当真实的回答。
“一方面是因为我没有父母，没有兄弟姐妹的缘故。”
“可是你有一位和蔼可亲的舅母，还有表兄妹们。”
我又顿了顿，随后便笨嘴笨舌地说：
“可是约翰.里德把我打倒了，而舅妈又把我关在红房子里。”
劳埃德先生再次掏出了鼻烟盒。
“你不觉得盖茨黑德府是座漂亮的房子吗？”他问，“让你住那么好一个地方，你难道不感激？”
“这又不是我的房子，先生。艾博特还说我比这儿的佣人还不如呢。”
“去！你总不至于傻得想离开这个好地方吧。”
“要是我有地方去，我是乐意走的。可是不等到长大成人我休想摆脱盖茨黑德。”
“也许可以——谁知道？除了里德太太，你还有别的亲戚吗？”
“我想没有了，先生。”
“你父亲那头也没有了吗？”
“我不知道，有一回我问过舅妈，她说可能有些姓爱的亲戚，人又穷，地位又低，她对他们的情况一无所知。”
“要是有这样的亲戚，你愿意去吗？”
我陷入了沉思，在成年人看来贫困显得冷酷无情，孩子则尤其如此。至于勤劳刻苦、令人钦敬的贫困，孩子们不甚了了。在他们心目中，这个字眼始终与衣衫槛褴褛、食品匿乏、壁炉无火、行为粗鲁以及低贱的恶习联系在一起。对我来说，贫困就是堕落的别名。
“不，我不愿与穷人为伍，”这就是我的回答。
“即使他们待你很好也不愿意？”
我摇了摇头，不明白穷人怎么会有条件对人仁慈，更不说我还得学他们的言谈举止，同他们一样没有文化，长大了像有时见到的那种贫苦女人一样，坐在盖茨黑德府茅屋门口，奶孩子或者搓洗衣服。不，我可没有那样英雄气概，宁愿抛却身份来换取自由。
“但是你的亲戚就那么穷，都是靠干活过日子的么？”
“我说不上来。里德舅妈说，要是我有亲戚，也准是一群要饭的，我可不愿去要饭。”
“你想上学吗？”
我再次沉思起来。我几乎不知道学校是什么样子。光听贝茜有时说起过，那个地方，年轻女子带足枷坐着，戴着脊骨矫正板，还非得要十分文雅和规矩才行。约翰.里德对学校恨之入骨，还大骂教师。不过他的感受不足为凭。如果贝茜关于校纪的说法（她来盖茨黑德之前，从她主人家一些年轻小姐那儿收集来的）有些骇人听闻，那么她细说的关于那些小姐所学得的才艺，我想也同样令人神往。她绘声绘色地谈起了她们制作的风景画和花卉画；谈起了她们能唱的歌，能弹的曲，能编织的钱包，能翻译的法文书，一直谈得我听着听着就为之心动，跃跃欲试。更何况上学也是彻底变换环境，意味着一次远行，意味着同盖茨黑德完全决裂，意味着踏上新的生活旅程。
“我真的愿意去上学，”这是我三思之后轻声说出的结论。
“唉，唉，谁知道会发生什么呢？”劳埃德先生立起身来说。“这孩子应当换换空气，换换地方，”他自言自语地补充说，“神经不很好。”
这时，贝茜回来了，同时听得见砂石路上响起了滚滚而来的马车声。
“是你们太太吗，保姆？”劳埃德先生问道。“走之前我得跟她谈一谈。”
贝茜请他进早餐室，并且领了路。从以后发生的情况推测，药剂师在随后与里德太太的会见中，大胆建议送我进学校。无疑，这个建议被欣然采纳了。一天夜里，艾博特和贝茜坐在保育室里，做着针钱活儿，谈起了这件事。那时，我已经上床，她们以为我睡着了。艾博特说：“我想太太一定巴不得摆脱这样一个既讨厌、品质又不好的孩子，她那样子就好像眼睛老盯着每个人，暗地里在搞什么阴谋似的。”我想艾博特准相信我是幼年的盖伊.福克斯式人物了。
就是这一回，我从艾博特与贝茜的文谈中第一次获悉，我父亲生前是个牧师，我母亲违背了朋友们的意愿嫁给了他，他们认为这桩婚事有失她的身份。我的外祖父里德，因为我母亲不听话而勃然大怒，一气之下同她断绝了关系，没留给她一个子儿。我父母亲结婚才一年，父亲染上了斑疹伤寒，因为他奔走于副牧师供职地区、一个大工业城镇的穷人中间，而当时该地流行着斑疹伤寒。我母亲从父亲那儿染上了同一疾病，结果父母双双故去，前后相距下到一个月。
贝茜听了这番话便长叹一声说：“可怜的简小姐也是值得同情呐，艾博特。”
“是呀，”艾博特回答，“她若是漂亮可爱，人家倒也会可怜她那么孤苦伶仃的，可是像她那样的小东西，实在不讨人喜欢。”
“确实不大讨人喜欢，”贝茜表示同意，“至少在同样处境下，乔治亚娜这样的美人儿会更惹人喜爱。”
“是呀，我就是喜欢乔治亚娜小姐!”狂热的艾博特嚷道，“真是个小宝贝——长长的卷发，蓝蓝的眼睛，还有那么可爱的肤色，简直像画出来的一股！——贝茜，晚餐我真想吃威尔士兔子。”
“我也一样——外加烤洋葱。来吧，我们下楼去。”她们走了。

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伊墨君

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Chapter 4

FROM my discourse with Mr. Lloyd, and from the above reportedconference between Bessie and Abbot, I gathered enough of hope tosuffice as a motive for wishing to get well: a change seemed near,- Idesired and waited it in silence. It tarried, however: days and weekspassed: I had regained my normal state of health, but no new allusionwas made to the subject over which I brooded. Mrs. Reed surveyed me attimes with a severe eye, but seldom addressed me: since my illness, shehad drawn a more marked line of separation than ever between me and herown children; appointing me a small closet to sleep in by myself,condemning me to take my meals alone, and pass all my time in thenursery, while my cousins were constantly in the drawing-room. Not ahint, however, did she drop about sending me to school: still I felt aninstinctive certainty that she would not long endure me under the sameroof w with my doll on my knee till the fire got low, glancing roundoccasionally to make sure that nothing worse than myself haunted theshadowy room; and when the embers sank to a dull red, I undressedhastily, tugging at knots and strings as I best might, and soughtshelter from cold and darkness in my crib. To this crib I always took mydoll; human beings must love something, and, in the dearth of worthierobjects of affection, v?粥which had stirred my corruption before, hethought it better to desist, and ran from me uttering execrations, andvowing I had burst his nose. I had indeed levelled at that prominentfeature as hard a blow as my knuckles could inflict; and when I saw thateither that or my look daunted him, I had the greatest inclination tofollow up my advantage to purpose; but he was already with his mama. Iheard him in a blubbering tone commence the tale of how 'that nasty JaneEyre' had flown at him like a mad cat: he was stopped rather harshly-'Don't talk to me about her, John: I told you not to go near her; she isnot worthy of notice; I do not choose that either you or your sistersshould associate with her.'
Here, leaning over the banister, I cried out suddenly, and without atall deliberating on my words-'They are not fit to associate with me.'
Mrs. Reed was rather a stout woman; but, on hearing this strange andaudacious declaration, she ran nimbly up the stair, swept me like awhirlwind into the nursery, and crushing me down on the edge of my crib,dared me in an emphatic voice to rise from that place, or utter onesyllable during the remainder of the day.
'What would Uncle Reed say to you, if he were alive?' was my scarcelyvoluntary demand. I say scarcely voluntary, for it seemed as if mytongue pronounced words, without my will consenting to their utterance:something spoke out of me over which I had no control.
'What?' said Mrs. Reed under her breath: her usually cold composedgrey eye became troubled with a look like fear; she took her hand frommy arm, and gazed at me as if she really did not know whether I werechild or fiend. I was now in for it.
'My Uncle Reed is in heaven, and can see all you do and think; and socan papa and mama: they know how you shut me up all day long, and howyou wish me dead.'Mrs. Reed soon rallied her spirits: she shook me mostsoundly, she boxed both my ears, and then left me without a word. Bessiesupplied the hiatus by a homily of an hour's length, in which sheproved beyond a doubt that I was the most wicked and abandoned childever reared under a roof. I half believed her; for I felt indeed onlybad feelings surging in my breast.
November, December, and half of January passed away. Christmas andthe New Year had been celebrated at Gateshead with the usual festivecheer; presents had been interchanged, dinners and evening partiesgiven. From every enjoyment I was, of course, excluded: my share of thegaiety consisted in witnessing the daily apparelling of Eliza andGeorgiana, and seeing them descend to the drawing-room, dressed out inthin muslin frocks and scarlet sashes, with hair elaborately ringleted;and afterwards, in listening to the sound of the piano or the harpplayed below, to the passing to and fro of the butler and footman, tothe jingling of glass and china as refreshments were handed, to thebroken hum of conversation as the drawing-room door opened and closed.When tired of this occupation, I would retire from the stair-head to thesolitary and silent nursery:there, though somewhat sad, I was notmiserable. To speak truth, I had not the least wish to go into company,for in company I was very rarely noticed; and if Bessie had but beenkind and companionable, I should have deemed it a treat to spend theevenings quietly with her, instead of passing them under the formidableeye of Mrs.
Reed, in a room full of ladies and gentlemen. But Bessie, as soon asshe had dressed her young ladies, used to take herself off to the livelyregions of the kitchen and housekeeper's room, generally bearing thecandle along with her. I then sat with my doll on my knee till the firegot low, glancing round occasionally to make sure that nothing worsethan myself haunted the shadowy room; and when the embers sank to a dullred, I undressed hastily, tugging at knots and strings as I best might,and sought shelter from cold and darkness in my crib. To this crib Ialways took my doll; human beings must love something, and, in thedearth of worthier objects of affection, I contrived to find a pleasurein loving and cherishing a faded graven image, shabby as a miniaturescarecrow. It puzzles me now to remember with what absurd sincerity Idoated on this little toy, half fancying it alive and capable ofsensation. I could not sleep unless it was folded in my night-gown; andwhen it lay there safe and warm, I was comparatively happy, believing itto be happy likewise.
Long did the hours seem while I waited the departure of the company,and listened for the sound of Bessie's step on the stairs: sometimes shewould come up in the interval to seek her thimble or her scissors, orperhaps to bring me something by way of supper- a bun or a cheese-cake-then she would sit on the bed while I ate it, and when I had finished,she would tuck the clothes round me, and twice she kissed me, and said,'Good night, Miss Jane.' When thus gentle, Bessie seemed to me the best,prettiest, kindest being in the world; and I wished most intensely thatshe would always be so pleasant and amiable, and never push me about,or scold, or task me unreasonably, as she was too often wont to do.Bessie, Lee must, I think, have been a girl of good natural capacity,for she was smart in all she did, and had a remarkable knack ofnarrative; so, at least, I judge from the impression made on me by hernursery tales. She was pretty too, if my recollections of her face andperson are correct. I remember her as a slim young woman, with blackhair, dark eyes, very nice features, and good, clear complexion; but shehad a capricious and hasty temper, and indifferent ideas of principleor justice:
still, such as she was, I preferred her to any one else at Gateshead Hall.
It was the fifteenth of January, about nine o'clock in the morning:
Bessie was gone down to breakfast; my cousins had not yet beensummoned to their mama; Eliza was putting on her bonnet and warmgarden-coat to go and feed her poultry, an occupation of which she wasfond: and not less so of selling the eggs to the housekeeper andhoarding up the money she thus obtained. She had a turn for traffic, anda marked propensity for saving; shown not only in the vending of eggsand chickens, but also in driving hard bargains with the gardener aboutflower-roots, seeds, and slips of plants; that functionary having ordersfrom Mrs. Reed to buy of his young lady all the products of herparterre she wished to sell: and Eliza would have sold the hair off herhead if she could have made a handsome profit thereby. As to her money,she first secreted it in odd corners, wrapped in a rag or an oldcurl-paper; but some of these hoards having been discovered by thehousemaid, Eliza, fearful of one day losing her valued treasure,consented to intrust it to her mother, at a usurious rate of interest-fifty or sixty per cent.; which interest she exacted every quarter,keeping her accounts in a little book with anxious accuracy.
Georgiana sat on a high stool, dressing her hair at the glass, andinterweaving her curls with artificial flowers and faded feathers, ofwhich she had found a store in a drawer in the attic. I was making mybed, having received strict orders from Bessie to get it arranged beforeshe returned, (for Bessie now frequently employed me as a sort ofunder-nurserymaid, to tidy the room, dust the chairs, etc.). Havingspread the quilt and folded my night-dress, I went to the window-seat toput in order some picture-books and doll's house furniture scatteredthere; an abrupt command from Georgiana to let her playthings alone (forthe tiny chairs and mirrors, the fairy plates and cups, were herproperty) stopped my proceedings; and then, for lack of otheroccupation, I fell to breathing on the frost-flowers with which thewindow was fretted, and thus clearing a space in the glass through whichI might look out on the grounds, where all was still and petrifiedunder the influence of a hard frost.
From this window were visible the porter's lodge and thecarriage-road, and just as I had dissolved so much of the silver-whitefoliage veiling the panes as left room to look out, I saw the gatesthrown open and a carriage roll through. I watched it ascending thedrive with indifference; carriages often came to Gateshead, but noneever brought visitors in whom I was interested; it stopped in front ofthe house, the door-bell rang loudly, the new-comer was admitted.
All this being nothing to me, my vacant attention soon found livelierattraction in the spectacle of a little hungry robin, which came andchirruped on the twigs of the leafless cherry-tree nailed against thewall near the casement. The remains of my breakfast of bread and milkstood on the table, and having crumbled a morsel of roll, I was tuggingat the sash to put out the crumbs on the window-sill, when Bessie camerunning upstairs into the nursery.
'Miss Jane, take off your pinafore; what are you doing there? Haveyou washed your hands and face this morning?' I gave another tug before Ianswered, for I wanted the bird to be secure of its bread: the sashyielded; I scattered the crumbs, some on the stone sill, some on thecherry-tree bough, then, closing the window, I replied-'No, Bessie; Ihave only just finished dusting.'
'Troublesome, careless child! and what are you doing now? You lookquite red, as if you have been about some mischief: what were youopening the window for?'
I was spared the trouble of answering, for Bessie seemed in too greata hurry to listen to explanations; she hauled me to the washstand,inflicted a merciless, but happily brief scrub on my face and handswith soap, water, and a coarse towel; disciplined my head with a bristlybrush, denuded me of my pinafore, and then hurrying me to the top ofthe stairs, bid me go down directly, as I was wanted in thebreakfast-room.
I would have asked who wanted me: I would have demanded if Mrs. Reedwas there; but Bessie was already gone, and had closed the nursery-doorupon me. I slowly descended. For nearly three months, I had never beencalled to Mrs. Reed's presence; restricted so long to the nursery, thebreakfast, dining, and drawing-rooms were become for me awful regions,on which it dismayed me to intrude.
I now stood in the empty hall; before me was the breakfast-room door,and I stopped, intimidated and trembling. What a miserable littlepoltroon had fear, engendered of unjust punishment, made of me in thosedays! I feared to return to the nursery, and feared to go forward to theparlour; ten minutes I stood in agitated hesitation; the vehementringing of the breakfast-room bell decided me; I must enter.
'Who could want me?' I asked inwardly, as with both hands I turnedthe stiff door-handle, which, for a second or two, resisted my efforts.'What should I see besides Aunt Reed in the apartment?- a man or awoman?' The handle turned, the door unclosed, and passing through andcurtseying low, I looked up at- a black pillar!- such, at least,appeared to me, at first sight, the straight, narrow, sable-clad shapestanding erect on the rug: the grim face at the top was like a carvedmask, placed above the shaft by way of capital.
Mrs. Reed occupied her usual seat by the fireside; she made a signalto me to approach; I did so, and she introduced me to the stony strangerwith the words: 'This is the little girl respecting whom I applied toyou.'
He, for it was a man, turned his head slowly towards where I stood,and having examined me with the two inquisitive-looking grey eyes whichtwinkled under a pair of bushy brows, said solemnly, and in a bassvoice, 'Her size is small: what is her age?'
'Ten years.'
'So much?' was the doubtful answer; and he prolonged his scrutiny forsome minutes. Presently he addressed me- 'Your name, little girl?'
'Jane Eyre, sir.'
In uttering these words I looked up: he seemed to me a tallgentleman; but then I was very little; his features were large, and theyand all the lines of his frame were equally harsh and prim.
'Well, Jane Eyre, and are you a good child?'
Impossible to reply to this in the affirmative: my little world held acontrary opinion: I was silent. Mrs. Reed answered for me by anexpressive shake of the head, adding soon, 'Perhaps the less said onthat subject the better, Mr. Brocklehurst.'
'Sorry indeed to hear it! she and I must have some talk;' and bendingfrom the perpendicular, he installed his person in the arm-chairopposite Mrs. Reed's. 'Come here,' he said.
I stepped across the rug; he placed me square and straight beforehim. What a face he had, now that it was almost on a level with mine!what a great nose! and what a mouth! and what large prominent teeth!
'No sight so sad as that of a naughty child,' he began, 'especially anaughty little girl. Do you know where the wicked go after death?'
'They go to hell,' was my ready and orthodox answer.
'And what is hell? Can you tell me that?'
'A pit full of fire.'
'And should you like to fall into that pit, and to be burning there for ever?'
'No, sir.'
'What must you do to avoid it?'
I deliberated a moment; my answer, when it did come, was objectionable: 'I must keep in good health, and not die.'
'How can you keep in good health? Children younger than you diedaily. I buried a little child of five years old only a day or twosince,- a good little child, whose soul is now in heaven. It is to befeared the same could not be said of you were you to be called hence.'
Not being in a condition to remove his doubt, I only cast my eyesdown on the two large feet planted on the rug, and sighed, wishingmyself far enough away.
'I hope that sigh is from the heart, and that you repent of everhaving been the occasion of discomfort to your excellent benefactress.'
'Benefactress! benefactress!' said I inwardly: 'they all call Mrs.Reed my benefactress; if so, a benefactress is a disagreeable thing.'
'Do you say your prayers night and morning?' continued my interrogator.
'Yes, sir.'
'Do you read your Bible?'
'Sometimes.'
'With pleasure? Are you fond of it?'
'I like Revelations, and the book of Daniel, and Genesis and Samuel,and a little bit of Exodus, and some parts of Kings and Chronicles, andJob and Jonah.'
'And the Psalms? I hope you like them?'
'No, sir.'
'No? oh, shocking! I have a little boy, younger than you, who knowssix Psalms by heart: and when you ask him which he would rather have, agingerbread-nut to eat or a verse of a Psalm to learn, he says: "Oh! theverse of a Psalm! angels sing Psalms;" says he, "I wish to be a littleangel here below;" he then gets two nuts in recompense for his infantpiety.'
'Psalms are not interesting,' I remarked.
'That proves you have a wicked heart; and you must pray to God tochange it: to give you a new and clean one: to take away your heart ofstone and give you a heart of flesh.'
I was about to propound a question, touching the manner in which thatoperation of changing my heart was to be performed, when Mrs. Reedinterposed, telling me to sit down; she then proceeded to carry on theconversation herself.
'Mr. Brocklehurst, I believe I intimated in the letter which I wroteto you three weeks ago, that this little girl has not quite thecharacter and disposition I could wish: should you admit her into Lowoodschool, I should be glad if the superintendent and teachers wererequested to keep a strict eye on her, and, above all, to guard againsther worst fault, a tendency to deceit. I mention this in your hearing,Jane, that you may not attempt to impose on Mr. Brocklehurst.'
Well might I dread, well might I dislike Mrs. Reed; for it was hernature to wound me cruelly; never was I happy in her presence; howevercarefully I obeyed, however strenuously I strove to please her, myefforts were still repulsed and repaid by such sentences as the above.Now, uttered before a stranger, the accusation cut me to the heart; Idimly perceived that she was already obliterating hope from the newphase of existence which she destined me to enter; I felt, though Icould not have expressed the feeling, that she was sowing aversion andunkindness along my future path; I saw myself transformed under Mr.Brocklehurst's eye into an artful, noxious child, and what could I do toremedy the injury?
'Nothing, indeed,' thought I, as I struggled to repress a sob, andhastily wiped away some tears, the impotent evidences of my anguish.
'Deceit is, indeed, a sad fault in a child,' said Mr. Brocklehurst;'it is akin to falsehood, and all liars will have their portion in thelake burning with fire and
brimstone; she shall, however, be watched, Mrs. Reed. I will speak to Miss Temple and the teachers.'
'I should wish her to be brought up in a manner suiting herprospects,' continued my benefactress; 'to be made useful, to be kepthumble: as for the vacations, she will, with your permission, spend themalways at Lowood.'
'Your decisions are perfectly judicious, madam,' returned Mr.Brocklehurst. 'Humility is a Christian grace, and one peculiarlyappropriate toonhmine, her fingers at the same time suspended theirnimble movements.
'Go out of the room; return to the nursery,' was her marride; and,only the other day, I had a pleasing proof of my success. My seconddaughter, Augusta, went with her mama to visit the school, and on herreturn she exclaimed: "Oh, dear papa, how quiet and plain all the girlsat Lowood look, with their hair combed behind their ears, and their longpinafores, and those little holland pockets outside their frocks- theyare almost like poor people's children! and," said she, "they looked atmy dress and mama's, as if they had never seen a silk gown before."'
'This is the state of things I quite approve,' returned Mrs. Reed;'had I sought all England over, I could scarcely have found a systemmore exactly fitting a child like Jane Eyre. Consistency, my dear Mr.Brocklehurst; I advocate consistency in all things.'
'Consistency, madam, is the first of Christian duties; and it hasbeen observed in every arrangement connected with the establishment ofLowood: plain fare, simple attire, unsophisticated accommodations, hardyand active habits; such is the order of the day in the house and itsinhabitants.'
'Quite right, sir. I may then depend upon this child being receivedas a pupil at Lowood, and there being trained in conformity to herposition and prospects?'
'Madam, you may: she shall be placed in that nursery of chosenplants, and I trust she will show herself grateful for the inestimableprivilege of her election.'
'I will send her, then, as soon as possible, Mr. Brocklehurst; for, Iassure you, I feel anxious to be relieved of a responsibility that wasbecoming too irksome.'
'No doubt, no doubt, madam; and now I wish you good morning. I shallreturn to Brocklehurst Hall in the course of a week or two: my goodfriend, the Archdeacon, will not permit me to leave him sooner. I shallsend Miss Temple notice that she is to expect a new girl, so that therewill be no difficulty about receiving her. Good-bye.'
'Good-bye, Mr. Brocklehurst; remember me to Mrs. and MissBrocklehurst, and to Augusta and Theodore, and Master BroughtonBrocklehurst.'
'I will, madam. Little girl, here is a book entitled the Child'sGuide; read it with prayer, especially that part containing "An addictedto falsehood and deceit."'
With these words Mr. Brocklehurst put into my hand a thin pamphletsewn in a cover, and having rung for his carriage, he departed.
Mrs. Reed and I were left alone: some minutes passed in silence; shewas sewing, I was watching her. Mrs. Reed might be at that time some sixor seven and thirty; she was a woman of robust frame, square-shoulderedand strong-limbed, not tall, and, though stout, not obese: she had asomewhat large face, the under jaw being much developed and very solid;her brow was low, her chin large and prominent, mouth and nosesufficiently regular; under her light eyebrows glimmered an eye devoidof ruth; her skin was dark and opaque, her hair nearly flaxen; herconstitution was sound as a bell- illness never came near her; she wasan exact, clever manager; her household and tenantry were thoroughlyunder her control; her children only at times defied her authority andlaughed it to scorn; she dressed well, and had a presence and portcalculated to set off handsome attire.
Sitting on a low stool, a few yards from her arm-chair, I examinedher figure; I perused her features. In my hand I held the tractcontaining the sudden death of the Liar, to which narrative my attentionhad been pointed as to an appropriate warning. What had just passed;what Mrs. Reed had said concerning me to Mr. Brocklehurst; the wholetenor of their conversation, was recent, raw, and stinging in my mind; Ihad felt every word as acutely as I had heard it plainly, and a passionof resentment fomented now within me.
Mrs. Reed looked up from her work; her eye settled on mine, her fingers at the same time suspended their nimble movements.
'Go out of the room; return to the nursery,' was her mandate. My lookor something else must have struck her as offensive, for she spoke withextreme though suppressed irritation. I got up, I went to the door; Icame back again; I walked to the window, across the room, then close upto her.
Speak I must: I had been trodden on severely, and must turn: but how?What strength had I to dart retaliation at my antagonist? I gathered myenergies and launched them in this blunt sentence- 'I am not deceitful:if I were, I should say I loved you; but I declare I do not love you: Idislike you the worst of anybody in the world except John Reed; andthis book about the liar, you may give to your girl, Georgiana, for itis she who tells lies, and not I.'
Mrs. Reed's hands still lay on her work inactive: her eye of ice continued to dwell freezingly on mine.
'What more have you to say?' she asked, rather in the tone in which aperson might address an opponent of adult age than such as isordinarily used to a child.
That eye of hers, that voice stirred every antipathy I had. Shakingfrom head to foot, thrilled with ungovernable excitement, I continued-'I am glad you are no relation of mine: I will never call you aunt againso long as I live. I will never come to see you when I am grown up; andif any one asks me how I liked you, and how you treated me, I will saythe very thought of you makes me sick, and that you treated me withmiserable cruelty.'
'How dare you affirm that, Jane Eyre?'
'How dare I, Mrs. Reed? How dare I? Because it is the truth. Youthink I have no feelings, and that I can do without one bit of love orkindness; but I cannot live so: and you have no pity. I shall rememberhow you thrust me back- roughly and violently thrust me back- into thered-room, and locked me up there, to my dying day; though I was inagony; though I cried out, while suffocating with distress, "Have mercy!Have mercy, Aunt Reed!" And that punishment you made me suffer becauseyour wicked boy struck me- knocked me down for nothing.
I will tell anybody who asks me questions, this exact tale. Peoplethink you a good woman, but you are bad, hard-hearted. You aredeceitful!'
Ere I had finished this reply, my soul began to expand, to exult,with the strangest sense of freedom, of triumph, I ever felt. It seemedas if an invisible bond had burst, and that I had struggled out intounhoped-for liberty. Not without cause was this sentiment: Mrs. Reedlooked frightened; her work had slipped from her knee; she was liftingup her hands, rocking herself to and fro, and even twisting her face asif she would cry.
'Jane, you are under a mistake: what is the matter with you? Why doyou tremble so violently? Would you like to drink some water?'
'No, Mrs. Reed.'
'Is there anything else you wish for, Jane? I assure you, I desire to be your friend.'
'Not you. You told Mr. Brocklehurst I had a bad character, adeceitful disposition; and I'll let everybody at Lowood know what youare, and what you have done.'
'Jane, you don't understand these things: children must be corrected for their faults.'
'Deceit is not my fault!' I cried out in a savage, high voice.
'But you are passionate, Jane, that you must allow: and now return to the nursery- there's a dear- and lie down a little.'
'I am not your dear; I cannot lie down: send me to school soon, Mrs. Reed, for I hate to live here.'
'I will indeed send her to school soon,' murmured Mrs. Reed sottovoce; and gathering up her work, she abruptly quitted the apartment.
I was left there alone- winner of the field. It was the hardestbattle I had fought, and the first victory I had gained: I stood awhileon the rug, where Mr.
Brocklehurst had stood, and I enjoyed my conqueror's solitude. First,I smiled to myself and felt elate; but this fierce pleasure subsided inme as fast as did the accelerated throb of my pulses. A child cannotquarrel with its elders, as I had done; cannot give its furious feelingsuncontrolled play, as I had given mine, without experiencing afterwardsthe pang of remorse and the chill of reaction. A ridge of lightedheath, alive, glancing, devouring, would have been a meet emblem of mymind when I accused and menaced Mrs. Reed: the same ridge, black andblasted after the flames are dead, would have represented as meetly mysubsequent condition, when half an hour's silence and reflection hadshown me the madness of my conduct, and the dreariness of my hated andhating position.
Something of vengeance I had tasted for the first time; as aromaticwine it seemed, on swallowing, warm and racy: its after-flavour,metallic and corroding, gave me a sensation as if I had been poisoned.
Willingly would I now have gone and asked Mrs. Reed's pardon; but Iknew, partly from experience and partly from instinct, that was the wayto make her repulse me with double scorn, thereby re-exciting everyturbulent impulse of my nature.
I would fain exercise some better faculty than that of fiercespeaking; fain find nourishment for some less fiendish feeling than thatof sombre indignation. I took a book- some Arabian tales; I sat downand endeavoured to read. I could make no sense of the subject; my ownthoughts swam always between me and the page I had usually foundfascinating. I opened the glass-door in the breakfast-room: theshrubbery was quite still: the black frost reigned, unbroken by sun orbreeze, through the grounds. I covered my head and arms with the skirtof my frock, and went out to walk in a part of the plantation which wasquite sequestered; but I found no pleasure in the silent trees, thefalling fir-cones, the congealed relics of autumn, russet leaves, sweptby past winds in heaps, and now stiffened together. I leaned against agate, and looked into an empty field where no sheep were feeding, wherethe short grass was nipped and blanched. It was a very grey day; a mostopaque sky, 'onding on snaw,' canopied all; thence flakes fell atintervals, which settled on the hard path and on the hoary lea withoutmelting. I stood, a wretched child enough, whispering to myself over andover again, 'What shall I do?- what shall I do?'
All at once I heard a clear voice call, 'Miss Jane! where are you? Come to lunch!'
It was Bessie, I knew well enough; but I did not stir; her light step came tripping down the path.
'You naughty little thing!' she said. 'Why don't you come when you are called?'
Bessie's presence, compared with the thoughts over which I had beenbrooding, seemed cheerful; even though, as usual, she was somewhatcross. The fact is, after my conflict with and victory over Mrs. Reed, Iwas not disposed to care much for the nursemaid's transitory anger; andI was disposed to bask in her youthful lightness of heart. I just putmy two arms round her and said, 'Come, Bessie! don't scold.'
The action was more frank and fearless than any I was habituated to indulge in: somehow it pleased her.
'You are a strange child, Miss Jane,' she said, as she looked down atme; 'a little roving, solitary thing: and you are going to school, Isuppose?'
I nodded.
'And won't you be sorry to leave poor Bessie?'
'What does Bessie care for me? She is always scolding me.'
'Because you're such a queer, frightened, shy little thing. You should be bolder.'
'What! to get more knocks?'
'Nonsense! But you are rather put upon, that's certain. My mothersaid, when she came to see me last week, that she would not like alittle one of her own to be in your place.- Now, come in, and I've somegood news for you.'
'I don't think you have, Bessie.'
'Child! what do you mean? What sorrowful eyes you fix on me! Well,but Missis and the young ladies and Master John are going out to teathis afternoon, and you shall have tea with me. I'll ask cook to bakeyou a little cake, and then you shall help me to look over your drawers;for I am soon to pack your trunk. Missis intends you to leave Gatesheadin a day or two, and you shall choose what toys you like to take withyou.'
'Bessie, you must promise not to scold me any more till I go.'
'Well, I will; but mind you are a very good girl, and don't be afraidof me. Don't start when I chance to speak rather sharply; it's soprovoking.'
'I don't think I shall ever be afraid of you again, Bessie, because Ihave got used to you, and I shall soon have another set of people todread.'
'If you dread them they'll dislike you.'
'As you do, Bessie?'
'I don't dislike you, Miss: I believe I am fonder of you than of all the others.'
'You don't show it.'
'You little sharp thing! you've got quite a new way of talking. What makes you so venturesome and hardy?'
'Why, I shall soon be away from you, and besides'- I was going to saysomething about what had passed between me and Mrs. Reed, but on secondthoughts I considered it better to remain silent on that head.
'And so you're glad to leave me?'
'Not at all, Bessie; indeed, just now I'm rather sorry.'
'Just now! and rather! How coolly my little lady says it! I daresaynow if I were to ask you for a kiss you wouldn't give it me: you'd sayyou'd rather not.'
'I'll kiss you and welcome: bend your head down.' Bessie stooped;we mutually embraced, and I followed her into the house quitecomforted. That afternoon lapsed in peace and harmony; and in theevening Bessie told me some of her most enchaining stories, and sang mesome of her sweetest songs. Even for me life had its gleams of sunshine.

我同劳埃德先生的一番交谈，以及上回所述贝茜和艾博特之间的议论，使我信心倍增，动力十足，盼着自己快些好起来。看来，某种变动已近在眼前，我默默地期待着。然而，它迟迟未来。一天天、一周周过去了、我已体健如旧，但我朝思暮想的那件事，却并没有重新提起。里德太太有时恶狠狠地打量我，但很少理睬我。自我生病以来，她已把我同她的孩子截然分开，指定我独自睡一个小房间，罚我单独用餐，整天呆在保育室里，而我的表兄妹们却经常在客厅玩耍。她没有丝毫暗示要送我上学，但我有一种很有把握的直觉，她不会长期容忍我与她同在一个屋檐下生活。因为她把目光投向我时，眼神里越来越表露出一种无法摆脱、根深蒂固的厌恶。
伊丽莎和乔治亚娜分明是按吩咐行事，尽量少同我搭讪。而约翰一见我就装鬼脸，有—回竟还想对我动武。像上次一样，我怒不可遏、忍无可忍，激起了一种犯罪的本性，顿时扑了上去。他一想还是住手的好，便逃离了我，一边破口大骂，诬赖我撕裂了他的鼻子。我的拳头确实瞄准了那个隆起的器官，出足力气狠狠一击。当我看到这一招或是我的目光使他吓破了胆时，我真想乘胜追击，达到目的，可是他已经逃到他妈妈那里了。我听他哭哭啼啼，开始讲述“那个讨厌的简.爱”如何像疯猫一样扑向他的故事。但他的哭诉立即被厉声喝住了。
别跟我提起她了，约翰。我同你说过不要与她接近，她不值得理睬。我不愿意你或者你妹妹同她来往，”
这时，我扑出栏杆，突然不假思索地大叫了一声：
“他们还不配同我交往呢。”
尽管里德太太的体态有些臃肿，但—听见我这不可思议的大胆宣告，便利索地登登登跑上楼梯，一阵风似地把我拖进保育室，按倒在小床的床沿上，气势汹汹地说，谅我那天再也不敢从那里爬起来，或是再吭一声了。
“要是里德先生还活着，他会同你说什么？”我几乎无意中问了这个问题。我说几乎无意，是因为我的舌头仿佛不由自主地吐出了这句话，完全是随意倾泻，不受控制。
“什么，”里德太太咕哝着说。她平日冷漠平静的灰色眸子显得惶惶不安，露出了近乎恐惧的神色。她从我的胳膊中抽回手，死死盯着我，仿佛真的弄不明白我究竟是个孩童还是魔鬼。这时，我骑虎难下了。
“里德舅舅在天堂里，你做的和想的，他都看得清清楚楚。我爸爸妈妈也看得清清楚楚。他们知道你把我关了一整天，还巴不得我死掉。”
里德太太很快便定下神来，狠命推搡我，扇我耳光，随后二话没说扔下我就走。在留下的空隙里，贝茜喋喋不休进行了长达一个小时的说教，证实我无疑是家里养大的最坏、最放任的孩子，弄得我也有些半信半疑。因为我确实觉得，在我胸膛里翻腾的只有恶感。
十一月、十二月和一月的上半月转眼已逝去。在盖茨黑德，圣诞节和元旦照例喜气洋洋地庆祝一番，相互交换礼物，举行圣诞晚餐和晚会，当然，这些享受一概与我无缘，我的那份乐趣是每天眼睁睁瞧着伊丽莎和乔治亚娜的装束，看她们着薄纱上衣，系大红腰带，披着精心制作的卷发下楼到客厅去。随后倾听楼下弹奏钢琴和竖琴的声音，管家和仆人来来往往的脚步声，上点心时杯盘磕碰的叮咚声，随着客厅门启闭时断时续传来的谈话声，听腻了。我会离开楼梯口，走进孤寂的保育室。那里尽管也有些许悲哀，但心里并不难受，说实话，我绝对无意去凑热闹，因为就是去了，也很少有人理我，要是贝茜肯好好陪我，我觉得与她相守，安静地度过多夜晚倒也一种享受，强似在满屋少爷小姐、太太先生中间、里德太太令人生畏的目光下，挨过那些时刻，但是，贝茜往往把小姐们一打扮停当，便抽身上厨房、女管家室等热闹场所去了，还总把蜡烛也带走。随后，我把玩偶放在膝头枯坐着，直至炉火渐渐暗淡，还不时东张西望，弄清楚除了我没有更可怕的东西光顾这昏暗的房间，待到余烬褪为暗红色，我便急急忙忙、拿出吃奶的劲来，宽衣解带，钻进小床，躲避寒冷与黑暗，我常把玩偶随身带到床上，人总得爱点什么，在缺乏更值得爱的东西的时候，我便设想以珍爱一个褪了色的布偶来获得愉快，尽管这个玩偶已经破烂不堪，活像个小小的稻草人，此刻忆起这件往事，也令我迷惑不解，当时，我是带着何等荒谬的虔诚来溺爱这小玩具的呀！我还有点相信它有血有肉有感觉，只有把它裹进了睡袍我才能入睡，一旦它暖融融安然无恙地躺在那里，我便觉得愉快多了，而且这玩偶也有同感。
我似乎要等很久很久客人们才散去，才候着贝茜上楼的脚步声，有时她会在中间上楼来，找顶针或剪刀，或者端上一个小面包、奶酪饼什么的当作我的晚餐。她会坐在床上看我吃。我一吃完，她会替我把被子塞好，亲了我两下，说：“晚安，简小姐。”贝茜和颜悦色的时候，我就觉得她是人世间最好、最漂亮、最善良的人，我热切希望她会总是那么讨人喜欢，那么和蔼可亲，不要老是支使我，骂我，无理责备我，我现在想来，贝茜.李一定是位很有天赋的姑娘，因为她干什么都在行，还有善讲故事的惊人诀窍，至少保育室故事留给我的印象，让我可以作出这样的判断。如果我对她的脸蛋和身材没有记错，那她还长得很漂亮。在我的记忆中，她是个身材苗条的少妇，有着墨色的头发，乌黑的眸子，端正的五官和光洁的皮肤，但她任性急躁，缺乏原则性和正义感。尽管加此，在盖茨黑德府的人中、我最喜欢她。
那是一月十五日早上九点。贝茜已下楼去用早餐，我的表兄妹们还没有被叫唤到他们妈妈身边。伊丽莎正戴上宽边帽，穿上暖和的园艺服，出喂她的家禽。这活儿她百做不厌，并不逊于把鸡鱼类给女管家，把所得钱藏匿起来，她有做买卖的才干，有突出的聚财癖，不仅表现在兜售鸡蛋和鸡方面，而且也在跟园艺工就花茎、花籽和插枝而拼命讨价还价上显露出来，里德太太曾吩咐园艺工，凡是伊丽莎想卖掉的花圃产品，他都得统统买下。而要是能赚大钱，伊丽莎连出售自己的头发也心甘情愿。至于所得的钱，起初她用破布或陈旧的卷发纸包好，藏在偏僻的角落里。但后来其中一些秘藏物被女佣所发现，她深怕有一天丢失她值钱的宝藏，同意由她母亲托管，收取近乎高利贷的利息——百分之五十或六十，一个季度索讨一次。她还把帐记在一个小本子上，算得分毫不差。
乔治亚娜坐在一条高脚凳上，对镜梳理着自己的头发。她把一朵朵人造花和一根根褪色的羽毛插到卷发上，这些东西是她在阁楼上的一个抽屉里找到的。我正在铺床，因为根据贝茜的严格指令，我得在她回来之前把一切都收拾停当（贝茜现在常常把我当作保育室女佣下手来使唤，吩咐我整理房间、擦掉椅子上的灰尘等等），我摊开被子，叠好睡衣后，便走向窗台，正把散乱的图画书和玩偶家具放好，却突然传来了乔治亚娜指手划脚的吆喝不许我动她的玩具（因为这些椅子、镜子、小盘子和小杯子都是她的财产），于是只好歇手。一时无所事事，便开始往凝结在窗上的霜花哈气，在玻璃上化开了一小块地方，透过它可以眺望外面的院落，那里的一切在严霜的威力之下，仿佛凝固了似的寂然不动。
从这扇窗子后得清门房和马车道。我在蒙着—簇簇银白色霜花的窗玻璃上，正哈出—块可以往外窥视的地方时，只见大门开了，一辆马车驶了进来，我毫不在意地看着它爬上小道，因为尽管马车经常光临盖茨黑德府，却从未进来一位我所感兴趣的客人。这辆车在房子前面停下，门铃大作，来客被请进了门，既然这种事情与我无关，百无聊赖之中，我便被一种更有生气的景象所吸引了。那是一只小小的、饿坏了的知更鸟，从什么地方飞来，落在紧贴靠窗的墙上一棵光秃秃的樱桃树枝头，叽叽喳喳叫个不停。这时，桌上放着我早饭吃剩的牛奶和面包，我把一小块面包弄碎，并正推窗把它放到窗沿上时，贝茜奔上楼梯，走进了保育室。
“简小姐、把围涎脱掉。你在那儿干什么呀？今天早上抹了脸，洗了手了吗？”
我先没有回答，顾自又推了一下窗子，因为我要让这鸟儿万无一失地吃到面包。窗子终于松动了，我撒出了面包屑，有的落在石头窗沿上，有的落在樱桃树枝上。随后我关好窗，一面回答说：
“没有呢，贝茜，我才掸好灰尘。”
“你这个粗心大意的淘气鬼！这会儿在干什么呀？你的脸通红通红，好像干了什么坏事似的，你开窗干啥？”
贝茜似乎很匆忙，已等不及听我解释，省却了我回答的麻烦。她将我一把拖到洗脸架前，不由分说往我脸上、手上擦了肥皂，抹上水，用一块粗糙的毛巾一揩，虽然重手重脚，倒也干脆爽快。
她又用一把粗毛刷子，把我的头清理了一番，脱下我的围涎，急急忙忙把我带到楼梯口，嘱我径直下楼去，说是早餐室有人找我。
我本想问她是谁在找我，打听一下里德太太是不是在那里。可是贝茜己经走了，还在我身后关上了保育室的门，我慢吞吞地走下楼梯。近三个月来，我从未被叫到里德太太跟前。由于在保育室里禁锢了那么久，早餐室、餐室和客厅都成了令我心寒的地方，一跨进去便惶惶不安。
此刻，我站在空空荡荡的大厅里，面前就是餐室的门。我停住了脚步，吓得直打哆嗦，可怜的胆小鬼，那时候不公的惩罚竟使她怕成了这付样子！我既不敢退后返回保育室，又怕往前走向客厅。我焦虑不安、犹犹豫豫地站了十来分钟，直到早餐室一阵喧闹的铃声使我横下了心来：我非进去不可了。
“谁会找我呢？”我心里有些纳闷，一面用两只手去转动僵硬的门把手，足有一两秒钟，那把手纹丝不动，“除了里德舅妈之外，我还会在客厅里见到谁呢？——男人还是女人？”把手转动了一下，门开了。我进去行了一个低低的屈膝礼，抬起来头竟看见了一根黑色的柱子！至少猛一看来是这样。那笔直、狭小裹着貂皮的东西直挺挺立在地毯上，那张凶神恶煞般的脸，像是雕刻成的假面，置于柱子顶端当作柱顶似的。
里德太太坐在壁炉旁往常所坐的位置上，她示意我走近她。我照着做了。她用这样的话把我介绍给那个毫无表情的陌生人：“这就是我跟你谈起过的小女孩。”
他——因为是个男人——缓缓地把头转向我站立的地方，用他那双浓眉下闪着好奇的目光的灰色眼睛审视着我，随后响起了他严肃的男低音：
“她个子很小，几岁了？”
“十岁。”
“这么大了，”他满腹狐疑地问道。随后又细细打量了我几分钟，马上跟我说起话来。
“你叫什么名字，小姑娘？”
“简.爱，先生。”
说完，我抬起头来，我觉得他是位身材高大的斗士，不过，那时我自己是个小不点。他的五官粗大、每个部位以及骨架上的每根线条，都是同样的粗糙和刻板。
“瞧，简.爱，你是个好孩子吗？”
我不可能回答说“是的”，我那个小天地里的人都持有相反的意见，于是我沉默不语。里德太太使劲摇了一下头，等于是替我作了回答，并立即补充说：“这个话题也许还是少谈为炒。布罗克赫斯特先生。”
“很遗憾听你这么说：我同她必须谈一谈。”他俯下原本垂直的身子，一屁股坐进里德太太对面的扶手椅里。“过来，”他说。
我走过地毯，他让我面对面笔直站在他面前，这时他的脸与我的几乎处在同一个水平面上，那是一张多怪的脸呀！多大的鼻子，多难看的嘴巴！还有那一口的大板牙？
“一个淘气孩子的模样最让人痛心，”他开始说，“尤其是不听话的小姑娘。你知道坏人死后到哪里去吗？”
“他们下地狱，”我的回答既现成又正统。
“地狱是什么地方？能告诉我吗？”
“是个火坑。”
“你愿意落到那个火坑里，永远被火烤吗？”
“不，先生。”
“那你必须怎样才能避免呢？”
我细细思忖了一会，终于作出了令人讨厌的回答：“我得保持健康，不要死掉。”
“你怎么可能保持健康呢？比你年纪小的孩子，每天都有死掉的。一两天前我才埋葬过一个只有五岁的孩子，一个好孩子，现在他的灵魂已经上了天，要是你被召唤去的话，恐怕很难说能同他一样了。”
我无法消除他的疑虑，便只好低下头去看他那双站立在地毯上的大脚，还叹了一口气，
巴不得自己离得远一些。
“但愿你的叹息是发自内心的，但愿你已后悔不该给你的大恩人带来烦恼。”
“恩人！恩人！”我心里嘀咕着，“他们都说里德太太是我的恩人，要真是这样，那么
恩人倒是个讨厌的家伙。”
“你早晚都祷告吗？”我的询问者继续说。
“是的，先生。”
“你读《圣经》吗？”
“有时候读。”
“高兴读吗？喜欢不喜欢？”
“我喜欢《启示录》、《但以理书》、《创世纪》和《撒母耳记》，《出埃及记》的一
小部分，《列王记》和《历代志》的几个部分，还有《约伯》和《约拿书》。”
“还有《诗篇》呢？我想你也喜欢吧。”
“不喜欢，先生。”
“不喜欢？哎呀，真让人吃惊！有个小男孩，比你年纪还小，却能背六首赞美诗。你要是问他，愿意吃姜饼呢，不是背一首赞美诗，他会就‘啊，背赞美诗！因为天使也唱。’还说‘我真希望
当一个人间的小天使，’随后他得到了两块姜饼，作为他小小年纪就那么虔诚的报偿。”
“赞美诗很乏味，”我说。
“这说明你心很坏，你应当祈求上帝给你换一颗新的纯洁的心，把那颗石头般的心取走，赐给你一颗血肉之心。”
我正要问他换心的手术怎样做时，里德太太插嘴了，吩咐我坐下来，随后她接着话题谈了下去。
“布罗克赫斯特先生，我相信三个星期以前我给你的信中曾经提到，这个小姑娘缺乏我所期望的人品与气质。如果你准许她进罗沃德学校，我乐意恭请校长和教师们对她严加看管，尤其要提防她身上最大的毛病，一种爱说谎的习性。我当着你的面说这件事，简，目的是让你不好再瞒骗布罗克赫斯特先生。”
我满有理由害怕里德太太，讨厌她，因为她生性就爱刻毒地伤害我，在她面前我从来不会愉快。不管我怎样陪着小心顺从好，千方百计讨她喜心，我的努力仍然受到鄙夷，并被报之以上述这类言词。她当着陌生人的面，竟如此指控我，实在伤透了我的心。我依稀感到，她抹去了我对新生活所怀的希望，这种生活是她特意为我安排的。尽管我不能表露自己的感情，但我感到，她在通向我未来的道路上，播下了反感和无情的种子。我看到自己在布罗克赫斯特先生的眼睛里，已变成了一个工于心计、令人讨厌的孩子，我还能有什么办法来弥合这种伤痕呢？
“说实在，没有，”我思忖道。一面竭力忍住哭泣，急忙擦掉几滴泪水，我无可奈何的痛苦的见证。
“在孩子身上，欺骗是一种可悲的缺点，”布罗克赫斯特先生说，“它近乎于说谎，而所有的说谎者，都有份儿落到燃烧着硫磺烈火的湖里。不过，我们会对她严加看管的，我要告诉坦普尔小姐和教师们。”
“我希望根据她的前程来培育她，”我的恩人继续说，“使她成为有用之材，永远保持谦卑。至于假期嘛，要是你许可，就让她一直在罗沃德过吧。”
“你的决断无比英明，太太，”布罗克赫斯特先生回答。谦恭是基督教徒的美德，对罗沃德的学生尤其适用。为此我下了指令，要特别注重在学生中培养这种品质。我己经探究过如何最有效地抑制他们世俗的骄情。前不久，我还得到了可喜的依据，证明我获得了成功。我的第二个女儿奥古斯塔随同她妈妈访问了学校，一回来她就嚷嚷着说：‘啊，亲爱的爸爸，罗沃德学校的姑娘都显得好文静，好朴实呀！头发都梳到了耳后，都戴着长长的围涎，上衣外面都有一个用亚麻细布做的小口袋，他们几乎就同穷人家的孩子一样！还有’，她说，‘她们都瞧着我和妈妈的装束，好像从来没有看到过一件丝裙似的。”
“这种状况我十分赞赏，”里德太太回答道，“就是找遍整个英国，也很难找到一个更适合像简.爱这样孩子呆的机构了。韧性，我亲爱的布罗克赫斯特先生，我主张干什么都要有韧性。”
“夫人，韧性是基督徒的首要职责。它贯串于罗沃德学校的一切安排之中：吃得简单，穿得朴实，住得随便，养成吃苦耐劳、做事巴结的习惯。在学校里，在寄宿者中间，这一切都已蔚然成风。”
“说得很对，先生。那我可以相信这孩子已被罗沃德学校收为学生，并根据她的地位和前途加以训导了，是吗？”
“太太、你可以这么说。她将被放在培植精选花草的苗圃里，我相信她会因为无比荣幸地被选中而感激涕零的。”
“既然这样，我会尽快送她来的，布罗克赫斯特先生，因为说实在，我急于开卸掉这付令人厌烦的担子呢。”
“的确，的确是这样，太太。现在我就向你告辞了。一两周之后我才回到布罗克赫斯特府去，我的好朋友一位副主教不让我早走。我会通知坦普尔小姐，一位新来的姑娘要到。这样，接待她也不会有什么困难了。再见。”
“再见，布罗克赫斯特先生。请向布罗克赫斯特太太和小姐，向奥古斯塔、西奥多和布劳顿.布罗克赫斯特少爷问好。”
“一定，太太。小姑娘，这里有本书，题目叫《儿童指南》，祷告后再读，尤其要注意那个部分，说的是‘一个满口谎言、欺骗成性的淘气鬼，玛莎.格××暴死的经过’。"
说完，布罗克赫斯特先生把一本装有封皮的薄薄小册子塞进我手里，打铃让人备好马车，便离去了。
房间里只剩下了里德太太和我，在沉默中过了几分钟。她在做针钱活，我在打量着她，当时里德太太也许才三十六七岁光景，是个体魄强健的女人，肩膀宽阔，四肢结实，个子不高，身体粗壮但并不肥胖，她的下鄂很发达也很壮实，所以她的脸也就有些大了。她的眉毛很低，下巴又大又突出，嘴巴和鼻子倒是十分匀称的。在她浅色的眉毛下，闪动着一双没有同情心的眼睛。她的皮肤黝黑而灰暗，头发近乎亚麻色。她的体格很好，疾病从不染身。她是一位精明干练的总管，家庭和租赁的产业都由她一手控制。只有她的孩子间或蔑视她的权威，嗤之以鼻。她穿着讲究，她的风度和举止有助于衬托出她漂亮的服饰。
我坐在一条矮凳上，离她的扶手椅有几码远、打量着她的身材。仔细端详着她的五宫。我手里拿着那本记述说谎者暴死经过的小册子，他们曾把这个故事作为一种恰当的警告引起我注意。刚才发生的一幕，里德太太跟布罗克赫斯特先生所说的关于我的话，他们谈话的内容，仍在耳边回响，刺痛劳我的心扉。每句话都听得明明白白，每句话都那么刺耳。此刻，我的内心正燃起一腔不满之情。
里德太太放下手头的活儿，抬起头来，眼神与我的目光相遇，她的手指也同时停止了飞针走线的活动。
“出去，回到保育室去，”她命令道。我的神情或者别的什么想必使她感到讨厌，因为她说话时尽管克制着，却仍然极其恼怒。我立起身来，走到门边，却又返回，穿过房间到了窗前，一直走到她面前。
我非讲不可，我被践踏得够了，我必须反抗。可是怎么反抗呢，我有什么力量来回击对手呢？我鼓足勇气，直截了当地发动了进攻：
“我不骗人，要是我骗，我会说我爱你。但我声明，我不爱你，除了约翰.里德，你是世上我最不喜欢的人，这本写说谎者的书，你尽可以送给你的女儿乔治亚娜，因为说谎的是她，不是我。”
里德太太的手仍一动不动地放在她的活儿上，冷冰冰的目光，继续阴丝丝地凝视着我。
“你还有什么要说？”她问，那种口气仿佛是对着一个成年对手在讲话，对付孩子通常是不会使用的。
她的眸子和嗓音，激起了我极大的反感，我激动得难以抑制，直打哆嗦，继续说了下去：
“我很庆幸你不是我亲戚，今生今世我再也不会叫你舅妈了。长大了我也永远不会来看你，要是有人问起我喜欢不喜欢你，你怎样待我，我会说，一想起你就使我讨厌，我会说，你对我冷酷得到了可耻的地步。”
“你怎么敢说这话，简.爱？”
“我怎么敢，里德太太，我怎么敢，因为这是事实，你以为我没有情感，以为我不需要一点抚爱或亲情就可以打发日子，可是我不能这么生活。还有，你没有怜悯之心，我会记住你怎么推搡我，粗暴地把我弄进红房子，锁在里面，我到死都不会忘记，尽管我很痛苦，尽管我一面泣不成声，一面叫喊，‘可怜可怜吧！可怜可怜我吧，里德舅妈！’还有你强加于我的惩罚。完全是因为你那可恶的孩子打了我，无缘无故把我打倒在地，我要把事情的经过，原原本本告诉每个问我的人。人们满以为你是个好女人，其实你很坏，你心肠很狠。你自己才骗人呢！”
我还没有回答完，内心便已开始感到舒畅和喜悦了，那是一种前所未有的奇怪的自由感和胜利感，无形的束缚似乎己被冲破，我争得了始料未及的自由，这种情感不是无故泛起的，因为里德太太看来慌了神，活儿从她的膝头滑落，她举起双手，身子前后摇晃着，甚至连脸也扭曲了，她仿佛要哭出来了。
“简，你搞错了，你怎么了？怎么抖得那么厉害？想喝水吗？”
“不，里德太太。”
“你想要什么别的吗，简，说实在的，我希望成为你的朋友。”
“你才不会呢。你对布罗克赫斯待先生说我品质恶劣，欺骗成性，那我就要让罗沃德的每个人都知道你的为人和你干的好事。”
“简，这些事儿你不理解，孩子们有缺点应该得到纠正。”
“欺骗不是我的缺点！”我发疯似的大叫一声。
“但是你好意气用事，简，这你必须承认。现在回到保育室去吧，乖乖，躺一会儿。”
“我不是你乖乖，我不能躺下，快些送我到学校去吧，里德太太，因为我讨厌住在这儿。”
“我真的要快送她去上学了，”里德太太轻声嘀咕着，收拾好针线活，蓦地走出出了房间。
我孤零零地站那里，成了战场上的胜利者。这是我所经历的最艰难的—场战斗，也是我第一次获得胜利。我在布罗克赫斯特先生站站过的地毯上站了一会，沉缅于征服者的孤独。我先是暗自发笑，感到十分得意。但是这种狂喜犹如一时加快的脉膊会迅速递减一样，很快就消退了。一个孩子像我这样跟长辈斗嘴，像我这样毫无顾忌地发泄自己的怒气，事后必定要感到悔恨和寒心。我在控诉和恐吓里德太太时，内心恰如一片点燃了的荒野，火光闪烁，来势凶猛，但经过半小时的沉默和反思，深感自己行为的疯狂和自己恨人又被人嫉恨的处境的悲凉时，我内心的这片荒地，便已灰飞烟灭，留下的只有黑色的焦土了。
我第一次尝到了复仇的滋味。犹如芬芳的美酒，喝下时热辣辣好受，但回味起来却又苦又涩，给人有中了毒的感觉。此刻，我很乐意去求得里德太太的宽恕，但经验和直觉告诉我，那只会使她以加倍的蔑视讨厌我，因而会重又激起我天性中不安份的冲动。
我愿意发挥比说话刻薄更高明的才能，也愿意培养比郁愤更好的情感。我取了一本阿拉伯故事书，坐下来很想看看，却全然不知所云，我的思绪飘忽在我自己与平日感到引人入胜的书页之间。
我打开早餐室的玻璃门，只见灌木丛中一片—沉寂，虽然风和日丽，严霜却依然覆盖着大地。我撩起衣裙裹住脑袋和胳膊，走出门去，漫步在一片僻静的树林里。但是沉寂的树木、掉下的杉果，以及那凝固了的秋天的遗物，被风吹成一堆如今又冻结了的行褐色树叶，都没有给我带来愉快。我倚在一扇大门上，凝望着空空的田野，那里没有觅食的羊群，只有冻坏了的苍白的浅草。这是一个灰蒙蒙的日子，降雪前的天空一片混沌，间或飘下一些雪片。落在坚硬的小径上，从在灰白的草地上，没有融化。我站立着，一付可怜巴巴的样子，一遍又一遍悄悄对自己说：“我怎么办呢？我怎么办呢？”
我愿意发挥比说话刻薄更高明的才能，也愿意培养比郁愤更好的情感。我取了一本阿拉伯故事书，坐下来很想看看，却全然不知所云，我的思绪飘忽在我自己与平日感到引人入胜的书页之间。
我打开早餐室的玻璃门，只见灌木丛中一片—沉寂，虽然风和日丽，严霜却依然覆盖着大地。我撩起衣裙裹住脑袋和胳膊，走出门去，漫步在一片僻静的树林里。但是沉寂的树木、掉下的杉果，以及那凝固了的秋天的遗物，被风吹成一堆如今又冻结了的行褐色树叶，都没有给我带来愉快。我倚在一扇大门上，凝望着空空的田野，那里没有觅食的羊群，只有冻坏了的苍白的浅草。这是一个灰蒙蒙的日子，降雪前的天空一片混沌，间或飘下一些雪片。落在坚硬的小径上，从在灰白的草地上，没有融化。我站立着，一付可怜巴巴的样子，一遍又一遍悄悄对自己说：“我怎么办呢？我怎么办呢？”
突然我听一个清晰的嗓音在叫唤，“简小姐，你在哪儿？快来吃中饭！”
是贝茜在叫，我心里很明白，不过我没有动弹。她步履轻盈地沿小径走来。
“你这个小淘气！”她说，“叫你为什么不来？”
比之刚才萦回脑际的念头，贝茜的到来似乎是令人愉快的，尽管她照例又有些生气。其实，同里德太太发生冲突。并占了上风之后，我并不太在乎保姆一时的火气，倒是希望分享她那充满活力、轻松愉快的心情。我只是用胳膊抱住了她，说：“得啦，贝茜别骂我了。”
这个动作比我往常所纵情的任何举动都要直率大胆，不知怎地，倒使贝茜高兴了。
“你是个怪孩子，简小姐，”她说，低头看着我：“一个喜欢独来独往的小东西。你要去上学了，我想是不是？”
我点了点头。
“离开可怜的贝茜你不难过吗？”
“贝茜在乎我什么呢？她老是骂我。”
“谁叫你是那么个古怪、胆小、怕难为情的小东西，你应该胆大一点。”
“什么！好多挨几顿打？”
“瞎说！不过你常受欺侮，那倒是事实。上星期我母亲来看我的时候说，她希望自己哪一个小家伙也不要像你一样。好吧，进去吧，我有个好消息告诉你，”
“我想你没有，贝茜。”
“孩子！你这是什么意思？你盯着我的那双眼睛多么忧郁！瞧！太太、小姐和约翰少爷今天下午都出去用茶点了，你可以跟我一起吃茶点。我会叫厨师给你烘一个小饼，随后你要帮我检查一下你抽屉，因为我马上就要为你整理箱子了。太太想让你一两天内离开盖茨黑德，你可以拣你喜欢的玩具随身带走。”
“贝茜，你得答应我在走之前不再骂我了。”
“好吧，我答应你，不过别忘了做个好孩子，而且也别怕我。要是我偶然说话尖刻了些，你别吓一大跳，因为那很使人恼火。”
“我想我再也不怕你了，贝茜，因为我已经习惯了，很快我又有另外一批人要怕了。”
“如果你怕他们，他们会不喜欢你的。”
“像你一样吗，贝茜？”
“我并不是不喜欢你，小姐，我相信，我比其他人都要喜欢你。”
“你没有表现出来。”
“你这狡猾的小东西：你说话的口气不一样了，怎么会变得那么大胆和鲁莽呢？”
“呵，我不久就要离开你了，再说——”我正想谈谈我与里德太太之间发生的事，但转念一想，还是不说为好。
“那么你是乐意离开我了？”
“没有那回事，贝茜，说真的，现在我心里有些难过。”
“‘现在’，‘有些’，我的小姐说得多冷静！我想要是我现在要求吻你一下，你是不会答应的，你会说，还是不要吧。”
“我来吻你，而且我很乐意，把你的头低下来。”贝茜弯下了腰，我们相互拥抱着，我跟着她进了屋子，得到了莫大安慰。下午在和谐平静中过去了。晚上，贝茜给我讲了一些最动人的故事，给我唱了几支她最动听的歌，即便是对我这样的人来说，生活中也毕竟还有几缕阳光呢。

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顶端

伊墨君

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Chapter 5

FIVE o'clock had hardly struck on the morning of the 19th of January,when Bessie brought a candle into my closet and found me already up andnearly dressed. I had risen half an hour before her entrance, and hadwashed my face, and put on my clothes by the light of a half-moon justsetting, whose rays streamed through the narrow window near my crib. Iwas to leave Gateshead that day by a coach which passed the lodge gatesat six A.M. Bessie was the only person yet risen; she had lit a fire inthe nursery, where she now proceeded to make my breakfast. Few childrencan eat when excited with the thoughts of a journey; nor could I.Bessie, having pressed me in vain to take a few spoonfuls of the boiledmilk and bread she had prepared for me, wrapped up some biscuits in apaper and put them into my bag; then she helped me on with my pelisseand bonnet, and wrapping herself in a shawl, she and I left the nursery.As we passed Mrs. Reed's bedroom, she said, 'Will you go in and bidMissis good-bye?'
'No, Bessie: she came to my crib last night whenyou were gone down to supper, and said I need not disturb her in themorning, or my cousins either; and she told me to remember that she hadalways been my best friend, and to speak of her and be grateful to heraccordingly.'
'What did you say, Miss?'
'Nothing: I covered my face with the bedclothes, and turned from her to the wall.'
'That was wrong, Miss Jane.'
'It was quite right, Bessie. Your Missis has not been my friend: she has been my foe.'
'O Miss Jane! don't say so!'
'Good-bye to Gateshead!' cried I, as we passed through the hall and went out at the front door.
The moon was set, and it was very dark; Bessie carried a lantern,whose light glanced on wet steps and gravel road sodden by a recentthaw. Raw and chill was the winter morning: my teeth chattered as Ihastened down the drive. There was a light in the porter's lodge: whenwe reached it, we found the porter's wife just kindling her fire: mytrunk, which had been carried down the evening before, stood corded atthe door. It wanted but a few minutes of six, and shortly after thathour had struck, the distant roll of wheels announced the coming coach; Iwent to the door and watched its lamps approach rapidly through thegloom.
'Is she going by herself?' asked the porter's wife.
'Yes.'
'And how far is it?'
'Fifty miles.'
'What a long way! I wonder Mrs. Reed is not afraid to trust her so far alone.'
The coach drew up; there it was at the gates with its four horses andits top laden with passengers: the guard and coachman loudly urgedhaste; my trunk was hoisted up; I was taken from Bessie's neck, to whichI clung with kisses.
'Be sure and take good care of her,' cried she to the guard, as he lifted me into the inside.
'Ay, ay!' was the answer: the door was slapped to, a voice exclaimed'All right,' and on we drove. Thus was I severed from Bessie andGateshead; thus whirled away to unknown, and, as I then deemed, remoteand mysterious regions.
I remember but little of the journey; I only know that the day seemedto me of a preternatural length, and that we appeared to travel overhundreds of miles of road. We passed through several towns, and in one, avery large one, the coach stopped; the horses were taken out, and thepassengers alighted to dine. I was carried into an inn, where the guardwanted me to have some dinner; but, as I had no appetite, he left me inan immense room with a fireplace at each end, a chandelier pendent fromthe ceiling, and a little red gallery high up against the wall filledwith musical instruments. Here I walked about for a long time, feelingvery strange, and mortally apprehensive of some one coming in andkidnapping me; for I believed in kidnappers, their exploits havingfrequently figured in Bessie's fireside chronicles. At last the guardreturned; once more I was stowed away in the coach, my protector mountedhis own seat, sounded The afternoon came on wet and somewhat misty: asit waned into dusk, I began to feel that we were getting very far indeedfrom Gateshead: we ceased to pass through towns; the country changed;great grey hills heaved up round the horizon: as twilight deepened, wedescended a valley, dark with wood, and long after night had overcloudedthe prospect, I heard a wild wind rushing amongst trees.
Lulled by the sound, I at last dropped asleep; I had not longslumbered when the sudden cessation of motion awoke me; the coach-doorwas open, and a person like a servant was standing at it: I saw her faceand dress by the light of the lamps.
'Is there a little girl called Jane Eyre here?' she asked. I answered'Yes', and was then lifted out; my trunk was handed down, and the coachinstantly drove away.
I was stiff with long sitting, and bewildered with the noise and motion of the coach: gathering my faculties, I looked about me.
Rain, wind, and darkness filled the air; nevertheless, I dimlydiscerned a wall before me and a door open in it; through this door Ipassed with my new guide: she shut and locked it behind her. There wasnow visible a house or houses- for the building spread far- with manywindows, and lights burning in some; we went up a broad pebbly path,splashing wet, and were admitted at a door; then the servant led methrough a passage into a room with a fire, where she left me alone.
I stood and warmed my numbed fingers over the blaze, then I lookedround; there was no candle, but the uncertain light from the hearthshowed, by intervals, papered walls, carpet, curtains, shining mahoganyfurniture: it was a parlour, not so spacious or splendid as thedrawing-room at Gateshead, but comfortable enough. I was puzzling tomake out the subject of a picture on the wall, when the door opened, andan individual carrying a light entered; another followed close behind.
The first was a tall lady with dark hair, dark eyes, and a pale andlarge forehead; her figure was partly enveloped in a shawl, hercountenance was grave, her bearing erect.
'The child is very young to be sent alone,' said she, putting hercandle down on the table. She considered me attentively for a minute ortwo, then further added- 'She had better be put to bed soon; she lookstired: are you tired?' she asked, placing her hand on my shoulder.
'A little, ma'am.'
'And hungry too, no doubt: let her have some supper before she goesto bed, Miss Miller. Is this the first time you have left your parentsto come to school, my little girl?'
I explained to her that I had no parents. She inquired how long theyhad been dead: then how old I was, what was my name, whether I couldread, write, and sew a little: then she touched my cheek gently with herforefinger, and saying, 'She hoped I should be a good child,' dismissedme along with Miss Miller.
The lady I had left might be about twenty-nine; the one who went withme appeared some years younger: the first impressed me by her voice,look, and air. Miss Miller was more ordinary; ruddy in complexion,though of a careworn countenance; hurried in gait and action, like onewho had always a multiplicity of tasks on hand: she looked, indeed, whatI afterwards found she really was, an under-teacher. Led by her, Ipassed from compartment to compartment, from passage to passage, of alarge and irregular building; till, emerging from the total and somewhatdreary silence pervading that portion of the house we had traversed, wecame upon the hum of many voices, and presently entered a wide, longroom, with great deal tables, two at each end, on each of which burnt apair of candles, and seated all round on benches, a congregation ofgirls of every age, from nine or ten to twenty. Seen by the dim light ofthe dips, their number to me appeared countless, though not in realityexceeding eighty; they were uniformly dressed in brown stuff frocks ofquaint fashion, and long holland pinafores. It was the hour of study;they were engaged in conning over their to-morrow's task, and the hum Ihad heard was the combined result of their whispered repetitions.
Miss Miller signed to me to sit on a bench near the door, thenwalking up to the top of the long room she cried out- 'Monitors, collectthe lesson-books and put them away!'
Four tall girls arose from different tables, and going round,gathered the books and removed them. Miss Miller again gave the word ofcommand-
'Monitors, fetch the supper-trays!'
The tall girls went out and returned presently, each bearing a tray,with portions of something, I knew not what, arranged thereon, and apitcher of water and mug in the middle of each tray. The portions werehanded round; those who liked took a draught of the water, the mug beingcommon to all. When it came to my turn, I drank, for I was thirsty, butdid not touch the food, excitement and fatigue rendering me incapableof eating; I now saw, however, that it was a thin oaten cake shared intofragments.
The meal over, prayers were read by Miss Miller, and the classesfiled off, two and two, upstairs. Overpowered by this time withweariness, I scarcely noticed what sort of a place the bedroom was,except that, like the schoolroom, I saw it was very long. To-night I wasto be Miss Miller's bed-fellow; she helped me to undress: when laiddown I glanced at the long rows of beds, each of which was quicklyfilled with two occupants; in ten minutes the single light wasextinguished, and amidst silence and complete darkness I fell asleep.
The night passed rapidly: I was too tired even to dream; I only onceawoke to hear the wind rave in furious gusts, and the rain fall intorrents, and to be sensible that Miss Miller had taken her place by myside. When I again unclosed my eyes, a loud bell was ringing; the girlswere up and dressing; day had not yet begun to dawn, and a rushlight ortwo burned in the room. I too rose reluctantly; it was bitter cold, and Idressed as well as I could for shivering, and washed when there was abasin at liberty, which did not occur soon, as there was but one basinto six girls, on the stands down the middle of the room. Again the bellrang; all formed in file, two and two, and in that order descended thestairs and entered the cold and dimly lit schoolroom: here prayers wereread by Miss Miller; afterwards she called out-'Form classes!'
A great tumult succeeded for some minutes, during which Miss Millerrepeatedly exclaimed, 'Silence!' and 'Order!' When it subsided, I sawthem all drawn up in four semicircles, before four chairs, placed at thefour tables; all held books in their hands, and a great book, like aBible, lay on each table, before the vacant seat. A pause of someseconds succeeded, filled up by the low, vague hum of numbers; MissMiller walked from class to class, hushing this indefinite sound.
A distant bell tinkled: immediately three ladies entered the room,each walked to a table and took her seat; Miss Miller assumed the fourthvacant chair, which was that nearest the door, and around which thesmallest of the children were assembled: to this inferior class I wascalled, and placed at the bottom of it.
Business now began: the day's Collect was repeated, then certaintexts of Scripture were said, and to these succeeded a protractedreading of chapters in the Bible, which lasted an hour. By the time thatexercise was terminated, day had fully dawned. The indefatigable bellnow sounded for the fourth time: the classes were marshalled and marchedinto another room to breakfast: how glad I was to behold a prospect ofgetting something to eat! I was now nearly sick from inanition, havingtaken so little the day before.
The refectory was a great, low-ceiled, gloomy room; on two longtables smoked basins of something hot, which, however, to my dismay,sent forth an odour far from inviting. I saw a universal manifestationof discontent when the fumes of the repast met the nostrils of thosedestined to swallow it; from the van of the procession, the tall girlsof the first class, rose the whispered words- 'Disgusting! The porridgeis burnt again!'
'Silence!' ejaculated a voice; not that of Miss Miller, but one ofthe upper teachers, a little and dark personage, smartly dressed, but ofsomewhat morose aspect, who installed herself at the top of one table,while a more buxom lady presided at the other. I looked in vain for her Ihad first seen the night before; she was not visible: Miss Milleroccupied the foot of the table where I sat, and a strange,foreign-looking, elderly lady, the French teacher, as I afterwardsfound, took the corresponding seat at the other board. A long grace wassaid and a hymn sung; then a servant brought in some tea for theteachers, and the meal began.
Ravenous, and now very faint, I devoured a spoonful or two of myportion without thinking of its taste; but the first edge of hungerblunted, I perceived I had got in hand a nauseous mess; burnt porridgeis almost as bad as rotten potatoes; famine itself soon sickens over it.The spoons were moved slowly: I saw each girl taste her food and try toswallow it; but in most cases the effort was soon relinquished.
Breakfast was over, and none had breakfasted. Thanks being returnedfor what we had not got, and a second hymn chanted, the refectory wasevacuated for the schoolroom.
I was one of the last to go out, and in passing the tables, I saw oneteacher take a basin of the porridge and taste it; she looked at theothers; all their countenances expressed displeasure, and one of them,the stout one, whispered-'Abominable stuff! How shameful!'
A quarter of an hour passed before lessons again began, during whichthe schoolroom was in a glorious tumult; for that space of time itseemed to be permitted to talk loud and more freely, and they used theirprivilege. The whole conversation ran on the breakfast, which one andall abused roundly. Poor things! it was the sole consolation they had.Miss Miller was now the only teacher in the room: a group of great girlsstanding about her spoke with serious and sullen gestures. I heard thename of Mr. Brocklehurst pronounced by some lips; at which Miss Millershook her head disapprovingly; but she made no great effort to check thegeneral wrath; doubtless she shared in it.
A clock in the schoolroom struck nine; Miss Miller left her circle,and standing in the middle of the room, cried- 'Silence! To your seats!'
Discipline prevailed: in five minutes the confused throng wasresolved into order, and comparative silence quelled the Babel clamourof tongues. The upper teachers now punctually resumed their posts: butstill, all seemed to wait. Ranged on benches down the sides of the room,the eighty girls sat motionless and erect; a quaint assemblage theyappeared, all with plain locks combed from their faces, not a curlvisible; in brown dresses, made high and surrounded by a narrow tuckerabout the throat, with little pockets of holland (shaped something like aHighlander's purse) tied in front of their frocks, and destined toserve the purpose of a work-bag: all, too, wearing woollen stockings andcountry-made shoes, fastened with brass buckles.
Above twenty of those clad in this costume were full-grown girls, orrather young women; it suited them ill, and gave an air of oddity evento the prettiest.
I was still looking at them, and also at intervals examining theteachers- none of whom precisely pleased me; for the stout one was alittle coarse, the dark one not a little fierce, the foreigner harsh andgrotesque, and Miss Miller, poor thing! looked purple, weather-beaten,and over-worked- when, as my eye wandered from face to face, the wholeschool rose simultaneously, as if moved by a common spring.
What was the matter? I had heard no order given: I was puzzled. Ere Ihad gathered my wits, the classes were again seated: but as all eyeswere now turned to one point, mine followed the general direction, andencountered the personage who had received me last night. She stood atthe bottom of the long room, on the hearth; for there was a fire at eachend; she surveyed the two rows of girls silently and gravely.
Miss Miller, approaching, seemed to ask her a question, and havingreceived her answer, went back to her place, and said aloud- 'Monitor ofthe first class, fetch the globes!'
While the direction was being executed, the lady consulted movedslowly up the room. I suppose I have a considerable organ of veneration,for I retain yet the sense of admiring awe with which my eyes tracedher steps. Seen now, in broad day-light, she looked tall, fair, andshapely; brown eyes with a benignant light in their irids, and a finepencilling of long lashes round, relieved the whiteness of her largefront; on each of her temples her hair, of a very dark brown, wasclustered in round curls, according to the fashion of those times, whenneither smooth bands nor long ringlets were in vogue; her dress, also inthe mode of the day, was of purple cloth, relieved by a sort of Spanishtrimming of black velvet; a gold watch (watches were not so common thenas now) shone at her girdle. Let the reader add, to complete thepicture, refined features; a complexion, if pale, clear; and a statelyair and carriage, and he will have, at least, as clearly as words cangive it, a correct idea of the exterior of Miss Temple- Maria Temple, asI afterwards saw the name written in a prayer-book intrusted to me tocarry to church.
The superintendent of Lowood (for such was this lady) having takenher seat before a pair of globes placed on one of the tables, summonedthe first class round her, and commenced giving a lesson on geography;the lower classes were called by the teachers:
repetitions in history, grammar, etc., went on for an hour; writingand arithmetic succeeded, and music lessons were given by Miss Temple tosome of the elder girls.
The duration of each lesson was measured by the clock, which at last struck twelve. The superintendent rose-
'I have a word to address to the pupils,' said she.
The tumult of cessation from lessons was already breaking forth, but it sank at her voice. She went on-
'You had this morning a breakfast which you could not eat; you mustbe hungry:- I have ordered that a lunch of bread and cheese shall beserved to all.'
The teachers looked at her with a sort of surprise.
'It is to be done on my responsibility,' she added, in an explanatory tone to them, and immediately afterwards left the room.
The bread and cheese was presently brought in and distributed, to thehigh delight and refreshment of the whole school. The order was nowgiven 'To the garden!' Each put on a coarse straw bonnet, with stringsof coloured calico, and a cloak of grey frieze, I was similarlyequipped, and, following the stream, I made my way into the open air.
The garden was a wide enclosure, surrounded with walls so high as toexclude every glimpse of prospect; a covered verandah ran down one side,and broad walks bordered a middle space divided into scores of littlebeds: these beds were assigned as gardens for the pupils to cultivate,and each bed had an owner. When full of flowers they would doubtlesslook pretty; but now, at the latter end of January, all was wintryblight and brown decay. I shuddered as I stood and looked round me: itwas an inclement day for outdoor exercise; not positively rainy, butdarkened by a drizzling yellow fog; all under foot was still soaking wetwith the floods of yesterday. The stronger among the girls ran aboutand engaged in active games, but sundry pale and thin ones herdedtogether for shelter and warmth in the verandah; and amongst these, asthe dense mist penetrated to their shivering frames, I heard frequentlythe sound of a hollow cough.
As yet I had spoken to no one, nor did anybody seem to take notice ofme; I stood lonely enough: but to that feeling of isolation I wasaccustomed; it did not oppress me much. I leant against a pillar of theverandah, drew my grey mantle close about me, and, trying to forget thecold which nipped me without, and the unsatisfied hunger which gnawed mewithin, delivered myself up to the employment of watching and thinking.My reflections were too undefined and fragmentary to merit record: Ihardly yet knew where I was; Gateshead and my past life seemed floatedaway to an immeasurable distance; the present was vague and strange, andof the future I could form no conjecture. I looked round theconvent-like garden, and then up at the house- a large building, half ofwhich seemed grey and old, the other half quite new. The new part,containing the schoolroom and dormitory, was lit by mullioned andlatticed windows, which gave it a church-like aspect; a stone tabletover the door bore this inscription-Brocklehurst, of Brocklehurst Hall,in this county.' 'Let your light so shine before men, that they may seeyour good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.'- St. Matt.v. 16.
I read these words over and over again: I felt that an explanationbelonged to them, and was unable fully to penetrate their import. I wasstill pondering the signification of 'Institution', and endeavouring tomake out a connection between the first words and the verse ofScripture, when the sound of a cough close behind me made me turn myhead. I saw a girl sitting on a stone bench near; she was bent over abook, on the perusal of which she seemed intent: from where I stood Icould see the title- it was Rasselas; a name that struck me as strange,and consequently attractive. In turning a leaf she happened to look up,and I said to her directly-'Is your book interesting?' I had alreadyformed the intention of asking her to lend it to me some day.
'I like it,' she answered, after a pause of a second or two, during which she examined me.
'What is it about?' I continued. I hardly know where I found thehardihood thus to open a conversation with a stranger; the step wascontrary to my nature and habits: but I think her occupation touched achord of sympathy somewhere; for I too liked reading, though of afrivolous and childish kind; I could not digest or comprehend theserious or substantial.
'You may look at it,' replied the girl, offering me the book.
I did so; a brief examination convinced me that the contents wereless taking than the title: Rasselas looked dull to my trifling taste;
I saw nothing about fairies, nothing about genii; no bright varietyseemed spread over the closely-printed pages. I returned it to her;
she received it quietly, and without saying anything she was about torelapse into her former studious mood: again I ventured to disturb her-
'Can you tell me what the writing on that stone over the door means? What is Lowood Institution?'
'This house where you are come to live.'
'And why do they call it Institution? Is it in any way different from other schools?'
'It is partly a charity-school: you and I, and all the rest of us,are charity-children. I suppose you are an orphan: are not either yourfather or your mother dead?'
'Both died before I can remember.'
'Well, all the girls here have lost either one or both parents, and this is called an institution for educating orphans.'
'Do we pay no money? Do they keep us for nothing?'
'We pay, or our friends pay, fifteen pounds a year for each.'
'Then why do they call us charity-children?'
'Because fifteen pounds is not enough for board and teaching, and the deficiency is supplied by subscription.'
'Who subscribes?'
'Different benevolent-minded ladies and gentlemen in this neighbourhood and in London.'
'Who was Naomi Brocklehurst?'
'The lady who built the new part of this house as that tablet records, and whose son overlooks and directs everything here.'
'Why?'
'Because he is treasurer and manager of the establishment.'
'Then this house does not belong to that tall lady who wears a watch, and who said we were to have some bread and cheese?'
'To Miss Temple? Oh, no! I wish it did: she has to answer to Mr.Brocklehurst for all she does. Mr. Brocklehurst buys all our food andall our clothes.'
'Does he live here?'
'No- two miles off, at a large hall.'
'Is he a good man?'
'He is a clergyman, and is said to do a great deal of good.'
'Did you say that tall lady was called Miss Temple?'
'Yes.'
'And what are the other teachers called?'
'The one with red cheeks is called Miss Smith; she attends to thework, and cuts out- for we make our own clothes, our frocks, andpelisses, and everything; the little one with black hair is MissScatcherd; she teaches history and grammar, and hears the second classrepetitions; and the one who wears a shawl, and has apocket-handkerchief tied to her side with a yellow ribband, is MadamePierrot: she comes from Lisle, in France, and teaches French.'
'Do you like the teachers?'
'Well enough.'
'Do you like the little black one, and the Madame-? -I cannot pronounce her name as you do.'
'Miss Scatcherd is hasty- you must take care not to offend her; Madame Pierrot is not a bad sort of person.'
'But Miss Temple is the best- isn't she?'
'Miss Temple is very good and very clever; she is above the rest, because she knows far more than they do.'
'Have you been long here?'
'Two years.'
'Are you an orphan?'
'My mother is dead.'
'Are you happy here?'
'You ask rather too many questions. I have given you answers enough for the present: now I want to read.'
But at that moment the summons sounded for dinner; all re-entered thehouse. The odour which now filled the refectory was scarcely moreappetising than that which had regaled our nostrils at breakfast: thedinner was served in two huge tin-plated vessels, whence rose a strongsteam redolent of rancid fat. I found the mess to consist of indifferentpotatoes and strange shreds of rusty meat, mixed and cooked together.Of this preparation a tolerably abundant plateful was apportioned toeach pupil. I ate what I could, and wondered within myself whether everyday's fare would be like this.
After dinner, we immediately adjourned to the schoolroom: lessons recommenced, and were continued till five o'clock.
The only marked event of the afternoon was, that I saw the girl withwhom I had conversed in the verandah dismissed in disgrace by MissScatcherd from a history class, and sent to stand in the middle of thelarge schoolroom. The punishment seemed to me in a high degreeignominious, especially for so great a girl- she looked thirteen orupwards. I expected she would show signs of great distress and shame;but to my surprise she neither wept nor blushed: composed, though grave,she stood, the central mark of all eyes.
'How can she bear it so quietly- so firmly?' I asked of myself.
'Were I in her place, it seems to me I should wish the earth to openand swallow me up. She looks as if she were thinking of something beyondher punishment- beyond her situation: of something not round her norbefore her. I have heard of day-dreams- is she in a day-dream now? Hereyes are fixed on the floor, but I am sure they do not see it- her sightseems turned in, gone down into her heart:
she is looking at what she can remember, I believe; not at what isreally present. I wonder what sort of a girl she is- whether good ornaughty.'Soon after five P.M. we had another meal, consisting of a small mugof coffee, and half a slice of brown bread. I devoured my bread anddrank my coffee with relish; but I should have been glad of as muchmore- I was still hungry. Half an hour's recreation succeeded, thenstudy; then the glass of water and the piece of oat-cake, prayers, andbed. Such was my first day at Lowood.

