闲着无事在度娘那逛出来的希望有人喜欢。
Got the Money Anyway
(A Comic Piece for the CCTV Spring Festival Gala 2009)
Play script by Cui Kai et al.
Characters
Uncle Zhao, acted by Zhao Benshan
Shenyang, acted by Shen He
CCTV Man, acted by Bi Fujian
Yadar, acted by Wang Jinfeng (Mao Mao)
小品：“不差钱”
（2009年中央电视台春节联欢晚会节目）
编创者 崔凯 等
表演者 赵本山、沈鹤、毕福剑、王金凤（毛毛）
（舞台上是一个餐厅的背景，写着：“苏格兰情调”。本山大叔穿着中山装，身上背着一串蒜头，手上拿着野鸡，拉着毛毛上场。）
(This short play is set in a restaurant named "Scottish Taste / Feel." Uncle Zhao, in his customary Chinese tunic suit, enters, carrying a string of garlic on his back and a pheasant in hand, with his granddaughter Yadar in tow.)
赵本山：到了。
毛毛： 到了。
赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的一家饭店。这不，苏格兰调情（tiáo qíng）。
毛毛： 爷爷，你念反了，苏格兰情调（qíng diào）。
赵本山：啊，情调？就搁这儿吃。
毛毛： 爷爷，这家老贵的啦。
赵本山：贵？咱带钱了，带三万多块，那包呢？
毛毛： 我没拿包啊。
赵本山：装钱那包，黄包。
毛毛： 完了，让我落炕上了。
赵本山：我说，你这孩子还能办点事吗？！这给你办事，落炕上了还。兜里还有钱吗？
毛毛： 兜里，多少钱哪才？才70多块钱。
赵本山：我还有400。行，够了。
毛毛： 这也不能够啊。
赵本山：哎呀，够不够就这样了。服务员！
Uncle Zhao ： Here we are.
Yadar ： Here we are.
Uncle Zhao ： It's the most pricy eatin' spot in Tieling: "Scottish Tease / Fool."
Yadar ： You got it wrong - Scottish taste / feel, not tease / fool.
Uncle Zhao ： All right, taste / feel. We're gonna have our meal here anyway.
Yadar ： But it's very expensive.
Uncle Zhao ：So whut? We've got the money, 30,000 yuan. Where's the bag?
Yadar ： What bag?
Uncle Zhao ： The yellow one with the money in it.
Yadar ： Oh no, I left it on the brick bed.
Uncle Zhao ：So whut can you do at all? I'm goin' t'rough all this for you and you had the nerve to forget the bag on the bed! Any money left on you?
Yadar ： Let me see... (Fumbling) only 70-plus yuan.
Uncle Zhao： Here's 400 more.
Yadar ： Still not enough.
Uncle Zhao： No matter. Waiter!
（小沈阳上）
小沈阳：对不起大爷，我们这是高档酒店，不收农副产品。
赵本山：不是，我们是吃饭的。
小沈阳：妈呀，吃饭的？
赵本山：不像啊？
小沈阳：不太像。
赵本山：我说姑娘啊，这顿饭非常重要。
小沈阳：妈呀，你管谁叫姑娘呢，人家是纯爷们。
赵本山：咋这么个打扮，还穿个裙子呢。
小沈阳：这是按我们苏格兰风格来包装的。再说也不是裙子啊，这不七分裤吗。你看，是有腿的哦。妈呀，着急穿跑偏了。妈呀，我说走道咋没有裆呢。
赵本山：行了，那条腿留明儿个穿，哈哈哈。小伙子我跟你说呀，今天我要请一位重要客人吃饭，你一定要招待好。
小沈阳：呃，没问题。
赵本山：来来来，我问问你，你们这个酒店，如果要急头白脸吃一顿，得多少钱？
小沈阳：咋还吃急眼了呢？
赵本山：我意思就是，最贵的都点上。
小沈阳：得一、两万的。
赵本山：一、两万？啊，那啥，有没有这种情况，今儿个吃完了，明儿个来结账？
(Shenyang, the waiter, enters.)
Shenyang ： Sorry, sir. We're of high class here. We don't take on stuff from street peddlers.
Uncle Zhao ：We're your customers. Don't we look like it?
Shenyang： Not quite.
Uncle Zhao： We're gonna have an important meal here, miss.
Shenyang： Don't you call me a miss. I'm a man - from the inside out.
Uncle Zhao ：Then how c'me you wearin' a skirt?
Shenyang ： Why, it's men's wear in Scottish style. See, it's no skirt but Capri pants. Look at this, look. Oh, damn it, I didn't get into one of the trousers in a hurry. No wonder I feel different while walking.
Uncle Zhao ： Leave that trouser for tomorrow, hah! I tell you, boy, we're gonna have a damn' important guest here in a minute. You should do you' best.
Shenyang ： No problem.
Uncle Zhao ：How much does a meal cost here if we get at it like mad?
Shenyang ： Why so / What's wrong?
Uncle Zhao ： I mea
[ 此贴被越前潜水在2010-06-01 17:45重新编辑 ]