一月十九日早晨，还没到五点钟贝茜就端了蜡烛来到我房间，看见我己经起身，并差不多梳理完毕。她进来之前半小时，我就已起床。一轮半月正在下沉、月光从床边狭窄的窗户泻进房间，我借着月光洗了脸，穿好了衣服，那天我就要离开盖茨黑德，乘坐早晨六点钟经过院子门口的马车，只有贝茜己经起来了。她在保育室里生了火，这会儿正动手给我做早饭。孩子们想到出门而兴奋不已，是很少能吃得下饭的，我也是如此，贝茜硬劝我吃几口为我准备的热牛奶和面包，但白费工夫，只得用纸包了些饼干，塞进了我兜里。随后她帮我穿上长外衣，戴上宽边帽，又用披巾把她自己包裹好，两人便离开了保育室，经过里德太太卧房时，她说：“想进去同太太说声再见吗。”
“算啦，贝茜，昨天晚上你下楼去吃晚饭的时候，她走到我床边，说是早晨我不必打搅她或表妹们了，她让我记住，她永远是我最好的朋友，让我以后这么谈起她，对她感激万分。”
“你怎么回答她呢，小姐？”
“我什么也没说，只是用床单蒙住脸，转过身去对着墙壁，”
“那就是你的不是了，简小姐。”
“我做得很对，贝茜。你的太太向来不是我的朋友，她是我的敌人。”
“简小姐！别这样说！”
“再见了盖茨黑德！”我路过大厅走出前门时说。
月亮已经下沉，天空一片漆黑。贝茜打着灯，灯光闪烁在刚刚解冻而湿漉漉的台阶和砂石路上。冬天的清晨阴湿寒冷。我匆匆沿着车道走去，牙齿直打哆棘，看门人的卧室亮着灯光。到了那里，只见他妻子正在生火。前一天晚上我的箱子就已经拿下楼，捆好绳子放在门边。这时离六点还差几分。不一会钟响了，远处传来辚辚的车声，宣告马车已经到来。我走到门边，凝望着车灯迅速冲破黑暗，渐渐靠近。
“她一个人走吗？”门房的妻子问。
“是呀。”
“离这儿多远？”
“五十英里。”
“多远啊！真奇怪，里德太太竟让她一个人走得那么远，却一点也不担心。”
马车停了下来，就在大门口，由四匹马拖着，车顶上坐满了乘客。车夫和护车的大声催促我快些上车，我的箱子给递了上去，我自己则从贝茜的脖子上被拖下来带走，因为我正贴着她脖子亲吻呢。
“千万好好照应她呀，”护车人把我提起来放进车里时，贝茜对他说。
“行啊，行啊！”那人回答。车门关上了，“好啦，”一声大叫，我们便上路了。就这样我告别了贝茜和盖茨黑德，一阵风似地被卷往陌生的、当时看来遥远和神秘的地方。
一路行程，我已记得不多。只知道那天长得出奇，而且似乎赶了几百里路。我们经过几个城镇，在其中很大的一个停了下来。车夫卸了马，让乘客们下车吃饭。我被带进一家客找，护车人要我吃些中饭，我却没有胃口，他便扔下我走了，让我留在—个巨大无比的房间里，房间的两头都有一个火炉，天花板上悬挂着一盏枝形吊灯，高高的墙上有一个小小的红色陈列窗，里面放满了乐器。我在房间里来回走了很久，心里很不自在，害怕有人会进来把我拐走。我相信确有拐子，他们所干的勾当常常出现在贝茜火炉旁所讲的故事中。护车人终于回来了，我再次被塞进马车，我的保护人登上座位，吹起了闷声闷气的号角，车子一阵丁当，驶过了Ｌ镇的“石子街”。
下午，天气潮湿，雾气迷蒙。白昼溶入黄昏时，我开始感到离开盖茨黑德真的很远了。我们再也没有路过城镇，乡村的景色也起了变化，一座座灰色的大山耸立在地平线上。暮色渐浓，车子驶进一个山谷，那里长着黑乎乎一片森林。夜幕遮盖了一切景物之后很久，我听见狂风在林中呼啸。
那声音仿佛像催眠曲，我终于倒头睡着了。没过多久，车子突然停了下来，我被惊醒了。马车的门开着，一个仆人模样的人站在门边。藉着灯光，我看得清她的面容和衣装。

“有个叫简.爱的小姑娘吗？”她问。我回答了，声“有”之后便被抱了出去，箱子也卸了下来，随后马车立即驶走了。
因为久坐，我身子都发僵了，马车的喧声和震动弄得我迷迷糊糊，我定下神来，环顾左右。只见雨在下，风在刮，周围一片黑暗。不过我隐约看到面前有一堵墙，墙上有一扇门，新来的向导领我进去，把门关上，随手上了锁。这时看得见一间，也许是几间房子，因为那建筑物铺展得很开，上面有很多窗子，其中几扇里亮着灯。我们踏上一条水沫飞溅的宽阔石子路，后来又进了一扇门。接着仆人带我穿过一条过道，进了一个生着火的房间，撇下我走了。
我站着，在火上烘着冻僵了的手指。我举目四顾，房间里没有蜡烛，壁炉中摇曳的火光，间或照出了糊过壁纸的墙、地毯、窗帘、闪光的红木家具。这是一间客厅，虽不及盖茨黑德客厅宽敞堂皇，却十分舒服。我正迷惑不解地猜测着墙上一幅画的画意时，门开了，进来了一个人，手里提着一盏灯，后面紧跟着另一个人。
先进门的是个高个子女人、黑头发，黑眼睛，白皙宽大的额角。她半个身子裹在披巾里，神情严肃，体态挺直。
“这孩子年纪这么小，真不该让她独个儿来，”她说着，把蜡烛放在桌子上，细细端详了我一两分钟，随后补充道。
“还是快点送她上床吧，她看来累了，你累吗？”她把手放在我肩上问道。
“有点累，太太。”
“肯定也饿了。米勒小姐，让她睡前吃些晚饭。你是第一次离开父母来上学吗，我的小姑娘？”
我向她解释说我没有父母。她问我他们去世多久了，还问我自已几岁，叫什么名字，会不会一点读、写和缝纫，随后用食指轻轻碰了碰我脸颊说，但愿我是一个好孩子，说完便打发我与米勒小姐走了。
那位刚离开的小姐约摸二十九岁，跟我一起走的那位比她略小几岁，前者的腔调、目光和神态给我印象很深，而米勒小姐比较平淡无奇，显得身心交瘁，但面色却还红润。她的步态和动作十分匆忙，仿佛手头总有忙不完的事情。说真的好看上去像个助理教师，后来我发现果真如此，我被她领着在一个形状不规则的大楼里，走过一个又一个房间，穿过一条又一条过道，这些地方都是那么悄无声息，甚至还有几分凄切。后来我们突然听到嗡嗡的嘈杂的人声，顷刻之间便走进了一个又阔又长的房间，两头各摆着两张大木板桌。每张桌子上点着两支蜡烛，一群年龄在九岁、十岁到二十岁之间的姑娘，围着桌子坐在长凳上。在昏暗的烛光下，我感到她们似乎多得难以计数，尽管实际上不会超过八十人。她们清一色地穿着式样古怪的毛料上衣，系着长长的亚麻细布围涎。那正是学习时间，他们正忙于默记第二天的功课，我所听的的嗡嗡之声，正是集体小声读书所发出来的。
米勒小姐示意我坐在门边的长凳上，随后走到这个长房间的头上，大声嚷道：
“班长们，收好书本，放到一边！”
四位个子很高的姑娘从各张桌子旁站起来，兜了一圈，把书收集起来放好。米勒小姐再次发布命令。
“班长们，去端晚饭盘子！”
高个子姑娘们走了出去，很快又回来了，每人端了个大盘子，盘子里放着一份份不知什么东西，中间是一大罐水和一只大杯子。那一份份东西都分发了出去，高兴喝水的人还喝了口水，那大杯子是公用的。轮到我的时候，因为口渴，我喝了点水、但没有去碰食品，激动和疲倦已使我胃口全无。不过我倒是看清楚了，那是一个薄薄的燕麦饼，平均分成了几小块。
吃完饭，米勒小姐念了祷告，各班鱼贯而出，成双成对走上楼梯。这时我己经疲惫不堪，几乎没有注意到寝室的模样，只看清了它像教室一样很长。今晚我同米勒小姐同睡一张床，她帮我脱掉衣服，并让我躺下。这时我瞥了一眼一长排一长排床，每张床很快睡好了两个人，十分钟后那仅有的灯光也熄灭了，在寂静无声与一片漆黑中，我沉沉睡去。
夜很快逝去了，我累得连梦也没有做，只醒来过一次，听见狂风阵阵，大雨倾盆，还知道米勒小姐睡在我身边。我再次睁开眼睛时，只听见铃声喧嚷，姑娘们已穿衣起身。天色未明，房间里燃着一两支灯心草蜡烛。我也无可奈何地起床了。天气冷得刺骨，我颤抖着尽力把衣服穿好，等脸盆空着时洗了脸。但我并没有马上等到，因为六个姑娘才合一个脸盆，摆在楼下房间正中的架子上。铃声再次响起，大家排好队，成双成对地走下搂梯，进了冷飕飕暗洞洞的教室。米勒小姐读了祷告，随后便大声唱：
“按班级集中！”
接着引起了一阵几分钟的大骚动，米勒小姐反复叫喊着：“不要作声！”“遵守秩序！”喧闹声平息下来之后，我看到她们排成了四个半园形，站在四把椅子前面，这四把椅子分别放在四张桌子旁边。每人手里都拿着书，有一本《圣经》模样的大书，搁在空椅子跟前的每张桌子上。几秒钟肃静之后，响起了低沉而含糊的嗡嗡声，米勒小姐从—个班兜到另一个班，把这种模糊的喧声压下去。
远处传来了叮咚的铃声，立刻有三位小姐进了房间，分别走向一张桌子，并在椅子上就座。米勒小姐坐了靠门最近的第四把空椅子，椅子周围是一群年龄最小的孩子，我被叫到了这个低级班，安排在末位。
这时，功课开始了。先是反复念诵那天的短祷告、接着读了几篇经文，最后是慢声朗读《圣经》的章节，用了一个小时。这项议程结束时，天色已经大亮，不知疲倦的钟声第四次响起，各个班级整好队伍，大步走进另一个房间去吃早饭。想到马上有东西可以裹腹，我是何等高兴啊！由于前一天吃得大少，这时我简直饿坏了。
饭厅是个又低又暗的大房间，两张长桌上放着两大盆热气腾腾的东西。但令人失望的是，散发出来的气味却并不诱人，它一钻进那些非嘟樱?饪榈乇环指畛杉甘?鲂⌒〉拿缙裕?闶腔ㄔ埃?峙涓???桥嘀不ú荩?扛雒缙远加幸桓鲋魅耍?驶ㄅ?攀苯冢?庑┟缙砸欢ㄊ?直曛拢??巯乱辉陆?。?黄??湛莼频蛄愕木跋蟆Ｎ艺驹谀抢铮?饭怂闹埽?痪醮蛄烁龊?洌?馓斓幕?饣疃??炱?窳樱?涫挡⒚挥邢掠辏??阏懔ちさ幕粕?眦埃?固焐?涞没野担唤畔乱蛭?蛱斓暮樗?廊凰???硖灞冉辖∽车募肝还媚锎芾幢既ィ?斐；钤荆坏??胁园资萑醯墓媚锒技吩谧呃壬隙阌旰腿∨?Ｅㄎ砩?附?怂?遣?蹲诺那?澹?也皇碧??簧??湛取?br>我没有同人说过话，也似乎没有人注意到我。我孤零零地站着，但己经习惯于那种孤独感，并不觉得十分压抑，我倚在游廊的柱子上，将灰色的斗篷拉得紧紧地裹着自己，竭力忘却身外刺骨的严寒，忘却肚子里折磨着我的饥馑，全身心去观察和思考。我的思索含含糊糊，零零碎碎，不值得落笔。我几乎不知道自己身居何处。盖茨黑德和往昔的生活似乎已经流逝，与现时现地已有天壤之隔。现实既模糊又离奇，而未来又不是我所能想象。我朝四周看了看修道院一般的花园，又抬头看了看建筑。这是幢大楼，一半似乎灰暗古旧，另一半却很新。新的襴Q监卸鞯桓妫?晕颐敲挥械玫降亩?鞅硎靖行唬??被钩?说诙?自廾朗??幼疟憷肟?吞?浇淌胰ァＮ沂亲詈笠慌?叩模???妥朗保?醇?晃唤淌σ?艘煌胫啵?⒘艘怀ⅲ?挚戳丝雌渌?耍??橇成隙悸冻隽
瞬豢斓纳裆??渲幸桓雠峙值慕淌λ担?br>
“讨厌的东西！真丢脸？”
一刻钟以后才又开始上课。这一刻钟，教室里沸沸扬扬，乱成了一团。在这段时间里，似乎允许自由自在地大声说话，大家便利用了这种特殊待遇，整个谈话的内容都围绕着早餐，个个都狠狠骂了一通。可怜的人儿啊！这就是她们仅有的安慰。此刻米勒小姐是教室里唯一的一位教师，一群大姑娘围着她，悻悻然做着手势同她在说话。我听见有人提到了布罗克赫斯特先生的名字，米勒小姐一听便不以为然地摇了摇头，但她无意去遏制这种普遍的愤怒，无疑她也有同感。
教室里的钟敲到了九点，米勒小姐离开了她的圈子，站到房间正中叫道：
“安静下来，回到你们自己的位置上去！”
纪律起了作用。五分钟工夫，混乱的人群便秩序井然了。相对的安静镇住了嘈杂的人声。高级教师们都准时就位，不过似乎所有的人都仍在等待着。八十个姑娘坐在屋子两边的长凳上，身子笔直，一动不动。她们似是一群聚集在一起的怪人，头发都平平淡淡地从脸上梳到后头，看不见一绺卷发。穿的是褐色衣服，领子很高，脖子上围着一个窄窄的拆卸领，罩衣前胸都系着一个亚麻布做的口袋，形状如同苏格兰高地人的钱包，用作工作口袋，所有的人都穿着羊毛长袜和乡下人做的鞋子，鞋上装着铜扣。二十多位这身打扮的人已完全是大姑娘了，或者颇像少女。这套装束对她们极不相称，因此即使是最漂亮的样子也很怪。
我仍旧打量着她们，间或也仔细审视了一下教师——确切地说没有一个使人赏心悦目。胖胖的一位有些粗俗；黑黑的那个很凶；那位外国人苛刻而怪僻；而米勒小姐呢，真可怜，脸色发紫，一付饱经风霜、劳累过度的样子，我的目光正从一张张脸上飘过时，全校学生仿佛被同一个弹簧带动起来似的，都同时起立了。
这是怎回事，并没有听到谁下过命令，真把人搞糊涂了。我还没有定下神来，各个班级又再次坐下。不过所有的眼睛都转向了一点，我的目光也跟踪大伙所注意的方向，看到了第一天晚上接待我的人，她站在长房子顶端的壁炉边上，房子的两头都生了火，她一声不吭神情严肃地审视着两排姑娘。米勒小姐走近她，好像问了个问题，得到了回答后，又回到原来的地方，人声说道：

“第一班班长，去把地球仪拿来！”
这个指示正在执行的时候，那位被请示过的小姐馒慢地从房间的一头走过来。我猜想自己专司敬重的器言特别发达，因为我至今仍保持着一种敬畏之情，当时带着这种心情我的目光尾随着她的脚步。这会儿大白天，她看上去高挑个子，皮肤白皙，身材匀称，棕色的眸子透出慈祥的目光、细长似画的睫毛，衬托出了她又白又大的前额，两鬓的头发呈暗棕色，按一流行式洋、束成圆圆的卷发，当时光滑的发辫和长长的卷发，并没有成为时尚。她的服装，也很时髦，紫颜色布料，用一种黑丝绒西班牙饰边加以烘托。一只金表（当时手表不像如今这么普通）在她腰带上闪光。
要使这幅画像更加完整，读者们还尽可补充：她面容清丽，肤色苍白却明澈，仪态端庄。这样至少有文字所能清楚表达的范围内，可以得出了坦普尔小姐外貌的正确印象了。也就是玛丽亚.坦普尔，这个名字，后来我是在让我送到教党去的祈祷书上看到的。
这位罗沃德学校的校长（这就是这个女士的职务）在放在一张桌上的两个地球仪前面坐了下来，把第一班的人叫到她周围，开始上起地理课来。低班学生被其他教师叫走，反复上历史呀，语法呀等课程，上了一个小时。接着是写作和数学，坦普尔小姐还给大一点的姑娘教了音乐，每堂课是以钟点来计算的，那钟终于敲了十二下，校长站了起来。
“我有话要跟学生们讲，”她说。
课一结束，骚动便随之而来，但她的话音刚落，全校又复归平静，她继续说：
“今天早晨的早饭，你们都吃不下去，大家一定饿坏了，我己经吩咐给大家准备了面包和乳酪当点心，”
教师们带着某种惊异的目光看着她。
“这事由我负责，”她带着解释的口气向她们补充道。随后马上走了出去。
面包和乳酪立刻端了进来，分发给大家，全校都欢欣鼓舞，精神振奋。这时来了命令，“到花园里去！”每个人都戴上一个粗糙的草帽，帽子上拴着用染色白布做成的带子，同时还披上了黑粗绒料子的斗篷。我也是一付同样的装束，跟着人流，迈步走向户外。
这花园是一大片圈起来的场地，四周围墙高耸，看不到外面的景色。一边有—条带顶的回廓，还有些宽阔的走道，与中间的一块地相接，这块地被分割成几十个小小的苗圃，算是花园，分配给学生们培植花草，每个苗圃都有一个主人，鲜花怒放时节，这些苗圃一定十分标致，但眼下一月将尽，一片冬日枯黄凋零的景象。我站在那里，环顾四周，不觉打了个寒噤，这天的户外活动，天气恶劣，其实并没有下雨，但浙浙沥沥的黄色雾霭，使天色变得灰暗；脚下因为昨天的洪水依然水湿，身体比较健壮的几位姑娘窜来奔去，异常活跃；但所有苍白瘦弱的姑娘都挤在走廊上躲雨和取暖。浓雾渗透进了她们颤抖着的躯体，我不时听见一声声空咳。
我没有同人说过话，也似乎没有人注意到我。我孤零零地站着，但己经习惯于那种孤独感，并不觉得十分压抑，我倚在游廊的柱子上，将灰色的斗篷拉得紧紧地裹着自己，竭力忘却身外刺骨的严寒，忘却肚子里折磨着我的饥馑，全身心去观察和思考。我的思索含含糊糊，零零碎碎，不值得落笔。我几乎不知道自己身居何处。盖茨黑德和往昔的生活似乎已经流逝，与现时现地已有天壤之隔。现实既模糊又离奇，而未来又不是我所能想象。我朝四周看了看修道院一般的花园，又抬头看了看建筑。这是幢大楼，一半似乎灰暗古旧，另一半却很新。新的一半里安排了教室和寝室，直棂格子窗里灯火通明，颇有教堂气派。门上有一块石头牌子，上面刻着这样的文字：
“罗沃德学校——这部份由本郡布罗克赫斯特府的内奥米.布罗克赫斯特重建于公元××××年。”“你们的光也当这样照在人前，叫他们看见你们的好行为，便将荣耀归给你们在天上的父。
”——《马太福音》第五章第十六节。
我一遍遍读着这些字，觉得它们应该有自己的解释，却无法充分理解其内涵。我正在思索“学校”一字的含义，竭力要找出开首几个字与经文之间的联系，却听得身后一声咳嗽，便回过头去，看到一位姑娘坐在近处的石凳上，正低头聚精会神地细读着一本书。从我站着的地方可以看到，这本书的书名是《拉塞拉斯》。这名字听来有些陌生，因而也就吸引了彩缤纷我。她翻书的时候，碰巧抬起头来，于是我直截了当地说：
“你这本书有趣吗？”我己经起了某一天向她借书的念头。
“我是喜欢的，”她顿了一两秒钟，打量了我一下后回答道。
“它说些什么？”我继续问。我自己也不知道哪里来的胆子，居然同一个陌生人说起话来。这回我的性格与积习相悖，不过她的专注兴许打动了我，因为我也喜欢读书，尽管是浅薄幼稚的一类。对那些主题严肃内存充实的书，我是无法消化或理解的。
“你可以看一下，”这姑娘回答说，一面把书递给我。
我看了看。粗粗—翻，我便确信书的内容不像书名那么吸引人。以我那种琐细的口味来说，“拉塞拉斯”显得很枯燥。我看不到仙女，也看不到妖怪，密密麻麻印着字的书页中，没有鲜艳夺目丰富多彩的东西。我把书递还给她，她默默地收下了，二话没说又要回到刚才苦用功的心境中去，我却再次冒昧打扰了她：
“能告诉我们门上那块石匾上的字是什么意思吗？罗沃德学校是什么？”
“就是你来住宿的这所房子。”
“他们为什么叫它‘学校’呢？与别的学校有什么不同吗？”
“这是个半慈善性质的学校，你我以及所有其他人都是慈善学校的孩子。我猜想你也是个孤儿，你父亲或者母亲去世了吗？”
“我能记事之前就都去世了。”
“是呀，这里的姑娘们不是夫去了爹或妈，便是父母都没有了，这儿叫作教育孤儿的学校。”
“我们不付钱吗？他们免费护养我们吗？”
“我们自己，或者我们的朋友付十五英镑一年。”
“那他们为什么管我们叫慈善学校的孩子？”
“因为十五英镑不够付住宿货和学费，缺额由捐款来补足。”
“谁捐呢？”
“这里附近或者伦敦心肠慈善的太太们和绅士们。”
“内奥米.布罗克赫斯特是谁？”
“就像匾上写着的那样，是建造大楼新区部份的太太，她的儿子监督和指挥这里的一切。”
“为什么？”
“因为他是这个学校的司库和管事。”
“那这幢大楼不属于那位戴着手表、告诉我们可以吃面包和乳酪的高个子女人了？”
“属于坦普尔小姐？啊，不是！但愿是属于她的。她所做的一切要对布罗克赫斯特先生负责，我们吃的和穿的都是布罗克赫斯特先生买的。”
“他住在这儿吗？”
“不——住在两路外，一个大庄园里。”
“他是个好人吗？”
“他是个牧师，据说做了很多好事。”
“你说那个高个子女人叫坦普尔小姐？”
“不错。”
“其他教师的名字叫什么？”
“脸颊红红的那个叫史密斯小姐，她管劳作，负责裁剪——因为我们自己做衣服、罩衣、外衣，什么都做。那个头发黑黑的小个子叫做斯卡查德小姐，她教历史、语法，听第二班的朗诵。那位戴披巾用黄缎带把一块手帕拴在腰上的人叫皮埃罗夫人，她来自法国里尔，教法语。”
你喜欢这些教师吗？”
“够喜欢的。”
“你喜欢那个黑乎乎的小个子和××太太吗？——我没法把她的名字读成像你读的那样。”
“斯卡查德小姐性子很急，你可得小心，别惹她生气；皮埃罗太太倒是不坏的。”
“不过坦普尔小姐最好，是不是？”
“坦普尔小姐很好，很聪明，她在其余的人之上，因为懂得比她们多得多。”
“你来这儿很久了吗？”
“两年了。”
“你是孤儿吗？”
“我母亲死了。”
“你在这儿愉快吗？”
“你问得太多了。我给你的回答已经足够，现在我可要看书了。”
但这时候吃饭铃响了，大家再次进屋去，弥漫在餐厅里的气味并行比早餐时扑鼻而来的味儿更诱人。午餐盛放在两十大白铁桶里，热腾腾冒出一股臭肥肉的气味。我发现这乱糟糟的东西，是烂土豆和几小块不可思议的臭肉搅在一起煮成的，每个学生都分到了相当满的一盘。我尽力而吃。心里暗自纳闷，是否每天的饭食都是这付样子。
吃罢午饭，我们立则去教室，又开始上课，一直到五点钟。
下午只有一件事引人注目，我看到了在游廊上跟我交谈过的姑娘丢了脸，被斯卡查德小姐逐出历史课，责令站在那个大教室当中，在我看来，这种惩罚实在是奇耻大辱，特别是对像她这样一个大姑娘来说——她看上去有十三岁了，或许还更大，我猜想她会露出伤心和害臊的表情。但使我诧异的是，她既没哭泣，也没脸红，她在众目睽睽之下，站在那里，虽然神情严肃，却非常镇定。“她怎么能那么默默地而又坚定地忍受呢？”我暗自思忖。“要是我，巴不得地球会裂开，把我吞下去。而她看上去仿佛在想惩罚之外的什么事，与她处境无关的事情，某种既不在她周围也不在她眼的的东西，我听说过白日梦、难道她在做白日梦，她的眼晴盯着地板，但可以肯定她视而不见，她的目光似乎是向内的，直视自己的心扉。我想她注视着记忆中的东西，而不是眼前确实存在的事物、我不明白她属于哪一类姑娘，好姑娘，还是淘气鬼。”
五分钟刚过，我们又用了另一顿饭，吃的是一小杯咖啡和半片黑面包。我狼吞虎咽地吃了面，喝了咖啡，吃得津津有味，不过要是能再来一份，我会非常高兴，因为我仍然很饿，吃完饭后是半小时的娱乐活动，然后是学习，再后是一杯水，一个燕麦饼，祷告，上床，这就是我在罗沃德第一天的生活。

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Chapter 6

THE next day commenced as before, getting up and dressing byrushlight; but this morning we were obliged to dispense with theceremony of washing; the water in the pitchers was frozen. A change hadtaken place in the weather the preceding evening, and a keen north-eastwind, whistling through the crevices of our bedroom windows all nightlong, had made us shiver in our beds, and turned the contents of theewers to ice.
Before the long hour and a half of prayers andBible-reading was over, I felt ready to perish with cold. Breakfast-timecame at last, and this morning the porridge was not burnt; the qualitywas eatable, the quantity small. How small my portion seemed! I wishedit had been doubled.
In the course of the day I was enrolled a member of the fourth class,and regular tasks and occupations were assigned me: hitherto, I hadonly been a spectator of the proceedings at Lowood; I was now to becomean actor therein. At first, being little accustomed to learn by heart,the lessons appeared to me both long and difficult; the frequent changefrom task to task, too, bewildered me; and I was glad when, about threeo'clock in the afternoon, Miss Smith put into my hands a border ofmuslin two yards long, together with needle, thimble, etc., and sent meto sit in a quiet corner of the schoolroom, with directions to hem thesame. At that hour most of the others were sewing likewise; but oneclass still stood round Miss Scatcherd's chair reading, and as all wasquiet, the subject of their lessons could be heard, together with themanner in which each girl acquitted herself, and the animadversions orcommendations of Miss Scatcherd on the performance. It was Englishhistory: among the readers I observed my acquaintance of the verandah:at the commencement of the lesson, her place had been at the top of theclass, but for some error of pronunciation, or some inattention tostops, she was suddenly sent to the very bottom. Even in that obscureposition, Miss Scatcherd continued to make her an object of constantnotice; she was continually addressing to her such phrases as thefollowing:-'Burns' (such it seems was her name: the girls here were allcalled by their surnames, as boys are elsewhere), 'Burns, you arestanding on the side of your shoe; turn your toes out immediately.''Burns, you poke your chin most unpleasantly; draw it in.' 'Burns, Iinsist on your holding your head up; I will not have you before me inthat attitude,' etc. etc.
A chapter having been read through twice, the books were closed andthe girls examined. The lesson had comprised part of the reign ofCharles I, and there were sundry questions about tonnage and poundageand ship-money, which most of them appeared unable to answer; still,every little difficulty was solved instantly when it reached Burns: hermemory seemed to have retained the substance of the whole lesson, andshe was ready with answers on every point. I kept expecting that MissScatcherd would praise her attention; but, instead of that, she suddenlycried out- 'You dirty, disagreeable girl! you have never cleaned yournails this morning!'
Burns made no answer: I wondered at her silence.
'Why,' thought I, 'does she not explain that she could neither clean her nails nor wash her face, as the water was frozen?'
My attention was now called off by Miss Smith desiring me to hold askein of thread: while she was winding it, she talked to me from time totime, asking whether I had ever been at school before, whether I couldmark, stitch, knit, etc.; till she dismissed me, I could not pursue myobservations on Miss Scatcherd's movements. When I returned to my seat,that lady was just delivering an order of which I did not catch theimport; but Burns immediately left the class, and going into the smallinner room where the books were kept, returned in half a minute,carrying in her hand a bundle of twigs tied together at one end. Thisominous tool she presented to Miss Scatcherd with a respectful curtsey;then she quietly, and without being told, unloosed her pinafore, and theteacher instantly and sharply inflicted on her neck a dozen strokeswith the bunch of twigs. Not a tear rose to Burns's eye; and, while Ipaused from my sewing, because my fingers quivered at this spectaclewith a sentiment of unavailing and impotent anger, not a feature of herpensive face altered its ordinary expression.
'Hardened girl!' exclaimed Miss Scatcherd; 'nothing can correct you of your slatternly habits: carry the rod away.'
Burns obeyed: I looked at her narrowly as she emerged from thebook-closet; she was just putting back her handkerchief into her pocket,and the trace of a tear glistened on her thin cheek.
The play-hour in the evening I thought the pleasantest fraction ofthe day at Lowood: the bit of bread, the draught of coffee swallowed atfive o'clock had revived vitality, if it had not satisfied hunger: thelong restraint of the day was slackened; the schoolroom felt warmer thanin the morning- its fires being allowed to burn a little more brightly,to supply, in some measure, the place of candles, not yet introduced:the ruddy gloaming, the licenseduproar, the confusion of many voicesgave one a welcome sense of liberty.
On the evening of the day on which I had seen Miss Scatcherd flog herpupil, Burns, I wandered as usual among the forms and tables andlaughing groups without a companion, yet not feeling lonely: when Ipassed the windows, I now and then lifted a blind, and looked out; itsnowed fast, a drift was already forming against the lower panes;putting my ear close to the window, I could distinguish from the gleefultumult within, the disconsolate moan of the wind outside.
Probably, if I had lately left a good home and kind parents, thiswould have been the hour when I should most keenly have regretted theseparation; that wind would then have saddened my heart, this obscurechaos would have disturbed my peace! as it was, I derived from both astrange excitement, and reckless and feverish, I wished the wind to howlmore wildly, the gloom to deepen to darkness, and the confusion to riseto clamour.
Jumping over forms, and creeping under tables, I made my way to oneof the fire-places; there, kneeling by the high wire fender, I foundBurns, absorbed, silent, abstracted from all round her by thecompanionship of a book, which she read by the dim glare of the embers.
'Is it still Rasselas?' I asked, coming behind her.
'Yes,' she said, 'and I have just finished it.'
And in five minutes more she shut it up. I was glad of this.
'Now,' thought I, 'I can perhaps get her to talk.' I sat down by her on the floor.
'What is your name besides Burns?'
'Helen.'
'Do you come a long way from here?'
'I come from a place farther north, quite on the borders of Scotland.'
'Will you ever go back?'
'I hope so; but nobody can be sure of the future.'
'You must wish to leave Lowood?'
'No! why should I? I was sent to Lowood to get an education; and itwould be of no use going away until I have attained that object.'
'But that teacher, Miss Scatcherd, is so cruel to you?'
'Cruel? Not at all! She is severe: she dislikes my faults.'
'And if I were in your place I should dislike her; I should resisther. If she struck me with that rod, I should get it from her hand; Ishould break it under her nose.'
'Probably you would do nothing of the sort: but if you did, Mr.Brocklehurst would expel you from the school; that would be a greatgrief to your relations. It is far better to endure patiently a smartwhich nobody feels but yourself, than to commit a hasty action whoseevil consequences will extend to all connected with you; and besides,the Bible bids us return good for evil.'
'But then it seems disgraceful to be flogged, and to be sent to standin the middle of a room full of people; and you are such a great girl: Iam far younger than you, and I could not bear it.'
'Yet it would be your duty to bear it, if you could not avoid it: itis weak and silly to say you cannot bear what it is your fate to berequired to bear.'
I heard her with wonder: I could not comprehend this doctrine ofendurance; and still less could I understand or sympathise with theforbearance she expressed for her chastiser. Still I felt that HelenBurns considered things by a light invisible to my eyes. I suspected shemight be right and I wrong; but I would not ponder the matter deeply;like Felix, I put it off to a more convenient season.
'You say you have faults, Helen: what are they? To me you seem very good.'
'Then learn from me, not to judge by appearances: I am, as MissScatcherd said, slatternly; I seldom put, and never keep, things inorder; I am careless; I forget rules; I read when I should learn mylessons; I have no method; and sometimes I say, like you, I cannot bearto be subjected to systematic arrangements. This is all very provokingto Miss Scatcherd, who is naturally neat, punctual, and particular.'
'And cross and cruel,' I added; but Helen Burns would not admit my addition: she kept silence.
'Is Miss Temple as severe to you as Miss Scatcherd?'
At the utterance of Miss Temple's name, a soft smile flitted over her grave face.
'Miss Temple is full of goodness; it pains her to be severe to anyone, even the worst in the school: she sees my errors, and tells me ofthem gently; and if I do anything worthy of praise, she gives me my meedliberally. One strong proof of my wretchedly defective nature is, thateven her expostulations, so mild, so rational, have no influence to cureme of my faults; and even her praise, though I value it most highly,cannot stimulate me to continued care and foresight.'
'That is curious,' said I, 'it is so easy to be careful.'
'For you I have no doubt it is. I observed you in your class thismorning, and saw you were closely attentive: your thoughts never seemedto wander while Miss Miller explained the lesson and questioned you.Now, mine continually rove away; when I should be listening to MissScatcherd, and collecting all she says with assiduity, often I lose thevery sound of her voice; I fall into a sort of dream.
Sometimes I think I am in Northumberland, and that the noises I hearround me are the bubbling of a little brook which runs through Deepden,near our house;- then, when it comes to my turn to reply, I have to beawakened; and having heard nothing of what was read for listening to thevisionary brook, I have no answer ready.'
'Yet how well you replied this afternoon.'
'It was mere chance; the subject on which we had been reading hadinterested me. This afternoon, instead of dreaming of Deepden, I waswondering how a man who wished to do right could act so unjustly andunwisely as Charles the First sometimes did; and I thought what a pityit was that, with his integrity and conscientiousness, he could see nofarther than the prerogatives of the crown. If he had but been able tolook to a distance, and see how what they call the spirit of the age wastending! Still, I like Charles- I respect him- I pity him, poormurdered king! Yes, his enemies were the worst: they shed blood they hadno right to shed. How dared they kill him!'
Helen was talking to herself now: she had forgotten I could not verywell understand her- that I was ignorant, or nearly so, of the subjectshe discussed. I recalled her to my level.
'And when Miss Temple teaches you, do your thoughts wander then?'
'No, certainly, not often: because Miss Temple has generallysomething to say which is newer than my own reflections; her language issingularly agreeable to me, and the information she communicates isoften just what I wished to gain.'
'Well, then, with Miss Temple you are good?'
'Yes, in a passive way: I make no effort; I follow as inclination guides me. There is no merit in such goodness.'
'A great deal: you are good to those who are good to you. It is all Iever desire to be. If people were always kind and obedient to those whoare cruel and unjust, the wicked people would have it all their ownway: they would never feel afraid, and so they would never alter, butwould grow worse and worse. When we are struck at without a reason, weshould strike back again very hard; I am sure we should- so hard as toteach the person who struck us never to do it again.'
'You will change your mind, I hope, when you grow older: as yet you are but a little untaught girl.'
'But I feel this, Helen; I must dislike those who, whatever I do toplease them, persist in disliking me; I must resist those who punish meunjustly. It is as natural as that I should love those who show meaffection, or submit to punishment when I feel it is deserved.'
'Heathens and savage tribes hold that doctrine, but Christians and civilised nations disown it.'
'How? I don't understand.'
'It is not violence that best overcomes hate- nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury.'
'What then?'
'Read the New Testament, and observe what Christ says, and how He acts; make His word your rule, and His conduct your example.'
'What does He say?'
'Love your enemies; bless them that curse you; do good to them that hate you and despitefully use you.'
'Then I should love Mrs. Reed, which I cannot do; I should bless her son John, which is impossible.'
In her turn, Helen Burns asked me to explain, and I proceededforthwith to pour out, in my own way, the tale of my sufferings andresentments. Bitter and truculent when excited, I spoke as I felt,without reserve or softening.
Helen heard me patiently to the end: I expected she would then make a remark, but she said nothing.
'Well,' I asked impatiently, 'is not Mrs. Reed a hard-hearted, bad woman?'
'She has been unkind to you, no doubt; because you see, she dislikesyour cast of character, as Miss Scatcherd does mine; but how minutelyyou remember all she has done and said to you! What a singularly deepimpression her injustice seems to have made on your heart! No ill-usageso brands its record on my feelings. Would you not be happier if youtried to forget her severity, together with the passionate emotions itexcited? Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosityor registering wrongs. We are, and must be, one and all, burdened withfaults in this world: but the time will soon come when, I trust, weshall put them off in putting off our corruptible bodies; whendebasement and sin will fall from us with this cumbrous frame of flesh,and only the spark of the spirit will remain,- the impalpable principleof light and thought, pure as when it left the Creator to inspire thecreature: whence it came it will return; perhaps again to becommunicated to some being higher than man- perhaps to pass throughgradations of glory, from the pale human soul to brighten to the seraph!Surely it Will never, on the contrary, be suffered to degenerate fromman to fiend? No; I cannot believe that: I hold another creed: which noone ever taught me, and which I seldom mention; but in which I delight,and to which I cling: for it extends hope to all: it makes Eternity arest- a mighty home, not a terror and an abyss. Besides, with thiscreed, I can so clearly distinguish between the criminal and his crime; Ican so sincerely forgive the first while I abhor the last: with thiscreed revenge never worries my heart, degradation never too deeplydisgusts me, injustice never crushes me too low: I live in calm, lookingto the end.'
Helen's head, always drooping, sank a little lower as she finishedthis sentence. I saw by her look she wished no longer to talk to me, butrather to converse with her own thoughts. She was not allowed much timefor meditation: a monitor, a great rough girl, presently came up,exclaiming in a strong Cumberland accent- 'Helen Burns, if you don't goand put your drawer in order, and fold up your work this minute, I'lltell Miss Scatcherd to come and look at it!'Helen sighed as her reverie fled, and getting up, obeyed the monitor without reply as without delay.

第二天开始了，同以前一样，穿衣起身还是借着灯草芯蜡烛的微光，不过今天早晨不得不放弃洗脸仪式了，因为罐里的水都结了冰。头一天夜里、天气变了，刺骨的东北风，透过寝室窗门的缝隙，彻夜呼呼吹着，弄得我们在床上直打哆嗦，罐子里的水也结起了冰。
一个半小时的祷告和圣经诵读还没结束，我已觉得快要冻死了。早餐时间终于到来，而且今天的粥没有烧焦，能够下咽，可惜量少。我的那份看上去多少呀！我真希望能增加一倍。
那天我被编入第四班，给布置了正规任务和作业。在此之前，我在罗沃德不过是静观一切进程的旁观者，而现在己成了其中的一名演员。起先，由于我不习惯背诵，觉得课文似乎又长又难，功课一门门不断变换，弄得我头昏脑胀。下午三点光景，史密斯小姐把一根两码长的平纹细布滚边塞到我手里，连同针和顶针之类的东西，让我坐在教室僻静的角落，根据指令依样画葫芦缝上滚边，我一时喜出望外。在那时刻，其他人也大多一样在缝，只有一个班仍围着斯卡查德小姐的椅子，站着读书。四周鸦雀无声，所以听得见她们功课的内容，也听得见每个姑娘读得怎样，听得见斯卡查德小姐对她们表现的责备和赞扬。这是一堂英国历史课，我注意到在读书的人中，有一位是我在游廊上相识的。开始上课时，她被安排在全班首位，可是由于某些发音错误及对句号的忽视，她突然被降到末尾去了。即使在这种不起眼的位置上，斯卡查德小姐也继续使她成为始终引人注目的对象，不断用这样的措词同她说话：
“彭斯，（这似乎就是她的名字，这儿的女孩像其他地方的男孩一样，都按姓来叫的）彭斯，你鞋子踩偏了，快把脚趾伸直。”“彭斯，你伸着下巴，多难看，把它收回去。”“彭斯，我要你抬起头来，我不允许你在我面前做出这付样子来”等等。
一章书从头到尾读了两遍，课本便合了起来，姑娘们受到了考问。这堂课讲的是查理一世王朝的一个时期，问的问题形形式式，船舶吨位税呀，按镑收税呀，造船税呀，大多数人似乎都无法回答，但是一到彭斯那里，每一道难题都迎刃而解。她像已经把整堂课的内容都记在脑子里了，任何问题都能应对自如。我一直以为斯卡查德小姐要称赞她专心致志了，谁知她突然大叫起来：“你这讨厌的邋遢姑娘？你早上根本没有洗过指甲？”
彭斯没有回答，我对她的沉默感到纳闷。
“为什么，”我想，“她不解释一下，水结冻了，脸和指甲都没法洗？”
此刻，史密斯小姐转移了我的注意力，她让我替她撑住一束线，一面绕，一面不时跟我说话。问我以前是否进过学校，能否绣花、缝纫、编织等，直到她打发我走，我才有可能进一步观察斯卡查德小姐的行动。我回到自己的座位上时，那女人正在发布一道命令，命令的内容我没有听清楚。但是彭斯立刻离开了班级，走进里面一个放书的小间，过了半分钟又返回来，手里拿着一束一头扎好的木条。她毕恭毕敬地行了个屈膝礼，把这个不祥的刑具递交给了斯卡查德小姐。随后，她不用吩咐，便默默地解开了罩衣，这位教师立刻用这束木条狠狠地在她脖子上揍了十几下，彭斯没有掉一滴眼泪。见了这种情景，我心头涌起了一种徒劳无益、无能为力的愤怒，气得手指都颤抖起来，而不得不停下手头的针线活。她那忧郁的面容毫不改色，依然保持着平日的表情。
“顽固不化的姑娘！”斯卡查德小姐嚷道，“什么都改不掉你邋遢的习性，把木条拿走。”
彭斯听从吩咐。她从藏书室里出来时，我细细打量了她，她正把手帕放回自己的口袋，瘦瘦的脸颊闪着泪痕。
晚间的玩耍时光，我想是罗沃德一天中最愉快的一丁点儿时间。五点钟吞下的一小块面包和几口咖啡，虽然没有消除饥饿感，却恢复了活力。一整天的清规戒律放松了；教室里比早上要暖和；炉火允许燃得比平时旺，多少代替了尚未点燃的蜡烛。红通通的火光，放肆的喧闹，嘈杂的人声，给人以一种值得欢迎的自由感。
在我看见斯卡查德小姐鞭打她的学生彭斯的那天晚上，我照例在长凳、桌子和笑声不绝的人群中间穿来穿去，虽然无人作伴，倒也并不寂寞。经过窗户时，我不时拉起百叶窗，向外眺望。雪下得很紧，下端的窗玻璃上已经积起了一层，我把耳朵贴在窗上，分辩得出里面轻快的喧哗和外面寒风凄厉的呻吟。
如果我刚离开了一个温暖的家和慈祥的双亲，这一时刻也许会非常后悔当初的离别；那风会使我伤心不已：这种模糊的混沌会打破我的平静，但实际上两者激起了我一莫名的兴奋，在不安和狂热之中，我盼望风会咆哮得更猛烈；天色会更加昏暗变得一团漆黑，嗡嗡的人声会进而成为喧嚣。
我跨过凳子钻过桌子，寻路来到一个壁炉跟前，跪在高高的铁丝防护板旁边，我发现彭斯有一本书作伴，全神贯注，沉默不语，忘掉了周围的一切，借着余火灰暗的闪光读着书。
“还是那本《拉塞拉斯》吗？”我来到她背后说。
“是的，”她说，“我刚读完它。”
过了五分钟她掩上了书。这正合我心意。
“现在，”我想，“我也许能使她开口了吧。”我—屁股坐在她旁边的地板上。
“除了彭斯，你还叫什么？”
“海伦。”
“你从很远的地方来吗？”
“我来自很靠北的一个地方，靠近苏格兰边界了。”
“你还回去吗？”
“我希望能这样，可是对未来谁也没有把握。”
“你想必很希望离开罗沃德，是吗？”
“不，干嘛要这样呢？送我到罗沃德来是接受教育的，没有达到这个目的就走才没有意思呢。”
“可是那位教师，就是斯卡查德小姐，对你那么凶狠。”
“凶狠？一点也没有！她很严格。她不喜欢我的缺点。”
“如果我是你，我会讨厌她的，我会抵制。要是她用那束木条打我，我会从她手里夺过来，当着她的面把它折断。”
“兴许你根本不会干那类事。但要是你干了，布罗克赫斯特先生会把你撵出学校的，那会使你的亲戚感到难过。耐心忍受只有自己感到的痛苦，远比草率行动，产生连累亲朋的恶果要好，更何况《圣经》上嘱咐我们要以德报怨。”
“可是挨鞭子，罚站在满屋子是人的房间当中，毕竟是丢脸的呀！而且你己经是那么个大姑娘了。我比你小得多还受不了呢。”
“不过，要是你无法避免，那你的职责就是忍受。如果你命里注定需要忍受，那么说自己不能忍受就是软弱，就是犯傻。”
我听了感到不胜惊讶。我不能理解这“忍受”信条，更无法明白或同情她对惩罚者所表现出的宽容。不过我仍觉得海伦.彭斯是根据一种我所看不见的眼光来考虑事情的。我怀疑可能她对，我不对。但是我对这事不想再去深究，像费利克斯一样，我将它推迟到以后方便的时候去考虑。
“你说你有缺陷，海伦，什么缺陷？我看你很好嘛。”
“那你就听我说吧，别以貌取人，像斯卡查德小姐说的那样，我很邋遢。我难得把东西整理好，永远那么乱糟糟。我很粗心，总把规则忘掉，应当学习功课时却看闲书。我做事没有条理。有时像你一样会说，我受不了那种井井有条的管束。这一桩桩都使斯卡查德小姐很恼火，她天生讲究整洁，遵守时刻，一丝不苟。”
“而且脾气急躁，强横霸道，”我补充说，但海论并没有附和，却依然沉默不语。
“坦普尔小姐跟斯卡查德小姐对你一样严厉吗？”
一提到坦普尔小姐的名字，她阴沉的脸上便掠过了一丝温柔的微笑。
“坦普尔小姐非常善良，不忍心对任何人严厉，即使是校里最差的学生。她看到我的错误，便和颜悦色地向我指出。要是我做了值得称赞的事情，她就慷慨地赞扬我。我的本性有严重缺陷，一个有力的证据是，尽管她的规劝那么恰到好处，那么合情合理，却依旧治不了我那些毛病。甚至她的赞扬，虽然我非常看重，却无法激励我始终小心谨慎，高瞻远瞩。”
“那倒是奇怪的，”我说，“要做到小心还不容易。”
“对你说来无疑是这样。早上我仔细观察了你上课时的情形，发现你非常专心。米勒小姐讲解功课，问你问题时，你思想从不开小差。而我的思绪却总是飘忽不定，当我应该听斯卡查德小姐讲课，应该用心把她讲的记住时，我常常连她说话的声音都听不见了。我进入了一种梦境，有时我以为自己到了诺森伯兰郡，以为周围的耳语声，是我家附近流过深谷那条小溪源源的水声，于是轮到我回答时，我得从梦境中被唤醒。而因为倾听着想象中的溪流声，现实中便什么也没有听到，我也就回答不上来了。”
“可是你今天，下午回答得多好！”
“那只是碰巧，因为我对我们读的内容很感兴趣，今天下午我没有梦游深谷，我在纳闷，一个像查理一世那样希望做好事的人，怎么有时会干出那么不义的蠢事来，我想这多可惜，那么正直真诚的人竟看不到皇权以外的东西。要是他能看得远些，看清了所谓时代精神的走向该多好！虽然这样，我还是喜欢查理一世，我尊敬他，我怜惜他，这位可怜的被谋杀的皇帝。不错，他的仇敌最坏，他们让自己没有权利伤害的人流了血，竟敢杀害了他！”
此刻海伦在自言自语了，她忘了我无法很好理解她的话，忘了我对她谈论的话题一无所知，或者差不多如此。我把她拉回到我的水准上来。
“那么坦普尔小姐上课的时候，你也走神吗？”
“当然不是，不常这样。因为坦普尔小姐总是有比我的想法更富有新意的东西要说。她的语言也特别让我喜欢，她所传授的知识常常是我所希望获得的。”
“这么看来，你在坦普尔小姐面前表现很好罗。”
“是的，出于被动。我没有费力气，只是随心所欲而己，这种表现好没有什么了不起。”
“很了不起，别人待你好，你待别人也好。我就一直希望这样做。要是你对那些强横霸道的人，总是客客气气，说啥听啥，那坏人就会为所欲为，就会天不怕地不怕，非但永远不会改，而且会愈变愈坏。要是无缘无故挨打，那我们就要狠狠地回击，肯定得这样，狠到可以教训那个打我们的人，让他再也洗手不干了。”
“我想，等你长大了你的想法会改变的，现在你不过是个没有受过教育的小姑娘。”
“可我是这么感觉的，海伦，那些不管我怎样讨他们欢心，硬是讨厌我的人，我必定会厌恶的。我必须反抗那些无理惩罚我的人。同样自然的是，我会爱那些爱抚我的人，或者当我认为自己该受罚的时候，我会心甘情愿去承受。”
“那是异教徒和野蛮宗族的信条，基督教徒和开化的民族不信这一套。”
“怎么会呢？我不懂。”
“暴力不是消除仇恨的最好办法——同样，报复也绝对医治不了伤害。”
“那么是什么呢？”
“读一读《新约全书》，注意一下基督的言行，把他的话当作你的准绳，把他的行为当你的榜样吧。”
“他怎么说？”
“你们的仇敌要爱他，咒诅你们的要为他祝福，恨你们、凌辱你们的要待他好。”
“那我应当爱里德太太了，这我可做不到；我应当祝福他儿子约翰了，但那根本不可能。”
这回轮到海伦.彭斯要求我解释明白了。我便以自己特有的方式，一五一十地向她诉说了自己的痛苦和愤懑。心里一激动，说话便尖酸刻薄，但我怎么感觉就怎么说，毫不保留，语气也不婉转。
海伦耐心地听完了我的话，我以为她会发表点感想，但她什么也没说。
“好吧，”我耐不住终于问，“难道里德太太不是一个冷酷无情的坏女人吗？”
“毫无疑问，她对你不客气。因为你瞧，她不喜欢你的性格，就像斯卡查德小姐不喜欢我的脾性一样，可是她的言行你却那么耿耿于怀！她的不公好像已经在你心坎里留下了特别深刻的印象！
无论什么虐待都不会在我的情感上烙下这样的印记。要是你忘掉她对你的严厉，忘掉由此而引起的愤慨，你不就会更愉快吗？对我来说，生命似乎太短暂了，不应用来结仇和记恨。人生在世，谁都会有一身罪过，而且必定如此，但我相信，很快就会有这么一天，我们在摆脱腐坏躯体的同时，也会摆脱这些罪过。到那时，堕落与罪过将会随同累赘的肉体离开我们，只留下精神的火花——生命和思想的本源，它像当初离开上帝使万物具有生命时那么纯洁，它从哪里来就回到哪里去，也许又会被传递给比人类更高级的东西一—也许会经过各个荣耀的阶段，从照亮人类的苍白灵魂，到照亮最高级的六翼天使。相反它决不会允许从人类坠落到魔鬼，是吧？是的，我不相信会这样。我持有另一种信条，这种信条没有人教过我，我也很少提起，但我为此感到愉快，我对它坚信不渝，因为它给所有的人都带来了希望。它使永恒成为一种安息，一个宏大的家，而并非恐惧和深渊。此外，有了这个信条，我能够清楚地分辨罪犯和他的罪孽，我可以真诚地宽恕前者，而对后者无比憎恶，有了这个信条，复仇永不会使我操心，坠落不会让我感到过份深恶痛绝，不公平不会把我完全压倒，我平静地生活，期待着末日。”
海伦向来耷拉着脑袋，而讲完这句话时她把头垂得更低了。从她的神态上我知道她不想跟我再谈下去了，而情愿同自己的思想交流。她也没有很多时间可以沉思默想了，马上就来了一位班长，一个又大又粗的姑娘，带着很重的昆布兰口音叫道：
“海伦.彭斯，要是这会儿你不去整理抽屉，收拾你的针线活儿，我要告诉斯卡查德小姐，请她来看看了。”
海伦的幻想烟消云散，她长叹一声，站了起来，没有回答，也没有耽搁，便服从了这位班长。

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Chapter 7

MY first quarter at Lowood seemed an age; and not the golden ageeither; it comprised an irksome struggle with difficulties inhabituating myself to new rules and unwonted tasks. The fear of failurein these points harassed me worse than the physical hardships of my lot;though these were no trifles.
During January, February, and part ofMarch, the deep snows, and, after their melting, the almost impassableroads, prevented our stirring beyond the garden walls, except to go tochurch; but within these limits we had to pass an hour every day in theopen air. Our clothing was insufficient to protect us from the severecold: we had no boots, the snow got into our shoes and melted there: ourungloved hands became numbed and covered with chilblains, as were ourfeet: I remember well the distracting irritation I endured from thiscause every evening, when my feet inflamed; and the torture of thrustingthe swelled, raw, and stiff toes into my shoes in the morning. Then thescanty supply of food was distressing: with the keen appetites ofgrowing children, we had scarcely sufficient to keep alive a delicateinvalid.
From this deficiency of nourishment resulted an abuse, which pressedhardly on the younger pupils: whenever the famished great girls had anopportunity, they would coax or menace the little ones out of theirportion. Many a time I have shared between two claimants the preciousmorsel of brown bread distributed at teatime; and after relinquishing toa third half the contents of my mug of coffee, I have swallowed theremainder with an accompaniment of secret tears, forced from me by theexigency of hunger.
Sundays were dreary days in that wintry season. We had to walk twomiles to Brocklebridge Church, where our patron officiated. We set outcold, we arrived at church colder: during the morning service we becamealmost paralysed. It was too far to return to dinner, and an allowanceof cold meat and bread, in the same penurious proportion observed in ourordinary meals, was served round between the services.
At the close of the afternoon service we returned by an exposed andhilly road, where the bitter winter wind, blowing over a range of snowysummits to the north, almost flayed the skin from our faces.
I can remember Miss Temple walking lightly and rapidly along ourdrooping line, her plaid cloak, which the frosty wind fluttered,gathered close about her, and encouraging us, by precept and example, tokeep up our spirits, and march forward, as she said, 'like stalwartsoldiers.' The other teachers, poor things, were generally themselvestoo much dejected to attempt the task of cheering others.
How we longed for the light and heat of a blazing fire when we gotback! But, to the little ones at least, this was denied: each hearth inthe schoolroom was immediately surrounded by a double row of greatgirls, and behind them the younger children crouched in groups, wrappingtheir starved arms in their pinafores.
A little solace came at tea-time, in the shape of a double ration ofbread- a whole, instead of a half, slice- with the delicious addition ofa thin scrape of butter: it was the hebdomadal treat to which we alllooked forward from Sabbath to Sabbath. I generally contrived to reservea moiety of this bounteous repast for myself; but the remainder I wasinvariably obliged to part with.
The Sunday evening was spent in repeating, by heart, the ChurchCatechism, and the fifth, sixth, and seventh chapters of St. Matthew;and in listening to a long sermon, read by Miss Miller, whoseirrepressible yawns attested her weariness. A frequent interlude ofthese performances was the enactment of the part of Eutychus by somehalf-dozen of little girls, who, overpowered with sleep, would falldown, if not out of the third loft, yet off the fourth form, and betaken up half dead. The remedy was, to thrust them forward into thecentre of the schoolroom, and oblige them to stand there till the sermonwas finished. Sometimes their feet failed them, and they sank togetherin a heap; they were then propped up with the monitors' high stools.
I have not yet alluded to the visits of Mr. Brocklehurst; and indeedthat gentleman was from home during the greater part of the first monthafter my arrival; perhaps prolonging his stay with his friend thearchdeacon: his absence was a relief to me. I need not say that I had myown reasons for dreading his coming: but come he did at last.
One afternoon (I had then been three weeks at Lowood), as I wassitting with a slate in my hand, puzzling over a sum in long division,my eyes, raised in abstraction to the window, caught sight of a figurejust passing: I recognised almost instinctively that gaunt outline; andwhen, two minutes after, all the school, teachers included, rose enmasse, it was not necessary for me to look up in order to ascertainwhose entrance they thus greeted. A long stride measured the schoolroom,and presently beside Miss Temple, who herself had risen, stood the sameblack column which had frowned on me so ominously from the hearthrug ofGateshead. I now glanced sideways at this piece of architecture. Yes, Iwas right: it was Mr. Brocklehurst, buttoned up in a surtout, andlooking longer, narrower, and more rigid than ever.
I had my own reasons for being dismayed at this apparition; too well Iremembered the perfidious hints given by Mrs. Reed about mydisposition, etc.; the promise pledged by Mr. Brocklehurst to appriseMiss Temple and the teachers of my vicious nature. All along I had beendreading the fulfilment of this promise,- I had been looking out dailyfor the 'Coming Man,' whose information respecting my past life andconversation was to brand me as a bad child for ever: now there he was.
He stood at Miss Temple's side; he was speaking low in her ear: I didnot doubt he was making disclosures of my villainy; and I watched hereye with painful anxiety, expecting every moment to see its dark orbturn on me a glance of repugnance and contempt. I listened too; and as Ihappened to be seated quite at the top of the room, I caught most ofwhat he said: its import relieved me from immediate apprehension.
'I suppose, Miss Temple, the thread I bought at Lowton will do; itstruck me that it would be just of the quality for the calico chemises,and I sorted the needles to match. You may tell Miss Smith that I forgotto make a memorandum of the darning needles, but she shall have somepapers sent in next week; and she is not, on any account, to give outmore than one at a time to each pupil: if they have more, they are aptto be careless and lose them. And, O ma'am! I wish the woollen stockingswere better looked to!- when I was here last, I went into thekitchen-garden and examined the clothes drying on the line; there was aquantity of black hose in a very bad state of repair: from the size ofthe holes in them I was sure they had not been well mended from time totime.' He paused.
'Your directions shall be attended to, sir,' said Miss Temple. 'And,ma'am,' he continued, 'the laundress tells me some of the girls have twoclean tuckers in the week: it is too much; the rules limit them toone.'
'I think I can explain that circumstance, sir. Agnes and CatherineJohnstone were invited to take tea with some friends at Lowton lastThursday, and I gave them leave to put on clean tuckers for theoccasion.'
Mr. Brocklehurst nodded.
'Well, for once it may pass; but please not to let the circumstanceoccur too often. And there is another thing which surprised me; I find,in settling accounts with the housekeeper, that a lunch, consisting ofbread and cheese, has twice been served out to the girls during the pastfortnight. How is this? I looked over the regulations, and I find nosuch meal as lunch mentioned. Who introduced this innovation? and bywhat authority?'
'I must be responsible for the circumstance, sir,' replied MissTemple: 'the breakfast was so ill prepared that the pupils could notpossibly eat it; and I dared not allow them to remain fasting tilldinner-time.'
'Madam, allow me an instant. You are aware that my plan in bringingup these girls is, not to accustom them to habits of luxury andindulgence, but to render them hardy, patient, self-denying. Should anylittle accidental disappointment of the appetite occur, such as thespoiling of a meal, the under or the over dressing of a dish, theincident ought not to be neutralised by replacing with something moredelicate the comfort lost, thus pampering the body and obviating the aimof this institution; it ought to be improved to the spiritualedification of the pupils, by encouraging them to evince fortitude underthe temporary privation. A brief address on those occasions would notbe mistimed, wherein a judicious instructor would take the opportunityof referring to the sufferings of the primitive Christians; to thetorments of martyrs; to the exhortations of our blessed Lord Himself,calling upon His disciples to take up their cross and follow Him; to Hiswarnings that man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word thatproceedeth out of the mouth of God; to His divine consolations, "If yesuffer hunger or thirst for My sake, happy are ye." Oh, madam, when youput bread and cheese, instead of burnt porridge, into these children'smouths, you may indeed feed their vile bodies, but you little think howyou starve their immortal souls!'
Mr. Brocklehurst again paused- perhaps overcome by his feelings. MissTemple had looked down when he first began to speak to her; but she nowgazed straight before her, and her face, naturally pale as marble,appeared to be assuming also the coldness and fixity of that material;especially her mouth, closed as if it would have required a sculptor'schisel to open it, and her brow settled gradually into petrifiedseverity.
Meantime, Mr. Brocklehurst, standing on the hearth with his handsbehind his back, majestically surveyed the whole school. Suddenly hiseye gave a blink, as if it had met something that either dazzled orshocked its pupil; turning, he said in more rapid accents than he hadhitherto used-
'Miss Temple, Miss Temple, what- what is that girl with curled hair?Red hair, ma'am, curled- curled all over?' And extending his cane hepointed to the awful object, his hand shaking as he did so.
'It is Julia Severn,' replied Miss Temple, very quietly.
'Julia Severn, ma'am! And why has she, or any other, curled hair?Why, in defiance of every precept and principle of this house, does sheconform to the world so openly- here in an evangelical, charitableestablishment- as to wear her hair one mass of curls?'
'Julia's hair curls naturally,' returned Miss Temple, still more quietly.
'Naturally! Yes, but we are not to conform to nature; I wish thesegirls to be the children of Grace: and why that abundance? I have againand again intimated that I desire the hair to be arranged closely,modestly, plainly. Miss Temple, that girl's hair must be cut offentirely; I will send a barber tomorrow: and I see others who have fartoo much of the excrescence- that tall girl, tell her to turn round.Tell all the first form to rise up and direct their faces to the wall.'
Miss Temple passed her handkerchief over her lips, as if to smoothaway the involuntary smile that curled them; she gave the order,however, and when the first class could take in what was required ofthem, they obeyed. Leaning a little back on my bench, I could see thelooks and grimaces with which they commented on this manoeuvre: it was apity Mr. Brocklehurst could not see them too; he would perhaps havefelt that, whatever he might do with the outside of the cup and platter,the inside was further beyond his interference than he imagined.
He scrutinised the reverse of these living medals some five minutes,then pronounced sentence. These words fell like the knell of doom-
'All those top-knots must be cut off.'
Miss Temple seemed to remonstrate.
'Madam,' he pursued, 'I have a Master to serve whose kingdom is notof this world: my mission is to mortify in these girls the lusts of theflesh; to teach them to clothe themselves with shame-facedness andsobriety, not with braided hair and costly apparel; and each of theyoung persons before us has a string of hair twisted in plaits whichvanity itself might have woven; these, I repeat, must be cut off; thinkof the time wasted, of-' Mr. Brocklehurst was here interrupted: threeother visitors, ladies, now entered the room. They ought to have come alittle sooner to have heard his lecture on dress, for they weresplendidly attired in velvet, silk, and furs. The two younger of thetrio (fine girls of sixteen and seventeen) had grey beaver hats, then infashion, shaded with ostrich plumes, and from under the brim of thisgraceful head-dress fell a profusion of light tresses, elaboratelycurled; the elder lady was enveloped in a costly velvet shawl, trimmedwith ermine, and she wore a false front of French curls.
These ladies were deferentially received by Miss Temple, as Mrs. andthe Misses Brocklehurst, and conducted to seats of honour at the top ofthe room. It seems they had come in the carriage with their reverendrelative, and had been conducting a rummaging scrutiny of the roomupstairs, while he transacted business with the housekeeper, questionedthe laundress, and lectured the superintendent. They now proceeded toaddress divers remarks and reproofs to Miss Smith, who was charged withthe care of the linen and the inspection of the dormitories: but I hadno time to listen to what they said; other matters called off andenchained my attention.
Hitherto, while gathering up the discourse of Mr. Brocklehurst andMiss Temple, I had not, at the same time, neglected precautions tosecure my personal safety; which I thought would be effected, if I couldonly elude observation. To this end, I had sat well back on the form,and while seeming to be busy with my sum, had held my slate in such amanner as to conceal my face: I might have escaped notice, had not mytreacherous slate somehow happened to slip from my hand, and fallingwith an obtrusive crash, directly drawn every eye upon me; I knew it wasall over now, and, as I stooped to pick up the two fragments of slate, Irallied my forces for the worst. It came.
'A careless girl!' said Mr. Brocklehurst, and immediately after- 'Itis the new pupil, I perceive.' And before I could draw breath, 'I mustnot forget I have a word to say respecting her.' Then aloud: how loud itseemed to me! 'Let the child who broke her slate come forward!'
Of my own accord I could not have stirred; I was paralysed: but thetwo great girls who sat on each side of me, set me on my legs and pushedme towards the dread judge, and then Miss Temple gently assisted me tohis very feet, and I caught her whispered counsel-
'Don't be afraid, Jane, I saw it was an accident; you shall not be punished.'The kind whisper went to my heart like a dagger.
'Another minute, and she will despise me for a hypocrite,' thought I;and an impulse of fury against Reed, Brocklehurst, and Co. bounded inmy pulses at the conviction.
I was no Helen Burns.
'Fetch that stool,' said Mr. Brocklehurst, pointing to a very highone from which a monitor had just risen: it was brought. 'Place thechild upon it.'
And I was placed there, by whom I don't know: I was in no conditionto note particulars; I was only aware that they had hoisted me up to theheight of Mr. Brocklehurst's nose, that he was within a yard of me, andthat a spread of shot orange and purple silk pelisses and a cloud ofsilvery plumage extended and waved below me.
Mr. Brocklehurst hemmed.
'Ladies,' said he, turning to his family, 'Miss Temple, teachers, and children, you all see this girl?'
Of course they did; for I felt their eyes directed like burning-glasses against my scorched skin.
'You see she is yet young; you observe she possesses the ordinaryform of childhood; God has graciously given her the shape that He hasgiven to all of us; no signal deformity points her out as a markedcharacter. Who would think that the Evil One had already found a servantand agent in her? Yet such, I grieve to say, is the case.'
A pause- in which I began to steady the palsy of my nerves, and tofeel that the Rubicon was passed; and that the trial, no longer to beshirked, must be firmly sustained.
'My dear children,' pursued the black marble clergyman, with pathos,'this is a sad, a melancholy occasion; for it becomes my duty to warnyou, that this girl, who might be one of God's own lambs, is a littlecastaway: not a member of the true flock, but evidently an interloperand an alien. You must be on your guard against her; you must shun herexample; if necessary, avoid her company, exclude her from your sports,and shut her out from your converse. Teachers, you must watch her: keepyour eyes on her movements, weigh well her words, scrutinise heractions, punish her body to save her soul: if, indeed, such salvation bepossible, for (my tongue falters while I tell it) this girl, thischild, the native of a Christian land, worse than many a little heathenwho says its prayers to Brahma and kneels before Juggernaut- this girlis- a liar!'
Now came a pause of ten minutes, during which I, by this time inperfect possession of my wits, observed all the female Brocklehurstsproduce their pocket-handkerchiefs and apply them to their optics, whilethe elderly lady swayed herself to and fro, and the two younger oneswhispered, 'How shocking!'
Mr. Brocklehurst resumed.
'This I learned from her benefactress; from the pious and charitablelady who adopted her in her orphan state, reared her as her owndaughter, and whose kindness, whose generosity the unhappy girl repaidby an ingratitude so bad, so dreadful, that at last her excellentpatroness was obliged to separate her from her own young ones, fearfullest her vicious example should contaminate their purity: she has senther here to be healed, even as the Jews of old sent their diseased tothe troubled pool of Bethesda; and, teachers, superintendent, I beg ofyou not to allow the waters to stagnate round her.'
With this sublime conclusion, Mr. Brocklehurst adjusted the topbutton of his surtout, muttered something to his family, who rose, bowedto Miss Temple, and then all the great people sailed in state from theroom. Turning at the door, my judge said- 'Let her stand half an hourlonger on that stool, and let no one speak to her during the remainderof the day.'
There was I, then, mounted aloft; I, who had said I could not bearthe shame of standing on my natural feet in the middle of the room, wasnow exposed to general view on a pedestal of infamy. What my sensationswere, no language can describe; but just as they all rose, stifling mybreath and constricting my throat, a girl came up and passed me: inpassing, she lifted her eyes. What a strange light inspired them! Whatan extraordinary sensation that ray sent through me! How the new feelingbore me up! It was as if a martyr, a hero, had passed a slave orvictim, and imparted strength in the transit. I mastered the risinghysteria, lifted up my head, and took a firm stand on the stool. HelenBurns asked some slight questions about her work of Miss Smith, waschidden for the triviality of the inquiry, returned to her place, andsmiled at me as she again went by. What a smile! I remember it now, and Iknow that it was the effluence of fine intellect, of true courage; itlit up her marked lineaments, her thin face, her sunken grey eye, like areflection from the aspect of an angel. Yet at that moment Helen Burnswore on her arm 'the untidy badge;' scarcely an hour ago I had heard hercondemned by Miss Scatcherd to a dinner of bread and water on themorrow because she had blotted an exercise in copying it out. Such is the imperfect nature of man! such spots are there on the discof the clearest planet; and eyes like Miss Scatcherd's can only seethose minute defects, and are blind to the full brightness of the orb.

在罗沃德度过的一个季度，仿佛是一个时代，而且并不是黄金时代。我得经历一场恼人的搏斗，来克服困难，适应新的规矩和不熟悉的工作。我担心这方面出错。为此所受的折磨，甚过于我命里注定肉体上要承受的艰苦，虽说艰苦也并不是小事。
在一月、二月和三月的部分日子里，由于厚厚的积雪，以及化雪后道路几乎不通，我们的活动除了去教堂，便被困在花园的围墙之内了。但就在这个牢笼内，每天仍得在户外度过一小时。我们的衣服不足以御寒。大家没有靴子，雪灌进了鞋子，并在里面融化。我们没有手套，手都冻僵了，像脚上一样，长满了冻疮。每晚我的双脚红肿，早上又得把肿胀、疼痛和僵硬的脚趾伸进鞋子，一时痛痒难熬，至今记忆犹新。食品供应不足也令人沮丧，这些孩子都正是长身体的年纪，胃口很好，而吃的东西却难以养活一个虚弱的病人。营养缺乏带来了不良习气，这可苦了年纪较小的学生。饥肠辘辘的大龄女生一有机会，便连哄带吓，从幼小学生的份里弄到点吃的。有很多回，我在吃茶点时把那一口宝贵的黑面包分给两位讨食者，而把半杯咖啡给了第三位，自己便狼吞虎唱地把剩下的吃掉，一面因为饿得发慌而暗暗落泪。
冬季的星期日沉闷乏味。我们得走上两里路，到保护人所主持的布罗克布里奇教堂去。出发的时候很冷，到达的时刻就更冷了。早祷时我们几乎都已冻僵，这儿离校太远，不能回去用饭，两次祷告之间便吃一份冷肉和面包，份量也跟平时的饭食一样，少得可怜。
下午的祷告结束以后，我们沿着一条无遮无拦的山路回校。刺骨的寒风，吹过大雪覆盖的山峰，刮向北边来，几乎要从我们的脸上刮去一层皮。
我至今仍然记得，坦普尔小姐轻快地走在我们萎靡不振的队伍旁边，寒风吹得她的花呢斗篷紧贴在身上。她一面训导，一面以身作则，鼓励我们振作精神，照她所说的，“像不屈不挠的战士”那样奋勇前进。可怜的其他教师，大都自己也十分颓丧，更不想为别人鼓劲了。
回校以后，我们多么渴望熊熊炉火发出的光和热！但至少对年幼学生来说，并没有这福份。教室里的每个壁炉立刻被两排大姑娘围住，小一点的孩子只好成群蹲在她们身后，用围涎裹着冻僵了的胳膊。
吃茶点时，我们才得到些许安慰，发给了双份面包——一整片而不是半片——附加薄薄一层可口的黄油，这是一周一次的享受，一个安息日复一个安息日，大家都翘首企盼着。通常我只能把这美餐的一部分留给自己，其余的便总是不得不分给别人。
星期天晚上我们要背诵教堂的教义问答和《马太福音》的第五、六、七章，还要听米勒小姐冗长的讲道，她禁不住哈欠连天，证明她也倦了。在这些表演中间，经常有一个插曲，六、七个小姑娘总要扮演犹推古的角色，她们因为困倦不堪，虽然不是从三楼上而是从第四排长凳上摔下来，扶起来时也已经半死了。补救办法是把她们硬塞到教室的中间，迫使她们一直站着，直至讲道结束。有时她们的双脚不听使唤，瘫下来缩作一团，于是便不得不用班长的高凳把她们支撑起来。
我还没有提到布罗克赫斯特先生的造访，其实这位先生在我抵达后第一个月的大部分日子里，都不在家，也许他在朋友副主教那里多逗留了些时间。他不在倒使我松了口气，不必说我自有怕他来的理由，但他终究还是来了。
一天下午（那时我到罗沃德已经三星期了），我手里拿了块写字板坐着，正为长除法中的一个总数发窘，眼睛呆呆地望着窗外，看到有一个人影闪过。我几乎本能地认出了这瘦瘦的轮廓。因此两分钟后，整个学校的人，包括教师在内都全体起立时，我没有必要抬起头来后过究竟，便知道他们在迎接谁进屋了。这人大步流星走进教室。眨眼之间，在早已起立的坦普尔小姐身边，便竖起了同一根黑色大柱，就是这根柱子曾在盖茨黑德的壁炉地毯上不祥地对我皱过眉。这时我侧目瞟了一眼这个建筑物。对，我没有看错，就是那个布罗克赫斯特先生，穿着紧身长外衣，扣紧了钮扣，看上去越发修长、狭窄和刻板了。
见到这个幽灵，我有理由感到丧气。我记得清清楚楚，里德太太曾恶意地暗示过我的品行等等，布罗克赫斯特先生曾答应把我的恶劣本性告诉坦普尔小姐和教师们。我一直害怕这一诺言会得到实现——每天都提防着这个“行将到来的人”。他的谈话和对我往事的透露，会使我一辈子落下个坏孩子的恶名，而现在他终于来了。他站在坦普尔小姐身旁，跟她在小声耳语。毫无疑问他在说我坏话，我急切而痛苦地注视着她的目光，无时无刻不期待着她乌黑的眸子转向我，投来厌恶与蔑视的一瞥。我也细听着，因为碰巧坐在最靠房子头上的地方，所以他说的话，一大半都听得见。谈话的内容消除了我眼前的忧虑。
“坦普尔小姐，我想在洛顿买的线是管用的，质地正适合做白布衬衣用，我还挑选了同它相配的针。请你告诉史密斯小姐，我忘掉了买织补针的事。不过下星期我会派人送些纸来，给每个学生的一次不得超过一张，给多了，她们容易粗枝大叶，把它们弄丢了。啊，小姐！但愿你们的羊毛袜子能照看得好些！上次我来这里的时候到菜园子里转了一下，仔细瞧了瞧晾在绳子上的衣服，看见有不少黑色长袜都该补了，从破洞的大小来看，肯定一次次都没有好好修补。”
他顿了一下。
“你的指示一定执行，先生，”坦普尔小姐说。
“还有，小姐，”他继续说下去，“洗衣女工告诉我，有些姑娘一周用两块清洁的领布。这太多了，按规定，限制在一块。”
“我想这件事我可以解释一下，先生。上星期四，艾格妮丝和凯瑟琳.约翰斯通应朋友邀请，上洛顿去用茶点，我允许她们在这种场合戴上干净的领布。”
布罗克赫斯特先生点了点头。
“好吧，这一次就算了，但是请不要让这种情况经常发生。还有另一件事也叫我吃惊，我跟管家结帐，发现上两个星期，两次给姑娘们供应了点心，吃了面包奶酪，这是怎么回事？我查了一下规定，没有发现里面提到过点心之类的饭食。是谁搞的改革？又得到了谁的批准？”
“我必须对这一情况负责，先生，”坦普尔小姐回答说。“早饭烧得很糟糕，学生们都咽不下去。我不敢让她们一直饿看肚子到吃中饭。”
“小姐，请允许我说上片刻——你该清楚，我培养这些姑娘，不是打算让她们养成娇奢纵欲的习惯，而是使她们刻苦耐劳，善于忍耐，严于克己，要是偶尔有不合胃口的小事发生，譬如一顿饭烧坏了，一个菜作料加少了或者加多了，不应当用更可口的东西代替失去的享乐，来加以补救。那样只会娇纵肉体，偏离这所学校的办学目的。这件事应当用来在精神上开导学生，鼓励她们在暂时困难情况下，发扬坚韧不拔的精神。在这种场合，该不失时宜地发表一个简短的讲话。一位有识见的导师会抓住机会，说一下早期基督徒所受的苦难；说一下殉道者经受的折磨；说一下我们神圣的基督本人的规劝，召唤使徒们背起十字架跟他走；说一下他给予的警告：人活着不是单靠食物，乃是靠上帝口里所说出的一切话；说一下他神圣的安慰‘饥渴慕义的人有福了。’啊，小姐，当你不是把烧焦的粥，而是把面包和奶酪放进孩子们嘴里的时候，你也许是在喂她们邪恶的肉体，而你却没有想到，你在使她们不朽的灵魂挨饿！”
布罗克赫斯特先生又顿了一下，也许是感情太冲动的缘故。他开始讲话时，坦普尔小姐一直低着头，但这会儿眼睛却直视前方。她生来白得像大理石的脸，似乎透出了大理石所特有的冷漠与坚定，尤其是她的嘴巴紧闭着，仿佛只有用雕刻家的凿子才能把它打开，眉宇间渐渐地蒙上了一种凝固了似的严厉神色。
与此同时，布罗克赫斯特先生倒背着双手站在炉子跟前，威风凛凛地审视着全校。突然他眼睛眨了一下，好像碰上了什么耀眼刺目的东西，转过身来，用比刚才更急促的语调说：“坦普尔小姐，坦普尔小姐，那个，那个卷发姑娘是怎么回事？红头发，小姐，怎么卷过了，满头都是卷发？”他用鞭子指着那可怕的东西，他的手抖动着。
“那是朱莉娅.塞弗恩，”坦普尔小姐平静地回答。
“朱利娅.塞弗恩，小姐！为什么她，或是别人，烫起卷发来了？她竟然在我们这个福音派慈善机构里，无视学校的训戒和原则，公开媚俗，烫了一头卷发，这是为什么？”
“朱莉娅的头发天生就是卷的，”坦普尔小姐更加平静地回答。
“天生！不错，但我们不能迁就天性。我希望这些姑娘是受上帝恩惠的孩子，再说何必要留那么多头发？我一再表示我希望头发要剪短，要朴实，要简单。坦普尔小姐，那个姑娘的头发必须统统剪掉，明天我会派个理发匠来。我看见其他人头上的那个累赘物也太多了——那个高个子姑娘，叫她转过身来。叫第一班全体起立，转过脸去朝墙站着。”
坦普尔小姐用手帕揩了一下嘴唇，仿佛要抹去嘴角上情不自禁的笑容。不过她还是下了命令。第一班学生弄明白对她们的要求之后，也都服从了。我坐在长凳上，身子微微后仰，可以看得见大家挤眉弄眼，做出各种表情，对这种调遣表示了不满。可惜布罗克赫斯特先生没有能看到，要不然他也许会感受到，他纵然可以摆布杯盘的外表，但其内部，却远非他所想的那样可以随意干涉了。
他把这些活奖章的背面细细打量了大约五分钟，随后宣布了判决，他的话如丧钟般响了起来：
“头上的顶髻都得剪掉。”
坦普尔小姐似乎在抗辩。
“小姐”他进而说，“我要为主效劳，他的王国并不是这个世界。我的使命是节制这些姑娘的肉欲，教导她们衣着要谦卑克制，不梳辫子，不穿贵重衣服。而我们面前的每个年轻人，出于虚荣都把一束束头发编成了辫子。我再说一遍，这些头发必须剪掉，想一想为此而浪费的时间，想……”
布罗克赫斯特先生说到这儿被打断了。另外三位来访者，都是女的，此刻进了房间。他们来得再早一点就好了，赶得上聆听他关于服饰的高论。她们穿着华丽，一身丝绒、绸缎和毛皮。二位中的两位年轻的（十六、七岁的漂亮姑娘）戴着当时十分时鳍一笑。多好的微笑！我至今还记得，而且知道，这是睿智和真正的勇气的流露，它像天使脸上的反光一样，照亮了她富有特征的面容、瘦削的脸庞和深陷的灰眼睛。然而就在那一刻，海伦.彭斯的胳膊上还佩戴着“不整洁标记”；不到一小时之前我听见斯卡查德小姐罚她明天中饭只吃面包和清水，就因为她在抄写习题时弄脏了练习簿。人的天性就是这样的不完美！即使是最明亮的行星也有这类黑斑，而斯卡查德小姐这样的眼睛只能看到细微的缺陷，却对星球的万丈光芒视而不见。
“好粗心的姑娘！”布罗克赫斯特先生说，随后立刻又说，“是个新来的学生，我看出来了，”我还没喘过气来，他又说下去，“我可别忘了，有句关于她的话要说，”随后大着嗓门说。在我听来，那声音有多响啊！“让那个打破写字板的孩子到前面来！”
我自己已经无法动弹了，我瘫了下来。可是坐在我两边的两个大姑娘，扶我站了起来，把我推向那位可怖的法官。随后坦普尔小姐轻轻地搀着我来到他的脚跟前，我听见她小声地劝导我：
“别怕，简，我知道这不是故意的，你不会受罚。”
这善意的耳语像匕首一样直刺我心扉。
“再过一分钟，她就会把我当作伪君子而瞧不起我了，”我想。一想到这点，心中便激起了一腔怒火，冲着里德太太和布罗克赫斯特一伙们，我可不是海伦.彭斯。
“把那条凳子拿来，”布罗克赫斯特先生指着一条很高的凳子说一位班长刚从那儿站起来。凳子给端来了。
“把这孩子放上去。”
我被抱到了凳子上，是谁抱的，我并不知道，我已经不可能去注意细枝末节了。我只知道他们把我摆到了跟布罗克赫斯特先生鼻子一般高的地方；知道他离我只有一码远；知道在我下面，一片桔黄色和紫色的闪缎饰皮外衣和浓雾般银色的羽毛在扩展，在飘拂。
布罗克赫斯特先生清了清嗓子。
“女士们，”他说着转向他的家人，“坦普尔小姐，教师们和孩子们，你们都看到了这个女孩子了吧？”
她们当然是看到了。我觉到她们的眼睛像凸透镜那样对准了我烧灼的皮肤。
“你们瞧，她还很小。你们看到了，她的外貌与一般孩子没有什么两样，上帝仁慈地把赐与我们大家的外形，一样赐给了她，没有什么明显的残疾表明她是个特殊人物。谁能想到魔鬼已经在她身上找到了一个奴仆和代理人呢？而我痛心地说，这就是事实。”
他又停顿了一下。在这间隙，我开始让自己紧张的神经稳定下来，并觉得鲁比孔河已经渡过，既然审判已无法回避，那就只得硬着头去忍受了。
“我的可爱的孩子们，”这位黑大理石般的牧师悲切地继续说下去，“这是一个悲哀而令人忧伤的场合，因为我有责任告诫大家，这个本可以成为上帝自己羔羊的女孩子，是个小小的被遗弃者，不属于真正的羊群中的一员，而显然是一个闯入者，一个异己。你们必须提防她，不要学她样子。必要的话避免与她作伴，不要同她一起游戏，不要与她交谈。教师们，你们必须看住她，注意她的行踪，掂量她的话语，监视她的行动，惩罚她的肉体以拯救她的灵魂，如果有可能挽救的话，因为（我实在说不出口），这个姑娘，这个孩子，基督国土上的本地子民，比很多向梵天祈祷，向讫里什那神像跪拜的小异教徒还坏，这个女孩子是一个——说谎者！”
这时开始了十分钟的停顿。而此时我己经镇定自若，看到布罗克赫斯特家的三个女人都拿出了手帕，揩了揩眼镜，年长的一位身子前后摇晃着，年轻的两位耳语着说：“多可怕！”
布罗克赫斯特先生继续说。
“我是从她的恩人，一位廉诚慈善的太太那儿知道的。她成了孤儿的时候，是这位太太收养了她，把她作为亲生女儿来养育。这位不幸的姑娘竟以忘恩负义来报答她的善良和慷慨。这种行为那么恶劣，那么可怕，那位出色的恩主终于不得不把她同自己幼小的孩子们分开，生怕她的坏样子会沾污他们的纯洁。她被送到这里来治疗，就像古时的犹太人把病人送往毕士大搅动着的池水中一样。教师们，校长们，我请求你们不要让她周围成为一潭死水。”
说了这样精彩的结语以后，布罗克赫斯特先生整了一下长大衣最上头的一个钮扣，同他的家属嘀咕了几句，后者站起来，向坦普尔小姐鞠了一躬。随后所有的大人物都堂而皇之地走出了房间。
在门边拐弯时，我的这位法官说：
“让她在那条凳子上再站半个小时，在今天的其余时间里，不要同她说话。”
于是我就这么高高地站着。而我曾说过，我不能忍受双脚站立于房间正中的耻辱，但此刻我却站在耻辱台上示众。我的感触非语言所能形容。但是正当全体起立，使我呼吸困难，喉头紧缩的时候，一位姑娘走上前来，从我身边经过。她在走过时抬起了眼睛。那双眼睛闪着多么奇怪的光芒！那道光芒使我浑身充满了一种多么异乎寻常的感觉！这种新感觉给予我多大的支持！仿佛一位殉道者、一个英雄走过一个奴隶或者牺牲者的身边，刹那之间把力量也传给了他。我控制住了正待发作的歇斯底里，抬起头来，坚定地站在凳子上。海伦.彭斯问了史密斯小姐某个关于她作业的小问题，因为问题琐碎而被申斥了一通。她回到自己的位置上去时，再次走过我，对我微微一笑。多好的微笑！我至今还记得，而且知道，这是睿智和真正的勇气的流露，它像天使脸上的反光一样，照亮了她富有特征的面容、瘦削的脸庞和深陷的灰眼睛。然而就在那一刻，海伦.彭斯的胳膊上还佩戴着“不整洁标记”；不到一小时之前我听见斯卡查德小姐罚她明天中饭只吃面包和清水，就因为她在抄写习题时弄脏了练习簿。人的天性就是这样的不完美！即使是最明亮的行星也有这类黑斑，而斯卡查德小姐这样的眼睛只能看到细微的缺陷，却对星球的万丈光芒视而不见。

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Chapter 8

ERE the half-hour ended, five o'clock struck; school was dismissed,and all were gone into the refectory to tea. I now ventured to descend:it was deep dusk; I retired into a corner and sat down on the floor. Thespell by which I had been so far supported began to dissolve; reactiontook place, and soon, so overwhelming was the grief that seized me, Isank prostrate with my face to the ground. Now I wept: Helen Burns wasnot here; nothing sustained me; left to myself I abandoned myself, andmy tears watered the boards. I had meant to be so good, and to do somuch at Lowood: to make so many friends, to earn respect and winaffection. Already I had made visible progress; that very morning I hadreached the head of my class; Miss Miller had praised me warmly; MissTemple had smiled approbation; she had promised to teach me drawing, andto let me learn French, if I continued to make similar improvement twomonths longer: and then I was well received by my fellow-pupils; treatedas an equal by those of my own age, and not molested by any; now, here Ilay again crushed and trodden on; and could I ever rise more?
'Never,'I thought; and ardently I wished to die. While sobbing out this wish inbroken accents, some one approached: I started up- again Helen Burnswas near me; the fading fires just showed her coming up the long, vacantroom; she brought my coffee and bread.
'Come, eat something,' she said; but I put both away from me, feelingas if a drop or a crumb would have choked me in my present condition.Helen regarded me, probably with surprise: I could not now abate myagitation, though I tried hard; I continued to weep aloud. She sat downon the ground near me, embraced her knees with her arms, and rested herhead upon them; in that attitude she remained silent as an Indian. I wasthe first who spoke-
'Helen, why do you stay with a girl whom everybody believes to be a liar?'
'Everybody, Jane? Why, there are only eighty people who have heard you called so, and the world contains hundreds of millions.'
'But what have I to do with millions? The eighty, I know, despise me.'
'Jane, you are mistaken: probably not one in the school either despises or dislikes you: many, I am sure, pity you much.'
'How can they pity me after what Mr. Brocklehurst has said?'
'Mr. Brocklehurst is not a god: nor is he even a great and admiredman; he is little liked here; he never took steps to make himself liked.Had he treated you as an especial favourite, you would have foundenemies, declared or covert, all around you; as it is, the greaternumber would offer you sympathy if they dared.
Teachers and pupils may look coldly on you for a day or two, butfriendly feelings are concealed in their hearts; and if you persevere indoing well, these feelings will ere long appear so much the moreevidently for their temporary suppression. Besides, Jane'- she paused.
'Well, Helen?' said I, putting my hand into hers: she chafed myfingers gently to warm them, and went on-'If all the world hated you,and believed you wicked, while your own conscience approved you, andabsolved you from guilt, you would not be without friends.'
'No; I know I should think well of myself; but that is not enough: ifothers don't love me I would rather die than live- I cannot bear to besolitary and hated, Helen.
Look here; to gain some real affection from you, or Miss Temple, orany other whom I truly love, I would willingly submit to have the boneof my arm broken, or to let a bull toss me, or to stand behind a kickinghorse, and let it dash its hoof at my chest-'
'Hush, Jane! you think too much of the love of human beings; you aretoo impulsive, too vehement; the sovereign hand that created your frame,and put life into it, has provided you with other resources than yourfeeble self, or than creatures feeble as you.
Besides this earth, and besides the race of men, there is aninvisible world and a kingdom of spirits: that world is round us, for itis everywhere; and those spirits watch us, for they are commissioned toguard us; and if we were dying in pain and shame, if scorn smote us onall sides, and hatred crushed us, angels see our tortures, recognise ourinnocence (if innocent we be: as I know you are of this chargewhich Mr.Brocklehurst has weakly and pompously repeated at secondhand from Mrs.Reed; for I read a sincere nature in your ardent eyes and on your clearfront), and God waits only the separation of spirit from flesh to crownus with a full reward. Why, then, should we ever sink overwhelmed withdistress, when life is so soon over, and death is so certain an entranceto happiness- to glory?'
I was silent; Helen had calmed me; but in the tranquillity sheimparted there was an alloy of inexpressible sadness. I felt theimpression of woe as she spoke, but I could not tell whence it came; andwhen, having done speaking, she breathed a little fast and coughed ashort cough, I momentarily forgot my own sorrows to yield to a vagueconcern for her.
Resting my head on Helen's shoulder, I put my arms round her waist;she drew me to her, and we reposed in silence. We had not sat long thus,when another person came in. Some heavy clouds, swept from the sky by arising wind, had left the moon bare; and her light, streaming inthrough a window near, shone full both on us and on the approachingfigure, which we at once recognised as Miss Temple.
'I came on purpose to find you, Jane Eyre,' said she; 'I want you inmy room; and as Helen Burns is with you, she may come too.'
We went; following the superintendent's guidance, we had to threadsome intricate passages, and mount a staircase before we reached herapartment; it contained a good fire, and looked cheerful. Miss Templetold Helen Burns to be seated in a low arm-chair on one side of thehearth, and herself taking another, she called me to her side.
'Is it all over?' she asked, looking down at my face. 'Have you cried your grief away?'
'I am afraid I never shall do that.'
'Why?'
'Because I have been wrongly accused; and you, ma'am, and everybody else, will now think me wicked.'
'We shall think you what you prove yourself to be, my child.
Continue to act as a good girl, and you will satisfy us.'
'Shall I, Miss Temple?'
'You will,' said she, passing her arm round me. 'And now tell me whois the lady whom Mr. Brocklehurst called your benefactress?'
'Mrs. Reed, my uncle's wife. My uncle is dead, and he left me to her care.'
'Did she not, then, adopt you of her own accord?'
'No, ma'am; she was sorry to have to do it: but my uncle, as I haveoften heard the servants say, got her to promise before he died that shewould always keep me.'
'Well now, Jane, you know, or at least I will tell you, that when acriminal is accused, he is always allowed to speak in his own defence.
You have been charged with falsehood; defend yourself to me as wellas you can. Say whatever your memory suggests as true; but add nothingand exaggerate nothing.'
I resolved, in the depth of my heart, that I would be most moderate-most correct; and, having reflected a few minutes in order to arrangecoherently what I had to say, I told her all the story of my sadchildhood. Exhausted by emotion, my language was more subdued than itgenerally was when it developed that sad theme; and mindful of Helen'swarnings against the indulgence of resentment, I infused into thenarrative far less of gall and wormwood than ordinary. Thus restrainedand simplified, it sounded more credible: I felt as I went on that MissTemple fully believed me.
In the course of the tale I had mentioned Mr. Lloyd as having come tosee me after the fit: for I never forgot the, to me, frightful episodeof the red-room: in detailing which, my excitement was sure, in somedegree, to break bounds; for nothing could soften in my recollection thespasm of agony which clutched my heart when Mrs. Reed spurned my wildsupplication for pardon, and locked me a second time in the dark andhaunted chamber.
I had finished: Miss Temple regarded me a few minutes in silence;
she then said-'I know something of Mr. Lloyd; I shall write to him;if his reply agrees with your statement, you shall be publicly clearedfrom every imputation; to me, Jane, you are clear now.'
She kissed me, and still keeping me at her side (where I was wellcontented to stand for I derived a child's pleasure from thecontemplation of her face, her dress, her one or two ornaments, herwhite forehead, her clustered and shining curls, and beaming dark eyes),she proceeded to address Helen Burns.
'How are you to-night, Helen? Have you coughed much to-day?'
'Not quite so much, I think, ma'am.'
'And the pain in your chest?'
'It is a little better.'
Miss Temple got up, took her hand and examined her pulse; then shereturned to her own seat: as she resumed it, I heard her sigh low. Shewas pensive a few minutes, then rousing herself, she saidcheerfully-'But you two are my visitors to-night; I must treat you assuch.' She rang her bell.
'Barbara,' she said to the servant who answered it, 'I have not yethad tea; bring the tray and place cups for these two young ladies.'
And a tray was soon brought. How pretty, to my eyes, did the chinacups and bright teapot look, placed on the little round table near thefire! How fragrant was the steam of the beverage, and the scent of thetoast! of which, however, I, to my dismay (for I was beginning to behungry), discerned only a very small portion: Miss Temple discerned ittoo.
'Barbara,' said she, 'can you not bring a little more bread and butter? There is not enough for three.'
Barbara went out: she returned soon-'Madam, Mrs. Harden says she hassent up the usual quantity.' Mrs. Harden, be it observed, was thehousekeeper: a woman after Mr. Brocklehurst's own heart, made up ofequal parts of whalebone and iron.
'Oh, very well!' returned Miss Temple; 'we must make it do, Barbara, Isuppose.' And as the girl withdrew she added, smiling, 'Fortunately, Ihave it in my power to supply deficiencies for this once.'
Having invited Helen and me to approach the table, and placed beforeeach of us a cup of tea with one delicious but thin morsel of toast, shegot up, unlocked a drawer, and taking from it a parcel wrapped inpaper, disclosed presently to our eyes a good-sized seed-cake.
'I meant to give each of you some of this to take with you,' saidshe, 'but as there is so little toast, you must have it now,' and sheproceeded to cut slices with a generous hand.
We feasted that evening as on nectar and ambrosia; and not the leastdelight of the entertainment was the smile of gratification with whichour hostess regarded us, as we satisfied our famished appetites on thedelicate fare she liberally supplied.
Tea over and the tray removed, she again summoned us to the fire; wesat one on each side of her, and now a conversation followed between herand Helen, which it was indeed a privilege to be admitted to hear.
Miss Temple had always something of serenity in her air, of state inher mien, of refined propriety in her language, which precludeddeviation into the ardent, the excited, the eager: something whichchastened the pleasure of those who looked on her and listened to her,by a controlling sense of awe; and such was my feeling now: but as toHelen Burns, I was struck with wonder.
The refreshing meal, the brilliant fire, the presence and kindness ofher beloved instructress, or, perhaps, more than all these, somethingin her own unique mind, had roused her powers within her. They woke,they kindled: first, they glowed in the bright tint of her cheek, whichtill this hour I had never seen but pale and bloodless; then they shonein the liquid lustre of her eyes, which had suddenly acquired a beautymore singular than that of Miss Temple's- a beauty neither of finecolour nor long eyelash, nor pencilled brow, but of meaning, ofmovement, of radiance. Then her soul sat on her lips, and languageflowed, from what source I cannot tell. Has a girl of fourteen a heartlarge enough, vigorous enough, to hold the swelling spring of pure,full, fervid eloquence? Such was the characteristic of Helen's discourseon that, to me, memorable evening; her spirit seemed hastening to livewithin a very brief span as much as many live during a protractedexistence.
They conversed of things I had never heard of; of nations and timespast; of countries far away; of secrets of nature discovered or guessedat: they spoke of books: how many they had read! What stores ofknowledge they possessed! Then they seemed so familiar with French namesand French authors: but my amazement reached its climax when MissTemple asked Helen if she sometimes snatched a moment to recall theLatin her father had taught her, and taking a book from a shelf, badeher read and construe a page of Virgil; and Helen obeyed, my organ ofveneration expanding at every sounding line. She had scarcely finishedere the bell announced bedtime! no delay could be admitted; Miss Templeembraced us both, saying, as she drew us to her heart-
'God bless you, my children!'
Helen she held a little longer than me: she let her go morereluctantly; it was Helen her eye followed to the door; it was for hershe a second time breathed a sad sigh; for her she wiped a tear from hercheek.
On reaching the bedroom, we heard the voice of Miss Scatcherd: shewas examining drawers; she had just pulled out Helen Burns's, and whenwe entered Helen was greeted with a sharp reprimand, and told thatto-morrow she should have half a dozen of untidily folded articlespinned to her shoulder.
'My things were indeed in shameful disorder,' murmured Helen to me,in a low voice: 'I intended to have arranged them, but I forgot.'
Next morning, Miss Scatcherd wrote in conspicuous characters on apiece of pasteboard the word 'Slattern,' and bound it like a phylacteryround Helen's large, mild, intelligent, and benign-looking forehead. Shewore it till evening, patient, unresentful, regarding it as a deservedpunishment. The moment Miss Scatcherd withdrew after afternoon school, Iran to Helen, tore it off, and thrust it into the fire: the fury ofwhich she was incapable had been burning in my soul all day, and tears,hot and large, had continually been scalding my cheek; for the spectacleof her sad resignation gave me an intolerable pain at the heart.
About a week subsequently to the incidents above narrated, MissTemple, who had written to Mr. Lloyd, received his answer: it appearedthat what he said went to corroborate my account. Miss Temple, havingassembled the whole school, announced that inquiry had been made intothe charges alleged against Jane Eyre, and that she was most happy to beable to pronounce her completely cleared from every imputation. Theteachers then shook hands with me and kissed me, and a murmur ofpleasure ran through the ranks of my companions.
Thus relieved of a grievous load, I from that hour set to workafresh, resolved to pioneer my way through every difficulty: I toiledhard, and my success was proportionate to my efforts; my memory, notnaturally tenacious, improved with practice; exercise sharpened my wits;in a few weeks I was promoted to a higher class; in less than twomonths I was allowed to commence French and drawing. I learned the firsttwo tenses of the verb Etre, and sketched my first cottage (whosewalls, by the bye, outrivalled in slope those of the leaning tower ofPisa), on the same day. That night, on going to bed, I forgot to preparein imagination the Barmecide supper of hot roast potatoes, or whitebread and new milk, with which I was wont to amuse my inward cravings: Ifeasted instead on the spectacle of ideal drawings, which I saw in thedark; all the work of my own hands: freely pencilled houses and trees,picturesque rocks and ruins, Cuyp-like groups of cattle, sweet paintingsof butterflies hovering over unblown roses, of birds picking at ripecherries, of wrens' nests enclosing pearl-like eggs, wreathed about withyoung ivy sprays. I examined, too, in thought, the possibility of myever being able to translate currently a certain little French storywhich Madame Pierrot had that day shown me; nor was that problem solvedto my satisfaction ere I fell sweetly asleep.
Well has Solomon said- 'Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.'I would not now have exchanged Lowood with all its privations for Gateshead and its daily luxuries.

半个小时不到，钟就敲响了五点。散课了，大家都进饭厅去吃茶点，我这才大着胆走下凳子。这时暮色正浓，我躲进一个角落，在地板上坐了下来。一直支撑着我的魔力消失了，被不良反应所取代。我伤心不已，脸朝下扑倒在地，嚎啕大哭起来。海伦.彭斯不在，没有东西支撑我。孤身独处，我难以自制，眼泪洒到了地板上。我曾打算在罗沃德表现那么出色，做那么多事情，交那么多朋友，博得别人的尊敬，赢得大家的爱护，而且已经取得了明显的进步。就在那天早上，我在班上己经名列前矛，米勒小姐热情夸奖我，坦普尔小姐微笑着表示赞许，还答应教我绘画，让我学法文、只要我在两个月之内继续取得同样的进步，此外，我也深受同学们的欢迎，同我年龄相仿的人也对我平等相待，我已不再受人欺悔。然而此刻，我又被打倒在地，遭人践踏。我还有翻身之日吗？
“永远没有了，”我想，满心希望自己死掉。正当我泣不成声地吐出了这个心愿时，有人走近了我，我惊跳了起来，又是海伦.彭斯靠近了我，渐暗的炉火恰好照亮她走过空空荡荡的长房间她给我端来了咖啡和面包。
“来，吃点东西，”她说，可是我们把咖啡和面包都从我面前推开了，只觉得仿佛眼下一滴咖啡或一口面包就会把我噎住似的。海伦凝视着我，也许很惊奇，这时我虽已竭尽全力，却仍无法抑制内心的激动，仍然一个劲儿号啕着，她在我身旁的地上坐下，胳膊抱着双膝，把头靠在膝头上，她就那么坐着，不言不语，像一个印度人。倒是我第一个开了腔：
“海伦，你怎么会跟一个人人都相信她会说谎的人呆在一起呢？”
“是人人吗，简？瞧，只有八十个人听见叫你撒谎者，而世界上有千千万万的人呢。”
“可是我跟那千千万万的人有什么关系呢？我认识的八十个人瞧不起我。”
“简，你错啦，也许学校里没有一个人会瞧不起你，或者讨厌你，我敢肯定，很多人都那么同情你。”
“布罗克赫斯特先生说了话以后，她们怎么可能同情我呢。”
“布罗克赫斯特先生不是神，也不是一个值得钦佩的伟人。这里人不喜欢他。他也不想法让人喜欢他。要是他把你看成他的宠儿，你倒会处处树敌，公开的，或者暗地里的都会有。而现在这样，大多数胆子大一点的人是会同情你的。而要是你继续努力，好好表现，这些感情正因为暂时的压抑，不久就会更加明显地表露出来。此外，简”她刹住了话头。
“怎样。海伦？”我说着把自己手塞到了她手里，她轻轻地揉着我的手指，使它们暖和过来，随后又说下去：
“即使整个世界恨你，并且相信你很坏，只要你自己问心无愧，知道你是清白的，你就不会没有朋友。”
“不，我明白我觉得自己不错，但这还不够，要是别人不爱我，那么与其活着还不如死去——我受不了孤独和别人的厌恶，海伦。瞧，为了从你那儿，或者坦普尔小姐，或是任何一个我确实所爱的人那儿，得到真正的爱，我会心甘情愿忍受胳膊骨被折断，或者愿让一头公牛把我悬空抛起，或者站在一匹蹶腿的马后面，任马蹄踢向我胸膛——”
“嘘，简！你太看重人的爱了，你的感情太冲动你的情绪太激烈了。一只至高无上的手创造了你的躯体，又往里面注入了生命，这只手除了造就了你脆弱的自身，或者同你一样脆弱的创造物之外，还给你提供了别的财富。在地球和人类之外，还有一个看不见的世界，一个精灵王国。这个世界包围着我们，无所不在。那些精灵们注视着我们，奉命守护我们。要是我们在痛苦和耻辱中死去；要是来自四面八方的鄙视刺伤了我们；要是仇恨压垮了我们，天使们会看到我们遭受折磨，会承认我们清白无辜（如果我们确实清白无辜，我知道你受到了布罗克赫斯特先生指控，但这种指控软弱无力，夸大其词，不过是从里德太太那儿转手得来的，因为我从你热情的眼睛里，从你明净的前额上，看到了诚实的本性），上帝只不过等待灵魂与肉体分离，以赐予我们充分酬报。当生命很快结束，死亡必定成为幸福与荣耀的入口时，我们为什么还要因为忧伤而沉沦呢？”
我默不作声。海伦已经使我平静下来了，但在她所传递的宁静里，混杂着一种难以言传的悲哀。她说话时我感受到了这种悲哀，但不知道它从何而来。话一讲完，她开始有点气急，短短地咳了几声，我立刻忘掉了自己的苦恼，隐隐约约地为她担起心来。
我把头靠在海伦的肩上，双手抱住了她的腰，她紧紧搂住我，两人默默地偎依着。我们没坐多久，另外一个人进来了。这时，一阵刚起的风，吹开了沉重的云块，露出了月亮，月光泻进近旁的窗户，清晰地照亮了我们两人和那个走近的身影，我们立刻认出来，那是坦普尔小姐。
“我是特地来找你的，简.爱，”她说，“我要你到我房间里去，既然海伦.彭斯也在，那她也一起来吧。”
我们去了。在这位校长的带领下，我们穿过了一条条复杂的过道，登上一座楼梯，才到她的寓所。房间里炉火正旺，显得很惬意。坦普尔小姐叫海伦.彭斯坐在火炉一边的低靠手椅里，她自己在另一条靠手椅上坐下，把我叫到她身边。
“全都过去了吗？”她俯身瞧着我的脸问。“把伤心都哭光了？”
“恐怕我永远做不到。”
“为什么？”
“因为我被冤枉了，小姐，你，还有所有其他人，都会认为我很坏。”
“孩子，我们会根据你的表现来看待你的。继续做个好姑娘，你会使我满意的。”
“我会吗，坦普尔小姐？”
“你会的，”她说着用胳膊搂住我。“现在你告诉我，被布罗克赫斯特称为你的恩人的那位太太是谁？”
“里德太太，我舅舅的妻子。我舅舅去世了，他把我交给她照顾。”
“那他不是自己主动要抚养你了？”
“不是，小姐。她感到很遗憾，不得不抚养我。但我常听仆人们说，我舅舅临终前要她答应，永远抚养我。”
“好吧，简，你知道，或者至少我要让你知道，罪犯在被起诉时，往往允许为自己辩护。你被指责为说谎，那你就在我面前尽力为自己辩护吧，凡是你记得的事实你都说，可别加油添醋，夸大其词。”
我暗下决心，要把话说得恰如其分，准确无误。我思考了几分钟，把该说的话理出了个头绪，便一五一十地向她诉说了我悲苦的童年。我己激动得精疲力尽，所以谈到这个伤心的话题时，说话比平时要克制。我还记住了海伦的告诫，不一味沉溺于怨词，叙述时所掺杂的刻薄与恼恨比往日少得多，而且态度收敛，内容简明，听来更加可信。我觉得，我往下说时，坦普尔小姐完全相信我的话。
我在叙述自己的经历时，还提到了劳埃德先生，说他在我昏厥后来看过我。我永远忘不了可怕的红房子事件，有详细诉说时，我的情绪有点失态，因为当里德太太断然拒绝我发疯似的求饶，把我第二次关进黑洞洞闹鬼的房子时，那种阵阵揪心的痛苦，在记忆中是什么也抚慰不了的。
我讲完了。坦普尔小姐默默地看了我几分钟，随后说：
“劳埃德先生我有些认识，我会写信给他的。要是他的答复同你说的相符，我们会公开澄清对你的诋毁。对我来说，简，现在你说的相符，我们会公开澄清对你的诋毁。对我来说，简，现在你已经清白了。”
她吻了吻我，仍旧让我呆在她身边（我很乐意站在那里，因为我端详着她的面容、她的装束、她的一、二件饰品、她那白皙的额头、她那一团团闪光的卷发和乌黑发亮的眼睛时，得到了一种孩子般的喜悦）。她开始同海伦.彭斯说话了。
“今晚你感觉怎么样，海伦？你今天咳得厉害吗？”
“我想不太厉害，小姐。”
“胸部的疼痛呢？”
“好一点了。”
坦普尔小姐站起来，拉过她的手，按了按脉搏，随后回到了自己的座位上。坐定以后，我听她轻声叹了口气。她沉思了一会，随后回过神来，高兴地说：
“不过今晚你们俩是我的客人，我必须按客人相待，”她按了下铃。
“巴巴拉，”她对应召而来的佣人说，“我还没有用茶呢，你把盘子端来，给两位小姐也放上杯子。”
盘子很快就端来了，在我的目光中，这些放在火炉旁小园桌上的瓷杯和亮晃晃的茶壶多么漂亮！那饮料的热气和烤面包的味儿多香！但使我失望的是（因为我已开始觉得饿了），我发现那份儿很小，坦普尔小姐也同样注意到了，
“巴巴拉，”她说，“不能再拿点面包和黄油来吗？这不够三个人吃呀。”
巴巴拉走了出去，但很快又回来了。
“小姐，哈登太太说已经按平时的份量送来了。”
得说明一下，哈登太太是个管家，这个女人很合布罗克赫斯特先生的心意，两人的心一样都是铁铸的。
“啊，好吧，”坦普尔小姐回答，“我想我们只好将就了，巴巴拉。”等这位姑娘一走，她便笑着补充说：“幸好我自己还能够弥补这次的欠缺。”
她邀海伦与我凑近桌子，在我们俩面前各放了一杯茶和一小片可口却很薄的烤面包，随后打开抽屉，从里面抽出一个纸包，我们眼前立刻出现了一个大果子饼。
“我本想让你们各自带一点儿回去，”她说，“但是因为烤面包这么少，你们现在就得吃掉了。”她很大方地把饼切成了厚片。
那天夜晚，我们吃了香甜的饮料和食品，享受了一次盛宴。当她慷慨提供的美食，满足了我们的辘辘饥肠时，我们的女主人面带满意的微笑，望着我们，那笑容也一样令人愉快。吃完茶点，端走了托盘后，她又招呼我们到火炉边去。我们两人一边一个坐在她身旁。这时，她与海伦开始了谈话，而我能被允许旁听，实在也是有幸。
坦普尔小姐向来神态安详，风度庄重，谈吐文雅得体，这使她不至于陷入狂热、激奋和浮躁，同样也使看着她和倾听她的人，出于一种敬畏心情，不会露出过份的喜悦，这就是我此刻的情感。
但海伦的情况却使我十分吃惊。
因为茶点振奋了精神，炉火在熊熊燃烧，因为亲爱的导师在场并待她很好，也许不止这一切，而是她独一无二的头脑中的某种东西，激发了她内在的种种力量。这些力量被唤醒了，被点燃了，起初闪烁在一向苍白而没有血色现在却容光焕发的脸上，随后显露在她水灵灵炯炯有神的眼睛里，这双眼睛突然之间获得了一种比坦普尔小姐的眼睛更为独特的美，它没有好看的色彩，没有长长的睫毛，没有用眉笔描过的眉毛，却那么意味深长，那么流动不息，那么光芒四射。随后她似乎心口交融，说话流畅。这些话从什么源头流出来，我无从判断。一个十四岁的女孩有这样活跃、这样宽大的胸怀，装得下这纯洁、充盈、炽热的雄辩之泉么？这就是那个使我难以忘怀的夜晚海伦谈话的特色。她的心灵仿佛急于要在短暂的片刻中，过得与众多长期苟活的人一样充实。
她们谈论着我从未听说过的事情，谈到了逝去的民族和时代，谈到了遥远的国度；谈到了被发现或臆测到的自然界的奥秘，还谈到了书籍。她们看过的书真多啊！她们掌握的知识真丰富！随后她们似乎对法国人名和法国作者了如指掌。但最使我惊讶的是，这时坦普尔小姐问海伦是不是抽空在复习她爸爸教她的拉丁文，还从书架上取了一本书，吩咐她朗读和解释维吉尔①的一页著作，海伦照着做了。我每听一行朗朗的诗句，对她也就愈加肃然起敬。她几乎还没有读完，上床铃就响了，已不允许任何拖延。坦普尔小姐拥抱了我们俩，她把我们搂到怀里时说：
“上帝保佑你们，我的孩子们！”
她拥抱海伦比拥抱我要长些，更不情愿放她走。她一直目送海伦到门边，为了海伦，她再次伤心地叹了口气；为了海伦，她从脸上抹去了一滴眼泪，
到了寝室，我们听见了斯卡查德小姐的嗓音，她正在检查抽屉，而且刚好已把海伦的抽屉拉出来。我们一走进房间，海伦便当头挨了一顿痛骂。她告诉海伦，明天要把五六件叠得乱七八糟的东西别在她的肩上。
“我的东西乱糟糟的真丢脸，”海伦喃喃地同我说，“我是想把它们放整齐的，可总是忘了。”
第二早上，斯卡查德小姐在一块纸牌上写下了十分醒目的两个字“邋遢”，像经文护符匣一样，把它系在海伦那宽大、温顺、聪颖、一付善相的额头上。她那么耐心而毫无怨言地佩戴着它，视之为应得的惩罚，一直戴到晚上。下午放学以后，斯卡查德小姐一走，我便跑到海伦那儿，一把撕下这块牌子，把它扔进火里。她所不会有的火气，整天在我心中燃烧着，大滴大滴热泪，一直烧灼着我的脸颊，她那付悲哀的、听天由命的样子，使我心里痛苦得难以忍受。
上述事件发生后大约一周，坦普尔小姐写给劳埃德先生的信有了回音。他在信中所说的，进一步证实了我的自述。坦普尔小姐把全校师生召集起来，当众宣布，对简.爱所受的指责己经作了调查，而且很高兴地声明对简.爱的诋毁己彻底澄清。教师们随后同我握了手，吻了我，一阵欢悦的低语，迥荡在我同伴的队伍之中。
这样我便卸下了一个沉重的包袱。我打算从头努力，决心排除万难披荆斩棘地前进。我拼命苦干，付出几分努力，便获得几分成功。我的记忆力虽然不是生来很强，但经过实干有了改进，而反复练习使我的头脑更为机敏。几周之后，我被升到了高班，不到两个月我被允许学习法文和绘画。我学了动词Ｅtre的最基本的两个时态；同一天我作了第一幅茅屋素描（顺便说一句，屋子墙壁的倾斜度可与比萨斜塔相媲美）。那天夜里上床时，我忘了在遐想中准备有热的烤土豆或白面包与新鲜牛奶的巴米赛德晚餐了，往常我是以此来解馋的。而现在，我在黑暗中所见到的理想画面成了我的盛宴。所有的画作都是出自我的手笔，潇洒自如的房屋、树木铅笔画，别致的岩石和废墟，克伊普式的牛群，以及各种可爱的画：有蝴蝶在含苞的玫瑰上翩翩起舞；有鸟儿啄着成熟的樱桃；有藏着珍珠般鸟蛋的鹪鹩巢穴，四周还绕着一圈嫩绿的长春藤。我还在脑子里掂量了一下，有没有可能把那天皮埃罗太太给我看的薄薄的法文故事书，流利地翻译出来。这个问题还没有满意解决，我便甜甜地睡着了。
所罗门说得好：“吃素菜，彼此相爱，强如吃肥牛，彼此相恨。”
现在，我决不会拿贫困的罗沃德去换取终日奢华的盖茨黑德。

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伊墨君

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Chapter 9

BUT the privations, or rather the hardships, of Lowood lessened.Spring drew on: she was indeed already come; the frosts of winter hadceased; its snows were melted, its cutting winds ameliorated. Mywretched feet, flayed and swollen to lameness by the sharp air ofJanuary, began to heal and subside under the gentler breathings ofApril; the nights and mornings no longer by their Canadian temperaturefroze the very blood in our veins; we could now endure the play-hourpassed in the garden: sometimes on a sunny day it began even to bepleasant and genial, and a greenness grew over those brown beds, which,freshening daily, suggested the thought that Hope traversed them atnight, and left each morning brighter traces of her steps.
Flowerspeeped out amongst the leaves; snowdrops, crocuses, purple auriculas,and golden-eyed pansies. On Thursday afternoons (half-holidays) we nowtook walks, and found still sweeter flowers opening by the wayside,under the hedges.
I discovered, too, that a great pleasure, an enjoyment which thehorizon only bounded, lay all outside the high and spike-guarded wallsof our garden: this pleasure consisted in prospect of noble summitsgirdling a great hill-hollow, rich in verdure and shadow; in a brightbeck, full of dark stones and sparkling eddies. How different had thisscene looked when I viewed it laid out beneath the iron sky of winter,stiffened in frost, shrouded with snow!- when mists as chill as deathwandered to the impulse of east winds along those purple peaks, androlled down 'ing' and holm till they blended with the frozen fog of thebeck! That beck itself was then a torrent, turbid and curbless: it toreasunder the wood, and sent a raving sound through the air, oftenthickened with wild rain or whirling sleet; and for the forest on itsbanks, that showed only ranks of skeletons.
April advanced to May: a bright, serene May it was; days of blue sky,placid sunshine, and soft western or southern gales filled up itsduration. And now vegetation matured with vigour; Lowood shook loose itstresses; it became all green, all flowery; its great elm, ash, and oakskeletons were restored to majestic life; woodland plants sprang upprofusely in its recesses; unnumbered varieties of moss filled itshollows, and it made a strange ground-sunshine out of the wealth of itswild primrose plants: I have seen their pale gold gleam in overshadowedspots like scatterings of the sweetest lustre. All this I enjoyed oftenand fully, free, unwatched, and almost alone: for this unwonted libertyand pleasure there was a cause, to which it now becomes my task toadvert.
Have I not described a pleasant site for a dwelling, when I speak ofit as bosomed in hill and wood, and rising from the verge of a stream?Assuredly, pleasant enough: but whether healthy or not is anotherquestion.
That forest-dell, where Lowood lay, was the cradle of fog andfog-bred pestilence; which, quickening with the quickening spring, creptinto the Orphan Asylum, breathed typhus through its crowded schoolroomand dormitory, and, ere May arrived, transformed the seminary into anhospital.
Semi-starvation and neglected colds had predisposed most of thepupils to receive infection: forty-five out of the eighty girls lay illat one time. Classes were broken up, rules relaxed. The few whocontinued well were allowed almost unlimited license; because themedical attendant insisted on the necessity of frequent exercise to keepthem in health: and had it been otherwise, no one had leisure to watchor restrain them. Miss Temple's whole attention was absorbed by thepatients: she lived in the sick-room, never quitting it except to snatcha few hours' rest at night. The teachers were fully occupied withpacking up and making other necessary preparations for the departure ofthose girls who were fortunate enough to have friends and relations ableand willing to remove them from the seat of contagion. Many, alreadysmitten, went home only to die: some died at the school, and were buriedquietly and quickly, the nature of the malady forbidding delay.
While disease had thus become an inhabitant of Lowood, and death itsfrequent visitor; while there was gloom and fear within its walls; while its rooms and passages steamed with hospital smells, the drug andthe pastille striving vainly to overcome the effluvia of mortality, thatbright May shone unclouded over the bold hills and beautiful woodlandout of doors. Its garden, too, glowed with flowers: hollyhocks hadsprung up tall as trees, lilies had opened, tulips and roses were inbloom; the borders of the little beds were gay with pink thrift andcrimson double daisies; the sweetbriars gave out, morning and evening,their scent of spice and apples; and these fragrant treasures were alluseless for most of the inmates of Lowood, except to furnish now andthen a handful of herbs and blossoms to put in a coffin.
But I, and the rest who continued well, enjoyed fully the beauties ofthe scene and season; they let us ramble in the wood, like gipsies,from morning till night; we did what we liked, went where we liked: welived better too. Mr. Brocklehurst and his family never came near Lowoodnow: household matters were not scrutinised into; the cross housekeeperwas gone, driven away by the fear of infection; her successor, who hadbeen matron at the Lowton Dispensary, unused to the ways of her newabode, provided with comparative liberality.
Besides, there were fewer to feed; the sick could eat little; ourbreakfast-basins were better filled; when there was no time to prepare aregular dinner, which often happened, she would give us a large pieceof cold pie, or a thick slice of bread and cheese, and this we carriedaway with us to the wood, where we each chose the spot we liked best,and dined sumptuously.
My favourite seat was a smooth and broad stone, rising white and dryfrom the very middle of the beck, and only to be got at by wadingthrough the water; a feat I accomplished barefoot. The stone was justbroad enough to accommodate, comfortably, another girl and me, at thattime my chosen comrade- one Mary Ann Wilson; a shrewd, observantpersonage, whose society I took pleasure in, partly because she waswitty and original, and partly because she had a manner which set me atmy ease. Some years older than I, she knew more of the world, and couldtell me many things I liked to hear: with her my curiosity foundgratification: to my faults also she gave ample indulgence, neverimposing curb or rein on anything I said. She had a turn for narrative, Ifor analysis; she liked to inform, I to question; so we got onswimmingly together, deriving much entertainment, if not muchimprovement, from our mutual intercourse.
And where, meantime, was Helen Burns? Why did I not spend these sweetdays of liberty with her? Had I forgotten her? or was I so worthless asto have grown tired of her pure society? Surely the Mary Ann Wilson Ihave mentioned was inferior to my first acquaintance: she could onlytell me amusing stories, and reciprocate any racy and pungent gossip Ichose to indulge in; while, if I have spoken truth of Helen, she wasqualified to give those who enjoyed the privilege of her converse ataste of far higher things.
True, reader; and I knew and felt this: and though I am a defectivebeing, with many faults and few redeeming points, yet I never tired ofHelen Burns; nor ever ceased to cherish for her a sentiment ofattachment, as strong, tender, and respectful as any that ever animatedmy heart. How could it be otherwise, when Helen, at all times and underall circumstances, evinced for me a quiet and faithful friendship, whichill-humour never soured, nor irritation never troubled? But Helen wasill at present: for some weeks she had been removed from my sight to Iknew not what room upstairs. She was not, I was told, in the hospitalportion of the house with the fever patients; for her complaint wasconsumption, not typhus: and by consumption I, in my ignorance,understood something mild, which time and care would be sure toalleviate.
I was confirmed in this idea by the fact of her once or twice comingdownstairs on very warm sunny afternoons, and being taken by Miss Templeinto the garden; but, on these occasions, I was not allowed to go andspeak to her; I only saw her from the schoolroom window, and then notdistinctly; for she was much wrapped up, and sat at a distance under theverandah.
One evening, in the beginning of June, I had stayed out very latewith Mary Ann in the wood; we had, as usual, separated ourselves fromthe others, and had wandered far; so far that we lost our way, and hadto ask it at a lonely cottage, where a man and woman lived, who lookedafter a herd of half-wild swine that fed on the mast in the wood. Whenwe got back, it was after moonrise: a pony, which we knew to be thesurgeon's, was standing at the garden door. Mary Ann remarked that shesupposed some one must be very ill, as Mr. Bates had been sent for atthat time of the evening. She went into the house;I stayed behind a fewminutes to plant in my garden a handful of roots I had dug up in theforest, and which I feared would wither if I left them till the morning.This done, I lingered yet a little longer: the flowers smelt so sweetas the dew fell; it was such a pleasant evening, so serene, so warm; thestill glowing west promised so fairly another fine day on the morrow;the moon rose with such majesty in the grave east. I was noting thesethings and enjoying them as a child might, when it entered my mind as ithad never done before:-'How sad to be lying now on a sick bed, and tobe in danger of dying! This world is pleasant- it would be dreary to becalled from it, and to have to go who knows where?'
And then my mind made its first earnest effort to comprehend what hadbeen infused into it concerning heaven and hell; and for the first timeit recoiled, baffled; and for the first time glancing behind, on eachside, and before it, it saw all round an unfathomed gulf: it felt theone point where it stood- the present; all the rest was formless cloudand vacant depth; and it shuddered at the thought of tottering, andplunging amid that chaos. While pondering this new idea, I heard thefront door open; Mr. Bates came out, and with him was a nurse. After shehad seen him mount his horse and depart, she was about to close thedoor, but I ran up to her.
'How is Helen Burns?'
'Very poorly,' was the answer.
'Is it her Mr. Bates has been to see?'
'Yes.'
'And what does he say about her?'
'He says she'll not be here long.'
This phrase, uttered in my hearing yesterday, would have onlyconveyed the notion that she was about to be removed to Northumberland,to her own home. I should not have suspected that it meant she wasdying; but I knew instantly now! It opened clear on my comprehensionthat Helen Burns was numbering her last days in this world, and that shewas going to be taken to the region of spirits, if such region therewere. I experienced a shock of horror, then a strong thrill of grief,then a desire- a necessity to see her; and I asked in what room she lay.
'She is in Miss Temple's room,' said the nurse.
'May I go up and speak to her?'
'Oh no, child! It is not likely; and now it is time for you to comein; you'll catch the fever if you stop out when the dew is falling.'
The nurse closed the front door; I went in by the side entrance whichled to the schoolroom: I was just in time; it was nine o'clock, andMiss Miller was calling the pupils to go to bed.
It might be two hours later, probably near eleven, when I- not havingbeen able to fall asleep, and deeming, from the perfect silence of thedormitory, that my companions were all wrapt in profound repose- rosesoftly, put on my frock over my night-dress, and, without shoes, creptfrom the apartment, and set off in quest of Miss Temple's room. It wasquite at the other end of the house; but I knew my way; and the light ofthe unclouded summer moon, entering here and there at passage windows,enabled me to find it without difficulty. An odour of camphor and burntvinegar warned me when I came near the fever room: and I passed its doorquickly, fearful lest the nurse who sat up all night should hear me. Idreaded being discovered and sent back; for I must see Helen,- I mustembrace her before she died,- I must give her one last kiss, exchangewith her one last word.
Having descended a staircase, traversed a portion of the house below,and succeeded in opening and shutting, without noise, two doors, Ireached another flight of steps; these I mounted, and then just oppositeto me was Miss Temple's room. A light shone through the keyhole andfrom under the door; a profound stillness pervaded the vicinity. Comingnear, I found the door slightly ajar; probably to admit some fresh airinto the close abode of sickness. Indisposed to hesitate, and full ofimpatient impulses- soul and senses quivering with keen throes- I put itback and looked in. My eye sought Helen, and feared to find death.
Close by Miss Temple's bed, and half covered with its white curtains,there stood a little crib. I saw the outline of a form under theclothes, but the face was hid by the hangings: the nurse I had spoken toin the garden sat in an easy-chair asleep; an unsnuffed candle burntdimly on the table. Miss Temple was not to be seen: I knew afterwardsthat she had been called to a delirious patient in the fever-room. Iadvanced; then paused by the crib side: my hand was on the curtain, but Ipreferred speaking before I withdrew it. I still recoiled at the dreadof seeing a corpse.
'Helen!' I whispered softly, 'are you awake?'
She stirred herself, put back the curtain, and I saw her face, pale,wasted, but quite composed: she looked so little changed that my fearwas instantly dissipated.
'Can it be you, Jane?' she asked, in her own gentle voice.
'Oh!' I thought, 'she is not going to die; they are mistaken: she could not speak and look so calmly if she were.'
I got on to her crib and kissed her: her forehead was cold, and hercheek both cold and thin, and so were her hand and wrist; but she smiledas of old.
'Why are you come here, Jane? It is past eleven o'clock: I heard it strike some minutes since.'
'I came to see you, Helen: I heard you were very ill, and I could not sleep till I had spoken to you.'
'You came to bid me good-bye, then: you are just in time probably.'
'Are you going somewhere, Helen? Are you going home?'
'Yes; to my long home- my last home.'
'No, no, Helen!' I stopped, distressed. While I tried to devour mytears, a fit of coughing seized Helen; it did not, however, wake thenurse; when it was over, she lay some minutes exhausted; then shewhispered-
'Jane, your little feet are bare; lie down and cover yourself with my quilt.'
I did so: she put her arm over me, and I nestled close to her.
After a long silence, she resumed, still whispering-
'I am very happy, Jane; and when you hear that I am dead, you must besure and not grieve: there is nothing to grieve about. We all must dieone day, and the illness which is removing me is not painful; it isgentle and gradual: my mind is at rest. I leave no one to regret memuch: I have only a father; and he is lately married, and will not missme. By dying young, I shall escape great sufferings.
I had not qualities or talents to make my way very well in the world: I should have been continually at fault.'
'But where are you going to, Helen? Can you see? Do you know?'
'I believe; I have faith: I am going to God.'
'Where is God? What is God?'
'My Maker and yours, who will never destroy what He created. I relyimplicitly on His power, and confide wholly in His goodness: I count thehours till that eventful one arrives which shall restore me to Him,reveal Him to me.'
'You are sure, then, Helen, that there is such a place as heaven, and that our souls can get to it when we die?'
'I am sure there is a future state; I believe God is good; I canresign my immortal part to Him without any misgiving. God is my father;God is my friend: I love Him; I believe He loves me.'
'And shall I see you again, Helen, when I die?'
'You will come to the same region of happiness: be received by the same mighty, universal Parent, no doubt, dear Jane.'
Again I questioned, but this time only in thought. 'Where is thatregion? Does it exist?' And I clasped my arms closer around Helen; sheseemed dearer to me than ever; I felt as if I could not let her go;I laywith my face hidden on her neck. Presently she said, in the sweetesttone-
'How comfortable I am! That last fit of coughing has tired me alittle; I feel as if I could sleep: but don't leave me, Jane; I like tohave you near me.'
'I'll stay with you, dear Helen: no one shall take me away.'
'Are you warm, darling?'
'Yes.'
'Good-night, Jane.'
'Good-night, Helen.'
She kissed me, and I her, and we both soon slumbered.
When I awoke it was day: an unusual movement roused me; I looked up; Iwas in somebody's arms; the nurse held me; she was carrying me throughthe passage back to the dormitory. I was not reprimanded for leaving mybed; people had something else to think about; no explanation wasafforded then to my many questions; but a day or two afterwards Ilearned that Miss Temple, on returning to her own room at dawn, hadfound me laid in the little crib; my face against Helen Burns'sshoulder, my arms round her neck. I was asleep, and Helen was-dead.Her grave is in Brocklebridge churchyard: for fifteen years after herdeath it was only covered by a grassy mound; but now a grey marbletablet marks the spot, inscribed with her name, and the word 'Resurgam.'

然而，罗沃德的贫困，或者不如说艰辛，有所好转。春天即将来临，实际上已经到来，冬季的严寒过去了。积雪已融化，刺骨的寒风不再那般肆虐，在四月和风的吹拂下，我那双曾被一月的寒气剥去了一层皮，红肿得一拐一拐的可怜的脚，已开始消肿和痊愈。夜晚和清晨不再出现加拿大式的低气温，险些把我们血管里的血冻住。现在我们己受得了花园中度过的游戏的时刻。有时逢上好日子，天气甚至变得温暖舒适。枯黄的苗圃长出了一片新绿，一天比一天鲜嫩，使人仿佛觉得希望之神曾在夜间走过，每天清晨留下她愈来愈明亮的足迹。花朵从树叶丛中探出头来，有雪花莲呀、藏红花呀、紫色的报春花和金眼三色紫罗兰。每逢星期四下午（半假日）、我们都出去散步，看到不少更加可爱的花朵，盛开在路边的篱笆下。
我还发现，就在顶端用尖铁防范着的花园高墙之外，有着一种莫大的愉快和享受，它广阔无垠，直达天际，那种愉快来自宏伟的山峰环抱着的一个树木葱笼绿荫盖地的大山谷；也来自满是黑色石子和闪光漩涡的明净溪流。这景色与我在冬日铁灰色的苍穹下，冰霜封冻、积雪覆盖时看到的情景多么不同呀！那时候，死一般冷的雾气被东风驱赶着，飘过紫色的山峰，滚下草地与河滩，直至与溪流上凝结的水气融为一体。那时，这条小溪是一股混浊不堪、势不可挡的急流，它冲决了树林，在空中发出咆哮，那声音在夹杂着暴雨和旋转的冻雨时，听来常常更加沉闷。至于两岸的树木，都己成了一排排死人的骨骼。
四月己逝，五月来临。这是一个明媚宁静的五月，日复一日，都是蔚蓝的天空，和煦的阳光，轻柔的西风和南风。现在，草木茁壮成长起来。罗沃德抖散了它的秀发，处处叶绿，遍地开花。榆树、岑树和橡树光秃秃的高大树干，恢复了生气勃勃的雄姿，林间植物在幽深处茂密生长，无数种类的苔鲜填补了林中的空谷。众多的野樱草花，就像奇妙地从地上升起的阳光。我在林荫深处曾见过它们淡谈的金色光芒，犹如点点散开的可爱光斑。这一切我常常尽情享受着，无拘无束，无人看管，而且几乎总是独自一人。这种自由与乐趣所以这么不同寻常，是有其原因的、而说清楚这个原委，就成了我现在的任务。
我在说这个地方掩映在山林之中，坐落在溪流之畔时，不是把它描绘成一个舒适的住处吗？的确，舒适倒是够舒适的，但有益于健康与否，却是另一回事了。
罗沃德所在的林间山谷，是大雾的摇篮，是雾气诱发的病疫的滋生地。时疫随着春天急速的步伐，加速潜入孤儿院，把斑疹伤寒传进了它拥挤的教室和寝室，五月未到，就己把整所学校变成了医院。
学生们素来半饥半饱，得了感冒也无人过问，所以大多容易受到感染。八十五个女生中四十五人一下子病倒了。班级停课，纪律松懈。少数没有得病的，几乎已完全放任自流，因为医生认为他们必须经常参加活动，保持身体健康。就是不这样，也无人顾得上去看管她们了。坦普尔小姐的全部注意力已被病人所吸引，她住在病房里，除了夜间抓紧几小时休息外，寸步不离病人，教师们全力以赴，为那些幸而有亲戚朋友，能够并愿意把她们从传染地带走的人，打铺盖和作好动身前的必要准备。很多已经染病的回家去等死；有些人死在学校里，悄悄地草草埋掉算数，这种病的特性决定了容不得半点拖延。
就这样，疾病在罗沃德安了家，死亡成了这里的常客；围墙之内笼罩着阴郁和恐怖；房间里和过道上散发着医院的气味，香锭徒劳地挣扎着要镇住死亡的恶臭。与此同时，五月的明媚阳光从万里无云的天空，洒向陡峭的小山和美丽的林地。罗沃德的花园花儿盛开，灿烂夺目。一丈红拔地而起，高大如林，百合花已开，郁金香和玫瑰争妍斗艳，粉红色的海石竹和深红的双瓣雏菊，把小小花坛的边缘装扮得十分鲜艳。香甜的欧石南，在清晨和夜间散发着香料和苹果的气味。但这些香气扑鼻的宝贝，除了时时提供一捧香草和鲜花放进棺材里，对罗沃德的人来说已毫无用处。
不过我与其余仍然健康的人，充分享受着这景色和季节的美妙动人之处。他们让我们像吉卜赛人一样，从早到晚在林中游荡，爱干什么就干什么，爱上哪里就上哪里。我们的生活也有所改善。
布罗克赫斯特先生和他的家人现在已从不靠近罗沃德，家常事也无人来有问，啤气急躁的管家己逃之夭夭，生怕受到传染。她的后任原本是洛顿诊所的护士长，并未习惯于新地方的规矩，因此给得比较大方。此外，用饭的人少了，病人又吃得不多，于是我们早饭碗里的东西也就多了一些。新管家常常没有时间准备正餐，干脆就给我们一个大冷饼，或者一厚片面包和乳酪，我们会把这些东西随身带到树林里，各人找个喜欢的地方，来享受一顿盛宴。
我最喜欢坐在一块光滑的大石头上。这块石头儿立在小溪正中，又白又干燥，要淌水过河才到得那里，我每每赤了脚来完成这一壮举。这块石头正好够舒舒服服地坐上两个人，我和另一位姑娘。她是我当时选中的伙伴，名叫玛丽.安.威尔逊，这个人聪明伶俐，目光敏锐。我喜欢同她相处，一半是因为她机灵而有头脑，一半是因为她的神态使人感到无拘无束。她比我大几岁，更了解世情，能告诉我很多我乐意听的东西，满足我的好奇心。对我的缺陷她也能宽容姑息，从不对我说的什么加以干涉。她擅长叙述，我善于分析；她喜欢讲，我喜欢问，我们两个处得很融洽，就是得不到很大长进，也有不少乐趣。
与此同时，海伦.彭斯哪儿去了呢？为什么我没有同她共度这些自由自在的舒心日子？是我把她忘了，还是我本人不足取，居然对她纯洁的交往感到了厌倦？当然我所提及的玛丽.安.威尔逊要逊于我的第一位相识。她只不过能给我讲些有趣的故事，回对一些我所津津乐道的辛辣活泼的闲聊。而海伦呢，要是我没有说错，她足以使有幸听她谈话的人品味到高级得多的东西。
确实如此，读者，我明白，并感觉到了这一点。尽管我是一个很有缺陷的人，毛病很多，长处很少，但我决不会嫌弃海伦，也不会不珍惜对她的亲情。这种亲情同激发我心灵的任何感情一样强烈，一样温柔，一样令人珍重。不论何时何地，海伦都向我证实了一种平静而忠实的友情，闹别扭或者发脾气都不会带来丝毫损害。可是海伦现在病倒了。她从我面前消失，搬到楼上的某一间房子，已经有好几周了。听说她不在学校的医院部同发烧病人在一起，因为她患的是肺病，不是斑疹伤寒。在我幼稚无知的心灵中，认为肺病比较和缓，待以时日并悉心照料，肯定是可以好转的。
我的想法得到了证实，因为她偶尔在风和日丽的下午下楼来，由坦普尔小姐带着步入花园。但在这种场合，她们不允许我上去同她说话。我只不过从教室的窗户中看到了她，而且又看不清楚，因为她裹得严严实实，远远地坐在回廊上。
六月初的一个晚上，我与玛丽.安在林子里逗留得很晚。像往常一样，我们又与别人分道扬镳，闲逛到了很远的地方，远得终于使我们迷了路，而不得不去一间孤零零的茅舍回路。那里住着一男一女，养了一群以林间山毛榉为食的半野的猪。回校时，己经是明月高挂。一匹我们知道是外科医生骑的小马，呆在花园门口。玛丽.安说她猜想一定是有人病得很重，所以才在晚间这个时候请贝茨先生来。她先进了屋，我在外面呆了几分钟，把才从森林里挖来的一把树根栽在花园里，怕留到第二天早晨会枯死。栽好以后，我又多耽搁了一会儿，沾上露水的花异香扑鼻。这是一个可爱的夜晚，那么宁静，又那么温煦。西边的天际依旧一片红光，预示着明天又是个好天。月亮从黯淡的东方庄严地升起。我注意着这一切，尽一个孩子所能欣赏着。这时我脑子里出现了一个从未有过的想法：
“这会儿躺在病床上，面临着死亡的威胁是多么悲哀呀！这个世界是美好的，把人从这里唤走，到一个谁都不知道的地方去，会是一件十分悲惨的事。”
随后我的脑袋第一次潜心来理解已被灌输进去的天堂和地狱的内涵，而且也第一次退缩了，迷惑不解了，也是第一次左右前后扫视着。它在自己的周围看到了无底的深渊，感到除了现在这一立足点之外，其余一切都是无形的浮云和空虚的深渊。想到自己摇摇晃晃要落入一片混乱之中，便不禁颤抖起来。我正细细咀嚼着这个新想法，却听得前门开了，贝茨先生走了出来，由一个护士陪同着。她目送贝茨先生上马离去后，正要关门，我一个箭步到了她跟前。
“海伦.彭斯怎么样了？”
“很不好，”回答说。
“贝茨先生是去看她的吗？”
“是的。”
“对她的病，他说了些什么呀？”
“他说她不会在这儿呆很久了。”
这句话要是昨天让我听到，它所表达的含义只能是，她将要搬到诺森伯兰郡自己家去了，我不会去怀疑它包含着“她要死了”的意思。但此刻我立即明白了。在我理解起来，这句话一清二楚，海伦在世的日子已屈指可数，她将被带往精灵的地域，要是这样的地域确实存在的话。我感到一阵恐怖，一种今人震颤的悲哀，随后是一种愿望，一种要见她的需要。我问她躺在哪一个房间。
“她在坦普尔小姐的屋里，”护士说。
“我可以上去同她说话吗？”
“啊，孩子！那不行。现在你该进来了，要是降了露水还呆在外面，你也会得热病的。”
护士关了前门，我从通往教室的边门溜了进去。我恰好准时，九点刚敲，米勒小姐正吩咐学生上床。
也许过了两小时，可能是将近十一点了，我难以入睡，而且从宿舍里一片沉寂推断，我的同伴们都已蒙头大睡。于是我便轻手轻脚地爬起来，在睡衣外面穿了件外衣，赤着脚从屋里溜了出来，去寻找坦普尔小姐的房间。它远靠房子的另外一头，不过我认得路。夏夜的皎洁月光，零零落落地洒进过道的窗户，使我毫不费力地找到了她的房间。一股樟脑味和烧焦的醋味，提醒我己走近了热病病房。我停了下来，我的手伸向帷幔，但我宁愿在拉动之前开口说一下，我们人仍然畏缩不前，唯恐看到一具尸体。
“海伦！”我轻声耳语道，“你醒着吗？”
她动弹了一下，自己拉开帷幔，我后到了她的脸，苍白、憔悴，却十分镇静，她看上去没有什么变化，于是我的恐惧心理顿时消失了。
“真是你吗，简？”她以独特的柔和语调问。
“啊！”我想，“她不会死，她们搞错了，要是她活不了啦，她的言语和神色不会那么镇定自若。”
我上了她的小床，吻了她一下。她的额头冰冷，两颊也冰冷，而且还很消瘦，她的手和手腕也都冰冷，只有她那微笑依旧。
“你为什么到这儿来，简？已经过了十一点啦，几分钟前我听见敲的。”
“我来看你，海伦。我听说你病得很重，我不同你说句话就睡不着。”
“那你是来同我告别的了，也许许来得正是时候。”
“你上哪儿去吗，海伦？你要回家是不是？”
“是的，回到我永久的——我最后的家。”
“不，不，海伦，”我顿住了，心里很难过。我竭力咽下眼泪，这时海伦一阵咳嗽，不过没有吵醒护士。咳完以后，她精疲力尽地躺了几分钟，随后轻声说：
“简，你都光着你的小脚呢，躺下来吧，盖上我的被子。”
我照她的话做了。她用胳膊楼住我，我紧偎着她，在沉默了很久之后，她继续低声耳语着说：
“我很愉快，简，你听到我已经死了的时候，你可千万别悲伤。没有什么可以感到悲伤的。总有一天我们大家都得死去。现在正夺去我生命的疾病并不痛苦。既温和而又缓慢，我的心灵已经安息。我不会让任何人感到太悲痛，我只有一个父亲，他新近刚结婚，不会思念我。我那么年纪轻轻就死去，可以逃脱大苦大难。我没有会使自己在世上发迹的气质和才能。要是我活，我会一直错下去的。”
“可是你到哪儿去呢，海伦？你能看得见吗？你知道吗？”
“我相信，我有信仰，我去上帝那儿。”
“上帝在哪儿？上帝是什么？”
“我的创造者，也是你的。他不会永远毁坏他所创造的东西。我毫无保留地依赖他的力量，完全信任他的仁慈，我数着钟点，直至那个重要时刻到来，那时我又被送还给他，他又再次显现在我面前。”
“海伦，那你肯定认为有天堂这个地方，而且我们死后灵魂都到那儿去吗？”
“我敢肯定有一个未来的国度。我相信上帝是慈悲的。我可以毫无忧虑地把我不朽的部分托付给他，上帝是我的父亲，上帝是我的朋友，我爱他，我相信他也爱我。”
“海伦，我死掉后，还能再见到你吗？”
“你会来到同一个幸福的地域，被同一个伟大的、普天下共有的父亲所接纳，毫无疑问，亲爱的简。”
我又再次发问，不过这回只是想想而已。“这个地域在哪儿？它存在不存在？”我用胳膊把海伦楼得更紧了。她对我似乎比以往任何时候都要宝贵了，我仿佛觉得我不能让她走，我躺着把脸埋在她的颈窝里。她立刻用最甜蜜的嗓音说：
“我多么舒服啊！刚才那一阵子咳嗽弄得我有点儿累了，我好像是能睡着了，可是别离开我，简，我喜欢你在我身边。”
“我会同你呆在一起的，亲爱的海伦。谁也不能把我撵走。”
“你暖和吗，亲爱的？”
“是的。”
“晚安，简。”
“晚安，海伦。”
她吻了我，我吻了她，两人很快就睡熟了。
我醒来的时候已经是白天了，一阵异样的抖动把我弄醒了。我抬起头来，发现自己正躺在别人的怀抱里，那位护士抱着我，正穿过过道把我送回宿舍，我没有因为离开床位而受到责备，人们还有别的事儿要考虑，我提出的很多问题也没有得到解释。但一两天后我知道，坦普尔小姐在拂晓回房时，发现我躺在小床上，我的脸蛋紧贴着海伦.彭斯的肩膀，我的胳膊搂着她的脖子，我睡着了，而海伦——死了。我醒来的时候已经是白天了，一阵异样的抖动把我弄醒了。我抬起头来，发现自己正躺在别人的怀抱里，那位护士抱着我，正穿过过道把我送回宿舍，我没有因为离开床位而受到责备，人们还有别的事儿要考虑，我提出的很多问题也没有得到解释。但一两天后我知道，坦普尔小姐在拂晓回房时，发现我躺在小床上，我的脸蛋紧贴着海伦.彭斯的肩膀，我的胳膊搂着她的脖子，我睡着了，而海伦——死了。她的坟墓在布罗克布里奇墓地，她去世后十五年中，墓上仅有一个杂草丛生的土墩，但现在一块灰色的大理石墓碑标出了这个地点，上面刻着她的名字及“Ｒesurgam”这个字。

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Chapter 10

HITHERTO I have recorded in detail the events of my insignificantexistence: to the first ten years of my life I have given almost as manychapters. But this is not to be a regular autobiography: I am onlybound to invoke Memory where I know her responses will possess somedegree of interest; therefore I now pass a space of eight years almostin silence: a few lines only are necessary to keep up the links ofconnection.
When the typhus fever had fulfilled its mission ofdevastation at Lowood, it gradually disappeared from thence; but nottill its virulence and the number of its victims had drawn publicattention on the school. Inquiry was made into the origin of thescourge, and by degrees various facts came out which excited publicindignation in a high degree. The unhealthy nature of the site; thequantity and quality of the children's food; the brackish, fetid waterused in its preparation; the pupils' wretched clothing andaccommodations- all these things were discovered, and the discoveryproduced a result mortifying to Mr. Brocklehurst, but beneficial to theinstitution.
Several wealthy and benevolent individuals in the county subscribedlargely for the erection of a more convenient building in a bettersituation; new regulations were made; improvements in diet and clothingintroduced; the funds of the school were intrusted to the management of acommittee. Mr. Brocklehurst, who, from his wealth and familyconnections, could not be overlooked, still retained the post oftreasurer; but he was aided in the discharge of his duties by gentlemenof rather more enlarged and sympathising minds: his office of inspector,too, was shared by those who knew how to combine reason withstrictness, comfort with economy, compassion with uprightness. Theschool, thus improved, became in time a truly useful and nobleinstitution. I remained an inmate of its walls, after its regeneration,for eight years: six as pupil, and two as teacher; and in bothcapacities I bear my testimony to its value and importance.
During these eight years my life was uniform: but not unhappy,because it was not inactive. I had the means of an excellent educationplaced within my reach; a fondness for some of my studies, and a desireto excel in all, together with a great delight in pleasing my teachers,especially such as I loved, urged me on: I availed myself fully of theadvantages offered me. In time I rose to be the first girl of the firstclass; then I was invested with the office of teacher; which Idischarged with zeal for two years: but at the end of that time Ialtered.
Miss Temple, through all changes, had thus far continuedsuperintendent of the seminary: to her instruction I owed the best partof my acquirements; her friendship and society had been my continualsolace; she had stood me in the stead of mother, governess, and,latterly, companion. At this period she married, removed with herhusband (a clergyman, an excellent man, almost worthy of such a wife) toa distant county, and consequently was lost to me.
From the day she left I was no longer the same: with her was goneevery settled feeling, every association that had made Lowood in somedegree a home to me. I had imbibed from her something of her nature andmuch of her habits: more harmonious thoughts: what seemed betterregulated feelings had become the inmates of my mind. I had given inallegiance to duty and order; I was quiet; I believed I was content: tothe eyes of others, usually even to my own, I appeared a disciplined andsubdued character.
But destiny, in the shape of the Rev. Mr. Nasmyth, came between meand Miss Temple: I saw her in her travelling dress step into apost-chaise, shortly after the marriage ceremony; I watched the chaisemount the hill and disappear beyond its brow; and then retired to myown room, and there spent in solitude the greatest part of thehalf-holiday granted in honour of the occasion.
I walked about the chamber most of the time. I imagined myself onlyto be regretting my loss, and thinking how to repair it; but when myreflections were concluded, and I looked up and found that the afternoonwas gone, and evening far advanced, another discovery dawned on me,namely, that in the interval I had undergone a transforming process;that my mind had put off all it had borrowed of Miss Temple- or ratherthat she had taken with her the serene atmosphere I had been breathingin her vicinity- and that now I was left in my natural element, andbeginning to feel the stirring of old emotions.
It did not seem as if a prop were withdrawn, but rather as if amotive were gone: it was not the power to be tranquil which had failedme, but the reason for tranquillity was no more. My world had for someyears been in Lowood: my experience had been of its rules and systems;now I remembered that the real world was wide, and that a varied fieldof hopes and fears, of sensations and excitements, awaited those who hadcourage to go forth into its expanse, to seek real knowledge of lifeamidst its perils.
I went to my window, opened it, and looked out. There were the twowings of the building; there was the garden; there were the skirts ofLowood; there was the hilly horizon. My eye passed all other objects torest on those most remote, the blue peaks; it was those I longed tosurmount; all within their boundary of rock and heath seemedprison-ground, exile limits. I traced the white road winding round thebase of one mountain, and vanishing in a gorge between two; how I longedto follow it farther! I recalled the time when I had travelled thatvery road in a coach; I remembered descending that hill at twilight; anage seemed to have elapsed since the day which brought me first toLowood, and I had never quitted it since. My vacations had all beenspent at school: Mrs. Reed had never sent for me to Gateshead; neithershe nor any of her family had ever been to visit me. I had had nocommunication by letter or message with the outer world: school-rules,school-duties, school-habits and notions, and voices, and faces, andphrases, and costumes, and preferences, and antipathies- such was what Iknew of existence. And now I felt that it was not enough; I tired ofthe routine of eight years in one afternoon. I desired liberty; forliberty I gasped; for liberty I uttered a prayer; it seemed scattered onthe wind then faintly blowing. I abandoned it and framed a humblersupplication; for change, stimulus: that petition, too, seemed swept offinto vague space:'Then,' I cried, half desperate, 'grant me at least anew servitude!' Here a bell, ringing the hour of supper, called medownstairs.
I was not free to resume the interrupted chain of my reflections tillbedtime: even then a teacher who occupied the same room with me kept mefrom the subject to which I longed to recur, by a prolonged effusion ofsmall talk. How I wished sleep would silence her. It seemed as if,could I but go back to the idea which had last entered my mind as Istood at the window, some inventive suggestion would rise for my relief.
Miss Gryce snored at last; she was a heavy Welsh-woman, and till nowher habitual nasal strains had never been regarded by me in any otherlight than as a nuisance; to-night I hailed the first deep notes withsatisfaction; I was debarrassed of interruption; my half-effaced thoughtinstantly revived.
'A new servitude! There is something in that,' I soliloquised(mentally, be it understood; I did not talk aloud). 'I know there is,because it does not sound too sweet; it is not like such words asLiberty, Excitement, Enjoyment: delightful sounds truly; but no morethan sounds for me; and so hollow and fleeting that it is mere waste oftime to listen to them. But Servitude! That must be matter of fact. Anyone may serve: I have served here eight years; now all I want is toserve elsewhere. Can I not get so much of my own will? Is not the thingfeasible? Yes- yes- the end is not so difficult; if I had only a brainactive enough to ferret out the means of attaining it.'
I sat up in bed by way of arousing this said brain: it was a chillynight; I covered my shoulders with a shawl, and then I proceeded tothink again with all my might.
'What do I want? A new place, in a new house, amongst new faces,under new circumstances: I want this because it is of no use wantinganything better. How do people do to get a new place? They apply tofriends, I suppose: I have no friends. There are many others who have nofriends, who must look about for themselves and be their own helpers;and what is their resource?'
I could not tell: nothing answered me; I then ordered my brain tofind a response, and quickly. It worked and worked faster: I felt thepulses throb in my head and temples; but for nearly an hour it worked inchaos; and no result came of its efforts. Feverish with vain labour, Igot up and took a turn in the room; undrew the curtain, noted a star ortwo, shivered with cold, and again crept to bed.
A kind fairy, in my absence, had surely dropped the requiredsuggestion on my pillow; for as I lay down, it came quietly andnaturally to my mind:- 'Those who want situations advertise; you 'How? Iknow nothing about advertising.'
Replies rose smooth and prompt now:- 'You must enclose theadvertisement and the money to pay for it under a cover directed to theeditor of the Herald; you must put it, the first opportunity you have,
into the post at Lowton; answers must be addressed to J. E., at thepost-office there; you can go and inquire in about a week after you sendyour letter, if any are come, and act accordingly.'
This scheme I went over twice, thrice; it was then digested in mymind; I had it in a clear practical form: I felt satisfied, and fellasleep.
With earliest day, I was up: I had my advertisement written,enclosed, and directed before the bell rang to rouse the school; it ranthus:-
'A young lady accustomed to tuition' (had I not been a teacher twoyears?) 'is desirous of meeting with a situation in a private familywhere the children are under fourteen' (I thought that as I was barelyeighteen, it would not do to undertake the guidance of pupils nearer myown age). 'She is qualified to teach the usual branches of a goodEnglish education, together with French, Drawing, and Music' (in thosedays, reader, this now narrow catalogue of accomplishments, would havebeen held tolerably comprehensive).
This document remained locked in my drawer all day: after tea, Iasked leave of the new superintendent to go to Lowton, in order toperform some small commissions for myself and one or two of myfellow-teachers; permission was readily granted; I went. It was a walkof two miles, and the evening was wet, but the days were still long; Ivisited a shop or two, slipped the letter into the post-office, and cameback through heavy rain, with streaming garments, but with a relievedheart.
The succeeding week seemed long: it came to an end at last, however,like all sublunary things, and once more, towards the close of apleasant autumn day, I found myself afoot on the road to Lowton. Apicturesque track it was, by the way; lying along the side of the beckand through the sweetest curves of the dale: but that day I thought moreof the letters, that might or might not be awaiting me at the littleburgh whither I was bound, than of the charms of lea and water.
My ostensible errand on this occasion was to get measured for a pairof shoes; so I discharged that business first, and when it was done, Istepped across the clean and quiet little street from the shoemaker's tothe post-office: it was kept by an old dame, who wore horn spectacleson her nose, and black mittens on her hands.
'Are there any letters for J. E.?' I asked.
She peered at me over her spectacles, and then she opened a drawerand fumbled among its contents for a long time, so long that my hopesbegan to falter. At last, having held a document before her glasses fornearly five minutes, she presented it across the counter, accompanyingthe act by another inquisitive and mistrustful glance- it was for J. E.
'Is there only one?' I demanded.
'There are no more,' said she; and I put it in my pocket and turnedmy face homeward: I could not open it then; rules obliged me to be backby eight, and it was already half-past seven.
Various duties awaited me on my arrival: I had to sit with the girlsduring their hour of study; then it was my turn to read prayers; to seethem to bed: afterwards I supped with the other teachers.
Even when we finally retired for the night, the inevitable Miss Grycewas still my companion: we had only a short end of candle in ourcandlestick, and I dreaded lest she should talk till it was all burntout; fortunately, however, the heavy supper she had eaten produced asoporific effect: she was already snoring before I had finishedundressing. There still remained an inch of candle: I now took out myletter; the seal was an initial F.; I broke it; the contents were brief.
Thursday, possesses the acquirements mentioned, and if she is in aposition to give satisfactory references as to character and competency,a situation can be offered her where there is but one pupil, a littlegirl, under ten years of age; and where the salary is thirty pounds perannum. J. E. is requested to send references, name, address, and allparticulars to the direction:-I examined the document long: the writingwas old-fashioned and rather uncertain, like that of an elderly lady.This circumstance was satisfactory: a private fear had haunted me, thatin thus acting for myself, and by my own guidance, I ran the risk ofgetting into some scrape; and, above all things, I wished the result ofmy endeavours to be respectable, proper, en regle. I now felt that anelderly lady was no bad ingredient in the business I had on hand. Mrs.Fairfax! I saw her in a black gown and widow's cap; frigid, perhaps, butnot uncivil: a model of elderly English respectability.
Thornfield! that, doubtless, was the name of her house: a neatorderly spot, I was sure; though I failed in my efforts to conceive arecollections of the map of England; yes, I saw it; both the shire andcounty where I now resided: that was a recommendation to me. I longed togo where there was life and movement: Millcote was a large doubtless:so much the better; it would be a complete change at least.
Not that my fancy was much captivated by the idea of long chimneysand clouds of smoke- 'but,' I argued, 'Thornfield will, probably, be agood way from the town.'
Here the socket of the candle dropped, and the wick went out.
Next day new steps were to be taken; my plans could no longer beconfined to my own breast; I must impart them in order to achieve theirsuccess. Having sought and obtained an audience of the superintendentduring the noontide recreation, I told her I had a prospect of getting anew situation where the salary would be double what I now received (forat Lowood I only got L15 per annum); and requested she would break thematter for me to Mr. Brocklehurst, or some of the committee, andascertain whether they would permit me to mention them as references.She obligingly consented to act as mediatrix in the matter. The next dayshe laid the affair before Mr. Brocklehurst, who said that Mrs. Reedmust be written to, as she was my natural guardian. A note wasaccordingly addressed to that lady, who returned for answer, that 'Imight do as I pleased: she had long relinquished all interference in myaffairs.' This note went the round of the committee, and at last, afterwhat appeared to me most tedious delay, formal leave was given me tobetter my condition if I could; and an assurance added, that as I hadalways conducted myself well, both as teacher and pupil, at Lowood, atestimonial of character and capacity, signed by the inspectors of thatinstitution, should forthwith be furnished me.
This testimonial I accordingly received in about a month, forwarded acopy of it to Mrs. Fairfax, and got that lady's reply, stating that shewas satisfied, and fixing that day fortnight as the period for myassuming the post of governess in her house.
I now busied myself in preparations: the fortnight passed rapidly. Ihad not a very large wardrobe, though it was adequate to my wants; andthe last day sufficed to pack my trunk,- the same I had brought with meeight years ago from Gateshead.
The box was corded, the card nailed on. In half an hour the carrierwas to call for it to take it to Lowton, whither I myself was to repairat an early hour the next morning to meet the coach. I had brushed myblack stuff travelling-dress, prepared my bonnet, gloves, and muff;sought in all my drawers to see that no article was left behind; and nowhaving nothing more to do, I sat down and tried to rest. I could not;though I had been on foot all day, I could not now repose an instant; Iwas too much excited. A phase of my life was closing tonight, a new oneopening to-morrow: impossible to slumber in the interval; I must watchfeverishly while the change was being accomplished.
'Miss,' said a servant who met me in the lobby, where I was wanderinglike a troubled spirit, 'a person below wishes to see you.'
'The carrier, no doubt,' I thought, and ran downstairs withoutinquiry. I was passing the back-parlour or teachers' sitting-room, thedoor of which was half open, to go to the kitchen, when some one ranout-'It's her, I am sure!- I could have told her anywhere!' cried theindividual who stopped my progress and took my hand.
I looked: I saw a woman attired like a well-dressed servant,matronly, yet still young; very good-looking, with black hair and eyes,and lively complexion.
'Well, who is it?' she asked, in a voice and with a smile I halfrecognised; 'you've not quite forgotten me, I think, Miss Jane?'
In another second I was embracing and kissing her rapturously:
'Bessie! Bessie! Bessie!' that was all I said; whereat she halflaughed, half cried, and we both went into the parlour. By the firestood a little fellow of three years old, in plaid frock and trousers.
'That is my little boy,' said Bessie directly.
'Then you are married, Bessie?'
'Yes; nearly five years since to Robert Leaven, the coachman; andI've a little girl besides Bobby there, that I've christened Jane.'
'And you don't live at Gateshead?'
'I live at the lodge: the old porter has left.'
'Well, and how do they all get on? Tell me everything about them,Bessie: but sit down first; and, Bobby, come and sit on my knee, willyou?' but Bobby preferred sidling over to his mother.
'You're not grown so very tall, Miss Jane, nor so very stout,'continued Mrs. Leaven. 'I daresay they've not kept you too well atschool: Miss Reed is the head and shoulders taller than you are; andMiss Georgiana would make two of you in breadth.'
'Georgiana is handsome, I suppose, Bessie?'
'Very. She went up to London last winter with her mama, and thereeverybody admired her, and a young lord fell in love with her: but hisrelations were against the match; and- what do you think?- he and MissGeorgiana made it up to run away; but they were found out and stopped.
It was Miss Reed that found them out: I believe she was envious; andnow she and her sister lead a cat and dog life together; they are alwaysquarrelling.'
'Well, and what of John Reed?'
'Oh, he is not doing so well as his mama could wish. He went tocollege, and he got- plucked, I think they call it: and then his uncleswanted him to be a barrister, and study the law: but he is such adissipated young man, they will never make much of him, I think.'
'What does he look like?'
'He is very tall: some people call him a fine-looking young man; but he has such thick lips.'
'And Mrs. Reed?'
'Missis looks stout and well enough in the face, but I think she'snot quite easy in her mind: Mr. John's conduct does not please her- hespends a deal of money.'
'Did she send you here, Bessie?'
'No, indeed: but I have long wanted to see you, and when I heard thatthere had been a letter from you, and that you were going to anotherpart of the country, I thought I'd just set off, and get a look at youbefore you were quite out of my reach.'
'I am afraid you are disappointed in me, Bessie.' I said thislaughing: I perceived that Bessie's glance, though it expressed regard,did in no shape denote admiration.
'No, Miss Jane, not exactly: you are genteel enough; you look like alady, and it is as much as ever I expected of you: you were no beauty asa child.'
I smiled at Bessie's frank answer: I felt that it was correct, but Iconfess I was not quite indifferent to its import: at eighteen mostpeople wish to please, and the conviction that they have not an exteriorlikely to second that desire brings anything but gratification.
'I daresay you are clever, though,' continued Bessie, by way of solace. 'What can you do? Can you play on the piano?'
'A little.'
There was one in the room; Bessie went and opened it, and then askedme to sit down and give her a tune: I played a waltz or two, and she wascharmed.
'The Miss Reeds could not play as well!' said she exultingly. 'Ialways said you would surpass them in learning: and can you draw?'
'That is one of my paintings over the chimney-piece.' It was alandscape in water colours, of which I had made a present to thesuperintendent, in acknowledgment of her obliging mediation with thecommittee on my behalf, and which she had framed and glazed.
'Well, that is beautiful, Miss Jane! It is as fine a picture as anyMiss Reed's drawing-master could paint, let alone the young ladiesthemselves, who could not come near it: and have you learnt French?'
'Yes, Bessie, I can both read it and speak it.'
'And you can work on muslin and canvas?'
'I can.'
'Oh, you are quite a lady, Miss Jane! I knew you would be: you willget on whether your relations notice you or not. There was something Iwanted to ask you. Have you ever heard anything from your father'skinsfolk, the Eyres?'
'Never in my life.'
'Well, you know, Missis always said they were poor and quitedespicable: and they may be poor; but I believe they are as much gentryas the Reeds are; for one day, nearly seven years ago, a Mr. Eyre cameto Gateshead and wanted to see you; Missis said you were at school fiftymiles off; he seemed so much disappointed, for he could not stay: hewas going on a voyage to a foreign country, and the ship was to sailfrom London in a day or two. He looked quite a gentleman, and I believehe was your father's brother.'
'What foreign country was he going to, Bessie?'
'An island thousands of miles off, where they make wine- the butler did tell me-''Madeira?' I suggested.
'Yes, that is it- that is the very word.'
'So he went?'
'Yes; he did not stay many minutes in the house: Missis was very highwith him; she called him afterwards a "sneaking tradesman." My Robertbelieves he was a wine-merchant.'
'Very likely,' I returned; 'or perhaps clerk or agent to a wine-merchant.'Bessie and I conversed about old times an hour longer, and then shewas obliged to leave me: I saw her again for a few minutes the nextmorning at Lowton, while I was waiting for the coach. We parted finallyat the door of the Brocklehurst Arms there, each went her separate way;she set off for the brow of Lowood Fell to meet the conveyance which wasto take her back to Gateshead, I mounted the vehicle which was to bearme to new duties and a new life in the unknown environs of Millcote.

到目前为止，我已细述了自己微不足道的身世。我一生的最初十年，差不多花了十章来描写。但这不是一部正正规规的自传。我不过是要勾起自知会使读者感兴趣的记忆，因此我现在要几乎只字不提跳过八年的生活，只需用几行笔墨来保持连贯性。
斑疹伤寒热在罗沃德完成了它摧毁件的使命以后，便渐渐地从那里销声匿迹了。但是其病毒和牺牲者的数字，引起了公众对学校的注意，于是人们对这场灾祸的根源作了调查，而逐步披露的事实大大激怒了公众。学校的地点不利于健康，孩子们的伙食量少质差，做饭用的水臭得使人恶心；学生们的衣着和居住条件很糟，一切都暴露无遗，曝光的结果使布罗克赫斯特大夫失脸面，使学校大受得益。
那里的一些富家善人慷慨解囊，在一个更好的地点建造了一座更合适的大楼。校规重新作了制订，伙食和衣着有所改善。学校的经费委托给一个委员会管理。布罗克赫斯特先生，有钱又有势，自然不能忽视，所以仍担任司库一职。但在履行职务时得到了更为慷慨和富有同情心的绅士们的协助。他作为督导的职能，也由他人一起来承担，他们知道该怎样把理智与严格、舒适与经济、怜悯与正直结合起来。学校因此大有改进，到时候成了一个真正有用的高尚学府。学校获得新生之后，我在它的围墙之内生活了八年，当了六年的学生，二年的教师，在双重身份上成了它价值和重要性的见证人。
在这八年中，我的生活十分单一，但并无不快，因为日子没有成为一潭死水。这里具备接受良好教育的条件。我喜爱某些课程；我希望超过所有人；我很乐意使教师尤其是我所爱的教师高兴，这一切都激励我奋进。我充分利用所提供的有利条件，终于一跃而成为第一班的第一名，后来又被授予教师职务，满腔热情地干了两年，但两年之后我改变了主意。
坦普尔小姐历经种种变迁，一直担任着校长的职位，我所取得的最好成绩归功于她的教诲。同她的友谊和交往始终是对我的慰藉。她担当了我的母亲和家庭教师的角色，后来成了我的伙伴。这时候，她结了婚，随她的丈夫（一位牧师、一个出色的男人，几乎与这样一位妻子相般配）迁往一个遥远的郡，结果同我失去了联系。
打从她离开的那天起，我已不再同原来一样了。她一走，那种己经确立了的使罗沃德有几分像家的感情和联系，都随之消失。我从她那儿吸收了某些个性和很多习惯。比较和谐的思想，比较有节制的感情，已经在我的头脑里生根。我决意忠于职守，服从命令。我很文静，相信自己十分满足。在别人的眼中，甚至在我自己看来，我似乎是一位懂规矩守本份的人。
但是命运化作牧师内史密斯把我和坦普尔小组分开了。我见她身着行装在婚礼后不久跨进一辆驿站马车，我凝视着马车爬上小山，消失在陡坡后面。随后我回到了自己的房间，在孤寂中度过了为庆祝这一时刻而放的半假日的绝大部分时间。
大部分时候我在房间里踯躅。我本以为自己只对损失感到遗憾，并考虑如何加以补救，但当我结束了思考，抬头看到下午已经逝去，夜色正浓时，蓦地我有了新的发现。那就是在这一间隙，我经历了一个变化的过程，我的心灵丢弃了我从坦普尔小姐那儿学来的东西，或者不如说她带走了我在她身边所感受到的宁静气息，现在我又恢复了自己的天性，感到原有的情绪开始萌动了，我并不是失去了支柱，而是失去了动机；并不是无力保持平静、而是需要保持平静的理由己不复存在。几年来，我的世界就在罗沃德，我的经历就是学校的规章制度，而现在我记起来了，真正的世界无限广阔，一个变满着希望与忧烦，刺激与兴奋的天地等待着那些有胆识的人，去冒各种风险，追求人生的真谛。
我走向窗子，把它打开，往外眺望。我看见了大楼的两翼，看见了花园，看见了罗沃德的边缘，看见了山峦起伏的地平线。我的目光越过了其他东西，落在那些最遥远的蓝色山峰上。正是那些山峰，我渴望去攀登。荒凉不堪岩石嶙峋的边界之内，仿佛是囚禁地，是放逐的极限。我跟踪那条白色的路蜿蜒着绕过一座山的山脚，消失在两山之间的峡谷之中。我多么希望继续跟着它往前走啊！我忆起了我乘着马车沿着那条路走的日子，我记得在薄暮中驶下了山，自从我被第一次带到罗沃德时起，仿佛一个世纪己经过去，但我从来没有离开过这里。假期都是在学校里度过的，里德太太从来没有把我接到盖茨黑德去过，不管是她本人，还是家里的其他人，从未来看过我。我与外部世界既没有书信往来，也不通消息。学校的规定、任务、习惯、观念、音容、语言、服饰、好恶，就是我所知道的生活内容。而如今我觉得这很不够。一个下午之间，我对八年的常规生活突然感到厌倦了，我憧憬自由，我渴望自由，我为自由作了一个祷告，这祈祷似乎被驱散，融入了微风之中。我放弃了祈祷，设想了一个更谦卑的祈求，祈求变化，祈求刺激。而这恳求似乎也被吹进了浩茫的宇宙。“那么”，我近乎绝望地叫道，“至少赐予我一种新的苦役吧！”
这时，晚饭铃响了，把我召唤到了楼下。
直到睡觉的时候，我才有空继续那被打断了的沉思。即便在那时，同房间的一位教师还絮絮叨叨闲聊了好久，使我没法回到我所渴望的问题上。我多么希望瞌睡会使她闭上嘴巴！仿佛只要我重新思考伫立窗前时闪过脑际的念头，某个独特的想法便会自己冒出来，使我得以解脱似的。
格丽丝小姐终于打瞌了。她是一位笨重的威尔士女人，在此之前我对她惯常的鼻音曲除了认为讨厌，没有别的看法。而今晚我满意地迎来了它最初的深沉曲调，我免除了打扰，心中那抹去了一半的想法又立刻复活了。
“一种新的苦役！这有一定道理，”我自言自语（要知道，只是心里想想，没有说出口来）。“我知道是有道理，因为它并不十分动听，不像自由、兴奋、享受这些词，它们的声音确实很悦耳，徒然浪费时间。但是这苦役却全然不同！它毕竟是实实在在的，任何个人都可以服苦役。我在这儿已经服了八年，现在我所期求的不过是到别处去服役。难道我连这点愿望也达不到？难道这事不可行？是呀，是呀，要达到目的并非难事，只要我肯动脑筋，找到达到目的之手段。”
我从床上坐起来，以便开动脑筋。这是一个寒冷的夜晚，我在肩上围了块披巾，随后便
全力以赴地进一步思考起来。
“我需要什么呢？在新的环境、新的面孔、新的房子中一个新的工作。我只要这个，因为好高鹜远是徒劳无益的。人们怎样才能找到一个新工作呢？我猜想他们求助于朋友。但我没有朋友。很多没有朋友的人只好自己动手去找工作，自己救自己，他们采用什么办法呢？”
我说不上来，找不到答案。随后我责令自己的头脑找到一个回答，而且要快。我动着脑筋，越动越快。我感到我的脑袋和太阳穴在搏动着。但将近一个小时，我的脑子乱七八糟，一切努力毫无结果。我因为徒劳无功而心乱加麻，便立起身来，在房间里转了转，拉开窗帘，望见一两颗星星，在寒夜中颤抖，我再次爬到床上。
准是有一位善良的仙女，趁我不在时把我需要的主意放到了我枕头上，因为我躺下时，这主意悄悄地、自然而然地闪入我脑际。“凡是谋职的人都登广告，你必须在《××郡先驱报》上登广告。”
“怎么登呢？我对广告一无所知。”
回答来得自然而又及时：
“你必须把广告和广告费放在同一个信封里，寄给《先驱报》的编辑，你必须立即抓住第一个机会把信投到洛顿邮局，回信务必寄往那里邮局的Ｊ.Ｅ.。信寄出后一个星期，你可以去查询。要是来了回音，那就随之行动。”
我把这个计划琢磨了二三回，接着便消化在脑子里，我非常清晰地把它具体化了，我很满意，不久便酣然入睡。
第二天我一大早就起来了，没等起床铃把全校吵醒就写好了广告，封入信封，写上了地址。信上说：
“现有一位年轻女士，熟悉教学（我不是做了两年的教师吗？）愿谋一家庭教师职位，儿童年龄须幼于十四岁（我想自己才十八岁，要指导一个跟我年龄相仿的人是断然不行的）。该女士能胜任良好的英国教育所含的普通课科，以及法文、绘画和音乐的教学（读者呀，现在这张狭窄的技能表，在那个时代还算是比较广博的）。回信请寄××郡洛顿邮局，Ｊ.Ｅ.收。”
这份文件在我抽屉里整整锁了一天。用完茶点以后，我向新来的校长请假去洛顿，为自己也为一两位共事的老师办些小事。她欣然允诺，于是我便去了。一共有两英里步行路程，傍晚还下着雨，好在白昼依然很长。我逛了一两家商店，把信塞进邮局，冒着大雨回来，外衣都淌着水，但心里如释重负。
接着的那个星期似乎很长，然而，它像世间的万物一样，终于到了尽头。一个秋高气爽的傍晚，我再次踏上了去洛顿的路途。顺便提一句，小路风景如画，沿着小溪向前延伸，穿过弯弯曲曲秀色诱人的山谷。不过那天我想得更多的是那封可能在，可能不在小城等着我的信，而不是草地和溪水的魅力。
这时我冠冕堂皇的差使是度量脚码做一双鞋。所以我先去干这件事。了却以后，从鞋匠那儿出来，穿过洁净安宁的小街，来到邮局。管理员是位老妇人，鼻梁上架着角质眼镜，手上戴着黑色露指手套。
“有写给Ｊ.Ｅ.的信吗？”我问。
她从眼镜上方盯着我，随后打开一个抽屉，在里面放着的东西中间翻了好久好久。时间那么长，我简直开始有些泄气了。最后，她终于把一份文件放到眼镜底上，过了将近五分钟，才越过柜台，递给我，同时投过来刨根究底，疑虑重重的一瞥——这封信是写给Ｊ.Ｅ.的。
“就只有这么一封？”我问。
“没有了，”她说，我把信放进口袋，回头就走。当时我不能拆开，按照规定我得八点前返回，而这时已经七点半了。
一到家便有种种事务等着我去做。姑娘们做功课时我得陪坐着，随后是轮到我读祷告，照应她们上床。在此之后，我与其他教师吃了晚饭。甚至最后到了夜间安寝时，那位始终少不了的格丽丝小姐仍与我作伴。烛台上只剩下一短截蜡烛了，我担心她会喋喋不休，直至烛灭。幸好那一顿饭产生了催眠的效果。我还没有脱好衣服，她已酣声大作。蜡烛只剩一英寸，我取出了信，封口上署着缩写Ｆ．，我拆开信封，发现内容十分简单。
“如上周四在郡《先驱报》上登了广告的Ｊ.Ｅ.具备她所提及的修养，如她能为自己的品格与能力提供满意的证明人，即可获得一份工作，仅需教一名学生，一个不满十岁的小女孩，年薪为三十英镑。务请将证明人及其姓名、地址和详情寄往下列姓名和地址：“××郡，米尔科特附近，桑菲尔德，费尔法克斯太太收。”
我把文件细看了很久。字体很老式，笔迹不大稳，像是一位老年妇女写的。这一情况倒是让人满意的。我曾暗自担心，我自作主张，独自行动，会有陷入某种困境的危险。尤其是我希望自己努力得来的成果是体面的、正当的、enregle。我现在觉得手头的这件事涉及一位老年妇女倒是好事。费尔法克斯太太！我想象她穿着黑色的长袍，戴着寡妇帽，也许索然无味，但井不失为一位典型的英国老派体面人物。桑菲尔德！毫无疑问，那是她住宅的名称，肯定是个整洁而井井有条的地方，尽管我无力设想这幢房子的确切结构。××郡的米尔科特，我重温了记忆中的英国地图。不错，郡和镇都看到了。××郡比我现在居住的最偏远的郡，离伦敦要近七十英里。这对我来说是十分可取的。我向往活跃热闹的地方。禾尔科特是个大工业城市，坐落在埃×河岸上，无疑是够热闹的。这样岂不更好，至少也是个彻底的改变。倒不是我的想象被那些高高的烟囱和团团烟雾所吸引，“不过，”我争辩着，“或许桑菲尔德离镇很远呢。”
这时残烛落入了烛台孔中，烛芯熄灭了。
第二天我得采取一些新的措施，这个计划不能再闷在自己心里了。为了获得成功我必须说出口。下午娱乐活动时间，我去拜见了校长，告诉她我有可能找到一个新的职位，薪金是我目前所得的两倍（在罗沃德我的年薪为十五镑），请她替我把这事透露给布罗克赫斯特先生或委员会里的某些人，并问明白他们是否允许我把他们作为证明人提出来。她一口答应充当这件事情的协调人。
第二天，她向布罗克赫斯特先生提出了这件事，而他说必须写信通知里德太太，因为她是我的当然监护人。结果便向那位太太发了封简函。她回信说，一切悉听尊便，她已久不干预我的事务了。这封信函在委员会里传阅，并经过了在我看来是极其今人厌烦的拖延后，我终于得到了正式许可，在可能情况下改善自己的处境。附带还保证，由于我在罗沃德当教师和当学生时，一向表现很好，为此即将为我提供一份由学校督导签字的品格和能力证明书。
大约一周以后，我收到了这份证明，抄寄了一份给费尔法克斯太太，并得到了那位太太的回复，说是对我感到满意，并定于两周后我去那位太太家担任家庭教师。
现在我忙于作准备了。两周时间一晃而过。我的衣装不多，只是够穿罢了。最后一天也完全够我整理箱子——还是八年前从盖茨黑德带来的那一只.
箱子已用绳子捆好，贴上了标签。半小时之后有脚夫来把它取走，送往洛顿，我自己则第二天一早要赶到那里去等公共马车。我刷好了我的黑呢旅行装，备好帽子、手套和皮手筒，把所有的抽屉翻了一遍，免得丢下什么东西。此刻，我已无事可做，便想坐下来休息一下。但我做不到，尽管我已奔忙了一整天，却一刻也无法休息，我太兴奋了。我生活的一个阶段今晚就要结束，明天将开始一个新的阶段。在两者的间隙，我难以入睡，我必须满腔热情地观看这变化的完成。
“小姐，”一个在门厅碰到我的仆人说。这会儿我正像一个不安的幽灵似地在那里徘徊，“楼下有个人要见你。”
“准是脚夫，”我想，问也没问一声就奔下了楼去。我正经过半开着的后客厅，也就是教师休息室，向厨房走去，有人却从里面跑了出来。“准是她！——在哪儿我都认得出她来！”那人拦住我，一把抓过我的手叫道。
我定睛一看，见是一个少妇，穿戴得像一个衣着讲究的仆人，一付已婚妇女模样，却不失年轻漂亮，头发和眸子乌黑，脸色红润。
“瞧，是谁来了？”她回话的嗓音和笑容我似曾相识，“我想你没有把我完全忘记吧，简小姐？”
顷刻之间我便喜不自禁地拥抱她，吻她了。“贝茜！贝茜！贝茜！”我光这么叫着，而她听了又是笑又是哭，两人都进了后客厅。壁炉旁边站着一个三岁左右的小家伙，穿着花格呢外衣和裤子。
“那是我的儿子，”贝茜立刻说。
“这么说，你结婚了，贝茜？”
“是呀，己经快五年了，嫁给了马车夫罗伯特.利文，除了站在那儿的鲍比，我还有一个小女孩，我把她的教名取作简。”
“你不住在盖茨黑德了？”
“我住在门房里，原来那个看门的走了。”
“噢，他们都过得怎么样？把他们的事情统统都告诉我，贝茜。不过先坐下来，还有鲍比，过来坐在我的膝头上好吗？”但鲍比还是喜欢侧着身子挨近他妈妈。
“你长得那么高了，简小姐，而又没有发胖，”利文太太继续说。“我猜想学校里没有把你照看得太好吧，里德小姐要比你高得多呢。而乔治亚娜小姐有你两个人那么阔。”
“乔治亚娜想来很漂亮吧，贝茜？”
“很漂亮。去年冬天她同妈妈上了伦敦，在那儿人见人爱，一个年轻勋爵爱上了她，但勋爵的亲戚反对这门亲事，而——你认为怎么样——他和乔治亚娜小姐决定私奔，于是让人发现了，受到了阻止。发现他们的正是里德小姐，我想她是出于妒嫉，如今她们姐妹俩像猫和狗一样不合，老是吵架。”
“那么，约翰.里德怎么样了？”
“啊，他辜负了他妈妈的希望，表现并不好。他上了大学，而考试不及格，我想他们是这么说的。后来他的叔叔们要他将来当律师，去学习法律，但他是个年轻浪荡子，我想他们甭想使他有出息。”
“他长成什么模样了？”
“他很高，有人叫他俊小伙子，不过他的嘴唇很厚。”
“里德太太怎么样？”
“太太显得有些发胖，外表看看倒不错，但我想她心里很不安。约翰先生的行为使她不高兴—一约翰用掉了很多钱。”
“是她派你到这里来的吗，贝茜？”
“说真的，不是。我倒早就想见你了。我听说你写了信来，说是要去远地方，我想我还是乘你还没有远走高飞的时候，动身来见你一面。”
“恐怕你对我失望了吧，贝茜。”说完我笑了起来。我发觉贝茜的目光虽然流露出关切，却丝毫没有赞赏之意。
“不，简小姐，不完全这样。你够文雅的了，你看上去像个贵妇人。当然你还是我所预料的那样，还是孩子的时候你就长得不漂亮。”
我对贝茵坦率的回答报之以微笑。我想她说得对，不过我承认，我对这话的含义并没有无动于衷。在十八岁的年纪上，大多数人都希望能讨人喜欢，而她们相信，自己并不具备有助于实现这种愿望的外表时，心里是绝不会高兴的。
“不过我想你很聪明，”贝茜继续说，以表示安慰。“你会什么？能弹钢琴吗？”
“会一点儿。”
房内有一架钢琴。贝茜走过去把它打开，随后要我坐下来给她弹个曲子。我弹了一两曲华尔兹，她听得着了迷。
“两位里德小姐弹不了这么好！”她欣喜地说，“我总是说你在学问上一定会超过她们的，你能画吗？”
“壁炉架上的那幅画就是我画的。”这是一幅水彩风景画，我把它作为礼物送给了校长，以感谢她代表我在委员会中所作的善意斡旋。她把这幅画加了框，还上了光。
“嗬，好漂亮，简小姐！它同里德小姐的绘画老师作的画一样好，更不要说年轻小姐她们自己了，她们同你天差地远。你学法语了吗？”
“学了，贝茵，我能读还能讲。”
“你会做细布和粗布上的刺绣活吗？”
“我会。”
“啊，你是个大家闺秀啦，简小姐！我早知道你会的。不管你的亲戚理不理你，照样会有长进。我有件事儿要问你，你父亲的亲属，有没有写过信给你，就是那些姓爱的人？”
“这辈子还没有。”
“啊，你知道太太常说，他们又穷又让人瞧不起。穷倒是可能的，但我相信他们像里德家的人一样有绅士派头。大约七年前的一天，一位爱先生来到盖茨黑德，而且要见见你。太太说你在五十英里外的学校里，他好像很失望，因为他不能多呆。他要乘船到外国去，一两天后从伦敦开航。他看上去完全像个绅士，我想他是你父亲的兄弟。”
“他上国外哪个国家，贝茜？”
“几千英里外的一个岛，那儿出产酒——管家告诉我的。”
“马德拉岛？”我提醒了一下。
“对，就是这地方——就是这几个字。”
“那他走了？”
“是的，他在屋里没有呆上几分钟。太太对他很傲慢，后来她把他叫作一个‘狡猾的生意人’，我那位罗伯特估计他是个酒商。”
“很可能，”我回答，“或者酒商的职员或代理人。”
贝茜和我又谈了一个钟头的往事，后来，她不得不告辞了。第二天在洛顿侯车时又见了她五分钟。最后我们在布洛克赫斯特纹章旅店的门边分手，各走各的路，她动身去罗沃德山岗搭车回盖茨黑德；而我登上了车子，让它把我带往米尔科特那个陌生的郊区，从事新的使命，开始新的生活。

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举报只看该作者 11楼发表于: 2013-02-05 0

Chapter 11

A NEW chapter in a novel is something like a new scene in a play; andwhen I draw up the curtain this time, reader, you must fancy you see aroom in the George Inn at Millcote, with such large figured papering onthe walls as inn rooms have; such a carpet, such furniture, suchornaments on the mantel-piece, such prints, including a portrait ofGeorge the Third, and another of the Prince of Wales, and arepresentation of the death of Wolfe. All this is visible to you by thelight of an oil lamp hanging from the ceiling, and by that of anexcellent fire, near which I sit in my cloak and bonnet; my muff andumbrella lie on the table, and I am warming away the numbness and chillcontracted by sixteen hours' exposure to the rawness of an October day: Ileft Lowton at four o'clock A.M., and the Millcote town clock is nowjust striking eight.
Reader, though I look comfortably accommodated,I am not very tranquil in my mind. I thought when the coach stoppedhere there would be some one to meet me; I looked anxiously round as Idescended the wooden steps the 'boots' placed for my convenience,expecting to hear my name pronounced, and to see some description ofcarriage waiting to convey me to Thornfield. Nothing of the sort wasvisible;and when I asked a waiter if any one had been to inquire after aMiss Eyre, I was answered in the negative: so I had no resource but torequest to be shown into a private room: and here I am waiting,while allsorts of doubts and fears are troubling my thoughts.
It is a very strange sensation to inexperienced youth to feel itselfquite alone in the world, cut adrift from every connection, uncertainwhether the port to which it is bound can be reached, and prevented bymany impediments from returning to that it has quitted.
The charm of adventure sweetens that sensation, the glow of pridewarms it; but then the throb of fear disturbs it; and fear with mebecame predominant when half an hour elapsed and still I was alone.
I bethought myself to ring the bell.
'Is there a place in this neighbourhood called Thornfield?' I asked of the waiter who answered the summons.
'Thornfield? I don't know, ma'am; I'll inquire at the bar.' He vanished, but reappeared instantly-'Is your name Eyre, Miss?'
'Yes.'
'Person here waiting for you.'
I jumped up, took my muff and umbrella, and hastened into theinn-passage: a man was standing by the open door, and in the lamp-litstreet I dimly saw a one-horse conveyance.
'This will be your luggage, I suppose?' said the man rather abruptly when he saw me, pointing to my trunk in the passage.
'Yes.' He hoisted it on to the vehicle, which was a sort of car, andthen I got in; before he shut me up, I asked him how far it was toThornfield.
'A matter of six miles.'
'How long shall we be before we get there?'
'Happen an hour and a half.'
He fastened the car door, climbed to his own seat outside, and we setoff. Our progress was leisurely, and gave me ample time to reflect; Iwas content to be at length so near the end of my journey; and as Ileaned back in the comfortable though not elegant conveyance, Imeditated much at my ease.
'I suppose,' thought I, 'judging from the plainness of the servantand carriage, Mrs. Fairfax is not a very dashing person: so much thebetter; I never lived amongst fine people but once, and I was verymiserable with them. I wonder if she lives alone except this littlegirl; if so, and if she is in any degree amiable, I shall surely be ableto get on with her; I will do my best; it is a pity that doing one'sbest does not always answer. At Lowood, indeed, I took that resolution,kept it, and succeeded in pleasing; but with Mrs. Reed, I remember mybest was always spurned with scorn. I pray God Mrs. Fairfax may not turnout a second Mrs. Reed; but if she does, I am not bound to stay withher! let the worst come to the worst, I can advertise again. How far arewe on our road now, I wonder?'
I let down the window and looked out; Millcote was behind us; judgingby the number of its lights, it seemed a place of considerablemagnitude, much larger than Lowton. We were now, as far as I could see,on a sort of common; but there were houses scattered all over thedistrict; I felt we were in a different region to Lowood, more populous,less picturesque; more stirring, less romantic.
The roads were heavy, the night misty; my conductor let his horsewalk all the way, and the hour and a half extended, I verily believe, totwo hours; at last he turned in his seat and said- 'You're noan so farfro' Thornfield now.'
Again I looked out: we were passing a church; I saw its low broadtower against the sky, and its bell was tolling a quarter; I saw anarrow galaxy of lights too, on a hillside, marking a village or hamlet.About ten minutes after, the driver got down and opened a pair ofgates: we passed through, and they clashed to behind us. We now slowlyascended a drive, and came upon the long front of a house: candlelightgleamed from one curtained bow-window; all the rest were dark. The carstopped at the front door; it was opened by a maid-servant; I alightedand went in.
'Will you walk this way, ma'am?' said the girl; and I followed heracross a square hall with high doors all round: she ushered me into aroom whose double illumination of fire and candle at first dazzled me,contrasting as it did with the darkness to which my eyes had been fortwo hours inured; when I could see, however, a cosy and agreeablepicture presented itself to my view.
A snug small room; a round table by a cheerful fire; an arm-chairhigh-backed and old-fashioned, wherein sat the neatest imaginable littleelderly lady, in widow's cap, black silk gown, and snowy muslin apron;exactly like what I had fancied Mrs. Fairfax, only less stately andmilder looking. She was occupied in knitting; a large cat sat demurelyat her feet; nothing in short was wanting to complete the beau-ideal ofdomestic comfort. A more reassuring introduction for a new governesscould scarcely be conceived; there was no grandeur to overwhelm, nostateliness to embarrass; and then, as I entered, the old lady got upand promptly and kindly came forward to meet me.
'How do you do, my dear? I am afraid you have had a tedious ride;
John drives so slowly; you must be cold, come to the fire.'
'Mrs. Fairfax, I suppose?' said I.
'Yes, you are right: do sit down.'
She conducted me to her own chair, and then began to remove my shawland untie my bonnet-strings; I begged she would not give herself so muchtrouble.
'Oh, it is no trouble; I daresay your own hands are almost numbedwith cold. Leah, make a little hot negus and cut a sandwich or two: hereare the keys of the storeroom.'
And she produced from her pocket a most housewifely bunch of keys, and delivered them to the servant.
'Now, then, draw nearer to the fire,' she continued. 'You've
brought your luggage with you, haven't you, my dear?'
'Yes, ma'am.'
'I'll see it carried into your room,' she said, and bustled out.
'She treats me like a visitor,' thought I. 'I little expected such areception; I anticipated only coldness and stiffness: this is not likewhat I have heard of the treatment of governesses; but I must not exulttoo soon.'
She returned; with her own hands cleared her knitting apparatus and abook or two from the table, to make room for the tray which Leah nowbrought, and then herself handed me the refreshments. I felt ratherconfused at being the object of more attention than I had ever beforereceived, and, that too, shown by my employer and superior; but as shedid not herself seem to consider she was doing anything out of herplace, I thought it better to take her civilities quietly.
'Shall I have the pleasure of seeing Miss Fairfax to-night?' I asked, when I had partaken of what she offered me.
'What did you say, my dear? I am a little deaf,' returned the good lady, approaching her ear to my mouth.
I repeated the question more distinctly.
'Miss Fairfax? Oh, you mean Miss Varens! Varens is the name of your future pupil.'
'Indeed! Then she is not your daughter?'
'No,- I have no family.'
I should have followed up my first inquiry, by asking in what wayMiss Varens was connected with her; but I recollected it was not politeto ask too many questions: besides, I was sure to hear in time.
'I am so glad,' she continued, as she sat down opposite to me, andtook the cat on her knee; 'I am so glad you are come; it will be quitepleasant living here now with a companion. To be sure it is pleasant atany time; for Thornfield is a fine old hall, rather neglected of lateyears perhaps, but still it is a respectable place; yet you know inwinter-time one feels dreary quite alone in the best quarters. I sayalone- Leah is a nice girl to be sure, and John and his wife are verydecent people; but then you see they are only servants, and one can'tconverse with them on terms of equality: one must keep them at duedistance, for fear of losing one's authority.
I'm sure last winter (it was a very severe one, if you recollect, andwhen it did not snow, it rained and blew), not a creature but thebutcher and postman came to the house, from November till February; and Ireally got quite melancholy with sitting night after night alone; I hadLeah in to read to me sometimes; but I don't think the poor girl likedthe task much: she felt it confining. In spring and summer one got onbetter: sunshine and long days make such a difference; and then, just atthe commencement of this autumn, little Adela Varens came and hernurse: a child makes a house alive all at once; and now you are here Ishall be quite gay.'
My heart really warmed to the worthy lady as I heard her talk; and Idrew my chair a little nearer to her, and expressed my sincere wish thatshe might find my company as agreeable as she anticipated.
'But I'll not keep you sitting up late to-night,' said she; 'it is onthe stroke of twelve now, and you have been travelling all day: youmust feel tired. If you have got your feet well warmed, I'll show youyour bedroom. I've had the room next to mine prepared for you; it isonly a small apartment, but I thought you would like it better than oneof the large front chambers: to be sure they have finer furniture, butthey are so dreary and solitary, I never sleep in them myself.'
I thanked her for her considerate choice, and as I really feltfatigued with my long journey, expressed my readiness to retire. Shetook her candle, and I followed her from the room. First she went to seeif the hall-door was fastened; having taken the key from the lock, sheled the way upstairs. The steps and banisters were of oak; the staircasewindow was high and latticed; both it and the long gallery into whichthe bedroom doors opened looked as if they belonged to a church ratherthan a house. A very chill and vault-like air pervaded the stairs andgallery, suggesting cheerless ideas of space and solitude; and I wasglad, when finally ushered into my chamber, to find it of smalldimensions, and furnished in ordinary, modern style.
When Mrs. Fairfax had bidden me a kind good-night, and I had fastenedmy door, gazed leisurely round, and in some measure effaced the eerieimpression made by that wide hall, that dark and spacious staircase, andthat long, cold gallery, by the livelier aspect of my little room, Iremembered that, after a day of bodily fatigue and mental anxiety, I wasnow at last in safe haven. The impulse of gratitude swelled my heart,and I knelt down at the bedside, and offered up thanks where thanks weredue; not forgetting, ere I rose, to implore aid on my further path, andthe power of meriting the kindness which seemed so frankly offered mebefore it was earned. My couch had no thorns in it that night; mysolitary room no fears. At once weary and content, I slept soon andsoundly: when I awoke it was broad day.
The chamber looked such a bright little place to me as the sun shonein between the gay blue chintz window curtains, showing papered wallsand a carpeted floor, so unlike the bare planks and stained plaster ofLowood, that my spirits rose at the view. Externals have a great effecton the young: I thought that a fairer era of life was beginning for me-one that was to have its flowers and pleasures, as well as its thornsand toils. My faculties, roused by the change of scene, the new fieldoffered to hope, seemed all astir. I cannot precisely define what theyexpected, but it was something pleasant: not perhaps that day or thatmonth, but at an indefinite future period.
I rose; I dressed myself with care: obliged to be plain- for I had noarticle of attire that was not made with extreme simplicity- I wasstill by nature solicitous to be neat. It was not my habit to bedisregardful of appearance or careless of the impression I made: on thecontrary, I ever wished to look as well as I could, and to please asmuch as my want of beauty would permit. I sometimes regretted that I wasnot handsomer; I sometimes wished to have rosy cheeks, a straight nose,and small cherry mouth; I desired to be tall, stately, and finelydeveloped in figure; I felt it a misfortune that I was so little, sopale, and had features so irregular and so marked.
And why had I these aspirations and these regrets? It would bedifficult to say: I could not then distinctly say it to myself; yet Ihad a reason, and a logical, natural reason too. However, when I hadbrushed my hair very smooth, and put on my black frock- which,Quakerlike as it was, at least had the merit of fitting to a nicety- andadjusted my clean white tucker, I thought I should do respectablyenough to appear before Mrs. Fairfax, and that my new pupil would not atleast recoil from me with antipathy. Having opened my chamber window,and seen that I left all things straight and neat on the toilet table, Iventured forth.
Traversing the long and matted gallery, I descended the slipperysteps of oak; then I gained the hall: I halted there a minute; I lookedat some pictures on the walls (one, I remember, represented a grim manin a cuirass, and one a lady with powdered hair and a pearl necklace),at a bronze lamp pendent from the ceiling, at a great clock whose casewas of oak curiously carved, and ebon black with time and rubbing.Everything appeared very stately and imposing to me; but then I was solittle accustomed to grandeur. The hall-door, which was half of glass,stood open; I stepped over the threshold. It was a fine autumn morning;the early sun shone serenely on embrowned groves and still green fields;advancing on to the lawn, I looked up and surveyed the front of themansion. It was three storeys high, of proportions not vast, thoughconsiderable: a gentleman's manor-house, not a nobleman's seat:battlements round the top gave it a picturesque look.
Its grey front stood out well from the background of a rookery, whosecawing tenants were now on the wing: they flew over the lawn andgrounds to alight in a great meadow, from which these were separated by asunk fence, and where an array of mighty old thorn trees, strong,knotty, and broad as oaks, at once explained the etymology of themansion's designation. Farther off were hills: not so lofty as thoseround Lowood, nor so craggy, nor so like barriers of separation from theliving world; but yet quiet and lonely hills enough, and seeming toembrace Thornfield with a seclusion I had not expected to find existentso near the stirring locality of Millcote. A little hamlet, whose roofswere blent with trees, straggled up the side of one of these hills; thechurch of the district stood nearer Thornfield: its old tower-top lookedover a knoll between the house and gates.
I was yet enjoying the calm prospect and pleasant fresh air, yetlistening with delight to the cawing of the rooks, yet surveying thewide, hoary front of the hall, and thinking what a great place it wasfor one lonely little dame like Mrs. Fairfax to inhabit, when that ladyappeared at the door.
'What! out already?' said she. 'I see you are an early riser.' I wentup to her, and was received with an affable kiss and shake of the hand.
'How do you like Thornfield?' she asked. I told her I liked it very much.
'Yes,' she said, 'it is a pretty place; but I fear it will be gettingout of order, unless Mr. Rochester should take it into his head to comeand reside here permanently; or, at least, visit it rather oftener:great houses and fine grounds require the presence of the proprietor.'
'Mr. Rochester!' I exclaimed. 'Who is he?'
'The owner of Thornfield,' she responded quietly. 'Did you not know he was called Rochester?'
Of course I did not- I had never heard of him before; but the oldlady seemed to regard his existence as a universally understood fact,with which everybody must be acquainted by instinct.
'I thought,' I continued, 'Thornfield belonged to you.'
'To me? Bless you, child; what an idea! To me! I am only thehousekeeper- the manager. To be sure I am distantly related to theRochesters by the mother's side, or at least my husband was; he was aclergyman, incumbent of Hay- that little village yonder on the hill- andthat church near the gates was his. The present Mr. Rochester's motherwas a Fairfax, second cousin to my husband: but I never presume on theconnection- in fact, it is nothing to me; I consider myself quite in thelight of an ordinary housekeeper: my employer is always civil, and Iexpect nothing more.'
'And the little girl- my pupil!'
'She is Mr. Rochester's ward; he commissioned me to find a believe. Here she comes, with her "bonne," as she calls her nurse.'
The enigma then was explained: this affable and kind little widow wasno great dame; but a dependant like myself. I did not like her theworse for that; on the contrary, I felt better pleased than ever.
The equality between her and me was real; not the mere result ofcondescension on her part: so much the better- my position was all thefreer.
As I was meditating on this discovery, a little girl, followed by herattendant, came running up the lawn. I looked at my pupil, who did notat first appear to notice me: she was quite a child, perhaps seven oreight years old, slightly built, with a pale, small-featured face, and aredundancy of hair falling in curls to her waist.
'Good morning, Miss Adela,' said Mrs. Fairfax. 'Come and speak to thelady who is to teach you, and to make you a clever woman some day.' Sheapproached.
'C'est la ma gouvernante!' said she, pointing to me, and addressing her nurse; who answered- 'Mais oui, certainement.'
'Are they foreigners?' I inquired, amazed at hearing the French language.
'The nurse is a foreigner, and Adela was born on the Continent; and, Ibelieve, never left it till within six months ago. When she first camehere she could speak no English; now she can make shift to talk it alittle: I don't understand her, she mixes it so with French; but youwill make out her meaning very well, I daresay.'
Fortunately I had had the advantage of being taught French by aFrench lady; and as I had always made a point of conversing with MadamePierrot as often as I could, and had besides, during the last sevenyears, learnt a portion of French by heart daily- applying myself totake pains with my accent, and imitating as closely as possible thepronunciation of my teacher, I had acquired a certain degree ofreadiness and correctness in the language, and was not likely to bemuch at a loss with Mademoiselle Adela. She came and shook hands with mewhen she heard that I was her governess; and as I led her in tobreakfast, I addressed some phrases to her in her own tongue: shereplied briefly at first, but after we were seated at the table, and shehad examined me some ten minutes with her large hazel eyes, shesuddenly commenced chattering fluently.
'Ah!' cried she, in French, 'you speak my language as well as Mr.Rochester does: I can talk to you as I can to him, and so can Sophie.She will be glad: nobody here understands her: Madame Fairfax is allEnglish. Sophie is my nurse; she came with me over the sea in a greatship with a chimney that smoked- how it did smoke!- and I was sick, andso was Sophie, and so was Mr. Rochester. Mr. Rochester lay down on asofa in a pretty room called the salon, and Sophie and I had little bedsin another place. I nearly fell out of mine; it was like a shelf. AndMademoiselle- what is your name?'
'Eyre- Jane Eyre.'
'Aire? Bah! I cannot say it. Well, our ship stopped in the morning,before it was quite daylight, at a great city- a huge city, with verydark houses and all smoky; not at all like the pretty clean town I camefrom; and Mr. Rochester carried me in his arms over a plank to the land,and Sophie came after, and we all got into a coach, which took us to abeautiful large house, larger than this and finer, called an hotel. Westayed there nearly a week: I and Sophie used to walk every day in agreat green place full of trees, called the Park; and there were manychildren there besides me, and a pond with beautiful birds in it, that Ifed with crumbs.'
'Can you understand her when she runs on so fast?' asked Mrs.Fairfax.
I understood her very well, for I had been accustomed to the fluent tongue of Madame Pierrot.
'I wish,' continued the good lady, 'you would ask her a question or two about her parents: I wonder if she remembers them?'
'Adele,' I inquired, 'with whom did you live when you were in that pretty clean town you spoke of?'
'I lived long ago with mama; but she is gone to the Holy Virgin.
Mama used to teach me to dance and sing, and to say verses. A greatmany gentlemen and ladies came to see mama, and I used to dance beforethem, or to sit on their knees and sing to them: I liked it. Shall I letyou hear me sing now?'
She had finished her breakfast, so I permitted her to give a specimenof her accomplishments. Descending from her chair, she came and placedherself on my knee; then, folding her little hands demurely before her,shaking back her curls and lifting her eyes to the ceiling, shecommenced singing a song from some opera. It was the strain of aforsaken lady, who, after bewailing the perfidy of her lover, callspride to her aid; desires her attendant to deck her in her brightestjewels and richest robes, and resolves to meet the false one that nightat a ball, and prove to him, by the gaiety of her demeanour, how littlehis desertion has affected her.
The subject seemed strangely chosen for an infant singer; but Isuppose the point of the exhibition lay in hearing the notes of love andjealousy warbled with the lisp of childhood; and in very bad taste thatpoint was: at least I thought so.
Adele sang the canzonette tunefully enough, and with the naivete ofher age. This achieved, she jumped from my knee and said, 'Now,Mademoiselle, I will repeat you some poetry.'
Assuming an attitude, she began 'La Ligue des Rats: fable de LaFontaine.' She then declaimed the little piece with an attention topunctuation and emphasis, a flexibility of voice and an appropriatenessof gesture, very unusual indeed at her age, and which proved she hadbeen carefully trained.
'Was it your mama who taught you that piece?' I asked.
'Yes, and she just used to say it in this way: "Qu'avez vous donc?lui dit un de ces rats; parlez!" She made me lift my hand- so- to remindme to raise my voice at the question. Now shall I dance for you?'
'No, that will do: but after your mama went to the Holy Virgin, as you say, with whom did you live then?'
'With Madame Frederic and her husband: she took care of me, but sheis nothing related to me. I think she is poor, for she had not so fine ahouse as mama. I was not long there. Mr. Rochester asked me if I wouldlike to go and live with him in England, and I said yes; for I knew Mr.Rochester before I knew Madame Frederic, and he was always kind to meand gave me pretty dresses and toys: but you see he has not kept hisword, for he has brought me to England, and now he is gone back againhimself, and I never see him.'
After breakfast, Adele and I withdrew to the library, which room, itappears, Mr. Rochester had directed should be used as the schoolroom.Most of the books were locked up behind glass doors; but there was onebookcase left open containing everything that could be needed in the wayof elementary works, and several volumes of light literature, poetry,biography, travels, a few romances, etc. I suppose he had consideredthat these were all the governess would require for her private perusal;and, indeed, they contented me amply for the present; compared with thescanty pickings I had now and then been able to glean at Lowood, theyseemed to offer an abundant harvest of entertainment and information. Inthis room, too, there was a cabinet piano, quite new and of superiortone; also an easel for painting and a pair of globes.
I found my pupil sufficiently docile, though disinclined to apply:she had not been used to regular occupation of any kind. I felt it wouldbe injudicious to confine her too much at first; so, when I had talkedto her a great deal, and got her to learn a little, and when the morninghad advanced to noon, I allowed her to return to her nurse. I thenproposed to occupy myself till dinner-time in drawing some littlesketches for her use.
As I was going upstairs to fetch my portfolio and pencils, Mrs.Fairfax called to me: 'Your morning school-hours are over now, Isuppose,' said she. She was in a room the folding doors of which stoodopen: I went in when she addressed me. It was a large, statelyapartment, with purple chairs and curtains, a Turkey carpet,walnut-panelled walls, one vast window rich in stained glass, and alofty ceiling, nobly moulded. Mrs. Fairfax was dusting some vases offine purple spar, which stood on a sideboard.
'What a beautiful room!' I exclaimed, as I looked round; for I had never before seen any half so imposing.
'Yes; this is the dining-room. I have just opened the window, to letin a little air and sunshine; for everything gets so damp in apartmentsthat are seldom inhabited; the drawing-room yonder feels like a vault.'
She pointed to a wide arch corresponding to the window, and hung likeit with a Tyrian-dyed curtain, now looped up. Mounting to it by twobroad steps, and looking through, I thought I caught a glimpse of afairy place, so bright to my novice-eyes appeared the view beyond. Yetit was merely a very pretty drawing-room, and within it a boudoir, bothspread with white carpets, on which seemed laid brilliant garlands offlowers; both ceiled with snowy mouldings of white grapes andvine-leaves, beneath which glowed in rich contrast crimson couches andottomans; while the ornaments on the pale Parian mantelpiece were ofsparkling Bohemian glass, ruby red; and between the windows largemirrors repeated the general blending of snow and fire.
'In what order you keep these rooms, Mrs. Fairfax!' said I. 'No dust,no canvas coverings: except that the air feels chilly, one would thinkthey were inhabited daily.'
'Why, Miss Eyre, though Mr. Rochester's visits here are rare, theyare always sudden and unexpected; and as I observed that it put him outto find everything swathed up, and to have a bustle of arrangement onhis arrival, I thought it best to keep the rooms in readiness.'
'Is Mr. Rochester an exacting, fastidious sort of man?'
'Not particularly so; but he has a gentleman's tastes and habits, and he expects to have things managed in conformity to them.'
'Do you like him? Is he generally liked?'
'Oh, yes; the family have always been respected here. Almost all theland in this neighbourhood, as far as you can see, has belonged to theRochesters time out of mind.'
'Well, but, leaving his land out of the question, do you like him? Is he liked for himself?'
'I have no cause to do otherwise than like him; and I believe he isconsidered a just and liberal landlord by his tenants: but he has neverlived much amongst them.'
'But has he no peculiarities? What, in short, is his character?'
'Oh! his character is unimpeachable, I suppose. He is ratherpeculiar, perhaps: he has travelled a great deal, and seen a great dealof the world, I should think. I daresay he is clever, but I never hadmuch conversation with him.'
'In what way is he peculiar?'
'I don't know- it is not easy to describe- nothing striking, but youfeel it when he speaks to you; you cannot be always sure whether he isin jest or earnest, whether he is pleased or the contrary; you don'tthoroughly understand him, in short- at least, I don't: but it is of noconsequence, he is a very good master.'
This was all the account I got from Mrs. Fairfax of her employer andmine. There are people who seem to have no notion of sketching acharacter, or observing and describing salient points, either in personsor things: the good lady evidently belonged to this class; my queriespuzzled, but did not draw her out. Mr. Rochester was Mr. Rochester inher eyes; a gentleman, a landed proprietor- nothing more:
she inquired and searched no further, and evidently wondered at my wish to gain a more definite notion of his identity.
When we left the dining-room she proposed to show me over the rest ofthe house; and I followed her upstairs and downstairs, admiring as Iwent; for all was well arranged and handsome. The large front chambers Ithought especially grand: and some of the third-storey rooms, thoughdark and low, were interesting from their air of antiquity. Thefurniture once appropriated to the lower apartments had from time totime been removed here, as fashions changed: and the imperfect lightentering by their narrow casement showed bed-steads of a hundred yearsold; chests in oak or walnut, looking, with their strange carvings ofpalm branches and cherubs' heads, like types of the Hebrew ark; rows ofvenerable chairs, high-backed and narrow; stools still more antiquated,on whose cushioned tops were yet apparent traces of half-effacedembroideries, wrought by fingers that for two generations had beencoffin-dust. All these relics gave to the third storey of ThornfieldHall the aspect of a home of the past: a shrine of memory. I liked thehush, the gloom, the quaintness of these retreats in the day; but I byno means coveted a night's repose on one of those wide and heavy beds:shut in, some of them, with doors of oak; shaded, others, with wroughtold English hangings crusted with thick work, portraying effigies ofstrange flowers, and stranger birds, and strangest human beings,- allwhich would have looked strange, indeed, by the pallid gleam ofmoonlight.
'Do the servants sleep in these rooms?' I asked.
'No; they occupy a range of smaller apartments to the back; no oneever sleeps here: one would almost say that, if there were a ghost atThornfield Hall, this would be its haunt.'
'So I think: you have no ghost, then?'
'None that I ever heard of,' returned Mrs. Fairfax, smiling.
'Nor any traditions of one? no legends or ghost stories?'
'I believe not. And yet it is said the Rochesters have been rather aviolent than a quiet race in their time: perhaps, though, that is thereason they rest tranquilly in their graves now.'
'Yes- "after life's fitful fever they sleep well,"' I muttered.
'Where are you going now, Mrs. Fairfax?' for she was moving away.
'On to the leads; will you come and see the view from thence?' Ifollowed still, up a very narrow staircase to the attics, and thence by aladder and through a trap-door to the roof of the hall. I was now on alevel with the crow colony, and could see into their nests.
Leaning over the battlements and looking far down, I surveyed thegrounds laid out like a map: the bright and velvet lawn closely girdlingthe grey base of the mansion; the field, wide as a park, dotted withits ancient timber; the wood, dun and sere, divided by a path visiblyovergrown, greener with moss than the trees were with foliage; thechurch at the gates, the road, the tranquil hills, all reposing in theautumn day's sun; the horizon bounded by a propitious sky, azure,marbled with pearly white. No feature in the scene was extraordinary,but all was pleasing. When I turned from it and repassed the trap-door, Icould scarcely see my way down the ladder; the attic seemed black as avault compared with that arch of blue air to which I had been lookingup, and to that sunlit scene of grove, pasture, and green hill, of whichthe hall was the centre, and over which I had been gazing with delight.
Mrs. Fairfax stayed behind a moment to fasten the trap-door; I, bydint of groping, found the outlet from the attic, and proceeded todescend the narrow garret staircase. I lingered in the long passage towhich this led, separating the front and back rooms of the third storey:narrow, low, and dim, with only one little window at the far end, andlooking, with its two rows of small black doors all shut, like acorridor in some Bluebeard's castle.
While I paced softly on, the last sound I expected to hear in sostill a region, a laugh, struck my ear. It was a curious laugh;distinct, formal, mirthless. I stopped: the sound ceased, only for aninstant; it began again, louder: for at first, though distinct, it wasvery low. It passed off in a clamorous peal that seemed to wake an echoin every lonely chamber; though it originated but in one, and I couldhave pointed out the door whence the accents issued.
'Mrs. Fairfax!' I called out: for I now heard her descending the great stairs. 'Did you hear that loud laugh? Who is it?'
'Some of the servants, very likely,' she answered: 'perhaps Grace Poole.'
'Did you hear it?' I again inquired.
'Yes, plainly: I often hear her: she sews in one of these rooms.
Sometimes Leah is with her; they are frequently noisy together.'
The laugh was repeated in its low, syllabic tone, and terminated in an odd murmur.
'Grace!' exclaimed Mrs. Fairfax.
I really did not expect any Grace to answer; for the laugh was astragic, as preternatural a laugh as any I ever heard; and, but that itwas high noon, and that no circumstance of ghostliness accompanied thecurious cachinnation; but that neither scene nor season favoured fear, Ishould have been superstitiously afraid. However, the event showed me Iwas a fool for entertaining a sense even of surprise.
The door nearest me opened, and a servant came out,- a woman ofbetween thirty and forty; a set, square-made figure, red-haired, andwith a hard, plain face: any apparition less romantic or less ghostlycould scarcely be conceived.
'Too much noise, Grace,' said Mrs. Fairfax. 'Remember directions!' Grace curtseyed silently and went in.
'She is a person we have to sew and assist Leah in her housemaid'swork,' continued the widow; 'not altogether unobjectionable in somepoints, but she does well enough. By the bye, how have you got on withyour new pupil this morning?'
The conversation, thus turned on Adele, continued till we reached thelight and cheerful region below. Adele came running to meet us in thehall, exclaiming-
'Mesdames, vous etes servies!' adding, 'J'ai bien faim, moi!'
We found dinner ready, and waiting for us in Mrs. Fairfax's room.

一部小说中新的一章，有些像一出戏中的新的一场。这回我拉开幕布的时候，读者，你一定会想象，你看到的是米尔科特乔治旅店中的一个房间。这里同其他旅店的陈设相同，一样的大图案墙纸，一样的地毯，一样的家具，一样的壁炉摆设，一样的图片，其中一幅是乔治三世的肖像，另一幅是威尔士亲王的肖像还有一幅画的是沃尔夫之死。借着悬挂在天花板上的油灯和壁炉的熊熊火光，你可以看得见这一切。我把皮手筒和伞放在桌上，披着斗篷戴着帽子坐在火炉旁，让自己在十月阴冷的天气里暴露了十六个小时、冻得了僵的身子暖和过来。我昨天下午四点离开洛顿，而这时米尔科特镇的时钟正敲响八点。
读者，我虽然看来安顿得舒舒服服，但内心却并不平静，我以为车子一停就会有人来接我。从脚夫为我方便而搭的木板上走下来费尔法克斯小姐吗？”我吃完了她递给我的点心后问。
“你说什么呀，亲爱的，我耳朵有些背。”这位好心的夫人问道，一边把耳朵凑近我的嘴巴。
我把这个问题更清楚地重复了一遍。
“费尔法克斯小姐？噢，你的意思是瓦伦小姐！瓦伦是你要教的学生的名字。”
“真的，那她不是你女儿？”
“不是，我没有家庭。”
我本想接着第一个问题继续往下问，问她瓦伦小姐同她是什么关系，但转念一想，觉得问那么多问题不太礼貌，更何况到时候我肯定会有所闻的。
“我很高兴——”她在我对面坐下，把那只猫放到膝头，继续说：“我很高兴你来了。现在有人作伴，住在这儿是很愉快的。当然，什么时候都很愉快，桑菲尔德是一个很好的老庄园，也许近几年有些冷落，但它还是个体面的地方，不过你知道，在冬天，即使住在最好的房子里你也会觉得孤独凄凉的。我说孤独——莉娅当然是位可爱的姑娘，约翰夫妇是正派人。但你知道他们不过是仆人，总不能同他们平等交谈吧，你得同他们保持适当的距离、免得担心失去威麉搮唷看到了一辆马车。
“我想这就是你的行李了？”这人见了我，指着过道上我的箱子唐突地说。”
“是的，”他把箱子举起来放到了车上，那是一辆马车。随后我坐了进去，不等他关门就问到桑菲尔德有多远。
“六英里左右。”
“我们要多久才到得了那里？”
“大概一个半小时。”
他关了车门，爬到车外自己的位置上，我们便上路了。马车款款向前，使我有充裕的时间来思考。我很高兴终于接近了旅程的终点，身子靠在虽不精致却很舒适的马车上，一时浮想联翩。
“我估计，”我想道，“从朴实的仆人和马车来判断，费尔法克斯太太不是一个衣着华丽的女人，这样倒更好，我跟上等人只生活过一回，同他们相处真是受罪。不知道除了那位站娘之外，她是不是一个人过日子。如果是这样，而且她还算得上有点和气，我肯定能同她好好相处，我会尽力而为。可惜竭尽全力并不总能得到好报。其实在罗沃德，我打定了主意，并坚持不懈地去实行，而且也赢得了别人的好感，但与里德太太相处，我记得我的好心总遭到鄙弃。我祈求上帝，但愿费尔法克斯太太不要到头来成了第二个里德太太。可要是她果真如此，我也并不是非与她相处下去不可，就是发生了最坏的情况，我还可以再登广告。不知道我们现在已走了多远了？”
我放下窗子，往外盼望。米尔科特已落在我们身后。从灯光的数量来看，这似乎是一个相当大的城市，比洛顿要大得多。就我所知，我们此刻像是在一块公地上，不过屋宇遍布整个地区。我觉得我们所在的地区与罗沃德不同。人口更为稠密，却并不那么景色如画；更加熙熙攘攘，却不那么浪漫。
道路难行，夜雾沉沉。我的向导让马一路溜达，我确信这一个半小时延长到了两个小时，最后他在车座上转过头来说：
“现在你离桑菲尔德不远了。”
我再次往外眺望。我们正经过一个教堂，我看见低矮、宽阔的塔映着天空，教堂的钟声正敲响一刻；我还看到山边一狭长条耀眼的灯光，标明那是一个乡村，或者没有教堂的庄子。大约十分钟后，马车夫跳了下来，打开两扇大门，我们穿了过去，门在我们身后砰地关上了。这会儿我们慢悠悠地登上了一条小道，来到一幢房子宽阔的正门前。一扇遮着窗帘的圆肚窗，闪烁着烛光，其余一片漆黑。马车停在前门，一个女佣开了门，我下车走进门去。
“请从这边走，小姐，”这姑娘说。我跟着她穿过一个四周全是高大的门的方形大厅，她领我进了一个房间，里面明亮的炉火与烛光，同我已经习惯了两小时的黑暗恰成对比，起初弄得我眼花缭乱。然而等我定下神来，眼前便出现了一个惬意和谐的画面。
这是一个舒适的小房间，温暖的炉火旁摆着一张圆桌，一条老式高背安乐椅上，坐着一位整洁不过的矮小老妇人，头戴寡妇帽，身穿黑色丝绸长袍，还围着雪白的平纹细布围裙，跟我想象中的费尔法克斯太太一模一样，只是不那么威严，却显得更加和蔼罢了。她正忙着编织。一只硕大的猫娴静地蹲在她脚边。作为一幅理想的家庭闲适图，它真是完美无缺了。对一个新到的家庭女教师来说，也很难设想有比这更让人放心的初次见面的情景了。没有那种咄咄逼人的豪华，也没有今人难堪的庄严。我一进门，那老妇人便站了起来，立刻客客气气地上前来迎接我。
“你好，亲爱的！恐怕一路坐车很乏味吧。约翰驾车又那么慢，你一定怪冷的，到火炉边来吧。”
“我想你就是费尔法克斯太太了？”我说。
“是呀，你说得对，请坐吧。”
她把我领到她自己的椅子上坐下，随后动手取下我的披巾，解开我的帽带，我请她不用如此麻烦了。
“啊，一点也不麻烦。你的手恐怕差点儿冻僵了吧。莉娅，调点儿尼格斯酒，切一两片三明治。储藏室的钥匙在这儿。”
她从口袋里掏出一串井然有序的钥匙，把它递给了仆人。
“好啦，靠近火炉些吧，”她继续说，“你已经把行李带来了是吗，亲爱的？”
“是的，夫人。”
“我来叫人搬到你房间去，”她说着，急急忙忙走了出去。
“她把我当客人看待了，”我想，“我没有料到会受到这样的接待。我所期望的只是冷漠与生硬。这不像我耳闻的家庭女教师的待遇。但我也决不能高兴得太早。”
她回来了，亲自动手从桌上把她的编织工具和一两本书挪开，为莉娅端来的托盘腾出了地方。接着她亲自把点心递给我。我颇有些受宠若惊，我从来没有受到过这样的关心，况且这种关心来自我的雇主和上司。可是她似乎并不认为自己的行动有什么出格，所以我想还是对她的礼仪采取默认态度好。
“今晚我能见一见费尔法克斯小姐吗？”我吃完了她递给我的点心后问。
“你说什么呀，亲爱的，我耳朵有些背。”这位好心的夫人问道，一边把耳朵凑近我的嘴巴。
我把这个问题更清楚地重复了一遍。
“费尔法克斯小姐？噢，你的意思是瓦伦小姐！瓦伦是你要教的学生的名字。”
“真的，那她不是你女儿？”
“不是，我没有家庭。”
我本想接着第一个问题继续往下问，问她瓦伦小姐同她是什么关系，但转念一想，觉得问那么多问题不太礼貌，更何况到时候我肯定会有所闻的。
“我很高兴——”她在我对面坐下，把那只猫放到膝头，继续说：“我很高兴你来了。现在有人作伴，住在这儿是很愉快的。当然，什么时候都很愉快，桑菲尔德是一个很好的老庄园，也许近几年有些冷落，但它还是个体面的地方，不过你知道，在冬天，即使住在最好的房子里你也会觉得孤独凄凉的。我说孤独——莉娅当然是位可爱的姑娘，约翰夫妇是正派人。但你知道他们不过是仆人，总不能同他们平等交谈吧，你得同他们保持适当的距离、免得担心失去威信。确实去年冬天（如果你还记得的话，那是个很冷的冬天，不是下雪，就是刮风下雨），从十一月到今年二月，除了卖肉的和送信的，没有人到府上来过。一夜一夜地独自坐着，我真感到忧伤。有时我让莉娅进来读些东西给我听听，不过我想这可怜姑娘并不喜欢这差使。她觉得这挺束缚人。春秋两季情况好些，阳光和长长的白天使得一切大不相同。随后，秋季刚刚开始，小阿德拉.瓦伦和她的保姆就来了，一个孩子立刻使一幢房子活了起来，而现在你也来了，我会非常愉快。”
听着听着，我对这位可敬的老妇人产生了好感，我把椅子往她身边挪了挪，并表达了我真诚的希望，愿她发现我是一位如她所企盼的融洽伙伴。
“不过今晚我可不想留你太晚，”她说，“现在钟敲十二点了，你奔波了一整天，一定已经很累，要是你的脚已经暖和过来了，我就带你上卧室去，我已让人拾掇好了我隔壁的房间，这不过是个小间，但比起一间宽阔的前房来，我想你会更喜欢的。虽然那些大房间确实有精致的家具，但孤独冷清，连我自己也从来不睡在里面的。”
我感谢她周到的选择，但长途旅行之后，我确实已疲惫不堪，便表示准备歇息。她端着蜡烛，让我跟着她走出房间，先是去看大厅的门上了锁没有。她从锁上取下钥匙，领我上了楼梯。楼梯和扶手都是橡树做的，楼梯上的窗子都是高高的花格窗，这类窗子和直通一间间卧室的长长过道，看上去不像住家，而像教堂。楼梯和过道上弥漫着一种墓穴似的阴森气氛，给人一种空旷和孤寂的凄凉感。因此当我最后被领进自己的房间，发现它面积不大，有着普通现代风格的陈设时，心里便十分高兴了。
费尔法克斯太太客气地跟我道了晚安。我闩上了门，目光从容四顾，不觉感到那宽阔的大厅、漆旱宽畅的楼梯和阴冷的长廊所造成的恐怖怪异的印象，己被这小房间的蓬勃生气抹去了几分。这时我忽然想到，经历了身心交瘁的一天之后，此刻我终于到达了一个安全避风港，感激之情油然而生。我跪在床边开始祈祷，表示了理所应当的感恩，在站起来之前，并未忘记祈求在前路上赐予帮助与力量，使我配得上还没有付出努力就坦率地授与我的那份厚意。那天晚上，我的床榻上没有荆棘，我那孤寂的房间里没有恐惧。立刻，倦意与满足俱来，我很快便沉沉睡去，醒来的时候，天色已经大亮了。
阳光从蓝色鲜艳的印花布窗帘缝隙中射进来，照出了糊着墙纸的四壁和铺着地毯的地板，与罗沃德光秃秃的楼板和迹痕斑驳的灰泥全然不同。相形之下，这房间显得小巧而明亮，眼前的情景使我精神为之一振。外在的东西对年轻人往往有很大影响，我于是想到自己生涯中更为光明的时代开始了，这个时代将会有花朵和欢愉，也会有荆棘和艰辛。由于这改变了的环境，这充满希望的新天地，我的各种官能都复活了，变得异常活跃。但它们究竟期望着什么，我一时也说不清楚，反正是某种令人愉快的东西，也许那东西不是降临在这一天，或是这个月，而是在不确定的未来。
我起身了，小心穿戴了一番，无奈只能简朴，——因为我没有一件服饰不是缝制得极其朴实的——但渴求整洁依然是我的天性。习惯上我并不无视外表，不注意自己留下的印象。相反，我一向希望自己的外观尽可能标致些，并希望在我平庸的外貌所允许的情况下，得到别人的好感。有时候，我为自己没有长得漂亮些而感到遗憾，有时巴不得自己有红润的双颊、挺直的鼻梁和樱桃般的小口。我希望自己修长、端庄、身材匀称。我觉得很不幸，长得这么小，这么苍白，五官那么不端正而又那么显眼。为什么我有这些心愿却又有这些遗憾？这很难说清楚、当时我自己虽然说不上来，但我有一个理由，一个合乎逻辑的、自然的理由。然而，当我把头发梳得溜光，穿上那件黑色的外衣——虽然看上去确实像贵格会教派的人，但至少非常合身——换上了干净洁白的领布时，我想我可以够体面地去见费尔法克斯太太了，我的新学生至少不会因为厌恶而从我面前退缩。我打开了房间的窗户，并注意到已把梳妆台上的东西收拾得整整齐齐，便大着胆子走出门去了。
我走过铺着地席的长廊，走下打滑的橡树楼梯，来到了大厅。我站了一会儿，看着墙上的几幅画（记得其中一幅画的是一个穿看护胸铁甲十分威严的男子，另一幅是一个头发上搽了粉戴着珍珠项链的贵妇），看着从天花板上垂下来的青铜灯；看着一个大钟，钟壳是由雕刻得稀奇古怪的橡木做的，因为年长月久和不断地擦拭，变得乌黑发亮了。对我来说一切都显得那样庄严肃穆、富丽堂皇。那时我不大习惯于这种豪华。一扇镶着玻璃的大厅门敞开着，我越过了门槛。这是一个晴朗的秋天早晨，朝阳宁静地照耀着透出黄褐色的树丛和依然绿油油的田野。我往前来到了草坪上，抬头细看这大厦的正面。这是幢三层楼屋宇，虽然有相当规模，但按比例并不觉得宏大，是一座绅士的住宅，而不是贵族的府第。围绕着顶端的城垛，使整座建筑显得很别致。灰色的正面正好被后面一个白嘴鸦的巢穴映衬着，显得很凸出，它的居住者正在边房呱呱叫个不停，飞越草坪和庭园，落到一块大草地上。一道矮篱把草地和庭园分开。草地上长着一排排巨大的老荆棘树丛，强劲多节，大如橡树，一下子说明屋宇名称字源意义的由来。更远的地方是小山。不像罗沃德四周的山那么高耸，那么峻峭，也不像它们那么是一道与世隔绝的屏障。但这些山十分幽静，拥抱着桑菲尔德，给它带来了一种我不曾料到在闹闹嚷嚷的米尔科特地区会有的清静。一个小村庄零零落落地分布在一座小山的一侧，屋顶与树木融为一体。地区教堂坐落在桑菲尔德附近，它古老的钟楼俯视着房子与大门之间的土墩。
我欣赏着这番宁静的景象和诱人的新鲜空气，愉快地倾听着白嘴鸦的呱呱叫声，细细打量着这所庄园宽阔灰白的正面，心里琢磨着，偌大一个地方，居然只住着像费尔法犯斯太太这样一位孤单矮小的贵妇人。就在这时，这位妇人出现在门边了。
“怎么，已经起来了？”她说，“我看你是个喜欢早起的人。”我向她走去，她慈祥地吻了吻我，并同我握了下手。
“你认为桑菲尔德怎么样？”她问。我告诉她很喜欢。
“是呀，”她说，“是个漂亮的地方。但我担心慢慢地会败落，除非罗切斯特先生想着要来，并永久居住在这儿，或者至少常来看看，大住宅和好庭园需要主人经常光顾才是。”
“罗切斯特先生！”我嚷道，“他是谁？”
“桑菲尔德的主人，”她平静地回答，“你不知道他叫罗切斯特吗？”
我当然不知道，我以前从来没有听说过他。但这位老妇人似乎把他的存在，看作尽人皆知的事实，人人都仅凭直感就清楚的。
“我还以为，”我继续说，“桑菲尔德是你的呢。”
“我的？哎哟，我的孩子！多古怪的想法！我的？我不过是个管家——管理人。确实，从母亲份上说，我是罗切斯特家的远亲，或者至少我丈夫是这样。他是个牧师，是海村的——那边山上的那个小村——靠近大门的那个教堂是他管的。现在这位罗切斯特的母亲是费尔法克斯家的人，她的父亲和我丈夫的父亲是堂兄弟，但我从来没有指望这层关系，其实这与我无关。我把自己看作一个普普通通的管家，我的雇主总是客客气气的，而别的我都不指望了”。
“那么，那位小姑娘呢——我的学生？”
“她是罗切斯特先生的受监护人。他委托我替她找个家庭教师。我想他有意将她在××郡养育大。瞧她来了，同她称作‘bonne’的保姆一起来了。”谜被揭开了，这个和蔼善良的矮小寡妇不是位大贵妇，而是像我一样的寄生者。但我并没有因此而不喜欢她，相反，我感到了从未有过的愉快。她与我之间的平等是实实在在的，不是她屈尊就驾的结果。这样倒更好，我的处境就更自由了。
我还在沉思着这个新发现时，一个小女孩由她的侍候者陪着，向草坪这边奔跑过来了。我瞧了一眼我的学生，她开始并没有注意到我。她十足是个孩子，大约七、八岁，个头瘦小，脸色苍白，五官很小，一头累赘的卷发直披到腰上。
“早上好，阿德拉小姐，”费尔法克斯太太说，“过来同这位小姐说说话，她会教你读书，让你有一天成为聪明的女人。”她走近了。
“C'est ma gouvernante？”她指着我对她的保姆说，保姆回答：
“Ｍais oui Ｃertainement.”
“他们都是外国人吗？”我听到他们讲法语，便吃惊地问道。
“保姆是个外国人，而阿德拉却是生在大陆上的，而且我相信除了六个月前的一次，她从来没有离开过大陆。她初到这儿来的时候，一句英语也不会说，现在倒能转过来讲一点了。她把英语和法语混着讲，我听不懂。我想你会把她的意思搞得很清楚的。”
幸好我得益于曾拜一个法国太太为师，学过法语。那时我下了决心抓紧一切机会同皮埃罗夫人交谈。此外，过去七年来还坚持每天背诵一段法语，在语调上狠下功夫，逼真地模仿我老师的发音，因而我的法语已经相当流利和准确，不至于听不懂阿德拉小姐说的话。她听说我是她的家庭教师，便走过来同我握手。我领她进去吃早饭，又用她自己的语言说了几句，起初她回答得很简短，但等我们在桌旁坐定，她用淡褐色的大眼睛审视了我十来分钟之后，突然叽叽喳喳地说开了。
“啊！”她用法语叫道，“你说我的话同罗切斯特先生说得一样好。我可以同你谈了，像我可以跟他谈一样。索菲娅也可以同你谈了，她会很开心的，这里没有人懂她的话，而费尔法克斯太太又满口英语。索菲娅是我的保姆，同我一起乘了条大船穿过海洋，船上有个烟囱冒着烟，多浓的烟呀！我病倒了，索菲娅也病倒了，还有罗切斯特先生也病倒了。罗切斯特先生躺在沙发上，在一间叫沙龙的漂亮房间里，索菲娅和我睡在另一个地方的小床上。它像个架子，我差点跌了下来。小姐，你叫什么名字？”
“爱——简.爱。”
“埃尔？啊，我说不上来。是呀，我们的船在早晨停了下来，天还没有大亮，船在一个大城市靠了岸，一个很大的城市，房子都很黑，全都冒着烟。一点也不像我原来地方漂亮干净的城镇。罗切斯特先生抱着我走过一块板，来到陆地上，索菲娅跟在后面，我们坐进了一辆马车，它把我们带到了一座美丽的大房子，比这座还要大，还要好，叫做旅馆。我们在那里呆了差不多一个星期，我和索菲娅每天去逛一个老大的地方，种满了树，碧绿碧绿的，他们管它叫公园。除了我，那里还有很多孩子，还有一个池塘，池塘里有很多漂亮的鸟，我用面包屑喂它们。”
“她讲得那么快，你能听懂吗？”费尔法克斯太太问。
我完全懂她的话，因为过去早已听惯了皮埃罗夫人流利的语言。
“我希望，”这位善良的夫人继续说，“你问她一两个关于她父母的问题，看她还记不
记祷啊！?br>
“他在哪方面跟别人不一样呢？”
“我不知道——不容易说清楚——不很突出，但他同你说话时，你感觉得出来。你总是吃不准他在说笑还是当真，他是高兴，还是恰恰相反。总之，你没法彻底了解他——至少我不行。但这无关紧要，他是一个很好的主人。”
这就是我从费尔法克斯太太那儿听来，关于我们两人的雇主的全部情况。有些人似乎不知道如何刻划一个人，不知道观察和描绘人和事的特点，这位善良的太太就属于这类人。我的问话使她大惑不解，却并没有掏出她的话来。在她眼里，罗切斯特先生就是罗切斯特先生。一个绅士，一位土地拥有者——别无其他。她不作进一步询问和探求，显然对我希望进一步确切了解他的个性感到难以理解。
我们离开餐厅时，她提议带我去看看房子其余的地方。我跟着她上楼下楼，一路走一路羡慕不已。一切都安排得那么妥贴，一切都那么漂亮。我想宽敞的前房特别豪华。还有三楼的某些房间，虽然又暗又低，但从古色古香的气派看来，还是别有情趣的。一度归层次更底房间使用的家具，因为时尚的变更，逐渐搬到了这里。?i∴动听，而且还带着她那种年纪会有的天真烂漫的情调。唱完以后，她从我膝头跳下说：“小姐，现在我来给你朗诵些诗吧。”
她摆好姿势，先报了题目：“La ligue des Rats, fable de La Fontaine”，随后她朗诵了这首短诗，十分讲究抑扬顿挫，声调婉转，动作得体，在她这个年纪，实在是很不寻常了，说明她受过悉心的训练。
“这首诗是你妈妈教你的么？”我问。
“是的，她总是这么说‘Qu’ avez vous donc? Lui dit un de ces rats;parlez!’她要我把手举起来，这样，提醒我读问题的时候要提高嗓门儿。现在我来跳舞给你看好吗？”
“不，行啦。你妈妈到圣母玛丽亚那儿去了后，你跟谁一块儿住呢？”
“同弗雷德里克太太和她的丈夫。她照顾我，不过她跟我没有亲戚关系。我想她很穷，因为她不像妈妈那样有好房子。我在那里没呆多久。罗切斯特先生问我，是否愿意同他一起住到英国去。我说好的，因为我认得弗雷德里克太太之前就认得罗切斯特先生了。他总是待我很好，送我漂亮的衣服和玩具，可是你瞧他说话不算数，把我带到了英国，自己倒又回去了，我从来没有见过他。”
吃了早饭，阿黛勒和我进了图书室。罗切斯特先生好像曾吩咐把这用作教室。大部分书籍都锁在玻璃门内，但有一个书架却是敞开的，上面摆着基础教育所需要的各类书籍，和几部轻松的文学作品、诗歌、传记、游记和一些传奇故事等。我猜想这些就是他认为家庭女教师自个儿想看的书。的确，有这些书眼下我已经心满意足。同罗沃德书苑偶尔的少量采摘相比，这里所奉献的却是知识和娱乐的大丰收了。在房子里还有一架小巧的钢琴，成色很新，音调优美。此外，还有一个画架和一对地球仪。
我发觉我的学生相当听话，虽然不大肯用功。对任何正儿八经的事她都不习惯。我觉得一开始就给她过多限制是不明智的。我已给她讲了很多，也使她学了点东西。因此早晨过去，渐近中午时，我便允许她回到保姆那儿去了。随后我打算在午饭前画些小小的素描，供她学习用。
我正上楼去取画夹和铅笔，费尔法克斯太太叫住了我：“我想你上午的课结束了吧，”她说。她正在一个房间里，房间的折门开着。她招呼我时我便走了进去。这是个气派不凡的大房间，紫色的椅子，紫色的窗帘，土耳其地毯，墙上是胡挑木做的镶板，一扇巨大无比的窗，装配了色彩丰富的染色玻璃，天花板很高，浇铸得宏伟壮丽。费尔法克斯太太正给餐具柜上几个紫色晶石花瓶拂去灰尘。
“多漂亮的房间！”我朝四周看了看，不觉惊叫起来，我从未见过什么房间有它一半那么气派的。
“是呀，这是餐室，我刚开了窗，让它进来一点新鲜空气和阳光，这些房间难得有人住，所以什么都是潮腻腻的，那边的客厅简直像墓穴。”
她指了指跟那窗子相对应的一扇又宽又大的拱门，一样也挂着红紫色的帘子，此刻往上卷着。我跨过两步宽阔的台阶，登上拱门，往里面瞅着。我以为自己看见了一个仙境，那景象使我这个刚踏上世途的人顿时眼目清亮。但它不过是一个漂亮的客厅和里面成套的一间闺房。两间房子都铺着白色的地毯，地毯上仿佛摆着鲜艳夺目的花环。天花板上都浇铸着雪白的葡萄和葡萄叶子。与它恰成对比的是，天花板下闪烁着绯红的睡椅和床榻，灰白色的帕罗斯岛大理石壁炉架上，摆着波希米亚闪光玻璃装饰物，像红宝石一般火红。窗户之间的大镜子，也映照出大体红白相间的色调。
“这些房间收拾得多整齐呀，费尔法克斯太太！”我说。“没有帆布罩子，却能做到纤尘不染，要不是空气冷飕飕的，人家准以为天天住着人呢。”
“唉，爱小姐，尽管罗切斯特先生很少上这儿来，但要来就往往很突然，料也料不到。我发现他最讨厌看到什么都裹得严严实实的，他到了才开始手忙脚乱地张罗，所以我想还是把房间准备停当好。”
“罗切斯特先生是那种爱挑剔、难讨好的人吗？”
“不完全是这样。不过他具有上等人的趣味与习惯，希望按他的趣味和习惯办事。”
“你喜欢他吗？大家都喜欢他吗？”
“啊，是的。这个家族在这儿一向受人尊敬。很久很久以前，凡是你望得见的附近的土地，几乎都属于罗切斯特家的。”
“哦，不过撇开他的土地不谈，你喜欢他吗？别人喜欢他本人吗？”
“我没有理由不喜欢他。我相信他的佃户们都认为他是个公正大方的乡绅，不过他从来没有在他们中间生活得很久。”
“但他没有跟别人不一样的地方吗？他的性格究竟怎样？”
“啊，我想他的性格是无可指责的，也许他有些特别。我想他到过很多地方，见过很多世面。他一定很聪明，不过我没有同他说过很多话。”
“他在哪方面跟别人不一样呢？”
“我不知道——不容易说清楚——不很突出，但他同你说话时，你感觉得出来。你总是吃不准他在说笑还是当真，他是高兴，还是恰恰相反。总之，你没法彻底了解他——至少我
不行。但这无关紧要，他是一个很好的主人。”
这就是我从费尔法克斯太太那儿听来，关于我们两人的雇主的全部情况。有些人似乎不知道如何刻划一个人，不知道观察和描绘人和事的特点，这位善良的太太就属于这类人。我的问话使她大惑不解，却并没有掏出她的话来。在她眼里，罗切斯特先生就是罗切斯特先生。一个绅士，一位土地拥有者——别无其他。她不作进一步询问和探求，显然对我希望进一步确切了解他的个性感到难以理解。
我们离开餐厅时，她提议带我去看看房子其余的地方。我跟着她上楼下楼，一路走一路羡慕不已。一切都安排得那么妥贴，一切都那么漂亮。我想宽敞的前房特别豪华。还有三楼的某些房间，虽然又暗又低，但从古色古香的气派看来，还是别有情趣的。一度归层次更底房间使用的家具，因为时尚的变更，逐渐搬到了这里。从狭窄的窗扉投射进来的斑驳光影，映照出了有上百年历史的床架；映照出了橡树或胡桃树做的柜子，上面奇怪地雕刻着棕榈树枝和小天使头部，看上去很像各种希伯莱约柜；映照出了一排排历史悠久、窄小高背的椅子；映照出了更加古老的凳子，坐垫上明显留着磨损了一半的刺绣，当年做绣活的手指化为尘土已经有两代之久了。这一切陈迹使桑菲尔德府三楼成了往昔的家园，回忆的圣地。白天我喜欢这些去处的静谧、幽暗和古雅。不过晚上我决不羡慕在那些笨重的大床上睡觉。有些床装着橡木门，可以关闭；有的挂着古老的英国绣花帐幔，上面满布各类绣花，有奇怪的花，更奇怪的乌和最奇怪的人。总之是些在苍白的月光下会显得十分古怪的东西。
“仆人们睡在这些房间里吗？”我问。
“不，他们睡在后面一排小房间里，这里从来没有人睡。你几乎可以说，要是桑菲尔德府闹鬼，这里会是鬼魂游荡的地方。”
“我也有同样想法。那你们这儿没有鬼了？”
“反正我从没听说过，”费尔法克斯太太笑着说。
“鬼的传说也没有？没有传奇或者鬼故事？”
“我相信没有。不过据说，罗切斯特家人在世时性格暴烈，而不是文文静静的，也许那正是他们如今平静地安息在坟墓中的原因吧。”
“是呀，‘经过了一场人生的热病，他们现在睡得好好的，’”我喃喃地说，“你现在上哪儿去呀，费尔法克斯太太？”因为她正要走开。
“上铅皮屋顶去走走，你高兴一起去，从那儿眺望一下景致吗？”我默默地跟随着她上了一道狭窄的楼梯，来到顶楼，在那里爬上一架扶梯，穿过活动天窗，到了桑菲尔德府的房顶。这时我与白嘴鸦的领地已处于同一高度，可以窥见他们的巢穴。我倚在城垛上，往下眺望，只见地面恰似一幅地图般展开，鲜嫩的天鹅绒草坪，紧紧围绕着大厦灰色的宅基；与公园差不多大的田野上，古老的树木星罗棋布；深褐色枯萎的树林，被一条小径明显分割开来，小径长满了青苔，看上去比带叶子的树木还绿；门口的教堂、道路和寂静的小山都安卧在秋阳里；地平线上祥和的天空，蔚蓝中夹杂着大理石般的珠白色。这番景色并无出奇之外，但一切都显得赏心悦目。当我转过身，再次经过活动天窗时，我几乎看不清下扶梯的路了。同我刚才抬头观望的蓝色苍穹相比，同我兴致勃勃地俯瞰过，以桑菲尔德府为核心展开的阳光照耀下的树林、牧场和绿色小山的景致相比，这阁楼便犹如墓穴一般黑了。
费尔法克斯太太比我晚走一会儿，拴上活动天窗。我摸索着找到了顶楼的出口，并爬下狭窄顶楼的扶梯。我在楼梯口长长的过道上踯躅，这条过道把三楼的前房与后房隔开，又窄、又低、又暗，仅在远远的尽头有一扇小窗，两排黑色的小门全都关着，活像蓝胡子城堡里的一条走廊。
我正轻轻地缓步往前时，万万没有料到在这个静悄悄的地方，竟然听见了一阵笑声。这笑声很古怪，清晰、拘谨，悲哀。我停下步来，这声音也停止了。刹那间以后，笑声重又响起，声音越来越大，不依才起来时虽然清晰却很低沉。这笑声震耳欲聋般地响了一阵以后便停止了，其声音之大足可以在每间孤寂的房子里引起回声。尽管这声音不过来自一个房间，但我完全能指出是从哪扇门传出来的。
“费尔法克斯太太？”我大声叫道，因为这时正听见她走下顶楼的楼梯。“你听见响亮
的笑声了吗？那是谁呀？”
“很可能是些仆人，”她回答说，“也许是格雷斯.普尔。”
“你听到了吗？”我又问。
“听到了，很清楚。我常常听到她，她在这儿的一间房子里做针线活，有时莉娅也在，这两个人在一块总是闹闹嚷嚷的。”
笑声又响起来了，低沉而很有节奏，然后以古怪的嘟哝声告结束。
“格雷斯？”费尔法克斯太太嚷道。
我其实并不盼望哪位格雷斯来回答，因为这笑声同我所听到过的笑声一样悲惨，一样不可思议。要不是正值中午，要不是鬼魂的出现从来不与奇怪的狂笑相伴，要不是当时的情景和季节并不会激发恐怖情绪，我准会相信迷信，害怕起来呢。然而，这件事表明我真傻，居然还为笑声感到吃惊。
最靠近我的一扇门开了，一个仆人走了出来，一个年龄在三十到四十之间的女人，虎背熊腰，一头红发，一张冷酷而长相平庸的脸。实在难以想象还有什么幽灵比她更缺少传奇色彩，更不像鬼魂了。
“太闹了，格雷斯，”费尔法克斯太太说。“记住对你的吩咐！”格雷斯默默地行了个屈膝礼，走了进去。
“她是我们雇来做针线活，帮助莉娅干家务活儿的，”寡妇继续说，“在某些方面她并不是无可非议的，不过她干得挺好。顺便问一下，早上你跟你的学生相处得怎么样？”
于是我们的谈话转到了阿黛勒身上，一直谈到我们来到下面敞亮而欢快的地方。阿黛勒在大厅里迎着我们跑过来，一面还嚷嚷着。

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Chapter 12

THE promise of a smooth career, which my first calm introduction toThornfield Hall seemed to pledge, was not belied on a longeracquaintance with the place and its inmates. Mrs. Fairfax turned out tobe what she appeared, a placid-tempered, kind-natured woman, ofcompetent education and average intelligence. My pupil was a livelychild, who had been spoilt and indulged, and therefore was sometimeswayward; but as she was committed entirely to my care, and noinjudicious interference from any quarter ever thwarted my plans for herimprovement, she soon forgot her little freaks, and became obedient andteachable. She had no great talents, no marked traits of character, nopeculiar development of feeling or taste which raised her one inch abovethe ordinary level of childhood; but neither had she any deficiency orvice which sunk her below it. She made reasonable progress, entertainedfor me a vivacious, though perhaps not very profound, affection; and byher simplicity, gay prattle, and efforts to please, inspired me, inreturn, with a degree of attachment sufficient to make us both contentin each other's society.

This, par parenthese, will be thoughtcool language by persons who entertain solemn doctrines about theangelic nature of children, and the duty of those charged with theireducation to conceive for them an idolatrous devotion: but I am notwriting to flatter parental egotism, to echo cant, or prop up humbug; Iam merely telling the truth. I felt a conscientious solicitude forAdele's welfare and progress, and a quiet liking for her little self:just as I cherished towards Mrs. Fairfax a thankfulness for herkindness, and a pleasure in her society proportionate to the tranquilregard she had for me, and the moderation of her mind and character.
Anybody may blame me who likes, when I add further, that, now andthen, when I took a walk by myself in the grounds; when I went down tothe gates and looked through them along the road; or when, while Adeleplayed with her nurse, and Mrs. Fairfax made jellies in the storeroom, Iclimbed the three staircases, raised the trap-door of the attic, andhaving reached the leads, looked out afar over sequestered field andhill, and along dim sky-line- that then I longed for a power of visionwhich might overpass that limit; which might reach the busy world,towns, regions full of life I had heard of but never seen- that then Idesired more of practical experience than I possessed; more ofintercourse with my kind, of acquaintance with variety of character,than was here within my reach. I valued what was good in Mrs. Fairfax,and what was good in Adele; but I believed in the existence of other andmore vivid kinds of goodness, and what I believed in I wished tobehold.
Who blames me? Many, no doubt; and I shall be called discontented. Icould not help it: the restlessness was in my nature; it agitated me topain sometimes. Then my sole relief was to walk along the corridor ofthe third storey, backwards and forwards, safe in the silence andsolitude of the spot, and allow my mind's eye to dwell on whateverbright visions rose before it- and, certainly, they were many andglowing; to let my heart be heaved by the exultant movement, which,while it swelled it in trouble, expanded it with life; and, best of all,to open my inward ear to a tale that was never ended- a tale myimagination created, and narrated continuously; quickened with all ofincident, life, fire, feeling, that I desired and had not in my actualexistence.
It is in vain to say human beings ought to be satisfied withtranquillity: they must have action; and they will make it if theycannot find it. Millions are condemned to a stiller doom than mine, andmillions are in silent revolt against their lot. Nobody knows how manyrebellions besides political rebellions ferment in the masses of lifewhich people earth. Women are supposed to be very calm generally: butwomen feel just as men feel; they need exercise for their faculties, anda field for their efforts, as much as their brothers do; they sufferfrom too rigid a restraint, too absolute a stagnation, precisely as menwould suffer; and it is narrow-minded in their more privilegedfellow-creatures to say that they ought to confine themselves to makingpuddings and knitting stockings, to playing on the piano andembroidering bags. It is thoughtless to condemn them, or laugh at them,if they seek to do more or learn more than custom has pronouncednecessary for their sex.
When thus alone, I not unfrequently heard Grace Poole's laugh: thesame peal, the same low, slow ha! ha! which, when first heard, hadthrilled me: I heard, too, her eccentric murmurs; stranger than herlaugh. There were days when she was quite silent; but there were otherswhen I could not account for the sounds she made. Sometimes I saw her:she would come out of her room with a basin, or a plate, or a tray inher hand, go down to the kitchen and shortly return, generally (oh,romantic reader, forgive me for telling the plain truth!) bearing a potof porter. Her appearance always acted as a damper to the curiosityraised by her oral oddities: hard-featured and staid, she had no pointto which interest could attach. I made some attempts to draw her intoconversation, but she seemed a person of few words: a monosyllabic replyusually cut short every effort of that sort.
The other members of the household, viz., John and his wife, Leah thehousemaid, and Sophie the French nurse, were decent people; but in norespect remarkable; with Sophie I used to talk French, and sometimes Iasked her questions about her native country; but she was not of adescriptive or narrative turn, and generally gave such vapid andconfused answers as were calculated rather to check than encourageinquiry.
October, November, December passed away. One afternoon in January,Mrs. Fairfax had begged a holiday for Adele, because she had a cold;and, as Adele seconded the request with an ardour that reminded me howprecious occasional holidays had been to me in my own childhood, Iaccorded it, deeming that I did well in showing pliability on the point.It was a fine, calm day, though very cold;
I was tired of sitting still in the library through a whole longmorning: Mrs. Fairfax had just written a letter which was waiting to beposted, so I put on my bonnet and cloak and volunteered to carry it toHay; the distance, two miles, would be a pleasant winter afternoon walk.Having seen Adele comfortably seated in her little chair by Mrs.Fairfax's parlour fireside, and given her her best wax doll (which Iusually kept enveloped in silver paper in a drawer) to play with, and astory-book for a change of amusement; and having replied to her 'Revenezbientot, ma bonne amie, ma chere Mdlle.
Jeannette,' with a kiss I set out.
The ground was hard, the air was still, my road was lonely; I walkedfast till I got warm, and then I walked slowly to enjoy and analyse thespecies of pleasure brooding for me in the hour and situation. It wasthree o'clock; the church bell tolled as I passed under the belfry: thecharm of the hour lay in its approaching dimness, in the low-gliding andpale-beaming sun. I was a mile from Thornfield, in a lane noted forwild roses in summer, for nuts and blackberries in autumn, and even nowpossessing a few coral treasures in hips and haws, but whose best winterdelight lay in its utter solitude and leafless repose. If a breath ofair stirred, it made no sound here; for there was not a holly, not anevergreen to rustle, and the stripped hawthorn and hazel bushes were asstill as the white, worn stones which causewayed the middle of the path.Far and wide, on each side, there were only fields, where no cattle nowbrowsed; and the little brown birds, which stirred occasionally in thehedge, looked like single russet leaves that had forgotten to drop.
This lane inclined up-hill all the way to Hay; having reached themiddle, I sat down on a stile which led thence into a field. Gatheringmy mantle about me, and sheltering my hands in my muff, I did not feelthe cold, though it froze keenly; as was attested by a sheet of icecovering the causeway, where a little brooklet, now congealed, hadoverflowed after a rapid thaw some days since. From my seat I could lookdown on Thornfield: the grey and battlemented hall was the principalobject in the vale below me; its woods and dark rookery rose againstthe, west. I lingered till the sun went down amongst the trees, and sankcrimson and clear behind them. I then turned eastward.
On the hill-top above me sat the rising moon; pale yet as a cloud,but brightening momentarily, she looked over Hay, which, half lost intrees, sent up a blue smoke from its few chimneys: it was yet a miledistant, but in the absolute hush I could hear plainly its thin murmursof life. My ear, too, felt the flow of currents; in what dales anddepths I could not tell: but there were many hills beyond Hay, anddoubtless many becks threading their passes. That evening calm betrayedalike the tinkle of the nearest streams, the sough of the most remote.
A rude noise broke on these fine ripplings and whisperings, at onceso far away and so clear: a positive tramp, tramp, a metallic clatter,which effaced the soft wave-wanderings; as, in a picture, the solid massof a crag, or the rough boles of a great oak, drawn in dark and strongon the foreground, efface the aerial distance of azure hill, sunnyhorizon, and blended clouds where tint melts into tint.
The din was on the causeway: a horse was coming; the windings of thelane yet hid it, but it approached. I was just leaving the stile; yet,as the path was narrow, I sat still to let it go by. In those days I wasyoung, and all sorts of fancies bright and dark tenanted my mind: thememories of nursery stories were there amongst other rubbish; and whenthey recurred, maturing youth added to them a vigour and vividnessbeyond what childhood could give. As this horse approached, and as Iwatched for it to appear through the dusk, I remembered certain ofBessie's tales, wherein figured a North-of-England spirit called a'Gytrash,' which, in the form of horse, mule, or large dog, hauntedsolitary ways, and sometimes came upon belated travellers, as this horsewas now coming upon me.
It was very near, but not yet in sight; when, in addition to thetramp, tramp, I heard a rush under the hedge, and close down by thehazel stems glided a great dog, whose black and white colour made him adistinct object against the trees. It was exactly one form of Bessie'sGytrash- a lion-like creature with long hair and a huge head:
it passed me, however, quietly enough; not staying to look up, withstrange pretercanine eyes, in my face, as I half expected itwould.
The horse followed,- a tall steed, and on its back a rider. The man,the human being, broke the spell at once. Nothing ever rode the Gytrash:it was always alone; and goblins, to my notions, though they mighttenant the dumb carcasses of beasts, could scarce covet shelter in thecommonplace human form. No Gytrash was this,- only a traveller takingthe short cut to Millcote. He passed, and I went on; a few steps, and Iturned: a sliding sound and an exclamation of 'What the deuce is to donow?' and a clattering tumble, arrested my attention. Man and horse weredown; they had slipped on the sheet of ice which glazed the causeway.The dog came bounding back, and seeing his master in a predicament, andhearing the horse groan, barked till the evening hills echoed the sound,which was deep in proportion to his magnitude. He snuffed round theprostrate group, and then he ran up to me; it was all he could do,-there was no other help at hand to summon. I obeyed him, and walked downto the traveller, by this time struggling himself free of his steed.His efforts were so vigorous, I thought he could not be much hurt; but Iasked him the question-
'Are you injured, sir?'
I think he was swearing, but am not certain; however, he waspronouncing some formula which prevented him from replying to medirectly.
'Can I do anything?' I asked again.
'You must just stand on one side,' he answered as he rose, first tohis knees, and then to his feet. I did; whereupon began a heaving,stamping, clattering process, accompanied by a barking and baying whichremoved me effectually some yards' distance; but I would not be drivenquite away till I saw the event. This was finally fortunate; the horsewas re-established, and the dog was silenced with a 'Down, Pilot!' Thetraveller now, stooping, felt his foot and leg, as if trying whetherthey were sound; apparently something ailed them, for he halted to thestile whence I had just risen, and sat down.
I was in the mood for being useful, or at least officious, I think, for I now drew near him again.
'If you are hurt, and want help, sir, I can fetch some one either from Thornfield Hall or from Hay.'
'Thank you: I shall do: I have no broken bones,- only a sprain;' andagain he stood up and tried his foot, but the result extorted aninvoluntary 'Ugh!'
Something of daylight still lingered, and the moon was waxing bright:I could see him plainly. His figure was enveloped in a riding cloak,fur collared and steel clasped; its details were not apparent, but Itraced the general points of middle height and considerable breadth ofchest. He had a dark face, with stern features and a heavy brow; hiseyes and gathered eyebrows looked ireful and thwarted just now; he waspast youth, but had not reached middle-age; perhaps he might bethirty-five. I felt no fear of him, and but little shyness. Had he been ahandsome, heroic-looking young gentleman, I should not have dared tostand thus questioning him against his will, and offering my servicesunasked. I had hardly ever seen a handsome youth; never in my lifespoken to one. I had a theoretical reverence and homage for beauty,elegance, gallantry, fascination; but had I met those qualitiesincarnate in masculine shape, I should have known instinctively thatthey neither had nor could have sympathy with anything in me, and shouldhave shunned them as one would fire, lightning, or anything else thatis bright but antipathetic.
If even this stranger had smiled and been good-humoured to me when Iaddressed him; if he had put off my offer of assistance gaily and withthanks, I should have gone on my way and not felt any vocation to renewinquiries: but the frown, the roughness of the traveller, set me at myease: I retained my station when he waved to me to go, and announced-'Icannot think of leaving you, sir, at so late an hour, in this solitarylane, till I see you are fit to mount your horse.'
He looked at me when I said this; he had hardly turned his eyes in my direction before.
'I should think you ought to be at home yourself,' said he, 'if you have a home in this neighbourhood: where do you come from?'
'From just below; and I am not at all afraid of being out late whenit is moonlight: I will run over to Hay for you with pleasure, if youwish it: indeed, I am going there to post a letter.'
'You live just below- do you mean at that house with thebattlements?' pointing to Thornfield Hall, on which the moon cast ahoary gleam, bringing it out distinct and pale from the woods, that, bycontrast with the western sky, now seemed one mass of shadow.
'Yes, sir.'
'Whose house is it?'
'Mr. Rochester's.'
'Do you know Mr. Rochester?'
'No, I have never seen him.'
'He is not resident, then?'
'No.'
'Can you tell me where he is?'
'I cannot.'
'You are not a servant at the hall, of course. You are-' He stopped,ran his eye over my dress, which, as usual, was quite simple: a blackmerino cloak, a black beaver bonnet; neither of them half fine enoughfor a lady's-maid. He seemed puzzled to decide what I was; I helped him.
'I am the governess.'
'Ah, the governess!' he repeated; 'deuce take me, if I had notforgotten! The governess!' and again my raiment underwent scrutiny. Intwo minutes he rose from the stile: his face expressed pain when hetried to move.
'I cannot commission you to fetch help,' he said; 'but you may help me a little yourself, if you will be so kind.'
'Yes, sir.'
'You have not an umbrella that I can use as a stick?'
'No.'
'Try to get hold of my horse's bridle and lead him to me: you are not afraid?'
I should have been afraid to touch a horse when alone, but when toldto do it, I was disposed to obey. I put down my muff on the stile, andwent up to the tall steed; I endeavoured to catch the bridle, but it wasa spirited thing, and would not let me come near its head; I madeeffort on effort, though in vain: meantime, I was mortally afraid of itstrampling forefeet. The traveller waited and watched for some time, andat last he laughed.
'I see,' he said, 'the mountain will never be brought to Mahomet, soall you can do is to aid Mahomet to go to the mountain; I must beg ofyou to come here.'
I came. 'Excuse me,' he continued: 'necessity compels me to make youuseful.' He laid a heavy hand on my shoulder, and leaning on me withsome stress, limped to his horse. Having once caught the bridle, hemastered it directly and sprang to his saddle; grimacing grimly as hemade the effort, for it wrenched his sprain.
'Now,' said he, releasing his under lip from a hard bite, 'just handme my whip; it lies there under the hedge.' I sought it and found it.
'Thank you; now make haste with the letter to Hay, and return as fast as you can.'
A touch of a spurred heel made his horse first start and rear, andthen bound away; the dog rushed in his traces; all three vanished, 'Likeheath that, in the wilderness, The wild wind whirls away.'
I took up my muff and walked on. The incident had occurred and wasgone for me: it was an incident of no moment, no romance, no interest ina sense; yet it marked with change one single hour of a monotonouslife. My help had been needed and claimed; I had given it: I was pleasedto have done something; trivial, transitory though the deed was, it wasyet an active thing, and I was weary of an existence all passive. Thenew face, too, was like a new picture introduced to the gallery ofmemory; and it was dissimilar to all the others hanging there: firstly,because it was masculine; and, secondly, because it was dark, strong,and stern. I had it still before me when I entered Hay, and slipped theletter into the post-office; I saw it as I walked fast down-hill all theway home.
When I came to the stile, I stopped a minute, looked round andlistened, with an idea that a horse's hoofs might ring on the causewayagain, and that a rider in a cloak, and a Gytrash-like Newfoundland dog,might be again apparent: I saw only the hedge and a pollard willowbefore me, rising up still and straight to meet the moonbeams; I heardonly the faintest waft of wind roaming fitful among the trees roundThornfield, a mile distant; and when I glanced down in the direction ofthe murmur, my eye, traversing the hall-front, caught a light kindlingin a window: it reminded me that I was late, and I hurried on.
I did not like re-entering Thornfield. To pass its threshold was toreturn to stagnation; to cross the silent hall, to ascend the darksomestaircase, to seek my own lonely little room, and then to meet tranquilMrs. Fairfax, and spend the long winter evening with her, and her only,was to quell wholly the faint excitement wakened by my walk,- to slipagain over my faculties the viewless fetters of an uniform and too stillexistence; of an existence whose very privileges of security and ease Iwas becoming incapable of appreciating. What good it would have done meat that time to have been tossed in the storms of an uncertainstruggling life, and to have been taught by rough and bitter experienceto long for the calm amidst which I now repined! Yes, just as much goodas it would do a man tired of sitting still in a 'too easy chair' totake a long walk: and just as natural was the wish to stir, under mycircumstances, as it would be under his.
I lingered at the gates; I lingered on the lawn; I paced backwardsand forwards on the pavement; the shutters of the glass door wereclosed; I could not see into the interior; and both my eyes and spiritseemed drawn from the gloomy house- from the grey hollow filled withrayless cells, as it appeared to me- to that sky expanded before me,- ablue sea absolved from taint of cloud; the moon ascending it in solemnmarch; her orb seeming to look up as she left the hill-tops, from behindwhich she had come, far and farther below her, and aspired to thezenith, midnight dark in its fathomless depth and measureless distance;and for those trembling stars that followed her course; they made myheart tremble, my veins glow when I viewed them. Little things recall usto earth; the clock struck in the hall; that sufficed; I turned frommoon and stars, opened a side-door, and went in.
The hall was not dark, nor yet was it lit, only by the high-hungbronze lamp; a warm glow suffused both it and the lower steps of the oakstaircase. This ruddy shine issued from the great dining-room, whosetwo-leaved door stood open, and showed a genial fire in the grate,glancing on marble hearth and brass fire-irons, and revealing purpledraperies and polished furniture, in the most pleasant radiance. Itrevealed, too, a group near the mantelpiece: I had scarcely caught it,and scarcely become aware of a cheerful mingling of voices, amongstwhich I seemed to distinguish the tones of Adele, when the door closed.
I hastened to Mrs. Fairfax's room; there was a fire there too, but nocandle, and no Mrs. Fairfax. Instead, all alone, sitting upright on therug, and gazing with gravity at the blaze, I beheld a great black andwhite long-haired dog, just like the Gytrash of the lane. It was so likeit that I went forward and said- 'Pilot,' and the thing got up and cameto me and snuffed me. I caressed him, and he wagged his great tail; buthe looked an eerie creature to be alone with, and I could not tellwhence he had come. I rang the bell, for I wanted a candle; and Iwanted, too, to get an account of this visitant. Leah entered.
'What dog is this?'
'He came with master.'
'With whom?'
'With master- Mr. Rochester- he is just arrived.'
'Indeed! and is Mrs. Fairfax with him?'
'Yes, and Miss Adele; they are in the dining-room, and John is gonefor a surgeon; for master has had an accident; his horse fell and hisankle is sprained.'
'Did the horse fall in Hay Lane?'
'Yes, coming down-hill; it slipped on some ice.'
'Ah! Bring me a candle, will you, Leah?'Leah brought it; she entered, followed by Mrs. Fairfax, who repeatedthe news; adding that Mr. Carter the surgeon was come, and was now withMr. Rochester: then she hurried out to give orders about tea, and I wentupstairs to take off my things.

我初到桑菲尔德府的时候，一切都显得平平静静，似乎预示着我未来的经历会一帆风顺。我进一步熟悉了这个地方及其居住者以后，发现这预期没有落空。费尔法克斯太太果然与她当初给人的印象相符，性格温和，心地善良，受过足够的教育，具有中等的智力。我的学生非常活泼，但由于过份溺爱己被宠坏，有时显得倔强任性，好在完全由我照管，任何方面都没有进行不明智的干预，破坏我的培养计划，她也很快改掉了任性的举动，变得驯服可教了。她没有非凡的才能，没有个性特色，没有那种使她稍稍超出一般儿童水平的特殊情趣，不过也没有使她居于常人之下的缺陷和恶习。她取得了合情合理的进步，对我怀有一种也许并不很深却十分热烈的感情。她的单纯、她愉快的喁语、她想讨人喜欢的努力，反过来也多少激起了我对她的爱恋，使我们两人之间维系着一种彼此都感到满意的关系。
这些话，Par?parenthese，会被某些人视为过于冷淡，这些人持有庄严的信条，认为孩子要有天使般的本性，承担孩子教育责任者，应当对他们怀有偶象崇拜般的虔诚。不过这样写并不是迎合父母的利己主义，不是附和时髦的高论，不是支持骗人的空谈。我说的无非是真话。我觉得我真诚地关心阿黛勒的幸福和进步，默默地喜欢这个小家伙，正像我对费尔法克斯太太的好心怀着感激之情一样，同时也因为她对我的默默敬意以及她本人温和的心灵与性情，而觉得同她相处是一种乐趣了。
我想再说几句，谁要是高兴都可以责备我，因为当我独个儿在庭园里散步时，当我走到大门口并透过它往大路望去时，或者当阿黛勒同保姆做着游戏，费尔法克斯太太在储藏室制作果子冻时，我爬上三道楼梯，推开顶楼的活动天窗，来到铅皮屋顶，极目远望与世隔绝的田野和小山，以及暗淡的地平线。随后，我渴望自己具有超越那极限的视力，以便使我的目光抵达繁华的世界，抵达那些我曾有所闻，却从未目睹过的生气勃勃的城镇和地区。随后我渴望掌握比现在更多的实际经验，接触比现在范围内更多与我意气相投的人，熟悉更多类型的个性。我珍重费尔法克斯太太身上的德性，也珍重阿黛勒身上的德性，但我相信还存在着其他更显著的德性，而凡我所信奉的，我都希望看一看。
谁责备我呢？无疑会有很多人，而且我会被说成贪心不知足。我没有办法，我的个性中有一种骚动不安的东西，有时它搅得我很痛苦。而我唯一的解脱办法是，在三层楼过道上来回踱步。这里悄无声息，孤寂冷落，十分安全，可以任心灵的目光观察浮现在眼前的任何光明的景象——当然这些景象很多，而且都光辉灿烂；可以让心脏随着欢快的跳动而起伏，这种跳动在烦恼中使心脏膨胀，同时又以生命来使它扩展。最理想的是，敞开我心灵的耳朵，来倾听一个永远不会结束的故事。这个故事由我的想象所创造，并被继续不断地讲下去。这个故事还由于那些我朝思暮想，却在我实际生活中所没有的事件、生活、激情和感觉，而显得更加生动。说人类应当满足于平静的生活，是徒劳无益的。他们应当有行动，而且要是他们没有办法找到，那就自己来创造。成千上万的人命里注定要承受比我更沉寂的灭亡；而成千上万的人在默默地反抗他们的命运。没有人知道除了政治反抗之外，有多少反抗在人世间芸芸众生中酝酿着。一般都认为女人应当平平静静，但女人跟男人有一样的感觉。她们需要发挥自己的才能，而且也像兄弟们一样需要有用武之地。她们对严厉的束缚，绝对的停滞，都跟男人一样感到痛苦，比她们更享有特权的同类们，只有心胸狭窄者才会说，女人们应当只做做布丁，织织长袜，弹弹钢，绣绣布包，要是她们希望超越世俗认定的女性所应守的规范，做更多的事情，学更多的东西，那么为此去谴责或讥笑她们未是轻率的。
我这么独自一人时，常常听到格雷斯.普尔的笑声，同样的一阵大笑，同样的低沉、迟缓的哈哈声，初次听来，令人毛骨悚然。我也曾听到过她怪异的低语声，比她的笑声还古怪。有些日子她十分安静，但另一些日子她会发出令人费解的声音。有时我看到了她。她会从房间里出来，手里拿着一个脸盆，或者一个盘子，或者一个托盘，下楼到厨房去，并很快就返回，一般说来（唉，浪漫的读者，请恕我直言！）拿着一罐黑啤酒。她的外表常常会消除她口头的怪癖所引起的好奇。她一脸凶相，表情严肃，没有一点使人感兴趣的地方。我几次想使她开口，但她似乎是个少言寡语的人，回答往往只有一两个字，终于使我意兴全无了。
府上的其他成员，如约翰夫妇，女佣莉娅和法国保姆索菲娅都是正派人，但决非杰出之辈。我同索菲娅常说法语，有时也问她些关于她故国的问题，但她没有描绘或叙述的才能，一般听作的回答既乏味又混乱，仿佛有意阻止而不是鼓励我继续发问。
十月、十一月和十二月过去了。第二年一月的某个下午，因为阿黛勒得了感冒，费尔法克斯太太为她来向我告假。阿黛勒表示热烈附加，这使我想起自己的童年时代，偶尔的假日显得有多可贵。于是便同意了，还认为自己在这点上做得很有灵活性。这是一个十分寒冷却很宁静的好天。我讨厌静坐书房，消磨整个长长的下午。费尔法克斯太太刚写好了一封信，等着去邮奇。于是我戴好帽子，披了斗篷，自告奋勇把信送到海镇去。冬昌下午步行两英里路，不失为一件快事。我看到阿戴勒舒舒服服地坐在费尔法克斯太太的客厅炉火边的小椅子上，给了她最好的蜡制娃娃（平时我用锡纸包好放在抽屉里）玩，还给了一本故事书换换口味。听她说了“Ｒevenez?bientot?ma?bonne?amie,ma?chereMdlle,Jean?nette”后，我吻了她一下，算是对她的回答，随后便出发了。
地面坚硬，空气沉静，路沟寂寞。我走得很快，直到浑身暖和起来才放慢脚步，欣赏和品味此时此景蕴蓄着的种种欢乐。时候是三点，我经过钟楼时，教堂的钟正好敲响。这一时刻的魅力，在于天色渐暗，落日低垂，阳光惨淡。我走在离桑菲尔德一英里的一条小路上。夏天，这里野攻瑰盛开；秋天，坚果与黑草莓累累，就是现在，也还留着珊瑚色珍宝般的蔷薇果和山楂果。但冬日最大的愉悦，却在于极度的幽静和光秃秃的树木所透出的安宁。微风吹来，在这里听不见声息，因为没有一枝冬青，没有一棵常绿树，可以发出婆娑之声。片叶无存的山楂和榛灌木、像小径中间磨损了的白石那样寂静无声。小路两旁。远近只有田野，却不见吃草的牛群。偶尔拨弄着树篱的黄褐色小鸟，看上去像是忘记掉落的零星枯叶。
这条小径沿着山坡一路往上直至海镇。步到半路，我在通向田野的台阶上坐了下来。我用斗篷把自己紧紧裹住，把手捂在皮手筒里，所以尽管天寒地冻，却并不觉得很冷。几天前已经融化泛滥的小河，现在又冻结起来。堤坝上结了一层薄冰，这是寒冷的明证。从我落座的地方外以俯视桑菲尔德府。建有城垛的灰色府第是低处溪谷中的主要景物，树林和白嘴鸦黑魈魈的巢穴映衬着西边的天际。我闲荡着，直支太阳落入树丛，树后一片火红，才往东走去。
在我头顶的山尖上，悬挂着初升的月光，先是像云朵般苍白，但立刻便明亮起来，俯瞰着海村。海村掩映在树丛之中，不多的烟囱里升起了袅袅蓝烟。这里与海村相距一英里，因为万籁俱寂，我可以清晰地听到村落轻微的动静，我的耳朵也感受到了水流声，但来自哪个溪谷和深渊，却无法判断。海村那边有很多小山，无疑会有许多山溪流过隘口。黄昏的宁静，也同样反衬出近处溪流的叮冬声和最遥远处的飒飒风声。
一个粗重的声音，冲破了细微的潺潺水声和沙沙的风声，既遥远而又清晰：一种确确实实的脚步声。刺耳的喀嗒喀嗒声，盖过了柔和的波涛起伏似的声响，犹如在一幅画中。浓墨渲染的前景——一大块峭岩或者一棵大橡树的粗壮树干，消融了远景中青翠的山峦、明亮的天际和斑驳的云彩。
这声音是从小路上传来的，一匹马过来了，它一直被弯曲的小路遮挡着，这时己渐渐靠近。我正要离开台阶，但因为小路很窄，便端坐不动，让它过去。在那段岁月里，我还年轻，脑海里有着种种光明和黑暗的幻想，记忆中的育儿室故事，和别的无稽之谈交织在一起。这一切在脑际重现时，正在成熟的青春给它们增添了一种童年时所没有的活力和真实感，当这匹马越来越近，而我凝眸等待它在薄暮中出现时，我蓦地记起了贝茜讲的故事中一个英格兰北部的精灵，名叫“盖特拉西”，形状像马，也像骡子，或是像一条大狗，出没在偏僻的道路上，有时会扑向迟归的旅人，就像此刻这匹马向我驰来一样。
这匹马已经很近了，但还看不见。除了得得的蹄声，我还听见了树篱下一阵骚动，紧靠地面的榛子树枝下，悄悄地溜出一条大狗，黑白相间的毛色衬着树木，使它成了一个清晰的目标。这正是贝茜故事中，“盖特拉西”的面孔，一个狮子一般的怪物，有着长长的头发和硕大无比的头颅，它从我身旁经过，却同我相安无事。并没有像我有几分担心的那样，停下来用比狗更具智想的奇特目光，抬头看我的面孔。那匹马接跟而来，是匹高头大马，马背上坐着一位骑手。那男人，也就是人本身，立刻驱散了魔气。“盖特拉西”总是独来独往。从来没有被当作坐骑的。而据我所知，尽管妖怪们会寄生在哑巴动物的躯壳之内，却不大可能看中一般人的躯体，把它作为藏身之地。这可不是盖特拉西，而不过是位旅行者，抄近路到米尔科特去。他从我身边走过，我依旧继续赶路。还没走几步，我便回过头来，一阵什么东西滑落的声音，一声“怎么办，活见鬼？”的叫喊和咔啦啦啦翻滚落地的声响，引起了我的注意。人和马都己倒地，是在路当中光滑的薄冰层上滑倒的。那条狗窜了回来，看见主人处境困难，听见马在呻吟，便狂吠着，暮霭中的群山响起了回声，那吠声十分深沉，与它巨大的身躯很相称。它先在倒地的两位周围闻闻，随后跑到了我面前。它也只能如此，因为附近没有别人可以求助。我顺了它，走到了这位旅行者身边，这时他已挣扎着脱离了自己的马，他的动作十分有力、因而我认为他可能伤得不重，但我还是问了这个问题。
“你伤着了吗，先生？”
我现在想来他当时在骂骂咧咧，不过我没有把握，然而他口中念念有词，所以无法马上回答我。
“我能帮忙吗？”我又问。
“你得站到一边来，”他边回答边站起来。先是成跪姿，然后站立起来，我照他的话做了。于是出现了一个人喘马嘶、脚步杂踏和马蹄冲击的场面，伴之以狗的狂吠，结果把我撵到了几码远之外，但还不至于远到看不见这件事情的结局。最后总算万幸，这匹马重新站立起来了，那条狗也在叫了一声“躺下，派洛特！，后便乖乖地不吱声了。此刻这位赶路人弯下身子摸了摸自己的脚和腿，仿佛在试验一下它们是否安然无恙。显然他什么部位有些疼痛，因为他蹒跚地踱向我刚才起身离开的台阶，一屁股坐了下来。
我心里很想帮忙，或者我想至少是爱管闲事，这时我再次走近了他。
“要是你伤着了，需要帮忙，先生，我可以去叫人，到桑菲尔德，或音海村。”
“谢谢你，我能行，骨头没有跌断，只不过扭坏了脚，”他再次站起来，试了试脚，可是结果却不由自主地叫了声“唉！”
白昼的余光迟迟没有离去，月亮越来越大，也越来越亮，这时我能将他看得清楚了。他身上裹着骑手披风，戴着皮毛领，系着钢扣子。他的脸部看不大清楚，但我捉摸得出，他大体中等身材，胸膛很宽。他的脸庞黝黑，面容严厉、眉毛浓密；他的眼睛和紧锁的双眉看上去刚才遭到了挫折、并且愤怒过。他青春已逝，但未届中年。大约三十五岁，我觉得自己并不怕他，但有点儿腼腆。要是他是位漂亮笑俊的年轻绅士，我也许不会如此大胆地站着，违背他心愿提出问题，而且不等他开口就表示愿意帮忙，我几乎没有看到过一位漂亮的青年，平生也从未同一位漂亮青年说过话，我在理论上尊崇美丽、高雅、勇敢和魅力，但如果我见到这些品质体现有男性的躯体中，那我会本能地明白，这些东西没有，也不可能与我的品质共鸣、那我也会像人们躲避火灾、闪电、或者别的虽然明亮却今人厌恶的东西一样，对它们避之不迭。
如果这位陌生人在我同他说话时微笑一下，并且对我和和气气；如果他愉快地谢绝我的帮助，并表示感谢，我准会继续赶路，不会感到有任何职责去重新向他发问。但是这位赶路人的皱眉和粗犷，却使我坦然自若，因此当他挥手叫我走的时候，我仍然坚守阵地，并且宣布：
“先生，没有看到你能够骑上马，我是不能让你留在这条偏僻小路上的，天已经这么晚了。”
我说这话的时候，他看着我，而在这之前，他几乎没有朝我的方向看过。
“我觉得你自己该回家了，”他说，“要是你的家在附近的话。你是从哪儿来的？”
“就是下面那个地方，只要有月光，在外面呆晚了我也一点都不害怕。我很乐意为你去跑一趟海村，要是你想的话。说真的，我正要上那儿去寄封信。”
“你说就住在下面，是不是指有城垛的那幢房子？”他指着桑菲尔德府。这时月亮给桑菲尔德府洒下了灰白色的光，清晰地勾勒出了它以树林为背景的苍白轮廓。而那树林，在西边的天际衬托之下，似乎成了一大片阴影。
“是的，先生。”
“那是谁的房子？”
“罗切斯特先生的。”
“你知道罗切斯特先生吗？”
“不知道，从来没有见过他。”
“他不常住在那里吗？”
“是的。”
“能告诉我他在哪里吗？”
“我不知道。”
“当然你不是府上的佣人了？你是——”他打住了，目光掠过我照例十分朴实的衣服，我披着黑色美利奴羊毛斗篷，戴着顶黑水獭皮帽，这两件东西远远没有太太的佣人衣服那么讲究。他似乎难以判断我的身份，我帮了他。
“我是家庭教师。”
“啊，家庭教师！”他重复了一下，“见鬼，我竟把这也忘了！家庭教师！”我的服饰再次成了他审视的对象。过了两分钟，他从台阶上站起来，刚一挪动，脸上就露出了痛苦的表情。
“我不能托你找人帮忙，”他说，“不过要是你愿意，你本人倒可以帮我一点忙。”
“好的，先生。”
“你有没有伞，可以让我当拐杖用？”
“没有。”
“想办法抓住马笼头，把马牵到我这里来，你不害怕吗？”
我一个人是准不敢去碰一匹马的，但既然他吩咐我去干，我也就乐意服从了，我把皮手筒放在台阶上，向那匹高高的骏马走去。我竭力想抓住马笼头，但这匹马性子很烈，不让我靠近它头部。我试了又试、却都劳而无功，我还很怕被它的前腿踩着。这位赶路人等待并观察了片刻，最后终于笑了起来。
“我明白，”他说，“山是永远搬不到穆罕默德这边来的，因此你所能做到的，是帮助穆罕默德走到山那边去，我得请你到这儿来。”
我走了过去——“对不起，”他继续说，“出于需要，我不得不请你帮忙了。”他把一只沉重的手搭在我肩上，吃力地倚着我，一瘸一瘸朝他的马走去。他一抓住笼头，就立刻使马服服贴贴，随后跳上马鞍，因为搓了一下扭伤的部位，一用力便露出了痛苦的表情。
“好啦，”他说，放松了紧咬着的下唇，“把马鞭递给我就行啦，在树篱下面。”
我找了一下，把马鞭找到了。
“谢谢你，现在你快去海村寄信罢，快去快回。”
他把带马刺的后跟一叩，那马先是一惊，后腿跃起，随后便疾驰而去，那条狗窜上去紧追不舍，刹那之间，三者便无影无踪，牋像荒野中的石楠被一阵狂风卷走。
我拾起皮手筒继续赶路，对我来说、这件事已经发生，并已成为过去。在某种程度上说，它既不重要，也不浪漫，又不有趣。但它却标志着单调乏味的生活有了一个小时的变化。人家需要我的帮助，而且求了我，而我给予了帮助。我很高兴总算干了点什么。这件事尽管微不足道，稍纵即逝，但毕竟是积极的，而我对被动的生活方式已感到厌倦。这张新面孔犹如一幅新画，被送进了记忆的画廊，它同已经张贴着的画全然不同。第一，因为这是位男性；第二，他又黑又强壮、又严厉。我进了海村把信投入邮局的时候，这幅画仍浮现在我眼前。我迅步下山一路赶回家时，也依然看到它。我路过台阶时驻足片刻，举目四顾，并静听着。心想马蹄声会再次在小路上回响，一位身披斗篷的骑手，一条盖特拉西似的纽芬兰狗会重新出现在眼前。但我只看到树篱和面前一棵没有枝梢的柳树，静静地兀立着，迎接月亮的清辉；我只听到一阵微风，在一英里开外，绕着桑菲尔德府的树林时起时落；当我朝轻风拂拂的方向俯视时，我的目光扫过府楼正面，看到了一个窗户里亮着灯光，提醒我时候已经不早。我匆匆往前走去。
我不情愿再次跨进桑菲尔德府。踏进门槛就意味着回到了一潭死水之中，穿过寂静的大厅，登上暗洞洞的楼梯，寻找我那孤寂的小房间，然后去见心如古井的费尔法克斯太太，同她，只同她度过漫长的冬夜，这一切将彻底浇灭我这回步行所激起的兴奋，重又用一成不变的静止生活的无形镣铐，锁住我自己的感官。这种生活的稳定安逸的长处，我已难以欣赏。那时候要是我被抛掷到朝不虑夕、苦苦挣扎的生活风暴中去，要是艰难痛苦的经历，能启发我去向往我现在所深感不满的宁静生活，对我会有多大的教益呀！是呀，它的好处大可以与远距离散步对在“超等安乐椅”上坐累了的人的好处相媲美。在我现在这种情况下，希望走动走动，跟他在那种情况希望走动一样，是很自然的事。
我在门口徘徊，我在草坪上徘徊，我在人行道上来回踱步。玻璃门上的百叶窗己经关上，我看不见窗子里面的东西。我的目光与心灵似乎已从那幢阴暗的房子，从在我看来是满布暗室的灰色洞穴中，退缩出来，到达了展现在我面前的天空——一片云影全无的蓝色海洋。月亮庄严地大步迈向天空，离开原先躲藏的山顶背后，将山峦远远地抛在下面，仿佛还在翘首仰望，一心要到达黑如子夜、深远莫测的天顶。那些闪烁着的繁星尾随其后，我望着它们不觉心儿打颤，热血沸腾。一些小事往往又把我们拉回人间。大厅里的钟己经敲响，这就够了。我从月亮和星星那儿掉过头来，打开边门，走了进去。
大厅还没有暗下来，厅里独一无二、高悬着的铜灯也没有点亮。暖融融的火光，映照着大厅和橡树楼梯最低几级踏阶。这红光是从大餐厅里射出来的，那里的两扇门开着。只见温暖宜人的炉火映出了大理石炉板和铜制的炉具，并把紫色的帐幔和上了光的家具照得辉煌悦目。炉火也映出了壁炉边的一群人，但因为关着门，我几乎没能看清楚他们，也没有听清楚欢乐而嘈杂的人声，不过阿黛勒的口音，似乎还能分辩得出来。
我赶到了费尔法克斯太太的房间，那儿也生着火，却没有点蜡烛，也不见费尔法克斯太太。我却看到了一头长着黑白相间的长毛、酷似小路上的“盖特拉西”大狗，孤孤单单、端端正正坐在地毯上，神情严肃地凝视着火焰。它同那“盖特拉西”如此形神毕肖，我禁不住走上前说了声—一“派洛特”，那家伙一跃而起，走过来嗅嗅我。我抚摸着它，它摇着硕大的尾巴。不过独个儿与它在一起时，这东西却显得有些怪异可怖。我无法判断它是从什么地方来的。我拉了一下铃，想要一支蜡烛，同时也想了解一下这位来客。莉娅走进门来。
“这条狗是怎么回事？”
“它跟老爷来的。”
“跟谁？”
“跟老爷，罗切斯特先生，他刚到。”
牋?“真的！费尔法克斯太太跟他在一起吗？”
“是的，还有阿黛勒小姐。他们都在餐室，约翰已去叫医生了。老爷出了一个事故，他的马倒下了，他扭伤了脚踝。”
“那匹马是在海路上倒下的吗？”
“是呀，下山的时候，在冰上滑了一下。”
“啊！给我一支蜡烛好吗，莉娅？”
莉娅把蜡烛送来了，进门时后面跟着费尔法克斯太太，她把刚才的新闻重复了一遍，还说外科医生卡特已经来了，这会儿同罗切斯特先生在一起。说完便匆勿走出去吩咐上茶点，而我则上楼去脱外出时的衣装。

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伊墨君

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Chapter 13

MR. ROCHESTER, it seems, by the surgeon's orders, went to bed earlythat night; nor did he rise soon next morning. When he did come down, itwas to attend to business: his agent and some of his tenants werearrived, and waiting to speak with him.
Adele and I had now to vacatethe library: it would be in daily requisition as a reception-room forcallers. A fire was lit in an apartment upstairs, and there I carriedour books, and arranged it for the future schoolroom. I discerned in thecourse of the morning that Thornfield Hall was a changed place: nolonger silent as a church, it echoed every hour or two to a knock at thedoor, or a clang of the bell: steps, too, often traversed the hall, andnew voices spoke in different keys below; a rill from the outer worldwas flowing through it; it had a master: for my part, I liked it better.
Adele was not easy to teach that day; she could not apply: she keptrunning to the door and looking over the banisters to see if she couldget a glimpse of Mr. Rochester; then she coined pretexts to godownstairs, in order, as I shrewdly suspected, to visit the library,where I knew she was not wanted; then, when I got a little angry, andmade her sit still, she continued to talk incessantly of her 'ami,Monsieur Edouard Fairfax de Rochester,' as she dubbed him (I had notbefore heard his prenomens), and to conjecture what presents he hadbrought her: for it appears he had intimated the night before, that whenhis luggage came from Millcote, there would be found amongst it alittle box in whose contents she had an interest.
'Et cela doit signifier,' said she, 'qu'il y aura la dedans un cadeau pour moi, et peut-etre pour vous aussi, mademoiselle.
Monsieur a parle de vous: il m'a demande le nom de ma gouvernante, etsi elle n'etait pas une petite personne, assez mince et un peu pale.J'ai dit qu'oui: car c'est vrai, n'est-ce pas, mademoiselle?'
I and my pupil dined as usual in Mrs. Fairfax's parlour; theafternoon was wild and snowy, and we passed it in the schoolroom. Atdark I allowed Adele to put away books and work, and to run downstairs;for, from the comparative silence below, and from the cessation ofappeals to the door-bell, I conjectured that Mr. Rochester was now atliberty. Left alone, I walked to the window; but nothing was to be seenthence: twilight and snowflakes together thickened the air, and hid thevery shrubs on the lawn. I let down the curtain and went back to thefireside.
In the clear embers I was tracing a view, not unlike a picture Iremembered to have seen of the castle of Heidelberg, on the Rhine, whenMrs. Fairfax came in, breaking up by her entrance the fiery mosaic I hadbeen piecing together, and scattering too some heavy unwelcome thoughtsthat were beginning to throng on my solitude.
'Mr. Rochester would be glad if you and your pupil would take teawith him in the drawing-room this evening,' said she: 'he has been somuch engaged all day that he could not ask to see you before.'
'When is his tea-time?' I inquired.
'Oh, at six o'clock: he keeps early hours in the country. You hadbetter change your frock now; I will go with you and fasten it. Here is acandle.'
'Is it necessary to change my frock?'
'Yes, you had better: I always dress for the evening when Mr. Rochester is here.'
This additional ceremony seemed somewhat stately; however, I repairedto my room, and, with Mrs. Fairfax's aid, replaced my black stuff dressby one of black silk; the best and the only additional one I had,except one of light grey, which, in my Lowood notions of the toilette, Ithought too fine to be worn, except on first-rate occasions.
'You want a brooch,' said Mrs. Fairfax. I had a single little pearlornament which Miss Temple gave me as a parting keepsake: I put it on,and then we went downstairs. Unused as I was to strangers, it was rathera trial to appear thus formally summoned in Mr. Rochester's presence. Ilet Mrs. Fairfax precede me into the dining-room, and kept in her shadeas we crossed that apartment; and, passing the arch, whose curtain wasnow dropped, entered the elegant recess beyond.
Two wax candles stood lighted on the table, and two on themantelpiece; basking in the light and heat of a superb fire, lay Pilot-Adele knelt near him. Half reclined on a couch appeared Mr. Rochester,his foot supported by the cushion; he was looking at Adele and the dog:the fire shone full on his face. I knew my traveller with his broad andjetty eyebrows; his square forehead, made squarer by the horizontalsweep of his black hair. I recognised his decisive nose, more remarkablefor character than beauty; his full nostrils, denoting, I thought,choler; his grim mouth, chin, and jaw- yes, all three were very grim,and no mistake. His shape, now divested of cloak, I perceived harmonisedin squareness with his physiognomy: I suppose it was a good figure inthe athletic sense of the term- broad chested and thin flanked, thoughneither tall nor graceful.
Mr. Rochester must have been aware of the entrance of Mrs. Fairfaxand myself; but it appeared he was not in the mood to notice us, for henever lifted his head as we approached.
'Here is Miss Eyre, sir,' said Mrs. Fairfax, in her quiet way. Hebowed, still not taking his eyes from the group of the dog and child.
'Let Miss Eyre be seated,' said he: and there was something in theforced stiff bow, in the impatient yet formal tone, which seemed furtherto express, 'What the deuce is it to me whether Miss Eyre be there ornot? At this moment I am not disposed to accost her.'
I sat down quite disembarrassed. A reception of finished politenesswould probably have confused me: I could not have returned or repaid itby answering grace and elegance on my part; but harsh caprice laid meunder no obligation; on the contrary, a decent quiescence, under thefreak of manner, gave me the advantage. Besides, the eccentricity of theproceeding was piquant: I felt interested to see how he would go on.
He went on as a statue would, that is, he neither spoke nor moved.Mrs. Fairfax seemed to think it necessary that some one should beamiable, and she began to talk. Kindly, as usual- and, as usual, rathertrite- she condoled with him on the pressure of business he had had allday; on the annoyance it must have been to him with that painful sprain:then she commended his patience and perseverance in going through withit.
'Madam, I should like some tea,' was the sole rejoinder she got.
She hastened to ring the bell; and when the tray came, she proceededto arrange the cups, spoons, etc., with assiduous celerity. I and Adelewent to the table; but the master did not leave his couch.
'Will you hand Mr. Rochester's cup?' said Mrs. Fairfax to me;
'Adele might perhaps spill it.'
I did as requested. As he took the cup from my hand, Adele, thinkingthe moment propitious for making a request in my favour, cried out-
'N'est-ce pas, monsieur, qu'il y a un cadeau pour Mademoiselle Eyre dans votre petit coffre?'
'Who talks of cadeaux?' said he gruffly. 'Did you expect a present,Miss Eyre? Are you fond of presents?' and he searched my face with eyesthat I saw were dark, irate, and piercing.
'I hardly know, sir; I have little experience of them: they are generally thought pleasant things.'
'Generally thought? But what do you think?'
'I should be obliged to take time, sir, before I could give you ananswer worthy of your acceptance: a present has many faces to it, has itnot? and one should consider all, before pronouncing an opinion as toits nature.'
'Miss Eyre, you are not so unsophisticated as Adele: she demands a"cadeau," clamorously, the moment she sees me: you beat about the bush.'
'Because I have less confidence in my deserts than Adele has: she canprefer the claim of old acquaintance, and the right too of custom; forshe says you have always been in the habit of giving her playthings; butif I had to make out a case I should be puzzled, since I am a stranger,and have done nothing to entitle me to an acknowledgment.'
'Oh, don't fall back on over-modesty! I have examined Adele, and findyou have taken great pains with her: she is not bright, she has notalents; yet in a short time she has made much improvement.'
'Sir, you have now given me my "cadeau"; I am obliged to you: it isthe meed teachers most covet-praise of their pupils' progress.'
'Humph!' said Mr. Rochester, and he took his tea in silence.
'Come to the fire,' said the master, when the tray was taken away,and Mrs. Fairfax had settled into a corner with her knitting; whileAdele was leading me by the hand round the room, showing me thebeautiful books and ornaments on the consoles and chiffonnieres.
We obeyed, as in duty bound; Adele wanted to take a seat on my knee, but she was ordered to amuse herself with Pilot.
'You have been resident in my house three months?'
'Yes, sir.'
'And you came from-?'
'Ah! a charitable concern. How long were you there?'
'Eight years.'
'Eight years! you must be tenacious of life. I thought half the timein such a place would have done up any constitution! No wonder you haverather the look of another world. I marvelled where you had got thatsort of face. When you came on me in Hay Lane last night, I thoughtunaccountably of fairy tales, and had half a mind to demand whether youhad bewitched my horse: I am not sure yet. Who are your parents?'
'I have none.'
'Nor ever had, I suppose: do you remember them?'
'No.'
'I thought not. And so you were waiting for your people when you sat on that stile?'
'For whom, sir?'
'For the men in green: it was a proper moonlight evening for them.Did I break through one of your rings, that you spread that damned iceon the causeway?'
I shook my head. 'The men in green all forsook England a hundredyears ago,' said I, speaking as seriously as he had done. 'And not evenin Hay Lane, or the fields about it, could you find a trace of them. Idon't think either summer or harvest, or winter moon, will ever shine ontheir revels more.'
Mrs. Fairfax had dropped her knitting, and, with raised eyebrows, seemed wondering what sort of talk this was.
'Well,' resumed Mr. Rochester, 'if you disown parents, you must have some sort of kinsfolk: uncles and aunts?'
'No; none that I ever saw.'
'And your home?'
'I have none.'
'Where do your brothers and sisters live?'
'I have no brothers or sisters.'
'Who recommended you to come here?'
'I advertised, and Mrs. Fairfax answered my advertisement.'
'Yes,' said the good lady, who now knew what ground we were upon,'and I am daily thankful for the choice Providence led me to make.
Miss Eyre has been an invaluable companion to me, and a kind and careful teacher to Adele.'
'Don't trouble yourself to give her a character,' returned Mr. Rochester: 'eulogiums will not bias me; I shall judge for myself.
She began by felling my horse.'
'Sir?' said Mrs. Fairfax.
'I have to thank her for this sprain.'
The widow looked bewildered.
'Miss Eyre, have you ever lived in a town?'
'No, sir.'
'Have you seen much society?'
'None but the pupils and teachers of Lowood, and now the inmates of Thornfield.'
'Have you read much?'
'Only such books as came in my way; and they have not been numerous or very learned.'
'You have lived the life of a nun: no doubt you are well drilled inreligious forms;- Brocklehurst, who I understand directs Lowood, is aparson, is he not?'
'Yes, sir.'
'And you girls probably worshipped him, as a convent full of religieuses would worship their director.'
'Oh, no.'
'You are very cool! No! What! a novice not worship her priest! That sounds blasphemous.'
'I disliked Mr. Brocklehurst; and I was not alone in the feeling.
He is a harsh man; at once pompous and meddling; he cut off our hair;and for economy's sake bought us bad needles and thread, with which wecould hardly sew.'
'That was very false economy,' remarked Mrs. Fairfax, who now again caught the drift of the dialogue.
'And was that the head and front of his offending?' demanded Mr. Rochester.
'He starved us when he had the sole superintendence of the provisiondepartment, before the committee was appointed; and he bored us withlong lectures once a week, and with evening readings from books of hisown inditing, about sudden deaths and judgments, which made us afraid togo to bed.'
'What age were you when you went to Lowood?'
'About ten.'
'And you stayed there eight years: you are now, then, eighteen?' I assented.
'Arithmetic, you see, is useful; without its aid, I should hardlyhave been able to guess your age. It is a point difficult to fix wherethe features and countenance are so much at variance as in your case.And now what did you learn at Lowood? Can you play?'
'A little.'
'Of course: that is the established answer. Go into the library- Imean, if you please.- (Excuse my tone of command; I am used to say, "Dothis," and it is done: I cannot alter my customary habits for one newinmate.)- Go, then, into the library; take a candle with you; leave thedoor open; sit down to the piano, and play a tune.'
I departed, obeying his directions.
'Enough!' he called out in a few minutes. 'You play a little, I see;like any other English school-girl; perhaps rather better than some, butnot well.'
I closed the piano and returned. Mr. Rochester continued- 'Adeleshowed me some sketches this morning, which she said were yours. I don'tknow whether they were entirely of your doing; probably a master aidedyou?'
'No, indeed!' I interjected.
'Ah! that pricks pride. Well, fetch me your portfolio, if you canvouch for its contents being original; but don't pass your word unlessyou are certain: I can recognise patchwork.'
'Then I will say nothing, and you shall judge for yourself, sir.' I brought the portfolio from the library.
'Approach the table,' said he; and I wheeled it to his couch. Adele and Mrs. Fairfax drew near to see the pictures.
'No crowding,' said Mr. Rochester: 'take the drawings from my hand as I finish with them; but don't push your faces up to mine.'
He deliberately scrutinised each sketch and painting. Three he laidaside; the others, when he had examined them, he swept from him.
'Take them off to the other table, Mrs. Fairfax,' said he, 'and lookat them with Adele;- you' (glancing at me) 'resume your seat, and answermy questions. I perceive those pictures were done by one hand: was thathand yours?'
'Yes.'
'And when did you find time to do them? They have taken much time, and some thought.'
'I did them in the last two vacations I spent at Lowood, when I had no other occupation.'
'Where did you get your copies?'
'Out of my head.'
'That head I see now on your shoulders?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Has it other furniture of the same kind within?'
'I should think it may have: I should hope- better.'
He spread the pictures before him, and again surveyed them alternately.
While he is so occupied, I will tell you, reader, what they are: andfirst, I must premise that they are nothing wonderful. The subjectshad, indeed, risen vividly on my mind. As I saw them with the spiritualeye, before I attempted to embody them, they were striking; but my handwould not second my fancy, and in each case it had wrought out but apale portrait of the thing I had conceived.
These pictures were in water-colours. The first represented cloudslow and livid, rolling over a swollen sea: all the distance was ineclipse; so, too, was the foreground; or rather, the nearest billows,for there was no land. One gleam of light lifted into relief ahalf-submerged mast, on which sat a cormorant, dark and large, withwings flecked with foam; its beak held a gold bracelet set with gems,that I had touched with as brilliant tints as my palette could yield,and as glittering distinctness as my pencil could impart.
Sinking below the bird and mast, a drowned corpse glanced through thegreen water; a fair arm was the only limb clearly visible, whence thebracelet had been washed or torn.
The second picture contained for foreground only the dim peak of a hill, with grass and some leaves slanting as if by a breeze.
Beyond and above spread an expanse of sky, dark blue as at twilight:rising into the sky was a woman's shape to the bust, portrayed in tintsas dusk and soft as I could combine. The dim forehead was crowned with astar; the lineaments below were seen as through the suffusion ofvapour; the eyes shone dark and wild; the hair streamed shadowy, like abeamless cloud torn by storm or by electric travail.
On the neck lay a pale reflection like moonlight; the same faintlustre touched the train of thin clouds from which rose and bowed thisvision of the Evening Star.
The third showed the pinnacle of an iceberg piercing a polar wintersky: a muster of northern lights reared their dim lances, close serried,along the horizon. Throwing these into distance, rose, in theforeground, a head,- a colossal head, inclined towards the iceberg, andresting against it. Two thin hands, joined under the forehead, andsupporting it, drew up before the lower features a sable veil; a browquite bloodless, white as bone, and an eye hollow and fixed, blank ofmeaning but for the glassiness of despair, alone were visible. Above thetemples, amidst wreathed turban folds of black drapery, vague in itscharacter and consistency as cloud, gleamed a ring of white flame,gemmed with sparkles of a more lurid tinge.
This pale crescent was 'the likeness of a kingly crown'; what it diademed was 'the shape which shape had none.'
'Were you happy when you painted these pictures?' asked Mr. Rochester presently.
'I was absorbed, sir: yes, and I was happy. To paint them, in short,was to enjoy one of the keenest pleasures I have ever known.'
'That is not saying much. Your pleasures, by your own account, havebeen few; but I daresay you did exist in a kind of artist's dreamlandwhile you blent and arranged these strange tints. Did you sit at themlong each day?'
'I had nothing else to do, because it was the vacation, and I sat atthem from morning till noon, and from noon till night: the length of themidsummer days favoured my inclination to apply.'
'And you felt self-satisfied with the result of your ardent labours?'
'Far from it. I was tormented by the contrast between my idea and myhandiwork: in each case I had imagined something which I was quitepowerless to realise.'
'Not quite: you have secured the shadow of your thought; but no more,probably. You had not enough of the artist's skill and science to giveit full being: yet the drawings are, for a school-girl, peculiar. As tothe thoughts, they are elfish. These eyes in the Evening Star you musthave seen in a dream. How could you make them look so clear, and yet notat all brilliant? for the planet above quells their rays. And whatmeaning is that in their solemn depth? And who taught you to paint wind?There is a high gale in that sky, and on this hill-top. Where did yousee Latmos? For that is Latmos. There! put the drawings away!'
I had scarce tied the strings of the portfolio, when, looking at his watch, he said abruptly-
'It is nine o'clock: what are you about, Miss Eyre, to let Adele sit up so long? Take her to bed!'
Adele went to kiss him before quitting the room: he endured thecaress, but scarcely seemed to relish it more than Pilot would havedone, nor so much.
'I wish you all good-night, now,' said he, making a movement of thehand towards the door, in token that he was tired of our company, andwished to dismiss us. Mrs. Fairfax folded up her knitting: I took myportfolio: we curtseyed to him, received a frigid bow in return, and sowithdrew.
'You said Mr. Rochester was not strikingly peculiar, Mrs. Fairfax,' Iobserved, when I rejoined her in her room, after putting Adele to bed.
'Well, is he?'
'I think so: he is very changeful and abrupt.'
'True: no doubt he may appear so to a stranger, but I am soaccustomed to his manner, I never think of it; and then, if he haspeculiarities of temper, allowance should be made.'
'Why?'
'Partly because it is his nature- and we can none of us help ournature; and partly because he has painful thoughts, no doubt, to harasshim, and make his spirits unequal.'
'What about?'
'Family troubles, for one thing.'
'But he has no family.'
'Not now, but he has had- or, at least, relatives. He lost his elder brother a few years since.'
'His elder brother?'
'Yes. The present Mr. Rochester has not been very long in possession of the property; only about nine years.'
'Nine years is a tolerable time. Was he so very fond of his brother as to be still inconsolable for his loss?'
'Why, no- perhaps not. I believe there were some misunderstandingsbetween them. Mr. Rowland Rochester was not quite just to Mr. Edward;and perhaps he prejudiced his father against him. The old gentleman wasfond of money, and anxious to keep the family estate together. He didnot like to diminish the property by division, and yet he was anxiousthat Mr. Edward should have wealth, too, to keep up the consequence ofthe name; and, soon after he was of age, some steps were taken that werenot quite fair, and made a great deal of mischief. Old Mr. Rochesterand Mr. Rowland combined to bring Mr. Edward into what he considered apainful position, for the sake of making his fortune: what the precisenature of that position was I never clearly knew, but his spirit couldnot brook what he had to suffer in it. He is not very forgiving: hebroke with his family, and now for many years he has led an unsettledkind of life. I don't think he has ever been resident at Thornfield for afortnight together, since the death of his brother without a will lefthim master of the estate; and, indeed, no wonder he shuns the oldplace.'
'Why should he shun it?'
'Perhaps he thinks it gloomy.'The answer was evasive. I should have liked something clearer; butMrs. Fairfax either could not, or would not, give me more explicitinformation of the origin and nature of Mr. Rochester's trials. Sheaverred they were a mystery to herself, and that what she knew waschiefly from conjecture. It was evident, indeed, that she wished me todrop the subject, which I did accordingly.

遵照医嘱，罗切斯特先生那晚上床很早，第二天早晨也没有马上起身。他就是下楼来也是处理事务的，他的代理人和一些佃户到了，等着要跟他说话。
阿黛勒和我现在得腾出书房，用作每日来访者的接待室。楼上的一个房间生起了火，我把书搬到那里，把它辟为未来的读书室。早上我觉察到桑菲尔德变了样，不再像教堂那么沉寂，每隔一两个小时便回响起敲门声或拉铃声，常有脚步声越过大厅，不同声调的陌生话音也在楼下响起，一条潺潺溪流从外面世界流进了府里，因为府上有了个主人。就我来说，倒更喜欢这样。
那天阿黛勒不大好教。她静不下心来，不往往门边跑，从栏杆上往下张望，看看能不能瞧一眼罗切斯特先生。随后编造出一些借口来，要到楼下去，我一下就猜到是为了到书房去走走，我知道那儿并不需要她。随后，见我有点儿生气了，并让她好好儿坐着，她就不断唠叨起她的“Ａmi,MonsieurEdouard FairfaxdeRochester”，她就这么称呼他（而我以前从末听到过他的教名），还想象着他给她带来了什么礼物。因为他似乎在前天晚上提起过，他的行李从米尔科特运到后，内中会有一个小匣子，匣子里的东西她很感兴趣。
“Et cela doit signifier,”她说“qu'il y aura la dedans un cadeau pourmoi, et peut etre pour vous aussi Mademoiselle. Monsienr a parle devous: il m'a demande le nom de ma“坐到火炉边来，”这位主人说。这时托盘己经端走，费尔法克斯太太躲进角落忙着编织，阿黛勒拉住我的手在房间里打转，把她放在架子和柜子上的漂亮的书籍和饰品拿给我看，我们义不容辞地服从了。阿黛勒想坐在我膝头上，却被吩咐去逗派洛特玩了÷午风雪交加，我们呆在读书室里。天黑时我允许阿黛勒放下书和作业，奔到楼下去，因为下面已比较安静，门铃声也已消停，想必罗切斯特先生此刻有空了。房间里只剩下了我一个人，我便走到窗子跟前，但那儿什么也看不见。暮色和雪片使空气混混沌沌，连草坪上的灌木也看不清楚了。我放下窗帘，回到了火炉边。
在明亮的余烬中，我仿佛看到了一种景象，颇似我记得曾见过的莱茵河上海德堡城堡的风景画。这时费尔法克斯太太闯了进来，打碎了我还在拼凑的火红镶嵌画，也驱散了我孤寂中开始凝聚起来的沉闷而不受欢迎的念头。
“罗切斯特先生请你和你的学生，今晚一起同他在休息室里用茶点，”她说，“他忙了一天。没能早点见你。”
“他什么时候用茶点？”我问。
“呃，六点钟。在乡下他总是早起早睡，现在你最好把外衣换掉，我陪你去，帮你扣上扣子。拿着这支蜡烛。”
“有必要换外衣吗？”
“是的，最好还是换一下。罗切斯特先生在这里的时候，我总是穿上夜礼服的。”
这额外的礼节似乎有些庄重，不过我还是上自己的房间去了。在费尔法克斯太太的帮助下，把黑色呢衣换成了一件黑丝绸衣服，这是除了一套淡灰色衣服外，我最好的，也是唯一一套额外的衣装。以我的罗沃德服饰观念而言，我想除了头等重要的场合，这套服装是过于讲究而不宜穿的。
“你需要一枚饰针，”费尔法克斯太太说。我只有一件珍珠小饰品，是坦普尔小姐作为临别礼物送给我的，我把它戴上了。随后我们下了楼梯。我由于怕生，觉得这么一本正经被罗切斯特先生召见，实在是活受罪。去餐室时，我让费尔法克斯太太走在我前面，自己躲在她暗影里，穿过房间，路过此刻放下了窗帘的拱门，进了另一头高雅精致的内室。
两支蜡烛点在桌上，两支点在壁炉台上。派洛特躺着，沐浴在一堆旺火的光和热之中，阿黛勒跪在它旁边。罗切斯特先生半倚在睡榻上，脚下垫着坐垫。他正端详着阿黛勒和狗，炉火映出了他的脸。我知道我见过的这位赶路人有着浓密的宽眉，方正的额头，上面横流着的一片黑发，使额头显得更加方正。我认得他那坚毅的鼻子，它与其说是因为英俊，倒还不如说显出了性格而引人注目。他那丰满的鼻孔，我想，表明他容易发怒。他那严厉的嘴巴、下额和颅骨，是的，三者都很严厉，一点都不错。我发现，他此刻脱去斗篷以后的身材，同他容貌的方正很相配。我想从运动员的角度看，他胸宽腰细，身材很好，尽管既不高大，也不优美。
罗切斯特先生准已知道，费尔法克斯太太和我进了门，但他似乎没有兴致来注意我们，我们走近时，他连头都没有抬。
“爱小姐来了，先生，”费尔法克斯太太斯斯文文地说。他点了下头，目光依旧没有离开狗和孩子。
“让爱小姐坐下吧，”他说。他僵硬勉强的点头样子，不耐烦而又一本正经的说话语气，另有一番意思，似乎进一步表示，“活’见鬼，爱小姐在不在同我有什么关系？现在我不想同她打招呼。”
我坐了下来，一点也不窘。礼仪十足地接待我，倒反会使我手足无措，因为在我来说，无法报之以温良恭谦。而粗鲁任性可以使我不必拘礼，相反，行为古怪又合乎礼仪的沉默，却给我带来了方便。此外，这反常接待议程也是够有意思的，我倒有兴趣看看他究竟如何继续下去。
他继续像一尊塑像般呆着，既不说话，也不动弹。费尔法克斯太太好像认为总需要有人随和些，于是便先开始说起话来，照例和和气气，也照例很陈腐。对他整天紧张处理事务而表示同情；对扭伤的痛苦所带来的烦恼表示慰问；随后赞扬了他承受这一切的耐心与毅力。
“太太，我想喝茶，”这是她所得到的唯一的回答，她赶紧去打铃，托盘端上来时，又去张罗杯子，茶匙等，显得巴结而麻利。我和阿黛勒走近桌子，而这位主人并没离开他的睡榻。
“请你把罗切斯特先生的杯子端过去，”费尔法克斯太太对我说，“阿黛勒也许会泼洒出去的。”
我按她的要求做了。他从我手里接过杯子时，阿黛勒也许认为乘机可以为我提出个请求来，她叫道：
“N'est ce pas,Monsieur,qu'il y a un cadeau pour Mademoiselle Eyre,dans votre petit coffre?”
“谁说起过cadeaux？”他生硬地说。“你盼望一份礼物吗，爱小姐？你喜欢礼物吗？”他用一双在我看来阴沉恼怒而富有穿透力的眼睛，搜索着我的面容。
“我说不上来，先生，我对这些东西没有什么经验，一般认为是讨人喜欢的。”
“一般认为：可是你认为呢？”
“我得需要一点时间，先生，才能作出值得你接受的回答。一件礼物可以从多方面去看它，是不是？而人们需要全面考虑，才能发表关于礼物性质的意见。”
“爱小姐，你不像阿黛勒那么单纯，她一见到我就嚷着要‘cadeau’，而你却转弯抹角。”
“因为我对自己是否配得礼物，不像阿黛勒那么有信心，她可凭老关系老习惯提出要求，因为她说你一贯送她玩具，但如果要我发表看法的话，我就不知道该怎么说了，因为我是个陌生人，没有做过什么值得感谢的事情。”
“啊，别以过份谦虚来搪塞！我己经检查过阿黛勒的功课，发现你为她花了很大力气，她并不聪明，也没有什么天份，但在短期内取得了很大进步。”
“先生，你已经给了我‘cadeau’，我很感谢你，赞扬学生的进步，是教师们最向往的酬劳。”
“哼！”罗切斯特先生哼了一声，默默地喝起茶来。
“坐到火炉边来，”这位主人说。这时托盘己经端走，费尔法克斯太太躲进角落忙着编织，阿黛勒拉住我的手在房间里打转，把她放在架子和柜子上的漂亮的书籍和饰品拿给我看，我们义不容辞地服从了。阿黛勒想坐在我膝头上，却被吩咐去逗派洛特玩了。
“你在我这里住了三个月了吧？”
“是的，先生。”
“你来自——”
“××郡的罗沃德学校。”
“噢！一个慈善机构。你在那里呆了几年？”
“八年。”
“八年！你的生命力一定是够顽强的。我认为在那种地方就是呆上一半时间，也会把身体搞跨！怪不得你那种样子像是从另外一个世界来的。我很奇怪，你从哪儿得来了那种面孔，昨晚我在海路上碰到你的时候，不由得想到了童话故事，而且真有点想问问你，是不是你迷住了我的马。不过我现在仍不敢肯定。你父母是谁？”
“我没有父母。”
“从来没有过，我猜想，你还记得他们吗？”
“不记得。”
“我想也记不得了。所以你坐在台阶上等你自己的人来？”
“等谁，先生？”
“等绿衣仙人呗，晚上月光皎洁，正是他们出没的好时光。是不是我冲破了你们的圈子，你就在路面上撒下了那该死的冰？”
我摇了摇头。“绿衣仙人几百年前就离开了英格兰，”我也像他一样一本正经地说，“就是在海路上或者附近的田野，你也见不到他们的一丝踪迹。我想夏天、秋夜或者冬季的月亮再也不会照耀他们的狂欢了。”
费尔法克斯太太放下手中的织物，竖起眉毛，似乎对这类谈话感到惊异。
“好吧，罗切斯特先生继续说，“要是你没有父母，总应该有些亲人。譬如叔伯姑嫂等？”
“没有，就我所知，一个也没有。”
“那么你家在哪儿？”
“我没有家。”
“你兄弟姐妹住在哪儿？”
“我没有兄弟姐妹。”
“谁推荐你到这里来的呢？”
“我自己登广告，费尔法克斯太太答复了我。”
“是的，”这位好心的太太说，此刻她才弄明白我们谈话的立足点。“我每天感谢主引导我作出了这个选择。爱小姐对我是个不可多得的伙伴，对阿黛勒是位和气细心的教师。”
“别忙着给她作鉴定了，”罗切斯特先生回答说，“歌功颂德并不能使我偏听偏信，我会自己作出判断。她是以把我的马弄倒在地开始给我产生印象的。”
“先生？”费尔法克斯太太说。
“我得感谢她使我扭伤了脚。”
这位寡妇一时莫名其妙。
“爱小姐，你在城里住过吗？”
“没有，先生。”
“见过很多社交场合吗？”
“除了罗沃德的学生和教师，什么也没有。如今还有桑菲尔德府里的人。”
“你读过很多书吗？”
“碰到什么就读什么，数量不多，也不高深。”
“你过的是修女的生活，毫无疑问，在宗教礼仪方面你是训练有素的。布罗克赫斯特，我知道是他管辖着罗沃德，他是位牧师，是吗？”
“是的，先生，”
“你们姑娘们也许都很崇拜他，就像住满修女的修道院，崇拜她们的院长一样。”
“啊，没有。”
“你倒很冷静！不！一位见习修女不崇拜她的牧师？那听起来有些亵渎神灵。”
“我不喜欢布罗克赫斯特先生，有这种感觉的不只我一个。他是个很严酷的人，既自负而又爱管闲事，他剪去了我们的头发，而为节省，给我们买了很差的针线，大家差点都没法儿缝。”
“那是种很虚假的节省，”费尔法克斯太太议论道，此刻她又听到了我们的一阵交谈。
“而这就是他最大的罪状？”罗切斯特先生问。
“他还让我们挨饿，那时他单独掌管供应部，而委员会还没有成立。他弄得我们很厌烦，一周一次作长篇大论的讲道，每晚要我们读他自己编的书，写的是关于暴死呀，报应呀，吓得我们都不敢去睡觉。”
“你去罗沃德的时候几岁？”
“十岁左右。”
“你在那里待了八年，那你现在是十八岁罗？”
我表示同意。
“你看，数学还是有用的。没有它的帮助，我很难猜出你的年纪。像你这样五官与表情相差那么大，要确定你的年纪可不容易。好吧，你在罗沃德学了些什么？会弹钢琴吗？”
“会一点。”
“当然，都会这么回答的，到书房去——我的意思是请你到书房去——（请原谅我命令的口气，我已说惯了‘你作这事’，于是他就去作了。我无法为一个新来府上的人改变我的老习惯）——那么，到书房去，带着你的蜡烛，让门开着，坐在钢琴面前，弹一个曲子。”
我听从他的吩咐走开了。
“行啦！”几分钟后他叫道，“你会—点儿，我知道了，像随便哪一个英国女学生一样，也许比有些人强些，但并不好。”
我关了钢琴，走了回来。罗切斯特先生继续说：
“今天早上阿黛勒把一些速写给我看了，她说是你画的，我不知道是不是完全由你一个人画的，也许某个画师帮助了你？”
“没有，说真的！”我冲口叫了起来。
“噢，那伤了你的自尊。好吧，把你的画夹拿来，要是你能担保里面的画是自己创作的。不过你没有把握就别吭声，我认得出拼拼凑凑的东西。”
“那我什么也不说，你尽可以自己去判断，先生。”
我从书房取来了画夹。
“把桌子移过来，”他说，我把桌子推向他的睡榻，阿黛勒和费尔法克斯太太也都凑近来看画。
“别挤上来，”罗切斯特先生说，“等我看好了，可以从我手里把画拿走，但不要把脸都凑上来。”
他审慎地细看了每幅速写和画作。把其中三幅放在一旁，其余的看完以后便推开了。“把它们放到别的桌子上去，费尔法克斯太太，”他说，同阿黛勒一起看看这些画。你呢，”（目光扫视了我一下）“仍旧坐在你位置上，回答我的问题。我看出来这些画出自一人之手，那是你的手吗？”
“是的。”
“你什么时候抽时间来画的？这些画很费时间，也得动些脑筋。”
“我是在罗沃德度过的最后两个假期时画的，那时我没有别的事情。”
“你什么地方弄来的摹本？”
“从我脑袋里。”
“就是现在我看到的你肩膀上的脑袋吗？”
“是的，先生。”
“那里面没有类似的东西吗？”
“我想也许有。我希望——更好。”
他把这些画摊在他面前，再次一张张细看着。
趁他看画的时候，读者，我要告诉你，那是些什么画。首先我得事先声明，它们并没有什么了不起。画的题材倒确实活脱脱地浮现在我脑海里。我还没有想用画来表现时，它们就已在我心灵的目光下显得栩栩如生。然而在落笔时，我的手却不听我想象的使唤，每次都只能给想象中的东西勾勒出一个苍白无力的图象来。
这些都是水彩画。第一张画的是，低垂的铅色云块，在波涛汹涌的海面上翻滚，远处的一切黯然无光，画面的前景也是如此，或者不如说，靠得最近的波涛是这样，因为画中没高陆地。—束微光把半沉的桅杆映照得轮廓分明，桅杆上栖息着一只又黑又大的鸬鹚，翅膀上沾着斑驳的泡沫，嘴里衔着一只镶嵌了宝石的金手镯，我给手镯抹上了调色板所能调出的最明亮的色泽，以及我的铅笔所能勾划出的闪闪金光。在鸟和桅杆下面的碧波里，隐约可见一具沉溺的尸体，它身上唯一看得清清楚楚的肢体是一只美丽的胳膊，那手镯就是从这里被水冲走或是给鸟儿啄下来的。
第二张画的前景只有一座朦胧的山峰，青草和树叶似乎被微风吹歪了。在远处和上方铺开了一片薄暮时分深蓝色的浩瀚天空。一个女人的半身形体高耸天际，色调被我尽力点染得柔和与暗淡。模糊的额头上点缀着一颗星星，下面的脸部仿佛透现在雾气蒸腾之中。双目乌黑狂野、炯炯有神。头发如阴影一般飘洒，仿佛是被风爆和闪电撕下的暗淡无光的云块。脖子上有一抹宛若月色的淡淡反光，一片片薄云也有着同样浅色的光泽，云端里升起了低着头的金星的幻象。
第三幅画的是一座冰山的尖顶，刺破了北极冬季的天空，一束束北极光举起了它们毫无光泽、密布在地平线上的长矛。在画的前景上，一个头颅赫然入目，冰山退隐到了远处，一个巨大无比的头，侧向冰山，枕在上面。头部底下伸出一双手，支撑着它，拉起了一块黑色的面纱。罩住下半部面孔。额头毫无血色，苍白如骨。深陷的眼睛凝视着，除了露出绝望的木然神色，别无其他表情。在两鬓之上，黑色缠头布的皱裥中，射出了一圈如云雾般变幻莫测的白炽火焰，镶嵌着红艳艳的火星，这苍白的新月是“王冠的写真”，为“无形之形”加冕。
“你创作这些画时愉快吗？”罗切斯特先生立刻问。
“我全神贯注，先生。是的，我很愉快。总之，画这些画无异于享受我从来没有过的最大乐趣。”
“那并不说明什么问题，据你自己所说，你的乐趣本来就不多。但我猜想，你在调拌并着上这些奇怪的颜色时，肯定生活在一种艺术家的梦境之中，你每天费很长时间坐着作这些画吗？”
“在假期里我没有别的事情可做，我坐着从早上画到中午，从中午画到晚上。仲夏白昼很长，有利于我专心致志。”
“你对自己饱含热情的劳动成果表示满意吗？”
“很不满意。我为自己的思想和手艺之间存在的差距而感到烦恼。每次我都想象了一些东西，但却无力加以表达。”
“不完全如此。你己经捕捉到了你思想的影子，但也许仅此而已。你缺乏足够的艺术技巧和专门知识，淋漓尽致地把它表达出来。不过对一个女学生来说，这些画已经非同一般了。至于那些思想，倒是有些妖气。金星中的眼睛你一定是在梦中看见的，你怎么能够使它既那么明亮，而又不耀眼呢？因为眼睛上端的行星淹没了它们的光。而那庄严的眼窝又包含着什么意思？是谁教你画风的，天空中和山顶上都刮着大风。你在什么地方见到拉特莫斯山的？——因为那确实是拉特莫斯山。嗨，把这些画拿走！”
我还没有把画夹上的绳子扎好，他就看了看表，唐突地说：
“己经九点了，爱小姐，你在磨蹭些啥，让阿黛勒这么老呆着？带她去睡觉吧。”
阿黛勒走出房间之前过去吻了吻他，他忍受了这种亲热，但似乎并没比派洛特更欣赏它，甚至还不如派洛特。
“现在，我祝你们大家晚安，”他说，朝门方向做了个手势，表示他对我们的陪伴已经感到厌烦，希望打发我们走。费尔法克斯太太收起了织物，我拿了画夹，都向他行了屈膝礼。他生硬地点了点头，算是回答，这样我们就退了出去。
“你说过罗切斯特先生并不特别古怪，费尔法克斯太太。”安顿好阿黛勒上床后，我再次到了费尔法克斯太太的房间里时说。
“嗯，他是这样？”
“我想是这样，他变幻无常，粗暴无礼。”
“不错。毫无疑问，在一个陌生人看来，她似乎就是这样。但我已非常习惯于他的言谈举止，因此从来不去想它。更何况要是他真的脾气古怪的话，那也是应当宽容的。”
“为什么？”
“一半是因为他生性如此，——而我们都对自己的天性无能为力；一半是因为他肯定有痛苦的念头在折磨着他，使他的心里不平衡。”
“什么事情？”
“一方面是家庭纠葛。”
“可是他压根儿没有家庭。”
“不是说现在，但曾有过——至少是亲戚。几年前他失去了哥哥。”
“他的哥哥？”
“是的，现在这位罗切斯特先生拥有这份财产的时间并不长，只有九年左右。”
“九年时间也不算短了，他那么爱他的哥哥，直到现在还为他的去世而悲伤不已吗？”
“唉，不——也许不是。我想他们之间有些隔阂。罗兰特.罗切斯特先生对爱德华先生不很公平，也许就是他弄得他父亲对爱德华先生怀有偏见。这位老先生爱钱，急于使家产合在一起，不希望因为分割而缩小。同时又很想让爱德华先生有自己的一份财产，以保持这名字的荣耀。他成年后不久，他们采取了一些不十分合理的办法，造成了很大麻烦。为了使爱德华先生获得那份财产，老罗切斯特先生和罗兰特先生一起，使爱德华先生陷入了他自认为痛苦的境地，这种境遇的确切性质，我从来都不十分清楚，但在精神上他无法忍受不得不忍受的一切。他不愿忍让，便与家庭决裂。多年来，他一直过着一种漂泊不定的生活。我想打从他哥哥没有留下遗嘱就去世，他自己成了房产的主人后，他从来没有在桑菲尔德一连住上过二周。说实在，也难怪他要躲避这个老地方。”
“他干嘛要躲避呢？”
“也许他认为这地方太沉闷。”
她的回答闪烁其辞。我本想了解得更透彻些，但费尔法克斯太太兴许不能够，抑或不愿意，向我进一步提供关于罗切斯特先生痛苦的始末和性质。她一口咬定，对她本人来说也是个谜，她所知道的多半是她自己的猜测，说真的，她显然希望我搁下这个话题，于是我也就不再多问了。

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伊墨君

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Chapter 14

FOR several subsequent days I saw little of Mr. Rochester. In themornings he seemed much engaged with business, and, in the afternoon,gentlemen from Millcote or the neighbourhood called, and sometimesstayed to dine with him. When his sprain was well enough to admit ofhorse exercise, he rode out a good deal; probably to return thesevisits, as he generally did not come back till late at night.
Duringthis interval, even Adele was seldom sent for to his presence, and allmy acquaintance with him was confined to an occasional rencontre in thehall, on the stairs, or in the gallery, when he would sometimes pass mehaughtily and coldly, just acknowledging my presence by a distant nod ora cool glance, and sometimes bow and smile with gentlemanlikeaffability. His changes of mood did not offend me, because I saw that Ihad nothing to do with their alternation; the ebb and flow depended oncauses quite disconnected with me.
One day he had had company to dinner, and had sent for my portfolio;in order, doubtless, to exhibit its contents: the gentlemen went awayearly, to attend a public meeting at Millcote, as Mrs. Fairfax informedme; but the night being wet and inclement, Mr. Rochester did notaccompany them. Soon after they were gone he rang the bell: a messagecame that I and Adele were to go downstairs. I brushed Adele's hair andmade her neat, and having ascertained that I was myself in my usualQuaker trim, where there was nothing to retouch- all being too close andplain, braided locks included, to admit of disarrangement- wedescended, Adele wondering whether the petit coffre was at length come;for, owing to some mistake, its arrival had hitherto been delayed. Shewas gratified: there it stood, a little carton, on the table when weentered the dining-room. She appeared to know it by instinct.
'Ma boite! ma boite!' exclaimed she, running towards it.
'Yes, there is your "boite" at last: take it into a corner, yougenuine daughter of Paris, and amuse yourself with disembowelling it,' said the deep and rather sarcastic voice of Mr. Rochester, proceedingfrom the depths of an immense easy-chair at the fireside.
'And mind,' he continued, 'don't bother me with any details of theanatomical process, or any notice of the condition of the entrails: letyour operation be conducted in silence: tiens-toi tranquille, enfant;comprends-tu?'
Adele seemed scarcely to need the warning; she had already retired toa sofa with her treasure, and was busy untying the cord which securedthe lid. Having removed this impediment, and lifted certain silveryenvelopes of tissue paper, she merely exclaimed- 'Oh ciel! Que c'estbeau!' and then remained absorbed in ecstatic contemplation.
'Is Miss Eyre there?' now demanded the master, half rising from his seat to look round to the door, near which I still stood.
'Ah! well, come forward; be seated here.' He drew a chair near hisown. 'I am not fond of the prattle of children,' he continued;
'for, old bachelor as I am, I have no pleasant associations connectedwith their lisp. It would be intolerable to me to pass a whole eveningtete-a-tete with a brat. Don't draw that chair farther off, Miss Eyre;sit down exactly where I placed it- if you please, that is. Confoundthese civilities! I continually forget them. Nor do I particularlyaffect simple-minded old ladies. By the bye, I must have mine in mind;it won't do to neglect her; she is a Fairfax, or wed to one; and bloodis said to be thicker than water.'
He rang, and despatched an invitation to Mrs. Fairfax, who soon arrived, knitting-basket in hand.
'Good evening, madam; I sent to you for a charitable purpose. I haveforbidden Adele to talk to me about her presents, and she is burstingwith repletion; have the goodness to serve her as auditress andinterlocutrice; it will be one of the most benevolent acts you everperformed.'
Adele, indeed, no sooner saw Mrs. Fairfax, than she summoned her toher sofa, and there quickly filled her lap with the porcelain, theivory, the waxen contents of her 'boite'; pouring out, meantime,explanations and raptures in such broken English as she was mistress of.
'Now I have performed the part of a good host,' pursued Mr.Rochester, 'put my guests into the way of amusing each other, I ought tobe at liberty to attend to my own pleasure. Miss Eyre, draw your chairstill a little farther forward: you are yet too far back; I cannot seeyou without disturbing my position in this comfortable chair, which Ihave no mind to do.'
I did as I was bid, though I would much rather have remained somewhatin the shade; but Mr. Rochester had such a direct way of giving orders,it seemed a matter of course to obey him promptly.
We were, as I have said, in the dining-room: the lustre, which hadbeen lit for dinner, filled the room with a festal breadth of light; thelarge fire was all red and clear; the purple  curtains hung rich andample before the lofty window and loftier arch; everything was still,save the subdued chat of Adele (she dared not speak loud), and, fillingup each pause, the beating of winter rain against the panes.
Mr. Rochester, as he sat in his damask-covered chair, lookeddifferent to what I had seen him look before; not quite so stern- muchless gloomy. There was a smile on his lips, and his eyes sparkled,whether with wine or not, I am not sure; but I think it very probable.
He was, in short, in his after dinner mood; more expanded and genial,and also more self-indulgent than the frigid and rigid temper of themorning; still he looked preciously grim, cushioning his massive headagainst the swelling back of his chair, and receiving the light of thefire on his granite-hewn features, and in his great, dark eyes; for hehad great, dark eyes, and very fine eyes, too- not without a certainchange in their depths sometimes, which, if it was not softness,reminded you, at least, of that feeling.
He had been looking two minutes at the fire, and I had been lookingthe same length of time at him, when, turning suddenly, he caught mygaze fastened on his physiognomy.
'You examine me, Miss Eyre,' said he: 'do you think me handsome?'
I should, if I had deliberated, have replied to this question bysomething conventionally vague and polite; but the answer somehowslipped from my tongue before I was aware- 'No, sir.'
'Ah! By my word! there is something singular about you,' said he:'you have the air of a little nonnette; quaint, quiet, grave, andsimple, as you sit with your hands before you, and your eyes generallybent on the carpet (except, by the bye, when they are directedpiercingly to my face; as just now, for instance); and when one asks youa question, or makes a remark to which you are obliged to reply, yourap out a round rejoinder, which, if not blunt, is at least brusque.What do you mean by it?'
'Sir, I was too plain; I beg your pardon. I ought to have repliedthat it was not easy to give an impromptu answer to a question aboutappearances; that tastes mostly differ; and that beauty is of littleconsequence, or something of that sort.'
'You ought to have replied no such thing. Beauty of littleconsequence, indeed! And so, under pretence of softening the previousoutrage, of stroking and soothing me into placidity, you stick a slypenknife under my ear! Go on: what fault do you find with me, pray? Isuppose I have all my limbs and all my features like any other man?'
'Mr. Rochester, allow me to disown my first answer: I intended no pointed repartee: it was only a blunder.'
'Just so: I think so: and you shall be answerable for it. Criticise me: does my forehead not please you?'
He lifted up the sable waves of hair which lay horizontally over hisbrow, and showed a solid enough mass of intellectual organs, but anabrupt deficiency where the suave sign of benevolence should have risen.
'Now, ma'am, am I a fool?'
'Far from it, sir. You would, perhaps, think me rude if I inquired in return whether you are a philanthropist?'
'There again! Another stick of the penknife, when she pretended topat my head: and that is because I said I did not like the society ofchildren and old women (low be it spoken!). No, young lady, I am not ageneral philanthropist; but I bear a conscience'; and he pointed to theprominences which are said to indicate that faculty, and which,fortunately for him, were sufficiently conspicuous; giving, indeed, amarked breadth to the upper part of his head: 'and, besides, I once had akind of rude tenderness of heart. When I was as old as you, I was afeeling fellow enough; partial to the unfledged, unfostered, andunlucky; but Fortune has knocked me about since: she has even kneaded mewith her knuckles, and now I flatter myself I am hard and tough as anIndia-rubber ball; pervious, though, through a chink or two still, andwith one sentient point in the middle of the lump. Yes: does that leavehope for me?'
'Hope of what, sir?'
'Of my final re-transformation from India-rubber back to flesh?'
'Decidedly he has had too much wine,' I thought; and I did not knowwhat answer to make to his queer question: how could I tell whether hewas capable of being re-transformed?
'You looked very much puzzled, Miss Eyre; and though you are notpretty any more than I am handsome, yet a puzzled air becomes you;besides, it is convenient, for it keeps those searching eyes of yoursaway from my physiognomy, and busies them with the worsted flowers ofthe rug; so puzzle on. Young lady, I am disposed to be gregarious andcommunicative tonight.'
With this announcement he rose from his chair, and stood, leaning hisarm on the marble mantelpiece: in that attitude his shape was seenplainly as well as his face; his unusual breadth of chest,disproportionate almost to his length of limb. I am sure most peoplewould have thought him an ugly man; yet there was so much unconsciouspride in his port; so much ease in his demeanour; such a look ofcomplete indifference to his own external appearance; so haughty areliance on the power of other qualities, intrinsic or adventitious, toatone for the lack of mere personal attractiveness, that, in looking athim, one inevitably shared the indifference, and, even in a blind,imperfect sense, put faith in the confidence.
'I am disposed to be gregarious and communicative tonight,' herepeated, 'and that is why I sent for you: the fire and the chandelierwere not sufficient company for me; nor would Pilot have been, for noneof these can talk. Adele is a degree better, but still far below themark; Mrs. Fairfax ditto; you, I am persuaded, can suit me if you will:you puzzled me the first evening I invited you down here.
I have almost forgotten you since: other ideas have driven yours frommy head; but to-night I am resolved to be at ease; to dismiss whatimportunes, and recall what pleases. It would please me now to draw youout- to learn more of you- therefore speak.'
Instead of speaking, I smiled; and not a very complacent or submissive smile either.
'Speak,' he urged.
'What about, sir?'
'Whatever you like. I leave both the choice of subject and the manner of treating it entirely to yourself.'
Accordingly I sat and said nothing: 'If he expects me to talk for themere sake of talking and showing off, he will find he has addressedhimself to the wrong person,' I thought.
'You are dumb, Miss Eyre.'
I was dumb still. He bent his head a little towards me, and with a single hasty glance seemed to dive into my eyes.
'Stubborn?' he said, 'and annoyed. Ah! it is consistent. I put myrequest in an absurd, almost insolent form. Miss Eyre, I beg yourpardon. The fact is, once for all, I don't wish to treat you like aninferior: that is' (correcting himself), 'I claim only such superiorityas must result from twenty years' difference in age and a century'sadvance in experience. This is legitimate, et j'y tiens, as Adele wouldsay; and it is by virtue of this superiority, and this alone, that Idesire you to have the goodness to talk to me a little now, and divertmy thoughts, which are galled with dwelling on one point- cankering as arusty nail.'
He had deigned an explanation, almost an apology, and I did not feel insensible to his condescension, and would not seem so.
'I am willing to amuse you, if I can, sir- quite willing; but Icannot introduce a topic, because how do I know what will interest you?Ask me questions, and I will do my best to answer them.'
'Then, in the first place, do you agree with   me that I have a rightto be a little masterful, abrupt, perhaps exacting, sometimes, on thegrounds I stated, namely, that I am old enough to be your father, andthat I have battled through a varied experience with many men of manynations, and roamed over half the globe, while you have lived quietlywith one set of people in one house?'
'Do as you please, sir.'
'That is no answer; or rather it is a very irritating, because a very evasive one. Reply clearly.'
'I don't think, sir, you have a right to command me, merely becauseyou are older than I, or because you have seen more of the world than Ihave; your claim to superiority depends on the use you have made of yourtime and experience.'
'Humph! Promptly spoken. But I won't allow that, seeing that it wouldnever suit my case, as I have made an indifferent, not to say a bad,use of both advantages. Leaving superiority out of the question, then,you must still agree to receive my orders now and then, without beingpiqued or hurt by the tone of command. Will you?'
I smiled: I thought to myself Mr. Rochester is peculiar- he seems toforget that he pays me L30 per annum for receiving his orders.
'The smile is very well,' said he, catching instantly the passing expression; 'but speak too.'
'I was thinking, sir, that very few masters would trouble themselvesto inquire whether or not their paid subordinates were piqued and hurtby their orders.'
'Paid subordinates! What! you are my paid subordinate, are you?
Oh yes, I had forgotten the salary! Well then, on that mercenary ground, will you agree to let me hector a little?'
'No, sir, not on that ground; but, on the ground that you did forgetit, and that you care whether or not a dependant is comfortable in hisdependency, I agree heartily.'
'And will you consent to dispense with a great many conventionalforms and phrases, without thinking that the omission arises frominsolence?'
'I am sure, sir, I should never mistake informality for insolence:one I rather like, the other nothing free-born would submit to, even fora salary.'
'Humbug! Most things free-born will submit to anything for a salary;therefore, keep to yourself, and don't venture on generalities of whichyou are intensely ignorant. However, I mentally shake hands with you foryour answer, despite its inaccuracy; and as much for the manner inwhich it was said, as for the substance of the speech; the manner wasfrank and sincere; one does not often see such a manner: no, on thecontrary, affectation, or coldness, or stupid, coarse-mindedmisapprehension of one's meaning are the usual rewards of candour. Notthree in three thousand raw school-girl-governesses would have answeredme as you have just done. But I don't mean to flatter you: if you arecast in a different mould to the majority, it is no merit of yours:Nature did it. And then, after all, I go too fast in my conclusions: forwhat I yet know, you may be no better than the rest; you may haveintolerable defects to counterbalance your few good points.'
'And so may you,' I thought. My eye met his as the idea crossed mymind: he seemed to read the glance, answering as if its import had beenspoken as well as imagined-
'Yes, yes, you are right,' said he; 'I have plenty of faults of myown: I know it, and I don't wish to palliate them, I assure you.
God wot I need not be too severe about others; I have a pastexistence, a series of deeds, a colour of life to contemplate within myown breast, which might well call my sneers and censures from myneighbours to myself. I started, or rather (for like other defaulters, Ilike to lay half the blame on ill fortune and adverse circumstances)was thrust on to a wrong tack at the age of one-and-twenty, and havenever recovered the right course since: but I might have been verydifferent; I might have been as good as you- wiser- almost as stainless.I envy you your peace of mind, your clean conscience, your unpollutedmemory. Little girl, a memory without blot or contamination must be anexquisite treasure- an inexhaustible source of pure refreshment: is itnot?'
'How was your memory when you were eighteen, sir?'
'All right then; limpid, salubrious: no gush of bilge water hadturned it to fetid puddle. I was your equal at eighteen- quite yourequal. Nature meant me to be, on the whole, a good man, Miss Eyre; oneof the better kind, and you see I am not so. You would say you don't seeit; at least I flatter myself I read as much in your eye (beware, bythe bye, what you express with that organ; I am quick at interpretingits language). Then take my word for it,- I am not a villain: you arenot to suppose that- not to attribute to me any such bad eminence; but,owing, I verily believe, rather to circumstances than to my naturalbent, I am a trite commonplace sinner, hackneyed in all the poor pettydissipations with which the rich and worthless try to put on life. Doyou wonder that I avow this to you? Know, that in the course of yourfuture life you will often find yourself elected the involuntaryconfidant of your acquaintances' secrets: people will instinctively findout, as I have done, that it is not your forte to tell of yourself, butto listen while others talk of themselves; they will feel, too, thatyou listen with no malevolent scorn of their indiscretion, but with akind of innate sympathy; not the less comforting and encouraging becauseit is very unobtrusive in its manifestations.'
'How do you know?- how can you guess all this, sir?'
'I know it well; therefore I proceed almost as freely as if I werewriting my thoughts in a diary. You would say, I should have beensuperior to circumstances; so I should- so I should; but you see I wasnot. When fate wronged me, I had not the wisdom to remain cool: I turneddesperate; then I degenerated. Now, when any vicious simpleton excitesmy disgust by his paltry ribaldry, I cannot flatter myself that I ambetter than he: I am forced to confess that he and I are on a level. Iwish I had stood firm- God knows I do!
Dread remorse when you are tempted to err, Miss Eyre; remorse is the poison of life.'
'Repentance is said to be its cure, sir.'
'It is not its cure. Reformation may be its cure; and I could reform-I have strength yet for that- if- but where is the use of thinking ofit, hampered, burdened, cursed as I am? Besides, since happiness isirrevocably denied me, I have a right to get pleasure out of life: and Iwill get it, cost what it may.'
'Then you will degenerate still more, sir.'
'Possibly: yet why should I, if I can get sweet, fresh pleasure? And Imay get it as sweet and fresh as the wild honey the bee gathers on themoor.'
'It will sting- it will taste bitter, sir.'
'How do you know?- you never tried it. How very serious- how verysolemn you look: and you are as ignorant of the matter as this cameohead' (taking one from the mantelpiece). 'You have no right to preach tome, you neophyte, that have not passed the porch of life, and areabsolutely unacquainted with its mysteries.'
'I only remind you of your own words, sir: you said error brought remorse, and you pronounced remorse the poison of existence.'
'And who talks of error now? I scarcely think the notion thatflittered across my brain was an error. I believe it was an inspirationrather than a temptation: it was very genial, very soothing- I knowthat. Here it comes again! It is no devil, I assure you; or if it be, ithas put on the robes of an angel of light. I think I must admit so faira guest when it asks entrance to my heart.'
'Distrust it, sir; it is not a true angel.'
'Once more, how do you know? By what instinct do you pretend todistinguish between a fallen seraph of the abyss and a messenger fromthe eternal throne- between a guide and a seducer?'
'I judged by your countenance, sir, which was troubled when you saidthe suggestion had returned upon you. I feel sure it will work you moremisery if you listen to it.'
'Not at all- it bears the most gracious message in the world: for therest, you are not my conscience-keeper, so don't make yourself uneasy.Here, come in, bonny wanderer!'
He said this as if he spoke to a vision, viewless to any eye but hisown; then, folding his arms, which he had half extended, on his chest,he seemed to enclose in their embrace the invisible being.
'Now,' he continued, again addressing me, 'I have received thepilgrim- a disguised deity, as I verily believe. Already it has done megood: my heart was a sort of charnel; it will now be a shrine.'
'To speak truth, sir, I don't understand you at all: I cannot keep upthe conversation, because it has got out of my depth. Only one thing, Iknow: you said you were not as good as you should like to be, and thatyou regretted your own imperfection;- one thing I can comprehend: youintimated that to have a sullied memory was a perpetual bane. It seemsto me, that if you tried hard, you would in time find it possible tobecome what you yourself would approve; and that if from this day youbegan with resolution to correct your thoughts and actions, you would ina few years have laid up a new and stainless store of recollections, towhich you might revert with pleasure.'
'Justly thought; rightly said, Miss Eyre; and, at this moment, I am paving hell with energy.'
'Sir?'
'I am laying down good intentions, which I believe durable as flint.Certainly, my associates and pursuits shall be other than they havebeen.'
'And better?'
'And better- so much better as pure ore is than foul dross. You seemto doubt me; I don't doubt myself: I know what my aim is, what mymotives are; and at this moment I pass a law, unalterable as that of theMedes and Persians, that both are right.'
'They cannot be, sir, if they require a new statute to legalise them.'
'They are, Miss Eyre, though they absolutely require a new statute:unheard-of combinations or circumstances demand unheard-of rules.'
'That sounds a dangerous maxim, sir; because one can see at once that it is liable to abuse.'
'Sententious sage! so it is: but I swear by my household gods not to abuse it.'
'You are human and fallible.'
'I am: so are you- what then?'
'The human and fallible should not arrogate a power with which the divine and perfect alone can be safely intrusted.'
'What power?'
'That of saying of any strange, unsanctioned line of action,- "Let it be right."'
'"Let it be right"- the very words: you have pronounced them.'
'May it be right then,' I said, as I rose, deeming it useless tocontinue a discourse which was all darkness to me; and, besides,sensible that the character of my interlocutor was beyond mypenetration; at least, beyond its present reach; and feeling theuncertainty, the vague sense of insecurity, which accompanies aconviction of ignorance.
'Where are you going?'
'To put Adele to bed: it is past her bedtime.'
'You are afraid of me, because I talk like a Sphynx.'
'Your language is enigmatical, sir: but though I am bewildered, I am certainly not afraid.'
'You are afraid- your self-love dreads a blunder.'
'In that sense I do feel apprehensive- I have no wish to talk nonsense.'
'If you did, it would be in such a grave, quiet manner, I shouldmistake it for sense. Do you never laugh, Miss Eyre? Don't troubleyourself to answer- I see you laugh rarely; but you can laugh verymerrily: believe me, you are not naturally austere, any more than I amnaturally vicious. The Lowood constraint still clings to you somewhat;controlling your features, muffling your voice, and restricting yourlimbs; and you fear in the presence of a man and a brother- or father,or master, or what you will- to smile too gaily, speak too freely, ormove too quickly: but, in time, I think you will learn to be naturalwith me, as I find it impossible to be conventional with you; and thenyour looks and movements will have more vivacity and variety than theydare offer now. I see at intervals the glance of a curious sort of birdthrough the close-set bars of a cage: a vivid, restless, resolutecaptive is there; were it but free, it would soar cloud-high. You arestill bent on going?'
'It has struck nine, sir.'
'Never mind,- wait a minute: Adele is not ready to go to bed yet.
My position, Miss Eyre, with my back to the fire, and my face to theroom, favours observation. While talking to you, I have alsooccasionally watched Adele (I have my own  reasons for thinking her acurious study,- reasons that I may, nay, that I shall, impart to yousome day). She pulled out of her box, about ten minutes ago, a littlepink silk frock; rapture lit her face as she unfolded it; coquetry runsin her blood, blends with her brains, and seasons the marrow of herbones. "Il faut que je l'essaie!" cried she, "et a l'instant meme!" andshe rushed out of the room. She is now with Sophie, undergoing a robingprocess: in a few minutes she will re-enter; and I know what I shallsee,- a miniature of Celine Varens, as she used to appear on the boardsat the rising of-. But never mind that. However, my tenderest feelingsare about to receive a shock: such is my presentiment; stay now, to seewhether it will be realised.'
Ere long, Adele's little foot was heard tripping across the hall.
She entered, transformed as her guardian had predicted. A dress ofrose-coloured satin, very short, and as full in the skirt as it could begathered, replaced the brown frock she had previously worn; a wreath ofrosebuds circled her forehead; her feet were dressed in silk stockingsand small white satin sandals.
'Est-ce que ma robe va bien?' cried she, bounding forwards; 'et mes souliers? et mes bas? Tenez, je crois que je vais danser!'
And spreading out her dress, she chasseed across the room; till,having reached Mr. Rochester, she wheeled lightly round before him ontip-toe, then dropped on one knee at his feet, exclaiming- 'Monsieur, jevous remercie mille fois de votre bonte; then rising, she added, 'C'estcomme cela que maman faisait, n'est-ce pas, monsieur?''Pre-cise-ly!' was the answer; 'and, "comme cella," she charmed myEnglish gold out of my British breeches' pocket. I have been green, too,Miss Eyre- ay, grass green: not a more vernal tint freshens you nowthan once freshened me. My Spring is gone, however, but it has left methat French floweret on my hands, which, in some moods, I would fain berid of. Not valuing now the root whence it sprang; having found that itwas of a sort which nothing but gold dust could manure, I have but half aliking to the blossom, especially when it looks so artificial as justnow. I keep it and rear it rather on the Roman Catholic principle ofexpiating numerous sins, great or small, by one good work. I'll explainall this some day. Good-night.'

后来的几天我很少见到罗切斯特先生。早上他似乎忙于事务，下午接待从米尔科特或附近来造访的绅士，有时他们留下来与他共进晚餐。他的伤势好转到可以骑马时，便经常骑马外出，也许是回访，往往到深夜才回来。
在这期间，连阿黛勒也很少给叫到他跟前。我同他的接触，只限于在大厅里、楼梯上，或走廊上偶然相遇。他有时高傲冷漠地从我身边走过，远远地点一下头或冷冷地瞥一眼，承认了我的存在，而有时却很有绅士风度，和蔼可亲地鞠躬和微笑。他情绪的反复并没有使我生气，因为我明白这种变化与我无关，他情绪的起伏完全是由于同我不相干的原因。
一天有客来吃饭，他派人来取我的画夹，无疑是要向人家出示里面的画。绅士们走得很早，费尔法克斯太太告诉我，他们要到米尔科特去参加一个公众大会。但那天晚上有雨，天气恶劣、罗切斯特先生没有去作陪。他们走后不久，他便打铃，传话来让我和阿黛勒下楼去。我梳理了阿黛勒的头发，把她打扮得整整齐齐，我自己穿上了平时的贵格会服装，知道确实已经没有再修饰的余地了——一切都那么贴身而又朴实，包括编了辫子的头发在内，丝毫不见凌乱的痕迹——我们便下楼去了。阿黛勒正疑惑着，不知她的petitcoffre终于到了没有。因为某些差错，它直到现在还迟迟未来。我们走进餐室，只见桌上放着一个小箱子。阿黛勒非常高兴，她似乎凭直觉就知道了。
“Ma boite ! Ma boite!”她大嚷着朝它奔过去。
“是的，你的‘boite’终于到了，把它拿到一个角落去，你这位地道的巴黎女儿，你就去掏你盒子里的东西玩儿吧。”罗切斯特先生用深沉而颇有些讥讽的口吻说，那声音是从火炉旁巨大的安乐椅深处发出来的。“记住，”他继续说，“别用解剖过程的细枝末节问题，或者内脏情况的通报来打搅我，你就静静地去动手术吧——tiens toi tranquille,enfant;comprends tu？”
阿黛勒似乎并不需要提醒，她已经带着她的宝贝退到了一张沙发上，这会儿正忙着解开系住盖子的绳子。她清除了这个障碍，揭起银色包装薄纸，光一个劲儿地大嚷着。
“Oh! ciel! Que c'est beau!”随后便沉浸在兴奋的沉思中。
“爱小姐在吗？”此刻这位主人发问了。他从座位上欠起身子，回过头来看看门口，我仍站在门旁。
“啊！好吧，到前面来，坐在这儿吧。”他把一张椅子拉到自己椅子的旁边。“我不大喜欢听孩子咿咿呀呀，”他继续说，“因为像我这样的老单身汉，他们的喃喃细语，不会让我引起愉快的联想。同一个娃娃面对面消磨整个晚上，让我实在受不了。别把椅子拉得那么开，爱小姐。就在我摆着的地方坐下来——当然，要是你乐意。让那些礼节见鬼去吧！我老是把它们忘掉。我也不特别喜爱头脑简单的老妇人。话得说回来，我得想着点我的那位，她可是怠慢不得。她是费尔法克斯家族的，或是嫁给了家族中的一位。据说血浓于水。”
他打铃派人去请费尔法克斯太太，很快她就到了，手里提着编织篮。
“晚上好，夫人，我请你来做件好事。我己不允许阿黛勒跟我谈礼品的事，她肚子里有好多话要说，你做做好事听她讲讲，并跟她谈谈，那你就功德无量了。”
说真的，阿黛勒一见到费尔法克斯太太，便把她叫到沙发旁，很快在她的膝头摆满了她‘boite’中的瓷器、象牙和蜡制品，同时用她所能掌握的瞥脚英语，不住地加以解释，告诉她自己有多开心。
“哈，我已扮演了一个好主人的角色，”罗切斯特先生继续说，“使我的客人们各得其所，彼此都有乐趣。我应当有权关心一下自己的乐趣了。爱小姐，把你的椅子再往前拉一点，你坐得太靠后了，我在这把舒舒服服的椅子上，不改变一下位置就看不见你，而我又不想动。”
我照他的吩咐做了，尽管我宁愿仍旧呆在阴影里。但罗切斯特先生却是那么直来直去地下命令，似乎立刻服从他是理所当然的。
我已作了交代，我们在餐室里。为晚餐而点上的枝形吊灯，使整个房间如节日般大放光明，熊熊炉火通红透亮，高大的窗子和更高大的拱门前悬挂着华贵而宽敞的紫色帷幔。除了阿黛勒压着嗓门的交谈（她不敢高声说话），以及谈话停顿间隙响起了敲窗的冷雨，一切都寂静无声。
罗切斯特先生坐在锦缎面椅子上，显得同我以前看到的大不相同，不那么严厉，更不那么阴沉。他嘴上浮着笑容，眼睛闪闪发光，是不是因为喝了酒的缘故，我不敢肯定，不过很可能如此。总之，他正在饭后的兴头上，更加健谈，更加亲切，比之早上冷淡僵硬的脾性，显得更为放纵。不过他看上去依然十分严厉。他那硕大的脑袋靠在椅子隆起的靠背上，炉火的光照在他犹如花岗岩镌刻出来的面容上，照进他又大又黑的眸子里——因为他有着一双乌黑的大眼睛，而且很漂亮，有时在眼睛深处也并非没有某种变化，如果那不是柔情，至少也会使你想起这种感情来。
他凝视着炉火已经有两分钟了，而我用同样的时间在打量着他。突然他回过头来，瞧见我正盯着他的脸看着。
“你在仔细看我，爱小姐，”他说，“你认为我长得漂亮吗？”
要是我仔细考虑的话，我本应当对这个问题作出习惯上含糊、礼貌的回答，但不知怎地我还没意识到就己经冲口而出：“不，先生。”
“啊！我敢打赌，你这人有点儿特别，”他说，“你的神态像个小nonnette，怪僻、文静、严肃、单纯。你坐着的时候把手放在面前，眼睛总是低垂着看地毯（顺便说一句，除了穿心透肺似地扫向我脸庞的时候，譬如像刚才那样），别人问你一个问题，或者发表一番你必须回答的看法时，你会突然直言不讳地回答，不是生硬，就是唐突。你的话是什么意思？”
“先生，怪我太直率了，请你原谅。我本应当说，像容貌这样的问题，不是轻易可以当场回答的；应当说人的审美趣味各有不同；应当说漂亮并不重要，或者诸如此类的话。”
“你本来就不应当这样来回答。漂亮并不重要，确实如此！原来你是假装要缓和一下刚才的无礼态度，抚慰我使我心平气和，而实际上你是在我耳朵下面狡猾地捅了一刀。讲下去，请问你发现我有什么缺点？我想我像别人一样有鼻子有眼睛的。”
“罗切斯特先生，请允许我收回我第一个回答。我并无妙语伤人的意思，只不过是失言而已。”
“就是这么回事，我想是这样。而你要对此负责。你就挑我的毛病吧，我的前额使你不愉快吗？”
他抓起了横贴在额前的波浪似的黑发，露出一大块坚实的智力器官，但是却缺乏那种本该有的仁慈敦厚的迹象。
“好吧，小姐，我是个傻瓜吗？”
“绝对不是这样，先生。要是我反过来问你是不是一个慈善家，你也会认为我粗暴无礼吗？”
“你又来了！又捅了我一刀，一面还假装拍拍我的头。那是因为我曾说我不喜欢同孩子和老人在一起（轻声点儿！）。不，年轻小姐，我不是一个一般意义上的慈善家，不过我有一颗良心。”于是他指了指据说是表示良心的突出的地方。幸亏对他来说，那地方很显眼，使他脑袋的上半部有着引人注目的宽度。“此外，我曾有过一种原始的柔情。在我同你一样年纪的时候，我是一个富有同情心的人，偏爱羽毛未丰、无人养育和不幸的人，但是命运却一直打击我，甚至用指关节揉面似地揉我，现在我庆幸自己像一个印度皮球那样坚韧了，不过通过一两处空隙还能渗透到里面。在这一块东西的中心，还有一个敏感点。是的，那使我还能有希望吗？”
“希望什么，先生？”
“希望我最终从印度皮球再次转变为血肉之躯吗？”
“他肯定是酒喝多了，”我想。我不知道该如何来回答这个奇怪的问题。我怎么知道他是不是可能被转变过来呢？
“你看来大惑不解，爱小姐，而你虽然并不漂亮，就像我并不英俊一样，但那种迷惑的神情却同你十分相称。此外，这样倒也好，可以把你那种搜寻的目光，从我的脸上转移到别处去，忙着去看毛毯上的花朵。那你就迷惑下去吧。年轻小姐，今儿晚上我爱凑热闹，也很健谈。”
宣布完毕，他便从椅子上立起来。他伫立着，胳膊倚在大理石壁炉架上。这种姿势使他的体形像面容一样可以看得一清二楚。他的胸部出奇地宽阔，同他四肢的长度不成比例。我敢肯定，大多数人都认为他是个丑陋的男人，但是他举止中却无意识地流露出那么明显的傲慢，在行为方面又那么从容自如，对自已的外表显得那么毫不在乎，又是那么高傲地依赖其他内在或外来的特质的力量，来弥补自身魅力的缺乏。因此，你一瞧着他，就会不由自主地被他的漠然态度所感染，甚至盲目片面地对他的自信表示信服。
“今天晚上我爱凑热闹，也健谈，”他重复了这句话。”这就是我要请你来的原因。炉火和吊灯还不足陪伴我，派洛特也不行，因为它们都不会说话。阿黛勒稍微好一些，但还是远远低于标准。费尔法克斯太太同样如此。而你，我相信是合我意的，要是你愿意。第一天晚上我邀请你下楼到这里来的时候，你就使我迷惑不解。从那时候起，我已几乎把你忘了。脑子里尽想着其他事情，顾不上你。不过今天晚上我决定安闲自在些，忘掉纠缠不休的念头，回忆回忆愉快的事儿。现在我乐于把你的情况掏出来，进一步了解你，所以你就说吧 ”
我没有说话，却代之以微笑，既不特别得意，也不顺从。
“说吧，”他催促着。
“说什么呢，先生。”
“爱说什么就说什么，说的内容和方式，全由你自己选择吧。”
结果我还是端坐着，什么也没有说。“要是他希望我为说而说，炫耀一番，那他会发现他找错了人啦，”我想。
“你一声不吭，爱小姐。”
我依然一声不吭。他向我微微低下头来，匆匆地投过来一瞥，似乎要探究我的眼睛。
“固执？”他说，“而且生气了。噢，这是一致的。我提出要求的方式，荒谬而近乎蛮横。爱小姐，请你原谅。实际上，我永远不想把你当作下人看待。那就是（纠正我自己），我有比你强的地方，但那只不过是年龄上大二十岁，经历上相差一个世纪的必然结果。这是合理的，就像阿黛勒会说的那样，et j' ytiens。而凭借这种优势，也仅仅如此而已，我想请你跟我谈一会儿，转移一下我的思想苦苦纠缠在一点上，像一根生锈的钉子那样正在腐蚀着。”
他己降格作了解释。近乎道歉。我对他的屈尊俯就并没有无动于衷，也不想显得如此。
“先生，只要我能够，我是乐意为你解闷的，十分乐意。不过我不能随便谈个话题，因为我怎么知道你对什么感兴趣呢？你提问吧，我尽力回答。”
“那么首先一个问题是，你同不同意，基于我所陈述的理由，我有权在某些时候稍微专横、唐突或者严厉些呢？我的理由是，按我的年纪。我可以做你的父亲，而且有着多变的人生阅历，同很多国家的很多人打过交道。漂泊了半个地球。而你却是太太平平地跟同一类人生活在同一幢房子里。”
“你爱怎样就怎样吧，先生。”
“你并没有回答我的问题。或是说，你回答很气人，因为含糊其词——回答得明确些。”
“先生，我并不认为你有权支使我，仅仅因为你年纪比我大些，或者比我阅历丰富——你所说的优越感取决于你对时间和经历的利用。”
“哼！答得倒快。但我不承认，我认为与我的情况绝不相符，因为对两者的有利条件，我毫无兴趣。更不必说没有充分利用了。那么我们暂且不谈这优越性问题吧，但你必须偶偶尔听候我吩咐，而不因为命令的口吻面生气或伤心，好吗？”
我微微一笑。我暗自思忖道，“罗切斯特先生也真奇怪——他好像忘了，付我三十镑年薪是让我听他吩咐的。”
“笑得好，”他立即抓住了转瞬即逝表情说，“不过还得开口讲话。”
“先生，我在想，很少有主人会费心去问他们雇佣的下属，会不会因为被吩咐而生气和伤心。”
“雇佣的下属！什么，你是我雇佣的下属是不是，哦，是的，我把薪俸的事儿给忘了？好吧，那么出于雇佣观点，你肯让我耍点儿威风吗？”
“不，先生，不是出于那个理由。但出于你忘掉了雇佣观点，却关心你的下属处于从属地位心情是否愉快，我是完全肯的。”
“你会同意我省去很多陈规旧矩，而不认为这出自于蛮横吗？”
“我肯定同意，先生。我决不会把不拘礼节错当蛮横无理。一个是我比较喜欢的，而另一个是任何一位自由人都不会屈从的，即使是为了赚取薪金。”
“胡扯！为了薪金，大多数自由人对什么都会屈服，因此，只说你自己吧，不要妄谈普遍现象，你对此一无所知。尽管你的回答并不确切，但因为它，我在心里同你握手言好，同样还因为你回答的内容和回答的态度。这种态度坦率诚恳、并不常见。不，恰恰相反，矫揉造作或者冷漠无情，或者对你的意思愚蠢而粗俗地加以误解，常常是坦率正直所得到的报答。三千个初出校门的女学生式家庭教师中，像你刚才那么回答我的不到三个，不过我无意恭维你，要说你是从跟大多数人不同的模子里浇制出来的，这不是你的功劳，而是造化的圣绩。再说我的结论毕竟下得过于匆忙。就我所知，你也未必胜过其他人。也许有难以容忍的缺点，抵销你不多的长处。”
“可能你也一样，”我想，这想法掠过脑际时，他的目光与我的相遇了。他似乎已揣度出我眼神的含意，便作了回答，仿佛那含意不仅存在于想象之中，而且己经说出口了。
“对，对，你说得对，”他说，“我自己也有很多过失，我知道。我向你担保，我不想掩饰，上帝知道，我不必对别人太苛刻。我要反省往昔的经历、一连串行为和一种生活方式，因此会招来邻居的讥讽和责备。我开始，或者不如说（因为像其他有过失的人一样，我总爱把一半的罪责推给厄运和逆境）在我二十一岁时我被抛入歧途，而且从此之后，再也没有回到正道上。要不然我也许会大不相同，也许会像你一样好——更聪明些——几乎一样洁白无瑕。我羡慕你平静的心境，清白的良心、纯洁的记忆，小姑娘，没有污点未经感染的记忆必定是一大珍宝，是身心愉快的永不枯竭的源泉，是不是？”
“你十八岁时的记忆怎么样，先生？”
“那时很好，无忧无虑，十分健康。没有滚滚污水把它变成臭水潭。十八岁时我同你不相上下——完全加此。总的说来，大自然有意让我做个好人，爱小姐，较好的一类人中的一个，而你看到了，现在我却变了样，你会说，你并没有看到。至少我自以为从你的眼睛里看到了这层意思（顺便提一句，你要注意那个器官流露出来的感情，我可是很善于察言观色的），那么相信我的话——我不是一个恶棍。你不要那么猜想——不要把这些恶名加给我。不过我确实相信，由于环境而不是天性的缘故，我成了一个普普通通的罪人，表现在种种可怜的小小放荡上，富裕而无用的人都想以这种放荡来点缀人生，我向你坦露自己的心迹，你觉得奇怪吗？你要知道，在你未来的人生道路上，你常常会发现不由自主地被当作知己，去倾听你熟人的隐秘。人们像我那样凭直觉就能感到，你的高明之处不在于谈论你自己，而在于倾听别人谈论他们自己，他们也会感到，你听的时候，并没有因为别人行为不端而露出不怀好意的蔑视，而是怀着一种发自内心的同情。这种同情给人以抚慰和鼓舞、因为它是不动声色地流露出来的。”
“你怎么知道的？——这种种情况，你怎么猜到的呢，先生？”
“我知道得清清楚楚，因此我谈起来无拘无束，几乎就像把我的思想写在日记中一样，你会说，我本应当战胜环境，确实应当这样——确实应当这样。不过你看到了，我没有战胜环境。当命运亏待了我时，我没有明智地保持冷静，我开始绝望，随后坠落了，现在要是一个可恶的傻瓜用卑俗的下流话激起我的厌恶，我并不以为我的表现会比他好些，我不得不承认我与他彼此彼此而已。我真希望当初自己能不为所动——上帝知道我是这么希望的。爱小姐，当你受到诱惑要做错事的时候，你要视悔恨为畏途，悔恨是生活的毒药。”
“据说忏悔是治疗的良药，生先。”
“忏悔治不了它、悔改也许可以疗救。而我能悔改——我有力量这么做——如果——不过既然我已经负荷沉重、步履艰难该受诅咒了，现在想这管什么用呢？既然我已被无可挽回地剥夺了幸福，那我就有权利从生活中获得快乐。我一定要得到它，不管代价有多大。”
“那你会进一步沉沦的，先生。”
“可能如此。不过要是我能获得新鲜甜蜜的欢乐，为什么我必定要沉沦呢？也许我所得到的，同蜜蜂在沼泽地上酿成的野蜂蜜一样甜蜜，一样新鲜。”
“它会螯人的——而且有苦味，先生。”
“你怎么知道？——你从来没有试过。多严肃！——你看上去多一本正经呀，而你对这种事情一无所知，跟这个浮雕头像一模一样（从壁炉上取了一个）！你无权对我说教，你这位新教士，你还没有步入生活之门，对内中的奥秘毫不知情。”
“我不过是提醒一下你自己的话，先生。你说错误带来悔恨，而你又说悔恨是生活的毒药。”
“现在谁说起错误啦？我并不以为，刚才闪过我脑际的想法是个错误。我相信这是一种灵感，而不是一种诱惑，它非常亲切，非常令人欣慰——这我清楚。瞧，它又现形了。我敢肯定，它不是魔鬼，或者要真是的话，它披着光明天使的外衣。我认为这样一位美丽的宾客要求进入我心扉的时候，我应当允许她进来。”
“别相信它，先生。它不是一个真正的天使。”
“再说一遍，你怎么知道的呢？你凭什么直觉，就装作能区别一位坠入深渊的天使和一个来自永恒王座的使者——区别一位向导和一个勾引者？”
“我是根据你说产生这种联想的时候你脸上不安的表情来判断的。我敢肯定，要是你听信了它，那它一定会给你造成更大的不幸。”
“绝对不会——它带着世上最好的信息，至于别的，你又不是我良心的监护人，因此别感到不安。来吧，进来吧，美丽的流浪者！”
他仿佛在对着一个除了他自己别人什么看不见的幻影说话，随后他把伸出了一半的胳膊，收起来放在胸部，似乎要把看不见的人搂在怀里。
“现在，”他继续说，再次转向了我，“我已经接待了这位流浪者——乔装打扮的神，我完全相信。它已经为我做了好事。我的心原本是一个停骸所，现在会成为一个神龛。”
“说实话，先生，我一点也听不懂你的话。你的谈话我跟不上，因为已经越出了我所能理解的深度。我只知道一点，你曾说你并不像自己所希望的那样好，你对自己的缺陷感到遗憾——有一件事我是理解的，那就是你说的，玷污了的记忆是一个永久的祸根。我似乎觉得，只要你全力以赴，到时候你会发现有可能成为自己所向往的人，而要是你现在就下决心开始纠正你的思想和行动，不出几年，你就可以建立一个一尘不染的新记忆仓库，你也许会很乐意地去回味。”
“想得合理，说得也对，爱小姐，而这会儿我是使劲在给地狱铺路。”
“先生？”
“我正在用良好的意图铺路，我相信它像燧石一般耐磨。当然，今后我所交往的人和追求的东西与以往的不同了。”
“比以往更好？”
“是更好——就像纯粹的矿石比污秽的渣滓要好得多一样。你似乎对我表示怀疑，我倒不怀疑自己。我明白自己的目的是什么，动机是什么。此刻我要通过一项目的和动机都是正通八达确的法律，它像玛代人和波斯人的法律那样不可更改。”
“先生，它们需要一个新的法规将它合法化，否则就不能成立。”
“爱小姐，尽管完全需要一个新法规，但它们能成立；没有先例的复杂状况需要没有先例的法则。”
“这听起来是个危险的格言，先生，因为一眼就可以看出来，容易造成滥用。”
“善用格言的圣人！就是这么回事，但我以家神的名义发誓，决不滥用。”
“你是凡人，所以难免出错。”
“我是凡人，你也一样——那又怎么样？”
“凡人难免出错，不应当冒用放心地托付给神明和完人的权力。”
“什么权力？”
“对奇怪而未经准许的行动就说，‘算它对吧。’”
“‘算它对吧’——就是这几个字，你已经说出来了。”
“那就说‘愿它对吧，’我说着站起来，觉得已没有必要再继续这番自己感到糊里糊涂的谈话。此外，我也意识到，对方的性格是无法摸透的，至少目前是这样，我还感到没有把握，有一种朦胧的不安全感，同时还确信自己很无知。”
“你上哪儿去？”
“阿黛勒睡觉，已经过了她上床的时间了。”
“你害怕我，因为我交谈起来像斯芬克斯。”
“你的语言不可捉模，先生。不过尽管我迷惑不解，但我根本不怕。”
“你是害怕的——你的自爱心理使你害怕出大错。”
“要是那样说，我的确有些担忧——我不想胡说八道。”
“你即使胡说八道，也会是一付板着面孔，不动声色的神态，我还会误以为说得很在理呢。你从来没有笑过吗，爱小姐？你不必费心来回答了——我知道你难得一笑，可是你可以笑得很欢。请相信我，你不是生来严肃的，就像我不是生来可恶的。罗沃德的束缚，至今仍在你身上留下某些印迹，控制着你的神态，压抑着你的嗓音，捆绑着你的手脚，所以你害怕在一个男人，一位兄长——或者父亲、或者主人，随你怎么说——面前开怀大笑，害怕说话太随便，害怕动作太迅速，不过到时候，我想你会学着同我自然一些的，就像觉得要我按照陋习来对待你是不可能的，到那时，你的神态和动作会比现在所敢于流露的更富有生气、更多姿多彩。我透过木条紧固的鸟笼，不时观察着一只颇念新奇的鸟，笼子里是一个活跃、不安、不屈不挠的囚徒，一旦获得自由，它一定会高飞云端。你还是执意要走？”
“己经过了九点，先生。”
“没有关系——等一会儿吧，阿黛勒还没有准备好上床呢，爱小姐，我背靠炉火，面对房间，有利于观察，跟你说话的时候，我也不时注意着她（我有自己的理由把她当作奇特的研究对象，这理由我某一天可以，不，我会讲给你听的），大约十分钟之前，她从箱子里取出一件粉红色丝绸小上衣，打开的时候脸上充满了喜悦，媚俗之气流动在她的血液里，融化在她的脑髓里，沉淀在她的骨髓里。‘Il faut que je I'essaie！’她嚷道，‘etaIinstantmeme！于是她冲出了房间。现在她跟索菲娅在一起，正忙着试装呢。不要几分钟，她会再次进来，我知道我会看到什么——塞莉纳.瓦伦的缩影，当年帷幕开启，她出现在舞台上时的模样，不过，不去管它啦。然而，我的最温柔的感情将为之震动，这就是我的预感，呆着别走，看看是不是会兑现。”
不久，我就听见阿黛勒的小脚轻快地走过客厅，她进来了，正如她的保护人所预见的那样，已判若两人。一套玫瑰色缎子衣服代替了原先的棕色上衣，这衣服很短，裙摆大得不能再大。她的额头上戴着一个玫瑰花蕾的花环，脚上穿着丝袜和白缎子小凉鞋。
“Est ce que ma robe va bien?”她跳跳蹦蹦跑到前面叫道“et mes souliers? et mes bas? Tenez, je crois que je vais danser！”
她展开裙子，用快滑步舞姿穿过房间，到了罗切斯特先生的跟前，踮着脚在他面前轻盈地转了一圈，随后一个膝头着地，蹲在他脚边，嚷着：
“Monsieur, je vous remercie mille fois de votre bonte,”随后她立起来补充了一句：“C'est comme cela que maman faisait, n'est ce pas,Monsieur?”
“确——实——像”他答道，“而且‘commecela’，她把我迷住了，从我英国裤袋里骗走了我英国的钱。我也很稚嫩，爱小姐——唉，青草一般稚嫩，一度使我生气勃勃的青春色彩并不淡于如今的你。不过我的春天已经逝去，但它在我手中留下了一小朵法国小花，在某些心境中，我真想把它摆脱。我并不珍重生出它的根来，还发现它需要用金土来培植，于是我对这朵花三心二意了，特别是像现在这样它看上去多么矫揉造作。我收留它，养育它，多半是按照罗马天主教教义，用做一件好事来赎无数大大小小的罪孽。改天再给你解释这一切，晚安。”

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Chapter 15

MR. ROCHESTER did, on a future occasion, explain it. It was oneafternoon, when he chanced to meet me and Adele in the grounds: andwhile she played with Pilot and her shuttlecock, he asked me to walk upand down a long beech avenue within sight of her.
He then said thatshe was the daughter of a French opera-dancer, Celine Varens, towardswhom he had once cherished what he called a 'grande passion.' Thispassion Celine had professed to return with even superior ardour. Hethought himself her idol, ugly as he was: he believed, as he said, thatshe preferred his 'taille d'athlete' to the elegance of the ApolloBelvidere.
'And, Miss Eyre, so much was I flattered by this preference of theGallic sylph for her British gnome, that I installed her in an hotel;gave her a complete establishment of servants, a carriage, cashmeres,diamonds, dentelles, etc. In short, I began the process of ruiningmyself in the received style, like any other spoony. I had not, itseems, the originality to chalk out a new road to shame and destruction,but trode the old track with stupid exactness not to deviate an inchfrom the beaten centre. I had- as I deserved to have- the fate of allother spoonies. Happening to call one evening when Celine did not expectme, I found her out; but it was a warm night, and I was tired withstrolling through Paris, so I sat down in her boudoir; happy to breathethe air consecrated so lately by her presence. No,- I exaggerate; Inever thought there was any consecrating virtue about her: it was rathera sort of pastille perfume she had left; a scent of musk and amber,than an odour of sanctity. I was just beginning to stifle with the fumesof conservatory flowers and sprinkled essences, when I bethought myselfto open the window and step out on to the balcony. It was moonlight andgaslight besides, and very still and serene. The balcony was furnishedwith a chair or two; I sat down, and took out a cigar,- I will take onenow, if you will excuse me.'
Here ensued a pause, filled up by the producing and lighting of acigar; having placed it to his lips and breathed a trail of Havannahincense on the freezing and sunless air, he went on- 'I liked bonbonstoo in those days, Miss Eyre, and I was croquant- (overlook thebarbarism)- croquant chocolate comfits, and smoking alternately,watching meantime the equipages that rolled along the fashionablestreets towards the neighbouring opera-house, when in an elegant closecarriage drawn by a beautiful pair of English horses, and distinctlyseen in the brilliant city-night, I recognised the "voiture" I had givenCeline. She was returning: of course my heart thumped with impatienceagainst the iron rails I leant upon. The carriage stopped, as I hadexpected, at the hotel door; my flame (that is the very word for anopera inamorata) alighted: though muffled in a cloak- an unnecessaryencumbrance, by the bye, on so warm a June evening- I knew her instantlyby her little foot, seen peeping from the skirt of her dress, as sheskipped from the carriage step. Bending over the balcony, I was about tomurmur "Mon ange"- in a tone, of course, which should be audible to theear of love alone- when a figure jumped from the carriage after her;cloaked also; but that was a spurred heel which had rung on thepavement, and that was a hatted head which now passed under the archedporte cochere of the hotel.
'You never felt jealousy, did you, Miss Eyre? Of course not: I neednot ask you; because you never felt love. You have both sentiments yetto experience: your soul sleeps; the shock is yet to be given whichshall waken it. You think all existence lapses in as quiet a flow asthat in which your youth has hitherto slid away. Floating on with closedeyes and muffled ears, you neither see the rocks bristling not far offin the bed of the flood, nor hear the breakers boil at their base. But Itell you- and you may mark my words- you will come some day to a craggypass in the channel, where the whole of life's stream will be broken upinto whirl and tumult, foam and noise: either you will be dashed toatoms on crag points, or lifted up and borne on by some master-wave intoa calmer current- as I am now.
'I like this day; I like that sky of steel; I like the sterness andstillness of the world under this frost. I like Thornfield, itsantiquity, its retirement, its old crow-trees and thorn-trees, its greyfacade, and lines of dark windows reflecting that metal welkin: and yethow long have I abhorred the very thought of it, shunned it like a greatplague-house? How I do still abhor-'
He ground his teeth and was silent: he arrested his step and struckhis boot against the hard ground. Some hated thought seemed to have himin its grip, and to hold him so tightly that he could not advance.
We were ascending the avenue when he thus paused; the hall was beforeus. Lifting his eye to its battlements, he cast over them a glare suchas I never saw before or since. Pain, shame, ire, impatience, disgust,detestation, seemed momentarily to hold a quivering conflict in thelarge pupil dilating under his ebon eyebrow.
Wild was the wrestle which should be paramount; but another feelingrose and triumphed: something hard and cynical: self-willed andresolute: it settled his passion and petrified his countenance: he wenton-
'During the moment I was silent, Miss Eyre, I was arranging a pointwith my destiny. She stood there, by that beech-trunk- a hag like one ofthose who appeared to Macbeth on the heath of Forres. "You likeThornfield?" she said, lifting her finger; and then she wrote in the aira memento, which ran in lurid hieroglyphics all along the house-front,between the upper and lower row of windows, "Like it if you can? Like itif you dare!"
'"I will like it" said I; "I dare like it;" and' (he subjoinedmoodily) 'I will keep my word; I will break obstacles to happiness, togoodness- yes, goodness. I wish to be a better man than I have been,than I am; as Job's leviathan broke the spear, the dart, and thehabergeon, hindrances which others count as iron and brass, I willesteem but straw and rotten wood.'
Adele here ran before him with her shuttlecock. 'Away!' he criedharshly; 'keep at a distance, child; or go in to Sophie!' Continuingthen to pursue his walk in silence, I ventured to recall him to thepoint whence he had abruptly diverged-
'Did you leave the balcony, sir,' I asked, 'when Mdlle. Varens entered?'
I almost expected a rebuff for this hardly well-timed question, but,on the contrary, waking out of his scowling abstraction, he turned hiseyes towards me, and the shade seemed to clear off his brow. 'Oh, I hadforgotten Celine! Well, to resume. When I saw my charmer thus come inaccompanied by a cavalier, I seemed to hear a hiss, and the green snakeof jealousy, rising on undulating coils from the moonlit balcony, glidedwithin my waistcoat, and ate its way in two minutes to my heart's core.Strange!' he exclaimed, suddenly starting again from the point.'Strange that I should choose you for the confidant of all this, younglady; passing strange that you should listen to me quietly, as if itwere the most usual thing in the world for a man like me to tell storiesof his opera-mistresses to a quaint, inexperienced girl like you! Butthe last singularity explains the first, as I intimated once before:you, with your gravity, considerateness, and caution were made to be therecipient of secrets.
Besides, I know what sort of a mind I have placed in communicationwith my own: I know it is one not liable to take infection: it is apeculiar mind: it is a unique one. Happily I do not mean to harm it:but, if I did, it would not take harm from me. The more you and Iconverse, the better; for while I cannot blight you, you may refreshme.' After this digression he proceeded-
'I remained in the balcony. "They will come to her boudoir, nodoubt," thought I: "Let me prepare an ambush." So putting my hand inthrough the open window, I drew the curtain over it, leaving only anopening through which I could take observations; then I closed thecasement, all but a chink just wide enough to furnish an outlet tolovers' whispered vows: then I stole back to my chair; and as I resumedit the pair came in. My eye was quickly at the aperture.
Celine's chambermaid entered, lit a lamp, left it on the table, andwithdrew. The couple were thus revealed to me clearly: both removedtheir cloaks, and there was "the Varens," shining in satin and jewels,-my gifts of course,- and there was her companion in an officer'suniform; and I knew him for a young roue of a vicomte- a brainless andvicious youth whom I had sometimes met in society, and had never thoughtof hating because I despised him so absolutely. On recognising him, thefang of the snake Jealousy was instantly broken; because at the samemoment my love for Celine sank under an extinguisher. A woman who couldbetray me for such a rival was not worth contending for; she deservedonly scorn; less, however, than I, who had been her dupe.
'They began to talk; their conversation eased me completely:frivolous, mercenary, heartless, and senseless, it was rather calculatedto weary than enrage a listener. A card of mine lay on the table; thisbeing perceived, brought my name under discussion.
Neither of them possessed energy or wit to belabour me soundly, butthey insulted me as coarsely as they could in their little way:especially Celine, who even waxed rather brilliant on my personaldefects- deformities she termed them. Now it had been her custom tolaunch out into fervent admiration of what she called my "beaute male":wherein she differed diametrically from you, who told me point-blank, atthe second interview, that you did not think me handsome. The contraststruck me at the time and-'
Adele here came running up again.
'Monsieur, John has just been to say that your agent has called and wishes to see you.'
'Ah! in that case I must abridge. Opening the window, I walked inupon them; liberated Celine from my protection; gave her notice tovacate her hotel; offered her a purse for immediate exigencies;disregarded screams, hysterics, prayers, protestations, convulsions;made an appointment with the vicomte for a meeting at the Bois deBoulogne. Next morning I had the pleasure of encountering him; left abullet in one of his poor etiolated arms, feeble as the wing of achicken in the pip, and then thought I had done with the whole crew.
But unluckily the Varens, six months before, had given me thisfilette Adele, who, she affirmed, was my daughter; and perhaps she maybe, though I see no proofs of such grim paternity written in hercountenance: Pilot is more like me than she. Some years after I hadbroken with the mother, she abandoned her child, and ran away to Italywith a musician or singer. I acknowledged no natural claim on Adele'spart to be supported by me, nor do I now acknowledge any, for I am nother father; but hearing that she was quite destitute, I e'en took thepoor thing out of the slime and mud of Paris, and transplanted it here,to grow up clean in the wholesome soil of an English country garden.Mrs. Fairfax found you to train it; but now you know that it is theillegitimate offspring of a French opera-girl, you will perhaps thinkdifferently of your post and protegee: you will be coming to me some daywith notice that you have found another place- that you beg me to lookout for a new governess, etc.- Eh?'
'No: Adele is not answerable for either her mother's faults or yours:I have a regard for her; and now that I know she is, in a sense,parentless- forsaken by her mother and disowned by you, sir- I shallcling closer to her than before. How could I possibly prefer the spoiltpet of a wealthy family, who would hate her governess as a nuisance, to alonely little orphan, who leans towards her as a friend?'
'Oh, that is the light in which you view it! Well, I must go in now; and you too: it darkens.'
But I stayed out a few minutes longer with Adele and Pilot- ran arace with her, and played a game of battledore and shuttlecock. When wewent in, and I had removed her bonnet and coat, I took her on my knee;kept her there an hour, allowing her to prattle as she liked: notrebuking even some little freedoms and trivialities into which she wasapt to stray when much noticed, and which betrayed in her asuperficiality of character, inherited probably from her mother, hardlycongenial to an English mind. Still she had her merits; and I wasdisposed to appreciate all that was good in her to the utmost. I soughtin her countenance and features a likeness to Mr. Rochester, but foundnone: no trait, no turn of expression announced relationship. It was apity: if she could but have been proved to resemble him, he would havethought more of her.
It was not till after I had withdrawn to my own chamber for thenight, that I steadily reviewed the tale Mr. Rochester had told me. Ashe had said, there was probably nothing at all extraordinary in thesubstance of the narrative itself: a wealthy Englishman's passion for aFrench dancer, and her treachery to him, were every-day matters enough,no doubt, in society; but there was something decidedly strange in theparoxysm of emotion which had suddenly seized him when he was in the actof expressing the present contentment of his mood, and his newlyrevived pleasure in the old hall and its environs. I meditatedwonderingly on this incident; but gradually quitting it, as I found itfor the present inexplicable, I turned to the consideration of mymaster's manner to myself. The confidence he had thought fit to reposein me seemed a tribute to my discretion: I regarded and accepted it assuch. His deportment had now for some weeks been more uniform towards methan at the first. I never seemed in his way; he did not take fits ofchilling hauteur: when he met me unexpectedly, the encounter seemedwelcome; he had always a word and sometimes a smile for me: whensummoned by formal invitation to his presence, I was honoured by acordiality of reception that made me feel I really possessed the powerto amuse him, and that these evening  conferences were sought as muchfor his pleasure as for my benefit.
I, indeed, talked comparatively little, but I heard him talk withrelish. It was his nature to be communicative; he liked to open to amind unacquainted with the world glimpses of its scenes and ways (I donot mean its corrupt scenes and wicked ways, but such as derived theirinterest from the great scale on which they were acted, the strangenovelty by which they were characterised); and I had a keen delight inreceiving the new ideas he offered, in imagining the new pictures heportrayed, and following him in thought through the new regions hedisclosed, never startled or troubled by one noxious allusion.
The ease of his manner freed me from painful restraint: the friendlyfrankness, as correct as cordial, with which he treated me, drew me tohim. I felt at times as if he were my relation rather than my master:yet he was imperious sometimes still; but I did not mind that; I saw itwas his way. So happy, so gratified did I become with this new interestadded to life, that I ceased to pine after kindred: my thincrescent-destiny seemed to enlarge; the blanks of existence were filledup; my bodily health improved; I gathered flesh and strength.
And was Mr. Rochester now ugly in my eyes? No, reader: gratitude, andmany associations, all pleasurable and genial, made his face the objectI best liked to see; his presence in a room was more cheering than thebrightest fire. Yet I had not forgotten his faults; indeed, I could not,for he brought them frequently before me. He was proud, sardonic, harshto inferiority of every description: in my secret soul I knew that hisgreat kindness to me was balanced by unjust severity to many others. Hewas moody, too; unaccountably so; I more than once,  when sent for toread to him, found him sitting in his library alone, with his head benton his folded arms; and, when he looked up, a morose, almost amalignant, scowl blackened his features. But I believed that hismoodiness, his harshness, and his former faults of morality (I sayformer, for now he seemed corrected of them) had their source in somecruel cross of fate. I believed he was naturally a man of bettertendencies, higher principles, and purer tastes than such ascircumstances had developed, education instilled, or destiny encouraged.I thought there were excellent materials in him; though for the presentthey hung together somewhat spoiled and tangled. I cannot deny that Igrieved for his grief, whatever that was, and would have given much toassuage it.
Though I had now extinguished my candle and was laid down in bed, Icould not sleep for thinking of his look when he paused in the avenue,and told how his destiny had risen up before him, and dared him to behappy at Thornfield.
'Why not?' I asked myself. 'What alienates him from the house? Willhe leave it again soon? Mrs. Fairfax said he seldom stayed here longerthan a fortnight at a time; and he has now been resident eight weeks. Ifhe does go, the change will be doleful. Suppose he should be absentspring, summer, and autumn: how joyless sunshine and fine days willseem!'
I hardly know whether I had slept or not after this musing; at anyrate, I started wide awake on hearing a vague murmur, peculiar andlugubrious, which sounded, I thought, just above me. I wished I had keptmy candle burning: the night was drearily dark; my spirits weredepressed. I rose and sat up in bed, listening. The sound was hushed.
I tried again to sleep; but my heart beat anxiously: my inwardtranquillity was broken. The clock, far down in the hall, struck two.Just then it seemed my chamber-door was touched; as if fingers had sweptthe panels in groping a way along the dark gallery outside. I said,'Who is there?' Nothing answered. I was chilled with fear.
All at once I remembered that it might be Pilot, who, when thekitchen-door chanced to be left open, not unfrequently found his way upto the threshold of Mr. Rochester's chamber: I had seen him lying theremyself in the mornings. The idea calmed me somewhat: I lay down.
Silence composes the nerves; and as an unbroken hush now reignedagain through the whole house, I began to feel the return of slumber.But it was not fated that I should sleep that night. A dream hadscarcely approached my ear, when it fled affrighted, scared by amarrow-freezing incident enough.
This was a demoniac laugh- low, suppressed, and deep- uttered, as itseemed, at the very keyhole of my chamber door. The head of my bed wasnear the door, and I thought at first the goblin-laugher stood at mybedside- or rather, crouched by my pillow: but I rose, looked round, andcould see nothing; while, as I still gazed, the unnatural sound wasreiterated: and I knew it came from behind the panels. My first impulsewas to rise and fasten the bolt; my next, again to cry out, 'Who isthere?'
Something gurgled and moaned. Ere long, steps retreated up thegallery towards the third-storey staircase: a door had lately been madeto shut in that staircase; I heard it open and close, and all was still.
'Was that Grace Poole? and is she possessed with a devil?' thought I.Impossible now to remain longer by myself: I must go to Mrs. Fairfax. Ihurried on my frock and a shawl; I withdrew the bolt and opened thedoor with a trembling hand. There was a candle burning just outside, andon the matting in the gallery. I was surprised at this circumstance:but still more was I amazed to perceive the air quite dim, as if filledwith smoke; and, while looking to the right hand and left, to findwhence these blue wreaths issued, I became further aware of a strongsmell of burning.
Something creaked: it was a door ajar; and that door was Mr.
Rochester's, and the smoke rushed in a cloud from thence. I thoughtno more of Mrs. Fairfax; I thought no more of Grace Poole, or the laugh:in an instant, I was within the chamber. Tongues of flame darted roundthe bed: the curtains were on fire. In the midst of blaze and vapour,Mr. Rochester lay stretched motionless, in deep sleep.
'Wake! wake!' I cried. I shook him, but he only murmured and turned:the smoke had stupefied him. Not a moment could be lost: the very sheetswere kindling, I rushed to his basin and ewer; fortunately, one waswide and the other deep, and both were filled with water. I heaved themup, deluged the bed and its occupant, flew back to my own room, broughtmy own water-jug, baptized the couch afresh, and, by God's aid,succeeded in extinguishing the flames which were devouring it.
The hiss of the quenched element, the breakage of a pitcher which Iflung from my hand when I had emptied it, and, above all, the splash ofthe shower-bath I had liberally bestowed, roused Mr. Rochester at last.Though it was now dark, I knew he was awake; because I heard himfulminating strange anathemas at finding himself lying in a pool ofwater.
'Is there a flood?' he cried.
No, sir,' I answered; 'but there has been a fire: get up, do; you are quenched now; I will fetch you a candle.'
'In the name of all the elves in Christendom, is that Jane Eyre?' hedemanded. 'What have you done with me, witch, sorceress? Who is in theroom besides you? Have you plotted to drown me?'
'I will fetch you a candle, sir; and, in Heaven's name, get up.
Somebody has plotted something: you cannot too soon find out who and what it is.'
'There! I am up now; but at your peril you fetch a candle yet: waittwo minutes till I get into some dry garments, if any dry there be- yes,here is my dressing-gown. Now run!'
I did run; I brought the candle which still remained in the gallery.He took it from my hand, held it up, and surveyed the bed, all blackenedand scorched, the sheets drenched, the carpet round  swimming in water.
'What is it? and who did it?' he asked.
I briefly related to him what had transpired: the strange laugh I hadheard in the gallery; the step ascending to the third storey; thesmoke,- the smell of fire which had conducted me to his room; in whatstate I had found matters there, and how I had deluged him with all thewater I could lay hands on.
He listened very gravely; his face, as I went on, expressed moreconcern than astonishment; he did not immediately speak when I hadconcluded.
'Shall I call Mrs. Fairfax?' I asked.
'Mrs. Fairfax? No; what the deuce would you call her for? What can she do? Let her sleep unmolested.'
'Then I will fetch Leah, and wake John and his wife.'
'Not at all: just be still. You have a shawl on. If you are not warmenough, you may take my cloak yonder; wrap it about you, and sit down inthe arm-chair: there,- I will put it on. Now place your feet on thestool, to keep them out of the wet. I am going to leave you a fewminutes. I shall take the candle. Remain where you are till I return; beas still as a mouse. I must pay a visit to the second storey. Don'tmove, remember, or call any one.'
He went: I watched the light withdraw. He passed up the gallery verysoftly, unclosed the staircase door with as little noise as possible,shut it after him, and the last ray vanished. I  was left in totaldarkness. I listened for some noise, but heard nothing. A very long timeelapsed. I grew weary: it was cold, in spite of the cloak; and then Idid not see the use of staying, as I was not to rouse the house. I wason the point of risking Mr. Rochester's displeasure by disobeying hisorders, when the light once more gleamed dimly on the gallery wall, and Iheard his unshod feet tread the matting. 'I hope it is he,' thought I,'and not something worse.'
He re-entered, pale and very gloomy. 'I have found it all out,' saidhe, setting his candle down on the washstand; 'it is as I thought.'
'How, sir?'
He made no reply, but stood with his arms folded, looking on theground. At the end of a few minutes he inquired in rather a peculiartone-
'I forget whether you said you saw anything when you opened your chamber door.'
'No, sir, only the candlestick on the ground.'
'But you heard an odd laugh? You have heard that laugh before, I should think, or something like it?'
'Yes, sir: there is a woman who sews here, called Grace Poole,- she laughs in that way. She is a singular person.'
'Just so. Grace Poole- you have guessed it. She is, as you say,singular- very. Well, I shall reflect on the subject. Meantime, I amglad that you are the only person, besides myself, acquainted with theprecise details of to-night's incident. You are no talking fool: saynothing about it. I will account for this state of affairs' (pointing tothe bed): 'and now return to your own room. I shall do very well on thesofa in the library for the rest of the night. It is near four:- in twohours the servants will be up.'
'Good-night, then, sir,' said I, departing.
He seemed surprised- very inconsistently so, as he had just told me to go.
'What!' he exclaimed, 'are you quitting me already, and in that way?'
'You said I might go, sir.'
'But not without taking leave; not without a word or two ofacknowledgment and good-will: not, in short, in that brief, dry fashion.Why, you have saved my life!- snatched me from a horrible andexcruciating death! and you walk past me as if we were mutual strangers!At least shake hands.'
He held out his hand; I gave him mine: he took it first in one, then in both his own.
'You have saved my life: I have a pleasure in owing you so immense adebt. I cannot say more. Nothing else that has being would have beentolerable to me in the character of creditor for such an obligation: butyou: it is different;- I feel your benefits no burden, Jane.'
He paused; gazed at me: words almost visible trembled on his lips,- but his voice was checked.
'Good-night again, sir. There is no debt, benefit, burden, obligation, in the case.'
'I knew,' he continued, you would do me good in some way, at sometime;- I saw it in your eyes when I first beheld you: their expressionand smile did not'- (again he stopped)- 'did not' (he proceeded hastily)'strike delight to my very inmost heart so for nothing.
People talk of natural sympathies; I have heard of good genii: thereare grains of truth in the wildest fable. My cherished preserver,good-night!'
Strange energy was in his voice, strange fire in his look. 'I am glad I happened to be awake,' I said: and then I was going.
'What! you will go?'
'I am cold, sir.'
'Cold? Yes,- and standing in a pool! Go, then, Jane; go!' But hestill retained my hand, and I could not free it. I bethought myself ofan expedient.
'I think I hear Mrs. Fairfax move, sir,' said I.
'Well, leave me': he relaxed his fingers, and I was gone.
I regained my couch, but never thought of sleep. Till morning dawned Iwas tossed on a buoyant but unquiet sea, where billows of troublerolled under surges of joy. I thought sometimes I saw beyond its wildwaters a shore, sweet as the hills of Beulah; and now and then afreshening gale, wakened by hope, bore my spirit triumphantly towardsthe bourne: but I could not reach it, even in fancy- a counteractingbreeze blew off land, and continually drove me back.Sense would resist delirium: judgment would warn passion. Too feverish to rest, I rose as soon as day dawned.

在日后某个场合，罗切斯特先生的确对这件事情作了解释。一天下午，他在庭院里碰到了我和阿黛勒。趁阿黛勒正逗着派洛特，玩着板羽球的时候，他请我去一条长长的布满山毛榉的小路上散步，从那儿看得见阿黛勒。
他随之告诉我阿黛勒是法国歌剧演员塞莉纳.瓦伦的女儿，他对这位歌剧演员，一度怀着他所说的“grandepassion”。而对这种恋情，塞莉纳宣称将以更加火热的激情来回报。尽管他长得丑，他却认为自己是她的偶像。他相信，如他所说，比之贝尔维德尔的阿波罗的优美，她更喜欢他的“tailled'athlete”。
“爱小姐，这位法国美女竟钟情于一个英国侏儒、我简直受宠若惊了，于是我把她安顿在城里的一间房子里，配备了一整套的仆役和马车，送给她山羊绒、钻石和花边等等。总之，我像任何一个痴情汉一样，开始按世俗的方式毁灭自己了。我似乎缺乏独创，不会踏出一条通向耻辱和毁灭的新路，而是傻乎乎地严格循着旧道，不离别人的足迹半步。我遭到了——我活该如此——所有别的痴情汉一样的命运。一天晚上，我去拜访塞莉纳。她不知道我要去，所以我到时她不在家。这是一个暖和的夜晚，我因为步行穿过巴黎城，已很有倦意，便在她的闺房坐了下来，愉快地呼吸着新近由于她的到来而神圣化了的空气。不——我言过其实了，我从来不认为她身上有什么神圣的德性。这不过是她所留下的一种香锭的香气，与其说是神圣的香气，还不如说一种麝香和琥珀的气味。我正开始沉醉在暖房花朵的气息和弥漫着的幽幽清香里时，蓦地想起去打开窗门，走到阳台上去。这时月色朗照，汽灯闪亮，十分静谧。阳台上摆着一两把椅子，我坐了下来，取出一支雪茄——请原谅，现在我要抽一支。”
说到这里他停顿了一下，同时拿出一根雪茄点燃了。他把雪茄放到嘴里，把一缕哈瓦那烟云雾喷进寒冷而阴沉的空气里，他继续说：
“在那些日子里我还喜欢夹心糖，爱小姐。而当时我一会儿croquant”（也顾不得野蛮了）巧克力糖果，一会儿吸烟，同时凝视着经过时髦的街道向邻近歌剧院驶去的马车。这时来了一辆精制的轿式马车，由一对漂亮的英国马拉着，在灯火辉煌的城市夜景中，看得清清楚楚。我认出来正是我赠送给塞莉纳的‘voiture’。是她回来了。当然，我那颗倚在铁栏杆上的心急不可耐地跳动着。不出我所料，马车在房门口停了下来。我的情人（这两个字恰好用来形容一个唱歌剧的情人）从车上走下，尽管罩着斗篷——顺便说一句，那么暖和的六月夜晚，这完全是多此一举。——她从马车踏步上跳下来时，我从那双露在裙子下的小脚，立刻认出了她来。我从阳台上探出身子，正要响响地叫一声‘MonAnge’——用的声气光能让情人听见——这时，一个身影在她后面跳下了马车，也披着斗篷。但一只带踢马刺的脚跟，在人行道上响了起来，一个戴礼帽的头正从房子拱形的portecochere经过。
“你从来没有嫉妒过是不是，爱小姐？当然没有。我不必问你了，因为你从来没有恋爱过。还没有体会过这两种感情。你的灵魂正在沉睡，只有使它震惊才能将它唤醒，你认为一切生活，就像你的青春悄悄逝去一样，也都是静静地流走的。你闭着眼睛，塞住了耳朵，随波逐流，你既没有看到不远的地方涨了潮的河床上礁石林立，也没有听到浪涛在礁石底部翻腾，但我告诉你——你仔细听着——某一天你会来到河道中岩石嶙峋的关隘，这里，你整个生命的河流会被撞得粉碎，成了漩涡和骚动，泡沫和喧哗，你不是在岩石尖上冲得粉身碎骨，就是被某些大浪掀起来，汇入更平静的河流，就像我现在一样。
“我喜欢今天这样的日子，喜欢铁灰色的天空，喜欢严寒中庄严肃穆的世界，喜欢桑菲尔德，喜欢它的古色古香，它的旷远幽静，它乌鸦栖息的老树和荆棘，它灰色的正面，它映出灰色苍穹的一排排黛色窗户。可是在漫长的岁月里，我一想到它就觉得厌恶，像躲避瘟疫滋生地一样避之不迭：就是现在我依然多么讨厌——”
他咬着牙，默默无语。他收住了脚步，用靴子踢着坚硬的地面，某种厌恶感抓住了他，把他攫得紧紧的，使他举步不前。
他这么突然止住话头时，我们正登上小路，桑菲尔德府展现在我们面前。他抬眼去看城垛，眼睛瞪得大大的。这种神色，我以前和以后从未见过。痛苦、羞愧、狂怒——焦躁、讨厌、僧恶——似乎在他乌黑的眉毛下涨大的瞳孔里，暂时进行着一场使他为之颤栗的搏斗。这番至关重要的交战空前激烈，不过另一种感情在他心中升起，并占了上风，这种感情冷酷而玩世不恭，任性而坚定不移，消融了他的激情，使他脸上现出了木然的神色，他继续说：
“我刚才沉默的那一刻，爱小姐，我正跟自己的命运交涉着一件事情，她站在那儿，山毛榉树干旁边——一个女巫，就像福累斯荒原上出现在麦克白面前几个女巫中的一个。‘你喜欢桑菲尔德吗？’她竖起她的手指说，随后在空中写了一条警语，那文字奇形怪状，十分可怖，覆盖了上下两排窗户之间的正壁：‘只要能够，你就喜欢它！只要你敢，你就喜欢它！’
“‘我一定喜欢它，’我说，‘我敢于喜欢它，’（他郁郁不欢地补充了一句），我会信守诺言，排除艰难险阻去追求幸福，追求良善——对，良善。我希望做个比以往，比现在更好的人——就像约伯的海中怪兽那样，折断矛戟和标熗，刺破盔甲，扫除一切障碍，别人以为这些障碍坚如钢铁，而我却视之为干草、烂木。”
这时阿黛勒拿着板羽球跑到了他跟前。
“走开！”他厉声喝道，“离得远一点，孩子，要不，到里面索菲娅那儿去。”随后他继续默默地走路，我冒昧地提醒他刚才突然岔开去的话题。
“瓦伦小姐进屋的时候你离开了阳台吗，先生？”我问。
我几乎预料他会拒绝回答这个不合时宜的问题，可是恰恰相反，他从一脸愁容、茫然若失之中醒悟过来，把目光转向我，眉宇间的阴云也似乎消散了。“哦，我已经把塞莉纳给忘了！好吧，我接着讲。当我看见那个把我弄得神瑰颠倒的女人，由一个好献殷勤的男人陪着进来时，我似乎听到了一阵嘶嘶声，绿色的妒嫉之蛇，从月光照耀下的阳台上呼地窜了出来，盘成了高低起伏的圈圈，钻进了我的背心，两分钟后一直咬啮到了我的内心深处。真奇怪！”他惊叫了一声，突然又离开了话题。“真奇怪我竟会选中你来听这番知心话，年轻小姐，更奇怪的是你居然静静地听着，仿佛这是人世间再正常不过的事情，由一个像我这样的男人，把自己当歌女的情人的故事，讲给一个像你这样古怪而不谙世事的姑娘听。不过正像我曾说过的那样，后一个特点说明了前者：你稳重、体贴、细心，生来就是听别人吐露隐秘的。此外，我知道我选择的是怎样的一类头脑，来与自己的头脑沟通。我知道这是一个不易受感染的头脑，与众不同，独一无二。幸而我并不想败坏它，就是我想这么做，它也不会受影响，你与我谈得越多越好，因为我不可能腐蚀你。而你却可以使我重新振作起来。”讲了这番离题的话后，他又往下说：
“我仍旧呆在阳台上。‘他们肯定会到她闺房里来，’我想，‘让我来一个伏击。’于是把手缩回开着的窗子、将窗帘拉拢，只剩下一条便于观察的开口。随后我关上窗子，只留下一条缝，刚好可以让‘情人们的喃喃耳语和山盟海誓，’透出来，接着我偷偷地回到了椅子上。刚落座，这一对进来了。我的目光很快射向缝隙。塞莉纳的侍女走进房间，点上灯，把它留在桌子上，退了出去。于是这一对便清清楚楚地暴露在我面前了。两人都脱去了斗篷，这位‘名人瓦伦’一身绸缎、珠光宝气——当然是我的馈赠——她的陪伴却一身戎装，我知道他是一个vicomet，一个年青的roue，——一个没有头脑的恶少，有时在社交场中见过面，我却从来没有想到去憎恨他，因为我绝对地鄙视他。一认出他来，那蛇的毒牙——嫉妒，立即被折断了，因为与此同时，我对塞莉纳的爱火也被灭火器浇灭了。一个女人为了这样一个情敌而背弃我，是不值得一争的，她只配让人蔑视，然而我更该如此，因为我己经被她所愚弄。
“他们开始交谈。两人的谈话使我完全安心了，轻浮浅薄、唯利是图、冷酷无情、毫无意义，叫人听了厌烦，而不是愤怒。桌上放着我的一张名片，他们一看见便谈论起我来了。两人都没有能力和智慧狠狠痛斥我，而是耍尽小手段，粗鲁地侮辱我，尤其是塞莉纳，甚至夸大其词地对我进行人身攻击，把我的缺陷说成残疾，而以前她却惯于热情赞美她所说我的“beautemale”。在这一点上，你与她全然不同，我们第二次见面时，你直截了当地告诉我，你认为我长得不好看，当时两者的反差给我留下了深刻印象。”
这时阿黛勒又奔到了他跟前。
“先生，约翰刚才过来说，你的代理人来了，希望见你。”
“噢！那样我就只好从简了。我打开落地窗，朝他们走去，解除了对塞莉纳的保护，通知她腾出房子，给了她一笔钱以备眼前急用，不去理睬她的大哭小叫、歇斯底里、恳求、抗议和痉挛，跟那位子爵约定在布洛尼树林决斗的时间，第二天早晨，我有幸与他相遇，在他一条如同瘟鸡翅膀那么弱不禁风的可怜的胳膊上，留下了一颗子弹，随后自认为我已了结同这伙人的关系，不幸的是，这位瓦伦在六个月之前给我留下了这个fillette阿黛勒，并咬定她是我女儿。也许她是，尽管我从她脸上看不到父女之间的必然联系。派洛特还比她更像我呢。我同瓦伦决裂后几年，瓦伦遗弃了孩子，同一个音乐家或是歌唱家私奔到了意大利。当时我并没有承认自己有抚养阿黛勒的义务，就是现在也不承认，因为我不是她的父亲，不过一听到她穷愁潦倒，我便把这个可怜虫带出了巴黎的泥坑，转移到这里，让她在英国乡间花园健康的土壤中，干干净净地成长，费尔法克斯太太找到了你来培养她，而现在，你知道她是一位法国歌剧女郎的私生女了，你也许对自己的职位和保保人身份，改变了想法，说不定哪一天你会来见我，通知我己经找到了别的工作。让我另请一位新的家庭教师等等呢？”
“不，阿黛勒不应对她母亲和你的过失负责。我很关心她，现在我知道她在某种意义上说没有父母——被她的母亲所抛弃，而又不被你所承认，先生——我会比以前更疼爱她。我怎么可能喜欢富贵人家一个讨厌家庭教师的娇惯的宠儿，而不喜欢象朋友一样对待她的孤苦无依的小孤儿呢？”
“啊，你是从这个角度来看待这件事了，好吧，我得进去了，你也一样，天黑下来了。”
但我同阿黛勒和派洛特在外面又呆了几分钟，同她一起赛跑，还打了场板羽球。我们进屋以后，我脱下了她的帽子和外衣，把她放在自己的膝头上，坐了一个小时，允许她随心所欲地唠叨个不停，即使有点放肆和轻浮，也不加指责。别人一多去注意她，她就容易犯这个毛病，暴露出她性格上的浅薄。这种浅薄同普通英国头脑几乎格格不入，很可能是从她母亲那儿遗传来的。不过她有她的长处，我有意尽力赏识她身上的一切优点，还从她的面容和五官上寻找同罗切斯特先生的相似之处，但踪影全元。没有任何性格特色，没有任何谈吐上的特点，表明相互之间的关系。真可惜，要是能证实她确实像他就好了，他准会更想着她。
我回到自己的房间过夜，才从容地回味罗切斯特先生告诉我的故事。如他所说，从叙述的内容来看，也许丝毫没有特别的地方，无非是一个有钱的英国男人对一个法国舞女的恋情，以及她对他的背离。这类事在上流社会中无疑是司空见惯的。但是，他在谈起自己目前心满意足，并对古老的府楼和周围的环境恢复了一种新的乐趣时，突然变得情绪冲动，这实在有些蹊跷。我带着疑问思索着这个细节，但渐渐地便作罢了，因为眼下我觉得它不可思议。我转而考虑起我主人对我的态度来，他认为可以同我无话不谈，这似乎是对我处事审慎的赞美。因此我也就如此来看待和接受了。几周来他在我面前的举动己不像当初那样变化无常。他似乎从不认为我碍手碍脚，也没有动不动露出冷冰冰的傲慢态度来。有时他同我不期而遇，对这样的碰面，他似乎也很欢迎，总是有一两句话要说，有时还对我笑笑。我被正式邀请去见他时，很荣幸地受到了热情接待，因而觉得自己确实具有为他解闷的能力。晚上的会见既是为了我，也是为了他的愉快。
说实在，相比之下我的话不多，不过我津津有味地听他说。他生性爱说话，喜欢向一个未见世面的人披露一点世事人情（我不是指腐败的风尚和恶劣的习气，而是指那些因为广泛盛行、新奇独特而显得有趣的世事），我非常乐意接受他所提供的新观念，想象出他所描绘的新画面，在脑海中跟随着他越过所揭示的新领域，从来不因为提到某些有害的世象而大惊小怪，或者烦恼不已。
他举手投足无拘无束，使我不再痛苦地感到窘迫。他对我友好坦诚，既得体又热情，使我更加靠近他。有时我觉得他不是我的主人，而是我的亲戚；不过有时却依然盛气凌人，但我并不在乎，我明白他生就了这付性子。由于生活中平添了这一兴趣，我感到非常愉快，非常满意，不再渴望有自己的亲人，我那瘦如新月的命运也似乎壮大了，生活中的空白已被填补，我的健康有所好转，我长了肉，也长了力。
在我的眼睛里，罗切斯特先生现在还很丑吗？不，读者。感激之情以及很多愉快亲切的联想，使我终于最爱看他的面容了。房间里有他在，比生了最旺的火还更令人高兴。不过我并没有忘记他的缺陷。说实话，要忘也忘不了，因为在我面前不断地暴露出来。对于各类低于他的人，他高傲刻薄，喜欢挖苦。我心里暗自明白，他对我的和颜悦色，同对很多其他人的不当的严厉相对等。他还郁郁不欢，简直到了难以理解的程度。我被叫去读书给他听时，曾不止一次地发现他独自一人坐在图书室里，脑袋伏在抱着的双臂上。他抬头时，露出闷闷不乐近乎恶意的怒容，脸色铁青。不过我相信他的郁闷、他的严厉和他以前道德上的过错（我说“以前”，因为现在他似乎已经纠正了）都来源于他命运中某些艰苦的磨难。我相信，比起那些受环境所薰陶，教育所灌输或者命运所鼓励的人来，他生来就有更好的脾性，更高的准则和更纯的旨趣。我想他的素质很好，只是目前给糟塌了，乱纷纷地绞成了一团。我无法否认，不管是什么样的哀伤，我为他的哀伤而哀伤，并且愿意付出很大代价去减轻它。
虽然我已经灭了蜡烛，躺在床上，但一想起他在林荫道上停下步来时的神色，我便无法入睡。那时他说命运之神已出现在他面前，并且问他敢不敢在桑菲尔德获得幸福。
“为什么不敢呢，”我问自己，“是什么使他与府楼疏远了呢？他会马上再次离开吗？费尔法克斯太太说，他一次所呆的时间，难得超过两周。而现在他己经住了八周了。要是他真的走了，所引起的变化会令人悲哀。设想他春、夏、秋三季都不在，那风和日丽的好日子会显得多没有劲！”
我几乎不知道这番沉思之后是否睡着过。总之我一听到含糊的喃喃声之后，便完全惊醒过来了。那声音古怪而悲哀，我想就是从我房间的楼上传出来的。要是我仍旧点着蜡烛该多好，夜黑得可怕，而我情绪低沉。我于是爬起来坐在床上，静听着。那声音又消失了。
我竭力想再睡，但我的心却焦急不安地蹦蹦乱跳。我内心的平静给打破了，远在楼底下的大厅里，时钟敲响了两点。就在那时，我的房门似乎被碰了一下，仿佛有人摸黑走过外面的走廊时，手指擦过嵌板一样。我问，“谁在那里？”没有回答。我吓得浑身冰凉。
我蓦地想起这可能是派洛特，厨房门偶尔开着的时候，它常常会设法来到罗切斯特先生卧室的门口，我自己就在早上看到过它躺在那里。这么一想，心里也便镇静了些。我躺了下来，沉寂安抚了我的神经。待到整所房子复又被一片宁静所笼罩时，我感到睡意再次袭来。但是那天晚上我是注定无法睡觉了。梦仙几乎还没接近我的耳朵，便被足以使人吓得冷入骨髓的事件唬跑了。
那是一阵恶魔般的笑声——压抑而低沉——仿佛就在我房门的锁孔外响起来的。我的床头靠门，所以我起初以为那笑着的魔鬼站在我床边，或是蹲在枕旁。但是我起身环顾左右，却什么也没有看到。而当我还在凝神细看时，那不自然的声音再次响起，而且我知道来自嵌板的背后。我的第一个反应是爬起来去拴好门，接着我又叫了一声“谁在那里？”
什么东西发出了咯咯声和呻吟声。不久那脚步又退回走廊，上了三楼的楼梯。最近那里装了一扇门，关闭了楼梯。我听见门被打开又被关上，一切复归平静。
“那是格雷斯.普尔吗，难道她妖魔附身了，”我想。我独个儿再也待不住了。我得去找费尔法克斯太太。我匆匆穿上外衣，披上披肩，用抖动着的手拔了门栓，开了门。就在门外，燃着一支蜡烛，留在走廊的垫子上。见此情景，我心里一惊，但更使我吃惊的是，我发觉空气十分混浊，仿佛充满了烟雾，正当我左顾右盼，寻找蓝色烟圈的出处时，我进一步闻到了一股强烈的焦臭味。
什么东西吱咯一声。那是一扇半掩的门，罗切斯特先生的房门，团团烟雾从里面冒出来。我不再去想费尔法克斯太太，也不再去想格雷斯.普尔，或者那笑声。一瞬间，我到了他房间里。火舌从床和四周窜出，帐幔己经起火。在火光与烟雾的包围中，罗切斯特先生伸长了身子，一动不动地躺着，睡得很熟。
“快醒醒！快醒醒！”我一面推他。一面大叫，可是他只是咕哝了一下，翻了一个身，他已被烟雾薰得麻木了，一刻也不能耽搁了，闪为连床单也已经了火。我冲向他的脸盆和水罐，幸好一个很大，另一个很深，都灌满了水。我举起脸盆和水罐，用水冲了床和睡在床上的人，随之飞跑回我自己的房间、取了我的水罐，重新把床榻弄湿。由于上帝的帮助，我终于扑灭了正要吞没床榻的火焰。
被浇灭的火焰发出的丝丝声，我倒完水随手扔掉的水罐的破裂声，尤其是我慷慨赐予的淋浴的哗啦声，最后终于把罗切斯特先生惊醒了。尽管此刻漆黑一片，但我知道他醒了，因为我听见他一发现自己躺在水潭之中，便发出了奇怪的咒骂声。
“发大水了吗？”他叫道。
“没有，先生，”我回答，“不过发生了一场火灾，起来吧，一定得起来，现在你湿透了，我去给你拿支蜡烛来。”
“基督世界所有精灵在上，那是简.爱吗？”他问“你怎么摆弄我啦，女巫，妖婆，除了你，房间里还有谁，你耍了阴谋要把我淹死吗？”
“我去给你拿支蜡烛，先生，皇天在上，快起来吧。有人捣鬼。你不可能马上弄清楚是谁干的，究竟怎么回事。”
“瞧——现在我起来了。不过你冒一下险去取一支蜡烛来，等我两分钟，让我穿上件干外衣，要是还有什么干衣服的话——不错，这是我的晨衣，现在你快跑！”
我确实跑了，取了仍然留在走廊上的蜡烛。他从我手里把把蜡烛拿走，举得高高的，仔细察看着床铺，只见一片焦黑，床单湿透了，周围的地毯浸在水中。
“怎么回事？谁干的？”他问。
我简要地向他叙述了一下事情的经过。我在走廊上听到的奇怪笑声；登上三楼去的脚步；还有那烟雾——那火烧味如何把我引到了他的房间；那里的一切处在什么样的情况下；我又怎样把凡是我所能搞到的水泼在他身上。
他十分严肃地倾听着。我继续谈下去，他脸上露出的表情中，关切甚于惊讶。我讲完后他没有马上开口。
“要我去叫费尔法克斯太太吗？”我问。
“费尔法克斯太太？不要了，你究竟要叫她干什么？她能干什么呢？让她安安稳稳地睡吧。”
“那我就叫莉娅，并把约翰夫妇唤醒。”
“绝对不要。保持安静就行了。你已披上了披肩，要是嫌不够暖和，可以把那边的斗篷拿去。把你自己裹起来，坐在安乐椅里，那儿——我替你披上。现在把脚放在小凳子上，免得弄湿了。我要离开你几分钟，我得把蜡烛拿走，呆在这儿别动，直到我回来。你要像耗子—样安静。我得到三楼去看看。记住别动，也别去叫人。”
他走了。我注视着灯光隐去。他轻手轻脚地走上楼梯，开了楼梯的门，尽可能不发出一点声音来，随手把门关上，于是最后的光消失了。我完全堕入了黑暗。我搜索着某种声音，但什么也没听到。很长一段时间过去了，我开始不耐烦起来，尽管披着斗篷，但依然很冷。随后我觉得呆在这儿也没有用处，反正我又不打算把整屋子的人吵醒。我正要不顾罗切斯特先生的不快，违背他的命令时，灯光重又在走廊的墙上黯淡地闪烁，我听到他没穿鞋的脚走过垫子。“但愿是他，”我想，“而不是更坏的东西。”
他再次进屋时脸色苍白，十分忧郁。“我全搞清楚了，”他们蜡烛放在洗衣架上。“跟我想的一样。”
“怎么一回事，先生？”
他没有回答，只是抱臂而立、看着地板。几分钟后，他带着奇怪的声调问道：
“我忘了你是不是说打开房门的时候看到了什么东西。”
“没有，先生，只有烛台在地板上，”
“可你听到了古怪的笑声？我想你以前听到过那笑声，或者类似的那种声音。”
“是的，先生，这儿有一个缝衣女人，叫格雷斯.普尔——她就是那么笑的，她是个怪女人。”
“就是这么回事，格雷斯.普尔，你猜对了。象你说的一样，她是古怪，很古怪。好吧，这件事我再细细想想。同时我很高兴，因为你是除我之外唯一了解今晚的事儿确切细节的人。你不是一个爱嚼舌头的傻瓜，关于这件事，什么也别说。这付样子（指着床），我会解释的。现在回到你房间去，我在图书室沙发上躺到天亮挺不错，已快四点了，再过两个小时仆人们就会上楼来。”
“那么晚安，先生，”我说着就要离去。
他似乎很吃惊——完全是前后不一，因为他刚打发我走。
“什么！”他大叫道，“你已经要离开了，就那么走了？”
“你说我可以走了，先生。”
“可不能不告而别，不能连一两句表示感谢和善意的活都没有，总之不能那么简简单单，干干巴巴。嗨，你救了我的命呀？——把我从可怕和痛苦的死亡中拯救出来！而你就这么从我面前走过，仿佛我们彼此都是陌路人！至少也得握握手吧。”
他伸出手来，我也向他伸出手去。他先是用一只手，随后用双手把我的手握住。
“你救了我的命。我很高兴，欠了你那么大一笔人情债。我无法再说别的话了，要是别的债主，我欠了那么大情，我准会难以容忍，可是你却不同。我并不觉得欠你的恩情是一种负担，简。”
他停顿了一下，眼睛盯着我，话几乎已到了颤动着的嘴边，但他控制住了自己的嗓音。
“再次祝你晚安，先生，那件事没有负债，没有恩情，没有负担，也没有义务。”
“我早就知道，”他继续说：“你会在某一时候，以某种方式为我做好事的——我初次见你的时候，就从你眼睛里看到了这一点，那表情，那笑容不会（他再次打住），不会（他匆忙地继续说）无缘无故地在我心底里激起愉悦之情，人们爱谈天生的同情心，我曾听说过好的神怪——在那个荒诞的寓言里包含着一丝真理。我所珍重的救命恩人。晚安。”
在他的嗓音里有一种奇特的活力，在他的目光里有一种奇怪的火光。
“我很高兴，刚巧醒着，”我说，随后我就走开了。
“什么，你要走了？”
“我觉得冷，先生。”
“冷？是的——而且站在水潭中呢！那么走吧，简！”不过他仍然握着我的手，我难以
摆脱，于是我想出了一个权宜之计。
“我想我听见了费尔法克斯太太的走动声了，先生”我说。
“好吧，你走吧，”他放开手，我便走了。
我又上了床。但睡意全无，我被抛掷到了具有浮力，却很不平静的海面上，烦恼的波涛在喜悦的巨浪下翻滚，如此一直到了天明。有时我想，越过汹涌澎湃的水面，我看到了像比乌拉山那么甜蜜的海岸，时而有一阵被希望所唤起的清风，将我的灵魂得意洋洋地载向目的地，但即使在幻想之中，我也难以抵达那里，——陆地上吹来了逆风，不断地把我刮回去，理智会抵制昏聩，判断能警策热情，我兴奋得无法安睡，于是天一亮便起床了。

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亚兰-亚特兰蒂斯 ZxID：22878402 关注Ta 注册时间 2013-02-13 最后登录 2013-02-13 在线时间0小时发帖0 搜Ta的帖子精华0 派派币2745 威望0 鲜花0 鸡蛋0 在线时间0 小时访问空间加好友用道具发消息加好友他的帖子查看作者资料对该用户使用道具 0鲜花 0鸡蛋等级: 派派新人	举报只看该作者 16楼发表于: 2013-02-05 0 译得不错，加油楼主留言： O(∩_∩)O谢谢嗷~不过这可不是我译的嗷~
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Chapter 16

I BOTH wished and feared to see Mr. Rochester on the day which followedthis sleepless night: I wanted to hear his voice again, yet feared tomeet his eye. During the early part of the morning, I momentarilyexpected his coming; he was not in the frequent habit of entering theschoolroom, but he did step in for a few minutes sometimes, and I hadthe impression that he was sure to visit it that day.
But the morningpassed just as usual: nothing happened to interrupt the quiet course ofAdele's studies; only soon after breakfast, I heard some bustle in theneighbourhood of Mr. Rochester's chamber, Mrs. Fairfax's voice, andLeah's, and the cook's- that is, John's wife- and even John's own grufftones. There were exclamations of 'What a mercy master was not burnt inhis bed!' 'It is always dangerous to keep a candle lit at night.' 'Howprovidential that he had presence of mind to think of the water-jug!' 'Iwonder he waked nobody!' 'It is to be hoped he will not take cold withsleeping on the library sofa,' etc.
To much confabulation succeeded a sound of scrubbing and setting torights; and when I passed the room, in going downstairs to dinner, I sawthrough the open door that all was again restored to complete order;only the bed was stripped of its hangings. Leah stood up in thewindow-seat, rubbing the panes of glass dimmed with smoke. I was aboutto address her, for I wished to know what account had been given of theaffair: but, on advancing, I saw a second person in the chamber- a womansitting on a chair by the bedside, and sewing rings to new curtains.That woman was no other than Grace Poole.
There she sat, staid and taciturn-looking, as usual, in her brownstuff gown, her check apron, White handkerchief, and cap. She was intenton her work, in which her whole thoughts seemed absorbed: on her hardforehead, and in her commonplace features, was nothing either of thepaleness or desperation one would have expected to see marking thecountenance of a woman who had attempted murder, and whose intendedvictim had followed her last night to her lair, and (as I believed),charged her with the crime she wished to perpetrate. I wasamazed-confounded. She looked up, while I still gazed at her: no start,no increase or failure of colour betrayed emotion, consciousness ofguilt, or fear of detection. She said 'Good morning, Miss,' in her usualphlegmatic and brief manner; and taking up another ring and more tape,went on with her sewing.
'I will put her to some test,' thought I: 'such absolute impenetrability is past comprehension.'
'Good morning, Grace,' I said. 'Has anything happened here? I thought I heard the servants all talking together a while ago.'
'Only master had been reading in his bed last night; he fell asleepwith his candle lit, and the curtains got on fire; but, fortunately, heawoke before the bedclothes or the woodwork caught, and contrived toquench the flames with the water in the ewer.'
'A strange affair!' I said, in a low voice: then, looking at herfixedly- 'Did Mr. Rochester wake nobody? Did no one hear him move?'
She again raised her eyes to me, and this time there was something ofconsciousness in their expression. She seemed to examine me warily;then she answered-
'The servants sleep so far off, you know, Miss, they would not belikely to hear. Mrs. Fairfax's room and yours are the nearest tomaster's; but Mrs. Fairfax said she heard nothing: when people getelderly, they often sleep heavy.' She paused, and then added, with asort of assumed indifference, but still in a marked and significanttone- 'But you are young, Miss; and I should say a light sleeper:perhaps you may have heard a noise?'
'I did,' said I, dropping my voice, so that Leah, who was stillpolishing the panes, could not hear me, 'and at first I thought it wasPilot: but Pilot cannot laugh; and I am certain I heard a laugh, and astrange one.'
She took a new needleful of thread, waxed it carefully, threaded herneedle with a steady hand, and then observed, with perfect composure-
'It is hardly likely master would laugh, I should think, Miss, when he was in such danger: you must have been dreaming.'
'I was not dreaming,' I said, with some warmth, for her brazencoolness provoked me. Again she looked at me; and with the samescrutinising and conscious eye.
'Have you told master that you heard a laugh?' she inquired.
'I have not had the opportunity of speaking to him this morning.'
'You did not think of opening your door and looking out into the gallery?' she further asked.
She appeared to be cross-questioning me, attempting to draw from meinformation unawares. The idea struck me that if she discovered I knewor suspected her guilt, she would be playing off some of her malignantpranks on me; I thought it advisable to be on my guard.
'On the contrary,' said I, 'I bolted my door.'
'Then you are not in the habit of bolting your door every night before you get into bed?'
'Fiend! she wants to know my habits, that she may lay her plansaccordingly!' Indignation again prevailed over prudence: I repliedsharply, 'Hitherto I have often omitted to fasten the bolt: I did notthink it necessary. I was not aware any danger or annoyance was to bedreaded at Thornfield Hall: but in future' (and I laid marked stress onthe words) 'I shall take good care to make all secure before I ventureto lie down.'
'It will be wise so to do,' was her answer: 'this neighbourhood is asquiet as any I know, and I never heard of the hall being attempted byrobbers since it was a house; though there are hundreds of pounds' worthof plate in the plate-closet, as is well known. And you see, for such alarge house, there are very few servants, because master has neverlived here much; and when he does come, being a bachelor, he needslittle waiting on: but I always think it best to err on the safe side; adoor is soon fastened, and it is as well to have a drawn bolt betweenone and any mischief that may be about. A deal of people, Miss, are fortrusting all to Providence; but I say Providence will not dispense withthe means, though He often blesses them when they are used discreetly.'And here she closed her harangue: a long one for her, and uttered withthe demureness of a Quakeress.
I still stood absolutely dumfoundered at what appeared to me hermiraculous self-possession, and most inscrutable hypocrisy, when thecook entered.
'Mrs. Poole,' said she, addressing Grace, 'the servants' dinner will soon be ready: will you come down?'
'No; just put my pint of porter and bit of pudding on a tray, and I'll carry it upstairs.'
'You'll have some meat?'
'Just a morsel, and a taste of cheese, that's all.'
'And the sago?'
'Never mind it at present: I shall be coming down before tea-time: I'll make it myself.'
The cook here turned to me, saying that Mrs. Fairfax was waiting for me: so I departed.
I hardly heard Mrs. Fairfax's account of the curtain conflagrationduring dinner, so much was I occupied in puzzling my brains over theenigmatical character of Grace Poole, and still more in pondering theproblem of her position at Thornfield and questioning why she had notbeen given into custody that morning, or, at the very least, dismissedfrom her master's service. He had almost as much as declared hisconviction of her criminality last night: what mysterious cause withheldhim from accusing her? Why had he enjoined me, too, to secrecy? It wasstrange: a bold, vindictive, and haughty gentleman seemed somehow in thepower of one of the meanest of his dependants; so much in her power,that even when she lifted her hand against his life, he dared not openlycharge her with the attempt, much less punish her for it.
Had Grace been young and handsome, I should have been tempted tothink that tenderer feelings than prudence or fear influenced Mr.Rochester in her behalf; but, hard-favoured and matronly as she was, theidea could not be admitted. 'Yet,' I reflected, 'she has been youngonce; her youth would be contemporary with her master's: Mrs. Fairfaxtold me once, she had lived here many years. I don't think she can everhave been pretty; but, for aught I know, she may possess originality andstrength of character to compensate for the want of personaladvantages. Mr. Rochester is an amateur of the decided and eccentric:Grace is eccentric at least. What if a former caprice (a freak verypossible to a nature so sudden and headstrong as his) has delivered himinto her power, and she now exercises over his actions a secretinfluence, the result of his own indiscretion, which he cannot shakeoff, and dare not disregard?' But, having reached this point ofconjecture, Mrs. Poole's square, flat figure, and uncomely, dry, evencoarse face, recurred so distinctly to my mind's eye, that I thought,'No; impossible! my supposition cannot be correct. Yet,' suggested thesecret voice which talks to us in our own hearts, 'you are not beautifuleither, and perhaps Mr. Rochester approves you: at any rate, you haveoften felt as if he did; and last night- remember his words; rememberhis look; remember his voice!'
I well remembered all; language, glance, and tone seemed at themoment vividly renewed. I was now in the schoolroom; Adele was drawing; Ibent over her and directed her pencil. She looked up with a sort ofstart.
'Qu'avez-vous, mademoiselle?' said she. 'Vos doigts tremblent commela feuille, et vos joues sont rouges: mais, rouges comme des cerises!''I am hot, Adele, with stooping!' She went on sketching; I went onthinking.
I hastened to drive from my mind the hateful notion I had beenconceiving respecting Grace Poole; it disgusted me. I compared myselfwith her, and found we were different. Bessie Leaven had said I wasquite a lady; and she spoke truth- I was a lady. And now I looked muchbetter than I did when Bessie saw me; I had more colour and more flesh,more life, more vivacity, because I had brighter hopes and keenerenjoyments.
'Evening approaches,' said I, as I looked towards the window. 'I havenever heard Mr. Rochester's voice or step in the house to-day; butsurely I shall see him before night: I feared the meeting in themorning; now I desire it, because expectation has been so long baffledthat it is grown impatient.'
When dusk actually closed, and when Adele left me to go and play inthe nursery with Sophie, I did most keenly desire it. I listened for thebell to ring below; I listened for Leah coming up with a message; Ifancied sometimes I heard Mr. Rochester's own tread, and I turned to thedoor, expecting it to open and admit him. The door remained shut;darkness only came in through the window. Still it was not late; heoften sent for me at seven and eight o'clock, and it was yet but six.Surely I should not be wholly disappointed to-night, when I had so manythings to say to him! I wanted again to introduce the subject of GracePoole, and to hear what he would answer; I wanted to ask him plainly ifhe really believed it was she who had made last night's hideous attempt;and if so, why he kept her wickedness a secret. It little matteredwhether my curiosity irritated him; I knew the pleasure of vexing andsoothing him by turns; it was one I chiefly delighted in, and a sureinstinct always prevented me from going too far; beyond the verge ofprovocation I never ventured; on the extreme brink I liked well to trymy skill.
Retaining every minute form of respect, every propriety of mystation, I could still meet him in argument without fear or uneasyrestraint; this suited both him and me.
A tread creaked on the stairs at last. Leah made her appearance; butit was only to intimate that tea was ready in Mrs. Fairfax's room.
Thither I repaired, glad at least to go downstairs; for that brought me, I imagined, nearer to Mr. Rochester's presence.
'You must want your tea,' said the good lady, as I joined her; 'youate so little at dinner. I am afraid,' she continued, 'you are not wellto-day: you look flushed and feverish.'
'Oh, quite well! I never felt better.'
'Then you must prove it by evincing a good appetite; will you fillthe teapot while I knit off this needle?' Having completed her task, sherose to draw down the blind, which she had hitherto kept up, by way, Isuppose, of making the most of daylight, though dusk was now fastdeepening into total obscurity.
'It is fair to-night,' said she, as she looked through the panes,'though not starlight; Mr. Rochester has, on the whole, had a favourableday for his journey.'
'Journey!- Is Mr. Rochester gone anywhere? I did not know he was out.'
'Oh, he set off the moment he had breakfast! He is gone to the Leas,Mr. Eshton's place, ten miles on the other side Millcote. I believethere is quite a party assembled there; Lord Ingram, Sir George Lynn,Colonel Dent, and others.'
'Do you expect him back to-night?'
'No- nor to-morrow either; I should think he is very likely to stay aweek or more: when these fine, fashionable people get together, theyare so surrounded by elegance and gaiety, so well provided with all thatcan please and entertain, they are in no hurry to separate.
Gentlemen especially are often in request on such occasions; and Mr.Rochester is so talented and so lively in society, that I believe he is ageneral favourite: the ladies are very fond of him; though you wouldnot think his appearance calculated to recommend him particularly intheir eyes: but I suppose his acquirements and abilities, perhaps hiswealth and good blood, make amends for any little fault of look.'
'Are there ladies at the Leas?'
'There are Mrs. Eshton and her three daughters- very elegant youngladies indeed; and there are the Honourable Blanche and Mary Ingram,most beautiful women, I suppose: indeed I have seen Blanche, six orseven years since, when she was a girl of eighteen. She came here to aChristmas ball and party Mr. Rochester gave. You should have seen thedining-room that day- how richly it was decorated, how brilliantly litup! I should think there were fifty ladies and gentlemen present- all ofthe first county families; and Miss Ingram was considered the belle ofthe evening.'
'You saw her, you say, Mrs. Fairfax: what was she like?'
'Yes, I saw her. The dining-room doors were thrown open; and, as itwas Christmas-time, the servants were allowed to assemble in the hall,to hear some of the ladies sing and play. Mr. Rochester would have me tocome in, and I sat down in a quiet corner and watched them. I never sawa more splendid scene: the ladies were magnificently dressed; most ofthem- at least most of the younger ones- looked handsome; but MissIngram was certainly the queen.'
'And what was she like?'
'Tall, fine bust, sloping shoulders; long, graceful neck: olivecomplexion, dark and clear; noble features; eyes rather like Mr.Rochester's: large and black, and as brilliant as her jewels. And thenshe had such a fine head of hair; raven-black and so becominglyarranged: a crown of thick plaits behind, and in front the longest, theglossiest curls I ever saw. She was dressed in pure white; anamber-coloured scarf was passed over her shoulder and across her breast,tied at the side, and descending in long, fringed ends below her knee.She wore an amber-coloured flower, too, in her hair: it contrasted wellwith the jetty mass of her curls.'
'She was greatly admired, of course?'
'Yes, indeed: and not only for her beauty, but for heraccomplishments. She was one of the ladies who sang: a gentlemanaccompanied her on the piano. She and Mr. Rochester sang a duet.'
'Mr. Rochester? I was not aware he could sing.'
'Oh! he has a fine bass voice, and an excellent taste for music.'
'And Miss Ingram: what sort of a voice had she?'
'A very rich and powerful one: she sang delightfully; it was a treatto listen to her;- and she played afterwards. I am no judge of music,but Mr. Rochester is; and I heard him say her execution was remarkablygood.'
'And this beautiful and accomplished lady, she is not yet married.'
'It appears not: I fancy neither she nor her sister have very largefortunes. Old Lord Ingram's estates were chiefly entailed, and theeldest son came in for everything almost.'
'But I wonder no wealthy nobleman or gentleman has taken a fancy to her: Mr. Rochester, for instance. He is rich, is he not?'
'Oh! yes. But you see there is a considerable difference in age: Mr. Rochester is nearly forty; she is but twenty-five.'
'What of that? More unequal matches are made every day.'
'True: yet I should scarcely fancy Mr. Rochester would entertain anidea of the sort. But you eat nothing: you have scarcely tasted sinceyou began tea.'
'No: I am too thirsty to eat. Will you let me have another cup?'
I was about again to revert to the probability of a union between Mr.Rochester and the beautiful Blanche; but Adele came in, and theconversation was turned into another channel.
When once more alone, I reviewed the information I had got; lookedinto my heart, examined its thoughts and feelings, and endeavoured tobring back with a strict hand such as had been straying throughimagination's boundless and trackless waste, into the safe fold ofcommon sense.
Arraigned at my own bar, Memory having given her evidence of thehopes, wishes, sentiments I had been cherishing since last night- of thegeneral state of mind in which I had indulged for nearly a fortnightpast; Reason having come forward and told, in her own quiet way, aplain, unvarnished tale, showing how I had rejected the real, andrabidly devoured the ideal;- I pronounced judgment to this effect:-
That a greater fool than Jane Eyre had never breathed the breath oflife; that a more fantastic idiot had never surfeited herself on sweetlies, and swallowed poison as if it were nectar.
'You,' I said, 'a favourite with Mr. Rochester? You gifted with thepower of pleasing him? You of importance to him in any way? Go! yourfolly sickens me. And you have derived pleasure from occasional tokensof preference- equivocal tokens shown by a gentleman of family and a manof the world to a dependant and a novice. How dared you? Poor stupiddupe!- Could not even self-interest make you wiser? You repeated toyourself this morning the brief scene of last night?-
Cover your face and be ashamed! He said something in praise of youreyes, did he? Blind puppy! Open their bleared lids and look on your ownaccursed senselessness! It does good to no woman to be flattered by hersuperior, who cannot possibly intend to marry her; and it is madness inall women to let a secret love kindle within them, which, if unreturnedand unknown, must devour the life that feeds it; and, if discovered andresponded to, must lead, ignis-fatuus-like, into miry wilds whence thereis no extrication.
'Listen, then, Jane Eyre, to your sentence: to-morrow, place theglass before you, and draw in chalk your own picture, faithfully,without softening one defect; omit no harsh line, smooth away nodispleasing irregularity; write under it, "Portrait of a Governess,disconnected, poor, and plain."
'Afterwards, take a piece of smooth ivory- you have one prepared inyour drawing-box: take your palette, mix your freshest, finest, clearesttints; choose your most delicate camel-hair pencils; delineatecarefully the loveliest face you can imagine; paint it in your softestshades and sweetest hues, according to the description given by Mrs.Fairfax of Blanche Ingram; remember the raven ringlets, the orientaleye;- What! you revert to Mr. Rochester as a model! Order! No snivel!-no sentiment!- no regret! I will endure only sense and resolution.Recall the august yet harmonious lineaments, the Grecian neck and bust;let the round and dazzling arm be visible, and the delicate hand; omitneither diamond ring nor gold bracelet; portray faithfully the attire,aerial lace and glistening satin, graceful scarf and golden rose; callit "Blanche, an accomplished lady of rank."
'Whenever, in future, you should chance to fancy Mr. Rochester thinkswell of you, take out these two pictures and compare them: say, "Mr.Rochester might probably win that noble lady's love, if he chose tostrive for it; is it likely he would waste a serious thought on thisindigent and insignificant plebeian?"'
'I'll do it,' I resolved: and having framed this determination, I grew calm, and fell asleep.
I kept my word. An hour or two sufficed to sketch my own portrait incrayons; and in less than a fortnight I had completed an ivory miniatureof an imaginary Blanche Ingram. It looked a lovely face enough, andwhen compared with the real head in chalk, the contrast was as great asself-control could desire. I derived benefit from the task: it had keptmy head and hands employed, and had given force and fixedness to the newimpressions I wished to stamp indelibly on my heart.
Ere long, I had reason to congratulate myself on the course ofwholesome discipline to which I had thus forced my feelings to submit.Thanks to it, I was able to meet subsequent occurrences with a decentcalm, which, had they found me unprepared, I should probably have beenunequal to maintain, even externally.

那个不眠之夜后的第二天，我既希望见到罗切斯特先生，而又害怕见到他。我很想再次倾听他的声音，而又害怕与他的目光相遇。上午的前半晌，我时刻盼他来。他不常进读书室，但有时却进来呆几分钟。我有这样的预感，那天他一定会来。
但是，早上像往常那么过去了。没有发生什么影响阿黛勒宁静学习课程的事情。只是早饭后不久，我听到罗切斯特先生卧室附近一阵喧闹，有费尔法克斯太太的嗓音，还有莉娅的和厨师的——也就是约翰妻子的嗓音，甚至还有约翰本人粗哑的调门，有人大惊小怪地叫着：“真幸运呀，老爷没有给烧死在床上！”“点蜡烛过夜总归是危险的。”“真是上帝保佑，他还能那么清醒，想起了水罐！”“真奇怪，他谁都没有吵醒！”“但愿他睡在图书室沙发上不会着凉！”
这一番闲聊之后，响起了擦擦洗洗，收拾整理的声音。我下楼吃饭经过这间房子，从开着的门后进去，只见一切都又恢复得井井有条。只有床上的帐幔都已拆除，莉娅站在窗台上，擦着被烟薰黑的玻璃。我希望知道这件事是怎么解释的，正要同她讲话，但往前一看，只见房里还有第二个人——一个女人，坐在床边的椅子上，缝着新窗帘的挂环。那女人正是格雷斯.普尔。
她坐在那里，还是往常那付沉默寡言的样子，穿着褐色料子服，系着格子围裙，揣着白手帕，戴着帽子。她专心致志地忙着手头的活儿，似乎全身心都扑上去了。她冷漠的额头和普普通通的五官，既不显得苍白，也不见绝望的表情，那种人们期望在一个蓄谋杀人的女人脸上看到的表情特征，而且那位受害者昨晚跟踪到了她的藏身之处，并（如我所相信）指控她蓄意犯罪。我十分惊讶，甚至感到惶惑。我继续盯着她看时，她抬起了头来，没有惊慌之态，没有变脸色，而因此泄露她的情绪和负罪感，以及害怕被发现的恐惧心理。她以平时那种冷淡和简慢的态度说了声：“早安，小姐，”又拿起一个挂环和一圈线带，继续缝了起来。
“我倒要试试她看，”我想，“那么丝毫不露声色是令人难以理解的”。
“早安，格雷斯，”我说，“这儿发生了什么事吗？我想刚才我听到仆人们都议论纷纷呢。”
“不过是昨晚老爷躺在床上看书，亮着蜡烛就睡着了，床幔起了火，幸亏床单或木板还没着火他就醒了，想法用罐子里的水浇灭了火焰。”
“怪事！”我低声说，随后目光紧盯着她，“罗切斯特先生没有弄醒谁吗！你没有听到他走动？”
她再次抬眼看我，这回她的眸子里露出了一种若有所悟的表情。她似乎先警惕地审视我，然后才回答道：
“仆人们睡的地方离得很远，你知道的，小姐，她们不可能听到。费尔法克斯太太的房间和你的离老爷的卧室最近，但费尔法克斯太太说她没有听到什么，人老了，总是睡得很死，”她顿了一顿，随后装作若无其事的样子，却以清楚而意味深长的语调补充说：“不过你很年轻，小姐，而且应当说睡得不熟，也许你听到了什么声音。”
“我是听到了，”我压低了声音说。这样，仍在擦窗的莉娅就不会听到我了。“起初，我以为是派洛特，可是派洛特不会笑，而我敢肯定，我听到了笑声，古怪的笑声”。
她又拿了一根线，仔细地上了蜡，她的手沉稳地把线穿进针眼，随后非常镇静地说：
“我想老爷处在危险之中是不大可能笑的，小姐，你一定是在做梦了。”
“我没有做梦，”我带着几分恼火说，因为她那种厚颜无耻的镇定把我激怒了。她又带着同样探究和警惕的目光看着我。
“你告诉老爷了没有，你听到笑声了？”她问道。
“早上我还没有机会同他说呢。”
“你没有想到开门往走廊里一瞧？”她往下问
她似乎在盘问我，想在不知不觉中把我的话掏出来。我忽然想到，她要是发觉我知道或是怀疑她的罪行，就会恶意作弄我，我想还是警惕为妙。
“恰恰相反，”我说，“我把门拴上了。”
“那你每天睡觉之前没有拴门的习惯吗？”
“这恶魔！她想知道我的习惯，好以此来算计我：”愤怒再次压倒谨慎，我尖刻地回答：“到目前为止我还是常常忽略了拴门，我认为没有这必要，我以前没有意识到在桑菲尔德还要担心什么危险或者烦恼，不过将来（我特别强调了这几个字），我要小心谨慎，弄得一切都安安全全了才敢躺下睡觉。”
“这样做才聪明呢，”她回答，“这一带跟我知道的任何地方都一样安静，打从府宅建成以来、我还没有听说过有强盗上门呢。尽管谁都知道，盘子柜里有价值几百英镑的盘子，而且你知道，老爷不在这里长住，就是来住，因为是单身汉也不大要人服侍，所以这么大的房子，只有很少几个仆人。不过我总认为过份注意安全总比不注意安全好，门一下子就能拴上，还是拴上门，把自己和可能发生的祸害隔开为好。小姐，很多人都把一切托付给上帝，但要我说呀，上帝不会排斥采取措施，尽管他只常常祝福那些谨慎采取的措施，”说到这里她结束了长篇演说。这番话对地来说是够长的了，而且口气里带着贵格会女教徒的假正经。
我依旧站在那里，正被她出奇的镇定和难以理解的虚伪弄得目瞪口呆时，厨师进门来了。
“普尔太太，”她对格雷斯说，“佣人的午饭马上就好了，你下楼去吗？”
“不啦，你就把我那一品特葡萄酒和一小块布丁放在托盘里吧，我会端到楼上去。”
“你还要些肉吗？”
“就来一小份吧，再来一点奶酪，就这些。”
“还有西米呢？”
“现在就不用啦，用茶点之前我会下来的，我自己来做。”
这时厨师转向我，说费尔法克斯太太在等看我，于是我就离开了。
吃午饭时候，费尔法克斯太太谈起帐幔失火的事。我几乎没有听见，因为我绞尽脑汁，思索着格雷斯.普尔这个神秘人物，尤其是考虑她在桑菲尔德的地位问题；对为什么那天早晨她没有被拘留，或者至少被老爷解雇，而感到纳闷。昨天晚上，他几乎等于宣布确信她犯了罪。是什么神秘的原因却使他不去指控她呢，为什么他也嘱咐我严守秘密呢，真也奇怪，一位大胆自负、复仇心切的绅士，不知怎地似乎受制于一个最卑微的下属、而且被她控制得如此之紧，甚至当她动手要谋害他时，竟不敢公开指控她的图谋，更不必说惩罚她了。
要是格雷斯年轻漂亮，我会不由得认为，那种比谨慎或忧虑更为温存的情感左右了罗切斯特先生，使他偏袒于她。可是她面貌丑陋，又是一付管家婆样子，这种想法也就站不住脚了。“不过，”我思忖道，“她曾有过青春年华，那时主人也跟她一样年轻。费尔法克斯太太曾告诉我，她在这里已住了很多年。我认为她从来就没有姿色，但是也许她性格的力量和独特之处弥补了外貌上的不足。罗切斯特先生喜欢果断和古怪的人，格雷斯至少很古怪。要是从前一时的荒唐（像他那种刚愎自用、反复无常的个性，完全有可能干出轻率的事来）使他落入了她的掌中，行为上的不检点酿成了恶果，使他如今对格雷斯所施加给自己的秘密影响，既无法摆脱，又不能漠视，那又有什么奇怪呢？但是，一想到这里，普尔太太宽阔、结实、扁平的身材和丑陋干瘪甚至粗糙的面容，便清晰地浮现在我眼前，于是我想：“不，不可能！我的猜想不可能是对的。不过，”一个在我心里悄悄说话的声音建议道：“你自己也并不漂亮，而罗切斯特先生却赞赏你，至少你总是觉得好像他是这样，而且昨天晚上——别忘了他的话，别忘了他的神态，别忘了他的嗓音！”
这一切我都记得清清楚楚：那语言，那眼神，那声调此刻似乎活生生地再现了。这时我呆在读书室里，阿黛勒在画画，我弯着身子指导她使用画笔，她抬起头，颇有些吃惊。
“Q'avez vous, Mademoiselle”她说“Vos doigts tremblent comme la feuille,et vos joues sont rouges: mais, rouges comme des cerises！”
“我很热，阿黛勒，这么躬着身！”她继续画她的速写，我继续我的思考。
我急于要把对格雷斯.普尔的讨厌想法，从脑海中驱走，因为它使我感到厌恶，我把她与自己作了比较，发现彼此并不相同。贝茜.利文曾说我很有小姐派头。她说的是事实，我是一位小姐。而如今，我看上去已比当初贝茜见我时好多了。我脸色已更加红润，人已更加丰满，更富有生命力，更加朝气蓬勃，因为有了更光明的前景和更大的欢乐。
“黄昏快到了，”我朝窗子看了看，自言自语地说。“今天我还没有在房间里听到过罗切斯特先生的声音和脚步声呢。不过天黑之前我肯定会见到他。早上我害怕见面，而现在却渴望见面了。我的期望久久落空，真有点让人不耐烦了。”
当真的暮色四合，阿黛勒离开我到保育室同索菲娅一起去玩时，我急盼着同他见面。我等待着听到楼下响起铃声，等待着听到莉娅带着口讯上楼的声音。有时还在恍惚中听到罗切斯特先生自己的脚步声，便赶紧把脸转向门口，期待着门一开，他走了进来。但门依然紧闭着，唯有夜色透进了窗户。不过现在还不算太晚，他常常到七、八点钟才派人来叫我，而此刻才六点。当然今晚我不应该完全失望，因为我有那么多的话要同他说，我要再次提起格雷斯.普尔这个话题，听听他会怎么回答，我要爽爽气气地问他，是否真的相信是她昨夜动了恶念，要是相信，那他为什么要替她的恶行保守秘密。我的好奇心会不会激怒他关系不大，反正我知道一会儿惹他生气，一会儿抚慰他的乐趣，这是一件我很乐意干的事，一种很有把握的直觉常常使我不至于做过头，我从来没有冒险越出使他动怒的界线，但在正边缘上我很喜欢一试身手。我可以既保持细微的自尊，保持我的身份所需的一应礼节，而又可以无忧无虑、无拘无束地同他争论，这样对我们两人都合适。
楼梯上终于响起了吱格的脚步声，莉娅来了，但她不过是来通知茶点己在费尔法克斯太太房间里摆好，我朝那走去，心里很是高兴，至少可以到楼下去了。我想这么一来离罗切斯特先生更近了。
“你一定想用茶点了，”到了她那里后，这位善良的太太说，“午饭你吃得那么少，”她往下说，“我担心你今天不大舒服。你看上去脸色绯红，像是发了烧。”
“啊！很好呀，我觉得再好没有了。”
“那你得用好胃口来证实一下，你把茶壶灌满让我织完这一针好吗，”这活儿一了结，她便站起来把一直开着的百叶窗放下。我猜想没有关窗是为了充分利用日光，尽管这时己经暮霭沉沉，天色一片朦胧了。
“今晚天气晴朗，”她透过窗玻璃往外看时说，“虽然没有星光，罗切斯特先生出门总算遇上了好天气。”
“出门？——罗切斯特先生到哪里去了吗，我不知道他出去了。”
“噢，他吃好早饭就出去了！他去了里斯。埃希顿先生那儿，在米尔科特的另一边，离这儿十英里，我想那儿聚集了一大批人，英格拉姆勋爵、乔治.林恩爵士、登特上校等都在。”
“你盼他今晚回来么？”
“不，——明天也不会回来。我想他很可能呆上一个礼拜，或者更长一点。这些杰出的上流社会的人物相聚，气氛欢快，格调高雅，娱乐款待，应有尽有，所以他们不急于散伙。而在这样的场合，尤其需要有教养有身份的人。罗切斯特先生既有才能，在社交场中又很活跃，我想他一定受到大家的欢迎。女士们都很喜欢他，尽管你会认为，在她们眼里他的外貌并没有特别值得赞许的地方。不过我猜想，他的学识、能力，也许还有他的财富和血统，弥补了他外貌上的小小缺陷。”
“里斯地方有贵妇、小姐吗？”
“有伊希顿太太和她的三个女儿——真还都是举止文雅的年轻小姐。还有可尊敬的布兰奇和玛丽.英格拉姆，我想都是非常漂亮的女人。说实在我是六七年前见到布兰奇的，当时她才十八岁。她来这里参加罗切斯特先生举办的圣诞舞会和聚会。你真该看一看那一天的餐室——布置得那么豪华，点得又那么灯火辉煌！我想有五十位女士和先生在场——都是出身于郡里的上等人家。英格拉姆小姐是那天晚上公认的美女。”
“你说你见到了她，费尔法克斯太太。她长得怎么个模样？”
“是呀、我看到她了，餐室的门敞开着，而且因为圣诞期间，允许佣人们聚在大厅里，听一些女士们演唱和弹奏。罗切斯特先生要我进去，我就在一个安静的角落里坐下来看她们。我从来没有见过这么光彩夺目的景象。女士们穿戴得富丽堂皇，大多数——至少是大多数年轻女子，长得很标致，而英格拉姆小姐当然是女皇了。”
“她什么模样？”
“高高的个子，漂亮的胸部，斜肩膀，典雅硕长的脖子，黝黑而洁净的橄榄色皮肤，高贵的五官，有些像罗切斯特先生那样的眼睛，又大又黑，像她的珠宝那样大放光彩，同时她还有一头很好的头发，乌黑乌黑，而又梳理得非常妥贴，脑后盘着粗粗的发辫，额前是我所看到过的最长最富有光泽的卷发，她一身素白，一块琥珀色的围巾绕过肩膀，越过胸前，在腰上扎一下，一直垂到膝盖之下，下端悬着长长的流苏。头发上还戴着一朵琥珀色的花，与她一团乌黑的卷发形成了对比。”
“当然她很受别人倾慕了？”
“是呀，一点也不错，不仅是因为她的漂亮，而且还因为她的才艺，她是那天演唱的女士之一，一位先生用钢琴替她伴奏，她和罗切斯特先生还表演了二重唱。”
“罗切斯特先生!我不知道他还能唱歌。”
“呵！他有一个漂亮的男低音，对音乐有很强的鉴赏力。”
“那么英格拉姆小姐呢，她属于哪类嗓子？”
“非常圆润而有力，她唱得很动听。听她唱歌是一种享受——随后她又演奏。我不会欣赏音乐，但罗切斯特先生行。我听他说她的演技很出色。”
“这位才貌双全的小姐还没有结婚吗？”
“好像还没有，我想她与她妹妹的财产都不多。老英格拉姆勋爵的产业大体上限定了继承人，而他的大儿子几乎继承了一切。”
“不过我觉得很奇怪，为什么没有富裕的贵族或绅士看中她，譬如罗切斯特先生，他很有钱，不是吗，”
“唉！是呀，不过你瞧，年龄差别很大。罗切斯特先生已快四十，而她只有二十五岁。”
“那有什么关系？比这更不般配的婚姻每天都有呢。”
“那是事实，但我不会认为罗切斯特先生会抱有那种想法。——可是你什么也没吃，从开始吃茶点到现在，你几乎没有尝过一口。”
“不，我太渴了，吃不下去。让我再喝一杯行吗？”
我正要重新将话题扯到罗切斯特先生和漂亮的布兰奇小姐有没有结合的可能性上，阿黛勒进来了，谈话也就转到了别的方面。
当我复又独处时，我细想了听到的情况，窥视了我的心灵，审察了我的思想和情感，努力用一双严厉的手，把那些在无边无际、无路可循的想象荒野上徘徊的一切，纳入常识的可靠规范之中。
我在自己的法庭上受到了传讯。记忆出来作证，陈述了从昨夜以来我所怀的希望、意愿和情感，陈述了过去近两周我所沉溺的一般思想状态。理智走到前面，不慌不忙地讲了一个朴实无华的故事，揭示了我如何拒绝了现实，狂热地吞下了理想。我宣布了大致这样的判决：
世上还不曾有过比简.爱更大的傻瓜，还没有一个更异想天开的白痴，那么轻信甜蜜的谎言、把毒药当作美酒吞下。
“你，”我说，“得宠于罗切斯特先生吗？你有讨他欢心的天赋吗？你有哪一点对他来说举足轻重吗？滚开！你的愚蠢让我厌烦。而你却因为人家偶尔表示了喜欢便乐滋滋的，殊不知这是一个出身名门的绅士，一个精于世故的人对一个下属、一个初出毛庐的人所作的暧昧表示。你好大的胆子，愚蠢得可怜的受骗者。——难道想到自身的利益都不能让你聪明些吗？今天早上你反复叨念着昨夜的短暂情景啦？——蒙起你的脸，感到羞愧吧，他说了几句称赞你眼晴的话、是吗？盲目的自命不凡者，睁开那双模糊的眼睛，瞧瞧你自己该死的糊涂劲儿吧！受到无意与她结婚的上司的恭维，对随便哪个女人来说都没有好处。爱情之火悄悄地在内心点燃，得不到回报，不为对方所知，必定会吞没煽起爱的生命；要是被发现了，得到了回报，必定犹如鬼火，将爱引入泥泞的荒地而不能自拔。对所有的女人来说，那简直是发疯。”
“那么，简.爱，听着对你的判决：明天，把镜子放在你面前，用粉笔绘出你自己的画像，要照实画，不要淡化你的缺陷，不要省略粗糙的线条，不要抹去令人讨厌的不匀称的地方，并在画像下面书上‘孤苦无依、相貌平庸的家庭女教师肖像。”
“然后，拿出一块光滑的象牙来——你在画盒子里有一块备着：拿出你的调色板，把你最新、最漂亮、最明洁的色泽调起来，选择你最精细的骆驼毛画笔，仔细地画出你所能想象的最漂亮的脸蛋，根据费尔法克斯太太对布兰奇.英格拉姆的描绘，用最柔和的浓淡差别，最甜蜜的色泽来画。记住乌黑的头发，东方式的眸子——什么！你把罗切斯特先生作为模持儿，镇静！别哭鼻子！——不要感情用事！——不要反悔！我只能忍受理智和决心。回忆一下那庄重而和谐的面部特征，希腊式的脖子和胸部，露出圆圆的光彩照人的胳膊和纤细的手。不要省掉钻石耳环和金手镯。一丝不差地画下衣服、悬垂的花边、闪光的缎子、雅致的围巾和金色的玫瑰，把这幅肖像画题作‘多才多艺的名门闺秀布兰奇。’”
“我会这么干的，”我打定了注意。决心一下，人也就平静下来了，于是便沉沉睡去。
我说到做到，一二个小时便用蜡笔画成了自己的肖像。而用了近两周的工夫完成了一幅想象中的布兰奇.英格拉姆象牙微型画。这张脸看上去是够可爱的，同用蜡笔根据真人画成的头像相比，其对比之强烈已到了自制力所能承受的极限。我很得益于这一做法。它使我的脑袋和双手都不闲着，也使我希望在心里烙下的不可磨灭的新印象更强烈，更不可动摇。
不久我有理由庆幸自己，在迫使我的情感服从有益的纪律方面有所长进。多亏了它，我才能够大大方方、平平静静地对付后来发生的事情，要是我毫无准备，那恐怕是连表面的镇静都是无法保持的。

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顶端

伊墨君

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Chapter 17

A WEEK passed, and no news arrived of Mr. Rochester: ten days,andstill he did not come. Mrs. Fairfax said she should not be surprised ifhe were to go straight from the Leas to London, and thence to theContinent, and not show his face again at Thornfield for a year to come;he had not unfrequently quitted it in a manner quite as abrupt andunexpected. When I heard this, I was beginning to feel a strange chilland failing at the heart. I was actually permitting myself to experiencea sickening sense of disappointment; but rallying my wits, andrecollecting my principles, I at once called my sensations to order; andit was wonderful how I got over the temporary blunder- how I cleared upthe mistake of supposing Mr. Rochester's movements a matter in which Ihad any cause to take a vital interest. Not that I humbled myself by aslavish notion of inferiority: on the contrary, I just said-
'Youhave nothing to do with the master of Thornfield, further than toreceive the salary he gives you for teaching his protegee, and to begrateful for such respectful and kind treatment as, if you do your duty,you have a right to expect at his hands. Be sure that is the only tiehe seriously acknowledges between you and him; so don't make him theobject of your fine feelings, your raptures, agonies, and so forth. Heis not of your order: keep to your caste, and be too self-respecting tolavish the love of the whole heart, soul, and strength, where such agift is not wanted and would be despised.'
I went on with my day's business tranquilly; but ever and anon vaguesuggestions kept wandering across my brain of reasons why I should quitThornfield; and I kept involuntarily framing advertisements andpondering conjectures about new situations: these thoughts I did notthink it necessary to check; they might germinate and bear fruit if theycould.
Mr. Rochester had been absent upwards of a fortnight, when the post brought Mrs. Fairfax a letter.
'It is from the master,' said she, as she looked at the direction.'Now I suppose we shall know whether we are to expect his return ornot.'
And while she broke the seal and perused the document, I went ontaking my coffee (we were at breakfast): it was hot, and I attributed tothat circumstance a fiery glow which suddenly rose to my face. Why myhand shook, and why I involuntarily spilt half the contents of my cupinto my saucer, I did not choose to consider.
'Well, I sometimes think we are too quiet; but we run a chance of being busy enough now: for a little while at least,' said Mrs.
Fairfax, still holding the note before her spectacles.
Ere I permitted myself to request an explanation, I tied the stringof Adele's pinafore, which happened to be loose: having helped her alsoto another bun and refilled her mug with milk, I said nonchalantly-
'Mr. Rochester is not likely to return soon, I suppose?'
'Indeed he is- in three days, he says: that will be next Thursday;and not alone either. I don't know how many of the fine people at theLeas are coming with him: he sends directions for all the best bedroomsto be prepared; and the library and drawing-rooms are to be cleaned out;and I am to get more kitchen hands from the George Inn, at Millcote,and from wherever else I can; and the ladies will bring their maids andthe gentlemen their valets: so we shall have a full house of it.' AndMrs. Fairfax swallowed her breakfast and hastened away to commenceoperations.
The three days were, as she had foretold, busy enough. I had thoughtall the rooms at Thornfield beautifully clean and well arranged; but itappears I was mistaken. Three women were got to help; and suchscrubbing, such brushing, such washing of paint and beating of carpets,such taking down and putting up of pictures, such polishing of mirrorsand lustres, such lighting of fires in bedrooms, such airing of sheetsand feather-beds on hearths, I never beheld, either before or since.Adele ran quite wild in the midst of it: the preparations for companyand the prospect of their arrival, seemed to throw her into ecstasies.She would have Sophie to look over all her 'toilettes,' as she calledfrocks; to furbish up any that were 'passees,' and to air and arrangethe new. For herself, she did nothing but caper about in the frontchambers, jump on and off the bedsteads, and lie on the mattresses andpiled-up bolsters and pillows before the enormous fires roaring in thechimneys. From school duties she was exonerated: Mrs. Fairfax hadpressed me into her service, and I was all day in the storeroom, helping(or hindering) her and the cook; learning to make custards andcheese-cakes and French pastry, to truss game and garnishdessert-dishes.
The party were expected to arrive on Thursday afternoon, in time fordinner at six. During the intervening period I had no time to nursechimeras; and I believe I was as active and gay as anybody- Adeleexcepted. Still, now and then, I received a damping check to mycheerfulness; and was, in spite of myself, thrown back on the region ofdoubts and portents, and dark conjectures. This was when I chanced tosee the third-storey staircase door (which of late had always been keptlocked) open slowly, and give passage to the form of Grace Poole, inprim cap, white apron, and handkerchief; when I watched her glide alongthe gallery, her quiet tread muffled in a list slipper; when I saw herlook into the bustling, topsy-turvy bedrooms,- just say a word, perhaps,to the charwoman about the proper way to polish a grate, or clean amarble mantelpiece, or take stains from papered walls, and then pass on.She would thus descend to the kitchen once a day, eat her dinner, smokea moderate pipe on the hearth, and go back, carrying her pot of porterwith her, for her private solace, in her own gloomy, upper haunt. Onlyone hour in the twenty-four did she pass with her fellow-servants below;all the rest of her time was spent in some low-ceiled, oaken chamber ofthe second storey: there she sat and sewed- and probably laugheddrearily to herself,- as companionless as a prisoner in his dungeon.
The strangest thing of all was, that not a soul in the house, exceptme, noticed her habits, or seemed to marvel at them: no one discussedher position or employment; no one pitied her solitude or isolation. Ionce, indeed, overheard part of a dialogue between Leah and one of thecharwomen, of which Grace formed the subject. Leah had been sayingsomething I had not caught, and the charwoman remarked-
'She gets good wages, I guess?'
'Yes,' said Leah; 'I wish I had as good; not that mine are tocomplain of,- there's no stinginess at Thornfield; but they're not onefifth of the sum Mrs. Poole receives. And she is laying by: she goesevery quarter to the bank at Millcote. I should not wonder but she hassaved enough to keep her independent if she liked to leave; but Isuppose she's got used to the place; and then she's not forty yet, andstrong and able for anything. It is too soon for her to give upbusiness.'
'She is a good hand, I daresay,' said the charwoman.
'Ah!- she understands what she has to do,- nobody better,' rejoinedLeah significantly; 'and it is not every one could fill her shoes- notfor all the money she gets.'
'That it is not!' was the reply. 'I wonder whether the master-'
The charwoman was going on; but here Leah turned and perceived me, and she instantly gave her companion a nudge.
'Doesn't she know?' I heard the woman whisper.
Leah shook her head, and the conversation was of course dropped.
All I had gathered from it amounted to this,- that there was amystery at Thornfield; and that from participation in that mystery I waspurposely excluded.
Thursday came: all work had been completed the previous evening;carpets were laid down, bed-hangings festooned, radiant whitecounterpanes spread, toilet tables arranged, furniture rubbed, flowerspiled in vases: both chambers and saloons looked as fresh and bright ashands could make them. The hall, too, was scoured; and the great carvedclock, as well as the steps and banisters of the staircase, werepolished to the brightness of glass; in the dining-room, the sideboardflashed resplendent with plate; in the drawing-room and boudoir, vasesof exotics bloomed on all sides.
Afternoon arrived: Mrs. Fairfax assumed her best black satin gown,her gloves, and her gold watch; for it was her part to receive thecompany,- to conduct the ladies to their rooms, etc. Adele, too, wouldbe dressed: though I thought she had little chance of being introducedto the party that day at least. However, to please her, I allowed Sophieto apparel her in one of her short, full muslin frocks.
For myself, I had no need to make any change; I should not be calledupon to quit my sanctum of the schoolroom; for a sanctum it was nowbecome to me,- 'a very pleasant refuge in time of trouble.'
It had been a mild, serene spring day- one of those days which,towards the end of March or the beginning of April, rise shining overthe earth as heralds of summer. It was drawing to an end now; but theevening was even warm, and I sat at work in the schoolroom with thewindow open.
'It gets late,' said Mrs. Fairfax, entering in rustling state. 'I amglad I ordered dinner an hour after the time Mr. Rochester mentioned;for it is past six now. I have sent John down to the gates to see ifthere is anything on the road: one can see a long way from thence in thedirection of Millcote.' She went to the window.
'Here he is!' said she. 'Well, John' (leaning out), 'any news?'
'They're coming, ma'am,' was the answer. 'They'll be here in ten minutes.'
Adele flew to the window. I followed, taking care to stand on oneside, so that, screened by the curtain, I could see without being seen.
The ten minutes John had given seemed very long, but at last wheelswere heard; four equestrians galloped up the drive, and after them cametwo open carriages. Fluttering veils and waving plumes filled thevehicles; two of the cavaliers were young, dashing-looking gentlemen;the third was Mr. Rochester, on his black horse, Mesrour,  Pilotbounding before him; at his side rode a lady, and he and she were thefirst of the party. Her purple riding-habit almost swept the, ground,her veil streamed long on the breeze; mingling with its transparentfolds, and gleaming through them, shone rich raven ringlets.
'Miss Ingram!' exclaimed Mrs. Fairfax, and away she hurried to her post below.
The cavalcade, following the sweep of the drive, quickly turned theangle of the house, and I lost sight of it. Adele now petitioned to godown; but I took her on my knee, and gave her to understand that shemust not on any account think of venturing in sight of the ladies,either now or at any other time, unless expressly sent for: that Mr.Rochester would be very angry, etc. 'Some natural tears she shed' onbeing told this; but as I began to look very grave, she consented atlast to wipe them.
A joyous stir was now audible in the hall: gentlemen's deep tones andladies' silvery accents blent harmoniously together, anddistinguishable above all, though not loud, was the sonorous voice ofthe master of Thornfield Hall, welcoming his fair and gallant guestsunder its roof. Then light steps ascended the stairs; and there was atripping through the gallery, and soft cheerful laughs, and opening andclosing doors, and, for a time, a hush.
'Elles changent de toilettes,' said Adele; who, listening attentively, had followed every movement; and she sighed.
'Chez maman,' said she, 'quand il y avait du monde, je le suivaispartout, au salon et a leurs chambres; souvent je regardais les femmesde chambre coiffer et habiller les dames, et c'etait si amusant: commecela on apprend.'
'Don't you feel hungry, Adele?'
'Mais oui, mademoiselle: voila cinq ou six heures que nous n'avons pas mange.'
'Well now, while the ladies are in their rooms, I will venture down and get you something to eat.'
And issuing from my asylum with precaution, I sought a backstairswhich conducted directly to the kitchen. All in that region was fire andcommotion; the soup and fish were in the last stage of projection, andthe cook hung over her crucibles in a frame of mind and body threateningspontaneous combustion. In the servants' hall two coachmen and threegentlemen's gentlemen stood or sat round the fire; the abigails, Isuppose, were upstairs with their mistresses; the new servants, that hadbeen hired from Millcote, were bustling about everywhere. Threadingthis chaos, I at last reached the larder; there I took possession of acold chicken, a roll of bread, some tarts, a plate or two and a knifeand fork: with this booty I made a hasty retreat. I had regained thegallery, and was just shutting the back-door behind me, when anaccelerated hum warned me that the ladies were about to issue from theirchambers. I could not proceed to the schoolroom without passing some oftheir doors, and running the risk of being surprised with my cargo ofvictualage; so I stood still at this end, which, being windowless, wasdark: quite dark now, for the sun was set and twilight gathering.
Presently the chambers gave up their fair tenants one after another:each came out gaily and airily, with dress that gleamed lustrous throughthe dusk. For a moment they stood grouped together at the otherextremity of the gallery, conversing in a key of sweet subdued vivacity:they then descended the staircase almost as noiselessly as a brightmist rolls down a hill. Their collective appearance had left on me animpression of high-born  elegance, such as I had never before received.
I found Adele peeping through the schoolroom door, which she heldajar. 'What beautiful ladies!' cried she in English. 'Oh, I wish I mightgo to them! Do you think Mr. Rochester will send for us by and by,after dinner?'
'No, indeed, I don't; Mr. Rochester has something else to thinkabout. Never mind the ladies to-night; perhaps you will see themto-morrow: here is your dinner.'
She was really hungry, so the chicken and tarts served to divert herattention for a time. It was well I secured this forage, or both she, I,and Sophie, to whom I conveyed a share of our repast, would have run achance of getting no dinner at all: every one downstairs was too muchengaged to think of us. The dessert was not carried out till after nine,and at ten footmen were still running to and fro with trays andcoffee-cups. I allowed Adele to sit up much later than usual; for shedeclared she could not possibly go to sleep while the doors kept openingand shutting below, and people bustling about.
Besides, she added, a message might possibly come from Mr. Rochester when she was undressed; 'et alors quel dommage!'
I told her stories as long as she would listen to them; and then for achange I took her out into the gallery. The hall lamp was now lit, andit amused her to look over the balustrade and watch the servants passingbackwards and forwards. When the evening was far advanced, a sound ofmusic issued from the drawing-room, whither the piano had been removed;Adele and I sat down on the top step of the stairs to listen. Presently avoice blent with the rich tones of the instrument; it was a lady whosang, and very sweet her  notes were. The solo over, a duet followed,and then a glee: a joyous conversational murmur filled up the intervals.I listened long: suddenly I discovered that my ear was wholly intent onanalysing the mingled sounds, and trying to discriminate amidst theconfusion of accents those of Mr. Rochester; and when it caught them,which it soon did, it found a further task in framing the tones,rendered by distance inarticulate, into words.
The clock struck eleven. I looked at Adele, whose head leant againstmy shoulder; her eyes were waxing heavy, so I took her up in my arms andcarried her off to bed. It was near one before the gentlemen and ladiessought their chambers.
The next day was as fine as its predecessor: it was devoted by theparty to an excursion to some site in the neighbourhood. They set outearly in the forenoon, some on horseback, the rest in carriages; Iwitnessed both the departure and the return. Miss Ingram, as before, wasthe only lady equestrian; and, as before, Mr. Rochester galloped at herside; the two rode a little apart from the rest. I pointed out thiscircumstance to Mrs. Fairfax, who was standing at the window with me-
'You said it was not likely they should think of being married,'
said I, 'but you see Mr. Rochester evidently prefers her to any of the other ladies.'
'Yes, I daresay: no doubt he admires her.'
'And she him,' I added; 'look how she leans her head towards him asif she were conversing confidentially; I wish I could see her face; Ihave never had a glimpse of it yet.'
'You will see her this evening,' answered Mrs. Fairfax. 'I happenedto remark to Mr. Rochester how much Adele wished to be introduced to theladies, and he said: "Oh! let her come into the drawing-room afterdinner; and request Miss Eyre to accompany her."'
'Yes; he said that from mere politeness: I need not go, I am sure,' I answered.
'Well, I observed to him that as you were unused to company, I didnot think you would like appearing before so gay a party- all strangers;and he replied, in his quick way- "Nonsense! If she objects, tell herit is my particular wish; and if she resists, say I shall come and fetchher in case of contumacy."'
'I will not give him that trouble,' I answered. 'I will go, if nobetter may be; but I don't like it. Shall you be there, Mrs. Fairfax?'
'No; I pleaded off, and he admitted my plea. I'll tell you how tomanage so as to avoid the embarrassment of making a formal entrance,which is the most disagreeable part of the business. You must go intothe drawing-room while it is empty, before the ladies leave thedinner-table; choose your seat in any quiet nook you like; you need notstay long after the gentlemen come in, unless you please: just let Mr.Rochester see you are there and then slip away- nobody will notice you.'
'Will these people remain long, do you think?'
'Perhaps two or three weeks, certainly not more. After the Easterrecess, Sir George Lynn, who was lately elected member for Millcote,will have to go up to town and take his seat; I daresay Mr. Rochesterwill accompany him: it surprises me that he has already made soprotracted a stay at Thornfield.'
It was with some trepidation that I perceived the hour approach when Iwas to repair with my charge to the drawing-room. Adele had been in astate of ecstasy all day, after hearing she was to be presented to theladies in the evening; and it was not till Sophie commenced theoperation of dressing her that she sobered down. Then the importance ofthe process quickly steadied her, and by the time she had her curlsarranged in well-smoothed, drooping clusters, her pink satin frock puton, her long sash tied, and her lace mittens adjusted, she looked asgrave as any judge. No need to warn her not to disarrange her attire:when she was dressed, she sat demurely down in her little chair, takingcare previously to lift up the satin skirt for fear she should creaseit, and assured me she would not stir thence till I was ready. This Iquickly was: my best dress (the silver-grey one, purchased for MissTemple's wedding, and never worn since) was soon put on; my hair wassoon smoothed; my sole ornament, the pearl brooch, soon assumed. Wedescended.
Fortunately there was another entrance to the drawing-room than thatthrough the saloon where they were all seated at dinner. We found theapartment vacant; a large fire burning silently on the marble hearth,and wax candles shining in bright solitude, amid the exquisite flowerswith which the tables were adorned. The crimson curtain hung before thearch: slight as was the separation this drapery formed from the party inthe adjoining saloon, they spoke in so low a key that nothing of theirconversation could be distinguished beyond a soothing murmur.
Adele, who appeared to be still under the influence of a mostsolemnising impression, sat down, without a word, on the footstool Ipointed out to her. I retired to a window-seat, and taking a book from atable near, endeavoured to read. Adele brought her stool to my feet;ere long she touched my knee.
'What is it, Adele?'
'Est-ce que je ne puis pas prendre une seule de ces fleurs magnifiques, mademoiselle? Seulement pour completer ma toilette.'
'You think too much of your "toilette," Adele: but you may have aflower.' And I took a rose from a vase and fastened it in her sash.
She sighed a sigh of ineffable satisfaction, as if her cup ofhappiness were now full. I turned my face away to conceal a smile Icould not suppress: there was something ludicrous as well as painful inthe little Parisienne's earnest and innate devotion to matters of dress.
A soft sound of rising now became audible; the curtain was swept backfrom the arch; through it appeared the dining-room, with its lit lustrepouring down light on the silver and glass of a magnificentdessert-service covering a long table; a band of ladies stood in theopening; they entered, and the curtain fell behind them.
There were but eight; yet, somehow, as they flocked in, they gave theimpression of a much larger number. Some of them were very tall; manywere dressed in white; and all had a sweeping amplitude of array thatseemed to magnify their persons as a mist magnifies the moon. I rose andcurtseyed to them: one or two bent their heads in return, the othersonly stared at me.
They dispersed about the room, reminding me, by the lightness andbuoyancy of their movements, of a flock of white plumy birds. Some ofthem threw themselves in half-reclining positions on the sofas andottomans: some bent over the tables and examined the flowers and books:the rest gathered in a group round the fire: all talked in a low butclear tone which seemed habitual to them. I knew their names afterwards,and may as well mention them now.
First, there was Mrs. Eshton and two of her daughters. She hadevidently been a handsome woman, and was well preserved still. Of herdaughters, the eldest, Amy, was rather little: naive, and child-like inface and manner, and piquant in form; her white muslin dress and bluesash became her well. The second, Louisa, was taller and more elegant infigure; with a very pretty face, of that order the French term minoischiffone: both sisters were fair as lilies.
Lady Lynn was a large and stout personage of about forty, very erect,very haughty-looking, richly dressed in a satin robe of changefulsheen: her dark hair shone glossily under the shade of an azure plume,and within the circlet of a band of gems.
Mrs. Colonel Dent was less showy; but, I thought, more lady-like.
She had a slight figure, a pale, gentle face, and fair hair. Herblack satin dress, her scarf of rich foreign lace, and her pearlornaments, pleased me better than the rainbow radiance of the titleddame.
But the three most distinguished- partly, perhaps, because thetallest figures of the band- were the Dowager Lady Ingram and herdaughters, Blanche and Mary. They were all three of the loftiest statureof women. The Dowager might be between forty and fifty: her shape wasstill fine; her hair (by candlelight at least) still black; her teeth,too, were still apparently perfect. Most people would have termed her asplendid woman of her age: and so she was, no doubt, physicallyspeaking; but then there was an expression of almost insupportablehaughtiness in her bearing and countenance. She had Roman features and adouble chin, disappearing into a throat like a pillar: these featuresappeared to me not only inflated and darkened, but even furrowed withpride; and the chin was sustained by the same principle, in a positionof almost preternatural erectness. She had, likewise, a fierce and ahard eye: it reminded me of Mrs. Reed's; she mouthed her words inspeaking; her voice was deep, its inflections very pompous, verydogmatical,- very intolerable, in short. A crimson velvet robe, and ashawl turban of some gold-wrought Indian fabric, invested her (I supposeshe thought) with a truly imperial dignity.
Blanche and Mary were of equal stature,- straight and tall aspoplars. Mary was too slim for her height, but Blanche was moulded like aDian. I regarded her, of course, with special interest.
First, I wished to see whether her appearance accorded with Mrs.Fairfax's description; secondly, whether it at all resembled the fancyminiature I had painted of her; and thirdly- it will out!- whether itwere such as I should fancy likely to suit Mr. Rochester's taste.
As far as person went, she answered point for point, both to mypicture and Mrs. Fairfax's description. The noble bust, the slopingshoulders, the graceful neck, the dark eyes and black ringlets were allthere;- but her face? Her face was like her mother's; a youthfulunfurrowed likeness: the same low brow, the same high features, the samepride. It was not, however, so saturnine a pride! she laughedcontinually; her laugh was satirical, and so was the habitual expressionof her arched and haughty lip.
Genius is said to be self-conscious. I cannot tell whether MissIngram was a genius, but she was self-conscious- remarkablyself-conscious indeed. She entered into a discourse on  botany with thegentle Mrs. Dent. It seemed Mrs. Dent had not studied that science:though, as she said, she liked flowers, 'especially wild ones'; MissIngram had, and she ran over its vocabulary with an air. I presentlyperceived she was (what is vernacularly termed) trailing Mrs. Dent; thatis, playing on her ignorance: her trail might be clever, but it wasdecidedly not good-natured. She played: her execution was brilliant; shesang, her voice was fine; she talked French apart to her mama; and shetalked it well, with fluency and with a good accent.
Mary had a milder and more open countenance than Blanche; softerfeatures too, and a skin some shades fairer (Miss Ingram was dark as aSpaniard)- but Mary was deficient in life: her face lacked expression,her eye lustre; she had nothing to say, and having once taken her seat,remained fixed like a statue in its niche. The sisters were both attiredin spotless white.
And did I now think Miss Ingram such a choice as Mr. Rochester wouldbe likely to make? I could not tell- I did not know his taste in femalebeauty. If he liked the majestic, she was the very type of majesty: thenshe was accomplished, sprightly. Most gentlemen would admire her, Ithought; and that he did admire her, I already seemed to have obtainedproof: to remove the last shade of doubt, it remained but to see themtogether.
You are not to suppose, reader, that Adele has all this time beensitting motionless on the stool at my feet: no; when the ladies entered,she rose, advanced to meet them, made a stately reverence, and saidwith gravity-
'Bon jour, mesdames.'
And Miss Ingram had looked down at her with a mocking air, and exclaimed, 'Oh, what a little puppet!'
Lady Lynn had remarked, 'It is Mr. Rochester's ward, I suppose- the little French girl he was speaking of.'
Mrs. Dent had kindly taken her hand, and given her a kiss. Amy and Louisa Eshton had cried out simultaneously-
'What a love of a child!'
And then they had called her to a sofa, where she now sat, ensconcedbetween them, chattering alternately in French and broken English;absorbing not only the young ladies' attention, but that of Mrs. Eshtonand Lady Lynn, and getting spoilt to her heart's content.
At last coffee is brought in, and the gentlemen are summoned. I sitin the shade- if any shade there be in this brilliantly-lit apartment;the window-curtain half hides me. Again the arch yawns; they come. Thecollective appearance of the gentlemen, like that of the ladies, is veryimposing: they are all costumed in black; most of them are tall, someyoung. Henry and Frederick Lynn are very dashing sparks indeed; andColonel Dent is a fine soldierly man. Mr. Eshton, the magistrate of thedistrict, is gentleman-like: his hair is quite white, his eyebrows andwhiskers still dark, which gives him something of the appearance of a'pere noble de theatre.' Lord Ingram, like his sisters, is very tall;like them, also, he is handsome; but he shares Mary's apathetic andlistless look: he seems to have more length of limb than vivacity ofblood or vigour of brain.
And where is Mr. Rochester?
He comes in last: I am not looking at the arch, yet I see him enter. Itry to concentrate my attention on those netting-needles, on the meshesof the purse I am forming- I wish to think only of the work I have inmy hands, to see only the silver beads and silk threads that lie in mylap; whereas, I distinctly behold his figure, and I inevitably recallthe moment when I last saw it; just after I had rendered him, what hedeemed, an essential service, and he, holding my hand, and looking downon my face, surveyed me with eyes that revealed a heart full and eagerto overflow; in whose emotions I had a part.
How near had I approached him at that moment! What had occurredsince, calculated to change his and my relative positions? Yet now, howdistant, how far estranged we were! So far estranged, that I did notexpect him to come and speak to me. I did not wonder, when, withoutlooking at me, he took a seat at the other side of the room, and beganconversing with some of the ladies.
No sooner did I see that his attention was riveted on them, and that Imight gaze without being observed, than my eyes were drawninvoluntarily to his face; I could not keep their lids under control:they would rise, and the irids would fix on him. I looked, and had anacute pleasure in looking,- a precious yet poignant pleasure; pure gold,with a steely point of agony: a pleasure like what the thirst-perishingman might feel who knows the well to which he has crept is poisoned,yet stoops and drinks divine draughts nevertheless.
Most true is it that 'beauty is in the eye of the gazer.' My master'scolourless, olive face, square, massive brow, broad and jetty eyebrows,deep eyes, strong features, firm, grim mouth,- all energy, decision,will,- were not beautiful, according to rule; but they were more thanbeautiful to me; they were full of an interest, an influence that quitemastered me,- that took my feelings from my own power and fettered themin his. I had not intended to love him; the reader knows I had wroughthard to extirpate from my soul the germs of love there detected; andnow, at the first renewed view of him, they spontaneously arrived, greenand strong! He made me love him without looking at me.
I compared him with his guests. What was the gallant grace of theLynns, the languid elegance of Lord Ingram,- even the militarydistinction of Colonel Dent, contrasted with his look of native pith andgenuine power? I had no sympathy in their appearance, their expression:yet I could imagine that most observers would call them attractive,handsome, imposing; while they would pronounce Mr. Rochester at onceharsh-featured and melancholy-looking. I saw them smile, laugh- it wasnothing; the light of the candles had as much soul in it as their smile;the tinkle of the bell as much significance as their laugh. I saw Mr.Rochester smile:- his stern features softened; his eye grew bothbrilliant and gentle, its ray both searching and sweet. He was talking,at the moment, to Louisa and Amy Eshton. I wondered to see them receivewith calm that look which seemed to me so penetrating: I expected theireyes to fall, their colour to rise under it; yet I was glad when I foundthey were in no sense moved. 'He is not to them what he is to me,' Ithought: 'he is not of their kind. I believe he is of mine;- I am surehe is- I feel akin to him- I understand the language of his countenanceand movements: though rank and wealth sever us widely, I have somethingin my brain and heart, in my blood and nerves, that assimilates mementally to him. Did I say, a few days since, that I had nothing to dowith him but to receive my salary at his hands? Did I forbid myself tothink of him in any other light than as a paymaster? Blasphemy againstnature! Every good, true, vigorous feeling I have gathers impulsivelyround him. I know I must conceal my sentiments: I must smother hope; Imust remember that he cannot care much for me. For when I say that I amof his kind, I do not mean that I have his force to influence, and hisspell to attract; I mean only that I have certain tastes and feelings incommon with him. I must, then, repeat continually that we are for eversundered:- and yet, while I breathe and think, I must love him.'
Coffee is handed. The ladies, since the gentlemen entered, havebecome lively as larks; conversation waxes brisk and merry. Colonel Dentand Mr. Eshton argue on politics; their wives listen. The two prouddowagers, Lady Lynn and Lady Ingram, confabulate together. Sir George-whom, by the bye, I have forgotten to describe,- a very big, and veryfresh-looking country gentleman, stands before their sofa, coffee-cup inhand, and occasionally puts in a word. Mr. Frederick Lynn has taken aseat beside Mary Ingram, and is showing her the engravings of a splendidvolume: she looks, smiles now and then, but apparently says little. Thetall and phlegmatic Lord Ingram leans with folded arms on thechair-back of the little and lively Amy Eshton; she glances up at him,and chatters like a wren: she likes him better than she does Mr.Rochester. Henry Lynn has taken possession of an ottoman at the feet ofLouisa: Adele shares it with him: he is trying to talk French with her,and Louisa laughs at his blunders.
With whom will Blanche Ingram pair? She is standing alone at thetable, bending gracefully over an album. She seems waiting to be sought;but she will not wait too long: she herself selects a mate.
Mr. Rochester, having quitted the Eshtons, stands on the hearth assolitary as she stands by the table: she confronts him, taking herstation on the opposite side of the mantelpiece.
'Mr. Rochester, I thought you were not fond of children?'
'Nor am I.'
'Then, what induced you to take charge of such a little doll as that?' (pointing to Adele). 'Where did you pick her up?'
'I did not pick her up; she was left on my hands.'
'You should have sent her to school.'
'I could not afford it: schools are so dear.'
'Why, I suppose you have a governess for her: I saw a person with herjust now- is she gone? Oh, no! there she is still, behind thewindow-curtain. You pay her, of course; I should think it quite asexpensive,- more so; for you have them both to keep in addition.'
I feared- or should I say, hoped?- the allusion to me would make Mr.Rochester glance my way; and I involuntarily shrank farther into theshade: but he never turned his eyes.
'I have not considered the subject,' said he indifferently, looking straight before him.
'No, you men never do consider economy and common sense. You shouldhear mama on the chapter of governesses: Mary and I have had, I shouldthink, a dozen at least in our day; half of them detestable and the restridiculous, and all incubi- were they not, mama?'
'Did you speak, my own?'
The young lady thus claimed as the dowager's special property, reiterated her question with an explanation.
'My dearest, don't mention governesses; the word makes me nervous. Ihave suffered a martyrdom from their incompetency and caprice. I thankHeaven I have now done with them!'
Mrs. Dent here bent over to the pious lady, and whispered somethingin her car; I suppose, from the answer elicited, it was a reminder thatone of the anathematised race was present.
'Tant pis!' said her ladyship, 'I hope it may do her good!' Then, in alower tone, but still loud enough for me to hear, 'I noticed her; I am ajudge of physiognomy, and in hers I see all the faults of her class.'
'What are they, madam?' inquired Mr. Rochester aloud.
'I will tell you in your private ear,' replied she, wagging her turban three times with portentous significancy.
'But my curiosity will be past its appetite; it craves food now.'
'Ask Blanche; she is nearer you than I.'
'Oh, don't refer him to me, mama! I have just one word to say of thewhole tribe; they are a nuisance. Not that I ever suffered much fromthem; I took care to turn the tables. What tricks Theodore and I used toplay on our Miss Wilsons, and Mrs. Greys, and Madame Jouberts! Mary wasalways too sleepy to join in a plot with spirit.
The best fun was with Madame Joubert: Miss Wilson was a poor sicklything, lachrymose and low-spirited, not worth the trouble ofvanquishing, in short; and Mrs. Grey was coarse and insensible; no blowtook effect on her. But poor Madame Joubert! I see her yet in her ragingpassions, when we had driven her to extremities- spilt our tea,crumbled our bread and butter, tossed our books up to the ceiling, andplayed a charivari with the ruler and desk, the fender and fire-irons.
Theodore, do you remember those merry days?'
'Yaas, to be sure I do,' drawled Lord Ingram; 'and the poor old stickused to cry out "Oh you villains childs!"- and then we sermonised heron the presumption of attempting to teach such clever blades as we were,when she was herself so ignorant.'
'We did; and, Tedo, you know, I helped you in prosecuting (orpersecuting) your tutor, whey-faced Mr. Vining- the parson in the pip,as we used to call him. He and Miss Wilson took the liberty of fallingin love with each other- at least Tedo and I thought so; we surprisedsundry tender glances and sighs which we interpreted as tokens of "labelle passion," and I promise you the public soon had the benefit of ourdiscovery; we employed it as a sort of lever to hoist our dead-weightsfrom the house. Dear mama, there, as soon as she got an inkling of thebusiness, found out that it was of an immoral tendency. Did you not, mylady-mother?'
'Certainly, my best. And I was quite right: depend on that: there area thousand reasons why liaisons between governesses and tutors shouldnever be tolerated a moment in any well-regulated house; firstly-'
'Oh, gracious, mama! Spare us the enumeration! Au reste, we all knowthem: danger of bad example to innocence of childhood; distractions andconsequent neglect of duty on the part of the attached- mutual allianceand reliance; confidence thence resulting- insolence accompanying-mutiny and general blowup. Am I right, Baroness Ingram, of Ingram Park?'
'My lily-flower, you are right now, as always.'
'Then no more need be said: change the subject.'
Amy Eshton, not hearing or not heeding this dictum, joined in withher soft, infantine tone: 'Louisa and I used to quiz our governess too;but she was such a good creature, she would bear anything: nothing puther out. She was never cross with us; was she, Louisa?'
'No, never: we might do what we pleased; ransack her desk and herworkbox, and turn her drawers inside out; and she was so good-natured,she would give us anything we asked for.'
'I suppose, now,' said Miss Ingram, curling her lip sarcastically,'we shall have an abstract of the memoirs of all the governesses extant:in order to avert such a visitation, I again move the introduction of anew topic. Mr. Rochester, do you second my motion?'
'Madam, I support you on this point, as on every other.'
'Then on me be the onus of bringing it forward. Signior Eduardo, are you in voice to-night?'
'Donna Bianca, if you command it, I will be.'
'Then, signior, I lay on you my sovereign behest to furbish up yourlungs and other vocal organs, as they will be wanted on my royalservice.'
'Who would not be the Rizzio of so divine a Mary?'
'A fig for Rizzio!' cried she, tossing her head with all its curls,as she moved to the piano. 'It is my opinion the fiddler David must havebeen an insipid sort of fellow; I like black Bothwell better: to mymind a man is nothing without a spice of the devil in him; and historymay say what it will of James Hepburn, but I have a notion, he was justthe sort of wild, fierce, bandit hero whom I could have consented togift with my hand.'
'Gentlemen, you hear! Now which of you most resembles Bothwell?' cried Mr. Rochester.
'I should say the preference lies with you,' responded Colonel Dent.
'On my honour, I am much obliged to you,' was the reply.
Miss Ingram, who had now seated herself with proud grace at thepiano, spreading out her snowy robes in queenly amplitude, commenced abrilliant prelude; talking meantime. She appeared to be on her highhorse to-night; both her words and her air seemed intended to excite notonly the admiration, but the amazement of her auditors: she wasevidently bent on striking them as something very dashing and daringindeed.
'Oh, I am so sick of the young men of the present day!' exclaimedshe, rattling away at the instrument. 'Poor, puny things, not fit tostir a step beyond papa's park gates: nor to go even so far withoutmama's permission and guardianship! Creatures so absorbed in care abouttheir pretty faces, and their white hands, and their small feet; as if aman had anything to do with beauty! As if loveliness were not thespecial prerogative of woman- her legitimate appanage and heritage! Igrant an ugly woman is a blot on the fair face of creation; but as tothe gentlemen, let them be solicitous to possess only strength andvalour: let their motto be:- Hunt, shoot, and fight: the rest is notworth a fillip. Such should be my device, were I a man.'
'Whenever I marry,' she continued after a pause which noneinterrupted, 'I am resolved my husband shall not be a rival, but a foilto me. I will suffer no competitor near the throne; I shall exact anundivided homage: his devotions shall not be shared between me and theshape he sees in his mirror. Mr. Rochester, now sing, and I will playfor you.'
'I am all obedience,' was the response.
'Here then is a Corsair-song. Know that I doat on Corsairs; and for that reason, sing it con spirito.'
'Commands from Miss Ingram's lips would put spirit into a mug of milk and water.'
'Take care, then: if you don't please me, I will shame you by showing how such things should be done.'
'That is offering a premium on incapacity: I shall now endeavour to fail.'
'Gardez-vous en bien! If you err wilfully, I shall devise a proportionate punishment.'
'Miss Ingram ought to be clement, for she has it in her power to inflict a chastisement beyond mortal endurance.'
'Ha! explain!' commanded the lady.
'Pardon me, madam: no need of explanation; your own fine sense mustinform you that one of your frowns would be a sufficient substitute forcapital punishment.'
'Sing!' said she, and again touching the piano, she commenced an accompaniment in spirited style.
'Now is my time to slip away,' thought I: but the tones that thensevered the air arrested me. Mrs. Fairfax had said Mr. Rochesterpossessed a fine voice: he did- a mellow, powerful bass, into which hethrew his own feeling, his own force: finding a way through the ear tothe heart, and there waking sensation strangely. I waited till the lastdeep and full vibration had expired- till the tide of talk, checked aninstant, had resumed its flow; I then quitted my sheltered corner andmade my exit by the side-door, which was fortunately near. Thence anarrow passage led into the hall: in crossing it, I perceived my sandalwas loose; I stopped to tie it, kneeling down for that purpose on themat at the foot of the staircase. I heard the dining-room door unclose; agentleman came out; rising hastily, I stood face to face with him: itwas Mr. Rochester.
'How do you do?' he asked.
'I am very well, sir.'
'Why did you not come and speak to me in the room?'
I thought I might have retorted the question on him who put it: but I would not take that freedom. I answered-
'I did not wish to disturb you, as you seemed engaged, sir.'
'What have you been doing during my absence?'
'Nothing particular; teaching Adele as usual.'
'And getting a good deal paler than you were- as I saw at first sight. What is the matter?'
'Nothing at all, sir.'
'Did you take any cold that night you half drowned me?'
'Not the least.'
'Return to the drawing-room: you are deserting too early.'
'I am tired, sir.'
He looked at me for a minute.
'And a little depressed,' he said. 'What about? Tell me.'
'Nothing- nothing, sir. I am not depressed.'
'But I affirm that you are: so much depressed that a few more wordswould bring tears to your eyes- indeed, they are there now, shining andswimming; and a bead has slipped from the lash and fallen on to theflag. If I had time, and was not in mortal dread of some prating prig ofa servant passing, I would know what all this means. Well, to-night Iexcuse you; but understand that so long as my visitors stay, I expectyou to appear in the drawing-room every evening; it is my wish; don'tneglect it. Now go, and send Sophie for Adele.Good-night, my-' He stopped, bit his lip, and abruptly left me.

一个星期过去了，却不见罗切斯特先生的消息，十天过去了，他仍旧没有来。费尔法克斯太太说，要是他直接从里斯去伦敦，并从那儿转道去欧洲大陆，一年内不再在桑菲尔德露面，她也不会感到惊奇，因为他常常出乎意料地说走就走，听她这么一说，我心里冷飕飕沉甸甸的，实际上我在任凭自己陷入一种令人厌恶的失落感，不过我调动了智慧，重建了原则，立刻使自己的感觉恢复了正常，说来也让人惊奇，我终于纠正了一时的过错，清除了认
为有理由为罗切斯特先生的行动操心的错误想法。我并没有低声下气，怀着奴性十足的自卑
感，相反，我只说：
“你同桑菲尔德的主人无关，无非是拿了他给的工资，去教他的被保护人而已，你感激他体面友好的款待。不过你尽了职，得到这样的款待是理所应当的。这是你与他之间他唯一严肃承认的关系。所以不要把你的柔情、你的狂喜、你的痛苦等等系在他身上。他不属于你的阶层。记住你自己的社会地位吧，要充分自尊，免得把全身心的爱，徒然浪费在不需要甚至瞧不起这份礼物的地方。”
我平静地干着一天的工作。不过脑海中时时隐约闪过我要离开桑菲尔德的理由，我不由自主地设计起广告，预测起新的工作来。这些想法，我没有必要去制止，它们也许会生根发芽，还可能结出果子来。
罗切斯特先生离家已经两周多了，这时候邮差送来了一封给费尔法克斯太太的信。
“是老爷写来的，”她后了看姓名地址说，“现在我想可以知道能不能盼他回来了。”
她在拆开封口仔细看信时，我继续喝我的咖啡（我们在吃早饭）。咖啡很热，我把脸上突然泛起的红晕看作是它的缘故。不过，我的手为什么抖个不停，为什么我情不自禁地把半杯咖啡溢到了碟子上，我就不想去考虑了。
“嗨，有时候我总认为太冷清，现在可有机会够我们忙了，至少得忙一会儿”费尔法克斯太太说，仍然把信纸举着放在眼镜前面。
我没有立即提出要求解释，而是系好了阿黛勒碰巧松开的围涎，哄她又吃了个小面包，把她的杯子再倒满牛奶，随后淡然问道：
“我猜想罗切斯特先生不会马上回来吧？”
“说真的，他要回来了——他说三天以后到，也就是下星期四，而且不光是他一个人。我不知道在里斯的贵人们有多少位同他一起来。他吩咐准备好最好的卧室，图书室与客厅都要清扫干净。我还要从米尔科特的乔治旅店和能弄到人的随便什么地方，再叫些厨工来。而且女士们都带女仆，男士们都带随从。这样我们满屋子都是人了。”费尔法克斯太太匆匆咽下早饭，急急忙忙去做准备工作了。
果然被她说中了，这三天确实够忙的。我本以为桑菲尔德的所有房子都纤尘不染，收拾得很好。但看来我错了，他们雇了三个女人来帮忙。擦呀，刷呀，冲洗漆具呀，敲打地毯呀，把画拿下又挂上呀，擦拭镜子和枝形挂灯呀，在卧室生火呀，把床单和羽绒褥垫晾在炉边呀，这种情景无论是从前还是以后，我都没有见过。在一片忙乱之中，阿黛勒发了疯。准备接客，盼着他们到来，似乎使她欣喜若狂。她会让索菲娅把她称之为外衣的所有“toiettes”都查看一下，把那些“passess”都翻新，把新的晾一晾放好。她自己呢，什么也不干，只不过在前房跳来奔去，在床架上窜上窜下，躺到床垫上和叠起的枕垫、枕头上，面对着熊熊炉火在烟窗里哗剥作响。她的功课已全给免掉，因为费尔法克斯太太拉我做了帮手。我整天呆在贮藏室，给她和厨师帮忙（或者说增添麻烦），学做牛奶蛋糊、乳酪饼和法国糕点，捆扎野味，装饰甜点心。
这批客人预计星期四下午到达，赶上六点钟吃晚饭。在等待期间我没有工夫去胡思乱想了。我想我跟其他人一样卖力、一样高兴——阿黛勒除外。不过我时时会感到扫兴，情不自禁地回想起那些疑惑、凶兆和不祥的猜测。那就是当我偶尔看到三楼楼梯的门慢悠悠地打开（近来常常锁着），格雷斯.普尔戴着整洁的帽子，系着围裙，揣着手帕，从那里经过时。我瞧着她溜过走廊，穿着布拖鞋，脚步声减低到很轻很轻。我看见她往闹哄哄乱糟糟的卧房里瞧了一瞧，只不过说一两句话，也许是给打杂女工们交代恰当的清扫方法：如何擦炉栅，如何清理大理石壁炉架，要不如何从糊了墙纸的墙上把缎子取下。说完便又往前走了。她一天下楼到厨房里走一次，来吃饭，在炉边有节制地吸一烟斗烟，随后就返回，带上一罐黑啤酒，在楼上阴暗的巢穴里独自消遣。一天二十四小时中，她只有一小时同楼下别的佣人呆在一起，其余时间是在三层楼上某个橡木卧室低矮的天花板下度过的。她坐在那里做着针线活——也许还兀自凄楚地大笑起来——像监狱里的犯人一样无人作伴。
最奇怪的是，除了我，房子里没有人注意到她的习惯，或者似乎为此感到诧异。没有人谈论过她的地位或工作，没有人可怜她的孤独冷清。说真的我一次偶尔听到了莉娅和一个打杂女工之间关于格雷斯的一段对话，莉娅先是说了什么话，我没听清楚，而打杂女工回答道：
“估计她的薪金很高。”
“是呀，”莉娅说，“但愿我的薪金也这么高。并不是说我的值得抱怨——在桑菲尔德谈不上吝啬，不过我拿的薪金才是普尔太太的五分之一。她还在存钱呢，一季度要去一次米尔科特的银行。我一点不怀疑她要是想走的话，积下的钱能够她自立了。不过我想她在这儿已经呆惯了，更何况她还不到四十岁，身强力壮，干什么都还行，放弃差事是太早些了。”
“我猜想她是个干活的好手，”打杂女工说。
“呵，——她明白自己该干什么——没有人比得过她”莉娅意味深长地回答说，“不是谁都干得了她活的，就是给了同她一样多的钱也干不了。”
“的确干不了！”对方回答。“不知道老爷——”
打杂女工还想往下说，但这时莉娅回过头来，看到了我，便立即用肘子顶了顶她伙伴。
“她知道了吗？”我听见那女人悄悄说。
莉娅摇了摇头，于是谈话嘎然而止。我从这里所能猜测到的就是这么回事：在桑菲尔德有一个秘密，而我被故意排除在这个秘密之外了。
星期四到了，一切准备工作都已在前一个晚上完成。地毯铺开了，床幅挂上了彩条，白得眩目的床罩铺好了，梳妆台已经安排停当，家具都擦拭得干干净净，花瓶里插满了鲜花。卧室和客厅都已尽人工所能，拾掇得焕然一新；大厅也已经擦洗过，巨大的木雕钟，楼梯的台阶和栏杆都已擦得像玻璃一般闪闪发光。在餐室里，餐具柜里的盘子光亮夺目；在客厅和起居室内，一瓶瓶异国鲜花，在四周灿然开放。
到了下午，费尔法克斯太太穿上了她最好的黑缎袍子，戴了手套和金表，因为要由她来接待客人——把女士们领到各自的房间里去等等。阿黛勒也要打扮一番，尽管至少在那天，我想不大会有机会让她见客。但为了使她高兴，我让索菲娅给她穿上了一件宽松的麻纱短上衣。至于我自己，是没有必要换装的，不会把我从作为我私室的读书室里叫出去，这私室现在已经属于我，成了“患难时愉快的避难所。”
这是个温煦宁静的春日，三月末四月初的那种日子，骄阳当空，预示着夏天就要到来。这时已近日暮，但黄昏时更加暖和，我坐在读书室里工作，敞开着窗子。
“时候不早了，”费尔法克斯太太浑身叮当作响，进了房间说，“幸亏我订的饭菜比罗切斯特先生说的时间晚一个小时，现在已经过了六点了。我已派约翰到大门口去，看看路上有没有动静。从那儿往米尔科特的方向望去，可以看得很远。”她朝窗子走去。“他来了！”她说。“嗨，约翰”（探出身子）“有消息吗？”
“他们来了，夫人，”对方回答道。“十分钟后就到。”
阿黛勒朝窗子飞奔过去。我跟在后面，小心地靠一边站立，让窗帘遮掩着，使我可以看得清清楚楚，却不被人看见。约翰所说的那十分钟似乎很长。不过终于听到了车轮声。四位骑手策马驰上了小道，两辆敞开的马车尾随其后。车内面纱飘拂，羽毛起伏。两位年轻骑手，精神抖擞，一付绅士派头；第三位是罗切斯特先生，骑着他的黑马梅斯罗，派洛特跳跃着奔跑在他前面。与他并驾齐驱的是一位女士，这批人中，他们俩一马当先。她那紫色的骑装差不多己扫到了地面，她的面纱长长地在微风中飘动，她那乌黑浓密的卷发，同它透明的折裥绕在一起，透过面纱闪动着光芒。
“英格拉姆小姐，”费尔法克斯太太大叫一声，急冲冲下楼去履行她的职务了。
这队人马顺着车道的弯势很快转过屋角，在我视线中消失了。这时阿黛勒要求下楼。我把她搂在膝头上，让她明白无论是此刻，还是以后什么时候，除非明确要她去，绝不可以随意闯到女士们跟前去，要不罗切斯特先生会生气的等等。听了这番话，“她淌下了自然的眼泪”不过见我神情严肃，她也终于同意把眼泪抹掉了。
这时大厅里人声鼎沸，笑语纷纭。男士们深沉的语调，女士们银铃似的嗓音交融在一起。其中最清晰可辨的是桑菲尔德主人那洪亮而声音不大的嗓门，欢迎男女宾客来到府上。随后，这些人脚步轻盈地上了楼梯，轻快地穿过走廊。于是响起了柔和欢快的笑声和开门关门声。一会儿后，便寂然无声了。
“Elles changent de toilettes,”阿黛勒说。她细听着，跟踪着每一个动静，并叹息着。 “Chezmaman,”她说，“quand il y avait du monde, je le ssuivais partout au salon eta leurs chambres; souvent je regardais les femmes de chambre coiffer ethabiller les dames, et c'etait si amusant: comme cela on apprend。”
“你觉得饿了吗，阿黛勒？”
“Mais oui, mademoiselle: voila cinq ou six heures que nous n'avons pas mange.”
“好吧，就穿戴好了。我立即穿上了自己最好的衣服（银灰色的那一件，专为参加坦普尔小姐的婚礼购置的，后来一直没有穿过），把头发梳得平平伏伏，并戴上了我仅有的饰品，那枚珍珠胸针。随后我们下了楼。
幸亏还有另外一扇门通客厅，不必经过他们都坐着吃饭的餐厅。我们看到房间里空无一人，大理石砌成的壁炉中，一堆旺火静静地燃烧着；桌上装饰着精致的花朵，烛光在花朵中间孤寂地闪亮，平添了几分欢快。拱门前悬挂着大红门帘，虽然我们与毗连的餐室中的客人之间，仅一层之隔，但他们话说得那么轻，除份战利品急忙撤退，重新登上走廊，正要随手关上后门时，一阵越来越响的嗡嗡声提醒我，女士们要从房间里走出来了。要上读书室我非得经过几间房门口不可，非得要冒端着一大堆食品被她们撞见的危险。于是我一动不动地站在这一头。这里没有窗子，光线很暗。此刻天色已黑，因为太阳已经下山，暮色越来越浓了。
一会儿工夫，房间里的女房客们一个接一个出来了，个个心情欢快，步履轻盈，身上的衣装在昏黄的暮色中闪闪发光。她们聚集在走廊的另一头，站了片刻，用压低了的轻快动听的语调交谈着。随后走下楼梯，几乎没有声响，仿佛一团明亮的雾从山上降落下来。她们的外表总体上给我留下了这样的印象：这些人具有一种我前所未见的名门望族的典雅。
我看见阿黛勒扶着半掩的读书室门，往外偷看着。“多漂亮的小姐!”她用英语叫道。“哎呀我真想上她们那儿去！你认为晚饭后罗切斯特先生会派人来叫我们去吗？”
“不，说实在，我不这样想。罗切斯特先生有别的事情要考虑。今天晚上就别去想那些小姐们了，也许明天你会见到她们的。这是你的晚饭。”
她真的饿坏了，因此鸡和馅饼可以暂时分散一下她的注意力。幸亏我弄到了这份食品，不然她和我，还有同我们分享这顿晚餐的索菲娅，都很可能根本吃不上晚饭，楼下的人谁都快忙得顾不上我们了。九点以后才送上甜食。到了十点钟，男仆们还端着托盘和咖啡杯子，来回奔波。我允许阿黛勒呆得比往常晚得多才上床，因为她说楼下的门不断地开呀关呀，人来人往，忙忙碌碌，弄得她没法睡觉。此外，她还说也许她解衣时，罗切斯特先生会让人捎来口信，“etalorsqueldommage！”
我给她讲故事，她愿意听多久就讲多久。随后我带她到走廊上解解闷。这时大厅的灯已经点上，阿黛勒觉得从栏杆上往下看，瞧着仆人们来往穿梭，十分有趣。夜深了，客厅里传来音乐之声，一架钢琴已经搬到了那里。阿黛勒和我坐在楼梯的顶端台阶上倾听着。刹那之间响起了一个声音，与钢琴低沉的调子相交融。那是一位小姐在唱，歌喉十分动听。独唱过后，二重唱跟上，随后是三重唱，歌唱间歇响起了一阵嗡嗡的谈话声。我久久地听着，突然发现自己的耳朵聚精会神地分析那混杂的声音，竭力要从混沌交融的音调中，分辨出罗切斯特先生的嗓音。我很快将它捕捉住以后，便进而从由于距离太远而变得模糊不清的音调中，猜想出歌词来。
时钟敲了十一点。我瞧了一眼阿黛勒，她的头已倚在我肩上，眼皮己越来越沉重。我便把她抱在怀里，送她去睡觉。将近一点钟，男女宾客们才各自回房去。
第二天跟第一天一样，是个晴朗的日子，客人们乘机到临近的某个地方去远足。他们上午很早就出发了，有的骑马，有的坐马车。我亲眼看着他们出发，看着他们归来。像以前一样，英格拉姆小姐是唯一一位女骑手。罗切斯特先生同她并驾齐驱。他们两人骑着马同其余的客人拉开了一段距离。费尔法克斯太太正与我一起站在窗前，我向她指出了这一点：
“你说他们不可能想到结婚，”我说，“可是你瞧，比起其他女人来，罗切斯特先生明显更喜欢她。”
“是呀，我猜想他毫无疑问爱慕她。”
“而且她也爱慕他，”我补充说“瞧她的头凑近他，仿佛在说什么知心话呢！但愿能见到她的脸，我还从来没见过一眼呢！”
“今天晚上你会见到她的，”费尔法克斯太太回答说；“我偶然向罗切斯特先生提起，阿黛勒多么希望能见一见小姐们。他说：‘呵，那就让她饭后上客厅里来吧，请爱小姐陪她来。’”
“噢，他不过是出于礼貌才那么说的，我不必去了，肯定的。”我回答。
“瞧，我对他说，你不习惯交往，所以我想你不会喜欢在一批轻松愉快而又都互不相识的宾客前露面，他还是那么急躁地回答说，‘胡说八道！要是她不愿来，就告诉她这是我个人的意愿。如果她拒绝，你就说，她这么倔强，我要亲自来叫了。’”
“我不愿给他添那么多麻烦”，我回答。“要是没有更好的办法了，我就去。不过我并不喜欢。你去吗，费尔法克斯太太？”
“不，我请求免了，他同意了。一本正经入场是最不好受的，我来告诉你怎样避免这种尴尬，你得在女士们离席之前，客厅里还没有人的时候就进去，找个僻静的角落坐下。男宾们进来之后，你不必呆得很久，除非你高兴这么做。你不过是让罗切斯特先生看到你在那里，随后你就溜走——没有人会注意到你。”
“你认为这批客人会呆得很久吗？”
“也许两三个星期，肯定不会再久了。过了复活节假期，乔治.林恩爵士由于新近当上了米尔科特市议员，得去城里就职。我猜想罗切斯特先生会同他一起去。我觉得很奇怪，这回他在桑菲尔德呆了那么长时间。”
眼看我带着照管的孩子进客厅的时刻就要到来，我心里惴惴不安。阿黛勒听说晚上要去见女士们，便整天处于极度兴奋状态，直到索菲娅开始给她打扮，才安静下来。随后更衣的重要过程很快稳定了她的情绪。待到她卷发梳得溜光，一束束垂着，穿上了粉红色的缎子罩衣，系好长长的腰带，戴上了网眼无指手套，她看上去已是像任何一位法官那么严肃了。这时已没有必要提醒她别弄乱自己的服装，她穿戴停当后，便安静地坐在小椅子上，急忙小心地把缎子裙提起来，唯恐弄皱了。还向我保证，她会一动不动坐在那里，直到我准备好为止。我很快就穿戴好了。我立即穿上了自己最好的衣服（银灰色的那一件，专为参加坦普尔小姐的婚礼购置的，后来一直没有穿过），把头发梳得平平伏伏，并戴上了我仅有的饰品，那枚珍珠胸针。随后我们下了楼。
幸亏还有另外一扇门通客厅，不必经过他们都坐着吃饭的餐厅。我们看到房间里空无一人，大理石砌成的壁炉中，一堆旺火静静地燃烧着；桌上装饰着精致的花朵，烛光在花朵中间孤寂地闪亮，平添了几分欢快。拱门前悬挂着大红门帘，虽然我们与毗连的餐室中的客人之间，仅一层之隔，但他们话说得那么轻，除了柔和的嗡嗡声，彼此之间的交谈一点都听不清楚。
阿黛勒似乎仍受着严肃气氛的震慑，一声不吭地坐在我指给她的小凳上。我退缩在一个靠窗的位置上，随手从临近的台子上取了本书，竭力读下去。阿黛勒把她的小凳子搬到我脚边，不久便碰了碰我膝头。
“怎么啦，阿黛勒？”
“Est ce que je ne puis pas prendre une seule de ces fleurs magnifiques,
mademoiselle? Seulement pour completer ma toilette.”
“你对自己的‘toilette’想得太多啦，阿黛勒，不过你可以戴一朵花。”于是我从花瓶里掐下一朵花来，系在她的彩带上，她舒了口气，显出一种不可言喻的满足，仿佛她的幸福之杯此刻已经斟满了。我转过脸去，掩饰自己抑制不住的微笑。在这位巴黎小女子天生对服饰的热烈追求中，既有几分可笑，又有几分可悲。
这时响起了轻轻的起立声，帐幔被撩到了拱门背后，露出了餐室，只见长长的桌上摆满了盛甜点心的豪华餐具，烛光倾泻在银制的和玻璃的器皿上。一群女士站在门口。随后她们走了进来，门帘在身后落下。
她们不过八位，可不知怎地，成群结队进来的时候，给人的印象远不止这个数目。有些个子很高，有些一身著白。她们的服装都往外伸展得很阔，仿佛雾气放大了月亮一样，这些服装也把她们的人放大了。我站起来向她们行了屈膝礼，有一两位点头回礼，而其余的不过盯着我看而已。
她们在房间里散开，动作轻盈飘拂，令我想起了一群白色羽毛的鸟。有些人一下子坐下来，斜倚在沙发和卧榻上；有的俯身向着桌子，细细揣摩起花和书来，其余的人则团团围着火炉。大家都用低沉而清晰的调子交谈着，似乎这已成了她们的习惯。后来我知道了她们的大名，现在不妨来提一下。
首先是埃希顿太太和她的两个女儿。她显然曾是位漂亮的女人，而且保养得很好。她的大女儿艾米个头比较小，有些天真，脸部和举止都透出了孩子气，外表也显得很调皮。她那白色的薄纱礼服和蓝色的腰带很合身。二女儿路易莎的个子要高些，身材也更加优美，脸长得很不错，属于法国人所说的“minoischiffonne”那一类，姐妹俩都像百合花那么白净。
林恩夫人四十岁上下，长得又大又胖，腰背笔直，一脸傲气，穿着华丽的闪缎衣服。乌黑的头发在一根天蓝色羽毛和一圈宝石的映衬下闪闪发光。
登特上校太太不象别人那么招摇，不过我认为更具贵妇风度。她身材苗条，面容白皙温和，头发金黄。她的黑色缎子服、华丽的外国花边围巾以及珍珠首饰，远比那位有爵位的贵妇闪光的艳服更赏心悦目。
但三位最令人瞩目的——也许部分是由于她们在这一群人中个子最高——是富孀英格拉姆夫人和她的女儿布兰奇和玛丽。她们是三位个子极高的女人。这位太太年龄可能在四十与五十之间，但身材依然很好，头发依然乌黑（至少在烛光下），牙齿也明显地依然完整无缺。多数人都会把她看成是那个年纪中的美人。以形体而言，她无疑就是这样。不过她的举止和表情显出一种令人难以容忍的傲慢。她生就一副罗马人的脸相。双下巴连着柱子一样的脖子。在我看来，这样的五官不仅因为傲慢而显得膨胀和阴沉，而且还起了皱纹。她的下巴由于同样的原因总是直挺挺的简直不可思议。同时，她的目光凶狠冷酷，使我想起了里德太太的眼睛。她说话装腔作势，嗓音深沉，声调夸张，语气专横——总之，让人难以忍受。一件深红丝绒袍，一顶用印度金丝织物做的披肩式软帽赋予她（我估计她这样想）一种真正的皇家气派。
布兰奇和玛丽都是同样身材——像白杨一样高大挺拔，以高度而论，玛丽显得过份苗条了些，而布兰奇活脱脱像个月亮女神。当然我是怀着特殊的兴趣来注意她的。第一我希望知道，她的外貌是不是同费尔法克斯太太的描绘相符；第二想看看她是不是像我凭想象画成的微型肖像画；第三——这总会暴露——是否像我所设想的那样，会适合罗切斯特先生的口味。
就外貌而言，她各方面都与我的画和费尔法克斯太太的描绘相吻合。高高的胸部、倾斜的肩膀、美丽的颈项、乌黑的眸子和黑油油的卷发，一应俱全——但她的脸呢？一—活象她母亲的，只是年青而没有皱纹。一样低低的额角，一样高傲的五官，一样盛气凌人。不过她的傲慢并不那么阴沉。她常常笑声不绝，而且笑里含着嘲弄，这也是她那弯弯的傲气十足的嘴唇所常有的表情。
据说天才总有很强的自我意识。我无法判断英格拉姆小姐是不是位天才，但是她有自我意识——说实在相当强。她同温文而雅的登特太太谈起了植物。而登特太太似乎没有研究过那门学问，尽管她说喜爱花卉，“尤其是野花”。英格拉姆小姐却是研究过的，而且还神气活现地卖弄植物学字眼，我立刻觉察到她在追猎（用行话来表达）登特太太，也就是说，在戏弄她的无知。她的追猎也许很讥诮，但决非厚道。她弹了钢琴，她的演技很高超；她唱了歌，她的嗓子很优美；她单独同她妈妈讲法语，她讲得很出色，非常流利，语调也正确。
与布兰奇相比，玛丽的面容显得更温顺坦率，五官更为柔和，皮肤也要白皙几分（英格拉姆小姐像西班牙人一样黑）——但玛丽缺乏活力，面部少有表情，眼目不见光泽。她无话可说，一坐下来，便像壁龛里的雕像那样，一动不动。姐妹俩都穿着一尘不染的素装。
那么，我现在是不是认为，英格拉姆小姐有可能成为罗切斯特先生的意中人呢？我说不上来——我不了解他在女性美方面的好恶。要是他喜欢端庄，她正是端庄的典型，而且她多才多艺，充满活力。我想多数有身份的人都会倾慕她，而他确实倾慕她，我似乎已有依据。要消除最后的一丝怀疑，就只要看他们呆在一起时的情景就行了。
读者呵，你别以为阿黛勒始终在我脚边的小凳子上端坐不动，她可不是。女士们一进来，她便站起来，迎了上去，端端正正鞠了一躬，并且一本正经地说：
“Bon jour, mesdames.”
英格拉姆小姐带着嘲弄的神情低头看她，并嚷道：“哈，一个多小的玩偶！”
林恩太太说道，“我猜想她是罗切斯特先生监护的孩子——他常挂在嘴边的法国小姑娘。”
登特太太和蔼地握住她的手，给了她一个吻。艾米和路易莎.埃希顿不约而同地叫道：
“多可爱的孩子！”
随后她们把她叫到一张沙发跟前。此刻她就坐在沙发上，夹在她们中间，用法语和蹩脚的英语交替聊天，不但引起了年轻小姐们的注意，而且也惊动了埃希顿太太和林恩太太。阿黛勒心满意足地受着大伙的宠爱。
最后端上了咖啡，男宾们都被请了进来。要是这个灯火辉煌的房间还有什么幽暗所在的话，那我就坐在暗处，被窗帘半掩着。拱门的帐幔再次撩起，他们进来了。男士们一起登场时的情景，同女宾们一样气派非凡。他们齐煞煞的都着黑色服装，多数身材高大，有的十分年轻。亨利.林恩和弗雷德里克.林恩确实精神抖擞，生气勃勃；登特上校一身英武之气；地方法官埃希顿先生一付绅士派头，头发相当白，眉毛和络腮胡子却依然乌黑，使他有几分像‘perenobledetheatre”。英格拉姆勋爵同他的姐妹们一样高挑个子，同她们一样漂亮，但有着玛丽那种冷漠、倦怠的神色。他似乎四肢瘦长有余，血气或脑力不足。
那么，罗切斯特先生在哪儿呢？
他最后一个进来，虽然我没有朝拱门张望，但看到他进来了。我竭力要把注意力集中在钩针上，集中在编织出来的手提包网眼上——真希望自己只想手头的活计，只看见膝上的银珠和丝线；而我却清清楚楚地看到了他的身影，禁不住忆起了上次见到这身影时的情景，那是在他所说的帮了他大忙以后，——他拉住我的手，低首看着我的脸，细细端详着我，眼神里露出一种千言万语急于一吐为快的心情，而我也有同感。在那一瞬间我同他靠得多近！自那以后，什么事情刻意使他和我的地位起了变化呢？而现在，我们之间的关系变得多么疏远，多么陌生呀！我们己那么隔膜，因此我并不指望他过来同我说话。我也并不感到诧异，他居然连看都不看我一眼就在房间另一头坐下，开始同一些女士们交谈起来。
我一见他心思全在她们身上，而我可以瞪着他而不被觉察，我的目光便不由自主地被吸引到了他的脸上。我无法控制我的眼皮，它们硬要张开，眼珠硬要盯着他。我瞧着，这给了我一种极度的欢乐，——一种宝贵而辛辣的欢乐；是纯金，却又夹杂着痛苦的钢尖。像一个渴得快死的人所体会到的欢乐，明知道自己爬近的泉水已经下了毒，却偏要俯身去喝那圣水。
“情人眼里出美人，”说得千真万确。我主人那没有血色、微榄色的脸、方方的大额角、宽阔乌黑的眉毛、深沉的眼睛、粗线条的五官、显得坚毅而严厉的嘴巴——一切都诱出活力、决断和意志——按常理并不漂亮，但对我来说远胜于漂亮。它们充溢着一种情趣和影响力，足以左右我，使我的感情脱离我的控制，而受制于他。我本无意去爱他。读者知道，我努力从自己内心深处剪除露头的爱的萌芽，而此刻，一旦与他重新谋面，那萌芽又自动复活了，变得碧绿粗壮！他连看都不用看我就使我爱上了他。
我拿他和他的客人们作了比较。他的外表焕发着天生的精力和真正的力量，相比之下，林恩兄弟的风流倒倜傥，英格拉姆勋爵的散淡文雅——甚至登特上校的英武出众，又算得了什么呢，我对他们的外貌与表情不以为然。但我能想象得出多数旁观者都会称他们英俊迷人、气度不凡，而毫不犹豫地说罗切斯特先生五宫粗糙、神态忧郁。我瞧见他们微笑和大笑——都显得微不足道。烛光中所潜藏的生气并不亚于他们的微笑，铃声中所包含的意义也并不逊于他们的大笑。我看见罗切斯特先生微微一笑——他严厉的五官变得柔和了；他的眼神转为明亮而温存，目光犀利而又甜蜜。这会儿，他同路易莎和艾米.埃希顿交谈着，我不解地看着她们从容接受他那对于我似乎透入心肺的目光。我本以为在这种目光下，她们会垂下眼来，脸上会泛起红晕。但我见她们都无动于衷时，心里倒很高兴。“他之于我并不同于他之于她们，”我想，“他不属于她们那类人。我相信他与我同声相应——我确信如此——我觉得同他意气相投——他的表情和动作中的含义，我都明白。虽然地位和财富把我们截然分开，但我的头脑里和心里，我的血液里和神经中，有着某种使我与他彼此心灵沟通的东西。难道几天前我不是说过，除了从他手里领取薪金，我同他没有关系吗？难道我除了把他看作雇主外，不是不允许自己对他有别的想法吗？这真是亵渎天性！我的每种善良、真实、生气勃勃的情感，都冲动地朝他涌去了。我知道我必须掩饰自己的感情，抑制自己的愿望；牢记住他不会太在乎我。我说我属于他那类人，并不是说我有他那种影响力，那种迷人的魅力，而不过是说我与他有某些共同的志趣与情感罢了。而我必须不断提醒自己，我们之间永远横亘着一条鸿沟——不过只要我一息尚存，我必须爱他。”
咖啡端来了。男宾们一进屋，女士们便象百灵鸟般活跃起来。谈话转为轻松欢快。登特上校和埃希领先生在政治问题上争论了起来，他们的太太们侧耳静听着。林恩太太和英格拉姆太太两位高傲的寡妇，在促膝谈心。还有乔治爵士，顺便说一句，我忘记描述他了。他是一位个子高大、精神十足的乡绅。这会儿手里端着咖啡杯，站在沙发跟前，偶尔插上一句话。弗雷德里克.林恩先生坐在玛丽.英格拉姆旁边，给她看着一本装帧豪华的书籍里的插画。她看着，不时微笑着，但显然说话不多。高大冷漠的英格拉姆勋爵，抱着双肩，斜倚在小巧活泼的艾米.埃希顿的椅背上。她抬头看着他，像鹪鹩似的叽叽喳喳。在罗切斯特先生与这位勋爵之间，她更喜欢勋爵。亨利.林恩在路易莎的脚边占了一条脚凳，与阿黛勒合用着。他努力同她说法语，一说错，路易莎就笑他。布兰奇.英格拉姆会跟谁结伴呢？她孤零零地站在桌边，很有风度地俯身看着一本簿册。她似乎在等人来邀请，不过她不愿久等，便自己选了个伴。
罗切斯特先生离开了两位埃希顿小姐后，一如英格拉姆小姐孤单地站在桌旁一样，不然独立在火炉跟前。她在壁炉架的另一边站定，面对着他。
“罗切斯特先生，我想你并不喜欢孩子？”
“我是不喜欢。”
“那你怎么会想到去抚养这样一个小娃娃呢（指了指阿黛勒）？你在哪儿把她捡来的？”
“我并没有去抢，是别人托付给我的。”
“你早该送她进学校了。”
“我付不起，学费那么贵。”
“哈，我想你为她请了个家庭教师，刚才我还看到有个人同她在一起呢——她走了吗？呵，没有！她还在那边窗帘的后面。当然你付她工钱。我想这一样很贵——更贵，因为你得额外养两个人。”
我担心——或者我是否该说，我希望？—一因为提到了我，罗切斯特先生会朝我这边张望，所以我不由自主地更往阴影里躲进去，可是他根本没有把目光转移到这边来。
“我没有考虑过这个问题，”他冷冷地说，眼睛直楞楞地望着前面。
“可不——你们男人从来不考虑经济和常识问题，在留家庭教师事儿上，你该听听我妈妈。我想，玛丽和我小时候跟过至少一打家庭教师，一半让人讨厌，其余的十分可笑，而个个都是妖魔——是不是，妈妈？”
“你说什么来着，我的宝贝蛋？”
这位被那个遗孀称为特殊财产的小姐，重新说了一遍她的问题，并作了解释。
“我的宝贝，别提那些家庭教师了，这个字眼本身就便我不安。她们反复无常，毫不称职，让我吃尽了苦头。谢天谢地，现在我总算同她们摆脱关系了。”
登特太太向这位虔诚的太太俯下身子，向她耳语了一阵。我从对方作出的回答中推测，那是提醒她，她们所诅咒的那类人中的一位，就在现场。
“Tant pis!”这位太太说，“我希望这对她有好处！”随后她压低了嗓门，不过还是响得让我能听见。“我注意到了她，我善观面相，在她身上我看到了她那类人的通病。”
“表现在哪些方面，夫人？”罗切斯特先生大声问道。
“我会私下告诉你的，”她答道，意味深长地把头巾甩了三下。
“不过我的好奇心会掉胃口：现在它急于要吃东西。”
“问问布兰奇吧，她比我更靠近你。”
“唉呀，可别把他交给我，妈妈！对于她们那号人，我只有一句话要说：她们真讨厌。并不是说我吃过她们很多苦头，我倒是刻意要把局面扭转过来。西奥多和我过去是怎样作弄威尔逊小姐、格雷太太和朱伯特夫人的呀！玛丽常常困得厉害，提不起精神来参与我们的阴谋。戏弄朱伯特夫人最有趣。威尔逊小姐是个病弱的可怜虫，情绪低沉，好伤心落泪。总之，不值得费那番劲去征服她。格雷太太又粗俗又麻木，对什么打击都不在乎。但是可怜的朱伯特夫人就不一样啦！我们把她逼得急了，我见她会大发雷霆——我们把茶泼掉，把面包和奶油弄得稀巴烂，把书扔到天花板上，捣弄着尺、书桌、火炉围栏和用具，闹得震天价响。西奥多，你还记得那些欢乐的日子吗？”
“是——呀，当然记得，”英格拉姆勋爵慢吞吞地说。“这可怜的老木瓜还常常大叫‘哎呀，你们这帮坏孩子？’——随后我们教训了她一顿，其实是她自己那么无知，竟还想来教我们这些聪明的公子小姐。”
“我们确实这么做了，特多，你知道我帮你告发（或者是迫害）你的家庭教师，面无血色的维宁先生，我们管他叫病态教师。他和威尔逊小姐胆大妄为，竟谈情说爱起来——至少特多和我是这么想的。我们当场看到他们温存地眉目传情，哀声叹气，并把这些理解为“labellepassion”的表现，我敢担保，大家很快就会得益于我们的发现，我们要将它作为杠杆，把压在身上的两个沉重包袱，撬出门去。亲爱的妈妈，瞧她一风闻这件事儿，便发觉是种歪风邪气。你不就是这么看的吗，我的母亲大人？”
“当然，我的宝贝。而且我十分正确。毫无疑问，在任何一个管教出色的家庭里，有干万条理由，一刻都不能容忍家庭男女教师之间的私通。第一——”
“哎呀，妈妈，别给我们一一列举啦！Au reste，我们都知道。坏样子会危害儿童的纯真；热恋者相依相伴，神不守舍，会导致失责；而狂妄自恃——傲馒无礼伴之而生——会造成冲突和对抗的总爆发。我说得对吗，英格拉姆花园的英格拉姆男爵夫人？”
“我的百合花，你说得很对，你一向很对。”
“那就不必再说了，换个话题吧。”
艾米.埃希顿不知是没有听见，还是没有注意到这一声明，操着软软的、奶声奶气的调子搭讪了：“路易莎和我，以往也常常戏弄我们的家庭教师，不过她是那么个好人，什么都能忍耐，随你怎么整他都不会生气。她从来没有对我们发过火，是不是这样，路易莎？”
“不错，从来不发火。我们爱怎么干就可以怎么干。搜她的书桌和针线盒，把她的抽屉翻得底朝天。而她的脾气却那么好，我们要什么她就给什么。”
“现在我猜想，”英格拉姆小姐讥嘲地喂起嘴唇说，“我们要为现存的家庭女教师编一个传记摘要了。为了避免这场灾难，我再次提议换一个新话题，罗切斯特先生，你赞成我的提议吗？”
“小姐，无论是这件事还是别的事情，我都支持你。”
“那得由我把这件事提出来了，Signior Eduardo,”今晚你的嗓子行吗？”
“Donna Bianca，只要你下令，我就唱。”
“那么Signior，我传旨清一清你的肺和其他发音器官，来为皇上效力。”
“谁不甘愿做如此神圣的玛丽的里丘呢？”
“里丘算得了什么！”她叫道，把满头卷发一甩，朝钢琴走去。“我认为提琴手戴维准是个枯燥乏味的家伙。我更喜欢黑呼呼的博斯威尔，依我之见，一个人没有一丝恶念便一文不值。不管历史怎样对詹姆斯.赫伯恩说长道短，我自认为，他正是那种我愿意下嫁的狂野、凶狠的草寇英雄。”
“先生们，你们听着：你们中谁最像博斯威尔？”罗切斯特先生嚷道。
“应当说你最够格，”登特上校立即呼应。
“我敢发誓，我对你感激之至，”他回答道。
英格拉姆小姐此刻坐在钢琴前面，矜持而仪态万方，雪白的长袍堂皇地铺开。她开始弹起了灿烂的前奏曲，一面还交谈着。今晚她似乎趾高气扬。她的言辞和派头似乎不仅为了博得听从的赞叹，而且要使他们感到惊讶。显然她一心要给人留下深刻的印象，觉得她潇洒而大胆。
“呵我真讨厌今天的年青人！”她叮叮咚咚弹奏起这乐器来，一面嚷嚷道。“这些弱小
的可怜虫，不敢越出爸爸的公园门一步，没有妈妈的准许和保护，连那点距离都不敢。这些
家伙醉心于漂亮的面孔，白皙的双手和一双小脚，仿佛男人与美有关似的，仿佛可爱不是女
性的特权——她合法的属性与遗传物！我同意一个丑陋的女人是造物主白净脸上的一个污
点。至于男人们，让他们只关心拥有力量和勇气吧，让他们把打猎、射击和争斗作为座右
铭。其余的则一钱不值。要是我是个男人，这应当成为我的座右铭。”
“不论何时结婚，”她停顿了一下，没有人插话，于是又继续说，“我决定，我的丈夫不应当是个劲敌、而是个陪衬，我不允许皇位的近旁有竞争存在；我需要绝对忠心。不允许他既忠于我，又忠于他镜中看到的影子，罗切斯特先生，现在唱吧，我替你伴奏。”
“我唯命是从，”便是得到的回答。
“这里有一首海盗歌。你知道我喜欢海盗们，因此你要唱得con spirito”。
“英格拉姆小姐的圣旨一下，连牛奶和水也会产生灵性。”
“那么，小心点儿，要是你不能使我满意，我会教你应当怎么做，而让你丢脸。”
“那是对无能的一种奖赏，现在我要努力让自己失败。”
“Gardez vous en bien!要是你故意出错，我要作出相应的惩罚。”
“英格拉姆小姐应当手下留情，因为她能够作出使凡人无法承受的惩罚。”
“哈哈！你解释一下！”小姐命令道。
“请原谅，小姐。不需要解释了。你敏锐的直觉一定会告诉你，你一皱眉头就抵得上死
刑。”
“唱吧！”她说，又碰了碰钢琴，开始了她风格活泼的伴奏。
“现在我该溜了，”我思忖道。但是那富有穿透力的声调吸引了我。费尔法克斯太太曾说过，罗切斯特先生的嗓子很好。确实他有一个圆润、洪亮的男低音。唱的时候他倾注了自己的感情，自己的力量。那歌声透过耳朵、灌进了心田，神奇地唤醒了知觉。我等待着，直至深沉雄浑的颤音消失——嗡嗡的谈话声停顿了片刻后再次响起。随后我离开我躲藏的角落，幸亏边门很近，便从那里走了出去。这里有一条狭窄的走廊通向大厅。我穿过时，发觉鞋带松了，便停下来把它系上，跪在楼梯脚下的垫子上。我听见餐室的门开了，一位男士走了出来。我急忙直起身子，正好同那人打了个照面，原来是罗切斯特先生。
“你好吗？”他问。
“我很好，先生。”
“你为什么不进房间来同我谈谈呢？”
我想我本可以反问这个问题，但我不愿那么放肆，只是回答说：
“我不想打搅你，因为你好像正忙着呢，先生。”
“我外出期间你一直在干些什么呢？”
“没有什么特别事儿，照例教阿黛勒。”
“而且比以前苍白了，这我一眼就看出来了，你怎么啦？”
“没事儿，先生。”
“你差点淹死我的那天夜里着了凉吗？”
“绝对没有。”
“回到客厅里去吧，你走得太早了。”
“我累了，先生。”
他瞧了我一会儿。
“而且心情有些不快，”他说。
“为什么事儿？告诉我吧。”
“没有——实在没有，先生。我的心情没有不快。”
“可是我可以肯定你心里不高兴，而且已经到了这个地步，只要再说几句你就要掉泪了——其实此刻你的泪花己在闪动，一颗泪珠已从眼睫毛上滚下，落在石板地上了。要是我有时间，要不是我怕撞见一本正经爱饶舌的仆人，我准会弄明白内中的缘由。好吧，今晚我就原谅你了。不过你得知道，只要客人们还在这里呆着，我希望你每天晚上都在客厅露面。这是我的愿望，不要置之不理，现在你走吧，叫索菲娅来把阿黛勒带走。晚安，我的——”他刹住了，咬着嘴唇，蓦地离开了我。

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Chapter 18

MERRY days were these at Thornfield Hall; and busy days too: howdifferent from the first three months of stillness, monotony, andsolitude I had passed beneath its roof! All sad feelings seemed nowdriven from the house, all gloomy associations forgotten: there was lifeeverywhere, movement all day long. You could not now traverse thegallery, once so hushed, nor enter the front chambers, once sotenantless, without encountering a smart lady's-maid or a dandy valet.
Thekitchen, the butler's pantry, the servants' hall, the entrance hall,were equally alive; and the saloons were only left void and still whenthe blue sky and halcyon sunshine of the genial spring weather calledtheir occupants out into the grounds. Even when that weather was broken,and continuous rain set in for some days, no damp seemed cast overenjoyment: indoor amusements only became more lively and varied, inconsequence of the stop put to outdoor gaiety.
I wondered what they were going to do the first evening a change ofentertainment was proposed: they spoke of 'playing charades,' but in myignorance I did not understand the term. The servants were called in,the dining-room tables wheeled away, the lights otherwise disposed, thechairs placed in a semicircle opposite the arch. While Mr. Rochester andthe other gentlemen directed these alterations, the ladies were runningup and down stairs ringing for their maids.
Mrs. Fairfax was summoned to give information respecting theresources of the house in shawls, dresses, draperies of any kind; andcertain wardrobes of the third storey were ransacked, and theircontents, in the shape of brocaded and hooped petticoats, satin sacques,black modes, lace lappets, etc., were brought down in armfuls by theabigails; then a selection was made, and such things as were chosen werecarried to the boudoir within the drawing-room.
Meantime, Mr. Rochester had again summoned the ladies round him, andwas selecting certain of their number to be of his party. 'Miss Ingramis mine, of course,' said he: afterwards he named the two Misses Eshton,and Mrs. Dent. He looked at me: I happened to be near him, as I hadbeen fastening the clasp of Mrs. Dent's bracelet, which had got loose.
'Will you play?' he asked. I shook my head. He did not insist, which Irather feared he would have done; he allowed me to return quietly to myusual seat.
He and his aids now withdrew behind the curtain: the other party,which was headed by Colonel Dent, sat down on the crescent of chairs.One of the gentlemen, Mr. Eshton, observing me, seemed to propose that Ishould be asked to join them; but Lady Ingram instantly negatived thenotion.
'No,' I heard her say: 'she looks too stupid for any game of the sort.'
Ere long a bell tinkled, and the curtain drew up. Within the arch,the bulky figure of Sir George Lynn, whom Mr. Rochester had likewisechosen, was seen enveloped in a white sheet: before him, on a table, layopen a large book; and at his side stood Amy Eshton, draped in Mr.Rochester's cloak, and holding a book in her hand. Somebody, unseen,rang the bell merrily; then Adele (who had insisted on being one of herguardian's party), bounded forward, scattering round her the contents ofa basket of flowers she carried on her arm. Then appeared themagnificent figure of Miss Ingram, clad in white, a long veil on herhead, and a wreath of roses round her brow; by her side walked Mr.Rochester, and together they drew near the table. They knelt; while Mrs.Dent and Louisa Eshton, dressed also in white, took up their stationsbehind them. A ceremony followed, in dumb show, in which it was easy torecognise the pantomime of a marriage. At its termination, Colonel Dent,and his party consulted in whispers for two minutes, then the Colonelcalled out-
'Bride!' Mr. Rochester bowed, and the curtain fell.
A considerable interval elapsed before it again rose. Its secondrising displayed a more elaborately prepared scene than the last.
The drawing-room, as I have before observed, was raised two stepsabove the dining-room, and on the top of the upper step, placed a yardor two back within the room, appeared a large marble basin, which Irecognised as an ornament of the conservatory- where it usually stood,surrounded by exotics, and tenanted by gold fish- and whence it musthave been transported with some trouble, on account of its size andweight.
Seated on the carpet, by the side of this basin, was seen Mr.Rochester, costumed in shawls, with a turban on his head. His dark eyesand swarthy skin and Paynim features suited the costume exactly: helooked the very model of an Eastern emir, an agent or a victim of thebowstring. Presently advanced into view Miss Ingram.
She, too, was attired in oriental fashion: a crimson scarf tiedsash-like round the waist; an embroidered handkerchief knotted about hertemples; her beautifully moulded arms bare, one of them upraised in theact of supporting a pitcher, poised gracefully on her head.
Both her cast of form and feature, her complexion and her generalair, suggested the idea of some Israelitish princess of the patriarchaldays; and such was doubtless the character she intended to represent.
She approached the basin, and bent over it as if to fill her pitcher;she again lifted it to her head. The personage on the well-brink nowseemed to accost her; to make some request:- 'She hasted, let down herpitcher on her hand, and gave him to drink.' From the bosom of his robehe then produced a casket, opened it and showed magnificent braceletsand earrings; she acted astonishment and admiration; kneeling, he laidthe treasure at her feet; incredulity and delight were expressed by herlooks and gestures; the stranger fastened the bracelets on her arms andthe rings in her ears. It was Eliezer and Rebecca: the camels only werewanting.
The divining party again laid their heads together: apparently theycould not agree about the word or syllable the scene illustrated.
Colonel Dent, their spokesman, demanded 'the tableau of the whole'; whereupon the curtain again descended.
On its third rising only a portion of the drawing-room was disclosed;the rest being concealed by a screen, hung with some sort of dark andcoarse drapery. The marble basin was removed; in its place stood a dealtable and a kitchen chair: these objects were visible by a very dimlight proceeding from a horn lantern, the wax candles being allextinguished.
Amidst this sordid scene, sat a man with his clenched hands restingon his knees, and his eyes bent on the ground. I knew Mr. Rochester;though the begrimed face, the disordered dress (his coat hanging loosefrom one arm, as if it had been almost torn from his back in a scuffle),the desperate and scowling countenance the rough, bristling hair mightwell have disguised him. As he moved, a chain clanked; to his wristswere attached fetters.
'Bridewell!' exclaimed Colonel Dent, and the charade was solved.
A sufficient interval having elapsed for the performers to resumetheir ordinary costume, they re-entered the dining-room. Mr. Rochesterled in Miss Ingram; she was complimenting him on his acting.
'Do you know,' said she, 'that, of the three characters, I liked youin the last best? Oh, had you but lived a few years earlier, what agallant gentleman-highwayman you would have made!'
'Is all the soot washed from my face?' he asked, turning it towards her.
'Alas! yes: the more's the pity! Nothing could be more becoming to your complexion than that ruffian's rouge.'
'You would like a hero of the road then?'
'An English hero of the road would be the next best thing to anItalian bandit; and that could only be surpassed by a Levantine pirate.'
'Well, whatever I am, remember you are my wife; we were married anhour since, in the presence of all these witnesses.' She giggled, andher colour rose.
'Now, Dent,' continued Mr. Rochester, 'it is your turn.' And as theother party withdrew, he and his band took the vacated seats. MissIngram placed herself at her leader's right hand; the other divinersfilled the chairs on each side of him and her. I did not now watch theactors; I no longer waited with interest for the curtain to rise; myattention was absorbed by the spectators; my eyes, erewhile fixed on thearch, were now irresistibly attracted to the semicircle of chairs.
What charade Colonel Dent and his party played, what word they chose,how they acquitted themselves, I no longer remember; but I still seethe consultation which followed each scene: I see Mr. Rochester turn toMiss Ingram, and Miss Ingram to him; I see her incline her head towardshim, till the jetty curls almost touch his shoulder and wave against hischeek; I hear their mutual whisperings; I recall their interchangedglances; and something even of the feeling roused by the spectaclereturns in memory at this moment.
I have told you, reader, that I had learnt to love Mr. Rochester: Icould not unlove him now, merely because I found that he had ceased tonotice me- because I might pass hours in his presence, and he wouldnever once turn his eyes in my direction- because I saw all hisattentions appropriated by a great lady, who scorned to touch me withthe hem of her robes as she passed; who, if ever her dark and imperiouseye fell on me by chance, would withdraw it instantly as from an objecttoo mean to merit observation. I could not unlove him, because I feltsure he would soon marry this very lady- because I read daily in her aproud security in his intentions respecting her- because I witnessedhourly in him a style of courtship which, if careless and choosingrather to be sought than to seek, was yet, in its very carelessness,captivating, and in its very pride, irresistible.
There was nothing to cool or banish love in these circumstances,though much to create despair. Much too, you will think, reader, toengender jealousy: if a woman, in my position, could presume to bejealous of a woman in Miss Ingram's. But I was not jealous: or veryrarely;- the nature of the pain I suffered could not be explained bythat word. Miss Ingram was a mark beneath jealousy: she was too inferiorto excite the feeling. Pardon the seeming paradox; I mean what I say.She was very showy, but she was not genuine: she had a fine person, manybrilliant attainments; but her mind was poor, her heart barren bynature: nothing bloomed spontaneously on that soil; no unforced naturalfruit delighted by its freshness. She was not good; she was notoriginal: she used to repeat sounding phrases from books: she neveroffered, nor had, an opinion of her own. She advocated a high tone ofsentiment; but she did not know the sensations of sympathy and pity;tenderness and truth were not in her.
Too often she betrayed this, by the undue vent she gave to a spitefulantipathy she had conceived against little Adele: pushing her away withsome contumelious epithet if she happened to approach her; sometimesordering her from the room, and always treating her with coldness andacrimony. Other eyes besides mine watched these manifestations ofcharacter- watched them closely, keenly, shrewdly.
Yes; the future bridegroom, Mr. Rochester himself, exercised over hisintended a ceaseless surveillance; and it was from this sagacity- thisguardedness of his- this perfect, clear consciousness of his fair one'sdefects- this obvious absence of passion in his sentiments towards her,that my ever-torturing pain arose.
I saw he was going to marry her, for family, perhaps politicalreasons, because her rank and connections suited him; I felt he had notgiven her his love, and that her qualifications were ill adapted to winfrom him that treasure. This was the point- this was where the nerve wastouched and teased- this was where the fever was sustained and fed: shecould not charm him.
If she had managed the victory at once, and he had yielded andsincerely laid his heart at her feet, I should have covered my face,turned to the wall, and (figuratively) have died to them. If Miss Ingramhad been a good and noble woman, endowed with force, fervour, kindness,sense, I should have had one vital struggle with two tigers- jealousyand despair: then, my heart torn out and devoured, I should have admiredher- acknowledged her excellence, and been quiet for the rest of mydays: and the more absolute her superiority, the deeper would have beenmy admiration- the more truly tranquil my quiescence. But as mattersreally stood, to watch Miss Ingram's efforts at fascinating Mr.Rochester, to witness their repeated failure- herself unconscious thatthey did fail; vainly fancying that each shaft launched hit the mark,and infatuatedly pluming herself on success, when her pride andself-complacency repelled further and further what she wished to allure-to witness this, was to be at once under ceaseless excitation andruthless restraint.
Because, when she failed, I saw how she might have succeeded.
Arrows that continually glanced off from Mr. Rochester's breast andfell harmless at his feet, might, I knew, if shot by a surer hand, havequivered keen in his proud heart- have called love into his stern eye,and softness into his sardonic face; or, better still, without weapons asilent conquest might have been won.
'Why can she not influence him more, when she is privileged to drawso near to him?' I asked myself. 'Surely she cannot truly like him, ornot like him with true affection! If she did, she need not coin hersmiles so lavishly, flash her glances so unremittingly, manufacture airsso elaborate, graces so multitudinous. It seems to me that she might,by merely sitting quietly at his side, saying little and looking less,get nigher his heart. I have seen in his face a far different expressionfrom that which hardens it now while she is so vivaciously accostinghim; but then it came of itself: it was not elicited by meretriciousarts and calculated manoeuvres; and one had but to accept it- to answerwhat he asked without pretension, to address him when needful withoutgrimace- and it increased and grew kinder and more genial, and warmedone like a fostering sunbeam. How will she manage to please him whenthey are married? I do not think she will manage it; and yet it might bemanaged; and his wife might, I verily believe, be the very happiestwoman the sun shines on.'
I have not yet said anything condemnatory of Mr. Rochester's projectof marrying for interest and connections. It surprised me when I firstdiscovered that such was his intention: I had thought him a man unlikelyto be influenced by motives so commonplace in his choice of a wife; butthe longer I considered the position, education, etc., of the parties,the less I felt justified in judging and blaming either him or MissIngram for acting in conformity to ideas and principles instilled intothem, doubtless, from their childhood. All their class held theseprinciples: I supposed, then, they had reasons for holding them such as Icould not fathom. It seemed to me that, were I a gentleman like him, Iwould take to my bosom only such a wife as I could love; but the veryobviousness of the advantages to the husband's own happiness offered bythis plan convinced me that there must be arguments against its generaladoption of which I was quite ignorant: otherwise I felt sure all theworld would act as I wished to act.
But in other points, as well as this, I was growing very lenient tomy master: I was forgetting all his faults, for which I had once kept asharp look-out. It had formerly been my endeavour to study all sides ofhis character: to take the bad with the good; and from the just weighingof both, to form an equitable judgment. Now I saw no bad. The sarcasmthat had repelled, the harshness that had startled me once, were onlylike keen condiments in a choice dish: their presence was pungent, buttheir absence would be felt as comparatively insipid. And as for thevague something- was it a sinister or a sorrowful, a designing or adesponding expression?- that opened upon a careful observer, now andthen, in his eye, and closed again before one could fathom the strangedepth partially disclosed; that something which used to make me fear andshrink, as if I had been wandering amongst volcanic-looking hills, andhad suddenly felt the ground quiver and seen it gape: that something, I,at intervals, beheld still; and with throbbing heart, but not withpalsied nerves.
Instead of wishing to shun, I longed only to dare- to divine it; and Ithought Miss Ingram happy, because one day she might look into theabyss at her leisure, explore its secrets and analyse their nature.
Meantime, while I thought only of my master and his future bride- sawonly them, heard only their discourse, and considered only theirmovements of importance- the rest of the party were occupied with theirown separate interests and pleasures. The Ladies Lynn and Ingramcontinued to consort in solemn conferences, where they nodded their twoturbans at each other, and held up their four hands in confrontinggestures of surprise, or mystery, or horror, according to the theme onwhich their gossip ran, like a pair of magnified puppets. Mild Mrs.
Dent talked with good-natured Mrs. Eshton; and the two sometimesbestowed a courteous word or smile on me. Sir George Lynn, Colonel Dent,and Mr. Eshton discussed politics, or county affairs, or justicebusiness. Lord Ingram flirted with Amy Eshton; Louisa played and sang toand with one of the Messrs. Lynn; and Mary Ingram listened languidly tothe gallant speeches of the other. Sometimes all, as with one consent,suspended their by-play to observe and listen to the principal actors:for, after all, Mr. Rochester and-  because closely connected with him-Miss Ingram were the life and soul of the party.
If he was absent from the room an hour, a perceptible dulness seemedto steal over the spirits of his guests; and his re-entrance was sure togive a fresh impulse to the vivacity of conversation.
The want of his animating influence appeared to be peculiarly feltone day that he had been summoned to Millcote on business, and was notlikely to return till late. The afternoon was wet: a walk the party hadproposed to take to see a gipsy camp, lately pitched on a common beyondHay, was consequently deferred. Some of the gentlemen were gone to thestables: the younger ones, together with the younger ladies, wereplaying billiards in the billiard-room. The dowagers Ingram and Lynnsought solace in a quiet game at cards.
Blanche Ingram, after having repelled, by supercilious taciturnity,some efforts of Mrs. Dent and Mrs. Eshton to draw her into conversation,had first murmured over some sentimental tunes and airs on the piano,and then, having fetched a novel from the library, had flung herself inhaughty listlessness on a sofa, and prepared to beguile, by the spell offiction, the tedious hours of absence. The room and the house weresilent: only now and then the merriment of the billiard-players washeard from above.
It was verging on dusk, and the dock had already given warning of thehour to dress for dinner, when little Adele, who knelt by me in thedrawing-room window-seat, suddenly exclaimed-
'Voila Monsieur Rochester, qui revient!'
I turned, and Miss Ingram darted forwards from her sofa: the others,too, looked up from their several occupations; for at the same time acrunching of wheels and a splashing tramp of horse-hoofs became audibleon the wet gravel. A post-chaise was approaching.
'What can possess him to come home in that style?' said Miss Ingram.'He rode Mesrour (the black horse), did he not, when he went out? andPilot was with him:- what has he done with the animals?'
As she said this, she approached her tall person and ample garmentsso near the window, that I was obliged to bend back almost to thebreaking of my spine: in her eagerness she did not observe me at first,but when she did, she curled her lip and moved to another casement. Thepost-chaise stopped; the driver rang the door-bell, and a gentlemanalighted attired in travelling garb; but it was not Mr. Rochester; itwas a tall, fashionable-looking man, a stranger.
'How provoking!' exclaimed Miss Ingram: 'you tiresome monkey!'(apostrophising Adele), 'who perched you up in the window to give falseintelligence?' and she cast on me an angry glance, as if I were infault.
Some parleying was audible in the hall, and soon the newcomerentered. He bowed to Lady Ingram, as deeming her the eldest ladypresent.
'It appears I come at an inopportune time, madam,' said he, 'when myfriend, Mr. Rochester, is from home; but I arrive from a very longjourney, and I think I may presume so far on old and intimateacquaintance as to instal myself here till he returns.'
His manner was polite; his accent, in speaking, struck me as beingsomewhat unusual,- not precisely foreign, but still not altogetherEnglish: his age might be about Mr. Rochester's,- between thirty andforty; his complexion was singularly sallow: otherwise he  was afine-looking man, at first sight especially. On closer examination, youdetected something in his face that displeased, or rather that failed toplease. His features were regular, but too relaxed: his eye was largeand well cut, but the life looking out of it was a tame, vacant life- atleast so I thought.
The sound of the dressing-bell dispersed the party. It was not tillafter dinner that I saw him again: he then seemed quite at his ease.
But I liked his physiognomy even less than before: it struck me asbeing at the same time unsettled and inanimate. His eye wandered, andhad no meaning in its wandering: this gave him an odd look, such as Inever remembered to have seen. For a handsome and not anunamiable-looking man, he repelled me exceedingly: there was no power inthat smooth-skinned face of a full oval shape: no firmness in thataquiline nose and small cherry mouth; there was no thought on the low,even forehead; no command in that blank, brown eye.
As I sat in my usual nook, and looked at him with the light of thegirandoles on the mantelpiece beaming full over him- for he occupied anarm-chair drawn close to the fire and kept shrinking still nearer, as ifhe were cold- I compared him with Mr. Rochester. I  think (withdeference be it spoken) the contrast could not be much greater between asleek gander and a fierce falcon: between a meek sheep and therough-coated keen-eyed dog, its guardian.
He had spoken of Mr. Rochester as an old friend. A curious friendshiptheirs must have been: a pointed illustration, indeed, of the old adagethat 'extremes meet.'
Two or three of the gentlemen sat near him, and I caught at timesscraps of their conversation across the room. At first I could not makemuch sense of what I heard; for the discourse of Louisa Eshton and MaryIngram, who sat nearer to me, confused the fragmentary sentences thatreached me at intervals. These last were discussing the stranger; theyboth called him 'a beautiful man.' Louisa said he was 'a love of acreature,' and she 'adored him'; and Mary instanced his 'pretty littlemouth, and nice nose,' as her ideal of the charming.
'And what a sweet-tempered forehead he hast' cried Louisa,- 'sosmooth- none of those frowning irregularities I dislike so much; andsuch a placid eye and smile!'
And then, to my great relief, Mr. Henry Lynn summoned them to theother side of the room, to settle some point about the deferredexcursion to Hay Common.
I was now able to concentrate my attention on the group by the fire,and I presently gathered that the newcomer was called Mr. Mason; then Ilearned that he was but just arrived in England, and that he came fromsome hot country: which was the reason, doubtless, his face was sosallow, and that he sat so near the hearth, and wore a surtout in thehouse. Presently the words Jamaica, Kingston, Spanish Town, indicatedthe West Indies as his residence; and it was with no little surprise Igathered, ere long, that he had there first seen and become acquaintedwith Mr. Rochester. He spoke of his friend's dislike of the burningheats, the hurricanes, and rainy seasons of that region. I knew Mr.Rochester had been a traveller: Mrs. Fairfax had said so; but I thoughtthe continent of Europe had bounded his wanderings; till now I had neverheard a hint given of visits to more distant shores.
I was pondering these things, when an incident, and a somewhatunexpected one, broke the thread of my musings. Mr. Mason, shivering assome one chanced to open the door, asked for more coal to be put on thefire, which had burnt out its flame, though its mass of cinder stillshone hot and red. The footman who brought the coal, in going out,stopped near Mr. Eshton's chair, and said something to him in a lowvoice, of which I heard only the words, 'old woman,'- 'quitetroublesome.'
'Tell her she shall be put in the stocks if she does not take herself off,' replied the magistrate.
'No- stop!' interrupted Colonel Dent. 'Don't send her away, Eshton;we might turn the thing to account; better consult the ladies.' Andspeaking aloud, he continued- 'Ladies, you talked of going to Hay Commonto visit the gipsy camp; Sam here says that one of the old MotherBunches is in the servants' hall at this moment, and insists upon beingbrought in before "the quality," to tell them their fortunes. Would youlike to see her?'
'Surely, colonel,' cried Lady Ingram, 'you would not encourage such a low impostor? Dismiss her, by all means, at once!'
'But I cannot persuade her to go away, my lady,' said the footman;'nor can any of the servants: Mrs. Fairfax is with her just  now,entreating her to be gone; but she has taken a chair in thechimney-corner, and says nothing shall stir her from it till she getsleave to come in here.'
'What does she want?' asked Mrs. Eshton.
'"To tell the gentry their fortunes," she says, ma'am; and she swears she must and will do it.'
'What is she like?' inquired the Misses Eshton, in a breath.
'A shockingly ugly old creature, miss; almost as black as a crock.'
'Why, she's a real sorceress!' cried Frederick Lynn. 'Let us have her in, of course.'
'To be sure,' rejoined his brother; 'it would be a thousand pities to throw away such a chance of fun.'
'My dear boys, what are you thinking about?' exclaimed Mrs. Lynn.
'I cannot possibly countenance any such inconsistent proceeding,' chimed in the Dowager Ingram.
'Indeed, mama, but you can- and will,' pronounced the haughty voiceof Blanche, as she turned round on the piano-stool; where till now shehad sat silent, apparently examining sundry sheets of music. 'I have acuriosity to hear my fortune told: therefore, Sam, order the beldameforward.'
'My darling Blanche! recollect-'
'I do- I recollect all you can suggest; and I must have my will- quick, Sam!'
'Yes- yes- yes!' cried all the juveniles, both ladies and gentlemen. 'Let her come- it will be excellent sport!'
The footman still lingered. 'She looks such a rough one,' said he.
'Go!' ejaculated Miss Ingram, and the man went.
Excitement instantly seized the whole party: a running fire of raillery and jests was proceeding when Sam returned.
'She won't come now,' said he. 'She says it's not her mission toappear before the "vulgar herd" (them's her words). I must show her intoa room by herself, and then those who wish to consult her must go toher one by one.'
'You see now, my queenly Blanche,' began Lady Ingram, 'she encroaches. Be advised, my angel girl- and-'
'Show her into the library, of course,' cut in the 'angel girl,'
'It is not my mission to listen to her before the vulgar herd either:I mean to have her all to myself. Is there a fire in the library?'
'Yes, ma'am- but she looks such a tinkler.'
'Cease that chatter, blockhead! and do my bidding.'
Again Sam vanished; and mystery, animation, expectation rose to full flow once more.
'She's ready now,' said the footman, as he reappeared. 'She wishes to know who will be her first visitor.'
'I think I had better just look in upon her before any of the ladies go,' said Colonel Dent.
'Tell her, Sam, a gentleman is coming.'
Sam went and returned.
'She says, sir, that she'll have no gentlemen; they need not troublethemselves to come near her; nor,' he added, with difficulty suppressinga titter, 'any ladies either, except the young and single.'
'By Jove, she has taste!' exclaimed Henry Lynn.
Miss Ingram rose solemnly: 'I go first,' she said, in a tone whichmight have befitted the leader of a forlorn hope, mounting a breach inthe van of his men.
'Oh, my best! oh, my dearest! pause- reflect!' was her mama's cry;but she swept past her in stately silence, passed through the door whichColonel Dent held open, and we heard her enter the library.
A comparative silence ensued. Lady Ingram thought it 'le cas' towring her hands: which she did accordingly. Miss Mary declared she felt,for her part, she never dared venture. Amy and Louisa Eshton titteredunder their breath, and looked a little frightened.
The minutes passed very slowly: fifteen were counted before thelibrary-door again opened. Miss Ingram returned to us through the arch.
Would she laugh? Would she take it as a joke? All eyes met her with aglance of eager curiosity, and she met all eyes with one of rebuff andcoldness; she looked neither flurried nor merry: she walked stiffly toher seat, and took it in silence.
'Well, Blanche?' said Lord Ingram.
'What did she say, sister?' asked Mary.
'What did you think? How do you feel? Is she a real fortune-teller?' demanded the Misses Eshton.
'Now, now, good people,' returned Miss Ingram, 'don't press upon me.Really your organs of wonder and credulity are easily excited: you seem,by the importance you all- my good mama included- ascribe to thismatter, absolutely to believe we have a genuine witch in the house, whois in close alliance with the old gentleman. I have seen a gipsyvagabond; she has practised in hackneyed fashion the science ofpalmistry and told me what such people usually tell. My whim isgratified; and now I think Mr. Eshton will do well to put the hag in thestocks to-morrow morning, as he threatened.'
Miss Ingram took a book, leant back in her chair, and so declinedfurther conversation. I watched her for nearly half an hour: during allthat time she never turned a page, and her face grew momently darker,more dissatisfied, and more sourly expressive of disappointment. She hadobviously not heard anything to her advantage: and it seemed to me,from her prolonged fit of gloom and taciturnity, that she herself,notwithstanding her professed indifference, attached undue importance towhatever revelations had been made her.
Meantime, Mary Ingram, Amy and Louisa Eshton, declared they dared notgo alone; and yet they all wished to go. A negotiation was openedthrough the medium of the ambassador, Sam; and after much pacing to andfro, till, I think, the said Sam's calves must have ached with theexercise, permission was at last, with great difficulty, extorted fromthe rigorous Sibyl, for the three to wait upon her in a body.
Their visit was not so still as Miss Ingram's had been: we heardhysterical giggling and little shrieks proceeding from the library;  and at the end of about twenty minutes they burst the door open, andcame running across the hall, as if they were half-scared out of theirwits.
'I am sure she is something not right!' they cried, one and all.
'She told us such things! She knows all about us!' and they sankbreathless into the various seats the gentlemen hastened to bring them.
Pressed for further explanation, they declared she had told them ofthings they had said and done when they were mere children; describedbooks and ornaments they had in their boudoirs at home: keepsakes thatdifferent relations had presented to them. They affirmed that she hadeven divined their thoughts, and had whispered in the ear of each thename of the person she liked best in the world, and informed them ofwhat they most wished for.
Here the gentlemen interposed with earnest petitions to be furtherenlightened on these two last-named points; but they got only blushes,ejaculations, tremors, and titters, in return for their importunity. Thematrons, meantime, offered vinaigrettes and wielded fans; and again andagain reiterated the expression of their concern that their warning hadnot been taken in time; and the elder gentlemen laughed, and theyounger urged their services on the agitated fair ones.
In the midst of the tumult, and while my eyes and ears were fullyengaged in the scene before me, I heard a hem close at my elbow: Iturned, and saw Sam.
'If you please, miss, the gipsy declares that there is another youngsingle lady in the room who has not been to her yet, and she swears shewill not go till she has seen all. I thought it must be you: there is noone else for it. What shall I tell her?'
'Oh, I will go by all means,' I answered: and I was glad of theunexpected opportunity to gratify my much-excited curiosity. I slippedout of the room, unobserved by any eye- for the company were gathered inone mass about the trembling trio just returned- and I closed the doorquietly behind me.
'If you like, miss,' said Sam, 'I'll wait in the hall for you; and if she frightens you, just call and I'll come in.''No, Sam, return to the kitchen: I am not in the least afraid.' Nor was I; but I was a good deal interested and excited.

那些是桑菲尔德府欢乐的日子，也是忙碌的日子。同最初三个月我在这儿度过的平静、单调和孤寂的日子相比，真是天差地别！如今一切哀伤情调已经烟消云散，一切阴郁的联想已忘得一干二净，到处热热闹闹，整天人来客往。过去静悄悄的门廓，空无住客的前房，现在一走进去就会撞见漂亮的侍女，或者衣饰华丽的男仆。
无论是厨房，还是管家的食品室，佣人的厅堂和门厅，都一样热闹非凡。只有在和煦的春日里，蔚蓝的天空和明媚的阳光，把人们吸引到庭园里去的时候，几间大客厅才显得空荡沉寂。即使天气转坏，几日里阴雨连绵，也似乎不曾使他们扫兴，室外的娱乐一停止，室内的倒反而更加活泼多样了。
第一个晚上有人建议改变一下娱乐方式的时候，我心里纳闷他们会干什么。他们说起要玩“字谜游戏”，但我一无所知，一时不明白这个名称。仆人们被叫了进来，餐桌给搬走了，灯光己另作处理，椅子正对着拱门排成了半圆形。罗切斯特先生和其他男宾们指挥着作些变动时，女士们在楼梯上跑上跑下，按铃使唤仆人。费尔法克斯太太应召进房，报告各类披肩、服装和帐幔等家藏物资情况。三楼的有些大橱也来个兜底翻寻，里面的一应物件，如带裙环的织锦裙子、缎子宽身女裙、黑色丝织品、花边垂带等，都由使女们成包捧下楼来，经过挑选，又把选中的东西送进客厅内的小厅里。
与此同时，罗切斯特先生把女士们再次叫到他周围，选中了几位加入他一组。“当然英格拉姆小姐是属于我的，”他说，随后他又点了两位埃希顿小姐和登特夫人的名。他瞧了瞧我，我恰巧在他身边，替登特太太把松开的手镯扣好。
“你来玩吗？”他问。我摇了摇头。他没有坚持，我真怕他会呢。他允许我安静地回到平时的座位上去。
他和搭档们退到了帐幔后头，而由登特上校领头的一组人，在排成半圆形的椅子上坐了下来。其中一位叫埃希顿先生的男士，注意到了我，好像提议我应当加入他们，但英格拉姆夫人立即否决了他的建议。
“不行，”我听见她说，“她看上去一付蠢相，玩不来这类游戏。”
没过多久，铃声响了，幕拉开了。在半圆形之内，出现了乔治.林恩爵士用白布裹着的巨大身影，他也是由罗切斯特先生选中的。他前面的一张桌子上，放着一本大书，他一侧站着艾米.埃希顿，身上披着罗切斯特先生的斗篷，手里拿着一本书。有人在看不见的地方摇响了欢快的铃声。随后阿黛勒（她坚持参加监护人的一组）跳跳蹦蹦来到前面，把挽在胳膊上的一篮子花，朝她周围撒去。接着雍容华贵的英格拉姆小姐露面了，一身素装，头披长纱，额上戴着圈玫瑰花。她身边走着罗切斯特先生，两人一起跪向桌子。他们跪了下来，与此同时，一样浑身著白的登特太太和路易莎.埃希顿，在他们身后站定。接着一个用哑剧来表现的仪式开始了，不难看出，这是场哑剧婚礼。结束时登特上校和他的一伙人悄悄地商量了两分钟，随后上校嚷道：
“新娘！”罗切斯特先生行了鞠躬礼，随后幕落。
过了好一会儿，帐幕才再次拉开。第二幕表演比第一幕显得更加精心准备。如我以前所观察的那样，客厅已垫得比餐室高出两个台阶，在客厅内靠后一两码的顶端台阶上，放置着一个硕大的大理石盆，我认出来那是温室里的一个装饰品——平时里面养着金鱼，周围布满了异国花草——它体积大，份量重，搬到这儿来一定是花了一番周折的。
在这个大盆子旁边的地毯上，坐着罗切斯特先生，身裹披巾，额缠头巾。他乌黑的眼睛、黝黑的皮肤和穆斯林式的五官，与这身打扮十分般配。他看上去活象一个东方的酋长，一个绞死人和被人绞死的角色。不久，英格拉姆小姐登场了。她也是一身东方式装束。一条大红围巾象腰带似地缠在腰间；一块绣花手帕围住额头；她那形态美丽的双臂赤裸着，其中的一条高高举起，优美地托着顶在头上的一个坛子。她的体态和容貌，她的肤色和神韵，使人想起了宗法时代的以色列公主，无疑那正是她想要扮演的角色。
她走近大盆子，俯身似乎要把水坛灌满。随后再次把坛子举起来放在头上。那个在井边的人好像在同他打招呼，提出了某种要求：她“就急忙拿下瓶来，托在手上给他喝。”随后他从胸口的长袍里，取出一个盒子，打了开来，露出金灿灿的镯子和耳环；她做出惊叹的表情，跪了下来。他把珠宝搁在她脚边，她的神态和动作中流露出疑惑与喜悦，陌生人替她戴好了手镯，挂好了耳环。这就是以利以泽和利百加了，只不过没有骆驼。
猜谜的一方再次交头接耳起来，显然他们对这场戏所表现的字或只言片语，无法取得一致意见。他们的发言人登特上校要来表现“完整的场面”，于是帷幕又一次落下。
第三幕里客厅只露出了部份，其余部分由一块粗糙的黑色布幔遮挡着，大理石盆子已被搬走，代之以一张松木桌和一把厨房椅子，借着一盏号角式灯笼的幽暗灯光，这些物品隐约可见，因为蜡烛全都灭了。
在这暗淡的场景中，坐着一个人，双手攒紧放在膝头，双目紧盯着地上。我知道这是罗切斯特先生，尽管污秽的脸，散乱的服饰（在一条胳膊上他的外衣垂挂着，好象在一场搏斗中几乎是从背上撕了下来似的），绝望阴沉的脸容、粗糙直竖的头发，完全可以叫人无法辨认。他走动时，铁链叮当作响，他的手腕上戴着手铐。
“监狱！”登特上校冲口叫道，字谜也就被猜中了。
随后是一段充分的休息时间，让表演者恢复原来的服装，他们再次走进餐室。罗切斯特先生领着英格拉姆小姐，她正夸奖着他的演技。
“你可知道，”她说，“在你饰演的三个人物中，我最喜欢最后一个。啊，要是你早生几年，你很可能会成为一个英勇高贵的拦路强盗！”
“我脸上的煤烟都洗干净了吗？”他向她转过脸问道。
“哎呀呀！全洗掉了，洗得越干净就越可惜！那个歹徒的紫红脸色同你的肤色再般配没有了。”
“那你喜欢剪径的强盗了？”
“就我喜好而言，一个英国的路盗仅次于一个意大利的土匪，而意大利的土匪稍逊于地中海的海盗。”
“好吧，不管我是谁，记住你是我的妻子，一小时之前我们已结婚，当着所有的目击者。”她吃吃一笑，脸上泛起了红晕。
“嗨，登特，”罗切斯特先生继续说道，“该轮到你们了。”另一组人退下去后，他和他的伙伴们在腾出来的位置上坐了下来。英格拉姆小姐坐在首领的右侧，其余的猜谜人坐在他们两旁的椅子上。这时我不去观看演员了，不再兴趣十足地等候幕启，我的注重力己被观众所吸引。我的目光刚才还盯着拱门，此时已不可抗拒地转向了排成半圆形的椅子。登特上校和他的搭当们玩的是什么字谜游戏，选择了什么字，如何圆满地完成自己扮演的角色，我已无从记得，但每场演出后互相商量的情景，却历历如在目前。我看到罗切斯特先生转向英格拉姆小姐，英格拉姆小姐又转向罗切斯特先生，我看见她向他侧过头去，直到她乌油油的卷发几乎触到了他的肩膀，拂着了他的脸颊。我听到了他们相互间的耳语，我回想起他们彼此交换的眼色，甚至这一情景在我心里所激起的某种情感，此刻也在我记忆中复活了。
我曾告诉过你，读者，我意识到自己爱上了罗切斯特先生。如今我不可能不管他，仅仅因为发现他不再注意我了——仅仅因为我在他面前度过几小时，而他朝我瞟都不瞟一眼——仅仅因为我看到他的全部注意力被一位贵妇人所吸引，而这位贵妇路过我身边时连长袍的边都不屑碰我一下，阴沉专横的目光碰巧落在我身上时、会立即转移，仿佛我太卑微而不值一顾。我不可能不爱他，仅仅因为断定他很快会娶这位小姐——仅仅因为我每天觉察到，她高傲地觉得自己在他心目中的地位己经非常稳固；仅仅因为我时时刻刻看着他的求婚方式尽管漫不经心，且又表现出宁愿被人追求而不追求别人，却由于随意而显得富有魅力，由于傲慢而愈是不可抗拒。
这种情况虽然很可能造成灰心失望，但丝毫不会使爱情冷却或消失。读者呀，要是处于我这样地位的女人，敢于妒嫉象英格拉姆小姐这样地位的女人的话，你会认为这件事很可以引起妒嫉。——我所经受的痛苦是无法用那两个字来解释的。英格拉姆小姐不值得妒嫉；她太低下了，激不起我那种感情。请原谅这表面的评论：我是表里一致的。她好卖弄、但并不真诚。她风度很好，而又多才多艺，但头脑浮浅，心灵天生贫瘠；在那片土地上没有花朵会自动开放，没有哪种不需外力而自然结出的果实会喜欢这种新土。她缺乏教养，没有独创性，而惯于重复书本中的大话，从不提出，也从来没有自己的见解。她鼓吹高尚的情操，但并不知道同情和怜悯，身上丝毫没有温柔和真诚。她对小阿黛勒的心怀恶意，并无端发泄，常常使她在这点上暴露无遗，要是小阿黛勒恰巧走近她，她会用恶言毒语把她撵走，有时命令她离开房间，常常冷淡刻毒地对待她。除了我，还有别人也注视着这些个性的流露——密切急迫而敏锐地注视着。是的，就是罗切斯特先生这位准新郎自己，也无时无刻不在监视着他的意中人。正是这种洞察力——他所存的戒心——这种对自己美人缺陷的清醒全面的认识——正是他在感情上对她明显缺乏热情这一点，引起了我无休止的痛苦。
我看到他要娶她是出于门第观念，也许还有政治上的原因，因为她的地位与家庭关系同他很相配。我觉得他并没有把自己的爱给她，她也没有资格从他那儿得到这个宝物。这就是问题的症结——就是触及痛处的地方——就是我热情有增无减的原因：因为她不可能把他迷住。
要是她立即获胜，他也让了步，虔诚地拜倒在她脚下，我倒会捂住脸，转向墙壁，在他们面前死去（比喻意义上说）。要是英格拉姆小姐是一位高尚出色的女人，富有力量、热情、善心和识见，我倒会与两头猛虎——嫉妒与绝望，作一誓死的搏斗。纵然我的心被掏出来吞噬掉，我也会钦佩她——承认她的出众，默默地度过余生。她愈是优越绝伦，我会愈加钦慕——我的沉默也会愈加深沉。但实际情况并非加此，目睹英格拉姆小姐想方设法遮住罗切斯特先生，看着她连连败绩——她自己却并没有意识到，反而徒劳地幻想，每一支射出的箭都击中了目标，昏头昏脑地为自己的成功而洋洋得意，而她的傲气与自负却越来越把她希望诱捕的目的物拒之于门外——看着这—切使我同时陷入了无尽的激动和无情的自制之中。
她失败时，我知道她本可以取胜。我知道，那些不断擦过罗切斯特先生的胸膛，没有射中落在脚下的箭，要是由一个更为稳健的射手来射，满可以在他高傲的心坎上剧烈颤动——会在他严厉的目光中注入爱，在嘲弄的面部表情中注入柔情，或者更好，不需要武器便可无声把他征服。
“为什么她有幸如此接近他，却无法给予他更大的影响呢？”我问自己。“当然她不可能真正喜欢他，或者真心实意爱他！要是那样，她就不必那么慷慨卖笑，频送秋波，不必如此装腔作势，卖弄风情了。我似乎觉得，她只要安安静静地坐在他身边，不必张口抬眼，就可以贴近他的心坎。我曾见到过他一种全然不同的表情，不象她此刻轻佻地同他搭讪时露出的冷漠态度。但那时这种表情是自然产生的，不是靠低俗的计谋和利己的手腕来索讨的。你只要接受它就是——他发问时你回答，不用弄虚作假；需要时同他说话，不必挤眉弄眼——而这种表情会越来越浓，越来越温和，越来越亲切，象滋养人的阳光那样使你感到温暖。他们结合以后，她怎样来使他高兴呢？我想她不会去想办法。不过该是可以做到使他高兴的。我真的相信，他的妻子会成为天底下最快乐的女人。”
对罗切斯特先生从个人利益和亲属关系考虑的婚姻计划，我至今没有任何微词。我初次发觉他的这一打算时，很有些诧异。我曾认为像他这样的人，在择偶时不会为这么陈腐的动机所左右。但是我对男女双方的地位、教养等等考虑得越久，我越感到自己没有理由因为罗切斯特先生和英格拉姆小姐无疑在童年时就灌输进去的思想和原则行事，就责备他们。他们整个阶级的人都奉行这样的原则，我猜想他们也有我无法揣测的理由去恪守这些原则。我似乎觉得，如果我是一个像他这样的绅士，我也只会把自己所爱的妻子搂入怀中。然而这种打算显然对丈夫自身的幸福有利，所以未被普遍采纳，必定有我全然不知的争议，否则整个世界肯定会象我所想的那样去做了。
但是在其他方面，如同在这方面一样，我对我主人渐渐地变得宽容了。我正在忘却他所有的缺点，而过去我是紧盯不放的。以前我研究他性格的各个方面，好坏都看，权衡两者，以作出公正的评价。现在我看不到坏的方面了。令人厌恶的嘲弄，一度使我吃惊的严厉，已不过像是一盘佳肴中浓重的调料，有了它，热辣辣好吃，没有它，便淡而无味。至于那种令人难以捉摸的东西——那种表情是阴险还是忧伤，是工于心计还是颓唐沮丧，——一个细心的旁观者会看到这种表情不时从他目光中流露出来，但是没等你探测暴露部分的神秘深渊，它又再次掩盖起来了。那种神态过去曾使我畏惧和退缩，仿佛徘徊在火山似的群山之中，突然感到大地颤抖，看到地面裂开了，间或我还能见到这样的表情，我依旧怦然心动，却并未神经麻木。我不想躲避，只渴望迎头而上，去探知它的底细。我认为英搭拉姆小姐很幸福，因为有一天她可以在闲暇时窥深这个深渊，考察它的秘密，分析这些秘密的性质。
与此同时，在我只考虑我的主人和他未来的新娘时——眼睛只看见他们，耳朵只听见他们的谈话，心里只想着他们举足轻重的动作——其他宾客都沉浸于各自的兴趣与欢乐。林恩太太和英格拉姆太太依旧相伴，在严肃交谈。彼此点着戴了头巾帽的头，根据谈及的话题，各自举起双手，作着表示惊愕、迷惑或恐俱的手势，活象一对放大了的木偶。温存的登特太太同敦厚的埃希顿夫人在聊天，两位太太有时还同我说句把客套活，或者朝我笑笑。乔治.林恩爵士、登特上校和埃希顿先生在谈论政治、郡里的事或司法事务。英格拉姆勋爵和艾米.埃希顿在调情。路易莎弹琴唱歌给一位林恩先生听，也跟他一起弹唱。玛丽.英格拉姆懒洋洋地听着另一位林恩先生献殷勤的话。有时候，所有的人都不约而同地停止了自己的插曲，来观看和倾听主角们的表演，因为罗切斯特先生和——由于与他密切有关——英格拉姆小姐，毕竟是全场人的生命的灵魂。要是他离开房间一个小时，一种可以觉察到的沉闷情绪便悄悄地漫上客人们的心头，而他再一次进屋必定会给活跃的谈话注入新的激情。
一天，他有事上米尔科特去了，要很晚才能回来，大家便特别感觉到缺少了他生气勃勃的感染力。那天下午下了雨，结果原来计划好的，徒步去看新近扎在海村工地上的吉卜赛人营房的事，也就推迟了。一些男士们去了马厩，年青一点的与小姐们一起在台球房里打台球。遗孀英格拉姆和林恩，安静地玩纸牌解闷。登特太太和埃希顿太太拉布兰奇．英格拉姆小姐一起聊天，她爱理不理地拒绝了，自己先是伴着钢琴哼了一些感伤的曲调，随后从图书室里拿了本小说，傲气十足却无精打彩地往沙发上一坐，准备用小说的魅力，来消磨几个钟头无人作伴的乏味时光。除了不时传来楼上玩台球人的欢叫，整个房间和整所房子都寂静无声。
时候已近黄昏，教堂的钟声提醒人们已到了换装用饭的时刻。这当儿，在客厅里跪在我身边窗台上的阿黛勒突然大叫起来：
“Voila Monsieur Rochester, qui revient！”
我转过身，英格拉姆小姐从沙发上一跃而起，其余的人也停下自己的活动抬起头来。与此同时，车轮的吱嘎声和马蹄涉水的泼喇声，在湿漉漉的沙土路上隐约传来，一辆驿站马车驶近了。
“他中了什么邪啦，这等模样回家来？”英格拉姆小姐说道。“他出门时骑的是梅斯罗（那匹黑马），不是吗？而派洛特也跟着他的，他把这两头动物怎么啦？”
她说这话时，高高的身子和宽大的衣服紧挨着窗子，弄得我不得不往后仰，差一点绷断了脊骨。焦急之中，她起初没有看见我，但一见我便噘起嘴，走到另外一扇窗去了。马车停了下来，驾车人按了按门铃，一位穿着旅行装的绅士跳下车来。不过不是罗切斯特先生，是位看上去很时髦的大个子男人，一个陌生人。
“真恼人！”英格拉姆小姐嚷道：“你这个讨厌的猴子！”（称呼阿黛勒）“谁将你弄上窗子谎报消息的？”她怒悻悻地瞥了我一眼，仿佛这是我的过错。
大厅里隐隐约约响起了交谈声，来人很快便进了屋。他向英格拉姆太太行了个礼，认为她是在场的人中最年长的妇人。
“看来我来得不是时候，夫人，”他说，“正巧我的朋友罗切斯特先生出门去了，可是我远道而来，我想可以作为关系密切的老相识，冒昧在这儿呆一下，等到他回来。”
他的举止很客气，但说话的腔调听来有些异样——不是十足的外国腔，但也不完全是英国调。他的年龄与罗切斯特先生相仿——在三十与四十之间。他的肤色特别灰黄，要不然他倒是个英俊的男人，乍看之下尤其如此。仔细一打量，你会发现他脸上有种不讨人喜欢，或是无法让人喜欢的东西。他的五官很标准，但太松弛。他的眼睛大而悦目，但是从中透出的生气，却空洞乏味——至少我是这样想的。
通知换装的铃声驱散了宾客。直到吃晚饭时我才再次见到他。那时他似乎已十分自在。但是我对他的面相却比初见面时更不喜欢了。我觉得它既不安稳又毫无生气。他的目光游移不定，漫无目的。这使他露出一付我从未见过的怪相。这样一个漂亮而且看来也并非不和蔼的男人，却使我极为讨厌。在那光滑的鹅蛋形脸蛋上没有魄力；在那个鹰钩鼻和那张樱桃小口上缺少坚毅；在那低平的额头上没有思想；在那空洞的褐色眼睛里没有控制力。
我坐在往常的角落里，打量着他，借着壁炉上把他浑身照得透亮的枝形烛架上的光——因为他坐在靠近火炉的一把安乐椅上，还不住地挨近炉火，仿佛怕冷似的——我把他同罗切斯特先生作了比较。我想（但愿我这么说并无不敬）一只光滑的雄鹅和一只凶猛的猎鹰，一头驯服的绵羊和看守着它毛粗眼尖的猎狗之间的反差，也不见得比他们两者之间大。
他说罗切斯特先生是他的故友，那必定是种奇怪的友谊，是古训“相反相成”的一个极好说明。
两三位男士坐在他旁边，我听到了他们在房间另一头谈话的片断。起初我听不大懂，因为路易莎．埃希顿和玛丽.英格拉姆离我更近，她们的谈话使断断续续到我耳边的片言只语模糊不清。路易莎和玛丽两人在谈论着陌生人，都称他为“美男子”。路易莎说他是位“可爱的家伙”而且“喜欢他”，玛丽列举了“他的小嘴巴和漂亮鼻子”，认为是她心目中理想的魅力所在。
“塑造得多好的额角！”路易莎叫道——“那么光滑——没有那种我讨厌透了的皱眉蹙额的怪样子，而且眼神和笑容多么恬静！”
随后，我总算松了口气，因为亨利．林恩先生把她们叫到房间的另一头，去解决关于推迟去海村工地远足的某个问题了。
此刻我可以把注意力集中到火炉边的一群人上了。我很快就明白来人叫梅森先生。接着我知道他刚到英国，来自某个气候炎热的国家，无疑那就是为什么他脸色那么灰黄，坐得那么靠近火炉，在室内穿着紧身长外衣的原因了。不久，诸如牙买加、金斯敦、西班牙城一类字眼，表明了他在西印度群岛居住过。没过一会儿，我颇为吃惊地了解到，他在那儿初次见到并结交了罗切斯特先生。他谈起他朋友不喜欢那个地区烤人的炎热，不喜欢飓风和雨季。我知道罗切斯特先生曾是位旅行家，费尔法克斯太太这么说过他。不过我想他游荡的足迹只限于欧洲大陆，在这之前我从未听人提起他到过更遥远的海岸。
我正在细想这些事儿的时候，一件事情，一件颇为意外的事情，打断了我的思路。有人碰巧把门打开时，梅森先生哆嗦着要求在炉子上再加些煤，因为尽管大块煤渣依然通红发亮，但火焰已经燃尽。送煤进来的仆人走出去时凑近埃希顿先生低声对他说了什么，我只听清了“老太婆”——“挺讨厌”几个字。
“要是她不走就把她铐起来，”法官回答说。
“不——慢着！”登特上校打断了他。“别把她打发走，埃希顿。我们也许可以利用这件事，还是同女士们商量一下吧。”随后大着嗓门继续说道：“女士们，你们不是说起要去海村工地看一下吉卜赛人营地吗，这会儿萨姆说，现在有位本奇妈妈在仆人的饭厅里，硬要让人带到“有身份”的人面前，替他们算算命。你们愿意见她吗？’”
“上校，”英格拉姆太太叫道，“当然你是不会怂恿这样一个低级骗子的吧？一定要立即把她撵走！”
“不过我没法说服她走，夫人，”仆人说，“别的佣人也不行，现在费尔法克斯太太求她快走，可是她索性在烟囱角落坐了下来，说是不准许她进来她就不走。”
“她要干什么？”埃希顿夫人间。
“她说是‘给老爷们算命’，夫人，她发誓一定得给算一算，说到做到。”
“她长相怎么样？”两位埃希顿小姐异口同声地问道。
“一个丑得吓人的老东西，小姐，差不多跟煤烟一般黑。”
“嗨，她是个道地的女巫了！”弗雷德里克．林恩嚷道，“当然，我们得让她进来。”
“那还用说，”他兄弟回答说，“丢掉这样一个有趣的机会实在太可惜了。”
“亲爱的孩子们，你们认为怎么样？”林恩太太嚷嚷道。
“我可不能支持这种前后矛盾的做法，”英格拉姆夫人插话了。
“说真的，妈妈，可是你能支持——你会的，”响起了布兰奇傲气十足的嗓音，这时她从琴凳上转过身来。刚才她还默默地坐着，显然在仔细翻阅各种乐谱。“我倒有兴趣听听人家算我的命，所以萨姆，把那个丑老太婆给叫进来。”
“布兰奇我的宝贝！再想一想一—”
“我是想了——你建议的，我都细想过了，我得按我的意愿办——快点，萨姆！”
“好——好——好！”年轻人都齐声叫了起来，小姐们和先生们都不例外。“让她进来吧——这会是一场绝妙的游戏：”
仆人依然犹豫不前。“她样子那么粗野，”他说。
“去！”英格拉姆小姐喝道，于是这仆人便走了。
众人便立即激动起来。萨姆返回时，相互正戏谑嘲弄，玩笑开得火热。
“她现在不来了，”他说。“她说了她的使命不是到‘一群庸人（她的话）面前来的。我得带她独个儿进一个房间，然后，想要请教她的人得一个一个去。’”
“现在你明白了吧，我的布兰奇女王”英格拉姆夫人开腔了，“她得寸进尺了。听说，我的天使姑娘——还有——”
“带她进图书室，当然，‘天使姑娘’把话打断了。“在一群庸人面前听她说话也不是我的使命。我要让她单独跟我谈。图书室里生火了吗？”
“生了，小姐——可她完全像个吉卜赛人。”
“别多嘴了，笨蛋！照我吩咐的办。”
萨姆再次消失，神秘、激动、期待的心情再次在人们心头翻腾。
“她现在准备好了，”仆人再次进来说。
“她想知道谁先去见她。”
“我想女士们进去之前还是让我先去瞧一瞧她吧，”登特上校说。
“告诉她，萨姆，一位绅士来了。”
萨姆去了又回来了。
“她说，先生，她不见男士，他们不必费心去接近她了，还有，”他好不容易忍住不笑出声来，补充道“女士们除了年轻单身的也不必见了。”
“天哪！，她倒还挺有眼力呢！”亨利．林恩嚷道。
英格拉姆小姐一本正经地站了起来：“我先去，”她说，那口气好像她是一位带领部下突围的敢死队队长。
“呵，我的好人儿！呵，我最亲爱的！等一等——三思而行！”她妈妈喊道。但是她堂而皇之一声不吭地从她身边走过，进了登特上校为她开着的门，我们听见她进了图书室。
接着是一阵相对的沉寂。英格拉姆太太认为该是搓手的‘lecas’了，于是便搓起手来，玛丽小姐宣布，她觉得换了她是不敢冒险的。艾米和路易莎．埃希顿在低声窃笑，面有惧色。
分分秒秒过得很慢，图书室的门再次打开时，才数到十五分钟。英格拉姆小姐走过拱门回到了我们这里。
她会嗤之以鼻吗？她会一笑了之？——众人都带着急切好奇的目光迎着她，她报之以冷漠的眼神，看上去既不慌张也不愉快，扳着面孔走向自己的座位，默默地坐了下来。
“嗨，布兰奇？”英格拉姆勋爵叫道。
“她说了什么啦，姐姐？”玛丽问。
“你认为怎样？感觉如何？她是个地道算命的吗？”埃希顿姐妹问。
“好了，好了，你们这些好人，”英格拉姆小姐回答道“别硬逼我了，你们的那些主管惊讶和轻信的器官，也实在太容易给激发起来了。你们大家——也包括我的好姐姐——都那么重视这件事——似乎绝对相信这屋子里真有一个与恶魔勾结的巫婆。我见过一个吉卜赛流浪者，她用陈腐的方法操弄着手相术，告诉我她们那些人往往会怎样给人算命。我已经过了解，现在我想埃希顿先生会像他恫吓过的那样，行个好，明天一早把这个丑老婆子铐起来。”
英格拉姆小姐拿了本书，身子往椅背上一靠，不愿再和别人交谈了。我观察了她近半个小时，这半个小时内她没有翻过一页书。她的脸色一瞬间变得更阴沉、更不满，更加愤怒地流露出失望的心情来。显而易见她没有听到过对她有利的话，她那么久久地郁郁不欢、沉默无语，倒似乎使我觉得，尽管她表白自己不在乎，其实对女巫所昭示的，过份重视了。
同时，玛丽.英格拉姆、艾米和路易莎．埃希顿表示不敢单独前往，却又都希望去试试。通过萨姆这位使者的斡旋，她们开始了一场谈判。萨姆多次往返奔波，小腿也想必累疼了。经过一番波折，终于从这位寸步不让的女巫嘴里，讨得许可，让她们三人一起去见她。
她们的拜访可不像英格拉姆小姐的那么安静。我们听见图书室里传来歇斯底里的嬉笑声和轻轻的尖叫声。大约二十分钟后，她们砰地推开了门，奔跑着穿过大厅，仿佛吓得没命儿似的。
“我敢肯定她有些不对头！”她们一齐叫喊起来。“她竟然同我们说这些话！我们的事儿她全知道！”她们各自气喘吁吁地往男士们急着端过来的椅子上砰地坐了下来。
众人缠住她们，要求细说。她们便说，这算命的讲了些她们小时候说过的话，做过的事；描绘了她们家中闺房里所拥有的书和装饰品，不同亲戚分赠给她们的纪念品。她们断定她甚至摸透了她们的想法，在每个人的耳边悄声说出她最喜欢的人的名字，告诉她们各人的夙愿。
说到这里，男客们插嘴了，急急乎请求她们对最后谈到的两点，进一步透露一下。然而面对这些人的纠缠，她们颤栗着脸涨得通红，又是叫呀又是笑。同时太太们递上了香嗅瓶，摇起扇来，还因为没有及时接受她们的劝告，而一再露出不安的表情。年长的男士们大笑不止，年青的赶紧去给美丽的女士压惊。
在这一片混乱之中，我的耳目被眼前的情景所吸引。这时我听见身旁有人清了清嗓子，回头一看，见是萨姆。
“对不起，小姐，吉卜赛人说，房子里还有一位未婚年青女士没有去见她，她发誓不见到所有的人就不走。想必这就是你，没有其他人了。我怎么去回话呢？”
“呵，我一定去，”我回答。我很高兴能有这个意外的机会满足我大大激起了的好奇心。我溜出房间，谁也没有看到我——因为众人聚在一起，围着刚回来依然哆嗦着的三个人——随手轻轻地关上门。
“对不起，小姐，”萨姆说，“我在厅里等你，要是她吓着你了，你就叫一下，我会进来的。”
“不用了，萨姆，你回到厨房去吧，我一点也不怕。”我倒算是不怕的，不过我很感兴趣，也很激动。

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